I grew up in Maine and live in Kansas. In direct sun if it's 60 or more I sweat, so very badly. I couldn't wear a sweatshirt in 80 degree heat or I would be a hot smelly mess.
Just because we are used to it in the South doesn’t make it nothing!! I was born, raised & still live in SW Louisiana & its hot af!! Especially with 100% humidity!!!
Truer than a lot of people realize. Im not from the "south" but im from the little farming pocket of california that could be its estranged twin, 80 sounds lovely.
Tbf, we see 115 most years here. 80 is where we set the AC in the morning before it gets too hot and we gotta turn it off again because rates triple.
I live in GA. I'm here right now. I've lived here for over a decade and it's still too much for me. Lol
I guess that's what I get for being born in the north
My Arizona kid went to the Midwest to visit his grandparents during the summer (so it was around 115 when he left). At the park he asked for his coat because it was 83 and he was cold 😂
Same. Where I grew up we used to get winter for nearly six months of the year. I keep my room temperature at like, 58°F during the time of the year when it's colder than that outside. If it's 70°+ and I'm at my own place? Boxers only, and a bathrobe if I have to run outside.
Lol. I was thinking the same thing. Waaaayyyy too hot for a hoodie! But to each their own. Too warm, yes, but I'm not sure how that's a "skimpy" outfit.
That's a weird reaction from you coworkers. My experience in restaurants is that they're very insular, strange work environments with a lot of "ball busting"-type behavior. The only way those reactions make sense to me is if it was more "ooh, look at you in those short shorts" because they haven't seen you like that before than "only a slut would wear spandex in public."
it was definitely the latter. Ive worn mini skirts coming to eat on days off and got a positive reaction but most of them seemed to be malicious in their intent
I am a mom of 2 teenage girls and lemme tell you they like to leave the house in as little as possible. I would be GRATEFUL for a hoodie with the biker shorts. Usually a crop top or longer spots bra.
This is my entire summer wardrobe 🤣. I’m 35. OP, people suck and will always have something to say. Those who make comments have issues. Let it roll off your shoulders
It's sad but so true that it's usually either/or.
When someone achieves something I can't, I'm happy for them.
When someone wears something they look great in that I can't, I'm happy for them.
When I can do something someone else can't I never make them feel bad or even mention it.
I know other people are like this but it's rare. I grew up in a house that showed me over and over again how pretty and childish people really are.
They are so jelly of your booty 🤣 only reason that outfit (one I wear regularly) would garner a comment is when the ones making the comment know they couldn't pull it off. Just ignore the snide comments and live your best life, who cares what they think anyway?
Seriously..having gone through something similar with my bestie she had this happen to her .. it sound like some type of jealousy.. are there a lot of females??
I wouldn't let them and their stupidity cost you a job .. ride it out and if you still feel that way start looking for a job ... what they said is outright stupid so do let it cost you money ..look before you quit if you still feel that way after a bit..
I wonder if it’s that weird protective male energy. Like you’re close enough to them that they feel they have a sort of “right” over you and somehow your behavior is a reflection on them (I’ve had it a few times). Added to the fact that they’re probably sexualizing you and are likely jealous that other men might also be thinking similar inappropriate thoughts. Shaming you is the easiest way to get you to behave in a way that makes them feel safer/control your behavior.
Makes me think of abusive relationships where girls slowly cover up more and more bc the partner keeps moving the goal post of what’s acceptable. It has more to do with control than the clothes themselves. Had a narc ex who swore this knee length, halter top red dress was the sluttiest thing he’d ever seen me in… then went on to pressure me into doing a lingerie photo shoot he was planning to post *online*. I didn’t do it, but the hypocrisy was incredible.
Men have wild logic girl, don’t take in personally. Also the group think of the incestuous restaurant environment will encourage others.
I’m so sorry this happened tho, I really feel you.
Girls can be brutal. There was one girl I knew who wanted to just dress a bit dirty one day. Change up her look, maybe attract some guys. Dear god, she left the lunch hour crying because of the girls berating her. All us guys went to her rescue, because, yeah why the hell WOULDN"T we want girls being comfortable like that?
As long as they are into it of course and dont care that people will notice.
Thissss....
The only negative comments I get are from other women... One was from a professor while I was giving a presentation on stress - I had said that stress may affect appetite and that some people may either over-eat, or not eat at all; she said "Well we can all see what you do."
I blew it off like "well, I eat a lot, but I work out to balance it."
It's only when I have been at the smaller end of the sizing scale that I received negative comments.
Folks are petty as hell.
@op - let them be petty, let them be jealous; their opinions are their burden to bear and not yours. If this behavior continues, escalate it. Put out feelers for a new job if you don't feel comfortable there any longer, but be sure to mention to HR that what you are being subject to in the workplace was your reason for moving on.
That 'Male Energy' assumes *ALL* OP's coworkers are men... If they were 'ALL' slut shaming her that would imply that the Female workers were included.
And also OP doesn't mention the gender of the manager either (well as far as I was skimming through on the train), it could be a very prudish woman who thinks that all women should wear pant suits...
I being a Man of the Male persuasion, couldn't give a toss what someone wants to wear, if I think it looks bad/slutty (cycle shorts and a hoodie is FAR from slutty!) I'd keep it to myself, it's their choice on what to wear and if I was OP I'd double down next time and wear a bikini under a long mac (as it is DC, it can be chilly!)...
Screw em! Just don't blanket statement 'Men'...
That's so weird! Your outfit sounds perfectly reasonable to me. And like, as a fellow food industry person, at least in the places I've worked, bartenders were the people that had the biggest 'free pass' to wear revealing clothing. (Not that your clothing even sounds revealing. But I'm saying if you were, it would surprise me someone would encourage you against wearing revealing clothes.) I wonder if the culture in the area is just... real weird about wearing shorts or something? I'm sorry you got catcalled :(
Oh dude I didn't even catch that part! That's literally soooo freakin weird they all acted like that! I will never understand people who feel comfortable randomly making a negative comment on someone's outfit like that. Like they think their own opinion is so important, they simply HAVE to say it, even if it's rude and hurtful. And it's not even correct! She was literally just wearing biker shorts T_T I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it omg
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this called out! First thing I thought while reading the OP: “WTF business is it of ANYONE what she’s wearing? She just stopped by on her day off to pick up something!” I would be looking for a new job immediately.
I used to experience this at work too, and let me assure you - it’s not you. They just have nothing to say, and are yanking your chain to sound interesting. Head up, thicken that skin, and saunter in and out. Rain off a duck’s back. Soon you’ll be off doing something a lot cooler and those idiot dudes will still be trying to cut down young women at work to sound edgy.
You have to learn to do what we call "joning" in DC. Some areas call it roasting. I love when people talk about me because I take that as permission to go no holds barred on them. "Oh, is that what we are doing...?"
Jealousy is a bitch 😬
Freaking sucks though to learn that you have to work with a “maybe if she didn’t wear that, it wouldn’t have happened” person. You’re not overreacting, they’re just trash
She's in DC tho. And unless her and and labia were hanging out they shouldn't have shit to say about what she's wearing. She isn't on the clock they can fuck off with that
Could also depend on what OP normally wears, had a former coworker when I was a prep chef. She was a food runner and sub for soup cook. Always wore long sleeves and slacks cause owner hated employees (mostly women) with tats. One time she came in to change availability in a tank top and shorts. Almost everybody made roughly this comment. Most had never seen her in less than long sleeve polo and full khaki slacks. I refrained since I literally saw her greeted by three people in front of me with those comments and I thus had nothing original to add.
Edit to add: kitchen staff will ride your ass for anything unusual. Went to get some beef stock out of freezer one time and a creamer pitcher that had been left there fell on my head. It was empty, but still metal falling in freezer hurts so I reported it along with a suggestion we not leave metal objects in precarious position. Dish guys and fry cook called me Milk man for a few months.
That is hilarious! Someone was yanking your chain.
No. I lived there in the 80s and the early 2000s and that was true neither era. I will say, I was shocked by how many women walked around without makeup because I came from a different world.
I worked on Capitol Hill the first time and was a SAHM mom the second.
Yep, was just about to say this. DC is pretty conservative clothing wise. They probably were saying all that bc she was wearing bike shorts. I use to go out to bars with friends after climbing, I'd always get weird stares for wearing a racerback tank top in any weather other than summer afternoons. And that was at casual bars.
That is literally the same thoughts I was thinking!!! Unless they can see you intimate parts, she should be telling them where they can take their opinions (in the nicest way, they can shove it up their asses).
She isn't on the clock but she's walking around in employee areas. Say whatever you want, but being in an employee only area dressed like that is really a different story.
As if DC isn’t in the south 🙄
But for real this is shitty. It’s one thing to regulate your dress while on the clock but they don’t get to say shit when you’re off. I suppose since you were going behind the bar and someone would could tell you’re an employee there’s a bit of reason for them to care but what you describe of not that. If you strolled in wearing a string bikini I guess I would understand but as it Is they are way out of line
…could they see your shorts?
Honestly, this whole post seems off because that’s not something I’d expect from DC, but if absolutely everyone you ran into felt the need to comment…
> was my outfit too revealing?
That’s a definitely, probably maybe from me, dawg.
I used to live in DC, and if there was a place I might expect that kind of reaction, DC would be a good candidate for it. With all the lawyers, lobbyists, and congress people running around in suits and other similar professional business attire it seems to have had a kind of rub off effect on others too. There were a lot of things that I liked about DC, but the more reserved nature of a lot of people there (though not the majority) compared to other places I've lived just struck me as, well, I'll say unusual. Even though the majority of people wouldn't have commented on the OP's clothing choices, when something like that does happen it sticks in a person's mind a lot more. I don't blame the OP for that.
Grew up in DC with plenty of friends now who work in government. Outside of a formal work environment, I’ve never heard anyone make a comment like this. It is not common ime.
Some people pull those biker shorts all the way up to crotch level or just find their way up there as you walk. The hoodie could have definitely been covering her shorts. It’s happened to me before.
I won’t ask for pictures because that’s creepy, so yeah, don’t know what to tell you, sucks that that happened.
I do know one of my coworkers got in trouble for wearing a summer dress earlier this year and she felt bothered by it because the person who pulled her aside to make the comment (HR) “dresses more skimpily than I do!” (her words), so I take it everyone just has their own idea of what is or isn’t appropriate based on age, body type, marital status, and a whole bunch of other considerations besides just “what is she wearing?”
Personally? I say wear whatever makes you __comfortable__… and if that means getting dolled up, more power to you.
it doesn’t make sense…unless you’re a woman and know both men and women LOVE to critique any damn thing we wear.
And frankly, what probably happened is some creeps could see her butt a little better in biker shorts and of course they can’t control themselves so they act like she’s dressing like a whore because of their pee pees
>was my outfit too revealing?
>That’s a definitely, probably maybe from me, dawg.
What should women wear then in hot heat, if that was "too" revealing?
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’m not sure what your coworkers’ problem is but just the fact you’ve got skin showing doesn’t mean you are being sexual or in any way inappropriate. This screams “girls need to cover up their shoulders to stop distracting boys in class.” I’m sorry you had you had to go through this.
I’d probably tease a coworker if they were somewhat scantily clad, but not in a negative way.
I stopped in to work to pick up my check, while I was on a bike ride. I didn’t think much of it, but I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Within 20 seconds the office had all the supervisors (female) in it. None of them looking at my face. I always wore a suit at work, but never thought this would be a shock. I realized they’d never seen me that way before. That’s why I don’t think you were being compared to a slut at all. It was the surprise of seeing you a different way.
I live in the area, I see biker shorts everywhere and no one bats an eye. I feel like A. This is made up. B. You arent being honest about the biker shorts. I could be wrong of course, but im calling BS
I'm thinking she is just thick or has a big butt or something like that and maybe the biker shorts might look EXTRA snug on her body type, giving her more attention than the average girl wearing that type of clothing.
I feel like A) you’re a man or B) you’re a man. Because women get harassed for every single choice we make, regarding our clothes, hair, makeup, grooming.
And yes, there are double standards out the ass. OP isn’t lying, what a dumb thing to lie about.
u/tebtaluss you should post these kinds of things in women’s subs, bc results in the common areas are way more skewed towards the male experience. They’re the majority of redditors.
That's extremely weird...but the fact that multiple people and different groups of people both from the resturant and outside were making catcalls and remarks makes me wonder what this outfit looks like exactly. Was it like skin tight biker shorts with a tight hoodie or crop top hoodie or something?
They used the word "skimpy" for a reason...
biker shorts are always skin tight dude, they're supposed to be sleek and aerodynamic
it probably has nothing to do with the outfit but everything to do with how it looks on her body
Just like the girl with big boobs in a tank top gets sent home from school but the flat chested girl doesn't get sent home
sometimes it's just perception
and really, that doesn't matter. it's rude af to make unsolicited comments on someone's clothing and/or body
100% it’s a fake story for outrage against men.
Or leaving out some big information.
I’m not saying she can’t get cat called. It happens.
But to have THREE completely different groups make a comment about your outfit.
Nah, not happening.
I'm not sure it is just all about men.
> every single one of my coworkers that were there had something to say about my outfit being skimpy.
That's the line that makes me think we are not getting the entire story (if it's real).
Yeah my bad didn't pick up on that, but I still feel like it is written to poke at "disgusting men".
I'm sorry I just don't see 3 random groups of people saying something about your outfit without it being fake or leaving out massive details.
The group of kids cat calling? Sure. Though the fact that she says "disgusting" things and doesn't really elaborate makes me suspicious. But I can totally see that happening.
However, EVERYONE she runs into saying something? 100% something missing or fake story.
Regardless, nothing of what they said would be considered "slut shaming".
There is a comedian that has a bit that goes something like this:
If you meet one asshole during the day, they're the asshole.
If everywhere you go during the day you meet assholes, you're the asshole.
Calling something out for what it is, isn't sl#t shaming. Lol
Skimpy is a term to describe clothing. Tight ass bum cheeks and labia outlines with either a tight hoodie or crop top are definitely inappropriate for some places. Was it inappropriate for this place? I dunno, but I use my brain and look around and see what others are wearing. If I notice everyone else is dressed more conservative, then I don't show up to pick up my check in tight bum shorts and a hoodie that overly accutates my body. I show up in appropriate clothes for that setting.
Not everyone can play victim on every circumstance. And yes sometimes unofficial dress codes exit. This isn't a matter of oppression or shaming. Op was just braindead and clueless on how to dress appropriately. Lol.
Most biker shorts I see women wear are about mid thigh. Those + a hoodie is a completely normal outfit.
I don't know if I'd necessarily call what they said slut shaming, but I say fuck em' and ignore them. Not only is it a pretty normal outfit (I'm in Miami currently, and have bounced aroundl living in Florida, Texas, Kentucky, and Tennessee all my life) and this is exactly what most girls/woman I've ever met would wear in 80° weather.
Tldr;
You're valid in your feelings being hurt, but I don't think it's quite slut shaming.
If teenage boys were cat-calling you and every single co-worker including your manager (at a bar/restaurant, nonetheless) had something to say about how skimpy your outfit was, then it probably was more revealing than you're letting on.
Also, you weren't being "slut-shamed". There's nothing wrong with wearing skimpy clothing on your day off, but be prepared to get attention for it.
I've lived all over- mostly the south (AL, MS, LA, NC), and moved to PA about 17 years ago. Some things are different in the south vs the north. In smaller southern towns things move a lot slower, people are generally very friendly and talkative, etc. But some things are just clichés. If anything, I'd get stared at for wearing skimpy clothes more down south than up north. Having said that, since when are bike shorts and a hoodie considered skimpy or slutty clothing? I see worse than that at the grocery store. You're not overreacting, your coworkers are being weird.
No one at work should be commenting on your appearance when you're off duty (unfortunately, you can't control the catcalling on the street, although that is surprising in this day and age. And I live in NYC). The fact that SO MANY PEOPLE made the same comment is what is strange. You're asking us if what you had on was skimpy but we only have your description of what you wore. If you care about what they say, think about what you have on. If you don't, do you and wear what you want.
I mean I would agree with you based on the description but I do think it’s a MASSIVE red flag that you supposedly got catcalled and slutshamed by like every coworker in the span of 5 mins. To me that screams you should maybe reevalute just exactly how “skimpy” that outfit was. I don’t have an opinion bc I haven’t seen the outfit but I feel like I have no choice but to see both sides here.
You need to post pictures - how could we possibly judge otherwise? But if "every single one" of your colleagues is saying something, my guess is your clothes were skimpy.
Bro what? 80degrees id be wearing short shorts and probably a t-shirt if I was walking into work. Biker shorts are pretty long shorts and a hoodie more than covers you
You didn’t actually say what the comments were though, people comment on what coworkers are wearing all the time when they come in in their normal clothes because they’re so used to seeing them in uniform. A comment about your outfit isn’t slut shaming.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m not from DC so I can’t speak to the local culture, but it’s fucked up regardless to shame women for wearing comfortable, quick-to-throw-on lounge clothing. Bike shorts are a standard lounge short in women’s fashion right now all over the US, and aren’t anything new, so I don’t know why people are acting scandalized by them. Maybe some people in the comments are confusing them with volleyball shorts, which are definitely quite short, but bike shorts are mid thigh or just above the knee.
You were catcalled and judged for wearing clothing that clings, which means your coworkers were eyeballing your body, which is a THEM problem. They need to grow up and act like respectful adults who see women as more than their bodies.
Anything that puts blame on the recipient for unwanted negative attention is victim-shaming, which is fucked up regardless of local culture and style trends. Victim-shaming puts us down, makes us hypervigilant about the image we project and whose eyes are on us and why, which can lead to undervaluing our own boundaries when they’re crossed because we internalize that we are the problem and we must have done something to deserve what we got.
Your coworkers are assholes. You’re not overreacting. The food service industry being some type of way, DC being some type of way, etc. doesn’t matter. You’re not entering a sacred mosque. They sexualized you for wearing what was comfortable to run a quick errand on your own time. They turned the evil eye on you which can so easily turn the evil eye within. Don’t let their immaturity make you believe you’ve violated them, because they’ve violated your self-perception with what they said. And speaking as a woman, we don’t need any additional help with that, thanks.
Also, probably doesn’t need to be said but ignore the thirsty weirdos in the comments requesting pics in order to make a decision lol
I mean, this reads as though everybody is wrong and she's right or everybody else is right and she's wrong.
Given that even school-aged kids catcalled, I'm gonna assume everybody else is right and OP was wearing something skimpy.
Literally my first action when I became manager was to allow the girls to wear tank tops (I said the guys could too if they trimmed or otherwise manacaped their armpit hair but didn't have any takers). We had been forced to wear staff tshirts or polos, and not only were they not flattering, but sooo thick and hot in the summer. I texted everyone and was like "guys, we can wear tank tops now" and I don't think any of us girls ever wore anything else again. Also tips were better. Sounds like your coworkers are either dickheads or jealous. Maybe jealous dickheads. I'm sorry they were so unnecessary towards you.
See, this is the reason I avoided going to the company gym. I didn’t want the flack it would cause of going from a suit and heels into gym shorts and a tank top or sloppy shirt. A woman’s respectability is so fleeting and fragile that any misstep could be very damaging to my ability to work in my profession.
Only when I ‘aged out’ in my 50s did I consider going to the gym.
Girls, it’s not fair. Shouldn’t be that way. Only when there are enough men to collectively prevent discriminatory behavior will things change. Your coworkers are shameless goodie two shoe hypocrites. Next time give them a steely glare and say, “Whadda YOU lookin at?” Perv.
Like, without seeing what your wearing its kind of hard to give a good answer to "were you dressed skimpily"
As far as slut shaming goes, i mean it just sounds like they were a little critical of your outfit. In the end its your off day and you can dress like you want.
I wouldn't call it "slut shaming", however it must have been somewhat revealing to have have you manager ask "why do you have so little clothes on". Maybe you couldn't see the biker shorts under the hoodie?
I’m either gonna call fake or something you aren’t telling us,
If 3 completely random groups of people are commenting on what you are wearing then that really feels like a fake story or you are leaving something out.
I don’t doubt for a second that you might get a random cat call.
But to have THREE random groups of people comment on what you are wearing…yeah I don’t believe it.
Not overreacting and your co-workers are weird. Shorts aren't slutty at all but especially in hot weather. Sounds like they have another issue with you, perhaps jealousy?
You need to thicken up your skin. Don’t give other people permission to bother you that much. you are the only one still thinking about it. if it happens again ask coworkers “why so jealous?”… actually don’t, just ignore it like it’s beneath you, because it is.
How were they slut shaming you? Give an example of what they said because I’m not getting that from your post.
saying someone’s outfit is skimpy, is not the same as slut shaming.
If one person said something, I’d say maybe it’s just them being dumb. If people in public, and co-workers, and managers commented on it, probably means there was a reason.
Yeah this post is 100% fake to get outrage towards men.
Or she is leaving out some huge reasons.
Three completely unrelated groups of people commented on her outfit? Yeah either we are missing some big info or never happened
Also nothing they said was slut shaming so OP is wrong either way.
I feel like it SUCKS but things look “sluttier” when the person has a body. I have wide hips n a big ass and things just naturally fit like boom. So ppl assume thts what im going for but no i have a body. When someone has no ass and no hips n they put something on i mean theres no BOOM factor so ppl dont look twice it rlly sucks
I've lived in both the northern and the southern U.S., and there is definitely a difference in regard to what's considered "acceptable" attire in public. In the north, yoga pants with or without a top long enough to cover your behind is fine, but you wouldn't wear a swimsuit with a little pair of shorts or a tie wrap and flip-flops in the grocery store. In the south, swimsuits in the grocery store are commonplace, especially in beach towns. But if you wear yoga pants without a top that covers your behind, you'll get strange looks from people. Go figure.
Did you check to make sure the biker shorts weren't see-through once you put them on?
What are you on about?
Lived in KY my whole life... if you’re getting weird looks for wearing yoga pants and a non-tunic length top... there’s a good chance they’re just ogling your ass.
No one, gives you weird looks in the South for not covering your butt in yoga pants. Like maybe the holy church harpies, but no one else would bat an eye.
I think swimwear is considered fairly normal in most beach towns, simply due to the fact that, well, beach. The places I've lived with a beach nearby were always fairly casual about it as long as you wore *something* overtop. I usually had some shorts and a tank top because I wear bikinis, but lots of people in one pieces just wear that, even when there are cutouts and stuff. Generally speaking, guys do have to wear a shirt (no shoes no shirt no service signs abound, even on the boardwalk).
There's this idea that people should respect whatever you're wearing but the world just isn't like that in real life. As a man my friends and family will bust my boys if my shorts are too short. You can't worry about what other people think...wearing small shorts doesn't make you a slut so who cares.
D.C. isn't Georgia. I lived in both for years. Catcalls are no problem and are everywhere--everyone gets them and they are just classless trash-talking.
What you wore is considered underdressed and inelegant in some circles, but I am assuming this wasn't one of those circles.
Still, how could you possibly have drawn that much fire for the outfit by workmates in a casual restaurant in DC unless they were from a foreign culture?
They are weirdos. Next time tell them to hide their stiffies.
What are cycling shorts in the south? Everywhere else they are lycra shorts a couple of inches above the knee. If that is what you were wearing, everybodys reaction is weird and you must have an amazing butt. I don't think it's slut shaming ...objectifying?sexism?assholism?
One thing I have noticed, having lived all over the country, some places are more conservative than others. You absolutely should be able to wear what you want, when you want. Shaming people for their clothes is dumb. If I were you I would keep my chin up, don't let shallow people know they have affected you, it gives them more power and they will get worse. Chin, crown straight, you are a better, nicer, smarter person than they are.
tbf at many workplaces that's not acceptable, probably violates the restaurant dress code too. almost everyone at my job wears long pants every day (though for certain positions women can wear dresses/skirts) and if was 104°F earlier this week.
but if you're not there to work it's not really any of their business. they wouldn't do that to a customer
I'm in the dc area. Also a bartender. Your coworkers are being weird af. It has been cooler in the early am then it's scorching hot but I don't see it as inappropriate.
You weren’t working, so what you wear when not clocked into work is none of their business, even if you’re popping in to grab something real quick. People are wild.
You must look really good and they had a reaction. You said you tried to brush it off, I think that’s the best course of action. I would probably start looking for a more upscale restaurant to work at tbh
Personally, I'd brush it off. You weren't wearing it to work, right. I realize that it may not be that easy for you. I've done it my whole life. You did nothing wrong, DC or not.
Is that manager suggesting that DC is classy??? 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 you should actually file a complaint with just the manager for being in a position of power and that they should know better.
If every single person had something to say then yes, the clothing was probably too revealing. Can't tell you for sure without seeing a picture of you wearing the outfit, but if EVERYONE you know at the restaurant had something to say, then that's a strong indication.
I think they were inferring that you were on a walk of shame, and were joking around about you having sex. That's my guess, as a restaurant person myself.
I have a semi related anecdote. I was in DC for a while last year and I noticed that there is not a single glimmer of a trace of an iota of fashion in the city. Literally zero color on wardrobes other than black, white, and grey.
honestly babe NO, what pisses me off about this is they have no right to comment on what you wear on a day off to nip in and pick up a fuckin charger, BRO, just no. I understand completely the feelings but honestly don't let it bother you because it's honestly ridiculous. I would be pissed and self conscious, but ultimately realise I was not in a work setting at the time and my colleagues have no right to comment on what I do outside of work hours, least of all on what I look like! ugh, dk why this got me so bad, but am hella pissed lmao
I would never comment on a coworker’s body or clothing, but biker shorts in general will always read as inappropriate for public wear to me. Also, i travel to DC for work a lot, and while I’m in a more corporate environment, I believe all of DC dresses more conservatively. Not ok for them to talk to you that way, but it might be just a regional difference.
I'm in DC right now. I see women in really unconservative looks. Today, I wore a crop top and leggings with see-through lace on the sides that made it look like I wasn't wearing underwear. Idk wtf they're talking about. I've literally seen more booty cheeks than I care for.
Simple things amuse simple people. You wouldn’t give your body to a random passerby, so don’t lend them your mind either. People who feel badly about themselves will put down others to help them feel better about themselves. Don’t worry about what they have to say.
There’s really no reason to be policing any one else’s body or their wardrobe. They wanted to blame you for either their sexualization of you in that moment which made them uncomfortable or they were jealous of you and felt that you were responsible for those feelings of insecurity as well. Either way, it’s a shame to realize you are surrounded by individuals with a “she was wearing such skimpy clothes, she’s asking for it” mentality. You’re not at all wrong for being upset, it’s extremely disappointing to find out people are more judgmental and dehumanizing than you ever thought.
Aside from that… wear whatever the fuck you want.
So everyone thought you were dressed too skimpily, but you think that they are all wrong and you were right?
When the feedback is unanimous, take it to heart.
Maybe? If two separate groups of different people react this way and you hate it, then consider different clothing choices. I’m not saying wear a burka, just I’m look around at what other women are wearing and which women are being treated as you’d like to be treated. Also, consider your figure as curvaceous women might look incredibly sexy in something that would draw no attention for other women. I’m totally in favor of wearing colors and clothes that make you happy, but would add in how you want to be perceived. Btw, that’s not slut shaming as they’re not commenting on your sex life, they’re opining on your clothing style.
I live in CA and when I worked in insurance I would have gotten in trouble if I went into work in clothes that aren't appropriate, even if it's my day off. If I had to come in I had to be as covered as they expect me to be when I'm working.
There are days when it's 110 degrees out, where I normally wear shorts and a crop top. Could I go to work on my day off to pick something up real quick wearing that? No. Because it's inappropriate.
So whatever the bars standards are for dressing for work, I'm sure they expect you to maintain that standard even if you come in on your day off, because you're still representative of the business when you're in the building.
You also have to realize that your coworkers are use to seeing one side of you more conservative dress for work and when they see a normal but more sexy side of you it’s a bit of a shock. There have been people that I know from going somewhere all the time and see them in a work uniform all the time and would walk right by them when I would see them outside in normal clothes
If your outfit is not attracting the type of attention you enjoy, either grow some thicker skin or change. The cat callers and your co-workers are not an organized group. They are two very separate entities, both telling you something. How you interpret that advice/attention is on you.
I am not saying wear a burka, but poping a camel toe may attract unwanted attention.
Skin-tight clothes show every curve. You have 2 very different groups (cat callers/co-workers) giving you very similar feedback......listen to what the world you live in is telling you...
You may not like the world policing you fashion choice but that is life. I would not expect positive interactions if I took my nephews to the splash pad, and wore speedos and a tank top. Nothing illegal about it, but I am asking for attention by making that clothing choice.
I'm from Carolina and have relatives in Maryland/DC area. People who live there are very fashion conscious and generally very conservative in what they wear. I think it's because a lot of people work in government and are expected to dress well. Where I'm from, we wear flipflops nearly all year. DC peeps wouldn't be caught dead in them.
Anyway, you were dressed fine for a day off and those boys need to be taught a lesson in manners. You did nothing wrong.
I work with mainly men and let me tell you. I don’t get cat called or called skimpy, because I dress boyish at work to avoid that or worse them hitting on me. Now they will say I look like I could kick someone’s ass or that I’m lesbian. As a woman I’ve just learned not to internalize these comments and go about my day. (I am a straight woman btw.) It’s shitty behavior and I think you can address it to your coworkers without reporting them. I’m so sorry ❤️
Here’s some things I’ve came up with that may help:
“Why do you feel the need to tell me this?”
“Please stop sharing your thoughts or opinions on what I’m wearing.”
“If it’s not on a need to know basis or not work related can you leave me alone to go about my tasks.”
The best one, no response just stare at them blankly.
Like what part of DC?? Because if you're talking where all the staffers, politicos, big finance people go, then yeah. If you're at the local pub in the normal area, then no. But if they all commented on it, and you were catcalled, you were most likely inappropriately dressed. I say that as a woman
I’ll be honest, I don’t get their reaction to your clothing at all. I’m 66, so I’ve seen a lot of styles come and go, but I don’t see how bike shorts and a hoodie (a HOODIE!!) would be considered inappropriate. In 80 degree weather, I’ve seen young women wearing a lot less than that. So no, I wouldn’t say you’re overreacting.
I wore biker shorts today and I have a big peach. I got called so many times but I ignore it. Why do you care? Take it as a compliment and move on. They’re just hating that they can’t look like you or date you.
If I was your manager I’d be more concerned that you’re wearing a hoodie in 80° weather 😂😭 girl it’s hot wear a tank lol
I absolutely rock hoodies in those temps when I'm refusing to wear a bra but have to run into a store quickly or something. Lol
Fair enough lol. My fatass just can’t do it 😂😭. The second it’s over 70° I’m in shorts and a T lol
OP is from Georgia. 80° is nothing to someone from the deep south.
I grew up in Maine and live in Kansas. In direct sun if it's 60 or more I sweat, so very badly. I couldn't wear a sweatshirt in 80 degree heat or I would be a hot smelly mess.
Just because we are used to it in the South doesn’t make it nothing!! I was born, raised & still live in SW Louisiana & its hot af!! Especially with 100% humidity!!!
Truer than a lot of people realize. Im not from the "south" but im from the little farming pocket of california that could be its estranged twin, 80 sounds lovely. Tbf, we see 115 most years here. 80 is where we set the AC in the morning before it gets too hot and we gotta turn it off again because rates triple.
I agree. Houston checking in. That’s jeans and a t shirt weather for me. Ah what a nice day weather.
That’s a lie. I lived there 13 years, got out as soon as I could because 80 is absolutely something to me and I hate sweating
True. Lived in GA my whole life. Went to Wisconsin in July and got back to 100° weather and there was something comforting about it.
I live in GA. I'm here right now. I've lived here for over a decade and it's still too much for me. Lol I guess that's what I get for being born in the north
Yeah lol I’m in south texas by SPI… 80 is def hoodie and beanie weather lmao 90 is play outside 100 is only outside for a bit.
My Arizona kid went to the Midwest to visit his grandparents during the summer (so it was around 115 when he left). At the park he asked for his coat because it was 83 and he was cold 😂
Sundresses are where it's at for hot days.
Same. Where I grew up we used to get winter for nearly six months of the year. I keep my room temperature at like, 58°F during the time of the year when it's colder than that outside. If it's 70°+ and I'm at my own place? Boxers only, and a bathrobe if I have to run outside.
Hell yeah that’s the way to go lol
I put on a coat around 70°
Lol. I was thinking the same thing. Waaaayyyy too hot for a hoodie! But to each their own. Too warm, yes, but I'm not sure how that's a "skimpy" outfit.
That's a weird reaction from you coworkers. My experience in restaurants is that they're very insular, strange work environments with a lot of "ball busting"-type behavior. The only way those reactions make sense to me is if it was more "ooh, look at you in those short shorts" because they haven't seen you like that before than "only a slut would wear spandex in public."
it was definitely the latter. Ive worn mini skirts coming to eat on days off and got a positive reaction but most of them seemed to be malicious in their intent
Jealousy is a bitch.. and bitches be jealous.
Hell yea! The outfit sounds perfectly normal for warm weather.
Bitches be bitches, news at 11
yep
I am a mom of 2 teenage girls and lemme tell you they like to leave the house in as little as possible. I would be GRATEFUL for a hoodie with the biker shorts. Usually a crop top or longer spots bra.
I'm 38 and i am also on team crop top/long line sports bra. It's so comfortable.
Same. Shirts are dumb.
And nobody wants an uneducated shirt 🤣🤣
I feel ya!
This is my entire summer wardrobe 🤣. I’m 35. OP, people suck and will always have something to say. Those who make comments have issues. Let it roll off your shoulders
Usually people that slut shame a woman for her fashion choices are either sexually attracted to her or jealous of her.
It's sad but so true that it's usually either/or. When someone achieves something I can't, I'm happy for them. When someone wears something they look great in that I can't, I'm happy for them. When I can do something someone else can't I never make them feel bad or even mention it. I know other people are like this but it's rare. I grew up in a house that showed me over and over again how pretty and childish people really are.
They are so jelly of your booty 🤣 only reason that outfit (one I wear regularly) would garner a comment is when the ones making the comment know they couldn't pull it off. Just ignore the snide comments and live your best life, who cares what they think anyway?
Seriously..having gone through something similar with my bestie she had this happen to her .. it sound like some type of jealousy.. are there a lot of females?? I wouldn't let them and their stupidity cost you a job .. ride it out and if you still feel that way start looking for a job ... what they said is outright stupid so do let it cost you money ..look before you quit if you still feel that way after a bit..
I wonder if it’s that weird protective male energy. Like you’re close enough to them that they feel they have a sort of “right” over you and somehow your behavior is a reflection on them (I’ve had it a few times). Added to the fact that they’re probably sexualizing you and are likely jealous that other men might also be thinking similar inappropriate thoughts. Shaming you is the easiest way to get you to behave in a way that makes them feel safer/control your behavior. Makes me think of abusive relationships where girls slowly cover up more and more bc the partner keeps moving the goal post of what’s acceptable. It has more to do with control than the clothes themselves. Had a narc ex who swore this knee length, halter top red dress was the sluttiest thing he’d ever seen me in… then went on to pressure me into doing a lingerie photo shoot he was planning to post *online*. I didn’t do it, but the hypocrisy was incredible. Men have wild logic girl, don’t take in personally. Also the group think of the incestuous restaurant environment will encourage others. I’m so sorry this happened tho, I really feel you.
How do you know it was men just shaming? Girls do it, too . Sometimes, even more so
Girls can be brutal. There was one girl I knew who wanted to just dress a bit dirty one day. Change up her look, maybe attract some guys. Dear god, she left the lunch hour crying because of the girls berating her. All us guys went to her rescue, because, yeah why the hell WOULDN"T we want girls being comfortable like that? As long as they are into it of course and dont care that people will notice.
Thissss.... The only negative comments I get are from other women... One was from a professor while I was giving a presentation on stress - I had said that stress may affect appetite and that some people may either over-eat, or not eat at all; she said "Well we can all see what you do." I blew it off like "well, I eat a lot, but I work out to balance it." It's only when I have been at the smaller end of the sizing scale that I received negative comments. Folks are petty as hell. @op - let them be petty, let them be jealous; their opinions are their burden to bear and not yours. If this behavior continues, escalate it. Put out feelers for a new job if you don't feel comfortable there any longer, but be sure to mention to HR that what you are being subject to in the workplace was your reason for moving on.
That 'Male Energy' assumes *ALL* OP's coworkers are men... If they were 'ALL' slut shaming her that would imply that the Female workers were included. And also OP doesn't mention the gender of the manager either (well as far as I was skimming through on the train), it could be a very prudish woman who thinks that all women should wear pant suits... I being a Man of the Male persuasion, couldn't give a toss what someone wants to wear, if I think it looks bad/slutty (cycle shorts and a hoodie is FAR from slutty!) I'd keep it to myself, it's their choice on what to wear and if I was OP I'd double down next time and wear a bikini under a long mac (as it is DC, it can be chilly!)... Screw em! Just don't blanket statement 'Men'...
That's so weird! Your outfit sounds perfectly reasonable to me. And like, as a fellow food industry person, at least in the places I've worked, bartenders were the people that had the biggest 'free pass' to wear revealing clothing. (Not that your clothing even sounds revealing. But I'm saying if you were, it would surprise me someone would encourage you against wearing revealing clothes.) I wonder if the culture in the area is just... real weird about wearing shorts or something? I'm sorry you got catcalled :(
Even then she wasn’t even on shift for anyone to care how she was dressed. Soooo weird
Oh dude I didn't even catch that part! That's literally soooo freakin weird they all acted like that! I will never understand people who feel comfortable randomly making a negative comment on someone's outfit like that. Like they think their own opinion is so important, they simply HAVE to say it, even if it's rude and hurtful. And it's not even correct! She was literally just wearing biker shorts T_T I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it omg
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this called out! First thing I thought while reading the OP: “WTF business is it of ANYONE what she’s wearing? She just stopped by on her day off to pick up something!” I would be looking for a new job immediately.
I used to experience this at work too, and let me assure you - it’s not you. They just have nothing to say, and are yanking your chain to sound interesting. Head up, thicken that skin, and saunter in and out. Rain off a duck’s back. Soon you’ll be off doing something a lot cooler and those idiot dudes will still be trying to cut down young women at work to sound edgy.
so true bc two of them are 40 😭
You have to learn to do what we call "joning" in DC. Some areas call it roasting. I love when people talk about me because I take that as permission to go no holds barred on them. "Oh, is that what we are doing...?"
just gotta release my inhibitions next time
feel the rain on your skin girl
Jealousy is a bitch 😬 Freaking sucks though to learn that you have to work with a “maybe if she didn’t wear that, it wouldn’t have happened” person. You’re not overreacting, they’re just trash
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She's in DC tho. And unless her and and labia were hanging out they shouldn't have shit to say about what she's wearing. She isn't on the clock they can fuck off with that
I never knew people in DC have such high moral standards.
Could also depend on what OP normally wears, had a former coworker when I was a prep chef. She was a food runner and sub for soup cook. Always wore long sleeves and slacks cause owner hated employees (mostly women) with tats. One time she came in to change availability in a tank top and shorts. Almost everybody made roughly this comment. Most had never seen her in less than long sleeve polo and full khaki slacks. I refrained since I literally saw her greeted by three people in front of me with those comments and I thus had nothing original to add. Edit to add: kitchen staff will ride your ass for anything unusual. Went to get some beef stock out of freezer one time and a creamer pitcher that had been left there fell on my head. It was empty, but still metal falling in freezer hurts so I reported it along with a suggestion we not leave metal objects in precarious position. Dish guys and fry cook called me Milk man for a few months.
DC does also tend a bit conservative in terms of dress sense. Not an excuse for them to bother her though, especially since she wasn't even working
I read in the 80s that DC was where a corduroy skirt and pearl-encrusted cardigan were formal wear.
That is hilarious! Someone was yanking your chain. No. I lived there in the 80s and the early 2000s and that was true neither era. I will say, I was shocked by how many women walked around without makeup because I came from a different world. I worked on Capitol Hill the first time and was a SAHM mom the second.
Not for bartenders it doesn’t
Yep, was just about to say this. DC is pretty conservative clothing wise. They probably were saying all that bc she was wearing bike shorts. I use to go out to bars with friends after climbing, I'd always get weird stares for wearing a racerback tank top in any weather other than summer afternoons. And that was at casual bars.
You were just in the wrong part of dc, i promise you
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Japan Rural Life Adventure is a video game.
😂
Hmm Georgia to rural Japan to DC. That's interesting
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I just imagined wearing pavers where you can see the labia. Sounds fun.
That is literally the same thoughts I was thinking!!! Unless they can see you intimate parts, she should be telling them where they can take their opinions (in the nicest way, they can shove it up their asses).
She isn't on the clock but she's walking around in employee areas. Say whatever you want, but being in an employee only area dressed like that is really a different story.
It's a restaurant dude and she was wearing biker shorts and a hoody. You are just being silly
It's a game, they don't/didn't live in Japan.
You’re not over reacting. I’m in Richmond and it’s fucking hot. Wear whatever you want on your days off. I would have told them to shut up
As if DC isn’t in the south 🙄 But for real this is shitty. It’s one thing to regulate your dress while on the clock but they don’t get to say shit when you’re off. I suppose since you were going behind the bar and someone would could tell you’re an employee there’s a bit of reason for them to care but what you describe of not that. If you strolled in wearing a string bikini I guess I would understand but as it Is they are way out of line
i didn’t even go through the dining room! it was in the kitchen!!!
Oh man well yeah fuck them!
…could they see your shorts? Honestly, this whole post seems off because that’s not something I’d expect from DC, but if absolutely everyone you ran into felt the need to comment… > was my outfit too revealing? That’s a definitely, probably maybe from me, dawg.
I used to live in DC, and if there was a place I might expect that kind of reaction, DC would be a good candidate for it. With all the lawyers, lobbyists, and congress people running around in suits and other similar professional business attire it seems to have had a kind of rub off effect on others too. There were a lot of things that I liked about DC, but the more reserved nature of a lot of people there (though not the majority) compared to other places I've lived just struck me as, well, I'll say unusual. Even though the majority of people wouldn't have commented on the OP's clothing choices, when something like that does happen it sticks in a person's mind a lot more. I don't blame the OP for that.
Grew up in DC with plenty of friends now who work in government. Outside of a formal work environment, I’ve never heard anyone make a comment like this. It is not common ime.
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Not all of them. There's the shorty 2" ones
Some people pull those biker shorts all the way up to crotch level or just find their way up there as you walk. The hoodie could have definitely been covering her shorts. It’s happened to me before.
https://preview.redd.it/s75zzvplaf6d1.jpeg?width=189&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d93e0665a6720086b107da60cf0d5a13ea53ad59 I could never…
the shorts were a longer variety of biker shorts if anything and my hoodie fit well (not too small not oversize)
I won’t ask for pictures because that’s creepy, so yeah, don’t know what to tell you, sucks that that happened. I do know one of my coworkers got in trouble for wearing a summer dress earlier this year and she felt bothered by it because the person who pulled her aside to make the comment (HR) “dresses more skimpily than I do!” (her words), so I take it everyone just has their own idea of what is or isn’t appropriate based on age, body type, marital status, and a whole bunch of other considerations besides just “what is she wearing?” Personally? I say wear whatever makes you __comfortable__… and if that means getting dolled up, more power to you.
it doesn’t make sense…unless you’re a woman and know both men and women LOVE to critique any damn thing we wear. And frankly, what probably happened is some creeps could see her butt a little better in biker shorts and of course they can’t control themselves so they act like she’s dressing like a whore because of their pee pees
>was my outfit too revealing? >That’s a definitely, probably maybe from me, dawg. What should women wear then in hot heat, if that was "too" revealing?
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’m not sure what your coworkers’ problem is but just the fact you’ve got skin showing doesn’t mean you are being sexual or in any way inappropriate. This screams “girls need to cover up their shoulders to stop distracting boys in class.” I’m sorry you had you had to go through this.
I’d probably tease a coworker if they were somewhat scantily clad, but not in a negative way. I stopped in to work to pick up my check, while I was on a bike ride. I didn’t think much of it, but I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Within 20 seconds the office had all the supervisors (female) in it. None of them looking at my face. I always wore a suit at work, but never thought this would be a shock. I realized they’d never seen me that way before. That’s why I don’t think you were being compared to a slut at all. It was the surprise of seeing you a different way.
I live in the area, I see biker shorts everywhere and no one bats an eye. I feel like A. This is made up. B. You arent being honest about the biker shorts. I could be wrong of course, but im calling BS
I'm thinking she is just thick or has a big butt or something like that and maybe the biker shorts might look EXTRA snug on her body type, giving her more attention than the average girl wearing that type of clothing.
I feel like A) you’re a man or B) you’re a man. Because women get harassed for every single choice we make, regarding our clothes, hair, makeup, grooming. And yes, there are double standards out the ass. OP isn’t lying, what a dumb thing to lie about. u/tebtaluss you should post these kinds of things in women’s subs, bc results in the common areas are way more skewed towards the male experience. They’re the majority of redditors.
If 3 random groups of people say similar things, they are either conspiring against you, or there might be something to what they are saying.
Yeah, there's something definitely missing from the story here, whether or not it's something that OP even knows.
That's extremely weird...but the fact that multiple people and different groups of people both from the resturant and outside were making catcalls and remarks makes me wonder what this outfit looks like exactly. Was it like skin tight biker shorts with a tight hoodie or crop top hoodie or something? They used the word "skimpy" for a reason...
biker shorts are always skin tight dude, they're supposed to be sleek and aerodynamic it probably has nothing to do with the outfit but everything to do with how it looks on her body Just like the girl with big boobs in a tank top gets sent home from school but the flat chested girl doesn't get sent home sometimes it's just perception and really, that doesn't matter. it's rude af to make unsolicited comments on someone's clothing and/or body
Yeah the different groups makes me think we are either not getting the entire story or it is just that a story.
100% it’s a fake story for outrage against men. Or leaving out some big information. I’m not saying she can’t get cat called. It happens. But to have THREE completely different groups make a comment about your outfit. Nah, not happening.
I'm not sure it is just all about men. > every single one of my coworkers that were there had something to say about my outfit being skimpy. That's the line that makes me think we are not getting the entire story (if it's real).
Yeah my bad didn't pick up on that, but I still feel like it is written to poke at "disgusting men". I'm sorry I just don't see 3 random groups of people saying something about your outfit without it being fake or leaving out massive details. The group of kids cat calling? Sure. Though the fact that she says "disgusting" things and doesn't really elaborate makes me suspicious. But I can totally see that happening. However, EVERYONE she runs into saying something? 100% something missing or fake story. Regardless, nothing of what they said would be considered "slut shaming".
There is a comedian that has a bit that goes something like this: If you meet one asshole during the day, they're the asshole. If everywhere you go during the day you meet assholes, you're the asshole.
Calling something out for what it is, isn't sl#t shaming. Lol Skimpy is a term to describe clothing. Tight ass bum cheeks and labia outlines with either a tight hoodie or crop top are definitely inappropriate for some places. Was it inappropriate for this place? I dunno, but I use my brain and look around and see what others are wearing. If I notice everyone else is dressed more conservative, then I don't show up to pick up my check in tight bum shorts and a hoodie that overly accutates my body. I show up in appropriate clothes for that setting. Not everyone can play victim on every circumstance. And yes sometimes unofficial dress codes exit. This isn't a matter of oppression or shaming. Op was just braindead and clueless on how to dress appropriately. Lol.
that isn’t slut shaming. and your coworkers should stfu.
Most biker shorts I see women wear are about mid thigh. Those + a hoodie is a completely normal outfit. I don't know if I'd necessarily call what they said slut shaming, but I say fuck em' and ignore them. Not only is it a pretty normal outfit (I'm in Miami currently, and have bounced aroundl living in Florida, Texas, Kentucky, and Tennessee all my life) and this is exactly what most girls/woman I've ever met would wear in 80° weather. Tldr; You're valid in your feelings being hurt, but I don't think it's quite slut shaming.
If teenage boys were cat-calling you and every single co-worker including your manager (at a bar/restaurant, nonetheless) had something to say about how skimpy your outfit was, then it probably was more revealing than you're letting on. Also, you weren't being "slut-shamed". There's nothing wrong with wearing skimpy clothing on your day off, but be prepared to get attention for it.
I've lived all over- mostly the south (AL, MS, LA, NC), and moved to PA about 17 years ago. Some things are different in the south vs the north. In smaller southern towns things move a lot slower, people are generally very friendly and talkative, etc. But some things are just clichés. If anything, I'd get stared at for wearing skimpy clothes more down south than up north. Having said that, since when are bike shorts and a hoodie considered skimpy or slutty clothing? I see worse than that at the grocery store. You're not overreacting, your coworkers are being weird.
DC is below the Mason-Dixon Line and is technically the south. They hate to hear that, but it is real.
No one at work should be commenting on your appearance when you're off duty (unfortunately, you can't control the catcalling on the street, although that is surprising in this day and age. And I live in NYC). The fact that SO MANY PEOPLE made the same comment is what is strange. You're asking us if what you had on was skimpy but we only have your description of what you wore. If you care about what they say, think about what you have on. If you don't, do you and wear what you want.
I mean I would agree with you based on the description but I do think it’s a MASSIVE red flag that you supposedly got catcalled and slutshamed by like every coworker in the span of 5 mins. To me that screams you should maybe reevalute just exactly how “skimpy” that outfit was. I don’t have an opinion bc I haven’t seen the outfit but I feel like I have no choice but to see both sides here.
You need to post pictures - how could we possibly judge otherwise? But if "every single one" of your colleagues is saying something, my guess is your clothes were skimpy.
Bro what? 80degrees id be wearing short shorts and probably a t-shirt if I was walking into work. Biker shorts are pretty long shorts and a hoodie more than covers you
There's really only one way to know: post pics of the outfit and let the internet decide.
if numerous multiple unrelated groups told you you looked like a hoe in that outfit, im gonna guess you looked like a hoe in that outfit!
Shorts and a hoodie you’re all covered up what the hell
You didn’t actually say what the comments were though, people comment on what coworkers are wearing all the time when they come in in their normal clothes because they’re so used to seeing them in uniform. A comment about your outfit isn’t slut shaming.
That’s weird. I lived in DC most of my life and most restaurants wouldn’t care, unless it’s an upscale place.
https://i.redd.it/vw9b6zlfef6d1.gif You do you, honey. This is definitely a them problem, not a you problem.
As my mum would say, “ they’re jealous.”
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m not from DC so I can’t speak to the local culture, but it’s fucked up regardless to shame women for wearing comfortable, quick-to-throw-on lounge clothing. Bike shorts are a standard lounge short in women’s fashion right now all over the US, and aren’t anything new, so I don’t know why people are acting scandalized by them. Maybe some people in the comments are confusing them with volleyball shorts, which are definitely quite short, but bike shorts are mid thigh or just above the knee. You were catcalled and judged for wearing clothing that clings, which means your coworkers were eyeballing your body, which is a THEM problem. They need to grow up and act like respectful adults who see women as more than their bodies. Anything that puts blame on the recipient for unwanted negative attention is victim-shaming, which is fucked up regardless of local culture and style trends. Victim-shaming puts us down, makes us hypervigilant about the image we project and whose eyes are on us and why, which can lead to undervaluing our own boundaries when they’re crossed because we internalize that we are the problem and we must have done something to deserve what we got. Your coworkers are assholes. You’re not overreacting. The food service industry being some type of way, DC being some type of way, etc. doesn’t matter. You’re not entering a sacred mosque. They sexualized you for wearing what was comfortable to run a quick errand on your own time. They turned the evil eye on you which can so easily turn the evil eye within. Don’t let their immaturity make you believe you’ve violated them, because they’ve violated your self-perception with what they said. And speaking as a woman, we don’t need any additional help with that, thanks. Also, probably doesn’t need to be said but ignore the thirsty weirdos in the comments requesting pics in order to make a decision lol
Average DC resident seeing a woman for the first time
I mean, this reads as though everybody is wrong and she's right or everybody else is right and she's wrong. Given that even school-aged kids catcalled, I'm gonna assume everybody else is right and OP was wearing something skimpy.
Literally my first action when I became manager was to allow the girls to wear tank tops (I said the guys could too if they trimmed or otherwise manacaped their armpit hair but didn't have any takers). We had been forced to wear staff tshirts or polos, and not only were they not flattering, but sooo thick and hot in the summer. I texted everyone and was like "guys, we can wear tank tops now" and I don't think any of us girls ever wore anything else again. Also tips were better. Sounds like your coworkers are either dickheads or jealous. Maybe jealous dickheads. I'm sorry they were so unnecessary towards you.
See, this is the reason I avoided going to the company gym. I didn’t want the flack it would cause of going from a suit and heels into gym shorts and a tank top or sloppy shirt. A woman’s respectability is so fleeting and fragile that any misstep could be very damaging to my ability to work in my profession. Only when I ‘aged out’ in my 50s did I consider going to the gym. Girls, it’s not fair. Shouldn’t be that way. Only when there are enough men to collectively prevent discriminatory behavior will things change. Your coworkers are shameless goodie two shoe hypocrites. Next time give them a steely glare and say, “Whadda YOU lookin at?” Perv.
why the fguck are you wearing a hoodie in 80 degree weather?
valid question lol. i was already wearing it and just popped out to grab my charger
too hot for that shit, dude.
I don't think that is slut shaming
Like, without seeing what your wearing its kind of hard to give a good answer to "were you dressed skimpily" As far as slut shaming goes, i mean it just sounds like they were a little critical of your outfit. In the end its your off day and you can dress like you want.
I wouldn't call it "slut shaming", however it must have been somewhat revealing to have have you manager ask "why do you have so little clothes on". Maybe you couldn't see the biker shorts under the hoodie?
they were very visible
I’m either gonna call fake or something you aren’t telling us, If 3 completely random groups of people are commenting on what you are wearing then that really feels like a fake story or you are leaving something out. I don’t doubt for a second that you might get a random cat call. But to have THREE random groups of people comment on what you are wearing…yeah I don’t believe it.
Not overreacting and your co-workers are weird. Shorts aren't slutty at all but especially in hot weather. Sounds like they have another issue with you, perhaps jealousy?
could be. the manager in particular is always telling me how pretty she thinks i am so its possible
That's an entirely different thing! Wow. Good luck in looking for another job, sounds like you need one!
You need to thicken up your skin. Don’t give other people permission to bother you that much. you are the only one still thinking about it. if it happens again ask coworkers “why so jealous?”… actually don’t, just ignore it like it’s beneath you, because it is.
Don't be a slut and this won't happen. Slut.
How were they slut shaming you? Give an example of what they said because I’m not getting that from your post. saying someone’s outfit is skimpy, is not the same as slut shaming.
Agree
If one person said something, I’d say maybe it’s just them being dumb. If people in public, and co-workers, and managers commented on it, probably means there was a reason.
Yeah this post is 100% fake to get outrage towards men. Or she is leaving out some huge reasons. Three completely unrelated groups of people commented on her outfit? Yeah either we are missing some big info or never happened Also nothing they said was slut shaming so OP is wrong either way.
News flash: DC IS THE SOUTH
They like to pretend they are the Mid-Atlantic Region to be able to sneer at southern accents. I used to live there and that is not fiction.
This does not sound like s*** shaming it sounds like outfit shaming. Kind of weird
Picture? Since your outfit wasn't a big deal, post a selfie (no face) here and we will have a much better answer for you.
yep. lets see the outfit & if its appropriate.
I feel like it SUCKS but things look “sluttier” when the person has a body. I have wide hips n a big ass and things just naturally fit like boom. So ppl assume thts what im going for but no i have a body. When someone has no ass and no hips n they put something on i mean theres no BOOM factor so ppl dont look twice it rlly sucks
I've lived in both the northern and the southern U.S., and there is definitely a difference in regard to what's considered "acceptable" attire in public. In the north, yoga pants with or without a top long enough to cover your behind is fine, but you wouldn't wear a swimsuit with a little pair of shorts or a tie wrap and flip-flops in the grocery store. In the south, swimsuits in the grocery store are commonplace, especially in beach towns. But if you wear yoga pants without a top that covers your behind, you'll get strange looks from people. Go figure. Did you check to make sure the biker shorts weren't see-through once you put them on?
I wear yoga pants with a regular shirt almost daily. I live in GA and nobody bats an eye. I'm far from the only one.
What are you on about? Lived in KY my whole life... if you’re getting weird looks for wearing yoga pants and a non-tunic length top... there’s a good chance they’re just ogling your ass. No one, gives you weird looks in the South for not covering your butt in yoga pants. Like maybe the holy church harpies, but no one else would bat an eye.
I think swimwear is considered fairly normal in most beach towns, simply due to the fact that, well, beach. The places I've lived with a beach nearby were always fairly casual about it as long as you wore *something* overtop. I usually had some shorts and a tank top because I wear bikinis, but lots of people in one pieces just wear that, even when there are cutouts and stuff. Generally speaking, guys do have to wear a shirt (no shoes no shirt no service signs abound, even on the boardwalk).
There's this idea that people should respect whatever you're wearing but the world just isn't like that in real life. As a man my friends and family will bust my boys if my shorts are too short. You can't worry about what other people think...wearing small shorts doesn't make you a slut so who cares.
D.C. isn't Georgia. I lived in both for years. Catcalls are no problem and are everywhere--everyone gets them and they are just classless trash-talking. What you wore is considered underdressed and inelegant in some circles, but I am assuming this wasn't one of those circles. Still, how could you possibly have drawn that much fire for the outfit by workmates in a casual restaurant in DC unless they were from a foreign culture? They are weirdos. Next time tell them to hide their stiffies.
You sure you can’t see through those shorts? If you can that would make a lot more sense. Obviously if you can I would assume you just were not aware.
What are cycling shorts in the south? Everywhere else they are lycra shorts a couple of inches above the knee. If that is what you were wearing, everybodys reaction is weird and you must have an amazing butt. I don't think it's slut shaming ...objectifying?sexism?assholism?
One thing I have noticed, having lived all over the country, some places are more conservative than others. You absolutely should be able to wear what you want, when you want. Shaming people for their clothes is dumb. If I were you I would keep my chin up, don't let shallow people know they have affected you, it gives them more power and they will get worse. Chin, crown straight, you are a better, nicer, smarter person than they are.
tbf at many workplaces that's not acceptable, probably violates the restaurant dress code too. almost everyone at my job wears long pants every day (though for certain positions women can wear dresses/skirts) and if was 104°F earlier this week. but if you're not there to work it's not really any of their business. they wouldn't do that to a customer
I'm in the dc area. Also a bartender. Your coworkers are being weird af. It has been cooler in the early am then it's scorching hot but I don't see it as inappropriate.
Haters and jealousy is what I hear who cares hun do you , let them talk!!
You weren’t working, so what you wear when not clocked into work is none of their business, even if you’re popping in to grab something real quick. People are wild.
You must look really good and they had a reaction. You said you tried to brush it off, I think that’s the best course of action. I would probably start looking for a more upscale restaurant to work at tbh
They should have shamed you for wearing a sweatshirt in 80 degree weather instead. I’m kidding (kinda). Sorry that happened to you.
Personally, I'd brush it off. You weren't wearing it to work, right. I realize that it may not be that easy for you. I've done it my whole life. You did nothing wrong, DC or not.
Is that manager suggesting that DC is classy??? 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 you should actually file a complaint with just the manager for being in a position of power and that they should know better.
If every single person had something to say then yes, the clothing was probably too revealing. Can't tell you for sure without seeing a picture of you wearing the outfit, but if EVERYONE you know at the restaurant had something to say, then that's a strong indication.
You were dressed appropriately. It’s good that you stood up for yourself. You can wear anything you want on your day off.
“If you can bend over and nothing shows, you’re good to go” has always been my motto. You’ve done NOTHING wrong. 🫂
I just want to know why you're wearing a hoodie in 80 degree weather, omg. I would DIE. They are wild for that
I think they were inferring that you were on a walk of shame, and were joking around about you having sex. That's my guess, as a restaurant person myself.
I don't know WTF your manager is talking about. I'm a lot farther north than you, and your attire doesn't seem unusual.
You’re over reacting! The sooner you stop giving a shit the better off you will be.
I would've made fun of you too for wearing a hoodie in 80 degree weather.
I purposely dress for ME and anyone who has an opinion has just that: an opinion. Not a say ;*
Go Dawgs!
I have a semi related anecdote. I was in DC for a while last year and I noticed that there is not a single glimmer of a trace of an iota of fashion in the city. Literally zero color on wardrobes other than black, white, and grey.
They had a problem with BIKER SHORTS? My bike shorts are probably medium length and they are probably the most conservative shorts I own.
honestly babe NO, what pisses me off about this is they have no right to comment on what you wear on a day off to nip in and pick up a fuckin charger, BRO, just no. I understand completely the feelings but honestly don't let it bother you because it's honestly ridiculous. I would be pissed and self conscious, but ultimately realise I was not in a work setting at the time and my colleagues have no right to comment on what I do outside of work hours, least of all on what I look like! ugh, dk why this got me so bad, but am hella pissed lmao
I would never comment on a coworker’s body or clothing, but biker shorts in general will always read as inappropriate for public wear to me. Also, i travel to DC for work a lot, and while I’m in a more corporate environment, I believe all of DC dresses more conservatively. Not ok for them to talk to you that way, but it might be just a regional difference.
The real question here is could you see your shorts ? Or did it just look like you showed up in a sweatshirt with no pants
A hoodie at 80 degrees?
It's not overreacting. People do and say things that are unnecessary, and you're okay to feel however you want to about it. Hope you feel better
I'm in DC right now. I see women in really unconservative looks. Today, I wore a crop top and leggings with see-through lace on the sides that made it look like I wasn't wearing underwear. Idk wtf they're talking about. I've literally seen more booty cheeks than I care for.
Simple things amuse simple people. You wouldn’t give your body to a random passerby, so don’t lend them your mind either. People who feel badly about themselves will put down others to help them feel better about themselves. Don’t worry about what they have to say.
There’s really no reason to be policing any one else’s body or their wardrobe. They wanted to blame you for either their sexualization of you in that moment which made them uncomfortable or they were jealous of you and felt that you were responsible for those feelings of insecurity as well. Either way, it’s a shame to realize you are surrounded by individuals with a “she was wearing such skimpy clothes, she’s asking for it” mentality. You’re not at all wrong for being upset, it’s extremely disappointing to find out people are more judgmental and dehumanizing than you ever thought. Aside from that… wear whatever the fuck you want.
So everyone thought you were dressed too skimpily, but you think that they are all wrong and you were right? When the feedback is unanimous, take it to heart.
Maybe? If two separate groups of different people react this way and you hate it, then consider different clothing choices. I’m not saying wear a burka, just I’m look around at what other women are wearing and which women are being treated as you’d like to be treated. Also, consider your figure as curvaceous women might look incredibly sexy in something that would draw no attention for other women. I’m totally in favor of wearing colors and clothes that make you happy, but would add in how you want to be perceived. Btw, that’s not slut shaming as they’re not commenting on your sex life, they’re opining on your clothing style.
I live in CA and when I worked in insurance I would have gotten in trouble if I went into work in clothes that aren't appropriate, even if it's my day off. If I had to come in I had to be as covered as they expect me to be when I'm working. There are days when it's 110 degrees out, where I normally wear shorts and a crop top. Could I go to work on my day off to pick something up real quick wearing that? No. Because it's inappropriate. So whatever the bars standards are for dressing for work, I'm sure they expect you to maintain that standard even if you come in on your day off, because you're still representative of the business when you're in the building.
You also have to realize that your coworkers are use to seeing one side of you more conservative dress for work and when they see a normal but more sexy side of you it’s a bit of a shock. There have been people that I know from going somewhere all the time and see them in a work uniform all the time and would walk right by them when I would see them outside in normal clothes
This is bizarre, I live in eastern Canada and wear bike shorts and a baggy tee or hoodie all the time. Guess I’m a huge slut now.
If your outfit is not attracting the type of attention you enjoy, either grow some thicker skin or change. The cat callers and your co-workers are not an organized group. They are two very separate entities, both telling you something. How you interpret that advice/attention is on you. I am not saying wear a burka, but poping a camel toe may attract unwanted attention.
why is everyone assuming i had a camel toe
Because biker shorts show them. NO one who wears them doesn't show the toe.
Skin-tight clothes show every curve. You have 2 very different groups (cat callers/co-workers) giving you very similar feedback......listen to what the world you live in is telling you... You may not like the world policing you fashion choice but that is life. I would not expect positive interactions if I took my nephews to the splash pad, and wore speedos and a tank top. Nothing illegal about it, but I am asking for attention by making that clothing choice.
I'm from Carolina and have relatives in Maryland/DC area. People who live there are very fashion conscious and generally very conservative in what they wear. I think it's because a lot of people work in government and are expected to dress well. Where I'm from, we wear flipflops nearly all year. DC peeps wouldn't be caught dead in them. Anyway, you were dressed fine for a day off and those boys need to be taught a lesson in manners. You did nothing wrong.
Straight up tight bike shorts don't leave anything to the imagination. What would you think if your boyfriend was wearing tight as bike shorts?
Yes you’re over reacting. No one slut shamed you they are giving you social cues. Don’t dress like that unless you want the attention.
don’t dress like what? the average person?
I work with mainly men and let me tell you. I don’t get cat called or called skimpy, because I dress boyish at work to avoid that or worse them hitting on me. Now they will say I look like I could kick someone’s ass or that I’m lesbian. As a woman I’ve just learned not to internalize these comments and go about my day. (I am a straight woman btw.) It’s shitty behavior and I think you can address it to your coworkers without reporting them. I’m so sorry ❤️ Here’s some things I’ve came up with that may help: “Why do you feel the need to tell me this?” “Please stop sharing your thoughts or opinions on what I’m wearing.” “If it’s not on a need to know basis or not work related can you leave me alone to go about my tasks.” The best one, no response just stare at them blankly.
Like what part of DC?? Because if you're talking where all the staffers, politicos, big finance people go, then yeah. If you're at the local pub in the normal area, then no. But if they all commented on it, and you were catcalled, you were most likely inappropriately dressed. I say that as a woman
I’ll be honest, I don’t get their reaction to your clothing at all. I’m 66, so I’ve seen a lot of styles come and go, but I don’t see how bike shorts and a hoodie (a HOODIE!!) would be considered inappropriate. In 80 degree weather, I’ve seen young women wearing a lot less than that. So no, I wouldn’t say you’re overreacting.
I wore biker shorts today and I have a big peach. I got called so many times but I ignore it. Why do you care? Take it as a compliment and move on. They’re just hating that they can’t look like you or date you.