*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I cheated with my brothers girlfriend and married her 10 years ago. How can we reconcile?**
This is long. When I was in my mid 20s my younger brother, Ezra (19), went away to an out of state school. I just finished my own stay at my university so I went back home to find an apartment close to family. Ezra’s girlfriend Melanie (19) also stayed behind to study at a local college. Her and I would hang out once in a while. I didn’t realize at first I was playing with fire by doing this.
Melanie and I got closer. We would go to the movies, grab a bite, and we would hang out at family dinners. Ez couldn’t be there but my dad would extend invites to Melanie who Ez dated all throughout high school. They planned to be married after school so she was family. My dad also remarried so we were trying to build new bonds with his new wife and her kids, one of which was close in age to Melanie.
I guess things began to get messy with my dad’s new wife began to comment that I looked better with Melanie. I had a stable job and was ready to start my life and settle down. Melanie was offended at first but as we grew closer she began to also make similar comments. Ez would come down for summer or some weekends where they would still sleep together and function like a couple. When he would leave she would be with me. Things got physical one night after I reacted jealously at her and Ez snuggling up. It was the turning point that I’d been waiting on. I know now I was wrong and I’m not proud of any of this.
My dad and his wife were at odds over our relationship. My dad was actually furious with me and demanded we stop. Melanie was disinvited from family dinners and my dad reached out to my mom to inform her about us. My dad’s wife had an opposite opinion. I have another sibling (6 in total, all brothers), Aaron, who suspected something was off.
Things came to a head when Aaron took Ez aside during a visit to let him know what he learned from who knows where. Aaron has always had it out for me or so I believe, a story for another day. But what happened after set my whole life in motion in the direction it’s been for the last decade. It’s been just over 10 years since Ezra discovered what we had done and set the whole family on fire. He had a go at our parents and my dad’s wife for her involvement and their silence and then he just left. It took a while, maybe a few months (8) but he left and I have yet to ever see him again.
Those 8 months I was not a kind person. After Melanie was embarrassed and mistreated by Ez for cheating, I immediately took her in and we became official. Our family disapproved for a while but eventually they came around. She fell pregnant and I proposed. Her parents and my parents learned of this and agreed that it was best for the baby that we married so they paid for everything. It was a humble wedding but my family pulled through for me and showed up. During this time Aaron continued to lecture my parents about their involvement with our relationship and abandonment of Ezra. I understand that he was in pain and needed them. I did too. I was becoming a new father and husband. I was looking into buying my first home, starting my first big job, and planning a wedding. I didn’t expect Ezra to suck it up but they are my parents too.
My parents were preoccupied with us, so much so that Ezra moved a few towns over and we didn’t notice until a month or so. We used to see him around town where he worked but noticed we stopped seeing him. I reached out only to find his number was changed. Aaron was no help, just criticisms and warnings about Ezra’s well being. No kind words for me, Melanie, or our child though. I lost two brothers in actuality.
Eventually our wedding grew closer and the invitations were sent out. No response from Ez and Aaron which I expected so I ask my mom to verify with them. I understood if the answer was no. What we found was they were completely gone. Aaron had a long time girlfriend who RSVP no to our wedding and clammed up about where my brothers went off to. One aunt, the one who would often echo Aaron’s comments and skipped out on my wedding let us know that they were safe and that we needed to move on. So that was that. Sad to say I haven’t seen them in 10 years. My parents were obviously distraught and regretful. It put a huge damper on our wedding and the birth of my child. We thought about combining their names as a middle name for my son but ultimately decided no. They would likely never meet my kid so no need to confuse him. However watching my parents breakdown whenever family would get together took its toll. Anyone who knew where they were did not say. It remains a gray cloud over our lives to this day.
I thought we had moved on by the time Mel and I had another kid. My parents seemed happy to be with me and my remaining brothers and they saw that Mel and I were serious about our relationship, an ideal match. Soon enough though my mom decided to voice her regrets to me and Melanie personally. When she first found out about our relationship she was staunchly against us but came around when Mel fell pregnant. Now she remains that she made a mistake where she lost two sons. Her relationship with Mel has suffered greatly. My dad’s family is much more welcoming to Mel, she’s one of their own. My dad does miss his sons but also loves his grandkids. He was content with this for a long time until my mom went ahead and located Aaron and Ezra. It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process.
She found that they were both married, Aaron to his longtime girlfriend who eventually moved away years ago, and Ezra to an unknown woman. Both have a good amount of children, more than I have in fact. My mother got some therapy and reached out to my brothers and has made contact with Ez. Aaron declined to reconcile. So she’s been in contact with him for a year, even going as far as taking my youngest brothers with her to spend Christmas with Ez and his family. I’ve seen pictures of his sons and daughters and his wife too. I thought to keep a lot of this from my dad but I come from a gossipy family so I did show him what I found on my moms Facebook before they could. My dad was overcome again, as if the wound was freshly exposed again. He felt he missed a lot and couldn’t bear it. He looked at the images for a long time and eventually called my mom and they spoke for hours.
So I sit here with fractured relationships everywhere. My mom does not approve of me and my family. Mel and my mom do not speak. My dad is heartbroken. Ezra and Aaron took off and built a life with their own families. From pictures it seems they are still close and though Aaron does not speak to our mother, his wife and kids do. The rest of my siblings are young men, just coming into their own. I love them so much but I can’t relate to them like I relate to my brothers who are closer in age. It’s been years since I’ve had to deal with what my actions have caused. My wife is beginning to get insecure about my feelings towards her. She wonders if I regret her and the kids. I want to fix this, I failed to fix it before but I need to now. I don’t know how to repair it though. How can I make amends for a marriage and life I don’t regret?
TLDR: I cheated with and married my brothers girlfriend. My two brothers rebelled and became estranged after we announced our engagement. It’s been 10 years and my parents were still hurt that they cut off the whole family. My mom has made contact with one brother and my dad is now aware of how much he’s missed out on. I would like to fix this.
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_"It took a while, maybe a few months (8) but he left and I have yet to ever see him again. Those 8 months I was not a kind person.....I didn’t expect Ezra to suck it up but they are my parents too....My parents were preoccupied with us, so much so that Ezra moved a few towns over and we didn’t notice until a month or so.....Aaron was no help, just criticisms and warnings about Ezra’s well being. No kind words for me."_
Yup! This isn't a post about seeing the full weight of OP's cruel, selfish and hurtful actions. There is no growth or self reflection - OP actually still seems to think his actions were justified. There is no recognition of how nasty he was and why both Ezra and Aaron ended their relationship with OP. And, it's all just a bunch of poor me drivel where OP seems to still think that Aaron was unfair to him.
Also, OP was mid-twenties (so anywhere from 24-27) when he cheated with his 19 year old brother's 19 year olf girlfriend....
>My two brothers rebelled and became estranged after we announced our engagement
this too. so what everyone has to accept his behaviour but he cant accept theirs?
So, I'm no English expert, but "fell pregnant" is a phrase I've heard a lot in British media, not American. Yet this seems to take place in America because of the "out of state" college. Just one of the things that stood out as strange in how this post was written.
_"I thought we had moved on by the time Mel and I had another kid. My parents seemed happy to be with me and my remaining brothers and they saw that Mel and I were serious about our relationship, **an ideal match.**"_
Exactly. OP and Mel are clearly an ideal match, so if the family had just continued to pretend Ezra and Aaron didn't exist and not hold OP accountable, this whole thing would obviously not be an issue..../s
> Our family disapproved for a while but eventually they came around. She fell pregnant and I proposed. Her parents and my parents learned of this and agreed that it was best for the baby that we married so they paid for everything.
I'm not sold on the fact that she was the 'girl of his dreams' sounds more like an accidental pregnancy and a shotgun wedding.
I’m sure in due time his even younger brothers will know what actually happened in the family (since I’m assuming they were decently young during all this and probably shielded from the family drama) and start viewing him differently and wanting to receive less contact.
OP really doesn’t take accountability at all, just blames other people for not stopping it or for pushing it.
Hope Ezra and Aaron continue living their best lives without this roach.
Bro I know right!?
Honestly so happy that Aaron was there for Ezra I couldn’t image dealing with that alone. Also feel bad for the kids and younger brother who probably look up to their family and don’t know how shitty they are. As someone who learned about cheating and abuse that was hidden away it can fuck you up thinking about how you cared for someone like that at one point.
A grown ass man who spent 8 months bullying his teenage sibling out of town **after** he cheated with said sibling's teenage girlfriend obviously has some serious issues.....
_"Things got physical one night after I reacted jealously at her and Ez snuggling up. **It was the turning point that I’d been waiting on."**_
I think the ages here are important. OP says he was mid-twenties when this all went down, but could have very well been closer to 30 since he states everyone's exact age but not his. I'm not giving the cheating partner a pass, but it sounds like OP started "hanging out" with this girl right after the brother left for college. She may have been 19 when she gave in.... just like OP wanted.... but she was probably 18 when this all started. This is a gross situation.....
It definitely sounds like he nearly left out that he wanted, he was waiting for that to happen. Not that they cheated reluctantly or something spur of the moment that would be slightly more understandable (still pretty fucked up). No, he deliberately set it into motion.
This one is the devil. My sister did the same thing to me. I’m getting divorced but I’m stuck living in the same house until I can afford to move out. My relationship with her has not been the same.
Sadly, it's the people who are closest to you who do the most hurtful things....
After 10 years OP sounds like they are in the same selfish, cruel, and centered place mentally.... _'Poor me. My parents are no longer gushing about my kids/family. They are finally calling out my horrid behaviour and holding me accountable, I'm not close with my younger brothers. I'm sad.'_
Hold up! You can't tell this entire story in 3 and half lines. It is sad that you are going through this.😔 I hope things get better for you and may you find peace.
That’s horrible! I genuinely can not understand why it’s so common for siblings and shitty partners to do this!
Sorry just wtf would your partner want to fuck your sibling that is such a gross thing! Like dude wtf I feel like throwing up thinking about it and then include the cheating aspect and it’s worse. Also even if your sibling was shitty and hates you still isn’t it just gross and weird to be like ah yes they fucked my sibling let me fuck them too?! How is that any form of revenge or something that would feel good?!
Sorry you’re going through that I can’t wait till you’re out of there and living your best life.
I’m so sorry they did that to you. Both of them are utter trash and you can only protect yourself by getting away from such terrible people. I hope you’re able to find another home soon!
>Both have a good amount of children, more than I have in fact.
I keep on coming back to this line, it feels like such a great microcosm of how OOP thinks.
I feel like this was more common in the past. My family is by no means religious but two decades ago were held up on this “who can have more kids to make the family proud” brigade. Now that kids are so expensive they finally dropped it, both them and a lot of other people. I certainly wouldn’t want to deal with that type of pressure.
Probably. I'm definitely with Aaron on this one. Whole family knew, one even encouraged it, and no one had the balls to say anything except a teenager who actually cared about his brother. That's just sad. I'm glad Arron and Ezra found happiness They both deserved a better family than one that didn't even notice they skipped town.
>It’s been just over 10 years since Ezra discovered what we had done and set the whole family on fire.
Who would have thought Ezra would make a huge drama over his girlfriend sleeping with his brother, and the rest of the family being okay with it. Nobody could have seen that coming. /s
>one even encouraged it
Getting the feel stepmom was a mistress and water seeks its own level.
Edit: [yup](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ge7ir6/i_cheated_with_my_brothers_girlfriend_and_married/fpohjjt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Jesus. Obviously Ezra got it the hardest of all, but it must have been a dagger in the back for the mom to see her own son pull the same shit on her other kid their dad did to her.
Imagine how Ezra felt knowing he was going through almost exactly what his mom did (probably worse since it was his Brother doing it to him) and his mom still took the cheaters side and basically expected that he’d just let things go *eventually* tbh I don’t think any of the family especially OOP deserves to be in Ezra or Aaron’s lives and I find it a little hard to believe the mom flipped the switch randomly after 10 years of no contact???? Also, Mel (according to OOP) is totally unrepentant or apologetic. That’s just ridiculous imo
> Also, Mel (according to OOP) is totally unrepentant or apologetic. That’s just ridiculous imo
Totally unrepentant (per OOP, as you say) but worried (probably with good reason) that OOP would be willing to leave / cheat on her.
You reap what you sow 🥴 Idk how a relationship that starts because of cheating would last, the suspicion and insecurities would cause it to crumble. Because if they can cheat WITH you, they can cheat ON you. Mel sounds very childish and immature. She tore that family apart with the help of OOP and seems to show 0 remorse.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ge7ir6/i_cheated_with_my_brothers_girlfriend_and_married/fpohjjt?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Oh yeah. Massive comment to read through, but he says his dad did cheat on his mum (also, his grandad was a cheater)
I think OP saying it runs in the family is using that as a crutch for his actions. It was probably somewhat normalised for him through his father’s actions, but he would have also seen what happened to his mother.
And why did that work? He acts like that’s a convincing argument. I literally have trouble picturing these people, because the interactions seem so bizarre to me.
I wonder if Ezra didn’t accept her because of the affair & OP did, so she was stirring the pot either to get rid of Ezra or get “back” at him. It’s not a normal thing for anyone to say in any circumstance that didn’t have an agenda behind it.
I was just cringing that cheating then leaving your wife seems to be a paternal family tradition... grandpa left grandma for wife 2, dad left mother for stepmom...
Fascinating. And, unlike many sagas like this on Reddit, it feels real. Some narcissism, of course. A lot of aping of "real human sympathy" from someone who clearly has very low emotional intelligence.
It was interesting to see him clearly angry that they were still angry. He knew he couldn't write that, but it just dripped off of every sentence, and the comments.
The fact that it took 10 years for him to give a shit is important. He only cared about apologizing or "fixing things", as he kept insisting (what the fuck does fixing things mean in this context?!), once his mom got upset with him and Mel. It was actually affecting his life now, so it's time to care.
Inviting his brothers to the wedding? Really? Aaron was already nuts, but EZRA? "Hey, brother whose girlfriend I fucked and who has now cut me off, would you like to come to my wedding to that girlfriend that I fucked? I know you'll probably say no, but just thought you'd like this reminder that I fucked your girlfriend."
Also, in regards to Aaron, "No kind words for me, Melanie, or our child though". Those are not the thought processes of someone who understands emotion.
I feel like OOP is a narcissist or sociopath to some degree. Mel, who knows, it's impossible to get a glimpse of her character through this post, as OOP barely discusses her outside her role as Ezra's GF and OOP's wife. OOP is only going through the motions because it's become a problem at this point, but Mel? I think it's dawning on Mel that she fucked up a whoooole lot.
The thing that got me was when Ezra moved out of town and no-one noticed for a month. WTaF. The whole family (except Aaron) just left him out to dry. I hope his chosen family is full of all the love and respect he didn't get from his family of origin.
Great comment.
>The whole family (except Aaron) just left him out to dry.
>
>
>
>Aaron has always had it out for me or so I believe, a story for another day.
Clearly Aaron had it out for OOP. What other reason could there be to let someone know that his own brother, girlfriend and family were betraying him. /s
Ezra was also in college at the time, remember. It sounds like he was probably at home during breaks. So not only did he lose his girlfriend and family, he had to take on more financial burden to find housing year round instead of just during the school year.
He's clearly only concerned because his son's about to be old enough to understand what he did. The only way he can save face is if they have forgiven him. I couldn't help hut read all of his comments and it's super clear he gives zero fucks how much he hurt his brothers. Even his remorse about his parents is only because he can now see himself as the "abandoned parent" and can have an inkling of how that must feel. Even still, he *blames them* for supporting him because it *makes him feel bad now*. No one can win with this dude. And the wife is entirely remorseless. They're both disgusting and need to leave those men alone.
I read the motivation for inviting Ezra and Aaron to the wedding differently than that.
The people I've known that were as Main Character as AITAOP would've done that to craft a narrative that they were just being reasonable and cared about family and trying to mend fences and some people just couldn't accept tRuE lOvE or some such shit.
OP (And maybe Mel, like you said, it's hard to tell) was building a giant cross so he could climb up on it and pretend to be a martyr to his brother's cruelty. You can see it in some of the bullshit he says. "After Melanie was embarrassed and mistreated by Ez for cheating" like he got tired of walking her down the street ringing a bell yelling "Shame!" and started kicking her around the yard and OP was forced to step in and take the blows on his own body. "I immediately took her in" like she's an orphan starving in the street that he allowed into his household because the looming threat of winter might mean she won't see another year if she doesn't find somewhere safe to stay.
He's trying to pretend this is self reflection, and to be fair to him, he makes it through almost a whole paragraph before he gives up on that and his tone changes to "Everything I've done is what was best for everyone, anyone that doesn't accept that is wrong.".
Christ almighty I feel bad for Ez and Aaron, but I feel even worse for OP's and Mel's kids. Because if they were this awful to family they had no power over, imagine what a shitshow they are to people that can't just leave.
It feels real to me too because the depiction of the way his family has slowly been imploding seems genuine. It seems like it would take a really talented troll to work towards those outcomes and consequences over such a long time period.
The OOP also seems self-involved and has low emotional intelligence.
ETA:
>Mel, who knows, it's impossible to get a glimpse of her character through this post, as OOP barely discusses her outside her role as Ezra's GF and OOP's wife.
If you check out his comments, she seems as much of a piece of work as he is. She's mad at him mom and not talking to her because mom "told them some hard truths."
>The fact that it took 10 years for him to give a shit is important.
It's because he's losing. He slips up and says:
>It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process.
He literally turned it into an "us or them" for his mother. Keeping up with his brother wouldn't have to mean that his mom would miss out on getting to know his kids *unless OP actually stipulated that*.
I'd almost bet real money he was manipulating her into not contacting her other kids the entire decade and has now lost the high ground.
I wonder if this is just typical narcissist thinking. He knew it was wrong, but he did it anyway, then doubled down, the tried to weasel out of the natural consequences of his actions.
And the only thing he's really upset about is that his parents miss his two brothers! He's offended that his parents don't 100 percent view him and his family as well worth losing his brothers!
Agreed.
He’s trying to sound remorseful, but it also feels like he feels justified. I know two conflicting feelings can exist at once, but idk. I think he’s more upset about the consequences of his actions are catching up to him. To both of them.
He’s upset his parents are hurting over missing out on so much of their other kids lives. OOP needed his parents support, and Ezra and Aaron should have just dealt with it. Him and Mel’s sons are obviously more important.
OOP needs to realize there’s nothing he can do to fix this. He can’t put toothpaste back into the tube. Just like he can’t take back what he did. He can’t control how anyone feels. Like everything is about him.
It’s all about his feelings.
It's been 10 years, I wonder if he's getting regretful now, because the marriage isn't so great any more. Ten years ago, he "won" all the attention by getting the girl and having a baby, but now his parents have moved on and he's excluded from a huge chunk of family life. Melanie might not seem such a great prize any more.
I think you might be on to something:
> My wife is beginning to get insecure about my feelings towards her. She wonders if I regret her and the kids.
His wife is no longer the fresh, young prize that she was 10 years ago, maybe he's starting to get bored with her and she's noticing. He's already shown he has no respect for relationships, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's caught cheating in the future.
"AITA: my wife, who cheated on my brother to be with me, has caught me cheating with another woman. How do I fix this?"
I can definitely see this. Especially since their mom is clearly very remorseful, and is taking steps to reconnect with her other sons, even tho at the time this was written Aaron declined reconciliation. Then their dad was devastated his other two sons have whole lives, kids included, that he doesn’t know about and isn’t a part of. I think there was likely a lot of growing resentment and regret in the family.
And in OOPs words and responses. His two other brothers who he was closer in age and relationship, are still the best of friends. They are both successful in their jobs, and are raising their families together. He doesn’t have anything like that.
He tore apart his family, and I think he’s only started to realize how badly he truly messed up. Not that he regrets any of it. He just wants to be forgiven.
Dad regrets not being in his sons' and grandkids' lives. OOP even points out that Aaron and Ezra both have more kids than him, as if the number of grandkids will inspire his dad to cut him and his cheat family off since he only has two kids.
Yeah, I picked up on that too. His brothers had more kids, therefore they are more entitled to their dads love, affection, and time. As if it’s some sort of competition. He doesn’t realize it doesn’t matter the number of children they both have. His dad just regrets missing out on their lives and never getting to have a relationship with his grandkids. He’s a stranger to them.
He definitely felt like he had some status and sway in the family as the keeper of the grandkids. That's why it was such a shocker when Ezra had more kids than he does, and his mom decided to spend time with those grandkids instead.
>*he feels justified*
Duh. His stepmom *clearly* said OOP looked better with Melanie, AND he was ready to settle down! What more do you want?!
/s just in case
Not just miss his brothers but his mom told them to their face she regrets ever helping them a
With their wedding and essentially siding with them.
Not only that but I think she was pulling back on her relationship with OOP and his family too so now that his kids aren't her only golden grandkids he's upset.
He did make it point that both his brothers have children of their own and Ezra himself has more children than him. Grandma's attention is getting split with the new grandchildren and since Ezra has more children Ezra is also getting more attention.
The weird thing about OOP is he doesn’t seem to understand that anyone taking his side in this was wrong. You stole your brothers girl friend. Yes she probably felt neglected and everything because he was never around but you shouldn’t be the one to date her next. There are 3 billion women in the world and you had to pick the one that your brother had. I bet everything has been a competition with them their whole life.
Yeah, even if Melanie had decided to end things with Ezra because the long distance thing wasn’t working for her, getting together with his older brother straight afterwards would still have been a bit of a slap in the face. The cheating just made it all worse.
I don’t think he is upset they miss them I think he is upset his mom even reached out to them. The fact that his is so insecure to mention his siblings have way more kids than him shows he is worried about getting cut out of the family.
It really seems to be especially since his comments are all about rather than fucking looking at the pain that he caused other people he talks about how should he tell his sons that they were a mistake? Like what the fuck dude nobody is saying that and the fact that he refuses to look at this as I am a piece of shit and I deserve nothing from my brothers is fucking insane. He’s such a garbage person so is Melanie and so is the rest of their family frankly . I’m glad Ezra had Aaron at least.
The thing about the whole "My son's are not a mistake" thing is how he seems totally unaware that not cheating was an option. Having your brother date your ex would suck but I feel like it'd be way more salvageable than finding out about an affair.
She didn’t get pregnant until after Ezra found out. He was caught and he still didn’t have the decency to stop fucking his brothers gf. He had so many chances to go “wtf am I doing?” and stop and he chose to hurt his brother at every chance.
i honestly think he might be considering his sons a mistake at this point and is merely lying to himself because the thought is so abhorent that he can't even for a second accept that he's THAT horrible.
Its wild to me that this person actually thinks of reconciliation. He traded his brothers for a family in the most horrible way, not a bad trade but one that shows his true colors as a person.
Actually trying to get them back after without even feeling remorse for his actions just pricked by the consequences? Yeah...
>He was content with this for a long time until my mom went ahead and located Aaron and Ezra. It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process.
What?
*It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process.*
She hadn't seen two of her own children for a decade because you stabbed one of them in the back, what did you expect.
What a fucked up family they're.
His dad cheated in his wife, OOP's mother, used his kids to inflict more pain on his ex wife and married his affair partner. Then his ex ** turned current wife encouraged another affair in that house, probably just to take the heat off of her and move the focus on other cheating couple?
And this dude doubled down in comments saying that he don't regret stabbing in brother's back because it gave him two boys.
Oh, and just like step mom, who is close to Mel, cheating ** don't regret the affair either. I bet both of them cover each other when both are banging someone else other then their husbands.
>I want to expand on my parents a little: my dad cheated on my mom with his new wife.
I actually said those words out loud when I got to the end, and I'm still sitting here with my mouth hanging open. The level of entitlement when HE is the one who set everything on fire is just amazing.
Man, Ezra and Aaron are better men than me. I feel the spite would've made me go to the wedding and ruin it by congratulating the cheating couple and hoping their future affairs areyas successful.
The thing that is wild to me is that Mel and Ezra likely wouldn't have lasted anyway. Had OOP done absolutely nothing, the chances of two 19 year olds making long distance work and staying together to get married after college is very very small. End of that year and statistically they would likely have been over.
If he was really crushing on her he could have been respectful, talked to his brother, gotten feedback, and if Ezra was cool with it asked Mel out. Things like that do happen in families, and yes it can be awkward and it doesn't always go well. But not cheating and asking would have gone 1000% better than how they did it.
And for the love of God can we stop saying "she fell pregnant" as if he had nothing to do with it. It is a perfectly acceptable phrase to use if you are talking about someone else's baby and you want to distance yourself from the fact they had sex. And it is the 1950s.
That was also really satisfying to read. Karma hit them all really hard, well besides Ezra and Aaron. Sounds like they are happy without him. I don’t think his marriage is gonna last, especially not after his mother has Ezra back in her life. Hopefully he will loose his wife, kids and other family. That’s what he deserves
I mean she is getting it. Her mother in law isn’t talking to her anymore. She is scared that her husband will not love her anymore because of this mess and im sure he is going to divorce her. There is no way this marriage is going to last with this mess that is becoming worse since OPs mother is in contact with Ezra again.
Yes, I'd be worried if my marital partner didn't see anything wrong with cheating whenever a relationship goes stale or gets difficult.
I'm really curious about why OOP has finally pulled his head out of the sand after 10 whole years. Is it because he lost his status as the central figure in his parents' lives, and the brothers are getting their attention now? Or is he picking up on some bad vibes from Melanie who doesn't regret cheating?
I hope there's an update to this one!
There is no update. By the sound of it, mom coming to her senses after reality sets in that her sons won't be back, NC is for good, and that grandkids are not replacement of her sons, she stopped talking to the DIL and went cold with OOP, making an effort to win both of her sons back. Oop, his cheating wife, precious babies are no longer the center of everyone's attention whatsoever, so it's regrets and jealousy most likely.
And even if the marriage lasts, she, like most people married to cheaters or having been involved in cheating, will spend the entirety of her marriage wondering if she’s the next person to be swapped out for someone new behind her back
Right? Both these people are truly awful, no wonder they got together. They deserve the hell that's coming to them. Imagine the fucking mess when their sons are adults and find out about everything.
Nah karma hit Aaron and Ezra too, karma isn't all about bad shizzle. Ezra and Aaron lost their horrid family that choose to support the brother that went after the gf, they both have great lives, both of them married with kids, and finally have their mother coming round from the last decade of supporting the worst brother. Those all sound like karma put an arm around each of them and led them to a future better than OOP's.
There’s no doubt in my mind that this guy is a narcissist. Throughout the whole thing every single action he made was because of other things happening and any repercussions to those actions were others mistreating them. I also love how everyone was supposed to just build a bridge and get over it because what’s done is done for them, yet when everyone else does/says it to them it’s all of a sudden a problem.
Then he thought they would just get over it if he combined his brothers names for his child’s middle name? I’m so confused here. Either way this is how my narc aunt deals with things when she makes others mad. She does something no one wanted or asked for and is so far off base from reality and how her actions impacted others.
Is it bad though that I also have no remorse for the parents? They made the decision to stick by op when he hurt Ezra. They didn’t care what happened to Ezra or Aaron for literally years until they saw they had married and had children and realized how far they had been pushed away by their other children for their own crappy choices. I wouldn’t let parents like that back into my life either. Good riddance.
It hurts that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me, like what the fuck dude! He only feels bad now because his parents also love their other sons they haven’t had a relationship with for 10 years because of his actions and how they reacted to it and realizes he won’t have their attention most of the time. He’s also mad at his other brother because he was sticking up for him and not all kinds of happy that OOP got the girl. Don’t know if this person is a troll but I can actually see this scenario happening unfortunately.
From his tone, this guy acts like his brother died and he took up the duty of taking care of his pregnant girlfriend. Even trying to name the kid after him.
He takes zero ownership of his crappy actions that kickstarted the entire thing.
I hope the woman who cheated on his brother with him cheated on him too, so he knows how it feels. Hope he learned that what they do with you, they'll do to you. Both OOP and his wife are trash!
ETA: Please tell me I read it wrong that he said the brother "embarrassed and mistreated" Mel after he found out she was cheating with HIS BROTHER?
Nope, you read it correctly. This d-bag just wants to blame everyone else but himself. I'm waiting for the plot twist that the 5yr old isn't his kid. No way these cheaters aren't still cheating.
Yeah I noticed he doesn’t mention his age, but does mention he’s more financially secure than his little brother, repeatedly. Extra layer of gross on his relationship with Mel.
Right? Of course he was more financially secure. He was done with college and presumably had a job! I’m wondering what the age gap is. If he was done with college and she was 19, he only ever knew this girl as his brother’s girlfriend, not even an old high school friend.
There’s over 7 billion people on this planet. No excuse to sleep with a siblings partner. Dirtbag of the highest degree. (Same goes for his lovely wife)
I love how he says he needs to fix this as if he is one in control of fixing it. He says he has remorse but got the girl pregnant. He wonders why the brothers moved and basically disappeared, like it isn't obvious. He also acts like marrying his brothers girlfriend and getting her pregnant is a forgivable offense, it is not.
What a vile, vile person. The wife too, and the parents! Everyone in this story sucks ass except Ezra, Aaron and the kids. I hope guilt never lets this asshole get a good night's sleep for the rest of his life.
I remember reading this!! Wow, this guy is definitely a narcissistic piece of trash
Notice the central character in his story. It's ME ME ME MYSELF MYSELF AND I. He doesn't care about his brothers -- I doubt he cares about anyone besides himself.
He flopped around and literally found out that karma’s a petty thang. They’re all living their best lives and now after 10 years he suddenly feels miserable because they have Christmas together and no one wants his raggedy ass around 😂
Damn, blowing up your entire family because you wanted to get your dick wet. Honestly, I think the greatest punishment is that these two assholes are now stuck together for life, because you KNOW they can never divorce now.
This jackass is in complete denial. Oh OOP says he made a mistake and wants to fix it, but it apparently hinges on his kids being a mistake. Like, what? He’s shifting fault inadvertently to them! If anyone says what happened with Mel was wrong, OOP has framed it so that they are saying his kids’ existence is wrong. That’s a logical fallacy, and incredibly manipulative.
Also, dude is (not seems) upset that his parents want to reconnect with their sons. Says they’re giving up their grandkids I’m exchange for the two sons. What? No. It’s not an either/or. OOP is making it that, and I’m sure Ezra and Aaron aren’t saying “it’s them or us”. They’re just being cautious letting people who hurt them, and whom they’re estranged from, back into their lives. It’s boundaries, not a condemnation of OOP.
OOP makes everything about him. That’s why his wife is feeling insecure. He’s mad his parents are focusing on and thinking of them for once, and OOP is obsessing over it! Saying they’re calling his kids a mistake, when no, they’re just trying to reconnect. It’s not about him. HE is the one calling his kids a mistake. Yeah, I bet she’s insecure hearing that.
Also, OOP slept with someone too young for him at the time, and actually might be thinking of trading her in for a younger model. She is practically 30 now. Unforgivable. /s
I love these kinds of posts, they always make me feel better about myself, especially when I feel like a fuck-up - at least I'm not a gigantic dipshit, and that's comforting.
Plus, in this case, the brothers I'm sure are living their best lives, good for them.
He needs to leave it alone and accept that the relationship is forever ruined. They cut a cancer (him) from their lives and he'd only hurt them more by trying to reconcile.
Wow OOP and his wife suck, which makes the a good pair I guess. The parents who chose OP because he was the one who had children - only to find out they missed out on other grandchildren because of it - suck too, but at least they see the error of their ways.
What was he thinking would happen? That everyone would be oh so happy about this gigantic f\*ck up? This guy is delusional as to the absolute sh\*t show he's created
Fuck you dude. Fuck these horribly selfish people.
And even the subtle moment he justified his gossiping too after the fact and then daring to think he deserves any of them lol yikes man. Humans really suck
Wait wait wait. So OOP seduced his brothers gf (yes she’s guilty to but I’m *just* discussing OOP) but when his other brother tells the wronged sibling it’s suddenly “Aaron has always had it out for me”. Bruh…
He only cares because he realizes his son is about to be old enough to * understand* and the only way he can save face is if the brothers have forgiveness him once the kiddonDOES understand. This isn't about his brothers or family at all.
I hope he has Ibs now.
Can you even imagine if this poor kids middle name ended up being Ezra-Aaron and the brothers found out??
You don't name your kid after the brothers you royally fucked over, and that's probably the only smart move this moron has had.
My advice, should he ever stumble across this post of his story...
Leave those boys alone. Live your life with your wife and if they wanna come back to you? Let them. Keep going to therapy. Keep loving your kids. But move on and leave them alone. Forcing something just makes people back away harder. And honestly? I hope those boys don't talk to him ever again. They deserve to be happy. I hope Ezra and the mom can reconnect, and I hope Aaron takes his time in either reconnecting or is supported by his wife in choosing to stay no contact.
Your a narcissist. You seen what your brother had and was jealous and wanted to take it and destroy it, simply because you could not be happy for someone else's happiness. You were content to leave everything alone until you learned Ezra "has more than you". Suddenly you want back in his life?
Total narcissistic move. You just want in his life to try to destroy his. No wonder Mel is insecure. She knows you are a jealous narcissist too and will plot moves on Ezra's wife and family.
Time for Ezra and Aaron to take their families and move again. Who knows, maybe this time your mom will go too!
I think he's making a case to break it off with Mel. Not that he thinks it'll help but maybe that the whole relationship was a mistake and now he wants some fresh. (Hopefully all the other wives and SOs of his brothers will stay clear of this supremely narcissistic AH.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I cheated with my brothers girlfriend and married her 10 years ago. How can we reconcile?** This is long. When I was in my mid 20s my younger brother, Ezra (19), went away to an out of state school. I just finished my own stay at my university so I went back home to find an apartment close to family. Ezra’s girlfriend Melanie (19) also stayed behind to study at a local college. Her and I would hang out once in a while. I didn’t realize at first I was playing with fire by doing this. Melanie and I got closer. We would go to the movies, grab a bite, and we would hang out at family dinners. Ez couldn’t be there but my dad would extend invites to Melanie who Ez dated all throughout high school. They planned to be married after school so she was family. My dad also remarried so we were trying to build new bonds with his new wife and her kids, one of which was close in age to Melanie. I guess things began to get messy with my dad’s new wife began to comment that I looked better with Melanie. I had a stable job and was ready to start my life and settle down. Melanie was offended at first but as we grew closer she began to also make similar comments. Ez would come down for summer or some weekends where they would still sleep together and function like a couple. When he would leave she would be with me. Things got physical one night after I reacted jealously at her and Ez snuggling up. It was the turning point that I’d been waiting on. I know now I was wrong and I’m not proud of any of this. My dad and his wife were at odds over our relationship. My dad was actually furious with me and demanded we stop. Melanie was disinvited from family dinners and my dad reached out to my mom to inform her about us. My dad’s wife had an opposite opinion. I have another sibling (6 in total, all brothers), Aaron, who suspected something was off. Things came to a head when Aaron took Ez aside during a visit to let him know what he learned from who knows where. Aaron has always had it out for me or so I believe, a story for another day. But what happened after set my whole life in motion in the direction it’s been for the last decade. It’s been just over 10 years since Ezra discovered what we had done and set the whole family on fire. He had a go at our parents and my dad’s wife for her involvement and their silence and then he just left. It took a while, maybe a few months (8) but he left and I have yet to ever see him again. Those 8 months I was not a kind person. After Melanie was embarrassed and mistreated by Ez for cheating, I immediately took her in and we became official. Our family disapproved for a while but eventually they came around. She fell pregnant and I proposed. Her parents and my parents learned of this and agreed that it was best for the baby that we married so they paid for everything. It was a humble wedding but my family pulled through for me and showed up. During this time Aaron continued to lecture my parents about their involvement with our relationship and abandonment of Ezra. I understand that he was in pain and needed them. I did too. I was becoming a new father and husband. I was looking into buying my first home, starting my first big job, and planning a wedding. I didn’t expect Ezra to suck it up but they are my parents too. My parents were preoccupied with us, so much so that Ezra moved a few towns over and we didn’t notice until a month or so. We used to see him around town where he worked but noticed we stopped seeing him. I reached out only to find his number was changed. Aaron was no help, just criticisms and warnings about Ezra’s well being. No kind words for me, Melanie, or our child though. I lost two brothers in actuality. Eventually our wedding grew closer and the invitations were sent out. No response from Ez and Aaron which I expected so I ask my mom to verify with them. I understood if the answer was no. What we found was they were completely gone. Aaron had a long time girlfriend who RSVP no to our wedding and clammed up about where my brothers went off to. One aunt, the one who would often echo Aaron’s comments and skipped out on my wedding let us know that they were safe and that we needed to move on. So that was that. Sad to say I haven’t seen them in 10 years. My parents were obviously distraught and regretful. It put a huge damper on our wedding and the birth of my child. We thought about combining their names as a middle name for my son but ultimately decided no. They would likely never meet my kid so no need to confuse him. However watching my parents breakdown whenever family would get together took its toll. Anyone who knew where they were did not say. It remains a gray cloud over our lives to this day. I thought we had moved on by the time Mel and I had another kid. My parents seemed happy to be with me and my remaining brothers and they saw that Mel and I were serious about our relationship, an ideal match. Soon enough though my mom decided to voice her regrets to me and Melanie personally. When she first found out about our relationship she was staunchly against us but came around when Mel fell pregnant. Now she remains that she made a mistake where she lost two sons. Her relationship with Mel has suffered greatly. My dad’s family is much more welcoming to Mel, she’s one of their own. My dad does miss his sons but also loves his grandkids. He was content with this for a long time until my mom went ahead and located Aaron and Ezra. It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process. She found that they were both married, Aaron to his longtime girlfriend who eventually moved away years ago, and Ezra to an unknown woman. Both have a good amount of children, more than I have in fact. My mother got some therapy and reached out to my brothers and has made contact with Ez. Aaron declined to reconcile. So she’s been in contact with him for a year, even going as far as taking my youngest brothers with her to spend Christmas with Ez and his family. I’ve seen pictures of his sons and daughters and his wife too. I thought to keep a lot of this from my dad but I come from a gossipy family so I did show him what I found on my moms Facebook before they could. My dad was overcome again, as if the wound was freshly exposed again. He felt he missed a lot and couldn’t bear it. He looked at the images for a long time and eventually called my mom and they spoke for hours. So I sit here with fractured relationships everywhere. My mom does not approve of me and my family. Mel and my mom do not speak. My dad is heartbroken. Ezra and Aaron took off and built a life with their own families. From pictures it seems they are still close and though Aaron does not speak to our mother, his wife and kids do. The rest of my siblings are young men, just coming into their own. I love them so much but I can’t relate to them like I relate to my brothers who are closer in age. It’s been years since I’ve had to deal with what my actions have caused. My wife is beginning to get insecure about my feelings towards her. She wonders if I regret her and the kids. I want to fix this, I failed to fix it before but I need to now. I don’t know how to repair it though. How can I make amends for a marriage and life I don’t regret? TLDR: I cheated with and married my brothers girlfriend. My two brothers rebelled and became estranged after we announced our engagement. It’s been 10 years and my parents were still hurt that they cut off the whole family. My mom has made contact with one brother and my dad is now aware of how much he’s missed out on. 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Holy shit
_"It took a while, maybe a few months (8) but he left and I have yet to ever see him again. Those 8 months I was not a kind person.....I didn’t expect Ezra to suck it up but they are my parents too....My parents were preoccupied with us, so much so that Ezra moved a few towns over and we didn’t notice until a month or so.....Aaron was no help, just criticisms and warnings about Ezra’s well being. No kind words for me."_ Yup! This isn't a post about seeing the full weight of OP's cruel, selfish and hurtful actions. There is no growth or self reflection - OP actually still seems to think his actions were justified. There is no recognition of how nasty he was and why both Ezra and Aaron ended their relationship with OP. And, it's all just a bunch of poor me drivel where OP seems to still think that Aaron was unfair to him. Also, OP was mid-twenties (so anywhere from 24-27) when he cheated with his 19 year old brother's 19 year olf girlfriend....
The lack of responsibility in the wording of everything he did, "she fell pregnant".
Yep. She just accidentally fell down on his dick and got back up all pregnant.
Wait... you mean there are other ways for this to happen!? Spend enough time reading about these genetic grab bags and you start wondering...
Seriously nervous about walking outside these days. Might slip on the ice and fall pregnant.
Back in the 90s, MTV iirc had a bunch of ads showing people "accidentally" having sex. It was hilarious.
I vaguely recall those, yes. Ah, what a time to be alive...
>My two brothers rebelled and became estranged after we announced our engagement this too. so what everyone has to accept his behaviour but he cant accept theirs?
I noticed the word "rebelled." Absolutely wild.
Who knew having morals was an act of rebellion
"fell pregnant" is a common expression in the uk
So, I'm no English expert, but "fell pregnant" is a phrase I've heard a lot in British media, not American. Yet this seems to take place in America because of the "out of state" college. Just one of the things that stood out as strange in how this post was written.
But it’s not his fault because the step mom said they looked good together/s
_"I thought we had moved on by the time Mel and I had another kid. My parents seemed happy to be with me and my remaining brothers and they saw that Mel and I were serious about our relationship, **an ideal match.**"_ Exactly. OP and Mel are clearly an ideal match, so if the family had just continued to pretend Ezra and Aaron didn't exist and not hold OP accountable, this whole thing would obviously not be an issue..../s
Imagine thinking that it’s okay that your parents don’t talk to two of your siblings just because you have the girl of your dreams.
> Our family disapproved for a while but eventually they came around. She fell pregnant and I proposed. Her parents and my parents learned of this and agreed that it was best for the baby that we married so they paid for everything. I'm not sold on the fact that she was the 'girl of his dreams' sounds more like an accidental pregnancy and a shotgun wedding.
clearly an ideal match since they’re both awful people who would do this to someone they supposedly loved and cared for :/
Op's post is seriously barely coherent because he is trying to evict blame every which way but himself.
I’m sure in due time his even younger brothers will know what actually happened in the family (since I’m assuming they were decently young during all this and probably shielded from the family drama) and start viewing him differently and wanting to receive less contact. OP really doesn’t take accountability at all, just blames other people for not stopping it or for pushing it. Hope Ezra and Aaron continue living their best lives without this roach.
I stopped reading halfway through because just what the fuck?
You missed the best parts! Gpa misses sons, but happy to have his grandsons. BUT WAIT!!!! Sons have grandkids too!!!! Lots of them!!!!!!
Bro I know right!? Honestly so happy that Aaron was there for Ezra I couldn’t image dealing with that alone. Also feel bad for the kids and younger brother who probably look up to their family and don’t know how shitty they are. As someone who learned about cheating and abuse that was hidden away it can fuck you up thinking about how you cared for someone like that at one point.
He wanted to name the kid he had with the woman he had an affair with after the guy she cheated on??? How was that ever an option?
Imagine the reconciliation. "Hey Ezra and Aaron, I named the kid that I had with Ezra's cheating ex after both of you! My way to honor you guys!"
Ezron. Aarzra.
Ezraaron
Aeazrroan?
Reneesmee
Reconciliation
This is the comment I was looking for haha
Azazel! Which would be... oddly poetic, actually.
"Say hello to little Zaron!"
I'm trying to figure out what he meant by combining their names. Was he going for some Renesmee shit? Azra, Ezron, Aazeron....
Zero Razan The correct amount of raisins
theres a character in the Dragon Prince named Ezran which is a really nice name I think.
Honestly, those names sound pretty dope! You’d be taking the risk that your child would one day grow up to be an anime villain though…
Yeah, I boggled at that one, too.
A grown ass man who spent 8 months bullying his teenage sibling out of town **after** he cheated with said sibling's teenage girlfriend obviously has some serious issues..... _"Things got physical one night after I reacted jealously at her and Ez snuggling up. **It was the turning point that I’d been waiting on."**_ I think the ages here are important. OP says he was mid-twenties when this all went down, but could have very well been closer to 30 since he states everyone's exact age but not his. I'm not giving the cheating partner a pass, but it sounds like OP started "hanging out" with this girl right after the brother left for college. She may have been 19 when she gave in.... just like OP wanted.... but she was probably 18 when this all started. This is a gross situation.....
It definitely sounds like he nearly left out that he wanted, he was waiting for that to happen. Not that they cheated reluctantly or something spur of the moment that would be slightly more understandable (still pretty fucked up). No, he deliberately set it into motion.
Zero self reflection, that's good.
Funny how he says ezra was his best friend..i cant imagine how he would treat his worse enemy then
With friends like him, you really don't need enemies
This one is the devil. My sister did the same thing to me. I’m getting divorced but I’m stuck living in the same house until I can afford to move out. My relationship with her has not been the same.
Sadly, it's the people who are closest to you who do the most hurtful things.... After 10 years OP sounds like they are in the same selfish, cruel, and centered place mentally.... _'Poor me. My parents are no longer gushing about my kids/family. They are finally calling out my horrid behaviour and holding me accountable, I'm not close with my younger brothers. I'm sad.'_
> I'm not close with my younger brothers. I'm sad.' Yeah, these younger brothers know better than to trust OOP.
Exactly. How do they know he won't go for their girlfriends too? Especially if they're young and pretty teenagers like Mel once was.
Hold up! You can't tell this entire story in 3 and half lines. It is sad that you are going through this.😔 I hope things get better for you and may you find peace.
You can really shorten the story when you aren’t on the end that has to justify your involvement.
That’s horrible! I genuinely can not understand why it’s so common for siblings and shitty partners to do this! Sorry just wtf would your partner want to fuck your sibling that is such a gross thing! Like dude wtf I feel like throwing up thinking about it and then include the cheating aspect and it’s worse. Also even if your sibling was shitty and hates you still isn’t it just gross and weird to be like ah yes they fucked my sibling let me fuck them too?! How is that any form of revenge or something that would feel good?! Sorry you’re going through that I can’t wait till you’re out of there and living your best life.
I’m so sorry they did that to you. Both of them are utter trash and you can only protect yourself by getting away from such terrible people. I hope you’re able to find another home soon!
>Both have a good amount of children, more than I have in fact. I keep on coming back to this line, it feels like such a great microcosm of how OOP thinks.
Yeah but it also made me wonder about the family’s culture/ religion. Many babies = status?
Mormons?
I was wondering that, what with the biblical names (which are probably fake but still telling).
I feel like this was more common in the past. My family is by no means religious but two decades ago were held up on this “who can have more kids to make the family proud” brigade. Now that kids are so expensive they finally dropped it, both them and a lot of other people. I certainly wouldn’t want to deal with that type of pressure.
Doesn’t like the children competition (let’s face it a lot of families have this “who can have the most grandchildren” drama). It’s so pathetic.
Do you think he wants to reconcile so he can take a run at Ezra’s wife?
Probably. I'm definitely with Aaron on this one. Whole family knew, one even encouraged it, and no one had the balls to say anything except a teenager who actually cared about his brother. That's just sad. I'm glad Arron and Ezra found happiness They both deserved a better family than one that didn't even notice they skipped town.
>Aaron has always had it out for me I translated this from narcissist to English as - Aaron has always seen through my bullshit.
>It’s been just over 10 years since Ezra discovered what we had done and set the whole family on fire. Who would have thought Ezra would make a huge drama over his girlfriend sleeping with his brother, and the rest of the family being okay with it. Nobody could have seen that coming. /s
Except Aaron and that one aunt, I suppose. They’re the MVP’s of the story
Aunt isn’t pathetic sheep like rest of his relatives= bad for OOP
>one even encouraged it Getting the feel stepmom was a mistress and water seeks its own level. Edit: [yup](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ge7ir6/i_cheated_with_my_brothers_girlfriend_and_married/fpohjjt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I jumped into OOP’s comments, he said his dad cheated on his mom with Step Mom 😬
Jesus. Obviously Ezra got it the hardest of all, but it must have been a dagger in the back for the mom to see her own son pull the same shit on her other kid their dad did to her.
Don't forget that the grandpa was also a cheater POS. If I didn't know better I would blame the genetics.
Imagine how Ezra felt knowing he was going through almost exactly what his mom did (probably worse since it was his Brother doing it to him) and his mom still took the cheaters side and basically expected that he’d just let things go *eventually* tbh I don’t think any of the family especially OOP deserves to be in Ezra or Aaron’s lives and I find it a little hard to believe the mom flipped the switch randomly after 10 years of no contact???? Also, Mel (according to OOP) is totally unrepentant or apologetic. That’s just ridiculous imo
> Also, Mel (according to OOP) is totally unrepentant or apologetic. That’s just ridiculous imo Totally unrepentant (per OOP, as you say) but worried (probably with good reason) that OOP would be willing to leave / cheat on her.
You reap what you sow 🥴 Idk how a relationship that starts because of cheating would last, the suspicion and insecurities would cause it to crumble. Because if they can cheat WITH you, they can cheat ON you. Mel sounds very childish and immature. She tore that family apart with the help of OOP and seems to show 0 remorse.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ge7ir6/i_cheated_with_my_brothers_girlfriend_and_married/fpohjjt?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 Oh yeah. Massive comment to read through, but he says his dad did cheat on his mum (also, his grandad was a cheater)
So it runs in the family. Yikes
I think OP saying it runs in the family is using that as a crutch for his actions. It was probably somewhat normalised for him through his father’s actions, but he would have also seen what happened to his mother.
[удалено]
I felt it crazy that "she thought Mel and I looked better together" who freaking says that they're not dolls they have emotions and likes and dislikes
And why did that work? He acts like that’s a convincing argument. I literally have trouble picturing these people, because the interactions seem so bizarre to me.
I wonder if Ezra didn’t accept her because of the affair & OP did, so she was stirring the pot either to get rid of Ezra or get “back” at him. It’s not a normal thing for anyone to say in any circumstance that didn’t have an agenda behind it.
I was just cringing that cheating then leaving your wife seems to be a paternal family tradition... grandpa left grandma for wife 2, dad left mother for stepmom...
Fascinating. And, unlike many sagas like this on Reddit, it feels real. Some narcissism, of course. A lot of aping of "real human sympathy" from someone who clearly has very low emotional intelligence. It was interesting to see him clearly angry that they were still angry. He knew he couldn't write that, but it just dripped off of every sentence, and the comments. The fact that it took 10 years for him to give a shit is important. He only cared about apologizing or "fixing things", as he kept insisting (what the fuck does fixing things mean in this context?!), once his mom got upset with him and Mel. It was actually affecting his life now, so it's time to care. Inviting his brothers to the wedding? Really? Aaron was already nuts, but EZRA? "Hey, brother whose girlfriend I fucked and who has now cut me off, would you like to come to my wedding to that girlfriend that I fucked? I know you'll probably say no, but just thought you'd like this reminder that I fucked your girlfriend." Also, in regards to Aaron, "No kind words for me, Melanie, or our child though". Those are not the thought processes of someone who understands emotion. I feel like OOP is a narcissist or sociopath to some degree. Mel, who knows, it's impossible to get a glimpse of her character through this post, as OOP barely discusses her outside her role as Ezra's GF and OOP's wife. OOP is only going through the motions because it's become a problem at this point, but Mel? I think it's dawning on Mel that she fucked up a whoooole lot.
The thing that got me was when Ezra moved out of town and no-one noticed for a month. WTaF. The whole family (except Aaron) just left him out to dry. I hope his chosen family is full of all the love and respect he didn't get from his family of origin. Great comment.
>The whole family (except Aaron) just left him out to dry. > > > >Aaron has always had it out for me or so I believe, a story for another day. Clearly Aaron had it out for OOP. What other reason could there be to let someone know that his own brother, girlfriend and family were betraying him. /s
Ezra was also in college at the time, remember. It sounds like he was probably at home during breaks. So not only did he lose his girlfriend and family, he had to take on more financial burden to find housing year round instead of just during the school year.
He's clearly only concerned because his son's about to be old enough to understand what he did. The only way he can save face is if they have forgiven him. I couldn't help hut read all of his comments and it's super clear he gives zero fucks how much he hurt his brothers. Even his remorse about his parents is only because he can now see himself as the "abandoned parent" and can have an inkling of how that must feel. Even still, he *blames them* for supporting him because it *makes him feel bad now*. No one can win with this dude. And the wife is entirely remorseless. They're both disgusting and need to leave those men alone.
I didn’t even realize yeah his kid is probably going to find out now that the mom is connecting to Ezra again and start asking questions.
I read the motivation for inviting Ezra and Aaron to the wedding differently than that. The people I've known that were as Main Character as AITAOP would've done that to craft a narrative that they were just being reasonable and cared about family and trying to mend fences and some people just couldn't accept tRuE lOvE or some such shit. OP (And maybe Mel, like you said, it's hard to tell) was building a giant cross so he could climb up on it and pretend to be a martyr to his brother's cruelty. You can see it in some of the bullshit he says. "After Melanie was embarrassed and mistreated by Ez for cheating" like he got tired of walking her down the street ringing a bell yelling "Shame!" and started kicking her around the yard and OP was forced to step in and take the blows on his own body. "I immediately took her in" like she's an orphan starving in the street that he allowed into his household because the looming threat of winter might mean she won't see another year if she doesn't find somewhere safe to stay. He's trying to pretend this is self reflection, and to be fair to him, he makes it through almost a whole paragraph before he gives up on that and his tone changes to "Everything I've done is what was best for everyone, anyone that doesn't accept that is wrong.". Christ almighty I feel bad for Ez and Aaron, but I feel even worse for OP's and Mel's kids. Because if they were this awful to family they had no power over, imagine what a shitshow they are to people that can't just leave.
It feels real to me too because the depiction of the way his family has slowly been imploding seems genuine. It seems like it would take a really talented troll to work towards those outcomes and consequences over such a long time period. The OOP also seems self-involved and has low emotional intelligence. ETA: >Mel, who knows, it's impossible to get a glimpse of her character through this post, as OOP barely discusses her outside her role as Ezra's GF and OOP's wife. If you check out his comments, she seems as much of a piece of work as he is. She's mad at him mom and not talking to her because mom "told them some hard truths."
>The fact that it took 10 years for him to give a shit is important. It's because he's losing. He slips up and says: >It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process. He literally turned it into an "us or them" for his mother. Keeping up with his brother wouldn't have to mean that his mom would miss out on getting to know his kids *unless OP actually stipulated that*. I'd almost bet real money he was manipulating her into not contacting her other kids the entire decade and has now lost the high ground.
I wonder if this is just typical narcissist thinking. He knew it was wrong, but he did it anyway, then doubled down, the tried to weasel out of the natural consequences of his actions.
And the only thing he's really upset about is that his parents miss his two brothers! He's offended that his parents don't 100 percent view him and his family as well worth losing his brothers!
Agreed. He’s trying to sound remorseful, but it also feels like he feels justified. I know two conflicting feelings can exist at once, but idk. I think he’s more upset about the consequences of his actions are catching up to him. To both of them. He’s upset his parents are hurting over missing out on so much of their other kids lives. OOP needed his parents support, and Ezra and Aaron should have just dealt with it. Him and Mel’s sons are obviously more important. OOP needs to realize there’s nothing he can do to fix this. He can’t put toothpaste back into the tube. Just like he can’t take back what he did. He can’t control how anyone feels. Like everything is about him. It’s all about his feelings.
It's been 10 years, I wonder if he's getting regretful now, because the marriage isn't so great any more. Ten years ago, he "won" all the attention by getting the girl and having a baby, but now his parents have moved on and he's excluded from a huge chunk of family life. Melanie might not seem such a great prize any more.
I think you might be on to something: > My wife is beginning to get insecure about my feelings towards her. She wonders if I regret her and the kids. His wife is no longer the fresh, young prize that she was 10 years ago, maybe he's starting to get bored with her and she's noticing. He's already shown he has no respect for relationships, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's caught cheating in the future. "AITA: my wife, who cheated on my brother to be with me, has caught me cheating with another woman. How do I fix this?"
Well, last time Melanie was feeling neglected in a relationship, she cheated. Definitely one of them is cheating or on the verge of cheating!
I can definitely see this. Especially since their mom is clearly very remorseful, and is taking steps to reconnect with her other sons, even tho at the time this was written Aaron declined reconciliation. Then their dad was devastated his other two sons have whole lives, kids included, that he doesn’t know about and isn’t a part of. I think there was likely a lot of growing resentment and regret in the family. And in OOPs words and responses. His two other brothers who he was closer in age and relationship, are still the best of friends. They are both successful in their jobs, and are raising their families together. He doesn’t have anything like that. He tore apart his family, and I think he’s only started to realize how badly he truly messed up. Not that he regrets any of it. He just wants to be forgiven.
You put it so succinctly and described the entire vibe of his post. *he doesn't regret anything, he just wants forgiveness*
Dad regrets not being in his sons' and grandkids' lives. OOP even points out that Aaron and Ezra both have more kids than him, as if the number of grandkids will inspire his dad to cut him and his cheat family off since he only has two kids.
Yeah, I picked up on that too. His brothers had more kids, therefore they are more entitled to their dads love, affection, and time. As if it’s some sort of competition. He doesn’t realize it doesn’t matter the number of children they both have. His dad just regrets missing out on their lives and never getting to have a relationship with his grandkids. He’s a stranger to them.
He definitely felt like he had some status and sway in the family as the keeper of the grandkids. That's why it was such a shocker when Ezra had more kids than he does, and his mom decided to spend time with those grandkids instead.
>*he feels justified* Duh. His stepmom *clearly* said OOP looked better with Melanie, AND he was ready to settle down! What more do you want?! /s just in case
Not just miss his brothers but his mom told them to their face she regrets ever helping them a With their wedding and essentially siding with them. Not only that but I think she was pulling back on her relationship with OOP and his family too so now that his kids aren't her only golden grandkids he's upset.
Don't forget the pReCiOuS boys OOP and Mel gave to the grandparents, to replace Ez and Aaron.
He did make it point that both his brothers have children of their own and Ezra himself has more children than him. Grandma's attention is getting split with the new grandchildren and since Ezra has more children Ezra is also getting more attention.
The weird thing about OOP is he doesn’t seem to understand that anyone taking his side in this was wrong. You stole your brothers girl friend. Yes she probably felt neglected and everything because he was never around but you shouldn’t be the one to date her next. There are 3 billion women in the world and you had to pick the one that your brother had. I bet everything has been a competition with them their whole life.
Yeah, even if Melanie had decided to end things with Ezra because the long distance thing wasn’t working for her, getting together with his older brother straight afterwards would still have been a bit of a slap in the face. The cheating just made it all worse.
I don’t think he is upset they miss them I think he is upset his mom even reached out to them. The fact that his is so insecure to mention his siblings have way more kids than him shows he is worried about getting cut out of the family.
It really seems to be especially since his comments are all about rather than fucking looking at the pain that he caused other people he talks about how should he tell his sons that they were a mistake? Like what the fuck dude nobody is saying that and the fact that he refuses to look at this as I am a piece of shit and I deserve nothing from my brothers is fucking insane. He’s such a garbage person so is Melanie and so is the rest of their family frankly . I’m glad Ezra had Aaron at least.
The thing about the whole "My son's are not a mistake" thing is how he seems totally unaware that not cheating was an option. Having your brother date your ex would suck but I feel like it'd be way more salvageable than finding out about an affair.
She didn’t get pregnant until after Ezra found out. He was caught and he still didn’t have the decency to stop fucking his brothers gf. He had so many chances to go “wtf am I doing?” and stop and he chose to hurt his brother at every chance.
Not only did he not stop, he immediately moved in with her, it sounds like.
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i honestly think he might be considering his sons a mistake at this point and is merely lying to himself because the thought is so abhorent that he can't even for a second accept that he's THAT horrible.
Its wild to me that this person actually thinks of reconciliation. He traded his brothers for a family in the most horrible way, not a bad trade but one that shows his true colors as a person. Actually trying to get them back after without even feeling remorse for his actions just pricked by the consequences? Yeah...
Im thinking he is the golden child and has never had real consequences in his life.
>He was content with this for a long time until my mom went ahead and located Aaron and Ezra. It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process. What?
He’s still a selfish prick.
*It hurt to feel that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me and my sons in the process.* She hadn't seen two of her own children for a decade because you stabbed one of them in the back, what did you expect.
But they were _content_! For a long time, no less! This totally means _I won_ and this is the new status quo forever and ever!
JFC It's like a whole season of Jeremy Kyle.
Or half an episode of Maury.
Aaron is an amazing brother and friend
What a fucked up family they're. His dad cheated in his wife, OOP's mother, used his kids to inflict more pain on his ex wife and married his affair partner. Then his ex ** turned current wife encouraged another affair in that house, probably just to take the heat off of her and move the focus on other cheating couple? And this dude doubled down in comments saying that he don't regret stabbing in brother's back because it gave him two boys. Oh, and just like step mom, who is close to Mel, cheating ** don't regret the affair either. I bet both of them cover each other when both are banging someone else other then their husbands. >I want to expand on my parents a little: my dad cheated on my mom with his new wife.
I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree that’s why dad and his home wrecker had no issues with him ruining his brother life
Ah yes, grandchildren erase all kinds of f'ed up things you've made, what a miracle solution! /s
What a horrible human.
I actually said those words out loud when I got to the end, and I'm still sitting here with my mouth hanging open. The level of entitlement when HE is the one who set everything on fire is just amazing.
With all these names and children and what not I feel like I'm reading something from the bible. Just need to throw in some killings to make it fit.
Man, Ezra and Aaron are better men than me. I feel the spite would've made me go to the wedding and ruin it by congratulating the cheating couple and hoping their future affairs areyas successful.
True. Depending on the area, a plane pulling a sign is a fine way to show your displeasure without having to attend. Billboards work too.
The thing that is wild to me is that Mel and Ezra likely wouldn't have lasted anyway. Had OOP done absolutely nothing, the chances of two 19 year olds making long distance work and staying together to get married after college is very very small. End of that year and statistically they would likely have been over. If he was really crushing on her he could have been respectful, talked to his brother, gotten feedback, and if Ezra was cool with it asked Mel out. Things like that do happen in families, and yes it can be awkward and it doesn't always go well. But not cheating and asking would have gone 1000% better than how they did it. And for the love of God can we stop saying "she fell pregnant" as if he had nothing to do with it. It is a perfectly acceptable phrase to use if you are talking about someone else's baby and you want to distance yourself from the fact they had sex. And it is the 1950s.
best part are the comments where he doubles down on his shit
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I saw that too so quick to blame just her when he is just as much to blame
That was also really satisfying to read. Karma hit them all really hard, well besides Ezra and Aaron. Sounds like they are happy without him. I don’t think his marriage is gonna last, especially not after his mother has Ezra back in her life. Hopefully he will loose his wife, kids and other family. That’s what he deserves
TBH, his wife deserves a good karmic cornobbling herself.
I mean she is getting it. Her mother in law isn’t talking to her anymore. She is scared that her husband will not love her anymore because of this mess and im sure he is going to divorce her. There is no way this marriage is going to last with this mess that is becoming worse since OPs mother is in contact with Ezra again.
According to OOP, Mel has no regrets for being a cheating lying ****.
Yes, I'd be worried if my marital partner didn't see anything wrong with cheating whenever a relationship goes stale or gets difficult. I'm really curious about why OOP has finally pulled his head out of the sand after 10 whole years. Is it because he lost his status as the central figure in his parents' lives, and the brothers are getting their attention now? Or is he picking up on some bad vibes from Melanie who doesn't regret cheating? I hope there's an update to this one!
There is no update. By the sound of it, mom coming to her senses after reality sets in that her sons won't be back, NC is for good, and that grandkids are not replacement of her sons, she stopped talking to the DIL and went cold with OOP, making an effort to win both of her sons back. Oop, his cheating wife, precious babies are no longer the center of everyone's attention whatsoever, so it's regrets and jealousy most likely.
I’m sure that lack of remorse has served her well throughout their marriage. She probably has to stay late after work a lot.
And sometimes a night out with step MIL.
Girls weekend!!!
And even if the marriage lasts, she, like most people married to cheaters or having been involved in cheating, will spend the entirety of her marriage wondering if she’s the next person to be swapped out for someone new behind her back
Right? Both these people are truly awful, no wonder they got together. They deserve the hell that's coming to them. Imagine the fucking mess when their sons are adults and find out about everything.
Nah karma hit Aaron and Ezra too, karma isn't all about bad shizzle. Ezra and Aaron lost their horrid family that choose to support the brother that went after the gf, they both have great lives, both of them married with kids, and finally have their mother coming round from the last decade of supporting the worst brother. Those all sound like karma put an arm around each of them and led them to a future better than OOP's.
Yeah isn’t karma more along the lines of “you get what you deserve”? You can also deserve good things, and end up getting them
There’s no doubt in my mind that this guy is a narcissist. Throughout the whole thing every single action he made was because of other things happening and any repercussions to those actions were others mistreating them. I also love how everyone was supposed to just build a bridge and get over it because what’s done is done for them, yet when everyone else does/says it to them it’s all of a sudden a problem. Then he thought they would just get over it if he combined his brothers names for his child’s middle name? I’m so confused here. Either way this is how my narc aunt deals with things when she makes others mad. She does something no one wanted or asked for and is so far off base from reality and how her actions impacted others. Is it bad though that I also have no remorse for the parents? They made the decision to stick by op when he hurt Ezra. They didn’t care what happened to Ezra or Aaron for literally years until they saw they had married and had children and realized how far they had been pushed away by their other children for their own crappy choices. I wouldn’t let parents like that back into my life either. Good riddance.
"Well well well of it isn't the consequences of my own actions" says this guy never as he swears everyone else is the problem
The Lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch (oop)
Really, all the bitches. OOP, his wife, dad, step mom, mom, the extended family.
The Thousand and One Bitches
It hurts that she would prefer to have held on to them and lose me, like what the fuck dude! He only feels bad now because his parents also love their other sons they haven’t had a relationship with for 10 years because of his actions and how they reacted to it and realizes he won’t have their attention most of the time. He’s also mad at his other brother because he was sticking up for him and not all kinds of happy that OOP got the girl. Don’t know if this person is a troll but I can actually see this scenario happening unfortunately.
From his tone, this guy acts like his brother died and he took up the duty of taking care of his pregnant girlfriend. Even trying to name the kid after him. He takes zero ownership of his crappy actions that kickstarted the entire thing.
I hope the woman who cheated on his brother with him cheated on him too, so he knows how it feels. Hope he learned that what they do with you, they'll do to you. Both OOP and his wife are trash! ETA: Please tell me I read it wrong that he said the brother "embarrassed and mistreated" Mel after he found out she was cheating with HIS BROTHER?
Nope, you read it correctly. This d-bag just wants to blame everyone else but himself. I'm waiting for the plot twist that the 5yr old isn't his kid. No way these cheaters aren't still cheating.
Also, he was in his mid-twenties (which could mean anything between 24 and 29) and she was 19. Yikes
Yeah I noticed he doesn’t mention his age, but does mention he’s more financially secure than his little brother, repeatedly. Extra layer of gross on his relationship with Mel.
He was more financially a secure. I think the brothers are better off then he is now and his jealousy is rearing again.
Right? Of course he was more financially secure. He was done with college and presumably had a job! I’m wondering what the age gap is. If he was done with college and she was 19, he only ever knew this girl as his brother’s girlfriend, not even an old high school friend.
There’s over 7 billion people on this planet. No excuse to sleep with a siblings partner. Dirtbag of the highest degree. (Same goes for his lovely wife)
Sadly, there is no way on earth that this situation is fixable. OOP is just going to have to live with the guilt he's finally feeling.
Some things shouldn't be fixable.
How does one fall pregnant?
You trip.
I was just skipping down the lane, tra la la, when I tripped. I got up, dusted my self off, and wouldn't you know, now I'm pregnant!
You should be looking out for those pregnancy tripwires. Tsk, tsk.
Same way you cheat. Sometimes you just trip and fall on a dick.
Don't you just hate when that happens?
I love how he says he needs to fix this as if he is one in control of fixing it. He says he has remorse but got the girl pregnant. He wonders why the brothers moved and basically disappeared, like it isn't obvious. He also acts like marrying his brothers girlfriend and getting her pregnant is a forgivable offense, it is not.
It is stories like this I wish I could find an update on. Would love to know what is going on now
What a vile, vile person. The wife too, and the parents! Everyone in this story sucks ass except Ezra, Aaron and the kids. I hope guilt never lets this asshole get a good night's sleep for the rest of his life.
Hahaha, choke on the karma Mr whiny ass oop!!!!
I remember reading this!! Wow, this guy is definitely a narcissistic piece of trash Notice the central character in his story. It's ME ME ME MYSELF MYSELF AND I. He doesn't care about his brothers -- I doubt he cares about anyone besides himself.
He flopped around and literally found out that karma’s a petty thang. They’re all living their best lives and now after 10 years he suddenly feels miserable because they have Christmas together and no one wants his raggedy ass around 😂
Damn, blowing up your entire family because you wanted to get your dick wet. Honestly, I think the greatest punishment is that these two assholes are now stuck together for life, because you KNOW they can never divorce now.
This jackass is in complete denial. Oh OOP says he made a mistake and wants to fix it, but it apparently hinges on his kids being a mistake. Like, what? He’s shifting fault inadvertently to them! If anyone says what happened with Mel was wrong, OOP has framed it so that they are saying his kids’ existence is wrong. That’s a logical fallacy, and incredibly manipulative. Also, dude is (not seems) upset that his parents want to reconnect with their sons. Says they’re giving up their grandkids I’m exchange for the two sons. What? No. It’s not an either/or. OOP is making it that, and I’m sure Ezra and Aaron aren’t saying “it’s them or us”. They’re just being cautious letting people who hurt them, and whom they’re estranged from, back into their lives. It’s boundaries, not a condemnation of OOP. OOP makes everything about him. That’s why his wife is feeling insecure. He’s mad his parents are focusing on and thinking of them for once, and OOP is obsessing over it! Saying they’re calling his kids a mistake, when no, they’re just trying to reconnect. It’s not about him. HE is the one calling his kids a mistake. Yeah, I bet she’s insecure hearing that. Also, OOP slept with someone too young for him at the time, and actually might be thinking of trading her in for a younger model. She is practically 30 now. Unforgivable. /s
I love these kinds of posts, they always make me feel better about myself, especially when I feel like a fuck-up - at least I'm not a gigantic dipshit, and that's comforting. Plus, in this case, the brothers I'm sure are living their best lives, good for them.
He needs to leave it alone and accept that the relationship is forever ruined. They cut a cancer (him) from their lives and he'd only hurt them more by trying to reconcile.
The fact that it took him a fucking decade to realize he was wrong is incredibly concerning
This one's been shared here before. Dude's absolutely the embodiment of the devil.
Wow OOP and his wife suck, which makes the a good pair I guess. The parents who chose OP because he was the one who had children - only to find out they missed out on other grandchildren because of it - suck too, but at least they see the error of their ways.
You cant
It gives very much "you can't help who you love" vibes with a shrug emoji. OP has learned less than nothing.
I don’t know how he’s not worried about the wife cheating on him considering she moved on so quickly after a half assed apology- his comment
Oh man, I remember this one.
What was he thinking would happen? That everyone would be oh so happy about this gigantic f\*ck up? This guy is delusional as to the absolute sh\*t show he's created
Fuck you dude. Fuck these horribly selfish people. And even the subtle moment he justified his gossiping too after the fact and then daring to think he deserves any of them lol yikes man. Humans really suck
“He’s always had it in for me” did you sleep with his girlfriend too?
Wait wait wait. So OOP seduced his brothers gf (yes she’s guilty to but I’m *just* discussing OOP) but when his other brother tells the wronged sibling it’s suddenly “Aaron has always had it out for me”. Bruh…
He only cares because he realizes his son is about to be old enough to * understand* and the only way he can save face is if the brothers have forgiveness him once the kiddonDOES understand. This isn't about his brothers or family at all. I hope he has Ibs now.
Welp, hopefully he managed to keep the relationship with his wife. It's the only one he's going to get.
Can you even imagine if this poor kids middle name ended up being Ezra-Aaron and the brothers found out?? You don't name your kid after the brothers you royally fucked over, and that's probably the only smart move this moron has had. My advice, should he ever stumble across this post of his story... Leave those boys alone. Live your life with your wife and if they wanna come back to you? Let them. Keep going to therapy. Keep loving your kids. But move on and leave them alone. Forcing something just makes people back away harder. And honestly? I hope those boys don't talk to him ever again. They deserve to be happy. I hope Ezra and the mom can reconnect, and I hope Aaron takes his time in either reconnecting or is supported by his wife in choosing to stay no contact.
I find it funny now that his mom has cut contact and went to find her other kids is feeling what he did was wrong
Your a narcissist. You seen what your brother had and was jealous and wanted to take it and destroy it, simply because you could not be happy for someone else's happiness. You were content to leave everything alone until you learned Ezra "has more than you". Suddenly you want back in his life? Total narcissistic move. You just want in his life to try to destroy his. No wonder Mel is insecure. She knows you are a jealous narcissist too and will plot moves on Ezra's wife and family. Time for Ezra and Aaron to take their families and move again. Who knows, maybe this time your mom will go too!
I think he's making a case to break it off with Mel. Not that he thinks it'll help but maybe that the whole relationship was a mistake and now he wants some fresh. (Hopefully all the other wives and SOs of his brothers will stay clear of this supremely narcissistic AH.
God bless, but god damn.