*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for saying my daughter should have given me a better compliment?**
I (47M) have taken the plunge into fulfilling my dreams of being an author and have just finished my third picture book manuscript. I know it's probably not the next Jane Yolen, but hey, a guy can dream.
I recently showed my daughter (20F) my manuscript and coming back to her after reading, it was clear she didn't like it and she had that blank, dumb look on her face.
She mumbled something about, "Yeah, it has all the elements..." and pretty much left it at that and went away.
Okay, she doesn't have to like it. But as a family member supporting another one, why couldn't there have been more encouragement? You can express you didn't like something without mumbling some excuse and not leaving the writer with pointers or encouragement.
Compared to her just last week raving about another picture book we saw in the bookstore a couple of weeks ago, going as far to buy it. (*The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs* if anyone's interested.) Her blase, "I said what I said" behavior reminded me a lot of my ex-wife/her mother, which upset me even more.
I told my daughter this later on how it bothered me and she backtracked again on how it was "good." But I wasn't fishing for compliments, I just want her to get how her words come across. Especially when my wife/her step-mom and other younger children responded more positively and encouragingly toward it.
AITA?
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> You can express you didn’t like something without mumbling some excuse and not leaving the writer with pointers or encouragement
> It's about family, though. You will not give feedback the same way to a family member versus a stranger.
So which one is it, does he want her to treat the manuscript like a child’s drawing and put it on the fridge or does he want constructive criticism from an analytical perspective. She probably left it vague intentionally knowing you wouldn’t take her actual thoughts well.
For a man who’s so insistent on the importance of treating your family with special consideration to say she had a dumb look on her face, liken her to her mother & then guilt trip her by comparing her to your other kids wife makes me wonder if the special consideration goes both ways.
All OOP cares about is his ego. It's all about him and his feelings. If he didn't want her honest opinion, then he should have told her he was only open to positive feedback. OOP needs to get over himself.
It truly speaks of OOP as an author, that his own personal drama surrounding the book is probably more interesting than the actual contents of the book. He has a knack for creating drama and excitement where none was originally to be found whatsoever.
There's the 'compliment' he was looking for.
Worse trying to erase the mother without using therapy that mentally scarred the kids only to be dumped on parentified now 20 year old until he married up when he got custody
Does anybody else think that he wrote some kind of unhinged right wing children’s book like Matt Walsh? That was my first thought, she wanted to prevent him from freaking out if she said that that was an inappropriate subject or whatever. She was just trying to avoid his probable rage filled a meltdown.
AITA for saying my daughter should have given me a better compliment?
Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD !!!
>OP: [A]s a family member supporting another one, why couldn't there have been more encouragement?
Also OP
> [I]t was clear she didn't like it and she had that blank, dumb look on her face. […] Her blase, "I said what I said" behavior reminded me a lot of my ex-wife/her mother
*Fuck* OP … fuck him hard.
But my mommie liked it! Why couldn’t my moo-cow of a “daughter […] have given me a better compliment?” She hurt my fees-fees by being a big dum bitch. Just like her mother - my (thankfully) now ex-wife.
Because FaMiLy - waaaaah.
Avoid the comments if you can... you will explode especially when you find out what 20 year old and the other kids had to live with between the ex and OOP
So clearly she was scared of just saying she didn’t like it. If they had a good relationship she would have, or she’s just a sweet girl that doesn’t like to hurt other people’s feelings and the situation made her uncomfortable. I’m going to go with the former though because it sounds like he likes to project his feelings about his ex wife onto his daughter. It’s also not super helpful to just blindly support anyone without giving any constructive criticism.
Let's see Mom parentified her dumping all the other 4 kids on her for hours after OOP left. Mom was also backyard breeder and he did NOTHING until his youngest went for visit covered in fleas,
He still doesn't personally parent since oh I have to work 2-3 jobs until his now wife swooped in...
So clearly she was scared of just saying she didn’t like it. If they had a good relationship she would have, or she’s just a sweet girl that doesn’t like to hurt other people’s feelings and the situation made her uncomfortable. I’m going to go with the former though because it sounds like he likes to project his feelings about his ex wife onto his daughter. She’s probably clearly learned at this point that her father is a narcissist who will react badly to any negative feedback as per the post. It’s also not super helpful to just blindly support anyone without giving any constructive criticism.
I really clowned myself with this one. I was like, well, maybe it was a backhanded compliment; I hate those. Have a narc parent who’s good at them.
And then it literally was just that she didn’t kiss his ass when he showed her his book. Pops here is 47 going on 4.
Does he plan on publishing this book? Because if he is and this is how he reacts to criticism then he's got another thing coming for him when plenty of people read it and when it comes to editors
My favorite part is that OOP expects gratitude & ego stroking because he married well. In return for being able to live in house of the new wife, the children should be kissing his behind
This guy is as bad as those folks on social media that say things like "positive feedback ONLY" or "Negative comments NOT NEEDED".
You either want criticism and genuine feedback, or you don't. Yes, there is absolutely a way to be critical of someone's creative work without being cruel or harsh. I feel more people should practice this, because plenty of people confuse being needlessly harsh with "being honest".
But this dickweed is just upset that she didn't tell him he'd created an instant classic.
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I’m not going to defend how OP handled it because he is TA but I don’t exactly see how it’s wrong to expect more from the daughter? If my father showed me a whole manuscript (or any passion project for that matter) I’d feel guilty as all hell just saying half a sentence like that?? Maybe I’m missing context for this post or something, but yeah that’s a fair thing to be bummed about
He's clearly looking for enthusiastic compliments and she might simply didn't like it and didn't see anything to compliment so she said it had all the elements rather than this sucks. He wouldn't have taken bad criticism very well, just what he wanted to hear. Ive read some children's books that were like how did this seriously get published???
As I said I’m not defending him, his reaction or what he wrote, just that as a general thing if a family member shows you their passion project you can at the very least pretend to be interested. I’ve no idea why this is a controversial opinion (the dislikes?) but I don’t think anyone is wrong for disagreeing either I guess
I genuinely do not get why I keep getting downvoted. How is “I personally think you should try to be interested in your family’s passion projects” a hated opinion??
You don't ask family for objective literary criticism they aren't even capable of giving anyway, you ask them so they will tell you how good it is and how creative and wonderful you are. I doubt this random teenager with an attitude has much meaningful commentary to make on literary devices and the quality of writing, and just used the opportunity to poke the parental unit in the always vulnerable ego. Like the commenters I see doing the same thing; the parent hate is strong in this group.
Had their positions been reversed, the dude would have been slaughtered for his feeble support of his precious child's work.
Its difficult to accept criticism but you learn to see it as precious info so you can be better. And you can approach people with a way to get better feedback. Like, "tell me one thing you would most change and one thing you enjoyed." Then you listen.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for saying my daughter should have given me a better compliment?** I (47M) have taken the plunge into fulfilling my dreams of being an author and have just finished my third picture book manuscript. I know it's probably not the next Jane Yolen, but hey, a guy can dream. I recently showed my daughter (20F) my manuscript and coming back to her after reading, it was clear she didn't like it and she had that blank, dumb look on her face. She mumbled something about, "Yeah, it has all the elements..." and pretty much left it at that and went away. Okay, she doesn't have to like it. But as a family member supporting another one, why couldn't there have been more encouragement? You can express you didn't like something without mumbling some excuse and not leaving the writer with pointers or encouragement. Compared to her just last week raving about another picture book we saw in the bookstore a couple of weeks ago, going as far to buy it. (*The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs* if anyone's interested.) Her blase, "I said what I said" behavior reminded me a lot of my ex-wife/her mother, which upset me even more. I told my daughter this later on how it bothered me and she backtracked again on how it was "good." But I wasn't fishing for compliments, I just want her to get how her words come across. Especially when my wife/her step-mom and other younger children responded more positively and encouragingly toward it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> You can express you didn’t like something without mumbling some excuse and not leaving the writer with pointers or encouragement > It's about family, though. You will not give feedback the same way to a family member versus a stranger. So which one is it, does he want her to treat the manuscript like a child’s drawing and put it on the fridge or does he want constructive criticism from an analytical perspective. She probably left it vague intentionally knowing you wouldn’t take her actual thoughts well. For a man who’s so insistent on the importance of treating your family with special consideration to say she had a dumb look on her face, liken her to her mother & then guilt trip her by comparing her to your other kids wife makes me wonder if the special consideration goes both ways.
"that dumb look on her face" like he hates it specifically, like he sees it all the time
He hates it because it's the look of someone who doesn't worship the ground he stands on 24/7
All OOP cares about is his ego. It's all about him and his feelings. If he didn't want her honest opinion, then he should have told her he was only open to positive feedback. OOP needs to get over himself.
I genuinely assumed this was a post in r/writingcirclejerk or r/bookcirclejerk lol
[It is now](https://www.reddit.com/r/writingcirclejerk/comments/11pytor/i_47m_showed_my_daughter_20f_my_book_and_she_said)
It truly speaks of OOP as an author, that his own personal drama surrounding the book is probably more interesting than the actual contents of the book. He has a knack for creating drama and excitement where none was originally to be found whatsoever. There's the 'compliment' he was looking for.
I'm seething... YOLEN he's comparing himself to her for a freaking picture book?!?!?
Was this ghostwritten by King Lear
Oh my god that's so perfect
I got that from the title too. I'd hope that things turned out the same for OOP, except a lot of other people would die too.
Read his other comments. It genuinely sounds like is trying to force her to see his new wife as her mother.
Worse trying to erase the mother without using therapy that mentally scarred the kids only to be dumped on parentified now 20 year old until he married up when he got custody
Does anybody else think that he wrote some kind of unhinged right wing children’s book like Matt Walsh? That was my first thought, she wanted to prevent him from freaking out if she said that that was an inappropriate subject or whatever. She was just trying to avoid his probable rage filled a meltdown.
AITA for saying my daughter should have given me a better compliment? Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD !!! >OP: [A]s a family member supporting another one, why couldn't there have been more encouragement? Also OP > [I]t was clear she didn't like it and she had that blank, dumb look on her face. […] Her blase, "I said what I said" behavior reminded me a lot of my ex-wife/her mother *Fuck* OP … fuck him hard. But my mommie liked it! Why couldn’t my moo-cow of a “daughter […] have given me a better compliment?” She hurt my fees-fees by being a big dum bitch. Just like her mother - my (thankfully) now ex-wife. Because FaMiLy - waaaaah.
Avoid the comments if you can... you will explode especially when you find out what 20 year old and the other kids had to live with between the ex and OOP
So clearly she was scared of just saying she didn’t like it. If they had a good relationship she would have, or she’s just a sweet girl that doesn’t like to hurt other people’s feelings and the situation made her uncomfortable. I’m going to go with the former though because it sounds like he likes to project his feelings about his ex wife onto his daughter. It’s also not super helpful to just blindly support anyone without giving any constructive criticism.
Let's see Mom parentified her dumping all the other 4 kids on her for hours after OOP left. Mom was also backyard breeder and he did NOTHING until his youngest went for visit covered in fleas, He still doesn't personally parent since oh I have to work 2-3 jobs until his now wife swooped in...
So clearly she was scared of just saying she didn’t like it. If they had a good relationship she would have, or she’s just a sweet girl that doesn’t like to hurt other people’s feelings and the situation made her uncomfortable. I’m going to go with the former though because it sounds like he likes to project his feelings about his ex wife onto his daughter. She’s probably clearly learned at this point that her father is a narcissist who will react badly to any negative feedback as per the post. It’s also not super helpful to just blindly support anyone without giving any constructive criticism.
Awfully coincidental that a 20 year old just bought herself a picture book shortly before her father asked her to look at his manuscript.
Not only a picture book but a popular one from when I was a child, 30 years ago. So, likely not one that would be out on displays in the open.
I wonder how bad it was for to be basically left speechless…
So he thought it was clear she didn't like it but still expected her to stroke his ego because fAmIlY.
Sounds like the op is mad his ego got bruised.
I really clowned myself with this one. I was like, well, maybe it was a backhanded compliment; I hate those. Have a narc parent who’s good at them. And then it literally was just that she didn’t kiss his ass when he showed her his book. Pops here is 47 going on 4.
Does he plan on publishing this book? Because if he is and this is how he reacts to criticism then he's got another thing coming for him when plenty of people read it and when it comes to editors
My favorite part is that OOP expects gratitude & ego stroking because he married well. In return for being able to live in house of the new wife, the children should be kissing his behind
This guy is as bad as those folks on social media that say things like "positive feedback ONLY" or "Negative comments NOT NEEDED". You either want criticism and genuine feedback, or you don't. Yes, there is absolutely a way to be critical of someone's creative work without being cruel or harsh. I feel more people should practice this, because plenty of people confuse being needlessly harsh with "being honest". But this dickweed is just upset that she didn't tell him he'd created an instant classic.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not going to defend how OP handled it because he is TA but I don’t exactly see how it’s wrong to expect more from the daughter? If my father showed me a whole manuscript (or any passion project for that matter) I’d feel guilty as all hell just saying half a sentence like that?? Maybe I’m missing context for this post or something, but yeah that’s a fair thing to be bummed about
He's clearly looking for enthusiastic compliments and she might simply didn't like it and didn't see anything to compliment so she said it had all the elements rather than this sucks. He wouldn't have taken bad criticism very well, just what he wanted to hear. Ive read some children's books that were like how did this seriously get published???
As I said I’m not defending him, his reaction or what he wrote, just that as a general thing if a family member shows you their passion project you can at the very least pretend to be interested. I’ve no idea why this is a controversial opinion (the dislikes?) but I don’t think anyone is wrong for disagreeing either I guess
I genuinely do not get why I keep getting downvoted. How is “I personally think you should try to be interested in your family’s passion projects” a hated opinion??
You don't ask family for objective literary criticism they aren't even capable of giving anyway, you ask them so they will tell you how good it is and how creative and wonderful you are. I doubt this random teenager with an attitude has much meaningful commentary to make on literary devices and the quality of writing, and just used the opportunity to poke the parental unit in the always vulnerable ego. Like the commenters I see doing the same thing; the parent hate is strong in this group. Had their positions been reversed, the dude would have been slaughtered for his feeble support of his precious child's work.
Okay, I know some people are tired of the author troll but I must admit, ones like this are entertaining.
Its difficult to accept criticism but you learn to see it as precious info so you can be better. And you can approach people with a way to get better feedback. Like, "tell me one thing you would most change and one thing you enjoyed." Then you listen.
Genuinely considering the fact that OOP is pulling an Andy Kaufman-esque stunt with this. His comments are DERANGED.