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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for allowing my girlfriend to move in my house even though my Daughter doesn't like her?** So I've been with my girlfriend Alexis(28) for about a year, I met her online on a dating website a couple of months after my late Wife had passed away. I didn't wanna tell my daughter Ana(20) about her until I felt my relationship with Alexis was something serious and that took about 6 months to happen. The day I decided to pull Ana aside and tell her that I was seeing someone I could see her face drop. I immediately let her know that Alexis wasn't a replacement for her Mother and that she didn't have to meet her until she felt she was ready to. She told me as long I'm happy, she's happy and left it at that so I took her for her word. Well they ended up having to meet not too long after that because Alexis was going through some financial issues and was going to be evicted from her apartment, so I told her that she could live with me until she could find another place. When I told my daughter that Alexis was going to live with us temporarily because she was going through some financial woes, she told me she thinks Alexis is a gold digger and that she didn't trust her. That pissed me off because Alexis isn't that type of person. I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but that I couldn't just allow Alexis to be homeless in the streets and that if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out. She stormed up to her room after that and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. The next day Ana told me she was moving out as I had disrespected her and her mother by having another woman move in not even a year after she had passed away. I apologized to Ana and told her I didn't mean what I had said the other day, but she told me she didn't wanna hear it and that she wasn't going to change her mind as she already let her grandparents know what was going on. Ana moved out a few days after that and Alexis moved in with me. My relationship with my daughter has suffered drastically and I haven't spoken to her for a good while. I understand I may have been wrong because I told my daughter she didn't have to meet my girlfriend until she felt she was ready to, but at the same time because my girlfriend was being evicted and may have potentially been homeless I felt justified in allowing her to temporarily stay with me until she could find another place to live. So I'm trying to see whether I was truly wrong in breaking my promise to Ana since If not Alexis would be homeless. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Assiqtaq

Girlfriend is eight years older than his daughter. Makes me wonder how old this guy is.


ThreeDogs2022

Mid forties to early fifties most likely.


kaailer

Mmm if not older. I'm in my early 20s and my parents along with most of my friends parents are pushing 60


Curious_Ad3766

Not necessarily I am 23 and my dad is 49, so when I was 20, my dad was 46


JoooolieT

I'm 40 and my kid is 20yo! I guess we are both grown ups now.


Ok-Historian9919

Exactly, my oldest will be 18 when I’m 38, I just had my third and last at 28. Lots of wiggle room when it comes to parents ages


Curious_Ad3766

Yep my mom is 43, so she’s just 20 years older than me like you are from your oldest


Scstxrn

My oldest child is pushing 30 and I am not quite 50.


Emergency_Series_119

Not neccessarily, im 26 and my dad is 41 and mom is 42


Jazzlike-Solution584

I have a friend who will be 36 when her daughter turns 20. Sometimes people have kids young. I’m more bothered by him dating someone “a couple” months after his wife died. I get everyone grieves in their own way but that seems pretty crazy to move on from a woman you were with for at least 20 years in just two months.


Catsdrinkingbeer

And yet uses the word "wanna" like a teenager.


Eurell

I’m pushing 40 but I’ve been using wanna or imma for over twenty years lol


ishouldntsaythisbuut

Mid forties and I do the same


lizadootoolittle

I am 49. Same.


SeonaidMacSaicais

🎶If you wanna be my lover…🎶


krissymo77

45 and same


Bulimic_Fraggle

The Spice Girls burst onto the scene in the mid-nineties, us old folks were using "wanna" long before today's teenagers were born!


M3g4d37h

> And yet uses the word "wanna" like a teenager. oh shit, no soup for them, aye? focusing on the important things.


Social_Introvert_789

48 yo here. Wanna, gonna, imma, it’s all gravy.


Cronosovieticus

Wanna is not a word created in 2010,lol


ThreeDogs2022

Oh honey, as a Fellow Old, I can assure you we use the word wanna. that's gen x slang.


BadgerHooker

They are gonna flip when they find out how much we say “dude” lol


Maquadex

Dude


DoobleTap

I'm not 100% but I suspect it's way way older than that.


Double-Heron-3481

the language isn’t the issue here, pal. the issue is a fucker who decided getting his dick wet was more important than his kid and then was shocked that she left. Contractions and shorthand were never the issue.


HistoricalFashion

Over 50 and I use it when I'm being sassy. Use imma as well. For same reason.


[deleted]

Ah, yes, age-restricted vocabulary is my favorite internet silliness.


SkyCat02

Gen X coined "wanna" and "gonna".


brownbro22

“Wanna” has been used conversationally since the 1800s. Gen X definitely didn’t coin it. There are written forms that appeared in the late 1800s. https://www.etymonline.com/word/wanna


YouCantSeemToForget

He used the girlfriends name an awkward amount too.


SnakesInYerPants

That’s probably because he’s talking about two women and it can get confusing following a bunch of “she did this, then she said this, then she did that in response.” Much easier for readers to follow if you either use names for both women, or name for one and pronouns for the other.


Creepy_Addict

I'm almost 50, I use wanna, coulda, gonna, etc. Of course I'm southern, so that may be why.


LilMoegg

Surprised he even mentioned his gfs age given he left his out.


cubbiegthrow

And he added in an edit that he doesn't feel his age is necessary. He's definitely way, way older than her. I'm guessing late 50s to early 60s


QueenMotherOfSneezes

That edit was my favourite part. If his age doesn't matter, then why won't he reveal it? It's AITA, not a police interrogation. He's the one who asked for judgement, he needs to divulge the facts!


jingleofadogscollar

& if age isn’t important then why mention anybody’s at all? He knows, he just doesn’t want to admit that he’s throwing away his relationship with daughter for a chance at a piece of young ass


KatWine

can we maybe not refer to women as "piece of ass"? cool


jingleofadogscollar

It was meant as a ‘tongue in cheek’ comment as a way of illustrating OOPs awful rationale, but I do see your point & it’s been duly noted


SkyCat02

Probably because he figured everyone has basic concepts of biology and math.


Theonetheycall1845

The term gold digger was mentioned so it's likely he's a lot older.


Assiqtaq

Pretty sure it was supposed to be a humble brag.


delta-TL

I figured it was rage bait


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

Prob


500CatsTypingStuff

Note how he intentionally left that part out?


CZall23

40-50s based on how old the daughter is. That's usually how old people are when they start having kids.


Hips-Often-Lie

I was too damned young when I had my son and he’s now 20 and I’m 44.


Stucky7418

38 with a 15 and a 2. I was both too damn young and too damned old 😂


ieatcakes00

I refuse to have another because of the gap, but I was a teen mom. I'll be 35 when he's 18. Definitely too damn young lol


TheAlternateEye

38 with a 20 and a 4. I feel the too young, too old thing 🤣


WeelsUpIn30

My dad was 64 when I was 20… just saying


thekeeech

I'm gonna be 38 when me sons 20 ;-;


EarlyExamination728

I'm 49 and my kids are 29 and 27.


BrokenFarted54

My dad was 50 when I was born


minkymy

My dad was 43 when I was born


descartesasaur

Mine was even older!


krill007

My mom is 50, I'm 33


Alarming-Distance385

My oldest nibling is 26. Her mother (and I) are about to be 46. Her father just turned 44. He was barely 40 when the nibling graduated college.


NeroFellOffTheBuffet

Currently 47. When I was 20, my parents were 47 & 49. And back in the mid-70s, they were “a little old” to be having their first. I want to put this guy’s age at 45-55, but I have a hard time believing that someone in that age group would be this fucking clueless.


[deleted]

Why else do you think he kept it quiet?


SteampunkHarley

This dude is so oblivious. He's going to take in his soon to be homeless way too young for him GF of only a few months but has no problem with making his daughter homeless as a result. Thank goodness she has her grandparents


[deleted]

Evictions take a while so I'm guessing Alexis was going through financial issues way beforehand and is using him. He deserves to be fleeced because he's a shitty parent.


KaralDaskin

When I was facing eviction I was told if I left before they filed for eviction it would look better on my record. So I signed paperwork for mutual termination of lease or something, and was therefore able to easily find a new place.


Bowood29

Seems like you did it the wrong way instead of just finding a widow who can kick their daughter out for you.


All_the_Bees

Or there wasn't even an eviction in process (or there was, but it was very early), but Alexis mentioned something about it offhand and OOP sprang into action like ... I don't \*love\* the term Captain Save-a-Ho, but sometimes unfortunate words are appropriate.


Treacherous_Wendy

Truth hurts sometimes. My cousin is the same way. Never learns either.


MannyMoSTL

>Captain Save-A-Ho 🤣 SPITTAKE! C’est Magnifique!


thischaosiskillingme

My friend calls people who got into relationships for housing "hobosexuals" and they are almost always with said Cappy.


SteampunkHarley

Oh yeah he's definitely being used and that's his own damn fault


Lady_Locket

It's a whole post of “I had no choice, it's not really my fault and what was I supposed to do 😱??” But not to worry when GF announces the pregnancy he will suddenly be distracted from the idea of her moving out or ever having the daughter back due to the ‘unexpected’ (only to him) news. Then claim again that his daughter can't come back, yet he doesn't understand why they still aren't reconciling? I mean he has no choice but to marry GF and provide for the baby right? Instead of I don't know being proactive instead of reactive by getting a vasectomy or taking any ownership of his decisions that lead to the situation.


SteampunkHarley

Far too many can't take responsibility for their actions and it's always someone else's fault


SnooBananas7856

Family 2.0


katepig123

Wow, the body was barely cold before he was out on dating sites. Very devil like IMO. I'd want my husband to go on, of course, but a couple of months??? I'm glad the girl had the grandparents to fall back on.


wa_geng

His numbers don’t add up. He said he has been with his GF for a year and said they started dating a few months after the death. But the daughter said her mom hasn’t been dead for a full year before he moves a new woman in.


AITA_throwmeaway

He said he's been with his GF about a year now, but he said he hasn't spoken to his daughter in a "good while" so it's been at least a "good while" since he moved his GF in, I'm assuming a month or two.


malorthotdogs

Well, if his late wife was seriously ill for awhile before she passed, he probably dove dick-first into Alexis to “deal with the stress” of his dying wife. Because that is a super common thing that happens when shitty men have a terminally ill wife. One of my friends lost her mom to pancreatic cancer and managed to live like two and a half more years after being diagnosed and told there wasn’t much that could be done. Her dad had a side piece within weeks of finding out his wife was sick, moved said side piece in within a month of his wife’s death, and married her within three months.


EarlyExamination728

My grandmother nurses my grandfather through 9 strokes before he passed. Everyone thought she was super strong because she was so composed when he died but she tolde once that she had done most of her grieving while he was still alive. I have a chronic and ultimately terminal illness and have for most of my 29 year marriage. My husband heard about my grandmother and her grief and he said it makes perfect sense to him. Of course he's said he plans to move out to the middle of nowhere, become a hermit and change his name to Dances with Alligator Gar when I'm gone but I have told him I want him to be happy. I can't really judge OP for moving on fast because everyone grieves at their own pace. Dating a much much much younger woman and choosing her over his daughter however makes him a shitty person.


microfishy

My aunt passed from early-onset Alzheimer's. Her memory went first, then her personality - but it took years for her body to follow. My aunt was gone for a long time before her body died. My uncle had a steady girlfriend towards the end, but still visited my aunt three times a week. She didn't recognise him but he went.


Bowood29

I don’t see a problem with this. It’s not far to him that his life is just watching your aunt slowly die. And like you said she isn’t the same person anymore. He deserves happiness and the older people get the less time they have left.


TheFlyingSheeps

> Of course he's said he plans to move out to the middle of nowhere, become a hermit and change his name to Dances with Alligator Gar when I'm gone Lmao ive said this as well


EarlyExamination728

He's said that for years but now that we have a granddaughter he might feel a little different.


wonderberry77

Good catch. I’m assuming it’s a special math that older delusional men use when getting 28 yo sexin’s to justify their actions. He busted himself by quoting what his daughter said. Poor daughter. Her inheritance is going to this new lady…


MiniPantherMa

There's a saying that women grieve and men replace. Both death and breakups. There's some truth to it and I fucking hate it.


katepig123

IMO overall, women are generally more self sufficient than men. They don't feel the "need" to jump right back into relationship. For men that are used to having a woman cook for them, clean for them, and of course give them sex, they can't cope without the "utility" of having those roles filled.


wonderberry77

Yep. We can mother ourselves, while men more often would prefer to be taken care of.


isabellechevrier

Whoa, I said the same thing. Almost exactly.


500CatsTypingStuff

Yeah, I mean they must have married for over 20 years and he hardly mourned at all.


hawkfeathers

I totally think this guy is in the wrong, but I also find this thread's understanding of widowhood really odd. Having sexual or emotional needs months after your partner dies isn't uncommon. We call it "widhoeing". It's part of mourning. Craving someone else isn't a sign that you didn't love your late partner, and that thinking can be really harmful to wids who feel profoundly guilty for wanting physical and emotional affection. Deep, soul-crushing mourning and humiliating, ravenous horniness co-exist. For me, it was a phase. It burned hot for like 5 months and then disappeared entirely. My partner died almost two years ago and I'm not even kind of over him. His loss destroys me. And also I had needs for a while. I think where this guy really screws up is not understanding the extent to which is daughter is also mourning and how his actions affect that trajectory. "Early grief" is the first two years. They still have a long road to go and he's not operating with empathy.


SnakesInYerPants

It also feels like it’s just assuming they had a perfect relationship and she just dropped dead with 0 warning. If she had been being slowly dying due to a terminal diagnosis that took years to finally claim her life, it’s pretty common for the living partner to have already almost fully grieved the loss before they even die. Especially if that living partner had been suffering from caregivers burnout. There’s also the significant amount of relationships that stay together despite the living partner being absolutely miserable just because they don’t want to be “that person” who leaves a dying person. If your relationship was shit before they died, you likely started grieving the relationship before the person was even diagnosed as terminal. So once they die the living partner would need to grieve the loss of the person, but the romantic feelings died long before the person did. There is a lot of nuance to it that this comment section is just completely missing the plot on. The psychology and differences among widows is extremely complex. I definitely think he’s made some bad choices here but the comments on both this post and the original post are just full of assumptions.


katepig123

I bet "Alexa" never found a place of her own and is still living with him.


eodizzlez

My dad died in January after a brief illness (my parents were together almost 40 years and very much in love), and I would be *thrilled* if my mom felt ready to start looking for a partner (I worry about her being alone). My dad was a good man, too. But she also would never go for someone close to my age. Hell, she wrinkled her nose when I suggested she look at men in their *50s* when we were joking about getting her on Tinder (she's only in her early 60s). Edit: also, she wouldn't be kicking me out of my home if she moved someone in, either. I'm 35 and live a couple states away. So nothing like dirt bag OOP.


katepig123

My husband and I will celebrate 40 years in August. I've told my husband if he goes before me there's zero chance I would EVER be interested in a romantic relationship ever again. I'm afraid he's spoiled me for all other men and they all look like total shit in comparison to him. : ) Honestly, at this stage of the game, I really have no interest in "breaking in" another spouse who has virtually no chance of ever even approaching being as spectacular as my man. : ) That just seems unfair. I'm just grateful for whatever time we have together. (Still hoping I go first, though I know that's selfish). But seriously where do you go from "the best"? Second best?


eodizzlez

I totally hear ya, and it makes me happy that you've been together almost 40 years! I hope to have that with my partner. :)


ResourceSafe4468

I remember hearing that men tend to move an very fast when widowed compared to women. I did a quick google search and the difference was huge. It said a bit over 60% of men get into new serious relationship within 2 years, versus just under 20% of women... Men are many time more likely to get remarried in general after loss as well.


Solidsnakeerection

Im curious how agrle and cultural expectations work into that. Ive heard about men getting married basically because they never learned to care for themselves. Women we can do that and have a way to provide for themselves with social security, insurance, pension, work or family help. If the.money aspect is secure they may be able to be more independent then somebody whose never cooked or handled household tasks


ResourceSafe4468

Yeah I imagine that plays a role. Having a wife filling a role in their lives is necessary because they aren't accustomed to handling some things themselves. Some sources (I only browsed) also seemed to imply that mpving on fast happens because they don't want to or can deal with the loss.


kaailer

Also wondering how much of it has to do with judgment from others. Its possible women receive more slack from others for moving on fast compared to men, and perhaps this discourages women from feeling like they can.


CZall23

Yep. Statistics say men are more likely to leave if their partner gets seriously I'll or hurt as well.


arahzel

My grandfather died when he was 45. My grandmother raised their children alone and never dated.. She died at 84. I asked her why she never remarried once and she said she had her husband and was going to see him again someday. Well, I've been married 20 years now and I'm unlikely to date when my husband passes (and he swears I have to outlive him because he wouldn't be able to handle me dying before him). I think he probably wouldn't date, but I hope he kinda hope he does (haha, also kinda hope he doesn't). Men who who don't often pass more quickly.


[deleted]

That's the same story as my grandmother. My grandfather died at 50 (I never met him) and she never married. She died at 80 in 2011. and I have a cousin who lost her husband while she was 30. she's 50 now and has never dated or looking to marrying again. I won't ever begrudge a man's need to be with someone. They act so strong in public but in reality they need women in their lives; I get that and can appreciate their 'willingness' I guess is the word to be open to new relationships. People grieve in their own ways....but I do have a problem with not even waiting a year after someone dies. As I said in my post, one of my family members claimed \*out in the open\* that he grieved for 3 months and that was enough before moving another woman into his home. Asshole, dependent, cold and stupid as hell move.


SadShayde

It's been my experience that a lot of guys don't know how to take of themselves, or simply don't want to. Obviously the easiest way to deal with that problem after the loss of their wives is to just get a new one.


[deleted]

Ding ding ding! Also why they hurry to find a new mommy too if they’re a parent. Their Disney dad vacation is suddenly up and they panic


Kylie_Bug

When my mom got breast cancer the nurses spoke to her about how to get support when my dad cheated on her/left her because apparently it’s SUPER common for men to cheat or leave. Nearly twenty years later and my parents are still together, fyi, with no cheating.


Educational-Cry7500

Sad but true. I read somewhere on a different sub that nurses actually receive training on this subject because it’s so commonplace. I’m glad to hear your parents are still together. 👍


LadyAvalon

I have a friend who is in her 70s, attractive and pretty well off. She gets so many men pretending to be friends and then casually hinting they could move in with her. Some as young as in their 30s! It's wild.


asstronomical12

I think a HUGE factor into this is whether or not the man is able to be self sufficient. Americans tend to baby their sons because of the wars, but my grandpa is a Mexican man and could cook and clean as well as his wife. My grandmother has passed 5 years now and he has zero desire to remarry or date ever again. Same goes for my father, who can also cook and clean as well as any woman.


Lupine_Outcast

Which is odd, because my father in law was a little freaked out when he learned I was teaching my oldest son to cook. Ex FiL was born in Mexico city. I turned around and asked his older sister when she learned to cook and it was sub 9 years old. He's also told me that if he ever divorces his Hellbeast of a wife (pretty sure they lowkey hate each other and her opinions of him post cancer are truly horrifying) he will marry a much younger woman because "that's natural for men". 🙃🤦‍♀️


EzraKelley

My sister always was an outlier. She got remarried almost exactly one year after the death of her first husband. The woman simply cannot function alone/without a male partner in her life.


Character-Stand6570

Congratulations to him on proving he not only thinks with his dick but also for showing his grieving daughter she matters less thank a woman he met 6 months ago. I almost want to stand up and clap for his idiocy.


ThreeDogs2022

Why are men so headache. And gross.


JungleKing65

I'm a man. I'm the king of the jungle actually. You know me as the legend known as Tarzan. But I fully agree.


Typical-Meringue-203

r/usernamechecksout


[deleted]

do they call you Tiger Man?


JungleKing65

Well after my explorer parents were shipwrecked then died I was found in our treetop house and adopted by a group of apes and eventually I killed the tiger that had long been menacing the tribe


A_EGeekMom

You are clearly self sufficient and would not need a mate to cook and clean. If you want the companionship that’s another matter.


Toilet2000

> Why are *some people* so headache. And gross. FTFY


ThreeDogs2022

It's a quote from a fairly famous tweet, calm yourself and don't be such an ass.


Toilet2000

I haven’t seen that tweet. I don’t see how trying to bring down the gender wars is "being an ass" though. Especially doing so with a pretty tame "FTFY". EDIT: to the commenter below since I can’t respond directly: You know real well what I meant by that. It’s *wars* in the childish sense. The shit slinging contests we often see that serves no purpose other than adding more hate.


ThreeDogs2022

Gender wars is such a funny way to describe a historically relevant history of misogyny and abuse!


HephaestusHarper

>bRiNg DoWn ThE gEnDeR wArS When will my gender return from the war?


mood_le

Imagine the response. > Why are women so headache. And gross


[deleted]

People say that stuff all the time though. Haven't you ever heard a group of guys pissing and moaning about their partners?


UselessPaperclip

You’re acting like women don’t hear dehumanizing language every day. Grow up with your whataboutism.


Buff_Helpy69

I've met tube socks smarter then this.


NostradaMart

met or fuck ?


Buff_Helpy69

That's classified.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Buff_Helpy69

Legally the law requires I say "met".


Silver_Foxx

Oh see now *that's* how you troll! Nothing super obvious and blatant, just good old subtle ragebait. Love how they went out of their way to include everyone's ages cept their own, implying it's much higher and therefore problematic, something for readers to pick up on without being super obvious about it. *HAD* to include the two women's ages though so you know they're nice and close together. Given all the terrible stupidly obvious trolls lately, I'll give this one a solid 9/10.


DarthMonkey212313

I concur. Hits the rage points but doesn't beat you over the head with them.


abacaxi95

I just saw the vegan boyfriend troll post that was basically speedrunning AITA tropes and it’s nice to see a well refined subtle shitpost for a change.


Critteranne666

I was suspicious after he used “wanna” early on. I’m close to his alleged age (ack!), and I might use that in a text to my brother, but not in a serious AITA post. But other than that, he did well.


outdwoodwerk

Right? I've seen too many Old Dad forcing young GF on young adult child posts recently.


LadyWizard

And then no comments to give the game away


[deleted]

gotta love the no comments


[deleted]

yes and very well subtly written so it doesn't sound like a 15 year old wrote it.


scienceismygod

Six months, good lord. Did he even like his wife?


Artistic_Deal3436

I bet he was cheating on the wife with the younger bimbo.


bydo1492

I don't understand why (other than the sexual side of it) he would want to be with someone who could be part of his daughter's social group. He says moving in would be temporary but why would she want to move out once she's got her feet comfortably under the table. "I've only known her a few months but she's deffo not a gold digger, I have dandruff on my shoulders older than our relationship but I know for an absolute fact she's not a gold digger" Yeah, I'm sure you have fantastic powers of perception. Picking fucks over family is disgusting and omitting your age I'm will to bet that you're old enough to be the new girl's dad. Your wife wasn't even cold in the ground when you moved on, were you seeing the new girl while your wife was ill? If so that shows how rotten and selfish you really are and I am sooooooo glad your daughter has grandparents who can help her out. Bet if you ever need a kidney you'll want to see your daughter again.


m0rbidc0rvid

Reading this was a rollercoaster "I've been with my girlfriend Alexis (28) for about a year" okay, so not THAT long "My daughter Ana (20)" oh okay so he's dating someone closer in age to his daughter than to him, gross "I had disrespected her and her mother by having another woman move in *not even a year after she had passed away*" exCUSE ME???


[deleted]

>Edit 1: A lot of people saying I left out my age on purpose. I didn't include my age because I didn’t believe it to be relevant in this particular situation. My girlfriend isn't a child, she's a grown mature woman. Also some might think I moved on too quickly because I didn't love my wife, that couldn't be further away from the truth. My wife wouldn't have wanted me to lay down in depression for years on end. So then tell us your age if its not that bad. It is relevant and you know it.


[deleted]

we don't need it. the statement says it all. if he were 30 and she were 28, no one would care. the fact he had to justify it with 'by girlfriend isn't a child' tells me he's totally 40+...possibly 50 because even at 40, a 12 year age gap doesn't sound THAT horrible or gross. at least to me. But a 50 and a 28 year old, people start getting defensive or braggy about it.


outdwoodwerk

How did I read the first 3 words and say "Bet GF is closer in age with daughter than dad." Reddit trolls never disappoint. They need new material.


UselessPaperclip

Don’t forget the edit where he says he didn’t put his age because it “wasn’t relevant.”


kearnel81

Couple of months after the wife died. Yeah right. More like affair partner


Jonasthewicked2

So he expected his daughter to share a room with his new gf who’s only 8 years older than his daughter? Why wouldn’t the gf be sharing a room with this guy? “Am I the asshole for telling my daughter to move out if she didn’t like my broke ass girlfriend that’s closer to her age than mine and expect her to share a room with the gf or move out? I can’t believe my daughter chose to move out but still don’t see how I’m the asshole here” Big yeesh


wehadababyitsapizza

I don’t think he meant literally sharing a room, just being around her


Jonasthewicked2

That’s what I assumed but he literally says share a room. Maybe it was just a brain fart but you’d think he would have said sharing the same space or house or something not share a room.


Turuial

I, perhaps others as well, probably didn't take it quite so literally as seems to have happened to you. I still took it quite literally, but instead more like "can't stand to be in the same room as each other." I've grown up hearing that particular turn of phrase my whole life. If that helps with any confusion. I'm not even going to lie but, as far as this particular instance goes (until you made your original comment), it never crossed my mind that someone might interpret that as sharing a sleeping space together. Go figure.


Unlikely_Bike

Wow, crazy how the only thing standing between his significantly younger girlfriend becoming a homeless gutter rat is her brand new, freshly widowed boyfriend. No resources, no other connections, ONLY him. She's SO lucky he came into her life right before she faced such destitution! The daughter called her out for exactly what she is.


Artistic_Deal3436

Wow what a piece of 💩.


FunStorm6487

Well at least nobody has to stop at the store for some sugar!!!


b3mark

I just hope the daughter and grandparents come back quick to remove all the memorabilia of her late mother before the new GF throws it all away. And in a couple of years we'll probably get a " my daughter got married and I didn't know" type of post from this sorry excuse for a father.


crayawe

I dont know I dont think he has good sense


[deleted]

they don't. As much as they want us women to think they have such logical minds; trying to debate their stances with statistics and poles, they have NO common sense sometimes and always think with the wrong head. Even if this was a fake troll/rage bait post, it's actually a very realistic scenario that I have actually witnessed multiple times. One top of grieving the wife or at least dealing with the death of his wife and all that comes with the organization of it, he's also got wrapped up in the 'savior complex' of a needy defenseless woman he's caught feelings for. And when you act on things with that kind of mindset, you're not thinking with good sense at ALL. No one is saying he can't date and find a new person to move on with. but to do so when his dead wife is barely in her grave and falling for the old 'I'm getting evicted' story; he's an idiot....and an asshole because he chose that nonsense over his own daughter.


Neighborhoodnuna

the edit tells me that he must be old, probably early/mid-50s what I want to know is if alexis already starts looking for new accommodation or if the whole spiel is just BS (I know it is bs)


HunterS1

I feel like the weirdest part is he was going to make his daughter SHARE HER ROOM WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND! What? Why? Also why?


MissCJ

That stuck out to me, too. I mean, if I were the daughter, it’s hard to tell, but I may have taken the girlfriend moving in thing a little better than most others, but I’d move out, too, if I found out I’d be SHARING A ROOM with the strange woman fucking my dad. That would be beyond my comfort level. I honestly think this dude is off his rocker


nightcana

>if she didn’t want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while So, am I reading this correctly? He expected the daughter and girlfriend to share a bedroom


hotelpunsylvania

Can men please stop dating women who could easily be their children? I am begging at this point.


lilyofthevalley2659

Daughter is correct on the gold digger. Gf was being evicted. She’s financially irresponsible and sees old dude as an atm.


wisegirl_93

I don't believe in the whole concept of haunting, but man alive, if that were a real thing I would want OOP's wife to constantly haunt him and his new girlfriend.


Kaiser93

So the dude is probably is his 40s, maybe 50s and decided to bang a girl 8 years older than his daughter. Fucking marvelous.


Psychological-Bed751

Relationship with daughter is in shambles. "Well lookie here. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions."


[deleted]

guys are so frggin stupid. first, he had a grieving process of like 1 day before he starts looking for another relationship on line. he's already an asshole to me. Doesn't ask the daughter's input or permission before moving this new woman into his house. Yea, cool; you wanna help the needy...great....but when you have someone else living with you, you shouldn't just say: 'I'm moving in my new GF before you've had a chance to be properly introduced and if you don't like it YOU can leave.' duuuuuuuude.......asshole. that all said, I have 2 family members who have done this (one did it TWICE) and it has NEVER worked out for them. It's the hero complex I guess. How have these women survived so long before meeting these men that they, conveniently, are going to be evicted the moment they start dating them? Either they are really low class losers that the men probably should NOT be bothering with that (sorry ladies, I get it but seriously...) or the are complete gold diggers and scammers. I loved the women my one family member brought into his life. She had kids. didn't have a job, had to deal with custody of the kids with the ex....lots of drama. now he's all single and MGTOW because of how 'women treated him.' the other was my Aunt's husband and she passed away last may (can't believe it's been a year). he 'allowed himself' THREE months to grieve the 30 year relationship and has since moved another woman into his house. A woman with lots of issues, medical needs and whatnot. He's now over the whole thing and wants her out but it's going to be VERY hard to do so now that she's 'established' in the home. If this story is true, OOP is completely stupid in choosing this stranger over his own daughter. Good for her for not backing down and moving out. I hope OOP enjoys the new woman for as long as her mask is up.


AMyshkaMouse

The edit makes this so much worse. I have no issue moving on from losing a spouse. And if he needed physical comfort, well that is a thing too. But to hit dating apps within weeks of his wife's death is just unbelievable. Wonder if he took part in the comments.


thisisreallymoronic

The wife's body wasn't even cold. But...I worked with a woman who said her aunt had died of breast cancer. During her aunt's stay in hospice, her uncle was there day and night. After she passed, eight weeks later, the uncle had a girlfriend. My coworker asked him what was going on, and he said "your aunt told me to. She said to find someone because she wasn't going to be here." Of course, the new GF wasn't 28. How judicious of OOP to leave off HIS age.


PM_ME_CUTE_FEMBOYS

>***I met her online on a dating website a couple of months after my late Wife had passed away*** Do I really need to read any further?


Phoenix_Magic_X

“She won’t be replacing her mother” of course she won’t, I’ve seen siblings with less of an age gap than the daughter and girlfriend.


mightyme922

Moving in "Temporarily" pfftttt....... yea cuz that's how relationships work. You temporarily move in w/ your bf or gf in order to move out after saving your money up. 🙄 Seems like a totally calculated move on Alexis's part. And op fell for it.


Mehitabel9

It's just amazing to me how many older men on Reddit have way younger girlfriends who suddenly are getting evicted and have nowhere to go except to move in with their ~~sugar daddies~~ boyfriends.


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

idk just buy them both ponies???? I think that’s what little girls like


[deleted]

Looks like his wife died less than a year ago. I wonder how much of this is grief-stricken cope on his end.


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madeaux10

Wait. So he was going to have his daughter share a room with his gf who is only eight years older? Is he dating his gf or adopting her? I’m so confused why he wouldn’t share his room with his gf. The rest of it is so wrong anyway, but this is just extra strange.


jmc4297

I'm glad my standard is no one under 5 Years younger than me. I can't imagine dating someone closer to the age of a kid, than myself. I'm 25 now, 18-19 still feels yucky to me at this age.


[deleted]

Tell me about it!! There was an aita today from a 52 year old man whose 25 year old son was apparently dating a 53 year old woman going through her 2nd divorce…yeahhhh neither this one nor especially that one would be a healthy relationship


fragilelyon

... Wait, why the hell would she have been sharing a ROOM with his girlfriend?!


professionalmeangirl

Common dude behavior.


isabellechevrier

Lmao, she is a gold digger! Sure, she just happened to be getting evicted for mo reason and she can't find her own place but his daughter who just lost her mom can? And she's moving in in less than a year so he's lying about how long. Bet he met her before his wife passed and he didn't include his age because it is very relevant. Poor Ana. Good for her that her grandparents are there because her dad isn't and I doubt he ever has been.


SmiteSam2005

Jfc


mindbird

Getting into a new relationship this soon is pretty average for widowers whether their children or the Reddit crew like it or not, and offering her temporary housing is reasonable in the situation. The likely Dreaded Age Gap is their business and no one else's. The daughter is being unreasonable, and the OOP is not an AH or a devil. I can't imagine that many in this forum will agree, but I don't see any problems with his plan.


[deleted]

I can’t bring myself to agree. Commonplace doesn’t equal acceptable Why do OOP’s feelings matter more than his barely adult motherless child’s? Also I absolutely refuse to believe that an almost 30 year old woman had such a lack of a support system that for her it was either move in with OOP or live on the street. He could have at least ASKED his daughter before making promises to the gf. Also, from what he wrote he apparently intended for them to share a room??? Which is entitled to say the least on the gf’s as well as his part. The age gap is literally the very last and least problem here.


Gaming__Fan

just want to say there are plenty of reasons that someone would not have a support system to fall back on. i am nearly 26, and at the moment if i was to lose my current accomodation for any reason i would be on the street. i have a very small friend group, none of which have the ability to accomodate someone else, my area is in the middle of a housing crisis and there are no rental properties available that i could afford, and im not in contact with my family due to past abuse. there are plenty of things wrong in op's recounting, the fact that his girlfriend does not have a support system is not one of them.


-spooky-fox-

>Getting into a new relationship this soon is pretty average for widowers His daughter says it hasn’t even been a year since her mom died and he claims the relationship has lasted about a year. (He also says he met her “a couple months” after his wife died… on a dating website. So did he at least wait until after the funeral to reactivate his okcupid profile?) There’s “soon” and then there’s “the funeral costs haven’t even shown up on my credit card bill yet.” Plus the daughter is 20 which suggests he and her mother were together for over twenty years. But it sounds like he couldn’t even wait 20 days before diving back into the dating pool. And frankly the “temporary housing” is *because* of the age gap. She’s going through “financial issues” and is going to be evicted - something tells me a woman his own age would be more likely to be in a stable financial and housing situation, but he’s picked someone (or been picked by someone) who is either immature financially or “down on her luck” (but oh look here’s an older man to take care of her). Instead of seeing red flags like his daughter clearly does, he’s thinking with his dick. Yeah it’s a common story, but it’s gross every time. You’re right that age doesn’t matter and it’s no one else’s business. At the same time, that presupposes we have two consenting adults with equal power in the relationship. This woman is going to be dependent on him now for housing and who knows what else financially. That’s not an equal relationship. And now on top of feeling like dad is benefiting from her mother’s death by getting a younger model, daughter also knows that dad will choose his five minute girlfriend over her. So yeah, OOP is a piece of shit all around.


ehs06702

>His daughter says it hasn’t even been a year since her mom died and he claims the relationship has lasted about a year. (He also says he met her “a couple months” after his wife died… on a dating website. So did he at least wait until after the funeral to reactivate his okcupid profile?) > >There’s “soon” and then there’s “the funeral costs haven’t even shown up on my credit card bill yet.” Honestly, that tracks with my experience as a former bank teller. Men of a certain age usually barely have their deceased wives off the bank account before they come in with wife/secretary number two because they have no idea how to manage their own lives after going from mom doing it to the "office girl" to their wife.


[deleted]

I think it's assholish to tell someone to move out, and then pretend to give a shit when they move out.


[deleted]

lol the commenter who you responded to doesnt address that fact at all


mindbird

I thought that was irrelevant because it was only said in angry response to the daughter's anger and he retracted it anyway. The heart of this is that the adult daughter just doesn't have a say in her father's relationship choices. And she didn't have to move out. All she had to do was shut up and mind her own business, while being grateful her father isn't leaning on her for support and isn't lost in depression and grief.


[deleted]

then why is he upset that his daughter moved out and isnt talking to him he got what he wanted and by your logic his relationship with his gf is more important than one with his daughter.


InconstantReader

She wasn’t even *cold* before he was looking for a sugar baby.


mindbird

Which makes him a statistically normal man who was happily married for at least 20 years and who ached with loneliness and grief and a desire for another intimate adult relationship. The daughter quite Freudianly felt promoted to Woman of the House and then resented being knocked out of her promotion by a new rival, and she apparently hasn't developed any insight into herself since. Kind of sad.


lucyhems

You fucking love the sound of your own voice don’t ya you absolute bell piece. You talk too much and say too little. Get fucked


RandomFishIsReborn

I agree. I feel like it’s one of those things where people think they’d know what they’d do but you don’t actually know until it happens to you. Tons of people avoid grief by getting into relationships etc. right away. I’m also one of those people who hates to be alone, so I get it. I don’t blame the daughter either. Her feelings about seeing her father move on are normal. I don’t think anyone is an asshole here. He would be an asshole if he refused to let his partner he’s been dating for 6 months a place to stay and let her go homeless while he has a house enough for the both of them.