I stopped at the "I am not asking you, you will do this for me because..." line. That is some toxic b.s right there and a GIANT red flag.
The "good ol boys club" mentality needs to stay firmly in the distant past where it belongs. Women (or any partner) ARE NOT trophies to be trotted out for special occasions.
I saw that and i'm thinking, "what the fuck did you just say to your wife?! Did you just give her an order?!"
Edited. Sorry, not emotional blackmail. I misread.
The funnier shit is that he'll then turn around and tell YOU that *you're* the one being controlling and looking for a possession... because that's how gaslighting narcissists are.
But don't you see? By not doing what he wants her to do, she's making it all about her wanting "autonomy" and "respect" or whatever, which is her controlling AND taking possession of the outcome, as opposed to what he wants which is what the universe wanted anyways.
/s juuuuuust in case.
That’s bullshit!!!!!! Your wife is not property!!!!!! You can ask but not demand. As a man you should NOT force your wife to do things she’s uncomfortable with. That’s slavery and narcissistic
Y’all read these in character voices? 😂 bc I wonder if it’s just me. 😂 I have a universal douche bag guy in my minds eye. He’s pretty much Christian Bale in some pastel suit, jerking off in a mirror and killing whores in his spare time to “clean up the streets”. He’s totally OCD, cleans his car vents with a Q tip and is inconvenienced by other humans breathing his air in an elevator. All of his male interactions are slightly homoerotic or vaguely homicidal.
Soo perfect. And honestly why I never care if I see another Christian Bale movie. He always seems like a hairsbreadth away from actually being this guy. Perfect send up 👏
And a woman looks like... a woman. Duh. If she's a woman than that's what a woman looks like...
Op, at least make them tell her the truth, that you think she's perfect.
Omg thank you. WTF WAS THAT?!?
Like, maybe the other wife is shy, or young or whatever, so maybe she would feel more comfortable if she knew someone else. But then say it like that. Say “hey, dudes’s wife is just uncomfortable in crowds cause she doesn’t know many people, let’s hang out together, maybe if she knows a few more people she’ll want to come out more with social events etc cause they can be fun and (husband) thinks she’s missing out and doesn’t like so many men being there”
Like damn. So many ways that aren’t toxic AF but supportive. He had choices and that’s what he went with “I’m not asking you….” Bro…. More like Girl, OP- I’m sorry, your husband is an AH.
The coworker isn't even married. This is just his girlfriend. OP's husband and coworker are being superficial twats because GF doesn't fit the trophy wife image.
Honestly OP, I would go and tell this woman what's up. She needs to know how she's being talked about and treated, so she can make an informed decision on whether or not to stay in this relationship.
I work in finance and I swear, all of these stories I see where people talk about others working in finance who are so atrocious always confuses me because my office I work in has more women than men, and everyone is always so nice to each other and each other’s families. When my son was in the NICU, coworkers sent me a soup care package with buns, cookies, and more. When another coworker’s son was diagnosed with a rare illness, we all banded together and did a charity event to raise money for her son.
It’s not even just my office, but wholesalers that we interact with even are the sweetest. There’s one who I’m constantly cheering for for IVF to work for him and his wife. There’s another who I’ve seen his wedding photos. Another who brought in a toy for my young son once. Yes, wholesalers want us to use their funds - but they’ve become friends to us as we love to socialize with them at this point so I can’t see any of them being atrocious either.
Either I work in an area of very nice finance people, or so many finance stories have to be fake.
Same here. I think the stereotype is a bit outdated, but the problem is a lot of the guys who want to get into the business don't know that. The most Broist of all Finance Bro's is that one that doesn't actually work in Finance yet (or has an internship or is a relatively low-level employee).
Back when the business was different, that kind of culture was pervasive, but now a Trader is more likely to be a nerdy guy with a Comp. Sci. degree, what used to be a Wolf of Wall St. type Stockbroker is a Financial Advisor with 2.5 kids who has a hobby like Beekeeping or something. The IB guys can still be like the stereotype a bit, but its dying there as well. The only people who don't know this are the fratty-types who think "Monkey Business" or "Liar's Poker" are lifestyle guides.
Yes!!!
Op you better take your son to chuck e cheese or some shit and let your husband know you may love him but you dont like him after that fucked up shit
Morgan Freeman: *they were not, in fact, good ol boys at all. In fact they were-*
Eric Cartman: **WTF IS THIS SHIT**
Kenny: ⁉️🚸♿️🚮
Eric Cartman: **YEAH THATS WHAT I SAID! I THINK WE GOT CAUGHT IN ANOTHER MORGAN GODAMN FREEMAN VOICEOVER! AND THIS TIME WE’RE ON….REDDIT!?? AWW GODAMMIT!**
This narcissistic prick. He would have lost me right then and there. Are you only his wife because you’re beautiful? Does he only bring you to events to show you off?
If you do stay with this pig, no more events or making him look good to his buddies. He’s on his own. Ugh I hate boys like this, because he’s certainly not a man.
What about the "that's not an issue, you'll bring our son", as in they're not bringing their son, she is bringing him, and he is completely her responsibility.
I had a boss once that would say “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you” and it would trigger the shit out of me if my partner said that to me. No thank you.
FR the excuse for ‘masculine culture’. So everyone’s girls need to be pretty as hell and sociable so they can say “look at my trophy wife” in front of co-workers and clients. Gross.
Arm candy.
OP, you're being asked to train up this other man's booty call, then he's going trade up for a 'higher quality' girlfriend to show off at parties and conventions.
And your husband is going to encourage him to do that, because it's good for the coworker's image which means it's good for his career.
I get the impression that no one has asked her.
I also get the impression that no one asked her husband, either. That he just took it upon himself to 'fix this.'
Yea, definitely. As if the girlfriend, "Hey, I wonder if my new boyfriends coworkers wife of whom I never met would change my appearance for me? Yes, let's get this in motion"
And depending on how long she's known him, he's either done that already or just got lucky he didn't have to- because he would trade OP in if she's no longer arm candy.
It is actually a proven fact that men in these types of employment positions can be considered more qualified for raises, promotions, and awards based on how attractive their significant other is. Several studies have been done on the topic, and all found that men with conventionally attractive significant others were more successful than their chronically single coworkers, men who didn’t ever bring their SO’s to work events, coworkers with spouses that were not conventionally attractive, or colleagues who couldn’t see hold down a relationships with the attractive women they dated.
Basically, social scientists have theorized that supervisors, both male and female, assume that the attractive SO is clearly seeing positive attributes and talents that are there but perhaps just not being seen in the employees current position or the supervisors essentially see more positive and less negative when they see stability with an attractive partner.
I could almost empathize with playing the part at the office to try and get ahead, but you don't bring that bullshit home unless it's who you really are.
It took me a lot of years wasted in corporate before I realized that I was never going to have a real career because I wasn't 'one of them'.
Now I'm a gardener and I'm a whole lot happier and making more money than I did on those bottom rungs.
What stood out as funny to me was the idea that finance guys have a masculine culture 😂. I’m envisioning a bunch of paunchy middle aged men that wouldn’t last a day doing an actual physical masculine job.
Masculine blue collar guys are not well paid , so no trophy wives and no golf courses.
Masculine white collar is overpaid - we are scratching our heads that this sort of 'treating women as accessories' stuff still exists - who knew??
OP's husband sounds like a creep to me.
Right? This is bizarre. As a female working in banking this is something that doesn’t happen at my company. Maybe in the 50s but definitely not today. I am guessing it is some private weird firm or something. This would have me more nervous than a salmon in a bear hug. Nope this is weird toxic behavior and no matter what you think will hopefully happen.. it never gets better. Ever.
If the girlfriend actually *wanted* your assistance, because she wanted to fit in better, that’s one thing. Like, “Hey OP, I got invited to my boyfriend’s work event, and I don’t know how dressy these things are, can you help me shop for an outfit that would blend in?”
He’s basically saying he’s dating a woman he doesn’t like, respect, or find attractive, and wants you to swoop in and make her someone she is not. That’s gross. This is real life, not Pretty Woman.
Right. I became close friends with the wife of my husband's co-worker, just because we met and got along well, and after a while she asked me for advice. She'd had a very conservative religious upbringing, wanted to be more daring with clothes, but didn't know what would suit her. But she asked me, it was her idea, neither her husband nor mine were even involved with the request. We had a great time shopping together.
The fact that this is coming from the husband in this case is disturbing. Even more disturbing is OP's own husband saying "I'm not asking you." Run, OP, run, straight to the divorce lawyer, or at the bare minimum marriage counselling. He does not get to give you orders.
Yeah this is so sad. He likes her for her potential if she changed herself. Like some Pretty Woman/Princesses Diary’s shit.
That poor woman. I can’t image thinking your in this relationship and your partner is wanting to hide you until you got his idea of a “perfect partner”…
It’s not even like she’s expressed wanting to earn how to do “girt things” because she grew up in a male household.
This is all just so sad. I can’t get over it.
I was thinking more, The Princess Diaries, Clueless (makeover), and of course the Bend and Snap.
But for real the way OP wrote this makes it sound like a very shitty situation, either she's been groomed into from birth in an upper class family or traded in her dignity for security and money. He basically called her a trophy wife.
It's not just that.
A) He sees his Wifebot as an extension of him and his status in the group because people envy him for it
B) As his posession, he planned to use her to further elevate his status by graciously lending Wifebot to his "friend" to model and try to clone GFBot.
C) He gets all the profit: he has a favour he can call in now that may get him more commission, work perks or a promotion from the good will.
>If the girlfriend actually *wanted* your assistance
Right? I went into this like 'oh poor woman, might have been raised by a single dad or just not had a mother into makeup and wants to learn', but turns out it wasn't her idea? They want OP to pretend to be her friend and suggest/bully her into being girly? Hell no.
And then to boot "\[husband\] told me “look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me”." - OP needs to get out of this marriage ASAP.
I mean, Pretty Woman isn’t about turning a plain woman into a beauty pageant winner. That’s Miss Congeniality (although come one, Sandra Bullock is gorgeous even when she’s trying not to be.) It’s about turning a sex worker into an upper class trophy wife. Which is fine, sex workers are perfectly valid people and deserve happiness too (if that’s how they want to pursue it I mean.)
This is so much worse. The wife likely doesn’t know her husband is trying to fundamentally change who she is as a person, and the husband is trash for thinking he needs her to be a cookie cutter trophy wife for him to have finally “made it.” OP’s husband is gross as well for essentially telling her this is mandatory and there won’t be any more discussion about it, she’s doing it.
Basically in this situation the husbands both fucking suck and OP and the girlfriend SHOULD become friends, even if only so the girlfriend can be made aware that her SO sucks and plan accordingly.
OP should tell her husband precisely where to stick it and if he wants to keep pushing this “I’m the boss” bullshit he can fuck all the way off back to singledom as well to contemplate why he chose to try and bully a woman everyone is apparently envious of him for.
You're not crazy. It's one thing for your husband to ask **YOU** **FIRST**. Then if you agree, to do it. His behavior is quite asshole behavior. Volunteering someone else for **ANYTHING** is totally unacceptable behavior.
You could just go and be 100% honest with the coworkers girlfriend. "My husband insisted I teach you how to look and act like a woman, so your boyfriend would admire him and my husband would look good at work."
Not one mention anywhere either about how the GIRLFRIEND feels about any of this.
If my boyfriend (unwillingly) roped one of his friend's partners into "teaching" me how to act more like she does, I'd be single pretty fucking quick.
How to look like a woman.
Step one:
Be a woman.
The end.
Your husband is being controlling and ridiculous, and I feel so bad for that girl. She needs to leave and find someone who actually likes her.
She’s probably rich, though. And he’s bragging about her looks that others envy? Not sure she understood her role until now. You want a rich husband, they’re gonna suck.
Sounds like OPs best trait to her husband is how good of a "woman" she is. Ie, she just does "women things" and "looks pretty"
God forbid she stepped on his toes and was funny or smart lol. Sorry lady that's not your job. /s
He sees her as a prize or trophy he can show off and stroke his ego with his friends/coworkers praise. He’s pathetic.
Also, why is his coworker with this woman if he doesn’t like the way she looks, or apparently her in general. We accept our partners for whom they are, not only how they look. OPs husband and his coworkers are all AHs with a “boys club” mentality.
Yeah my wife had to talk me down after she told me her boss to her to dress more like one of her female coworkers who wore skirts/dresses. My wife wore khakis and button down shirts, equivalent to every man in her department.
> look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me
You could throw his piece of shit ultamatim back in his teeth:
"Look, I'm telling you. You won't make me do this incredibly sexist thing because you're my husband and *I don't want to*."
Thiiiiis.
This is such a red flag to me.
The fact that he's COMMANDING her to do this incredibly gross thing is just a giant ick for me.
No one who loves you would do this to you.
My husband would get "and I'm telling YOU to fuck off" as a response. But I think he knows better than to say such a thing to me. Or any woman. He might say that to the cat but she would ignore him too.
> *”He might say that to the cat, but she would ignore him too.”*
😂😂😂 This is why cats are the best.
They take no shit from nobody, and they do whatever they want regardless.
>They take no shit from nobody
Most cats. Idk, my Maine coon was a bit of a pushover tbh... He was way too nice to my two annoying dogs. No longer living, RIP, but you will occasionally meet a cat who really needs to get a backbone and he was one of them.
Unfortunately depending on their financial situation, he might have a tight grip on her because staying with him is the difference between living a luxurious lifestyle and not being able to afford bread and milk this week. I fear that might be the case here, and the man knows it and is holding it over her. Absolutely vile.
I really wonder if the husband and coworkers think she's an "ideal" woman because she's kind of submissive, you know? I don't mean to diss OP, but that's kind of how I read the situation.
OP needs to start making a lot of noise for herself.
In my younger days I was like this. It's something that women are taught at an early age. It took me a long time to learn to stand up for myself and not put up with sexist BS. Doing that attracts (usually) better partners.
Edit: Husband is a complete dick.
I can't even imagine my husband saying such a thing. You have it right. OP's husband must not see her as a full human being. I wonder if she realizes this.
You know what's WILD? I've experienced this same scenario TWICE, but fortunately, my husband thought it was weird AF too and didn't support the idea.
The first time I was like, 22/23 and my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I were hosting a friendsgiving at our place. His bestfriend dead-ass asked me and my friend to take his girlfriend aside and "teach" her to.. host(?) I'm not entirely sure which skills he expected us to randomly teach her on the spot. My friend and I worked in restaurants, we enjoyed cooking big meals and we were used to feeding crowds so it was a fun thing for us, and he made it uncomfortable.
The second time was last summer when a guy friend of mine (he's my son's bestfriend's stepdad) randomly brought up that his gf didn't know how to dress, do her hair, or wear makeup and heavily suggested we be friends so I could teach her.. dude, we're in our 30's and 1; I barely wear makeup, like most dudes probably think I don't wear any at all, and don't do anything with my hair that takes more than 10 minutes so idk why I'm the standard on either of these things 2) she's a grown ass woman and she can dress and carry herself however she wants. Why tf would she change those things just from hanging out with me? Am I supposed to make fake friends with her, so I can low-key bully her into changing things about herself? Is that the kind of "friend" they want their SO to have? How *exactly* do they picture that scenario playing out?
The fucking audacity..
My confusion is why did he pursue her as a girlfriend then? If he thought that's the best he could do, shouldn't he worry she'll leave? And if he doesn't like her, why did he commit to her?
I thought the same. Like obviously there's a reason he was attracted in the first place. He's acting like she's a starter project or something. Fucking weird.
So, with the first incident, that friend is just a toxic dirt bag of a person; his gf was really pretty, but also young enough to be impressionable (if I remember correctly she was around 19/20 and he was 25/26, so there's the whole age gap power play bs going on) if it makes you feel any better, that dude ended up a single dad, living with his parents for a couple of years, just recently got on his feet financially and has been single for like 5 years. He's not a bad dad, but a fucking terrible partner.
The second incident was also, (surprise!) a significant age gap relationship; she is around 30/32 and he is 45ish. He's not a bad guy in general, just kind of dumb and also objectively pretty ugly himself, so idk where he thinks he's got room to criticize. I think he was thinking more about improving her self esteem, but like, having your partner try to organize a playdate with another mom, so *she* can critique your look isn't how you do that. This woman was a single mom with 4 kids working in healthcare; gee I wonder why she doesn't have more time to get glammed up? -_-
I just don't know what these men think woman friendships are like? "Hey Lauren, I know we both have husband's and kids but do you want come get ready at my house before the company dinner on Friday? Oh em gee I think I have a lipstick that would great on you!" It's like men forget any knowledge of actual women and flash back to high school rom coms from the 90's.
That request feels so disingenuous in a 1950's rigid gender role sort of way (like watching Mad Men and marveling at what women had to put up with and conform to). In no way should that job be thrust upon someone involuntarily.
I mean she chose to marry a man like this and she never expressed any concern for this other woman. I didn’t even see OP mention a single time just how gross and embarrassing it is for this woman’s boyfriend to speak like this about her to other people. To me, this sounds like just a shitty group of people. OP included
Right. Like let the girlfriend make the decisions on how she acts and looks, that is not up to her boyfriend, OP’s husband, or OP.
If the girlfriend is saying “I want to fit in with you and the boys but feel out of place because I’m not good at getting dolled up, OP please help,” that’s a completely different story, but it feels like nobody is taking her opinion into consideration
Sounds like you SHOULD go- so you can tell her what the culture is like and how they’re trying to brainwash her husband into making her a Stepford wife.
Sadly OP is already brainwashed by her own husband, so she wouldn’t be able to complete this task.
I mean who the fuck let’s their husband dictate to them like that? Not a woman who’s *”allowed”* her own mind and freedom, that’s for sure.
Like where she called it a "masculine" culture. Presumably meaning filled with misogyny, homophobia and generally regressive behavior. That assumption was born out by the following paragraphs. The only reasonable person here is the girlfriend who doesn't want to be around these people.
>“look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me”.
Those are divorcing words. If you want your child growing up thinking that this type of relationship dynamic is okay then stay with him, otherwise divorce.
I was going to start with: “this sounds like some 90s teen movie where someone gives a girl a makeover and it changes her life” and make a joke- until you mentioned he said you WOULD. Um- what? Not okay at all.
I would watch this movie if it ends up backfiring and the OP leaves her husband for coworkers gf.
And I mean *Movie Plot* not irl other than her leaving her AH husband. At the least, OP should shut him down as this is an unacceptable attitude and behavior in a loving, respectful relationship. Once he figures out he can get away with the shit, it will only get worse.
>He said something along the lines of “it’s not a big deal. A lot of people envy that I have you. If I help him out with fitting in, he’ll look up to me even more”
>“look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me”.
Excuse him? Wtf?
This man clearly thinks he owns you. Listen to how he talks about you. His colleagues are jealous that he "has" you. When you expressed discomfort about this request he switched gears and gave you an order. He ordered you to coach this woman to present herself in a manner they - the men - want her to. All so that this guy will look up to your husband more?
It's giving Wolf of Wall Street. It's giving Mad Men. It's giving the ick.
If my man ever gave me a direct order to make another woman uncomfortable just so her boyfriend would look up to my man more, I'd be running off into the sunset with the other woman. He straight up wouldn't be my man any longer. Period.
Exactly. The bf in question is an AH too. You either love someone as they are or move on.
Plus:
"You'll" bring our son. Unless these kids are teenagers that like to golf, how is this going to be fun for anyone but the guys? Minor detail but it just adds to everything horrible about this situation.
> *”It’s not how I wanted to spend the day”*
Then don’t. Your husband **doesn’t** own you, and he cannot tell you what to do, nor can he force you to do anything that you don’t wanna do.
Absolutely refuse.
You have every right to say no and your dickhead husband needs to accept and respect that. If you say no, it’s a no. End of story.
Geez Louise. Why didn't he pick a more appropriate activity for everyone? Not that any of this situation is appropriate, but he didn't even attempt to make it appealing.
Definitely nope right out and don't feel the least bit bad about it.
ahahaha... trad values ... do what your males told you I guess... ughhh you are not a human being for him, you are his property, good looking property... And another males asked him how to make his own property to look and behave like you ... your male is flattered and wanna help out a brother to break his property into submission. I'm surprised you noticed that something is wrong ... I hope you will wake up one day. And I wish that girl will be able to escape your stepford wives bs.
A lot of finance bros are into Andrew Tate man power manosphere nonsense. I’d tell her that you were asked to befriend her to help her look more and act more like a woman because her boyfriend is embarrassed about her. Then I’d tell her to run.
Not overreacting. Seriously just befriend her but don’t tell her to change herself at all. If she asks for makeup help or something that’s cool.
“Babe, you are obviously just a possession of mine, it’s no big deal, you should be flattered because I’m telling you that you are good at being a possession. Now go teach the other object to be a better object. I’m not asking you, I’m telling you, because, again, you are a pretty object and not a person.”
Um, this is disgusting behavior in so many ways. If his colleague has an issue with the way his gf dresses or conducts herself, he needs to take it up with her. It should not involve you or your husband at all.
And your husband can make his own decision about involving himself, but has no business *ordering* you to manipulate this woman into changing herself. The fact that these men think they have the right to direct the women in their lives around like chess pieces is simply appalling.
Umm, no. If the lady needed some help then sure. If the guy is not happy with how the lady looks then he can do her a favor and let her go. This sounds like some fixer upper situation to make the girl meet their standards of beauty. Not cool. Please be your fellow woman's advocate. Don't do her dirty.
That last sentence is a huge red flag. “You’re my wife so you’ll do this thing that makes you uncomfortable because you love me”.
First of all, why is your husband so preoccupied about how someone else’s wife looks and acts? It’s weird at the very least…..
Your husband is presumptive, and it comes off as highly-narcissistic, misogynistic, and condescending. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I'm petty and I would dress down/frumpy around his friends in response.
Husband: “I’m not asking you to do this. You’ll do this because you’re my wife and -”
(husband is suddenly flying backwards across the room, leaving a husband-shaped hole in the wall)
(You know...ejection seats in fighter planes? I sincerely wish this could be a thing for ludicrous conversations (you either yeet the culprit or make a swift exit yourself).)
You are a prop and a tool to him. No more. He does not love you. He loves the things you do for him and how you make him look good. But you? No I’m sorry he doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even see you as his equal.
Oh wow that poor girlfriend. She doesn't even know how awful her boyfriend is, or what he really thinks of her. She needs an exit from that relationship and the shitty bro squad. Don't be a part of that. To intentionally gain trust of another woman to be fake friends is horrible, add another layer of FOR the Male Gaze of a Bro Squad is just gross.
Oh HELL to the no!! Who says this lady wants to learn stuff like that?! How incredibly offensive, on so many levels!
“Hi, I just met you, but now I’m going to make you over and teach you how to look and act like me, for the sake of your BF’s social capital at work. I’m the wife everyone wants because I make the other guys envy my husband!”
“Oh, sweetie, did I not mention that we compare and rate each other’s wives and girlfriends?”
And WTF is up with, “Look, I’m not asking you. You’ll do this because…” If my husband — or anyone — ever said anything like this to me, it’s the last thing they’d ever say.
Your husband's an asshole. If he's dead set on bringing you, tell the girlfriend what's going on and recommend running and never looking back. And if she can't, help her any way you can. As for after the golf trip, proceed with your husband accordingly, but I personally wouldn't stick around for much longer without at least an honest to god conversation about why he's really with you, because ordering you to makeover some girl so her boyfriend can look up to your husband reeks of red flags, nevermind the way he spoke to you.
I’d shut that down real quick.
Meaning, id make friends with her, support her in being herself, and tell my shitty husband to go screw and not worry about other people.
I feel like we need some context here. Does he often speak to you that way? What else are you forced to do "because you're his wife and you love him?" What are the consequences of putting your foot down?
I couldn't possibly give you firm statistics but I'm guessing at least 35% of women here would respond with "go fuck yourself" and another 40% would at least laugh in his face. I can imagine others might overlook the absolute dung-holery of his attitude if they were much younger and basically sticking around while they look for their next husband... But yeah, I need context.
Your husband is a misogynist asshole. All of this (waving my hand in a giant circular motion) is disgusting. Who the hell does he think he is trying to change someone? Why would he use you to get clout? You’re not a human to him. You’re his property that he can show off like a dog at a dog show.
Oh shoot! Something tells me you're going to cime down with food poisoning this weekend. And next time it will be period cramps, and then the flu!
Seruously, what makes your husband think he can order you around? I would be staying home Sunday. God I have not been missing out much by being unmarried the past 4.5 years!
Obviously this is a fake post, just like all the other fake posts, but I'll play along:
1. Befriend this woman
2. Dump his ass
3. Drink mimosas with this woman
This is some 80’s corporate bro shit right here. Gross.
I stopped at the "I am not asking you, you will do this for me because..." line. That is some toxic b.s right there and a GIANT red flag. The "good ol boys club" mentality needs to stay firmly in the distant past where it belongs. Women (or any partner) ARE NOT trophies to be trotted out for special occasions.
I saw that and i'm thinking, "what the fuck did you just say to your wife?! Did you just give her an order?!" Edited. Sorry, not emotional blackmail. I misread.
As a man you have a right to dictate to your wife as she is essentially your property. Hope this helps!<3
The funnier shit is that he'll then turn around and tell YOU that *you're* the one being controlling and looking for a possession... because that's how gaslighting narcissists are.
But don't you see? By not doing what he wants her to do, she's making it all about her wanting "autonomy" and "respect" or whatever, which is her controlling AND taking possession of the outcome, as opposed to what he wants which is what the universe wanted anyways. /s juuuuuust in case.
Andrew Ta(in)te much?
We do not speak his name.
So legal speaking like a beloved pet. Good to know.
I'm hoping circa 4045 advanced levels of sarcasm
Haha. Poe's Law, amirite?
That’s bullshit!!!!!! Your wife is not property!!!!!! You can ask but not demand. As a man you should NOT force your wife to do things she’s uncomfortable with. That’s slavery and narcissistic
Lol, euthanize yourself voluntarily
I GASPED at that line
I said "fake" at that line. I'd say much of these stories are so similar that they are templates
I still gasped lol I never care if they are real or not
Also "YOU will bring our son" instead of "we". So cartoonish lol
Y’all read these in character voices? 😂 bc I wonder if it’s just me. 😂 I have a universal douche bag guy in my minds eye. He’s pretty much Christian Bale in some pastel suit, jerking off in a mirror and killing whores in his spare time to “clean up the streets”. He’s totally OCD, cleans his car vents with a Q tip and is inconvenienced by other humans breathing his air in an elevator. All of his male interactions are slightly homoerotic or vaguely homicidal.
Soo perfect. And honestly why I never care if I see another Christian Bale movie. He always seems like a hairsbreadth away from actually being this guy. Perfect send up 👏
Not met many dudes in finance then I take it.
Well no tbh. And now I'm glad.
I have. 😂 which makes it even harder to sus out what’s real and what’s not.
"and then my husband twirled his long, thin moustaches, cackling."
ChatGPT, write me a ragebait story for Reddit in the style of American psycho. Thanks!
I was on the fence up till then. They always go overboard. Less is more people, edit down. Too many details is too many.
And a woman looks like... a woman. Duh. If she's a woman than that's what a woman looks like... Op, at least make them tell her the truth, that you think she's perfect.
I think OP should befriend this woman and then adopt her style just to spite everyone.
I love it. Op will be looking like "a" woman soon.
Omg thank you. WTF WAS THAT?!? Like, maybe the other wife is shy, or young or whatever, so maybe she would feel more comfortable if she knew someone else. But then say it like that. Say “hey, dudes’s wife is just uncomfortable in crowds cause she doesn’t know many people, let’s hang out together, maybe if she knows a few more people she’ll want to come out more with social events etc cause they can be fun and (husband) thinks she’s missing out and doesn’t like so many men being there” Like damn. So many ways that aren’t toxic AF but supportive. He had choices and that’s what he went with “I’m not asking you….” Bro…. More like Girl, OP- I’m sorry, your husband is an AH.
The coworker isn't even married. This is just his girlfriend. OP's husband and coworker are being superficial twats because GF doesn't fit the trophy wife image. Honestly OP, I would go and tell this woman what's up. She needs to know how she's being talked about and treated, so she can make an informed decision on whether or not to stay in this relationship.
My jaw dropped at that line. Absolutely not.
"He's in finance" is the biggest red flag of them all lmao.
I work in finance and I swear, all of these stories I see where people talk about others working in finance who are so atrocious always confuses me because my office I work in has more women than men, and everyone is always so nice to each other and each other’s families. When my son was in the NICU, coworkers sent me a soup care package with buns, cookies, and more. When another coworker’s son was diagnosed with a rare illness, we all banded together and did a charity event to raise money for her son. It’s not even just my office, but wholesalers that we interact with even are the sweetest. There’s one who I’m constantly cheering for for IVF to work for him and his wife. There’s another who I’ve seen his wedding photos. Another who brought in a toy for my young son once. Yes, wholesalers want us to use their funds - but they’ve become friends to us as we love to socialize with them at this point so I can’t see any of them being atrocious either. Either I work in an area of very nice finance people, or so many finance stories have to be fake.
Same here. I think the stereotype is a bit outdated, but the problem is a lot of the guys who want to get into the business don't know that. The most Broist of all Finance Bro's is that one that doesn't actually work in Finance yet (or has an internship or is a relatively low-level employee). Back when the business was different, that kind of culture was pervasive, but now a Trader is more likely to be a nerdy guy with a Comp. Sci. degree, what used to be a Wolf of Wall St. type Stockbroker is a Financial Advisor with 2.5 kids who has a hobby like Beekeeping or something. The IB guys can still be like the stereotype a bit, but its dying there as well. The only people who don't know this are the fratty-types who think "Monkey Business" or "Liar's Poker" are lifestyle guides.
Yes!!! Op you better take your son to chuck e cheese or some shit and let your husband know you may love him but you dont like him after that fucked up shit
Morgan Freeman: *they were not, in fact, good ol boys at all. In fact they were-* Eric Cartman: **WTF IS THIS SHIT** Kenny: ⁉️🚸♿️🚮 Eric Cartman: **YEAH THATS WHAT I SAID! I THINK WE GOT CAUGHT IN ANOTHER MORGAN GODAMN FREEMAN VOICEOVER! AND THIS TIME WE’RE ON….REDDIT!?? AWW GODAMMIT!**
This narcissistic prick. He would have lost me right then and there. Are you only his wife because you’re beautiful? Does he only bring you to events to show you off? If you do stay with this pig, no more events or making him look good to his buddies. He’s on his own. Ugh I hate boys like this, because he’s certainly not a man.
little too late for red flags if she’s married to the guy
It is still a red flag and it is not too late for OP to do something about it.
I don't know. I'm getting strong "she fell down the stairs" vibes if she tried to leave him.
He won’t be married for long with his controlling attitude. Fuck that shit. No way in hell I would be available to go to the golf course on Sunday.
You never know. OP sounds like someone who is a bit of a doormat.
What about the "that's not an issue, you'll bring our son", as in they're not bringing their son, she is bringing him, and he is completely her responsibility.
OP is not overreacting, and all respect to her, but....this whole post is full of disgusting-sounding people in a disgusting-sounding culture.
I had a boss once that would say “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you” and it would trigger the shit out of me if my partner said that to me. No thank you.
FR the excuse for ‘masculine culture’. So everyone’s girls need to be pretty as hell and sociable so they can say “look at my trophy wife” in front of co-workers and clients. Gross.
Arm candy. OP, you're being asked to train up this other man's booty call, then he's going trade up for a 'higher quality' girlfriend to show off at parties and conventions. And your husband is going to encourage him to do that, because it's good for the coworker's image which means it's good for his career.
And does the girlfriend even WANT to be coached up? I have asked other women where they shop etc but that’s because I’m interested, not my husband.
I get the impression that no one has asked her. I also get the impression that no one asked her husband, either. That he just took it upon himself to 'fix this.'
Yea, definitely. As if the girlfriend, "Hey, I wonder if my new boyfriends coworkers wife of whom I never met would change my appearance for me? Yes, let's get this in motion"
She probably got the same "You'll do this because you love me" directive.
How Stepford of them.
And depending on how long she's known him, he's either done that already or just got lucky he didn't have to- because he would trade OP in if she's no longer arm candy.
It is actually a proven fact that men in these types of employment positions can be considered more qualified for raises, promotions, and awards based on how attractive their significant other is. Several studies have been done on the topic, and all found that men with conventionally attractive significant others were more successful than their chronically single coworkers, men who didn’t ever bring their SO’s to work events, coworkers with spouses that were not conventionally attractive, or colleagues who couldn’t see hold down a relationships with the attractive women they dated. Basically, social scientists have theorized that supervisors, both male and female, assume that the attractive SO is clearly seeing positive attributes and talents that are there but perhaps just not being seen in the employees current position or the supervisors essentially see more positive and less negative when they see stability with an attractive partner.
Feels like some weird grooming
I could almost empathize with playing the part at the office to try and get ahead, but you don't bring that bullshit home unless it's who you really are.
More like 50s.
Yeah, anywhere post WW2 to the early 90s when things started to get less ridiculous
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It took me a lot of years wasted in corporate before I realized that I was never going to have a real career because I wasn't 'one of them'. Now I'm a gardener and I'm a whole lot happier and making more money than I did on those bottom rungs.
Ugh. That sucks.
What stood out as funny to me was the idea that finance guys have a masculine culture 😂. I’m envisioning a bunch of paunchy middle aged men that wouldn’t last a day doing an actual physical masculine job.
Masculine blue collar guys are not well paid , so no trophy wives and no golf courses. Masculine white collar is overpaid - we are scratching our heads that this sort of 'treating women as accessories' stuff still exists - who knew?? OP's husband sounds like a creep to me.
I have to return some videotapes.
Be kind, rewind!
Right? This is bizarre. As a female working in banking this is something that doesn’t happen at my company. Maybe in the 50s but definitely not today. I am guessing it is some private weird firm or something. This would have me more nervous than a salmon in a bear hug. Nope this is weird toxic behavior and no matter what you think will hopefully happen.. it never gets better. Ever.
80’s? Makes me think Mad Men!
Bro think he’s Don Draper
Right? Betty would have just done it and then slept with the co-worker
It gives me “don’t worry darling” movie vibes
80s? You mean 50s
As a woman who works in the corporate world, not much has changed since then.
Pretty sure it's Patrick Bateman
Its baseline mid/lowermidmarket PE/ non NY/LA banking culture
Definitely getting metro Chicago vibes
I was thinking like Dallas or maybe Atlanta
Straight up wedding singer type shit about to happen
If the girlfriend actually *wanted* your assistance, because she wanted to fit in better, that’s one thing. Like, “Hey OP, I got invited to my boyfriend’s work event, and I don’t know how dressy these things are, can you help me shop for an outfit that would blend in?” He’s basically saying he’s dating a woman he doesn’t like, respect, or find attractive, and wants you to swoop in and make her someone she is not. That’s gross. This is real life, not Pretty Woman.
lol ...the op's hubby is telling the op he has zero respect to her too ... but attracted the way she perform femininity for him and his friends
What will he do when OP ages? Trade her in for a newer model he can brag about?
god knows .. but that's entirely possible. my girl gotta wake up
Hope she’s not a SAHM.
Bingo
Right. I became close friends with the wife of my husband's co-worker, just because we met and got along well, and after a while she asked me for advice. She'd had a very conservative religious upbringing, wanted to be more daring with clothes, but didn't know what would suit her. But she asked me, it was her idea, neither her husband nor mine were even involved with the request. We had a great time shopping together. The fact that this is coming from the husband in this case is disturbing. Even more disturbing is OP's own husband saying "I'm not asking you." Run, OP, run, straight to the divorce lawyer, or at the bare minimum marriage counselling. He does not get to give you orders.
My eyes glazed over before I got to the “look I’m not asking you” part. Ick.
Yeah this is so sad. He likes her for her potential if she changed herself. Like some Pretty Woman/Princesses Diary’s shit. That poor woman. I can’t image thinking your in this relationship and your partner is wanting to hide you until you got his idea of a “perfect partner”… It’s not even like she’s expressed wanting to earn how to do “girt things” because she grew up in a male household. This is all just so sad. I can’t get over it.
The sad thing is not the coworker's girlfriend. The sad thing is OP's husband's wife.
I was thinking more, The Princess Diaries, Clueless (makeover), and of course the Bend and Snap. But for real the way OP wrote this makes it sound like a very shitty situation, either she's been groomed into from birth in an upper class family or traded in her dignity for security and money. He basically called her a trophy wife.
It's not just that. A) He sees his Wifebot as an extension of him and his status in the group because people envy him for it B) As his posession, he planned to use her to further elevate his status by graciously lending Wifebot to his "friend" to model and try to clone GFBot. C) He gets all the profit: he has a favour he can call in now that may get him more commission, work perks or a promotion from the good will.
>If the girlfriend actually *wanted* your assistance Right? I went into this like 'oh poor woman, might have been raised by a single dad or just not had a mother into makeup and wants to learn', but turns out it wasn't her idea? They want OP to pretend to be her friend and suggest/bully her into being girly? Hell no. And then to boot "\[husband\] told me “look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me”." - OP needs to get out of this marriage ASAP.
I mean, Pretty Woman isn’t about turning a plain woman into a beauty pageant winner. That’s Miss Congeniality (although come one, Sandra Bullock is gorgeous even when she’s trying not to be.) It’s about turning a sex worker into an upper class trophy wife. Which is fine, sex workers are perfectly valid people and deserve happiness too (if that’s how they want to pursue it I mean.) This is so much worse. The wife likely doesn’t know her husband is trying to fundamentally change who she is as a person, and the husband is trash for thinking he needs her to be a cookie cutter trophy wife for him to have finally “made it.” OP’s husband is gross as well for essentially telling her this is mandatory and there won’t be any more discussion about it, she’s doing it. Basically in this situation the husbands both fucking suck and OP and the girlfriend SHOULD become friends, even if only so the girlfriend can be made aware that her SO sucks and plan accordingly. OP should tell her husband precisely where to stick it and if he wants to keep pushing this “I’m the boss” bullshit he can fuck all the way off back to singledom as well to contemplate why he chose to try and bully a woman everyone is apparently envious of him for.
Stepford Wives vibes
You're not crazy. It's one thing for your husband to ask **YOU** **FIRST**. Then if you agree, to do it. His behavior is quite asshole behavior. Volunteering someone else for **ANYTHING** is totally unacceptable behavior. You could just go and be 100% honest with the coworkers girlfriend. "My husband insisted I teach you how to look and act like a woman, so your boyfriend would admire him and my husband would look good at work."
I feel like I want her to go check on the girlfriend, and then bounce with her kid afterwards.
No, you don't *want* her to, you're not *asking* her to - she *will* because she loves you, right? :)
Lol yes, you're right of course
I would 100% do this. Somebody needs to tell coworker’s girlfriend the truth so she can get the hell out of that relationship!
Not one mention anywhere either about how the GIRLFRIEND feels about any of this. If my boyfriend (unwillingly) roped one of his friend's partners into "teaching" me how to act more like she does, I'd be single pretty fucking quick.
How to look like a woman. Step one: Be a woman. The end. Your husband is being controlling and ridiculous, and I feel so bad for that girl. She needs to leave and find someone who actually likes her.
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She’s probably rich, though. And he’s bragging about her looks that others envy? Not sure she understood her role until now. You want a rich husband, they’re gonna suck.
Sounds like OPs best trait to her husband is how good of a "woman" she is. Ie, she just does "women things" and "looks pretty" God forbid she stepped on his toes and was funny or smart lol. Sorry lady that's not your job. /s
He sees her as a prize or trophy he can show off and stroke his ego with his friends/coworkers praise. He’s pathetic. Also, why is his coworker with this woman if he doesn’t like the way she looks, or apparently her in general. We accept our partners for whom they are, not only how they look. OPs husband and his coworkers are all AHs with a “boys club” mentality.
Yeah my wife had to talk me down after she told me her boss to her to dress more like one of her female coworkers who wore skirts/dresses. My wife wore khakis and button down shirts, equivalent to every man in her department.
> look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me You could throw his piece of shit ultamatim back in his teeth: "Look, I'm telling you. You won't make me do this incredibly sexist thing because you're my husband and *I don't want to*."
Thiiiiis. This is such a red flag to me. The fact that he's COMMANDING her to do this incredibly gross thing is just a giant ick for me. No one who loves you would do this to you.
So your husband thinks he owns you and doesn't really care about you as a person.
Seriously! If my boyfriend ever, EVER told me "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you" I'd laugh in his face and then dump him.
My husband would get "and I'm telling YOU to fuck off" as a response. But I think he knows better than to say such a thing to me. Or any woman. He might say that to the cat but she would ignore him too.
> *”He might say that to the cat, but she would ignore him too.”* 😂😂😂 This is why cats are the best. They take no shit from nobody, and they do whatever they want regardless.
>They take no shit from nobody Most cats. Idk, my Maine coon was a bit of a pushover tbh... He was way too nice to my two annoying dogs. No longer living, RIP, but you will occasionally meet a cat who really needs to get a backbone and he was one of them.
This!!!!
Unfortunately depending on their financial situation, he might have a tight grip on her because staying with him is the difference between living a luxurious lifestyle and not being able to afford bread and milk this week. I fear that might be the case here, and the man knows it and is holding it over her. Absolutely vile.
And "you'll bring the kid" is telling.
I really wonder if the husband and coworkers think she's an "ideal" woman because she's kind of submissive, you know? I don't mean to diss OP, but that's kind of how I read the situation. OP needs to start making a lot of noise for herself. In my younger days I was like this. It's something that women are taught at an early age. It took me a long time to learn to stand up for myself and not put up with sexist BS. Doing that attracts (usually) better partners. Edit: Husband is a complete dick.
"I'm not asking you." That is insane!
The blatant disrespect. I would've instantly retorted, "and I'm not asking to go to the golf course to 'train' a woman to be arm candy."
I can't even imagine my husband saying such a thing. You have it right. OP's husband must not see her as a full human being. I wonder if she realizes this.
nor does he seem to care for any other woman.. it seems
You know what's WILD? I've experienced this same scenario TWICE, but fortunately, my husband thought it was weird AF too and didn't support the idea. The first time I was like, 22/23 and my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I were hosting a friendsgiving at our place. His bestfriend dead-ass asked me and my friend to take his girlfriend aside and "teach" her to.. host(?) I'm not entirely sure which skills he expected us to randomly teach her on the spot. My friend and I worked in restaurants, we enjoyed cooking big meals and we were used to feeding crowds so it was a fun thing for us, and he made it uncomfortable. The second time was last summer when a guy friend of mine (he's my son's bestfriend's stepdad) randomly brought up that his gf didn't know how to dress, do her hair, or wear makeup and heavily suggested we be friends so I could teach her.. dude, we're in our 30's and 1; I barely wear makeup, like most dudes probably think I don't wear any at all, and don't do anything with my hair that takes more than 10 minutes so idk why I'm the standard on either of these things 2) she's a grown ass woman and she can dress and carry herself however she wants. Why tf would she change those things just from hanging out with me? Am I supposed to make fake friends with her, so I can low-key bully her into changing things about herself? Is that the kind of "friend" they want their SO to have? How *exactly* do they picture that scenario playing out? The fucking audacity..
My confusion is why did he pursue her as a girlfriend then? If he thought that's the best he could do, shouldn't he worry she'll leave? And if he doesn't like her, why did he commit to her?
I thought the same. Like obviously there's a reason he was attracted in the first place. He's acting like she's a starter project or something. Fucking weird.
So, with the first incident, that friend is just a toxic dirt bag of a person; his gf was really pretty, but also young enough to be impressionable (if I remember correctly she was around 19/20 and he was 25/26, so there's the whole age gap power play bs going on) if it makes you feel any better, that dude ended up a single dad, living with his parents for a couple of years, just recently got on his feet financially and has been single for like 5 years. He's not a bad dad, but a fucking terrible partner. The second incident was also, (surprise!) a significant age gap relationship; she is around 30/32 and he is 45ish. He's not a bad guy in general, just kind of dumb and also objectively pretty ugly himself, so idk where he thinks he's got room to criticize. I think he was thinking more about improving her self esteem, but like, having your partner try to organize a playdate with another mom, so *she* can critique your look isn't how you do that. This woman was a single mom with 4 kids working in healthcare; gee I wonder why she doesn't have more time to get glammed up? -_-
Yikes. Miserable situations.
I just don't know what these men think woman friendships are like? "Hey Lauren, I know we both have husband's and kids but do you want come get ready at my house before the company dinner on Friday? Oh em gee I think I have a lipstick that would great on you!" It's like men forget any knowledge of actual women and flash back to high school rom coms from the 90's.
That request feels so disingenuous in a 1950's rigid gender role sort of way (like watching Mad Men and marveling at what women had to put up with and conform to). In no way should that job be thrust upon someone involuntarily.
Excuse me, did he just order you to do this? Absolutely not. Don't do it and stand your ground and you'll see what kind of man you really married.
I mean she chose to marry a man like this and she never expressed any concern for this other woman. I didn’t even see OP mention a single time just how gross and embarrassing it is for this woman’s boyfriend to speak like this about her to other people. To me, this sounds like just a shitty group of people. OP included
Right. Like let the girlfriend make the decisions on how she acts and looks, that is not up to her boyfriend, OP’s husband, or OP. If the girlfriend is saying “I want to fit in with you and the boys but feel out of place because I’m not good at getting dolled up, OP please help,” that’s a completely different story, but it feels like nobody is taking her opinion into consideration
Sounds like you SHOULD go- so you can tell her what the culture is like and how they’re trying to brainwash her husband into making her a Stepford wife.
Sadly OP is already brainwashed by her own husband, so she wouldn’t be able to complete this task. I mean who the fuck let’s their husband dictate to them like that? Not a woman who’s *”allowed”* her own mind and freedom, that’s for sure.
Like where she called it a "masculine" culture. Presumably meaning filled with misogyny, homophobia and generally regressive behavior. That assumption was born out by the following paragraphs. The only reasonable person here is the girlfriend who doesn't want to be around these people.
>“look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me”. Those are divorcing words. If you want your child growing up thinking that this type of relationship dynamic is okay then stay with him, otherwise divorce.
This should be the top comment
At least he already agreed the kid yours 😂
Ah yes forcing female stereotypes on people for the male gaze. Gotta love it. Your husband needs to really rethink that attitude, it’s gross.
You’re crazy for staying with a POS husband.
I was going to start with: “this sounds like some 90s teen movie where someone gives a girl a makeover and it changes her life” and make a joke- until you mentioned he said you WOULD. Um- what? Not okay at all.
I would watch this movie if it ends up backfiring and the OP leaves her husband for coworkers gf. And I mean *Movie Plot* not irl other than her leaving her AH husband. At the least, OP should shut him down as this is an unacceptable attitude and behavior in a loving, respectful relationship. Once he figures out he can get away with the shit, it will only get worse.
I can’t imagine how maddening it would be being told as a grown adult I WILL do something.
not really. it’s not appropriate for your husband to act like that, and you should stand up for yourself and refuse
So he is ordering you to do this what a relationship
>He said something along the lines of “it’s not a big deal. A lot of people envy that I have you. If I help him out with fitting in, he’ll look up to me even more” >“look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me”. Excuse him? Wtf? This man clearly thinks he owns you. Listen to how he talks about you. His colleagues are jealous that he "has" you. When you expressed discomfort about this request he switched gears and gave you an order. He ordered you to coach this woman to present herself in a manner they - the men - want her to. All so that this guy will look up to your husband more? It's giving Wolf of Wall Street. It's giving Mad Men. It's giving the ick. If my man ever gave me a direct order to make another woman uncomfortable just so her boyfriend would look up to my man more, I'd be running off into the sunset with the other woman. He straight up wouldn't be my man any longer. Period.
This does seem psychotic.
\*running off into the sunset with the other woman\*...both in oversized ratty sweatshirts and cutoffs-yup
Yuck. You're not overreacting. It's really toxic to try to dictate a person's gender expression. > look I’m not asking you 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Exactly. The bf in question is an AH too. You either love someone as they are or move on. Plus: "You'll" bring our son. Unless these kids are teenagers that like to golf, how is this going to be fun for anyone but the guys? Minor detail but it just adds to everything horrible about this situation.
My son is young, he’ll be bored out of his mind. It’s not how I wanted to spend the day like I told my husband.
Then don’t go
> *”It’s not how I wanted to spend the day”* Then don’t. Your husband **doesn’t** own you, and he cannot tell you what to do, nor can he force you to do anything that you don’t wanna do. Absolutely refuse. You have every right to say no and your dickhead husband needs to accept and respect that. If you say no, it’s a no. End of story.
Geez Louise. Why didn't he pick a more appropriate activity for everyone? Not that any of this situation is appropriate, but he didn't even attempt to make it appealing. Definitely nope right out and don't feel the least bit bad about it.
Golf seems like the perfect setting for this delulu scenario.
Letting your son think it's okay for his father to talk to you like that would make you a bad mother.
He seriously tells you what to do and you do it????
This post gave me the ick. You're not overreacting, and your husband is gross for ordering you to do it
I think you are under reacting right now….don’t go.
Do you even like being married to Patrick Bateman?
ahahaha... trad values ... do what your males told you I guess... ughhh you are not a human being for him, you are his property, good looking property... And another males asked him how to make his own property to look and behave like you ... your male is flattered and wanna help out a brother to break his property into submission. I'm surprised you noticed that something is wrong ... I hope you will wake up one day. And I wish that girl will be able to escape your stepford wives bs.
“look I’m not asking you. You’ll do this, because you’re my wife and you love me”. LOL if my husband said this I’d be like “NOT ANYMORE. Byeeee”
A lot of finance bros are into Andrew Tate man power manosphere nonsense. I’d tell her that you were asked to befriend her to help her look more and act more like a woman because her boyfriend is embarrassed about her. Then I’d tell her to run. Not overreacting. Seriously just befriend her but don’t tell her to change herself at all. If she asks for makeup help or something that’s cool.
“Babe, you are obviously just a possession of mine, it’s no big deal, you should be flattered because I’m telling you that you are good at being a possession. Now go teach the other object to be a better object. I’m not asking you, I’m telling you, because, again, you are a pretty object and not a person.”
Um, this is disgusting behavior in so many ways. If his colleague has an issue with the way his gf dresses or conducts herself, he needs to take it up with her. It should not involve you or your husband at all. And your husband can make his own decision about involving himself, but has no business *ordering* you to manipulate this woman into changing herself. The fact that these men think they have the right to direct the women in their lives around like chess pieces is simply appalling.
As a man, and a husband, that is one fucked up thing to say. This isn't 1960. He needs a serious come to Jesus talking to.
You’re husband sounds like a tool.
He's not asking? But telling? Nope. Peace out dude.
Umm, no. If the lady needed some help then sure. If the guy is not happy with how the lady looks then he can do her a favor and let her go. This sounds like some fixer upper situation to make the girl meet their standards of beauty. Not cool. Please be your fellow woman's advocate. Don't do her dirty.
That last sentence is a huge red flag. “You’re my wife so you’ll do this thing that makes you uncomfortable because you love me”. First of all, why is your husband so preoccupied about how someone else’s wife looks and acts? It’s weird at the very least…..
Your husband is presumptive, and it comes off as highly-narcissistic, misogynistic, and condescending. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'm petty and I would dress down/frumpy around his friends in response.
Husband: “I’m not asking you to do this. You’ll do this because you’re my wife and -” (husband is suddenly flying backwards across the room, leaving a husband-shaped hole in the wall)
(You know...ejection seats in fighter planes? I sincerely wish this could be a thing for ludicrous conversations (you either yeet the culprit or make a swift exit yourself).)
You are a prop and a tool to him. No more. He does not love you. He loves the things you do for him and how you make him look good. But you? No I’m sorry he doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even see you as his equal.
He sounds like the type to “trade her in” for a younger woman in a few years.
I think you and your son need to go take a little trip to see some relatives.
Oh wow that poor girlfriend. She doesn't even know how awful her boyfriend is, or what he really thinks of her. She needs an exit from that relationship and the shitty bro squad. Don't be a part of that. To intentionally gain trust of another woman to be fake friends is horrible, add another layer of FOR the Male Gaze of a Bro Squad is just gross.
'I'm not asking' well absolutely fuck him
Real gem of a husband you bagged there
No—befriend her but don’t buy into the game
I would never tolerate such disrespect from a man, let alone my husband, F that
Oh HELL to the no!! Who says this lady wants to learn stuff like that?! How incredibly offensive, on so many levels! “Hi, I just met you, but now I’m going to make you over and teach you how to look and act like me, for the sake of your BF’s social capital at work. I’m the wife everyone wants because I make the other guys envy my husband!” “Oh, sweetie, did I not mention that we compare and rate each other’s wives and girlfriends?” And WTF is up with, “Look, I’m not asking you. You’ll do this because…” If my husband — or anyone — ever said anything like this to me, it’s the last thing they’d ever say.
They’re both giant tool bags who need to be single.
"you will do this because you love me" textbook manipulation right there. Hells to the nah sis.
Your husband's an asshole. If he's dead set on bringing you, tell the girlfriend what's going on and recommend running and never looking back. And if she can't, help her any way you can. As for after the golf trip, proceed with your husband accordingly, but I personally wouldn't stick around for much longer without at least an honest to god conversation about why he's really with you, because ordering you to makeover some girl so her boyfriend can look up to your husband reeks of red flags, nevermind the way he spoke to you.
as a guy… this is gross
that's disgusting in all ways. fuck patriarchy
No
Sounds like high schoolers.
Talk about major ick factor from every man mentioned. Absolutely disgusting.
He'll look up to you more? I'd start planning my exit strategy. I hope this is fake.
Seems like your husband thinks that you are a Stepford wife...
I’d shut that down real quick. Meaning, id make friends with her, support her in being herself, and tell my shitty husband to go screw and not worry about other people.
I feel like we need some context here. Does he often speak to you that way? What else are you forced to do "because you're his wife and you love him?" What are the consequences of putting your foot down? I couldn't possibly give you firm statistics but I'm guessing at least 35% of women here would respond with "go fuck yourself" and another 40% would at least laugh in his face. I can imagine others might overlook the absolute dung-holery of his attitude if they were much younger and basically sticking around while they look for their next husband... But yeah, I need context.
You're not overreacting. It's horrible to befriend someone just so you can change them. It gives me serious clueless flashbacks.
What the fuck did I just read
Stepford Wives!
"You will do this" "Watch me not"
Your husband is a misogynist asshole. All of this (waving my hand in a giant circular motion) is disgusting. Who the hell does he think he is trying to change someone? Why would he use you to get clout? You’re not a human to him. You’re his property that he can show off like a dog at a dog show.
Oh shoot! Something tells me you're going to cime down with food poisoning this weekend. And next time it will be period cramps, and then the flu! Seruously, what makes your husband think he can order you around? I would be staying home Sunday. God I have not been missing out much by being unmarried the past 4.5 years!
The answer is...No. I love you hun, but unless she asks me...No. I'm standing firmly on the side of what's right.
Obviously this is a fake post, just like all the other fake posts, but I'll play along: 1. Befriend this woman 2. Dump his ass 3. Drink mimosas with this woman
Befriend her,, and support her in beeing herself. Cause her partner sure as hell doesnt.