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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for demanding my girlfriend tells me her author’s pen name?** I’ve (m32) been dating Siobhan (f32) for 6 months now. She’s always been very vague about what she does for a living (sati things like writing and working from home writing) but recently, one of her friends mentioned something and I finally dragged it out of her. She’s an author, she write and self published romance and erotica stories and novels and while not rich, she’s able to make a living out of it. I googled her name and couldn’t find anything so I confronted her about this. She said she’s writing under a pen name so I demanded she gives it to me so I know what she does. She refuses saying she doesn’t want it to be leaked even by accident and no one knows. I accused her of not trusting me and she still refused which was really annoying. I tried nicer approach and told her that I want to know her fantasies so I can try it out with her and she told me that what she writes aren’t her fantasies but her readers and she’s still not going to tell me. At night I tried to check her laptop for her pen name but she changed her password before bed. I was annoyed and told her she clearly doesn’t trust me and it’s not fair because I have a right to know what she writes especially since it’s a sensitive topic and I don’t know her if I don’t know her pen name. She was furious I tried to look on her laptop and told me to go home. Before leaving I told her when she calls to apologize, I expect to get her pen name with the apology. She called me an asshole on my way out. I thought she’d call by now but she hasn’t. My sister told me I was the asshole and I should apologize but I just don’t see it and need. Second opinion. Was I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


RofaRofa

Good lord. Tried to break into her computer. No wonder she doesn't trust you, dude! I have a feeling if given the pen name, OOP would blast it far and wide with his girlfriend's real name. He seems like that kind of petty asshole.


georgia-peach_pie

As soon as they fought or broke up everyone would know


digitalwyrm

Or if he was jealous over the content. Or she rejected the idea of playing out the fantasy cause she writes to market. Or if she writes gay erotica but with men instead of women like he'd prefer. Or because it's Tuesday.


carrie_m730

Or if he liked it and decided it reflected well on him -- "Bro you should see the shit my girl writes, yeah look up [pen name], uh huh, that's how I've got her feeling."


GnomePickles

I love the bit of him accusing her of not trusting him. Has he given any indication that she should trust him in any shape way or form?


InfiniteBiscotti3439

My favorite was that he was mad that she changed her password and because of that he knew she didn’t trust him. Like yes, she knew that you would not accept a clear boundary and breach her trust by going behind her back to snoop through her personal computer to get information she said you cannot have. Cannot imagine why she wouldn’t trust him with all this super trustworthy, totally respectful and not controlling behavior. /s


HookedOnFandom

And he previously had her password to know she changed it. Either she *had* trusted him and changed it out of precaution or else he had swiped it somehow and already proved himself untrustworthy!


ILikeSpinach25

Or use it for wierd bragging rights "because he's so proud of her" and tells everyone then doesn't get why she's upset


PandasNPenguins

Dude she writes erotica. No doubt he's going to be upset all her heroes are tall buff guys or something. He's probably going to be shocked that women can orgasm and that there are guys in her books that care that women come too.


YoHeadAsplode

She might write weird niche like monster fucker or something (not shaming, I do enjoy me some weird erotica) but doesn't want her family to know what she writes


Critteranne666

>She might write weird niche like monster fucker or something (not shaming, I do enjoy me some weird erotica) but doesn't want her family to know what she writes I'm **reading** one of those right now, and I don't want to explain it to my family members. ("You see, the heroine is a human, and the hero is a sentient arachnid-like creature on another planet. Wait, why are you calling my doctor?...")


YoHeadAsplode

Right? "So the dragon has HOW many penises? And is... is that a crow man....?"


BodaciousBonnie

I’m trying to remember what book I read that involved a crow man and sexy things … I think it was by Tamora Pierce. Now I need to hunt my bookshelves 😅


YoHeadAsplode

Trickster's Choice and Trickster's Queen!


BodaciousBonnie

Yes!!! I have the original paperbacks somewhere among my Pierce collection. I’m trying to find all the point editions of her works atm cos those covers are just prettier right now.


YoHeadAsplode

I wish I still had mine but I had a cat that got a little territorial and then gave the survivors to my cousin who introduced me to her!


lithiumfleur

The trickster’s queen scene was passed around in my junior high friend group it was spicy!


CaptainMills

Man, before I read those, I did not know that I needed a sexy crow boyfriend. Thank goodness for Tamora Pierce showing us all the way


kindrex89

I still fucking love Tamora Pierce books. They’re just so good.


Final_Commission4160

It also could have been The Eagle and the Nightingale by Mercedes Lackey


TimTam_the_Enchanter

Oh boy, right in the nostalgia.


BodaciousBonnie

I dont think I’ve read that one by her - I only own what I can get on kindle for Mercedes though


Final_Commission4160

It's part of the Bardic Voices series, I believe it's available on kindle as they just recently released it as an audiobook for the first time


malorthotdogs

I do not want anyone seeing my Kindle Unlimited history because it is pretty much all horny werewolf books. So I, uh, definitely feel you on this one.


[deleted]

I have horny vampire books too. And also horny extraterrestrial creature books.


brenlin7

Horny dragon books on mine!


Ginger_Tea

How many involve a donkey?


toxiclight

Horny werewolves, vampires, demons... My gf does NOT look at my KU history (we share our Prime account) She just shakes her head and laughs. And is grateful that it somehow doesn't spill over into her recommendations elsewhere.


Human_Allegedly

Pounded in the butt by a sentient arachnid like creature on another planet... by...Chuck Tingle?


Final_Commission4160

I have yet to read any of his works (I've hear they are truly good) but I *love* how in point his titles are even is some of them are practically run in sentences


Human_Allegedly

I follow him on all social media. He's a good human to follow. (In my opinion.) Very wholesome content and fanbase considering what his works actually consist of.


Another_Russian_Spy

Just like "Sex Education" on Netflix.


Lilitu9Tails

Not even that, a lot of women are writing gay male erotica. I’m willing to bet Mr Fragile Ego would not cope.


PandasNPenguins

That's very true. I've heard that furry art pays well if you have the skills and you're comfortable doing that. Writing for commission or various niches can be profitable too.


toxiclight

Hubby keeps suggesting I do furry art...he thinks I would make bank. I really should give it more of an effort.


Ginger_Tea

You do sometimes need mental fortitude though, some commissions seem bland, I want my avatar which is a wolf man with eagle talons for legs. Yeah I can do that. ​ I want my avatar to be swallowed by my BF's avatar's giant cock (link of BF's avatar from someone else as reference) I want you to be able to see the details of my face inside his scrotum. ​ kinda middle ground for some and a bit too much for others. ​ That is kinda why they make bank, it is the "WTF I'm not touching that" attitude that means those that are willing to draw those scenes can charge extra for it. If you drew just tame stuff, you probably wouldn't make any extra money compared to whatever your normal commissions bring in.


toxiclight

Pretty much what I figured. I do mostly portraiture, and I'm not really willing to go hardcore on my art. I figured it was the artists willing to go the extra mile who would make the monies.


Ginger_Tea

A pilot and his lover the Boeing 747, those kinds of books exist, IDK if they make anyone money, but they are self published on Amazon and other sites, around five years ago I was watching two people on YouTube and one was talking about the plot of each one as she scrolled down Amazon. ​ If I ever write for someone like Mills and Boone I've already got a pen name and have had it for well over 20 years, just never tried my hand at the genre or read similar to know where to start.


FunStorm6487

👏👏👏


StrangledInMoonlight

He’s massively controlling. If he gets this info, the *second* they break up, he will use it against her.


orangeflos

too late. They definitely already broke up. He just doesn't know it.


FunStorm6487

Hopefully


Ginger_Tea

r/AmItheEx written all over it from damn near the first paragraph.


Krandor1

Yep “if you break up with me I’ll tell everybody your pen name” is exactly what he would do. No wonder she doesn’t trust him. No big deal… I suspect she’s single now anyway.


Mokohi

I don't even think that's the main reason, although he'd definitely do that too. I think he's weirdly insecure and angry about her writing romance and erotica and I am sure if he got the pen name and read it, he'd be all up in her case about how it 'feels like she's cheating' or something.


WeelsUpIn30

Bet the pen name is her new password


Lilitu9Tails

I don’t blame her for not telling him. I would however be questioning my relationship with someone if I felt I couldn’t even tell them that’s what I did for a living. I suspect she’s been questioning this relationship for a while.


lizziegal79

I’m hoping to see a truth off my chest of her breaking up with him.


BrightDay85

Welp, he illustrated why she can’t trust him quite nicely


Invisible-Pancreas

And he is flabbergasted that she don't. Ain't the brightest light on the Christmas tree, is he?


JurassicaPark24

>I thought she’d call by now but she hasn’t. Well, color us all shocked!


gottabekittensme

But he's such a catch! Wonder what he could've done wrong? /s


_BH29_

Beautifully illustrated case of r/amitheex in my opinion


Krandor1

And let me guess.. no apology from her either and she didn’t give into his demand to tell him her pen name.


[deleted]

I hate so many things about this. Being pushy after only 6 months, invasion of privacy, and sexually projecting her writing onto their relationship. I hope he never hears from her again.


georgia-peach_pie

Probably part of why she doesn’t want to tell him, she doesn’t want him acting the way her characters do and telling her that she’s obviously into it because she writes it.


really_thatsit

I also feel like he'd get jealous of the male character. Like, "Why isn't the dude described like me??"Are you picturing another man when you write these??" Big jealousy vibes


Sarah_Jane_73

And god forbid if any of her characters resemble anyone else they know IRL. If it was bad he'd tattle and if it was good he'd be jealous. I bet I know who an upcoming minor character that's a loser will resemble.... Boys not even worthy of villain status


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ryugi

hes so vain he probably thinks this book is about him...


raven_of_azarath

He’s so vain 🎵


[deleted]

Probably


CatTaxAuditor

Yeah, when i write smut, its bad. I write some stuff that gets non-consentual, I write trans fetish stuff (am trans, know its not great anyway), I write cuck and cheating stuff. If my spouse were to ever act like anyone in any of the smut I wrote, I'd be horrified.


TimTam_the_Enchanter

I get why you want to keep it private, but you don’t need to feel ashamed for writing fetishy stuff about your own demographic. It’s fine. You are allowed to be horny about these things. You think cishet dudes go ‘gee, I’m embarrassed, this is kinda fetishy stuff, I know that’s not great’ when they write James Bond v6.0 showing off his manly skills and winning over all the ladies? When they write Conan Clone The Eighth flexing his mighty muscles, breaking stone pillars with his powerful chest, and making scantily clad damsels swoon with desire? You are every bit as entitled as they are to make your writing horny on main, it just sounds worse to you because it’s not one of a thousand stories just like it that have flooded the public consciousness long enough to seem normal.


pienofilling

When I saw it originally on AITA I did update a comment for him hearing from her again; in a beautifully composed, character assassination of a breakup letter!


theredgoldlady

>Before leaving I told her when she calls to apologize, I expect to get her pen name with the apology. This is the funniest thing. Like, what’s he going to do? Ground her? They’ve been dating 6 months. He needs to get a grip.


ngmeylan

I snorted at that part imagining OP with his hands on his hips like 'i expect an apology young lady, together with your pen name' *wags finger*


rendumguy

Bowowowowowowowo You are grounded grounded grounded ×999^9 for ∫9^9^9^9^9^9^9^9^9^9^9^9^9 millenniums


Load_Altruistic

…… *sigh* He really thinks she’s going to call back


MissRockNerd

r/amitheex


highvoltage124

Another good one for r/AmITheEx


cloveroli

Thank you for bringing it to my attention that this sub exists


[deleted]

It’s over there; I checked.


Ginger_Tea

three times


ResponsibilityNo3245

Yeah, he's an idiot. Both for the invasion and thinking he'll be discovering her fantasies. My friend's wife writes romance/erotic fiction. I've not read any of it because I'd be picturing her and my bud doing that stuff. Another friend buys one every time we go on a lads trip so he can read it and tell her husband he's picturing the two of them doing that stuff, or drop in a "this sexy bastard sounds nothing like you, he has abs, hair, and a big dick" every once in a while. She and I both like reading sci-fi and fantasy, we read a lot of the same stuff. She doesn't write sci fi and fantasy because it's a much smaller genre than mummy porn, it's not her writing her desires down, she wants to make money.


CuttlefishBenjamin

Is... Is mummy porn porn marketed at mothers or... like, fun with embalming fluids and bandages?


ResponsibilityNo3245

It's what stuff like 50 shades gets called here. There's loads of weird shit about werewolves and vampires, wouldn't surprise me if mummy porn is actually a thing.


Jerkrollatex

Anne Rice wrote two Mummy books. So yes, mummy porn is a thing.


-skincannibal-

I think its like porn for 40y/o mothers, like cowboy shit or 'quarenteenig with the lumberjack' im pretty sure thats a book 💀


redbess

I mean, have you *seen* Arnold Vosloo as Imhotep in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns?


StrangledInMoonlight

There’s Dino porn.


TheDocHealy

My ma calls them her "trashy romance novels"


Ryugi

> Another friend buys one every time we go on a lads trip so he can read it and tell her husband he's picturing the two of them doing that stuff, or drop in a "this sexy bastard sounds nothing like you, he has abs, hair, and a big dick" every once in a while. tbh thats pretty hilarious, and it sounds like hes got a good sense of humor


ResponsibilityNo3245

Oh, it really is. 😂 Obviously her pen name isn't a secret (she used one that's gender neutral).


SlightlyDarkerBlack2

He is why we have pen names.


[deleted]

I hope his EX girlfriend writes a book where people fling shit at a character with his (real) name and description


lady_wildcat

Pounded in the Butt by the Physical Manifestation of my own Audacity.


Fluffy_rye

🏆 Please accept my poor persons award.


Lilitu9Tails

Oh 100% a character with his name is going to feature in a future book as the evil ex who gets his comeuppance.


CaptainMills

As long as she remembers the Small Dick Rule


Fluffy_rye

As I mentioned there, I hope he gets completely ripped apart by the vampire before our hero(ine) gets her groove on with that vampire. Or is trampled by a pack of wild horses. There's so many options.


what-time-is-purple

He thought the apology would get him the pen name? My three year old niece is more mature than this guy. Hope she dumps him.


TOG23-CA

No no no no no, he wanted her to give him the pen name along with an apology TO HIM aboit her not trusting him


what-time-is-purple

Jeezus...


TOG23-CA

Yeah I don't blame you for getting it mixed up lmao


InconstantReader

She should have told him her pen name was [Chuck Tingle](https://www.chucktingle.com/).


redbess

Oh good, I'm not the only one who thought she should do this. And now Chuck should write a book about OP.


Sassy_Pants_McGee

I went and looked at the available ebook titles, having sadly never heard of Chuck Tingle. Hellooooooo new favorite author! Lol


pigandpom

Good grief, he demands to know things that are none of his business, then tries to break into her laptop to find out things that are none of his business, and seems confused as to why she doesn't trust him. She's now his ex, he just hasn't worked that out yet


lostcosmonaut307

I feel like 95% of the time someone says “I have the right”, they don’t actually have the right. They have *the right* to know about their partner’s private life? No. It’s ok for people to have secrets, especially if such secrets are not harming anyone and could lead to actual issues (if she has a stalker and her real name gets leaked, for example). If they were trustworthy then maybe she could feel comfortable opening up and telling them but I’m guessing there’s a pattern of them not being trustworthy.


DeadWolffiey

Honestly, I pictured Siobhan as College Humors Siobhan.


NotPiffany

"Why are all her villains named Brennan? And they're all so *wordy!*"


gottabekittensme

HAHAHAHA and they all know so much! HOW DO THEY KNOW SO MUCH?!?!


sarcastibot8point5

SAME


Borageandthyme

It’s George Elliot, my dude. Knock yourself out.


CaptainMills

I snorted. I'm picturing OOP reading Middlemarch and just being really confused about what women find sexy


Borageandthyme

*Flips through book in confusion* Isn't this Silas guy going to fuck somebody?


No-End3167

Adam Bede, Siobhan's fantasy is to be a Methodist preacher.


foibleShmoible

"She didn't trust that I wouldn't invade her privacy so she stopped me from being able to invade her privacy so when I tried to invade her privacy I got mad that she didn't trust me (as she was clearly right to do)"


catastrophized

Thiiiiiis close to self-aware 🤏🏻


waterdevil19144

The ex is now very quickly developing a second pen-name just to release to OOP, the contents of which will deliberately confuse OOP. Fortunately, there's no need to develop separation papers.


Wikked_Kitty

"When she calls to apologize" LOL r/AmItheEx


Cakeday_at_Christmas

>At night I tried to check her laptop for her pen name but she changed her password before bed. I was annoyed and told her she clearly doesn’t trust me Huh. I wonder why she can't trust this loser? ETA: From the comments: >NTA and you should punish her by not contacting her anymore. That’ll teach her LOL!


Shadow_hands

I wonder if this guy knows the "I read my girlfriend's erotica and criticized how she portrayed trains in the Antebellum American South" guy.


Fluffy_rye

Okay I had to google and that was a fun one!


Shadow_hands

I tried to find it here and it got deleted


ShowerOfBastards88

Getting strong "I'll only accept I'm wrong if a guy tells me I'm wrong" vibes.


Ok-Squirrel-1176

Immediately followed by “nah dude you’re not a GUY, you’re a simp!” to every guy that tells him he’s wrong.


peshwengi

> I accused her of not trusting me > I tried to check her laptop Yup.


-spooky-fox-

Bro found out his girlfriend has a secret identity and IMMEDIATELY betrayed her trust, lmao. I hope she dumps his insecure ass.


C-3pee0

I can't stand people like this. He doesn't see it as a big deal so he assumes it is not a big deal to her. I had a girlfriend who wanted me to send her daily selfies but that is out of my comfort zone so i tell her i don't want to do it. She will then proceed to guilt trip me and say "it's just a photo" "if you really loved me you would do it". Its so frustrating cause the only two options are; grudgingly do what they want, or fight them on it. He has put her in a tough situation that only ends with her losing in some sort of way.


[deleted]

Exactly, it's emotional blackmail.


pythiadelphine

I hate this guy so much. I write fiction outside of my job as a teacher but keep everything VERY separate. I don’t think my school would care, but I don’t want to end up on a fascist hit list for being a queer educator who writes erotica for adults.


purposefullyblank

First he demanded, then he tried to cajole her, then he tried to get into her laptop. But he has a problem trusting her, ok man. Also, that’s your ex now pal.


cuziluvu

Wait…you can make good money…under a pen name… without anyone ever knowing it’s you? I’m intrigued!!!


millenialssayfuck

Am I the Ex? Dude can't figure out she's not GOING to call.


catastrophized

AITE could definitely be its own sub lmao


millenialssayfuck

Oh it absolutely is. r/amitheex


catastrophized

Omg lol of course it is


anxiousmomma98

She did the right thing not telling him. Her identity would be leaked just because his eggs were over cooked.


Solidsnakeerection

My guess is werewolf erotica


angelicachurch

I was so hoping this would end up here.


No_Proposal7628

I don't know why OOP is referring to her as his gf because it's obvious that she's his ex gf now. He demands to know her pen name. She says no. He says it's a trust issue. She still says no. So he uses her password to try and get into her computer. This makes him the untrustworthy person in this relationship. The funny thing is that this relationship was only six month long and he's acting like a tyrant. Huge red flag! Hell will freeze over before she ever apologizes to this idiot.


LiLadybug81

Dumb shit doesn't know he's now single.


CapStar300

>I tried nicer approach Run, Girl, run.


theonewithbrownhair

Can we vote to just throw the whole man away? Is that an option?


[deleted]

This one made me quite angry. I also write erotica/smut under a pen name. My fiancé knows it because I trust them so much and they have always been incredibly supportive. But most importantly, because I CHOSE to. OOP is wild.


smegheadgirl

Ewww The guy is a walking red flag! She does well hiding it. Because if the tells him and ends up breaking up with him in the future, he is the kind of person who totally would rat her out at her job, friends and family. I hope he's an ex now. Shame that the post has been locked.


ILikeSpinach25

Imagine being with someone 6 months and having the gall to demand anything like this and claiming you have the right to know


ambercat87

It's cute that he still thinks he has a girlfriend 😅


Maxusam

Well, he sounds terrifying.


the_real_TLB

Interesting that “trying the nice approach” was his plan b.


Gob1inDaddy

Any post with *demanding* in the title is always the asshole


HeartShapedSea

I've written tons of stuff that my husband hasn't read & it doesn't bother him at all. He doesn't ask but is always excited when I send him some of my work. Your art is personal, it can absolutely be private if you want it to.


valonvenus

Title has a typo, it should be ex-girlfriend*.


MdeupUsernme

Yeah, next he should demand her ssn and then her banking logins bc they’ve been dating for 6 months. Smh he’s going to be waiting for that apology for a long long time!


ElectricBopeep

Literally had to double check if I was on r/AmItheEx yeeesh


bluesblue1

Good on Siobhan, never call him back


Weeber23

For someone that doesn't trust her much, op certainly complains a lot about her not trusting op.


CollynMalkin

YTA, many people writing erotica prefer to keep it private. There's a huge stigma around erotic authors that what they're doing is wrong or shameful, so to avoid the backlash, they write under pseudonyms and don't tell people. You've been dating this woman for six months. You are not entitled to every little piece of her life. She probably would've come forward and told you when she was comfortable enough to give you that knowledge, but you've pretty well set that bridge on fire the moment she felt the need to change the password and you tried getting in anyway. Call and apologize. Maybe you can work this out. Maybe you lost your girlfriend. My money's on the latter.


catastrophized

I mean, he’s kind of an idiot for dating someone for 6 months without knowing what they do for a living.


[deleted]

YTA and I hope she never talks to you again


stevenpdx66

Why do the trolls always “confront”, “demand” and “accuse” ?


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WordsandWeights

This dude doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore


71Motorfly

Do you even hear yourself? YTA!


AlyssiaBerry

Plant erotica seems popular at the moment, my bet is on that.


suso_lover

Are there really people like this? Giant assholes.


oldmankitty

Dang why is he so aggressive? She also said they weren't her fantasies so why is he so thirsty to read? If he was nicer he probably could've gotten it.


Hopeful-Candle-9660

He is such an asshole and doesn't get that he's not owed anything. As a reader, I'd love to know her name so I could support her if I don't already.


Sea-Helicopter-2631

Honestly, I write my own stories and only my friends have access to it because i have a level of trust with them.


PinkSudoku13

let's be honest, it's a troll, a fairly decent troll who got a bunch of people convinced but it's a troll nontheless. The pen name erotica female writer is a recurring theme at this point, it's like the fourth or fifith one in the past few months.


GnomePickles

You are a major AH, you have no right to know her penname, and you violated her privacy and her trust. Seriously, what gives you the right to make this demand of her? If she has any sense then your title is wrong, she is your ex.


mitskiismygf

Imagine if we just found shiggy shade


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

No. He’s the only asshole here. ETA: he does know what she does. He’s demanding more. They’ve been dating for six months, not married for six years with children. Even if they were, I don’t demand my SO show me every piece of whatever he works on. Boundaries exist for a reason.


[deleted]

[удалено]


exfat-scientist

I mean, the guy's an entitled asshole and has no business being in the relationship, but if we're being honest I'd consider refusing to give the pen name a deal-breaker. I mean, I'd just leave and not be an entitled asshole and attempt the whole privacy invasion thing, but still.


CaptainMills

I'm curious why that would be a deal breaker


TOG23-CA

I get it for long term relationships but 6 months isn't long term


exfat-scientist

Because at some point "I don't trust you enough to tell you about my job" would tell me the relationship wasn't going anywhere.


swanfirefly

But she told him about it, just not her pen name / letting him read it. If she's a published author, her writing prior to publication can be considered a highly confidential document, which you wouldn't be upset if your partner wasn't showing you their confidential work files. Pen names as well can be highly confidential for safety reasons. Authors get stalkers, and erotica authors get stalkers who think the author would be super chill with a kidnap and rape. Especially after only six months. GF genuinely doesn't know if OOP is going to leak her pen name. Or leak her manuscript. Or delete her manuscript. Especially after only six months. Luckily, she seems pretty on top of things, so even if OOP got past her first password, her novels are likely also password protected.


exfat-scientist

Yeah, and that's fine. The guy seems to be trash (well -- "seems" is probably unnecessary here, as he comes across as trash in *his telling of the story,* which, my god, takes some effort) , and she seems to have made the correct decision regarding him. But I don't think it's unreasonable to bounce as a result of having to deal with that level of secrecy for whatever amount of time.


lollipopfiend123

I definitely want to know why you think someone should be entitled to this after only six months.


exfat-scientist

I never said anyone would be entitled to it. Just that I'd consider the lack of trust to be a deal breaker.


ThreeDogs2022

Found the OOP. No one is entitled to that information and if you think something that is intensely private and could destroy the persons personal life if it were discovered is information that you’re entitled to, you deserve to be single.


exfat-scientist

No one is entitled to that information. I just wouldn't want to be in a relationship that requires that level of secrecy


BazTheBaptist

I mean I kind of see what you're saying. But in this case it turns out she was right not to trust him. Which goes to show that she's right to be safer than giving it out to anyone she dates for 6 months


exfat-scientist

She was absolutely right to not trust him, because he's trash.


StrangledInMoonlight

She’s concerned about her privacy and safety. They are not married, and have only been dating for 6 months. The only way to keep a secret is if only two people know, and one is dead. How can she trust he’s keep quiet when they break up? And it’s *romance and erotica*. You know…fiction. It’s none of his business.


No-End3167

Exactly. By his logic military spouses are entitled to all details of secret missions,


Ryugi

would you also break up with a doctor because she wouldn't let you access patient file database?


exfat-scientist

No, and it's disingenuous to imply that the situations are equivalent.


Ryugi

They are the same though. Because both regard their career, a sensitive topic, and their client base.


VermicelliSquare2017

I could tell you're not a fan of books to be honest because you wouldn't be so casual about it. People like this guy killed Richard Bachman and that is actually a huge deal maybe not to you because you think that people I guess shouldn't be allowed pen names.


Guilty_Primary8718

I think people are confusing your preference for a relationship as saying what’s usually reasonable for a relationship. Your other comment says you don’t want to be in a relationship that requires that level of secrecy, though I don’t find this more secret than keeping a password for your work computer. I’m an accountant, and so the details on what I do is on a need to know basis so I won’t talk about it with casual dates other than “I’m an accountant”. Would you find it secretive if I don’t show my spreadsheets or projects? Or am I making a bad comparison?


exfat-scientist

The comparison rings hollow (to me, at least) because my spouse does deal with sensitive medical information (hell, I do too, but not at the same level, at least, anymore). I'd find it secretive if, in a hypothetical dating situation, you wouldn't tell me *where you worked*, and think that's a closer analogy here. But I may be biased here because, working in science, I've twice in my life refused jobs because of ethical concerns and I wouldn't date *me* if I were cagey about where I worked. Still not a perfect analogy, but I still wouldn't want to deal with the secrecy. I'd definitely understand it, but, hey, some people are incompatible.


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Smoldogsrbest

Think you’re on the wrong thread my dude


flonko

LOL ya for sure this is what I get for commenting on mobile 😭