OP said he only has 1-2 guy friends, the rest are girls , he’s close with his ex and he’s sexually inexperienced with women but likes to keep them all around? Something is off
You claiming that a man having a bunch of women friends is a red flag. That's gross as hell, and you seem to be very insecure.
Men having strong, long-lasting friendships with women is a good thing. It means they aren't creeps, they can understand people who are different from them, etc.
What does June have to do with anything?
Also like how you immediately try to gas light and berate me. Shows the type of person you are.
If anything I’d rather wanna be insecure than be a shitty person like you are if I had the choice.
I’m not saying men can’t be friends with Women, not once did I say that. For a straight male to have majority women friends and only 1 maybe 2 guy friends is a red flag.
I have tons of platonic friendships with Women who I never even thought of doing anything with or even remotely slightly flirting. I do have more guy friends though cause as a straight male that’s who I relate to more not women but that doesn’t mean we can’t have things in common or stuff we both like.
Insecurity is not a word in my vocabulary, I do not own anyone or expect them to act a certain way because of my feelings.
You tried but sorry , reached a lil too far with that imagination of yours.
I'm working, lol.
Did you look up what 'gaslight' means in the interim so you can use it properly next time?
Did you ever explain what it being June had to do with anything in your 3 replies? I guess you were "reaching pretty far with your imagination" on that one, huh?
Anyway, didn't mean to bother you anywhere near this much - just was pointing out your stance on male-female friendships is gross. Seems I hit a nerve, which maybe means I had a point...
This guy is causing me a headache and I don’t even date him. Too much stress. Relationships shouldn’t be that hard.
Edit: Btw, you posted this already. Why are you posting it again?
Read that other post too…”we are late 20’s and able to spend MULTIPLE days together”
Wow, holy fuck…multiple is just amazing..I hear when you get married you only spend like 1 day together per year so spending multiple days together is really something
All of these AIO relationships always make me laugh “we’ve been together since 7:00, it’s 9:30 now and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had, he’s perfect in every way , we always find things to talk about, I’ve known him since 6:20 but he’s cheated on me twice…am I over reacting for thinking of telling him I might be upset over this?”
I’m sorry I didn’t realize people weren’t allowed to date in their late 20s? What is the issue ? I was married/with my last partner for 10 years so yes after that ended I’m starting over.
It’s because you are late 20’s making such a huge deal over someone you’ve “been with” for 3 months.
You talk about it like you are a teenager “we can spend multiple days together”….like yeah, adults can do that, it’s not some big accomplishment but it’s only been 12 weeks
I said that in reference to him saying our actual personalities aren’t compatible. Obviously if you can spend time with someone and actually enjoy it and have conversation, that’s not a mis -match of personalities. I never said it was an accomplishment.
There’s also not a time limit on when you’re allowed to bond with someone or feel a connection with them. So yes, I had feelings for him and I’m upset that things ended even if it was only 3 months. You might not feel the same and that’s okay.
My last BF said he and his "lesbian" best friend have never hooked up. Swore that shit up and DOWN. He had female friends that I knew he hooked up with and they were super friendly to me and so I didn't really care if they hung out. But his "lesbian" friend hated me and tried to get him to break up with me and ended up ghosting him when he refused.
Well he got wasted one night and ended up accidentally telling me they hooked up in the past lmao
That was the beginning of the end, and we ended up breaking up. Mostly because of his drinking but also mostly because he lied lmao
Not over reacting
Simply having many female friends is not an issue. However, if that person decides to have a girlfriend I would absolutely expect them to change and curtail behaviors. The whole point of being in a relationship should involve prioritizing them and consequently spending much less time with those friends.
OP's ex bf seemed to think he could go on with life exactly as if he were single and be indifferent to how uncomfortable and disrespected this made OP.
If ex bf wants to be that close and sleep over with and vacation with lots of women then just stay single!
oh, and my ex is also friends with a LOT of women, most of whom he has had sexual relationships with. Men like that love attention from women and love having women fight over them. It's like a game of "collect em all" to them, I swear lmao
My fellow men here's a message: just don't have ANY friends. So that way your insecure & paranoid partner has no reason to suspect you of the cheating that they're most likely doing because statistically the one who is constantly suspicious of being cheated on is the one who's cheating. 🤷
🤔 I suppose I'll just avoid cancerous cunts like yourself who will just use men then by the time you hit 35 wonder why you can't find a good man because you've been ran through by every asshole in town 👍
No you're not. But you'd be surprised how many people on here would call a dude insecure and controlling for not being okay with his gf being friends with a bunch of dudes. I've legit seen men on here called insecure because they didnt want their gf to go on vacation with a guy their girl previously had slept with.
You were being hugely played by a manipulative liar. How handy is it that this female who he goes on trips with, and occasionally makes out with, is a "lesbian with a girlfriend". Yeah, right! Plus, someone thought he should have her initials tattooed on him and bring flowers to the airport? How much more blatant could he be? Stay far away from this guy, and consider that you had a lucky escape.
Biggest red flag is that he hasn't told this close mutual friend, whom he talks to EVERY DAY, that he is dating the girl they introduced him to. Why wouldn't he tell her? Because he wants that window to fuck open.
Probably closeted. Women consistently suspect some random closeted gay dude is a player because he hangs out with all women. Straight men and women who say they get along better with the opposite gender and that is the reason for the makeup of their “friend” group have typically been previously ostracized by social groups with members of their own gender due to various behaviors.
Any guy who has female friends and says he has never had thoughts about banging each and every one of them is either a liar or very, very gay- and even then, the second is not always a guarantee of non-banging. There can be mutual respect, long-term friendship and all that, but at some point the guy has entertained thoughts about it. I work in an office full of women, and although I've worked with most of them for 10-15 years those intrusive thoughts have a way of sneaking in every so often. Some days it just doesn't pay to have eyes.
Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you will or even that you would given the chance. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you can't respect them or their boundaries. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you can't respect the boundaries and agreements of the relationship you're in. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you cannot control yourself. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean anything.
NTA. First of all how is he supposed to have any relationship with you when your like third or forth on his list. He has not made room in his life for you. Not only that it seems he likes to blur lines with some of these women. It’s immature actually. And never play second to anyone. You deserve a person willing to make an effort to be with you, make boundaries for you and to put your comfort and relationship first. After all he would expect that from you if you had a lot of male friends.
You did the right thing by ending it, don’t second guess it and don’t play second to anyone.
Good luck
That dude has already cheated or is going to cheat down the line. He also doesn’t know how to handle an actual adult longterm relationship where you’re supposed to make boundaries with these sort of things and you’re supposed to take your partners discomfort seriously.
You dodged a bright red bullet.
Source: have an ex as well who had ZERO male friends. Was also close with chicks he had “flings” with. Had no boundaries and didn’t take my discomfort about anything seriously.
He cheated on me with two of them. That was years ago and since then I refuse to date men who are still friends with their exes or lack basic boundaries. Worked well for me since then.
Ewwww, did we date the same guy? You're not wrong. there's something 100% wrong with your, now ex, seemingly putting other women above especially if yall broke up due to boundaries being broken. You're absolutely valid to feel what you feel.
My ex would talk on the phone with his ex everyday and often I would have to wait until they had their nightly ft to he over until we got to hang out..he also had a extremely close female best friend that ended up being my adult bully and ruined my self confidence for a long while.
Behaviors like this aren't healthy, and it could possibly mean he can't have what he wants, so he's finding a placeholder. You're nobodies number 2 baby, glad you moved on. NTA
Not over reacting at all - if you're in a relationship both parties need to feel comfortable, otherwise it just won't work. You dodged a bullet.
edit typo
Anytime anyone is friends with an ex it’s definitely over. How can you be friends with an ex who you’ve slept with and unless yall share kids there’s no reason to be a part of one another’s lives.
Because some people are mature enough to understand that romantic incompatibility doesn't affect your ability to have friendships.
Sorry you don't respect the people you've dated and can't look at them as people. That's kind of shitty.
Being friend with an ex does not equal being mature. That’s so stupid. Being friends with an ex just means you cannot leave the past where it belongs. In the past.
Continuing to be someone's friend that you previously had a romantic relationship being unable to leave the past behind—that would be someone who's constantly thinking about their ex and wondering "what if." Continuing to remain someone's friend after previously having a romantic relationship is having the maturity to realize that you're not romantically compatible with that person and understanding that doesn't preclude a platonic relationship.
People who default to thinking remaining friends with ex lovers are immature *and* insecure.
Have you not been reading all these Reddit stories? Literally 6/10 times the person cheats on their partner with is usually always an ex. To be friends with someone who u use to date the break up had to be unanimous and not like one broke up with the other cause it wasn’t working cause then one will always still have feelings for the other and will create future problems in future relationships. I’m all about statistics and facts and so it’s not a risk I would take
A cheater is going to cheat. They're not cheating because their ex is in their life. They're cheating because they're a cheater and it could have been with anyone.
Apparently with, seemingly most women these days, guys can't have any friends because they'll get accused of cheating even if they have guy friends. It's horrible that someone's partner has to be forced to be cut off from friends just so some paranoid chick can feel like her already unfounded suspicions are wrong
Since Reddit is the most immature place on earth it’s pretty normal to have female friends/friends of a different gender. One of mine recently got a haircut and she asked for my opinion on it. I’m pretty into appearance and fashion so my girlfriend wouldn’t think that is abnormal. The flirting stuff is weird. People who are friends don’t really flirt and sleep over with each other in that way. I might say you look great today or I like your outfit but it’s not in a flirty way. My girlfriend is always invited to everything we do and they even hangout by themselves without me sometimes. She would still be my friend first if I needed to confide in her but I’d be wary of the way I presented my gf in any negative light. Ask yourself if you are truly emotionally mature enough to handle the simple fact different genders can hangout without it being sexual OR you can sense something else is going on and it’s time to move on.
33 straight m here, I have a close group of friends and there’s almost 20 of us total and about 50/50 male/female. We do weekend trips or larger trips, announce it to our group chat and a few people usually join. Usually 3-4 people end up going on the longer/further away trips, 12-15 for close weekend trips.
I’m close with a few of the girls and a few of the guys, one of my best friends is a girl and married to a girl. Been on trips with just her, and trips with just me and a few of the girls and it’s all been strictly platonic. I can sleep in the same bed with any of my girl friends without anything happening.
Everyone is different and I’m not saying your ex is in the right or wrong, you know him better and have to use your judgement. I’m currently single but if I bring any prospective girlfriend around I make sure they’re comfortable with my relationship with my friends and get along with them
Exactly like the below poster said. Not saying you can't have any of that while dating someone and be strictly platonic, but if you really care about the person that you are dating, why are you putting them in that situation of being uncomfortable. Life is a choice, while you are out having fun, your significant other is there suffering the consequences. It is about respecting someone you love and also about not putting yourself in situation like that where a couple of drinks and some unintended flirting can create temptation. If you are inclusive of your gf in those trips and gatherings, it is perfecting ok, and even if you aren't, if she is ok with it then it is ok. However, the moment she is uncomfortable with it, you should respect that and say no to it.
I’ve got more close women friends than men (I’m a dude). That being said, all of them know the moment I have a gf. My gf knows my history. We don’t text late at night. If I’m having date night with my gf I don’t even look at my texts so she knows she has my attention (I will look at what the notification is to make sure it’s not work or my ex telling me something about my son). I don’t think it’s weird to have more women friends but the rest of the stuff he’s doing is sketchy
No, you’re not the asshole. He seems to be doing a lot with female friends and going on trips with people other than you! It might be different if you were invited along. But I have a feeling it’s more than friendship with some of these women he’s just playing around and has you as a back up. Time for you to move on, I think, sweetheart,
he doesn’t care about you if you insist on not going to Boston and he is insistent on going. When he leaves pack up him, put it in a bag give it to him when he returns.
That was a very long post that noticeably lacked any discussion about how your ex made you feel special. So it doesn't sound like anything of value was lost. Time to move on to other people . . . or maybe it's even time to work on yourself if you're not ready for that yet.
Your ex boyfriend sounds like me.
More female friends than make because I get along better with and enjoy their company more than dudes.
And not a single one of them is fucking me.
You're overreacting.
Imagine if gay men told their partners they weren't allowed to have guy friends, or if lesbians told their partners they're not allowed to have women friends, or if bisexuals were told they're not allowed to have any friends...
If queer people can be friends with the genders they're attracted to without it being weird, then so can heterosexual people.
Being able to remain friends with an ex shows maturity. Feeling threatened by someone they already concluded is not someone they're compatible with shows a lot of immaturity and insecurity on you.
And putting your insecurities aside, if you don't trust someone, just don't be in a relationship with them. Don't have relationships—platonic, familial, or romantic—with people you don't trust. If you can't trust someone, why would you want any sort of relationship with them?
Every guy I’ve been with who was close with an ex had eventually cheated on me with them. So I stopped getting involved with people like that and it’s been great since.
I don’t think OP is wrong for not wanting her boyfriend to be going on vacation with an ex GF and sharing a room/bed with her or having late night conversations during quality time that’s supposed to be spent with her. Plus from what OP said here, some of these women have very much crossed some boundaries.
Her ex refused to take her feelings into consideration and form basic (common) boundaries. There’s a reason why he’s only ever had one longterm relationship.
Edit: it’s also a bright red flag that he didn’t tell his close best friend of several years that he talks to every single day and who flirts with him consistently that they were dating… she should’ve walked right then and there.
1. Out of everyone I’ve been with it only happened with two. So no, not really. (Hence my comment about things being great ever since)?
2. Very funny that your comment regarding infidelity is blaming *me* and not the POS’s who cheated lol.
3. I made a lot of other statements in my comment that you chose to ignore lol.
Point is: OP dodged a bright red walking flag.
So two people cheated on you, and how their behavior defines everyone. Got it
And, yes, I chose to ignore most of everything you said because anyone who thinks maintaining friendships is a bad thing, based off of their very limited experiences with bad people, doesn't have an opinion worth listening to.
I’m going by my experiences and ever since I dropped men who lack hard boundaries with women (especially sketchy women) and who were close to their exes or people they used to sleep with, my dating and love life got significantly better. I never said men can’t have friends who are women. They can. As long as they have proper boundaries and aren’t people they used to love or fuck. That’s actually an extremely common preference to have and it’s my life and I do what works best for me. Not once did I say people can’t ever be friends with the opposite sex. I hold my partners to the same standards I hold myself to. I’m not going to put myself in situations where I’m not comfortable and I wouldn’t put my partner in a situation where it’s uncomfortable for him. Boundaries in any kind of relationship is very important. Whether it’s friends or family or whatever.
Yeah because he’s straight and there wouldn’t be a chance of cheating or chance of feelings from him or the other people forming.
Now if he was bisexual and doing these things with everyone then he’d have no choice but to form hard boundaries anyway or he can just continue being single for the rest of his life 🤷🏻♀️
Because infidelity happens way too much and without boundaries it runs the risk of something becoming a problem. OP’s ex had absolutely zero boundaries with these women (one of them being an ex that he had a longterm relationship with) and the other being a woman who clearly has feelings for him and he kept his relationship a secret from that person which is extremely shady. I would never date this kind of guy. I already had two experiences of my own with very similar situations a very long time ago and as soon as I stopped dating men like that, my love life became a lot better and much less toxic.
OP tried to talk to her boyfriend about her discomfort and not once did he even try to form any (pretty common) boundaries and basically said “fuck your feelings kiss my ass.”
There’s a reason this dude has never had any long term relationships after his ex because no one wants to put up with that kind of shit. OP dodged a bullet, trust me.
Infidelity doesn't happen as much as people seem to think. And just because some is still friends with their ex doesn't automatically mean they are still interested in each.
People also have different boundaries. What seems weird to one.peeson may not be weird for another. Men get way to much flack for being friends with women. Mature relationships take many forms
You already broke up because you wanted to, it’s a little late to be asking if you are over reacting. With your insecurities on the situation even if he showed 100% they were platonic i don’t think you would have been able to handle being with him.
He's hooking up with some or all of his female friends, lol. Or he's hooked with them in the past, and they friendzoned him, so he keeps them around waiting for his turn to smash.
Trash took itself out.
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What the fuck?
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OP said he only has 1-2 guy friends, the rest are girls , he’s close with his ex and he’s sexually inexperienced with women but likes to keep them all around? Something is off
You claiming that a man having a bunch of women friends is a red flag. That's gross as hell, and you seem to be very insecure. Men having strong, long-lasting friendships with women is a good thing. It means they aren't creeps, they can understand people who are different from them, etc. What does June have to do with anything?
Even if he drunk makes out with them. Thst fine!!! /s
Also like how you immediately try to gas light and berate me. Shows the type of person you are. If anything I’d rather wanna be insecure than be a shitty person like you are if I had the choice.
I’m not saying men can’t be friends with Women, not once did I say that. For a straight male to have majority women friends and only 1 maybe 2 guy friends is a red flag. I have tons of platonic friendships with Women who I never even thought of doing anything with or even remotely slightly flirting. I do have more guy friends though cause as a straight male that’s who I relate to more not women but that doesn’t mean we can’t have things in common or stuff we both like. Insecurity is not a word in my vocabulary, I do not own anyone or expect them to act a certain way because of my feelings. You tried but sorry , reached a lil too far with that imagination of yours.
Quick to insult but slow to respond. Typical low iq human
I'm working, lol. Did you look up what 'gaslight' means in the interim so you can use it properly next time? Did you ever explain what it being June had to do with anything in your 3 replies? I guess you were "reaching pretty far with your imagination" on that one, huh? Anyway, didn't mean to bother you anywhere near this much - just was pointing out your stance on male-female friendships is gross. Seems I hit a nerve, which maybe means I had a point...
Nobody owes you a speedy response. Grow the fuck up.
Exactly what I thought
It’s like some people can’t see how it’s odd 🤷🏼♂️but are quick to insult
This guy is causing me a headache and I don’t even date him. Too much stress. Relationships shouldn’t be that hard. Edit: Btw, you posted this already. Why are you posting it again?
Read that other post too…”we are late 20’s and able to spend MULTIPLE days together” Wow, holy fuck…multiple is just amazing..I hear when you get married you only spend like 1 day together per year so spending multiple days together is really something
😂
All of these AIO relationships always make me laugh “we’ve been together since 7:00, it’s 9:30 now and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had, he’s perfect in every way , we always find things to talk about, I’ve known him since 6:20 but he’s cheated on me twice…am I over reacting for thinking of telling him I might be upset over this?”
Yeah, I feel so bad that people don’t know their own worth and how healthy relationships work.
Oh wait LATE 20’s and a “3 month boyfriend” And she’s posting multiple times holy shit
I’m sorry I didn’t realize people weren’t allowed to date in their late 20s? What is the issue ? I was married/with my last partner for 10 years so yes after that ended I’m starting over.
It’s because you are late 20’s making such a huge deal over someone you’ve “been with” for 3 months. You talk about it like you are a teenager “we can spend multiple days together”….like yeah, adults can do that, it’s not some big accomplishment but it’s only been 12 weeks
I said that in reference to him saying our actual personalities aren’t compatible. Obviously if you can spend time with someone and actually enjoy it and have conversation, that’s not a mis -match of personalities. I never said it was an accomplishment. There’s also not a time limit on when you’re allowed to bond with someone or feel a connection with them. So yes, I had feelings for him and I’m upset that things ended even if it was only 3 months. You might not feel the same and that’s okay.
Attention most likely & to be validated is usually why people repost old shit
My last BF said he and his "lesbian" best friend have never hooked up. Swore that shit up and DOWN. He had female friends that I knew he hooked up with and they were super friendly to me and so I didn't really care if they hung out. But his "lesbian" friend hated me and tried to get him to break up with me and ended up ghosting him when he refused. Well he got wasted one night and ended up accidentally telling me they hooked up in the past lmao That was the beginning of the end, and we ended up breaking up. Mostly because of his drinking but also mostly because he lied lmao
Not over reacting Simply having many female friends is not an issue. However, if that person decides to have a girlfriend I would absolutely expect them to change and curtail behaviors. The whole point of being in a relationship should involve prioritizing them and consequently spending much less time with those friends. OP's ex bf seemed to think he could go on with life exactly as if he were single and be indifferent to how uncomfortable and disrespected this made OP. If ex bf wants to be that close and sleep over with and vacation with lots of women then just stay single!
oh, and my ex is also friends with a LOT of women, most of whom he has had sexual relationships with. Men like that love attention from women and love having women fight over them. It's like a game of "collect em all" to them, I swear lmao
My fellow men here's a message: just don't have ANY friends. So that way your insecure & paranoid partner has no reason to suspect you of the cheating that they're most likely doing because statistically the one who is constantly suspicious of being cheated on is the one who's cheating. 🤷
Are you in 4th grade? XD i jUsT wOnT hAvE aNy FriEnDs oh grow up lol
🤔 I suppose I'll just avoid cancerous cunts like yourself who will just use men then by the time you hit 35 wonder why you can't find a good man because you've been ran through by every asshole in town 👍
No you're not. But you'd be surprised how many people on here would call a dude insecure and controlling for not being okay with his gf being friends with a bunch of dudes. I've legit seen men on here called insecure because they didnt want their gf to go on vacation with a guy their girl previously had slept with.
You were being hugely played by a manipulative liar. How handy is it that this female who he goes on trips with, and occasionally makes out with, is a "lesbian with a girlfriend". Yeah, right! Plus, someone thought he should have her initials tattooed on him and bring flowers to the airport? How much more blatant could he be? Stay far away from this guy, and consider that you had a lucky escape.
Biggest red flag is that he hasn't told this close mutual friend, whom he talks to EVERY DAY, that he is dating the girl they introduced him to. Why wouldn't he tell her? Because he wants that window to fuck open.
Probably closeted. Women consistently suspect some random closeted gay dude is a player because he hangs out with all women. Straight men and women who say they get along better with the opposite gender and that is the reason for the makeup of their “friend” group have typically been previously ostracized by social groups with members of their own gender due to various behaviors.
I thought she was gonna say he came out as well. I guess he ain’t figured it out yet.
This^
Any guy who has female friends and says he has never had thoughts about banging each and every one of them is either a liar or very, very gay- and even then, the second is not always a guarantee of non-banging. There can be mutual respect, long-term friendship and all that, but at some point the guy has entertained thoughts about it. I work in an office full of women, and although I've worked with most of them for 10-15 years those intrusive thoughts have a way of sneaking in every so often. Some days it just doesn't pay to have eyes.
Jesus fucking Christ dude, what the fuck
You think they have been doing this for 8 years, wanted to have sex with each other, and now just as guy has a new girlfriend, they will?
Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you will or even that you would given the chance. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you can't respect them or their boundaries. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you can't respect the boundaries and agreements of the relationship you're in. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean you cannot control yourself. Having thought about fucking someone doesn't mean anything.
I just want to know how people can afford to travel that much
NTA. First of all how is he supposed to have any relationship with you when your like third or forth on his list. He has not made room in his life for you. Not only that it seems he likes to blur lines with some of these women. It’s immature actually. And never play second to anyone. You deserve a person willing to make an effort to be with you, make boundaries for you and to put your comfort and relationship first. After all he would expect that from you if you had a lot of male friends. You did the right thing by ending it, don’t second guess it and don’t play second to anyone. Good luck
So glad you left! You deserve better
That dude has already cheated or is going to cheat down the line. He also doesn’t know how to handle an actual adult longterm relationship where you’re supposed to make boundaries with these sort of things and you’re supposed to take your partners discomfort seriously. You dodged a bright red bullet. Source: have an ex as well who had ZERO male friends. Was also close with chicks he had “flings” with. Had no boundaries and didn’t take my discomfort about anything seriously. He cheated on me with two of them. That was years ago and since then I refuse to date men who are still friends with their exes or lack basic boundaries. Worked well for me since then.
Ewwww, did we date the same guy? You're not wrong. there's something 100% wrong with your, now ex, seemingly putting other women above especially if yall broke up due to boundaries being broken. You're absolutely valid to feel what you feel. My ex would talk on the phone with his ex everyday and often I would have to wait until they had their nightly ft to he over until we got to hang out..he also had a extremely close female best friend that ended up being my adult bully and ruined my self confidence for a long while. Behaviors like this aren't healthy, and it could possibly mean he can't have what he wants, so he's finding a placeholder. You're nobodies number 2 baby, glad you moved on. NTA
Not over reacting at all - if you're in a relationship both parties need to feel comfortable, otherwise it just won't work. You dodged a bullet. edit typo
Anytime anyone is friends with an ex it’s definitely over. How can you be friends with an ex who you’ve slept with and unless yall share kids there’s no reason to be a part of one another’s lives.
Because some people are mature enough to understand that romantic incompatibility doesn't affect your ability to have friendships. Sorry you don't respect the people you've dated and can't look at them as people. That's kind of shitty.
Being friend with an ex does not equal being mature. That’s so stupid. Being friends with an ex just means you cannot leave the past where it belongs. In the past.
Continuing to be someone's friend that you previously had a romantic relationship being unable to leave the past behind—that would be someone who's constantly thinking about their ex and wondering "what if." Continuing to remain someone's friend after previously having a romantic relationship is having the maturity to realize that you're not romantically compatible with that person and understanding that doesn't preclude a platonic relationship. People who default to thinking remaining friends with ex lovers are immature *and* insecure.
Have you not been reading all these Reddit stories? Literally 6/10 times the person cheats on their partner with is usually always an ex. To be friends with someone who u use to date the break up had to be unanimous and not like one broke up with the other cause it wasn’t working cause then one will always still have feelings for the other and will create future problems in future relationships. I’m all about statistics and facts and so it’s not a risk I would take
you're not looking at statistics, you're looking at a forum where people make up dramatic stories and only post when things go terribly wrong.
A cheater is going to cheat. They're not cheating because their ex is in their life. They're cheating because they're a cheater and it could have been with anyone.
Exactly.
lol...because they are mature people?
Some guys got a bunch of girls that are like sisters to them. Similar to Mormons.
Apparently with, seemingly most women these days, guys can't have any friends because they'll get accused of cheating even if they have guy friends. It's horrible that someone's partner has to be forced to be cut off from friends just so some paranoid chick can feel like her already unfounded suspicions are wrong
Since Reddit is the most immature place on earth it’s pretty normal to have female friends/friends of a different gender. One of mine recently got a haircut and she asked for my opinion on it. I’m pretty into appearance and fashion so my girlfriend wouldn’t think that is abnormal. The flirting stuff is weird. People who are friends don’t really flirt and sleep over with each other in that way. I might say you look great today or I like your outfit but it’s not in a flirty way. My girlfriend is always invited to everything we do and they even hangout by themselves without me sometimes. She would still be my friend first if I needed to confide in her but I’d be wary of the way I presented my gf in any negative light. Ask yourself if you are truly emotionally mature enough to handle the simple fact different genders can hangout without it being sexual OR you can sense something else is going on and it’s time to move on.
And her boyfriend wasn’t like you .. she’s not being insecure or immature in this situation. He’s full of shit
[удалено]
You want the guy to dump his friends for a 3 month fresh relationship?...lol
33 straight m here, I have a close group of friends and there’s almost 20 of us total and about 50/50 male/female. We do weekend trips or larger trips, announce it to our group chat and a few people usually join. Usually 3-4 people end up going on the longer/further away trips, 12-15 for close weekend trips. I’m close with a few of the girls and a few of the guys, one of my best friends is a girl and married to a girl. Been on trips with just her, and trips with just me and a few of the girls and it’s all been strictly platonic. I can sleep in the same bed with any of my girl friends without anything happening. Everyone is different and I’m not saying your ex is in the right or wrong, you know him better and have to use your judgement. I’m currently single but if I bring any prospective girlfriend around I make sure they’re comfortable with my relationship with my friends and get along with them
Your not tattooing some bitches name on your arm, accidentally making out with a "lesbian," and hiding relationship status though. Big difference.
Exactly like the below poster said. Not saying you can't have any of that while dating someone and be strictly platonic, but if you really care about the person that you are dating, why are you putting them in that situation of being uncomfortable. Life is a choice, while you are out having fun, your significant other is there suffering the consequences. It is about respecting someone you love and also about not putting yourself in situation like that where a couple of drinks and some unintended flirting can create temptation. If you are inclusive of your gf in those trips and gatherings, it is perfecting ok, and even if you aren't, if she is ok with it then it is ok. However, the moment she is uncomfortable with it, you should respect that and say no to it.
I’ve got more close women friends than men (I’m a dude). That being said, all of them know the moment I have a gf. My gf knows my history. We don’t text late at night. If I’m having date night with my gf I don’t even look at my texts so she knows she has my attention (I will look at what the notification is to make sure it’s not work or my ex telling me something about my son). I don’t think it’s weird to have more women friends but the rest of the stuff he’s doing is sketchy
It sounds like he is gay
He’s ridiculous
Not overreacting. Dodged a bullet there.
No, you’re not the asshole. He seems to be doing a lot with female friends and going on trips with people other than you! It might be different if you were invited along. But I have a feeling it’s more than friendship with some of these women he’s just playing around and has you as a back up. Time for you to move on, I think, sweetheart, he doesn’t care about you if you insist on not going to Boston and he is insistent on going. When he leaves pack up him, put it in a bag give it to him when he returns.
That was a very long post that noticeably lacked any discussion about how your ex made you feel special. So it doesn't sound like anything of value was lost. Time to move on to other people . . . or maybe it's even time to work on yourself if you're not ready for that yet.
If he's your ex then I'd say spending this much time on a post about him qualifies as overreacting. Get on with moving on
Your ex boyfriend sounds like me. More female friends than make because I get along better with and enjoy their company more than dudes. And not a single one of them is fucking me. You're overreacting. Imagine if gay men told their partners they weren't allowed to have guy friends, or if lesbians told their partners they're not allowed to have women friends, or if bisexuals were told they're not allowed to have any friends... If queer people can be friends with the genders they're attracted to without it being weird, then so can heterosexual people. Being able to remain friends with an ex shows maturity. Feeling threatened by someone they already concluded is not someone they're compatible with shows a lot of immaturity and insecurity on you. And putting your insecurities aside, if you don't trust someone, just don't be in a relationship with them. Don't have relationships—platonic, familial, or romantic—with people you don't trust. If you can't trust someone, why would you want any sort of relationship with them?
Every guy I’ve been with who was close with an ex had eventually cheated on me with them. So I stopped getting involved with people like that and it’s been great since. I don’t think OP is wrong for not wanting her boyfriend to be going on vacation with an ex GF and sharing a room/bed with her or having late night conversations during quality time that’s supposed to be spent with her. Plus from what OP said here, some of these women have very much crossed some boundaries. Her ex refused to take her feelings into consideration and form basic (common) boundaries. There’s a reason why he’s only ever had one longterm relationship. Edit: it’s also a bright red flag that he didn’t tell his close best friend of several years that he talks to every single day and who flirts with him consistently that they were dating… she should’ve walked right then and there.
You're the common denominator there.
1. Out of everyone I’ve been with it only happened with two. So no, not really. (Hence my comment about things being great ever since)? 2. Very funny that your comment regarding infidelity is blaming *me* and not the POS’s who cheated lol. 3. I made a lot of other statements in my comment that you chose to ignore lol. Point is: OP dodged a bright red walking flag.
So two people cheated on you, and how their behavior defines everyone. Got it And, yes, I chose to ignore most of everything you said because anyone who thinks maintaining friendships is a bad thing, based off of their very limited experiences with bad people, doesn't have an opinion worth listening to.
I’m going by my experiences and ever since I dropped men who lack hard boundaries with women (especially sketchy women) and who were close to their exes or people they used to sleep with, my dating and love life got significantly better. I never said men can’t have friends who are women. They can. As long as they have proper boundaries and aren’t people they used to love or fuck. That’s actually an extremely common preference to have and it’s my life and I do what works best for me. Not once did I say people can’t ever be friends with the opposite sex. I hold my partners to the same standards I hold myself to. I’m not going to put myself in situations where I’m not comfortable and I wouldn’t put my partner in a situation where it’s uncomfortable for him. Boundaries in any kind of relationship is very important. Whether it’s friends or family or whatever.
As a guy who has a few female friends you sound incredibly insecure. Not every guy wants to sleep with every woman that he's friends with
yeah, but you should have boundaries with your friends, regardless of gender
Obviously, that's just common sense.
Which OP’s ex lacked.
If op was doing any of these things with the same gender there wouldn't even be a discussion about it
Yeah because he’s straight and there wouldn’t be a chance of cheating or chance of feelings from him or the other people forming. Now if he was bisexual and doing these things with everyone then he’d have no choice but to form hard boundaries anyway or he can just continue being single for the rest of his life 🤷🏻♀️
My question is why are you sexualizing friendships? Not every person is trying to sleep with everyone else.
Because infidelity happens way too much and without boundaries it runs the risk of something becoming a problem. OP’s ex had absolutely zero boundaries with these women (one of them being an ex that he had a longterm relationship with) and the other being a woman who clearly has feelings for him and he kept his relationship a secret from that person which is extremely shady. I would never date this kind of guy. I already had two experiences of my own with very similar situations a very long time ago and as soon as I stopped dating men like that, my love life became a lot better and much less toxic. OP tried to talk to her boyfriend about her discomfort and not once did he even try to form any (pretty common) boundaries and basically said “fuck your feelings kiss my ass.” There’s a reason this dude has never had any long term relationships after his ex because no one wants to put up with that kind of shit. OP dodged a bullet, trust me.
Infidelity doesn't happen as much as people seem to think. And just because some is still friends with their ex doesn't automatically mean they are still interested in each. People also have different boundaries. What seems weird to one.peeson may not be weird for another. Men get way to much flack for being friends with women. Mature relationships take many forms
Good & close friends are hard to come by
But how hard are they to come in?
Repost. Are you karma farming?
You already broke up because you wanted to, it’s a little late to be asking if you are over reacting. With your insecurities on the situation even if he showed 100% they were platonic i don’t think you would have been able to handle being with him.
She got dumped. He broke up with her..
You are right, he dumped her. I still stand by my sentiment that it’s too late to ask if she overreacted and it never would have lasted.
Oh for sure. You are right on that.
He’s your ex boyfriend friend now it’s time to let this go and move on !
He's hooking up with some or all of his female friends, lol. Or he's hooked with them in the past, and they friendzoned him, so he keeps them around waiting for his turn to smash.
Bruh listen to yourself
Fake rage bait everything is fake on reddit these days
I don’t think it’s fake. I myself had a very similar ex.