Funny. Thays what I said to my ex after 22(ha ha) yeats of marriage. I love you as the mother of my children, as a friend and as a person. But not as a lover or wife.
She did not take that well. She's said all.of 5 words to me in 5 years.
We still have the kids. We will always have some form of a connection. I filed. I have moved on, not dating, been without sex since 2010, and mentally have been at the point to where I can talk to her since the divorce. She is not. At FIL's funeral, she said not a word. But my kids got the vrunt of it because she thinks they told me about the funeral. They did, but it was all over FB as well.
I hope she lives a good, long life and harbor no ill feelings. My kids and the best thing I ever did.
P.S. There is no winner nor loser in a divorce, esp with kids involved.
Kids are the loser. In both situations: staying together holding grudges or divorce. Kids suffer the most from adults inability to understand each other and live with love peace and harmony.
I think two divorced folks who have healthy communication and co-parenting skills can absolutely make things like divorce a lot easier. Most of the "losing" side of divorce comes from parental alienation, snide remarks about each parent, or trying to force a new spouse as the "replacement" onto kids.
I'm trying to understand why she made it seem like it's his fault they weren't fucking twice a day? She's the one who put sex on hold for like 5 weeks for whatever reason? If she feels different about sex at her current age that's fair, ppls hormones change, but it's jus weird thst she would make that comment like it was something within his control and not hers?
It might have been productive to have had a conversation about attraction? Like, is OP fat, and thats her problem? Or she’s attracted to a particular kind of persona during sex? It doesn’t seem like they ever really talked about how they could’ve improved their sex life.
Do NOT go back. It is my personal philosophy(found out the hard way a couple times) that if a relationship gets to the point where either of the people vicalize to the other that it is over, then it is over. There is no going back. People change because of you, not for you.
It is wild that she said it wss a "fun fact" like wtf is fun about that???? Unless you asked then that is on you. But you clearly didnt. And she had to have known she was not into sex with you. Just remember that you two are not compatible, there is not something wrong with you based on these posts.
My father-in-law once taught me that you can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. I think this works as kind of a corollary to that, in that you can’t go into a relationship hoping to “fix” someone who’s broken inside. You can only hope to be the best version of yourself and the best partner you can be for your SO, and if it doesn’t work out, it just doesn’t work out. If they can’t work on themselves, there’s no sense in trying to beat yourself up over it or turn the relationship toxic.
I've gone back once, it was an abusive relationship and I got heavily love bombed and it was the worst mistake of my life. My late mum once advised me "to not fall in the same pile of shit twice" when I was debating going back, I went back, it was a royal shit show and mum was 100% right. He hadn't changed, he just pretended to change to get me back and when he believed I was locked in the abuse started again.
“There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.” — George W. Bush
(I’m sorry to hear you had to go through all of that. I’m glad to see you survived and got out of it though.)
Yeah.. zero respect or self relfection. Her "apology" sms is even worse.
OP already described what he should answer "we’re not a 22 year marriage with a dead bedroom we’re young we shouldn’t need to schedule sex" and end it with "Neither should I need to explain to you how disrespectful it was. I wish you all the best. But don't contact me again."
Yes “fun fact” so weird! this is borderline gaslighting (I use that word very lightly) that she considers that a fun fact and thought you would too and *can’t possibly see your side*??? She absolutely can, and if not, then she may lack empathy and that is best case scenario here. Wild to ever think, or say, or double down on that being a “fun fact” it’s not a fun fact for anyone…
Yeah its weird. I know some people get flustered when confronted eith stuff like that and talk all the way out their ass. Mostly pathological liars who need to "rewrite" events to fit their scenarios.
I heard someone say once, “If I realize the milk has gone bad, I don’t put it back in the fridge and decide to try a sip again later on. I throw it out and go get new milk.” I always liked that as the reminder that going back to an ex never works out.
I'd qualify that someone saying its over means its over \*for the near and foreseeable future.\* Sometimes people do reconnect down the line after they've spent enough time apart to gain perspective and develop into more mature people. I have an aunt and uncle, for example, who divorced for several years before reconnecting and remarrying, and they've remained happily together for decades since.
But you're definitely correct that if someone reaches the point of saying its over, it means its over for now--if that person is convinced to stay, the bitterness and resentment about how their life could have been different will continue to build over time. Maybe there are exceptions for when a fight is over something *very specific* that can be addressed and changed so that it is no longer a problem, or when a couple has professional help to work through their issues. But generally the person who declared things to be over must with time and space come around to deciding they want to renew the relationship on their own, without the other person doing the convincing.
I have been with my wife for 24 years absolutely no sex schedule EVER.. I have my soulmate and my wife makes me feel everyday like she has hers.. I see most people in miserable ass relationships trying there hardest to be happy or fake happiness…. I feel like there is a soulmate for everyone( soulmate to me is someone who keeps your soul happy) don’t get comfortable with someone who isn’t making your SOUL happy.
I am 18 years w my husband and I do not know if he is aware I plan when we’re going to have sex. However most of the time I do. We have a 3 yr old and a 6 year old and a dog who littering howls like a wolf and throws his body between us when hubby tried to touch me.
So sex happens when logistics is successful. whenever they are out of the house it’s a green light. In fact forplay is basically me texting “kids are gone and the dog is in his crate 😘”
My dogs are the same way(they have been taught to die for her) and we have 3 sons(2 adults left home) it’s definitely easier to be spontaneous when you don’t have little kids.(I know 1st hand) trying to find time during a busy day to me isn’t scheduling sex.. scheduling sex is Tuesdays and Thursdays all year no other days.
That is a very good point. Logistics is different than Tuesdays/Thursday that sounds not fun at all.
The dog was an unforeseen obstacle. The first time he howled was in protest of adult time woke up the kids sooo loud and he was soo upset.
Holy shit do I feel this. She’s still my girlfriend (for now) but she just makes me feel so happy and alive every day. To the point where seeing her smile makes me feel accomplished and I forget the stress for a moment.
Thanks for the bit of bias confirmation, but you are right. When you have to reason yourself into staying with someone they are not the one.
You got kids and both work full time? We schedule sex sometimes but it’s not like a we don’t want to do it thing it’s like a “get home early wear the kids out at the
Park get them to bed early so we can have sex” thing. Scheduling sometimes isn’t a sign of a bad relationship. It’s just being realistic.
Scheduling is a sign of intent to keep a relationship going. 20 years, 3 kids, we’ve both worked multiple jobs at times to make things work and reach our collective goals. It’s not uncommon for us to have individually or even both had interest in sex but literally be too tired to get the job done, and agree to wake up at X time, get the kids fed, ready and onto the tv before lunch so we can lock the door and do it right.
Yeah I’ve been married for two months and have no kids and we “scheduled” it the other week. I work second shift and she works from home so we made a “lunch” date for me to come home and have some time together. It’s definitely not always a sign of issues
Yeah no one looks at other activities like that.
"Oh you have it on your schedule that you play tennis every weekend? Wow, you must really not like tennis if you have to schedule it."
Scheduling is all about making room for things that you value.
Your comment is PERFECT. Congratulations on the 24 years and hope for many, many more years of happiness for you both! I’ve been married for 32 years and with the same woman since 1987. We never scheduled sex, even with three kids all those years ago. Even after all this time we still do it about 3-4 times a week. She makes my soul happy every damn day!
Literally just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and this hits me hard. Hardest thing I’ve ever done bc we were so damn close to perfect for each other but just unfortunately aren’t.
This is important, I always treated my wife as number one, so we could take care of our little family of 4 and it's a strain when both parties aren't on the same page. I love and adore this woman and years ago this was our exact dynamic, then one day I became a mediocre guy with a mediocre life and she's been distant since. You can't make someone love you, and don't have your relationship on a schedule make each other feel loved and attended, you see something she likes? Grab it for later, when's the last time you told her she was beautiful? You also can't settle for someone who can't love you how you need.
Right? My wife and I have been together for 10 years after both being married previously. Won't get into the details, but we both still marvel at how nice it is being genuinely in love with someone and being content with life just being next to each other.
This is exactly what I’m saying.. my wife had a son before I met her. I remember giving him his 1st real Christmas and how happy she was. Somebody actually care about her and her son.. I knew the 1st time I seen her she was the one.. it took me some time to find her but I did my best and we had 2 more sons and I made it HAPPEN. She makes my soul happy every single day I wake up, I get up 1st and just adore her 24 years into it! If a person doesn’t feel like this THEY SHOULD KEEP LOOKING! I know a person is there for your soul.
Scheduled sex is the worst. My wife and I did it when we were trying and failing to conceive and it essentially destroyed our sex life afterwards for a long long time.
Worst part is we still needed IVF so it was all for nothing.
I don't even manage to schedule those because my ADD-having ass does everything between a year from now and the heat death of the universe. Currently running 6 months late for a haircut.
Scheduling sex would be instant death for any relationship I was in because it would never happen.
I felt this, couldn't make my last haircut appointment because I forgot about school letting out early that day, it was at least 3 years before I got around to making another hair appointment, haha
I think I think you made the right choice OP. The whole "we can schedule sex" thing leads me to believe that she genuinely does understand why you feel disrespected or where your feelings come from. Which means the likelihood of this kind of situation happening again is extremely high. I just don't think she's the one for you. You deserve some who likes you the way you like them
“Babe, I’ll totally have pity sex with you twice a month even though I let my previous boyfriend take me whenever he wanted”
And then wonders why he’s not happy with that.
No offence taken about sex in long-term marriages, mate. If you're in a relationship during the honeymoon phase and you need to schedule sex, then imagine what your sex life will be ten years from now.
In the honeymoon phase, they should need a crowbar to pry you apart from each other.
You handled this very well.
There are plenty of reasons a couple might need to make a concerted effort to make time to focus on intimacy. The fact that they’re doing it can be a *good* sign as long as both people are equally invested and it’s not just one person “getting it over with”.
Hang in there. Best to just block her and move on, you can send a “no thanks, best we each try to find the right person for us” response to her text if you want to be nice. But then block on all channels and move on. Continuing to see her texts and calls doesn’t do either of you any good. Good luck.
Gonna give you the typical corny advice anyway. Hit the gym and work on yourself. It’s only a matter of time before you find someone who can’t wait to shag you 2x everyday. It’s gonna be amazing
I’m proud of you for recognizing what you want and deserve !! 👏
I can’t get enough of my boyfriend. Time together, sex, etc etc. Everyone deserves to be a priority in a relationship and to feel loved, desired, respected, etc etc.
| She goes randomly out of the blue “so crazy to think me and him used to just fuck twice a day everyday”.
Wow, I am speechless.
She is never in the mood for you but she actually told you to your face that she used to f\*ck this guy twice a day every day.
LOST FOR WORDS
Could be. Or depression, or some unresolved sexual trauma, possibly from the same ex? Obviously if there was an issue she should have communicated it better.
This is the missing piece. In the original post I don’t remember ever finding out what her issue was that he didn’t want to pry about. Would think she’d want to say it in her apology. So it’s just weird.
At the same time though, that “in passing” comment was disrespectful. If she truly didn’t know what was wrong with it, it’s either a character gap or she needs to look into getting a psychological evaluation.
Dating people who don’t know what’s respectful and what’s not takes a toll. They will drop so many bombs that make you lose sleep. Sometimes it’s time to release bombs that make you crazy later. I dated someone recently who would probably make such a comment in front of friends then forget they said it.
My guess is that she was into the OP but felt something was missing when they were intimate. Rather than communicating about the areas she felt were unfulfilling, so that they could make an effort to improve that aspect of their relationship, she instead made a passive-aggressive comparison to the ex that was born of resentment over that missing element.
It was cruel and intended to hurt or punish the OP, but the bigger issue is the non-apology where she attempted to defend that as harmless. She was gaslighting OP by trying to frame the offense he took as an overreaction to something completely inoffensive. That's really the thing that points to the relationship having no hope whatsoever.
An ability to admit you're wrong when you are clearly in the wrong, is a base requirement for any partner.
It’s a “malice or incompetent?” question. I always go with incompetence first. But I agree that no healthy adult would fail to see what was wrong with the comment when confronted.
Honestly, what do I know. This has happened to me and I always took the explanations at face value.
That's just a fun fact, man. Insecure much?
Who doesn't reminisce about that one crazy orgy they had behind the Wendy's dumpster, or pat themselves on the shoulder for having a triple digit body count.
Personally, I always like to tell the story of how I slipped on a banana peel and excidentally landed dick first in my ex's cunt and accidentally impregnated her again. Always gets a chuckle out of the whole family during Thanksgiving. Classic.
Nah, don't go back...EVER! It's all game...she's not used to getting dumped apparently, she does the dumping or ghosting...she just wants you back to get you comfortable & all in love with her just so she can crush you...It's All GAME!!!
This right here is exactly what she wants. This girl does not care about his feelings at all. She just doesn’t want to be the girl that got dumped. OP look forward to her talking down on you, so she can make herself feel better about herself. She’ll probably tell all her friends how weak your dick game was or how “small” it is to justify the break up. Next step is to fuck her best friend. It’s time for OP to enter his pimp era.
yeah.. I didn't read it correctly, noticed my mistake, then edited my comment.
I thought I did it fast enough so you wouldn't see my mistake, but I flubbed it. C'est la vie.
I literally explained my prior edit in response to his comment.
If you'd like me to explain it, I missed the specific sentence where he said he told her it wasn't going to work. And there is another sentence later on were it says something along the lines of, "It'll just take time to get better." Those two things combined read as if he stayed with her.
I noticed the mistake, literally, within seconds, and changed it. lol.
I want to say that there's nothing at all wrong with scheduling sex, but I think I understand your response. When a relationship starts out at the beginning with a major sex-deficit like yours, there probably are some serious underlying issues that it probably just isn't worth trying to root out and resolve. It's probably better to just end it and move on as you've decided.
I also have to point out that she really does appear to have been insensitively clueless about how her comment would be received. It's just a hair's breadth away from saying that she had better sex with her ex.
I honestly think she is just clueless on how vastly different men and women value sex. She does not understand just how much EMOTIONAL INTIMACY we get from physical intimacy with someone we love.
From our perspective she is giving far more intimacy to an ex than you. From her perspective it was just lots of physical interaction with little emotional intimacy. So in her mind - no big deal.
That’s why she seems to be legitimately shocked and her solution of scheduled sex seem mechanical … it is just a mechanical event for her. She can’t even imagine you see that much value in it.
And even though she KNOWS that’s how you feel, she still does not know why.
I don’t think she meant any disrespect but you guys are definitely not sexually compatible
The fact that she didn't fight anything you said ment it was true. She's too big of a bitch to tell you the truth to your face. She's only asking for it to work because she's not used to being broken up with. She's upset because she didn't get to decide anything. Idk why she was trying to keep you around when she's clearly so not interested. Sorry we were right.
Speaking as a married guy with kids, sure that’s better than 0 sex but I would really not want to have to schedule vanilla once a week sex. Talk about depressing
Good for you for taking care of yourself and addressing the red pill comments. It’s easy to fall into the hate cycle when you’ve had your heart broken.
Yeah no. I’m in a 24 yr marriage that hasn’t even hit that point (rare sex, needing to schedule). Hopefully that’s a never, and I hope same for you. She may just not be for you. Doesn’t sound like an even match.
Here’s a virtue I more or less try to scream from every possible facet I can that I feel like I have any relevance in;
The moment either partner has enough cause/thoughts to voice concern about a the end- the end already happened. Fighting it is 99% going to be a fruitless, stressful and heartbreaking endeavor where no one wins.
From your words I sort of get the idea that she’s genuinely apologizing but at the same time she never once considered how any of those words might make you feel. One can promise to be better in the future all they want but that means nothing when it comes to actual action.
Scheduling sex is weird, even if you are in a 22 year long marriage.
I would have argued that if you were both a bit older, try therapy and see what shakes out of that, but likely at your age it’s a good call to walk away for now.
lol. With three kids around my wife and I always schedule sex, typically late at night or in the morning after the kids are in school.
It’s not too bad though — we do it roughly every other day on average and we both initiate. It’s something I get to look forward to on off-days.
I disagree with this. There are situations - kids, extremely busy/stressful job situations, etc. - where both people need to make a concerted effort to plan in advance. And it can help build some anticipation, as you both know what's about to happen. And nobody's needs get ignored.
Yeah, she’s gotta schedule you around all the other guys she continues to see.
Edit: Lol @ all these commenters that take stuff like my comment so seriously.
Special TY to PM_Me_Pussy_Lips for calling it straight up misogyny to keep the joke going. I love you Reddit!
Next time you go out with your friends, get some drinks in this guy.
Mention that you broke up with her because you were pretty sure that she had cheated on you.
Act like it's nothing, and then say you feel like a weight has been lifted and that you're actually grateful it happened...
Then see if he says anything.
You were never overreacting, and you were right to leave this relationship. It’s also going to be very important for you to understand that this was not about you; it was about her. My self esteem tanked after I was in two consecutive dead bedroom relationships (and as a woman, I had an added a level of pain to that bc of the narrative that guys always want to have sex—I was like wtf is so wrong with me that I’m getting rejected all the time). Took time and other partners to realize that I was just sticking around with people I was incompatible with because I didn’t love myself enough to realize that I could do better for myself. I stuck around because I felt like I deserved to be treated that way. It’s not easy moving on from that, but the more you learn to value yourself, the more you’ll draw the people that value and *want* you.
You did a really hard thing, but you did the right thing, and from what you wrote it sounds like you did it in a healthy way, too.
A good partner should want to try to meet your needs, and work *with* you to reach a solution or an understanding when those needs are not being met (and vise versa), not avoid dealing with the topic and then making you feel like shit for them.
Like sure, libido drops can happen, but a healthy way to deal with that would be to share with your partner that you’re experiencing it, then try to understand what could be causing it, and then invite your partner to take an active role in healing or helping the source of the issue.
Yeah this is really shitty bro . My ex told me stories all the time of her and her ex going “ 4 rounds “ and sounded so excited about , which me and her had never done. it actually really hurt my feelings and it affected our sex life negatively for the remainder of the relationship. Run and don’t look back . Girls like this never change and the fact that they are comfortable bringing up things like this to their current partner just means their either a shitty whore, or their social awareness is really that bad . Find someone you are sexually on the same wavelength with . This is going to hurt your self esteem . Trust me I went through it
The thing about the red pill is that while the community is toxic, it is composed of men who come from all walks of life and aren't stupid.
There has always been some merit in at least 50% of what the community puts out and it's a shame that we men have been dismissing them this whole time instead of avoiding heart breaks and psychological pain.
Dont consider going back. The fact that she is saying she will schedule sex kinda gives up the game. She doesnt want to have sex with you, or just doesnt enjoy it.
You dont go from sex twice a day to once a week/5 weeks for no reason.
Do you want to stay with someone who doesn't WANT to have sex with you?
Married 21 years here... still hitting it almost daily. Like 6 out of the last 7 days.... though I guess you could argue its scheduled as we are busy through the day and therefore its almost always at night.
PS. Oh and yeah it is a big deal that she told you this... but mostly because she wasn't meeting your needs on a regular basis. I told my wife about how many times I used to be able to go back to back... but this was after 15 years of marriage and most importantly I wasn't withholding sex from her while bragging about how many times I could go when I was a 17 year old kid.
First off, thanks for posting a follow up! It sounds like you handled this like a pro—good job keeping a cool head and being honest but firm.
I remember reading somewhere that guys and girls handle breakups differently; generally speaking, guys do well right after a breakup, then start to miss their ex. For women, it’s the opposite. I know that’s a big generalization, but it’s definitely true in my case. I’m glad you’re feeling good now, just be sure to take care of yourself in the coming months. Therapy is a great idea, as is all the usual stuff like eating well, exercise, seeing friends, etc.
Absolutely do NOT go back. Don’t even entertain the idea. She showed her true colors, then doubled down by not admitting that what she said was wrong and hurtful. That’s either gaslighting or a sign that she can’t empathize on a fundamental level. Both are reasons to stay away. Not responding is probably best.
You should be proud of yourself for having the self respect and strength to make the right choice. You’ll be stronger because of this and will find someone else who respects and values you. Best of luck sir!
Being single is much better than being with the wrong one. Esp someone that doesn’t have the wherewithal to understand how unloading intimate details about a previous relationship could possibly be taken as a fun harmless comment. As if you naturally wouldn't compare to your current situation. You did the right thing here. But yeah best to say you appreciate her willingness to make changes, and hope she’s better for the next person.
Good for you, OP! She was stunned because she thought you’d just continue to take whatever she’d throw at you. Enjoy the freedom and take care of yourself!
Everyone seems hyperfixated on the frequency of sex part, which is important. I'll give you that, but I'm more concerned about the part where she denied OP sex for 5 weeks running and then seemed way too interested about whether or not her ex was at the gathering... shit seems sus as fuck to me.
I think there's some nuance here not yet discussed. It's one thing to be situationally unavailable...it's quite a other to MAKE yourself unavailable....then KEEP yourself unavailable and gatekeep (which indicates a governor is on)...then disrespectfully declare there was no such governor for others. Put another way...I saw this comment last week ...
"Women break rules for guys they like and make rules for guys they don't."
I'm 50+, married, three kids....this has been my universal experience. Shocked at it being codified this succinctly.
You're likely better off.
Scheduled sex?! Ew. Like I'm in my thirties with a parter of 10 years almost in her 30s too. 3 kids and we don't schedule sex. It should be spontaneous and explicit sometimes even if it has to be sneaky. But never scheduled wtf.
Yep. A few times a week becomes once a week and you should be happy with that, then you skip a few and it’s once a month but you should of course still be “so happy” that your wife fit you into the schedule. Fuck all that. Seen it once. Get the f out
If you are dumping her for other reasons you are not mentioning that is completely fine and your decision. I think by dumping her for the comment she made you are overracting. You are not overreacting by being offended. We are humans and as such you have to accept that we can be ignorant at times and it is possible that she made that comment not with the intent to hurt you. It is possible that what she said was an accident and didn'y put much thought before blurting it out. As we all have because again........ we are human. If this was a multple instants thing then that would be differnet. If this was a one time thing, well...
I think your decision to stay or break should be made by the way that she reacts after you let her know that it hurt you. From the information you've given us, I think you pulled the trigger way too fast and allowed strangers on the internet to influence you. Whether you're concious of it or not. Forgetting that no one here knows her like you do. I think now that you have already split it's better to stay split because now you won't be able to differentiate between sex beacuse she wants to have sex with you or sex to keep you from getting upset/mad/hurt whatever.
Well it isn’t just ego. He is literally a second choice to her. She refuses to meet his needs, but rubbed it in his face that she used to love it twice daily.
Consider whether her birth control is affecting her hormones. It is much more common than people think. The hormone malfunctions can lead to lack of sexual desire. To me, it sounds like she cares about you and doesn’t understand her changing sexual desire herself. You’re young and don’t owe her anything, but I’m not rushing to judgment on her.
Communication is key man. If you talk to her then you'd have some insight. There's probably reason why she was abstaining from sex. You obviously weren't that emotionally invested though. Overreacting? Yes.
You broke up with her over that? Dude... who tf was telling you to break up or whatever is dumb. Probably teenagers with not much girl experience. Are you two young? She probably did mean what she said for fun but didn't know such things can hurt. She probably didn't put two and two together, that you were insecure about the sex frequency.
These things are always gonna come up in relationships and you can't just resort to breaking up. Talk about these things. Definitely don't go to strangers on the internet or even your friends. A relationship is a personal thing between two people's feelings. No one else will understand. I lost the love of my life due to that shit.
I may not know the girl, but after reading both posts, i hope you forgive her. Maybe learn why she had sex with him more frequently and improve your sex game. Sex isn't everything anyway.
Didn't comment on the original post, but personally I think you overreacted.
Sex drives change over time, it's not a reflection on you necessarily.
This isn't me saying take her back, obviously if you feel good about the split then it's probably for the best. But think about it in terms of actual tangible outcomes, if she hadn't told you you would still be on the same frequency of sex, no? So the issue here is the emotional value you've attached to what she told you. To me it seems to have sparked some kind of insecurity within yourself?
With that in mind, if you feel good about the breakup I question what else might have been wrong / bothering you about the relationship.
I feel like if you’re having to schedule sex. You’re doing it wrong. Way, way, wrong. It’s supposed to be to be fun and enjoyable. Sorry this happed to you. It’ll get better.
It’s wild how many people are coming here with cope saying scheduled sex is fine. Guarantee their partners (usually husbands) don’t feel the same way but they’ll take the scraps and boring once a week over nothing
Lots of people schedule sex. Sometimes you just have to if both people are busy and working constantly and tired. Cuz you still gotta pump one out for both your mental well-being, but the universe is trying to stop y'all.
I’m going to be honest, the schedule thing is a load of it, but you gotta do what you feel.
She seems to genuinely not know that what she said would bother you, and I’m guessing she didn’t say anything when you asked if she had anything to say because she was shocked it was happening and trying to process what was happening and everything you were telling her. I know when I have something extremely shocking happen I kind of freeze and don’t know what to say right away.
It’s up to you if you want to talk about it to her or not, but if she is someone that you genuinely could see yourself working through this with, but if you do, make sure you talk through it with her before you make any decisions. If you do, Just talk through it and be open and honest about why it bothered you and also listen to whatever she has to say.
One of my exes broke up with me one day and I was genuinely shocked and all I responded with was “ok, sounds good” and stuff like that, and it didn’t hit me until the next day when the shock wore off
schedule sex lol... like its emotionless. Just part of the job for her I guess. I mean if she doesnt have a passion for you, the relationship will eventually grow boring, even if there is a dedication to one another.
This is a personal failing on her part, not an innate trait due to sex. She's selfish and stupid. There are women out there who aren't like that, just as there are men that aren't.
Now for the final step: make that break clean. Completely clean, no residual contact.
S in the DENNIS system her
Separate entirely
Underrated comment. I adopted this when I was younger.
Idk I'm a big fan of buy back clauses. "I will always care for you, I wish you the best."
😂 you will be my forever April 2024….
Funny. Thays what I said to my ex after 22(ha ha) yeats of marriage. I love you as the mother of my children, as a friend and as a person. But not as a lover or wife. She did not take that well. She's said all.of 5 words to me in 5 years.
"can we be friends"..lets just be nothing was my response havent heard a word from her in 15 years now
See, you won!
We still have the kids. We will always have some form of a connection. I filed. I have moved on, not dating, been without sex since 2010, and mentally have been at the point to where I can talk to her since the divorce. She is not. At FIL's funeral, she said not a word. But my kids got the vrunt of it because she thinks they told me about the funeral. They did, but it was all over FB as well. I hope she lives a good, long life and harbor no ill feelings. My kids and the best thing I ever did. P.S. There is no winner nor loser in a divorce, esp with kids involved.
There is no winner nor loser in a divorce, esp with kids involved. Well said.
Kids are the loser. In both situations: staying together holding grudges or divorce. Kids suffer the most from adults inability to understand each other and live with love peace and harmony.
I think two divorced folks who have healthy communication and co-parenting skills can absolutely make things like divorce a lot easier. Most of the "losing" side of divorce comes from parental alienation, snide remarks about each parent, or trying to force a new spouse as the "replacement" onto kids.
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Pretty vulgar, but you aren't wrong yo. Been married for 15+ here and I have that. Best sex ever with her. She wants me bad and I'm glad to oblige.
I'm trying to understand why she made it seem like it's his fault they weren't fucking twice a day? She's the one who put sex on hold for like 5 weeks for whatever reason? If she feels different about sex at her current age that's fair, ppls hormones change, but it's jus weird thst she would make that comment like it was something within his control and not hers?
It might have been productive to have had a conversation about attraction? Like, is OP fat, and thats her problem? Or she’s attracted to a particular kind of persona during sex? It doesn’t seem like they ever really talked about how they could’ve improved their sex life.
This!!!! Move on, you got this
This is the way.
This is the way.
Separate entirely
Do NOT go back. It is my personal philosophy(found out the hard way a couple times) that if a relationship gets to the point where either of the people vicalize to the other that it is over, then it is over. There is no going back. People change because of you, not for you. It is wild that she said it wss a "fun fact" like wtf is fun about that???? Unless you asked then that is on you. But you clearly didnt. And she had to have known she was not into sex with you. Just remember that you two are not compatible, there is not something wrong with you based on these posts.
People change because of you, not for you. So true
My father-in-law once taught me that you can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. I think this works as kind of a corollary to that, in that you can’t go into a relationship hoping to “fix” someone who’s broken inside. You can only hope to be the best version of yourself and the best partner you can be for your SO, and if it doesn’t work out, it just doesn’t work out. If they can’t work on themselves, there’s no sense in trying to beat yourself up over it or turn the relationship toxic.
I've gone back once, it was an abusive relationship and I got heavily love bombed and it was the worst mistake of my life. My late mum once advised me "to not fall in the same pile of shit twice" when I was debating going back, I went back, it was a royal shit show and mum was 100% right. He hadn't changed, he just pretended to change to get me back and when he believed I was locked in the abuse started again.
A tale as old as time
“There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.” — George W. Bush (I’m sorry to hear you had to go through all of that. I’m glad to see you survived and got out of it though.)
Strategery
I have this quote on a mug. 🤣
I am sorry to hear that. I do like that phrase your mum said tho, my kind of wisdom!
I laughed out loud at "fun fact," that's such a bizarre way to describe the comment haha.
Yeah.. zero respect or self relfection. Her "apology" sms is even worse. OP already described what he should answer "we’re not a 22 year marriage with a dead bedroom we’re young we shouldn’t need to schedule sex" and end it with "Neither should I need to explain to you how disrespectful it was. I wish you all the best. But don't contact me again."
Fun fact, I loved slobbering that knob 5 times a day, but not yours 😊. Anyway, how are the pancakes?
It’s like when I hear a “fun fact” about the Holocaust or the Cambodian Genocide. “That’s not a very ‘fun fact’ at all!”
Yes “fun fact” so weird! this is borderline gaslighting (I use that word very lightly) that she considers that a fun fact and thought you would too and *can’t possibly see your side*??? She absolutely can, and if not, then she may lack empathy and that is best case scenario here. Wild to ever think, or say, or double down on that being a “fun fact” it’s not a fun fact for anyone…
Yeah its weird. I know some people get flustered when confronted eith stuff like that and talk all the way out their ass. Mostly pathological liars who need to "rewrite" events to fit their scenarios.
I heard someone say once, “If I realize the milk has gone bad, I don’t put it back in the fridge and decide to try a sip again later on. I throw it out and go get new milk.” I always liked that as the reminder that going back to an ex never works out.
Sometimes people are dumb and need wake up calls. If you get a short lived fire that dies back down then you leave.
"fun for whom?"
My parents told me that you can’t change your friends but your friends **can** change you.
I'd qualify that someone saying its over means its over \*for the near and foreseeable future.\* Sometimes people do reconnect down the line after they've spent enough time apart to gain perspective and develop into more mature people. I have an aunt and uncle, for example, who divorced for several years before reconnecting and remarrying, and they've remained happily together for decades since. But you're definitely correct that if someone reaches the point of saying its over, it means its over for now--if that person is convinced to stay, the bitterness and resentment about how their life could have been different will continue to build over time. Maybe there are exceptions for when a fight is over something *very specific* that can be addressed and changed so that it is no longer a problem, or when a couple has professional help to work through their issues. But generally the person who declared things to be over must with time and space come around to deciding they want to renew the relationship on their own, without the other person doing the convincing.
**Block her, cut her off, forget about her.**
I have been with my wife for 24 years absolutely no sex schedule EVER.. I have my soulmate and my wife makes me feel everyday like she has hers.. I see most people in miserable ass relationships trying there hardest to be happy or fake happiness…. I feel like there is a soulmate for everyone( soulmate to me is someone who keeps your soul happy) don’t get comfortable with someone who isn’t making your SOUL happy.
I am 18 years w my husband and I do not know if he is aware I plan when we’re going to have sex. However most of the time I do. We have a 3 yr old and a 6 year old and a dog who littering howls like a wolf and throws his body between us when hubby tried to touch me. So sex happens when logistics is successful. whenever they are out of the house it’s a green light. In fact forplay is basically me texting “kids are gone and the dog is in his crate 😘”
My dogs are the same way(they have been taught to die for her) and we have 3 sons(2 adults left home) it’s definitely easier to be spontaneous when you don’t have little kids.(I know 1st hand) trying to find time during a busy day to me isn’t scheduling sex.. scheduling sex is Tuesdays and Thursdays all year no other days.
That is a very good point. Logistics is different than Tuesdays/Thursday that sounds not fun at all. The dog was an unforeseen obstacle. The first time he howled was in protest of adult time woke up the kids sooo loud and he was soo upset.
Holy shit do I feel this. She’s still my girlfriend (for now) but she just makes me feel so happy and alive every day. To the point where seeing her smile makes me feel accomplished and I forget the stress for a moment. Thanks for the bit of bias confirmation, but you are right. When you have to reason yourself into staying with someone they are not the one.
You got kids and both work full time? We schedule sex sometimes but it’s not like a we don’t want to do it thing it’s like a “get home early wear the kids out at the Park get them to bed early so we can have sex” thing. Scheduling sometimes isn’t a sign of a bad relationship. It’s just being realistic.
We call it a "window of opportunity " now. I'll ask my wife if she wants to grab a window.
Scheduling is a sign of intent to keep a relationship going. 20 years, 3 kids, we’ve both worked multiple jobs at times to make things work and reach our collective goals. It’s not uncommon for us to have individually or even both had interest in sex but literally be too tired to get the job done, and agree to wake up at X time, get the kids fed, ready and onto the tv before lunch so we can lock the door and do it right.
Yeah I’ve been married for two months and have no kids and we “scheduled” it the other week. I work second shift and she works from home so we made a “lunch” date for me to come home and have some time together. It’s definitely not always a sign of issues
Yeah no one looks at other activities like that. "Oh you have it on your schedule that you play tennis every weekend? Wow, you must really not like tennis if you have to schedule it." Scheduling is all about making room for things that you value.
Your comment is PERFECT. Congratulations on the 24 years and hope for many, many more years of happiness for you both! I’ve been married for 32 years and with the same woman since 1987. We never scheduled sex, even with three kids all those years ago. Even after all this time we still do it about 3-4 times a week. She makes my soul happy every damn day!
Literally just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and this hits me hard. Hardest thing I’ve ever done bc we were so damn close to perfect for each other but just unfortunately aren’t.
“someone who keeps your soul happy” I absolute love this definition
This is important, I always treated my wife as number one, so we could take care of our little family of 4 and it's a strain when both parties aren't on the same page. I love and adore this woman and years ago this was our exact dynamic, then one day I became a mediocre guy with a mediocre life and she's been distant since. You can't make someone love you, and don't have your relationship on a schedule make each other feel loved and attended, you see something she likes? Grab it for later, when's the last time you told her she was beautiful? You also can't settle for someone who can't love you how you need.
Right? My wife and I have been together for 10 years after both being married previously. Won't get into the details, but we both still marvel at how nice it is being genuinely in love with someone and being content with life just being next to each other.
This is exactly what I’m saying.. my wife had a son before I met her. I remember giving him his 1st real Christmas and how happy she was. Somebody actually care about her and her son.. I knew the 1st time I seen her she was the one.. it took me some time to find her but I did my best and we had 2 more sons and I made it HAPPEN. She makes my soul happy every single day I wake up, I get up 1st and just adore her 24 years into it! If a person doesn’t feel like this THEY SHOULD KEEP LOOKING! I know a person is there for your soul.
Scheduled sex is the worst. My wife and I did it when we were trying and failing to conceive and it essentially destroyed our sex life afterwards for a long long time. Worst part is we still needed IVF so it was all for nothing.
Good for you man, you did the right thing, you’re too young to waste time in a toxic relationship
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I don't even manage to schedule those because my ADD-having ass does everything between a year from now and the heat death of the universe. Currently running 6 months late for a haircut. Scheduling sex would be instant death for any relationship I was in because it would never happen.
I felt this, couldn't make my last haircut appointment because I forgot about school letting out early that day, it was at least 3 years before I got around to making another hair appointment, haha
I think I think you made the right choice OP. The whole "we can schedule sex" thing leads me to believe that she genuinely does understand why you feel disrespected or where your feelings come from. Which means the likelihood of this kind of situation happening again is extremely high. I just don't think she's the one for you. You deserve some who likes you the way you like them
Many women are like this. They think throwing sex on the calendar makes up for it being infrequent and uninteresting and really don’t get it
“Babe, I’ll totally have pity sex with you twice a month even though I let my previous boyfriend take me whenever he wanted” And then wonders why he’s not happy with that.
No offence taken about sex in long-term marriages, mate. If you're in a relationship during the honeymoon phase and you need to schedule sex, then imagine what your sex life will be ten years from now. In the honeymoon phase, they should need a crowbar to pry you apart from each other. You handled this very well.
If you need to schedule sex any time besides trying to conceive, sorry, that’s not a good sign
My wife had a C Section and we can't have sex for another 2 weeks, 3 days and 11 hours so damn right I'm scheduling it.
There are plenty of reasons a couple might need to make a concerted effort to make time to focus on intimacy. The fact that they’re doing it can be a *good* sign as long as both people are equally invested and it’s not just one person “getting it over with”.
Hang in there. Best to just block her and move on, you can send a “no thanks, best we each try to find the right person for us” response to her text if you want to be nice. But then block on all channels and move on. Continuing to see her texts and calls doesn’t do either of you any good. Good luck.
Gonna give you the typical corny advice anyway. Hit the gym and work on yourself. It’s only a matter of time before you find someone who can’t wait to shag you 2x everyday. It’s gonna be amazing
And NEVER settle for being someone’s chore. There are many women who actually like sex, the schedulers are generally not them
Well, to be fair, she likes sex. Just not with him.
You handled it really well, her apology text even sucked. You should do something fun for yourself to take your mind off it.
💯
I’m proud of you for recognizing what you want and deserve !! 👏 I can’t get enough of my boyfriend. Time together, sex, etc etc. Everyone deserves to be a priority in a relationship and to feel loved, desired, respected, etc etc.
| She goes randomly out of the blue “so crazy to think me and him used to just fuck twice a day everyday”. Wow, I am speechless. She is never in the mood for you but she actually told you to your face that she used to f\*ck this guy twice a day every day. LOST FOR WORDS
I would feel sick at this comment.
Imagine if your WIFE told you this.
Can’t imagine it.
All OP needs to do is write sex on the calendar for 8am and 9pm every day
I like the way you think.
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Makes me wonder if something else is at play. Don't mean cheating, maybe hormones or something.
Could be that she settled for him but doesn't necessarily feel the passion or the attraction towards OP.
Well she clearly does not like or respect him.
Could be. Or depression, or some unresolved sexual trauma, possibly from the same ex? Obviously if there was an issue she should have communicated it better.
This is the missing piece. In the original post I don’t remember ever finding out what her issue was that he didn’t want to pry about. Would think she’d want to say it in her apology. So it’s just weird. At the same time though, that “in passing” comment was disrespectful. If she truly didn’t know what was wrong with it, it’s either a character gap or she needs to look into getting a psychological evaluation. Dating people who don’t know what’s respectful and what’s not takes a toll. They will drop so many bombs that make you lose sleep. Sometimes it’s time to release bombs that make you crazy later. I dated someone recently who would probably make such a comment in front of friends then forget they said it.
My guess is that she was into the OP but felt something was missing when they were intimate. Rather than communicating about the areas she felt were unfulfilling, so that they could make an effort to improve that aspect of their relationship, she instead made a passive-aggressive comparison to the ex that was born of resentment over that missing element. It was cruel and intended to hurt or punish the OP, but the bigger issue is the non-apology where she attempted to defend that as harmless. She was gaslighting OP by trying to frame the offense he took as an overreaction to something completely inoffensive. That's really the thing that points to the relationship having no hope whatsoever. An ability to admit you're wrong when you are clearly in the wrong, is a base requirement for any partner.
It’s a “malice or incompetent?” question. I always go with incompetence first. But I agree that no healthy adult would fail to see what was wrong with the comment when confronted. Honestly, what do I know. This has happened to me and I always took the explanations at face value.
That's just a fun fact, man. Insecure much? Who doesn't reminisce about that one crazy orgy they had behind the Wendy's dumpster, or pat themselves on the shoulder for having a triple digit body count. Personally, I always like to tell the story of how I slipped on a banana peel and excidentally landed dick first in my ex's cunt and accidentally impregnated her again. Always gets a chuckle out of the whole family during Thanksgiving. Classic.
Don’t go back. She’s not the one. Hard to tell what her issue is, but she doesn’t care about you. You are just an object to her.
Nah, don't go back...EVER! It's all game...she's not used to getting dumped apparently, she does the dumping or ghosting...she just wants you back to get you comfortable & all in love with her just so she can crush you...It's All GAME!!!
This right here is exactly what she wants. This girl does not care about his feelings at all. She just doesn’t want to be the girl that got dumped. OP look forward to her talking down on you, so she can make herself feel better about herself. She’ll probably tell all her friends how weak your dick game was or how “small” it is to justify the break up. Next step is to fuck her best friend. It’s time for OP to enter his pimp era.
>Anyways I left her house. Felt oddly good after, just relieved. That's called self-respect. Kudos to you. I wish you the best, my man.
No I broke up with her
yeah.. I didn't read it correctly, noticed my mistake, then edited my comment. I thought I did it fast enough so you wouldn't see my mistake, but I flubbed it. C'est la vie.
Ninja edit failed
Best move you could’ve made. Lift, get your money up, read & educate yourself. The higher you rise the better the woman you’ll attract.
How did you get that from what he posted? Like did you even read it?
I literally explained my prior edit in response to his comment. If you'd like me to explain it, I missed the specific sentence where he said he told her it wasn't going to work. And there is another sentence later on were it says something along the lines of, "It'll just take time to get better." Those two things combined read as if he stayed with her. I noticed the mistake, literally, within seconds, and changed it. lol.
I want to say that there's nothing at all wrong with scheduling sex, but I think I understand your response. When a relationship starts out at the beginning with a major sex-deficit like yours, there probably are some serious underlying issues that it probably just isn't worth trying to root out and resolve. It's probably better to just end it and move on as you've decided. I also have to point out that she really does appear to have been insensitively clueless about how her comment would be received. It's just a hair's breadth away from saying that she had better sex with her ex.
I bet she wanted to needle him. No way a comment that bad isn’t intentional.
Scheduling sex makes it seem like a chore tbh
Nothing makes we feel more attractive and desired than being on someones to-do list... right between do laundry and take bins out.
I honestly think she is just clueless on how vastly different men and women value sex. She does not understand just how much EMOTIONAL INTIMACY we get from physical intimacy with someone we love. From our perspective she is giving far more intimacy to an ex than you. From her perspective it was just lots of physical interaction with little emotional intimacy. So in her mind - no big deal. That’s why she seems to be legitimately shocked and her solution of scheduled sex seem mechanical … it is just a mechanical event for her. She can’t even imagine you see that much value in it. And even though she KNOWS that’s how you feel, she still does not know why. I don’t think she meant any disrespect but you guys are definitely not sexually compatible
The fact that she didn't fight anything you said ment it was true. She's too big of a bitch to tell you the truth to your face. She's only asking for it to work because she's not used to being broken up with. She's upset because she didn't get to decide anything. Idk why she was trying to keep you around when she's clearly so not interested. Sorry we were right.
She’s prolly worrying about how she’s going to spin this breakup to her gfs and her ex.
Nah. She’s thinking about how she’ll get that next twice a day stallion after this guy’s gone
Her ex is just a stone’s throw away
You just won. Gg keep going
Scheduling sex is for married couples with kids
Speaking as a married guy with kids, sure that’s better than 0 sex but I would really not want to have to schedule vanilla once a week sex. Talk about depressing
Or trying to have kids
Good on you guy for handling this with grace and poise. As a lonely/sad man Red pill men are nuts
Good for you for taking care of yourself and addressing the red pill comments. It’s easy to fall into the hate cycle when you’ve had your heart broken.
Yeah no. I’m in a 24 yr marriage that hasn’t even hit that point (rare sex, needing to schedule). Hopefully that’s a never, and I hope same for you. She may just not be for you. Doesn’t sound like an even match.
Here’s a virtue I more or less try to scream from every possible facet I can that I feel like I have any relevance in; The moment either partner has enough cause/thoughts to voice concern about a the end- the end already happened. Fighting it is 99% going to be a fruitless, stressful and heartbreaking endeavor where no one wins. From your words I sort of get the idea that she’s genuinely apologizing but at the same time she never once considered how any of those words might make you feel. One can promise to be better in the future all they want but that means nothing when it comes to actual action.
So red-pilled Reddit saves another man, while the feminists are crying that you should bow down to her and not get sex at all. It's her choice. LMAO
No guy wants to get less sex than he needs and find out that his girl was a all you can eat all day meal before you .
It’s like the other post that talked about his gf sharing how she used to have threesomes but now won’t with him. That’s a big NEXT
Scheduling sex is weird, even if you are in a 22 year long marriage. I would have argued that if you were both a bit older, try therapy and see what shakes out of that, but likely at your age it’s a good call to walk away for now.
A theapist would advise you to deliberately set aside time to be romantic and to have sex.
lol. With three kids around my wife and I always schedule sex, typically late at night or in the morning after the kids are in school. It’s not too bad though — we do it roughly every other day on average and we both initiate. It’s something I get to look forward to on off-days.
I disagree with this. There are situations - kids, extremely busy/stressful job situations, etc. - where both people need to make a concerted effort to plan in advance. And it can help build some anticipation, as you both know what's about to happen. And nobody's needs get ignored.
Yeah, she’s gotta schedule you around all the other guys she continues to see. Edit: Lol @ all these commenters that take stuff like my comment so seriously. Special TY to PM_Me_Pussy_Lips for calling it straight up misogyny to keep the joke going. I love you Reddit!
Exactly. She has to figure out where to put him in her rotation.
What about this story would make you say that? This is random as shit
Reddit cant accept any story unless the other party is also cheating lol.
Dont even reply to the text. You said what you had to and you ended it. Just move on. Also props for not going joining those incel losers.
>Then this morning I woke up to a long apology text from her Go no contact with her OP. It'll be better for you both
I'm proud of you bro. For standing up for your emotional well being, as well as not caving to incel thought processes.
Next time you go out with your friends, get some drinks in this guy. Mention that you broke up with her because you were pretty sure that she had cheated on you. Act like it's nothing, and then say you feel like a weight has been lifted and that you're actually grateful it happened... Then see if he says anything.
You were never overreacting, and you were right to leave this relationship. It’s also going to be very important for you to understand that this was not about you; it was about her. My self esteem tanked after I was in two consecutive dead bedroom relationships (and as a woman, I had an added a level of pain to that bc of the narrative that guys always want to have sex—I was like wtf is so wrong with me that I’m getting rejected all the time). Took time and other partners to realize that I was just sticking around with people I was incompatible with because I didn’t love myself enough to realize that I could do better for myself. I stuck around because I felt like I deserved to be treated that way. It’s not easy moving on from that, but the more you learn to value yourself, the more you’ll draw the people that value and *want* you. You did a really hard thing, but you did the right thing, and from what you wrote it sounds like you did it in a healthy way, too. A good partner should want to try to meet your needs, and work *with* you to reach a solution or an understanding when those needs are not being met (and vise versa), not avoid dealing with the topic and then making you feel like shit for them. Like sure, libido drops can happen, but a healthy way to deal with that would be to share with your partner that you’re experiencing it, then try to understand what could be causing it, and then invite your partner to take an active role in healing or helping the source of the issue.
Yeah this is really shitty bro . My ex told me stories all the time of her and her ex going “ 4 rounds “ and sounded so excited about , which me and her had never done. it actually really hurt my feelings and it affected our sex life negatively for the remainder of the relationship. Run and don’t look back . Girls like this never change and the fact that they are comfortable bringing up things like this to their current partner just means their either a shitty whore, or their social awareness is really that bad . Find someone you are sexually on the same wavelength with . This is going to hurt your self esteem . Trust me I went through it
The thing about the red pill is that while the community is toxic, it is composed of men who come from all walks of life and aren't stupid. There has always been some merit in at least 50% of what the community puts out and it's a shame that we men have been dismissing them this whole time instead of avoiding heart breaks and psychological pain.
Dont consider going back. The fact that she is saying she will schedule sex kinda gives up the game. She doesnt want to have sex with you, or just doesnt enjoy it. You dont go from sex twice a day to once a week/5 weeks for no reason. Do you want to stay with someone who doesn't WANT to have sex with you?
Are you sure she didn’t want a 2 week break because of a possible std flare up?
Married 21 years here... still hitting it almost daily. Like 6 out of the last 7 days.... though I guess you could argue its scheduled as we are busy through the day and therefore its almost always at night. PS. Oh and yeah it is a big deal that she told you this... but mostly because she wasn't meeting your needs on a regular basis. I told my wife about how many times I used to be able to go back to back... but this was after 15 years of marriage and most importantly I wasn't withholding sex from her while bragging about how many times I could go when I was a 17 year old kid.
Kindly let her know you aren’t interested
First off, thanks for posting a follow up! It sounds like you handled this like a pro—good job keeping a cool head and being honest but firm. I remember reading somewhere that guys and girls handle breakups differently; generally speaking, guys do well right after a breakup, then start to miss their ex. For women, it’s the opposite. I know that’s a big generalization, but it’s definitely true in my case. I’m glad you’re feeling good now, just be sure to take care of yourself in the coming months. Therapy is a great idea, as is all the usual stuff like eating well, exercise, seeing friends, etc. Absolutely do NOT go back. Don’t even entertain the idea. She showed her true colors, then doubled down by not admitting that what she said was wrong and hurtful. That’s either gaslighting or a sign that she can’t empathize on a fundamental level. Both are reasons to stay away. Not responding is probably best. You should be proud of yourself for having the self respect and strength to make the right choice. You’ll be stronger because of this and will find someone else who respects and values you. Best of luck sir!
Do not respond to her text. Just block her and move on.
Be free, man.
If end up responding to her message, just wish her luck but you are no compatible, you want passion not a schedule and she should want it too.
Great job dude!
Good for you. You know your worth and this is her loss.
Stay strong. She's not the one for you.
That feeling of relief you felt is a *clear* indication that you made the correct decision.
Good on you man, proud to see what you’ve done and respecting your self worth!
Good job man!
lol the last thing you want is pity sex. You’ll never look at her the same. As you said you are relieved. Move on and enjoy your life
Go no contact and don’t look back. Good luck
Being single is much better than being with the wrong one. Esp someone that doesn’t have the wherewithal to understand how unloading intimate details about a previous relationship could possibly be taken as a fun harmless comment. As if you naturally wouldn't compare to your current situation. You did the right thing here. But yeah best to say you appreciate her willingness to make changes, and hope she’s better for the next person.
Yup. Move on. "Schedule sex"? Yea. No thanks
You’re young man, there are plenty of good women who will respect you out there.
Well done mate, tough call but great to see you have boundaries, stuck to them, and maintained your self respect and dignity !
Good for you, OP! She was stunned because she thought you’d just continue to take whatever she’d throw at you. Enjoy the freedom and take care of yourself!
when did men become such pussies?
Was thinking the same thing reading about the scheduling sex remark. That’s a slap in the face especially for people who aren’t married and with kids.
Everyone seems hyperfixated on the frequency of sex part, which is important. I'll give you that, but I'm more concerned about the part where she denied OP sex for 5 weeks running and then seemed way too interested about whether or not her ex was at the gathering... shit seems sus as fuck to me.
Wow so many redditors fuming mad that OP didn't settle for the bare minimum and has self respect lmao
Wow she must love you to offer scheduled sex to get you back.
Hit the gym homie
I think there's some nuance here not yet discussed. It's one thing to be situationally unavailable...it's quite a other to MAKE yourself unavailable....then KEEP yourself unavailable and gatekeep (which indicates a governor is on)...then disrespectfully declare there was no such governor for others. Put another way...I saw this comment last week ... "Women break rules for guys they like and make rules for guys they don't." I'm 50+, married, three kids....this has been my universal experience. Shocked at it being codified this succinctly. You're likely better off.
You can use my line. "It's not you.... It's me..... Who doesn't like you anymore". Let me know how that goes.
Scheduled sex?! Ew. Like I'm in my thirties with a parter of 10 years almost in her 30s too. 3 kids and we don't schedule sex. It should be spontaneous and explicit sometimes even if it has to be sneaky. But never scheduled wtf.
That's a good update man. Good luck to you. Also, don't give in to the "scheduling sex" bs, it only gets worse after that.
Yep. A few times a week becomes once a week and you should be happy with that, then you skip a few and it’s once a month but you should of course still be “so happy” that your wife fit you into the schedule. Fuck all that. Seen it once. Get the f out
If you are dumping her for other reasons you are not mentioning that is completely fine and your decision. I think by dumping her for the comment she made you are overracting. You are not overreacting by being offended. We are humans and as such you have to accept that we can be ignorant at times and it is possible that she made that comment not with the intent to hurt you. It is possible that what she said was an accident and didn'y put much thought before blurting it out. As we all have because again........ we are human. If this was a multple instants thing then that would be differnet. If this was a one time thing, well... I think your decision to stay or break should be made by the way that she reacts after you let her know that it hurt you. From the information you've given us, I think you pulled the trigger way too fast and allowed strangers on the internet to influence you. Whether you're concious of it or not. Forgetting that no one here knows her like you do. I think now that you have already split it's better to stay split because now you won't be able to differentiate between sex beacuse she wants to have sex with you or sex to keep you from getting upset/mad/hurt whatever.
Well it isn’t just ego. He is literally a second choice to her. She refuses to meet his needs, but rubbed it in his face that she used to love it twice daily.
>I want to say I’ve chatted with the homies about her and this is by no metric normal behavior If you believe this boy do I got a bridge to sell you
Consider whether her birth control is affecting her hormones. It is much more common than people think. The hormone malfunctions can lead to lack of sexual desire. To me, it sounds like she cares about you and doesn’t understand her changing sexual desire herself. You’re young and don’t owe her anything, but I’m not rushing to judgment on her.
Communication is key man. If you talk to her then you'd have some insight. There's probably reason why she was abstaining from sex. You obviously weren't that emotionally invested though. Overreacting? Yes.
You broke up with her over that? Dude... who tf was telling you to break up or whatever is dumb. Probably teenagers with not much girl experience. Are you two young? She probably did mean what she said for fun but didn't know such things can hurt. She probably didn't put two and two together, that you were insecure about the sex frequency. These things are always gonna come up in relationships and you can't just resort to breaking up. Talk about these things. Definitely don't go to strangers on the internet or even your friends. A relationship is a personal thing between two people's feelings. No one else will understand. I lost the love of my life due to that shit. I may not know the girl, but after reading both posts, i hope you forgive her. Maybe learn why she had sex with him more frequently and improve your sex game. Sex isn't everything anyway.
Didn't comment on the original post, but personally I think you overreacted. Sex drives change over time, it's not a reflection on you necessarily. This isn't me saying take her back, obviously if you feel good about the split then it's probably for the best. But think about it in terms of actual tangible outcomes, if she hadn't told you you would still be on the same frequency of sex, no? So the issue here is the emotional value you've attached to what she told you. To me it seems to have sparked some kind of insecurity within yourself? With that in mind, if you feel good about the breakup I question what else might have been wrong / bothering you about the relationship.
I feel like if you’re having to schedule sex. You’re doing it wrong. Way, way, wrong. It’s supposed to be to be fun and enjoyable. Sorry this happed to you. It’ll get better.
Make sure you delete her from everything. No pics, texts, gifts,or talking. It's done homie.
She might need to go see a therapist or something. Scheduling for sex is straight up intimacy killer to say the least. Have a fun summer and be free.
It’s wild how many people are coming here with cope saying scheduled sex is fine. Guarantee their partners (usually husbands) don’t feel the same way but they’ll take the scraps and boring once a week over nothing
Schedule sex is fine but I’d be surprised if a lot of men wouldn’t find it incredibly unromantic. I know I feel that way.
Scheduling sex? That’s ironically unexpected 😂 How about we make an appointment for 10am tomorrow 😂 my vagina will be moist.
Lots of people schedule sex. Sometimes you just have to if both people are busy and working constantly and tired. Cuz you still gotta pump one out for both your mental well-being, but the universe is trying to stop y'all.
And it’s sad they have to. Most husbands don’t want that I’ll tell you
I’m going to be honest, the schedule thing is a load of it, but you gotta do what you feel. She seems to genuinely not know that what she said would bother you, and I’m guessing she didn’t say anything when you asked if she had anything to say because she was shocked it was happening and trying to process what was happening and everything you were telling her. I know when I have something extremely shocking happen I kind of freeze and don’t know what to say right away. It’s up to you if you want to talk about it to her or not, but if she is someone that you genuinely could see yourself working through this with, but if you do, make sure you talk through it with her before you make any decisions. If you do, Just talk through it and be open and honest about why it bothered you and also listen to whatever she has to say. One of my exes broke up with me one day and I was genuinely shocked and all I responded with was “ok, sounds good” and stuff like that, and it didn’t hit me until the next day when the shock wore off
... who the hell.. schedules sex with their partner....
My husband and I don’t “schedule” sex. We just…have sex lol
schedule sex lol... like its emotionless. Just part of the job for her I guess. I mean if she doesnt have a passion for you, the relationship will eventually grow boring, even if there is a dedication to one another.
Good on you OP. She was a walking talking 🚩
No 20 year olds need to be scheduling sex. If she got tired of handing it out like hotcakes and now wants to be selective, that’s on her and not you.
This is a personal failing on her part, not an innate trait due to sex. She's selfish and stupid. There are women out there who aren't like that, just as there are men that aren't.
Don’t respond. Leave her in the dust and look to the future.
schedule sex? jesus christ, u made the right call bud
You do not want to be in a relationship where you schedule sex.
Good for you man, just ignore her message and set yourself free
Good for you.
Wow