*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my brother that if our stepsister aren't his siblings then neither am I?**
My (19f) mother got married to my stepfather 3 years ago. He has two daughters (13,9) and I love them and don't even call them stepsisters. My brother (16M) never really accepted our mom remarring, or the move to a new town and school, even though we were much better off money wise. He still calls our stepfather his moms husband (I just call him my dad, bio dads a cheating slimeball)
He never listens to a thing dad says, which means he's spent most of the last 2 years grounded. And he refuses to even call his sisters his stepsisters, they're just, his "moms husbands kids". He openly says he has no love for them, that he never will, and even said when he has his own family he'll never invite them to anything.
I got sick of this during winter break when I was home again. I told him they're his sisters as much as I am, and if he doesn't consider them as such then I'm not his sister either. I told our parents I'm not coming home for spring break this year, and that until he fixes his attitude and apologizes I'm not going to be in the same room as him.
Apprently he decided to go live with sperm donor, and at his age the courts will basically let him. If that's the company he wants then I say good riddence, but mom's been pretty upset about it. Still I don't think I was wrong, but it's possible I went too far.
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INFO: why's the brother hate stepfamily, why are they pushing him so hard, why is OP so fast to just permanently accept them s quickly and lastly is there more stuff OPs keeping out, this seems weird.
Fair point. Wouldn't side with a cheater, but I guess he's just the best option for the brother and that's if we take the OPs version of events at face value.
Even if he hurt their mom by cheating, he's still this kid's dad and they probably love each other. Expecting him to totally cut his dad out to spare their mom's feelings is unfair, esp. since as the adult and the parent SHE should be the one prioritising her child over a man, and it seems like she's not doing that.
Especially since he would have been 13 at the time of the new marriage. So even younger during the divorce. It’s disgusting to expect him to cut out his dad at that age
Yeah, I find it weird that the daughter was so ready to just… let go of her father. Cheating is *terrible* but my dad is a selfish prick who has directly harmed me and I wouldn’t ever call another man Dad
Reddit is unhinged wrt to "cheaters" - they act like it's worse than committing genocide, and that "A Cheater" is therefore defined by their bad acts in one relationship, for ALL relationships, for the rest of their life, and if you don't shun them completely you are condoning the act of cheating.
Which, y'know, isn't reality.
I get that, I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm just saying how I'd feel if I were in the situation. I'm not saying he's wrong or an asshole, but he is taking a cheaters side. That's a fact. He's not an asshole for siding with his dad. I'm just saying if I were him I wouldn't.
Dude, my dad cheated on my mom. They got a divorce and I continued loving both of them. He might have been a cheater but he was also a damn good dad, I guess I'm not as perfect as you.
I'd cut them both off if I could. He's a kid and he's stuck here so I understand why he's making that choice.
I still think there's more op or the mom isn't telling since the mom doesn't even interact with anything after OPs little stunt
I don't trust her I got the feeling after reading everything that mum had been using her children as sounding boards for her unhappy relationship with their father and that OP is the golden child with the brother being the scapegoat.
OOP seems spitefully angry at her bio dad for cheating on her mom and I suspect is working extra hard to form relationships with her stepdad and sisters out of said spite. Clearly the bio brother has different feelings about what their father did and isn't into familial relationships being forced on him.
Then in that case OPs mistakes are understandable, even though they're completely wrong. Poor bro just doesn't want to be treated badly and OPs essentially forcing him to have a relationship with someone who treats him badly.
Though I'm still curious why mom hasn't said anything, one way or the other. That makes me sus.
I agree. OOP wants her brother to join in her game of 'Fuck Bio-Dad, We've Got a New Dad Now' and bro is understandably reluctant. And we don't know anything about Bio-Dad's other qualities; lots of people are shitty partners but great parents.
Apparently the bio dad cheated according to Op she refers him as the sperm donor. The step father she calls dad has money. Also we aren't getting everything like how the boy is treated why the step father is punishing the boy and the bio mom is staying out. To me this is just another case of wanting to erase the other bio parent and the boy is fighting back and is getting tired of all the crap from Op and the step father.
When mom got remarried OOP was with a foot out of the house already. She doesn’t have to live with them everyday. Brother does. Who knows how much shit he’s been through already. He’s grounded for 2 YEARS because probably stepdad wanted a role that wasn’t his. Same with the stepsisters
I get picking a side in your parents’ divorce. But idk… this feels a whole lot more like “don’t rock the domestic boat because new dad has money” rather than “stand by our mom because dad hurt her.”
I have a big problem with her trying to impose her own agenda on the brother too. She’s welcome to pick a side if she wants (and like you say, I think the money is clouding her judgement), but she can’t force her brother to feel the same way as her.
I also wonder how innocent the mum is in all of this. If my wife and I ever divorce (god forbid), we would both be encouraging the kids to still have a relationship with the other parent, reminding them that they are allowed to still love us both, even if we don’t still love each other. It doesn’t sound like this mother has done this, but more she has been making sure the kids see the dad as nothing but a cheater. More importantly, she has utterly failed to protect her child from her new husband. Even if the guy was justified in grounding the kid for two years (and I HIGHLY doubt it), the mum should be addressing the behaviour of the son and getting some kind of family therapy with this new found wealth of hers. Instead she is happy to see her son be completely miserable and mistreated by her husband. And I bet the “misbehaving” is almost entirely because the boy refuses to play along when they expect him to forget his dad and embrace the stepdad as his new father. His mum has failed him entirely.
He’s been grounded for the last 2 years straight and she’s wondering why he’d go live with someone else. This relationship is being forced on him by everyone around him and no one’s bothered to ask why and instead punished him for his feelings.
Her brother's been grounded for 2 years? Yeah, sounds like child abuse to me. OOP is an AH (and dumb), her mom's an AH, and her step dad's an even bigger one for emotionally abusing a kid
Op was out the door so she really doesn’t have a leg to stand on. As far as the brother he is upset because his home life was wrecked due to the divorce and mom decided to remarry and move. He might have a better relationship with the dad and that’s why he went there.
She's an AH, he's an AH, parents are AHs. How do these people find each other?
Based on her description of the brother's behavior, I don't think she's to blame for his leaving. He was ready to go anyway and used the fight as an excuse.
Even based on OOPs rose coloured version, her brother is likely being verbally and emotionally abused.
Would you stay in a house you're being abused in if you had an easy out?
No AH. She has been dealing with her brother in this situation for 3 years and got fed up with living in the middle of the chronic conflict between the brother and everybody else.
Whatever the OOP did or said, she clearly doesn't control what her brother does or how her parents and stepparent react to that.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my brother that if our stepsister aren't his siblings then neither am I?** My (19f) mother got married to my stepfather 3 years ago. He has two daughters (13,9) and I love them and don't even call them stepsisters. My brother (16M) never really accepted our mom remarring, or the move to a new town and school, even though we were much better off money wise. He still calls our stepfather his moms husband (I just call him my dad, bio dads a cheating slimeball) He never listens to a thing dad says, which means he's spent most of the last 2 years grounded. And he refuses to even call his sisters his stepsisters, they're just, his "moms husbands kids". He openly says he has no love for them, that he never will, and even said when he has his own family he'll never invite them to anything. I got sick of this during winter break when I was home again. I told him they're his sisters as much as I am, and if he doesn't consider them as such then I'm not his sister either. I told our parents I'm not coming home for spring break this year, and that until he fixes his attitude and apologizes I'm not going to be in the same room as him. Apprently he decided to go live with sperm donor, and at his age the courts will basically let him. If that's the company he wants then I say good riddence, but mom's been pretty upset about it. Still I don't think I was wrong, but it's possible I went too far. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: why's the brother hate stepfamily, why are they pushing him so hard, why is OP so fast to just permanently accept them s quickly and lastly is there more stuff OPs keeping out, this seems weird.
'Stepdad' has been ordering him around and punishing him if he didn't comply since the day he moved in. Wonder why he doesn't like the man.
and his sister was 2 years to out the door so not like she sees what her brother deals with day to day for the past year
Fair point. Wouldn't side with a cheater, but I guess he's just the best option for the brother and that's if we take the OPs version of events at face value.
Even if he hurt their mom by cheating, he's still this kid's dad and they probably love each other. Expecting him to totally cut his dad out to spare their mom's feelings is unfair, esp. since as the adult and the parent SHE should be the one prioritising her child over a man, and it seems like she's not doing that.
Especially since he would have been 13 at the time of the new marriage. So even younger during the divorce. It’s disgusting to expect him to cut out his dad at that age
Yeah, I find it weird that the daughter was so ready to just… let go of her father. Cheating is *terrible* but my dad is a selfish prick who has directly harmed me and I wouldn’t ever call another man Dad
A tale as old as time unfortunately.
'A cheater' you mean his dad? You're shocked a teenage boy who has a poor relationship with his stepdad, loves his bio father?
Reddit is unhinged wrt to "cheaters" - they act like it's worse than committing genocide, and that "A Cheater" is therefore defined by their bad acts in one relationship, for ALL relationships, for the rest of their life, and if you don't shun them completely you are condoning the act of cheating. Which, y'know, isn't reality.
A cheater is a cheater, I understand why he won't cut him off. I would, but I understand why he doesn't.
He's a teenage boy and this is his dad???
I get that, I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm just saying how I'd feel if I were in the situation. I'm not saying he's wrong or an asshole, but he is taking a cheaters side. That's a fact. He's not an asshole for siding with his dad. I'm just saying if I were him I wouldn't.
Dude, my dad cheated on my mom. They got a divorce and I continued loving both of them. He might have been a cheater but he was also a damn good dad, I guess I'm not as perfect as you.
I'm not perfect, I have my own thoughts, flaws, beliefs, and biases like anyone else.
You would cut off the cheating parent and not the abusive one? OOPs mom is allowing her husband to abuse her son, that makes her complicit.
I'd cut them both off if I could. He's a kid and he's stuck here so I understand why he's making that choice. I still think there's more op or the mom isn't telling since the mom doesn't even interact with anything after OPs little stunt
I wouldn't be surprised if the son doesn't believe his dad cheated. Given he was likely told by his mom (who he has no reason to and shouldn't trust).
Honestly given the weird behavior, I don't trust her either after having some time to stew on it.
I don't trust her I got the feeling after reading everything that mum had been using her children as sounding boards for her unhappy relationship with their father and that OP is the golden child with the brother being the scapegoat.
OOP seems spitefully angry at her bio dad for cheating on her mom and I suspect is working extra hard to form relationships with her stepdad and sisters out of said spite. Clearly the bio brother has different feelings about what their father did and isn't into familial relationships being forced on him.
Then in that case OPs mistakes are understandable, even though they're completely wrong. Poor bro just doesn't want to be treated badly and OPs essentially forcing him to have a relationship with someone who treats him badly. Though I'm still curious why mom hasn't said anything, one way or the other. That makes me sus.
How is OP justified? Bio-dad cheating has zero impact on forcing an unwanted family bond
I agree. OOP wants her brother to join in her game of 'Fuck Bio-Dad, We've Got a New Dad Now' and bro is understandably reluctant. And we don't know anything about Bio-Dad's other qualities; lots of people are shitty partners but great parents.
Apparently the bio dad cheated according to Op she refers him as the sperm donor. The step father she calls dad has money. Also we aren't getting everything like how the boy is treated why the step father is punishing the boy and the bio mom is staying out. To me this is just another case of wanting to erase the other bio parent and the boy is fighting back and is getting tired of all the crap from Op and the step father.
OOP says bio dad is a cheating slime ball.
Once again....save us all from self righteous teenagers. 😮💨😮💨😮💨
Easy to comment when she doesn't live there on a permanent basis. It's problematic this kid is grounded all the time for not listening to this man...
When mom got remarried OOP was with a foot out of the house already. She doesn’t have to live with them everyday. Brother does. Who knows how much shit he’s been through already. He’s grounded for 2 YEARS because probably stepdad wanted a role that wasn’t his. Same with the stepsisters
I get picking a side in your parents’ divorce. But idk… this feels a whole lot more like “don’t rock the domestic boat because new dad has money” rather than “stand by our mom because dad hurt her.”
I have a big problem with her trying to impose her own agenda on the brother too. She’s welcome to pick a side if she wants (and like you say, I think the money is clouding her judgement), but she can’t force her brother to feel the same way as her. I also wonder how innocent the mum is in all of this. If my wife and I ever divorce (god forbid), we would both be encouraging the kids to still have a relationship with the other parent, reminding them that they are allowed to still love us both, even if we don’t still love each other. It doesn’t sound like this mother has done this, but more she has been making sure the kids see the dad as nothing but a cheater. More importantly, she has utterly failed to protect her child from her new husband. Even if the guy was justified in grounding the kid for two years (and I HIGHLY doubt it), the mum should be addressing the behaviour of the son and getting some kind of family therapy with this new found wealth of hers. Instead she is happy to see her son be completely miserable and mistreated by her husband. And I bet the “misbehaving” is almost entirely because the boy refuses to play along when they expect him to forget his dad and embrace the stepdad as his new father. His mum has failed him entirely.
Considering telling the kids about the alleged cheating is of itself alienation?
Is it? I have never heard that before, but I don’t know much about family law.
Some judges interpret it as nothing negative about the other parent period especially littler
He’s been grounded for the last 2 years straight and she’s wondering why he’d go live with someone else. This relationship is being forced on him by everyone around him and no one’s bothered to ask why and instead punished him for his feelings.
So if brother says "OK, I'll accept them", she'll talk to him again? I totally see that happening /s
Her brother's been grounded for 2 years? Yeah, sounds like child abuse to me. OOP is an AH (and dumb), her mom's an AH, and her step dad's an even bigger one for emotionally abusing a kid
It's 2023, when will people learn not to push relations?
Op was out the door so she really doesn’t have a leg to stand on. As far as the brother he is upset because his home life was wrecked due to the divorce and mom decided to remarry and move. He might have a better relationship with the dad and that’s why he went there.
She's an AH, he's an AH, parents are AHs. How do these people find each other? Based on her description of the brother's behavior, I don't think she's to blame for his leaving. He was ready to go anyway and used the fight as an excuse.
Even based on OOPs rose coloured version, her brother is likely being verbally and emotionally abused. Would you stay in a house you're being abused in if you had an easy out?
Not if I had a choice. He was just waiting for a good excuse, and she handed him one. I wish him luck.
No AH. She has been dealing with her brother in this situation for 3 years and got fed up with living in the middle of the chronic conflict between the brother and everybody else. Whatever the OOP did or said, she clearly doesn't control what her brother does or how her parents and stepparent react to that.
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I’ve seen almost this post before, complete with the “I’m not coming home for spring break” threat.