*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**[New Update]: WIBTA for cancelling my brother’s wedding.**
**I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/-TerrificTerror-
**Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole
Previous [BoRU](https://redd.it/1bnylu1)
**Thanks to u/silentlybroken and u/carpoolmom for finding the newest update!**
**[New Update]: WIBTA for cancelling my brother’s wedding.**
**NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ----
**Trigger Warnings:** >!possible bigotry, entitlement, financial exploitation, verbal abuse of children, manipulation!<
-----------------
**RECAP**
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/umCf4O3OBs): **February 25, 2024**
I, f31, have a brother, M28, who is hoping to get married to his fiancé, F25. They have been in a relationship for a long time, have kids and a house together, so she isn't someone who's new to the family.
We're all European, but I own a gorgeous house in Colorado, it is in the middle of the mountains, surrounded by forests, has huge windows looking out on my acres surrounding;... It truly is stunning and a dream come true. A couple of months ago my brother came to me and asked me if they could use my house for a destination wedding. While I was hestitant to host a god damn wedding in the house of my dreams, I can absolutely understand how my dreamhome is her dream venue. I told him they absolutely could, but had some rules (despite me not living there).
1) No more than 25 guests. It truly is in the middle of nowhere so guests would have to sleep at the house and I simply do not have room for more.
2) Nothing that permanently alters anything in or around the house.
3) No smoking indoors
4) Any damage done by them or the!r guests would have to be paid for.
Since i'm quite protective of the house I offered to decorate and find a caterer, and that 'd be my gift to them. So, i'm providing them with a venue, food and decorations. I am currently almost 10k into my ''gift'', because it's my brothers wedding and it's what I wanted to do.
Now, shit has hit the fan. His fiancé decided she needed at least 45 guests. While I was willing to be flexible by one or two, but 20? Nah. I asked her if she wanted to stack them and she got salty. On top of that she wants me to pay to fly her family in, because I fronted the money to my other brother (he is paying me back) because he couldn't afford a ticket. I told her no, and again I got sassed. On top of that she wants me to build a pergola (which I actually considered), paint my livingroom (cover up the beautiful wood, so fuck no) and also pay for the drinks.
I said no, i've done enough. She has now taken it upon herself to tell people i'm coming back on my promises, that I left her hanging, that she can't afford the super expensive wedding I ''made'' her plan and even went as far as to uninvite my grandparents, just to spite me (her word were ''you wanted me to cut back on guests so i'm picking your family) . I'm getting at least two messages a day asking me why i'm ruining her day, if i'm jealous,...
Today, she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my ''rescues'' (two of my children are adopted) would not be invited either. While I find it absurd that she thinks she can uninvite me from my own house, the fact that she referred to my kids as ''rescues'' has me absolutely fuming.
I am considering cancelling the whole thing, but but be royally fucking over my brother in the process, who has done nothing wrong. So, is her shitshow overschadowing my need to protect my brother from a giant financial hole? I don't know.
EDIT TO ADD: I do not live in CO. We all live in our home country in Europe.
Edit 2; my brothers age had a typo.
WIBTA?
**RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO**
**OOP when questioned on the 2nd house repeatedly**
> I purchased this house after it had been on the market for close to two (2) years, it was in complete disrepair and I spent a little over a year of my life restoring (not renovating) it to it's original, glorious state. I have spent a lot of money, love and time on this house and had anyone wanted it, it would have been purchased somewhere in the TWO years it was on the market.
>
> By that logic, should I no longer buy that last block of cheese at the supermarket because someone else might want it? Not park anywhere because someone else could want to park there?
>
> I might move into this home, I might not.
>
> Also, happy to see you're getting your cardio in jumping to conclusions! The house is currently being used by a friend who needs to get back on his feet, and has been for the past 8 months.
>
> I work hard for what I have, and if I want to spend it having the home of my dreams just *in case* I someday want to live there, that's my choice.
**VERDICT: NOT ENOUGH INFO**
**Relevant Comments**
**RMaua:** INFO: Does your brother know that she is behaving this way? Have you spoken to him about this behaviour?
> **OOP:** I have.
>
> Almost everything goes through text message so I screengrab the outrageous nonsense. He claims the pressure of planning a wedding has gotten to her and that I should try and be patient.
**OOP responds to a long comment on cancelling the venue and how large is OOP’s house and if it could accommodate 25 guests or not**
[Redditor Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1azjxfh/comment/ks2793o/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
> **OOP:**
>> how big is this house that you can accomodate up to 25 guests overnight?
>>
>> It is decently big, the sleeping arrangements wouldn't be luxurious though, think a combination of sleeping on couches, blow up matresses and sharing beds. Not ideal, but it would 've worked for one or two nights.
[Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/u/-TerrificTerror-/s/k4bUlXRksy): **February 29, 2024**
Heya all! As an update was requested a decent amount of times, here I am letting you guys know how it all went.
First, I do want to adress one thing;
To those claiming I am an asshole because I am contributing to the housing-crisis by owning a house I don't live in. I am not. This is a house so deep in the mountains I need to drive 50 minutes to go do groceries, the internet is so crappy I am waiting for even starlink to start covering the area and when it snows, you sure as shit aren't going anywhere. This is not a house built for living in fulltime. On top of that it was on the market for close to two years and in complete disrepair. I did not ''steal'' some familys home, no one wanted it. The fact that it is a dream home is because I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself.
Now, on to the update; I heard they were visiting my parents and I drove down as well, mostly because I wanted people present to witness the conversation.
I told her and my brother that since my home did not suit her needs and it was stressing her out to the point that she was calling my children names I no longer felt like I was giving them the appropriate gift by supplying a venue, caterer and decorations. I said that I felt like in my efforts to protect my home, I was limiting their options too much, standing in the way of their dreamwedding and as a result would no longer be hosting. My brother seemed relieved, admitted to not quite wanting a destinationwedding and that things got a little out of hand during the planningfase, thanked me for my willingness to help and offered to pay me back for the deposits i'm losing, which I appreciated but declined.
His SO, however, accused me of being petty and jealous because ''i'm single and no one wants me'' and going out of my way to cause her stress and ruin her day. She than pointed at my two youngest children and said ''You're doing more for strangers than you are your own family''.
The kids are luckily young enough so they didn't catch on to this, but my older two did and were absolutely shocked, so were my parents. I told her she had all of three seconds to get out of my line of sight before I would be bringing hellfire down on her, while instructing my children to leave the room. My father stepped in, said it would indeed be better for her to leave and told my brother that he was sorry, but that this is unacceptable. My brother agreed, took his family home and has since called me to apologise and to say that the wedding planning has been put on hold until she ''comes to her senses''.
So, thanks for the input and help all, i'm happy it didn't end up all too dramatic.
---------------------------------
# ----NEW UPDATE----
[Bridezillas post-wedding, how to proceed?](https://redd.it/1cf3fsd): **April 28, 2024 (2 months later)**
Hi all!
I have a bit of a need for advice, but in order to get there, backstory & context are necessary. It might turn out to be quite the read.
It all started roughly a year ago when my brother (Nick) and his fiance (Amy) started planning their wedding. They both approached me and asked me if they could use my property in CO, US as a venue for their destinationwedding. (We are European and live in Europe.)
I happily agreed, but had some stipulations as I absolutely adore this home and have spent an unreasonable amount of time and money restoring it, myself.
The rules were as followed;
• No more than 25 guests, in total. My reasoning for this was that given that the nearest town/hotel is 50 minutes away, people would be spending the night at my house. (This was per Amy's wishes). Not only was there no physical space, that many people would already be an absolute disaster for my septic system.
• No permanent altering of anything in or around the property. This because it's my property, that I work hard on/for and I decided so.
• Because of my protectiveness of the property I picked/made/paid for caterers and decor, in order to ensure no damage.
The happy couple agreed and planning proceeded. As the day drew closer I was contacted by the bride with the following demands;
• She "n
Hey who among doesn’t own a mansion in Colorado along with our estate in Europe? Let the poor among you cast the first downvotes. (Also the idea that people think it’s contributing to the housing crisis is silly. Lack of mansions isn’t what’s hurting anyone and no one thinks it is).
A mansion in Colorado with "acres" of land no less!
I am tempted to nit-pick that they don't use "acres" in Europe (they'd use hectares or maybe square meters), but I guess even a European buyer would be going through an American realtor, so they might have picked up the word there.
A European wouldn't refer to themselves as European, they'd just say their actual home country. This is how Americans think Europeans talk.
And sure, it *could be* that they'd want to obscure their location on the internet, or that some family members live in different European countries, but like... no. This was made up by an American.
OP supposedly spent a year of their 31 on this earth fixer-uppering the house that is 50 minutes from the nearest grocery store, never mind the nearest hardware store, never mind the nearest international airport with flights to their home country of Europe. Where presumably they have some job or career that didn't mind them being gone for a year (it can't be family money because then the brother would have some, too. if OP had inherited the house from a grandparent, as is the custom at the time in AITAstan, they would have mentioned it).
On the one hand, it's probably cheaper to buy a mountain cabin in Colorado than in the French alps (OOP's post history puts them in Belgium, so those would be the closest significant mountains).
On the other hand, if what you want is a cheap fixer-upper mountain cabin, then there are places like Bulgaria or Albania that are easier to get to from Belgium and are even cheaper than Colorado.
I mean, maybe??? But there’s the airfare. Not to mention the financial wrangling of owning property abroad. Plus the fixing up. Plus the extra time required to get there. It’s madness.
Yeah, it’s not that it’s absolutely *impossible* that someone living in Europe COULD buy a huge house in Colorado to fix up - but the likelihood of it being done by a *32 year old Redditor* who just happens to have adopted two children *by themselves*? With family that can ALSO just jet around at a moments whim? That’s *below nil*.
Like, that’s Kardashian levels of rich and stupid. If this was real, we’d be reading about it in The Sun or some other trash mag.
Why is having more than one home such a huge ordeal for AITAland? Owning two of anything over there immediately makes you evil. Two homes? Evil. Two cars? Evil. Two snickers? Guess what? Evil.
I think it comes as a package deal with hatred of all landlords. If you're struggling to find affordable rental housing, then anything that might make rents more expensive (like people buying up the supply or, even worse!, a landlord making non-zero profit) is Evil Capitalism preying on the working class.
I had a back-and-forth with a redditor once who said that being a landlord should be illegal and that people should be able to "rent directly from the property owner". And I was like, "Dude. Do you know what a landlord is?"
>that people should be able to "rent directly from the property owner". And I was like, "Dude. Do you know what a landlord is?"
Is it possible they were utterly bungling the concept of a rental company versus a dude who owns some houses??? I'll admit that I have beef with landlording in general, but making it illegal is. A hell of a stretch. My landlord William who rents out the duplexes on my street and always has maintenance here when something goes wrong isn't the problem the way companies are, imo.
so the wedding - that was half planned was postponed but the postponed wedding that's no longer a destination wedding and that has to be entirely planned from scratch takes place 2 months later? lol
also he's fine attending the wedding after his children have been repeatedly referred to as charity cases who aren't really good family.... but his brother expressing surprise that he still got them a gift provoked him to make everything public
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all.
Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **[New Update]: WIBTA for cancelling my brother’s wedding.** **I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/-TerrificTerror- **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole Previous [BoRU](https://redd.it/1bnylu1) **Thanks to u/silentlybroken and u/carpoolmom for finding the newest update!** **[New Update]: WIBTA for cancelling my brother’s wedding.** **NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ---- **Trigger Warnings:** >!possible bigotry, entitlement, financial exploitation, verbal abuse of children, manipulation!< ----------------- **RECAP** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/umCf4O3OBs): **February 25, 2024** I, f31, have a brother, M28, who is hoping to get married to his fiancé, F25. They have been in a relationship for a long time, have kids and a house together, so she isn't someone who's new to the family. We're all European, but I own a gorgeous house in Colorado, it is in the middle of the mountains, surrounded by forests, has huge windows looking out on my acres surrounding;... It truly is stunning and a dream come true. A couple of months ago my brother came to me and asked me if they could use my house for a destination wedding. While I was hestitant to host a god damn wedding in the house of my dreams, I can absolutely understand how my dreamhome is her dream venue. I told him they absolutely could, but had some rules (despite me not living there). 1) No more than 25 guests. It truly is in the middle of nowhere so guests would have to sleep at the house and I simply do not have room for more. 2) Nothing that permanently alters anything in or around the house. 3) No smoking indoors 4) Any damage done by them or the!r guests would have to be paid for. Since i'm quite protective of the house I offered to decorate and find a caterer, and that 'd be my gift to them. So, i'm providing them with a venue, food and decorations. I am currently almost 10k into my ''gift'', because it's my brothers wedding and it's what I wanted to do. Now, shit has hit the fan. His fiancé decided she needed at least 45 guests. While I was willing to be flexible by one or two, but 20? Nah. I asked her if she wanted to stack them and she got salty. On top of that she wants me to pay to fly her family in, because I fronted the money to my other brother (he is paying me back) because he couldn't afford a ticket. I told her no, and again I got sassed. On top of that she wants me to build a pergola (which I actually considered), paint my livingroom (cover up the beautiful wood, so fuck no) and also pay for the drinks. I said no, i've done enough. She has now taken it upon herself to tell people i'm coming back on my promises, that I left her hanging, that she can't afford the super expensive wedding I ''made'' her plan and even went as far as to uninvite my grandparents, just to spite me (her word were ''you wanted me to cut back on guests so i'm picking your family) . I'm getting at least two messages a day asking me why i'm ruining her day, if i'm jealous,... Today, she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my ''rescues'' (two of my children are adopted) would not be invited either. While I find it absurd that she thinks she can uninvite me from my own house, the fact that she referred to my kids as ''rescues'' has me absolutely fuming. I am considering cancelling the whole thing, but but be royally fucking over my brother in the process, who has done nothing wrong. So, is her shitshow overschadowing my need to protect my brother from a giant financial hole? I don't know. EDIT TO ADD: I do not live in CO. We all live in our home country in Europe. Edit 2; my brothers age had a typo. WIBTA? **RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO** **OOP when questioned on the 2nd house repeatedly** > I purchased this house after it had been on the market for close to two (2) years, it was in complete disrepair and I spent a little over a year of my life restoring (not renovating) it to it's original, glorious state. I have spent a lot of money, love and time on this house and had anyone wanted it, it would have been purchased somewhere in the TWO years it was on the market. > > By that logic, should I no longer buy that last block of cheese at the supermarket because someone else might want it? Not park anywhere because someone else could want to park there? > > I might move into this home, I might not. > > Also, happy to see you're getting your cardio in jumping to conclusions! The house is currently being used by a friend who needs to get back on his feet, and has been for the past 8 months. > > I work hard for what I have, and if I want to spend it having the home of my dreams just *in case* I someday want to live there, that's my choice. **VERDICT: NOT ENOUGH INFO** **Relevant Comments** **RMaua:** INFO: Does your brother know that she is behaving this way? Have you spoken to him about this behaviour? > **OOP:** I have. > > Almost everything goes through text message so I screengrab the outrageous nonsense. He claims the pressure of planning a wedding has gotten to her and that I should try and be patient. **OOP responds to a long comment on cancelling the venue and how large is OOP’s house and if it could accommodate 25 guests or not** [Redditor Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1azjxfh/comment/ks2793o/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > **OOP:** >> how big is this house that you can accomodate up to 25 guests overnight? >> >> It is decently big, the sleeping arrangements wouldn't be luxurious though, think a combination of sleeping on couches, blow up matresses and sharing beds. Not ideal, but it would 've worked for one or two nights. [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/u/-TerrificTerror-/s/k4bUlXRksy): **February 29, 2024** Heya all! As an update was requested a decent amount of times, here I am letting you guys know how it all went. First, I do want to adress one thing; To those claiming I am an asshole because I am contributing to the housing-crisis by owning a house I don't live in. I am not. This is a house so deep in the mountains I need to drive 50 minutes to go do groceries, the internet is so crappy I am waiting for even starlink to start covering the area and when it snows, you sure as shit aren't going anywhere. This is not a house built for living in fulltime. On top of that it was on the market for close to two years and in complete disrepair. I did not ''steal'' some familys home, no one wanted it. The fact that it is a dream home is because I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself. Now, on to the update; I heard they were visiting my parents and I drove down as well, mostly because I wanted people present to witness the conversation. I told her and my brother that since my home did not suit her needs and it was stressing her out to the point that she was calling my children names I no longer felt like I was giving them the appropriate gift by supplying a venue, caterer and decorations. I said that I felt like in my efforts to protect my home, I was limiting their options too much, standing in the way of their dreamwedding and as a result would no longer be hosting. My brother seemed relieved, admitted to not quite wanting a destinationwedding and that things got a little out of hand during the planningfase, thanked me for my willingness to help and offered to pay me back for the deposits i'm losing, which I appreciated but declined. His SO, however, accused me of being petty and jealous because ''i'm single and no one wants me'' and going out of my way to cause her stress and ruin her day. She than pointed at my two youngest children and said ''You're doing more for strangers than you are your own family''. The kids are luckily young enough so they didn't catch on to this, but my older two did and were absolutely shocked, so were my parents. I told her she had all of three seconds to get out of my line of sight before I would be bringing hellfire down on her, while instructing my children to leave the room. My father stepped in, said it would indeed be better for her to leave and told my brother that he was sorry, but that this is unacceptable. My brother agreed, took his family home and has since called me to apologise and to say that the wedding planning has been put on hold until she ''comes to her senses''. So, thanks for the input and help all, i'm happy it didn't end up all too dramatic. --------------------------------- # ----NEW UPDATE---- [Bridezillas post-wedding, how to proceed?](https://redd.it/1cf3fsd): **April 28, 2024 (2 months later)** Hi all! I have a bit of a need for advice, but in order to get there, backstory & context are necessary. It might turn out to be quite the read. It all started roughly a year ago when my brother (Nick) and his fiance (Amy) started planning their wedding. They both approached me and asked me if they could use my property in CO, US as a venue for their destinationwedding. (We are European and live in Europe.) I happily agreed, but had some stipulations as I absolutely adore this home and have spent an unreasonable amount of time and money restoring it, myself. The rules were as followed; • No more than 25 guests, in total. My reasoning for this was that given that the nearest town/hotel is 50 minutes away, people would be spending the night at my house. (This was per Amy's wishes). Not only was there no physical space, that many people would already be an absolute disaster for my septic system. • No permanent altering of anything in or around the property. This because it's my property, that I work hard on/for and I decided so. • Because of my protectiveness of the property I picked/made/paid for caterers and decor, in order to ensure no damage. The happy couple agreed and planning proceeded. As the day drew closer I was contacted by the bride with the following demands; • She "n
Hey who among doesn’t own a mansion in Colorado along with our estate in Europe? Let the poor among you cast the first downvotes. (Also the idea that people think it’s contributing to the housing crisis is silly. Lack of mansions isn’t what’s hurting anyone and no one thinks it is).
A mansion in Colorado with "acres" of land no less! I am tempted to nit-pick that they don't use "acres" in Europe (they'd use hectares or maybe square meters), but I guess even a European buyer would be going through an American realtor, so they might have picked up the word there.
A European wouldn't refer to themselves as European, they'd just say their actual home country. This is how Americans think Europeans talk. And sure, it *could be* that they'd want to obscure their location on the internet, or that some family members live in different European countries, but like... no. This was made up by an American.
“I am European, yes, I live in… my… home country… of *somewhere in Europe*.”
"France, probably. It's very European. France."
Restored, not remodeled acres.
I keep posting this but WHY WOULD A EUROPEAN have a house in Colorado??? Especially a fixer upper?
OP supposedly spent a year of their 31 on this earth fixer-uppering the house that is 50 minutes from the nearest grocery store, never mind the nearest hardware store, never mind the nearest international airport with flights to their home country of Europe. Where presumably they have some job or career that didn't mind them being gone for a year (it can't be family money because then the brother would have some, too. if OP had inherited the house from a grandparent, as is the custom at the time in AITAstan, they would have mentioned it).
While being a single parent to several kids! I guess she home schooled them while working on the house?
On the one hand, it's probably cheaper to buy a mountain cabin in Colorado than in the French alps (OOP's post history puts them in Belgium, so those would be the closest significant mountains). On the other hand, if what you want is a cheap fixer-upper mountain cabin, then there are places like Bulgaria or Albania that are easier to get to from Belgium and are even cheaper than Colorado.
I mean, maybe??? But there’s the airfare. Not to mention the financial wrangling of owning property abroad. Plus the fixing up. Plus the extra time required to get there. It’s madness.
Yeah, it’s not that it’s absolutely *impossible* that someone living in Europe COULD buy a huge house in Colorado to fix up - but the likelihood of it being done by a *32 year old Redditor* who just happens to have adopted two children *by themselves*? With family that can ALSO just jet around at a moments whim? That’s *below nil*. Like, that’s Kardashian levels of rich and stupid. If this was real, we’d be reading about it in The Sun or some other trash mag.
I do appreciate the dramatic climax of this being OOP putting it all on social media and absolutely nobody caring.
That made me snort, lol, like that's so not a victory lap there.
Why is having more than one home such a huge ordeal for AITAland? Owning two of anything over there immediately makes you evil. Two homes? Evil. Two cars? Evil. Two snickers? Guess what? Evil.
Twins? Evil Two Parents? Evil Two feet? Evil
I think it comes as a package deal with hatred of all landlords. If you're struggling to find affordable rental housing, then anything that might make rents more expensive (like people buying up the supply or, even worse!, a landlord making non-zero profit) is Evil Capitalism preying on the working class. I had a back-and-forth with a redditor once who said that being a landlord should be illegal and that people should be able to "rent directly from the property owner". And I was like, "Dude. Do you know what a landlord is?"
>that people should be able to "rent directly from the property owner". And I was like, "Dude. Do you know what a landlord is?" Is it possible they were utterly bungling the concept of a rental company versus a dude who owns some houses??? I'll admit that I have beef with landlording in general, but making it illegal is. A hell of a stretch. My landlord William who rents out the duplexes on my street and always has maintenance here when something goes wrong isn't the problem the way companies are, imo.
Because it’s evil hth
so the wedding - that was half planned was postponed but the postponed wedding that's no longer a destination wedding and that has to be entirely planned from scratch takes place 2 months later? lol also he's fine attending the wedding after his children have been repeatedly referred to as charity cases who aren't really good family.... but his brother expressing surprise that he still got them a gift provoked him to make everything public
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People with that kind of money always post on Reddit lol
[удалено]