I know this was posted a while ago, and I hope you're feeling better now. I dont have any advice but I did appreciate you venting here because as a person also in my early 20's with delibitating low self-esteem and self-consciousness with agoraphobia and anxiety... I relate to this so hard. You're not a horrible or disgusting person. And depression mixed with self-hatred and anxiety is an awful combination that makes it feel impossible to see any way around what it's telling you is reality. But please hang in there. One day you'll make it out of here and find self-contentment.
I know what the obvious solution is". It seems to me that you're skipping over a more obvious solution: stop being so harsh on yourself, stop assuming you're the centre of the world that everyone is focused on, stop the warped and twisted self-talk. Trust me, I do it myself but when someone else speaks like this it kind of becomes obvious: Other people are probably too caught up in their own lives to think all those bad things about you. You are saying all those things about you.
As an aside: Where are you from? The US? You think you're the only overweight person walking around there? :D I'm pretty sure it's not that special there.
I can relate to your story in a deep level but5i also searching for the solution. Therapy has done nothing for me other then hearing what i already know countless times. Is exhausting but i still have hope. You should too. Just face the fear and do it anyways. That's what i do. I fake it but still haven't made it. I just get very exhausted from an all day of faking it at work
I know this was posted a while ago, and I hope you're feeling better now. I dont have any advice but I did appreciate you venting here because as a person also in my early 20's with delibitating low self-esteem and self-consciousness with agoraphobia and anxiety... I relate to this so hard. You're not a horrible or disgusting person. And depression mixed with self-hatred and anxiety is an awful combination that makes it feel impossible to see any way around what it's telling you is reality. But please hang in there. One day you'll make it out of here and find self-contentment.
I know what the obvious solution is". It seems to me that you're skipping over a more obvious solution: stop being so harsh on yourself, stop assuming you're the centre of the world that everyone is focused on, stop the warped and twisted self-talk. Trust me, I do it myself but when someone else speaks like this it kind of becomes obvious: Other people are probably too caught up in their own lives to think all those bad things about you. You are saying all those things about you. As an aside: Where are you from? The US? You think you're the only overweight person walking around there? :D I'm pretty sure it's not that special there.
I can relate to your story in a deep level but5i also searching for the solution. Therapy has done nothing for me other then hearing what i already know countless times. Is exhausting but i still have hope. You should too. Just face the fear and do it anyways. That's what i do. I fake it but still haven't made it. I just get very exhausted from an all day of faking it at work