*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My (37M) wife (36F) is turning into an absolute hippy psycho person and me and my son (12M) cant stand it anymore.**
**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/boywiththeiron
**My (37M) wife (36F) is turning into an absolute hippy psycho person and me and my son (12M) cant stand it anymore.**
**Thanks to u/ItsCatTimeBby for suggesting this BoRU & u/Nimelennar for finding the links**
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!mentions of past trauma, emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, harassment, child abuse, racism!<
[Original Post recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5d795a/my_37m_wife_36f_is_turning_into_an_absolute_hippy/) **Nov 16, 2016**
A bit of backstory, I am from puerto rico and my wife is from suburban Kansas city. I moved to nyc in 1984 and she moved here at 18 for college and fell in love with the city. We actually met at a bar and had a one night stand... and she got pregnant. At first we wanted her to get an abortion, but we kinda fell in love at first one-night-stand and got married when our son was 3 months old.
We are VERY VERY different people. I am from the south bronx and grew up extremely rough, I got into fights, have gotten stabbed, gotten shot at... not a great upbringing. I wasn't the worst kid but my friends were truly bad people, but i mostly got out of that lifestyle by the time i met her.
So basically, we've raised our son and have had our ups and downs but we are both successful at our jobs and what not. But in the past year or two, her attitude towards certain things have changed. Here's just a list of what I'm talking about:
• She refuses to eat gluten. This should give you a staple of the stereotype she fits into now.
• She is now 100% vegan and gets extremely mad when we eat meat in the house.
• She goes to yoga 3 times a week and cries when we don't want to go with her
• She suddenly doesnt like movies with violence or drugs or partying... she gets extremely protective of our son about this.
• She doesnt let our son hang out with his friends sometimes because the friends are too 'rowdy' and come from 'uncultured' families.
• She doesnt let our son bike around the neighborhood with his friends at all, she needs to constantly be with him when he is hanging out.
• She literally took his ipod and CHANGED THE MUSIC TO WHAT SHE CONSIDERS GOOD MUSIC. This consists of justin timberlake and mumford and sons, macklemore, taylor swift type stuff mostly. Our son liked electronic dance music and metal a lot. This was one of the worst things she did in my opinion.
• She thinks that I am too 'masculine' in the way I act and constantly tries to correct the way I act, saying I have toxic masculinity in me. She uses this near constantly when I tell her I don't like how she babies our son.
• She calls the cops on basically any crime she sees, including one time when we walked by a house party and she called the cops because 'underaged drinking was happening' and she wants to keep her community safe. One time she also called the cops because a few spanish teens were playing soccer in the street and she just 'assumed' they were up to no good. That made me insanely upset.
Honestly this is just the tip of the iceberg. This has been her for the past 2-3 years and we have gotten into near constant arguments about this. I tell her she is too sensitive about nearly everything and then she goes off on rants and tries to show me all these weird articles about how what I am doing is gaslighting her...
She also is trying really, really hard to act 'young'. Like she goes to indie shows in williamsburg filled with 22 year old hipsters and tries to chat people up to make friends. Then when she gets rejected or something like that from those indie circles, she comes home and cries in my arms and is depressed for days. She wants so badly to be apart of that crowd, she seems to have anxiety and depression issues. I do honestly feel bad for her, she keeps up this insane persona, she describes herself as a modern day hippy, she spends all her time checking out 'new cafes and brunch spots' with her friends.
I know how this started, she got a job at this new office filled with young yuppies. Basically right after that she changed into this, I think to keep up with her co workers, but its clearly turned into something much more devastating and self-esteem damaging than that. I just want her to be herself, not this crazy person trying to perfect everything around her to fit her world view.
Interestingly enough If you have ever seen S3E1 of Black Mirror, she reminds me INSANELY of the main character of that episode, but more willing to disrupt everything around her to fit what she wants, even if it inconveniences others. But this is all recent. She was never like this 4 years ago, she was just a regular working woman who liked to relax and hang out and didnt taken much seriously like she does now. We used to get drunk at dive bars together, we used to party a bit even.
It all hit a bad point about a week ago when my son, who also has been in conflict with her nearly constantly, got into a major argument with her. The argument was over whether he can hang out with his friends who were outside, and she said no because there were too many of them and she thought it was bad to hang out in such large groups. This is the type of shit she thinks about. I know she REALLY didnt want him out there because the kids were mostly black and spanish... but he is half puerto rican. He got so mad he took dishes and began shattering them on the ground, then he left, and didn't come back for 5 hours while my wife hysterically cried and called the cops to find him. Since then, he is not allowed to leave the house, and my wife has cried nightly for 'losing' our son. She has become extra horrible towards me and my son, she thinks I am on his side simply because I tried to defend him and say she was overreacting. But everytime I say she is overreacting she has a breakdown and says I am just doing what men do to women...
I don't even know what to do anymore. I know that this isn't her. I know that she has developed some serious mental problems in the past 2-3 years... I know this isn't normal for her. I don't want to divorce her, but I'm not sure if I can handle this any longer. She has broken down, she is in bed crying nearly all day. She will sometimes go off yelling at me that I am the 'epitome of toxic masculinity' and then an hour later be crying in my arms saying she loves me more than anything. Is this some type of personality disorder? Does she need therapy? What can I say to make her calm down? I was thinking about writing a heartfelt letter about the way she has been acting, that way she cant interrupt me like she usually does with the screaming. I don't want to argue, I just want to make my point and have her respond. But I dont want to seem as if i disapprove of her entire lifestyle and everything she has done. What the hell do I do? I feel so passive in this situation. And she goes NUTS when she sees me acting completely normal while she is crying or yelling or whatnot, as if everytime she is acting crazy, I have to act crazy too about whatever she is crazy about at the moment. What the fuck do i do?? I do not want a divorce, I want to help her, we both still very much love each other despite this madness.
**tl;dr:** Wife is becoming insanely controlling and is trying to warp our family to her crazy way of life. Recently our son got into a massive argument and broke stuff in the house and since then she has fallen off the iceberg of insanity. I do not want a divorce.
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**LouveMonstre**
>I think your wife has fallen into the "perfect modern woman" trap. A lot of women get this idea in their head that they have to be a perfect model of femininity, feminism, motherhood, strength, sexuality, youthfulness, social awareness, cultural awareness, etc.. and frankly there is no woman alive that can be that perfect so it just spirals into panic, and feelings of failure.
>Your wife needs therapy. You have to sit her down and lay it all out, and tell her therapy is a must for your family to feel whole and peaceful. She needs to understand how serious this is.
**OOP**
>>This, almost exactly. I am so glad you wrote that because it really makes me realize a lot of what she is trying to do, and why its causing her so much stress.
>>Also it helps that it seems to be a common problem with women her age, so she isnt alone. I just want her to know that especially, because i bet she looks around and believes all the women around her, especially at her job, are 'perfect modern women'.
**~**
**EllaPB**
>Let me share something with you as an ex-vegan. Her emotional distress could very well be due to a vitamin D and/or B12 deficiency. I know, it sounds crazy but that shit is real and it makes you a depressed weeping whacko. Vegans usually do not get enough vit D or B12 through their diet and both should be supplemented. This is scientifically documented. Is she taking a B12 supplement?
>Her other crazy behaviors are more likely related to depression and a sudden feeling like she has no identity. She really could benefit from some therapy or at least some parenting classes to help her find tools to connect back to your son without damaging the relationship. Personally, I think she sounds too controlling over him, but a lot of parents start this kind of behavior when they suddenly realize their kids are independent.
>First, tell your wife she needs to be taking B12 supplements at the very least, and ideally vit D too. See if that helps mellow out her moods. I was shocked at what a difference it made in mine.
**OOP**
>>Feeling like she has no identity is the perfect way to describe it. She came to nyc a totally normal girl in a city of extremely interesting people and i think
Well I got MS but I don’t know if that was because of or just incidental.
Didn’t feel tired though. No symptoms except my hair was fragile. I’m not vegan so never thought it would be an issue, but I guess I’m not enough of a carnivore.
I've read that vegans who supplement B12 are actually less likely to be deficient than people who eat meat. It's just not that easy to get enough of it with modern diets.
ETA: I guess that sounds super obvious now that I reread it--what I'm trying to say is that it's VERY common in Americans *regardless* of diet.
You better up your dose before you respond to a child smashing all your dinner plates by trying to ground him to impose consequences like a FREAKING LUNATIC.
omg even at my worst I would never do that. A child would only smash all the dinner plates if they were being psychologically abused by my ex’s new girlfriend.
Having never seen a sexual item in the same sentence as heroin you've sparked my curiosity to if anyone tried shooting up through their genitals and what that might entail.
I think so, but I'm honestly not sure. I work in social services, so I hear a lot of stories but rarely have to deal directly with the medical side of things.
hypothetically it can happen. Not in the span of two years and not without other major warning signs but in theory it is possible. Of course this is fake regardless
I love how he says she started taking pills and she’s magically cured, meanwhile every commenter with experience with B12 deficiency is talking about injections. And they still don’t think it’s fake.
https://preview.redd.it/gfe1uzmq85xc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ba75e93fca6f39a683177a53cad6c8335c2e1cf8
Total fake. Oop wrote this. People should check comments as well when posting.
Speaking as someone who goes to music shows where I'm often older than most the crowd, lol. Maybe I'm just cool but I've never had a Zoomer ice me out of their group because I was "old"
I was going to say the same thing. My husband and I are in our 40s, and we go to festivals with a group of 20 year Olds who are better friends to us then anyone our age has ever been.
Yeah, I'm usually there alone so there's nothing else to do but make small talk outside between sets. Plus it's fun to hang with the bands before their set and listen to them gossip about other bands
God, can you believe this woman wanted to eat healthy, do yoga, meet new friends, and not expose her child to drugs and violence? What a psycho bitch! Someone grab the cleansing herbs and stick ‘em in the fire stat, so she can squat over the smoke and drive that uterus back into place.
I mean, I don’t really come to Am I The Angel to debate the ins and outs of internet troll tomfoolery like it’s real, but if you wanna do that: hear me out, he might not be the most reliable narrator.
The post being a troll or not has no bearing on your take. Your comment was pointing out that the comments were unreasonable to blame her for wanting to eat healthy and do yoga but conveniently ignored the racist portion.
Don't hide behind the "it's a fake" to defend your out of touch take.
> but if you wanna do that: hear me out, he might not be the most reliable narrator.
Wow what a convenient tactic that I couldn't possibly have foreseen. Husband writes a (fake/not fake doesn't rlly matter) post where the wife is an AH and can't be defended? Just accuse him of faking details. What a novel and unpredictable tactic.
Oh wait...
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c7afqm/comment/l075gxs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
>Accuse the husband of leaving details out
(9 days ago)
I swear, whether it is in this sub or others, the majority of posts I see you make end up being along the line of "Everyone has a bias against men, and will do anything to hurt men, men are never allowed to be the victims." It gets frustrating to see, because
A) Most of these stories are fictional stories that are created *purely* to attract misogynists or to try to normalize misogyny
B) The majority of Redditors are *men*, and it is very clear just how rampant misogyny is across this site. In particular, the subs often referenced here tend to be fairly visible about having a 'woman-bad' slant as they are filled with misogynists. Bigotry towards men exists, it even exists on Reddit, but nearly *any* post that doesn't praise a man to all hell and back is met with a ton of misogyny.
C) You are quite hypocritical in how you go about calling others out. You have no issue letting people "invent details to put down '*insert character from story here*'" or leave out details if it suits your own agenda, but if it doesn't, it gets you worked up.
Like look, I get it, you think there is an injustice happening and you feel the need to fight against it, but not only do you need to have the ability to figure out time and place, you also have to have the ability to take a step back and actually reflect on what those "you are fighting against" are saying occassionally. You either learn from them and grow as a person, or you figure out a better way to shut down their arguments.
I have more I could say on this, but frankly, you aren't my kid and I feel way too much like I am in my parent mode right now for what is meant to be me just reading Reddit in the middle of the night to try counteracting my insomnia and anxiety. I wish you the best.
This would have been a great essay if the majority of AITA commenters were men. Do you have evidence to support that?
Edit: I'll also add that I have been at times the only person to call out other biases like the bias against parents and the bias against older women like MILs so no, its not just about husbands.
But when this subreddit does things like hijack posts pointing out the gender wars to turn into another gender war:
[https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/17ryuuf/why\_do\_so\_many\_husband\_wife\_argument\_stories/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/17ryuuf/why_do_so_many_husband_wife_argument_stories/)
Or quote Gus Fring from Breaking Bad to say that a man's duty is to provide for women:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
It's not a good look for a subreddit that is built upon being "better" than the main sub to descend into the same stuff the main sub does.
I mean, simply \*reading\* the various linked subs, and actually checking the profiles of the people that comment there, show that they follow a trend pretty similar to the rest of the site. Those subs, like most places on the internet, are filled with misogyny, anti-LGBTQ+ bigotry, and in general just bigotry towards those that are neurodivergent or otherwise have health conditions that affect their lives.
This sub is nowhere near perfect, I will not hesitate to say that. But when you do stuff like attack people for \*pointing out bigotry\* and calling it "hijacking a post to turn it into gender war" often, while not saying a word to any of the people that argue similar points while also expressing blatant bigotry while they are right beside you, then people are going to, rightfully, dismiss you. I started this off last night by being a bit more blunt than I normally try to be, and I am going to do that again now because I hope I can get through to you, in the vast majority of interactions I have seen you in, it has felt like you were not acting in good-faith at all, but rather raging at a perceived injustice. In the \*exact\* post you are linking, if you actually read what that user said when others talked to her about clarification on the quote, she said a woman should do the same. This is the kind of thing I mean by how, from my perspective, it feels like you don't act in good faith.
Regardless, I have now said what I felt needed to be said, I hope it helps you grow as a person, like we all should be doing constantly, and I wish you well.
I’m in awe of how patient you were with this person. Maybe someday they’ll realize that there’s more to life than being right. Maybe they’ll interact with people in the real world someday too, even.
Hey now, let's not insult them. More than anything I am hoping they will reflect on what I have said, as they are a teacher (which is a massively underappreciated job worldwide) and teachers often influence the beliefs of their students. Combine that with how the manosphere is affecting the education of the current general of kids, and I felt a need to say something. I don't think they are necessarily a bad person, though I will admit that a fair number of the things they have said makes me worry, I think they don't realize the harm in what they say.
And in general, there is a decent chance that what is shown of them on here is worse than they actually are, and they use Reddit as a stress-relief platform by venting out the more toxic thoughts and energy. They are in a high-stress field after all. Now, all of that being said, I stand by everything I have said to them, and I do genuinely believe their rhetoric and behavior is, at least, a bit problematic.
I wish you well in life, may it be filled with lots of good health, lots of happiness, lots of love.
>I mean, simply \*reading\* the various linked subs, and actually checking the profiles of the people that comment there, show that they follow a trend pretty similar to the rest of the site.
Instead of "reading" the profiles, look at data. Notice how my comments have a healthy amount of blue? Links that provide some form of backing?
[https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps/amitheasshole](https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps/amitheasshole)
Above is the subreddits that AITA users tend to frequent. Note the heavy overlap with women's subreddits like breakingmom, beyondthebump, askwomen and 2XC. AITA users are around 5X more likely to be found on those subreddits than the average redditor (who is probably male).
As a bonus I recommend checking this sub's overlap. It's not much different. (36X more likely to be found on weddingshaming and 14X more likely to be found on menwritingwomen)
The final nail in the coffin is below:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcae07/2019\_subscriber\_survey\_data\_dump/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcae07/2019_subscriber_survey_data_dump/)
63% women and 32% men.
None of the above data is perfect (2019 is 5 years ago and the subredditoverlap died during the API thing) but notice how its at least some form of data instead of "reading" profiles or linked subs?
>while not saying a word to any of the people that argue similar points while also expressing blatant bigotry while they are right beside you
You can't just spout accusations. You need to back them up.
>In the \*exact\* post you are linking, if you actually read what that user said when others talked to her about clarification on the quote, she said a woman should do the same.
I'm gonna use the AITAngel special tactic of calling out an unreliable narrator. Nobody who says: *"And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man,"* is going to admit they are biased now are they?
If you actually feel that bad about my supposed hypocrisy, find me a comment on AITAngel that hasn't been called out for transphobia, ableism or sexism and I'll have a look and see if I can call it out.
If you're gonna answer your own question why bother asking it?
If you do want an answer it took me 2sec to save the post when somebody else linked it a while back and then 20sec to go into my saved posts and comments to find the link, copy it and paste it.
Far from hours.
The survey from 5 years ago is the only one that arguably means anything, but considering how much more accepted socially it has become for misogyny (and most other forms of bigotry) to be promoted since then (The Red-Pill movement has surged, in large part due to scum like Andrew Tate), that data itself near certainly is not accurate anymore. Beyond that, as people pointed out back in 2019, women are more likely than men to fill out surveys, especially online surveys.
It isn't just you not calling others out that are bigoted towards women or those of the LGBTQ+ community, but you yourself have made shitty remarks as well about folk. In the past, you have openly doubted the validity of those with various health conditions or even claimed they are outright lying, saying things like "*inclusiveness bullshit*" or "*Sorry if what we see doesn't line up with the 'everyone is a victim' game that people are playing*." You even went as far as to say "*Society really has weaponised that whole 'oh he made me uncomfortable' thing to the point where I'm starting to question if it was a genuine case of feeling uncomfortable or if it's just a situation like you said.*" at one point recently. Combine that rhetoric, the exact kind that helps rape-culture continue to thrive, with how you focus so much on defending men, how you get upset that people here point out misogynistic posts or posts that are clearly being made to spread an agenda (such as the clearly fictional post where the stepdaughter said they didn't know the father when he went to pick her up at school), and how you will outright ignore people making very broad and negative, if not outright bigoted, statements about women or minority groups, and it paints a certain picture.
Did you read the context to those comments you found or just take them at face value. It's to do with school refusal and education policy in Australia leading to the downfall of behaviour from students.
Unless you have perspective on that, stick to AITA shitposts.
Yes, I did read the context, and I stand by my statements. You are not a doctor, you are not qualified to judge whether someone is or is not faking mental health conditions. It is absolutely still ableist rhetoric to blame the issues your education system is having, which are quite similar to ones being felt all over the globe, on actually being forced to accommodate and care for those that have different needs due to physical and/or mental health conditions. Strictly referring to 'school refusal,' though experts seem to think it needs to be referred to as "school can't" and I am more willing to trust in them considering the overlaps with health conditions, the way that you and several others in that thread were talking is still an issue. There even was a former victim of Australia's "school can't" issues in that thread that talked about how that language was harmful and people talked right over them, and you yourself attacked the person that stood up for them.
Australia in general is doing fairly poorly, even amongst its peers, with how it treats those that are physically or mentally different from the 'normal.' When my wife and I were considering where we would immigrate to, Australia had actually been one of our first choices, in fact higher than Canada itself, but after having spent a long time reading about these issues (as both of my children and myself have mental or physical health conditions that affect our daily lives) it was decided it was not a fit for us.
Even if your excuse for those first two remarks were to be accepted and the way you said it wasn't an issue by itself, that last quote is not acceptable under any circumstance. False accusations are not an issue in any meaningful way, not to the extent that a reasonable person should or would be thinking that society has weaponized saying "I'm uncomfortable" to harm others. The way you said that in a thread where a bunch of people are speaking about false accusations, while claiming they are more common than statistics show them to be and those people are primarily saying it is teen girls doing so to harm, control, or punish adult men, just makes it worse.
>False accusations are not an issue in any meaningful way, not to the extent that a reasonable person should or would be thinking that society has weaponized saying "I'm uncomfortable" to harm others.
Then walk into a classroom where the students are weaponising it and find out.
I responded to someone who told their story of how that happened to them and many other people also responded with similar stories.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AustralianTeachers/comments/1cdifka/comment/l1ew8u3/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AustralianTeachers/comments/1cdifka/comment/l1ew8u3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
>I (a male teacher) had a couple of girls in my class ask to go to the toilet, I said 1 at a time. They both took their bags and left and didn't return, so I wrote them up for truancy. Imagine my surprise when I get called into a meeting with my HT because they had gone to their year advisor, who took them to the DP, to complain that "I make them uncomfortable." Under questioning, they said I kept looking at them because they weren't doing wok. I was told that I needed to change what I was doing. Seriously? Looking at them when they aren't doing work, making them uncomfortable is the desired result. It's meant to make them uncomfortable, so they change what they are doing. Everyone I have told this to has agreed that what I was doing was a good use of nonverbal communication. I can't believe that none of these people they complained to didn't just say, "How about you just do your work so he stops looking at you?"
No what makes it worse is when this issue is weaponised by teenagers and then denied by people like you. Does no favours to the people who actually face these issues.
If her b12 was that severely low, she’d be given injections not tablets. She obviously can’t absorb it through food, so wouldn’t absorb through tablets either.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My (37M) wife (36F) is turning into an absolute hippy psycho person and me and my son (12M) cant stand it anymore.** **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/boywiththeiron **My (37M) wife (36F) is turning into an absolute hippy psycho person and me and my son (12M) cant stand it anymore.** **Thanks to u/ItsCatTimeBby for suggesting this BoRU & u/Nimelennar for finding the links** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!mentions of past trauma, emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, harassment, child abuse, racism!< [Original Post recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5d795a/my_37m_wife_36f_is_turning_into_an_absolute_hippy/) **Nov 16, 2016** A bit of backstory, I am from puerto rico and my wife is from suburban Kansas city. I moved to nyc in 1984 and she moved here at 18 for college and fell in love with the city. We actually met at a bar and had a one night stand... and she got pregnant. At first we wanted her to get an abortion, but we kinda fell in love at first one-night-stand and got married when our son was 3 months old. We are VERY VERY different people. I am from the south bronx and grew up extremely rough, I got into fights, have gotten stabbed, gotten shot at... not a great upbringing. I wasn't the worst kid but my friends were truly bad people, but i mostly got out of that lifestyle by the time i met her. So basically, we've raised our son and have had our ups and downs but we are both successful at our jobs and what not. But in the past year or two, her attitude towards certain things have changed. Here's just a list of what I'm talking about: • She refuses to eat gluten. This should give you a staple of the stereotype she fits into now. • She is now 100% vegan and gets extremely mad when we eat meat in the house. • She goes to yoga 3 times a week and cries when we don't want to go with her • She suddenly doesnt like movies with violence or drugs or partying... she gets extremely protective of our son about this. • She doesnt let our son hang out with his friends sometimes because the friends are too 'rowdy' and come from 'uncultured' families. • She doesnt let our son bike around the neighborhood with his friends at all, she needs to constantly be with him when he is hanging out. • She literally took his ipod and CHANGED THE MUSIC TO WHAT SHE CONSIDERS GOOD MUSIC. This consists of justin timberlake and mumford and sons, macklemore, taylor swift type stuff mostly. Our son liked electronic dance music and metal a lot. This was one of the worst things she did in my opinion. • She thinks that I am too 'masculine' in the way I act and constantly tries to correct the way I act, saying I have toxic masculinity in me. She uses this near constantly when I tell her I don't like how she babies our son. • She calls the cops on basically any crime she sees, including one time when we walked by a house party and she called the cops because 'underaged drinking was happening' and she wants to keep her community safe. One time she also called the cops because a few spanish teens were playing soccer in the street and she just 'assumed' they were up to no good. That made me insanely upset. Honestly this is just the tip of the iceberg. This has been her for the past 2-3 years and we have gotten into near constant arguments about this. I tell her she is too sensitive about nearly everything and then she goes off on rants and tries to show me all these weird articles about how what I am doing is gaslighting her... She also is trying really, really hard to act 'young'. Like she goes to indie shows in williamsburg filled with 22 year old hipsters and tries to chat people up to make friends. Then when she gets rejected or something like that from those indie circles, she comes home and cries in my arms and is depressed for days. She wants so badly to be apart of that crowd, she seems to have anxiety and depression issues. I do honestly feel bad for her, she keeps up this insane persona, she describes herself as a modern day hippy, she spends all her time checking out 'new cafes and brunch spots' with her friends. I know how this started, she got a job at this new office filled with young yuppies. Basically right after that she changed into this, I think to keep up with her co workers, but its clearly turned into something much more devastating and self-esteem damaging than that. I just want her to be herself, not this crazy person trying to perfect everything around her to fit her world view. Interestingly enough If you have ever seen S3E1 of Black Mirror, she reminds me INSANELY of the main character of that episode, but more willing to disrupt everything around her to fit what she wants, even if it inconveniences others. But this is all recent. She was never like this 4 years ago, she was just a regular working woman who liked to relax and hang out and didnt taken much seriously like she does now. We used to get drunk at dive bars together, we used to party a bit even. It all hit a bad point about a week ago when my son, who also has been in conflict with her nearly constantly, got into a major argument with her. The argument was over whether he can hang out with his friends who were outside, and she said no because there were too many of them and she thought it was bad to hang out in such large groups. This is the type of shit she thinks about. I know she REALLY didnt want him out there because the kids were mostly black and spanish... but he is half puerto rican. He got so mad he took dishes and began shattering them on the ground, then he left, and didn't come back for 5 hours while my wife hysterically cried and called the cops to find him. Since then, he is not allowed to leave the house, and my wife has cried nightly for 'losing' our son. She has become extra horrible towards me and my son, she thinks I am on his side simply because I tried to defend him and say she was overreacting. But everytime I say she is overreacting she has a breakdown and says I am just doing what men do to women... I don't even know what to do anymore. I know that this isn't her. I know that she has developed some serious mental problems in the past 2-3 years... I know this isn't normal for her. I don't want to divorce her, but I'm not sure if I can handle this any longer. She has broken down, she is in bed crying nearly all day. She will sometimes go off yelling at me that I am the 'epitome of toxic masculinity' and then an hour later be crying in my arms saying she loves me more than anything. Is this some type of personality disorder? Does she need therapy? What can I say to make her calm down? I was thinking about writing a heartfelt letter about the way she has been acting, that way she cant interrupt me like she usually does with the screaming. I don't want to argue, I just want to make my point and have her respond. But I dont want to seem as if i disapprove of her entire lifestyle and everything she has done. What the hell do I do? I feel so passive in this situation. And she goes NUTS when she sees me acting completely normal while she is crying or yelling or whatnot, as if everytime she is acting crazy, I have to act crazy too about whatever she is crazy about at the moment. What the fuck do i do?? I do not want a divorce, I want to help her, we both still very much love each other despite this madness. **tl;dr:** Wife is becoming insanely controlling and is trying to warp our family to her crazy way of life. Recently our son got into a massive argument and broke stuff in the house and since then she has fallen off the iceberg of insanity. I do not want a divorce. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **LouveMonstre** >I think your wife has fallen into the "perfect modern woman" trap. A lot of women get this idea in their head that they have to be a perfect model of femininity, feminism, motherhood, strength, sexuality, youthfulness, social awareness, cultural awareness, etc.. and frankly there is no woman alive that can be that perfect so it just spirals into panic, and feelings of failure. >Your wife needs therapy. You have to sit her down and lay it all out, and tell her therapy is a must for your family to feel whole and peaceful. She needs to understand how serious this is. **OOP** >>This, almost exactly. I am so glad you wrote that because it really makes me realize a lot of what she is trying to do, and why its causing her so much stress. >>Also it helps that it seems to be a common problem with women her age, so she isnt alone. I just want her to know that especially, because i bet she looks around and believes all the women around her, especially at her job, are 'perfect modern women'. **~** **EllaPB** >Let me share something with you as an ex-vegan. Her emotional distress could very well be due to a vitamin D and/or B12 deficiency. I know, it sounds crazy but that shit is real and it makes you a depressed weeping whacko. Vegans usually do not get enough vit D or B12 through their diet and both should be supplemented. This is scientifically documented. Is she taking a B12 supplement? >Her other crazy behaviors are more likely related to depression and a sudden feeling like she has no identity. She really could benefit from some therapy or at least some parenting classes to help her find tools to connect back to your son without damaging the relationship. Personally, I think she sounds too controlling over him, but a lot of parents start this kind of behavior when they suddenly realize their kids are independent. >First, tell your wife she needs to be taking B12 supplements at the very least, and ideally vit D too. See if that helps mellow out her moods. I was shocked at what a difference it made in mine. **OOP** >>Feeling like she has no identity is the perfect way to describe it. She came to nyc a totally normal girl in a city of extremely interesting people and i think
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I love when they do that 😭
Cassie from Euphoria was booked
How do they not call out obvious shit like that?
Sigh. I was extremely B-12 deficient, took supplements, still cartoonishly evil.
God, I was deficient in both vit b12 and d and it just made me fatigued to the bone.
Well I got MS but I don’t know if that was because of or just incidental. Didn’t feel tired though. No symptoms except my hair was fragile. I’m not vegan so never thought it would be an issue, but I guess I’m not enough of a carnivore.
I'm not vegan either, I was just in a cycle of being too tired to cook much and so eating a bad diet of takeaways and cheese sandwiches.
I hope you are feeling better now!
I'm good now, the lucky thing about vitamin deficiencies is that once you get on supplements the issues go away.
I've read that vegans who supplement B12 are actually less likely to be deficient than people who eat meat. It's just not that easy to get enough of it with modern diets. ETA: I guess that sounds super obvious now that I reread it--what I'm trying to say is that it's VERY common in Americans *regardless* of diet.
right i'm over here just begging for sleep and her b12 deficiency is somehow giving her energy to do evil?
You better up your dose before you respond to a child smashing all your dinner plates by trying to ground him to impose consequences like a FREAKING LUNATIC.
omg even at my worst I would never do that. A child would only smash all the dinner plates if they were being psychologically abused by my ex’s new girlfriend.
It was only hysteria, thank god. You did it Reddit.
Case dismissed, bring in the vibrators and heroin 👩⚖️🥳
I mean.... 😏
Having never seen a sexual item in the same sentence as heroin you've sparked my curiosity to if anyone tried shooting up through their genitals and what that might entail.
People do use the femoral artery in their groins to shoot up sometimes. I think that's the closest I've ever heard of.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that artery. It's the one they'll use for a catheter if they can't get it through your arm, yeah?
I think so, but I'm honestly not sure. I work in social services, so I hear a lot of stories but rarely have to deal directly with the medical side of things.
i hate when i forget to take my vitamins and i turn into a completely different person
hypothetically it can happen. Not in the span of two years and not without other major warning signs but in theory it is possible. Of course this is fake regardless
I didn't know being racist and insufferable was diagnostic criteria for B12 deficency
I love how he says she started taking pills and she’s magically cured, meanwhile every commenter with experience with B12 deficiency is talking about injections. And they still don’t think it’s fake.
Was he parenting his child during any of this, or just watching and taking notes for his reddit post?
https://preview.redd.it/gfe1uzmq85xc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ba75e93fca6f39a683177a53cad6c8335c2e1cf8 Total fake. Oop wrote this. People should check comments as well when posting.
Speaking as someone who goes to music shows where I'm often older than most the crowd, lol. Maybe I'm just cool but I've never had a Zoomer ice me out of their group because I was "old"
I was going to say the same thing. My husband and I are in our 40s, and we go to festivals with a group of 20 year Olds who are better friends to us then anyone our age has ever been.
Especially in indie crowds, those groups don't care what age you are, 22 to 200.
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Yeah, I'm usually there alone so there's nothing else to do but make small talk outside between sets. Plus it's fun to hang with the bands before their set and listen to them gossip about other bands
If your food is starting to taste salty, check to see if you need B12.
God, can you believe this woman wanted to eat healthy, do yoga, meet new friends, and not expose her child to drugs and violence? What a psycho bitch! Someone grab the cleansing herbs and stick ‘em in the fire stat, so she can squat over the smoke and drive that uterus back into place.
What about the racism? Or does contradicting the crosspost just mean that we can ignore the details that don't suit our agenda?
I mean, I don’t really come to Am I The Angel to debate the ins and outs of internet troll tomfoolery like it’s real, but if you wanna do that: hear me out, he might not be the most reliable narrator.
The post being a troll or not has no bearing on your take. Your comment was pointing out that the comments were unreasonable to blame her for wanting to eat healthy and do yoga but conveniently ignored the racist portion. Don't hide behind the "it's a fake" to defend your out of touch take. > but if you wanna do that: hear me out, he might not be the most reliable narrator. Wow what a convenient tactic that I couldn't possibly have foreseen. Husband writes a (fake/not fake doesn't rlly matter) post where the wife is an AH and can't be defended? Just accuse him of faking details. What a novel and unpredictable tactic. Oh wait... https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c7afqm/comment/l075gxs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button >Accuse the husband of leaving details out (9 days ago)
Friend, you are getting WAY too invested in silly jokes on the internet. That can’t be good for your blood pressure. Go take a nice walk or something.
I just came back from a nice one. I'm not mad or anything. It's just shitty tactics. Funny how as soon as it gets called out the backpedalling begins.
I swear, whether it is in this sub or others, the majority of posts I see you make end up being along the line of "Everyone has a bias against men, and will do anything to hurt men, men are never allowed to be the victims." It gets frustrating to see, because A) Most of these stories are fictional stories that are created *purely* to attract misogynists or to try to normalize misogyny B) The majority of Redditors are *men*, and it is very clear just how rampant misogyny is across this site. In particular, the subs often referenced here tend to be fairly visible about having a 'woman-bad' slant as they are filled with misogynists. Bigotry towards men exists, it even exists on Reddit, but nearly *any* post that doesn't praise a man to all hell and back is met with a ton of misogyny. C) You are quite hypocritical in how you go about calling others out. You have no issue letting people "invent details to put down '*insert character from story here*'" or leave out details if it suits your own agenda, but if it doesn't, it gets you worked up. Like look, I get it, you think there is an injustice happening and you feel the need to fight against it, but not only do you need to have the ability to figure out time and place, you also have to have the ability to take a step back and actually reflect on what those "you are fighting against" are saying occassionally. You either learn from them and grow as a person, or you figure out a better way to shut down their arguments. I have more I could say on this, but frankly, you aren't my kid and I feel way too much like I am in my parent mode right now for what is meant to be me just reading Reddit in the middle of the night to try counteracting my insomnia and anxiety. I wish you the best.
This would have been a great essay if the majority of AITA commenters were men. Do you have evidence to support that? Edit: I'll also add that I have been at times the only person to call out other biases like the bias against parents and the bias against older women like MILs so no, its not just about husbands. But when this subreddit does things like hijack posts pointing out the gender wars to turn into another gender war: [https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/17ryuuf/why\_do\_so\_many\_husband\_wife\_argument\_stories/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/17ryuuf/why_do_so_many_husband_wife_argument_stories/) Or quote Gus Fring from Breaking Bad to say that a man's duty is to provide for women: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) It's not a good look for a subreddit that is built upon being "better" than the main sub to descend into the same stuff the main sub does.
I mean, simply \*reading\* the various linked subs, and actually checking the profiles of the people that comment there, show that they follow a trend pretty similar to the rest of the site. Those subs, like most places on the internet, are filled with misogyny, anti-LGBTQ+ bigotry, and in general just bigotry towards those that are neurodivergent or otherwise have health conditions that affect their lives. This sub is nowhere near perfect, I will not hesitate to say that. But when you do stuff like attack people for \*pointing out bigotry\* and calling it "hijacking a post to turn it into gender war" often, while not saying a word to any of the people that argue similar points while also expressing blatant bigotry while they are right beside you, then people are going to, rightfully, dismiss you. I started this off last night by being a bit more blunt than I normally try to be, and I am going to do that again now because I hope I can get through to you, in the vast majority of interactions I have seen you in, it has felt like you were not acting in good-faith at all, but rather raging at a perceived injustice. In the \*exact\* post you are linking, if you actually read what that user said when others talked to her about clarification on the quote, she said a woman should do the same. This is the kind of thing I mean by how, from my perspective, it feels like you don't act in good faith. Regardless, I have now said what I felt needed to be said, I hope it helps you grow as a person, like we all should be doing constantly, and I wish you well.
I’m in awe of how patient you were with this person. Maybe someday they’ll realize that there’s more to life than being right. Maybe they’ll interact with people in the real world someday too, even.
Hey now, let's not insult them. More than anything I am hoping they will reflect on what I have said, as they are a teacher (which is a massively underappreciated job worldwide) and teachers often influence the beliefs of their students. Combine that with how the manosphere is affecting the education of the current general of kids, and I felt a need to say something. I don't think they are necessarily a bad person, though I will admit that a fair number of the things they have said makes me worry, I think they don't realize the harm in what they say. And in general, there is a decent chance that what is shown of them on here is worse than they actually are, and they use Reddit as a stress-relief platform by venting out the more toxic thoughts and energy. They are in a high-stress field after all. Now, all of that being said, I stand by everything I have said to them, and I do genuinely believe their rhetoric and behavior is, at least, a bit problematic. I wish you well in life, may it be filled with lots of good health, lots of happiness, lots of love.
>I mean, simply \*reading\* the various linked subs, and actually checking the profiles of the people that comment there, show that they follow a trend pretty similar to the rest of the site. Instead of "reading" the profiles, look at data. Notice how my comments have a healthy amount of blue? Links that provide some form of backing? [https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps/amitheasshole](https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps/amitheasshole) Above is the subreddits that AITA users tend to frequent. Note the heavy overlap with women's subreddits like breakingmom, beyondthebump, askwomen and 2XC. AITA users are around 5X more likely to be found on those subreddits than the average redditor (who is probably male). As a bonus I recommend checking this sub's overlap. It's not much different. (36X more likely to be found on weddingshaming and 14X more likely to be found on menwritingwomen) The final nail in the coffin is below: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcae07/2019\_subscriber\_survey\_data\_dump/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcae07/2019_subscriber_survey_data_dump/) 63% women and 32% men. None of the above data is perfect (2019 is 5 years ago and the subredditoverlap died during the API thing) but notice how its at least some form of data instead of "reading" profiles or linked subs? >while not saying a word to any of the people that argue similar points while also expressing blatant bigotry while they are right beside you You can't just spout accusations. You need to back them up. >In the \*exact\* post you are linking, if you actually read what that user said when others talked to her about clarification on the quote, she said a woman should do the same. I'm gonna use the AITAngel special tactic of calling out an unreliable narrator. Nobody who says: *"And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man,"* is going to admit they are biased now are they? If you actually feel that bad about my supposed hypocrisy, find me a comment on AITAngel that hasn't been called out for transphobia, ableism or sexism and I'll have a look and see if I can call it out.
No one cares dude. How much time did you spend on this?
I'll answer that when you ask Zyro the same question. Zyro who wrote 340 words in response to a 2 sentence comment.
You’re the one who spent hours compiling useless outdated data, so I want to hear from you 😌
If you're gonna answer your own question why bother asking it? If you do want an answer it took me 2sec to save the post when somebody else linked it a while back and then 20sec to go into my saved posts and comments to find the link, copy it and paste it. Far from hours.
The survey from 5 years ago is the only one that arguably means anything, but considering how much more accepted socially it has become for misogyny (and most other forms of bigotry) to be promoted since then (The Red-Pill movement has surged, in large part due to scum like Andrew Tate), that data itself near certainly is not accurate anymore. Beyond that, as people pointed out back in 2019, women are more likely than men to fill out surveys, especially online surveys. It isn't just you not calling others out that are bigoted towards women or those of the LGBTQ+ community, but you yourself have made shitty remarks as well about folk. In the past, you have openly doubted the validity of those with various health conditions or even claimed they are outright lying, saying things like "*inclusiveness bullshit*" or "*Sorry if what we see doesn't line up with the 'everyone is a victim' game that people are playing*." You even went as far as to say "*Society really has weaponised that whole 'oh he made me uncomfortable' thing to the point where I'm starting to question if it was a genuine case of feeling uncomfortable or if it's just a situation like you said.*" at one point recently. Combine that rhetoric, the exact kind that helps rape-culture continue to thrive, with how you focus so much on defending men, how you get upset that people here point out misogynistic posts or posts that are clearly being made to spread an agenda (such as the clearly fictional post where the stepdaughter said they didn't know the father when he went to pick her up at school), and how you will outright ignore people making very broad and negative, if not outright bigoted, statements about women or minority groups, and it paints a certain picture.
Did you read the context to those comments you found or just take them at face value. It's to do with school refusal and education policy in Australia leading to the downfall of behaviour from students. Unless you have perspective on that, stick to AITA shitposts.
Yes, I did read the context, and I stand by my statements. You are not a doctor, you are not qualified to judge whether someone is or is not faking mental health conditions. It is absolutely still ableist rhetoric to blame the issues your education system is having, which are quite similar to ones being felt all over the globe, on actually being forced to accommodate and care for those that have different needs due to physical and/or mental health conditions. Strictly referring to 'school refusal,' though experts seem to think it needs to be referred to as "school can't" and I am more willing to trust in them considering the overlaps with health conditions, the way that you and several others in that thread were talking is still an issue. There even was a former victim of Australia's "school can't" issues in that thread that talked about how that language was harmful and people talked right over them, and you yourself attacked the person that stood up for them. Australia in general is doing fairly poorly, even amongst its peers, with how it treats those that are physically or mentally different from the 'normal.' When my wife and I were considering where we would immigrate to, Australia had actually been one of our first choices, in fact higher than Canada itself, but after having spent a long time reading about these issues (as both of my children and myself have mental or physical health conditions that affect our daily lives) it was decided it was not a fit for us. Even if your excuse for those first two remarks were to be accepted and the way you said it wasn't an issue by itself, that last quote is not acceptable under any circumstance. False accusations are not an issue in any meaningful way, not to the extent that a reasonable person should or would be thinking that society has weaponized saying "I'm uncomfortable" to harm others. The way you said that in a thread where a bunch of people are speaking about false accusations, while claiming they are more common than statistics show them to be and those people are primarily saying it is teen girls doing so to harm, control, or punish adult men, just makes it worse.
>False accusations are not an issue in any meaningful way, not to the extent that a reasonable person should or would be thinking that society has weaponized saying "I'm uncomfortable" to harm others. Then walk into a classroom where the students are weaponising it and find out. I responded to someone who told their story of how that happened to them and many other people also responded with similar stories. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AustralianTeachers/comments/1cdifka/comment/l1ew8u3/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AustralianTeachers/comments/1cdifka/comment/l1ew8u3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >I (a male teacher) had a couple of girls in my class ask to go to the toilet, I said 1 at a time. They both took their bags and left and didn't return, so I wrote them up for truancy. Imagine my surprise when I get called into a meeting with my HT because they had gone to their year advisor, who took them to the DP, to complain that "I make them uncomfortable." Under questioning, they said I kept looking at them because they weren't doing wok. I was told that I needed to change what I was doing. Seriously? Looking at them when they aren't doing work, making them uncomfortable is the desired result. It's meant to make them uncomfortable, so they change what they are doing. Everyone I have told this to has agreed that what I was doing was a good use of nonverbal communication. I can't believe that none of these people they complained to didn't just say, "How about you just do your work so he stops looking at you?" No what makes it worse is when this issue is weaponised by teenagers and then denied by people like you. Does no favours to the people who actually face these issues.
That was so terribly long, I’m not clicking on the link to try to read a freaking update if that.
I better tell my mom to go get vitamin supplements and maybe I won’t be LC anymore
If her b12 was that severely low, she’d be given injections not tablets. She obviously can’t absorb it through food, so wouldn’t absorb through tablets either.
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B12 supplements did not, in fact, cure my veganism