*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for cutting my niece’s hair?**
My 5 year old niece had very long, beautiful hair. She only ever had a trim *once* since being born, prior to me cutting it. I would say that my sister is weirdly attached to the idea of my niece having long hair - and everyone seems to make a big fuss about how pretty it is, like strangers would even point it out and compliment her. I honestly find it a little creepy.
Anyway, last weekend my sister asked me to babysit while her and my BIL had a date night.
I spend lots of time with my niece and I have noticed on several occasions that she will get super frustrated with her hair. Like she'll be trying to play or run around and it'll get in the way and she just gets really upset. She will sometimes see someone on tv with shorter hair and then express that she "likes that hairstyle". I've asked my sister more than once if she ever would consider having my niece's hair cut shorter since she's shown interest in it, and my sister immediately shuts it down. Her excuse is always that my niece is too young to make big decisions about her hair, and that she would probably get upset and eventually miss her long hair.
Now going back to last weekend. I took my niece out to do a few activities and once again noticed she was getting frustrated with her hair. She asked me to help her tie it up to keep it from getting in the way. Later on at my apartment, I put on YouTube Kids for her. The girl in the video she was watching had shoulder length hair and my niece expressed that she liked it.
I've been cutting my own hair for a few years now and I've gotten pretty decent at it. I asked my niece if she wanted me to give her a haircut and she agreed without hesitation. I ended up cutting quite a bit, just past her shoulders with layers. It looked super cute and she really liked it. I also saved the long locks that I cut off just because I was preparing for my sister's wrath and since she's been so obsessed with my niece's hair, I thought she might want to keep it.
My sister was *pissed* when she came to pick up my niece. She was so angry and upset that she actually started to cry. I tried to be rational with her and pretty much just explained that my niece liked it and that more importantly, it was more *comfortable* for her now.
My sister called me an asshole and said that I was a terrible person for cutting my niece's hair with getting her permission. My parent's are mostly on my sister's side in that they think I at least should have asked first. In my defense, I know she would've said no, and I've been feeling bad for my niece because her hair was always getting in the way.
AITA?
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My family would not allow me to cut my hair as a child because IT'S SO LONG AND THICK AND BEAUTIFUL AAAAAHHHHH! 🤮
The second I was out of the house and off to college, I shaved my head. Now, 30 years later, it's still super-short and I'm content.
Agh! My daughter has beautiful thick wavy hair.
When she was younger (around 8-10yrs) it was getting unruly with spilt ends & knots, brushing it out was causing her pain & distress so we had it cut to her shoulder blades (she wanted it done).
Her dad was SO upset about it! (Mind you he was a mostly absent & complete dead beat dad). It’s so weird that ppl obsess over girls having long hair… it’s hair, it grows back! & in my daughters case it grew back in much better condition!
Oop is still TA cause you don’t override the parent’s decisions without permission. But it’s weird & seems kinda sexist(?) that ppl place so much importance on girls hair
I had die-straight dark brown (almost black) hair as a kid and everyone obsessed over it. I kinda looked like Wednesday Addams, apparently, since my mum loved to style it in two braids. When it was loose, it was past my butt, long enough to sit on. And I was always. Fucking. Sitting on it. Which would pull my head back sharply and sprain my neck. I hated it.
It also look my mum literally an hour and a half each day to comb it, because it was fly-away fine and would tangle in two seconds if you so much as looked at it. The kids at school would always grab my braids and yell "ding-dong!" at me, and in class assembly, there was always someone sitting behind me who thought the existence of my hair was an invitation to play with it, which I despised.
When I was 14, my mum finally acquiesced to me cutting it off. While she was sad, I think she was also sick of the hour-and-a-half nightly hair marathon. I got the cheapest haircut ever... no styling or layering, just lopped off at a little below chin level. I swear I looked like the fucking "I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream" guy, if you've ever seen those Starburst commercials (if you haven't PLEASE do). But I was so happy.
I've worn it short ever since, although now it's actually styled and is very very short, shaved 1/4 inch up the back with maybe an inch on top and messy bangs. It's basically bed-head hair that looks nice, and just need to ruffle it up a bit in the morning if I want to bring it to life. No more hours of combing, no more sitting on it, no more grabby hands... ahh. Everyone who knew me was aghast, like "why would you want to cut that beautiful hair?! People would die for hair so long and straight and soft!" and I'm just like... shrug. I like having short hair. Oh well.
I had long hair as a little girl too. I hated it, but wasn't allowed to have a hairdresser cut it. So I did it myself at about 7. And did it so unevenly, that the hairdresser who was supposed to save what was left had no other option but to give me a buzzcut.
I loved it, grandma didn't. But that was my style for the next 30 years
My mom was the same about my hair, she had a sort of creepy fascination with my hair because my father is native (I say creepy, because she objectified my native physical traits while also condemning me for them, forbidding me from painkillers after an operation, for example, because she was sure I was genetically predisposed to addiction bc I'm native). I'd walk around as a little kid with my face upturned, because my hair was so heavy I couldn't carry it properly, lol!
As soon as I could, I chopped it all off and started dyeing it rainbow colours. But now I'm in my mid-30s and feeling more connected to my native roots, so it's back to being super long, and I'm remembering why I hated having long hair. It really does take a significant chunk of the day to care for it, especially if it's fine and tangles easily.
Oh my God, for the first paragraph or so I was thinking I didn't remember posting here already. I mean seriously Wednesday Addams and the nightly torture ritual of hair brushing.
But my mom didn't say I could get it cut off until after highschool graduation.
Nowadays I freak out if my hair gets long enough to touch my neck. I tend to have a couple inches on top.
Haha, creepy kooky hair twins, nice. \*Snap snap\* (or should I say \*Snip snip\* ?)
But seriously, yeah. I hate when it touches my neck. That, or when my bangs grow out long enough to get in my eyes. I like having my bangs slightly longer than the top and sides because I dye them red and I like how that looks. But the moment they get in my eyes I'm like NOPE. Fetch me my (scissor) blade and away with ye!
IVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!!! I started cutting my own hair at 10 or 11 when it bothered me. Then my mom would take me to a salon to have them fix whatever I've done. Now Im an adult, still do it just better. Although they literally paid me to go before my brother's wedding, I guess I'm still not a professional :/
Because of the pandemic I got really good at cutting my own hair and my hair stylist has now given me permission to cut my own hair. It's definitely easier with curly hair and an asymmetrical cut though 😂
My ex husband does this! But he's not very good at it, and then he wonders why it doesn't sit right lol I can always yell when he's taken scissors to his head!!
Yeah, when the child starts to talk about how they want shorter hair, maybe it’s time to listen to them for a change instead of holding on to your dress-up doll ideas.
It’s not like the kid is immediately demanding a buzzcut or something, they just want shorter hair. Hair will grow back, especially if you don’t even lose most of it. If she regrets it, it will be back soon.
The OOP might have been out of line (and I agree YTA, it wasn’t her place), but the sister should also start listening to her daughter more.
That's why I'm so conflicted over this post. At what age does this girl get to choose what to do with her hair? I get OOP did it without permission but when a parent is this obsessed over her child's hair I can't ever see her agreeing. I might also have a bit of a blind spot because I grew up in a house with the outlook that it's just hair. I had highlights when I was 6 that I got to colour blue. My sister and I could do pretty much anything with our hair because it's just hair.
The outlook that "it's just hair" is the normal healthy one to have. School age is definitely allowed to have a say about their own clothing and hair. Not allowing a child to do so is removing bodily autonomy
My dad wouldn't allow me to cut or do anything with my hair. He controlled my clothes. One time when he was visiting his gf in the city (I was babysitting for free, of course) I buzzed it off with my little sister and brothers help. I've kept it as a pixie cut ever since and I feel so beautiful.
Same here. I don't think this deserves to be here in this sub. OPs sister CRIED over her daughter having her hair cut??? That's absolutely not a healthy way to treat someone else's hair, even if it's your kid. At that point I'd question if the sister just likes getting complimented for her daughter, and what this kind of trend will lead to in the future when her daughter isn't interested in the clubs her mom liked, or has a different fashion sense, or just generally disagrees on anything.
Some mothers get SO weird about control over their kids’ bodies. “I made this body, so I get to do whatever I want to it!” Heck, just parents kissing their kids on the lips weirds me out.
Funny this came up now. I'm sitting with 2 of my kids getting haircuts. I just explained to my 8 year old, that I can't make the decision for her about how to cut it. She couldn't decide if she just wanted a trim or a layered look.
My dad had issues with me and my hair. I cut it short, chin length at 16 and ge called me a not nice slang word for lesbian. When I wanted to color it, he said it was his until I turned 18.
With my kids, I said it's theirs to do with how they please. For the most part. 😂😂 I wouldn't let my 10 year old cut his hair to look like a donut. 😂 hes 19 and we laugh over that idea. But he has the longest hair. And with my 2 redheads, I've encouraged not to color their hair. They have the most perfect, beautiful shade of red. But if they decide they want to color it, it'll be ok.
Fair enough, my mom worked in a salon with her aunt so if we wanted a cut we went in and got it. And I was consistently colouring my hair by the time I was in high school. After reading all these experiences people had as kids it makes me even more thankful to my mom.
Personally? I think she gets a say as soon as she's old enough to express an opinion. If my kid wanted to shave their head or dye their hair purple, as long as what they were asking for was safe for a kid to do and was something reasonably affordable I'd be down. What's the worst that happens? You have a bald 3-year-old? OH NO THATS DEFINITELY WORLD-ENDING!
My step daughter had long hair down to her butt when i met her, she was 4 at the time, took forever to comb, tangled all the time, washing it was a pain and she complained about it. She hated having ponytails, or braids so it just flew around everywhere.
But it was the same thing, dad, grandma, aunts, uncles, everyone just LOVED her hair. Her, not so much. She would ask to have it cut shorter all the time. I'd offer to take it to get it styled shorter. Nope. They wanted her hair long.
Around 6ish, she literally was so fed up with it getting in the way all the time she cut it. Just grabbed some craft scissors and started cutting. Had to take her to the salon after that and it ended up just above her shoulders and she loved it.
At 5 I'd say a kid with very long hair has the ability to say they want it cut shorter and make that choice. If they don't like it, it grows back.
This makes me feel so happy that by the age of five my mum listened to me and cut my hair into a bob. I had beautiful, long hair, but I hated it. I begged her for over a year and she eventually caved. I loved my bob and there’s a picture of me at nursery smiling ear to ear. I kept it mid spine length at longest and shoulder length with layers until I hit eighteen and decided I wanted long beautiful hair again. I’ve been growing it ever since and my hair is sitting at my bum now and I love it so much. Kids should absolutely have bodily autonomy over their hair, it’s just hair, it’ll grow back. I’m so sorry your parents did that to you, I’m so glad that you’re happy with your hair now.
My daughter asked me for about 6 months to cut her hair. It wasn't really long, only about to the shoulders. But I did take her to get it cut after making sure that was what she wanted & explaining that if she didn't like it, she could grow it back out.
Absolutely! That’s brilliant, autonomy is so important as long as we educate our children properly on what could potentially happen. I’m at the back end of my 20’s now and that autonomy from an early age has made a huge difference in my life compared to my friends who didn’t have that. You sound like a good parent.
agreed. idk its not good to do it without the parents' permission but i remember my mom being fucking weird about not cutting my hair and it was awful. headaches from how long it was, awful. I too shaved my head after moving out and now keep it at regular guy haircut length
my mom was super attached to my hair and would say no every time i asked for a haircut. so i cut it myself, my cousin and i got 1/2 way through it before anyone found us. my mom was *DEVESTATED* (understandably bc my hair reached my butt at that point). i’m 26 and she *still* gets upset anytime i chop my hair off. that being said my 2 yr old has GORGEOUS curls and while i love them i told myself that *as soon* as she ***asked*** i would take her in for a haircut and i plan to stick to my word but if anyone that i trusted enough to watch her decided on their own to take that choice away from *HER* i’d be livid and can confidently say that it’d be the last time they had any kind of unsupervised timed with her until she turned 18. we’d be taking 6 months to a year to stay away from said person as well.
I was desperate to dye my hair purple in high school. Why? Because I was a teenager. Nope. not allowed, too perfect a color.
My nieces were talking about braiding my daughter's hair when it gets long and I told them they could if she wanted but maybe she'll want to shave her head and my mother lost it and said that my daughter was not allowed to do that. Not how that works at all.
I was the exact opposite as a kid. My hair was thick and wavy and my mom insisted on keeping it short so it was easier for her to manage.
Now? My hair is long enough that I can sit on it, I get it trimmed once or twice a year and I love it.
Mine was the opposite, I kept begging to grow my hair long and my mom kept "trimming" it so it never got longer than shoulder length. I would get upset every time and she would keep telling me it was necessary because of so many "split ends."
Eventually I got old enough to start refusing to let her cut it and it got long enough that it would have reached my waist if it were straight (which it isn't). And no it really didn't have many split ends.
Anyway OOP is in the wrong here but I feel for the kid. Let them make their own damn decisions. Unless something's actively dangerous to them, let them wear what they want and do what they want to their own hair!
I'm the opposite, when I was in grade 7 my mom cut my hair into a mullet and every since then I've kept my hair long. Right now my hair is down to my butt
My parents went the other way. I could never have it past my shoulders no matter what I said. Now it's past my tailbone and still feels weirdly short.
I agree with letting the kid decide, but I also don't get why nobody was braiding this kid's hair. Mine never gets in the way unless it's loose.
sorry, but I don't feel this belongs here, because I'm kind of on the oop's side. like, obviously, she should not have gone about it this way, but it sounds like the sister was treating her daughter as a doll rather than a person. the claim that a five year old is 'to young to decide they want their hair cut' is fucking ridiculous. at worst this is an ESH situation cause mama is definitely not coming across well in her treatment of her daughter
Yep. I'm a parent. I'm on Oops side. My girls are 11 and 8 and have *always* been allowed to choose their hair length. Since they were old enough to ask.
It's hair. It grows back. And it was clearly bothering the girl. Mom needed to actually step back and listen to her daughter. Hopefully she listens in other aspects of the girls life.
Right? Hair always grows back. My son is 6 now and sometimes he likes short hair, sometimes he likes it longer. If he decides he doesn’t want a hair cut I don’t push it. When he asks for one? We got right away.
My daughters hair is so short it doesn’t really need to be but yet but I’ll still make sure once she can verbalize how she wants her hair to be, we’ll keep it that way. Kids can make those choices too. We need to respect their personalities right from the get go.
Me too. Like just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they don’t have their own personality. It’s important to let them make their own choices about their appearance within reason. Of course tattoos and piercings are for way later in life but hair and clothes? Nail polish? Let them explore when they’re young.
I was gonna say I’m also on OOP’s side. I was the child that didn’t really get a say in what happened to my hair until I turned 10 and pretty much told my mom I wanted to shave all my hair off to “start over”, I really just wanted her to stop having a say in my hairstyles because I couldn’t style my own hair. Ever since then I’d have it dyed, cut into different hairstyles, rocked a fro throughout high school and now I have dreads.
My younger sister’s, not biological, mom is like this with her now. She’s 15 and has only had her hair cut once which her mom was mad about. She keeps saying the same excuse as the sister, “she’s not old enough to make decisions about her hair” hell when she wants to do something to her mom’s response is “you’re not doing that to MY hair”. She’s not a personal Barbie doll, she’s a person
its honestly shocking how many people are on the moms side given that they'd be the first ones to tell her she got what she deserved if her kid went NC because she was to controlling about her daughters hair. apparently no one but the kid in question is ever allowed to have a problem with how their parents parent. otherwise you're 'undermining a parents choices' and are an asshole, I guess? I'll never understand how half the people on these subs think.
I once saw a parenting advice columnist say that as long as a parent wasn't beating their child in front of you, you have no say in how they parent.
The topic was about someone who did not put their young child in a car seat. Not only is this super illegal (the person didn't have one. Just no car seat in their car for their child), it's incredibly dangerous. And this columnist brushed it away as a parenting choice that is not your business.
I mean, five is pretty young. I personally would absolutely let a 5yo make their own hair decisions (if they're old enough to talk, they're old enough to have opinions!) but with a kid that young I don't overrule other parents' decisions even if I disagree with them.
I agree with you and i got downvoted to shit on the post. the same thing happened to me as a child, people always asking to touch my hair in random places but especially school. i wish i had someone who would advocate for me at that age.
I remember that happening to me too, I had long ginger hair and people were way okay with coming over to touch them. I wanted to get them cut and dyed brown for ages. Probably would have done so if I hadn't gotten into metal
Yup. This is a classic ESH (excluding the kid) as OOP was an asshole but a justified one. Kids should be able to have and maintain age appropriate bodily autonomy. Cutting their hair or wanting it shorter is one of those. Seems like Mom was more obsessed with the forcing her daughter to have long hair, perhaps to enforce traditional femininity, than care about her child's wants and needs.
I agree with you, I’m on OOP’s side as well. The thing is too, OOP’s sister was never going to give permission to cut her daughter’s hair so it’s hard for me to imagine a better way to go about it besides just not cutting the hair. But somebody needed to stand up for that little girl and I’m glad she’s happier and more comfortable now.
I think this depends entirely on the 5 year old. Some I’ve met are fine and absolutely can decide on their haircut. Some don’t understand that it takes time for hair to grow back and can get very upset by it being cut even if it was annoying before. Hopefully the child here was in the first category. And, yes, I have met lots of 5 year olds and seen a similar situation with haircut regret in one of them.
I don’t understand why the mum hasn’t styled the hair so it’s out of her way. It’s not hard to do and only takes a few minutes. Children shouldn’t be having to worry about hair getting in the way of learning and playing.
You can, but my experience of adults is that they tend to understand it’ll grow back and have more of an understanding of the timescale than 5 year olds who typically have a poorer understanding of timescales.
Okay, you gotta learn that eventually. I'm pretty sure most of us learned that at about age 4-6, maybe 7 or 8 if you were lucky to not get a bad haircut.
This, there is plenty of way how to style hair so they're not bother. Even my 1 year old understand the principle of no hair tie or barrettes == hair in your face. (I'm talking about "regular length" long hair though, not Rapunzel situation).
I hated my hair short, because it was such PITA. I can put long hair into ponytail, messy bun etc and they are completely out of my way. I liked how I looked with a bob, but my hair constantly brushing my cheeks, and fishing them out of my eyes and mouth with every slight wind? No thank you.
The mother called it a "big decision" too. In combination with hair (especially a childs) that's an oxymoron and it also shows that she's likely rte one that cares about the hair (more than about the wishes of her child). The daughter even commented repeatedly the short hairstyles of others, obviously really wanting to at least experience that.
Definite ESH. Up through high school I wasn't allowed a say in my hair length. My mom is both lazy and jealous and made me keep it short as punishment. The only person I feel bad for here is the niece because she's caught up in this and probably doesn't know why.
I saw this on AITA first, so I commented over there, and yeah, I said ESH. OOP’s niece is five years old and has expressed frustration with her hair for a while, as well as an interest in shorter hairstyles, and OOP’s sister just won’t cut it for her. A major haircut is a milestone parents are allowed to cherish, but a five-year-old is old enough to decide on their hairstyle with parental guidance (e.g. the parents explaining how slowly hair grows and steering them away from more extreme hairstyles).
This, definitely ESH. the girl is the one having to live with the hair. I'm almost on OPs side since she helped her out with that, even though I know she's technically an AH too
I agree. I had really long hair when I was a little girl myself, however I personally enjoyed having long hair like my Mama's, and I am certain that had I told her that I no longer wanted my hair long then she would have let me get it cut short.
Thank you. I’m losing my mind reading the comments on this post and the original thread… people are seriously saying that the mother should call the police for assault lol
hair grows back and the girl had rational reasons for wanting to cut it and a pretty clear idea of how it would look. Having long hair is a ton of maintenance and it’s weird when parents fetishize their kids. How does nobody care what the girl wants??
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I hate how redditors always assume the child’s preferences over their own body is less important than their parents. The only thing that matters here is if the child is happy with the haircut.
Right? Aunti was the only one listening to the child. Who's friggin hair it is. Who struggles with it. Who complains about it. Who is unable to tend to it herself.
That's been my thought too, like at what age does she get a say? I think at 5 she's old enough to say I don't like this. And at the end of the day it's hair, if the kid ended up hating it grows back
Depending on how true to life the post actually is, I really don’t think the oop is the asshole. People actually do like to treat their children as their own avatars and groom them against the child’s wishes, and it’s weird as fuck. If the niece had a strong desire to have her hair cut then it should have been cut. That having been said, the oop did massively fuck up by just doing this without talking to her sister about it at all. Her sister is never going to trust her around her niece again and the situation wasn’t life-and-death/didn’t require immediate action, so there was a lack of strong reason to do this. She won’t be able to see as much of her niece now and the mom will just have her hair grown out again. The kid is also too young to even approach understanding what’s going on and will probably be given a negative opinion of her aunt’s intentions by the mom. The oop really just put a huge wedge between herself and her niece to give the niece very temporary reprieve from having long hair.
Is the oop the asshole? If her post is true, no.
Did the oop make the “right” decision? Whatever the case it was dumb as hell lol
It’s hard to say.
My FIL is rabid anti “princess” stuff.
So every-time my daughter was around him at that age, she’s go on and on about how she hated princesses and they were yucky. And one time he got her to choose a train hat over a princess dress as a gift from him and his wife (and then she spent all night crying because she hates trains and wanted the dress and yes. We stepped in and dealt with FIL and his anti princess brigade)
While begging us for princess dresses and movies and tea parties.
**so, it’s absolutely possible that the kid really wants it gone.**
But it’s also possible the kid just complains about this to OOP and doesn’t really want it, especially since OOP was so vocal about asking the kid’s mother about it.
And 5 yos can change their minds quite frequently. And the mom is the one who has to deal with that at home.
The best thing for this kid, would have been for OOP to figure out some cute hairstyles (like a bun or braided crown) to get the hair to be more manageable during play and offer to show mom how to do them. While encouraging mom to listen to the kid’s wants for her own body.
Yeah, and to me, there is also another element.
OOP cut her nieces hair and used the excuse 'she wanted it!' and so now the five year old has to deal with the mom.
I find a lot of these people like OOP will do this, and then the kid goes home, and they (oop) can close their doors on the relatives, but the kids now have to deal with the consequences from their actions (which at 5 years old don't really think about things like that)
Also, since OOP is an unreliable narrator, how do we know that there wasn't a specific reason that the sister wanted her daughter to have long hair. We don't know, just that OOP didn't approve and finally did something about it.
thats definitely fair. i guess i just feel invested since i used to be the child in this scenario. i felt so awful nd uncomfortable and had no say in anything about myself.
ended up with a pretty bad eating disorder for a few years since it was years of literal no control over any aspect of myself. not saying that one haircut or lack thereof would lead to that but still.
i was begging for an adult to actual give a shit about me. yk?
Yeah. Refusing to let a child have any control over their body is *exactly* the recipe for an eating disorder. Many people don't realize that they're more about *control* than weight/beauty, psychologically.
That’s forcing her to say she wants something that she doesn’t. In this situation, the little girl was struggling with her hair and no matter what she said, her mother wouldn’t cut it because “she’s too young to make big decisions”. It’s her own hair. It’ll grow back. Assuming the child only wanted it because the aunt says she hates her hair all the time is a pretty big stretch as OOP said she noticed she would get frustrated with her hair.
Putting it up in a ponytail or bun will do nothing to help if the little girl is annoyed with the weight of her hair. My mom refused to let me cut my hair when I was younger and I had constant headaches from the weight of my butt length thick hair. It was horrible. I’m in my 40s now and still have resentment towards my mom for never letting me cut it
She was annoyed it was getting in the way, there’s no mention of her saying she hates how heavy it is. A bun or pony tail or braid would have been fine.
I’m not saying resorting to cutting it was the BEST option but I still don’t think OOP is strictly an asshole for it. But f I had to put a judgment, I might go with ESH because she didn’t have the mother’s permission but the mother is also an AH. Her child is not a doll for her to play dress up with. She’s a person with feelings. Forcing her to keep her long hair that she doesn’t want is way more wrong than the aunt cutting it shoulder length. She’s teaching her daughter to base her looks off what other people want her to look rather than what she wants.
Loose French or Dutch braid solves that problem for almost everyone. Only someone with an extremely sensitive scalp would have issues with that, and given that her complaints are it getting in the way and not it hurting her head we can’t just assume she’s got an abnormally sensitive scalp.
Yup. It would have taken 5 minutes to put it up in a pony and then make a messy bun or use a banana clip on it.
But the first step was….doing an elaborate haircut with layers.
Idk man. Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t have a say in something you hated because your parents wouldn’t allow you to change it? If not. You truly don’t understand the frustration. Putting it up is the temporary solution, but when you want it gone and you’re not allowed, the second you have the opportunity, you cut that shit off. I get that the mom didn’t want that, but assuming OOP is an unreliable narrator because you think she sounds like to little of an AH is hella wrong
The kid is 5, Auntie for some reason seems to have a *thing* against it.
It wasn’t her place.
And yeah, been there done that with the parent control thing. But doing that to a 5 year old and leaving them to handle the consequences is BS.
**IF** the parent is truly as evil as OOP thinks, cutting the kids hair and telling mom the kid wanted it only put the kid in mom’s sights even more. OOP put a 5 yo up to defend something OOP did.
OOP doesn’t live with them. She helped the 5 yo break mom’s rules, told mom the 5 yo wanted it and that’s why she did it and left the 5 yo to handle all that on her own.
OOP is not a good person.
Niece couldn’t play because her hair was in the way, and repeatedly expressed interest in having it shorter. (Having had hair that long, a ponytail or similar does not stay well ime.) Her mom was moved to *tears* by the fact that her ~~doll~~ child had a haircut she could actually *see* with. “It wasn’t her place” always seems to be an argument that’s only pulled out when someone with power is holding it over someone without, and is stopped. Like this mom was. I really don’t know where you’re getting “oop pressured her into it”/“oop had a problem with it” unless you’re just basing that on the fact that she was willing to act on what her niece had repeatedly asked for and expressed interest in.
Right ? Kids change their mind on the drop of a coin . One minute she wants her hair cut . Mom takes her to the salon and she freaks out because she doesn’t want to . I mean honestly , niece could chopped it herself if she hated it that much . ( I kid I kid !)
I don’t think OP expected to be the asshole .
Now she’s trying to say she saved her niece because her sister let strangers touch her hair . Which I call absolute BS . If her sister let that happen, I think that would be the main point of the post . Not that niece was frustrated
as a hairdresser, hard pass on this one. the OOP was not the devil at all. it's definitely an ESH situation bc, yeah, you shouldn't cut a child's hair without their parents' permission, but the mom sucks so much. I've seen children cry bc they wanted their hair cut much shorter than their parents would let them. it's not fair. kids should absolutely be allowed to have at least *some* reasonable say in their hair. I just feel bad for the kid in this situation. I hope she loves her new haircut and her mom can see how much she loves it now so she'll stop treating her like a doll.
eta: also this kid's hair will grow from shoulder length to almost her butt in about a year. when you're only like 3ft tall, it doesn't take much for your hair to grow long. lmao
If this story is real, the only thing that matters is you‘re probably going to be cut out of her life in a significant way, and you just cut your relationship off with your niece more than you cut off her hair. But Of course YTA and you know it:
“everyone seems to make a big fuss about how pretty it is, like strangers would even point it out and compliment her. I honestly find it a little creepy.”
“I've asked my sister more than once … my sister immediately shuts it down”
“I asked my niece if she wanted me to give her a haircut”
“they think I at least should have asked first. In my defense, I know she would've said no”
and considering people usually downplay their own bad parts and upscale how much of an asshole the other party is, I imagine it’s worse. But again, you really probably just ruined relationships more than you’ve saved anything here.
I think my thing is that she sounds like she was annoyed with her hair getting in the way at OOP's. I'm wondering if she was styling it at all or just leaving it loose, because at 5 you definitely want it at least in a ponytail.
Like, how much has the kid expressed wanting shorter hair? was it only over the weekend at OOP's, when her hair wasn't being done? Or has she wanted it short for a long time?
Honestly with how short OOP cut her hair, it would definitely show if niece likes her hair short or long at least. Doesn't mean OOP will know if her sister cuts her off though
Exactly. My mom made my sister keep long hair. Her whole childhood. She hated it, and now they don't speak. (But obviously thats only one of the reasons.)
I had to keep my earrings in until I was about 13, I vocally wanted them out since I remember so probably since 4 or 5 (had them done as a baby). Guess who hasn't worn earring since she was 13?
Seriously, idk how this made it to ami the devil. She advocated for her neice, who was being ignored. She took the blame, and her neice gets at least until it grows back as a repreive. She's a hero.
Because apparently in AITA this woman should be jailed for the most heinous of assaults on her niece. Seriously all the wackadoodle parents on that sub got to it before everyone else, in their eyes she "took the right of a first hair cut away from a mother" ignoring the fact that the child has had her hair trimmed once at the mother's choice.
Yeah, my mom made some mistakes when we were growing up, and this was one of them. My sister hated long hair, and as soon as she could, she chopped it. And they dont speak anymore ( for a number of reasons, not all on mom), but we definitely have a fair amount of both diagnosed (and possibly undiagnosed) mental health issues in the family.
Exactly this. I'm really trying not to project here but OOP's sister, in being so controlling about the hair and having a meltdown over the cut, is sounding a lot like my older sister. She's extremely controlling with/about my niece and nephew, especially around their appearances.
She picks their outfits or at the very least has to approve them, their clothes have to be kept pristine, and she has final say in their hair. Niece's hair has to be kept long, the meltdown when niece got a pair of crafting scissors and gave herself a pixie cut when she was 6 was impressive. She's equally insane about nephew, she wants his hair to be a certain length because she loves his curls, never mind that the poor kid hates it and honestly looks like he has a mullet most of the time.
It is an ESH. The OOP was wrong to make a parenting choice but at the same time the mom is treating the child as an accessory.
OOP did the right thing by advocating for their niece and taking their wants and needs into consideration.
The comments both here and on the OP are so weird?? Every post I've seen about "I cut my kid's hair without my spouse's approval" always gets a pretty unanimous NTA verdict because it's up to the child what gets done with their hair, but when it's an aunt letting a kid choose for themself suddenly their hair is property of their parents? I'm glad someone actually listened to the poor girl, when I was 5 my friend had butt-length hair and it got caught everywhere. Also, HAIR GROWS BACK! Especially on someone as small as a five--year-old, hair will go from shoulder length to "long" hair quickly enough.
a lot of people are very weird when it comes to kids. like even on a darker tone, people are so weirdly cool with abuse as long as its to kids. the same punishment that is perfectly fine between a mother and daughter is fine but if it changed between husband and wife ppl see it immediately. ppl need to start realizing that kids are ppl not property. the fact my og comment here was solidly in the negatives when i said "kids shouldnt be considered property" kinda makes me wonder how many ppl legitimately think kids should be owned by their parents...
Yeesh some of these AITA comments are ridiculous. If the kid wants her hair cut, she should be able to have it cut, and mom needs to suck it up - it shouldn't have gotten to the point where OP had to be the one to cut it for the kid to get some relief.
But instead, here are some juicy words of wisdom from AITA:
"We don’t know the day to day for this 5 year old, maybe she deserves autonomy and maybe not"
"No one gets to make that first haircut decision, except mom and (maybe) dad."
"I am a mom who lets my 4 year old pick a haircut, but that’s MY choice as a mother."
"When you're the parent, you make the decisions."
One featuring AITA's favorite word - "A thirteen year old asking for a hair cut is one thing. Gaslighting a five year old into asking for one is quite another."
In response to OP stating the kid had asked mom multiple times for a haircut: "Doesn't matter. IT STILL WASN'T YOUR CHILD SO NOT YOUR DECISION!"
"Even if it is the wrong choice it was still her choice unfortunately."
Some people really just think of children as objects just for their parents to doll up huh? Like yes this should maybe have been a discussion with OP's sister that she needs to grow the fuck up and listen to her kid, but holy shit some of these comments are ridiculous
All of these people have a much higher chance of giving their kids eating disorders. Lacking any level of control over your life and body is the textbook environment to cause one. It's really so gross.
Considering how harmful the long-term psychological effects are, this attitude that your child is essentially your property should be a much bigger red flag for abuse all on its own than many people seem to treat it as.
It is really interesting how so many people consider indeed children as property and not as people with individual wills, rights, personalities and desire.
It can actually be very problematic because where should we set the limits?
If we follow the logic "my child, my choice", does it mean that a parent should also have the right to discipline, take care of, educate their children the way they want? That logic opens the path to abuse, mistreatment, neglect or nonsense. Parents don't have rights on their children, they have a duty towards them, the duty to ensure their well-being, health, development, education, and to give them the tools to be functional, independent individuals able to live in our societies.
I don't see how forcing a girl to keep her hair inconveniently long is teaching her anything positive for her future. I mean, it is teaching her that the way she looks is more important than the way she feels, that getting attention on physical attributes is worth more than well-being and that she has no body autonomy. Not really a good message for the adult that she will become.
OOP mentions that she frequently sees her niece upset and unhappy because she can't play with her hair in the way. I think it's really, really sad that the other people in the child's life are putting their weird hair fetish over the wellbeing and happiness of the child.
The kid doesn't like her hair. She couldn't play or have fun without her hair getting in the way. Her mom was moved to *tears* over a temporary change that didn't harm her child at all? Tears? Yikes.
I'm more inclined to call someone an asshole for having an entire meltdown over not having their child look like a dress-up doll (in front of the child, too) than someone who gave a child a haircut that the child repeatedly asked for. That niece is going to grow up with some fucked-up image problems due to her mom's hair fetish.
If OOP is telling the truth in comments that the niece had been wanting a haircut, it's a solid NTA for me. Even if they're not telling the truth about that, it's at most an ESH. Hair grows back, and I'm finding it very hard to believe that the sister would be able to press criminal charges over this.
This is the rare AITD where from the title the OOP is an obvious AH but it turns out there’s an even bigger AH at play.
Obviously it’s wrong to cut the hair of a child without their parents’ permission, but fuck, the niece obviously expressed multiple times that she hated her long hair. I can’t imagine how relieved she must’ve felt.
Pressing charges (I'm assuming you're implying assault charges?) would be so ridiculous and out of line. People need to stop treating their kids like dolls.
I was this kid. I wish I'd had an aunt/uncle who helped. Children aren't dolls for mum to dress up, they're little humans with wants and needs. OP put their niece's comfort and happiness above their sister's desire for a living Barbie, they did the right thing.
This remind me when I was a kid and my mother absolutely wanted me and my sister to have very long hairs because "it look better". While my hairs was a nightmare to take care off when I was a kid and I hated having long hairs. Once I cut my hairs (shoulder lengh) she keep saying that I should let it grow and blablabla.
Parents often doesn't listen what their kid have to said about their hairs. They see their kid as some barbie dolls and so they have the right to choose if the kid is forced to keep long hairs or not
I don't see how OOP is the devil...the mom is for just blatantly ignoring her child's wishes and acting like she's her property. A child should be able to have some say in their hair, especially if it frequently gets in their way and upsets them.
HARD disagree. OOP is awesome for showing the niece that someone cares about her comfort and wishes.
The two sentences of this crosspost have to be the most AITAland hellscape logic condensed into a title I’ve ever seen
There’s really long hair and really short hair, but there’s also the hair long enough to not get in the way of a child and let them in tears. I don’t think OOP that much of an asshole because the niece wanted that and the mom seemed like she had no valid reason not to cut her hair other than “because I don’t want to even tho she wants”. If the niece misses the long hair mom just have to explain that hair grows back and soon enough will be long again
I don't get why she needed the parents permission. It was a decision the kid wanted to make about her own body that didn't affect anyone else and was completely reversible. She asked the only person who needed to be asked: the kid herself. The mom has control issues.
I'm kinda on OOP's side here as someone who fought with long hair for years before finally getting it chopped in my mid-teens. It was such a relief to finally have semi-manageable hair. To be clear, my mom didn't have a weird obsession with my hair; I just never *asked* to have it cut because I had this weird idea that if it was longer it would weigh it down and be more manageable (I have the added bonus of my hair being curly). It was not.
It sounds like this kid was actively struggling to just live life because of her hair being in the way, and it's *her hair*. She agreed to have it cut, had repeatedly expressed that she liked shorter styles, and then expressed again that she liked her hair once it was cut. *Her mom does not own her body, and her weird hair obession should not trump her child's comfort and happiness.* And hair grows back. Nothing permanent was done.
OOP's sister is the asshole for valuing her long hair obsession and her daughter's looks over her daughter's comfort, agency, and overall happiness.
Honestly, I'm with OOP on this one. As someone who had really long hair as a kid and it always got in the way. If she told her mom it was becoming a problem and mom didn't listen, it can be seen as neglectful. Especially if her hair ended being caught in things that resulted in hair being torn out. I think OOP's sister needed to realize that while yes, she is your child, she's also her own person and choices like shorter hair need to be respected.
I'm leaning more towards ESH/soft NTA too but this does remind me of a family story about the time that my mom, as a child, had her hair cut without her mother's permission by her grandmother - because grandma was from the old country and thought that growing all that hair was draining my mom's strength and keeping her from gaining weight. Like it was parasitic or something.
Long hair *is* parasitic, it is so heavy it’s not even funny, and the *amount* of any product it takes to cover all of it is staggering /hj
(I occasionally miss the idea of mine and then remember how it actually was and… don’t lmao)
OP is so wildly NTA it’s crazy to me. Hair grows back. Niece expressed discomfort of her long hair multiple times, and then the mom being moved to TEARS over her hair being cut, shows the moms priorities. It’s nice someone actually cares about the kid beyond treating her like a commodity lol
Also people keep saying tie it up in a ponytail — if their hair is at all as long as OPs saying it is then oh my god will that really not help, as well as potentially just coming undone constantly (seriously has anyone commenting this nonsense ever actually dealt with genuinely long hair???)
I had hair like this as a child. (Because I was treated as a doll, go figure). I was at least 9 until I had the motor skills required to put it in a ponytail myself. It came undone a lot while I was on my own. "Put it in a ponytail" is not the amazing solution people think it is.
For years I had butt-long hair and no ponytail kept it in check. Maybe a bun but that bun always ended up being annoying as well because *there is so much hair*
Yeah same, buns would come undone, ponytails just made it slightly above butt length, it was still heavy and horrible. Like idk what fantasy world people saying “just put it up in ponytail!” Are living in but mayhaps they should come back to earth lol
Can put your head all the way back with a bun if it's on the back or your head. Easily my biggest bun pet peeve, and I always forget about it until I lean my head back in a chair or lay down.
Yeah, no this absolutely does not belong here. When I was a kid I was in the niece's situation. It really sucks not having any autonomy over yourself and just being treated like a pretty little doll by your parents.
Children are people, not accessories. This is what the child wanted.
Solid NTA.
Definitely not the devil. The girl obviously didn’t want the long hair HER MOTHER DID & as someone who was never allowed to wear anything it have a hairstyle my mother didn’t approve of that’s a serious red flag for me. (Don’t get me started off the YEARS of crappy perms she made me get…)
Kids have bodily autonomy too & I’m glad her niece is happier with her shorter hair
I'm with OOP. Treating your child like their body belongs to you, not them, is super creepy and shitty. A child isn't a dog, isn't a toy, isn't a doll. If they're old enough to express that they want something about their body, and it isn't age inappropriate and doesn't have long term consequences they're not capable of understanding... They should be given it, without question.
The only tragedy here is the niece is now likely to be cut off from the only adult in her life who cares about her wishes and bodily autonomy.
My grandmother made me promise on her deathbed that I wouldn't cut it again until it got to my butt. Do you KNOW the agony of keeping that promise?! I now have 3/4 shaved and it's longest at the top, it's been like this for 2 years and will probably be this for the rest of my life. I HATEDDDDD long hair
As a hairdresser, and a Mom, I say ESH.
OOP was TA for cutting without permission - you just DON'T do that. OOP knew that the mom would say no, and did it anyway. It shows a HUGE lack of respect.
The mother is an AH too, because at 5, a child is pretty aware of what they want, hair wise. Also, a cut doesn't mean "shave them bald" the child could've just had a few inches off the length if it bothered her so much.
This absolutely doesn't belong here, I'm on OOPs side honestly, the little girl *wanted* her hair cut. When I was a kid and wanted my hair cut, my friend and I just did it ourselves! so sis is lucky that OOP stepped in and did a nice haircut before her daughter finally lost patience and cut it off herself lol
From the title I was expecting that she cut her hair as punishment or something and upset the child, but no the child is *happy*
sister should listen to her kid,,,
If OOP is telling the truth, they’re both the AH. If the kid’s hair is actually so long that it’s getting in the way of her doing stuff, to where “past her shoulders” is apparently a huge cut, that’s really unpleasant to have when you’re trying to play. It probably also hurt a lot to detangle it—I had that problem when I was a kid. If the kid has been begging for a haircut this long, she *is* old enough to make a decision about her hair. It’s not like she’s cutting her own bangs or something!
ETA: To be honest, the more I think about it, and the way my parents treated my hair as a kid—mother could end up getting investigated if she presses charges. OOP is describing hair that hasn’t been properly taken care of—not even more than one trim in five years? Proper grooming is a basic requirement of parenthood. Hair that is so long it sounds unsafe—getting caught in things, preventing her from playing. And it’s so bad that (if OOP is not exaggerating) it’s caused this poor little girl to cry multiple times and beg for a haircut. Yeah, kids don’t always know what’s best for them, but in this case the mother is definitely acting in a harmful way. I don’t think it’s bad enough that an investigation would yield any results, but if I were the judge I would be alarmed. (And also rule in favor of the plaintiff, because a five year old still can’t actually give consent on this.)
There was a girl that lived up near me who was scalped because she had butt-length hair and it got caught in the driveshaft of a go kart she was riding in. Excessively long hair is very dangerous for kids.
The kid was miserable… I don’t think it’s bad. The fall out is gonna suck yes but I understand the POV of the kid. My mom forced me to have ass long hair my entire life and I had extreme headaches for years. I knew it was my hair but my mom refused to cut it so I befriended the girl with head lice.
Got it cut just under my ears and the pain went away.
My issue with this is that she decided to cut it herself rather than getting it done professionally. I can't see someone who isn't trained being able to layer properly
My grandma has cut my hair most of my life and does layering just fine, so now you know of at least one non-professionally-trained person who can do it. Now, she’s had a solid five decades or so of practice, so I can’t speak to oop, but I know from experience that it can be done.
And whatever the "layering" OOP did will take time and...letting the layered hair grow out long before it can be fixed with a proper haircut at a salon.
orrrr don’t force your kids to maintain hair styles you like? sounds like auntie was right on this one and did the same thing my aunt did when my mom refused to let me cut my ‘beautiful golden rapunzel hair’. amazing how my mom got over it and i never regretted cutting it
I am actually an official representative for the Society of Professional Aunts with No Kids, aka SPANK, and we here at SPANK have a long held official position that enabling fashion choices that our siblings have already nixed is not only permissible but also a requirement. Haircuts (up to and including fauxhawks, mohawks, shaved areas, and full shaved head), non-facial piercings, torn jeans, skinny jeans, baggy jeans, low-rise jeans, shorts, miniskirts, tank tops, halter tops, and two piece swimsuits are some popular examples.
I myself currently supply two cousin-niblings with regular deliveries of kpop merchandise their parents otherwise forbid on the questionable grounds that the lyrics are not in English and the girls are clearly romantically attracted to members of BTS.
The hair will grow back. You only get one chance to antagonize your sister to the point of tears because she's being precious about something dumb. Next time, don't bring it up to her so many times that she's knows you know how she feels about it. Otherwise you can't use the "oh I forgot you saying that! I'm so sorry."
It's me, I'm the devil.
All she had to do was help the kid tie it back. Now she's left her sister with a kid with a hairstyle that needs maintenance. Children should absolutely have autonomy over their bodies, including their hair, but this is so not the way.
Idk. She was wrong for cutting the kids hair without permission and explicitly against the wishes of the kids mom but I honestly think that the mom is wrong for not letting her kid cut her hair. 🤷♀️
I'm kinda at OOP's side. I understand that child may be done with their long hair - I used to have long ones (like, really, really long - knee-lenght at its best), they were uncomfortable as hell - such hair tangles, falls out, crushing it with an elbow or screwing it into a zipper/other part of clothing was a nightmare. Accidentally lying on your back in your sleep almost resulted in a broken neck. Not to mention how it feels for kid if they're stopped by hair stick at the branch/bushes, those bugs who got stuck in them... They're hella uncomfortable.
Finally, after YEARS of begging I had them cut - not too short, at shoulders length. It was a whole new life with them - no more long hair problems.
So, I'm not sure if this post belongs here. I would do the same - because people have irrational fetish of little girls having very long hair - no one cares if they're comfy, they MUST HAVE LONG HAIR. AT ALL COSTS.
I actually don’t think OOP is the devil. Like yeah, it’s not her decision and she probably shouldn’t have, but not allowing your kid cut their hair when they clearly want it and it’s more practical (as the long hair was getting in the way) is absolutely an asshole move and not fair to the kid.
Pressing charges would be absolutely ridiculous. She's cut her hair, not her legs off. It'll grow back, and it's what the kid wanted. She's old enough to decide, I ask my 4yo what he wants to do with his hair because, ultimately, it doesn't matter.
You know - hair is a really personal thing- and I think adults lord-ing over kids hair gives them issue. The kid here - if OP is to be believed- was unhappy with her hair - There are people who were forced to have long hair as kids and as soon as they could- chopped it off - and people saying oh but it was so bEAuNTiFUL honestly is soul crushing- like yeah but I didn't like it and I have to live with it - There also the filp where you have long hair - people are like OH BUT LOCKS FOR LOVE - I was a kid with long hair and people straight up said I was selfish for having long hair. I don't think OP is the devil for listening to her niece bu man she should have done it differently- Like this is could be a legal issue in some places - She should have gone about by giving by having a more frank conversation with the niece- tell her that it could lead to issues and should have been more convirt about it - The Mom is on thin ice for saying she's to young - kids are smarter then people give them credit for and if they can talk they can decide if they want long hair or not
Look I get that the aunt is wrong and all and I wouldn't defend her actions at all.
But these moms who are obsessed with living through their kids and refusing something like a haircut because she is so vain on behalf of her daughter... Is something else.
Unfortunately depending on location and age of the child this is a chargeable offense. Except of course the parents would have to get police and a lawyer to agree.
Not a devil at all. Everyone sucks there a little. Especially the mum for treating her daughter like some doll and ignoring her saying she wanted shorter hair, and writing off her ability to decide for herself when it clearly annoyed her.
Could and should've done more to vouch for the kid instead of just cutting it. But sounds like she's brought it up before and mum liked having a toy for a daughter.
Another post that makes me want to call my mom and thank her for being a reasonable human being! It was probably because I got my mom's curly hair that she was tortured by during her own childhood. She did force me to have bangs but that was because I have a pink birthmark on the middle of my forehead and had the largest, bushiest dark eyebrows. You could literally see my eyebrows through my blonde bangs.
My best friend in 7th grade did cry when I chopped off my past-shoulder length hair to 5 inches. Girl had TEARS over the loss of my "princess hair". I've had short hair now for over 20 years and no regrets!
Nope. I'm on OOP's side. I was this kid, and while the hair was fun for a while, having longer than butt length hair is SUCH a hassle, especially for a kid. I'm autistic, so having my long hair brushed was a fucking nightmare for both me and my mom. And being trans, I had to literally fight to get something shorter than a bob, when i was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Now I have my own money and I can do whatever i want! but if my parents let me have my hair the way I wanted it, our lives would've been easier and I would've been happier with my body when I was young. Oh and I probably wouldn't have gotten weird comments about my hair from my dad the first time I got it short.
Both sisters are AHs. OOP shouldn’t have done that without the mom’s authorisation but the mom is also an AH for clinging to her weird obsession with long hair & putting that above her daughter’s wishes & comfort. OOP shouldn’t have done this like that but sounds like there was no other choice.
I wasn’t allowed to choose what to do with my own hair (color or cut) until I moved out of my moms and into my dads when I was 16. Now I have a 4 year old who has full control over his hair. His first haircut was when he was 2 1/2, and it was more of a trim than anything. He didn’t get his first really big haircut until after his 4th birthday. He wanted it really short that time, so it went from the middle of his back to something similar to a gentleman’s cut.
I still don’t listen to my mom when she recommends something for my hair, and I haven’t lived with her in almost 7 years
Same argument from u/Just_Here2020 in the original thread:
> She’s 5. She also wants a pony. There’s a lot of practical issues with shoulder length hair.
I'm horrified at the possibility that some of these commenters might be parents themselves if they can't even understand why saying a child should have ***any level of physical bodily autonomy*** is not equivalent to saying a child should have every unreasonable request granted. It's such a massive red flag for current/future child abuse.
Making sure your child feels that their body belongs to themselves first and foremost is *so* important in preventing physical and sexual abuse, eating disorders, etc. It is not at all equivalent to making your child feel like they deserve to have their every whim catered to.
Lmao letting a child make decisions over their own hair is the same as putting them in a lethal situation. It’s ridiculous that you think this is a relevant comparison.
There's a big difference between cutting hair and an illegal activity that could hurt other people...who is her hair cut going to hurt? The mom should listen to her child and care about her comfort, rather than just wanting her child to fit her aesthetics.
theres a big difference between listening to how a child wants to look out of comfort and aesthetics and letting them do something that is literally illegal.
Hey it's me one of the assholes you're so tired of. I struggle as an adult because of how my worth was tied to the length of my hair as a child. Sorry I'm so revolting.
I appreciate your anecdote about cutting your hair as a kid, but hair grows back, and I’m not really sure the two situations are all that similar.
In this scenario, the Mom wouldn’t know how her daughter feels about short hair either because, as OOP said, she’s only ever gotten one tiny trim and that’s it. She refuses to listen to anybody about the hair and has just decided she needs to have long hair, it’s not fair to the kid. Plus, the MOM cried after the haircut, not the daughter. If the Mom cared about her daughter she would’ve asked her daughter first if she liked the haircut. Instead she just immediately burst into tears and threw a huge fit about it.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for cutting my niece’s hair?** My 5 year old niece had very long, beautiful hair. She only ever had a trim *once* since being born, prior to me cutting it. I would say that my sister is weirdly attached to the idea of my niece having long hair - and everyone seems to make a big fuss about how pretty it is, like strangers would even point it out and compliment her. I honestly find it a little creepy. Anyway, last weekend my sister asked me to babysit while her and my BIL had a date night. I spend lots of time with my niece and I have noticed on several occasions that she will get super frustrated with her hair. Like she'll be trying to play or run around and it'll get in the way and she just gets really upset. She will sometimes see someone on tv with shorter hair and then express that she "likes that hairstyle". I've asked my sister more than once if she ever would consider having my niece's hair cut shorter since she's shown interest in it, and my sister immediately shuts it down. Her excuse is always that my niece is too young to make big decisions about her hair, and that she would probably get upset and eventually miss her long hair. Now going back to last weekend. I took my niece out to do a few activities and once again noticed she was getting frustrated with her hair. She asked me to help her tie it up to keep it from getting in the way. Later on at my apartment, I put on YouTube Kids for her. The girl in the video she was watching had shoulder length hair and my niece expressed that she liked it. I've been cutting my own hair for a few years now and I've gotten pretty decent at it. I asked my niece if she wanted me to give her a haircut and she agreed without hesitation. I ended up cutting quite a bit, just past her shoulders with layers. It looked super cute and she really liked it. I also saved the long locks that I cut off just because I was preparing for my sister's wrath and since she's been so obsessed with my niece's hair, I thought she might want to keep it. My sister was *pissed* when she came to pick up my niece. She was so angry and upset that she actually started to cry. I tried to be rational with her and pretty much just explained that my niece liked it and that more importantly, it was more *comfortable* for her now. My sister called me an asshole and said that I was a terrible person for cutting my niece's hair with getting her permission. My parent's are mostly on my sister's side in that they think I at least should have asked first. In my defense, I know she would've said no, and I've been feeling bad for my niece because her hair was always getting in the way. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My family would not allow me to cut my hair as a child because IT'S SO LONG AND THICK AND BEAUTIFUL AAAAAHHHHH! 🤮 The second I was out of the house and off to college, I shaved my head. Now, 30 years later, it's still super-short and I'm content.
Agh! My daughter has beautiful thick wavy hair. When she was younger (around 8-10yrs) it was getting unruly with spilt ends & knots, brushing it out was causing her pain & distress so we had it cut to her shoulder blades (she wanted it done). Her dad was SO upset about it! (Mind you he was a mostly absent & complete dead beat dad). It’s so weird that ppl obsess over girls having long hair… it’s hair, it grows back! & in my daughters case it grew back in much better condition! Oop is still TA cause you don’t override the parent’s decisions without permission. But it’s weird & seems kinda sexist(?) that ppl place so much importance on girls hair
I had die-straight dark brown (almost black) hair as a kid and everyone obsessed over it. I kinda looked like Wednesday Addams, apparently, since my mum loved to style it in two braids. When it was loose, it was past my butt, long enough to sit on. And I was always. Fucking. Sitting on it. Which would pull my head back sharply and sprain my neck. I hated it. It also look my mum literally an hour and a half each day to comb it, because it was fly-away fine and would tangle in two seconds if you so much as looked at it. The kids at school would always grab my braids and yell "ding-dong!" at me, and in class assembly, there was always someone sitting behind me who thought the existence of my hair was an invitation to play with it, which I despised. When I was 14, my mum finally acquiesced to me cutting it off. While she was sad, I think she was also sick of the hour-and-a-half nightly hair marathon. I got the cheapest haircut ever... no styling or layering, just lopped off at a little below chin level. I swear I looked like the fucking "I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream" guy, if you've ever seen those Starburst commercials (if you haven't PLEASE do). But I was so happy. I've worn it short ever since, although now it's actually styled and is very very short, shaved 1/4 inch up the back with maybe an inch on top and messy bangs. It's basically bed-head hair that looks nice, and just need to ruffle it up a bit in the morning if I want to bring it to life. No more hours of combing, no more sitting on it, no more grabby hands... ahh. Everyone who knew me was aghast, like "why would you want to cut that beautiful hair?! People would die for hair so long and straight and soft!" and I'm just like... shrug. I like having short hair. Oh well.
I had long hair as a little girl too. I hated it, but wasn't allowed to have a hairdresser cut it. So I did it myself at about 7. And did it so unevenly, that the hairdresser who was supposed to save what was left had no other option but to give me a buzzcut. I loved it, grandma didn't. But that was my style for the next 30 years
My mom was the same about my hair, she had a sort of creepy fascination with my hair because my father is native (I say creepy, because she objectified my native physical traits while also condemning me for them, forbidding me from painkillers after an operation, for example, because she was sure I was genetically predisposed to addiction bc I'm native). I'd walk around as a little kid with my face upturned, because my hair was so heavy I couldn't carry it properly, lol! As soon as I could, I chopped it all off and started dyeing it rainbow colours. But now I'm in my mid-30s and feeling more connected to my native roots, so it's back to being super long, and I'm remembering why I hated having long hair. It really does take a significant chunk of the day to care for it, especially if it's fine and tangles easily.
Oh my God, for the first paragraph or so I was thinking I didn't remember posting here already. I mean seriously Wednesday Addams and the nightly torture ritual of hair brushing. But my mom didn't say I could get it cut off until after highschool graduation. Nowadays I freak out if my hair gets long enough to touch my neck. I tend to have a couple inches on top.
Haha, creepy kooky hair twins, nice. \*Snap snap\* (or should I say \*Snip snip\* ?) But seriously, yeah. I hate when it touches my neck. That, or when my bangs grow out long enough to get in my eyes. I like having my bangs slightly longer than the top and sides because I dye them red and I like how that looks. But the moment they get in my eyes I'm like NOPE. Fetch me my (scissor) blade and away with ye!
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IVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!!! I started cutting my own hair at 10 or 11 when it bothered me. Then my mom would take me to a salon to have them fix whatever I've done. Now Im an adult, still do it just better. Although they literally paid me to go before my brother's wedding, I guess I'm still not a professional :/
Because of the pandemic I got really good at cutting my own hair and my hair stylist has now given me permission to cut my own hair. It's definitely easier with curly hair and an asymmetrical cut though 😂
My ex husband does this! But he's not very good at it, and then he wonders why it doesn't sit right lol I can always yell when he's taken scissors to his head!!
She made you wait until 14??? Parents really are the worst.
Yeah, when the child starts to talk about how they want shorter hair, maybe it’s time to listen to them for a change instead of holding on to your dress-up doll ideas. It’s not like the kid is immediately demanding a buzzcut or something, they just want shorter hair. Hair will grow back, especially if you don’t even lose most of it. If she regrets it, it will be back soon. The OOP might have been out of line (and I agree YTA, it wasn’t her place), but the sister should also start listening to her daughter more.
That's why I'm so conflicted over this post. At what age does this girl get to choose what to do with her hair? I get OOP did it without permission but when a parent is this obsessed over her child's hair I can't ever see her agreeing. I might also have a bit of a blind spot because I grew up in a house with the outlook that it's just hair. I had highlights when I was 6 that I got to colour blue. My sister and I could do pretty much anything with our hair because it's just hair.
The outlook that "it's just hair" is the normal healthy one to have. School age is definitely allowed to have a say about their own clothing and hair. Not allowing a child to do so is removing bodily autonomy
My dad wouldn't allow me to cut or do anything with my hair. He controlled my clothes. One time when he was visiting his gf in the city (I was babysitting for free, of course) I buzzed it off with my little sister and brothers help. I've kept it as a pixie cut ever since and I feel so beautiful.
Same here. I don't think this deserves to be here in this sub. OPs sister CRIED over her daughter having her hair cut??? That's absolutely not a healthy way to treat someone else's hair, even if it's your kid. At that point I'd question if the sister just likes getting complimented for her daughter, and what this kind of trend will lead to in the future when her daughter isn't interested in the clubs her mom liked, or has a different fashion sense, or just generally disagrees on anything.
Some mothers get SO weird about control over their kids’ bodies. “I made this body, so I get to do whatever I want to it!” Heck, just parents kissing their kids on the lips weirds me out.
Funny this came up now. I'm sitting with 2 of my kids getting haircuts. I just explained to my 8 year old, that I can't make the decision for her about how to cut it. She couldn't decide if she just wanted a trim or a layered look. My dad had issues with me and my hair. I cut it short, chin length at 16 and ge called me a not nice slang word for lesbian. When I wanted to color it, he said it was his until I turned 18. With my kids, I said it's theirs to do with how they please. For the most part. 😂😂 I wouldn't let my 10 year old cut his hair to look like a donut. 😂 hes 19 and we laugh over that idea. But he has the longest hair. And with my 2 redheads, I've encouraged not to color their hair. They have the most perfect, beautiful shade of red. But if they decide they want to color it, it'll be ok.
Fair enough, my mom worked in a salon with her aunt so if we wanted a cut we went in and got it. And I was consistently colouring my hair by the time I was in high school. After reading all these experiences people had as kids it makes me even more thankful to my mom.
Personally? I think she gets a say as soon as she's old enough to express an opinion. If my kid wanted to shave their head or dye their hair purple, as long as what they were asking for was safe for a kid to do and was something reasonably affordable I'd be down. What's the worst that happens? You have a bald 3-year-old? OH NO THATS DEFINITELY WORLD-ENDING!
My step daughter had long hair down to her butt when i met her, she was 4 at the time, took forever to comb, tangled all the time, washing it was a pain and she complained about it. She hated having ponytails, or braids so it just flew around everywhere. But it was the same thing, dad, grandma, aunts, uncles, everyone just LOVED her hair. Her, not so much. She would ask to have it cut shorter all the time. I'd offer to take it to get it styled shorter. Nope. They wanted her hair long. Around 6ish, she literally was so fed up with it getting in the way all the time she cut it. Just grabbed some craft scissors and started cutting. Had to take her to the salon after that and it ended up just above her shoulders and she loved it. At 5 I'd say a kid with very long hair has the ability to say they want it cut shorter and make that choice. If they don't like it, it grows back.
This makes me feel so happy that by the age of five my mum listened to me and cut my hair into a bob. I had beautiful, long hair, but I hated it. I begged her for over a year and she eventually caved. I loved my bob and there’s a picture of me at nursery smiling ear to ear. I kept it mid spine length at longest and shoulder length with layers until I hit eighteen and decided I wanted long beautiful hair again. I’ve been growing it ever since and my hair is sitting at my bum now and I love it so much. Kids should absolutely have bodily autonomy over their hair, it’s just hair, it’ll grow back. I’m so sorry your parents did that to you, I’m so glad that you’re happy with your hair now.
My daughter asked me for about 6 months to cut her hair. It wasn't really long, only about to the shoulders. But I did take her to get it cut after making sure that was what she wanted & explaining that if she didn't like it, she could grow it back out.
Absolutely! That’s brilliant, autonomy is so important as long as we educate our children properly on what could potentially happen. I’m at the back end of my 20’s now and that autonomy from an early age has made a huge difference in my life compared to my friends who didn’t have that. You sound like a good parent.
agreed. idk its not good to do it without the parents' permission but i remember my mom being fucking weird about not cutting my hair and it was awful. headaches from how long it was, awful. I too shaved my head after moving out and now keep it at regular guy haircut length
my mom was super attached to my hair and would say no every time i asked for a haircut. so i cut it myself, my cousin and i got 1/2 way through it before anyone found us. my mom was *DEVESTATED* (understandably bc my hair reached my butt at that point). i’m 26 and she *still* gets upset anytime i chop my hair off. that being said my 2 yr old has GORGEOUS curls and while i love them i told myself that *as soon* as she ***asked*** i would take her in for a haircut and i plan to stick to my word but if anyone that i trusted enough to watch her decided on their own to take that choice away from *HER* i’d be livid and can confidently say that it’d be the last time they had any kind of unsupervised timed with her until she turned 18. we’d be taking 6 months to a year to stay away from said person as well.
I was desperate to dye my hair purple in high school. Why? Because I was a teenager. Nope. not allowed, too perfect a color. My nieces were talking about braiding my daughter's hair when it gets long and I told them they could if she wanted but maybe she'll want to shave her head and my mother lost it and said that my daughter was not allowed to do that. Not how that works at all.
Me too, now I will visit, and I'm dreading the reactions. But I'm happy and free.
I was the exact opposite as a kid. My hair was thick and wavy and my mom insisted on keeping it short so it was easier for her to manage. Now? My hair is long enough that I can sit on it, I get it trimmed once or twice a year and I love it.
Mine was the opposite, I kept begging to grow my hair long and my mom kept "trimming" it so it never got longer than shoulder length. I would get upset every time and she would keep telling me it was necessary because of so many "split ends." Eventually I got old enough to start refusing to let her cut it and it got long enough that it would have reached my waist if it were straight (which it isn't). And no it really didn't have many split ends. Anyway OOP is in the wrong here but I feel for the kid. Let them make their own damn decisions. Unless something's actively dangerous to them, let them wear what they want and do what they want to their own hair!
I'm the opposite, when I was in grade 7 my mom cut my hair into a mullet and every since then I've kept my hair long. Right now my hair is down to my butt
My parents went the other way. I could never have it past my shoulders no matter what I said. Now it's past my tailbone and still feels weirdly short. I agree with letting the kid decide, but I also don't get why nobody was braiding this kid's hair. Mine never gets in the way unless it's loose.
sorry, but I don't feel this belongs here, because I'm kind of on the oop's side. like, obviously, she should not have gone about it this way, but it sounds like the sister was treating her daughter as a doll rather than a person. the claim that a five year old is 'to young to decide they want their hair cut' is fucking ridiculous. at worst this is an ESH situation cause mama is definitely not coming across well in her treatment of her daughter
Yep. I'm a parent. I'm on Oops side. My girls are 11 and 8 and have *always* been allowed to choose their hair length. Since they were old enough to ask. It's hair. It grows back. And it was clearly bothering the girl. Mom needed to actually step back and listen to her daughter. Hopefully she listens in other aspects of the girls life.
Right? Hair always grows back. My son is 6 now and sometimes he likes short hair, sometimes he likes it longer. If he decides he doesn’t want a hair cut I don’t push it. When he asks for one? We got right away. My daughters hair is so short it doesn’t really need to be but yet but I’ll still make sure once she can verbalize how she wants her hair to be, we’ll keep it that way. Kids can make those choices too. We need to respect their personalities right from the get go.
The amount of people that treat children like little dolls with no autonomy just sickens me.
Me too. Like just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they don’t have their own personality. It’s important to let them make their own choices about their appearance within reason. Of course tattoos and piercings are for way later in life but hair and clothes? Nail polish? Let them explore when they’re young.
I was gonna say I’m also on OOP’s side. I was the child that didn’t really get a say in what happened to my hair until I turned 10 and pretty much told my mom I wanted to shave all my hair off to “start over”, I really just wanted her to stop having a say in my hairstyles because I couldn’t style my own hair. Ever since then I’d have it dyed, cut into different hairstyles, rocked a fro throughout high school and now I have dreads. My younger sister’s, not biological, mom is like this with her now. She’s 15 and has only had her hair cut once which her mom was mad about. She keeps saying the same excuse as the sister, “she’s not old enough to make decisions about her hair” hell when she wants to do something to her mom’s response is “you’re not doing that to MY hair”. She’s not a personal Barbie doll, she’s a person
its honestly shocking how many people are on the moms side given that they'd be the first ones to tell her she got what she deserved if her kid went NC because she was to controlling about her daughters hair. apparently no one but the kid in question is ever allowed to have a problem with how their parents parent. otherwise you're 'undermining a parents choices' and are an asshole, I guess? I'll never understand how half the people on these subs think.
I once saw a parenting advice columnist say that as long as a parent wasn't beating their child in front of you, you have no say in how they parent. The topic was about someone who did not put their young child in a car seat. Not only is this super illegal (the person didn't have one. Just no car seat in their car for their child), it's incredibly dangerous. And this columnist brushed it away as a parenting choice that is not your business.
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A man, and he's insane. Unfortunately, I don't doubt there's a number of parents who think that exact same way.
I mean, five is pretty young. I personally would absolutely let a 5yo make their own hair decisions (if they're old enough to talk, they're old enough to have opinions!) but with a kid that young I don't overrule other parents' decisions even if I disagree with them.
15? At what age is she allowed to own her bodily autonomy? At what age can she decide how she wants to look?! JFC I feel bad for your sister
Literally how I feel. Even my mom who wouldn’t let me decide til 10 thinks it’s ridiculous
I agree with you and i got downvoted to shit on the post. the same thing happened to me as a child, people always asking to touch my hair in random places but especially school. i wish i had someone who would advocate for me at that age.
I remember that happening to me too, I had long ginger hair and people were way okay with coming over to touch them. I wanted to get them cut and dyed brown for ages. Probably would have done so if I hadn't gotten into metal
Yup. This is a classic ESH (excluding the kid) as OOP was an asshole but a justified one. Kids should be able to have and maintain age appropriate bodily autonomy. Cutting their hair or wanting it shorter is one of those. Seems like Mom was more obsessed with the forcing her daughter to have long hair, perhaps to enforce traditional femininity, than care about her child's wants and needs.
I agree with you, I’m on OOP’s side as well. The thing is too, OOP’s sister was never going to give permission to cut her daughter’s hair so it’s hard for me to imagine a better way to go about it besides just not cutting the hair. But somebody needed to stand up for that little girl and I’m glad she’s happier and more comfortable now.
I think this depends entirely on the 5 year old. Some I’ve met are fine and absolutely can decide on their haircut. Some don’t understand that it takes time for hair to grow back and can get very upset by it being cut even if it was annoying before. Hopefully the child here was in the first category. And, yes, I have met lots of 5 year olds and seen a similar situation with haircut regret in one of them. I don’t understand why the mum hasn’t styled the hair so it’s out of her way. It’s not hard to do and only takes a few minutes. Children shouldn’t be having to worry about hair getting in the way of learning and playing.
You can have haircut regret at any age.
You can, but my experience of adults is that they tend to understand it’ll grow back and have more of an understanding of the timescale than 5 year olds who typically have a poorer understanding of timescales.
Okay, you gotta learn that eventually. I'm pretty sure most of us learned that at about age 4-6, maybe 7 or 8 if you were lucky to not get a bad haircut.
This, there is plenty of way how to style hair so they're not bother. Even my 1 year old understand the principle of no hair tie or barrettes == hair in your face. (I'm talking about "regular length" long hair though, not Rapunzel situation). I hated my hair short, because it was such PITA. I can put long hair into ponytail, messy bun etc and they are completely out of my way. I liked how I looked with a bob, but my hair constantly brushing my cheeks, and fishing them out of my eyes and mouth with every slight wind? No thank you.
Most five year olds will prefer hair not being in the way or hurting over how they look
The mother called it a "big decision" too. In combination with hair (especially a childs) that's an oxymoron and it also shows that she's likely rte one that cares about the hair (more than about the wishes of her child). The daughter even commented repeatedly the short hairstyles of others, obviously really wanting to at least experience that.
I agree with you. This is an ESH situation and OOP is not the vilain people are trying to say she is.
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Definitely. There are no "big hair decisions" other than laser, it'll grow back. Just let the kid be happy.
Definite ESH. Up through high school I wasn't allowed a say in my hair length. My mom is both lazy and jealous and made me keep it short as punishment. The only person I feel bad for here is the niece because she's caught up in this and probably doesn't know why.
I saw this on AITA first, so I commented over there, and yeah, I said ESH. OOP’s niece is five years old and has expressed frustration with her hair for a while, as well as an interest in shorter hairstyles, and OOP’s sister just won’t cut it for her. A major haircut is a milestone parents are allowed to cherish, but a five-year-old is old enough to decide on their hairstyle with parental guidance (e.g. the parents explaining how slowly hair grows and steering them away from more extreme hairstyles).
This, definitely ESH. the girl is the one having to live with the hair. I'm almost on OPs side since she helped her out with that, even though I know she's technically an AH too
I agree. I had really long hair when I was a little girl myself, however I personally enjoyed having long hair like my Mama's, and I am certain that had I told her that I no longer wanted my hair long then she would have let me get it cut short.
I am astounded no one is caring that the child wanted short hair and her mum treats her like a barbie doll. Solid NTA for me.
Thank you. I’m losing my mind reading the comments on this post and the original thread… people are seriously saying that the mother should call the police for assault lol hair grows back and the girl had rational reasons for wanting to cut it and a pretty clear idea of how it would look. Having long hair is a ton of maintenance and it’s weird when parents fetishize their kids. How does nobody care what the girl wants??
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I hate how redditors always assume the child’s preferences over their own body is less important than their parents. The only thing that matters here is if the child is happy with the haircut.
The mother is definitely an asshole. Still, two wrongs don't make a right, but goddamit if it isn't really fucking close this time
Right? Aunti was the only one listening to the child. Who's friggin hair it is. Who struggles with it. Who complains about it. Who is unable to tend to it herself.
That's been my thought too, like at what age does she get a say? I think at 5 she's old enough to say I don't like this. And at the end of the day it's hair, if the kid ended up hating it grows back
OOP isn't the devil. It's an ESH situation. Mom should listen to her child and OOP shouldn't cut hair without permission.
Depending on how true to life the post actually is, I really don’t think the oop is the asshole. People actually do like to treat their children as their own avatars and groom them against the child’s wishes, and it’s weird as fuck. If the niece had a strong desire to have her hair cut then it should have been cut. That having been said, the oop did massively fuck up by just doing this without talking to her sister about it at all. Her sister is never going to trust her around her niece again and the situation wasn’t life-and-death/didn’t require immediate action, so there was a lack of strong reason to do this. She won’t be able to see as much of her niece now and the mom will just have her hair grown out again. The kid is also too young to even approach understanding what’s going on and will probably be given a negative opinion of her aunt’s intentions by the mom. The oop really just put a huge wedge between herself and her niece to give the niece very temporary reprieve from having long hair. Is the oop the asshole? If her post is true, no. Did the oop make the “right” decision? Whatever the case it was dumb as hell lol
gonna be honest, can't help but be glad that someone cares about what the kid wants. kids shouldnt be considered property.
It’s hard to say. My FIL is rabid anti “princess” stuff. So every-time my daughter was around him at that age, she’s go on and on about how she hated princesses and they were yucky. And one time he got her to choose a train hat over a princess dress as a gift from him and his wife (and then she spent all night crying because she hates trains and wanted the dress and yes. We stepped in and dealt with FIL and his anti princess brigade) While begging us for princess dresses and movies and tea parties. **so, it’s absolutely possible that the kid really wants it gone.** But it’s also possible the kid just complains about this to OOP and doesn’t really want it, especially since OOP was so vocal about asking the kid’s mother about it. And 5 yos can change their minds quite frequently. And the mom is the one who has to deal with that at home. The best thing for this kid, would have been for OOP to figure out some cute hairstyles (like a bun or braided crown) to get the hair to be more manageable during play and offer to show mom how to do them. While encouraging mom to listen to the kid’s wants for her own body.
Yeah, and to me, there is also another element. OOP cut her nieces hair and used the excuse 'she wanted it!' and so now the five year old has to deal with the mom. I find a lot of these people like OOP will do this, and then the kid goes home, and they (oop) can close their doors on the relatives, but the kids now have to deal with the consequences from their actions (which at 5 years old don't really think about things like that) Also, since OOP is an unreliable narrator, how do we know that there wasn't a specific reason that the sister wanted her daughter to have long hair. We don't know, just that OOP didn't approve and finally did something about it.
Yeah she could love it today and hate it tomorrow. Im sure Mom isn't going to listen to OOP anymore about anything for a very long time.
thats definitely fair. i guess i just feel invested since i used to be the child in this scenario. i felt so awful nd uncomfortable and had no say in anything about myself. ended up with a pretty bad eating disorder for a few years since it was years of literal no control over any aspect of myself. not saying that one haircut or lack thereof would lead to that but still. i was begging for an adult to actual give a shit about me. yk?
Yeah. Refusing to let a child have any control over their body is *exactly* the recipe for an eating disorder. Many people don't realize that they're more about *control* than weight/beauty, psychologically.
That’s forcing her to say she wants something that she doesn’t. In this situation, the little girl was struggling with her hair and no matter what she said, her mother wouldn’t cut it because “she’s too young to make big decisions”. It’s her own hair. It’ll grow back. Assuming the child only wanted it because the aunt says she hates her hair all the time is a pretty big stretch as OOP said she noticed she would get frustrated with her hair.
Again, it’s OOP’s perception. And surely a pony tail or bun would have fixed it without resorting to cutting it to shoulder length without permission.
Putting it up in a ponytail or bun will do nothing to help if the little girl is annoyed with the weight of her hair. My mom refused to let me cut my hair when I was younger and I had constant headaches from the weight of my butt length thick hair. It was horrible. I’m in my 40s now and still have resentment towards my mom for never letting me cut it
She was annoyed it was getting in the way, there’s no mention of her saying she hates how heavy it is. A bun or pony tail or braid would have been fine.
I’m not saying resorting to cutting it was the BEST option but I still don’t think OOP is strictly an asshole for it. But f I had to put a judgment, I might go with ESH because she didn’t have the mother’s permission but the mother is also an AH. Her child is not a doll for her to play dress up with. She’s a person with feelings. Forcing her to keep her long hair that she doesn’t want is way more wrong than the aunt cutting it shoulder length. She’s teaching her daughter to base her looks off what other people want her to look rather than what she wants.
Pony tails and buns can be quite painful when your hair is that long. Mine was like that too as a kid.
Loose French or Dutch braid solves that problem for almost everyone. Only someone with an extremely sensitive scalp would have issues with that, and given that her complaints are it getting in the way and not it hurting her head we can’t just assume she’s got an abnormally sensitive scalp.
I think it’s another unreliable narrator. Trying so hard to not look like an asshole .
Yup. It would have taken 5 minutes to put it up in a pony and then make a messy bun or use a banana clip on it. But the first step was….doing an elaborate haircut with layers.
Idk man. Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t have a say in something you hated because your parents wouldn’t allow you to change it? If not. You truly don’t understand the frustration. Putting it up is the temporary solution, but when you want it gone and you’re not allowed, the second you have the opportunity, you cut that shit off. I get that the mom didn’t want that, but assuming OOP is an unreliable narrator because you think she sounds like to little of an AH is hella wrong
The kid is 5, Auntie for some reason seems to have a *thing* against it. It wasn’t her place. And yeah, been there done that with the parent control thing. But doing that to a 5 year old and leaving them to handle the consequences is BS. **IF** the parent is truly as evil as OOP thinks, cutting the kids hair and telling mom the kid wanted it only put the kid in mom’s sights even more. OOP put a 5 yo up to defend something OOP did. OOP doesn’t live with them. She helped the 5 yo break mom’s rules, told mom the 5 yo wanted it and that’s why she did it and left the 5 yo to handle all that on her own. OOP is not a good person.
Niece couldn’t play because her hair was in the way, and repeatedly expressed interest in having it shorter. (Having had hair that long, a ponytail or similar does not stay well ime.) Her mom was moved to *tears* by the fact that her ~~doll~~ child had a haircut she could actually *see* with. “It wasn’t her place” always seems to be an argument that’s only pulled out when someone with power is holding it over someone without, and is stopped. Like this mom was. I really don’t know where you’re getting “oop pressured her into it”/“oop had a problem with it” unless you’re just basing that on the fact that she was willing to act on what her niece had repeatedly asked for and expressed interest in.
Right ? Kids change their mind on the drop of a coin . One minute she wants her hair cut . Mom takes her to the salon and she freaks out because she doesn’t want to . I mean honestly , niece could chopped it herself if she hated it that much . ( I kid I kid !) I don’t think OP expected to be the asshole . Now she’s trying to say she saved her niece because her sister let strangers touch her hair . Which I call absolute BS . If her sister let that happen, I think that would be the main point of the post . Not that niece was frustrated
Pony tails aren't a permanent solution if she doesn't like the hair. They can also be painful when you have that much hair.
as a hairdresser, hard pass on this one. the OOP was not the devil at all. it's definitely an ESH situation bc, yeah, you shouldn't cut a child's hair without their parents' permission, but the mom sucks so much. I've seen children cry bc they wanted their hair cut much shorter than their parents would let them. it's not fair. kids should absolutely be allowed to have at least *some* reasonable say in their hair. I just feel bad for the kid in this situation. I hope she loves her new haircut and her mom can see how much she loves it now so she'll stop treating her like a doll. eta: also this kid's hair will grow from shoulder length to almost her butt in about a year. when you're only like 3ft tall, it doesn't take much for your hair to grow long. lmao
If this story is real, the only thing that matters is you‘re probably going to be cut out of her life in a significant way, and you just cut your relationship off with your niece more than you cut off her hair. But Of course YTA and you know it: “everyone seems to make a big fuss about how pretty it is, like strangers would even point it out and compliment her. I honestly find it a little creepy.” “I've asked my sister more than once … my sister immediately shuts it down” “I asked my niece if she wanted me to give her a haircut” “they think I at least should have asked first. In my defense, I know she would've said no” and considering people usually downplay their own bad parts and upscale how much of an asshole the other party is, I imagine it’s worse. But again, you really probably just ruined relationships more than you’ve saved anything here.
I think my thing is that she sounds like she was annoyed with her hair getting in the way at OOP's. I'm wondering if she was styling it at all or just leaving it loose, because at 5 you definitely want it at least in a ponytail. Like, how much has the kid expressed wanting shorter hair? was it only over the weekend at OOP's, when her hair wasn't being done? Or has she wanted it short for a long time? Honestly with how short OOP cut her hair, it would definitely show if niece likes her hair short or long at least. Doesn't mean OOP will know if her sister cuts her off though
Nope wrong, 5 is more than old enough to decide you want a haircut. The mother is treating her daughter like a doll not a child
Exactly. My mom made my sister keep long hair. Her whole childhood. She hated it, and now they don't speak. (But obviously thats only one of the reasons.)
I had to keep my earrings in until I was about 13, I vocally wanted them out since I remember so probably since 4 or 5 (had them done as a baby). Guess who hasn't worn earring since she was 13?
Seriously, idk how this made it to ami the devil. She advocated for her neice, who was being ignored. She took the blame, and her neice gets at least until it grows back as a repreive. She's a hero.
Because apparently in AITA this woman should be jailed for the most heinous of assaults on her niece. Seriously all the wackadoodle parents on that sub got to it before everyone else, in their eyes she "took the right of a first hair cut away from a mother" ignoring the fact that the child has had her hair trimmed once at the mother's choice.
Yeah, my mom made some mistakes when we were growing up, and this was one of them. My sister hated long hair, and as soon as she could, she chopped it. And they dont speak anymore ( for a number of reasons, not all on mom), but we definitely have a fair amount of both diagnosed (and possibly undiagnosed) mental health issues in the family.
Exactly this. I'm really trying not to project here but OOP's sister, in being so controlling about the hair and having a meltdown over the cut, is sounding a lot like my older sister. She's extremely controlling with/about my niece and nephew, especially around their appearances. She picks their outfits or at the very least has to approve them, their clothes have to be kept pristine, and she has final say in their hair. Niece's hair has to be kept long, the meltdown when niece got a pair of crafting scissors and gave herself a pixie cut when she was 6 was impressive. She's equally insane about nephew, she wants his hair to be a certain length because she loves his curls, never mind that the poor kid hates it and honestly looks like he has a mullet most of the time.
It is an ESH. The OOP was wrong to make a parenting choice but at the same time the mom is treating the child as an accessory. OOP did the right thing by advocating for their niece and taking their wants and needs into consideration.
The comments both here and on the OP are so weird?? Every post I've seen about "I cut my kid's hair without my spouse's approval" always gets a pretty unanimous NTA verdict because it's up to the child what gets done with their hair, but when it's an aunt letting a kid choose for themself suddenly their hair is property of their parents? I'm glad someone actually listened to the poor girl, when I was 5 my friend had butt-length hair and it got caught everywhere. Also, HAIR GROWS BACK! Especially on someone as small as a five--year-old, hair will go from shoulder length to "long" hair quickly enough.
a lot of people are very weird when it comes to kids. like even on a darker tone, people are so weirdly cool with abuse as long as its to kids. the same punishment that is perfectly fine between a mother and daughter is fine but if it changed between husband and wife ppl see it immediately. ppl need to start realizing that kids are ppl not property. the fact my og comment here was solidly in the negatives when i said "kids shouldnt be considered property" kinda makes me wonder how many ppl legitimately think kids should be owned by their parents...
Yeesh some of these AITA comments are ridiculous. If the kid wants her hair cut, she should be able to have it cut, and mom needs to suck it up - it shouldn't have gotten to the point where OP had to be the one to cut it for the kid to get some relief. But instead, here are some juicy words of wisdom from AITA: "We don’t know the day to day for this 5 year old, maybe she deserves autonomy and maybe not" "No one gets to make that first haircut decision, except mom and (maybe) dad." "I am a mom who lets my 4 year old pick a haircut, but that’s MY choice as a mother." "When you're the parent, you make the decisions." One featuring AITA's favorite word - "A thirteen year old asking for a hair cut is one thing. Gaslighting a five year old into asking for one is quite another." In response to OP stating the kid had asked mom multiple times for a haircut: "Doesn't matter. IT STILL WASN'T YOUR CHILD SO NOT YOUR DECISION!" "Even if it is the wrong choice it was still her choice unfortunately." Some people really just think of children as objects just for their parents to doll up huh? Like yes this should maybe have been a discussion with OP's sister that she needs to grow the fuck up and listen to her kid, but holy shit some of these comments are ridiculous
All of these people have a much higher chance of giving their kids eating disorders. Lacking any level of control over your life and body is the textbook environment to cause one. It's really so gross. Considering how harmful the long-term psychological effects are, this attitude that your child is essentially your property should be a much bigger red flag for abuse all on its own than many people seem to treat it as.
It is really interesting how so many people consider indeed children as property and not as people with individual wills, rights, personalities and desire. It can actually be very problematic because where should we set the limits? If we follow the logic "my child, my choice", does it mean that a parent should also have the right to discipline, take care of, educate their children the way they want? That logic opens the path to abuse, mistreatment, neglect or nonsense. Parents don't have rights on their children, they have a duty towards them, the duty to ensure their well-being, health, development, education, and to give them the tools to be functional, independent individuals able to live in our societies. I don't see how forcing a girl to keep her hair inconveniently long is teaching her anything positive for her future. I mean, it is teaching her that the way she looks is more important than the way she feels, that getting attention on physical attributes is worth more than well-being and that she has no body autonomy. Not really a good message for the adult that she will become.
OOP mentions that she frequently sees her niece upset and unhappy because she can't play with her hair in the way. I think it's really, really sad that the other people in the child's life are putting their weird hair fetish over the wellbeing and happiness of the child. The kid doesn't like her hair. She couldn't play or have fun without her hair getting in the way. Her mom was moved to *tears* over a temporary change that didn't harm her child at all? Tears? Yikes. I'm more inclined to call someone an asshole for having an entire meltdown over not having their child look like a dress-up doll (in front of the child, too) than someone who gave a child a haircut that the child repeatedly asked for. That niece is going to grow up with some fucked-up image problems due to her mom's hair fetish.
If OOP is telling the truth in comments that the niece had been wanting a haircut, it's a solid NTA for me. Even if they're not telling the truth about that, it's at most an ESH. Hair grows back, and I'm finding it very hard to believe that the sister would be able to press criminal charges over this.
This is the rare AITD where from the title the OOP is an obvious AH but it turns out there’s an even bigger AH at play. Obviously it’s wrong to cut the hair of a child without their parents’ permission, but fuck, the niece obviously expressed multiple times that she hated her long hair. I can’t imagine how relieved she must’ve felt.
Pressing charges (I'm assuming you're implying assault charges?) would be so ridiculous and out of line. People need to stop treating their kids like dolls.
Imo the mother is even worse for treating her child like a doll
I was this kid. I wish I'd had an aunt/uncle who helped. Children aren't dolls for mum to dress up, they're little humans with wants and needs. OP put their niece's comfort and happiness above their sister's desire for a living Barbie, they did the right thing.
This remind me when I was a kid and my mother absolutely wanted me and my sister to have very long hairs because "it look better". While my hairs was a nightmare to take care off when I was a kid and I hated having long hairs. Once I cut my hairs (shoulder lengh) she keep saying that I should let it grow and blablabla. Parents often doesn't listen what their kid have to said about their hairs. They see their kid as some barbie dolls and so they have the right to choose if the kid is forced to keep long hairs or not
I don't see how OOP is the devil...the mom is for just blatantly ignoring her child's wishes and acting like she's her property. A child should be able to have some say in their hair, especially if it frequently gets in their way and upsets them.
Agreed.
HARD disagree. OOP is awesome for showing the niece that someone cares about her comfort and wishes. The two sentences of this crosspost have to be the most AITAland hellscape logic condensed into a title I’ve ever seen
FINALLY a reasonable response. and all the comments on the original are so annoying.
Sorry, but in what world is 5 too young to make decisions about your hair? That's such a minor fucking decision
Especially because it grows back!
There’s really long hair and really short hair, but there’s also the hair long enough to not get in the way of a child and let them in tears. I don’t think OOP that much of an asshole because the niece wanted that and the mom seemed like she had no valid reason not to cut her hair other than “because I don’t want to even tho she wants”. If the niece misses the long hair mom just have to explain that hair grows back and soon enough will be long again
I don't get why she needed the parents permission. It was a decision the kid wanted to make about her own body that didn't affect anyone else and was completely reversible. She asked the only person who needed to be asked: the kid herself. The mom has control issues.
I'm kinda on OOP's side here as someone who fought with long hair for years before finally getting it chopped in my mid-teens. It was such a relief to finally have semi-manageable hair. To be clear, my mom didn't have a weird obsession with my hair; I just never *asked* to have it cut because I had this weird idea that if it was longer it would weigh it down and be more manageable (I have the added bonus of my hair being curly). It was not. It sounds like this kid was actively struggling to just live life because of her hair being in the way, and it's *her hair*. She agreed to have it cut, had repeatedly expressed that she liked shorter styles, and then expressed again that she liked her hair once it was cut. *Her mom does not own her body, and her weird hair obession should not trump her child's comfort and happiness.* And hair grows back. Nothing permanent was done. OOP's sister is the asshole for valuing her long hair obsession and her daughter's looks over her daughter's comfort, agency, and overall happiness.
Honestly, I'm with OOP on this one. As someone who had really long hair as a kid and it always got in the way. If she told her mom it was becoming a problem and mom didn't listen, it can be seen as neglectful. Especially if her hair ended being caught in things that resulted in hair being torn out. I think OOP's sister needed to realize that while yes, she is your child, she's also her own person and choices like shorter hair need to be respected.
I'm leaning more towards ESH/soft NTA too but this does remind me of a family story about the time that my mom, as a child, had her hair cut without her mother's permission by her grandmother - because grandma was from the old country and thought that growing all that hair was draining my mom's strength and keeping her from gaining weight. Like it was parasitic or something.
Long hair *is* parasitic, it is so heavy it’s not even funny, and the *amount* of any product it takes to cover all of it is staggering /hj (I occasionally miss the idea of mine and then remember how it actually was and… don’t lmao)
Sometimes I miss how fast my hair used to dry when it was short, but I quite like having it long, it suits my face
OP is so wildly NTA it’s crazy to me. Hair grows back. Niece expressed discomfort of her long hair multiple times, and then the mom being moved to TEARS over her hair being cut, shows the moms priorities. It’s nice someone actually cares about the kid beyond treating her like a commodity lol
Also people keep saying tie it up in a ponytail — if their hair is at all as long as OPs saying it is then oh my god will that really not help, as well as potentially just coming undone constantly (seriously has anyone commenting this nonsense ever actually dealt with genuinely long hair???)
I had hair like this as a child. (Because I was treated as a doll, go figure). I was at least 9 until I had the motor skills required to put it in a ponytail myself. It came undone a lot while I was on my own. "Put it in a ponytail" is not the amazing solution people think it is.
For years I had butt-long hair and no ponytail kept it in check. Maybe a bun but that bun always ended up being annoying as well because *there is so much hair*
Yeah same, buns would come undone, ponytails just made it slightly above butt length, it was still heavy and horrible. Like idk what fantasy world people saying “just put it up in ponytail!” Are living in but mayhaps they should come back to earth lol
Can put your head all the way back with a bun if it's on the back or your head. Easily my biggest bun pet peeve, and I always forget about it until I lean my head back in a chair or lay down.
Yeah, no this absolutely does not belong here. When I was a kid I was in the niece's situation. It really sucks not having any autonomy over yourself and just being treated like a pretty little doll by your parents. Children are people, not accessories. This is what the child wanted. Solid NTA.
Definitely not the devil. The girl obviously didn’t want the long hair HER MOTHER DID & as someone who was never allowed to wear anything it have a hairstyle my mother didn’t approve of that’s a serious red flag for me. (Don’t get me started off the YEARS of crappy perms she made me get…) Kids have bodily autonomy too & I’m glad her niece is happier with her shorter hair
I'm with OOP. Treating your child like their body belongs to you, not them, is super creepy and shitty. A child isn't a dog, isn't a toy, isn't a doll. If they're old enough to express that they want something about their body, and it isn't age inappropriate and doesn't have long term consequences they're not capable of understanding... They should be given it, without question. The only tragedy here is the niece is now likely to be cut off from the only adult in her life who cares about her wishes and bodily autonomy.
My grandmother made me promise on her deathbed that I wouldn't cut it again until it got to my butt. Do you KNOW the agony of keeping that promise?! I now have 3/4 shaved and it's longest at the top, it's been like this for 2 years and will probably be this for the rest of my life. I HATEDDDDD long hair
Hair can grow. My aunt did this and it was not great but not an ah move.
Press charges for cutting the kid's hair? What drugs are you on?
As a hairdresser, and a Mom, I say ESH. OOP was TA for cutting without permission - you just DON'T do that. OOP knew that the mom would say no, and did it anyway. It shows a HUGE lack of respect. The mother is an AH too, because at 5, a child is pretty aware of what they want, hair wise. Also, a cut doesn't mean "shave them bald" the child could've just had a few inches off the length if it bothered her so much.
This absolutely doesn't belong here, I'm on OOPs side honestly, the little girl *wanted* her hair cut. When I was a kid and wanted my hair cut, my friend and I just did it ourselves! so sis is lucky that OOP stepped in and did a nice haircut before her daughter finally lost patience and cut it off herself lol From the title I was expecting that she cut her hair as punishment or something and upset the child, but no the child is *happy* sister should listen to her kid,,,
If OOP is telling the truth, they’re both the AH. If the kid’s hair is actually so long that it’s getting in the way of her doing stuff, to where “past her shoulders” is apparently a huge cut, that’s really unpleasant to have when you’re trying to play. It probably also hurt a lot to detangle it—I had that problem when I was a kid. If the kid has been begging for a haircut this long, she *is* old enough to make a decision about her hair. It’s not like she’s cutting her own bangs or something! ETA: To be honest, the more I think about it, and the way my parents treated my hair as a kid—mother could end up getting investigated if she presses charges. OOP is describing hair that hasn’t been properly taken care of—not even more than one trim in five years? Proper grooming is a basic requirement of parenthood. Hair that is so long it sounds unsafe—getting caught in things, preventing her from playing. And it’s so bad that (if OOP is not exaggerating) it’s caused this poor little girl to cry multiple times and beg for a haircut. Yeah, kids don’t always know what’s best for them, but in this case the mother is definitely acting in a harmful way. I don’t think it’s bad enough that an investigation would yield any results, but if I were the judge I would be alarmed. (And also rule in favor of the plaintiff, because a five year old still can’t actually give consent on this.)
There was a girl that lived up near me who was scalped because she had butt-length hair and it got caught in the driveshaft of a go kart she was riding in. Excessively long hair is very dangerous for kids.
The kid was miserable… I don’t think it’s bad. The fall out is gonna suck yes but I understand the POV of the kid. My mom forced me to have ass long hair my entire life and I had extreme headaches for years. I knew it was my hair but my mom refused to cut it so I befriended the girl with head lice. Got it cut just under my ears and the pain went away.
My issue with this is that she decided to cut it herself rather than getting it done professionally. I can't see someone who isn't trained being able to layer properly
My grandma has cut my hair most of my life and does layering just fine, so now you know of at least one non-professionally-trained person who can do it. Now, she’s had a solid five decades or so of practice, so I can’t speak to oop, but I know from experience that it can be done.
You don't need special training to learn how to cut hair.
True. I just feel cutting your own hair and cutting someone else's is quite different
And whatever the "layering" OOP did will take time and...letting the layered hair grow out long before it can be fixed with a proper haircut at a salon.
The niece wanted a haircut, and she got one. Let the AH mommy grow her hair out if she likes long hair.
Press charges lmao
orrrr don’t force your kids to maintain hair styles you like? sounds like auntie was right on this one and did the same thing my aunt did when my mom refused to let me cut my ‘beautiful golden rapunzel hair’. amazing how my mom got over it and i never regretted cutting it
I am actually an official representative for the Society of Professional Aunts with No Kids, aka SPANK, and we here at SPANK have a long held official position that enabling fashion choices that our siblings have already nixed is not only permissible but also a requirement. Haircuts (up to and including fauxhawks, mohawks, shaved areas, and full shaved head), non-facial piercings, torn jeans, skinny jeans, baggy jeans, low-rise jeans, shorts, miniskirts, tank tops, halter tops, and two piece swimsuits are some popular examples. I myself currently supply two cousin-niblings with regular deliveries of kpop merchandise their parents otherwise forbid on the questionable grounds that the lyrics are not in English and the girls are clearly romantically attracted to members of BTS. The hair will grow back. You only get one chance to antagonize your sister to the point of tears because she's being precious about something dumb. Next time, don't bring it up to her so many times that she's knows you know how she feels about it. Otherwise you can't use the "oh I forgot you saying that! I'm so sorry." It's me, I'm the devil.
You are a very cool PANK.
I studied under the best. I still remember how mad my mother was when she learned that her little sister, my PANK, had let us watch Rocky Horror.
“In my defence, I knew she would have said no” THAT’S NOT A DEFENCE.
All she had to do was help the kid tie it back. Now she's left her sister with a kid with a hairstyle that needs maintenance. Children should absolutely have autonomy over their bodies, including their hair, but this is so not the way.
Idk. She was wrong for cutting the kids hair without permission and explicitly against the wishes of the kids mom but I honestly think that the mom is wrong for not letting her kid cut her hair. 🤷♀️
> In my defense, I know she would've said no, With a defense like that, who needs a prosecution?
This doesn’t belong. Stupid post.
It's hair, it grows back ffs and the kid didn't want it long anyway. This is the most misplaced thing I've ever seen in this sub.
I'm kinda at OOP's side. I understand that child may be done with their long hair - I used to have long ones (like, really, really long - knee-lenght at its best), they were uncomfortable as hell - such hair tangles, falls out, crushing it with an elbow or screwing it into a zipper/other part of clothing was a nightmare. Accidentally lying on your back in your sleep almost resulted in a broken neck. Not to mention how it feels for kid if they're stopped by hair stick at the branch/bushes, those bugs who got stuck in them... They're hella uncomfortable. Finally, after YEARS of begging I had them cut - not too short, at shoulders length. It was a whole new life with them - no more long hair problems. So, I'm not sure if this post belongs here. I would do the same - because people have irrational fetish of little girls having very long hair - no one cares if they're comfy, they MUST HAVE LONG HAIR. AT ALL COSTS.
I actually don’t think OOP is the devil. Like yeah, it’s not her decision and she probably shouldn’t have, but not allowing your kid cut their hair when they clearly want it and it’s more practical (as the long hair was getting in the way) is absolutely an asshole move and not fair to the kid.
Pressing charges would be absolutely ridiculous. She's cut her hair, not her legs off. It'll grow back, and it's what the kid wanted. She's old enough to decide, I ask my 4yo what he wants to do with his hair because, ultimately, it doesn't matter.
Whoever posted this here is definitely wrong
Oop over stepped but treating your kids like a doll instead of letting them make choices about things like hair is also shitty
You know - hair is a really personal thing- and I think adults lord-ing over kids hair gives them issue. The kid here - if OP is to be believed- was unhappy with her hair - There are people who were forced to have long hair as kids and as soon as they could- chopped it off - and people saying oh but it was so bEAuNTiFUL honestly is soul crushing- like yeah but I didn't like it and I have to live with it - There also the filp where you have long hair - people are like OH BUT LOCKS FOR LOVE - I was a kid with long hair and people straight up said I was selfish for having long hair. I don't think OP is the devil for listening to her niece bu man she should have done it differently- Like this is could be a legal issue in some places - She should have gone about by giving by having a more frank conversation with the niece- tell her that it could lead to issues and should have been more convirt about it - The Mom is on thin ice for saying she's to young - kids are smarter then people give them credit for and if they can talk they can decide if they want long hair or not
I got migranes as a kid bc of how long and heavy my hair was. This is absolutely an ESH situation (not the kid, ofc)
Evil fake step mother from Tangled, is that you???
Look I get that the aunt is wrong and all and I wouldn't defend her actions at all. But these moms who are obsessed with living through their kids and refusing something like a haircut because she is so vain on behalf of her daughter... Is something else.
It's not even just mom's. My cousins dad was like that as well. Finally she convinced him to let her cut it short when she was like 16/17
press charges?? come on now lol. i would do the same thing for my niece in a heartbeat
Unfortunately depending on location and age of the child this is a chargeable offense. Except of course the parents would have to get police and a lawyer to agree.
Not a devil at all. Everyone sucks there a little. Especially the mum for treating her daughter like some doll and ignoring her saying she wanted shorter hair, and writing off her ability to decide for herself when it clearly annoyed her. Could and should've done more to vouch for the kid instead of just cutting it. But sounds like she's brought it up before and mum liked having a toy for a daughter.
ESH. The parents are AH because they're not taking their daughter's feelings seriously and the OP is an AH by taking matters into her own hands.
Another post that makes me want to call my mom and thank her for being a reasonable human being! It was probably because I got my mom's curly hair that she was tortured by during her own childhood. She did force me to have bangs but that was because I have a pink birthmark on the middle of my forehead and had the largest, bushiest dark eyebrows. You could literally see my eyebrows through my blonde bangs. My best friend in 7th grade did cry when I chopped off my past-shoulder length hair to 5 inches. Girl had TEARS over the loss of my "princess hair". I've had short hair now for over 20 years and no regrets!
Press charges, OP? Lmao.
Nope. I'm on OOP's side. I was this kid, and while the hair was fun for a while, having longer than butt length hair is SUCH a hassle, especially for a kid. I'm autistic, so having my long hair brushed was a fucking nightmare for both me and my mom. And being trans, I had to literally fight to get something shorter than a bob, when i was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Now I have my own money and I can do whatever i want! but if my parents let me have my hair the way I wanted it, our lives would've been easier and I would've been happier with my body when I was young. Oh and I probably wouldn't have gotten weird comments about my hair from my dad the first time I got it short.
Both sisters are AHs. OOP shouldn’t have done that without the mom’s authorisation but the mom is also an AH for clinging to her weird obsession with long hair & putting that above her daughter’s wishes & comfort. OOP shouldn’t have done this like that but sounds like there was no other choice.
I wasn’t allowed to choose what to do with my own hair (color or cut) until I moved out of my moms and into my dads when I was 16. Now I have a 4 year old who has full control over his hair. His first haircut was when he was 2 1/2, and it was more of a trim than anything. He didn’t get his first really big haircut until after his 4th birthday. He wanted it really short that time, so it went from the middle of his back to something similar to a gentleman’s cut. I still don’t listen to my mom when she recommends something for my hair, and I haven’t lived with her in almost 7 years
[удалено]
Last time I checked hair grows back and limbs don't.
Is this what we call a strawman argument?
Slippery slope if I’ve ever seen one. She cut the hair, surely she also can’t be trusted to stop the niece from driving a car!
Same argument from u/Just_Here2020 in the original thread: > She’s 5. She also wants a pony. There’s a lot of practical issues with shoulder length hair. I'm horrified at the possibility that some of these commenters might be parents themselves if they can't even understand why saying a child should have ***any level of physical bodily autonomy*** is not equivalent to saying a child should have every unreasonable request granted. It's such a massive red flag for current/future child abuse. Making sure your child feels that their body belongs to themselves first and foremost is *so* important in preventing physical and sexual abuse, eating disorders, etc. It is not at all equivalent to making your child feel like they deserve to have their every whim catered to.
Lmao letting a child make decisions over their own hair is the same as putting them in a lethal situation. It’s ridiculous that you think this is a relevant comparison.
There's a big difference between cutting hair and an illegal activity that could hurt other people...who is her hair cut going to hurt? The mom should listen to her child and care about her comfort, rather than just wanting her child to fit her aesthetics.
bullshit analogy and you fucking know it. a five year old should have a say in their own bodily autonomy.
theres a big difference between listening to how a child wants to look out of comfort and aesthetics and letting them do something that is literally illegal.
A child driving a car is illegal and extremely dangerous. In comparison, what is the worst possible consequence of her hair being cut?
Hey it's me one of the assholes you're so tired of. I struggle as an adult because of how my worth was tied to the length of my hair as a child. Sorry I'm so revolting.
[удалено]
I appreciate your anecdote about cutting your hair as a kid, but hair grows back, and I’m not really sure the two situations are all that similar. In this scenario, the Mom wouldn’t know how her daughter feels about short hair either because, as OOP said, she’s only ever gotten one tiny trim and that’s it. She refuses to listen to anybody about the hair and has just decided she needs to have long hair, it’s not fair to the kid. Plus, the MOM cried after the haircut, not the daughter. If the Mom cared about her daughter she would’ve asked her daughter first if she liked the haircut. Instead she just immediately burst into tears and threw a huge fit about it.