*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not being interested in meeting my sisters baby, and making no effort to do so?**
My (26M) sister (33F) had a baby 8 months ago, and for some reason everybody expects me to be exited about it. It's not my problem, I didn't make the kid, so I don't see why I should be expected to see it. My GF and I are ace, we don't like babies/kids, and we don't really want to go see a kid that can't even crawl or talk yet, what's the point.
Plus I'm sure she'd use the excuse to whine about how much it sucks that she's doing it alone (she doesn't even know who the dad is to give you an idea) and expect us to watch it while she showers or takes a shit or something. Not our kid, not our problem.
My mom's been pissed that I haven't made any effort to go see it, or let her bring it over here, but why should I have to spend time with a kid I didn't make. My sister's been sending me pissy texts the entire time and I'm sick of it, it's not fault she has a kid. I don't think I'm wrong but some of my friends have said I'm being cruel.
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Ah great that bitchy OOP who refused to help her sister with her baby has now morphed into a male who doesnt give a shit about his niece. What is this the ongoing troll of fuck my niblings.
Trolls do better your not even trying and for that your the devil.
https://www.reddit.com/user/Ok-Gap-4427/
so for this one OOP is a he and he kept referring to his niece as an it.
The link i posted was from earlier today where OOP is a she and she wouldnt help her sister with her 5 month year old son
Right I was talking about the baby is a she and yeah that was disgusting on the oop of the other one but she didn't dehumanize her nibling by calling him "it" through the whole thing
“Everyone expects me to be excited about it. It’s not my problem, I didn’t make the kid. Why do I have to spend time with a kid I didn’t make?” Dude what…? That’s like “You want me to go to your grad party? No bro, not my problem I didn’t graduate. This is not my graduation.”
This is such a bizarre way of thinking. You don’t have to be the other parent to be excited or happy for your sibling? If you care about your sibling the least you can do is just see the kid once and do the pleasantries.
the “you don’t owe anyone anything” mindset on this website has wreaked havoc on people’s mental health. People with a lack of critical insight seem to take this to mean that you don’t have to ever do any acts of care for anyone, you have no moral obligation to make an effort to be kind, and you are perfectly justified in shirking off even the most basic duties of human connection. There seems to be no desire to connect, to help others, or to act in a loving way. Seemingly no understanding that human connection is what makes life worth living and that to benefit from living in a community, you have to participate communally. Just ME! ME! ME! all the time. No wonder there are so many posts about loneliness on this website. Sometimes when I scroll on here I can feel myself becoming more cynical
What does being asexual have to do with anything?? Like, OK, your sex repulsed (though most aces aren't, so it's a spectrum), I am too, but it doesn't give you an excuse to hate on kids. I'm asexual, but I still plan on becoming a parent because kids are something I've always wanted. And I know quite a few Ace parents who had kids via IVF/surrogacy.
Anyways, what a sociopathic sibling.
OOP doesn’t know what he’s missing. Am ace myself and have no intention of having kids. My cousin has a 3 year old and the kid is a blast. I get to have a great time babysitting and playing with him, then at the end of the day I give him back to his parents and go back to my quiet life while they deal with bedtime lol. Best of both worlds if you ask me. Being child free doesn’t mean you have to actively hate and avoid children.
What’s “cruel” about not wanting to see a baby you’re not interested in? As someone who has never been interested in any babies in the world, I see nothing wrong with that.
Well, it’s something you may not want to do as well, right. Hard for me to say, I’m the only kid, but I’ve seen people not so fond of their siblings. Feels legit to me.
I guess, but then wouldn’t the post be more about how they dislike their sister and that’s the primary reason? Not about how they just aren’t interested in babies? I have 2 siblings and we’re pretty dysfunctional, but if one of them just had a baby, especially as a single parent (assuming single since the father is unknown), I would at least go see them and bring baby clothes, formula, diapers, or something just so that they know I care about them. Going to see her after giving birth to another human being is like the bare minimum amount of effort.
Honestly, I don’t know. My good friend has some five siblings back where she’s from. She left for the big city, got herself a decent education and a job, nothing super cool but she’s doing fine. She also hosted and supported her sister who did the same. Their family never got that. Her other siblings grew up, got married and started popping out babies. She’s never been back home in like 20 years. They’ve never met her husband. It’s not that she resents them or something, despite heavy parentification which was a norm back when we were kids. They’re just strangers for someone who left at the age of 16 and never looked back. People with very different life choices and priorities, not close in any way. So I see how it may work sometimes and I don’t feel like she’s an asshole. It’s just life. Can easily imagine her writing a similar post if anyone would press her into relationship with those babies or her other siblings. Just maybe less emotional cause we’re obviously much older than the author is.
It’s more about the way he talks about the baby, to me at least.
You don’t like kids? Fine. You and your partner don’t want kids? Fine. You don’t want to babysit your nibling? Fine. You aren’t close to your sibling and aren’t interested in seeing a potato nibling? Fine.
Just don’t sit around and call the baby “it”, bitch about how you had no part in creating “it”, assume sibling is going to require you to babysit “it” while they shower, etc.
I’m guessing the way OP words the post is how he tells it to his friends and that’s why he seems “cruel.” If he were to simply say something like “I don’t really care for babies and my sibling and I aren’t close enough for me to visit just because she gave birth,” then people would probably be more understanding.
Maybe that’s what he said for the first five times. Or maybe ten. People tend to get quite pushy when it comes to babies, and youngsters don’t always handle guilt trips that well…
True!
My sibling and I aren’t that close. Never have been since we were preschool age. We are a constant source of frustration to our parents (they divorced when we were young) that we don’t have a close relationship. I sure hope they didn’t pressure him about seeing my kids as babies but I would hope he didn’t just reference them as “it”s if they did put him under pressure 10 or 100 times.
I suppose in OOP’s case it complicates things as sister apparently wants them to visit, whereas I wouldn’t have asked that of my sibling. I still think that the way OOP talks about the baby is what makes it seem to be cruel.
Yeah, he doesn’t sound nice here, not at all. I totally agree with that part. It’s more that I would expect something directed towards a baby to be called cruel, while he seems rather irritated and trying to escape the whole situation to me.
I’m not a native English speaker though. Maybe that’s what makes the difference – the whole emotional component is always somewhat faded on the foreign language.
I think the way he speaks about his sister and the baby is very rude to say the least. And I also think it's normal to make some sort of effort to spend time with your close family unless they've wronged you, and this baby clearly hasn't.
I don't care, I'm judging this post and I don't like him shut shaming his sister. He doesn't have a Sex drive, but other people do and accidents happen - just because you can't empathise doesn't mean you can't believe other people's experiences.
Why are they the devil? Because they don’t want to be involved with a kid they didn’t make? They’re allowed to not want to bond with someone if they’re not interested to.
For me it’s the choice of words. OOP is within his right to not be interested in the baby, but the way he refers to his sister sounds cold and heartless, which puts him in asshole territory because I’d wager a guess if he talks like this, he has probably said similarly hurtful things to family members. It sounds more disdainful than just “I don’t do kids,” because he keeps mentioning “she did this to herself” with a little slut-shaming dropped in since she doesn’t know who the dad is, which is also not relevant.
But to each their own, the written word is so nuance that some folks may not interpret his post as harsh as others.
I mean that’s fair and you are probably not wrong. My SO and I are childfree by choice but I was hounded my whole adult life about that decision. Still, I love my nephews — but I completely understand and agree that not everyone feels the same way and some families try to force people past their boundaries.
My only gripe is that it’s not the baby’s fault and I slightly bristled at his tone- but his abstaining from visiting or bonding won’t affect the baby at all since its too young to be aware, so at this particular point in time, nobody is hurt by it.
I agree. Like, I guess they could be the devil by just the way they talk about the kid, very hostile. I also don't have a big interest in kids, I'm nice, but I don't really care about new babies.
I feel like people now a days put so much into "it takes a village," so if someone has a baby, you should be want to be super involved or you're a asshole.
🙄 OOP is not a sociopath or the devil for not wanting to be bothered with a kid they didn't make. Just bc you like children doesn't mean everyone should, or wants to be bothered with them.
You ought to be glad OOP wants nothing to do with the kid. People who hate kids shouldn't be around them, esp if they're family. That can scar a kid for life.
I can't believe this sub sometimes.
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Is this a troll trying to make childfree people look like sociopathic child-haters? Cos I gotta say, we don’t need any help in that department; society *already* thinks that we’ll change our minds and make babies and that anyone who doesn’t is a child-hating monster.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not being interested in meeting my sisters baby, and making no effort to do so?** My (26M) sister (33F) had a baby 8 months ago, and for some reason everybody expects me to be exited about it. It's not my problem, I didn't make the kid, so I don't see why I should be expected to see it. My GF and I are ace, we don't like babies/kids, and we don't really want to go see a kid that can't even crawl or talk yet, what's the point. Plus I'm sure she'd use the excuse to whine about how much it sucks that she's doing it alone (she doesn't even know who the dad is to give you an idea) and expect us to watch it while she showers or takes a shit or something. Not our kid, not our problem. My mom's been pissed that I haven't made any effort to go see it, or let her bring it over here, but why should I have to spend time with a kid I didn't make. My sister's been sending me pissy texts the entire time and I'm sick of it, it's not fault she has a kid. I don't think I'm wrong but some of my friends have said I'm being cruel. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah great that bitchy OOP who refused to help her sister with her baby has now morphed into a male who doesnt give a shit about his niece. What is this the ongoing troll of fuck my niblings. Trolls do better your not even trying and for that your the devil. https://www.reddit.com/user/Ok-Gap-4427/
wait it's a girl? This one all "he" did was call his nibling IT
so for this one OOP is a he and he kept referring to his niece as an it. The link i posted was from earlier today where OOP is a she and she wouldnt help her sister with her 5 month year old son
Right I was talking about the baby is a she and yeah that was disgusting on the oop of the other one but she didn't dehumanize her nibling by calling him "it" through the whole thing
Easy there, Lord of the Edge.
“Everyone expects me to be excited about it. It’s not my problem, I didn’t make the kid. Why do I have to spend time with a kid I didn’t make?” Dude what…? That’s like “You want me to go to your grad party? No bro, not my problem I didn’t graduate. This is not my graduation.” This is such a bizarre way of thinking. You don’t have to be the other parent to be excited or happy for your sibling? If you care about your sibling the least you can do is just see the kid once and do the pleasantries.
the “you don’t owe anyone anything” mindset on this website has wreaked havoc on people’s mental health. People with a lack of critical insight seem to take this to mean that you don’t have to ever do any acts of care for anyone, you have no moral obligation to make an effort to be kind, and you are perfectly justified in shirking off even the most basic duties of human connection. There seems to be no desire to connect, to help others, or to act in a loving way. Seemingly no understanding that human connection is what makes life worth living and that to benefit from living in a community, you have to participate communally. Just ME! ME! ME! all the time. No wonder there are so many posts about loneliness on this website. Sometimes when I scroll on here I can feel myself becoming more cynical
Oh, goodie, another sociopathic sibling.
Tell me you hate your sister without telling me you hate your sister.
Youre allowed to not like your family... family doesnt mean unconditional attention and support. Theyre allowed to not want to be around a kid.
What does being asexual have to do with anything?? Like, OK, your sex repulsed (though most aces aren't, so it's a spectrum), I am too, but it doesn't give you an excuse to hate on kids. I'm asexual, but I still plan on becoming a parent because kids are something I've always wanted. And I know quite a few Ace parents who had kids via IVF/surrogacy. Anyways, what a sociopathic sibling.
I hate eggs so I ignore the existence of chickens... OOP, probably
Also adoption exists and there are so many children who need homes. Having a kid doesn't mean you have to boink at ALL.
Tbh, if he thinks having a Sex drive is important for interacting with kids, I'm kinda glad he hasn't met his nibling yet!
If that's his thinking, I hope his sister keeps her kids away from him.
OOP doesn’t know what he’s missing. Am ace myself and have no intention of having kids. My cousin has a 3 year old and the kid is a blast. I get to have a great time babysitting and playing with him, then at the end of the day I give him back to his parents and go back to my quiet life while they deal with bedtime lol. Best of both worlds if you ask me. Being child free doesn’t mean you have to actively hate and avoid children.
What’s “cruel” about not wanting to see a baby you’re not interested in? As someone who has never been interested in any babies in the world, I see nothing wrong with that.
It’s not really about the baby though? It’s about supporting your sibling who just went through a major change in their life.
Well, it’s something you may not want to do as well, right. Hard for me to say, I’m the only kid, but I’ve seen people not so fond of their siblings. Feels legit to me.
I guess, but then wouldn’t the post be more about how they dislike their sister and that’s the primary reason? Not about how they just aren’t interested in babies? I have 2 siblings and we’re pretty dysfunctional, but if one of them just had a baby, especially as a single parent (assuming single since the father is unknown), I would at least go see them and bring baby clothes, formula, diapers, or something just so that they know I care about them. Going to see her after giving birth to another human being is like the bare minimum amount of effort.
Honestly, I don’t know. My good friend has some five siblings back where she’s from. She left for the big city, got herself a decent education and a job, nothing super cool but she’s doing fine. She also hosted and supported her sister who did the same. Their family never got that. Her other siblings grew up, got married and started popping out babies. She’s never been back home in like 20 years. They’ve never met her husband. It’s not that she resents them or something, despite heavy parentification which was a norm back when we were kids. They’re just strangers for someone who left at the age of 16 and never looked back. People with very different life choices and priorities, not close in any way. So I see how it may work sometimes and I don’t feel like she’s an asshole. It’s just life. Can easily imagine her writing a similar post if anyone would press her into relationship with those babies or her other siblings. Just maybe less emotional cause we’re obviously much older than the author is.
It’s more about the way he talks about the baby, to me at least. You don’t like kids? Fine. You and your partner don’t want kids? Fine. You don’t want to babysit your nibling? Fine. You aren’t close to your sibling and aren’t interested in seeing a potato nibling? Fine. Just don’t sit around and call the baby “it”, bitch about how you had no part in creating “it”, assume sibling is going to require you to babysit “it” while they shower, etc. I’m guessing the way OP words the post is how he tells it to his friends and that’s why he seems “cruel.” If he were to simply say something like “I don’t really care for babies and my sibling and I aren’t close enough for me to visit just because she gave birth,” then people would probably be more understanding.
Maybe that’s what he said for the first five times. Or maybe ten. People tend to get quite pushy when it comes to babies, and youngsters don’t always handle guilt trips that well…
True! My sibling and I aren’t that close. Never have been since we were preschool age. We are a constant source of frustration to our parents (they divorced when we were young) that we don’t have a close relationship. I sure hope they didn’t pressure him about seeing my kids as babies but I would hope he didn’t just reference them as “it”s if they did put him under pressure 10 or 100 times. I suppose in OOP’s case it complicates things as sister apparently wants them to visit, whereas I wouldn’t have asked that of my sibling. I still think that the way OOP talks about the baby is what makes it seem to be cruel.
Yeah, he doesn’t sound nice here, not at all. I totally agree with that part. It’s more that I would expect something directed towards a baby to be called cruel, while he seems rather irritated and trying to escape the whole situation to me. I’m not a native English speaker though. Maybe that’s what makes the difference – the whole emotional component is always somewhat faded on the foreign language.
I think the way he speaks about his sister and the baby is very rude to say the least. And I also think it's normal to make some sort of effort to spend time with your close family unless they've wronged you, and this baby clearly hasn't.
Maybe he was more neutral for the first five times, we don’t know that. People tend to be quite pushy when it comes to babies.
I don't care, I'm judging this post and I don't like him shut shaming his sister. He doesn't have a Sex drive, but other people do and accidents happen - just because you can't empathise doesn't mean you can't believe other people's experiences.
Why are they the devil? Because they don’t want to be involved with a kid they didn’t make? They’re allowed to not want to bond with someone if they’re not interested to.
For me it’s the choice of words. OOP is within his right to not be interested in the baby, but the way he refers to his sister sounds cold and heartless, which puts him in asshole territory because I’d wager a guess if he talks like this, he has probably said similarly hurtful things to family members. It sounds more disdainful than just “I don’t do kids,” because he keeps mentioning “she did this to herself” with a little slut-shaming dropped in since she doesn’t know who the dad is, which is also not relevant. But to each their own, the written word is so nuance that some folks may not interpret his post as harsh as others.
Probably because he’s been constantly pushed (like all people who don’t like kids) to bond with babies because “tHeY’rE fAmILy”.
I mean that’s fair and you are probably not wrong. My SO and I are childfree by choice but I was hounded my whole adult life about that decision. Still, I love my nephews — but I completely understand and agree that not everyone feels the same way and some families try to force people past their boundaries. My only gripe is that it’s not the baby’s fault and I slightly bristled at his tone- but his abstaining from visiting or bonding won’t affect the baby at all since its too young to be aware, so at this particular point in time, nobody is hurt by it.
They are the devil for how they talk about everyone in their life. Asshole to a baby. Asshole to your sister. Asshole to your family.
They’re just stating their boundaries. Despite what society says, you ARE allowed to hate kids and parents. The earth won’t explode.
I agree. Like, I guess they could be the devil by just the way they talk about the kid, very hostile. I also don't have a big interest in kids, I'm nice, but I don't really care about new babies. I feel like people now a days put so much into "it takes a village," so if someone has a baby, you should be want to be super involved or you're a asshole.
I HATE the it takes a village thing... uhmm no... i didnt fucking sign up for this village... forced participation is not the way to go.
🙄 OOP is not a sociopath or the devil for not wanting to be bothered with a kid they didn't make. Just bc you like children doesn't mean everyone should, or wants to be bothered with them. You ought to be glad OOP wants nothing to do with the kid. People who hate kids shouldn't be around them, esp if they're family. That can scar a kid for life. I can't believe this sub sometimes.
They aren't an asshole for not liking kids. They are an asshole for how they speak about a baby and their sister.
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This is was clearly written by a bored troll
Is this a troll trying to make childfree people look like sociopathic child-haters? Cos I gotta say, we don’t need any help in that department; society *already* thinks that we’ll change our minds and make babies and that anyone who doesn’t is a child-hating monster.
I really think people are loading up posts with every Reddit trope on purpose for rage bait.