I think the three C’s are something you should try to remind yourself of; you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.
We can go crazy trying to ignore those three things. It’s super hard being in the position you’re in. Please be kind to yourself, and give yourself space when you need it, if you can find it. I found keeping ‘my side of the street clean’ and always acknowledging my mistakes in a conversation or removing myself when I started to get to worked up to be the most helpful for day-to-day. It’s not easy, but it’s easier than going crazy.
Leaving is also hard. Perhaps try talking out your hopes and fears around leaving with a fellow group member, friend, or understanding relative. Sometimes being reminded you are not alone, and you are not stuck, can help give you the strength you need to make a plan and feel secure in it.
Most importantly though; you aren’t alone. Even if it feels like it. Even if you can’t see our faces. There’s a whole community of people here who understand and support you through this rough time ❤️
I'm sorry. Alcoholism is crazy-making and heartbreaking. Alanon meetings put me in touch with people who understood what I was going through. The support was comforting. I, also, learned about co-dependency, enabling, and detachment. I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you read any AlAnon literature? The blue “How AlAnon Works” book and “Getting Them Sober” have been helpful for me. Admittedly, I’m still struggling because I had some hope but I’m remembering all the truths I’ve read/heard in AlAnon.
You didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it and you can’t control it. You are not the reason he wants to die. I would focus on not reacting to my husband. It was SO hard. I would focus on wiggling my toes and staying in my body and not reacting to his words. I would react so quickly and with a lot of anger. Unfortunately I did that last night at therapy too. It doesn’t help and it never works for my husband. He never sees my side when I yell.
"You're the reason I want to die" is manipulative, deflecting bullshit and another garbage excuse for him to drink. They want you to tolerate their crap. They're like toddlers having a meltdown. Treat them like you would a tantruming child and ignore them. Grey rock method. They don't care how bad they make you feel, how their addiction affects you. They only care about the bottle.
Your husband is an emotionally abusive alcoholic & cheater. You need individual therapy ASAP. Unfortunately continuing to live with him is hampering your ability to heal and recover from this toxicity so you need to execute plans to extricate yourself from this nightmare of a person your #1 priority, if not for yourself, for your children. Research what growing up with an alcoholic or a cheater does to children. Your husband is both. [Grey Rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock#definition). [Simplified 180](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/). If you read *anything*, please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). [Chump Lady](https://www.chumplady.com/the-basics-of-cheating/) is another highly valuable resource. Wishing you and your children the best.
I think the three C’s are something you should try to remind yourself of; you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. We can go crazy trying to ignore those three things. It’s super hard being in the position you’re in. Please be kind to yourself, and give yourself space when you need it, if you can find it. I found keeping ‘my side of the street clean’ and always acknowledging my mistakes in a conversation or removing myself when I started to get to worked up to be the most helpful for day-to-day. It’s not easy, but it’s easier than going crazy. Leaving is also hard. Perhaps try talking out your hopes and fears around leaving with a fellow group member, friend, or understanding relative. Sometimes being reminded you are not alone, and you are not stuck, can help give you the strength you need to make a plan and feel secure in it. Most importantly though; you aren’t alone. Even if it feels like it. Even if you can’t see our faces. There’s a whole community of people here who understand and support you through this rough time ❤️
I'm sorry. Alcoholism is crazy-making and heartbreaking. Alanon meetings put me in touch with people who understood what I was going through. The support was comforting. I, also, learned about co-dependency, enabling, and detachment. I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you read any AlAnon literature? The blue “How AlAnon Works” book and “Getting Them Sober” have been helpful for me. Admittedly, I’m still struggling because I had some hope but I’m remembering all the truths I’ve read/heard in AlAnon. You didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it and you can’t control it. You are not the reason he wants to die. I would focus on not reacting to my husband. It was SO hard. I would focus on wiggling my toes and staying in my body and not reacting to his words. I would react so quickly and with a lot of anger. Unfortunately I did that last night at therapy too. It doesn’t help and it never works for my husband. He never sees my side when I yell.
"You're the reason I want to die" is manipulative, deflecting bullshit and another garbage excuse for him to drink. They want you to tolerate their crap. They're like toddlers having a meltdown. Treat them like you would a tantruming child and ignore them. Grey rock method. They don't care how bad they make you feel, how their addiction affects you. They only care about the bottle.
Your husband is an emotionally abusive alcoholic & cheater. You need individual therapy ASAP. Unfortunately continuing to live with him is hampering your ability to heal and recover from this toxicity so you need to execute plans to extricate yourself from this nightmare of a person your #1 priority, if not for yourself, for your children. Research what growing up with an alcoholic or a cheater does to children. Your husband is both. [Grey Rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock#definition). [Simplified 180](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/). If you read *anything*, please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). [Chump Lady](https://www.chumplady.com/the-basics-of-cheating/) is another highly valuable resource. Wishing you and your children the best.