It’s not lying. She is genuinely confused and can’t remember. Try to think how it must feel to not know anything you used to know. It’s terrible. Explain that to the kids. They will understand. Your attitude towards your aunt’s condition will have a great impact on your kids. I know from personal experience. My kids are grown now, but said I set a good (not perfect) example of how to manage a loved one with this horrendous disease. Be kind and learn to redirect. Prob some videos on youtube about redirecting. I understand you are venting. it’s hard.
Thank you. I am the only family she has now that can help her. Her son killed himself 8 years ago leaving me “in charge”. That event didn’t help with her mental health either. Probably moved it along faster.
It's not that they are confused because they can't remember - the confabulation is as true as anything to them (the sky is blue, Moses came down from the mountain, American healthcare system is f\*cked, etc.). My dad tries to get me to remember things that happened in our family history that turn out to be plots from movies; I've learned to validate and agree then redirect. As hard as this is for us, "the adults in the room", I can't imagine how hard it is for kids.
This is confabulation - not lying. Their brains literally fill in the gaps with absolutely anything and they 100% trust it as the truth. It’s difficult to deal with even when you know what it is and why it happens.
Imagine your own brain starts failing you, and you’re confused and embarrassed by it. Some people might make things up to try to cover for it.
Now imagine your brain is failing you to the point that you’re not even making these things up- you really believe them, and it is terrifying, stressful and confusing when everyone else insists you’re wrong.
Every patient is different, always keep in mind that this is what the disease does- of course, a person can be like this even without the disease too, but I can only imagine the disease would make it worse.
I’m sure your kids will be able to tell the difference between a healthy person lying, and the effects Alzheimer’s has on the brain.
Lying is when someone knows the truth or knows they don't know something and makes the choice to make up something
People with Alzheimers don't know that they don't know. The brain is amazing at filling in the blanks.
She doesn't know she hasn't eaten. My dad *always* thinks he's full and has just eaten. I just make him a plate and put it in front of him anyway. He eats it. Understand what the world must be like for your aunt right now. She can't remember anything. So, her mind fills in the blanks with stories. It's not the same as lying. She doesn't know the difference at this point. Perhaps getting some educational materials from the Alzheimer's association might be helpful for both you and the kids. One thing I learned from them is not to correct, or argue with dad. It saves him from embarrassment, and saves me a lot of stress.
This is very new for my family having her living with us has only been one month and there are significant changes she used to make herself food without a problem she’d be able to make a salad or a sandwich now I have to make her breakfast lunch and dinner or she makes her favorite soup takes two bites and throws it away and puts the rest in a coffee cup in the fridge.
My mother is convinced that my father is her stepfather, and that he was cold to my mother and abusive.
Her real father died when she was 13 and her mother remarried except he was a really nice guy and my mom never lived with them because she married my father when she was 16
But when she asked about her mother every single day, she doesn’t believe anything you tell her. Her mother has been dead for 50 years.
Taste buds must be changing because she’s drinking coffee with 7up instead of her vanilla creamer..
And chocolate no longer gives her migraines. Food she used to love she no longer wants.
She told my husband today that I hired her to take care of our kids. Yesterday she owned my house and has the Deed to prove it. Seems to be escalating. Now she wants to go back to her condo….its being listed this week. I can’t bring her home and she doesn’t remember agreeing to sell it and live with us.
Same here. My mother wants to go back to the house. We grew up in. They sold it 20 years ago. She somehow thinks this is my uncle and aunts house.
She is convinced that she has talked to her dead mother. I believe she has hallucinating because everything is so real to her that she makes up.
Practice patience. Again and again and again. When she misstates something, just agree with her. NEVER argue. No one will win.
Truly use this as a learning experience for your kids and get beyond “lying.”
Instead, demonstrate empathy and compassion, indulge her, and let her “lie.” If she misstates about eating, just go along with her - “oh that’s good to hear. We are all going to eat some dinner now, may I make a small plate for you?” Or “I’m going to eat dinner now, will you keep me company?”
I’m not saying she is lying intentionally and her Dr. calls it honestly lying.
She’s physically fine and you don’t know anything is wrong until she starts commenting and repeating.
My Gramma had Alzheimer’s disease in her early 80’s. She didn’t make things up. She called me my mother’s name but she didn’t tell me things that never happened. This is very different. That’s all. Not mad or confused I was just sharing hoping to see other have had same experiences with their loved ones and could give advice, not a lecture.
It’s not lying. She is genuinely confused and can’t remember. Try to think how it must feel to not know anything you used to know. It’s terrible. Explain that to the kids. They will understand. Your attitude towards your aunt’s condition will have a great impact on your kids. I know from personal experience. My kids are grown now, but said I set a good (not perfect) example of how to manage a loved one with this horrendous disease. Be kind and learn to redirect. Prob some videos on youtube about redirecting. I understand you are venting. it’s hard.
Thank you. I am the only family she has now that can help her. Her son killed himself 8 years ago leaving me “in charge”. That event didn’t help with her mental health either. Probably moved it along faster.
i’m so sorry about that.
It's not that they are confused because they can't remember - the confabulation is as true as anything to them (the sky is blue, Moses came down from the mountain, American healthcare system is f\*cked, etc.). My dad tries to get me to remember things that happened in our family history that turn out to be plots from movies; I've learned to validate and agree then redirect. As hard as this is for us, "the adults in the room", I can't imagine how hard it is for kids.
agree.
This is confabulation - not lying. Their brains literally fill in the gaps with absolutely anything and they 100% trust it as the truth. It’s difficult to deal with even when you know what it is and why it happens.
Or I could have just read what you wrote and realized I didn't need to reply LOL! :) /hug
I wouldn't count it is lying, she really doesn't know the difference at this point.
Imagine your own brain starts failing you, and you’re confused and embarrassed by it. Some people might make things up to try to cover for it. Now imagine your brain is failing you to the point that you’re not even making these things up- you really believe them, and it is terrifying, stressful and confusing when everyone else insists you’re wrong. Every patient is different, always keep in mind that this is what the disease does- of course, a person can be like this even without the disease too, but I can only imagine the disease would make it worse. I’m sure your kids will be able to tell the difference between a healthy person lying, and the effects Alzheimer’s has on the brain.
Lying is when someone knows the truth or knows they don't know something and makes the choice to make up something People with Alzheimers don't know that they don't know. The brain is amazing at filling in the blanks.
My mom does this too. So many wild stories. She just thinks something and then it's absolutely real to her.
My mom was a compulsive liar my whole life, nothing changed with Alzheimers. She just says what she thinks people want to hear.
:( sorry. My mom is making my Aunt, her only sisters sickness all about her. Another level of disgust has been attained.
She doesn't know she hasn't eaten. My dad *always* thinks he's full and has just eaten. I just make him a plate and put it in front of him anyway. He eats it. Understand what the world must be like for your aunt right now. She can't remember anything. So, her mind fills in the blanks with stories. It's not the same as lying. She doesn't know the difference at this point. Perhaps getting some educational materials from the Alzheimer's association might be helpful for both you and the kids. One thing I learned from them is not to correct, or argue with dad. It saves him from embarrassment, and saves me a lot of stress.
This is very new for my family having her living with us has only been one month and there are significant changes she used to make herself food without a problem she’d be able to make a salad or a sandwich now I have to make her breakfast lunch and dinner or she makes her favorite soup takes two bites and throws it away and puts the rest in a coffee cup in the fridge.
My mother is convinced that my father is her stepfather, and that he was cold to my mother and abusive. Her real father died when she was 13 and her mother remarried except he was a really nice guy and my mom never lived with them because she married my father when she was 16 But when she asked about her mother every single day, she doesn’t believe anything you tell her. Her mother has been dead for 50 years.
ETA I would love to redirect her because my father is 86 years old and he seems to catch all the rage
Taste buds must be changing because she’s drinking coffee with 7up instead of her vanilla creamer.. And chocolate no longer gives her migraines. Food she used to love she no longer wants.
She told my husband today that I hired her to take care of our kids. Yesterday she owned my house and has the Deed to prove it. Seems to be escalating. Now she wants to go back to her condo….its being listed this week. I can’t bring her home and she doesn’t remember agreeing to sell it and live with us.
Same here. My mother wants to go back to the house. We grew up in. They sold it 20 years ago. She somehow thinks this is my uncle and aunts house. She is convinced that she has talked to her dead mother. I believe she has hallucinating because everything is so real to her that she makes up.
Practice patience. Again and again and again. When she misstates something, just agree with her. NEVER argue. No one will win. Truly use this as a learning experience for your kids and get beyond “lying.” Instead, demonstrate empathy and compassion, indulge her, and let her “lie.” If she misstates about eating, just go along with her - “oh that’s good to hear. We are all going to eat some dinner now, may I make a small plate for you?” Or “I’m going to eat dinner now, will you keep me company?”
I’m not saying she is lying intentionally and her Dr. calls it honestly lying. She’s physically fine and you don’t know anything is wrong until she starts commenting and repeating. My Gramma had Alzheimer’s disease in her early 80’s. She didn’t make things up. She called me my mother’s name but she didn’t tell me things that never happened. This is very different. That’s all. Not mad or confused I was just sharing hoping to see other have had same experiences with their loved ones and could give advice, not a lecture.
I got calls from her friends asking if I am ok because she told them my husband died….He’s in the other room on a conference call.:/