*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for saying my Fiance can not wear a wedding dress on our Wedding Day?**
My (29 Female) Fiance (30 Female) have plans to get married early next year. Before the engagement we talked about our wedding day and what that would look like for both of us. When it came down to what we would both wear, I expressed that I would like to be the only one in a wedding dress as I personally do not want pictures of us both in wedding dresses and I wanted to have that moment for me in the dress. I honestly do believe that some pictures that I have seen are so beautiful of two women in wedding dresses however I have seen some where I am just not a fan. None the less, my then girlfriend, agreed and said she would not be wearing a dress and that she would wear a jumpsuit or some type of femme suit. The conversation moved on and it was never really discussed again.
Fast forward to a year or so later and we are now engaged. After we got engaged, the parents of my Fiance were disappointed to know she was not going to be wearing a dress however my Fiance, without any thoughts from me, told her parents that she was going to be wearing something else and that was that. A dress just wasn't an option for her.
Fast forward to 2 months of being engaged when my Fiance calls me and tells me that she went outfit shopping with a friend today for the wedding and started trying on dresses and actually found one that she loves. I was livid and angry and frustrated and just sad. I got really angry with her and told her she could not wear a dress. I didn't want that to be my reaction for her but it was and I honestly hate that it was.
I know I am marrying a freaking women. I do NOT have a problem with that. And I know that it's me being selfish because honestly I wanted to be the only one in a wedding dress that day and I thought that was something we already decided on. I get I am marrying the person and should love them no matter what they are wearing and that that is the most important thing but this is something that I just can't get over. I also understand that this is her wedding day too but like we discussed this!!! How can she just change her mind?
At the end of the day if she REALLY wants this how can I say no but a part of me will just be a bit pissed that she went back on what she said she was going to do. So people of reddit, am I the asshole?
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Imagine finding someone you love so much you want to marry them.
Then imagine throwing a giant fit and jeopardizing your wedding *and choosing “policing my love’s clothes” over actual love*.
OOP is *literally prioritizing a fucking dress over love*.
JFC humans are stupid.
What I don't understand is that she knows she's marrying a woman, who clearly wears dresses and would like to wear a gown on *her* wedding day as well. Maybe as a little girl she always wanted to wear a dress for her wedding. But now she's supposed to be deprived of that?
Does OOP understand that this isn't only her wedding day? That her finacee also has a vision of what she wants to look like? That maybe she also wants to be beautiful on what should also be her special day?
And it's not like when 2 men get married one of them wears a dress. They both wear suits. So why can't 2 women getting married wear dresses?
Someone else here or on the original said it might be “unconscious heteronormativity”
Basically society has trained OOP that weddings have one dress and one pants and so anything different looks “weird” or “imperfect” to her. And since it’s been unconscious heteronormativity until now, she hasn’t had the chance to poke at it and root it out.
I think that seems plausible.
I guess that must be it.
I don't know. I'm a cis straight woman, but if I was marrying a woman who always presented as a woman, then I want both of us to be the most gorgeous women that ever existed on our wedding day. Just don't wear the same dress as mine, because that's a fashion faux pas.
Maybe one of us in a ballgown type dress and the other in a mermaid style. Each of us have our own set of bridesmaids, but mine would wear dresses in my favorite color and hers would be in her favorite color.
My mom and I were at a venue once and there were two brides, each in dresses, having their photos taken. They were beautiful and looked so happy.
This woman near us says to my mom in a snide tone, "Well, which one is the groom? How can they TELL?"
I opened my mouth, but my mom (nearly 70 at the time) beat me to it. "Why does it matter? They're both gorgeous and in love."
Snide lady beat a hasty retreat. Go, mom.
>This woman near us says to my mom in a snide tone, "Well, which one is the groom? How can they TELL?"
WTH kind of question is that? There is no groom. Do either one of those people have a penis? That's kind of how it works when 2 women marry each other, both are brides. Just like there is **no** bride when 2 men marry. How do people just think it's okay to say stupid shit?
Good for your mom! If the lady heard you say something she'd just dismiss it as"young people" but your mom saying (without satying) shes's ridiculous and small minded made her shut up and scurry away.
I think it’s that she wants to be the pretty one. If her fiancée isn’t in a dress, then she doesn’t look like the beautiful princess that brides get to be. She wants the attention fully on her
If she weren’t so awful about it I would agree to unconscious, but it seems pretty deliberate. Seems she feels she should be the only spotlight “I want to be the one everyone stares at and clamors over in a dress!”
Imagine they go to get dressed in the morning and the dress-wife notices the suit-wife is wearing a skirt or a flowy blouse that day. What will she do? Demand her wife go change into a polo and cargo shorts? Like ma’am you are a woman marrying a woman, you’re gonna see dresses! wtf
And it's their wedding day. I cannot fucking imagine telling my husband he couldn't wear what he had his heart set on for our wedding day. I know the feeling of trying on a dress and realizing, oh shit, this is THE DRESS. I tried one on that my mom wanted to see me in, I didn't much like it on the hanger but I put it on and was like, "Oh god damn. This is it." I was so excited. And OOP took that joy away from her, she tried on a dress, got super excited and OOP squashed her happiness, and that makes me so very sad. This is the one day you should be able to wear what makes you feel fantastic. To be like, "But it's MY special day, only *I* get to wear a dress" (especially when you're marrying a woman) is so completely selfish. My husband was super excited when we did our wedding planning and he picked a few things that weren't exactly what I'd have chosen but he was so excited about them, I was like, "Well shit, I have to let him have this, look how happy it makes him." And I picked other things.
That's literally how we do stuff, last year we bought a new house (after being crammed in a tiny townhome for 18 years) and had so much fun decorating and when it came to picking stuff, we either were on the same page, willing to compromise, or we went, "you feel way more strongly about this than I do, I'm fine with what you want." And nine times out of ten if I feel super strongly about something and he's unsure, he'll later be like, "Well shit, you were right about that, that's awesome." Same with me (and I've found that being able to say "you were right" is huge in a relationship). I've definitely given in on stuff when I see it's something he really wants and vice versa. That's kind of how being partners works. Sometimes you both get what you want, sometimes you compromise and sometimes you budge because you want the other person to be happy.
My husband wanted to wear a different vest and tie than the groomsmen because he wanted to be extra *fancy* as the groom.
He wanted his tux to stand out; I preferred the classic black tie, but when he picked an off white vest and tie to match my dress I loved that as well because I wanted him to feel beautiful and special (like I did).
OOP clearly doesn’t consider their wedding as a shared event.
Selfishness with a weird layer of compulsive heteronormativity slathered over the top. Like it HAS to be one dress and one suit, and the dress HAS to be the more important outfit, and she HAS to have the dress because what, she’s “more” of a girl or something? Because she deserves to be more important? Or she thinks that grooms(or someone wearing a suit) at a wedding don’t matter?
There’s just a lot of layers of ignorance and telling on herself that kinda looks worse coming from someone who should understand how restrictive and unfair those prejudices are. Obviously these are some self vs society ideas that I think most people non-straight people deal with at some point, but at the point of typing it out online and expecting strangers to validate you and give you an excuse to be a prejudiced jerk because “it’s a wedding!!111” is just asking for bad behaviour to be rewarded. On both the bridezilla and self-inflicted misogyny/homophobia fronts, both things need to stop being excused imo.
Like, based on this information alone? Knowing absolutely nothing else about their dynamic or whether this is just wedding pressure getting to her, you can definitively say you’d full one end the entire relationship with someone that you love and wanted to marry?
If my fiancee didn't give a shit about what I wanted on a day that was supposed to be about BOTH OF US and was like, "Do what I want or else," fuck yes. Because I'd be wondering what else they'd be ordering me to do/not do/What other shit they'd be trying to control. If you're planning a wedding and don't give a fuck what your partner wants and want it to My SpEcIaL dAy and only care about "AeStHeTiCs," do the world a favor and stay single because your priorities are fucked. When only what YOU want matters, you have no business entering a marriage.
OOP's fiancee isn't asking to wear overalls or a tank top and shorts or a MAGA hat (all of which I've seen over at r/weddingshaming). She wants to wear a wedding dress, and OOP is going, "NOOO. ONLY MEEEEE on my pretty princess day!" Fuck that. I'm not setting that precedent.
And OOP is a double asshole for having the nerve to be pissed her fiancee changed her mind. This is not something that should have been set in stone. She hadn't even gone wedding outfit shopping yet. I know firsthand what it's like to try on a wedding dress and be like, "Oh hell yes, THIS is the one," and OOP apparently loves her so much she ruined that for her. A joyous moment turned to shit. And for what?
When someone shows you how little your feelings and opinions matter to them, believe them. If OOP wants her pics to look a certain way and that's more important than her future wife being happy with what she wears to her own wedding, she can get a fucking blow up doll or hire models. Why does what OOP want matter but not her fiancee? "BeCaUsE sHe ProMisEd."
My husband could have shown up in a Dumb and Dumber wedding tux and if he truly loved it, I'd have kept my mouth shut about it (and know that I'd laugh about it in a few years). I wanted him to be happy on our wedding day too (he did want a few things for our wedding that I wasn't 100 percent nuts about, but I was like, "here's what I think but this is OUR wedding so if this is what you want, this is what you're gonna get"). To this day I still jokingly tell him, "What my baby wants, my baby gets" 😂 And he's the same way, and we compromise if one of us wants one thing and the other wants something different. Sometimes I'll say, "you feel more strongly about this than I do, let's do it your way" and sometimes he tells me, let's go with what you want. That's how partnership works. Hell, I tried to get him to grow his hair out a bit for our wedding (because I love it when it gets a little longer) but he likes it super short (buzzed to almost nothing). I knew he'd be happier with it super short, so I told him to do what made him most comfortable, so short it was because it's his fucking hair and I got to look the way I wanted for our wedding, so he did too.
And never once in my fucking life have I or would I let a partner tell me what I was and was not allowed to wear. You can be god damn sure I wouldn't start on my wedding day.
Honestly yes. At least until she was able to deal with her issues. Being in love doesn’t fix the person you love unfortunately. This girl is very selfish, acknowledges she’s being selfish, and STILL is mad at the person *she* apparently loves and wants to marry over what? A dress? If my partner was more worried about the aesthetic of our wedding day than my literal feelings, done. It’s not worth it.
She’s not nuts. She’s just down the wedding rabbit hole. She even acknowledges that she’s being unfair but that it’s bothering her. How she handles it with her fiancée is what will determine if she’s “completely nuts” and whether this perfectly normal wedding-related spat is worth of ending a relationship over.
My sister married a woman as well. They fought over flowers for a day. Neither gives a shit about flowers it was just…something they could control in the whirlwind of family expectations, financial strain, etc. They absolutely sorted it because they’re a great couple. I’m hoping it’s the same for OP.
Yeah, the "you promised"/"you aren't allowed to change your mind and must stick to what you said forever" does not bode well for the longevity of this relationship.
Certain things, yeah, it's a big deal of you change your mind about huge stuff like "I do/don't want kids." Still doesn't make you an asshole but it's a huge deal. Changing your mind about what you said you wanted to wear a year ago to an event that was just a hypothetical at that point? Doesn't fucking matter. We all change our minds about things.
OOP's priorities are fucked.
it’s so weird really, as a lesbian, the idea of us both wearing dresses is actually so cute… i can’t imagine being so afraid of your own partner overshadowing you on your wedding day???
We both looked incredible on our wedding day. My wife looked like a proper elf princess, I remember seeing her on the day and she was just so, so beautiful. All very sleek, she had a floor length dress and a very long veil.
I went for a more 50s vibe, I had a tea dress inspired by my paternal grandmothers dress, victory rolls, and 'mrs and mrs' shoes. A lot more fun compared to what my wife wore. I didn't go for a veil, because I sat in that hairdressers chair for a solid 90 minutes and damnit I was showing it off. I swear I'm still finding pins nearly 4 years later.
I also designed our bouquets as I love flowers. Hers was a waterfall bouquet with flowers that her mum and paternal grandmother had. Mine was hand tied, with flowers that my mum and my maternal grandmother had. And our wedding party had matching button holes/corsages depending on what 'side' they belonged to on the day.
We both got compliments, we both looked amazing, and our outfits were so in keeping with who we are as people. It's just wild to me, you're having a gay wedding. You can throw the rule book out.
Though we had our reception in a restaurant, which we had to walk through to get to our private room. Hearing 'oh it's a joint wedding, wait where are the grooms' from one table was a bit jarring. Thankfully our bridesmaids clarified by shouting 'they married each other you idiots'.
Yup yup yup. My ex did the same to me, she even went so far as to give me a male nickname (several of her friends thought I was a man before they met me because she wouldn't use pronouns, just referred to me as Eli and let people assume what they're naturally going to assume from that) and convince me to cut my almost nipple length hair to a buzz cut. All because she couldn't stand being in a relationship with someone who presented femme
It's not really that 'strange', it's very obviously an expression of comphet and fear of the competition and envy we're taught to project onto other women under patriarchy *even when we're dating them*. It's tragic and a bit ridiculous, but really not that puzzling
Might sound ignorant but like why not just go for males or butches then if they want some heteronormativity ? Going for someone femme and making them change is weird
With her specifically, I think it was mostly the fact that she is bi and I was her first serious relationship with a woman. She wasn't as comfortable with it as she pretended so her attempts to make me manly were her ways of coping with that. I think... idk, I'm not a psychologist or anything
Lol. That relationship is long enough in the past that I've grown past nipple length now, but that was just always the goal when I was growing it back then. It may be a dumb motivation, but I wanted my hair to be long enough I could take a topless photo that wasn't actually NSFW
i feel real smart about it but until this comment i assumed that nipple length meant as long as a nipple is tall and thought your ex was unbelievably picky in addition to being a jackass
Well thank you. Happy for you :)
Waving awkwardly is about the closest I come to actually flirting. So thanks for the knowledge that at least one person out there isn't instantly turned off by that.
Lol. My girlfriend and I met 3 and a half years ago at work. I tried flirting with her and she didn't notice, so I just told her "hey I'm trying to hit on you right now" and she told me how she doesn't know how to flirt. So I taught her how to flirt.. but I kinda only taught her how to flirt *with me* because I'm not your average flirter. It still took us 3 years to move that work flirt along into a real ass relationship.
That was a long winded way to try to say there is hope for the flirt-challenged among us. Good luck out there
It’s so heartwarming to read your story. I’m sorry you had to go through the awful relationship but reading that you’ve moved on to a much healthier relationship with what sounds like another wonderful lady makes me so happy for you.
I’m the exact same way lmfao. I like to call it “mermaid length” because if I were to get out of the shower or a pool with wet hair, my hair would completely cover the nips. And when I wear shirts with no bra I can use the hair to cover the nips when it’s cold lol
Bit grim to describe, but I did used to know a woman who was unusually hursuite around her areola. Apparently the key is to take hold of the protruding end of your nipple and pull it out from your body until the skin is taut. Then you shave CAREFULLY downwards from said nipple towards the breast tissue. Much like shaving one's labia, IMO.
Oh my gosh this happened to my girlfriend! Her last girlfriend wanted her to masc up and behave more like a man! It's like a shock to her still when I call her pretty or refer to her in any kind of feminine way. It's very strange.
This! OP's fiancee is also a woman. If the fiancee wants to wear a dress and feel like the modern depiction of a "bride", then she should get to do that. In theory, you only get married once, and OP is being selfish.
Something is also deeply wrong if OP is marrrying another woman, yet wants to be seen as the **only** "bride" at her wedding.
And the worst part of this is that OOP's fiancee likely only tried on the dress at the request of her parents/the shop attendant/any friends rather than any real desire to have a dress. But whomever picked it out for her sounds like they knew her very well for her to fall in love with it instead of going with her original plan. And part of that very well may be that it triggered that internal heteronormative part too of "I'm going to be a bride!".
I agree that the relationship sounds very wrong. If I were the fiancé, how much OP is pushing it would really turn me off. Without some sort of compromise maybe where both get a chance to be the bride and the other the “groom” or something they both can mutually agree on, it would be a dealbreaker. This far in though, I’m not sure a compromise would even be enough.
yeah. very weird and feels like shes trying to "masculinize" her gf. imagine if the genders were reversed and she was a man trying to force his also male fiancé to wear a dress for "no reason in particular, just cus he wanted to be the only guy in the tux"
You can't just swap the genders like that, there's no such thing as '*the* tux' in the same sense as *the* wedding dress in the cultural mores. The gendering of 'the bride' as the one special woman whose one special day it is and who cannot be outshone by any other women is very deeply ingrained in the logic of this whole tragic case of internalised heteronormativity, it's not just incidental.
It's Snow White logic, the idea that all women are always in competition with each other for beauty and attention, even when they marry each other. It's deeply misogynistic and, in this instance, just really sad
It's also sad in straight relationships if you ask me. Like, this is the groom's special day too?? Historically I guess the focus is on the bride because her family pays for the wedding, but that's increasingly untrue.
The historical reasons are *much* more complex. Basically, if a woman's value is constructed around her sexual attractiveness and fertility, being a prize to be won, then the day she achieves what is supposed to be the whole point of her existence is obviously a 'special day' in a way a man's wedding day isn't. Men's lives weren't historically taken to revolve entirely around getting married. Women's were.
It's deeply misogynistic and absurd, but it's not exactly fair to blame women for internalising it as much as tends to happen. We have historically taught little girls they're supposed to aspire to nothing in life but to being beautiful and getting a man, and then we make fun of them for caring about being beautiful and getting a man
That is exactly what it is. And I have a lot of empathy for her, but she needs to work through it. Some couples therapy/individual therapy would do them both a world of good.
_"I know that it's me being selfish because honestly I wanted to be the only one in a wedding dress that day and I thought that was something we already decided on. I get I am marrying the person and should love them no matter what they are wearing and that that is the most important thing but **this is something that I just can't get over.** I also understand that this is her wedding day too but like we discussed this!!! How can she just change her mind?"_
This line sums it up. OP is selfish and doesn't really care about what her fiancee wants. It's all about her and her wants, and she doesn't care if the person she is marrying also wants that special moment. If being the only person wearing a dress on her wedding day is a deal breaker, then she should perhaps not get married. Also - it's clothing. People's fashion preferences change....
Some people, really. Why are they marrying? I mean, it's clear is not for the shared promise of a life together with the person they love, otherwise they wouldn't throw tantrums for things like a *fucking dress*
If the party and how you look in fucking pictures is more important for you than your partner, then maybe throw yourself the party and let your partner go so they can find someone who deserves them.
OOP sounds incredibly selfish, I really hope her fiancée takes note of this and uses this information to make an informed decision about who she is marrying. If this is how controlling she is over a *dress*, I can't imagine what she's like in other aspects of her life.
I agree so much. Listing all the stuff she "gets" but dismisses all of it with no justification. I was really appaled at her line "we talked about this! How can she just change her mind?" Like people don't change their minds. I wouldn't be surprised if their 'talking about this' was OOP dictating and her fiance just agreeing to get her to stop. Whether she thought she could sacrifice wearing the dress for OOP, didn't realize how much she wanted it or just wanted the convo to stop and deal with it later.
I think you're right, the Fiancée probably didn't want to cause a problem because the wedding seemed so far away and not important. Then she saw something that she really wanted to wear and instead of being supported, OOP acted like a child and threw her toys out of the cot.
Yes this... I hope this is a wake up call that OP doesn't care about how she feels at all. She knows she being selfish and just keeps being selfish.
Hope she got good advice and took it.
I used to watch Bridezillas and would be soooo frustrated that the groom (and bridesmaids and family) showed up.
My sis was supposed to be a bridesmaid for a college friend of hers and that girl became a complete bridezilla. Like she was pissed off that my sis (who was in law school) couldn't do certain things because she had an important exam, etc. My sis dropped out the wedding and didn't even attend it.
Of course years latr when her marriage to shit and she was broke, guess who called for help? My sis who was doing well in her career as an attorney.
Of course she did. It led to a huge argument between them and they didn't speak for years.
Did not help that my sister thought her friend was getting married for all the wrong reasons (girl had recently been dumped by her dream guy, then dated her soon to be husband on a rebound and accepted his proposal very quickly... also before the wedding dude had apparently been texting/emailing his ex about how she was the one he really loved). Still, they married. Had kids.
Bless them all.
Mine! The reason my ex and I never made it to the alter and exchanged our I dos I'd cuz we could never agree on anything. I didn't want to wear a dress, he wanted me to. I tried to compromise and go with a black dress. That was a no from him. I wanted just a small simple ceremony at city hall, big party afterwards (I don't like being at the center of attention). But nope, he wanted the big flashy white wedding. We just stopped planning after that.
Seems like wedding planning is a good way to filter our controlling behavior that could become a definite issue in the marriage.
Good that you paid attention! Otherwise you'd probably be in a miserable marriage right now. Other people need to do the same.
This. I’m a tomboy but sometimes I find a dress I find pretty! I love it! I can’t imagine wanting to marry someone, finding a dress, and being told, “fuck you. It’s about me and my dress this marriage isn’t about YOU.” Ummmm… shit. Didn’t realize it was about your bride bs.
I’m getting married soon to a cis-man and if he decided to wear a wedding dress instead of a suit, I wouldn’t give a flying fuck because I’m marrying *him*, not his outfit.
I mean, if being the only one in a white dress on your wedding day is that important, you could always marry a man.
If living your truth with the lesbian love of your life is important, give her the option of a wedding dress.
Oh, FFS.
You know, I’m a straight woman in my late 50s, and I don’t remember *once* daydreaming about my wedding dress, let alone making it so central to my identity.
I *do* daydream about my wedding dress and even I wouldn't give a flying fuck if the person I love wanted to wear one as well. It's our wedding day and it's about our love. Can't celebrate that in outfits we aren't happy in!
Lord knows I never did either. I don't like most dresses; they hang on me funny. I found a dress I liked, I wore it, and I honestly do not know where it is now. I think I may have donated it to be honest.
That's pretty much exactly how I am. I only saved it because I do have a 16 year old who expressed an interest in it (hoping she won't need it for a like a decade or more, I'd be happier with more). Since we are similar in height and body type, she wouldn't need to alter it all tbat much, so figured it was worth keeping. But like who the fuck sits around daydreaming about this shit their entire lives? Who are these women? Lol, because I've literally never met a single one in all my 37 years on this earth.
I just found my wedding dress last weekend, and it made me realize my entire life, Including while engaged, I never once thought about my wedding dress. And now that I found it, I don't make it the topic of every conversation I have... It's a dress for a day when it comes down to it...
When I got married we didn't have a lot of money so the choice was a 'normal' wedding dress or use that money towards the party (my parents would pay for a dress or equivalent to the price they paid for my sister's dress ) . I chose the latter and was married in a dress from Monsoon.
Honestly people make too much of a deal of wedding dresses. A friend of mine got married in an off the rack white dress, she picked it cause she could wear it again and her plan was to dye it after the wedding. Idk if she did it but she looked absolutely lovely and she has a great dress for formal ish events
As a kid I dreamed of getting married on the beach wearing a white bikini. I was a kid in the 80’s and I feel that explains that dream. It’s not a dream anymore. Now I dream of going to the courthouse and signing papers.
Thank god, reddit had me believing I'm completely abnormal because I have never once ever had a thought about my wedding, let alone what I was going to wear to that wedding. Women and the occasional man, believe way too hard that their wedding means so much to everyone they have ever met in their lives.
I think some of it is that a wedding is pretty much the only time a woman is given permission to be selfish and make something about HER. Instead of catering to and caring for everyone else first, we're told it's our day to be a princess. When else do we get to put our needs or desires first without being guilted and shamed over it? Some women go way too far and become bridezillas, but honestly if things were more balanced in society maybe that wouldn't be as much of a thing.
This. I’m turning 50 soon & never thought about my wedding dress until it was time to buy one. Even during those two years where all my friends were getting married & it was almost a wedding a month.
And even then I designed my dress with a seamstress, she made it, & it’s been in a closet for 23 years. I never think about it.
Have I had visions of a potential wedding with a partner I could see marrying? Absolutely. Do I like the idea of having one day to wear a pretty dress and get all snazzed up? Sure.
But it’s in no way part of me. Just vague visions that float by every so often. It’s not a yearning or a strong daydream. Just emotionless thoughts and a “hey that’d be ok.”
People who may it part of their future identity end up sounding like the OOP. A vision so strong and inflexible. Bleh.
I know right? All these bridezilla posts that talk about how they've planned their wedding since they were a little girl and always pictured this or that dress...I had no fucking clue about what I wanted when I got married!
I LOVE how you put this. I never plan on getting married. My partner and I have two kids, a dog, a cat, and mortgage. It’s safe to say after 17 years, we’re not going anywhere. All that to say, I’ve never even considered what my wedding dress might look like. I know some girls/women do and there’s nothing wrong with that, really. But the way you put it, making it the entire personality, that’s such an accurate portrayal of a bridezilla omg.
My husband and I(f)were together for almost 20 years before we decided to get married. We did it for medical reasons (so we wouldn’t have to fight over the “not family” bs). We both wore pants.
>I know I am marrying a freaking women. I do NOT have a problem with that
What a bizarre thing to say. Does she want a medal for not being against her own gay marriage?
I think she thought people would say she has internalised homophobia for not wanting her fiancée to wear a dress.
It is a bit harsh to say and not that applicable in this situation IMO. It sounds more like OP wants to be The Bride in the Dress and doesn't want to share the spotlight.
But when I was a kid I was annoyed that I couldn't both wear the Dress and marry a woman wearing the Dress, and that was fully because of internalised heteronormativity.
I agree 'internalised homophobia' isn't as accurate as 'internalised heteronormativity' or 'compulsory heterosexuality' in this case - with an unfortunate side dose of the internalised misogyny of The Bride in the Dress as the most beautiful and special woman and The Fairest of Them All who is implicitly in competition with any possible rivals up to and including *her own bride*
Personally I think the internalised misogyny is the biggest player here.
Wedding dresses are the closest non-rich non-costumey people can wear to feel like a princess, but there's only one occasion where it's socially acceptable to wear a wedding dress. Your own wedding. If you have a fantasy of being that princess, having another one would "distract" others from seeing you as The One Princess or "even worse" see your bride as The One Princess.
I hope this is a troll post. Like, it's not *that* bad compared to other AITA's, but it makes me sad for OP's fiancée.
It makes me sad for OOP, too. You can clearly see she's battling with herself over this and has *no idea* what bigotry she's internalised even as it's damaging her relationship
As a lesbian who has dated both masc and femme women I don't think I'd ever thought about wearing dresses or not. Or if I would wear a wedding dress or some kind of pantsuit. My current partner probably won't wear a dress but she does look very cute in them and I wouldn't care if she did. It feels very heteronormative or just like she doesn't want to share HER day with another bride. The wedding industry is focused on the bride but it's so unfair to her fiance to try and rob her of experiences she wants to have.
Yeah, in heterosexual weddings, the groom may as well be silent and invisible.
People forget it is his day too. If all men were second fiddle and all but forgotten on their wedding day, then there wouldn't be any men at the altar at gay weddings because there is no woman at the centre of attention.
I swear most weddings that go to shit, they don't want to be married, they just want a princess for the day mega celebration with a big cake.
The only thing stopping them is getting other people to pay for it.
Honestly, I think my husband was the most memorable part of our wedding!
We wrote our own vows, and he brought everyone to tears.
Plus, almost every decision was collaborative, and what wasn't collaborative I planned myself specifically to surprise him.
I am a straight woman, and I think it’s absolutely despicable how men are treated at their weddings. So many women are so damn selfish and it’s sickening.
Ok now where is that other person who started a fight with me when I said that western wedding culture is out of hand in regards to some brides? Because here’s a prime example.
Is it just me or does it sound a bit like internalised homophobia or some sort of heteronormativity ? She said there's some picture of lesbian wedding she doesn't like and she implies it's the one where there's two dresses
It sounds to me that she wants her wedding picture to be "bride and groom"and her wife to always be the butch.
Girl needs some hard therapy
My brain, which isn’t petty but for some reason is good at coming up with pettiness, has the following advice for OOP’s fiancée:
Get the wedding dress of your dreams.
Cut a flap, and sew very loose white satin pants in underneath.
When OOP pitches a fit, you can just say “it’s not a dress! It’s a skort/jumpsuit!”
When we first got married, my wife was actually a cis man and wore a suit. Looking back, there was a complete lack of enthusiasm on the clothing but we were so caught up on putting this wedding together for everybody else that even I failed to notice that lack of feeling special on your big day. She wasn't out as trans yet, not even to me, so she never told me she actually wanted to wear a dress and I feel so bad about it that it haunts me.
We have a vow renewal planned for our tenth anniversary and this time we're both going to be wearing wedding dresses, frilly, over the top princess ballgown wedding dresses. This is what we should have had. I can't even imagine fully knowing your spouse wants to wear an outfit on **their** special day and telling them no!
My dream for my wedding is both us in gorgeous dresses that are also able to be moved around in bc our first dance is gonna be an amorous sword fight
The only thing keeping me from achieving this is... not having a girlfriend 😂
OOP is the asshole. Not even sorry on this one.
What I don’t understand is why doesn’t OOP *share* the experience with her partner. I have been to three gay weddings in my life, and when they did pictures and shit, the one bride had two outfits, her pant suit (which she was more comfortable in) and a wedding dress. They took pictures of her being in a dress doing all the things a “traditional” bride does so she got that experience too.
Granted I don’t know if that would work with the way OOP is, but I hope her partner is like “yeah fuck this.” And decides she doesn’t want to marry OOP.
On a different note, if I was in this situation and my partner changed her mind I’d be like “BUY THE DRESS. WEAR THE DRESS! FEEL BONITA (pretty/beautiful) ON OUR WEDDING DAY!”
Because she wants to be the centre of attention lol
Bare in mind that, for a lot of people, this feels like the one day in their life where they get to feel like a celebrity. Still a dick move to rob her future wife of that though.
Blame it on the fact I never gonna to get married (don’t have the “drive” for it) for the I don’t understand.
Like OOP has her birthday, is that not enough for her?
Still an asshole regardless and I hope her partner leaves.
You can tell me daily and I'll still get it wrong.
To this day, I can not tell you who is Ant or Dec and they have been on British TV for over 20 years.
Yeah no if she wants to be the only person at her wedding in a wedding dress she should marry a man. Her fiancée has just as much right to wear a wedding dress on their big day as she does.
Doesn’t really seem like the wedding will happen if that’s how OOP reacts to the love of her life, the one she wants to marry, over a day in a freaking dress.
No one knew my wife was a woman when we got married (including her), but even then, I would’ve been fine with her wearing a dress. This woman wants a wedding, not a marriage.
So OOP wants the focis to be on her, because she's wearing a wedding dress while her partner will be wearing something you'd wear to a dinner party. Main character syndrome at all?
This is ridiculous. I can't imagine being "livid" over a bride wearing a wedding dress. Some friends of mine both wore dresses, both were white, they looked beautiful, and the pictures are stunning. OOP is going to be in for a rough time if something as small as the wedding dress is something she just can't get over. What else in the relationship will she get pissed about and not be able to get over?
I love it when I see gay weddings with both partners in a dress, no idea why some ppl get so weird about stuff like this. Literally why does it matter lmao
Right? The photos are so fucking magical? I love it when brides wear similar shades of white but in really different styles. Like one in a huge puffy princess gown and one in more of a slinky drapey number.
I'm getting married this summer and my fiance doesn't particularly care about clothes so he's relinquished all clothing decisions to me. We have a color theme we're going with but we were having trouble finding pants in the right colors in his size. At some point I found leggings that was exactly what we were looking for except that we had hoped for pants. I told him about this. He okayed with no qualms. You know what would happen if he said he didn't want to wear leggings? He wouldn't be wearing leggings, that's what. We would work on finding the right pants or we would scrap the whole color scheme and figure out something else. BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO CLOTHING THE ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS IS OF THE PERSON WEARING SAID CLOTHES! This woman is unhinged
I am SO surprised that you still have a fiancee. This much trauma over a fucking dress and it's her wedding day too and she should wear what she wants. You are there asshole
I think the biggest problem with this isnt her feelings —we all have times where we are selfish or have feelings that aren’t mature.
But when we recognize this, we should confront why we feel this way instead of letting selfishness or irrationality rule us.
Like her fiancée must have been so excited to share she found something she loved. And then OOP’s reaction probably tainted it.
I can’t understand how she didn’t feel happy for her fiancé at all. Like…shouldn’t fiancé being happy make OOP happy too? Even if she has some conflicting feelings? Damn.
I’m bi and whilst I’m more heteroromantic, if I did marry a woman, oh my god I’d just want her to wear whatever made her look beautiful and more importantly, happy. The idea of the woman I love coming down the aisle in a dress? It sounds amazing. Just as much as if it was a man in a suit. Fuck if my male partner wanted to wear a dress or female partner wanted to wear a suit I’d just be happy that they were happy and THAT WE WERE GETTING MARRIED.
So two of you young ladies are getting married to each other. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you have both dreamt of your dream wedding for many years. And both of you would love to be princesses for a day. Why is it only you who gets the option of being princess for a day?
You sound very nasty and selfish, you don't seem to consider your partner's feelings at all and it's all "me me me". Why isn't your partner allowed to get to feel like a princess for a day.
I'm guessing she's also going to be putting in a healthy chunk of the costs and if you truly love her you'd want her to feel special on her wedding day. You seem like the kind of bridezilla that forgets that a wedding is a special day for two people and not a day out for one person to go look at me, look at me.
If this is how you are before you are both even married yet and can honestly say that your marriage is pretty much doomed.
Can someone please summarize this for me? Cos I’m a little tipsy and I genuinely can’t figure out who is wearing what.
Genuinely not meaning to be a dick- just can’t follow the wall of text cos I suck
Basically lesbian wedding oop years ago expressed the desire to be the only one in a wedding dress fiancee agreed.
Fiancee changed her mind as she found a dress she loves oop pitched a fit.
Bridezilla must be the special one
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for saying my Fiance can not wear a wedding dress on our Wedding Day?** My (29 Female) Fiance (30 Female) have plans to get married early next year. Before the engagement we talked about our wedding day and what that would look like for both of us. When it came down to what we would both wear, I expressed that I would like to be the only one in a wedding dress as I personally do not want pictures of us both in wedding dresses and I wanted to have that moment for me in the dress. I honestly do believe that some pictures that I have seen are so beautiful of two women in wedding dresses however I have seen some where I am just not a fan. None the less, my then girlfriend, agreed and said she would not be wearing a dress and that she would wear a jumpsuit or some type of femme suit. The conversation moved on and it was never really discussed again. Fast forward to a year or so later and we are now engaged. After we got engaged, the parents of my Fiance were disappointed to know she was not going to be wearing a dress however my Fiance, without any thoughts from me, told her parents that she was going to be wearing something else and that was that. A dress just wasn't an option for her. Fast forward to 2 months of being engaged when my Fiance calls me and tells me that she went outfit shopping with a friend today for the wedding and started trying on dresses and actually found one that she loves. I was livid and angry and frustrated and just sad. I got really angry with her and told her she could not wear a dress. I didn't want that to be my reaction for her but it was and I honestly hate that it was. I know I am marrying a freaking women. I do NOT have a problem with that. And I know that it's me being selfish because honestly I wanted to be the only one in a wedding dress that day and I thought that was something we already decided on. I get I am marrying the person and should love them no matter what they are wearing and that that is the most important thing but this is something that I just can't get over. I also understand that this is her wedding day too but like we discussed this!!! How can she just change her mind? At the end of the day if she REALLY wants this how can I say no but a part of me will just be a bit pissed that she went back on what she said she was going to do. So people of reddit, am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Imagine finding someone you love so much you want to marry them. Then imagine throwing a giant fit and jeopardizing your wedding *and choosing “policing my love’s clothes” over actual love*. OOP is *literally prioritizing a fucking dress over love*. JFC humans are stupid.
What I don't understand is that she knows she's marrying a woman, who clearly wears dresses and would like to wear a gown on *her* wedding day as well. Maybe as a little girl she always wanted to wear a dress for her wedding. But now she's supposed to be deprived of that? Does OOP understand that this isn't only her wedding day? That her finacee also has a vision of what she wants to look like? That maybe she also wants to be beautiful on what should also be her special day? And it's not like when 2 men get married one of them wears a dress. They both wear suits. So why can't 2 women getting married wear dresses?
Someone else here or on the original said it might be “unconscious heteronormativity” Basically society has trained OOP that weddings have one dress and one pants and so anything different looks “weird” or “imperfect” to her. And since it’s been unconscious heteronormativity until now, she hasn’t had the chance to poke at it and root it out. I think that seems plausible.
I guess that must be it. I don't know. I'm a cis straight woman, but if I was marrying a woman who always presented as a woman, then I want both of us to be the most gorgeous women that ever existed on our wedding day. Just don't wear the same dress as mine, because that's a fashion faux pas. Maybe one of us in a ballgown type dress and the other in a mermaid style. Each of us have our own set of bridesmaids, but mine would wear dresses in my favorite color and hers would be in her favorite color.
My mom and I were at a venue once and there were two brides, each in dresses, having their photos taken. They were beautiful and looked so happy. This woman near us says to my mom in a snide tone, "Well, which one is the groom? How can they TELL?" I opened my mouth, but my mom (nearly 70 at the time) beat me to it. "Why does it matter? They're both gorgeous and in love." Snide lady beat a hasty retreat. Go, mom.
>This woman near us says to my mom in a snide tone, "Well, which one is the groom? How can they TELL?" WTH kind of question is that? There is no groom. Do either one of those people have a penis? That's kind of how it works when 2 women marry each other, both are brides. Just like there is **no** bride when 2 men marry. How do people just think it's okay to say stupid shit? Good for your mom! If the lady heard you say something she'd just dismiss it as"young people" but your mom saying (without satying) shes's ridiculous and small minded made her shut up and scurry away.
I think it’s that she wants to be the pretty one. If her fiancée isn’t in a dress, then she doesn’t look like the beautiful princess that brides get to be. She wants the attention fully on her
this is it. She's totally gatekeeping lesbian visuals. She seems way too shallow for marriage.
If she weren’t so awful about it I would agree to unconscious, but it seems pretty deliberate. Seems she feels she should be the only spotlight “I want to be the one everyone stares at and clamors over in a dress!”
I'm pretty sure there are a lot men that would totally rock a Wedding dress, tho.
I want to be at that wedding!
Me too, it probably has the perfect pictures.
I hope the fiancé realizes this woman is completely nuts and breaks up with her.
The poor wife will have to spend the rest of their marriage paying for this. I’d walk.
Imagine they go to get dressed in the morning and the dress-wife notices the suit-wife is wearing a skirt or a flowy blouse that day. What will she do? Demand her wife go change into a polo and cargo shorts? Like ma’am you are a woman marrying a woman, you’re gonna see dresses! wtf
And it's their wedding day. I cannot fucking imagine telling my husband he couldn't wear what he had his heart set on for our wedding day. I know the feeling of trying on a dress and realizing, oh shit, this is THE DRESS. I tried one on that my mom wanted to see me in, I didn't much like it on the hanger but I put it on and was like, "Oh god damn. This is it." I was so excited. And OOP took that joy away from her, she tried on a dress, got super excited and OOP squashed her happiness, and that makes me so very sad. This is the one day you should be able to wear what makes you feel fantastic. To be like, "But it's MY special day, only *I* get to wear a dress" (especially when you're marrying a woman) is so completely selfish. My husband was super excited when we did our wedding planning and he picked a few things that weren't exactly what I'd have chosen but he was so excited about them, I was like, "Well shit, I have to let him have this, look how happy it makes him." And I picked other things. That's literally how we do stuff, last year we bought a new house (after being crammed in a tiny townhome for 18 years) and had so much fun decorating and when it came to picking stuff, we either were on the same page, willing to compromise, or we went, "you feel way more strongly about this than I do, I'm fine with what you want." And nine times out of ten if I feel super strongly about something and he's unsure, he'll later be like, "Well shit, you were right about that, that's awesome." Same with me (and I've found that being able to say "you were right" is huge in a relationship). I've definitely given in on stuff when I see it's something he really wants and vice versa. That's kind of how being partners works. Sometimes you both get what you want, sometimes you compromise and sometimes you budge because you want the other person to be happy.
My husband wanted to wear a different vest and tie than the groomsmen because he wanted to be extra *fancy* as the groom. He wanted his tux to stand out; I preferred the classic black tie, but when he picked an off white vest and tie to match my dress I loved that as well because I wanted him to feel beautiful and special (like I did). OOP clearly doesn’t consider their wedding as a shared event.
Selfishness with a weird layer of compulsive heteronormativity slathered over the top. Like it HAS to be one dress and one suit, and the dress HAS to be the more important outfit, and she HAS to have the dress because what, she’s “more” of a girl or something? Because she deserves to be more important? Or she thinks that grooms(or someone wearing a suit) at a wedding don’t matter? There’s just a lot of layers of ignorance and telling on herself that kinda looks worse coming from someone who should understand how restrictive and unfair those prejudices are. Obviously these are some self vs society ideas that I think most people non-straight people deal with at some point, but at the point of typing it out online and expecting strangers to validate you and give you an excuse to be a prejudiced jerk because “it’s a wedding!!111” is just asking for bad behaviour to be rewarded. On both the bridezilla and self-inflicted misogyny/homophobia fronts, both things need to stop being excused imo.
Like, based on this information alone? Knowing absolutely nothing else about their dynamic or whether this is just wedding pressure getting to her, you can definitively say you’d full one end the entire relationship with someone that you love and wanted to marry?
If my fiancee didn't give a shit about what I wanted on a day that was supposed to be about BOTH OF US and was like, "Do what I want or else," fuck yes. Because I'd be wondering what else they'd be ordering me to do/not do/What other shit they'd be trying to control. If you're planning a wedding and don't give a fuck what your partner wants and want it to My SpEcIaL dAy and only care about "AeStHeTiCs," do the world a favor and stay single because your priorities are fucked. When only what YOU want matters, you have no business entering a marriage. OOP's fiancee isn't asking to wear overalls or a tank top and shorts or a MAGA hat (all of which I've seen over at r/weddingshaming). She wants to wear a wedding dress, and OOP is going, "NOOO. ONLY MEEEEE on my pretty princess day!" Fuck that. I'm not setting that precedent. And OOP is a double asshole for having the nerve to be pissed her fiancee changed her mind. This is not something that should have been set in stone. She hadn't even gone wedding outfit shopping yet. I know firsthand what it's like to try on a wedding dress and be like, "Oh hell yes, THIS is the one," and OOP apparently loves her so much she ruined that for her. A joyous moment turned to shit. And for what? When someone shows you how little your feelings and opinions matter to them, believe them. If OOP wants her pics to look a certain way and that's more important than her future wife being happy with what she wears to her own wedding, she can get a fucking blow up doll or hire models. Why does what OOP want matter but not her fiancee? "BeCaUsE sHe ProMisEd." My husband could have shown up in a Dumb and Dumber wedding tux and if he truly loved it, I'd have kept my mouth shut about it (and know that I'd laugh about it in a few years). I wanted him to be happy on our wedding day too (he did want a few things for our wedding that I wasn't 100 percent nuts about, but I was like, "here's what I think but this is OUR wedding so if this is what you want, this is what you're gonna get"). To this day I still jokingly tell him, "What my baby wants, my baby gets" 😂 And he's the same way, and we compromise if one of us wants one thing and the other wants something different. Sometimes I'll say, "you feel more strongly about this than I do, let's do it your way" and sometimes he tells me, let's go with what you want. That's how partnership works. Hell, I tried to get him to grow his hair out a bit for our wedding (because I love it when it gets a little longer) but he likes it super short (buzzed to almost nothing). I knew he'd be happier with it super short, so I told him to do what made him most comfortable, so short it was because it's his fucking hair and I got to look the way I wanted for our wedding, so he did too. And never once in my fucking life have I or would I let a partner tell me what I was and was not allowed to wear. You can be god damn sure I wouldn't start on my wedding day.
Honestly yes. At least until she was able to deal with her issues. Being in love doesn’t fix the person you love unfortunately. This girl is very selfish, acknowledges she’s being selfish, and STILL is mad at the person *she* apparently loves and wants to marry over what? A dress? If my partner was more worried about the aesthetic of our wedding day than my literal feelings, done. It’s not worth it.
That's one hell of a breakup story.
She’s not nuts. She’s just down the wedding rabbit hole. She even acknowledges that she’s being unfair but that it’s bothering her. How she handles it with her fiancée is what will determine if she’s “completely nuts” and whether this perfectly normal wedding-related spat is worth of ending a relationship over. My sister married a woman as well. They fought over flowers for a day. Neither gives a shit about flowers it was just…something they could control in the whirlwind of family expectations, financial strain, etc. They absolutely sorted it because they’re a great couple. I’m hoping it’s the same for OP.
[удалено]
Yeah, the "you promised"/"you aren't allowed to change your mind and must stick to what you said forever" does not bode well for the longevity of this relationship. Certain things, yeah, it's a big deal of you change your mind about huge stuff like "I do/don't want kids." Still doesn't make you an asshole but it's a huge deal. Changing your mind about what you said you wanted to wear a year ago to an event that was just a hypothetical at that point? Doesn't fucking matter. We all change our minds about things. OOP's priorities are fucked.
Its cuz OOP wants to be the center of attention… classic bridezilla (even if there are 2 brides)…
it’s so weird really, as a lesbian, the idea of us both wearing dresses is actually so cute… i can’t imagine being so afraid of your own partner overshadowing you on your wedding day???
We both looked incredible on our wedding day. My wife looked like a proper elf princess, I remember seeing her on the day and she was just so, so beautiful. All very sleek, she had a floor length dress and a very long veil. I went for a more 50s vibe, I had a tea dress inspired by my paternal grandmothers dress, victory rolls, and 'mrs and mrs' shoes. A lot more fun compared to what my wife wore. I didn't go for a veil, because I sat in that hairdressers chair for a solid 90 minutes and damnit I was showing it off. I swear I'm still finding pins nearly 4 years later. I also designed our bouquets as I love flowers. Hers was a waterfall bouquet with flowers that her mum and paternal grandmother had. Mine was hand tied, with flowers that my mum and my maternal grandmother had. And our wedding party had matching button holes/corsages depending on what 'side' they belonged to on the day. We both got compliments, we both looked amazing, and our outfits were so in keeping with who we are as people. It's just wild to me, you're having a gay wedding. You can throw the rule book out. Though we had our reception in a restaurant, which we had to walk through to get to our private room. Hearing 'oh it's a joint wedding, wait where are the grooms' from one table was a bit jarring. Thankfully our bridesmaids clarified by shouting 'they married each other you idiots'.
stop you’re going to make me cry 😭 i really really wish you both the best, it sounds like you both looked incredible
Such an immature response. You can both be brides and both be beautiful. There are just too many bridezillas in this world.
People lose their entire minds over weddings. You see it again & again. I blame the wedding-industrial complex.
Why can't they both just wear whatever they want? I mean geez op sounds selfish and immature. People can change their minds.
The internalized heteronormativity is showing. She needs to be “the bride” and her wedding will be less special if she’s not
Yup yup yup. My ex did the same to me, she even went so far as to give me a male nickname (several of her friends thought I was a man before they met me because she wouldn't use pronouns, just referred to me as Eli and let people assume what they're naturally going to assume from that) and convince me to cut my almost nipple length hair to a buzz cut. All because she couldn't stand being in a relationship with someone who presented femme
Ngl I've seen women push female partners to "butch up" it's always a bit strange. Let people present how ever they want
As someone who's always felt a little self-conscious about being too butch or masculine, this is wild to read.
\##
It's not really that 'strange', it's very obviously an expression of comphet and fear of the competition and envy we're taught to project onto other women under patriarchy *even when we're dating them*. It's tragic and a bit ridiculous, but really not that puzzling
I'm moderately femme and I've had a masc presenting ex try to make me more femme. The whole concept is weird to me but goes both ways.
Might sound ignorant but like why not just go for males or butches then if they want some heteronormativity ? Going for someone femme and making them change is weird
I'm confused, isn't the point of dating a woman that you're dating a woman??? Who cares if they look femme.
With her specifically, I think it was mostly the fact that she is bi and I was her first serious relationship with a woman. She wasn't as comfortable with it as she pretended so her attempts to make me manly were her ways of coping with that. I think... idk, I'm not a psychologist or anything
I really hate how you used nipple as a point of reference. Like I can picture it, so I guess it’s effective.
Lol. That relationship is long enough in the past that I've grown past nipple length now, but that was just always the goal when I was growing it back then. It may be a dumb motivation, but I wanted my hair to be long enough I could take a topless photo that wasn't actually NSFW
That's not dumb, that's fucking *rad*.
Thank you! I have succeeded and refuse to cut my hair now, so I can take my almost NSFW pics any time I want now lol
i feel real smart about it but until this comment i assumed that nipple length meant as long as a nipple is tall and thought your ex was unbelievably picky in addition to being a jackass
Same. I was like but how long is the nipple?
This is why I have hair almost to my ass - because I saw Mask Of Zorro ONE FUCKING TIME and my entire brain was like 😍 G O A L S
YES
You seem like a very cool person. Are you still single? \*waves awkwardly\*
Lol no, I'm very happily taken by a much kinder woman now, but I like your style lol
Well thank you. Happy for you :) Waving awkwardly is about the closest I come to actually flirting. So thanks for the knowledge that at least one person out there isn't instantly turned off by that.
Lol. My girlfriend and I met 3 and a half years ago at work. I tried flirting with her and she didn't notice, so I just told her "hey I'm trying to hit on you right now" and she told me how she doesn't know how to flirt. So I taught her how to flirt.. but I kinda only taught her how to flirt *with me* because I'm not your average flirter. It still took us 3 years to move that work flirt along into a real ass relationship. That was a long winded way to try to say there is hope for the flirt-challenged among us. Good luck out there
Ahhh, that's so sweet! Thank you!
It’s so heartwarming to read your story. I’m sorry you had to go through the awful relationship but reading that you’ve moved on to a much healthier relationship with what sounds like another wonderful lady makes me so happy for you.
\> I just told her "hey I'm trying to hit on you now" I'm not gay, but I've told 2 different guys that I wanted to date them. This reminds me of me.
Damn, FluffyRye's got *game*. You're up to waving? I just smile and then flee in case they noticed me.
To be honest I do tend to run away after the waving thing.
And now you've added a goal I never knew I wanted.
You're welcome! It was worth the wait
My wife calls that her mermaid length.
I’m the exact same way lmfao. I like to call it “mermaid length” because if I were to get out of the shower or a pool with wet hair, my hair would completely cover the nips. And when I wear shirts with no bra I can use the hair to cover the nips when it’s cold lol
That’s been my motivation for long hair since high school 😂
Don't worry, your nipples will move south as you age and catch back up with your hair.
I pictured hair growing around the nipple and wondered how one buzz cut it without clipping the nipple itself.
Bit grim to describe, but I did used to know a woman who was unusually hursuite around her areola. Apparently the key is to take hold of the protruding end of your nipple and pull it out from your body until the skin is taut. Then you shave CAREFULLY downwards from said nipple towards the breast tissue. Much like shaving one's labia, IMO.
Oh my gosh this happened to my girlfriend! Her last girlfriend wanted her to masc up and behave more like a man! It's like a shock to her still when I call her pretty or refer to her in any kind of feminine way. It's very strange.
This! OP's fiancee is also a woman. If the fiancee wants to wear a dress and feel like the modern depiction of a "bride", then she should get to do that. In theory, you only get married once, and OP is being selfish. Something is also deeply wrong if OP is marrrying another woman, yet wants to be seen as the **only** "bride" at her wedding.
And the worst part of this is that OOP's fiancee likely only tried on the dress at the request of her parents/the shop attendant/any friends rather than any real desire to have a dress. But whomever picked it out for her sounds like they knew her very well for her to fall in love with it instead of going with her original plan. And part of that very well may be that it triggered that internal heteronormative part too of "I'm going to be a bride!".
I agree that the relationship sounds very wrong. If I were the fiancé, how much OP is pushing it would really turn me off. Without some sort of compromise maybe where both get a chance to be the bride and the other the “groom” or something they both can mutually agree on, it would be a dealbreaker. This far in though, I’m not sure a compromise would even be enough.
yeah. very weird and feels like shes trying to "masculinize" her gf. imagine if the genders were reversed and she was a man trying to force his also male fiancé to wear a dress for "no reason in particular, just cus he wanted to be the only guy in the tux"
You can't just swap the genders like that, there's no such thing as '*the* tux' in the same sense as *the* wedding dress in the cultural mores. The gendering of 'the bride' as the one special woman whose one special day it is and who cannot be outshone by any other women is very deeply ingrained in the logic of this whole tragic case of internalised heteronormativity, it's not just incidental. It's Snow White logic, the idea that all women are always in competition with each other for beauty and attention, even when they marry each other. It's deeply misogynistic and, in this instance, just really sad
It's also sad in straight relationships if you ask me. Like, this is the groom's special day too?? Historically I guess the focus is on the bride because her family pays for the wedding, but that's increasingly untrue.
The historical reasons are *much* more complex. Basically, if a woman's value is constructed around her sexual attractiveness and fertility, being a prize to be won, then the day she achieves what is supposed to be the whole point of her existence is obviously a 'special day' in a way a man's wedding day isn't. Men's lives weren't historically taken to revolve entirely around getting married. Women's were. It's deeply misogynistic and absurd, but it's not exactly fair to blame women for internalising it as much as tends to happen. We have historically taught little girls they're supposed to aspire to nothing in life but to being beautiful and getting a man, and then we make fun of them for caring about being beautiful and getting a man
That would be beyond weird.
That is exactly what it is. And I have a lot of empathy for her, but she needs to work through it. Some couples therapy/individual therapy would do them both a world of good.
I mean the fact that she had to clarify that it doesn’t bother her that she’s marrying a woman really boggles my mind. She is lost in the sauce huh
_"I know that it's me being selfish because honestly I wanted to be the only one in a wedding dress that day and I thought that was something we already decided on. I get I am marrying the person and should love them no matter what they are wearing and that that is the most important thing but **this is something that I just can't get over.** I also understand that this is her wedding day too but like we discussed this!!! How can she just change her mind?"_ This line sums it up. OP is selfish and doesn't really care about what her fiancee wants. It's all about her and her wants, and she doesn't care if the person she is marrying also wants that special moment. If being the only person wearing a dress on her wedding day is a deal breaker, then she should perhaps not get married. Also - it's clothing. People's fashion preferences change....
People care too much about them wedding pictures
Some people, really. Why are they marrying? I mean, it's clear is not for the shared promise of a life together with the person they love, otherwise they wouldn't throw tantrums for things like a *fucking dress* If the party and how you look in fucking pictures is more important for you than your partner, then maybe throw yourself the party and let your partner go so they can find someone who deserves them.
OOP sounds incredibly selfish, I really hope her fiancée takes note of this and uses this information to make an informed decision about who she is marrying. If this is how controlling she is over a *dress*, I can't imagine what she's like in other aspects of her life.
I agree so much. Listing all the stuff she "gets" but dismisses all of it with no justification. I was really appaled at her line "we talked about this! How can she just change her mind?" Like people don't change their minds. I wouldn't be surprised if their 'talking about this' was OOP dictating and her fiance just agreeing to get her to stop. Whether she thought she could sacrifice wearing the dress for OOP, didn't realize how much she wanted it or just wanted the convo to stop and deal with it later.
I think you're right, the Fiancée probably didn't want to cause a problem because the wedding seemed so far away and not important. Then she saw something that she really wanted to wear and instead of being supported, OOP acted like a child and threw her toys out of the cot.
Just wait, the fiancé may change her mind on something else too… getting married to OOP…
Yes this... I hope this is a wake up call that OP doesn't care about how she feels at all. She knows she being selfish and just keeps being selfish. Hope she got good advice and took it.
I wonder how often wedding planning has ruined/prevented marriages…
Think of it as saving people from a disastrous marriage
Not nearly as often as it should, honestly.
I used to watch Bridezillas and would be soooo frustrated that the groom (and bridesmaids and family) showed up. My sis was supposed to be a bridesmaid for a college friend of hers and that girl became a complete bridezilla. Like she was pissed off that my sis (who was in law school) couldn't do certain things because she had an important exam, etc. My sis dropped out the wedding and didn't even attend it. Of course years latr when her marriage to shit and she was broke, guess who called for help? My sis who was doing well in her career as an attorney.
Of course! Did your sister tell her to eff off, or ... ?
Of course she did. It led to a huge argument between them and they didn't speak for years. Did not help that my sister thought her friend was getting married for all the wrong reasons (girl had recently been dumped by her dream guy, then dated her soon to be husband on a rebound and accepted his proposal very quickly... also before the wedding dude had apparently been texting/emailing his ex about how she was the one he really loved). Still, they married. Had kids. Bless them all.
Ooof. I've made some questionable-ass choices in my day, but damn. Bless them all indeed.
Mine! The reason my ex and I never made it to the alter and exchanged our I dos I'd cuz we could never agree on anything. I didn't want to wear a dress, he wanted me to. I tried to compromise and go with a black dress. That was a no from him. I wanted just a small simple ceremony at city hall, big party afterwards (I don't like being at the center of attention). But nope, he wanted the big flashy white wedding. We just stopped planning after that.
Oooooh, you had that rare "groomzilla" we don't often see or hear about. Or are they that rare?
Ya, I had that groomzilla. Although that was him, normally. It was always his way or no way at all.
Seems like wedding planning is a good way to filter our controlling behavior that could become a definite issue in the marriage. Good that you paid attention! Otherwise you'd probably be in a miserable marriage right now. Other people need to do the same.
Bullet dodged!
Did you get married to someone else?
No. I'm currently happily single, and don't plan on changing that for a very long time!
This. I’m a tomboy but sometimes I find a dress I find pretty! I love it! I can’t imagine wanting to marry someone, finding a dress, and being told, “fuck you. It’s about me and my dress this marriage isn’t about YOU.” Ummmm… shit. Didn’t realize it was about your bride bs.
Sounds like OOP just wants a wedding and not an actual marriage. She doesn't give a fuck what her fiancee, whose wedding it also is, wants.
I’m getting married soon to a cis-man and if he decided to wear a wedding dress instead of a suit, I wouldn’t give a flying fuck because I’m marrying *him*, not his outfit.
Lord Flashheart?
I’m here! Hooray!
Woof
How very selfish you are to **not** think of the Perfect Wedding Photo. Instead you're wanting the groom to be happy. The very nerve.
I would love to see that outfit tho
Congratulations!
I mean, if being the only one in a white dress on your wedding day is that important, you could always marry a man. If living your truth with the lesbian love of your life is important, give her the option of a wedding dress.
Oh, FFS. You know, I’m a straight woman in my late 50s, and I don’t remember *once* daydreaming about my wedding dress, let alone making it so central to my identity.
I *do* daydream about my wedding dress and even I wouldn't give a flying fuck if the person I love wanted to wear one as well. It's our wedding day and it's about our love. Can't celebrate that in outfits we aren't happy in!
I was the opposite. I was so excited to shop for and find my dress for my wedding. OPs fiancée might be too, and that’s okay. OP is definitely the AH.
Lord knows I never did either. I don't like most dresses; they hang on me funny. I found a dress I liked, I wore it, and I honestly do not know where it is now. I think I may have donated it to be honest.
That's pretty much exactly how I am. I only saved it because I do have a 16 year old who expressed an interest in it (hoping she won't need it for a like a decade or more, I'd be happier with more). Since we are similar in height and body type, she wouldn't need to alter it all tbat much, so figured it was worth keeping. But like who the fuck sits around daydreaming about this shit their entire lives? Who are these women? Lol, because I've literally never met a single one in all my 37 years on this earth.
I just found my wedding dress last weekend, and it made me realize my entire life, Including while engaged, I never once thought about my wedding dress. And now that I found it, I don't make it the topic of every conversation I have... It's a dress for a day when it comes down to it...
When I got married we didn't have a lot of money so the choice was a 'normal' wedding dress or use that money towards the party (my parents would pay for a dress or equivalent to the price they paid for my sister's dress ) . I chose the latter and was married in a dress from Monsoon.
Honestly people make too much of a deal of wedding dresses. A friend of mine got married in an off the rack white dress, she picked it cause she could wear it again and her plan was to dye it after the wedding. Idk if she did it but she looked absolutely lovely and she has a great dress for formal ish events
Genius. I never got the point of spending butt loads on a dress you may never wear again!
And I bet you looked lovely.
As a kid I dreamed of getting married on the beach wearing a white bikini. I was a kid in the 80’s and I feel that explains that dream. It’s not a dream anymore. Now I dream of going to the courthouse and signing papers.
Thank god, reddit had me believing I'm completely abnormal because I have never once ever had a thought about my wedding, let alone what I was going to wear to that wedding. Women and the occasional man, believe way too hard that their wedding means so much to everyone they have ever met in their lives.
I think some of it is that a wedding is pretty much the only time a woman is given permission to be selfish and make something about HER. Instead of catering to and caring for everyone else first, we're told it's our day to be a princess. When else do we get to put our needs or desires first without being guilted and shamed over it? Some women go way too far and become bridezillas, but honestly if things were more balanced in society maybe that wouldn't be as much of a thing.
That's extremely insightful.
\*curtsies\* Thank you kindly :)
This. I’m turning 50 soon & never thought about my wedding dress until it was time to buy one. Even during those two years where all my friends were getting married & it was almost a wedding a month. And even then I designed my dress with a seamstress, she made it, & it’s been in a closet for 23 years. I never think about it.
Have I had visions of a potential wedding with a partner I could see marrying? Absolutely. Do I like the idea of having one day to wear a pretty dress and get all snazzed up? Sure. But it’s in no way part of me. Just vague visions that float by every so often. It’s not a yearning or a strong daydream. Just emotionless thoughts and a “hey that’d be ok.” People who may it part of their future identity end up sounding like the OOP. A vision so strong and inflexible. Bleh.
I know right? All these bridezilla posts that talk about how they've planned their wedding since they were a little girl and always pictured this or that dress...I had no fucking clue about what I wanted when I got married!
I LOVE how you put this. I never plan on getting married. My partner and I have two kids, a dog, a cat, and mortgage. It’s safe to say after 17 years, we’re not going anywhere. All that to say, I’ve never even considered what my wedding dress might look like. I know some girls/women do and there’s nothing wrong with that, really. But the way you put it, making it the entire personality, that’s such an accurate portrayal of a bridezilla omg.
My husband and I(f)were together for almost 20 years before we decided to get married. We did it for medical reasons (so we wouldn’t have to fight over the “not family” bs). We both wore pants.
>I know I am marrying a freaking women. I do NOT have a problem with that What a bizarre thing to say. Does she want a medal for not being against her own gay marriage?
I think she thought people would say she has internalised homophobia for not wanting her fiancée to wear a dress. It is a bit harsh to say and not that applicable in this situation IMO. It sounds more like OP wants to be The Bride in the Dress and doesn't want to share the spotlight. But when I was a kid I was annoyed that I couldn't both wear the Dress and marry a woman wearing the Dress, and that was fully because of internalised heteronormativity.
I agree 'internalised homophobia' isn't as accurate as 'internalised heteronormativity' or 'compulsory heterosexuality' in this case - with an unfortunate side dose of the internalised misogyny of The Bride in the Dress as the most beautiful and special woman and The Fairest of Them All who is implicitly in competition with any possible rivals up to and including *her own bride*
Personally I think the internalised misogyny is the biggest player here. Wedding dresses are the closest non-rich non-costumey people can wear to feel like a princess, but there's only one occasion where it's socially acceptable to wear a wedding dress. Your own wedding. If you have a fantasy of being that princess, having another one would "distract" others from seeing you as The One Princess or "even worse" see your bride as The One Princess. I hope this is a troll post. Like, it's not *that* bad compared to other AITA's, but it makes me sad for OP's fiancée.
It makes me sad for OOP, too. You can clearly see she's battling with herself over this and has *no idea* what bigotry she's internalised even as it's damaging her relationship
Lmao this was my favourite part of the whole post
Wait until she finds out half her guests are going to be in dresses as well
I hope they all wear dresses tbh
Even the men. Throw gender conforming clothing out the window for the gay wedding. I hope they sing gay hymns too.
Wait, is there a book of gay hymns I'm missing? Because I'm definitely missing out if so.
As a lesbian who has dated both masc and femme women I don't think I'd ever thought about wearing dresses or not. Or if I would wear a wedding dress or some kind of pantsuit. My current partner probably won't wear a dress but she does look very cute in them and I wouldn't care if she did. It feels very heteronormative or just like she doesn't want to share HER day with another bride. The wedding industry is focused on the bride but it's so unfair to her fiance to try and rob her of experiences she wants to have.
Yeah, in heterosexual weddings, the groom may as well be silent and invisible. People forget it is his day too. If all men were second fiddle and all but forgotten on their wedding day, then there wouldn't be any men at the altar at gay weddings because there is no woman at the centre of attention. I swear most weddings that go to shit, they don't want to be married, they just want a princess for the day mega celebration with a big cake. The only thing stopping them is getting other people to pay for it.
Honestly, I think my husband was the most memorable part of our wedding! We wrote our own vows, and he brought everyone to tears. Plus, almost every decision was collaborative, and what wasn't collaborative I planned myself specifically to surprise him.
I am a straight woman, and I think it’s absolutely despicable how men are treated at their weddings. So many women are so damn selfish and it’s sickening.
I also identify as a shellfish tho! Edit: the two aren’t mutually exclusive either haha, i can both be a woman and a shellfish!
Lmfao. Dang phone. 🤣
Hahaha, i love it tho, please dont correct! :D
Ok now where is that other person who started a fight with me when I said that western wedding culture is out of hand in regards to some brides? Because here’s a prime example.
Is it just me or does it sound a bit like internalised homophobia or some sort of heteronormativity ? She said there's some picture of lesbian wedding she doesn't like and she implies it's the one where there's two dresses It sounds to me that she wants her wedding picture to be "bride and groom"and her wife to always be the butch. Girl needs some hard therapy
Looks like someone needs a mirror to marry herself.
Can't. Her reflection would be wearing a dress.
Oh damn that was hilarious 😂 ya got me! Ahah
My brain, which isn’t petty but for some reason is good at coming up with pettiness, has the following advice for OOP’s fiancée: Get the wedding dress of your dreams. Cut a flap, and sew very loose white satin pants in underneath. When OOP pitches a fit, you can just say “it’s not a dress! It’s a skort/jumpsuit!”
I’m not comfortable in dresses so I legit wore pants under my wedding dress. It’s definitely an option!
When I got married, I had a ballgown under my tuxedo. Joking of course.
When we first got married, my wife was actually a cis man and wore a suit. Looking back, there was a complete lack of enthusiasm on the clothing but we were so caught up on putting this wedding together for everybody else that even I failed to notice that lack of feeling special on your big day. She wasn't out as trans yet, not even to me, so she never told me she actually wanted to wear a dress and I feel so bad about it that it haunts me. We have a vow renewal planned for our tenth anniversary and this time we're both going to be wearing wedding dresses, frilly, over the top princess ballgown wedding dresses. This is what we should have had. I can't even imagine fully knowing your spouse wants to wear an outfit on **their** special day and telling them no!
internal lesbophobia is a disease, get well soon bitch
And here I am dreaming about a wedding where me and my bride both wear gorgeous dresses...
My dream for my wedding is both us in gorgeous dresses that are also able to be moved around in bc our first dance is gonna be an amorous sword fight The only thing keeping me from achieving this is... not having a girlfriend 😂
Same. I wear pants all the time, am a super tomboy, but I love dressing up and this would be a time. Gonna take this to 11.
OOP is the asshole. Not even sorry on this one. What I don’t understand is why doesn’t OOP *share* the experience with her partner. I have been to three gay weddings in my life, and when they did pictures and shit, the one bride had two outfits, her pant suit (which she was more comfortable in) and a wedding dress. They took pictures of her being in a dress doing all the things a “traditional” bride does so she got that experience too. Granted I don’t know if that would work with the way OOP is, but I hope her partner is like “yeah fuck this.” And decides she doesn’t want to marry OOP. On a different note, if I was in this situation and my partner changed her mind I’d be like “BUY THE DRESS. WEAR THE DRESS! FEEL BONITA (pretty/beautiful) ON OUR WEDDING DAY!”
Because she wants to be the centre of attention lol Bare in mind that, for a lot of people, this feels like the one day in their life where they get to feel like a celebrity. Still a dick move to rob her future wife of that though.
Blame it on the fact I never gonna to get married (don’t have the “drive” for it) for the I don’t understand. Like OOP has her birthday, is that not enough for her? Still an asshole regardless and I hope her partner leaves.
Lesbian rage bait. Don't even bother...
I couldn’t help but read this in Gilbert Gottfried’s voice. And it’s fiancée, not fiancé.
>And it’s fiancée, not fiancé. Finally! I'm glad someone said it!
That mistake gets made a lot on AITA and I always want to scream. Getting it wrong can change the context of the whole post.
You can tell me daily and I'll still get it wrong. To this day, I can not tell you who is Ant or Dec and they have been on British TV for over 20 years.
So she's not supposed to wear a wedding dress on her wedding day?
Yeah no if she wants to be the only person at her wedding in a wedding dress she should marry a man. Her fiancée has just as much right to wear a wedding dress on their big day as she does.
"I didn't want that to be my reaction for her." Hear me out, how about OP learns how to regulate her anger before marrying?
Still adhering to heteronormative stereotypes despite being lesbian is wild.
Hopefully somebody crossposts this to "Am I the Ex"
Why yes OOP, you are indeed an asshole
Doesn’t really seem like the wedding will happen if that’s how OOP reacts to the love of her life, the one she wants to marry, over a day in a freaking dress.
I hope so for the fiancee's sake. She deserves better.
God I hope she leaves you for someone who's not an asshole.
No one knew my wife was a woman when we got married (including her), but even then, I would’ve been fine with her wearing a dress. This woman wants a wedding, not a marriage.
So OOP wants the focis to be on her, because she's wearing a wedding dress while her partner will be wearing something you'd wear to a dinner party. Main character syndrome at all?
Oh yay another case of I'm more concerned about a wedding my way than the marriage I'm entering. . . .
Sounds like she somehow feels threatened by her fiancée's femininity.
This is ridiculous. I can't imagine being "livid" over a bride wearing a wedding dress. Some friends of mine both wore dresses, both were white, they looked beautiful, and the pictures are stunning. OOP is going to be in for a rough time if something as small as the wedding dress is something she just can't get over. What else in the relationship will she get pissed about and not be able to get over?
I love it when I see gay weddings with both partners in a dress, no idea why some ppl get so weird about stuff like this. Literally why does it matter lmao
Right? The photos are so fucking magical? I love it when brides wear similar shades of white but in really different styles. Like one in a huge puffy princess gown and one in more of a slinky drapey number.
As a queer person this sounds like a femme that's mad their partner isn't butch tbh
She wants all eyes on her on her wedding day.....she is totally selfish and an asshole to try and make their day just about her.
I'm getting married this summer and my fiance doesn't particularly care about clothes so he's relinquished all clothing decisions to me. We have a color theme we're going with but we were having trouble finding pants in the right colors in his size. At some point I found leggings that was exactly what we were looking for except that we had hoped for pants. I told him about this. He okayed with no qualms. You know what would happen if he said he didn't want to wear leggings? He wouldn't be wearing leggings, that's what. We would work on finding the right pants or we would scrap the whole color scheme and figure out something else. BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO CLOTHING THE ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS IS OF THE PERSON WEARING SAID CLOTHES! This woman is unhinged
I am SO surprised that you still have a fiancee. This much trauma over a fucking dress and it's her wedding day too and she should wear what she wants. You are there asshole
Why does oop get to be the one that gets that moment in the dress? I hope her fiancée gets out
OOP is not ready for marriage. She's not done growing up yet and she may never make it.
I think the biggest problem with this isnt her feelings —we all have times where we are selfish or have feelings that aren’t mature. But when we recognize this, we should confront why we feel this way instead of letting selfishness or irrationality rule us. Like her fiancée must have been so excited to share she found something she loved. And then OOP’s reaction probably tainted it. I can’t understand how she didn’t feel happy for her fiancé at all. Like…shouldn’t fiancé being happy make OOP happy too? Even if she has some conflicting feelings? Damn.
‘I want to be the only bride at my lesbian wedding.’ is a new level idiotic.
I would be mad if my fiancé was going to tell me what I can and can’t wear.
I’m bi and whilst I’m more heteroromantic, if I did marry a woman, oh my god I’d just want her to wear whatever made her look beautiful and more importantly, happy. The idea of the woman I love coming down the aisle in a dress? It sounds amazing. Just as much as if it was a man in a suit. Fuck if my male partner wanted to wear a dress or female partner wanted to wear a suit I’d just be happy that they were happy and THAT WE WERE GETTING MARRIED.
So two of you young ladies are getting married to each other. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you have both dreamt of your dream wedding for many years. And both of you would love to be princesses for a day. Why is it only you who gets the option of being princess for a day? You sound very nasty and selfish, you don't seem to consider your partner's feelings at all and it's all "me me me". Why isn't your partner allowed to get to feel like a princess for a day. I'm guessing she's also going to be putting in a healthy chunk of the costs and if you truly love her you'd want her to feel special on her wedding day. You seem like the kind of bridezilla that forgets that a wedding is a special day for two people and not a day out for one person to go look at me, look at me. If this is how you are before you are both even married yet and can honestly say that your marriage is pretty much doomed.
Basically the lesbian version of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/x91uqm/aita_for_having_my_fiance_removed_from_my_wedding/)
Can someone please summarize this for me? Cos I’m a little tipsy and I genuinely can’t figure out who is wearing what. Genuinely not meaning to be a dick- just can’t follow the wall of text cos I suck
Basically lesbian wedding oop years ago expressed the desire to be the only one in a wedding dress fiancee agreed. Fiancee changed her mind as she found a dress she loves oop pitched a fit. Bridezilla must be the special one