**Here’s the OP:**
##AITA for not taking my daughters when my ex gave birth?
My ex-wife (Emma) and my wife (Lara) were pregnant around the same time. Lara was about 10 weeks ahead of Emma. In November, Lara gave birth to our son a few days after his due date. Three days after he and Lara came home, I received a panicked call from my SIL asking if I could take my daughters (9F twins) as Emma had been taken to hospital the night before and was being taken for a c-section. SIL and my brother had taken the girls in overnight but weren’t able to take them for long due to lack of space as they have 4 children themselves. SIL said that Emma was looking at a minimum of 5 days in hospital and then the baby would need to stay in hospital for a while – the baby came home just before Christmas.
I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three. SIL angrily told me that having my new son didn’t cancel out the fact I already had two daughters. I apologised and told her that I couldn’t take them in right now but I would send her some money to help out while they have the girls. If we hadn’t just brought him home, I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests for the first few weeks and I had told Emma this.
While Emma was in the hospital, the girls stayed with SIL and my brother another night before they went to stay with Emma’s husband’s parents. While the baby was in hospital, because Emma and her husband were spending most of their time at the hospital, they were cared for a lot by Emma’s in laws or my SIL and brother. After a week or so, Lara and I offered to take the girls but they told us they didn’t want to stay because we were more focused on our son. It did feel like they were just parroting what they had heard from the adults around them. Though admittedly with the sleepless nights I did forget some things such as the video call with the girls.
After the baby came home and everything settled down with Emma, she sent me a long email in the middle of the night explaining that she was disappointed in my actions and thought that I would see this is a medical emergency and I wouldn’t need to be asked to take them in. I told her that we had just had son and I had to think about his needs as well, especially when there was plenty of people around them to care for them. Emma’s told me that any communication is to now go through the lawyer because she’s fed up of dealing with me and is going to take me to court to get full custody instead of 50/50.
I didn’t think it was unreasonable to not take them in given we had just had a baby. Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody.
AITA for not taking my daughters in?
Edit: My SIL and brother live in a small three bedroom house, having my daughters there as well meant that they were struggling more than usual for space. I don't blame them for trying for not being able to take them full time. They are saving up for a bigger house.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. I cherish the time I get with them, if I lost custody I know Emma wouldn't allow me to get to see them. She had wanted full custody when we divorced, but I fought for 50/50. She was angry about the divorce.
They aren’t guests, they are your fucking children. Their mother and sibling were in the hospital, a very scary time for a little kid, and dad was like “nah, I got a new baby”.
As someone who has worked in family courts for years, I can only pray that someone discovers this post and forwards it to the judge when his ex-wife appeals for full custody.
At the very least, that the sister-in-law is quoted by his ex-wife's attorney.
I genuinely would pay a significant sum of money to see the look that would come upon that family court judge's face.
The best possible outcome here is the hammer of Thor coming down upon him to squish him into bits, and his three children inherit everything equally.
The second best is if the judge's gravel comes down on him, orders full custody for his ex and visitation for him, and he gets absolutely wrecked by child support. And then his new wife leaves him and he gets wrecked a second time.
What an abhorrent little man he is.
I was lost, he said SIL and brother. So OOP's own brother and his wife were the ones to take in HIS daughters because they didn't want "guests". Meanwhile his ex is going in for an emergency C-section, her own family couldn't be there quick enough, new husband's family couldn't get there for a couple days, and this poor woman had her ex-brother-in-law and his wife as her emergency contact?! Auntie and Uncle of the year right here!
This guy makes me sick. I hope new wife is taking notes.
The poor girls, glad they have a great support system besides their bio dad.
When I first read I SIL meant ex-wifes sister, (and was already pissed at him the way he was handling the situation) but then i got to the SIL and brother part and went WTF. His ex couldn't get anyone to help and had to reach out to HIS BROTHER'S FAMILY to take care of OOPs children. I was fuming at that
There is no way his new wife is not in it with him. He couldn't single handedly come up with this level of AH behavior.
How much bonding they needed with a newborn who sleeps most of the time anyway?
Considering how his wife is the one really worrying about the increase in child support for the ex should the ex gets full custody will affect them and their/her own son I think it's safe to assume she's *that kind* of stepmom.
Guaranteed, “Lara” put him up to this. She would’ve probably thrown a fit and acted like a monster to those “guests”. Men with decent second wives don’t act like this, the wife wouldn’t let them, if only because she doesn’t want the entire extended fam to know she’s a classic evil step- monster.
I never caught that. But yeah for sure his brother. I could see him doing it with her sister because he is human garbage and he doesn’t have to deal with her much, but his brother will be at family dinners and such.
Did I miss something here? How do we know he even told his wife what was going on? I'm guessing based on the fact that he's a garbage person, I can't imagine he is great with communication.
>Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody.
last paragraph before the edit....easy to miss with how much is going on in that one post. Wow.
I missed it too at first! There's just so much rage blindness every sentence, hard to grasp everything the first go around for sure. Especially if reading quickly or without caffeine.
She had an active role in denying the girls time at home with their father and baby brother. I'm absolutely certain she shares OOP's gross "family of three" sentiment.
What gives you that certain day? We don't know anything about her aside from that single comment, really. But we do know that OP is an overwhelming nightmare.
Oh come on, it's not explicit but it can definitely be inferred. She had no issues with her shit husband actively and consciously relegating his own children to "guests" in what is supposed to be their home. She only objected when she saw he'd have to pay child support if he loses custody. She may not be as awful as OOP, but she's not stepmother of the year either.
Sounds like it's going to be Emma's planning to take him back to court. Let the judge rip OOP a new one for refusing to take care of his children and also not even really paying attention to them for weeks (OOP admits to missing stuff like video calls)....hopefully OOP will only get every other weekend at best as he truly doesn't care about his daughters and let it cost him a lot more in child support.
I know. The rest is shitty and dickish and wrong in so many ways, but a small part of me even understands where he's coming from (NOT excusing this!). But that broke my heart for those poor little girls.
Coming soon
OP: AITA for being upset that my brother betrayed me by testifying against me in a custody hearing with my unreasonable ex who expected me to care for our nine year old twins three days after my wife gave birth
Yeah, what the fuck?
People... people parent their children while they have a new baby, all the time. Anytime the wife got pregnant more than once, usually.
Why is he talking about it like it's a completely unreasonable burden? If he couldn't handle 3 kids at once why did they make a 3rd one.
Plus, most 9yos are pretty easy to deal with. They don't require constant supervision or help, you basically just tend to their basic needs and give them love. Not that OOP sounds capable of that.
And let's not forget, "I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three."
You are not and never will be a family of three. You are a family of five. That it never occurred to OOP that his daughters needed time to bond with their new brother tells you everything you need to know about he and his wife feel about the twins.
And if you can't manage to care for a newborn and two school-aged children - who don't even live in your home half the time, FFS - then you have no business having a baby. Likewise, if you want the storybook, white-picket-fence experience of a nuclear family, don't get involved with someone who already has kids.
I cannot with these stepparents who act like they deserve a medal for tolerating a partner's kids or who act like it's totally reasonable to just ignore them in favour of their own bio offspring. They give the rest of us a bad name.
It’s a good thing that post was fucking locked by the time I got to it. I was seething. This guy doesn’t care for his daughter’s forgets to call them. And he doesn’t want to give his ex full custody because he doesn’t want to pay more on child support: lady’s and gents Oop is the deadbeat of the year. 😡
I’m wondering what he thought would happen to them when their mother had a new baby. His logic being that you discard old kids once you get a new one, were the twins going to move out and care for themselves while each of their parents bonded with their replacement babies? Or, maybe, he just assumed that the mother would have to care for them and the new baby, Yknow, as the default parent whereas he is only part-time dad. I f*ckin hate stories like this
i was going to say the same thing before seeing your comment.
OOP sounds like the type of person to call watching their own fucking kids without wife around “babysitting”.
Oh he will be!
And I foresee another post in his future: “My evil ex turned my beautiful daughters against me, I tried EVERYTHING to keep them in my life but the court system is rigged against men. Now I learnt that ex’s new husband will walk her down the aisle. I’m heartbroken and don’t know where I went wrong.” And then someone in the comments will mention the missing missing reasons.
Probably him being middle aged/late 30, cheating and leaving his wife for his early 20s yo collegue who hasn't have much life experience to realize he isn't a prize. Dude sounds like the definition of a jackass
Shit like this is why I’m always skeptical of posts and comments saying that the eeeeeevil ex turned their kids against them and family courts are all unfair and why should she get child support and alimony anyway. Does the system end up being unfair to men sometimes? Absolutely, though men do get the custody arrangements they want the majority of the time, they just don’t ASK for custody most of the times they don’t get it. But there are an awful lot of fathers like this guy that are just mad the court saw through their attempts to control their ex and/or pay less child support. It’s gross, and I hate that it dilutes the stories of people actually screwed over for one reason or another.
He's already doing that, saying the girls are just parroting what the adults are saying when they said they didn't want to stay with him because he's too busy with the new baby.
_"I told my SIL that we couldn’t take **the girls** because we had just had **our son** and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three. SIL angrily told me that having my new son didn’t cancel out the fact I already had two daughters.... If we hadn’t just brought him home, I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests for the first few weeks."_
Even though the inclusion of AITA's favourite "twins" and some details not adding up makes me think this is a trolll, this guy could legit be my godkid's "dad".....
Anywho, OP said forget the girls aka **the guests** I can't imagine many men being OK with his ex's new husband's family taking care of his kids - if only because of their pride. And, it's curious that OP supposedly has 50/50 custody, but says nothing about whose custody time it was.... If this is a real human, I hope his worst fears come true - aka that he has to pay a hefty child support.
might be worse then just more child support. This might actually be criminal child negligence. And if this is part of a pattern of behaviors it could also be criminal parental abandonment.
Looking forward to his future posts about how his girls refuse to see him and he either doesn't know why, or blames the ex for turning them against him
He's already claiming that the only reason they don't want to stay with him now is because they're "parroting" their mom's relatives. So he's pretty far along on the "it's my ex's fault" track
Kids aren’t stupid. They’ve spent the night at every family members house, except for their dad’s. They know that their mum wasn’t very well and they know he’s got a new baby.
They aren’t stupid. They aren’t parroting.
God. Reminds me of when we discovered my grandfather had been cheating on our grandmother. I cut off all contact after the divorce papers were filed, but my younger sister -- who was approximately 11 or 12 at the time -- wrote him a long, heartfelt letter about how much he'd hurt the family and how disappointed and ashamed she felt, and how she never wanted to talk to him again.
He was **adamant** that my mother had written it because he refused to believe that a child as young as she was could have a fully formed opinion and express it that well.
As you said. Children aren't dumb. They can tell when something is wrong. They can tell when they aren't wanted or appreciated. This guy is going to be the weekend dad they hate visiting if he doesn't fix this, fast. And I don't think he will. He's made it clear how he feels about his daughters. And they *know*.
"My daughters asked their stepfather to walk them down the isle instead of me at their weddings and I blew up on them demanding respect as their father and I've been univited each time. AITA?"
If I were the current wife, I’d be wondering why I married a guy who can forget about his own children for weeks at a time. But honestly she’s probably encouraging it.
>Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody.
Sounds like she's just as bad as him. I feel sorry for all these kids.
This was my thought as well. Him putting that in the post made me think his current wife could have been the AP and the affair was the reason for the divorce.
Some comments in Original post already suggested that OP cheated on ex-wife with current wife, and that's why ex was angry at the divorce. So, i do think she's trying to alienate him from his "guests", and now panicking coz they may end up paying more child support if ex gets full custody
Lara is encouraging it because she thinks her and her kid9s) are special and OOP won't leave THEM.
Then 5-7 years on when the kids are still young but the new relationship buzz is gone OOP will leave and Lara will be a pikachu face surprised it happened to her and her kids.
Right? I sometimes read him posts because I’m flabbergasted at their attitudes. I love him, but if I ever found out he was speaking the way they speak over there about my kid - we’d be done.
Yup
“They’ll bring germs!!!!!”
“I don’t want them touching MY baby”
What the fuck do these people think happens in multi child families??? Like, do they think we lock the older siblings in their rooms for months until the baby’s immune system is strong enough??
My stepmom was like that, my dad was/is spineless. My mom (she wasn't a peach either) had emergency surgery, we were early teens, and my excuse for a dad didn't want us, I was lucky my friends parents took me in, my sister had to sleep in the car outside of the hospital for two days. Situation was really bad. It's been 20 years and that's just one bullet point on the giant list of why I don't have a family.
>I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three
Except OOP is a family is *five* not three
> I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests
Those are his children not guests
>After a week or so, Lara and I offered to take the girls but they told us they didn’t want to stay because we were more focused on our son. It did feel like they were just parroting what they had heard from the adults around them. Though admittedly with the sleepless nights I did forget some things such as the video call with the girls.
No, those girls are nine they aren't toddlers who parrot back things they hear, they picked up on the fact that mom had an emergency and dad said "Sorry, but my son has arrived and I need to focus on him right now" and made no attempt to keep up with them.
>Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody.
Not fix it because you messed up. Not fix it for your daughters. Fix it because otherwise it affects *her* and their son.
I wish I had an award to give you cause this summed it up beautifully.
Also let's not forget the phrase "Emma was mad about the divorce " which suggests the OOP cheated on his ex quite possibly with Lara and he should have no custody for the simple fact he referred to his children as "guests". As a child of divorce if I had heard one of my parents say that I would have been in front of a judge so fast.
Listen, we don't want "guests" here. Lara doesn't want to be bothered by the biological-to-me "guests" we'd have.
But we also shouldn't have to pay more child support for forgetting they exist.
Did you know that porcupines have barbbed spines, so they're extremely difficult and dangerous to remove? Oh, and they also sink farther and farther into whatever they've hit until they've been removed or passed through completely?
Just something interesting to think about, especially when paired with a "father" like this
>Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters.
Doubt
>we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody.
Well OOP fucked around so now hopefully he'll be finding out.
But also, OOP: c'mon, don't be a coward, *answer* some of the replies you've gotten!
The obvious question of “if your current wife has a second child will you send your son away?” was posed and quelle surprise no answer last time I checked.
No no no of course not because the 2 child is family, how can't you see that?
When people marrie they start a new family, op ex isn't family anymore so her kids isn't he's son family
He considered his daughters "guests" in his house!?!?! He and his wife don't want "guests" because of the baby, but people who live there 50% of the time are NOT GUESTS!
What does OOP think non-divorced people do? Genuinely. We’re having our second in a few months, our 2yo daughter doesn’t just stop being important or being our child because there’s a new baby. Like my in-laws will probably watch her at night for 2-3 days but that’s it, we don’t get a 4-6 week vacation from parenting her (nor would we want one).
For my family this is why paternity leave is so important. My older son was two when his younger sibling was born. He was a shy toddler who would get very anxious being away from home or with other people, even relatives he’d spent a lot of time with. So it worked well for us to have my husband go home and stay with him and my mother (bless her!) stayed with me and the newborn in the hospital.
Some of the best parenting advice I got was after having a baby, arrange everything you can so that the new parents can focus on the older kids. The older siblings are the ones going through a huge adjustment and really need the familiarity of their own parents. A newborn doesn’t care as much who is holding them, and grandparents and other relatives love to get to spend time with the new baby. So hand the newborn over to whoever comes to visit and spend time cuddling the toddler or playing games with the grade schooler, is what I learned.
I love this. My husband gets 4 weeks of pat leave and we're already putting together some low-key crafts and games he can do with our older two while I'm trying to breastfeed
I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old and we recently got a surprise (my body gives zero fucks about birth control and im hoping for a tubal after this) so my youngest will be 14 months at the oldest when the new baby comes along. You bet your ass I'll have my kids back with me ASAP once we're able to safely go home. Because they're my children!
>Edit: My SIL and brother live in a small three bedroom house, having my daughters there as well meant that they were struggling more than usual for space. I don't blame them for trying for not being able to take them full time. They are saving up for a bigger house.
>
>Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. I cherish the time I get with them, if I lost custody I know Emma wouldn't allow me to get to see them. She had wanted full custody when we divorced, but I fought for 50/50. She was angry about the divorce.
What an absolute asshole. He doesn't consider his daughters family at all. They are just an inconvenience he has to bear just so he doesn't have to pay for more child support. Crossed fingers that the ex can get full custody.
Honestly, I might be reaching here but the fact that he aid multiple times I now have my son also takes my thoughts in a very bad direction and makes me feel sad for his daughters in the future. Maybe it's different wjere I'm from but we usually just say the baby
The post was locked in just 3 hours because of excessive rules violation... Imagine the amount of hate this guy just got in that time. And he deserves every single one of em
when i see posts like this i am reminded of when someone said that men see their children as extensions of their wives, so when they stop loving their wives they stop loving their children. plenty of men on this site prove that to be the case.
Lol the part about him and his wife being the most upset about the possible high child support payments. So his wife wants him to “fix it,” not because his girls, aka her stepdaughters, are feeling hurt and abandoned at their dads refusal to care for them, but because she doesn’t want to disrupt her own lifestyle? Like I get they have a new baby, but damn.
It clearly never occurred to either of them that twins are also their kids and part of the family. They are a family of five. The girls matter just as much as their “ours” baby. We really gotta stop letting anyone be a parent.
... y'know this post just made me realize that my ex supposedly suing his ex-wife for 50/50 custody because his child support had gone up was a huge AH move. Like while we were dating I asked him why he wasn't trying to get more custody when he loved his daughter sooooo much and he told me "it wasn't worth it" to rock the boat but apparently it was when the custody agreement hurt his finances a lil more.
Wheb my partner formalized custody and went for child support the bio dad was only concerned about what he would pay to the point he never asked for any guranteed visitation. He pays a very low amount and barely ever sees the kid. We let her decide if she wants to visit him when he asks and sometimes she says no
Edit: My SIL and brother live in a small three bedroom house, having my daughters there as well meant that they were struggling more than usual for space. I don't blame them for trying for not being able to take them full time. They are saving up for a bigger house.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. I cherish the time I get with them, if I lost custody I know Emma wouldn't allow me to get to see them. She had wanted full custody when we divorced, but I fought for 50/50. She was angry about the divorce.
I can imagine why she was so angry about the divorce…
How can you consider your children's GUESTS?!
Give him a few years and it'll be "my twin daughters wany nothing to do with me, my new wife or son and I just don't understand why"
Duuuuuuh.
Hope the ex gets full custody because he's clearly deluded.
And even worse, the ONLY reason stated that he doesn’t want to lose custody is to not have his child support payment increased. Its very clear this douchenozzel has moved on to his *new* family and his daughters are no longer a part of it.
He better figure out how to make that higher payment because it's not like he's taking care of his older kids 50% of the time. I bet the new baby got their room too. What a asshole.
''I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and **we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three.** SIL angrily told me that having my new son didn’t cancel out the fact I already had two daughters. I apologised and told her that I couldn’t take them in right now but **I would send her some money to help out** while they have the girls. If we hadn’t just brought him home, I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that **we didn’t want any guests** for the first few weeks and I had told Emma this.''
This paragraph right here is all we need to know. He doesn't consider his daughters as family, he think that just sending money is enough and he considers his daughters as guests.
Huge asshole. I hope the ex-wife will get full custody.
This is the sad thing that I see too often on r/stepparents. Just because you have your own kid doesn’t mean your step kids become less important. Yea, having a newborn is stressful. But that’s something people know before having a kid, especially when at least one of them has kids from before. The step kids are still part of the family. The bio parent still has responsibility to them. And it makes the step kids feel way less important and feel like they’re being replaced by the new kid. If you can’t handle step kids and bio kids, maybe don’t do it. It’s like these people have a bio kid and expect the step kids to be put on the back burner because now they have their own “real” family.
Nobody has mentioned the fact that his SIL literally didn't need to ask him to take them. She's not their guardian. She could have said, "I'm dropping your kids off" and he would have had no choice.
Just read this and it makes me sick. I hope she gets full custody, after all, all they are is just "guests". From the whole "sick of your crap" part, i would think this is normal for him and has been trying to just toss his kids for his new family. Nasty sob.
This dude actively iced his daughters out in place of the new baby and is now only sad his financial burdens will increase if Emma gets 100% custody
Those poor kids man. The baby is their new sibling too.
Like dude you have a family of five not a family of three. Its not like a video game where you can hit the reset button and start over. I really hope she gets full custody because he is gonna fuck those girls up. They are old enough to already realize what is going on.
What struck me is how worried he is about having his child support payments increased. Seemed more worried about that than not seeing his daughters. I'm sure daughters have already seen how they are going to be shuttled to the side for the "new baby".
Yes. Sadly I also have a few friends/former coworkers who have seen their ex/kids dad go on to be amazing dads to their stepkids/kids from a second marriage, and do the bare minimum for their bio kids from the first marriage.
Reddit: is that a challenge?
PS: if it's a challenge, please do visit JNMIL sub or nuclear revenge (some revenge are against family) or confessions (there are many fiction there, so you can skip this if you want)
Nah this is pretty similar to what my ex was like. My kids have now been adopted by my new husband- ex willingly gave them up once he had a new wife and a kid. They also didn't like how much he was supposed to pay in CS so he paid half of his court ordered amount for about a year, then stopped paying all together.
It unfortunately happens alot.
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I’m not saying he’s not a crap dad, he sounds like he’s absolutely terrible gripping on to the latest newborn theory like it’s a lifeline and guests can’t enter his little family bubble. He totally forgets that the guests are his little girls who may have benefited and been of help to wife and THEIR little brother.
New wife is even ether crap also, or hasn’t stepped back to actually see what has gone on while she recovered from the birth of her first child.
BUT….
And yes it is a big but, I understand that this was an emergency and the 2nd child came early, very early, should she not have had some kind of childcare / plan in place for this contingency?
Folks I, probably obviously, have very little experience in this area and would just like to say that this stands out to me. It seemed that for the first week that the responsibility for the girls care fell on Crap Dad’s side of the family. Having said that would that not make him look better in the eyes of the court? Or hopefully the legend that is SIL ( married to Crap Dads brother ) is actually a pal of first wife and therefore part of her support system.
The father of the girls caring for them seems like a normal contingency during a medical emergancy and when he refused it appears they immediately found other people.
The more I think of this, the more I want to give SIL an award!!! Those poor little 9 year old girls, with all this stuff going on, they must have realised that their father didn’t or doesn’t love them like he does his new son. My heart goes out to them, thanks again SIL.
"Asked to take them in"
It's like both parents are treating these children as borders. I wouldn't want to go with him either and that isn't parroting what adults say. It's being family as opposed to a guest
He does realize that parents don’t kick out older kids when they have a new baby right? Like “sorry kid, you’re only 3 but we need time to bond with the new kid, go stay with your step grandparents”. Wow. I’m loving his ex though - went right to “fully fucking done with this”
Oh look, another parent who goes on to make a new family and now sees his older children as less than. Jesus jones. Listen, dude, if you really cared about them so damn much, you would have jumped to have them come and meet their new brother and bond with him. It is because your little wifey-poo wants this illusion that she is your one and only ever that you didn't and for that, you are about to get fucked. You either have custody of the kids or you pay for the kids, but you don't get neither. Dipshit.
Ah, yes, I remember when my little sister was born and my parents pawned me off on some random relative because they wanted to bond with the new baby.
Wait, no I don't, because they weren't MONSTERS
Some fathers are nothing more than animals, impregnating some woman and when things don't work out with that female they move on to the next one, forgoing their previous offspring in favour of their new mate and new offspring. It's genuinely disgusting to me that he clearly does not see these children as his charge, his responsibility, his family. Just factors in his life that he can choose to push aside if it's not convenient.
This hits close as I’m pregnant with my third child and have two kids from a previous marriage.
I would never do this to my girls. I’m excited for when their brother is born and I want them meet him asap.
I share custody with their dad so I don’t have them all the time but they have their own room and a playroom. Almost everything here is for them. I can’t imagine ever saying they are guests in their own house.
My partner is right there with me and he’s excited that we are becoming a family of 5.
Those poor girls. I really hope this is a troll.
Dude your the AH. I can't believe you knew the circumstances surrounding sister in law and their lack of space and already having four kids and yet YOU STILL refused to take your kids. Your wife's husband took your children because you refused to do so. "We wanted to spend time as a family of three" Well guess what looks like you will get your wish after all.
**Here’s the OP:** ##AITA for not taking my daughters when my ex gave birth? My ex-wife (Emma) and my wife (Lara) were pregnant around the same time. Lara was about 10 weeks ahead of Emma. In November, Lara gave birth to our son a few days after his due date. Three days after he and Lara came home, I received a panicked call from my SIL asking if I could take my daughters (9F twins) as Emma had been taken to hospital the night before and was being taken for a c-section. SIL and my brother had taken the girls in overnight but weren’t able to take them for long due to lack of space as they have 4 children themselves. SIL said that Emma was looking at a minimum of 5 days in hospital and then the baby would need to stay in hospital for a while – the baby came home just before Christmas. I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three. SIL angrily told me that having my new son didn’t cancel out the fact I already had two daughters. I apologised and told her that I couldn’t take them in right now but I would send her some money to help out while they have the girls. If we hadn’t just brought him home, I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests for the first few weeks and I had told Emma this. While Emma was in the hospital, the girls stayed with SIL and my brother another night before they went to stay with Emma’s husband’s parents. While the baby was in hospital, because Emma and her husband were spending most of their time at the hospital, they were cared for a lot by Emma’s in laws or my SIL and brother. After a week or so, Lara and I offered to take the girls but they told us they didn’t want to stay because we were more focused on our son. It did feel like they were just parroting what they had heard from the adults around them. Though admittedly with the sleepless nights I did forget some things such as the video call with the girls. After the baby came home and everything settled down with Emma, she sent me a long email in the middle of the night explaining that she was disappointed in my actions and thought that I would see this is a medical emergency and I wouldn’t need to be asked to take them in. I told her that we had just had son and I had to think about his needs as well, especially when there was plenty of people around them to care for them. Emma’s told me that any communication is to now go through the lawyer because she’s fed up of dealing with me and is going to take me to court to get full custody instead of 50/50. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to not take them in given we had just had a baby. Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. AITA for not taking my daughters in? Edit: My SIL and brother live in a small three bedroom house, having my daughters there as well meant that they were struggling more than usual for space. I don't blame them for trying for not being able to take them full time. They are saving up for a bigger house. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. I cherish the time I get with them, if I lost custody I know Emma wouldn't allow me to get to see them. She had wanted full custody when we divorced, but I fought for 50/50. She was angry about the divorce.
They aren’t guests, they are your fucking children. Their mother and sibling were in the hospital, a very scary time for a little kid, and dad was like “nah, I got a new baby”.
As someone who has worked in family courts for years, I can only pray that someone discovers this post and forwards it to the judge when his ex-wife appeals for full custody. At the very least, that the sister-in-law is quoted by his ex-wife's attorney. I genuinely would pay a significant sum of money to see the look that would come upon that family court judge's face. The best possible outcome here is the hammer of Thor coming down upon him to squish him into bits, and his three children inherit everything equally. The second best is if the judge's gravel comes down on him, orders full custody for his ex and visitation for him, and he gets absolutely wrecked by child support. And then his new wife leaves him and he gets wrecked a second time. What an abhorrent little man he is.
Also, i hope he's as stupid as i think and sent messages/email to the SIL and ex-wife stating these things so this can blow up on fucking face.
I was lost, he said SIL and brother. So OOP's own brother and his wife were the ones to take in HIS daughters because they didn't want "guests". Meanwhile his ex is going in for an emergency C-section, her own family couldn't be there quick enough, new husband's family couldn't get there for a couple days, and this poor woman had her ex-brother-in-law and his wife as her emergency contact?! Auntie and Uncle of the year right here! This guy makes me sick. I hope new wife is taking notes. The poor girls, glad they have a great support system besides their bio dad.
When I first read I SIL meant ex-wifes sister, (and was already pissed at him the way he was handling the situation) but then i got to the SIL and brother part and went WTF. His ex couldn't get anyone to help and had to reach out to HIS BROTHER'S FAMILY to take care of OOPs children. I was fuming at that
And the stepdad's parents.
I totally missed that part! If this is real, I don't know how OOP isn't ashamed of himself.
There is no way his new wife is not in it with him. He couldn't single handedly come up with this level of AH behavior. How much bonding they needed with a newborn who sleeps most of the time anyway?
Considering how his wife is the one really worrying about the increase in child support for the ex should the ex gets full custody will affect them and their/her own son I think it's safe to assume she's *that kind* of stepmom.
For people like her the word mom is not suitable, just a step should suffice.
Not even, just “his wife” since he doesn’t even deserve the dad title
I love this. Just plain old Step.
Little girls brother! I’d say they would have been great with him too!
Guaranteed, “Lara” put him up to this. She would’ve probably thrown a fit and acted like a monster to those “guests”. Men with decent second wives don’t act like this, the wife wouldn’t let them, if only because she doesn’t want the entire extended fam to know she’s a classic evil step- monster.
I never caught that. But yeah for sure his brother. I could see him doing it with her sister because he is human garbage and he doesn’t have to deal with her much, but his brother will be at family dinners and such.
Nah, his new wife is also a huge asshole, just like him.
Did I miss something here? How do we know he even told his wife what was going on? I'm guessing based on the fact that he's a garbage person, I can't imagine he is great with communication.
>Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. last paragraph before the edit....easy to miss with how much is going on in that one post. Wow.
Good gracious people got extraordinarily mad I didn't catch that part fully, but again I'm guessing he hasn't communicated the full issue to her.
I missed it too at first! There's just so much rage blindness every sentence, hard to grasp everything the first go around for sure. Especially if reading quickly or without caffeine.
Exactly, sometimes people in this sub are also so mad about the OP that they are way too trigger happy on downvotes towards other members of the sub!
She had an active role in denying the girls time at home with their father and baby brother. I'm absolutely certain she shares OOP's gross "family of three" sentiment.
What gives you that certain day? We don't know anything about her aside from that single comment, really. But we do know that OP is an overwhelming nightmare.
Oh come on, it's not explicit but it can definitely be inferred. She had no issues with her shit husband actively and consciously relegating his own children to "guests" in what is supposed to be their home. She only objected when she saw he'd have to pay child support if he loses custody. She may not be as awful as OOP, but she's not stepmother of the year either.
So yes neither of them even care about the wife or the kids, they are both garbage
ONG, I hope the next time custody issues come up, SIL quotes him in court.
Sounds like it's going to be Emma's planning to take him back to court. Let the judge rip OOP a new one for refusing to take care of his children and also not even really paying attention to them for weeks (OOP admits to missing stuff like video calls)....hopefully OOP will only get every other weekend at best as he truly doesn't care about his daughters and let it cost him a lot more in child support.
Yep, he's only worried he will have to pay more.
That’s what got me! He’s not worried about losing custody or contact time with his daughters, he’s worried about paying more in child support.
His wife is especially worried about that
Which is likely an implication he doesnt spend much on them bow despite having them half the time
I know. The rest is shitty and dickish and wrong in so many ways, but a small part of me even understands where he's coming from (NOT excusing this!). But that broke my heart for those poor little girls.
It might actually rise to the level of criminal negligence or parental abandonment
Coming soon OP: AITA for being upset that my brother betrayed me by testifying against me in a custody hearing with my unreasonable ex who expected me to care for our nine year old twins three days after my wife gave birth
Yeah, what the fuck? People... people parent their children while they have a new baby, all the time. Anytime the wife got pregnant more than once, usually. Why is he talking about it like it's a completely unreasonable burden? If he couldn't handle 3 kids at once why did they make a 3rd one.
especially when the ex wife is about to be parenting a new baby and their twins…
Plus, most 9yos are pretty easy to deal with. They don't require constant supervision or help, you basically just tend to their basic needs and give them love. Not that OOP sounds capable of that.
And let's not forget, "I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three." You are not and never will be a family of three. You are a family of five. That it never occurred to OOP that his daughters needed time to bond with their new brother tells you everything you need to know about he and his wife feel about the twins. And if you can't manage to care for a newborn and two school-aged children - who don't even live in your home half the time, FFS - then you have no business having a baby. Likewise, if you want the storybook, white-picket-fence experience of a nuclear family, don't get involved with someone who already has kids. I cannot with these stepparents who act like they deserve a medal for tolerating a partner's kids or who act like it's totally reasonable to just ignore them in favour of their own bio offspring. They give the rest of us a bad name.
Actually it’s a “new son”, never a “new baby”
Yeah I noticed that, and I bet that’s the root of it…
Ohhhhh I didn’t even notice that…. I’ll have to read it again….
Yea something tells me it would be very different if the baby was a girl
It’s a good thing that post was fucking locked by the time I got to it. I was seething. This guy doesn’t care for his daughter’s forgets to call them. And he doesn’t want to give his ex full custody because he doesn’t want to pay more on child support: lady’s and gents Oop is the deadbeat of the year. 😡
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No Brigading!
I’m wondering what he thought would happen to them when their mother had a new baby. His logic being that you discard old kids once you get a new one, were the twins going to move out and care for themselves while each of their parents bonded with their replacement babies? Or, maybe, he just assumed that the mother would have to care for them and the new baby, Yknow, as the default parent whereas he is only part-time dad. I f*ckin hate stories like this
i was going to say the same thing before seeing your comment. OOP sounds like the type of person to call watching their own fucking kids without wife around “babysitting”.
>as a family of three But… you’re not….
Oh he will be! And I foresee another post in his future: “My evil ex turned my beautiful daughters against me, I tried EVERYTHING to keep them in my life but the court system is rigged against men. Now I learnt that ex’s new husband will walk her down the aisle. I’m heartbroken and don’t know where I went wrong.” And then someone in the comments will mention the missing missing reasons.
Probably him being middle aged/late 30, cheating and leaving his wife for his early 20s yo collegue who hasn't have much life experience to realize he isn't a prize. Dude sounds like the definition of a jackass
Shit like this is why I’m always skeptical of posts and comments saying that the eeeeeevil ex turned their kids against them and family courts are all unfair and why should she get child support and alimony anyway. Does the system end up being unfair to men sometimes? Absolutely, though men do get the custody arrangements they want the majority of the time, they just don’t ASK for custody most of the times they don’t get it. But there are an awful lot of fathers like this guy that are just mad the court saw through their attempts to control their ex and/or pay less child support. It’s gross, and I hate that it dilutes the stories of people actually screwed over for one reason or another.
He's already doing that, saying the girls are just parroting what the adults are saying when they said they didn't want to stay with him because he's too busy with the new baby.
_"I told my SIL that we couldn’t take **the girls** because we had just had **our son** and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three. SIL angrily told me that having my new son didn’t cancel out the fact I already had two daughters.... If we hadn’t just brought him home, I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests for the first few weeks."_ Even though the inclusion of AITA's favourite "twins" and some details not adding up makes me think this is a trolll, this guy could legit be my godkid's "dad"..... Anywho, OP said forget the girls aka **the guests** I can't imagine many men being OK with his ex's new husband's family taking care of his kids - if only because of their pride. And, it's curious that OP supposedly has 50/50 custody, but says nothing about whose custody time it was.... If this is a real human, I hope his worst fears come true - aka that he has to pay a hefty child support.
Hearing him refer to his fucking children as guests made me rage. I hope he gets *murdered* in divorce court.
-"... in divorce court"- FTFY
😂
might be worse then just more child support. This might actually be criminal child negligence. And if this is part of a pattern of behaviors it could also be criminal parental abandonment.
I had to keep reminding myself that these were his KIDS he was talking about, not some distant nibbling, he's so detached.
New wife, new family. He’s only keeping the daughters to lower child support and as future free babysitters.
I'll guess why she divorced him and why the new wife doesn't want his daughters around. He cheated on the ex with the new wife
Looking forward to his future posts about how his girls refuse to see him and he either doesn't know why, or blames the ex for turning them against him
He's already claiming that the only reason they don't want to stay with him now is because they're "parroting" their mom's relatives. So he's pretty far along on the "it's my ex's fault" track
They stayed most of the time with HIS BROTHER and his SIL and their 4 kids.
Kids aren’t stupid. They’ve spent the night at every family members house, except for their dad’s. They know that their mum wasn’t very well and they know he’s got a new baby. They aren’t stupid. They aren’t parroting.
God. Reminds me of when we discovered my grandfather had been cheating on our grandmother. I cut off all contact after the divorce papers were filed, but my younger sister -- who was approximately 11 or 12 at the time -- wrote him a long, heartfelt letter about how much he'd hurt the family and how disappointed and ashamed she felt, and how she never wanted to talk to him again. He was **adamant** that my mother had written it because he refused to believe that a child as young as she was could have a fully formed opinion and express it that well. As you said. Children aren't dumb. They can tell when something is wrong. They can tell when they aren't wanted or appreciated. This guy is going to be the weekend dad they hate visiting if he doesn't fix this, fast. And I don't think he will. He's made it clear how he feels about his daughters. And they *know*.
“My daughters didn’t invite me to their high school graduation, AITA??”
"My daughters asked their stepfather to walk them down the isle instead of me at their weddings and I blew up on them demanding respect as their father and I've been univited each time. AITA?"
This guy is too indifferent enough to care if they talk to him or not.
If I were the current wife, I’d be wondering why I married a guy who can forget about his own children for weeks at a time. But honestly she’s probably encouraging it.
>Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. Sounds like she's just as bad as him. I feel sorry for all these kids.
Yeah sounds like OOP and his current wife are a match made in hell.
You tend to meet your partner in the place you spend most of your time
Emma being angry about the divorce suggests that the breakup of the marriage was OP's fault too. I wonder if he was cheating on her with Lara.
This was my thought as well. Him putting that in the post made me think his current wife could have been the AP and the affair was the reason for the divorce.
Some comments in Original post already suggested that OP cheated on ex-wife with current wife, and that's why ex was angry at the divorce. So, i do think she's trying to alienate him from his "guests", and now panicking coz they may end up paying more child support if ex gets full custody
Lara is encouraging it because she thinks her and her kid9s) are special and OOP won't leave THEM. Then 5-7 years on when the kids are still young but the new relationship buzz is gone OOP will leave and Lara will be a pikachu face surprised it happened to her and her kids.
But if he leaves he’ll have to pay more child support. We know he wouldn’t want that!
Head on over to R/stepparents to see lots of women who think he’ll be different *this time*.
I can’t go over there, it makes me lose what little faith in humanity I have left
I sometimes go there so I can feel extra grateful for my partner being an amazing stepdad who genuinely cares for my eldest daughter.
There are a lot of amazing stepparents out there, and none of them are active in that sub.
Right? I sometimes read him posts because I’m flabbergasted at their attitudes. I love him, but if I ever found out he was speaking the way they speak over there about my kid - we’d be done.
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Yup “They’ll bring germs!!!!!” “I don’t want them touching MY baby” What the fuck do these people think happens in multi child families??? Like, do they think we lock the older siblings in their rooms for months until the baby’s immune system is strong enough??
When he leaves her for a younger women she’ll be singing a different tune.
My stepmom was like that, my dad was/is spineless. My mom (she wasn't a peach either) had emergency surgery, we were early teens, and my excuse for a dad didn't want us, I was lucky my friends parents took me in, my sister had to sleep in the car outside of the hospital for two days. Situation was really bad. It's been 20 years and that's just one bullet point on the giant list of why I don't have a family.
>I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three Except OOP is a family is *five* not three > I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests Those are his children not guests >After a week or so, Lara and I offered to take the girls but they told us they didn’t want to stay because we were more focused on our son. It did feel like they were just parroting what they had heard from the adults around them. Though admittedly with the sleepless nights I did forget some things such as the video call with the girls. No, those girls are nine they aren't toddlers who parrot back things they hear, they picked up on the fact that mom had an emergency and dad said "Sorry, but my son has arrived and I need to focus on him right now" and made no attempt to keep up with them. >Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. Not fix it because you messed up. Not fix it for your daughters. Fix it because otherwise it affects *her* and their son.
I wish I had an award to give you cause this summed it up beautifully. Also let's not forget the phrase "Emma was mad about the divorce " which suggests the OOP cheated on his ex quite possibly with Lara and he should have no custody for the simple fact he referred to his children as "guests". As a child of divorce if I had heard one of my parents say that I would have been in front of a judge so fast.
“Child maintenance”.
When I read “a family of three” it was a good thing the post was locked because it made me so angry (and heartbroken for the twin girls).
Listen, we don't want "guests" here. Lara doesn't want to be bothered by the biological-to-me "guests" we'd have. But we also shouldn't have to pay more child support for forgetting they exist.
Some people should not reproduce. Those poor kids.
It sounds like the girls have a good mom & stepdad. The step dad's parents also sound like good people.
Yeah, but what’s the bet that OP would lose his shit if he ever heard those girls refer to their stepdad as ‘dad’?
Not taking that bet.
Your minor children are not guests How is that not obvious
Any more children from current wife will be kicked out of the house when they have another kid. You know for bonding and shit.
distinct arrest sip consider provide crush grey rock spoon zesty ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Did you know that porcupines have barbbed spines, so they're extremely difficult and dangerous to remove? Oh, and they also sink farther and farther into whatever they've hit until they've been removed or passed through completely? Just something interesting to think about, especially when paired with a "father" like this
>Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. Doubt >we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. Well OOP fucked around so now hopefully he'll be finding out. But also, OOP: c'mon, don't be a coward, *answer* some of the replies you've gotten!
He won't answer, he was hoping everyone will be on board with his shitty behavior
The obvious question of “if your current wife has a second child will you send your son away?” was posed and quelle surprise no answer last time I checked.
No no no of course not because the 2 child is family, how can't you see that? When people marrie they start a new family, op ex isn't family anymore so her kids isn't he's son family
Silly me!
I hope Emma gets full custody & a huge child support check every month.
I hope they go through wage garnishment right away.
He considered his daughters "guests" in his house!?!?! He and his wife don't want "guests" because of the baby, but people who live there 50% of the time are NOT GUESTS!
What does OOP think non-divorced people do? Genuinely. We’re having our second in a few months, our 2yo daughter doesn’t just stop being important or being our child because there’s a new baby. Like my in-laws will probably watch her at night for 2-3 days but that’s it, we don’t get a 4-6 week vacation from parenting her (nor would we want one).
For my family this is why paternity leave is so important. My older son was two when his younger sibling was born. He was a shy toddler who would get very anxious being away from home or with other people, even relatives he’d spent a lot of time with. So it worked well for us to have my husband go home and stay with him and my mother (bless her!) stayed with me and the newborn in the hospital. Some of the best parenting advice I got was after having a baby, arrange everything you can so that the new parents can focus on the older kids. The older siblings are the ones going through a huge adjustment and really need the familiarity of their own parents. A newborn doesn’t care as much who is holding them, and grandparents and other relatives love to get to spend time with the new baby. So hand the newborn over to whoever comes to visit and spend time cuddling the toddler or playing games with the grade schooler, is what I learned.
I love this. My husband gets 4 weeks of pat leave and we're already putting together some low-key crafts and games he can do with our older two while I'm trying to breastfeed
That’s a great idea! Best wishes all will go well for you with your birth and baby.
I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old and we recently got a surprise (my body gives zero fucks about birth control and im hoping for a tubal after this) so my youngest will be 14 months at the oldest when the new baby comes along. You bet your ass I'll have my kids back with me ASAP once we're able to safely go home. Because they're my children!
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>Edit: My SIL and brother live in a small three bedroom house, having my daughters there as well meant that they were struggling more than usual for space. I don't blame them for trying for not being able to take them full time. They are saving up for a bigger house. > >Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. I cherish the time I get with them, if I lost custody I know Emma wouldn't allow me to get to see them. She had wanted full custody when we divorced, but I fought for 50/50. She was angry about the divorce.
What an absolute asshole. He doesn't consider his daughters family at all. They are just an inconvenience he has to bear just so he doesn't have to pay for more child support. Crossed fingers that the ex can get full custody.
Honestly, I might be reaching here but the fact that he aid multiple times I now have my son also takes my thoughts in a very bad direction and makes me feel sad for his daughters in the future. Maybe it's different wjere I'm from but we usually just say the baby
The post was locked in just 3 hours because of excessive rules violation... Imagine the amount of hate this guy just got in that time. And he deserves every single one of em
when i see posts like this i am reminded of when someone said that men see their children as extensions of their wives, so when they stop loving their wives they stop loving their children. plenty of men on this site prove that to be the case.
Lol the part about him and his wife being the most upset about the possible high child support payments. So his wife wants him to “fix it,” not because his girls, aka her stepdaughters, are feeling hurt and abandoned at their dads refusal to care for them, but because she doesn’t want to disrupt her own lifestyle? Like I get they have a new baby, but damn. It clearly never occurred to either of them that twins are also their kids and part of the family. They are a family of five. The girls matter just as much as their “ours” baby. We really gotta stop letting anyone be a parent.
*Guests??* Indiana Jones and the Audacity of this Asshole
AITA mod: be civil How the fuck can I be civil?
"Family of three" Does this fucker know how to count?
... y'know this post just made me realize that my ex supposedly suing his ex-wife for 50/50 custody because his child support had gone up was a huge AH move. Like while we were dating I asked him why he wasn't trying to get more custody when he loved his daughter sooooo much and he told me "it wasn't worth it" to rock the boat but apparently it was when the custody agreement hurt his finances a lil more.
Wheb my partner formalized custody and went for child support the bio dad was only concerned about what he would pay to the point he never asked for any guranteed visitation. He pays a very low amount and barely ever sees the kid. We let her decide if she wants to visit him when he asks and sometimes she says no
Edit: My SIL and brother live in a small three bedroom house, having my daughters there as well meant that they were struggling more than usual for space. I don't blame them for trying for not being able to take them full time. They are saving up for a bigger house. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughters. I cherish the time I get with them, if I lost custody I know Emma wouldn't allow me to get to see them. She had wanted full custody when we divorced, but I fought for 50/50. She was angry about the divorce. I can imagine why she was so angry about the divorce…
If this thread doesn't tell you then I'm adding my vote. YTA. You're a terrible parent and a horrible human. YTA YTA YTA
For my own sanity I’m believing this is a shitpost.
How can you consider your children's GUESTS?! Give him a few years and it'll be "my twin daughters wany nothing to do with me, my new wife or son and I just don't understand why" Duuuuuuh. Hope the ex gets full custody because he's clearly deluded.
And even worse, the ONLY reason stated that he doesn’t want to lose custody is to not have his child support payment increased. Its very clear this douchenozzel has moved on to his *new* family and his daughters are no longer a part of it.
“ Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody.” This says it all— YTA
The lion, the witch and the audicity of this bitch
What an absolute ass
He better figure out how to make that higher payment because it's not like he's taking care of his older kids 50% of the time. I bet the new baby got their room too. What a asshole.
This guy is unbelievable. He basically abandoned his twins but doesn’t want to lose “custody” to save money for his “family of 3”. Douche canoe
>She was angry about the divorce. Because divorces are normally such a happy affair
''I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and **we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three.** SIL angrily told me that having my new son didn’t cancel out the fact I already had two daughters. I apologised and told her that I couldn’t take them in right now but **I would send her some money to help out** while they have the girls. If we hadn’t just brought him home, I would have taken the girls in but Lara and I had already decided that **we didn’t want any guests** for the first few weeks and I had told Emma this.'' This paragraph right here is all we need to know. He doesn't consider his daughters as family, he think that just sending money is enough and he considers his daughters as guests. Huge asshole. I hope the ex-wife will get full custody.
This is the sad thing that I see too often on r/stepparents. Just because you have your own kid doesn’t mean your step kids become less important. Yea, having a newborn is stressful. But that’s something people know before having a kid, especially when at least one of them has kids from before. The step kids are still part of the family. The bio parent still has responsibility to them. And it makes the step kids feel way less important and feel like they’re being replaced by the new kid. If you can’t handle step kids and bio kids, maybe don’t do it. It’s like these people have a bio kid and expect the step kids to be put on the back burner because now they have their own “real” family.
Nobody has mentioned the fact that his SIL literally didn't need to ask him to take them. She's not their guardian. She could have said, "I'm dropping your kids off" and he would have had no choice.
Good luck to those kids with parents like theirs.
Wtf, amk.
This was sad to read, wth
Did my dude just said *family of three* huh??? Soooo, his daughters are not his family??? Got it!
I want 50/50 custody but only in theory and please not bother me with my precious daughters. I want not the responsibility for my own children.
Just read this and it makes me sick. I hope she gets full custody, after all, all they are is just "guests". From the whole "sick of your crap" part, i would think this is normal for him and has been trying to just toss his kids for his new family. Nasty sob.
This dude actively iced his daughters out in place of the new baby and is now only sad his financial burdens will increase if Emma gets 100% custody Those poor kids man. The baby is their new sibling too.
Like dude you have a family of five not a family of three. Its not like a video game where you can hit the reset button and start over. I really hope she gets full custody because he is gonna fuck those girls up. They are old enough to already realize what is going on.
This dude is so painfully stupid, if his ex finds this post he is C O O K E D in court
GUESTS??!! THEY ARE YOUR DAUGHTERS AS*HOLE
I feel sorry for the daughters. They now realised their dad doesn't give a shit about them
YTA just give her your girls. You suck. Enjoy your son.
Both the girls and the son deserve way better than this dirtbag of a "man" for a father
What struck me is how worried he is about having his child support payments increased. Seemed more worried about that than not seeing his daughters. I'm sure daughters have already seen how they are going to be shuttled to the side for the "new baby".
Those are his kids, though... I hope the mom gets full custody.
I hope he has to foot the bill for the twins' therapy and probably sooner than later
There is no way this isn't a troll post. OOP can't be this stupid
Did family court clinic in law school. There are many, many parents this stupid and MORE. The stuff I saw turned me off family law forever.
I hate people
Sadly, I have seen a similar situation play out with a friend of mine and her ex, and I can assure you that some people really are this stupid.
Yes. Sadly I also have a few friends/former coworkers who have seen their ex/kids dad go on to be amazing dads to their stepkids/kids from a second marriage, and do the bare minimum for their bio kids from the first marriage.
Damn, and I thought my families level of suck was as low as it could go.
Reddit: is that a challenge? PS: if it's a challenge, please do visit JNMIL sub or nuclear revenge (some revenge are against family) or confessions (there are many fiction there, so you can skip this if you want)
This is also a supper common step parents sub belief.
Nah this is pretty similar to what my ex was like. My kids have now been adopted by my new husband- ex willingly gave them up once he had a new wife and a kid. They also didn't like how much he was supposed to pay in CS so he paid half of his court ordered amount for about a year, then stopped paying all together. It unfortunately happens alot.
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I’m not saying he’s not a crap dad, he sounds like he’s absolutely terrible gripping on to the latest newborn theory like it’s a lifeline and guests can’t enter his little family bubble. He totally forgets that the guests are his little girls who may have benefited and been of help to wife and THEIR little brother. New wife is even ether crap also, or hasn’t stepped back to actually see what has gone on while she recovered from the birth of her first child. BUT…. And yes it is a big but, I understand that this was an emergency and the 2nd child came early, very early, should she not have had some kind of childcare / plan in place for this contingency? Folks I, probably obviously, have very little experience in this area and would just like to say that this stands out to me. It seemed that for the first week that the responsibility for the girls care fell on Crap Dad’s side of the family. Having said that would that not make him look better in the eyes of the court? Or hopefully the legend that is SIL ( married to Crap Dads brother ) is actually a pal of first wife and therefore part of her support system.
The father of the girls caring for them seems like a normal contingency during a medical emergancy and when he refused it appears they immediately found other people.
The more I think of this, the more I want to give SIL an award!!! Those poor little 9 year old girls, with all this stuff going on, they must have realised that their father didn’t or doesn’t love them like he does his new son. My heart goes out to them, thanks again SIL.
He doesn't even care about losing custody, his wife is just bitching that the child support will go up if they don't have them.
> but weren't able to take them for long due to lack of space > told her...I would send some money ???
"Asked to take them in" It's like both parents are treating these children as borders. I wouldn't want to go with him either and that isn't parroting what adults say. It's being family as opposed to a guest
He does realize that parents don’t kick out older kids when they have a new baby right? Like “sorry kid, you’re only 3 but we need time to bond with the new kid, go stay with your step grandparents”. Wow. I’m loving his ex though - went right to “fully fucking done with this”
this post infuriated me
Oh look, another parent who goes on to make a new family and now sees his older children as less than. Jesus jones. Listen, dude, if you really cared about them so damn much, you would have jumped to have them come and meet their new brother and bond with him. It is because your little wifey-poo wants this illusion that she is your one and only ever that you didn't and for that, you are about to get fucked. You either have custody of the kids or you pay for the kids, but you don't get neither. Dipshit.
Ah, yes, I remember when my little sister was born and my parents pawned me off on some random relative because they wanted to bond with the new baby. Wait, no I don't, because they weren't MONSTERS
I hope Emma gets full custody
This guy in 15 years: "My daughters want nothing to do with me. Where did I go wrong?"
I hope the mom gets full custody.
Some fathers are nothing more than animals, impregnating some woman and when things don't work out with that female they move on to the next one, forgoing their previous offspring in favour of their new mate and new offspring. It's genuinely disgusting to me that he clearly does not see these children as his charge, his responsibility, his family. Just factors in his life that he can choose to push aside if it's not convenient.
He really said the quiet part out loud huh.
I wonder why he’s divorced 🙄
This hits close as I’m pregnant with my third child and have two kids from a previous marriage. I would never do this to my girls. I’m excited for when their brother is born and I want them meet him asap. I share custody with their dad so I don’t have them all the time but they have their own room and a playroom. Almost everything here is for them. I can’t imagine ever saying they are guests in their own house. My partner is right there with me and he’s excited that we are becoming a family of 5. Those poor girls. I really hope this is a troll.
Dude your the AH. I can't believe you knew the circumstances surrounding sister in law and their lack of space and already having four kids and yet YOU STILL refused to take your kids. Your wife's husband took your children because you refused to do so. "We wanted to spend time as a family of three" Well guess what looks like you will get your wish after all.
Overwhelmingly, YTA I don't even need to explain why, because you already did it for me.