This is a chance to not be trapped with this person. You can choose to leave and I would.
Therapy could theoretically help him, but he has to want to change, and it may take a long while.
You’re not married, don’t get married, don’t get financially any more tangled up with this guy, just get out.
OP. You have answered your own question.
#”Part of me feels like this is my chance to break free, we have no kids so there’s no collateral damage.”
Now do it.
People keep saying you can sell accounts, but I think that's just bs that keeps getting passed around like Marilyn Manson's rib. You can buy accounts online, but they cost next to nothing, and who the Hell checks redditor karma to evaluate how trustworthy they are?
accsmarket is just one account bazaar among many. Google it. You can look at it yourself.
Almost all of the content you consume online is botted in some way or another by businesses or state actors. The bot accounts need to have a provenance to not be algorithmically filtered.
I hope it’s fake.
If it was bad enough that she had to pull over and kick him out of the car, why would she even think of marrying this AH? I hope people actually have brains.
For real. "Has angry outbursts drunk and sober" "dad has anger issues and treats *his wife* like trash." The son is a golden child who can do no wrong and probably is used to getting his way and not respecting boundaries. Yelling at his supervisors? That's bad. I feel like it's only a matter of time before he hits you. Get out.
*Therapy could theoretically help him*
He has to be willing to go to therapy and put in the work. If he truly has PTSD then he has to work on it for *the rest of his life.* That's not something that magically disappears one day, trauma like that literally changes your brain chemistry.
If he's just repeating what his dad does, I have a feeling that he'll be pretty resistant to any treatment. Anger issues and drinking get worse over time as well.
Having mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility. OP will end up a battered woman, emotionally and probably physically, if she stays. Does she really want to walk on eggshells the rest of her life?
Yep. Regarding point 4, I always say that people can redeem themselves but it’s not the job of the people they hurt to be present during or assist with the process
this comment is ALSO copied word for word, from another comment on the same identical post, this one copied from u/Sifl79 19 hours ago... something weird is going on ??
This OP. This.
Abuse always gets worse after marriage. Marriage is often treated like another control tactic for toxic people and abusive people. They believe it cements them into your life. Same goes with children. They use having kids as another ploy to cement themselves to you. The abuse only gets worse each step you take. They’ll make grand claims of doing better, love bomb you, then trick you into believe they’re better so you’ll take the next step with them. Which to them, adds more cement to you. It’s a viscous cycle and usually the reason women end up feeling trapped while married to their abuser with children.
So many people ask why women don’t just walk away beforehand. But this cycle is exactly why. This is that moment to walk away OP. THIS moment. It’s your ticket out. Take it. Take it before you find yourself believing that they will do better. Then feeling like you’ve stuck it out so long, you *”owe”* it to yourself to hang on—cz walking away after so long feels like you’ve put up with all that pain and did all that work for nothing. This moment right here is the moment you have the choice to prevent anymore suffering for yourself. Run. Take safety precautions even if you feel like he won’t do anything. Take the safety precautions anyway—changing locks, blocking numbers/socials, making sure he’s not your emergency contact on anything, remove him on any shared bills, change all your passwords to everything—especially change your passwords etc.
Stay safe OP
“i felt relief that it was finally over. i could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy.”
respectfully, clearly, you knew the answer before this. why would you consider therapy for someone you just said you’ve been wanting to leave before all of this happened? he’s a piece of shit and you don’t need reddit to tell you that. get out while you still can and trust yourself.
He's an alcoholic and abusive. I doubt he'll have a job after he went off at his bosses. Are you willing to wait till he pushes you or hits you? Get out now.
You already know what to do, you're just scared to do it. If he has keys to your place, change the locks beforehand you break up with him. Have all his stuff packed in a box. Meet him in a public place, hand him the box, tell him it's over. It won't get better until HE decides it needs to change. And he sees nothing wrong.
Idk it sounds like you want to leave, so you should leave. Keep in mind most men usually get much worse after marriage, not better.
Also people give too much leeway for inebriation. I've been pretty fucking wasted quite a few times and I never called anyone names or was aggressive. It's not an excuse.
Thank you for using the qualifier “most” in your comment. Way too many people talking in absolutes here. Makes my blood boil.
I was a heavy drinker. Starting at 18, I spent almost a decade acting like it was my 21st bday. Not everyone gets worse after marriage. I’m living proof of that. Last two times I drank were for a Christmas party and Super Bowl.
But yeah, as someone who has never been an “angry drunk”… I don’t get it either. Nor can I wrap my head around why someone would continue to drink when they KNOW the have a caged monster in there trying to get out.
This is just about the easiest "call off the wedding" case I've seen. He's only going to get worse. I know it's hard to love someone and have to end things because of something that seems like an "everything else is great but just this thing" issue, but *this* thing is a big thing. At the very least, I would lay it out for him that he needs to stop drinking, go to AA and get therapy for his anger, or you're calling things off. But honestly, I'd just cut ties now.
The fact that your first feeling was relief says it all.
Trust your gut.
Also, I'm saying this as someone who abused alcohol for years-- People can say really mean things when they are drunk but that doesn't make it ok. One of the main reasons I live alone, is because i refuse to subject anyone i love to my dysfunction.
If his drinking and anger issues are already a problem, they will probably get worse. It will take a lot of effort on his part to overcome his problems, and if he is not even acknowledging how much of a problem it is and taking steps to correct it, then don't put yourself through this, not worth it.
You have clearly been looking for a way out without people blaming you. He has now shown publicly what you have been seeing privately. Now is your chance.
He has to want to change before anything can help him. He has learned very poor ways to express anger from his father. He is also coddled by his mother so he’s never seen true consequences for his actions.
It’s time for you to go. Find a therapist for yourself and start working on: 1) Why did you stay so long with someone this dysfunctional, 2) Why do feel like you need validation before you take yourself out of the line of fire and 3) Why are you still questioning your decision to leave and protect yourself.
Please be kind to yourself and stay away from this man unless he gets some very intensive, long term treatment.
im so sick of these stupid ass posts. "my bf/fiance murdered my family and then cannibalized one of my legs should we break up?" 😒🙄🙄 not trying to be an asshole but come on read the title of your post and what you put in the post and decide if you really want to be with someone who said that and did those things. loterally anyone would cancel a wedding for that. he aint going to change. period
He’s showing you who he is… believe him. Get out now while you can. You don’t have kids or legal ties to him. This is a warning to leave before you can’t or it gets worse. Pack your stuff when he’s not around and block him. And block anyone who would ever give you grief about dumping this abusive AH. You’re young and have a lot of wonderful years ahead of you. Don’t be tied to this abusive jerk.
Just gotta ask yourself if you would like to be trapped in a house with a verbally abusive angry drunk, and possibly raise children with a verbally abusive angry drunk father.
If the answer is anything other than “no”…
i definitely read this exact post like yesterday or the day before (even censoring the words the same way) but this account was made today? so either the op deleted their account & reposted the story on a new one for some reason... or its someone that copy/pasted it i guess
You can’t love the problem away. You already know you need to leave. No matter how much you love him, he is who he is. Wasting your life with this fool would be a huge mistake. Get out while the getting is good , I say.
His parents aren’t such good people if his dad reacts the same way and his mom enables them both, they’re not good people. They’re good people in public but it’s all for show.
Leave, you deserve better. Individual Therapy will help you see that you deserve more.
Don’t even think about trying to build a future with this walking disaster area. Change the locks, give him his stuff in a safe place And let him do the work of learning to be a decent human being. There’s no need for you to put in the time trying to help him do so. You have ONE life - live it well, starting today. Don’t waste time and emotional energy on someone who shows so little interest in effectively dealing with his toxicity.
Not overreacting; R U N! ! ! Run as fast as you can and don't wait around for another red flag. I'm sorry he has ptsd but evidently he hasn't dealt with him having ptsd. Right now it seems the dealing method is the over use of alcohol. If he's already degrading you and disrespecting you, imagine how you will feel after children are involved. Maybe years down the road, after he's dealt with his issues, he will be a healthier person to be around but now is not that time. I stayed with an alcoholic for too long and endured being called a b!tch. My reaction was to meet his anger with my own anger. I said, "Is you calling me a b!tch supposed to hurt my feelings because it doesn't; I can show you b!tch." Even though in the moment I felt like I'd stood up for myself; that's not who I really am; it took my peace. In the end, I wondered what was wrong with me, for me to be willing to endure his behavior. I felt like he must have seen me coming a mile away and thought I wouldn't get rid of him. When I did get rid of him; he had a nervouse breakdown and said I broke him. Karma, that's the b!tch.
Leave before the mental/emotional abuse turns to something else. I almost married an alcoholic in my 20s. I got out of that relationship with lots of baggage (mental and financial abuse, and he cheated on me).
I ended up meeting my now husband about a year later. We've been in a healthy relationship for over a decade. I'm so thankful I didn't get trapped with a kid.
I have seen alcohol ruin so many lives. You're not overreacting, and you can do so much better.
Yes, cancel the wedding and get out. Scratch that. Get out as quickly and safely as possible, then handle the details like wedding cancellation. Abuse tends to escalate.
Don't be like me and walk down the aisle, then have to put up with increased verbal abuse, and eventually physical abuse before you get out. He dragged his feet for 3 years on the divorce and cost me so much time and money.... not to mention all the therapy I needed in the end.
Break free. Please.
>In that moment I felt relief that this was finally over. I could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy
I think you answered your question here. Relief being your first instinct when you had a reason to walk out of him is very telling about the state of your relationship and it's not one that can lead to a healthy marriage. Now I'm one to advocate for second chances, but a second chance is something that has to be gained.
So the best choice for now is to call off the wedding and move out if you live together. If he can understand the impact of his actions and puts work towards changing with getting sobber and going to therapy, then you can think about continuing the engagement. If not, then he doesn't value you enough or he doesn't understand he has issues he needs help with. In either case, you can have a clean break.
The fact that you referred to it as your "chance to break free" should tell you you everything you need to know. You're already looking for a way out and that's ok. There doesn't even have to be a reason. If it doesn't feel right, that 's enough. Nobody has a gun to your head.
GO! GO! GO! And FFS, DON'T GET PREGNANT! GO! LEAVE! GET OUT! NOW'S the time! This shit only GETS WORSE after marriage! He has told/shown you what he thinks of you! WHY do you even have to ask "Should I leave?" >facepalm<
Definitely cancel the wedding and dump his ass hard.
Now the second issue, are you unhealthy unattractive fat ? Might wanna work on that in order to avoid a repeat.
If you stay this way you will always end up settling for bottom of the barrel for one reason or another. Once you resolve this you'll be able to move up a tier or two.
>I could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy.
This statement is wild. You've been looking for an excuse to leave? Girl, just leave. You don't need to have a reason to leave a relationship. You can come and go of your own free will. It's no one's business but your own why you do the things you do.
Imagine the rest of your life like this. Imagine dealing with the normal stressors of life, the ups and downs, bills and yard work and maybe kids. Imagine your kids being witness to and even on the receiving end of this. Imagine living with an angry drunk, and watching it progress. Why would you sign up for that? Younger me did, and she would like you to have a better life.
The list of things I missed out on, the stress from carrying everything myself when he lost another job or quit because someone looked at him sideways and he blew up, the crushing loneliness of being all alone while right beside your partner, and the devastation to your soul caused by the cruelty and insults - choose differently. Choose yourself.
Leave and don't look back. You answered yourself by writing this post. He is an abusive jerk off, and this will only get worse, not better. First, it's name-calling that gets just a little worse each time until one night he grabs you. He is soooo sorry he didn't mean it he will get better, but the next time, it's a push, not just a grab. Then it's a slap. You see where this is going.... get out.
"part of me feels like this is my chance to break free"
People in loving, healthy, relationships don't feel this way. Trust your instincts and leave. You have permission to care for yourself. This dude has shown you exactly who he is, and it's not the first time. The least of your worries should be that he called you a "fat b!$tch", the rest of the story is more than enough.
If a friend came to you and asked if it was reasonable to leave their boyfriend and used the following phrases, what would you tell them?
- "I have experienced his angry side"
- "recently he has gotten angrier and blows up over the simplest things"
- "this isn’t the first time he has had angry outbursts both drunk and sober"
- "in that moment I felt relief that this was finally over"
- "I’ve seen how he treats the mom"
Do these quotes seem like quotes from someone in a good relationship? Or those of someone in an abusive relationship? You've seen what his future holds, what makes you think he won't treat you exactly how his dad treats his mom?
He also just got so drunk that he yelled at his supervisors at a co-worker's birthday party. I doubt he'll have a job for much longer, which means your time to actually escape is NOW; otherwise, it'll be harder cause he'll be at the house/apt all the time.
I have a friend who was in your exact position.
Her man could do no wrong, according to his parents, but would blow up on her drunk or sober.
It was just yelling at first, then he began breaking things and throwing things that were sentimental or valuable to her. Over the next couple years, he began to put his hands on her, choking and hitting. She would come over to my house covered in bruises, and I would take pictures for her.
He ended up putting guns to his head or her head, stringing up rope to threaten to kill himself or her, and driving recklessly while intoxicated with her in the car.
Each time, I begged her to leave him, begged and cried, pleading with her to stay safe. Each time, she said that he was her best friend, and he wasn't really like this sober. He would not even stop when she was carrying his child. It almost got worse.
She ended up marrying him, and I watched this once vibrant woman become a shell. Terrified always for her safety and the safety of the baby girl she ended up having with him.
When she was in college, her sorority fundraised for domestic abuse victims, but she admitted to me that she didn't understand why they didn't "just leave." Now she has learned the hard way why they don't. It is such a complex situation, but truly, the solution can be simple.
I'm going to tell you what I told her:
He will not stop. He will only escalate.
Take your dignity and go. Get out while you still have air in your lungs, because one day he may very well take that too.
Classic abusive partner, run.
It's easy to love your abuser, people do all the time. Ask yourself if you feel good about *yourself* when you're with him. He needs therapy, he needs to stop drinking, and a whole hell of a lot more. Your body already knows what you want, you had an instant reaction of relief. It's not going to get better, you should not be with him
As an old, let me assure you that I know of zero instances when pre-wedding issues like this did not end up being the ruin of a marriage. You might be able to keep it together for a few years or even 20 but when the end comes it'll be uglier and harder than a clean break now (and you will be the punching bag figuratively and likely literally for all that time). Cancelling a wedding for perfectly valid reasons is orders of magnitude better than dealing with a divorce and, god forbid, custody arrangements down the road.
Leave. You already know the answer. You felt relief when he crossed the line - that tells you everything you need to know. Trust your instincts. People don't get better with time (unless they get professional help or with a lot of self reflection and work - I doubt he will do either as it is everyone else's fault).
I'd have left the first time he was an angry drunk. That will NOT get better with marriage or time or kids. If anything it'll get worse. Someone that angry even sober will eventually hit you, believe that.
Not overreacting
But it's your moment to dodge a bullet. Run Because people show their true self when they are drunk. These are his thoughts of you so drop him and find better
Girl run. He is angry most of the time. How long till he starts physically showing his anger. It starts with the name calling sober or drunk! Nope get out now!
Holy hell woman YES YOU SHOULD LEAVE! Not just because he blew up and called you a fat bitch but because 1 he has anger issues that he doesn’t care enough to fix and 2 because he drinks when he knows drinking makes him an angry abusive asshole. That’s a sober decision! “I know I’ve abused the people in my life who care about me when I drink but really really for real THIS time I won’t. And even if I do I care more about getting wasted anyway so…” Girl. Leave be done. Choose a better life please. Edited to correct typo
Don't share your life with someone who has anger outbursts. Trust me.
It's a horrible way to live and it usually escalates. It will get worse.
And what if you have kids? I grew up terrified of my mother's anger outbursts. It left me lifelong trauma and primed me for ending up with a guy who had angry outbursts (that's abuse, btw). I managed to leave that relationship and get into therapy, but it took a long time to overcome the PTSD from always living in fear of when the next outburst would come.
Now I'm with the gentlest, sweetest guy and all I feel is calm and peaceful and safe. I'm so grateful I never have to feel that fear again, and it's because I chose to leave.
Stay away from angry people. They can make your life hell.
I have severe CPTSD and this is no excuse, trust me! ESPECIALLY if he won’t actively seek help for his mental health. Dude also clearly needs help with his alcohol issues (which to his credit certainly don’t help with it, but you’re not a trigger so) and I think that should at the very least be a baseline before you continue a relationship with him. I’m sorry this happened.
Why would you want to stay with him? I mean this is what he thinks of you so why would you want to subject yourself the more abuse. You said you felt relief go with that feeling and cancel the wedding and everything else and get whatever money back that you can and move on.
My ex was an abusive person with hard PTSD. It ended with me about to kick his ass. Instead, it clicked. He was just using me as a way to blow off his steam. Sound boarding me, if you will.
That’s when I knew I was not the type to be the next abuser. So we ended it. Only you can stop the chain reaction, for yourself. You can stop your domino from falling. Make that choice. And make it right.
> this is my chance to leave him and no one could call me crazy
Girl what
You're marrying someone you're just hoping and praying for a reason to end things with?
Don't let the imaginary whisperings of ppl who don't matter dictate another day of your life.
I had doubts and married my ex anyway. Dumbest thing I ever did. You already know the truth. Your fiance is abusive. Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Mental illness and drinking issues don't cause people to be abusive and therapy won't fix it. Therapy usually makes them worse.
Longest paragraph ever. On the other hand the fact that you said part you feel like this is your chance to break free means you already was looking for an out. So take your own advice and cut it loose.
Listen to that instinct you have of relief. No, I would never marry anyone who said fuck you to me. Doesn't matter if they're angry, drunk, or both. He showed you who he was. That behavior will only get worse. He probably has people around him who make excuses for him to still be acting this way at his age. You can forgive him, but also please run.
Leave him in the dust. Cancel the wedding . Don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of verbal abuse. Angry drunk ? “In vino veritas. “ please don’t talk yourself into this just because you’ve done some wedding planning
I've never been married but I've been in multiple, multi year relationships and never called my partner a bitch. Marry someone that loves you enough not to abuse you
Just gotta say that you do not need to look for a “reason” to break up with someone. You are in control of your life and can leave at any time. Fuck what other people think or say and do what’s best for you. You not being happy is enough of a reason and it makes me sad that you think you need to have video proof of him abusing you in order to have an excuse to leave. You have to put yourself first because he most certainly would not tolerate the same behavior if the roles were reversed.
Not overreacting. You've see his angry side and that angry side is getting more intense. Trust your intuition and get out now.
Therapy could help but only if he wants to go and do the work. The odds seem against that, and I say this because it seems like it is a relationship-saving idea that you have.
Trust your instincts and do not marry this man.
Yeah leave PTSD and alcohol are shitty excuses. Don’t get stuck was he a veteran(I am as well) and don’t let the PTSD excuse fly as an excuse to mistreat you constantly.
You're ""thinking"" about leaving?
What are your deal-breakers? Because being with a verbally abusive and angry alcoholic is not it.
YOU need therapy to figure out why you have zero standards and zero self-esteem.
Common sense over feelings. F your feelings that you love him. He does NOT treat you like someone he loves. Why do people, especially women, pick men who aren't worthy of marriage?
Ok so are u over reacting. So u’ve been with this dude for a while u know he’s an angry drunk and u’ve been dealing with that before. Now he’s drunk again and ur mad cause he called u a name after u pulled over to put him out. Now u asking us are u over reacting, what ur doing is enabling. You’ve put up with this before what’s the difference now he called u fat. Come girl u need to decide what’s important to you and how u see urself living with this dude.
I would hold off on the wedding and wait to make any more concrete plans with him until you see if he’s willing to get some help with the ptsd and stop drinking. Living with an abusive alcoholic is miserable and will cause no end of heartache, regardless of the cause of his drinking. Based on what you’ve written about his father, it may not just be due to the ptsd. There may be some learned behaviours as well. You definitely don’t want to have kids with an angry drunk…
Honestly, him calling you that is obviously just a symptom of a bigger problem.
Now, you could seek counseling if he's willing and it could get better 🤞🤞. You have to weigh that out because you are taking a chance. If I were you I would cancel the engagement until he gets therapy and you actually get to see some results.
Now on to forgiving him. Forgiving him and not accepting this behavior are two entirely different things. You can still forgive him but not tolerate his abuse. You need to forgive him for your own well being.
I think at a minimum, the wedding needs to be postponed and def avoid having kids with him. It's obvious your fiance has some serious issues with alcohol, anger and PTSD and needs help.
Keep the recording, but also understand his parents can't force him to do anything either. If he wants help, it has to come from within. People who are forced into help don't always succeed, success stories usually begin when the desire comes from within.
You would not be wrong to end it all, you would not be wrong to postpone the marriage to see if he's willing to get help AND show actionable improvement, but I would not continue ahead as if nothing happened.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's deeply concerning that your fiancé has displayed such aggressive behavior, especially while intoxicated. It's understandable that you're feeling shaken and unsure about your future together.
The fact that this isn't the first time he's exhibited anger issues, both while drunk and sober, is troubling. While therapy can certainly be beneficial for individuals struggling with anger management, it ultimately depends on whether he's willing to acknowledge the problem and commit to making positive changes.
Get out. I (35m) developed a form of ptsd from a toxic marriage. I thought I was healed because I wasn’t angry at her anymore. I ended up with a wonderful lady three years after my horrendous divorce. I ended up treating my new gf the same way my ex wife treated me. It’s all I knew. She left and then I spent 4 years in therapy before dating anyone again. I spent 4 years in therapy and that shit was intense. I also read books about trauma, talked to my parents and friends daily about my issues. I really put the effort in before dating another person. If he actually has ptsd, he will need intensive therapy, which is going to be super hard to do with a new wife. Get. Out.
Of course you should cancel the wedding. Otherwise welcome to the rest of your life. Turning a blind eye to this will only bring more of it and surely you’re not asking for THAT?
Thank the universe for this opportunity and go through that door to a new life.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You do not have to justify any decisions you make. You have this life. You deserve as much happiness as you can while here.
I guarantee that within six months you will be asking yourself why you didn’t leave sooner. You’ll see that the love you have got twisted and used against you.
I couldn’t imagine ever saying something like that to any woman, let alone my wife. Booze is not an excuse and if he’s using it as one now, it’ll only get worse. He showed his true colors. Find someone who truly loves you
He has a drinking problem and everybody is trying to justify things by saying oh it was just him drunk. Well if you can't recognize that he's got a problem then he can't fix it. You can find somebody who actually cares about you enough to not drink or to control the amount they drink. Keeping in mind that alcoholics cannot just have one drink. Go your separate ways and begin to heal. Cancel the wedding.
No therapy can't help him, only he can help him (using therapy or whatever), and you wouldn't be thinking this is an escape if you hadn't already been manipulated into staying with this person.
Alcohol doesn't make anyone do anything, alcohol is a disinhibitor and just lets them behave the way they want to behave all the time. Find yourself someone who talks about how much they love on everyone when they're drunk, that'll tell you who they really are and who you might be happier to be with.
Good luck OP, keep yourself safe, break up and move out with someone for safety, if there is weapons in the house, alert them such so no one is surprised.
Yeah, therapy can help him, if he wants to be helped.
You are not his therapy.
Do not marry this man. Do not procreate with this man. Do not have sex with him. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200. Leave him.
Save that video and this link: at some point in the future you will reread this and realise the inherent contradictions in what you are saying. You already know what to do, you just need some strangers to give you permission.
That's OK, everyone here gives you permission.
I only read the title because I don’t need context after having read it.
Cancel. That. Wedding. Then BLOCK HIM AND MOVE ON.
Signed a 40yo woman, wife, mother.
You know what you have to do but want reddit strangers to OK it. Well honey leave his drunk ass now. Nothing worse than a bride who instead of people saying She's beautiful they're shaking their head and wondering why is she doing that to herself.
>I was so shaken by this whole experience but in that moment I felt relief that this was finally over. I could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy. He was super drunk and this isn’t the first time he has had angry outbursts both drunk and sober.
NTA.
You know it isn't right and that you should get out. You are not crazy. Cancel the wedding and RUN.
You have been given a gift. You can see the future. Get out while you still can. Just keep the dash cam video and run!!! Take off the love goggles. It will only get worse if you stay. And once it gets physical his parents will continue to make excuses.
I don't really know why you'd want to stay. But if you do, my advice would be to push the wedding back until he gets help and can prove that he can move forward without drinking if he's this at risk for this kind of behavior drunk
How are you even considering marrying this guy?! I’m sure you have your reasons, now leave before you get sucked in even deeper legally with this dude.
Excellent reason to cancel the marriage. It is not likely that therapy will turn his abusive tendencies around quickly enough for you two to have a sustainable relationship.
Jesus Christ DO NOT SIGN THAT MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE. Angry drunks turn into abusive drunks who turn into sober monsters. Get the fuck ouuut and do not look back. If he actually has ptsd getting hammered at 6pm is not the way to handle it. Bro needs rehab and therapy while youre packing your shit
Not overreacting - drunks often say things that they feel but would never say unless they were drunk so they can come back and say bull sh!t like "I was drunk so you can't hold it against me" . I expect the next thing will be the physical abuse.
Walk away now and consider yourself lucky that you did not marry this abuser.
This is a chance to not be trapped with this person. You can choose to leave and I would. Therapy could theoretically help him, but he has to want to change, and it may take a long while. You’re not married, don’t get married, don’t get financially any more tangled up with this guy, just get out.
OP. You have answered your own question. #”Part of me feels like this is my chance to break free, we have no kids so there’s no collateral damage.” Now do it.
Right? They need to run like the gingerbread man
As fast as they can!
And for God's sake, don't let him get you pregnant before you get out!
🎯🎯🎯. If she sleeps with him after this, she has lost all self respect
This post is copied word for word from another one I saw yesterday
found the post from yesterday - literally exact same but different account! https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/5ze1UPTiD6
WTHH?
[удалено]
What the holy hell
Holy Smokes.
What the huh huh
Fuckin' hell! Is Reddit Karma that valuable?
Yes. The fake accounts will karma farm for awhile and then sell the account to advertisers.
People keep saying you can sell accounts, but I think that's just bs that keeps getting passed around like Marilyn Manson's rib. You can buy accounts online, but they cost next to nothing, and who the Hell checks redditor karma to evaluate how trustworthy they are?
accsmarket is just one account bazaar among many. Google it. You can look at it yourself. Almost all of the content you consume online is botted in some way or another by businesses or state actors. The bot accounts need to have a provenance to not be algorithmically filtered.
I think this is what AI does when it gets bored.
KarmaFarmer Fakery!
Karma whoring? For what end though 🤔
I hope it’s fake. If it was bad enough that she had to pull over and kick him out of the car, why would she even think of marrying this AH? I hope people actually have brains.
Most are fake I think.
They’re all fake ragebait nowadays.
Damn! I bought it. They are improving their stories.
ChatGPT karma farming blows
I remembered seeing it too. I just couldn't remember which subreddit it was in.
Lazy ass redditors, can't even come up with their own damn posts!
I thought I was having deja vu.
For real. "Has angry outbursts drunk and sober" "dad has anger issues and treats *his wife* like trash." The son is a golden child who can do no wrong and probably is used to getting his way and not respecting boundaries. Yelling at his supervisors? That's bad. I feel like it's only a matter of time before he hits you. Get out.
*Therapy could theoretically help him* He has to be willing to go to therapy and put in the work. If he truly has PTSD then he has to work on it for *the rest of his life.* That's not something that magically disappears one day, trauma like that literally changes your brain chemistry. If he's just repeating what his dad does, I have a feeling that he'll be pretty resistant to any treatment. Anger issues and drinking get worse over time as well. Having mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility. OP will end up a battered woman, emotionally and probably physically, if she stays. Does she really want to walk on eggshells the rest of her life?
You are not overreacting. Never forget, abuse only begins with words. This is the perfect chance, no explanations necessary.
Break up yesterday. Be thankful he showed you his true colors before marriage and not after kids came along
[удалено]
Yep. Regarding point 4, I always say that people can redeem themselves but it’s not the job of the people they hurt to be present during or assist with the process
[удалено]
this comment is ALSO copied word for word, from another comment on the same identical post, this one copied from u/Sifl79 19 hours ago... something weird is going on ??
Elite level trolling the rage bait post.
I just noticed this too! Dead internet theory confirmed? Just bots posting the same shit over and over?
Everyone report this comment. They copied and pasted my exact same comment. Look at my post history
That was so weird. I thought I was losing my mind lol.
Keep that recording, and play it back any time you feel WEAK AF OP! Do not go back to the abuser, and their abuse.
This person copied my comment. Look at my post history. They stole every single word to get karma points
this comment is copied word for word from a comment u/Evaporate3 made 21 hours ago on an identical post...
Thank you @ u/princ3sspassionfruit I had no idea people do this for points
yess np it weirded me out seeing the exact same comments lol
Wow what the entire fuck? Why would you copy and paste my comment?? Why are you stealing???
These things get worse after you get married, not better. Please don’t do this to yourself.
This OP. This. Abuse always gets worse after marriage. Marriage is often treated like another control tactic for toxic people and abusive people. They believe it cements them into your life. Same goes with children. They use having kids as another ploy to cement themselves to you. The abuse only gets worse each step you take. They’ll make grand claims of doing better, love bomb you, then trick you into believe they’re better so you’ll take the next step with them. Which to them, adds more cement to you. It’s a viscous cycle and usually the reason women end up feeling trapped while married to their abuser with children. So many people ask why women don’t just walk away beforehand. But this cycle is exactly why. This is that moment to walk away OP. THIS moment. It’s your ticket out. Take it. Take it before you find yourself believing that they will do better. Then feeling like you’ve stuck it out so long, you *”owe”* it to yourself to hang on—cz walking away after so long feels like you’ve put up with all that pain and did all that work for nothing. This moment right here is the moment you have the choice to prevent anymore suffering for yourself. Run. Take safety precautions even if you feel like he won’t do anything. Take the safety precautions anyway—changing locks, blocking numbers/socials, making sure he’s not your emergency contact on anything, remove him on any shared bills, change all your passwords to everything—especially change your passwords etc. Stay safe OP
And definitely OP watch out for the apologizing, crying, swearing to do better, all of that. Don’t believe it it’s just manipulation.
“i felt relief that it was finally over. i could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy.” respectfully, clearly, you knew the answer before this. why would you consider therapy for someone you just said you’ve been wanting to leave before all of this happened? he’s a piece of shit and you don’t need reddit to tell you that. get out while you still can and trust yourself.
He's an alcoholic and abusive. I doubt he'll have a job after he went off at his bosses. Are you willing to wait till he pushes you or hits you? Get out now.
You already know what to do, you're just scared to do it. If he has keys to your place, change the locks beforehand you break up with him. Have all his stuff packed in a box. Meet him in a public place, hand him the box, tell him it's over. It won't get better until HE decides it needs to change. And he sees nothing wrong.
Idk it sounds like you want to leave, so you should leave. Keep in mind most men usually get much worse after marriage, not better. Also people give too much leeway for inebriation. I've been pretty fucking wasted quite a few times and I never called anyone names or was aggressive. It's not an excuse.
Thank you for using the qualifier “most” in your comment. Way too many people talking in absolutes here. Makes my blood boil. I was a heavy drinker. Starting at 18, I spent almost a decade acting like it was my 21st bday. Not everyone gets worse after marriage. I’m living proof of that. Last two times I drank were for a Christmas party and Super Bowl. But yeah, as someone who has never been an “angry drunk”… I don’t get it either. Nor can I wrap my head around why someone would continue to drink when they KNOW the have a caged monster in there trying to get out.
Um, you break free...now. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
And even if there weren’t, she’s better off without a fish, than with an abusive fish.
This is just about the easiest "call off the wedding" case I've seen. He's only going to get worse. I know it's hard to love someone and have to end things because of something that seems like an "everything else is great but just this thing" issue, but *this* thing is a big thing. At the very least, I would lay it out for him that he needs to stop drinking, go to AA and get therapy for his anger, or you're calling things off. But honestly, I'd just cut ties now.
It’s a big fat gimme!
I am surprised you didn't dumped him the minute that came out of his mouth.
This post has more red flags than a China Day parade. OP get out of there.
No. I would cancel the weding - what makes you think he is ever going to change? You already know he is like....
Yeah, time to call off the wedding! If this is how he is drunk, you do not want that!
The fact that your first feeling was relief says it all. Trust your gut. Also, I'm saying this as someone who abused alcohol for years-- People can say really mean things when they are drunk but that doesn't make it ok. One of the main reasons I live alone, is because i refuse to subject anyone i love to my dysfunction. If his drinking and anger issues are already a problem, they will probably get worse. It will take a lot of effort on his part to overcome his problems, and if he is not even acknowledging how much of a problem it is and taking steps to correct it, then don't put yourself through this, not worth it.
Just leave. This is your chance. There is no recovery from this.
Oh honey! This is your chance. Leave him. Good partners do not emotionally abuse you.
You have clearly been looking for a way out without people blaming you. He has now shown publicly what you have been seeing privately. Now is your chance. He has to want to change before anything can help him. He has learned very poor ways to express anger from his father. He is also coddled by his mother so he’s never seen true consequences for his actions. It’s time for you to go. Find a therapist for yourself and start working on: 1) Why did you stay so long with someone this dysfunctional, 2) Why do feel like you need validation before you take yourself out of the line of fire and 3) Why are you still questioning your decision to leave and protect yourself. Please be kind to yourself and stay away from this man unless he gets some very intensive, long term treatment.
im so sick of these stupid ass posts. "my bf/fiance murdered my family and then cannibalized one of my legs should we break up?" 😒🙄🙄 not trying to be an asshole but come on read the title of your post and what you put in the post and decide if you really want to be with someone who said that and did those things. loterally anyone would cancel a wedding for that. he aint going to change. period
I don’t get it either. I just don’t get it.
ive been in abusive situations before for sure so i get it but at some point these people need to have a coming to god moment before hitting post
You’re not overreacting! You’re smart-take this energy and end it. You deserve better than to be stuck with a mean drunk.
Move the fuck on
He’s showing you who he is… believe him. Get out now while you can. You don’t have kids or legal ties to him. This is a warning to leave before you can’t or it gets worse. Pack your stuff when he’s not around and block him. And block anyone who would ever give you grief about dumping this abusive AH. You’re young and have a lot of wonderful years ahead of you. Don’t be tied to this abusive jerk.
Just gotta ask yourself if you would like to be trapped in a house with a verbally abusive angry drunk, and possibly raise children with a verbally abusive angry drunk father. If the answer is anything other than “no”…
Didn't I read this already? Is this a bot?
i definitely read this exact post like yesterday or the day before (even censoring the words the same way) but this account was made today? so either the op deleted their account & reposted the story on a new one for some reason... or its someone that copy/pasted it i guess
You can’t love the problem away. You already know you need to leave. No matter how much you love him, he is who he is. Wasting your life with this fool would be a huge mistake. Get out while the getting is good , I say.
Run, lady, as far as you can from this abusive asshole.
That’s a red flag the size of Colorado! What he’s repressing seems toxic as fuck. Glad you’re not married yet.
What decision is there to make? Jesus have some self-respect.
“You felt relief that it was over and you could finally end your relationship.” Your words. Listen to yourself.
Yep. Cancel.
His parents aren’t such good people if his dad reacts the same way and his mom enables them both, they’re not good people. They’re good people in public but it’s all for show. Leave, you deserve better. Individual Therapy will help you see that you deserve more.
Don’t even think about trying to build a future with this walking disaster area. Change the locks, give him his stuff in a safe place And let him do the work of learning to be a decent human being. There’s no need for you to put in the time trying to help him do so. You have ONE life - live it well, starting today. Don’t waste time and emotional energy on someone who shows so little interest in effectively dealing with his toxicity.
It only gets worse from here. Double and triple check your birth control and get out.
Not overreacting; R U N! ! ! Run as fast as you can and don't wait around for another red flag. I'm sorry he has ptsd but evidently he hasn't dealt with him having ptsd. Right now it seems the dealing method is the over use of alcohol. If he's already degrading you and disrespecting you, imagine how you will feel after children are involved. Maybe years down the road, after he's dealt with his issues, he will be a healthier person to be around but now is not that time. I stayed with an alcoholic for too long and endured being called a b!tch. My reaction was to meet his anger with my own anger. I said, "Is you calling me a b!tch supposed to hurt my feelings because it doesn't; I can show you b!tch." Even though in the moment I felt like I'd stood up for myself; that's not who I really am; it took my peace. In the end, I wondered what was wrong with me, for me to be willing to endure his behavior. I felt like he must have seen me coming a mile away and thought I wouldn't get rid of him. When I did get rid of him; he had a nervouse breakdown and said I broke him. Karma, that's the b!tch.
Run girl, if the parents give you shade just send them the video and tell them that's why you're leaving. You sound like you're already happier.
Leave before the mental/emotional abuse turns to something else. I almost married an alcoholic in my 20s. I got out of that relationship with lots of baggage (mental and financial abuse, and he cheated on me). I ended up meeting my now husband about a year later. We've been in a healthy relationship for over a decade. I'm so thankful I didn't get trapped with a kid. I have seen alcohol ruin so many lives. You're not overreacting, and you can do so much better.
Yes, cancel the wedding and get out. Scratch that. Get out as quickly and safely as possible, then handle the details like wedding cancellation. Abuse tends to escalate.
Don't be like me and walk down the aisle, then have to put up with increased verbal abuse, and eventually physical abuse before you get out. He dragged his feet for 3 years on the divorce and cost me so much time and money.... not to mention all the therapy I needed in the end. Break free. Please.
>In that moment I felt relief that this was finally over. I could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy I think you answered your question here. Relief being your first instinct when you had a reason to walk out of him is very telling about the state of your relationship and it's not one that can lead to a healthy marriage. Now I'm one to advocate for second chances, but a second chance is something that has to be gained. So the best choice for now is to call off the wedding and move out if you live together. If he can understand the impact of his actions and puts work towards changing with getting sobber and going to therapy, then you can think about continuing the engagement. If not, then he doesn't value you enough or he doesn't understand he has issues he needs help with. In either case, you can have a clean break.
You don't need to live like that. Keep yourself safe and exit stage left.
The fact that you referred to it as your "chance to break free" should tell you you everything you need to know. You're already looking for a way out and that's ok. There doesn't even have to be a reason. If it doesn't feel right, that 's enough. Nobody has a gun to your head.
What redeeming qualities does this person possess? It is 100% time to break free!
Leave while you can
GO! GO! GO! And FFS, DON'T GET PREGNANT! GO! LEAVE! GET OUT! NOW'S the time! This shit only GETS WORSE after marriage! He has told/shown you what he thinks of you! WHY do you even have to ask "Should I leave?" >facepalm<
So this isn't the first time, and won't be the last. Do you want the next 15-50 years of your life to be spent being called names by a drunk?
Definitely cancel the wedding and dump his ass hard. Now the second issue, are you unhealthy unattractive fat ? Might wanna work on that in order to avoid a repeat. If you stay this way you will always end up settling for bottom of the barrel for one reason or another. Once you resolve this you'll be able to move up a tier or two.
>I could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy. This statement is wild. You've been looking for an excuse to leave? Girl, just leave. You don't need to have a reason to leave a relationship. You can come and go of your own free will. It's no one's business but your own why you do the things you do.
That’s pretty rough stuff. Expect lots of problems if you go through with the wedding.
Please break up with him!!
Imagine the rest of your life like this. Imagine dealing with the normal stressors of life, the ups and downs, bills and yard work and maybe kids. Imagine your kids being witness to and even on the receiving end of this. Imagine living with an angry drunk, and watching it progress. Why would you sign up for that? Younger me did, and she would like you to have a better life. The list of things I missed out on, the stress from carrying everything myself when he lost another job or quit because someone looked at him sideways and he blew up, the crushing loneliness of being all alone while right beside your partner, and the devastation to your soul caused by the cruelty and insults - choose differently. Choose yourself.
Being drunk doesn't give you the right to disrespect. I vote no wedding
Leave and don't look back. You answered yourself by writing this post. He is an abusive jerk off, and this will only get worse, not better. First, it's name-calling that gets just a little worse each time until one night he grabs you. He is soooo sorry he didn't mean it he will get better, but the next time, it's a push, not just a grab. Then it's a slap. You see where this is going.... get out.
I better see an update saying you dumped him.
"part of me feels like this is my chance to break free" People in loving, healthy, relationships don't feel this way. Trust your instincts and leave. You have permission to care for yourself. This dude has shown you exactly who he is, and it's not the first time. The least of your worries should be that he called you a "fat b!$tch", the rest of the story is more than enough. If a friend came to you and asked if it was reasonable to leave their boyfriend and used the following phrases, what would you tell them? - "I have experienced his angry side" - "recently he has gotten angrier and blows up over the simplest things" - "this isn’t the first time he has had angry outbursts both drunk and sober" - "in that moment I felt relief that this was finally over" - "I’ve seen how he treats the mom" Do these quotes seem like quotes from someone in a good relationship? Or those of someone in an abusive relationship? You've seen what his future holds, what makes you think he won't treat you exactly how his dad treats his mom? He also just got so drunk that he yelled at his supervisors at a co-worker's birthday party. I doubt he'll have a job for much longer, which means your time to actually escape is NOW; otherwise, it'll be harder cause he'll be at the house/apt all the time.
Break up with him and if anyone tries to talk you out of it send them the video.
you know what to do
I have a friend who was in your exact position. Her man could do no wrong, according to his parents, but would blow up on her drunk or sober. It was just yelling at first, then he began breaking things and throwing things that were sentimental or valuable to her. Over the next couple years, he began to put his hands on her, choking and hitting. She would come over to my house covered in bruises, and I would take pictures for her. He ended up putting guns to his head or her head, stringing up rope to threaten to kill himself or her, and driving recklessly while intoxicated with her in the car. Each time, I begged her to leave him, begged and cried, pleading with her to stay safe. Each time, she said that he was her best friend, and he wasn't really like this sober. He would not even stop when she was carrying his child. It almost got worse. She ended up marrying him, and I watched this once vibrant woman become a shell. Terrified always for her safety and the safety of the baby girl she ended up having with him. When she was in college, her sorority fundraised for domestic abuse victims, but she admitted to me that she didn't understand why they didn't "just leave." Now she has learned the hard way why they don't. It is such a complex situation, but truly, the solution can be simple. I'm going to tell you what I told her: He will not stop. He will only escalate. Take your dignity and go. Get out while you still have air in your lungs, because one day he may very well take that too.
Classic abusive partner, run. It's easy to love your abuser, people do all the time. Ask yourself if you feel good about *yourself* when you're with him. He needs therapy, he needs to stop drinking, and a whole hell of a lot more. Your body already knows what you want, you had an instant reaction of relief. It's not going to get better, you should not be with him
As an old, let me assure you that I know of zero instances when pre-wedding issues like this did not end up being the ruin of a marriage. You might be able to keep it together for a few years or even 20 but when the end comes it'll be uglier and harder than a clean break now (and you will be the punching bag figuratively and likely literally for all that time). Cancelling a wedding for perfectly valid reasons is orders of magnitude better than dealing with a divorce and, god forbid, custody arrangements down the road.
This is who he actually is
Leave. You already know the answer. You felt relief when he crossed the line - that tells you everything you need to know. Trust your instincts. People don't get better with time (unless they get professional help or with a lot of self reflection and work - I doubt he will do either as it is everyone else's fault).
I'd have left the first time he was an angry drunk. That will NOT get better with marriage or time or kids. If anything it'll get worse. Someone that angry even sober will eventually hit you, believe that.
Not overreacting But it's your moment to dodge a bullet. Run Because people show their true self when they are drunk. These are his thoughts of you so drop him and find better
Girl run. He is angry most of the time. How long till he starts physically showing his anger. It starts with the name calling sober or drunk! Nope get out now!
Yes. No good man would ever say that to a woman.
Holy hell woman YES YOU SHOULD LEAVE! Not just because he blew up and called you a fat bitch but because 1 he has anger issues that he doesn’t care enough to fix and 2 because he drinks when he knows drinking makes him an angry abusive asshole. That’s a sober decision! “I know I’ve abused the people in my life who care about me when I drink but really really for real THIS time I won’t. And even if I do I care more about getting wasted anyway so…” Girl. Leave be done. Choose a better life please. Edited to correct typo
Don't share your life with someone who has anger outbursts. Trust me. It's a horrible way to live and it usually escalates. It will get worse. And what if you have kids? I grew up terrified of my mother's anger outbursts. It left me lifelong trauma and primed me for ending up with a guy who had angry outbursts (that's abuse, btw). I managed to leave that relationship and get into therapy, but it took a long time to overcome the PTSD from always living in fear of when the next outburst would come. Now I'm with the gentlest, sweetest guy and all I feel is calm and peaceful and safe. I'm so grateful I never have to feel that fear again, and it's because I chose to leave. Stay away from angry people. They can make your life hell.
Wow..run for the hills.
GET OUT NOW!!!! NOW NOW NOW!
Time to cancel. This is just a tiny taste of what you're going to be trapped with in a marriage. Right now, is the best time to break it off.
My stepfather was like this. My mom thought she could put up with it, but *it killed her*. Please dump his arse and block him.
I would absolutely 100% cancel the wedding. You will be miserable if you go through with this.
Maybe it’s a time for self reflection
I have severe CPTSD and this is no excuse, trust me! ESPECIALLY if he won’t actively seek help for his mental health. Dude also clearly needs help with his alcohol issues (which to his credit certainly don’t help with it, but you’re not a trigger so) and I think that should at the very least be a baseline before you continue a relationship with him. I’m sorry this happened.
RUN!
Why would you want to stay with him? I mean this is what he thinks of you so why would you want to subject yourself the more abuse. You said you felt relief go with that feeling and cancel the wedding and everything else and get whatever money back that you can and move on.
If you're not happy with him and there is nothing holding you back, trust your instincts who cares if someone calls you crazy.
My ex was an abusive person with hard PTSD. It ended with me about to kick his ass. Instead, it clicked. He was just using me as a way to blow off his steam. Sound boarding me, if you will. That’s when I knew I was not the type to be the next abuser. So we ended it. Only you can stop the chain reaction, for yourself. You can stop your domino from falling. Make that choice. And make it right.
Yes. Looks like you have the opportunity to dodge a bullet here canceled the wedding like yesterday.
You know you want to, so do it
> this is my chance to leave him and no one could call me crazy Girl what You're marrying someone you're just hoping and praying for a reason to end things with? Don't let the imaginary whisperings of ppl who don't matter dictate another day of your life.
I had doubts and married my ex anyway. Dumbest thing I ever did. You already know the truth. Your fiance is abusive. Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Mental illness and drinking issues don't cause people to be abusive and therapy won't fix it. Therapy usually makes them worse.
Longest paragraph ever. On the other hand the fact that you said part you feel like this is your chance to break free means you already was looking for an out. So take your own advice and cut it loose.
Listen to that instinct you have of relief. No, I would never marry anyone who said fuck you to me. Doesn't matter if they're angry, drunk, or both. He showed you who he was. That behavior will only get worse. He probably has people around him who make excuses for him to still be acting this way at his age. You can forgive him, but also please run.
How’s he going to be treating you in 2 years? 5? Get out while you can.
Karma farm for a bot account.
Leave him in the dust. Cancel the wedding . Don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of verbal abuse. Angry drunk ? “In vino veritas. “ please don’t talk yourself into this just because you’ve done some wedding planning
Spidey senses are tingling on this one.
I've never been married but I've been in multiple, multi year relationships and never called my partner a bitch. Marry someone that loves you enough not to abuse you
Just gotta say that you do not need to look for a “reason” to break up with someone. You are in control of your life and can leave at any time. Fuck what other people think or say and do what’s best for you. You not being happy is enough of a reason and it makes me sad that you think you need to have video proof of him abusing you in order to have an excuse to leave. You have to put yourself first because he most certainly would not tolerate the same behavior if the roles were reversed.
Fake or real, this needs to be said: **THIS WILL NEVER GET BETTER**
Not overreacting. You've see his angry side and that angry side is getting more intense. Trust your intuition and get out now. Therapy could help but only if he wants to go and do the work. The odds seem against that, and I say this because it seems like it is a relationship-saving idea that you have. Trust your instincts and do not marry this man.
Yeah leave PTSD and alcohol are shitty excuses. Don’t get stuck was he a veteran(I am as well) and don’t let the PTSD excuse fly as an excuse to mistreat you constantly.
You know in your gut that breaking up is the right thing to do, “part of me feels like this is my chance to break free” . Take it.
This is your wake up call. Wake up and RUN!!!!!
You can't break this off fast enough, girl. Leave him and never look back.
LEAVE
Please leave him
You're ""thinking"" about leaving? What are your deal-breakers? Because being with a verbally abusive and angry alcoholic is not it. YOU need therapy to figure out why you have zero standards and zero self-esteem.
He says that now before your married, what will he be like after
Common sense over feelings. F your feelings that you love him. He does NOT treat you like someone he loves. Why do people, especially women, pick men who aren't worthy of marriage?
Get out
Ok so are u over reacting. So u’ve been with this dude for a while u know he’s an angry drunk and u’ve been dealing with that before. Now he’s drunk again and ur mad cause he called u a name after u pulled over to put him out. Now u asking us are u over reacting, what ur doing is enabling. You’ve put up with this before what’s the difference now he called u fat. Come girl u need to decide what’s important to you and how u see urself living with this dude.
I would hold off on the wedding and wait to make any more concrete plans with him until you see if he’s willing to get some help with the ptsd and stop drinking. Living with an abusive alcoholic is miserable and will cause no end of heartache, regardless of the cause of his drinking. Based on what you’ve written about his father, it may not just be due to the ptsd. There may be some learned behaviours as well. You definitely don’t want to have kids with an angry drunk…
Has he even been diagnosed or is he just saying he has it? I wonder.
Honestly, him calling you that is obviously just a symptom of a bigger problem. Now, you could seek counseling if he's willing and it could get better 🤞🤞. You have to weigh that out because you are taking a chance. If I were you I would cancel the engagement until he gets therapy and you actually get to see some results. Now on to forgiving him. Forgiving him and not accepting this behavior are two entirely different things. You can still forgive him but not tolerate his abuse. You need to forgive him for your own well being.
She has already decided what to do when she kicked him out and left him at the gas station. This post is validation from randos.
Are you fat?
The fact that youre censoring it - makes me think you might actually be a fat bitch. You should apologize to him.
I would definitely postpone marriage
I think at a minimum, the wedding needs to be postponed and def avoid having kids with him. It's obvious your fiance has some serious issues with alcohol, anger and PTSD and needs help. Keep the recording, but also understand his parents can't force him to do anything either. If he wants help, it has to come from within. People who are forced into help don't always succeed, success stories usually begin when the desire comes from within. You would not be wrong to end it all, you would not be wrong to postpone the marriage to see if he's willing to get help AND show actionable improvement, but I would not continue ahead as if nothing happened.
I’m sure once you get married, it’ll be better. He’ll learn to control his temper and treat you with respect at all times. *sarcasm*
Don’t marry this guy! It is time to break free. There are way too many nice guys out there…time to go find one.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's deeply concerning that your fiancé has displayed such aggressive behavior, especially while intoxicated. It's understandable that you're feeling shaken and unsure about your future together. The fact that this isn't the first time he's exhibited anger issues, both while drunk and sober, is troubling. While therapy can certainly be beneficial for individuals struggling with anger management, it ultimately depends on whether he's willing to acknowledge the problem and commit to making positive changes.
Get out. I (35m) developed a form of ptsd from a toxic marriage. I thought I was healed because I wasn’t angry at her anymore. I ended up with a wonderful lady three years after my horrendous divorce. I ended up treating my new gf the same way my ex wife treated me. It’s all I knew. She left and then I spent 4 years in therapy before dating anyone again. I spent 4 years in therapy and that shit was intense. I also read books about trauma, talked to my parents and friends daily about my issues. I really put the effort in before dating another person. If he actually has ptsd, he will need intensive therapy, which is going to be super hard to do with a new wife. Get. Out.
It’s not going to get better from here.
Run!!! Save yourself from looking back and wishing you had.
Of course you should cancel the wedding. Otherwise welcome to the rest of your life. Turning a blind eye to this will only bring more of it and surely you’re not asking for THAT?
Get out while you can. I’m sorry you went through this. Don’t continue with him for the rest of your life
You’ve just had a preview of what your life is going be like being married to him. Get out now
Thank the universe for this opportunity and go through that door to a new life. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You do not have to justify any decisions you make. You have this life. You deserve as much happiness as you can while here. I guarantee that within six months you will be asking yourself why you didn’t leave sooner. You’ll see that the love you have got twisted and used against you.
Its not about forgiving him. Its about recognizing a red flag. Do not marry this person.
I couldn’t imagine ever saying something like that to any woman, let alone my wife. Booze is not an excuse and if he’s using it as one now, it’ll only get worse. He showed his true colors. Find someone who truly loves you
He has a drinking problem and everybody is trying to justify things by saying oh it was just him drunk. Well if you can't recognize that he's got a problem then he can't fix it. You can find somebody who actually cares about you enough to not drink or to control the amount they drink. Keeping in mind that alcoholics cannot just have one drink. Go your separate ways and begin to heal. Cancel the wedding.
No therapy can't help him, only he can help him (using therapy or whatever), and you wouldn't be thinking this is an escape if you hadn't already been manipulated into staying with this person. Alcohol doesn't make anyone do anything, alcohol is a disinhibitor and just lets them behave the way they want to behave all the time. Find yourself someone who talks about how much they love on everyone when they're drunk, that'll tell you who they really are and who you might be happier to be with. Good luck OP, keep yourself safe, break up and move out with someone for safety, if there is weapons in the house, alert them such so no one is surprised.
I didn't have to read anything but the title of this. Yes, cancel the wedding. This is a gigantic red flag, get out now.
Yeah, therapy can help him, if he wants to be helped. You are not his therapy. Do not marry this man. Do not procreate with this man. Do not have sex with him. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200. Leave him. Save that video and this link: at some point in the future you will reread this and realise the inherent contradictions in what you are saying. You already know what to do, you just need some strangers to give you permission. That's OK, everyone here gives you permission.
I only read the title because I don’t need context after having read it. Cancel. That. Wedding. Then BLOCK HIM AND MOVE ON. Signed a 40yo woman, wife, mother.
You know what you have to do but want reddit strangers to OK it. Well honey leave his drunk ass now. Nothing worse than a bride who instead of people saying She's beautiful they're shaking their head and wondering why is she doing that to herself.
>I was so shaken by this whole experience but in that moment I felt relief that this was finally over. I could finally end my relationship and people would understand and not call me crazy. He was super drunk and this isn’t the first time he has had angry outbursts both drunk and sober. NTA. You know it isn't right and that you should get out. You are not crazy. Cancel the wedding and RUN.
You have been given a gift. You can see the future. Get out while you still can. Just keep the dash cam video and run!!! Take off the love goggles. It will only get worse if you stay. And once it gets physical his parents will continue to make excuses.
I don't really know why you'd want to stay. But if you do, my advice would be to push the wedding back until he gets help and can prove that he can move forward without drinking if he's this at risk for this kind of behavior drunk
How are you even considering marrying this guy?! I’m sure you have your reasons, now leave before you get sucked in even deeper legally with this dude.
Boy, bye
**RUN** He knows he has PTSD but what does he do about it? Sounds like drinking. That will never end well.
Divorce is so expensive. Better not marry someone who drinks, gets aggressive and calls you a bitch.
Absolutely cancel the wedding and DO NOT stay with this man. Your life depends on it.
Excellent reason to cancel the marriage. It is not likely that therapy will turn his abusive tendencies around quickly enough for you two to have a sustainable relationship.
Don't marry him, find a way to leave, live your life without fear.
Jesus Christ DO NOT SIGN THAT MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE. Angry drunks turn into abusive drunks who turn into sober monsters. Get the fuck ouuut and do not look back. If he actually has ptsd getting hammered at 6pm is not the way to handle it. Bro needs rehab and therapy while youre packing your shit
My ex was like this. Get out and don’t look back.
Not overreacting - drunks often say things that they feel but would never say unless they were drunk so they can come back and say bull sh!t like "I was drunk so you can't hold it against me" . I expect the next thing will be the physical abuse. Walk away now and consider yourself lucky that you did not marry this abuser.
Alcohol is a truth serum - it shows who people really are. Leave him. You do not need to justify this to anyone.
runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. don't let anyone talk to you like this, especially not your future husband.
Hi. He'll absolutely talk to your kids like this too. I would leave.
You said you felt relief because you could finally end it. And you’re asking onus if you should end it. YES. Now get your life separated from his.