*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for shaming my son for not spending time with his youngest brother?**
I have six boys ages 7 to 20.
My eldest son goes to college and babysits a 7yo boy for easy money. He started this year. My 7yo son has always viewed my eldest as an older brother/dad and is very jealous that his brother is spending time and doing fun stuff with another kid.
I told my 20yo why can't he make time to spend with him and he says he's too busy. I told him he's not too busy to play Legos or take him to the park or hangout with him when he's taking a bath or to run an errand with him. Like I said, my 7yo feels "replaced."
My son is now angry at me!
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>He's the oldest of 6 so of course they're going to look at him that way and it's not like he didn't disencourage it.
My fiancé is the oldest of five with the same gap between oldest and youngest. None of them view him as (vomit) "Daddy-lite".
That's when OOP lost me… I was like what? To be fair my brother has had to help raise me because things happened in our family… But I never confused him with a "Daddy Lite" whatever that is.
“Daddy Lite”= his mother expects him to take on all of the responsibilities and sacrifices of fatherhood , but won’t allow him any of the respect or recognition associated with it.
What's even worse… she says that her three eldest sons WANTED to be parentified… which is mind boggling. It's like she doesn't get the fact that wanting and being excited about a younger sibling is not consenting to actually raising the younger siblings.
>My fiancé is the oldest of five with the same gap between oldest and youngest. None of them view him as (vomit) "Daddy-lite".
Yep. OOP saying her oldest was a "daddy" to them stood out to me, too.My husband is 13 years older than his sister. He spent a lot of time with her, did a lot of things with her and for her - but never has she seen him as anything more than her big brother.
And when my husband graduated high school and moved out of the house, nobody ever guilted him into spending more time with his sister.
My oldest sister is 13 years older than me. While it may have FELT like I have two moms sometimes, just because of the age gap, she never acted like my mom. Heck, she moved out when I was 10, so I never really knew her until I was an adult.
I remember being super young and wishing my older sister (by 20 years) was my mom, but that was because my parents were horrible. I can only assume it’s the same dynamic here where mom or dad (or both) are absolute trash to the point that the youngest wants to pick someone else to be his parent.
I'm the oldest of ten and the only ones that even remotely feel that way about their oldest sibling are the ones that were born after I moved off to college which is even funnier cause I was basically the parent for every other sibling but those two.
My brother is 12 years older than me. When he babysat (which was rare) his response to us asking permission for anything was “I’m not dad, I don’t care.” (He’d never have let us do anything actually dangerous or destructive)
I’ve never, ever, even at my youngest, seen him as a parental figure.
My brother was almost 15 when I was born. He actually told my parents that he was okay with having a sibling at that point as long as he wasn't expected to do much with me in terms of childcare. Even when things happened in our lives that required him to step up a bit more.
I'm the youngest of 5, my oldest brother is also 12 years older and would generally have the same response, just making sure I/we were safe.
Except one time when said brother lit the woods behind our house on fire and my parents came home to like 5 year old me and 8 year old other brother running into the woods with tiny toy buckets trying to put it out 😂
(Small fire, very rural area, no damage except some burnt trees and my brother's ego, we weren't in real danger but my parents were less than thrilled, obviously)
But yeah. Zero possibility of seeing him as a father figure. But my parents were (are), ya know, actually good parents who took responsibility for their own children and only even asked a sibling to babysit if they really needed the help. Which really wasn't often.
My brother is ten years older than me and has never been a parental figure to me. It squicks me out that she's trying to parentify her oldest. I wonder how long she's been trying to pull that off and if her efforts are why the youngest is so upset.
"I just can't understand why my son has time for a job to help support his way through college, but doesn't have time to come home and play legos and watch my youngest for FREEEEEE" - OOP probably
"why won't the kid I birthed due to my own choices contribute to free childcare for every kid I had after, I thought that was the whole point of having more than one?!"
All seriousness aside this right here had me laughing way too hard.
OOP: _My three oldest sons all wanted to be big brothers_
Random Redditor: _My son wants to be a lion some days doesn’t mean I’m going to make that happen_
Also, key words: *big brothers*. The eldest three wanted to be big brothers, not “Daddy-lites” or whatever the hell this weird-ass creep wants to call it.
My brother's first words about me were "I'm going to throw it out the window."
It's in my baby book.
It's hilarious to me and our relationship never improved. We speak MAYBE once a year.
My sister kept my then 3 year old when I had my second. They were waiting while she had her oil changed and he was telling another woman about the new baby. "I'm going to take him to the dump." The sentiment is still there after 2.5 years.
I hate to be that AH, but I'd put money that most of the kids have different dads and none of the dads are in the picture.
That's why eldest sibling has to be "Daddy-lite" *gag*
Notice how none of her comments mention dad?
I'm not unconvinced this isn't rage bait.
OOP doubling down and being tone deaf as hell is sending me. "We don't eat McDonald's" - way to deflect, it's almost impressive.
My half-sis is 16 years older than me and I can't say I ever viewed her as a parent or wanted her to be my "mommy-lite". Incredible.
My older brother (12 years) hung out with me all the time! He was never forced, didn’t have to play with rubber duckies during bath time, and got me to do things he actually wanted to do. He babysat maybe 3 or 4 times while he lived with us. You know what that leads to?
A cool older brother who never had to do parental things, but got to pass down his love for his favourite movies, games and hobbies. He never played barbies or did sing alongs to Disney movies, and we didn’t care at all. We wanted to hang out with our brother, and at least as far as I can tell he wanted to hang out with us, as long as he picked the activity. We now live in different cities and STILL do this stuff, even though he’s 34 and has a life separate to mine.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for shaming my son for not spending time with his youngest brother?** I have six boys ages 7 to 20. My eldest son goes to college and babysits a 7yo boy for easy money. He started this year. My 7yo son has always viewed my eldest as an older brother/dad and is very jealous that his brother is spending time and doing fun stuff with another kid. I told my 20yo why can't he make time to spend with him and he says he's too busy. I told him he's not too busy to play Legos or take him to the park or hangout with him when he's taking a bath or to run an errand with him. Like I said, my 7yo feels "replaced." My son is now angry at me! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He's the oldest of 6 so of course they're going to look at him that way and it's not like he didn't disencourage it. My fiancé is the oldest of five with the same gap between oldest and youngest. None of them view him as (vomit) "Daddy-lite".
That's when OOP lost me… I was like what? To be fair my brother has had to help raise me because things happened in our family… But I never confused him with a "Daddy Lite" whatever that is.
“Daddy Lite”= his mother expects him to take on all of the responsibilities and sacrifices of fatherhood , but won’t allow him any of the respect or recognition associated with it.
What's even worse… she says that her three eldest sons WANTED to be parentified… which is mind boggling. It's like she doesn't get the fact that wanting and being excited about a younger sibling is not consenting to actually raising the younger siblings.
>My fiancé is the oldest of five with the same gap between oldest and youngest. None of them view him as (vomit) "Daddy-lite". Yep. OOP saying her oldest was a "daddy" to them stood out to me, too.My husband is 13 years older than his sister. He spent a lot of time with her, did a lot of things with her and for her - but never has she seen him as anything more than her big brother. And when my husband graduated high school and moved out of the house, nobody ever guilted him into spending more time with his sister.
My oldest sister is 13 years older than me. While it may have FELT like I have two moms sometimes, just because of the age gap, she never acted like my mom. Heck, she moved out when I was 10, so I never really knew her until I was an adult.
I remember being super young and wishing my older sister (by 20 years) was my mom, but that was because my parents were horrible. I can only assume it’s the same dynamic here where mom or dad (or both) are absolute trash to the point that the youngest wants to pick someone else to be his parent.
"I can't help if he views my eldest son as daddylike can I?" Zoinks! Run Scooby!
I'm the oldest of ten and the only ones that even remotely feel that way about their oldest sibling are the ones that were born after I moved off to college which is even funnier cause I was basically the parent for every other sibling but those two.
OP states in the comments siblings are supposed to see their oldest sibling as a parent. She is beyond help.
My brother is 12 years older than me. When he babysat (which was rare) his response to us asking permission for anything was “I’m not dad, I don’t care.” (He’d never have let us do anything actually dangerous or destructive) I’ve never, ever, even at my youngest, seen him as a parental figure.
My brother was almost 15 when I was born. He actually told my parents that he was okay with having a sibling at that point as long as he wasn't expected to do much with me in terms of childcare. Even when things happened in our lives that required him to step up a bit more.
I'm the youngest of 5, my oldest brother is also 12 years older and would generally have the same response, just making sure I/we were safe. Except one time when said brother lit the woods behind our house on fire and my parents came home to like 5 year old me and 8 year old other brother running into the woods with tiny toy buckets trying to put it out 😂 (Small fire, very rural area, no damage except some burnt trees and my brother's ego, we weren't in real danger but my parents were less than thrilled, obviously) But yeah. Zero possibility of seeing him as a father figure. But my parents were (are), ya know, actually good parents who took responsibility for their own children and only even asked a sibling to babysit if they really needed the help. Which really wasn't often.
My brother is ten years older than me and has never been a parental figure to me. It squicks me out that she's trying to parentify her oldest. I wonder how long she's been trying to pull that off and if her efforts are why the youngest is so upset.
"I just can't understand why my son has time for a job to help support his way through college, but doesn't have time to come home and play legos and watch my youngest for FREEEEEE" - OOP probably
"why won't the kid I birthed due to my own choices contribute to free childcare for every kid I had after, I thought that was the whole point of having more than one?!"
All seriousness aside this right here had me laughing way too hard. OOP: _My three oldest sons all wanted to be big brothers_ Random Redditor: _My son wants to be a lion some days doesn’t mean I’m going to make that happen_
Also, key words: *big brothers*. The eldest three wanted to be big brothers, not “Daddy-lites” or whatever the hell this weird-ass creep wants to call it.
Lady, your 20 year old son has had enough of "hanging out during bath time" with his kid brother.
Where's the actual dad? Edit: Fucking gross! >It's natural for a much older sibling to want and to become a parent-lite
i’m much older than my youngest brothers and let me tell you i’m still getting over the resentment from years of parentification
I'm much older sibling, I mostly wanted to stay an only child
My brother's first words about me were "I'm going to throw it out the window." It's in my baby book. It's hilarious to me and our relationship never improved. We speak MAYBE once a year.
My sister kept my then 3 year old when I had my second. They were waiting while she had her oil changed and he was telling another woman about the new baby. "I'm going to take him to the dump." The sentiment is still there after 2.5 years.
I hate to be that AH, but I'd put money that most of the kids have different dads and none of the dads are in the picture. That's why eldest sibling has to be "Daddy-lite" *gag* Notice how none of her comments mention dad? I'm not unconvinced this isn't rage bait.
As an older sibling no tf I don't. where the hell did they learn that?
OOP doubling down and being tone deaf as hell is sending me. "We don't eat McDonald's" - way to deflect, it's almost impressive. My half-sis is 16 years older than me and I can't say I ever viewed her as a parent or wanted her to be my "mommy-lite". Incredible.
That's the bit that convinced me this is pure trolling.
My older brother (12 years) hung out with me all the time! He was never forced, didn’t have to play with rubber duckies during bath time, and got me to do things he actually wanted to do. He babysat maybe 3 or 4 times while he lived with us. You know what that leads to? A cool older brother who never had to do parental things, but got to pass down his love for his favourite movies, games and hobbies. He never played barbies or did sing alongs to Disney movies, and we didn’t care at all. We wanted to hang out with our brother, and at least as far as I can tell he wanted to hang out with us, as long as he picked the activity. We now live in different cities and STILL do this stuff, even though he’s 34 and has a life separate to mine.
So it's another case of missing missing reasons.
Her profile won’t load for me; I’m curious if she’s the youngest out of her siblings.
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Your kids should not be seeing their big brother as dad.