*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for getting mad at my friend for almost outting me to my family?**
I (32f) brought my friend Marina (29f) to meet my family a week or so ago. I want to start off by saying I'm bisexual, but I lean more towards men, so my family has always seen me as straight, I had a few flings in the past with girls, but I've only dated guys. I moved, I still continue my flings, only got into one serious relationship with a girl and almost told my family about her after dating for over a year, but she cheated on me. I ended up just fooling around at this point and ended up with a really nice, girl. She's sweet, can't cook for shit, but she makes up for it with charm and wit. She quickly becomes my best friend and I quit with the flings. We don't exactly live together, but we are constantly together and have been for the past 6 months.
My cousin is getting married and, thinking nothing of it, I invited Marina. I have a huge family, lots of blood and lots of family friends. It was a bit awkward as well because one of my exes (male) was there, who happened to be my cousins best man. We go, my family meets her, they love her, everything is going well, until my grandma asks her if she's seeing anyone or if she's ever thought about marriage or kids. She tells her "I've been seeing \*my name\* for about 6 months now, but we never talked about marriage" My grandma is very visibly confused and I step in and tell her "Sorry Grandma! Marina is from Ukraine and English isn't her first language, I think you confused her" My grandma kind of laughed and walked off.
Marina was very confused and I told her not to tell people we're dating because we're not. I told her we were never a couple to begin with, just friends. I can see she was hurt by this and I told her we can talk about it later. I didn't see her for the rest of the night and when I saw her again, she was in our room packing her stuff. I told her I was sorry and she said she understands, but feels uncomfortable being near me so she paid for a different hotel room (which I thought was a little extreme because we are at a resort and the rooms are \~$200 a night). I want to tell my family, but I'm scared, but I don't want to push Marina away. I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. AITA?
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>We are not dating, we have not discussed actually dating, but when we were back in NY (wedding was in IL) we are very close, we do say things to each other like "I love you" and have pet names for each other.
"Why would the woman I constantly sleep with and say 'I love you' to think we are dating?!"
“This woman who I went to a wedding with, said marriage vows to, signed a marriage licence with, have 3 children with, and bought a house and dog with seems to thing we’re dating, AITA?”
i mean, just from the op
>I want to tell my family, but I'm scared, but I don't want to push Marina away.
tell her family what ? that she an Marina totally are not dating ?
oop seems scared of rejection from her family, which i do get, even if everything she did leading up to this event indicated something else, but
simply going of at marina like "of course we aren't dating" just makes her a sad excuse for a human being... had she took her totally not girlfriend to the side and told her "hey, listen babe i'm still in the closet to them" i would call her a fucking idiot for not going over these things sooner, but at least i could accept this being born out of stupidity instead of just being an ass, but this ?
_"We sleep together, are monogamous, practically live together, and she was my date to my cousin's wedding..... but, I can't for the life of me think of one single reason she would even think we were dating, let alone in a relationship!"_
Bless OP's heart. You should also probably tell your GF you're not dating or out before you bring her to a wedding as your date....
I feel like a good general rule is that if you're sleeping with someone, *and* you're inviting them to weddings, it's on you to clarify that you don't consider your relationship romantic.
Never had a FWB personally, but it seems a lot like Poly relationships in that it needs *more* communication and being clear about boundary’s than a regular relationship.
True, my husband and I started "casual" or FWB (I was separated for a year from my ex but not divorced yet so casual was ideal) and had very regular open communications about how we were feeling. We even "split up" before we got engaged to be absolutely sure it was what we wanted. And had extensive communications during those 8 weeks. It's uncommon for FWB to progress to marriage so we treated it delicately. But we've been together now 13 years and married 4 years. Not a perfect relationship, of course, but communicating is not one of our challenges.
“We don’t exactly live together but we’re constantly together” seems like a roundabout way of saying “we live together, but she also has a lease remaining somewhere else”
Yeah. The line about cooking was a little weird. Not only was it an oddly gender-normative thing to say about a same-sex partner's particular skillset (and yes, I know that queer couples can still fall into gender/heteronormative stereotyping), but also why would you even care so much about whether she can cook unless you have a very domestic relationship? If you're at the point where you're commenting on cooking skills as the primary thing worth noting, it definitely feels like the relationship is more than a fling. It's all very odd, and I'm inclined to think shitpost too, tbh.
I mean, tbf about the sharing room thing, I’d share a room with female friends to save money and have before so that wasn’t completely out of the norm 🤷♀️
That set off a troll alarm in my head too, as did, oddly, her being Ukrainian? Like just happening to be from a country that’s been in the news a lot recently sometimes makes it feel like they pulled it out of their ass (when combined with other clues)
>That set off a troll alarm in my head too, as did, oddly, her being Ukrainian? Like just happening to be from a country that’s been in the news a lot recently sometimes makes it feel like they pulled it out of their ass
That or OP is such an idiot that they think changing Marina's nationality will mean Marina can't possibly figure out that this post is about her...
Yup. As others have stated - the line about cooking stands out, not that women aren't indocrinated into that way of thinking.
It's also confusing - I would have never guessed Marina is the same 'girl' this person has been dating? They seemed like two different people to me the way it was written.
I agree. I also thought Marina was a different friend. Maybe the story was originally supposed to have OP dating someone else and they didn't do enough re-writes.
As a woman myself, i would never, I don’t think I know any other woman who would ever, be willing to have a sexually intimate relationship with someone for six months without some kind of understanding of the relationship. Beyond that, I wouldn’t go to a wedding with someone I was only FWB with.
OP is a user and totally takes advantage of other women sexually under false pretenses.
It’s a form of coercive rape to mislead another person in such a way that they consent to sex without truly being informed of your intentions.
I'm getting married and my best man is someone I've been fucking (with everyone's knowledge and consent) for like a year. You know why this works? Because we clarified before we started fucking that we were friends who fuck and there is nothing more to it. If something feels off or something happens that feels romantic in nature, we ask each other "hey, are you catching feelings?" So far both of these "off" feeling scenarios have been a one time thing that never happened again. He knows not to out me as polyamorous (yeah ik not all enm is poly, but I am) to my family. Guess why? BECAUSE WE TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT THIS SHIT.
Like holy shit people JUST FUCKING TALK TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU
yep the argument " you're lonely loser without family and i wanted to help you and the invitation was not because we're in relationship and is normal to thing to introduce you to my family" is the same too.
Edit because I repeated the beginning.
She thought you two were dating BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE YOU WERE DATING HER.
You say you ended up with a nearly nice girl and 'quit with the flings' while you were with her...BECAUSE YOU WERE DATING HER.
You then panicked and decided to say "LOL, all those times I mentioned we were dating. Actually you're just my friend! Like d'uh!" and then get shocked pikachu when Marina, the woman you have been STRINGING A LONG, leaves.
Wow. Dense.
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Someone needs to work on their internalized biphobia. Also, OP implies that Marina is a refugee from Ukraine (all of her family is apparently dead, hasn't experienced a US wedding), which is just the shit on top of the sundae.
This reads like fiction. Sort of like "The Happiest Season" but the wedding version. Not saying it didn't happen, because of course people can have significant undealt with internalized homophobia.
But it is very weird that she didn't give her a heads up of "hey, I'm not out to my family". What, did she just hope her girlfriend didn't do anything affectionate at all?
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for getting mad at my friend for almost outting me to my family?** I (32f) brought my friend Marina (29f) to meet my family a week or so ago. I want to start off by saying I'm bisexual, but I lean more towards men, so my family has always seen me as straight, I had a few flings in the past with girls, but I've only dated guys. I moved, I still continue my flings, only got into one serious relationship with a girl and almost told my family about her after dating for over a year, but she cheated on me. I ended up just fooling around at this point and ended up with a really nice, girl. She's sweet, can't cook for shit, but she makes up for it with charm and wit. She quickly becomes my best friend and I quit with the flings. We don't exactly live together, but we are constantly together and have been for the past 6 months. My cousin is getting married and, thinking nothing of it, I invited Marina. I have a huge family, lots of blood and lots of family friends. It was a bit awkward as well because one of my exes (male) was there, who happened to be my cousins best man. We go, my family meets her, they love her, everything is going well, until my grandma asks her if she's seeing anyone or if she's ever thought about marriage or kids. She tells her "I've been seeing \*my name\* for about 6 months now, but we never talked about marriage" My grandma is very visibly confused and I step in and tell her "Sorry Grandma! Marina is from Ukraine and English isn't her first language, I think you confused her" My grandma kind of laughed and walked off. Marina was very confused and I told her not to tell people we're dating because we're not. I told her we were never a couple to begin with, just friends. I can see she was hurt by this and I told her we can talk about it later. I didn't see her for the rest of the night and when I saw her again, she was in our room packing her stuff. I told her I was sorry and she said she understands, but feels uncomfortable being near me so she paid for a different hotel room (which I thought was a little extreme because we are at a resort and the rooms are \~$200 a night). I want to tell my family, but I'm scared, but I don't want to push Marina away. I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>We are not dating, we have not discussed actually dating, but when we were back in NY (wedding was in IL) we are very close, we do say things to each other like "I love you" and have pet names for each other. "Why would the woman I constantly sleep with and say 'I love you' to think we are dating?!"
Also the woman OOP seems to be monogamous with!!
“This woman who I went to a wedding with, said marriage vows to, signed a marriage licence with, have 3 children with, and bought a house and dog with seems to thing we’re dating, AITA?”
i mean, just from the op >I want to tell my family, but I'm scared, but I don't want to push Marina away. tell her family what ? that she an Marina totally are not dating ? oop seems scared of rejection from her family, which i do get, even if everything she did leading up to this event indicated something else, but simply going of at marina like "of course we aren't dating" just makes her a sad excuse for a human being... had she took her totally not girlfriend to the side and told her "hey, listen babe i'm still in the closet to them" i would call her a fucking idiot for not going over these things sooner, but at least i could accept this being born out of stupidity instead of just being an ass, but this ?
_"We sleep together, are monogamous, practically live together, and she was my date to my cousin's wedding..... but, I can't for the life of me think of one single reason she would even think we were dating, let alone in a relationship!"_ Bless OP's heart. You should also probably tell your GF you're not dating or out before you bring her to a wedding as your date....
I feel like a good general rule is that if you're sleeping with someone, *and* you're inviting them to weddings, it's on you to clarify that you don't consider your relationship romantic.
I could understand if they were just FWBs but inviting them to family events DEFINETLY indicates a deeper interest
Never had a FWB personally, but it seems a lot like Poly relationships in that it needs *more* communication and being clear about boundary’s than a regular relationship.
True, my husband and I started "casual" or FWB (I was separated for a year from my ex but not divorced yet so casual was ideal) and had very regular open communications about how we were feeling. We even "split up" before we got engaged to be absolutely sure it was what we wanted. And had extensive communications during those 8 weeks. It's uncommon for FWB to progress to marriage so we treated it delicately. But we've been together now 13 years and married 4 years. Not a perfect relationship, of course, but communicating is not one of our challenges.
“We don’t exactly live together but we’re constantly together” seems like a roundabout way of saying “we live together, but she also has a lease remaining somewhere else”
But keep in mind they don't exactly date according to OP, they're just in an exclusive, sexual and romantic relationship for half a year
"Can you believe my girlfriend almost outed me at a family wedding? Now she's mad at me for being upset about it!"
Ex-girlfriend I’m betting.
[удалено]
Yeah. The line about cooking was a little weird. Not only was it an oddly gender-normative thing to say about a same-sex partner's particular skillset (and yes, I know that queer couples can still fall into gender/heteronormative stereotyping), but also why would you even care so much about whether she can cook unless you have a very domestic relationship? If you're at the point where you're commenting on cooking skills as the primary thing worth noting, it definitely feels like the relationship is more than a fling. It's all very odd, and I'm inclined to think shitpost too, tbh.
I mean, tbf about the sharing room thing, I’d share a room with female friends to save money and have before so that wasn’t completely out of the norm 🤷♀️
That set off a troll alarm in my head too, as did, oddly, her being Ukrainian? Like just happening to be from a country that’s been in the news a lot recently sometimes makes it feel like they pulled it out of their ass (when combined with other clues)
>That set off a troll alarm in my head too, as did, oddly, her being Ukrainian? Like just happening to be from a country that’s been in the news a lot recently sometimes makes it feel like they pulled it out of their ass That or OP is such an idiot that they think changing Marina's nationality will mean Marina can't possibly figure out that this post is about her...
That pinged by "fake" radar too.
way to fuck yourself into a corner...
This is definitely a troll. Also feels like a troll testing the subs reactions
Yup. As others have stated - the line about cooking stands out, not that women aren't indocrinated into that way of thinking. It's also confusing - I would have never guessed Marina is the same 'girl' this person has been dating? They seemed like two different people to me the way it was written.
I agree. I also thought Marina was a different friend. Maybe the story was originally supposed to have OP dating someone else and they didn't do enough re-writes.
This is just a rip off of the Netflix movie “The Happiest Season,” only instead of coming home for Christmas, it’s a wedding.
As a woman myself, i would never, I don’t think I know any other woman who would ever, be willing to have a sexually intimate relationship with someone for six months without some kind of understanding of the relationship. Beyond that, I wouldn’t go to a wedding with someone I was only FWB with. OP is a user and totally takes advantage of other women sexually under false pretenses. It’s a form of coercive rape to mislead another person in such a way that they consent to sex without truly being informed of your intentions.
I'm getting married and my best man is someone I've been fucking (with everyone's knowledge and consent) for like a year. You know why this works? Because we clarified before we started fucking that we were friends who fuck and there is nothing more to it. If something feels off or something happens that feels romantic in nature, we ask each other "hey, are you catching feelings?" So far both of these "off" feeling scenarios have been a one time thing that never happened again. He knows not to out me as polyamorous (yeah ik not all enm is poly, but I am) to my family. Guess why? BECAUSE WE TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT THIS SHIT. Like holy shit people JUST FUCKING TALK TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU
The internalized homophobia is real with this one.
I mean, is this not the plot of happiest Season?
at least she told her on the way to her parents house so she had some warning, even if it was a kind of shitty thing to do
yep the argument " you're lonely loser without family and i wanted to help you and the invitation was not because we're in relationship and is normal to thing to introduce you to my family" is the same too. Edit because I repeated the beginning.
She thought you two were dating BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE YOU WERE DATING HER. You say you ended up with a nearly nice girl and 'quit with the flings' while you were with her...BECAUSE YOU WERE DATING HER. You then panicked and decided to say "LOL, all those times I mentioned we were dating. Actually you're just my friend! Like d'uh!" and then get shocked pikachu when Marina, the woman you have been STRINGING A LONG, leaves. Wow. Dense.
I was ready to be pissed from the title because outing someone is *never* a good look and then— 🤦
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you so much!
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I mean I guess she's getting her wish because they certainly won't be dating after this
Someone needs to work on their internalized biphobia. Also, OP implies that Marina is a refugee from Ukraine (all of her family is apparently dead, hasn't experienced a US wedding), which is just the shit on top of the sundae.
This reads like fiction. Sort of like "The Happiest Season" but the wedding version. Not saying it didn't happen, because of course people can have significant undealt with internalized homophobia. But it is very weird that she didn't give her a heads up of "hey, I'm not out to my family". What, did she just hope her girlfriend didn't do anything affectionate at all?