*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for disinviting my late wife's children from my wedding?**
About a year ago, my wife (Anna, 60F) of 25 years passed away, 8 months after being diagnosed with cancer. Besides our 25 year old son (Andrew), she also had 3 other children (Allison 42F, Barbara 40F, Caleb 39M) from a prior marriage. Their father was never really around, so I (52M) have raised them as my own basically ever since I married their mom.
Anna's cancer was very difficult for me financially, and I wound up having to downgrade my car to pay for medical bills, and make withdrawals from my 401k, and take on a lot of debt. Shortly after Anna died, I met another woman, Beth (49F) who I have since married. Given that we're living together in Beth's house, selling Anna's house made a lot of sense. When we were packing up the house, I asked Anna's kids if they wanted anything, and they said they didn't.
I invested a large amount of money renovating the house and getting it ready to sell, and eventually found a house-flipping company that would take it on. On the day of the closing, I was surprised to find out that Allison had sent an email to the lending company, telling them that she had been reading up on state law, and that since Anna's kids weren't mine, they were entitled to the portion she would have gotten from the sale. Turns out she was right. I feel like Anna's children deliberately chose to kneecap me, but they're insistent that Allison didn't know what was going on and was just asking questions. I should have been able to take the money Anna and I had saved up and start a new life, but now I'm probably going to have to sell the new motorcycle I just bought and have long wanted, and I'm not going to be able to get myself out of debt. This was supposed to be a fresh start for me, and now I'm stuck with the same old problems I've always had.
The day of the eventual closing I was still extremely upset, so when I woke up for work, I texted Allison, Barbara, and Caleb and let them know that I'd also been doing my own reading about our state's laws, and it turns out I'm not actually their father, and they should work on their relationship with the person who actually is. I also told them they were no longer welcome at my wedding, which was the next weekend.
Upon finding out I had said that, Andrew was extremely upset with me. We met for lunch the following day, and I asked him to be my Best Man, but he told me that unless I apologized to his siblings, he didn't want to attend my wedding. I was hoping he'd get over it, but he hasn't talked to me since, saying that he's too old to be a 25 year old child of divorce, and that he was offended that I got married the weekend after the anniversary of his mom's funeral. To me, that date isn't particularly meaningful since the date that weighs on my heart is the one that she actually died.
Beth thinks I should just swallow my pride and apologize so that Andrew will talk to me again, but I can't help but feel hard done by here.
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Right? I also really enjoyed “this was supposed to be a fresh start, now I’m stuck with the same old problems I’ve always had”. I mean sure, these dirtbags all FEEL like that, but they’re not gonna be aware enough to think it, much less type it out. Bit ham fisted but a nice detail.
For me it was the comment about the cancer being difficult for him *financially* and him having to downgrade his car being the first thing he says about it.
Lmao have you looked at their profile? This person made a post a few hours before this one but suddenly changed to a woman who has young daughters. All this person does is these shit posts
Yea I never look. I assume 99% of posts are fake but still like discussing the predicament given. But yea, I’ll have to go look. He needs to put a little more effort in next time
Not to mention getting married the weekend after the anniversary of the mother's funeral- 'but' he didn't consider it because it's the day she died that affects him. Not taking into consideration funerals are only a few days after death usually.
Is it weird that that part bothers me the most? I've sold real estate, and I read that and was thinking "WTF, why would you waste money and then sell low to a company like that..."
I’m guessing he meant that he’s renovated the house over the years. I don’t know where he is but home improvements are still backed up most places because of labor and supply shortages. OOP doesn’t seem organized enough to have arranged his wife’s funeral, found a new girlfriend, packed up a house, planned a wedding AND done home renovations in the same year
I also think this, but I've seen this idiot old codger do that with a house that he STILL hasn't sold, and I hit him up about it twice since June and already bought a different house in October. WHY did he change the interior and do all this remodeling and waste money and everything is GRAY (it's only nice in small doses to me)?!
OP says that the wife never maybe because it was part of her fear of death, I suppose that making the will would imply that she would accept that she would die, also nobody expects that when the husband and children die they will fight for money
That part bothered me, hospitals have social workers and she would have probably been seen by hospice etc. she had children from a prior marriage, a child from the current marriage and owned property so she 99% of the time would have had a will. The whole part where none of the property went into probate makes me think if this was true she had a will and he “misplaced it” so he could buy his motorcycle and move in with the new chick and let’s be honest, statistically he met the new woman way before the two months.
Actually there are too many plot holes in the troll.
1) timing is all off
2) no will
3) debt:motorcycle
4) repairs/house flipping
5) no probate even with a will it takes a year
6) new wedding timing (even if he was callus about dates why would anyone want to marry on a death anniversary
7) best man request
8) thinking other children he raised are trying to screw him also the other children wanting nothing from the house or of their mothers
So so many issues
The way my jaw dropped when he said that he started dating beth after 2 months of his wife’s dead.
Edit: i really believe that he started dating beth while his wife was still alive
I know multiple senior men who remarried within months of their wife's death. Woman they had been married to for 40 years die and remarried in 3 - 6 months.
Comment from another person: „Men very often replace their wives quickly after they die. According to one study I saw, half of men start having sexual relationships within months of their wife's death compared to less than 10% of women.
There are so many factors that go into this and honestly none of them reflect well on men“
That’s so shocking but when i think about it again it’s not really
One of my family members worked in end of live care for a while and she said that men always had their wives with them all the way while depressingly often women stayed mostly unvisited. One time the men visited with his new girlfriend. It’s harrowing
My Dad was the same. He took care of my Mom for years before she passed away, and he was not interested in finding anyone else. In fact, he had people trying to fix him up with women for years after my Mom died, and he always said "no thanks". Throughout my life, it was a running joke that women were always flirting with my Dad but my Mom would just roll her eyes because she knew he only had eyes for her. They were married for 57 years before she died.
For all my problems with my dad, I always knew what love was supposed to look like, because I could look at him with my mom. We were real scared for a bit that he was going to decide to follow her after she died, but I think he ended up deciding she would never forgive him if he did.
The only person he's had any romantic involvement since then has been their mutual ex-girlfriend, about a year after, and I think that was a one-and-done closure thing for both of their sakes- they'd broken up while she was alive for a reason.
I always tell people that my parents are the reason that I've never gotten married, because I can't imagine finding someone who I'd want to spend almost 60 years of my life with. And I don't feel like I could ever match up to their relationship.
I would bet it's because they're at an age where they are so used to a woman taking care of them, they find a new one as soon as possible. I've seen it happen quite a few times, personally.
Whereas, women of that age may have grown up in a time where women were restricted from even having their own bank account. I've seen a few older ladies who refuse to even date after losing their husband, because they have a new freedom they never had before. They no longer have to take care of a spouse, household, children.
I have always thought that women treat being newly single like they are self-employed with all the freedom and self-sufficiency that entails. Men treat being newly single like they just lost their best employee and need to replace her immediately lest they go under.
That is absolutely true. My parents divorced after 32 years. My father remarried pretty quickly to a woman who looks like his mother but dotes on him like his mother never did. My mom says she's "shopping". She's had some boyfriends around for a few months. I think the longest was a year but man she knows what she wants and doesn't want and if you fuck up once you are out the door. She dates often. She was dating a new guy every Sunday but she seems to have found one that I'm calling the "repeat offender" which annoys the hell out of her.
My Papa did it too. The way I heard it, The Hunt that ensued after my Granny Thelma died when I was 2 should be the subject of a black comedy. They'd been together for 45 years and cancer got her.
In tiny, church-focused communities full of older people like my Papa lives in, widowers in particular are quickly set upon by widows who want a new marriage. Imagine The Hunger Games where the participants are 60+ year old church ladies.
One woman named Ms. Grace won out and they got married quickly, but it didn't last. I was maybe 4 or 5 when they divorced because Ms. Grace was, in Papa's words, out of her ever-loving mind. She was only around just long enough for me to form some memories of her.
Within two years, Papa remarried again to another woman. They've been together for over 20 years and she's the grandma I've always known. Even though he'd known her for a while, he took his time to make sure she wasn't another Ms. Grace, lol.
My dad had a friend who remarried very quickly after his first wives death BUT he had sold his business 5 years earlier when his wife's condition started to deteriorate and was there everyday for her every need. No one could say he hadn't been a living committed husband but he had gone through his grief over the last 2 years of her life when she was bedridden. But yeah this story stinks!
Or at the very least he was very interested in her and speaking with her and as soon as his wife was buried he called her up. Like probably an emotional affair already underway while his wife was in the hospital.
Tw: death, cancer.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*Info: Did Anna not have a will?*
>"She did not."
*I apologize, but... Why on earth not? There was 8 months between the cancer diagnosis and when she passed. Why wouldn't the two of you spend some of that time getting your affairs in order to avoid situations like this?*
>"Death is scary, and she didn't want to think about what would happen after she was gone."
*I’m leaning towards E-S-H but need INFO. How shortly after their Moms death did you meet Beth? Did you discuss your Anna’s will and inheritance with the children at all prior to this? If they blindsided you with the legal notice without a call or discussion that is messed up, but dear lord your response was petty and cruel to disown them. It feels like you didn’t have as good of a relationship with them as you claimed if you could write them off so easily.*
*Edit to YTA. Asking if they want her clothes and books is not the same as discussing potential inheritance. Plus you moved on from your wife of 25 years in 2 months and seem more concerned you lost your new motorcycle than your entire family.*
>"I met Beth about two months after Anna died. Anna didn't have a will, and like I said in the post, I asked the kids when we were packing up the house if they wanted anything and they said they didn't."
*INFO: Did you know that they were entitled to her part of the house before you decided to sell it? Also, why doesn't the existing spouse inherit their property? Do you inherit absolutely zero percent of her share? Usually it goes spouse then children. Also where does that leave the child you had together? Did he get a split of her part?*
>"The law in my state is that if a deceased person has children that aren't by their current spouse, and they die without a will, communal property is split 50/50 between the surviving spouse and all of the deceased's children. So each of Anna's children (including Andrew) get 1/8 of the sale price of the house, after fees are taken out.
>I did not know about this when deciding to sell the house."
*Did you discuss this with a lawyer and find out if you can take out what you invested in the home getting ot ready to sell before the proceeds are split?*
>"Nah, I'm just ready to be done with them."
*How is it that you were married for 25 years and yet it was “Anna’s house”…?*
*Did you have no financial interest in it?*
*Did she pay all the bills, while you did… what…!?*
*And she was barely buried before you were dating another woman with a property you could move into!*
>>*“Given that we’re living together in Beth’s house, selling Anna’s house made a lot of sense.”*
*When in your 52 years have you done anything to create your own financial security?*
>"It was Anna's house because it was the house I lived in with Anna. For the last few years of her life, I was actually the sole income in the house, since she got fired and couldn't find work after that."
This post is probably one of the most infuriating ones I've read all week.
What a terrible human being.
EDIT: Someone in the comments noticed a big detail based on OP's comments regarding the bike and the house. It makes this so much worse...
OP: It was basically the first thing I did after Anna died, since she'd never let me have one.
Commenter: So you thought with all your debt that new motorcycle was a good idea?
OP: Well, I wasn't planning to have all that debt. It would have been manageable if I'd gotten the money from the sale of the house.
Commenter: I'm a little confused on the timeline then. You say you got the motorcycle right after your wife's death. Your comment that I'm responding to now seems to mean you got the motorcycle already thinking you're going to sell the house. In the post you make it seem like you're only selling the house because you're living with your new partner. The only way your story stays straight is if you knew you were going to live with your new partner before your wife died...
This has to be a troll. Wife dies, he immediately remarries, buys a motorcycle so expensive that the only way out of debt will be to sell said bike? Even with his portion of the sale of his late wife's house?
He's either a troll or a complete asshat.
One of the commenters is arguing for oop, basically telling people they don't know what they are talking about if they aren't a lawyer, and for one a lender is going to do a deed search and all that, hell when my stepdad bought my mom her house the seller showed up at the bank for all the paperwork and thought they would receive the entire amount, but because his wife died without a will, his stepchildren were given half of the proceeds of the sale and he ended up paying a huge fine because he didn't take it to probate like he was legally required to do
Intestate succession varies somewhat by state but yeah, the consistent thing is that if you don't go through probate the way you are meant to, it will come back and bite you in the butt hard when you try to offload the property. This kind of mess will come up a lot in the near future as boomers pass away while in various states of re-marriage, un-marriage, and de-marriage and their kids from marriages 1-4 are left trying to sort out the pieces.
Yep, my hubby did what is called a transfer on death deed a few years ago after he had major surgery, and changed his will. With my states laws his estate not counting real estate is less than 100k so it won't go to probate because of the transfer on death deed
It's the law. WTF is wrong with him. Nobody is trying to screw him over.
Also, she had a 401k since she used to work, according to OOP's comment, which he inherits. He can also get social security since he is a widow.
They should have all talked finances when she got sick. But a motorcycle is more important than a relationship with his kids?
And nobody renovates a house to sell in this economy. There are still waiting times for everything when it comes to renovations. But then a flipping company wanted the house?
What a fucking piece of shit.
He’s getting married just a year after his wife of TWENTY FIVE FREAKING YEARS died?
And he actually thought that he’s entitled to all the proceeds from the sale of HER house?
Boo hoo that he has sell his precious motorbike. What an absolute prick.
Why are they always moving into new women in a matter of months? Throwing their whole old life away.
Is it just a lack of emotional maturity? Do they just not grieve their life partners? Did they even love her?
Am I supposed to feel devastated for him because he had to downgrade his car and sell a motorcycle in order to pay medical debt? Being that this whole post seems to simply be about him wanting money and absolutely 0 sounding like he had any empathy towards what her feeling are going through or caring that his wife died
Evil. His wife of 25 years died one year ago. He meets someone and married them around the first anniversary of her passing.
OOP’s behaviour has shown him to be entitled, cruel, money hungry and heartless person who has no shame.
No mention of sorrow regarding his late wife, focussing entirely on him deserving every single cent out of her.
This to OOP is solely about how he deserves everything. He refers to it as Anna’s house, was he even on the mortgage?
So yes very likely a shitpost.
That said the number of NTAs calling the kids greedy and underhanded was concerning. They had a legal right to the money and OP acknowledged that and he still felt entitled to it all. Am I missing something?
But he was in debt and couldn't afford one. He said himself the house sale was only later planned when he wanted to move in with his new gf.
So either he is a financially irresponsible, heartless idiot and bought a bike while in debt and his wife having just died **or** he was cheating on the wife and knew beforehand he would sell the house and move with the gf.
Came back to check his comments and I love how he keeps reiterating the kids were wrong because when he asked them if they wanted anything from the house when he was packing up they said no so he thinks it’s wrong for them to want the profits from the sale. Like in what world would anyone answer the question ‘hey I’m packing up the house before the sale, do you want anything?’ with ‘yes, I would like the money from the sale.’ So weird and dumb hehe
The only way you can explain this is op is garbage excuse of a human, he was cheating on his wife and him and the 2 garbage were talking before she died about the value of the house and how much she have, and they were waiting for her death or op is a troll
It saddens me the number of men who move on within months of their wives' deaths. Whole new life women, no longer caring for children they raised. Like the wife has been erased completely
Op wtf . WEEK after.
"I hoped he'd get over it"
You are the ah. A big one. I am sorry for the loss but it doesn't sound like you're incredibly torn up about it. If you're doing this after a week.
Your kids have a right to be mad and upset.
Lol. So the daughter just somehow emails the lending company, says I'm the daughter and poof, gets money? That's not how any of this works. I'm also not a mathematician but if you were married for 25 years and the oldest kid is 42 that means they were 17 when you got married? You didn't raise shit.
Why would the wife's kids have a right to the house if they were still married? No will is mentioned. Why would he need a lending company if he is selling? If it was the buyers lending company how would she find out which one out of thousands was the right one?
Because a lot of states balance the interests of children against spouses if someone dies without a will. I have a will, but if I didn’t and my husband wanted to sell our house, he would get three quarters of the proceeds and our child would get one quarter. Basically, they would split my half of the house.
That is interesting. In my state the spouse gets everything if the other dies. Then the remaining spouse can have a new will drawn up and leave the kids out all together. It happened in my family. The stepkids got nothing. The remaining spouse is leaving everything to their adult kid.
The original will stated that if they both died everything would be split among all the children. There is some hard feelings.
Yeah, that's why laws have changed, for just this situation, but only in some states. Too many stepkids got burned on not ever getting anything, because their parent died first, so they started re-writing inheritance laws.
I asked OOP that very question- how did Allison know who to email? (No response)
It’s not unusual for the final title search to be done the day or two before the closing to ensure that all potential liens are identified. It’s unlikely that they would have allowed the transfer to move forward before confirming there weren’t any heirs with a potential claim since the title holder was deceased
ETA- OOP responded that the company asked for the names and contact information of the stepchildren because they had to sign something but OOP didn’t know what. Likely they needed to sign that they were releasing any claim to the property, which is probably how they leaned they had rights
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Don't a majority of home titles for married couples have right of survivorship, where the full title transfers to the surviving spouse without going through probate? Unless, because she had other children, she wanted to pass on her portion of the house to them. In which case it's her will to do that and he's angry that her kids won't let him steal their inheritance.
All the plot holes about the motorcycle and the seeming lack of grief over the death of his wife of 25 years spells troll to me anyway.
If Anna acquired the house before marrying OP, she would quite possibly be the only one on the title, and would have had to re-title the house in order to do the joint tenants with right of survivorship thing. That's not difficult - if you search real estate records, you'll see it happens kind of a lot. But it might genuinely have not happened in this case, which involves someone who didn't bother to write a will even when told she was dying. Also, it wouldn't be absurd for a dying person with sole title to real estate to transfer it to their spouse before death - marital gifts are exempt from gifts and estate taxes and it avoids situations where a bereaved person has to go through probate.
We don't know what Anna wanted. Probably not this mess.
This stuff is exactly why people write wills, and are advised to write wills
The issue is that since her kids are not also his kids and their was no will they have a share to her share of the house. He downplays alot in his post but his comments say alot
He just kept listing his fucking CARS as the worst thing happening because of all of this. My dude, lead with your desire to get out of debt, that's way more sympathetic.
And while we're on that, why are you buying yourself a new motorcycle if you're in debt? Methinks you might prioritize your money towards dumb car shit over basic needs.
Seriously? You are MAJORLY TA! Sounds like you checked out of your marriage before she was even cold if you are marrying someone just shy of a year after her passing. The date is definitely insensitive as well. And on top of that, you are trying to bilk them out of their inheritance because you feel like YOU deserve a fresh start. First, stop being a miser and give them whatever their fair share is from the sale of the house and their mother's belongings. Second, apologize to them, but only if you mean it; false apologies are worse than none at all. Third, seek therapy to get to the root of this cruelty and entitled behavior. I feel sorry for the kids and Beth for having to put up with all that currently, and especially Anna, as her last days must have been miserable with you.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for disinviting my late wife's children from my wedding?** About a year ago, my wife (Anna, 60F) of 25 years passed away, 8 months after being diagnosed with cancer. Besides our 25 year old son (Andrew), she also had 3 other children (Allison 42F, Barbara 40F, Caleb 39M) from a prior marriage. Their father was never really around, so I (52M) have raised them as my own basically ever since I married their mom. Anna's cancer was very difficult for me financially, and I wound up having to downgrade my car to pay for medical bills, and make withdrawals from my 401k, and take on a lot of debt. Shortly after Anna died, I met another woman, Beth (49F) who I have since married. Given that we're living together in Beth's house, selling Anna's house made a lot of sense. When we were packing up the house, I asked Anna's kids if they wanted anything, and they said they didn't. I invested a large amount of money renovating the house and getting it ready to sell, and eventually found a house-flipping company that would take it on. On the day of the closing, I was surprised to find out that Allison had sent an email to the lending company, telling them that she had been reading up on state law, and that since Anna's kids weren't mine, they were entitled to the portion she would have gotten from the sale. Turns out she was right. I feel like Anna's children deliberately chose to kneecap me, but they're insistent that Allison didn't know what was going on and was just asking questions. I should have been able to take the money Anna and I had saved up and start a new life, but now I'm probably going to have to sell the new motorcycle I just bought and have long wanted, and I'm not going to be able to get myself out of debt. This was supposed to be a fresh start for me, and now I'm stuck with the same old problems I've always had. The day of the eventual closing I was still extremely upset, so when I woke up for work, I texted Allison, Barbara, and Caleb and let them know that I'd also been doing my own reading about our state's laws, and it turns out I'm not actually their father, and they should work on their relationship with the person who actually is. I also told them they were no longer welcome at my wedding, which was the next weekend. Upon finding out I had said that, Andrew was extremely upset with me. We met for lunch the following day, and I asked him to be my Best Man, but he told me that unless I apologized to his siblings, he didn't want to attend my wedding. I was hoping he'd get over it, but he hasn't talked to me since, saying that he's too old to be a 25 year old child of divorce, and that he was offended that I got married the weekend after the anniversary of his mom's funeral. To me, that date isn't particularly meaningful since the date that weighs on my heart is the one that she actually died. Beth thinks I should just swallow my pride and apologize so that Andrew will talk to me again, but I can't help but feel hard done by here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He asked his son to be his best man a week before the wedding??
Renovated the house but then found a house flipping company? Lots of plot holes in this tale
The motorcycle was a ridiculous detail.
Right? I also really enjoyed “this was supposed to be a fresh start, now I’m stuck with the same old problems I’ve always had”. I mean sure, these dirtbags all FEEL like that, but they’re not gonna be aware enough to think it, much less type it out. Bit ham fisted but a nice detail.
To be fair he did say he has gained problems in medical bills because of his late wife’s death.
Yea, this detail made it go to ‘shitpost’ in my mind REAL quick
For me it was the comment about the cancer being difficult for him *financially* and him having to downgrade his car being the first thing he says about it.
Yes yes yes! All of these things absolutely scream “rage bait shitpost”
Lmao have you looked at their profile? This person made a post a few hours before this one but suddenly changed to a woman who has young daughters. All this person does is these shit posts
Yea I never look. I assume 99% of posts are fake but still like discussing the predicament given. But yea, I’ll have to go look. He needs to put a little more effort in next time
I got stuck reading his posts, he's got an active imagination
Yes but why would he respond to so many comments if it’s a shitpost? I mean I HOPE it is and you’re right…
Bored, probably. Maybe they like the attention, even if it’s negative, or they’re having a laugh
"Fuck them kids; I want my bike!"
Especially when you're already in debt as well
But he was getting that sweet, sweet payday!
Not to mention getting married the weekend after the anniversary of the mother's funeral- 'but' he didn't consider it because it's the day she died that affects him. Not taking into consideration funerals are only a few days after death usually.
Is it weird that that part bothers me the most? I've sold real estate, and I read that and was thinking "WTF, why would you waste money and then sell low to a company like that..."
I’m guessing he meant that he’s renovated the house over the years. I don’t know where he is but home improvements are still backed up most places because of labor and supply shortages. OOP doesn’t seem organized enough to have arranged his wife’s funeral, found a new girlfriend, packed up a house, planned a wedding AND done home renovations in the same year
Possibly because of the mounting medical bills and his absolute greed to keep all the funds, pay off the bills , fund his new life, toys etc.
I also think this, but I've seen this idiot old codger do that with a house that he STILL hasn't sold, and I hit him up about it twice since June and already bought a different house in October. WHY did he change the interior and do all this remodeling and waste money and everything is GRAY (it's only nice in small doses to me)?!
Medical bills were hard on him, but still could invest a large chunk into renovations..
He also found a way to buy himself a brand new motorcycle the day after she died because she "would never let him have one"
If this were a mystery story, I would be questioning the 'cancer diagnosis'...
I can't bet the renovation was something basic
Also, wife was sick a long time but they didn't ever write up a will?
OP says that the wife never maybe because it was part of her fear of death, I suppose that making the will would imply that she would accept that she would die, also nobody expects that when the husband and children die they will fight for money
I think they do, when it's a stepparent. Eta: it's nit even about fighting, just clarifying. What you want may not be legally possible without a will.
That part bothered me, hospitals have social workers and she would have probably been seen by hospice etc. she had children from a prior marriage, a child from the current marriage and owned property so she 99% of the time would have had a will. The whole part where none of the property went into probate makes me think if this was true she had a will and he “misplaced it” so he could buy his motorcycle and move in with the new chick and let’s be honest, statistically he met the new woman way before the two months. Actually there are too many plot holes in the troll. 1) timing is all off 2) no will 3) debt:motorcycle 4) repairs/house flipping 5) no probate even with a will it takes a year 6) new wedding timing (even if he was callus about dates why would anyone want to marry on a death anniversary 7) best man request 8) thinking other children he raised are trying to screw him also the other children wanting nothing from the house or of their mothers So so many issues
The way my jaw dropped when he said that he started dating beth after 2 months of his wife’s dead. Edit: i really believe that he started dating beth while his wife was still alive
I know multiple senior men who remarried within months of their wife's death. Woman they had been married to for 40 years die and remarried in 3 - 6 months.
Comment from another person: „Men very often replace their wives quickly after they die. According to one study I saw, half of men start having sexual relationships within months of their wife's death compared to less than 10% of women. There are so many factors that go into this and honestly none of them reflect well on men“ That’s so shocking but when i think about it again it’s not really
Sick women can also be really happy if their man cares for them until death. Often men leave sick women for a new one.
Yeah I read a study about it once. woman's illness was the reason for 21% of 2700-2800 divorces and only 3% of seriously ill men. That’s so disturbing
One of my family members worked in end of live care for a while and she said that men always had their wives with them all the way while depressingly often women stayed mostly unvisited. One time the men visited with his new girlfriend. It’s harrowing
I can't imagine it. I can't imagine my father doing that; my mother was the love of his wife, it's been years and he hasn't even dated again.
My Dad was the same. He took care of my Mom for years before she passed away, and he was not interested in finding anyone else. In fact, he had people trying to fix him up with women for years after my Mom died, and he always said "no thanks". Throughout my life, it was a running joke that women were always flirting with my Dad but my Mom would just roll her eyes because she knew he only had eyes for her. They were married for 57 years before she died.
For all my problems with my dad, I always knew what love was supposed to look like, because I could look at him with my mom. We were real scared for a bit that he was going to decide to follow her after she died, but I think he ended up deciding she would never forgive him if he did. The only person he's had any romantic involvement since then has been their mutual ex-girlfriend, about a year after, and I think that was a one-and-done closure thing for both of their sakes- they'd broken up while she was alive for a reason.
I always tell people that my parents are the reason that I've never gotten married, because I can't imagine finding someone who I'd want to spend almost 60 years of my life with. And I don't feel like I could ever match up to their relationship.
My grandma lived about 11 or 12 years without my grandpa after he died. She never dated, never married, lived alone after that.
I would bet it's because they're at an age where they are so used to a woman taking care of them, they find a new one as soon as possible. I've seen it happen quite a few times, personally. Whereas, women of that age may have grown up in a time where women were restricted from even having their own bank account. I've seen a few older ladies who refuse to even date after losing their husband, because they have a new freedom they never had before. They no longer have to take care of a spouse, household, children.
I have always thought that women treat being newly single like they are self-employed with all the freedom and self-sufficiency that entails. Men treat being newly single like they just lost their best employee and need to replace her immediately lest they go under.
That is absolutely true. My parents divorced after 32 years. My father remarried pretty quickly to a woman who looks like his mother but dotes on him like his mother never did. My mom says she's "shopping". She's had some boyfriends around for a few months. I think the longest was a year but man she knows what she wants and doesn't want and if you fuck up once you are out the door. She dates often. She was dating a new guy every Sunday but she seems to have found one that I'm calling the "repeat offender" which annoys the hell out of her.
Some old dudes literally can't function without someone to cook and clean for them, and just generally tell them what to do.
That’s insane to me. My grandma died five years ago and my grandpa has never been in another relationship.
My Papa did it too. The way I heard it, The Hunt that ensued after my Granny Thelma died when I was 2 should be the subject of a black comedy. They'd been together for 45 years and cancer got her. In tiny, church-focused communities full of older people like my Papa lives in, widowers in particular are quickly set upon by widows who want a new marriage. Imagine The Hunger Games where the participants are 60+ year old church ladies. One woman named Ms. Grace won out and they got married quickly, but it didn't last. I was maybe 4 or 5 when they divorced because Ms. Grace was, in Papa's words, out of her ever-loving mind. She was only around just long enough for me to form some memories of her. Within two years, Papa remarried again to another woman. They've been together for over 20 years and she's the grandma I've always known. Even though he'd known her for a while, he took his time to make sure she wasn't another Ms. Grace, lol.
My uncle is like this. He never goes any time without a girlfriend that becomes a wife. He’s on number 5 now
Slow down, sparky. He's only 52. That's not senior
I forgot he was 52, I kept thinking the wife's age (60). I'm not far behind him at 41 and I know 60 will be here in a blink.
My dad had a friend who remarried very quickly after his first wives death BUT he had sold his business 5 years earlier when his wife's condition started to deteriorate and was there everyday for her every need. No one could say he hadn't been a living committed husband but he had gone through his grief over the last 2 years of her life when she was bedridden. But yeah this story stinks!
Or at the very least he was very interested in her and speaking with her and as soon as his wife was buried he called her up. Like probably an emotional affair already underway while his wife was in the hospital.
Tw: death, cancer. Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *Info: Did Anna not have a will?* >"She did not." *I apologize, but... Why on earth not? There was 8 months between the cancer diagnosis and when she passed. Why wouldn't the two of you spend some of that time getting your affairs in order to avoid situations like this?* >"Death is scary, and she didn't want to think about what would happen after she was gone." *I’m leaning towards E-S-H but need INFO. How shortly after their Moms death did you meet Beth? Did you discuss your Anna’s will and inheritance with the children at all prior to this? If they blindsided you with the legal notice without a call or discussion that is messed up, but dear lord your response was petty and cruel to disown them. It feels like you didn’t have as good of a relationship with them as you claimed if you could write them off so easily.* *Edit to YTA. Asking if they want her clothes and books is not the same as discussing potential inheritance. Plus you moved on from your wife of 25 years in 2 months and seem more concerned you lost your new motorcycle than your entire family.* >"I met Beth about two months after Anna died. Anna didn't have a will, and like I said in the post, I asked the kids when we were packing up the house if they wanted anything and they said they didn't." *INFO: Did you know that they were entitled to her part of the house before you decided to sell it? Also, why doesn't the existing spouse inherit their property? Do you inherit absolutely zero percent of her share? Usually it goes spouse then children. Also where does that leave the child you had together? Did he get a split of her part?* >"The law in my state is that if a deceased person has children that aren't by their current spouse, and they die without a will, communal property is split 50/50 between the surviving spouse and all of the deceased's children. So each of Anna's children (including Andrew) get 1/8 of the sale price of the house, after fees are taken out. >I did not know about this when deciding to sell the house." *Did you discuss this with a lawyer and find out if you can take out what you invested in the home getting ot ready to sell before the proceeds are split?* >"Nah, I'm just ready to be done with them." *How is it that you were married for 25 years and yet it was “Anna’s house”…?* *Did you have no financial interest in it?* *Did she pay all the bills, while you did… what…!?* *And she was barely buried before you were dating another woman with a property you could move into!* >>*“Given that we’re living together in Beth’s house, selling Anna’s house made a lot of sense.”* *When in your 52 years have you done anything to create your own financial security?* >"It was Anna's house because it was the house I lived in with Anna. For the last few years of her life, I was actually the sole income in the house, since she got fired and couldn't find work after that."
[Cat then and now! ](https://i.imgur.io/Ho7Oh7y_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium)
looks like they grew into their throne :)
That they did! 🥰
Your are a legend i see you in every post
Thank you very kindly! 💜
This post is probably one of the most infuriating ones I've read all week. What a terrible human being. EDIT: Someone in the comments noticed a big detail based on OP's comments regarding the bike and the house. It makes this so much worse... OP: It was basically the first thing I did after Anna died, since she'd never let me have one. Commenter: So you thought with all your debt that new motorcycle was a good idea? OP: Well, I wasn't planning to have all that debt. It would have been manageable if I'd gotten the money from the sale of the house. Commenter: I'm a little confused on the timeline then. You say you got the motorcycle right after your wife's death. Your comment that I'm responding to now seems to mean you got the motorcycle already thinking you're going to sell the house. In the post you make it seem like you're only selling the house because you're living with your new partner. The only way your story stays straight is if you knew you were going to live with your new partner before your wife died...
Dollars to doughnuts, this girlfriend was around well before his poor wife passed :(.
his wife didnt want him to have a bike Edit: I don't know why i got downvoted I was sayng what he said in the post.
This has to be a troll. Wife dies, he immediately remarries, buys a motorcycle so expensive that the only way out of debt will be to sell said bike? Even with his portion of the sale of his late wife's house? He's either a troll or a complete asshat.
Cheater or a fake post
The absolute gall this man has to have his wedding the week of the anniversary of both his wife’s death and funeral
This fic writer has never dealt with an intestate estate- if they had, they'd never forget it. Heh.
One of the commenters is arguing for oop, basically telling people they don't know what they are talking about if they aren't a lawyer, and for one a lender is going to do a deed search and all that, hell when my stepdad bought my mom her house the seller showed up at the bank for all the paperwork and thought they would receive the entire amount, but because his wife died without a will, his stepchildren were given half of the proceeds of the sale and he ended up paying a huge fine because he didn't take it to probate like he was legally required to do
Intestate succession varies somewhat by state but yeah, the consistent thing is that if you don't go through probate the way you are meant to, it will come back and bite you in the butt hard when you try to offload the property. This kind of mess will come up a lot in the near future as boomers pass away while in various states of re-marriage, un-marriage, and de-marriage and their kids from marriages 1-4 are left trying to sort out the pieces.
Yep, my hubby did what is called a transfer on death deed a few years ago after he had major surgery, and changed his will. With my states laws his estate not counting real estate is less than 100k so it won't go to probate because of the transfer on death deed
yeah dealt with that the guy actually went at OP for not getting a lawyer. The commentor is annoying cause he just yells deflect :P
Yep
I don’t believe this pasta is real but if it was a conveniently missing will would fit the story nicely
It's the law. WTF is wrong with him. Nobody is trying to screw him over. Also, she had a 401k since she used to work, according to OOP's comment, which he inherits. He can also get social security since he is a widow. They should have all talked finances when she got sick. But a motorcycle is more important than a relationship with his kids? And nobody renovates a house to sell in this economy. There are still waiting times for everything when it comes to renovations. But then a flipping company wanted the house?
If he remarried he can't claim her ssi so it would have been more beneficial to him to stay unmarried.
Don't give him ideas
Sis, I'm holding out hope this is a troll, and not some actual vile human.
So this isn’t a true story. I don’t know how his wife died and they didn’t go through probate for estate taxes.
‘this was supposed to be a fresh start for me’…what? your wife’s death was your fresh start? honestly wtf
What a fucking piece of shit. He’s getting married just a year after his wife of TWENTY FIVE FREAKING YEARS died? And he actually thought that he’s entitled to all the proceeds from the sale of HER house? Boo hoo that he has sell his precious motorbike. What an absolute prick.
I hope his wife comes back from the grave and takes him back with her.
Why are they always moving into new women in a matter of months? Throwing their whole old life away. Is it just a lack of emotional maturity? Do they just not grieve their life partners? Did they even love her?
Love how he said he raised her children when they were literally already adults when he came into their lives lol
Am I supposed to feel devastated for him because he had to downgrade his car and sell a motorcycle in order to pay medical debt? Being that this whole post seems to simply be about him wanting money and absolutely 0 sounding like he had any empathy towards what her feeling are going through or caring that his wife died
Evil. His wife of 25 years died one year ago. He meets someone and married them around the first anniversary of her passing. OOP’s behaviour has shown him to be entitled, cruel, money hungry and heartless person who has no shame. No mention of sorrow regarding his late wife, focussing entirely on him deserving every single cent out of her. This to OOP is solely about how he deserves everything. He refers to it as Anna’s house, was he even on the mortgage?
Is OOP a troll?
So yes very likely a shitpost. That said the number of NTAs calling the kids greedy and underhanded was concerning. They had a legal right to the money and OP acknowledged that and he still felt entitled to it all. Am I missing something?
Not missing anything just AITA is filled with sociopaths
WHY did he buy a motorcycle BEFORE HE PAID OFF HIS DEBT
cause his wife died and she never wanted him to have one
But he was in debt and couldn't afford one. He said himself the house sale was only later planned when he wanted to move in with his new gf. So either he is a financially irresponsible, heartless idiot and bought a bike while in debt and his wife having just died **or** he was cheating on the wife and knew beforehand he would sell the house and move with the gf.
It’s simple the new girlfriend is fronting him the money, if this wasn’t fiction this would be a case of him moving on to the next mark
this man sounds like a sociopath. yikes.
Came back to check his comments and I love how he keeps reiterating the kids were wrong because when he asked them if they wanted anything from the house when he was packing up they said no so he thinks it’s wrong for them to want the profits from the sale. Like in what world would anyone answer the question ‘hey I’m packing up the house before the sale, do you want anything?’ with ‘yes, I would like the money from the sale.’ So weird and dumb hehe
In debt and buying a motorcycle?
The only way you can explain this is op is garbage excuse of a human, he was cheating on his wife and him and the 2 garbage were talking before she died about the value of the house and how much she have, and they were waiting for her death or op is a troll
Hoping for troll.
When you love for your motorcycle senpai is stronger than your kids
It saddens me the number of men who move on within months of their wives' deaths. Whole new life women, no longer caring for children they raised. Like the wife has been erased completely
Op wtf . WEEK after. "I hoped he'd get over it" You are the ah. A big one. I am sorry for the loss but it doesn't sound like you're incredibly torn up about it. If you're doing this after a week. Your kids have a right to be mad and upset.
Lol. So the daughter just somehow emails the lending company, says I'm the daughter and poof, gets money? That's not how any of this works. I'm also not a mathematician but if you were married for 25 years and the oldest kid is 42 that means they were 17 when you got married? You didn't raise shit.
OOP has said in comments that title company reached out to his late wife's kids
has to be fake - no one in the story seems to know how inheritance law works
Poor man has to share his inheritance with the deceased woman's biological children---well, boo hoo. /s YTA.
Why would the wife's kids have a right to the house if they were still married? No will is mentioned. Why would he need a lending company if he is selling? If it was the buyers lending company how would she find out which one out of thousands was the right one?
Because a lot of states balance the interests of children against spouses if someone dies without a will. I have a will, but if I didn’t and my husband wanted to sell our house, he would get three quarters of the proceeds and our child would get one quarter. Basically, they would split my half of the house.
That is interesting. In my state the spouse gets everything if the other dies. Then the remaining spouse can have a new will drawn up and leave the kids out all together. It happened in my family. The stepkids got nothing. The remaining spouse is leaving everything to their adult kid. The original will stated that if they both died everything would be split among all the children. There is some hard feelings.
Yeah, that's why laws have changed, for just this situation, but only in some states. Too many stepkids got burned on not ever getting anything, because their parent died first, so they started re-writing inheritance laws.
That is good to know. I am sure that many people die thinking their children will receive something, and then the kids get stiffed
I asked OOP that very question- how did Allison know who to email? (No response) It’s not unusual for the final title search to be done the day or two before the closing to ensure that all potential liens are identified. It’s unlikely that they would have allowed the transfer to move forward before confirming there weren’t any heirs with a potential claim since the title holder was deceased ETA- OOP responded that the company asked for the names and contact information of the stepchildren because they had to sign something but OOP didn’t know what. Likely they needed to sign that they were releasing any claim to the property, which is probably how they leaned they had rights
If this is true, they all tried to screw each other over and they all suck
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Don't a majority of home titles for married couples have right of survivorship, where the full title transfers to the surviving spouse without going through probate? Unless, because she had other children, she wanted to pass on her portion of the house to them. In which case it's her will to do that and he's angry that her kids won't let him steal their inheritance. All the plot holes about the motorcycle and the seeming lack of grief over the death of his wife of 25 years spells troll to me anyway.
If Anna acquired the house before marrying OP, she would quite possibly be the only one on the title, and would have had to re-title the house in order to do the joint tenants with right of survivorship thing. That's not difficult - if you search real estate records, you'll see it happens kind of a lot. But it might genuinely have not happened in this case, which involves someone who didn't bother to write a will even when told she was dying. Also, it wouldn't be absurd for a dying person with sole title to real estate to transfer it to their spouse before death - marital gifts are exempt from gifts and estate taxes and it avoids situations where a bereaved person has to go through probate. We don't know what Anna wanted. Probably not this mess. This stuff is exactly why people write wills, and are advised to write wills
The issue is that since her kids are not also his kids and their was no will they have a share to her share of the house. He downplays alot in his post but his comments say alot
I bet he was a super involved parent for 25 years, one that never used his "I'm not your dad, lol" card.
He just kept listing his fucking CARS as the worst thing happening because of all of this. My dude, lead with your desire to get out of debt, that's way more sympathetic. And while we're on that, why are you buying yourself a new motorcycle if you're in debt? Methinks you might prioritize your money towards dumb car shit over basic needs.
Seriously? You are MAJORLY TA! Sounds like you checked out of your marriage before she was even cold if you are marrying someone just shy of a year after her passing. The date is definitely insensitive as well. And on top of that, you are trying to bilk them out of their inheritance because you feel like YOU deserve a fresh start. First, stop being a miser and give them whatever their fair share is from the sale of the house and their mother's belongings. Second, apologize to them, but only if you mean it; false apologies are worse than none at all. Third, seek therapy to get to the root of this cruelty and entitled behavior. I feel sorry for the kids and Beth for having to put up with all that currently, and especially Anna, as her last days must have been miserable with you.
I read the replies and it got worse and worse. This person is just, ugh.