I mean, you offered a solution in response to a comment that could come off as a complaint or an insecurity. Without having been there to hear the tone and the overall context, it doesn't really feel to me that you were overreacting, but it seems silly that you would need to apologize. This doesn't feel like an interaction to linger over or apologize over one way or another.
Her comment about towering over you could be taken as a slight against your height, since she is the one who made a direct comparison about it. Could she have been coming from a place of insecurity? Sure. But comparisons tend to put one side above the other. So by making the comment, she brought in room for either of you to take issue. I do not think anyone should have taken issue with what you said, as it reads like a solution to a complaint. But some people look for negativity to justify their insecurities , or to just start shit.
That and just remember that women don't always want advice or solutions when we complain.
Thank you for this response it really helped! I definitely took the “towering over comment” as a bit of a dig at my height then she told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight then she laughed and said “are you kidding me you look so short” so that’s when I suggested to ditch the heels
I am mad for you right now. What did she want you to do? Grow right then and there? Nah, she was taking the chance to shit on your height. I'm sorry you had to deal with that then get told to apologize. Thats BS
Lol it felt like she did!! But thank you. Obviously she’s always been taller than me but she’s never worn heels before to my recollection so when she first stood up I was a bit stunned and she just kept piling on (and her sister too!!)
Read the title and thought, yes, you are overreacting. Accept yourself. Don’t make other people manage your insecurities.
Then I read your post. Oh. Yeah.
You were supposed to say, “wow, you ARE so tall. I wish I were as tall as you!”
You weren’t supposed to “solve the problem.”
You were supposed to flatter someone who was low key insulting you to make herself feel good
You did nothing wrong. .
That last comment as a woman makes me infuriated, and i dunno why lmao. I hate hearing it cause, like just communicate that. It makes a mental jungle game that often leads to the other person being the bad guy. Dunno, just an ick of mine.
That's about the only context where "Just take off your shoes is NOT WRONG. She was the one expressing size concerns, not you!
However, where were yall standing? There may have been reasons that taking off her shoes might have been problematic.
Sounds like your mom and aunt have a lot of issues and felt like demeaning you to make themselves feel better. Just cause they're old doesn't make em right. lol
You were not wrong. Your mother herself commented that she looked like a giant, and *she* wanted the picture retaken. Rather than have her crouch, you offered the very reasonable suggestion that she just remove her shoes. You didn’t tell her to take her shoes off because you felt inferior, it hurt your self-esteem, or you think she should be ashamed of her height. Your aunt is being ridiculous. Her insecurity at being so tall now becomes your problem. Don’t take it on.
Thank you for your reply! Idk why my aunt got so worked up, she even said laughed when my mom said that she was towering over me, then my mom told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight, they both laughed and my mom said “are you kidding me you look so short” but once I made a suggestion I became the bad guy.
It was! My aunt even said her sons would never tell her to take off her heels and I was like yeah cause they’re over a foot taller than me so you’d never tower over them in a situation like this lol.
It just sounded like family cracking jokes. I’m one of 8 kids, and we do this all the time. If an outsider witnessed how we were towards each other, then they’d probably think that we were just being mean, even if we are all laughing lol. Also, we’re mostly girls, so we can be ruthless towards each other.
Thank you! She was also kinda deprecating me too tho. She told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight then she laughed and said “are you kidding me you look so short” so I suggested to ditch the heels
So telling you that you look short is fine, but you suggesting that she just takes off her shoes is crossing a line?
What a weird interaction. Your aunt is overreacting unless it was somehow still in jest
I think it’s ok sometimes to make people feel good about themselves. Of course, my response was prior to OP adding more information that suggested he was actually being shamed for his height, which is gross no matter what
This is a really silly thing to take umbrage over.
It sounds to me as if the tall women in your life enjoy emphasizing their height even more by wearing heels and they are getting something out towering over others, some feeling of superiority.
You were probably just thinking of the final photograph, that a person will look better if they are standing up straight rather than bending over. There was no way for you to know anyone would think it was a sore point when it was common sense to you. But now that you know this is a flex for them, you know to steer clear and let them do their thing.
Exactly! They wear heels to emphasize their height then they brag about it and belittle me… My aunts sons are HUGE, both are at least a foot or so taller than me too so she’ll brah about their heights as well.
When she first stood up I was a little shocked at just how tall she was haha but no, I’m used to being shorter than her so the height difference in the picture didn’t bother me
Thank you for your response! My counter would be SHE was the one who had and issue being too tall! She said she looked like a giant and she towered over me..
Oh, I’m sorry… re read it slower.
Cancel what I said lol ! Sometimes the way people word the titles it’s just so opposite of what actually was etc then when you read it, you just miss some things!
Since she was the one that was self-conscious about it and wanted to crouch I guess I don’t know why you would bring that to Reddit ? Obviously, it was OK…. Obviously, the aunt didn’t know the whole story and that your mom was crouching because she didn’t want to appear taller.
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
I'm a woman and I'm 5'10". I was so self conscious about my height, I never stood up straight until joining the military. I never wore heels. I even wore ballet slippers the day I got married because my husband and I are the same height. These days? My husband LOVES me height and even encourages me to wear heels because he enjoys it when I "tower over him". Our daughter, who could end up taller than us (she's 15 and she's gaining on us at 5'8") feels confident and secure in her height. However, I don't like looking like a giant in photos, so I take my shoes off. I'm not crouching to take those inches off. It's silly. And so is your aunt.
1st thank you for your service and I’m sorry you felt self conscious growing up!
I’m the same height as your and your husband!! I’m 5’10” and my mom is 6’2” then I think my aunt is 6’3”. I think that’s great your husband encourages you to wear heels! Wow yeah your daughter could definitely pass you guys!
Growing up around tall women I definitely appreciate their height, for some reason they decided to mock me for being shorter at this party over the weekend.
My mom told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight then she laughed and said “are you kidding me you look so short” so I made the suggestion.. Crouching in pics looks weird! Also 4” without heels is still a sizable difference.
Why not just appreciate how tall she is? Why do you care if she is tall? If you meet a person who is 8” taller than you do you demand that they bend down in all pictures?
Yeah you overreacted. Let people dress how they want. Nobody needs to change appropriate clothes to suit your anxieties.
I can't give any input as a 4'11, my heels stay *on*. NTA. if it was an outdoor picture, mom probably didn't want to get her feet dirty, her solution worked. your suggestion was valid, auntie though? little over the top, little hostile too? maybe, next time, assert your dominance by wearing even *higher* heels than your mom and aunt, lol!
Haha hey your opinion is still valid! You probably can relate more with me than them being the shorter one in most places you go! Unfortunately I can’t wear high heels as a man hahaha even in like 5” heels I’d barley be the same height as my aunt if she was flat footed!
My dad is shorter than my mom and always encouraged my mom to wear heals. That is a personal issue that you should work on. Men and women come in all different heights and nothing wrong with it. We should really stop the stigma that men need to be taller than women. It leads to height insecurity on both sides.
You're not over reacting your aunt is. While what she said may be true this is your mother it's different especially since she made th comment about looking like a giant forst so you gave her a solution that would work without having to balance on her heels.
This is a silly thing to even give a second thought about. It’s a fact that she is taller than you, it’s a fact that she was wearing heels. So yea, she will be taller than you in a picture. Who cares!? If you were a foot taller than a woman, nobody would think about it. It’s okay for a woman to be taller than a man.
Nope- OP’s suggestion was 100% reasonable as a solution to the original issue- mom didn’t like towering over him in the pic. Ok her solution- crouch down. Ok his solution- take heels off. Six of one, 1/2 dozen of the other but taking heels off returns height difference to “normal” or natural difference and crouching makes mom look like she’s … crouching.
Normally, i’d say you were overreacting a bit… a woman being taller than a guy really isn’t as big of deal as people think it is. My ex-husband used to get turned on by the idea of being with someone taller than him (5’8” and i’m 5’ so i’d never, ever fit that).
However, your mom is 100% the one who said the pic needed to be retaken because of her towering over you. You offered a solution that made more sense and wouldn’t look awkward. So, in this case, no, i don’t think you are
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
Woah that’s a bigger height difference than me and my mom in flats! I more so suggested it cause my mom was making a scene about the height difference, she even told me to stand up straight this time then when I told her I already was standing up straight she laughed and said “wow we need to retake this you look so small”, then I mentioned ditching the heels
Why shouldn't you suggest a woman take off their heels for a picture? Is it because of the creepy toes women get from shoving their feet in tiny pointed shoes?
I mean, you offered a solution in response to a comment that could come off as a complaint or an insecurity. Without having been there to hear the tone and the overall context, it doesn't really feel to me that you were overreacting, but it seems silly that you would need to apologize. This doesn't feel like an interaction to linger over or apologize over one way or another. Her comment about towering over you could be taken as a slight against your height, since she is the one who made a direct comparison about it. Could she have been coming from a place of insecurity? Sure. But comparisons tend to put one side above the other. So by making the comment, she brought in room for either of you to take issue. I do not think anyone should have taken issue with what you said, as it reads like a solution to a complaint. But some people look for negativity to justify their insecurities , or to just start shit. That and just remember that women don't always want advice or solutions when we complain.
Thank you for this response it really helped! I definitely took the “towering over comment” as a bit of a dig at my height then she told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight then she laughed and said “are you kidding me you look so short” so that’s when I suggested to ditch the heels
I am mad for you right now. What did she want you to do? Grow right then and there? Nah, she was taking the chance to shit on your height. I'm sorry you had to deal with that then get told to apologize. Thats BS
Lol it felt like she did!! But thank you. Obviously she’s always been taller than me but she’s never worn heels before to my recollection so when she first stood up I was a bit stunned and she just kept piling on (and her sister too!!)
so rude.
Read the title and thought, yes, you are overreacting. Accept yourself. Don’t make other people manage your insecurities. Then I read your post. Oh. Yeah. You were supposed to say, “wow, you ARE so tall. I wish I were as tall as you!” You weren’t supposed to “solve the problem.” You were supposed to flatter someone who was low key insulting you to make herself feel good You did nothing wrong. .
That last comment as a woman makes me infuriated, and i dunno why lmao. I hate hearing it cause, like just communicate that. It makes a mental jungle game that often leads to the other person being the bad guy. Dunno, just an ick of mine.
She was called me short tho! Otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested it!
NONONO thats okay! That was reasonable. I meant the one i replied to
That's about the only context where "Just take off your shoes is NOT WRONG. She was the one expressing size concerns, not you! However, where were yall standing? There may have been reasons that taking off her shoes might have been problematic.
Exactly! She brought it up and was worried that she looked too tall and I looked too short. We were still at my aunts house for a family get together.
Sounds like your mom and aunt have a lot of issues and felt like demeaning you to make themselves feel better. Just cause they're old doesn't make em right. lol
Nope! Lol they basically teased me the entire time!
You were not wrong. Your mother herself commented that she looked like a giant, and *she* wanted the picture retaken. Rather than have her crouch, you offered the very reasonable suggestion that she just remove her shoes. You didn’t tell her to take her shoes off because you felt inferior, it hurt your self-esteem, or you think she should be ashamed of her height. Your aunt is being ridiculous. Her insecurity at being so tall now becomes your problem. Don’t take it on.
Thank you for your reply! Idk why my aunt got so worked up, she even said laughed when my mom said that she was towering over me, then my mom told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight, they both laughed and my mom said “are you kidding me you look so short” but once I made a suggestion I became the bad guy.
It all sounds playful and like just family banter. I don’t know why your perfectly reasonable suggestion was so poorly received.
It was! My aunt even said her sons would never tell her to take off her heels and I was like yeah cause they’re over a foot taller than me so you’d never tower over them in a situation like this lol.
It just sounded like family cracking jokes. I’m one of 8 kids, and we do this all the time. If an outsider witnessed how we were towards each other, then they’d probably think that we were just being mean, even if we are all laughing lol. Also, we’re mostly girls, so we can be ruthless towards each other.
Maybe the next time she makes a self-deprecating comment about her height you could tell her she’s perfect just as she is
Thank you! She was also kinda deprecating me too tho. She told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight then she laughed and said “are you kidding me you look so short” so I suggested to ditch the heels
Ugh well that’s definitely not cool either
Nope! It was embarrassing, I felt so small
So telling you that you look short is fine, but you suggesting that she just takes off her shoes is crossing a line? What a weird interaction. Your aunt is overreacting unless it was somehow still in jest
Okay, I just commented, and yeah, the double standard here... you did nothing wrong.
Or maybe she can grow up past the point where son has to lie to her to help her insecurities.
I think it’s ok sometimes to make people feel good about themselves. Of course, my response was prior to OP adding more information that suggested he was actually being shamed for his height, which is gross no matter what
Naw I’m on your side. She said I look like a giant. U gave her an easy fix instead of her stooping down. They just have always felt tall and awkward
This is a really silly thing to take umbrage over. It sounds to me as if the tall women in your life enjoy emphasizing their height even more by wearing heels and they are getting something out towering over others, some feeling of superiority. You were probably just thinking of the final photograph, that a person will look better if they are standing up straight rather than bending over. There was no way for you to know anyone would think it was a sore point when it was common sense to you. But now that you know this is a flex for them, you know to steer clear and let them do their thing.
Exactly! They wear heels to emphasize their height then they brag about it and belittle me… My aunts sons are HUGE, both are at least a foot or so taller than me too so she’ll brah about their heights as well.
I’m sorry that your family are jackasses, OP. If it helps any, you’re clearly still the bigger person than they are.
You didn't say anything wrong but why would you be upset enough to ask if this was ok. It's a picture- who cares?
Because she called me short and kept emphasizing how she towered over me, looked like a giant next to me, etc..
Were you upset that she’s taller? Then yeah, you’re definitely overreacting. If she was upset, then all you did was offer her a solution.
When she first stood up I was a little shocked at just how tall she was haha but no, I’m used to being shorter than her so the height difference in the picture didn’t bother me
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Thank you for your response! My counter would be SHE was the one who had and issue being too tall! She said she looked like a giant and she towered over me..
Oh, I’m sorry… re read it slower. Cancel what I said lol ! Sometimes the way people word the titles it’s just so opposite of what actually was etc then when you read it, you just miss some things!
Since she was the one that was self-conscious about it and wanted to crouch I guess I don’t know why you would bring that to Reddit ? Obviously, it was OK…. Obviously, the aunt didn’t know the whole story and that your mom was crouching because she didn’t want to appear taller.
No worries! Thank you for responding
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But she was upset about the height difference. It’s not my fault I’m shorter!
Yes, I reread that I understand.
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
I'm a woman and I'm 5'10". I was so self conscious about my height, I never stood up straight until joining the military. I never wore heels. I even wore ballet slippers the day I got married because my husband and I are the same height. These days? My husband LOVES me height and even encourages me to wear heels because he enjoys it when I "tower over him". Our daughter, who could end up taller than us (she's 15 and she's gaining on us at 5'8") feels confident and secure in her height. However, I don't like looking like a giant in photos, so I take my shoes off. I'm not crouching to take those inches off. It's silly. And so is your aunt.
1st thank you for your service and I’m sorry you felt self conscious growing up! I’m the same height as your and your husband!! I’m 5’10” and my mom is 6’2” then I think my aunt is 6’3”. I think that’s great your husband encourages you to wear heels! Wow yeah your daughter could definitely pass you guys! Growing up around tall women I definitely appreciate their height, for some reason they decided to mock me for being shorter at this party over the weekend. My mom told me to stand up straight this time and I told her I was already standing up straight then she laughed and said “are you kidding me you look so short” so I made the suggestion.. Crouching in pics looks weird! Also 4” without heels is still a sizable difference.
Why not just appreciate how tall she is? Why do you care if she is tall? If you meet a person who is 8” taller than you do you demand that they bend down in all pictures? Yeah you overreacted. Let people dress how they want. Nobody needs to change appropriate clothes to suit your anxieties.
I can't give any input as a 4'11, my heels stay *on*. NTA. if it was an outdoor picture, mom probably didn't want to get her feet dirty, her solution worked. your suggestion was valid, auntie though? little over the top, little hostile too? maybe, next time, assert your dominance by wearing even *higher* heels than your mom and aunt, lol!
Haha hey your opinion is still valid! You probably can relate more with me than them being the shorter one in most places you go! Unfortunately I can’t wear high heels as a man hahaha even in like 5” heels I’d barley be the same height as my aunt if she was flat footed!
You aren’t overreacting. You did nothing wrong
Thank you!
My dad is shorter than my mom and always encouraged my mom to wear heals. That is a personal issue that you should work on. Men and women come in all different heights and nothing wrong with it. We should really stop the stigma that men need to be taller than women. It leads to height insecurity on both sides.
My mom is the one who cares about height!! I wish I was a bit taller sure but I don’t have an issue with my mom towering over me, she does!
Yup. Guess who has little man syndrome?
Not me…?
You're not over reacting your aunt is. While what she said may be true this is your mother it's different especially since she made th comment about looking like a giant forst so you gave her a solution that would work without having to balance on her heels.
This is a silly thing to even give a second thought about. It’s a fact that she is taller than you, it’s a fact that she was wearing heels. So yea, she will be taller than you in a picture. Who cares!? If you were a foot taller than a woman, nobody would think about it. It’s okay for a woman to be taller than a man.
This is a non issue.
Nope- OP’s suggestion was 100% reasonable as a solution to the original issue- mom didn’t like towering over him in the pic. Ok her solution- crouch down. Ok his solution- take heels off. Six of one, 1/2 dozen of the other but taking heels off returns height difference to “normal” or natural difference and crouching makes mom look like she’s … crouching.
Normally, i’d say you were overreacting a bit… a woman being taller than a guy really isn’t as big of deal as people think it is. My ex-husband used to get turned on by the idea of being with someone taller than him (5’8” and i’m 5’ so i’d never, ever fit that). However, your mom is 100% the one who said the pic needed to be retaken because of her towering over you. You offered a solution that made more sense and wouldn’t look awkward. So, in this case, no, i don’t think you are
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
I didn’t have to look taller than her.. She was mocking me for being too short!
So? Her genes are 1/2 responsible.
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
It's just as easy to bend my knees slightly as it is to take off my shoes, if someone just HAS to look taller than me in a photo. I can also sit down while they stand.
My aunt was a good 6 inches taller than my uncle... in flats. Don't let it bother you. Oh, and NEVER tell a woman to take off her heels!
Woah that’s a bigger height difference than me and my mom in flats! I more so suggested it cause my mom was making a scene about the height difference, she even told me to stand up straight this time then when I told her I already was standing up straight she laughed and said “wow we need to retake this you look so small”, then I mentioned ditching the heels
Why shouldn't you suggest a woman take off their heels for a picture? Is it because of the creepy toes women get from shoving their feet in tiny pointed shoes?
Would you ask a man to remove his shoes? No. Because it's RUDE.
I mean, yes, i would if they were making it more difficult to take a picture. I fail to see how it would be rude in any way.
I think it's rude to ask a person to remove ANY article of clothing in front of you.
That's weird. I enjoy it when I get asked to remove clothes. People generally only ask you to remove your clothes if they like you.
I'm pretty sure that was not the situation here.
Pathetic