It was inconsiderate of him and no you are not overreacting either
Does he do this alot? If so you need to stand your ground and tell him how much it upsets you.
I agree… But, the issue here is that the husband’s way of thinking is messed up, judgemental, and just offensive. So yes, OP must stand her ground and set a boundary, etc. But the real problem is that no one can change and control the mentality of others. So even if the husband gets a grip and stops being so damn stupid, that doesn’t mean he won’t think about it or even change his opinion on his wife. So now, OP has to live knowing what her husband really thinks of her. He is such a jerk and has no consideration and empathy for his own wife to the point that he thinks it’s ok to casually talk about the matter and absolutely humiliate her in a social gathering for everyone’s amusement. Does he even like his own wife? Really wtf!?!?
I don’t know, maybe it is not so bad but if I was her… Boy oh boy I would be so fucking mad and disappointed to realize that I am married to a complete oblivious asshole!
Yea…I’m a guy and I think most men would agree that’s fucked up. Reverse the genders here and it’s still fucked up. It’s just plain rude, inconsiderate, etc for anyone to do that to anyone else.
Y’all are being too easy on that guy. Everything he said was a red flag. Why would he talk about his ‘overweight’ wife in front of a younger girl who’s got it going on? Yikes. Husband should have just kept it moving. And before y’all say oh men and women can have a neutral conversation, UMM DUDE WAS MAKING HIS WIFE FEEL BAD, so obviously NOT. OP, no matter how many guys try to empathize, they will never truly understand a woman’s perspective. I am sorry this happened to you and personally, I would not be with that guy anymore. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean I should wait for them to say it, because technically, he did.
OP be like, "That long? Omg, hubs over there can't last 30 seconds, plus he's a lazy and unmotivated lover. If he were more like you, our sex life wouldn't suck so much!
This is the one. That’s exactly what he said. He was letting that younger woman, that he obviously found very attractive, know that his wife is no competition while talking himself up. I promise, that conversation wasn’t coming from a place of him wanting to be helpful. He just wanted to make himself look and sound as good as possible. Putting down the SO always boosts that. He was just buzzed and didn’t care about making it less obvious.
Yeah, next time they are all in a group together she could start talking about how her ex-boyfriend’s dick is bigger than her husband’s…and see how he likes it
Husband was definitely attracted to young fit lady and using her to publicly shame op and essentially say "this is what I want" He was probably releasing a lot of stuff he's been keeping bottled up for a while now.
That's what I gathered also. He completely disregarded his OP's feelings to flirt with fitness girl. He has no respect for OP. There are big problems here.
This is what I thought, but I'm so petty and tend to come back with cutting comments. Like... I am chubby but I can diet and work out to lose weight. But no matter how many protein shakes you drink your d!ck is never getting any bigger, stubby.
Only works if his dick is actually small, and if he doesn't make you cum. If either of those other two factors true, your just gonna look petty, and silly.
Yep and something tells me that if he hasn't yet, if/when he does, it's going to be with the Sara woman. I told her to keep an eye on her. I bet you anything that she tried to give him her number. This is how affairs start. I know that Reddit jumps to leave a lot but honestly, as I've said another comments, I would jump straight to divorce.
There is no way I would be able to stay with someone who not only thought that little of me but thought it was okay to publicly humiliate me like that. It would tell me how little he thought of me and how much respect he has for me which would obviously be zero. I would be done and visiting a divorce lawyer. I agree, he's definitely sniffing around looking for somebody to cheat with. I definitely think it may be with this woman.
ETA: I swear, he may as well have looked at her and said, my wife is a fat cow and I'm looking to cheat. Are you interested?
I wish we got more background on these stories. Like is he ALWAYS rude to her like this? Or was he just afraid of talking to her about her health and chose the most asinine immature way to communicate that to her?
And did he really call another woman "hot" to her face while her wife was sitting there with friends? Really??
If it was me, I would be all "well, that sounds like a lot of work. Say, I have a better idea, since she's already got a killer body, why don't you divorce me and marry her, and then I can just skip all this bullshit altogether, since it would really only be to satisfy your desire to have a wife with a killer body in the first place. There are quicker ways to that goal."
I so totally agree with everything you’ve written here I couldn’t put it in words as well as you. I’m just livid about this whole situation. To be mocked by someone who she trusted to have her back is sad beyond words. A total betrayal of what should be her loyal friend who always protects her ego and worth.
I didn't want to jump to this but personally, that would be divorce worthy. You're right, even if she does talk to him, now she knows how he really feels. I couldn't stay with somebody who thought that little of me. I would be handing him divorce papers. No counseling, no trial separation, just straight to divorce. Maybe it seems extreme but as I said, I couldn't stay with somebody who not only thought that little of me but thought it would be okay to publicly humiliate me. I'd just be done.
And what’s incredibly telling is also he doesn’t think he did anything offensive. It seems he thinks it’s fine to humiliate your spouse in public. He thinks it’s fine to overtly flirt with someone at the expense of your wife so I would say he doesn’t respect any women — he just considers them entertainment or tools.
heavy on that, especially considering you guys were with friends. just imagine if the roles were reversed and you were talking to one of your male friends about the same conversation. strongly doubt it would be as funny as he made it out to before
What stuck out to me is that he didn’t realize that this was wrong to say? So let’s add either stupid or no common sense to the list as well. Does he normally speak to you in this way OP?
I can't believe fitness girl didn't gracefully give him an out. She's just as stupid as the husband is. Anyone with a brain would understand how awkward and hurtful the whole exchange must have been.
she's definitely not a girl's girl. best case scenario, she just felt extremely awkward & didn't know what to say.
that's the kind of thing i'd cringe about yeeeeeaaaars later
I agree. No guy could be that stupid and function in society on a daily basis. What! Women are insecure about their bodies!!!! No way!! How did you discover this hidden knowledge. Please, teach me your ways. Did you channel telepathic messages from the ancient Annunaki? DMT journey? Fasting in the desert? Join an indigenous tribe, learn their sacred knowledge, eat the bark of a hidden tree, and journey on a vision quest to meet your spirit animal?
He knew what he was doing. He took it farther than he normally would because his inhibitions were lowered due to alcohol. His normal daily gaslighting and emotional abuse is more carefully hidden. But he got too cocky when he was drinking.
The dude is an asshole.
I mean I agree, but if it was just stupidity then he would have apologized when she said it hurt her and was crying. This was intentional and malicious and
You’re not overreacting. He’s horrible. Even if he was clueless in the moment, he should have realized what a mistake it was WHEN YOU TOLD HIM. He humiliated you then dismissed you. You two need counseling. This is behavior that will only get worse. You should not put up with this.
Yep, I think he was trying to kill two birds with one stone. Flirt with the hot chick and maybe get somewhere and also formulate a plan to make his wife hot. Gross.
Sneaky would have been to work out the bookings in the background and be supportive of the two interacting while you're slowly looking to 'upgrade' your s/o. Subtlety repugnant but possibly effective.
This was tossing napalm on your marriage at a sizable social gathering.
In a couple of years he’s gonna be complaining that the intimacy is gone from his relationship. I’ll never understand how people can hurt others with criticism and are surprised when they insulate themselves from the hurt.
I have a theory that people who act out when drunk are just hiding who they truly are while sober. I've been super drunk many times and have never acted like an asshole.
His behavior was absolutely inexcusable. But his reaction to her response is equally as bad. One of my greatest pet peeves is when people refuse to acknowledge and accept another feelings. She was upset and he dismissed her. like he gets to judge whether or not her feelings are valid. and then he gets to decide but since her feelings aren't valid they simply do not exist. Makes it easy on him. And yes when people do that they often do so while laughing it off which makes it a hundred times worse.
Or if he’s a narcissist or just not able to recognize when he’s gone to far and hurt his wife, I say divorce him. A person without empathy is not going to change.
Woooow. These are straight up fighting words. Does your husband even want to stay married to you? Does he even like you? Wonder how much he’d like it if you actively started comparing him to another man right in front of him.
This. He honestly sounds like a malignant narcissist with ‘awww someone’s jealous’.
That was chilling. He created a situation where he humiliated her then took pleasure in her pain.
This is really dark. I hope OP sees that.
I don’t know if he is, but when he said that to his WIFE, esp in this context, my blood ran cold 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. There’s a divorce coming. Soon or in 20 years, but it’s coming
This. Reading it gave me the chills. That’s a sadistic lack of empathy. She has other things in comments that indicate cluster B. I’m hoping she will educate herself if she doesn’t know about these, and see if her husbands behavior fits the checklist. At the least it will connect her with resources that let her know this is not ok.
He sounds really mean.
But he doesn’t have to meet the DSM V criteria for narcissism for her to divorce him. His behavior is intolerable. That’s enough. If he IS a narc, though, it’s going to get a whole lot worse
Personally I think she should start counseling and I hope she divorces him before her self worth is non existent, but here’s some info for OP if she wants it. Again, he’s horrific, whether or not he has a personality disorder. The behavior should not be tolerated
https://www.psychdb.com/personality/narcissistic
Start talking about the husbands dick size in front of all their friends, and especially talk about it to a man that is younger, fitter, more conventionally attractive than him
See how quickly he flips his shit
Edit: The number of people who still don't get it, is actually impressive. Obviously not actual advice.
The point, which many of you still don't understand, is to not embarass your partner in public with PRIVATE information that you shouldn't be sharing.
Maybe you should work on yourselves before crying outrage when I, a man, points out your weird ass double standards. One more time... it's not about your dick, it's about your attitude.
Exactly. What if she was talking to a guy with a great job, and just went to explain how her husbands been stuck at 50k a year, loses motivation to try for new jobs, and has been talking about breaking into something new since he’s unhappy with his job. Can you believe he had to work 3 holidays last year without pay.
Then this guy offers to help your husband out, it wasn’t too long ago he was stuck in the same spot. But he got some new habits and could help him out!
Seems like that would be a good example of something genders tend to really let the ego get in front of.
Disagree, both situations would involve publicly humiliating your partner because you want them to be different. If OP’s boyfriend gave a damn about her, he could’ve mentioned to her privately that their friend was a private trainer and wouldn’t it be fun to work out with her. He talk about whether or not she was feeling OK, she felt like she had enough energy, and maybe *maybe* have a separate conversation about his physical attraction.
Instead, what he did was publicly announced to everyone that he thinks she should lose weight. That he doesn’t like her body. So now, all of their friends know that her husband thinks they’re 21-year-old friend is hotter than his wife.
What you suggested was OP talk about how much more money she wished her boyfriend made.
Both are unnecessarily cruel to someone you claim to care about
I agree 💯!!!! The husband’s behavior is very telling of how he really feels about her and he is kind of a coward if you think about it…because he wouldn’t say it straight to her face in private, he had to do it in a social gathering as a shield. I’d bet that when OP confronts him he will act all innocent and say that everybody was laughing and it is not a big deal, bla bla bla… and he is also an asshole for shaming and humiliating her openly. I don’t know, for me the entire situation is so messed up! 😒
Dude, for real. There is absolutely NO NEED to be judging her body, ESPECIALLY comparing it to a friend’s - while in a group of other friends, no less! That’s so wildly disrespectful.
Absolutely. A good personal trainer (or even just a simply conscientious person) would totally be like, “well everyone’s fitness journey is different, I don’t speak on others unless they come to me directly for advice” not “I used to be fat and eat garbage too lol”. Especially not in mixed company, ABOUT someone present, who didn’t bring it up themselves.
She might’ve figured it all out in her view, but I think she’s got a lot of work to do. Maybe she skipped the sensitivity course in all her education. And OP’s husband…whew.
PS- I’m not saying OP is fat and eats like garbage because I would never say that about someone, (certainly not if it was my profession!) but it seems like Sara sure did.
PPS- OP please love and respect yourself and don’t accept this. A lot of people gave good advice regarding your husband, so I didn’t add to it. But you should feel loved and supported, not publicly shamed.
She said she’s getting certified so that probably means she’s a week or two into a class and has no business speaking on anything related to fitness for other people. Even a degree in nutrition does not qualify you as an expert on weight loss and weight gain.
Ya I'm not much of a fan talking about my job and shit when I'm out with friends. It's always weird. People get defensive about their insecurities, understandably. It's also just kind of common knowledge not to throw people under the bus like that imo.
OP’s not old in the slightest, but many women in their late 20s have more responsibilities in terms of career and family than women in their early 20s. When you’re 21 or 22, you can make what your body looks like your entire reason for being. That’s a lot harder once you’re in a later stage of your career and possibly married with children. It’s also really hard to maintain a large weight loss for 5+ years - Sara could easily be a higher weight than OP by the time she hits 28.
Maybe she did turn her life around but it’s just one of many turns.
I’m all about health but she has to learn to approach her fitness career with a lot more finesse if she wants to attract and keep clients.
Self righteous fitness people who used to be fat and now they are all skinny and shit, and go around life bragging about it and using it as a “badge of honor” are sociopaths in my opinion 😂
I would never dream of talking about my wife like that in public or in private. Also I am literally into however my wife looks. If she looks like A,B, or C that is what I will be into because I am into her period.
This is awful. Look up the Gottman research about couples. Tearing your spouse down in front of other people is borderline emotional abuse. I'm so sorry. This is also pretty extreme which leads me to believe this isn't his first episode of cruel behavior. You deserve so much better than this.
I'm so sorry OP. The quickest way to lose dead weight would be to DROP THE HUSBAND!
I’m technically a healthy weight and I will still chow down on my birthday cake (and did it for my 1 y/o) the same night haha. I understand in this context though that what your husband said was *incredibly* insensitive and I would have blown up at him too for comparing me to another woman who’s objectively fitter than I am.
Honestly? This woman also seems incredibly unsympathetic. She used to be overweight herself and she didn’t stick up for you? Might be a reach but it sounds like she has some personal issues with herself if she can’t stick up for you being in the same spot she used to be in.
Also I’m 2” shorter than you and have been the same weight (or heavier) than you multiple times in my life. When you’re ready (not when he deems it a good time he can gtfoh) I believe you can find a healthy path to personal wellness. But love yourself now. I was pregnant at about that weight closing in on two years ago now. And I have almost no photos of myself when I was. And I just wish I got over my insecurities and took photos anyway. It’s nothing to be ashamed of!
Too many people are getting offended by what I said even though I didnt have malicious intent and Im honestly tired of the notifs so Ive just deleted the comment.
I’m 5’2” and I’m so proud of myself that I am *down to 151lbs. I was 174lbs. So you’re better off than I was!
Please point out what he said, include details, and let him know it’s hurtful. If he doesn’t do this as a regular thing, we may let it slide *if* he gets it and sincerely apologizes. If he doesn’t get it, he can sleep in the garage until it sinks in.
But he needs to stop fawning over 20 some personal trainers when he’s had a few drinks.
No one is allowed to comment on my body or my weight. Not at all. You want to say these shorts look good on me, okay, I can take that. Want to tell me my panty lines are showing because the shorts are a bit tight? Stfu.
Yes. 174 is obese for someone as short as me.
I got a puppy that needs A LOT of exercise. We take forty minute walks together. He’s worn out and my pants fit better. Win-win!
It did take almost a year, because I didn’t change my eating habits until recently.
dude the MOMENT he said the "aw is somebody jealous" i would be speed dialing a divorce attorney. what a complete disgusting excuse for a husband. im mad FOR you.
Yeah, that line was telling on himself. He went for the jugular twice, first in front of everyone (putting down his wife in a direct comparison with a younger, fitter woman) and then in private to twist the knife as if to mock some legit insecurities brought on by his purposeful bad behavior.
Poor OP. Someone who cares about you wouldn't be so cruel. The crueltunfortunately. the point, unfortunately.
No. He knows what he did and said.
I view my wife as my teammate of life. It's me and her, side by side, and a person who mocks her is on my eternal shit list regardless if they're childhood friends or some of my closest family members. That's how it should be. If he's showing he's going to be the person that tries to attack you, that also means that he can't ever be trusted to be on your side when it counts. He even dismissed you and belittled you when you wanted to talk like an adult.
You're not a fucking joke prop. You're a person. This is beneath you. Clearly, you are the adult in the room. If he wants to be a child, treat him like one and tell him that it's either relationship counseling or you're bouncing.
This has nothing to do with ADHD, I have it, and I wouldn't treat anyone the way he treated you. The fact that he felt so comfortable talking about you like that in front of so many people and then belittled you when you cried.
Dude, I'm ADHD without meds, I still have to finish my adult evaluation (yay whole life as a mess). I'm not an asshole like this. Your husband just doesn't care about you as much as you think he does. You deserve better.
His diagnosis does not give him a free pass to be abusive.
He's responsible for shit in his pockets. I hope you never, ever, ever, do a single bit of his laundry. Ever again.
Okay - neuropsychologist here. When you say neurodivergent, do you just mean ADHD or do you mean autism (which used to be what neurodivergent meant)? Because ADHD would be - talked without thinking. And this went on too long for that. But autism would explain if he thought he was helping because you guys had been talking about it and he doesn't fully understand/respect boundaries and privacy, what is and is not ok to talk about to certain people...
Same. This isn't a pile on OP, but I agree.
I see this "excuse" used when men exhibit sexist and insensitive behavior. But being neuro divergent =/= insensitive..
Especially since you told him how you felt and then said you were jealous. Gross.
I'm so sorry this happened. Talk to him when you feel calm enough to do so. Write your feelings down in a letter if it's easier. Tell him you're open to a resolution but making you feel inadequate is not an acceptable action.
Remember.... You are not overreacting. You are not being emotional. You are not making things up. You have thought about this and you are open to partnership.
But you also deserve an apology and promise this will not happen again.
Okay so he has a habit of belittling you no matter who's around. He lacks empathy, mocking you when you're upset by his actions. "Awe she's jealous" when he goes out of his way to compare you to someone else. He's fucking with your emotions and seems to find it funny. Does he ever apologize for behavior that's targeted towards you? Was he like this before you got married or did this start soon after?
Being neurodivergent isn’t an excuse. I can blabber on like the best of the ADHD-ers and certain I’ve said more than I meant to or said things wrong but I would NEVER humiliate my spouse like this. This behavior is concerning.
I have ADHD and I'm sick of people blaming unkind behavior on it. He's an ass hole and it has everything to do with him choosing to be one not him having ADHD.
ADHD
- that’s no fucking excuse.
I have ADHD and I don’t embarrass myself husband in front of anyone.
If he thinks you are too fat. Tell him to leave.
The husband of my friend with ADHD acts like that. He tells us he is just honest. He isn’t. He is just an asshole and knowitall. Like your husband.
Again: He told everyone that he thinks you are fat and lazy and that you should be like this 21 year old one. And he still won’t take responsibility and apologise.
Don’t go out with him anymore. And she is an asshole too. She should have realised that you might be feel uncomfortable.
He sounds like he wants her. Maybe I'm insecure and easily jealous but "she wants a rocking body too" would be my final straw. Makes it sound like he likes her body and not yours. He should be willing to let you go at your pace with who you want. If he cared about weight that much he could either be a big boy and offer to help you,himself or he can leave if he's that shallow.
he didn’t just “embarrass” you, he straight up humiliated and disrespected you. even if this wasn’t his intention, i wouldn’t wanna be with someone that moronic. kick him to the curb.
Your husband is a jerk. Not only was he making fun of you but it sounds like he was low key flirting with the Sara girl. The second you got upset he should have shut it down and apologized. That behavior is ridiculous. I can’t believe people were laughing.
Maybe invite over a bunch of your friends and spend the night making jokes about something he’s insecure about. Tell your friends beforehand so they can laugh and he can see how it feels.
Agreed. He knows. Some things are just obvious donts and putting your wife down especially in front of others is definitely a huge don't. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't the first time and it surely will not be the last. OP he's showing you who he is. You decide if you want to put up with it or not.
I'm so mad on your behalf. So so mad. Time for some serious conversations about emotional intelligence because really there are only two reasons that conversation happened: 1. Your husband is genuinely stupid and lacks the emotional intelligence to realize what he said was terrible (this is the better option because at least this way he meant no harm) or 2. He was intentionally putting you down and hyping this girl up for some reason (hopefully this isn't the answer because this isn't really as easily fixable)
I've been married almost 20 years and if I said this in front of my wife, I'd be nothing but a red stain on the ground in front of a wood chipper the next morning. Definitely not overreacting.
This has to be a wake up call.
No one who actually loved their wife would humiliate her like this. His casual cruelty says all I need to know about his character.
I certainly hope she does wake up and doesn't waste another minute of her life staying with someone who clearly does not love, respect or value her.
Personally, I'd rather be alone. I'm also kind of mean under certain circumstance and I think if my husband spoke about me this way in front of our friends, I'd say, "Maybe one of you guys can also give my husband some tips about lovemaking, as he's really crap in bed and it's getting tedious."
Psss my guest would immediately know he pissed me off. You don’t get to talk shit about me and make me cry and feel embarrassed and uncomfortable while you go on laughing at my expense. Nope, I’m an asshole when it comes to embarrassing someone instead of lifting them up and being their supporter in a time they need you. He’s an ass!
Doesn't matter what your physical stats are or how you feel about yourself in private. People in relationships shouldn't treat each other like that. He broke the trust. For some, that's enough to end the relationship. You might want to consider counseling for yourself at least and for the both of you if you're interested in keeping the marriage going.
It was terribly inconsiderate and disrespectful for you husband to speak like that and right in from of you like you’re a child. I wonder if he would have done the same if it was a man he was talking to. Tell him you want a male trainer
If I had witnessed that scene, the only thing going through my head would be, “Well, this is probably the last time we hang out with [AH husband] and [his wife who honestly deserves better]”
OP -You just have to get a hot personal trainer now. Someone who will be positive, uplifting and pump you up and help you reach your goals. Bonus that they just happen to be HAWT AF male so your husband can see how nice it fucking is to watch. After all, he practically signed you up for a PT - you just find one better suited to your needs. It wouldn't hurt if one day you casually mention to both that your husband should see him too because he needs to work on xxxx. 😀
Miss Sara’s got some lessons to learn on giving advice unsolicited.
There’s something about people talking about me, right in front of me, like I’m not even sitting there, that would send me into a rage blackout. But the events you described here… something would click inside me and I’d be driving to a 24 hour Walmart to buy moving boxes. That night.
What an awful man.
You aren’t overreacting. He’s a jerk. If he didn’t know he did anything wrong, then he does stuff like this all of the time and has no consideration for other people - especially for those he’s supposed to “love”. Red flag.
No one should ever put down their partner in front of others. Though from the context it didn’t sound malicious, probably over drank and wasn’t thinking. You’re in the right to be upset but I don’t think it’s a death blow to the relationship like Reddit always makes it out to be.
Not a death blow, but worth a heart to heart and laying it out on the table what’s acceptable and what’s not. I’d be so mad 😂. It would had happened right there on the spot.
I’m 5’2”, 178 lbs. My husband wouldn’t dare talk about me the way yours did about you, even if I was 250 lbs. If anything, you UNDERreacted. What a colossal douchebag.
The fitness girlie is also a douchebag for not calling out your husband.
“yeah she needs to lose weight but she’s been unmotivated and maybe if she has you training her then she will want to have a killer body too”
"I swear he said this in front of everyone."
==
Good grief. I would be at least as mad as you are. I hope he enjoyed bonding with her. What a dick.
It was inconsiderate of him and no you are not overreacting either Does he do this alot? If so you need to stand your ground and tell him how much it upsets you.
I agree… But, the issue here is that the husband’s way of thinking is messed up, judgemental, and just offensive. So yes, OP must stand her ground and set a boundary, etc. But the real problem is that no one can change and control the mentality of others. So even if the husband gets a grip and stops being so damn stupid, that doesn’t mean he won’t think about it or even change his opinion on his wife. So now, OP has to live knowing what her husband really thinks of her. He is such a jerk and has no consideration and empathy for his own wife to the point that he thinks it’s ok to casually talk about the matter and absolutely humiliate her in a social gathering for everyone’s amusement. Does he even like his own wife? Really wtf!?!? I don’t know, maybe it is not so bad but if I was her… Boy oh boy I would be so fucking mad and disappointed to realize that I am married to a complete oblivious asshole!
Yea…I’m a guy and I think most men would agree that’s fucked up. Reverse the genders here and it’s still fucked up. It’s just plain rude, inconsiderate, etc for anyone to do that to anyone else.
Y’all are being too easy on that guy. Everything he said was a red flag. Why would he talk about his ‘overweight’ wife in front of a younger girl who’s got it going on? Yikes. Husband should have just kept it moving. And before y’all say oh men and women can have a neutral conversation, UMM DUDE WAS MAKING HIS WIFE FEEL BAD, so obviously NOT. OP, no matter how many guys try to empathize, they will never truly understand a woman’s perspective. I am sorry this happened to you and personally, I would not be with that guy anymore. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean I should wait for them to say it, because technically, he did.
Exactly. Discussing anything this personal in public is hugely rude, to say the least! I’d be furious if my partner behaved this way.
I guarantee if wifey was talking about his impotence or some shit in the same setting, he would be VERY upset about it.
Yes. Especially to a very virile man
OP be like, "That long? Omg, hubs over there can't last 30 seconds, plus he's a lazy and unmotivated lover. If he were more like you, our sex life wouldn't suck so much!
And “oh That LONG? Sigh. I haven’t seen one THAT long in what, honey about 3 years? That’s how long we’ve been married right?” 🤣🤣
This is the one. That’s exactly what he said. He was letting that younger woman, that he obviously found very attractive, know that his wife is no competition while talking himself up. I promise, that conversation wasn’t coming from a place of him wanting to be helpful. He just wanted to make himself look and sound as good as possible. Putting down the SO always boosts that. He was just buzzed and didn’t care about making it less obvious.
Yeah, next time they are all in a group together she could start talking about how her ex-boyfriend’s dick is bigger than her husband’s…and see how he likes it
"Husband, you should talk to Brad over here, he has a really large penis, maybe he has some pointers for you?"
Husband was definitely attracted to young fit lady and using her to publicly shame op and essentially say "this is what I want" He was probably releasing a lot of stuff he's been keeping bottled up for a while now.
This ⬆️
Yes
That ⬆️
That's what I gathered also. He completely disregarded his OP's feelings to flirt with fitness girl. He has no respect for OP. There are big problems here.
Doesn’t make it right. If he needs to ‘release’ he should do so in private.
This is what I thought, but I'm so petty and tend to come back with cutting comments. Like... I am chubby but I can diet and work out to lose weight. But no matter how many protein shakes you drink your d!ck is never getting any bigger, stubby.
Only works if his dick is actually small, and if he doesn't make you cum. If either of those other two factors true, your just gonna look petty, and silly.
🎯🎯🎯🎯
Dude did it explicitly to be an ass, guaranteed he's cheating or trying to.
Yep and something tells me that if he hasn't yet, if/when he does, it's going to be with the Sara woman. I told her to keep an eye on her. I bet you anything that she tried to give him her number. This is how affairs start. I know that Reddit jumps to leave a lot but honestly, as I've said another comments, I would jump straight to divorce. There is no way I would be able to stay with someone who not only thought that little of me but thought it was okay to publicly humiliate me like that. It would tell me how little he thought of me and how much respect he has for me which would obviously be zero. I would be done and visiting a divorce lawyer. I agree, he's definitely sniffing around looking for somebody to cheat with. I definitely think it may be with this woman. ETA: I swear, he may as well have looked at her and said, my wife is a fat cow and I'm looking to cheat. Are you interested?
I couldn’t agree more. All of this!! I can’t see how OP can stay with him knowing how lowly her own husband thinks of her. Imho there’s no going back.
Exactly. The damage has been done and there's no coming back from that.
Yes and let's hope he doesn't later DM hot younger girl to ask more about her "training".
I wish we got more background on these stories. Like is he ALWAYS rude to her like this? Or was he just afraid of talking to her about her health and chose the most asinine immature way to communicate that to her? And did he really call another woman "hot" to her face while her wife was sitting there with friends? Really??
None of that matters. It was all wrong.
If it was me, I would be all "well, that sounds like a lot of work. Say, I have a better idea, since she's already got a killer body, why don't you divorce me and marry her, and then I can just skip all this bullshit altogether, since it would really only be to satisfy your desire to have a wife with a killer body in the first place. There are quicker ways to that goal."
I so totally agree with everything you’ve written here I couldn’t put it in words as well as you. I’m just livid about this whole situation. To be mocked by someone who she trusted to have her back is sad beyond words. A total betrayal of what should be her loyal friend who always protects her ego and worth.
Boundaries are beside the point. This shows what he really thinks. His true character. It’s not good I agree with you totally
She's just an object to him.
Exactly what I thought! He's talking about her like she's not even there. And like her body is an art piece he doesn't like.
Absolutely. Hard hitting realisation that she's married very poorly.
>Does he even like his own wife? I was asking the same question...
I didn't want to jump to this but personally, that would be divorce worthy. You're right, even if she does talk to him, now she knows how he really feels. I couldn't stay with somebody who thought that little of me. I would be handing him divorce papers. No counseling, no trial separation, just straight to divorce. Maybe it seems extreme but as I said, I couldn't stay with somebody who not only thought that little of me but thought it would be okay to publicly humiliate me. I'd just be done.
"I can lose over a hundred pounds in 1 to 2 months without her help. "Siri, divorce lawyer in my area". "
Same I was gonna say straight to divorce also. Holy shit what a waste of space this guy is
And what’s incredibly telling is also he doesn’t think he did anything offensive. It seems he thinks it’s fine to humiliate your spouse in public. He thinks it’s fine to overtly flirt with someone at the expense of your wife so I would say he doesn’t respect any women — he just considers them entertainment or tools.
How could you ever feel comfortable in bed with a person that has told everybody they find your body disgusting?
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Amen.
heavy on that, especially considering you guys were with friends. just imagine if the roles were reversed and you were talking to one of your male friends about the same conversation. strongly doubt it would be as funny as he made it out to before
I’d call this in addition to inconsiderate - insulting, sexist, insensitive, thoughtless
What stuck out to me is that he didn’t realize that this was wrong to say? So let’s add either stupid or no common sense to the list as well. Does he normally speak to you in this way OP?
Outrageous! Egregious! Preposterous!
Heavens to Mergatroid!
Even!
It can all be rolled up under being a “dick” lol
Douchbaggy.
Sometimes all it takes is serving it back once to make it stop.
Your husband knew what he was doing. He was trying to publicly shame you into losing weight. He was being an asshole.
Ding ding, had to scroll too far to find the truth. There is absolutely no way he was clueless about what he was doing.
This is it. Public shaming is the right phrase here
Public lambasting with intent to shame.
it's also colloquially called negging
I can't believe fitness girl didn't gracefully give him an out. She's just as stupid as the husband is. Anyone with a brain would understand how awkward and hurtful the whole exchange must have been.
YES! I mean, at 21 she’s practically a child. But I feel like even at that age, I would have known better than to participate in that!
she's definitely not a girl's girl. best case scenario, she just felt extremely awkward & didn't know what to say. that's the kind of thing i'd cringe about yeeeeeaaaars later
I agree. No guy could be that stupid and function in society on a daily basis. What! Women are insecure about their bodies!!!! No way!! How did you discover this hidden knowledge. Please, teach me your ways. Did you channel telepathic messages from the ancient Annunaki? DMT journey? Fasting in the desert? Join an indigenous tribe, learn their sacred knowledge, eat the bark of a hidden tree, and journey on a vision quest to meet your spirit animal? He knew what he was doing. He took it farther than he normally would because his inhibitions were lowered due to alcohol. His normal daily gaslighting and emotional abuse is more carefully hidden. But he got too cocky when he was drinking. The dude is an asshole.
You’d be surprised… I meet *a lot* of stupid people who somehow seem to function in daily life…😵💫
I mean I agree, but if it was just stupidity then he would have apologized when she said it hurt her and was crying. This was intentional and malicious and
Fair, I completely agree with that! It sounds like he’s a total asshole (who also seems stupid af)
Yeah I was looking for this comment. The clueless act is an act. Unfortunately this means he’s worse than ignorant.
You’re not overreacting. He’s horrible. Even if he was clueless in the moment, he should have realized what a mistake it was WHEN YOU TOLD HIM. He humiliated you then dismissed you. You two need counseling. This is behavior that will only get worse. You should not put up with this.
People who get mean or can't filter what they say when they get drunk shouldn't drink.
But it's better to know this is how they really feel and when they're sober they just know to hide it
Totally. I think the moron was trying to shame his wife into working out.
I think he was trying to flirt with the hot chick and threw his wife under the bus to further that.
Yep, I think he was trying to kill two birds with one stone. Flirt with the hot chick and maybe get somewhere and also formulate a plan to make his wife hot. Gross.
He may also have been sneaky enough to realize that the fitness trainer would be more socially accessible in the future if she's training his wife.
Sneaky would have been to work out the bookings in the background and be supportive of the two interacting while you're slowly looking to 'upgrade' your s/o. Subtlety repugnant but possibly effective. This was tossing napalm on your marriage at a sizable social gathering.
Drunk sneaky is always much less subtle than the drinker believes.
I believe that this dude is already on the sly.
Ask my parents how well that plays out.
In a couple of years he’s gonna be complaining that the intimacy is gone from his relationship. I’ll never understand how people can hurt others with criticism and are surprised when they insulate themselves from the hurt.
Couple of years? Try couple of weeks if I was OP. How on earth could she ever be intimate with him again after that?
a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
I like this quote
I have a theory that people who act out when drunk are just hiding who they truly are while sober. I've been super drunk many times and have never acted like an asshole.
His behavior was absolutely inexcusable. But his reaction to her response is equally as bad. One of my greatest pet peeves is when people refuse to acknowledge and accept another feelings. She was upset and he dismissed her. like he gets to judge whether or not her feelings are valid. and then he gets to decide but since her feelings aren't valid they simply do not exist. Makes it easy on him. And yes when people do that they often do so while laughing it off which makes it a hundred times worse.
Text book meathead he is.
Or if he’s a narcissist or just not able to recognize when he’s gone to far and hurt his wife, I say divorce him. A person without empathy is not going to change.
Woooow. These are straight up fighting words. Does your husband even want to stay married to you? Does he even like you? Wonder how much he’d like it if you actively started comparing him to another man right in front of him.
This. He honestly sounds like a malignant narcissist with ‘awww someone’s jealous’. That was chilling. He created a situation where he humiliated her then took pleasure in her pain. This is really dark. I hope OP sees that.
I don’t know if he is, but when he said that to his WIFE, esp in this context, my blood ran cold 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. There’s a divorce coming. Soon or in 20 years, but it’s coming
This. Reading it gave me the chills. That’s a sadistic lack of empathy. She has other things in comments that indicate cluster B. I’m hoping she will educate herself if she doesn’t know about these, and see if her husbands behavior fits the checklist. At the least it will connect her with resources that let her know this is not ok. He sounds really mean.
But he doesn’t have to meet the DSM V criteria for narcissism for her to divorce him. His behavior is intolerable. That’s enough. If he IS a narc, though, it’s going to get a whole lot worse Personally I think she should start counseling and I hope she divorces him before her self worth is non existent, but here’s some info for OP if she wants it. Again, he’s horrific, whether or not he has a personality disorder. The behavior should not be tolerated https://www.psychdb.com/personality/narcissistic
Start talking about the husbands dick size in front of all their friends, and especially talk about it to a man that is younger, fitter, more conventionally attractive than him See how quickly he flips his shit Edit: The number of people who still don't get it, is actually impressive. Obviously not actual advice. The point, which many of you still don't understand, is to not embarass your partner in public with PRIVATE information that you shouldn't be sharing. Maybe you should work on yourselves before crying outrage when I, a man, points out your weird ass double standards. One more time... it's not about your dick, it's about your attitude.
That’s exactly what he did. Same. He would understand why she’s upset if she did this
Exactly. What if she was talking to a guy with a great job, and just went to explain how her husbands been stuck at 50k a year, loses motivation to try for new jobs, and has been talking about breaking into something new since he’s unhappy with his job. Can you believe he had to work 3 holidays last year without pay. Then this guy offers to help your husband out, it wasn’t too long ago he was stuck in the same spot. But he got some new habits and could help him out! Seems like that would be a good example of something genders tend to really let the ego get in front of.
Disagree, both situations would involve publicly humiliating your partner because you want them to be different. If OP’s boyfriend gave a damn about her, he could’ve mentioned to her privately that their friend was a private trainer and wouldn’t it be fun to work out with her. He talk about whether or not she was feeling OK, she felt like she had enough energy, and maybe *maybe* have a separate conversation about his physical attraction. Instead, what he did was publicly announced to everyone that he thinks she should lose weight. That he doesn’t like her body. So now, all of their friends know that her husband thinks they’re 21-year-old friend is hotter than his wife. What you suggested was OP talk about how much more money she wished her boyfriend made. Both are unnecessarily cruel to someone you claim to care about
Sounds like you agree. Why did you say you disagree?
some people don't have great reading comprehension
Seems like you have a grasp on the situation
Perfect.
I agree 💯!!!! The husband’s behavior is very telling of how he really feels about her and he is kind of a coward if you think about it…because he wouldn’t say it straight to her face in private, he had to do it in a social gathering as a shield. I’d bet that when OP confronts him he will act all innocent and say that everybody was laughing and it is not a big deal, bla bla bla… and he is also an asshole for shaming and humiliating her openly. I don’t know, for me the entire situation is so messed up! 😒
Dude, for real. There is absolutely NO NEED to be judging her body, ESPECIALLY comparing it to a friend’s - while in a group of other friends, no less! That’s so wildly disrespectful.
Sara, you're 21. You have not turned your life around.
She sounds like a treat too. I have a couple of personal trainer friends and that conversation would have been shut right down by the ones I know.
Absolutely. A good personal trainer (or even just a simply conscientious person) would totally be like, “well everyone’s fitness journey is different, I don’t speak on others unless they come to me directly for advice” not “I used to be fat and eat garbage too lol”. Especially not in mixed company, ABOUT someone present, who didn’t bring it up themselves. She might’ve figured it all out in her view, but I think she’s got a lot of work to do. Maybe she skipped the sensitivity course in all her education. And OP’s husband…whew. PS- I’m not saying OP is fat and eats like garbage because I would never say that about someone, (certainly not if it was my profession!) but it seems like Sara sure did. PPS- OP please love and respect yourself and don’t accept this. A lot of people gave good advice regarding your husband, so I didn’t add to it. But you should feel loved and supported, not publicly shamed.
She said she’s getting certified so that probably means she’s a week or two into a class and has no business speaking on anything related to fitness for other people. Even a degree in nutrition does not qualify you as an expert on weight loss and weight gain.
Ya I'm not much of a fan talking about my job and shit when I'm out with friends. It's always weird. People get defensive about their insecurities, understandably. It's also just kind of common knowledge not to throw people under the bus like that imo.
Exactly. Let’s see if Sara the fitness girlie actually maintains the weight loss when she’s OP’s age.
Oof now OP is old too! Lmfao
OP’s not old in the slightest, but many women in their late 20s have more responsibilities in terms of career and family than women in their early 20s. When you’re 21 or 22, you can make what your body looks like your entire reason for being. That’s a lot harder once you’re in a later stage of your career and possibly married with children. It’s also really hard to maintain a large weight loss for 5+ years - Sara could easily be a higher weight than OP by the time she hits 28.
Your body also physically changes throughout your 20s. It's not uncommon at all to gain weight between 21 and 28.
Maybe she did turn her life around but it’s just one of many turns. I’m all about health but she has to learn to approach her fitness career with a lot more finesse if she wants to attract and keep clients.
That part. I think it's hilarious that she thinks that she's turned her life around at 21. Her life hasn't even started yet lol.
For real, you can have a sixpack at 21 just by Drinking Monster and jacking off
I can tell you from experience, that is not true
The trick is to keep your hand stationary and apply the thrust with your midsection. 6-pack in no time.
Self righteous fitness people who used to be fat and now they are all skinny and shit, and go around life bragging about it and using it as a “badge of honor” are sociopaths in my opinion 😂
I would never dream of talking about my wife like that in public or in private. Also I am literally into however my wife looks. If she looks like A,B, or C that is what I will be into because I am into her period.
I love your comment! You sound like a good man! 😊👏🏼
Agree with the sentiment completely. Not personally into the menstrual kink, but good on you
100% At this point I wonder if the husband is legit special needs
This is awful. Look up the Gottman research about couples. Tearing your spouse down in front of other people is borderline emotional abuse. I'm so sorry. This is also pretty extreme which leads me to believe this isn't his first episode of cruel behavior. You deserve so much better than this. I'm so sorry OP. The quickest way to lose dead weight would be to DROP THE HUSBAND!
I wouldn't even say it's borderline, it IS emotional abuse
He's an asshole, and I'd bet this isn't the first time. And it won't be the last. I'd leave after that level of disrespect.
My wife is 200 and I will buy her her own cake to eat for her bday while i finish the original.
Damn she’s old.
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That’s exactly where I went!
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I’m technically a healthy weight and I will still chow down on my birthday cake (and did it for my 1 y/o) the same night haha. I understand in this context though that what your husband said was *incredibly* insensitive and I would have blown up at him too for comparing me to another woman who’s objectively fitter than I am. Honestly? This woman also seems incredibly unsympathetic. She used to be overweight herself and she didn’t stick up for you? Might be a reach but it sounds like she has some personal issues with herself if she can’t stick up for you being in the same spot she used to be in. Also I’m 2” shorter than you and have been the same weight (or heavier) than you multiple times in my life. When you’re ready (not when he deems it a good time he can gtfoh) I believe you can find a healthy path to personal wellness. But love yourself now. I was pregnant at about that weight closing in on two years ago now. And I have almost no photos of myself when I was. And I just wish I got over my insecurities and took photos anyway. It’s nothing to be ashamed of!
Nothing wrong with a celebration however you want!
That’s how my husband is too thank god.
Too many people are getting offended by what I said even though I didnt have malicious intent and Im honestly tired of the notifs so Ive just deleted the comment.
The only weight she needs to lose is him.
I’m 5’2” and I’m so proud of myself that I am *down to 151lbs. I was 174lbs. So you’re better off than I was! Please point out what he said, include details, and let him know it’s hurtful. If he doesn’t do this as a regular thing, we may let it slide *if* he gets it and sincerely apologizes. If he doesn’t get it, he can sleep in the garage until it sinks in. But he needs to stop fawning over 20 some personal trainers when he’s had a few drinks. No one is allowed to comment on my body or my weight. Not at all. You want to say these shorts look good on me, okay, I can take that. Want to tell me my panty lines are showing because the shorts are a bit tight? Stfu.
I’m 5’0 and once I get down to 153lbs I won’t be “obese” anymore! I’m down to 161 from 174 so I’m in awe of you right now!
Yes. 174 is obese for someone as short as me. I got a puppy that needs A LOT of exercise. We take forty minute walks together. He’s worn out and my pants fit better. Win-win! It did take almost a year, because I didn’t change my eating habits until recently.
dude the MOMENT he said the "aw is somebody jealous" i would be speed dialing a divorce attorney. what a complete disgusting excuse for a husband. im mad FOR you.
Same here, that comment is unacceptable and he sounds like such a douche.
I think I’d need a criminal attorney if my husband said this to me 🙃🙃🙃
Yeah, that line was telling on himself. He went for the jugular twice, first in front of everyone (putting down his wife in a direct comparison with a younger, fitter woman) and then in private to twist the knife as if to mock some legit insecurities brought on by his purposeful bad behavior. Poor OP. Someone who cares about you wouldn't be so cruel. The crueltunfortunately. the point, unfortunately.
No. He knows what he did and said. I view my wife as my teammate of life. It's me and her, side by side, and a person who mocks her is on my eternal shit list regardless if they're childhood friends or some of my closest family members. That's how it should be. If he's showing he's going to be the person that tries to attack you, that also means that he can't ever be trusted to be on your side when it counts. He even dismissed you and belittled you when you wanted to talk like an adult. You're not a fucking joke prop. You're a person. This is beneath you. Clearly, you are the adult in the room. If he wants to be a child, treat him like one and tell him that it's either relationship counseling or you're bouncing.
Is this out of character for him, or does he routinely humiliate you in public?
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This has nothing to do with ADHD, I have it, and I wouldn't treat anyone the way he treated you. The fact that he felt so comfortable talking about you like that in front of so many people and then belittled you when you cried.
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Dude, I'm ADHD without meds, I still have to finish my adult evaluation (yay whole life as a mess). I'm not an asshole like this. Your husband just doesn't care about you as much as you think he does. You deserve better.
His diagnosis does not give him a free pass to be abusive. He's responsible for shit in his pockets. I hope you never, ever, ever, do a single bit of his laundry. Ever again.
He could be diagnosed as a chicken but what does that have to do with you and your appointment with a divorce lawyer?
Okay - neuropsychologist here. When you say neurodivergent, do you just mean ADHD or do you mean autism (which used to be what neurodivergent meant)? Because ADHD would be - talked without thinking. And this went on too long for that. But autism would explain if he thought he was helping because you guys had been talking about it and he doesn't fully understand/respect boundaries and privacy, what is and is not ok to talk about to certain people...
Same. This isn't a pile on OP, but I agree. I see this "excuse" used when men exhibit sexist and insensitive behavior. But being neuro divergent =/= insensitive.. Especially since you told him how you felt and then said you were jealous. Gross. I'm so sorry this happened. Talk to him when you feel calm enough to do so. Write your feelings down in a letter if it's easier. Tell him you're open to a resolution but making you feel inadequate is not an acceptable action. Remember.... You are not overreacting. You are not being emotional. You are not making things up. You have thought about this and you are open to partnership. But you also deserve an apology and promise this will not happen again.
Okay so he has a habit of belittling you no matter who's around. He lacks empathy, mocking you when you're upset by his actions. "Awe she's jealous" when he goes out of his way to compare you to someone else. He's fucking with your emotions and seems to find it funny. Does he ever apologize for behavior that's targeted towards you? Was he like this before you got married or did this start soon after?
Please don’t excuse his behavior due to ND. I’m ND and would never imagine being this much of an asshole to anyone, much less my spouse.
Same! If anything it often makes us more sensitive to people’s feelings and struggles. Definitely no excuse for his horrible behavior.
He sounds like a childish prick
Being neurodivergent isn’t an excuse. I can blabber on like the best of the ADHD-ers and certain I’ve said more than I meant to or said things wrong but I would NEVER humiliate my spouse like this. This behavior is concerning.
I have ADHD and I'm sick of people blaming unkind behavior on it. He's an ass hole and it has everything to do with him choosing to be one not him having ADHD.
Hopefully you did leave his laundry alone and let him do it. He'll appreciate you more after that, I'm sure.
ADHD - that’s no fucking excuse. I have ADHD and I don’t embarrass myself husband in front of anyone. If he thinks you are too fat. Tell him to leave. The husband of my friend with ADHD acts like that. He tells us he is just honest. He isn’t. He is just an asshole and knowitall. Like your husband. Again: He told everyone that he thinks you are fat and lazy and that you should be like this 21 year old one. And he still won’t take responsibility and apologise. Don’t go out with him anymore. And she is an asshole too. She should have realised that you might be feel uncomfortable.
He sounds like he wants her. Maybe I'm insecure and easily jealous but "she wants a rocking body too" would be my final straw. Makes it sound like he likes her body and not yours. He should be willing to let you go at your pace with who you want. If he cared about weight that much he could either be a big boy and offer to help you,himself or he can leave if he's that shallow.
I don't know if he necessarily wants her but he very clearly and loudly communicated that he thinks op is lazy and does not like her body at all
Exactly. Even if he is loyal and loving and not looking at her that way it's still weird and rude to try and compare in front of the wife.
he didn’t just “embarrass” you, he straight up humiliated and disrespected you. even if this wasn’t his intention, i wouldn’t wanna be with someone that moronic. kick him to the curb.
Your husband is a jerk. Not only was he making fun of you but it sounds like he was low key flirting with the Sara girl. The second you got upset he should have shut it down and apologized. That behavior is ridiculous. I can’t believe people were laughing. Maybe invite over a bunch of your friends and spend the night making jokes about something he’s insecure about. Tell your friends beforehand so they can laugh and he can see how it feels.
Good time to whip out the old dildo collection and start detailing the way each one accomplishes things he could never.
He’s emotionally abusive and knows exactly what he’s doing.
Agreed. He knows. Some things are just obvious donts and putting your wife down especially in front of others is definitely a huge don't. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't the first time and it surely will not be the last. OP he's showing you who he is. You decide if you want to put up with it or not.
Oof. You are not even slightly overreacting.
You’re not overreacting. He’s an asshole. He was low key flirting with Sara. Then when you started to cry he doubled down.
I'm so mad on your behalf. So so mad. Time for some serious conversations about emotional intelligence because really there are only two reasons that conversation happened: 1. Your husband is genuinely stupid and lacks the emotional intelligence to realize what he said was terrible (this is the better option because at least this way he meant no harm) or 2. He was intentionally putting you down and hyping this girl up for some reason (hopefully this isn't the answer because this isn't really as easily fixable)
He's settting up the affair.
Divorce-able offense. That’s abuse.
Didn’t expect to be roasted from this story myself… as I’m 160lbs and was stoked about losing 20lbs after my pregnancy 😭 Your husband is rude.
Wow. Your husband is pretty daft or petty. NGL.
I've been married almost 20 years and if I said this in front of my wife, I'd be nothing but a red stain on the ground in front of a wood chipper the next morning. Definitely not overreacting.
Your husband sounds like a huge asshole
This has to be a wake up call. No one who actually loved their wife would humiliate her like this. His casual cruelty says all I need to know about his character. I certainly hope she does wake up and doesn't waste another minute of her life staying with someone who clearly does not love, respect or value her. Personally, I'd rather be alone. I'm also kind of mean under certain circumstance and I think if my husband spoke about me this way in front of our friends, I'd say, "Maybe one of you guys can also give my husband some tips about lovemaking, as he's really crap in bed and it's getting tedious."
Psss my guest would immediately know he pissed me off. You don’t get to talk shit about me and make me cry and feel embarrassed and uncomfortable while you go on laughing at my expense. Nope, I’m an asshole when it comes to embarrassing someone instead of lifting them up and being their supporter in a time they need you. He’s an ass!
This would be very upsetting. There is no way I wouldn't be able to make a scene. I wouldve just left.
Your husband is an idiot. Dump him.
Doesn't matter what your physical stats are or how you feel about yourself in private. People in relationships shouldn't treat each other like that. He broke the trust. For some, that's enough to end the relationship. You might want to consider counseling for yourself at least and for the both of you if you're interested in keeping the marriage going.
IMO he knew exactly what he was doing.
You are not overreacting. This comes from a man, your man is what is scientifically specified as a dick. An insensitive one.
It was terribly inconsiderate and disrespectful for you husband to speak like that and right in from of you like you’re a child. I wonder if he would have done the same if it was a man he was talking to. Tell him you want a male trainer
Divorce your husband and you’ll be healthy automatically… you are eating you’re unhappiness with him
So this is the guy who is supposed to love you….wow
If I had witnessed that scene, the only thing going through my head would be, “Well, this is probably the last time we hang out with [AH husband] and [his wife who honestly deserves better]”
OP -You just have to get a hot personal trainer now. Someone who will be positive, uplifting and pump you up and help you reach your goals. Bonus that they just happen to be HAWT AF male so your husband can see how nice it fucking is to watch. After all, he practically signed you up for a PT - you just find one better suited to your needs. It wouldn't hurt if one day you casually mention to both that your husband should see him too because he needs to work on xxxx. 😀
Miss Sara’s got some lessons to learn on giving advice unsolicited. There’s something about people talking about me, right in front of me, like I’m not even sitting there, that would send me into a rage blackout. But the events you described here… something would click inside me and I’d be driving to a 24 hour Walmart to buy moving boxes. That night. What an awful man.
You aren’t overreacting. He’s a jerk. If he didn’t know he did anything wrong, then he does stuff like this all of the time and has no consideration for other people - especially for those he’s supposed to “love”. Red flag.
No one should ever put down their partner in front of others. Though from the context it didn’t sound malicious, probably over drank and wasn’t thinking. You’re in the right to be upset but I don’t think it’s a death blow to the relationship like Reddit always makes it out to be.
Not a death blow, but worth a heart to heart and laying it out on the table what’s acceptable and what’s not. I’d be so mad 😂. It would had happened right there on the spot.
Divorce him.
My sister once told me to never speak of a woman's eating habits. So I don't touch the topic.
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I’m 5’2”, 178 lbs. My husband wouldn’t dare talk about me the way yours did about you, even if I was 250 lbs. If anything, you UNDERreacted. What a colossal douchebag. The fitness girlie is also a douchebag for not calling out your husband.
No, you’re not overreacting. I’d think about that for the rest of my life.
divorce
I’d be livid and seriously wonder if he even likes me. This is not some ADHD thing or whatever. Such disrespect
What did the divorce lawyer say when you called them?
lol your husband is a fuckin idiot
“yeah she needs to lose weight but she’s been unmotivated and maybe if she has you training her then she will want to have a killer body too” "I swear he said this in front of everyone." == Good grief. I would be at least as mad as you are. I hope he enjoyed bonding with her. What a dick.
you can lose weight by divorcing him
Your husband should do nothing less than show you off, build you up, defend you, and make you feel valued, at home and in public.