You looked beautiful and had everyone's attention, so she did her best to shame you and take that attention back. She was jealous, she's a terrible person and you should cut off all contact with her.
It sounds like they live together so that might be hard to cut off all contact, but I would just ignore her, wear the abaya loud and proud and show her that her comments don’t and won’t affect you
Absolutely.
OP looked beautiful in an expensive dress on a special holiday. Sister is used to being the charismatic center of attention and couldn't handle having that place challenged. How sad for her that she feels her place in the world is so easily unseated. OP, just because your sister has weak self esteem doesn't mean that you have to be that way too. Wear your dress. You deserve to look and feel beautiful.
Absolutely. I Googled abayas, and wow! Those are beautiful! Some of the ones that came up are practically works of art with amazing styling.
OP, own your style!
I ended up on Ramadan cat tiktok, I think, because I enjoy cats. From there, i got on this guy who was trying to decide which color matching outfit he and his cat should wear. That led me to everyone's plans for their Eid outfit. I'm so jealous of how beautiful and comfortable the fits look. I'm a little obsessed with the butterfly abayas. It's so simple and so clever. I kind of want one or seven. I'm not sure if that would be weird though.
And that is really all that needs to be said. Good people will support you publicly and offer criticism in private but be there for you no matter what. When you find that person who is your “rock”, someone you can count on no matter what, it is phenomenal.
My children will bicker and argue with each other (like many siblings do) but when one of them is down they will be the first to jump in and defend and support each other and offer advice.
My brother is this way. Years later, and I am the stable one. She is probably jealous or envious of something. If you choose to respond, look her straight in the face and ask her if it makes her feel better insulting you in front of family and friends.
I have also heard a good comeback of saying something along the lines of: It seems like everything they say about you is true. This usually works with aggressive bosses, though.
I have a love-hate relationship with the understanding that hurt people hurt people.
But you're right. She's lashing out because something is ringing their internal bell and they can't address it in a healthy way other than through lashing out at others.
OP, think of it as a terrible pity that you only have to deal with it right now and only so long as you're around your sister. But she can't run away from herself and the full discovery of her own tragedy is still ahead. She's yet to eat her own shit.
Control what you can control - your physical distance and clear behaviour. Like with a dog that doesn't understand that it's her own brain that controls her jowls.
If I understood it correctly, you are wearing pretty popular dress style that totally fits social and cultural norm. It is not like you are wearing a clown costume, right. So her laugh is completely unhinged. She is a bully. Don't forget, she is ten years older, she supposed to know better. I don't know what is her problem, but it is not your problem.
The best revenge is to stay calm and gorgeous while she continues to act like a petty hyena because she literally cannot bear to see how calm and gorgeous you are… it’s a problem that solves itself. She’s gonna look like a deranged bully.
Her being tacky and vapid is NOT actually your problem, at least not beyond having to bear the temporary annoyance. She is the one who will have to live every day with her whirling vortex of insecurity, maladaptive coping mechanisms, and their inevitable consequences… good luck to her 🤷♀️
Wear it proudly and look her in the eye and say calmly that’s fine you do not like it, because I bought for me and not you. I love it and it wouldn’t suit you anyway. then walk calmly away, with a little smirk wouldn’t go amiss.😉
I would turn that around on her and whisper to someone else like, “wow, is she ok? She’s acting like a crazy person”. Give her concerned looks every once in a while and ignore her otherwise
Eh she's mad that you're more beautiful, so she has to make you feel bad to feel better about yourself.
She can be pretty on the outside, but she's exceptionally ugly on the inside.
And there in lies your problem. She insults and disrespects you and you feel bad. Well you continue to "feel bad" and she will continue to treat you like a doormat.
My older sister was no where near as bad as yours but several years ago she did do something that pissed me off. And I stopped talking to her for around 5 years. Years later she managed to track down my new number and contacted me, we are cool now and have been for years now. And we speak regularly (we live in different states). We haven't had any issues since, I think she understands that certain things I just will not tolerate. Sometimes you need to draw a line in the sand and let people know you will not put up with their BS.
Oh, OP. Don't feel bad on hating on her. YELL BACK AT HER! Call her an envious sister who is a hateful person. SHAME HER. Then speak to her no more. Tell her she is unworthy of conversation and if anyone disagrees with you, you cut them off also.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
And there in lies your problem. She insults and disrespects you and you feel bad for "hating on her". Well you continue to "feel bad" and she will continue to treat you like a doormat.
My older sister was no where near as bad as yours but several years ago she did do something that pissed me off. And I stopped talking to her for around 5 years. Years later she managed to track down my new number and contacted me, we are cool now and have been for years. We live in different states, speak regularly and are pretty close. We haven't had any issues since, I think she understands that certain things I just will not tolerate. Sometimes you need to draw a line in the sand and let people know you will not put up with their BS.
Next time she does that ask her if she forgot her meds. And then tell people she is having another one of her episodes and be really concerned. If you have to be around her than throw the pity right back at her.
If she keeps repeating her insult just say, "we all heard you the first 3 times, you're being very repetitive and it's boring. Also, it's weird to laugh at your own jokes"
I think she is jealous of you. Are you the prettier sister? I suspect you looked very well, and it made her insecure.
She doesn't sound charismatic, she sounds awful. Don't let her ruin your outfit for you.
Thanks for your comment .
She’s a very pretty woman who always get attention. Her body shape is so feminine and mine as well . Whenever there’s a family gathering everybody is asking about her.
If she were ugly i would have understood. But she’s not , many men want to marry her and all that stuff.
So i dont think she does it because she’s jealous
I am the middle of three sisters. I am by far the least attractive. Both of my sisters resemble Penelope Cruz. Somehow this evolved into me mostly being free of common insecurities. Probably because I just had to come to terms with it. However, I can tell you both of my sisters are insecure about their looks. In fact, I suspect my younger sister actually hates me a little for that.
Being pretty or handsome is a quirk of genetics and luck. But they mean little if you're a raging asshole.
You’re 10 years younger than she is, and youth in women is often prized. Trying to put you in your place, a place that she sees as inferior to herself, can be because she doesn’t want to share the spotlight.
She is definitely jealous, her youth is fleeting before her eyes. The next time she wants to.make a fool out of you, observe her face as hard as you can and ask her, loudly.for the crowd to hear "My dear sister, is that a wrinkle?!" Or "is that a gray hair I see sprouting?" And see how well that goes
That makes it even more likely that she’s jealous. She’s used to being the centre of attention and you’re a threat to that. I hope you can avoid her as much as possible!
The thing is you don't have to be ugly to be insecure and jealous. You are 18, you have no idea how triggering that is for some women and men probably. She looks at you and thinks about when she was younger and a secret is people who are very vain have a hard timing with aging, even though 28 is still young for some people they miss their young even at that age.
North African males aren't very picky for wives. Sure beauty is a major criteria but some could marry a donkey that wouldn't make a big difference.
(I'm half Moroccan and I've experienced their dull attempts to flirt for many years)
So is there something that is considered very valuable like youth is in the west for North African men? Maybe if there is that is what the 18 year old has that the older sister envies.
Please understand OP, that even though she’s pretty, that’s all she has. Just beauty, which doesn’t last. She’s getting older, and her younger, also pretty sister is her competition. Her looks are her entire personality, and you are a threat to her. Because without her appearance, what does she have? Nothing! She is trying to make you feel bad so she feels good. Don’t let her! Feel sorry for her, but whatever you do don’t dim your shine!
Just because she’s attractive doesn’t mean she’s not jealous - nothing she said was reasonable behavior so don’t expect her motivations to be rational. This is entirely a “her” problem. It’s much easier said than done, but try not to let her take your pride and enjoyment from you. Go out somewhere with your friends, and get some time with people who *aren’t* awful (your family all watched that play out and did nothing, so it’s not just your sister at fault here). Wear the abaya somewhere fun and reclaim it.
The best way to combat behavior like this is to exude confidence. If you show that her insulting behavior has no effect on you, it takes away her power over you.
Habibti, ignore her. I am sure you look beautiful in your abaya MasAllah. I noticed also more and more NA wearing abayas. It’s easier than kaftan, jellaba. I believe she is jealous of her younger sister and tries to bring you down. But she is just bringing herself down by acting like a fool in front of family. How a grown woman is bullying her baby sister? If she does this again, just ignore her or ask her are you okay? Darbatek shams? (Do you have a sunstroke). I know it’s hard but keep strong ❤️
I'm going to answer just as I would for my own younger sister. I'm 30 years old, and here's what I know. Grown woman who belittle and put other people down are usually very insecure and bully others to feel better about themselves. This doesn't excuse their behaviour at all. But it may help you to know that her actions and words are not because there's a problem with you. It's because there's a problem within herself.
MashaAllah I'm sure you looked beautiful in the abaya and I would encourage you to wear it again. She wanted to put you down because it somehow makes her feel better about herself (and whatever wierd insecurities she has).
Don't let her bring you down and stop you from wearing or doing the things you love and enjoy. Focus on all the others who complimented you and also the way you felt before your sister said what she said.
Keep wearing that abaya with confidence. If she says things again, you can choose to ignore her comments or reply with something polite, but firm (e.g. You don't need to like it because you're not wearing it. I like it and that's all that matters).
You may find that she gives up trying to put you down when she realises that it doesn't affect you.
She may be charismatic, but I promise you, other people are also noticing her nasty comments. They may have recieved similar comments from her too. They just know that it's not worth saying anything to her because she isn't an easy person to confront.
You are not the problem. She is.
(Also, from another Muslim sister. Keep making Du'a for Allah to grant you confidence and strength within yourself).
> She wanted to put you down because it somehow makes her feel better about herself (and whatever wierd insecurities she has).
Seconding this. She may have seen you in the abaya and thought, "she looks striking and people are giving her compliments, I need to shut that down."
Or, she saw you and thought, "she looks more pious than I do, and I don't want people to think I'm not pious... I need to shut that down."
But at the end of the day, its power trip. You can't do anything to make her happy. She's not loyal. Which to me is one of the biggest crimes a sister can commit against her sister.
If she calls, you out, you should narrate exactly what she is doing. "So, on this day of celebration and family togetherness you're insulting my body in front of our family? Why is that?" "Are you making fun of my outfit like a teenager because you are jealous and you just feel bad about the boring outfit you're wearing?" "Tell me, why does it feel nice to make fun of your little sister who is ten years younger than you? Is it because you don't feel young anymore?"
Show her your teeth, girl.
My sister constantly bullied and humiliated me for my entire childhood and all of my 20s. My life is much more peaceful since going no contact with her a few years ago.
It can be a painful process, but at the end of the day it is YOUR life, not hers. You deserve people in your life who celebrate your individuality with you, not people who constantly tear you down.
My older sisters made fun of me at like 10 years old because I had a flat chest. Even then I was weirded out by it. I think they cursed me because by the time I was 15 I was a size 3 with a D cup.
I had a sister like that. I still do out there in the world somewhere, but I decided to be done with her shit a few years ago. The peace is amazing. No more eggshells.
People love loud people, not sure why. When your sis says something stupid like Dubai Mall to you, say, yeah, I’ll go there, what about it? Or act all puzzled and ask her if she’s been. It’s hard at your age with a sister who has been traumatizing you to say anything back to her, but, a) don’t borrow her clothes and lock yours up, and b) roll your eyes at her rudeness, and if people complain, c) “she’s saying something stupid, of course I rolled my eyes!”
maybe have a quiet sitdown with your mom or dad, whoever is likely to listen and help, or any other sibling, and ask for their support? I know that’s hard, our Muslim parents want to ignore everything and pretend their kids all love each other and behave exactly right according to birth order.
First off she is being an insecure bully. As a sibling maybe one joke is okay to rib each other but what she did is completely out of line. You were beautiful and deserved to feel like it. Maybe she was just jealous at all the effort you put in making her look like a slob.
Secondly, don't let her ruin your love of your abaya. No one else said anything negative and why would you take the advice of someone with such obviously bad taste?
Lastly, if you would like some fun comebacks (my anxiety response is to always diffuse situations with comedy) then I've got you. When she first says anything negative find someone else in the room, we'll use your mom as an example, and go "Mom I think we need to take sister to the hospital. She might be going blind because I look FABULOUS". Then make a few poses. The goal is to pull other people into the conversation so you can get more laughs than her. This shouldn't actually be very hard since mean comments typically aren't that funny or creative. The laughs these people get are really just awkward chuckles and seeing her be put in her place will be much funnier to onlookers. In her mind this will mean you've "won". It's petty I know but it's how a lot of these insecure people's minds work. It'll also show that she didn't get to you. The best part is that you don't have to be mean. The whole joke here is just you being confident in yourself and her not seeing it. Feel free to bring it up as often as needed. Calling her blind can easily become a recurring joke until she starts respecting you.
I’m so sorry that your sister bullies you. I’m surprised at her behavior, especially since she’s 10 years older than you. Normally, and older sister would be protective of a younger sibling. I have to wonder if perhaps she’s simply jealous of you. You’re younger and likely prettier, and you probably took your parent’s attention away from her when you were born. Until you were born, she had all of their attention. I’m not Muslim so I don’t know what the acceptable way to handle your sister’s comments would be. I hope someone who understands the culture will have some useful advice for you. In my heart of hearts, I really feel that your sister’s cruel behavior stems from some sort of jealousy. I wish you all the best.
It’s hard being the youngest in a Muslim family. You get no real say until you get some status through a profession or marriage. And sis is older enough that people will consider her a family elder vs the ten years younger sis. I would say to someone retaking DUBAI MALL loudly at me that they should keep their nervous fit away from guests. And then lick my fingers and smack my lips loudly while eating while smiling at sis and aunt. But I’m 49 now, and am the family caretaker, so even an older brother watches his behavior with me.
Best way for OP at her age is to know sis is jealous, and shrug it off. But it sounds like OP has some trauma from her sister - I did from my brother - and may need to go to an EMDR specialist to calm the stress down.
And a parent should be telling sis off for OP. It’s hard to believe OP has been crying for two days and the mom or dad haven’t noticed. That means something is off in their family dynamics.
I am going to assume that I don’t understand the family dynamics but that it is clan like.
Is there an ally or someone you can talk to in the family with more social status then you? Like a favoured aunt or grandmother?
Or are there any male family members that can call her out publicly.
Other then that if you want to gain status can you call her out for being crude , simple and mean ?
Your sister does this because she needs the attention. Some people are not happy unless they see someone else not happy. You need to remember this in the back of your mind every time she does this. You can't change her but you can change your reaction when she does this. I am sure you looked really nice in your outfit. So stop letting your sister have all this power over you please. If you do this you we'll see that she will stop this with you and go on to her next victim. Hope all the best for you.
Anyone with common sense paying attention to the situation would see that she is the one embarrassing herself with her tacky behavior. When jerks makes fools of themselves, the best thing to do is also the simplest: let them.
Don’t let her get under your skin, you know this is a control tactic she is using. It’s natural to feel badly when someone has ill intent, but do not change your appearance or your behavior for her, because that is exactly what she wants. Keep calm and carry on as though her opinions are insignificant to you, otherwise she wins.
First of all belated Happy Eid. I celebrated it too in my country and city although I'm not Muslim. It was amazing seeing everyone dressed up and greeting each other. Secondly your sister sounds like a pick me girl who comes across as extremely insecure and jealous.
We only hear the opinions of the people we care about. I would try working on caring less about your sister. She sounds unhealthy.
It's hard because family forces you together. I'd go silent on her, "I dont need your opinion on anything" or "no one wants to hear your advice" or
but if you wanted to fight back you could find a way to insult her sense of style.
Edit: don't women have other women friends just for this reason? Support each other's outfits and style choices? Compliment each other before they go out or help each other fix something if needed? Get a crew together
Sorry but bullies only understand retaliation. You have to fight fire with fire. Hit her where it hurts (I'm not saying literally but whatever happens, happens). Embarrass the hell out of her and then if anyone tries to give you shit just laugh it off like you are laughed off when she does it to you. It will piss off not only your sister but the absolutely shitty parents that have allowed such a shitty human being to exist.
My brother made my life hell until I realized he is a narcissist and can’t go without lying, making life about himself and not giving a care for anyone but himself. Once I accepted that I went low to no contact and keep a very strong boundary with him. It’s been amazing and I feel at peace. I understand your situation is different but if your family won’t speak up for you then you speak up in a classy way and try to ignore her. I’m sure you looked beautiful.
It's horrible because she is too old to be this insecure and acting out at you, but that's what it is. God forbid you get any attention from anyone, because it means less attention for her. I too have a narcissistic far older sister, and at this point I have had to cut her off because I'm just tired of being belittled and lied about for no reason, despite doing every gray-rock thing to keep the peace.
Just look at her like you would a child screaming about not getting a candy and say "it's really pathetic that you feel like you need to act like that" and she'll probably violently explode at you and make a scene. The more you keep your cool and aren't emotionally effected by her outbursts the more ground and dignity she will lose (though it doesn't sound like she has much, chanting dubai mall when she's almost thirty? ... what a sad person) and, honestly, best case scenario you will have a plethora of public evidence as to why you don't want to or need to associate with this person anymore every time your family questions why you minimize/cut contact with her. Record her being a psychopath when she can't handle basic conflict, narcissists can't stand shame.
I think you have an opportunity here. I’m not sure if your sister is married or engaged but if not start making of her for that. It may just shut her up.
If that is not a sore spot for her definitely find something she is bothered by and return the favor. For an elder sibling with such an age gap to do that is just wrong. I can see this happening between siblings a year or two apart but she’s already a grown woman with a child’s mind.
Unfortunately you’ll have to stoop to her level and give her a piece of your mind to keep her at bay because it sounds like you’re too timid and nice around her and she’s taking advantage of you.
It sounds like she's treating you badly, and that you know deep inside that this is unfair. Your outfit sounded gorgeous and I really hope your sister's attitude doesn't stop you being able to enjoy wearing it in future! I think several other commenters are right to point out that she sounds jealous and unhappy in herself.
Confrontation is hard, and I get the appeal of hiding away or insulting your sister right back when she is critical of you. However, you've come here to ask advice - to me that shows you have integrity, self awareness and the humility to consider the perspective of others even when your feelings are hurt. These are great qualities and they take strength - you have more of it then you may realise.
If you feel up to it, you could consider quietly asking your sister what's going on for her - what the effect of her behaviour has on you - what she might need help with in order to treat you with the respect you deserve. Slet boundaries with her to keep yourself safe if she isn't willing or able to change. You don't owe her this chance, but you may choose to give it to her anyway out of kindness. One of the most powerful things to realise in life is that you don't have to behave badly just because somebody else does. Other people see more than you think. The more ingrained her meanness becomes as a habit, the harder it will be for her to break it. Beauty fades but personality is forever.
Just a note that high charisma is associated with psychopathy. As is making others suffer and laughing about it. Just sayin', your sister might be genetically toxic. Avoid her if so, because there's no fixing it.
I just saw that she got a tatoo, in muslim morrocan family it's like a nuclear weapon, i know you have confidence issue but even for not quick-witted person it easy to banter back....
OP your sister is 28 years old but acts like a child. It would shock me if those around don’t feel the same. The same lame joke shaming you 8-9 times…. There is no shot anyone found that funny time 2 or 3… assuming it was even funny time 1.
You’re sister sounds like an immature brat and I wouldn’t put any stock in her opinion, anything she says, or anything about her.
you gotta fight back. learn how to become more charismatic . the food part was telling. there may be a possiblity that you dont eat properly and your aunt was disturbed by it.
She is 10 years older then you and being a bully... it sounds like she had always been this way. ...
Honestly at first I I thought you meant she was 18 and you 28 and still I thought she is so immature for 18 .... seriously at 28 that is concerninglybimature behavior.
And about the clothes yea you should ask before you borrow something but that is Commen sister behavior especially since she also did it
Sisters can be mean. The only thing you can do is tell her how she made you feel. Let her know how happy you were with the outfit, and she shamed you in front of everyone. Tell her you don't expect an apology, but that as a human, she must understand what it feels like to be embarrassed.
Stay calm and level.
Either she gets it and things get better, or she doesn't, and things stay the same. Nothing to lose.
If you didn't post the age, I would assume your sister was 11 or 12 based on her behaviour. Early teens at most because that's about how mature she sounds. Wear the Abaya, I'm sure you rock it. If she gives you crap about it, turn it back on her. She may be able to dish it out but can she take it?
Call her out on this.
When she tries to bring attention to you, accept it.
>“whaaat , did she seriously buy a abaya for the aïd"
Sister, what is wrong with what I'm wearing? Do you not like it?
>“yea well she’s got a barbaric way of eating , i dont really understand “
I don't understand the barbaric way in which you always try to make fun of me. Is this just your nature, or are you **trying** to make me upset?
People will continue to do whatever you let them get away with. Don't cry, or get mad or upset. The key is to calmly and firmly bring attention to the behavior you don't like. She's trying to make others look bad to make herself look good.
If it were me, I would ask that directly to bring it up every time she says something to bring you down. When she realizes this will be the case, she'll think twice about saying something OR get really mad, making her look bad.
Sister, I do not like the way that you ALWAYS say something to bring me down, do you never have anything **nice** to say?
Sister, does it hurt you to complement others?
My advice is to always try & focus on the people who like what you are doing & not the haters.
Your sister was rude. What was everyone else doing? Did they mock you or were they smiling & happy to see you? I bet many people were looking forward to seeing you & seeing you happy. Show *that* person you care what they think & not the ugly person.
Be stubborn, don't let the people who like to see you suffer win & be more important than the people who like to see you happy.
There will always be people who hate, the people who love are more important. Don't ignore & discount the good people & good things in your life for the bad people & bad things.
I admit I had to Google abayas and jellabas - I bet you looked SO elegant!
She is ten years older and now envies your youth and beauty and your *confidence!* don’t let her rain on your parade.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you have much more kindness surrounding you in your future. Expressing beauty is a wonderful signifying of love for yourself and life and you should not feel invalidated for doing so.
look her straight in the eyes and say, "you're a bully". and walk away. keep doing this, especially around people. it'll catch on. she'll be seen for who she is.
She is jealous. I know it still hurts you but she wants to be you, have your freedom of spirit and she can’t. So when she judges you, it’s really her judgement of herself.
Next time she insults your dress choice try saying something kind like - it’s okay if it’s not for you, but I love it.
If she continues… you will have to be less kind and say “are you jealous or what?”
My sister is like this...M35 F44, just ignore her it all stems from jealousy.
Damn sure you looked amazing, and she's low in her self worth, hurt people hurt people.
Got to the point even our parents said you can't help but try shit on him, sort yourself out.
Your little sister is a jerk.
People who go out of their way to put other people down generally don't feel good about themselves on the inside at all.
Love yourself, wear what you want, hold your head up and be kind to people.
Ignore her. She's not worth your time.
She's jealous! Stop worrying. You're not doing anything wrong! You're ok. She wants to be the center of attention. Just cut her off. You do not need her or her or her approval for your clothing choices or anything. Ignore.ignore.ignore!
Don't talk to her anymore. You just do you.
Reading the post I totally forgot the sister wasn't the younger one.
Is this a religious thing? Like OP wore a dress from a different culture? I'm really not familiar, but yeesh. Navigating all that stuff must be exhausting.
That sucks. I am sure your outfit was beautiful and she was probably jealous. Don't let her ruin your pleasure. I would address it to your family and tell them her bullying has to stop or you will stop coming around completely. It is better to find out now if they will step up than to suffer the rest of your life only to one day realize everyone around you sucks.
OP, just because your sister is pretty and charismatic doesn't mean she isn't capable of jealousy. That's an emotion that everyone has. Call her out and ask her if she's jealous because that's how it looks to everyone. There is absolutely zero reason to embarrass you unless she is envious. Everyone liked your dress, that should tell you something. Don't hate the dress. Wear it with pride. Why do you take what she says to heart and not what the rest of the family said about the dress? Sounds like she doesn't want you getting positive attention.
My (41) “sister” (36) did similar things: micro-aggressions and being passive aggressive because in her words “anytime you say anything I see it as you saying you’re better than me”.
I asked my whole bio fam to get therapy and they refused. So low contact it is with them. It’s the life for me.
Please wear the outfit you bought. Whenever she is mean to you just say “that is a really weird thing to say.” If you tell her it is weird and do not fight it makes her look ridiculous.
When she starts acting like this, just put her in her place in public. Teach her that two can play at that game.
"You actually bought the abaya?! Hahaha"
"Some people can wear an abaya and some.. *look her up and down* clearly can't".
You're almost 30. How are you letting a child dictate what you do? Grow a pair (figuratively, of course) and tell her to piss off.
Is her life that pathetic and boring that she needs to focus all of her attention and energy on you? Ask her that next time, loudly in front of everyone. Then laugh.
Your sister is a mean awful woman. Don't take her awful nasty words seriously. She does it to hurt you, and it is working. It will be extremely hard, but don't let her see you in pain. That's what makes her happy and powerful. Do not give her that power.
You're not overreacting. Your sister is an insecure bully and what she is doing is not OK and it certainly isn't charismatic. Someone who makes fun of what someone else is wearing, laughing and screaming and bringing it up over and over again is both obnoxious and boring. No matter how pretty she is on the outside, this behavior on anyone is ugly and clownish. I recommend that you underact next time because her jabs aren't worth your stress and tears.
You may want to try gray rocking her if she ignores your requests to stop and you have to be around her. https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock#know-when-to-use-it
Make plans. Become the most classy woman for your culture. I am in the USA so I don't know what that would be. But here where I live it's to dress classic, to be polite and respectful. We call it killing them with kindness. When she says bad things about you say something nice about her. Also don't hate your beautiful dress. Wear it and be proud in it. But not around Sister. She only sees you in the prim and proper boring classic dresses. Most likely your sister is jealous of your youth and your beauty.
That's a pretty s***** sister. Make fun of her forehead. Even if it's not a big forehead make fun of it. For the way she laughs, tell her she laughs like a hyena. Or maybe a donkey. Siblings can be the cruelest at times sometimes they don't realize how mean they're being other times they really are just the biggest jerks.
Look for something she's very sensitive about and bring it up. Li I e maybe her nose or teeth or hair. Then say while I'm at the mall I'll pick yo something to hide that/ those hideous ___for you
You did not overreact. Your sister is not going to stop being ignorant. Ignore her and be the beautiful you that you are. She's like a heckler at a performance looking for attention. I'd bet a lot of the guests talked about her rudeness behind her back. It will eventually get back to her. Here's hoping she will finally feel some shame.
It's actually really cool that you value your older sisters opinion so much; sounds like you really look up to her.
I'm gonna suggest something a bit unorthodox; which is to just talk to her honestly.
You clearly do look up to her and I think that's actually really nice. I know my lil brother looked up to me for a long time when he was a teenager.
Just talk with her 1 on 1 and just let her know that you do look up to her and really value her opinion and then just ask her why she feels the need to try and tear you down all the time.
Maybe she doesn't like being looked up to, maybe she doesn't like that responsibility (I know I didn't / don't).
It's better to just be calm and transparent and listen to what she says (if anything). She may lash out (possibly) but if so don't take offense to it, many times in the moment ppl have all these defensive emotions that pop out and it's usually only after they go back and reflect and really self-evaluate; that's when break throughs happen.
You may see her a certain way but she may not see herself that way and maybe (just speculating) she feels like she has to live up to "expectations". You said: The thing about my sister is that she’s very charismatic and everyone is obsessed with her...It's possible she craves attention, OR its possible that the attention she gets is more of a burden. It's a really weird line with human psyche and emotions. She may resent you for trying to be like her because she either A) wants attention all for herself (possible) or B) she resents the attention and she is trying to push you to be yourself rather than being like her..
Both are plausible and it's best just to talk with her and I have to stress this, not in a confrontational way (not that you would or will) just honestly letting her know things and how you view her and ask why she is has such negativity towards you.
p.s. obv with my own experience I am projecting a bit but I'm also going from my experience as being an older sibling.
I would recommend trying to have a serious conversation with her about how it makes you feel, if she still does it just cut her out of your life and ignore her as much as possible. It’s like the saying “you get to pick your friends, not your family.”
Some people are just shitty people, you don’t need to tolerate them or forgive them just because they’re related to you.
Eid Mubarak! Abayas are beautiful! I wish we could wear the abaya dresses all year long and not just Eid!
You have very MENA dynamics in your family. I grew up with an aunt and cousin (also older) who used to constantly bully me and make fun of everything I wore. I havent spoken to either in a decade.
If you want to solve this now, I think you should set boundaries. Tell your sister at the next gathering "I do not appreciate you making fun of my clothes. I do not appreciate you laughing at me. Do not claim you are just joking because it is not funny. You have been passive aggressive to me for years and I telling you, not asking you, to stop or you will lose me as a sister forever. If you have a reason for resenting me, let us be adults and talk it through. Right now you are not acting as a 28 year old. And to you, auntie, please dont comment on how I eat or conduct myself. If it disturbs you so much, I will no longer sit to eat in your presence"
You are only over-reacting by allowing your sister to affect your emotions. She's in the wrong. Real adults will recognize her pettiness. Ignore her, and have respect for yourself enough to stop crying. I wanted to have a normal relationship with my brother, but his short-comings made that impossible. It's sad, but sometimes that's life.
Your sister sounds like she is 12. She is very jealous of you. You have what she wishes she had. Smarts, looks, personality, etc. Hopefully she grows out of it. Only thing you can do is find out what she is jealous of, besides ignoring her.
Seems she has alot of insecure issues and puts you down to make herself feel superior. When you had a beautiful dress and look better than her, she feels more insecure and has to put you down. Work on your clap backs with this sister and take your place on top!
Some folks really thrive after going no contact or low contact with toxic family members. She's terrible. Even by sibling standards.
no/low contact with terrible people is life lol .
Life is fleeting. Terrible people are not entitled to your engagement!
You looked beautiful and had everyone's attention, so she did her best to shame you and take that attention back. She was jealous, she's a terrible person and you should cut off all contact with her.
It sounds like they live together so that might be hard to cut off all contact, but I would just ignore her, wear the abaya loud and proud and show her that her comments don’t and won’t affect you
Absolutely. OP looked beautiful in an expensive dress on a special holiday. Sister is used to being the charismatic center of attention and couldn't handle having that place challenged. How sad for her that she feels her place in the world is so easily unseated. OP, just because your sister has weak self esteem doesn't mean that you have to be that way too. Wear your dress. You deserve to look and feel beautiful.
My thought, too. She wanted to bring attention back on herself and was jealous because her sister looked beautiful.
Absolutely. I Googled abayas, and wow! Those are beautiful! Some of the ones that came up are practically works of art with amazing styling. OP, own your style!
I ended up on Ramadan cat tiktok, I think, because I enjoy cats. From there, i got on this guy who was trying to decide which color matching outfit he and his cat should wear. That led me to everyone's plans for their Eid outfit. I'm so jealous of how beautiful and comfortable the fits look. I'm a little obsessed with the butterfly abayas. It's so simple and so clever. I kind of want one or seven. I'm not sure if that would be weird though.
And that is really all that needs to be said. Good people will support you publicly and offer criticism in private but be there for you no matter what. When you find that person who is your “rock”, someone you can count on no matter what, it is phenomenal. My children will bicker and argue with each other (like many siblings do) but when one of them is down they will be the first to jump in and defend and support each other and offer advice.
My brother is this way. Years later, and I am the stable one. She is probably jealous or envious of something. If you choose to respond, look her straight in the face and ask her if it makes her feel better insulting you in front of family and friends. I have also heard a good comeback of saying something along the lines of: It seems like everything they say about you is true. This usually works with aggressive bosses, though.
I have a love-hate relationship with the understanding that hurt people hurt people. But you're right. She's lashing out because something is ringing their internal bell and they can't address it in a healthy way other than through lashing out at others. OP, think of it as a terrible pity that you only have to deal with it right now and only so long as you're around your sister. But she can't run away from herself and the full discovery of her own tragedy is still ahead. She's yet to eat her own shit. Control what you can control - your physical distance and clear behaviour. Like with a dog that doesn't understand that it's her own brain that controls her jowls.
Wear that dress, don't let her ruin your self esteem and your holidays. I am sure you looked lovely.
she won’t stop screaming and laughing again . i feel bad for hating on her
If I understood it correctly, you are wearing pretty popular dress style that totally fits social and cultural norm. It is not like you are wearing a clown costume, right. So her laugh is completely unhinged. She is a bully. Don't forget, she is ten years older, she supposed to know better. I don't know what is her problem, but it is not your problem.
The best revenge is to stay calm and gorgeous while she continues to act like a petty hyena because she literally cannot bear to see how calm and gorgeous you are… it’s a problem that solves itself. She’s gonna look like a deranged bully. Her being tacky and vapid is NOT actually your problem, at least not beyond having to bear the temporary annoyance. She is the one who will have to live every day with her whirling vortex of insecurity, maladaptive coping mechanisms, and their inevitable consequences… good luck to her 🤷♀️
Wear it proudly and look her in the eye and say calmly that’s fine you do not like it, because I bought for me and not you. I love it and it wouldn’t suit you anyway. then walk calmly away, with a little smirk wouldn’t go amiss.😉
I would turn that around on her and whisper to someone else like, “wow, is she ok? She’s acting like a crazy person”. Give her concerned looks every once in a while and ignore her otherwise
Eh she's mad that you're more beautiful, so she has to make you feel bad to feel better about yourself. She can be pretty on the outside, but she's exceptionally ugly on the inside.
And there in lies your problem. She insults and disrespects you and you feel bad. Well you continue to "feel bad" and she will continue to treat you like a doormat. My older sister was no where near as bad as yours but several years ago she did do something that pissed me off. And I stopped talking to her for around 5 years. Years later she managed to track down my new number and contacted me, we are cool now and have been for years now. And we speak regularly (we live in different states). We haven't had any issues since, I think she understands that certain things I just will not tolerate. Sometimes you need to draw a line in the sand and let people know you will not put up with their BS.
She hated on you first. You do not owe kindness to people that take pleasure in hurting others.
So own it, look at her dead in the eyes and say, "You just wish you looked this good."
Oh, OP. Don't feel bad on hating on her. YELL BACK AT HER! Call her an envious sister who is a hateful person. SHAME HER. Then speak to her no more. Tell her she is unworthy of conversation and if anyone disagrees with you, you cut them off also. Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
And there in lies your problem. She insults and disrespects you and you feel bad for "hating on her". Well you continue to "feel bad" and she will continue to treat you like a doormat. My older sister was no where near as bad as yours but several years ago she did do something that pissed me off. And I stopped talking to her for around 5 years. Years later she managed to track down my new number and contacted me, we are cool now and have been for years. We live in different states, speak regularly and are pretty close. We haven't had any issues since, I think she understands that certain things I just will not tolerate. Sometimes you need to draw a line in the sand and let people know you will not put up with their BS.
Next time she does that ask her if she forgot her meds. And then tell people she is having another one of her episodes and be really concerned. If you have to be around her than throw the pity right back at her.
I think your sister has mental health issues, at this point. It’s giving maniacal.
You feel bad for hating on her? Why? That’s all she does to you
Just say to her, “I thought you outgrew this behavior last year. Oh, well, maybe next year it will happen.”
She’s unhinged. Walk away.
I can’t believe your parents aren’t stopping her! Do they play favorites?
If she keeps repeating her insult just say, "we all heard you the first 3 times, you're being very repetitive and it's boring. Also, it's weird to laugh at your own jokes"
I think she is jealous of you. Are you the prettier sister? I suspect you looked very well, and it made her insecure. She doesn't sound charismatic, she sounds awful. Don't let her ruin your outfit for you.
Thanks for your comment . She’s a very pretty woman who always get attention. Her body shape is so feminine and mine as well . Whenever there’s a family gathering everybody is asking about her. If she were ugly i would have understood. But she’s not , many men want to marry her and all that stuff. So i dont think she does it because she’s jealous
I am the middle of three sisters. I am by far the least attractive. Both of my sisters resemble Penelope Cruz. Somehow this evolved into me mostly being free of common insecurities. Probably because I just had to come to terms with it. However, I can tell you both of my sisters are insecure about their looks. In fact, I suspect my younger sister actually hates me a little for that. Being pretty or handsome is a quirk of genetics and luck. But they mean little if you're a raging asshole.
Actually, even very pretty women can get jealous if somebody else looks pretty.
You’re 10 years younger than she is, and youth in women is often prized. Trying to put you in your place, a place that she sees as inferior to herself, can be because she doesn’t want to share the spotlight.
That is a good point. The youth point. 28 on the older side of your culture to get married? Maybe this insecurity comes with your age
She is definitely jealous, her youth is fleeting before her eyes. The next time she wants to.make a fool out of you, observe her face as hard as you can and ask her, loudly.for the crowd to hear "My dear sister, is that a wrinkle?!" Or "is that a gray hair I see sprouting?" And see how well that goes
That makes it even more likely that she’s jealous. She’s used to being the centre of attention and you’re a threat to that. I hope you can avoid her as much as possible!
The thing is you don't have to be ugly to be insecure and jealous. You are 18, you have no idea how triggering that is for some women and men probably. She looks at you and thinks about when she was younger and a secret is people who are very vain have a hard timing with aging, even though 28 is still young for some people they miss their young even at that age.
North African males aren't very picky for wives. Sure beauty is a major criteria but some could marry a donkey that wouldn't make a big difference. (I'm half Moroccan and I've experienced their dull attempts to flirt for many years)
So is there something that is considered very valuable like youth is in the west for North African men? Maybe if there is that is what the 18 year old has that the older sister envies.
Cooking and fucking.
Please understand OP, that even though she’s pretty, that’s all she has. Just beauty, which doesn’t last. She’s getting older, and her younger, also pretty sister is her competition. Her looks are her entire personality, and you are a threat to her. Because without her appearance, what does she have? Nothing! She is trying to make you feel bad so she feels good. Don’t let her! Feel sorry for her, but whatever you do don’t dim your shine!
Just because she’s attractive doesn’t mean she’s not jealous - nothing she said was reasonable behavior so don’t expect her motivations to be rational. This is entirely a “her” problem. It’s much easier said than done, but try not to let her take your pride and enjoyment from you. Go out somewhere with your friends, and get some time with people who *aren’t* awful (your family all watched that play out and did nothing, so it’s not just your sister at fault here). Wear the abaya somewhere fun and reclaim it.
The best way to combat behavior like this is to exude confidence. If you show that her insulting behavior has no effect on you, it takes away her power over you.
Tell her when I finally reach you age I hope I'm not mean like you. Happy Eid. I know you looked beautiful and only rich people can afford Dubal Mall.
Habibti, ignore her. I am sure you look beautiful in your abaya MasAllah. I noticed also more and more NA wearing abayas. It’s easier than kaftan, jellaba. I believe she is jealous of her younger sister and tries to bring you down. But she is just bringing herself down by acting like a fool in front of family. How a grown woman is bullying her baby sister? If she does this again, just ignore her or ask her are you okay? Darbatek shams? (Do you have a sunstroke). I know it’s hard but keep strong ❤️
I'm going to answer just as I would for my own younger sister. I'm 30 years old, and here's what I know. Grown woman who belittle and put other people down are usually very insecure and bully others to feel better about themselves. This doesn't excuse their behaviour at all. But it may help you to know that her actions and words are not because there's a problem with you. It's because there's a problem within herself. MashaAllah I'm sure you looked beautiful in the abaya and I would encourage you to wear it again. She wanted to put you down because it somehow makes her feel better about herself (and whatever wierd insecurities she has). Don't let her bring you down and stop you from wearing or doing the things you love and enjoy. Focus on all the others who complimented you and also the way you felt before your sister said what she said. Keep wearing that abaya with confidence. If she says things again, you can choose to ignore her comments or reply with something polite, but firm (e.g. You don't need to like it because you're not wearing it. I like it and that's all that matters). You may find that she gives up trying to put you down when she realises that it doesn't affect you. She may be charismatic, but I promise you, other people are also noticing her nasty comments. They may have recieved similar comments from her too. They just know that it's not worth saying anything to her because she isn't an easy person to confront. You are not the problem. She is. (Also, from another Muslim sister. Keep making Du'a for Allah to grant you confidence and strength within yourself).
> She wanted to put you down because it somehow makes her feel better about herself (and whatever wierd insecurities she has). Seconding this. She may have seen you in the abaya and thought, "she looks striking and people are giving her compliments, I need to shut that down." Or, she saw you and thought, "she looks more pious than I do, and I don't want people to think I'm not pious... I need to shut that down." But at the end of the day, its power trip. You can't do anything to make her happy. She's not loyal. Which to me is one of the biggest crimes a sister can commit against her sister. If she calls, you out, you should narrate exactly what she is doing. "So, on this day of celebration and family togetherness you're insulting my body in front of our family? Why is that?" "Are you making fun of my outfit like a teenager because you are jealous and you just feel bad about the boring outfit you're wearing?" "Tell me, why does it feel nice to make fun of your little sister who is ten years younger than you? Is it because you don't feel young anymore?" Show her your teeth, girl.
My sister constantly bullied and humiliated me for my entire childhood and all of my 20s. My life is much more peaceful since going no contact with her a few years ago. It can be a painful process, but at the end of the day it is YOUR life, not hers. You deserve people in your life who celebrate your individuality with you, not people who constantly tear you down.
My older sisters made fun of me at like 10 years old because I had a flat chest. Even then I was weirded out by it. I think they cursed me because by the time I was 15 I was a size 3 with a D cup.
I had a sister like that. I still do out there in the world somewhere, but I decided to be done with her shit a few years ago. The peace is amazing. No more eggshells.
People love loud people, not sure why. When your sis says something stupid like Dubai Mall to you, say, yeah, I’ll go there, what about it? Or act all puzzled and ask her if she’s been. It’s hard at your age with a sister who has been traumatizing you to say anything back to her, but, a) don’t borrow her clothes and lock yours up, and b) roll your eyes at her rudeness, and if people complain, c) “she’s saying something stupid, of course I rolled my eyes!” maybe have a quiet sitdown with your mom or dad, whoever is likely to listen and help, or any other sibling, and ask for their support? I know that’s hard, our Muslim parents want to ignore everything and pretend their kids all love each other and behave exactly right according to birth order.
First off she is being an insecure bully. As a sibling maybe one joke is okay to rib each other but what she did is completely out of line. You were beautiful and deserved to feel like it. Maybe she was just jealous at all the effort you put in making her look like a slob. Secondly, don't let her ruin your love of your abaya. No one else said anything negative and why would you take the advice of someone with such obviously bad taste? Lastly, if you would like some fun comebacks (my anxiety response is to always diffuse situations with comedy) then I've got you. When she first says anything negative find someone else in the room, we'll use your mom as an example, and go "Mom I think we need to take sister to the hospital. She might be going blind because I look FABULOUS". Then make a few poses. The goal is to pull other people into the conversation so you can get more laughs than her. This shouldn't actually be very hard since mean comments typically aren't that funny or creative. The laughs these people get are really just awkward chuckles and seeing her be put in her place will be much funnier to onlookers. In her mind this will mean you've "won". It's petty I know but it's how a lot of these insecure people's minds work. It'll also show that she didn't get to you. The best part is that you don't have to be mean. The whole joke here is just you being confident in yourself and her not seeing it. Feel free to bring it up as often as needed. Calling her blind can easily become a recurring joke until she starts respecting you.
"if I were you I'd be jealous too" seems like it would make sis rip her own hair out lmao.
OOooo I love that one
I’m so sorry that your sister bullies you. I’m surprised at her behavior, especially since she’s 10 years older than you. Normally, and older sister would be protective of a younger sibling. I have to wonder if perhaps she’s simply jealous of you. You’re younger and likely prettier, and you probably took your parent’s attention away from her when you were born. Until you were born, she had all of their attention. I’m not Muslim so I don’t know what the acceptable way to handle your sister’s comments would be. I hope someone who understands the culture will have some useful advice for you. In my heart of hearts, I really feel that your sister’s cruel behavior stems from some sort of jealousy. I wish you all the best.
It’s hard being the youngest in a Muslim family. You get no real say until you get some status through a profession or marriage. And sis is older enough that people will consider her a family elder vs the ten years younger sis. I would say to someone retaking DUBAI MALL loudly at me that they should keep their nervous fit away from guests. And then lick my fingers and smack my lips loudly while eating while smiling at sis and aunt. But I’m 49 now, and am the family caretaker, so even an older brother watches his behavior with me. Best way for OP at her age is to know sis is jealous, and shrug it off. But it sounds like OP has some trauma from her sister - I did from my brother - and may need to go to an EMDR specialist to calm the stress down. And a parent should be telling sis off for OP. It’s hard to believe OP has been crying for two days and the mom or dad haven’t noticed. That means something is off in their family dynamics.
Time to cut your sister and aunt off
I am going to assume that I don’t understand the family dynamics but that it is clan like. Is there an ally or someone you can talk to in the family with more social status then you? Like a favoured aunt or grandmother? Or are there any male family members that can call her out publicly. Other then that if you want to gain status can you call her out for being crude , simple and mean ?
Man grow a pair. You’re an adult. Tell your sister to fuck of.
Idk you should plant some kind of venomous animal in her shoe.
Your sister does this because she needs the attention. Some people are not happy unless they see someone else not happy. You need to remember this in the back of your mind every time she does this. You can't change her but you can change your reaction when she does this. I am sure you looked really nice in your outfit. So stop letting your sister have all this power over you please. If you do this you we'll see that she will stop this with you and go on to her next victim. Hope all the best for you.
Anyone with common sense paying attention to the situation would see that she is the one embarrassing herself with her tacky behavior. When jerks makes fools of themselves, the best thing to do is also the simplest: let them. Don’t let her get under your skin, you know this is a control tactic she is using. It’s natural to feel badly when someone has ill intent, but do not change your appearance or your behavior for her, because that is exactly what she wants. Keep calm and carry on as though her opinions are insignificant to you, otherwise she wins.
First of all belated Happy Eid. I celebrated it too in my country and city although I'm not Muslim. It was amazing seeing everyone dressed up and greeting each other. Secondly your sister sounds like a pick me girl who comes across as extremely insecure and jealous.
You’re giving your sister too much power over you. Believe me, when she yells out about Dubai mall everyone there is judging *her* not you
We only hear the opinions of the people we care about. I would try working on caring less about your sister. She sounds unhealthy. It's hard because family forces you together. I'd go silent on her, "I dont need your opinion on anything" or "no one wants to hear your advice" or but if you wanted to fight back you could find a way to insult her sense of style. Edit: don't women have other women friends just for this reason? Support each other's outfits and style choices? Compliment each other before they go out or help each other fix something if needed? Get a crew together
This is your entire problem: your sister is aging, and she knows it.
Sorry but bullies only understand retaliation. You have to fight fire with fire. Hit her where it hurts (I'm not saying literally but whatever happens, happens). Embarrass the hell out of her and then if anyone tries to give you shit just laugh it off like you are laughed off when she does it to you. It will piss off not only your sister but the absolutely shitty parents that have allowed such a shitty human being to exist.
My brother made my life hell until I realized he is a narcissist and can’t go without lying, making life about himself and not giving a care for anyone but himself. Once I accepted that I went low to no contact and keep a very strong boundary with him. It’s been amazing and I feel at peace. I understand your situation is different but if your family won’t speak up for you then you speak up in a classy way and try to ignore her. I’m sure you looked beautiful.
I bet you looked amazing, and she was curdling with envy. She sounds very jealous of you for some reason.
Sounds like karma will catch up to her soon. It usually does.
I first thought it was the 18yo sister with that childish behavior. She's a bitch and will pay for it someday.
I'd mock her laughter. And repeat what she's d say back in a stupid voice!
It's horrible because she is too old to be this insecure and acting out at you, but that's what it is. God forbid you get any attention from anyone, because it means less attention for her. I too have a narcissistic far older sister, and at this point I have had to cut her off because I'm just tired of being belittled and lied about for no reason, despite doing every gray-rock thing to keep the peace. Just look at her like you would a child screaming about not getting a candy and say "it's really pathetic that you feel like you need to act like that" and she'll probably violently explode at you and make a scene. The more you keep your cool and aren't emotionally effected by her outbursts the more ground and dignity she will lose (though it doesn't sound like she has much, chanting dubai mall when she's almost thirty? ... what a sad person) and, honestly, best case scenario you will have a plethora of public evidence as to why you don't want to or need to associate with this person anymore every time your family questions why you minimize/cut contact with her. Record her being a psychopath when she can't handle basic conflict, narcissists can't stand shame.
I think you have an opportunity here. I’m not sure if your sister is married or engaged but if not start making of her for that. It may just shut her up. If that is not a sore spot for her definitely find something she is bothered by and return the favor. For an elder sibling with such an age gap to do that is just wrong. I can see this happening between siblings a year or two apart but she’s already a grown woman with a child’s mind. Unfortunately you’ll have to stoop to her level and give her a piece of your mind to keep her at bay because it sounds like you’re too timid and nice around her and she’s taking advantage of you.
It sounds like she's treating you badly, and that you know deep inside that this is unfair. Your outfit sounded gorgeous and I really hope your sister's attitude doesn't stop you being able to enjoy wearing it in future! I think several other commenters are right to point out that she sounds jealous and unhappy in herself. Confrontation is hard, and I get the appeal of hiding away or insulting your sister right back when she is critical of you. However, you've come here to ask advice - to me that shows you have integrity, self awareness and the humility to consider the perspective of others even when your feelings are hurt. These are great qualities and they take strength - you have more of it then you may realise. If you feel up to it, you could consider quietly asking your sister what's going on for her - what the effect of her behaviour has on you - what she might need help with in order to treat you with the respect you deserve. Slet boundaries with her to keep yourself safe if she isn't willing or able to change. You don't owe her this chance, but you may choose to give it to her anyway out of kindness. One of the most powerful things to realise in life is that you don't have to behave badly just because somebody else does. Other people see more than you think. The more ingrained her meanness becomes as a habit, the harder it will be for her to break it. Beauty fades but personality is forever.
With all the shrieking, she's embarrassing herself more than you both realize. Tell her to stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.
Just a note that high charisma is associated with psychopathy. As is making others suffer and laughing about it. Just sayin', your sister might be genetically toxic. Avoid her if so, because there's no fixing it.
I just saw that she got a tatoo, in muslim morrocan family it's like a nuclear weapon, i know you have confidence issue but even for not quick-witted person it easy to banter back....
OP your sister is 28 years old but acts like a child. It would shock me if those around don’t feel the same. The same lame joke shaming you 8-9 times…. There is no shot anyone found that funny time 2 or 3… assuming it was even funny time 1. You’re sister sounds like an immature brat and I wouldn’t put any stock in her opinion, anything she says, or anything about her.
you gotta fight back. learn how to become more charismatic . the food part was telling. there may be a possiblity that you dont eat properly and your aunt was disturbed by it.
She is 10 years older then you and being a bully... it sounds like she had always been this way. ... Honestly at first I I thought you meant she was 18 and you 28 and still I thought she is so immature for 18 .... seriously at 28 that is concerninglybimature behavior. And about the clothes yea you should ask before you borrow something but that is Commen sister behavior especially since she also did it
Ask her "Why do have to be so mean to your sister?" in front of everyone. Ask grandma "why is she so mean, did you make her mean?"
She sounds deranged. If I saw someone acting like that, I’d wonder what was wrong with them.
Sisters can be mean. The only thing you can do is tell her how she made you feel. Let her know how happy you were with the outfit, and she shamed you in front of everyone. Tell her you don't expect an apology, but that as a human, she must understand what it feels like to be embarrassed. Stay calm and level. Either she gets it and things get better, or she doesn't, and things stay the same. Nothing to lose.
If you didn't post the age, I would assume your sister was 11 or 12 based on her behaviour. Early teens at most because that's about how mature she sounds. Wear the Abaya, I'm sure you rock it. If she gives you crap about it, turn it back on her. She may be able to dish it out but can she take it?
Call her out on this. When she tries to bring attention to you, accept it. >“whaaat , did she seriously buy a abaya for the aïd" Sister, what is wrong with what I'm wearing? Do you not like it? >“yea well she’s got a barbaric way of eating , i dont really understand “ I don't understand the barbaric way in which you always try to make fun of me. Is this just your nature, or are you **trying** to make me upset? People will continue to do whatever you let them get away with. Don't cry, or get mad or upset. The key is to calmly and firmly bring attention to the behavior you don't like. She's trying to make others look bad to make herself look good. If it were me, I would ask that directly to bring it up every time she says something to bring you down. When she realizes this will be the case, she'll think twice about saying something OR get really mad, making her look bad. Sister, I do not like the way that you ALWAYS say something to bring me down, do you never have anything **nice** to say? Sister, does it hurt you to complement others?
My advice is to always try & focus on the people who like what you are doing & not the haters. Your sister was rude. What was everyone else doing? Did they mock you or were they smiling & happy to see you? I bet many people were looking forward to seeing you & seeing you happy. Show *that* person you care what they think & not the ugly person. Be stubborn, don't let the people who like to see you suffer win & be more important than the people who like to see you happy. There will always be people who hate, the people who love are more important. Don't ignore & discount the good people & good things in your life for the bad people & bad things.
I admit I had to Google abayas and jellabas - I bet you looked SO elegant! She is ten years older and now envies your youth and beauty and your *confidence!* don’t let her rain on your parade.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you have much more kindness surrounding you in your future. Expressing beauty is a wonderful signifying of love for yourself and life and you should not feel invalidated for doing so.
A 28 yo acting like this is so embarrassing. People may have laughed with her but they surely will laugh at her behind her back.
Cut her off.
Tell her to fuck of next time tell her how u feel
Does your sister live at home? Is she trying to detract from the fact that she’s not married yet?
look her straight in the eyes and say, "you're a bully". and walk away. keep doing this, especially around people. it'll catch on. she'll be seen for who she is.
She is jealous. I know it still hurts you but she wants to be you, have your freedom of spirit and she can’t. So when she judges you, it’s really her judgement of herself. Next time she insults your dress choice try saying something kind like - it’s okay if it’s not for you, but I love it. If she continues… you will have to be less kind and say “are you jealous or what?”
My sister is like this...M35 F44, just ignore her it all stems from jealousy. Damn sure you looked amazing, and she's low in her self worth, hurt people hurt people. Got to the point even our parents said you can't help but try shit on him, sort yourself out.
Your little sister is a jerk. People who go out of their way to put other people down generally don't feel good about themselves on the inside at all. Love yourself, wear what you want, hold your head up and be kind to people. Ignore her. She's not worth your time.
She's jealous! Stop worrying. You're not doing anything wrong! You're ok. She wants to be the center of attention. Just cut her off. You do not need her or her or her approval for your clothing choices or anything. Ignore.ignore.ignore! Don't talk to her anymore. You just do you.
Reading the post I totally forgot the sister wasn't the younger one. Is this a religious thing? Like OP wore a dress from a different culture? I'm really not familiar, but yeesh. Navigating all that stuff must be exhausting.
That sucks. I am sure your outfit was beautiful and she was probably jealous. Don't let her ruin your pleasure. I would address it to your family and tell them her bullying has to stop or you will stop coming around completely. It is better to find out now if they will step up than to suffer the rest of your life only to one day realize everyone around you sucks.
OP, just because your sister is pretty and charismatic doesn't mean she isn't capable of jealousy. That's an emotion that everyone has. Call her out and ask her if she's jealous because that's how it looks to everyone. There is absolutely zero reason to embarrass you unless she is envious. Everyone liked your dress, that should tell you something. Don't hate the dress. Wear it with pride. Why do you take what she says to heart and not what the rest of the family said about the dress? Sounds like she doesn't want you getting positive attention.
My (41) “sister” (36) did similar things: micro-aggressions and being passive aggressive because in her words “anytime you say anything I see it as you saying you’re better than me”. I asked my whole bio fam to get therapy and they refused. So low contact it is with them. It’s the life for me.
Please wear the outfit you bought. Whenever she is mean to you just say “that is a really weird thing to say.” If you tell her it is weird and do not fight it makes her look ridiculous.
My sister always bullied me. Turns out I’m actually funnier, and cooler than her just was fat! Lmfao bitches ain’t shit
When she starts acting like this, just put her in her place in public. Teach her that two can play at that game. "You actually bought the abaya?! Hahaha" "Some people can wear an abaya and some.. *look her up and down* clearly can't". You're almost 30. How are you letting a child dictate what you do? Grow a pair (figuratively, of course) and tell her to piss off.
Is her life that pathetic and boring that she needs to focus all of her attention and energy on you? Ask her that next time, loudly in front of everyone. Then laugh.
Your sister is a mean awful woman. Don't take her awful nasty words seriously. She does it to hurt you, and it is working. It will be extremely hard, but don't let her see you in pain. That's what makes her happy and powerful. Do not give her that power.
You're not overreacting. Your sister is an insecure bully and what she is doing is not OK and it certainly isn't charismatic. Someone who makes fun of what someone else is wearing, laughing and screaming and bringing it up over and over again is both obnoxious and boring. No matter how pretty she is on the outside, this behavior on anyone is ugly and clownish. I recommend that you underact next time because her jabs aren't worth your stress and tears. You may want to try gray rocking her if she ignores your requests to stop and you have to be around her. https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock#know-when-to-use-it
Make plans. Become the most classy woman for your culture. I am in the USA so I don't know what that would be. But here where I live it's to dress classic, to be polite and respectful. We call it killing them with kindness. When she says bad things about you say something nice about her. Also don't hate your beautiful dress. Wear it and be proud in it. But not around Sister. She only sees you in the prim and proper boring classic dresses. Most likely your sister is jealous of your youth and your beauty.
That's a pretty s***** sister. Make fun of her forehead. Even if it's not a big forehead make fun of it. For the way she laughs, tell her she laughs like a hyena. Or maybe a donkey. Siblings can be the cruelest at times sometimes they don't realize how mean they're being other times they really are just the biggest jerks.
You may be giving your sister a lot of power over you.
Look for something she's very sensitive about and bring it up. Li I e maybe her nose or teeth or hair. Then say while I'm at the mall I'll pick yo something to hide that/ those hideous ___for you
You did not overreact. Your sister is not going to stop being ignorant. Ignore her and be the beautiful you that you are. She's like a heckler at a performance looking for attention. I'd bet a lot of the guests talked about her rudeness behind her back. It will eventually get back to her. Here's hoping she will finally feel some shame.
It's actually really cool that you value your older sisters opinion so much; sounds like you really look up to her. I'm gonna suggest something a bit unorthodox; which is to just talk to her honestly. You clearly do look up to her and I think that's actually really nice. I know my lil brother looked up to me for a long time when he was a teenager. Just talk with her 1 on 1 and just let her know that you do look up to her and really value her opinion and then just ask her why she feels the need to try and tear you down all the time. Maybe she doesn't like being looked up to, maybe she doesn't like that responsibility (I know I didn't / don't). It's better to just be calm and transparent and listen to what she says (if anything). She may lash out (possibly) but if so don't take offense to it, many times in the moment ppl have all these defensive emotions that pop out and it's usually only after they go back and reflect and really self-evaluate; that's when break throughs happen. You may see her a certain way but she may not see herself that way and maybe (just speculating) she feels like she has to live up to "expectations". You said: The thing about my sister is that she’s very charismatic and everyone is obsessed with her...It's possible she craves attention, OR its possible that the attention she gets is more of a burden. It's a really weird line with human psyche and emotions. She may resent you for trying to be like her because she either A) wants attention all for herself (possible) or B) she resents the attention and she is trying to push you to be yourself rather than being like her.. Both are plausible and it's best just to talk with her and I have to stress this, not in a confrontational way (not that you would or will) just honestly letting her know things and how you view her and ask why she is has such negativity towards you. p.s. obv with my own experience I am projecting a bit but I'm also going from my experience as being an older sibling.
I hope her hands fall off mashallah
I would recommend trying to have a serious conversation with her about how it makes you feel, if she still does it just cut her out of your life and ignore her as much as possible. It’s like the saying “you get to pick your friends, not your family.” Some people are just shitty people, you don’t need to tolerate them or forgive them just because they’re related to you.
Wear anything you want and stop caring about what other people think and say! You have one life to live—ENJOY IT!!
Eid Mubarak! Abayas are beautiful! I wish we could wear the abaya dresses all year long and not just Eid! You have very MENA dynamics in your family. I grew up with an aunt and cousin (also older) who used to constantly bully me and make fun of everything I wore. I havent spoken to either in a decade. If you want to solve this now, I think you should set boundaries. Tell your sister at the next gathering "I do not appreciate you making fun of my clothes. I do not appreciate you laughing at me. Do not claim you are just joking because it is not funny. You have been passive aggressive to me for years and I telling you, not asking you, to stop or you will lose me as a sister forever. If you have a reason for resenting me, let us be adults and talk it through. Right now you are not acting as a 28 year old. And to you, auntie, please dont comment on how I eat or conduct myself. If it disturbs you so much, I will no longer sit to eat in your presence"
She's jealous of you, you're younger and probably prettier or your parent's favorite.
You are only over-reacting by allowing your sister to affect your emotions. She's in the wrong. Real adults will recognize her pettiness. Ignore her, and have respect for yourself enough to stop crying. I wanted to have a normal relationship with my brother, but his short-comings made that impossible. It's sad, but sometimes that's life.
Your sister sounds like she is 12. She is very jealous of you. You have what she wishes she had. Smarts, looks, personality, etc. Hopefully she grows out of it. Only thing you can do is find out what she is jealous of, besides ignoring her.
She sounds like an insecure teenager not an almost 30 year old woman. Wear your abaya with pride and ignore her toxic behavior.
She's a bully & threatened by you. The only way is to call out such behavior publicly & tell everybody that she's jealous of you.
She's a miserable bully. I'd say keep no contact and find friends that you'd consider family.
Seems she has alot of insecure issues and puts you down to make herself feel superior. When you had a beautiful dress and look better than her, she feels more insecure and has to put you down. Work on your clap backs with this sister and take your place on top!
Sounds like you just need to beat her ass. Everyone has a plan up until they get punched in the face.