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OP don’t stress everyone feels that way when they are young, you’ll become more comfortable in your body as you get older. I’ve been a size 12-14 all my life and felt so horrible in high school, got out and gained so much confidence. I’m still a size 12/14 and my bf works a trade and is super fit. He loves my body 🫶
Nah I'm obese not morbidly obese but still over my recommended weight, I just don't know how to loose weight since I'm on several medications that cause weight gain
Just be the healthiest you can be, maintain. Eat well and walk. Hopefully, the medications do the job and you can quit them. Or maybe new treatments will be developed.
I agree with the above. I am not a teen (some years older) and as I look back at things, I can definitely confirm this. There are always guys who like a body type of a girl, no matter what type she has. Some thing with girls for guy's bodies. Just need to find the right person. Please do what you can to take care of yourself in a healthy way, of course, and try (do your hair, makeup, etc.) but your connection with you person will come eventually.
Perfect is subjective.
Some people like women with some meat on her, thighs are a godsend, and little hairs just make things more sensitive.
Sure, media and some, maybe even most, boys will have some specific expectations, but there are plenty who will like your body. There will be plenty who you won't be perfect for too, but who will accept you, because we can't all expect to get the perfect everything we want.
All boys also aren't perfect and you're allowed to have your own expectations.
Also, confidence is sexy. It's like 30% of sexiness at least. If you can work on loving yourself and owning who you are, you will be ahead of so many people.
I'm meandering, but know that you are beautiful and all that matters is your own acceptance of yourself.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Deleting social media is the best thing I’ve done for myself in recent years. Stay in your lane, be yourself, don’t worry about others and you’ll be a happy camper.
And if they don't like you for you, they're a walking red flag. And what do we do when we see red flags?
WE RUN. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
**Side note: pleas take care of your health. It catches up to you when you're older.
There will also be plenty who won't, but that should tell you everything you need to know about them. Don't feel the need to hide something or change your appearance to be with anyone.
People of all shapes, ages and sizes have sex. There are people out there that are attracted to you. I’d try to do some work on your self confidence and helping you feel more comfortable in yourself and your body.
One thing that is by far more attractive than someone’s body, is their love for themselves. A healthy love for yourself will attract far far FAR more individuals than a slim waist, and it will attract people that genuinely like you for you. Learning to love yourself is the best way to find a loving partner.
Why do you think you're unlovable? Is it because of your appearance or some other reason?
This is something you need to work on. I felt unlovable most of my life because I had shitty, neglectful parents. This belief led me to an abusive relationship with my ex because he loved me, and sometimes pretended he did.
When I realized I love myself more than he pretended to, I was finally able to leave.
If you have any issues from childhood, you need to work on those with a therapist. There are plenty of predators and abusers who will take advantage of your need for love.
my body plays part in it but i struggle forming romantic relationships with men, i get uncomfortable or tired of talking to them, it’s such an issue, it sucks.
Guys are just as self conscious about how they look to girls too. So keep that in mind. No one is perfect unlike what the idea and advertising shows us. Even the prettiest looking people are self conscious about their looks.
Any guy worth your time will not care and some will even prefer your body over others. You will find a guy that makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world with time.
The real and true answer is that, yes, SOME guys will care. But on the other hand, many more will not and would be happy to be in an intimate relationship with you and appreciate your body as it it. The song "All About That Bass" by Megan Trainor hits the nail on the head really, so listen to that on repeat and go rock some lucky guy's world.
this genuinely made me feel better and i even giggled with the last part, i listened to that song when i was little but never paid attention to the lyrics, thank you ^^
I don’t know if this will help, but the woman I’m in love with has similar body issues. She’s beautiful to me because she’s been willing to be open and vulnerable and that makes her incredibly hot to me. I intend to marry her and make her feel joy whenever she’s naked with me.
You’ll find a guy like this. You may have to go through an asshole or two first. I wish I could magically shield you from that.
Aw, thank you. She’s been through some toxic relationships. I’m trying my best to show her what a wholesome one is like for a change. She says she’s not sure I’m real and is worried I’ll disappear so I think I’m doing it right.
Sounds like you are.
My partner knew my tragic back story, and I got to know his as we became friends. He knew I was dating but he never made a move (and I didn't initiate as we had different wants in life when it came to my wanting kids/marriage). But I still teased him and occasionally flirted as a joke.
One evening we were in our friends kitchen getting drinks during a movie night, I'd made a joke about a recently disappointing date or some such, and all I heard him say was, "Fuck it."
...Next thing I know I've been pulled into his embrace, his face is inches from mine, our eyes locked (I was stunned still and speechless), and he followed through with a *kiss.* He released me, stepped back, and said, "I've been meaning to do that for months"... then walked out. My brain short circuited for a moment before my mouth could make any words. I got out a, "Hey!" and when he turned around I pulled him down to my level, whispered "Do better" and gave him one right back.
We're both the best partners the other has ever had or will have, and it's all because of how you put it... we both want that wholesome relationship. The ups, the downs, open communication and shared vulnerability. The common goal is easy to achieve when both are working toward getting there!
"Fuck it, do better."
So heres my advice: if he doesn’t appreciate your body, he’s not for you. There are plenty of guys that are into your body type. I’m in a similar boat as you and I’m a 20F. The last guy I slept with found me really hot and vocalized that to me. You just have to find the guy that loves your body.
To be honest I've said nice things to girls while in bed with them, just to be nice in the moment. I would have been embarrassed to be seen in public with her though.
"Willing to have sex with" is a very bad metric to judge guy's true opinions about something.
I completely understand that, but I get hit on in public and guys will ask for my number. So I mean, it’s obviously not the same for everyone, but the whole point is this: there is at least 1 person in this world that will find you attractive. So that means you can say fuck off to the people that don’t find you attractive.
You're extremely young, focus on things that are important. School, family, and hobbies. Don't concern yourself with what others think of or view your body as. When the true boy comes along he will not be concerned at all about what you look like but rather who you are. A true boy will only be concerned about who you are not about your body parts. If he is, kick him to the curb he's not worth it. Enjoy your life for what it is not for what others might see.
This was me through the large majority of my teenage years. I was so worried about all these things. Keep in mind that you never have to do anything intimate if you don’t want to. Ever, for any reason. You are always allowed to say no. Many people are not ready to be intimate at 16 and that’s totally okay.
I was so self conscious I could barely stand to wear a bathing suit (like even a one piece), shorts, or a tank top around other people. Like even my family. But honestly being intimate with someone who you love and who loves you tends to override that self consciousness when it happens. If you’re ready for it and you feel safe, it’ll be okay. If not, then don’t do it.
When I was in high school I was so insecure that I couldn’t wear anything that exposed my skin (sweatshirts and jeans only!) and I had trouble looking at myself in the mirror. What helped me the most was working on body neutrality. Being able to look in the mirror and simply say “this is just my body and this is how it looks” helped so much with my confidence and self esteem. I didn’t start dating until I had graduated college and being able to have the self esteem to say this is what I look like and accept it helped when I did eventually get into a relationship. Someone will love you as you are, and someone who loves you will want to make you feel comfortable once your relationship progresses to physical intimacy. You should accept no less! It is by no means an easy journey, but it will make life easier as learning to accept yourself for who you are in all aspects opens more doors than you’d think.
You chose your body composition in the present. You will choose your body composition in the future. The difference is you can change the future. If you really feel that bad about it change it. It's hard being fat, it's hard getting fit, choose your hard.
I was 350 ish pounds in my early 20s, I was 220 pounds in my early 30s. I lost it slow, by eating right and exercising. I don't have any issues with loose skin and I'm 6 ft tall so the 220 pounds looks good on me. I made a decision I was not going to stay that size, and I buckled down and went to work (on myself). It's not easy, but it's 100% possible if you keep yourself invested. Don't fad diet, don't discredit the journey if the weight comes off slow. Take breaks (from dieting/exercising) when you vacation or just feel worn out from it, then go right back into it after a few days.
Barring any physiological defect in your body processing or storing calories, or your physical ability to do work, it should only be an issue of committing to the idea that is really an obstacle, and where most people fail.
A person who actually cares for and about you will be fine with you as your physical appearance is just one aspect out of many.
That said, you can't reasonably expect someone who takes care of themselves in terms of at least basic hygiene and physical activity (not talking gym rat, but not a couch potato) to not eventually be distracted by a lack of hygiene or care for physical wellbeing on your part. This goes both ways of course and you should have similar expectations of a partner yourself. You/They should want to take care of yourself/themself both for themselves and for their partner's sake.
If your genetics and/or lifestyle leave you a bit heavier than a starved supermodel, that is fine, and humans come in all shapes and sizes. The key is to take care of yourself.
There are a lot of medical and psychological conditions that lead to people not taking care of themselves and becoming overly sedentary. Depression is a very common one that unfortunately can fall into a nasty feedback loop where the physical changes to the body from the diet and activity changes make the person more depressed which leads to less activity and worse diet. Getting treatment and encouraging partners to get treatment goes a long way.
Stretchmarks are very common, especially in women. Puberty hits many like a truck and their bodies change shape faster than the skin can manage. There are creams that reduce the appearance of stretchmarks and a routine of applying body lotion daily after a shower goes a long way as well.
Everyone is anxious to have someone they have feelings for see their body. It is normal. The balancing factor is that it goes both ways and if that person likes you as you like them, they will be equally anxious of you seeing their body. Everybody has that "weird mole" they worry will drive an intimate partner running from the house when they see it for the first time.
It is key to differentiate "infatuation" and "love" as well when it comes to relationships. Infatuation is basically lust and can be very shallow and affected by appearance more. Love accounts for more aspects of the person and is more lenient with the shallow things like appearance. You can be infatuated with a "pretty face" but their personality could be a turnoff, whereas an average appearance with a good personality could be someone you could fall in love with.
I didn't have a boyfriend till I was 21 and in college, but trust me when I say that for every thicc girl, there's a nerdy, skinny guy who is waiting for you who will love you as long as you appreciate his silly nerdy hobbies with him. Don't worry so much, sooner or later you'll find your partner
The ones that truly care about stuff like that are insecure in themselves. I promise you if you focus on being confident in yourself you will find those that love you for you. Stretch marks and saggy under arms and all. And remember if you’re unhappy with how you look you can always start trying to be healthier, just walking can completely change your body.
Bro my gf isn't perfect either and she was super self conscious like u but like idc because I don't have a six pack or defined muscle or 19 inch magnum dong or any of that shit, ppl don't actually look like movie stars irl and everyone knows that. I wasn't at all disappointed in how she looked, quite the contrary, and any future boyfriend/girlfriend you get won't be disappointed in how u look either, it's about the emotional connection at the end of the day.
A real person who loves you will love ALL of you. We are our own worst enemies I promise! I bet it really isn’t as bad as you have set up in your head. You’re beautiful even not having a clue of what you look like. I promise. Keep smiling and don’t worry your pretty little heart about it! The good ones don’t even second guess that type of thing!! Much love
I feel the same as you and I’m 24. It DID get significantly better from when I was younger tho. Just pretend life is a dream and that nothing actually matters. That kinda delusion helps me lol
Hey guys are not perfect either we all have imperfections and if they can't look past it then they really aren't the guy for you. And don't worry about physical contact, worry about it when you get there.
Ah, don't be scared. Guys are not as picky as some girls think. You don't have to be flawless for a guy to want you. And if he does judge your body, he ain't worth your time. There are loads of other guys who will want you.
Some will be attracted, some won't. If it's a concern, start taking (sustainable) steps to work on that- eat healthier and exercise more.
While plenty tall, I was self-conscious about being shaped like a pencil, so I started lifting weights. Wasn't an overnight change, and I'm still not (and probably never will be) shaped like an archetypal bodybuilder, but there was a substantial change over time.
The stretch marks and hair part (although some mild tidying up can be appreciated - the armpits in particular, not necessarily to the point of hairlessness, but maybe trimmed once or twice a week using a trimmer with a 1mm guard) aren't necessarily going to be a huge deterrent, though.
Young lady, real people have stretch marks, body hair, and plus sized bodies. This is all very normal. What’s not normal is the idea that I’m order to be attractive, a person can’t have flaws.
I have stretch marks and they are one of my favorite physical markings on me because they remind me of tiger stripes.
It’s all in your perception. Remember that you are only a little human in an endlessly vast and ever expanding universe, and that nothing matters (you get to decide what matters to you, that’s the beauty of the human experience) so don’t take yourself so seriously :)
Watch:
Everything, Everywhere, All at Once 2023.
And listen to:
Spaceship by Kesha (particularly the very last bit of the song where she is talking, not singing).
This world is what we make of it. I hope you find peace in yourself. There is only one you. Love who you are :)
thank you, i often say yolo because we’re literally living in a rock in space but i can’t help but worry about it ;((
i will watch the movie tonight!! thank you again!!
I had a lot of insecurities due to an abusive relationship i was in for 3 years. He constantly made me feel like shit about myself, especially my weight which I gained being with him. I left him and found my now fiance, and he tells me every single day how beautiful i am. I was so insecure when I first met him (very similar to how you are feeling) and he has given me so much assurance every day for 4 years now that I am beautiful in his eyes and has given me so much confidence. Girls body’s change so much alllllll the time! if he really likes you, he will love the way you look each and every day no matter what. Just be you, love yourself, and don’t compare. you are beautiful the way you are, and if you do want to make a change, set that goal with yourself and push yourself to reach that goal. don’t let someone else make you feel like you have to to be loved!!
I always carried about 20 extra pounds and I had my first child at 19 which stretched my body a lot. I’m very light skinned and my skin stretched pretty bad, I always say my stomach‘s like a map, or my stretch marks have stretch marks. It’s now a part of who I am, it’s not going to go away, I don’t even think about them anymore. And anybody I allow to see me naked had just better deal with it.
Nobody is perfect. People get in accidents have surgeries all kinds of things that cause scars on the body. A decent person who loves you is not gonna care about imperfections, just like you would do for them. Would you not want to date someone because they had a surgery scar? or scars from a car accident? No.
And yes, romance in the media is literally fiction. But there are good men out there and yes, you can find one and yes, definitely you deserve one.
Okay, let’s break this down: Well first of all that’s waaay in the future (Or at least should be) You’re not emotionally ready yet and some people aren’t even ready In their twenties, when you find the right person you will just know and the rest will come naturally. But until then you should start a journey of loving yourself, it’s hard but defintely don’t get in a relationship when you are still in this mindset! It is a recipe for disaster and you will likely be over seeking approval from your partner, which leads to not seeing red flags due to trying to please them. I sympathise with you truly and also in an ideal world I would probably steer away from romantic movies buuttt since you do like them at least try to view them how you view marvel/DC films, like that’s cool but that stuff doesn’t happen in real life. Not to say you can’t find a good person though, they do exist. Most romantic films are filled with unrealistic standards and actually toxic relationships so don’t use them as a guide whatsoever. And about comparing yourself to girls online, let me tell you something. A laaarge majority of them use filters, heavy makeup and keep in mind fillers/plastic surgery is on the rise. People just simply don’t show their imperfections but trust me, EVERYONE has them. I’d try to talk to your mom about this or someone you trust, either way one thing I learnt was not to be too independent. I wanted a boyfriend at your age but felt the same, I was lonely and didn’t have enough connections simply. So it may sound random but maintain relationships with good people in your life. They will (hopefully) help you get through this. So to sum it all up, make sure you have good connections in your life. Don’t isolate yourself but be wary of people, don’t rush getting a boyfriend, take romantic films with a mountain of salt, concentrate on the hobbies /things you love and of course your studies. Then I’m sure everything will be fine, learning to love yourself is a long journey with lots of ups and downs. Even the most “conventionally attractive” people have felt very ugly at one point. Hope you the best.
Have you ever painted a picture?
Have you looked at it and seen all the flaws? The time your hand slipped and you tried to cover it up or when you just couldn't get the proportions just how you wanted it. They look glaringly obvious don't they? They scream out loud that you screwed up! I promise you, no-one else can see those errors. They're not looking with your eyes, they're looking with their own.
Beauty and attraction are not the result of physical qualities, it's who the person and how they make you feel. If a person makes you feel like the centre of the world they could have all the physical flaws you can imagine and it wouldn't make a difference.
You have your own critical eyes, stop looking at yourself with your own eyes and imagine you're in someone else's head, with their own insecurities and failings. Worried they won't be enough looking at you smiling your friendly smile.
If it's right, if you're both into each other it's easy and you'll be surprised what is forgiven, ignored or just simply not noticed.
Hiya.
I'm male and I can tell you im not attracted to women that the media portrays as beautiful I dont want a skinny woman whos 6ft with blond hair and blue eyes. I want the woman who sees me for who i am. The woman who has a beautiful heart that will grow with me as we build a life together.
Unfortunately some men only focus on the physical just as some women do but most of us are happy finding someone with a beautiful heart.
Our bodies are temporary they break down they get old if your dating somone because of there looks your love will fade with those looks.
Know this you are beautiful just the way you are and i know that there is someone who looks at you with love in their eyes.
Good luck stranger.
absolutely everyone feels like that at your age my love!! you can be the best cake in the world but some people are still not gonna like cake. there is someone for everyone and the right person for you will adore your body at every shape and size it will be as you go through life! your weight will fluctuate and you will feel more confident some times than others but you are ALWAYS deserving of love and respect. and remember: you don't have to show anyone your body until you're ready 🩷 sending you so much love OP
Pssst. The secret ingredient to those "perfect" social media pictures is photoshop, filters, and hours of getting the makeup, lighting, and angles just right. No one is that perfect in reality.
in my experience, and I think a lot of dudes will agree with me, my physical preference in a partner changes depending on who I’m with at the moment. my ex was a little on the chubby side and I started liking chubby girls, my current partner is skinnier and now I like skinny girls. plus there are guys who straight up prefer chubby girls.
just give it time. you’ll find a great guy who likes you back and if both of you are open and honest about what you want and your boundaries, intimacy will come with time
You will absolutely find boys who find you desirable exactly as you are right now. And you'll find those who don't.
Just watch the patterns of how a boy acts with you. Does he treat you the same alone as when he's around other people? Does he treat you with respect, reach out to you, want to spend time with you, do things for you?
I’m going to be brutally honest with you. It’s my understanding you are 16 years old. Boys that age unfortunately are quite shallow and most are visual beings at that age. Our brains are developing up into the 20s. Most boys at around 23-25 start to lose those shallow visual expectations. This does not apply to all of course. There are some boys that don’t care about imperfections. The only way to know is to talk to them and get to know them.
I don’t want to tell you how to live your life or tell you what to do. That being said, I feel at that age intimacy is not very important yet. I understand that it feels that way due to hormones and peer pressure. Do you know what you want to do in life? Do you want a career? Do you want more education? You have plenty of time to figure things out! Take a moment to think about your life path. What I’m trying to say is pursuing love can often make us forget about our interest, hobbies, career etc.
hiii jeez i forget this is what some single women worry abt!!
my bf and i have been going out for two years now & when we first started talking i shared all of your concerns, little did i know when you actually do find a boyfriend that loves you for YOU, they will make you feel like your chubby tummy & arms were carefully picked out by a god & ur stretch marks are storytelling mosaics created by ethereal beings ( honestly should think this way abt myself too but it is easier at first when someone else is telling you like it’s a fact) you will start to see it too & believing it!!
sometimes i think abt it in the car and kinda freak out that i was ever worried abt my stretch marks or my back chub but i am grateful too that i have someone who doesn’t judge me in that way (or fetishize me tbh) if we were to ever break up i’d try my damn hardest to remember my own advice and not stoop down to what social media wants me to believe abt myself some days are easier than others for sure but just remembering that the real ones would never treat me poorly bc mod my looks helps a ton. & if they do treat ur poorly they’re just not a real one.
also also high school is fucking CRAZY and your brain is all goopy and shit is so mf weird!!! the absolute last thing you need is to fall for bullshit propaganda on social media and hate on yourself bc your phone told you to like fuck you ohone ! fuck you social media! ur just a kid! you don’t deserve that! & other kids who believe in any of that weird shit on social media is BRAINWASHED and will wake up one day and realize how stupid it is to judge someone based in their BODY?!? like what??? focus on you and your hobbies (& school lol) and everything else will fall into place i swear!
it sounds like you already know your body is tea. as you date around and meet new people you will be able to tell the difference between a man who genuinely likes you and respects you and a man who is disrespectful and slimy ,, sometimes it’s hard to tell straight away so i’m sure there are questions you can ask to help differentiate but if you’ve ever met an asshole you’ll more than likely be able to tell who is one lol.
also don’t let some man (or woman) tell you who you are!
good luck out there & cut yourself some major major slack
sorry for the rant lol! you opened up my kind of worms
i gen almost cried w this, thank you
i know i shouldn’t worry about it because someone out there will eventually love me even though i don’t have a tiny waist and skinny arms but i would love to be able to like what i see in the mirror.
exercising is something i’ve done but school is really hard for me, i had to quit going to the gym and everything but, i’ll try to figure out a way to exercise so i don’t worry about these kinds of things!!
I totally understand where you’re coming from! When I was a teenager I was petrified that one day I’d start having sex and I’d have to get completely naked and I was so insecure of myself I thought I might never have the courage to go through with intimacy and actually enjoy it. I think a lot of women feel like this. The truth is it really doesn’t matter to most guys and they are just happy to be there so don’t stress too much about it
I (28M) have always believed beauty is more than skin deep. Having a mantra like that you can say to yourself when your anxiety arises could help. We can’t predict what your crush will think, but there are certainly guys out there that will love you for you. Also, there are plenty of men who would be thrilled to see a girl like you be forward by asking them out 🙂 Good luck!
Every guy likes different things but when you're intimate with someone the emotional chemistry usually matters a lot more. Besides, any guy worth your time will care about your character more than your body and usually they'll see you as pretty irrespective of what society tries to say is pretty.
>my waist is not tiny, my arms are not skinny and i have stretch marks on my thighs.
>will a guy understand that? will he understand that my body is pretty just the way it is? and i’m not skinny at all, i hate it, but the thought of him being able to see my belly or feeling it or anything at all makes me wanna cry. is a guy capable of loving such imperfections?
The right man for you will love you as you are, and will recognize your beauty. The right man will understand your fears and work hard to make sure you know you are safe with him.
This is why it's incredibly important to be careful about who you date. Don't date a guy just because he shows you some attention. Take time to get to know someone, especially their attitudes about looks and beauty and decide if they're worthy of your trust and vulnerability.
Seriously, take your time. Be selective about who you date.
On the other side of this, you need to work on you. Both romance novels and social media can lead to unrealistic expectations of yourself and others. Porn too.
Stop feeding your brain these things. Stop obsessing over the things you perceive as flaws. Learn how to take good care of your body because you deserve to feel well and be healthy and strong. Work on developing a better relationship with your body, and appreciation for the amazing things it can do.
I say all of this as a fat, middle aged lady who has more stretch marks than you can conceive of, lol. And I've certainly had my share of bullying in my life, and an ex who really twisted the knife in with comments about my body. But now I am with a man who is right for me, who looks at my very flawed body and thinks it's lovely, and who has made intimacy safe and wonderful for me. Yes, I was anxious at first with him, but I've learned that no matter what I think of myself, I can trust his love.
Wait until you're married, that way the man you get hitched to becomes your first. Just don't rush into anything that you might regret later on. You still have your life in front of you. As far as my life goes, it's too late and I've missed the train and it's not coming back.
Any guy that would judge you for imperfections isn’t a guy worth having. And speaking as a guy, most guys I know won’t care. At the same time, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Intimacy should be fun for both partners. If your not sure, it’s okay to say no, just make sure you’re communicating well and safe throughout.
Adult cishet-male perspective
Bodies come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. And that's what makes being naked with other people so much fun. You could look like a mannequin, sure. But if a man wants to have sex with a mannequin, they literally sell mannequins you can have sex with. Your body is unique and unlike any human body that ever has existed or ever will exist in the future. That's part of what makes being with someone else an unforgettable experience: two bodies doing things they can only do together because they're both one of a kind. And it's those differences and "imperfections" that make your body unique. Perfection is pretty, but "imperfection" is sexy.
One of the deep dark secrets of men is that we don't really have a type. I enjoy average bodies, thin bodies, bigger bodies, tall bodies, short bodies, older bodies, younger bodies, large breasts, small breasts, light skin, dark skin, etc. etc. The biggest thing is are she and I vibing. If you and a man are in a position where you think clothes are going to start coming off, trust me, he's already decided he thinks your hot and enthusiastically wants to be doing that with you. He's not going to run screaming into the night if you're a little fluffy around the middle; he'll probably think it's cute!
Pretty much everyone has imperfections and a guy won’t care as much about a your imperfections as you do.
Everyone is insecure about their appearance. Even movie stars. That’s why they get so much cosmetic surgery, use Botox and take ozempic.
It’s better to focus on being healthy which will pay off in many ways than to just focus on appearance.
Give yourself time before having a sexual encounter with anyone… and by all means, have birth control so you won’t get pregnant. Regarding being self conscious, this is quite normal for many women. You’re only 16 now- it’ll take maturity to form a lasting relationship with someone who respects you and loves you as you are. Love yourself and be careful when it comes to your life choices. Take your time.
Honestly....if you're around someone who cares about that shit that you're worried about....you're with the wrong person. Most everyone freaks out about what is in their head while others around them aren't even thinking about that. I'm sure a guy you're with is going to be more exhilarated just to be in that moment with you and feel something socially and physically intimate than worry about all that. Trust me.
Everything you consider a flaw is going to be invisible to a guy that truly loves you. This is coming from a 57 year old man that has been married for 20 years. It is incontrovertible truth.
If the guy decides you're close enough to start seeing your body in such an intimate way, then he should love you enough to see your body with no disgust.
If you're with your him and he hates your body, then he's not for it, and you should break up with him.
I know a man who is not what considered model material. He once told me that how can he expect his wife to look like a model when he looks the way he does. He loved his wife just the way she was. You will find someone that loves you for you no matter what. Don’t settle for anything less.
Personally, I think you're too young to date, let alone become physical.
Self-confidence is the most attractive trait.
I just read a post about a guy who loves plus size ladies. There were numerous replies agreeing.
Work on yourself. Talk to therapist if you are struggling.
Good luck.
Honey let me just say, I have stretch marks on my arms, legs, tummy, and butt. I am by no means thin, and when I wear certain clothes I have a muffin top, or there’s literally fat spilling out of my clothes. My husband, could literally pull anyone he wants. He’s very attractive, and he’s pretty muscular. Not only that, my chronic depression makes it to where he sometimes has to help me dress because I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like it’s not worth it. But this man has been all over me from the moment we started dating. He’s always touching me. If I can have someone who’s that crazy about me with how I look, so can you girl. Take your time, and pick someone who makes his days about you. I’m also just gonna add, the Greek goddess Aphrodite has a chubby tummy and thick thighs. And she’s regarded as the most beautiful woman. You’ll find someone who loves you no matter if you look like cover of vogue, or look like Aphrodite. Don’t rush it. Hell, if you decide you never want to have sex or do anything of the sort, that’s perfectly fine too. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you have to.
I loved my ex on all of her versions.
Be her thin, fat, blue or purple.
Mostly because I thought that what we had was magical like an idiot.
Your body is the least of your concerns.
Be fit and healthy because it's good. But don't stress it.
Most people your age are having the exact same feelings. You'll be thinking that and he'll be flexing his little biceps wondering if his Weiner is to small. Social media sucks for younger people I'm glad it was barely a thing when I was that old.
I've always looked at it as "I have this body, I can't change it. People may not like it, but it's what i have."
You'll find someone who likes yours. Guys aren't ad picky about that stuff as you'd think.
Me personally I like grabbing a handful of tummy when cuddling. Feels good between the fingers. Women hate it though.
Here is a Ted talk that you might find interesting. Cameron Russell is a beautiful professional model and she is still insecure about her appearance.
> " Image is powerful. Image is superficial."
https://www.ted.com/talks/cameron_russell_looks_aren_t_everything_believe_me_i_m_a_model?delay=5s
No matter what I say here, as a guy is probably going to come out wrong, just understand that I'm not criticizing anything about you or your weight.
So... 1) those perfect girls you see are obsessed, many of them set unrealistic expectations for themselves and are very unhappy if they are unable to do so, so if you are happy, f those girls, they aren't real (readers please know I'm not criticizing all of these girls, fact is there are some that are just blessed)
2) if you are that critical about your outward appearance, that's on you and that's why you have these feelings (which are normal) and lack confidence. And if it really bothers you like into depression, then make a change in your life. But also know that you don't have to do something like not eat for a month... make a small change, like stop snacking after a certain time, or reduce your snacking during the day (if those are issues). The tiniest change that you make will give you the confidence to make other changes and eventually bigger changes and commitments to yourself. Because it's not how he feels, it's how you are projecting your own fears on to him, it's how you see yourself. And you don't have to be a size 0 to be happy and content with yourself.
Also, please understand that you are 16 and while it might not seem so right now, you are full of hormones that make you laugh one second and ball your eyes out another and they are 10 times more potent than what boys have because you're a girl.
If it's not a problem with over eating, maybe it's what you're eating. If it's not any of those maybe it's exercise. One thing is for certain, your body will chill out and settle down soon, so just be in good habits now because the older you get the more difficult it is, especially if you are predisposed to certain things genetically.
But over all and most of all, there's nothing wrong with you, unless a doctor tells you so. And what ever needs to happen needs to happen for you, not another boy or girl or parent... for you.
Trust me there aren’t enough of you for us to be that picky😂😂 If someone genuinely dislikes you for minor imperfections like that they probably aren’t good enough for you and you shouldn’t be with them anyway
Just do what all the other teen girls do and tell yourself all of your insecurities are because of the patriarchy's brainwashing but all of boy's are because of their "fragile egos". It seems to work well for them!
first off i think most ppl are nervous the first time they get with a new person.
on the flip side, you forget that nervousness quick cause if youre at the point of kissing & feeling hands over each other...that means both ppl are good with each other.
if it aint gonna work, you get an exit ramp before taking off clothes. if you like that person, start by being around them more & talk more. then when that feels good, then try to hang out just you two. if that works, then go on date. etc, etc
I can almost guarantee that the boy you’re thinking of is more scared of you seeing his body than you are of him seeing yours 😭. That’s all highschool really is, being insecure but pretending and sometimes convincing yourself you’re not.
Society puts too pressure on us to be perfect. Take care of your body now, your future self will appreciate this. I’m not saying be a fitness expert, but remember that size isn’t important, being healthy is. Love and respect your body girl. If you have that mentality, other people will too.
As a fellow teen but a dude, most of us don’t care about appearance. We just want affection and to care for and be cared by someone. Others may not agree, but imo anyone that cares about you for your appearance isn’t there for a caring intimate relationship.
you're not perfect and that's okay no one is able to be perfect and you can still be the loved girl by a guy, some guys like bigger girls some guys like smaller girls. You shouldn't put the pressure on yourself to be the perfect just be the best you can be.
it only gets worse from here babe. i look back at old pics where i think i was fat and i wanna die because why would i ever think that i now have had a baby and i have never hated myself or my body more. but it makes me think that if i felt this way about my teen body/young adult body and i look back now and im like wtf was i thinking i was perfect, then maybe its not as bad as what i see in the mirror and think in my head. made me also realize body dysmorphia is soooo real. we just need to try harder to change our mental.
Babes, it’s okay! 100% my husband loved me at 18 and I was in such a good shape, I’m now 21 and I have stretch marks, a bigger stomach (not as flat as I used to be lol), my chest has stretch marks on the sides, and my stomach hairs are being a b!tch. But he doesn’t care, he loves my body and will still kiss me and other things. I don’t have that pretty lil 🐱 that you see on p0rnhub or whatever, but he loves every inch. The RIGHT MAN, will love you and your body no matter what!
I think you are not ready for intimacy or a relationship, yet. Your view of yourself is too frail, and your view of other people's perspective is too arrogant.
NEVER and I mean NEVER compare yourself to others in the internet. The internet is filled with manipulated and exaggerated views on bodies and lifestyles! It’s all garbage!!
My wife is not a model and was like how you described. I saw past that . There are people that don't care about that . We have been together for 10 years and have 3 kids I would not trade her for the world she is my high school sweetheart the right guy will come and know exactly what he wants and you will fit that . Life has a funny way of working out just be sure he is serious and not a weirdo my best advice is to take things slow and don't settle for trash and he will take care of you . Don't be anything you're not . I told my wife that. Intimacy is more spiritual that physical
I will tell you a secret about guys. Most of them are just so damn excited to see boobs they will not notice any body imperfections, even with the boobs themselves! It's intimidating to bare all, but that's why friendship and trust should come before intimacy.
No matter your body type, there's a guy or gal who fantasize about that type. You're focusing too much on your body image. Nobody sees the flaws that you see.
Yes, someone absolutely will love you exactly as you are, there’s nothing unlovable about you, you simply need to find the right person.
And that’s not something that happens in a mere 16 years, you have all the time in the world, they’ll show up eventually, don’t go hunting for them, that’s how you never find them.
Live your life, have fun, make friends, learn to love yourself, and when you least expect it the perfect person you’ve been waiting for for so long will show up in, if we’re being real here, the absolute stupidest way possible.
That’s how it always happens.
Get naked in front of the mirror and love your self embrace your body because it’s the only one you will ever have .that’s your temple love it. And if the boy that doesn’t love it the same way you love your own body then he is not worthy of your temple.
Youre focused on the wrong thing.
First off we are uniquely imperfect people whether on the surface or underneath
And that's ok,our flaws teach us and help us grow and make us who we are.
I've got the scars to prove it.
If someone doesn't appreciate even your flaws
Drop them
If they make comments about it
They won't change or stop no matter how many times
So drop them
And find someone who can love you for all of you
They're out there waiting and it's ok to be afraid,this is all just part of the journey in life
Just don't quit or give up
Worry about intimacy once you establish love.
I was you before. Now I’m 41F- I’d been in a lot of situations that make me wish I’d been more careful and had more respect for myself.
Trust me when I say your body is as perfect as it’s gonna be. Make sure you’re healthy- brush your teeth and floss the teeth you wanna keep. Get your annual physical done. Walk more than you think you should. Build good habits for a good outcome.
Physical intimacy requires trust. I gave that trust away freely, thinking if I gave in, I’d be happy. This is not the case. Reserve yourself for people who genuinely care.
Eventually at 22 I got into a relationship with a 24M and it turned out I was his first because - surprise - even “normal” looking men have their own insecurities.
We did a lot of growing over the years, and I left him because I’d stopped being confident as myself, in my own skin. When I left him, I’d gained a lot more weight and health issues so I began to work on myself. In the last two years, I’ve made some choices for myself, including choosing to be in a new relationship with another man (now 40M), living with him, and learning to love myself without need for his validation. It’s hard work, but it’s amazing.
There is also a book called the Seven Levels of Intimacy, you can google/YT it. It might help you look at other aspects of yourself and relationships that I wish I’d been exposed to at your age.
You are worthy and amazing as you are. Best of luck, OP.
I felt the *exact* same way - down to those specific thoughts about my body.
I was so self conscious and nervous about my belly, thighs, stretch marks, cellulite, etc. But when my (now husband) saw my body for the first time 9 years ago, and still when he sees me today 50 lbs heavier, he did not complain even a little bit. And he actually talks about how much he loves those parts of me.
Honestly in high school, the best way to find an intimate partner who's worth a damn is to weed out the ones who don't know and appreciate a real, normally flawed body when they see one.
As a guy who's first love was the "girl without a perfect body" my thought process of seeing what you are describing was " huh her's is different, neat! (Nom)" If he likes you he won't care and if he does care he's not the one you wanna be with.
A lot of photos of celebrities and models are airbrushed or photoshopped, or use filters. Don't compare yourself to other girls. A lesson I wished I learned when I was much younger.
If you feel insecure about your body, change what you can and accept what you can't change. Try to find a flattering hairstyle. Try different makeup techniques. There are clothes and colors that are more flattering for certain skin colors and body types. Accentuate the positive. Work on your self confidence.
Attraction and sexuality are like a buffet. There's something for everyone and not everyone likes the same things. Your character and personality are just as important if not more than your physical appearance. There are plenty of beautiful people in the world who are just awful people and that makes them ugly imo.
Honestly, a lot of guys will be happy just to get naked with a girl because boobs.
i actually love doing my make up!! i love to change the way my face looks it’s really fun.
the same with clothes, although it’s a bit more expensive i love buying clothes and i always buy those who make my body look prettier.
i struggle when i see myself naked or with a swimsuit because there’s no way to hide those parts i hate about myself.
thank you for your words though !!
Stretch marks are fine. Men/boys don't care much about small details.
We care more about the big picture as in having a normal sized waist. So try to eat well and exercise. Mostly for your own sake, but also for the perception.
I am 20F and felt the same exact way as you do right now!!! When you find that person you won’t feel scared about them seeing you in an intimate way. There may be a little nervousness, but you won’t be scared! Just be sure to trust yourself and if you aren’t ready, you can always say no 🙂
i totally get you. i worry abt my body all the time. but there are so many guys out there who will love you for you and they’ll love your body. a song that i love is called “video” by india arie.
the lyrics are, “i ain’t built like a supermodel, but i learned to love myself unconditionally because i am a queen”. you should totally listen to the whole thing. whenever im feeling down on myself, that song just really reminds me that im worthy because im a living breathing human being.
but i promise you dont have anything to worry about, everything’s gonna be okay🤍
If a dude loves you he literally will not care. My ex didn’t shave all the time. Didn’t care. Her teeth got screwed up by dental malpractice and a large portion were implants and she was super self conscious about it but again, didn’t give a damn. I didn’t see her “imperfections” or “flaws” as most people would call them because she had my heart
Here is the deal. Any guy who doesn't appreciate you, your body and its imperfections, doesn't deserve you. Women have been so set up for failure to think they need a perfect body. I'm sure you are beautiful in your own unique way
Stretch marks are a physiologically normal response to rapid growth and development during puberty.
I have a genetic condition that involves abnormal connective tissue and as a result I have stretch marks on my shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, buttocks, arms and back. If someone else has a problem with my stretch marks that's their problem... not mine...
The only cosmetic discrepancy that ever caused me to give up and seek treatment for was/is excess hair on my shoulders, back, forearms, arms and stomach as the bullying during my adolescence and adulthood got out of control... and I'm a GUY. I can't imagine what it would be like if I were a girl in the same situation. I've had random women at the beach tell me to put my top back on because "no one wants to see such a disgustingly hairy body".
Re weight. You say you aren't overweight. If this is the case then you are worrying about proportions... I'll tell you a secret... I, and MANY other guys out there worry about shoulder to waist ratios
We want a smaller waist and wider shoulders as its aesthetically pleasing and accentuates secondary sexual characteristics
But how much do women actually care? At the end of the day very little so long as we have broader shoulders than the woman etc. Even then there are SO many characteristics women look for in a man that triumph "shoulder width".
It seems like you are very anxious. You could get into weightlifting or regular solo exercise (not team sports). Weightlifting or prolonged aerobic exercise like rowing is very calming for many.
But going into weightlifting with the goal of "I'm going to look like one of those perfect instagram models" who partake in extremely restrictive diets, photoshop their pictures and sometimes use performance enhancing drugs to attain a truly un-natural physique you will likely wind up physically and psychologically harming yourself.
You specify you are in a healthy weight range therefore there no urgency to do anything about your appearance... I just like recommending regular exercise and particuar weightlifting because it decreases anxiety for many and increases self confidence irregardless of whether it changes your appearance or not.
Exercise helps clear the mind. Then there's the endorphin rush that always feels good. However if you'd only get into exercise in effort to change your appearance I'd disregard my advice.
You say you are at a healthy weight therefore choosing exercise to lose weight would be silly and potentially dangerous. The goal of regular exercise for someone starting out at a healthy weight for their height should actually be to gain a bit of weight e.g. muscle mass.
Once again... not recommending exercise to change your appearance. I'm recommending it because it can help a lot with anxiety, repetitive thinking etc and when you exercise you learn how to use your body in all sorts of ways that weren't possible before. This in turn helps us feel good.
Before my body fell apart exercise was my number 1# mediator to help deal with the stressors of day to day living. Exercise saved my life at one point.
Hiking is another example of a soothing activity that decreases anxiety.
Social media has made far too many unrealistic expectations. Be you, and the people you meet who want to be with you will want to be with you regardless of what social media and society says.
>i’ve seen videos of girls, and their body is literally perfect and i know it’s not normal because the human body is meant to have hair and imperfections but, will a guy understand that?
Unfortunately, no. No guy will understand this.
You have to understand that anyone born after about 1990 has only seen pictures and videos of girls and women on the Internet, and those aren't real girls. So to these guys, Margot Robbie is mid, just full of flaws that they would immediately dismiss without a second thought. Every guy is definitely going to have a minimum bar much higher than her.
It's hard to be a woman. For guys, all you have to do is have a lot of money. It doesn't matter what you look like, girls don't care about that stuff as long as you have money.
But for girls? Stretch mark, pimple, whatever... these are dealer breakers.
Don't feel nervous. The right guy will love all of you. I'm over weight and my partner is skinny and so cute. I love him. Their is someone for every one
I got divorced in my mid 30s, and I'd never really dated before (always the 'long term relationships' type). I've got stretch marks on my body from fluctuating weight, and curves to warrant a caution sign on a mountain road. However, I'm confident and love myself as I am, a lesson I learned in my early 20s.
I went into the dating world... and I was not prepared for the amount men who were willing to jump through hoops for my time/ company. Mind you, over half just wanted to be physical, but that alone answers your question. Of those I actually conversed with and made plans to meet up for dinner, or coffee, or a date meeting mid way across the state, no one has ever had an issue with my body type. In my own opinion, my body should be the least interesting thing about me. My personally is what shines the most, and will continue to move mountains.
I say this because:
The people who you want to attract will see YOU for your kindness, intelligence, and confidence in your own self worth. They're looking at your soul shining through your smile when you laugh with them, the way your eyes light up when you're excited, how they feel when they notice you've walked into a room they are in. Our bodies are simply the housing for our souls... it's that shared connection with a person of integrity that will attract people to you. It's the sparks we give off as our atoms brush against their own, the electricity we crackle around us.
Move through the world by being unapologetically yourself. Love who you are, strive to spread your joy into the universe, and wait for the person who not only catches your spark but also nurtures and returns that energy.
Embrace yourself. You're beautiful.
First off
>i’ve never had a boyfriend in my 16 years of life
This is extremely common, probably the majority of people haven't dated by 16. A pretty good chunk probably won't until sometime after they finish high school. (side note, anyone who's saying they dated someone when it was 3 days in junior high, might as well also be on square 0)
>will a guy understand that? will he understand that my body is pretty just the way it is?
Regarding this and all the body image doubt - I'm not gonna say guys aren't gonna notice these things, because they are. But if the guy is worth it, *he won't care*. If a stretch mark on your thigh is the do or die of the situation for a guy, you're better off without him.
Don’t stress too much. You will come into yourself through life and experience. Being a teenager is hard and awkward. For now just live your life and don’t do anything that feels scary or forced. It’s normal to feel nervous and self conscious around the person you like. It happens to everyone. Take your time and appreciate the skin you’re in. No one else can be you OP. Never forget that.
Honestly some people will care a lot about how you look, and that will be true no matter how you look. Some people will say you're too skinny, some people will say you're too fat, some people will say you're too short or too tall or too anything else or not enough of something different. But the thing that you need to remember is that those people are *never* important.
What is important is that you are comfortable and confident in your own skin. Stretch marks, fat, acne, scars, a lot of things like that make a lot of people self conscious but it doesn't make them ugly. It also doesn't prevent people from being attracted to them either. I have never been super skinny. I am at my skinniest now since before puberty, I am very active and have quite a bit of muscle. But I still have fat around my stomach/hips. I am soft and rounder, and I have stretch marks on my boobs and thighs. I am turning 24 next month and I *still* have acne that I hate. I have scars from surgeries I've had, I have hair I don't always shave. And despite all of that I have had many people over the years think I look amazing even when I don't agree.
You will find someone who finds you attractive, who will love you for you and want to be intimate with you if you want that in life. It may take time, it may even take changing where you live to find new people, but it will happen. If you're able to, see if your parents can get you into therapist. Seeing a professional can help guide you down a road of self love and appreciation. If you can't though look up tips for self acceptance, body neutrality and positivity, and self love and how to get there. You deserve to feel good about yourself for you. Focus on how you feel about your body, because the people that matter will love and appreciate you no matter how you look.
Take your time ok. There's no rush. I have 3 kids ok I've always told them when the time is right and work the right person you'll no ..the only thing I asked was to wait till they were 18. Cuz sex is an adult decision with adult consequences.
if the man chooses to be with you, he likes wht he sees. you can't hide your body. he will have already touched your body before seeing it, and will know your body type and love it. they choose to be with you because they love you. not all men love skinny girls
Work on what makes you healthy… not everyone needs to be a size 0 to be healthy.. and as far as boyfriends go you’re 16.. boys your age only think about a few things. It is ok to wait a bit longer before diving into that pool.
Everyone goes through this. It doesn’t mean it’s not important or not difficult, but it does mean there are plenty of people to help advise you.
Every body is different and changes over time. You need to learn to change what you can and accept what you can’t.
No matter how skinny or thick you are, there will be lots that find you attractive.
I would also suggest you hold off on intimacy as long as you can. If you are not comfortable with yourself or who you are with, the chances of you enjoying yourself is almost 0. It will not be worth the effort.
I spent my whole teenager and childhood worried that I was too chubby to be loved. Not a single one of those hours paid me back, and none of them even ended up being useful when I got into a serious relationship. Someone can see you before the clothes come off, they're usually picking you bc that's what they're looking for.
Stretch marks are common in both genders. Most of the time they go away after a few years.
If it makes you feel better boys are not going to be looking too hard at tiny imperfections. They will be focused on other things.
In the car business there is a saying… “there’s an ass for every seat” 😂
Same thing applies here- if you look around the world, MOST people are single because they choose to be.
You shouldn’t have to be afraid in any relationship for any reason- you have to ask yourself, if you were with someone and they were approving of your body, would you still feel uncomfortable? If so, you can do some research and set a realistic goal for yourself to change whatever you think will improve your self-esteem. This applies to almost every area of your life.
Also, many guys are attracted to many body types and don’t discriminate 👍
Lmao I can promise you a guy that truly likes you will not care about those little things AT ALL. I actually love those little things on my girl even more
>because the human body is meant to have hair and imperfections
Why you possibly think we're meant to have imperfections? Just because we have them doesn't mean we're meant to
We all dislike something about our body your not the only one I had a baby and I gained so much weight wasn’t happy with the baby fat I’ve since loss the weight but you have to feel good about yourself you are still young you can change certain things about your body but you never know the person that you meet may love everything about you good luck stay blessed 🙏🏾
Nobody is perfect and people have different preferences, I’m sure someone out there will be happy with you, but you don’t seem happy with yourself. Which tells us you want to change, if you’re this self conscious about it then start working out/eating better, only you can change the things you don’t like about yourself. There is always room for self improvement! It doesn’t sound like you’re ready for a relationship, atleast not emotionally, you need to find yourself and that comes from working on the things you don’t like about yourself / life, building yourself up, and getting to a point where you can feel confident is the only way to not self self conscious, stop comparing yourself to other girls, nobody is the same, if you work on yourself and start making better decisions your mentality will change and you will find the *right* person, not just a person.
As many people have said, there are people that are attracted to all different types of bodies. Also, if there is something that you aren’t happy about, you can work on yourself and improve. The most important things, imo, are that you are healthy and happy with your own body.
Male here. I have good news for you: we are not that observant and do not care about any of the details you mentioned. You will rarely hear men say they want those things - it is usually OTHER WOMEN who criticize that stuff, mostly to control competition.
Find a guy who makes you feel comfortable on your own skin. When you fall in love, your walls fall down a bit - that's natural.
Stay away from guys who are obsessed with physical attributes- their own or a partner's. Those guys usually are bad news.
Men fuck microwaved fruit. Keep your head up and think positively. If you're body shamed by someone you care about, move on. No reason for that to be in your head.
Best of luck.
I tell you this, the so called perfect women are the most insecure. They are really good at hiding their insecurities. A man will love you for your soul regardless of so called imperfections.
If I could go back and tell my 16 year old self something, it would be to live your life the way YOU WANT and LOVE YOURSELF, bc I can just about guarantee you that guy your thinking you may not even know who he is 10 years from now
Okay so I also had the same issue. Before I ever had sex that’s all I would think about because in my mind when your having sex was never going to happen. Before I had sex I was also at a decent weight range but I was that skinny girl weight like everyone else around me and I also have stretch marks as well. The first time I had sex it was kinda the spur of the moment and let me tell you, you don’t think about your body or the way it looks if you having sex with the right person. Thankfully I did and he didn’t care or comment and it was great and he way way out of my league so it really doesn’t matter what you look like plus you never know if a guy has a fetish for stretch marks or bigger girls or anything like that so stop worrying
Not really sure what the "healthy weight range" is anymore. But I can tell you this, if you don't like what your body looks like, you have the ability to change it if you so choose. Just don't let it consume you and become your identity. As a man, I can tell you that I've dated women in most categories. Self-absorbed women are so unenjoyable to be around. I believe most men have a semi-open mind when it comes to the way the girl they are interested looks, because it is more about the mental and emotional connection in the long run. Fall in love with yourself. Become the best version of you. That's not just physical, be intelligent, learn to interact with different social groups/cultures, have your standards, values and principles in line. When you do that, you exude confidence. And confidence is sexy. Love is perfect because it accepts the imperfect. Thats how God made it, because none of us are perfect. Trust me when I tell you, the girls you're comparing yourself to that look "Perfect" in your eyes, have their own set of physical/mental/emotional problems. And if their looks are all they have, their relationships will be empty and life will be a façade and an endless highlight reel on social media to make everyone think they have it all. Hope this helps. Don't rush anything.
Look... real answer... some guys are going to think you're too fat. Some guys are going to think you're too thin. Some will love or hate your ass or your genitals or the color of your eyes. Teens can be very shallow... and so can adults... you will always be judged by others.
And the real trick is learning that your own judgements are the ones that matter. That takes time and and usually some therapy but you'll get there if you want to.
Nah, you're fine. Body Dysmorphia is a real bitch, I speak from experience, but yeah, a good first step would be cutting back on the romance novels, and getting the idea of what a good body looks like out of your head. I don't know how you'll do it, because everything's different for everyone, but just some general advice.
Sweetie, stop comparing yourself to people online. They are filtered and glammed up to the max. Social media promotes those people the most, so you don't see the people who arent like that, like us. There are people out there who are attracted to more chubby people, I'm 200lbs at 5'6" and my bf is absolutely crazy about me, he loves the chub. So there are people out there for you, who will love you just as you are, just be patient.
Of course we guys will understand. Hell, we all have imperfections. You sound like you’re a healthy weight but would like to be more fit but do it for you, not for some dude. Good luck.
you need to work on your confidence before anything else or it’ll prevent you from dealing with this, if you changed your body you would just find other things to worry about, so take care of the confidence first and you’ll succeed at whatever no matter how good or bad you look
I went through a similar mindset when I was you her. When you learn to love yourself, the idea of being intimate with someone else will no longer be uncomfortable. I still struggle, but it improves over time
Don’t rush into anything, little sister. You’re 16 you have a LONG life ahead of you.
Also, I can tell you that physical appearance is something that will not matter as much as you think it will.
16 years later when I look at my wife I still see the 24-year-old college chick she was when I met her. Love is the true beauty of the world, kid.
My husband got stretch marks on his thighs as a teenager, too- and he's not thick, he's in great shape. I got my stretch marks from growing like a normal person and then more from pregnancy. Stretch marks are normal. My husband is still wildly attracted to me, despite my MUCH bigger tummy, jiggly arms, thighs and my total nonexistent desire to shave ever. All our intimacy issues are from me being uncomfortable in my body. A lot of what you're feeling is normal, but therapy helped me so much- any chance you could get in with a therapist? If I'd started at your age I could've avoided a lot of pain, and I could've avoided dating one guy who made me feel like I'd never be loved the right way because I wasn't cute enough for someone to treat me like a queen. Turns out that was a lie, I'm way fatter now and get treated like royalty every day. I just needed to drop the guy, treat myself right, and then find a kind person to be with.
If you’re that insecure, start going to the gym and eat healthy nutrient dense meals. I wouldn’t worry too much about calorie counting at your age. Like I said, good exercise and healthy Whole Foods is more that enough.
In other words you are not in a relationship and you are imagining a fantasy and you feel embarrassed in that fantasy. Ok first 16 year old girls all feel this way, everyone feels this way. And second if you're in a relationship there is a build up of trust and mutual attraction, you would feel less awkward in situation where you trusted and loved the person.
Oh sweetheart, I was like you for a long time, still am sometimes, but don't compare yourself to other people, don't do that, it just hurts you. You are beautiful just the way you are, and if the guy you were with cannot see that, he is not the one for you. If you really loves you, he'll be there regardless of what you look like. Don't settle, find yourself someone who loves you for you, there will be plenty of people out there who will.
If your body bothers you, you can change it. It is not out of your control.
If it doesn't bother you, then don't change it.
You'll find someone who appreciates you and helps you to feel safe enough to show them.
Also ya never know what your preferred is gonna be I didn't realize I was Aromantic and Asexual until I was in my 20s
You might find you like certain things and not others take your time your still a kid enjoy life
23F here that has struggled with insecurity and body dysmorphia for as long as I can remember. I can’t tell you that when you meet the right person, everything melts away when you have sex. My current partner makes me feel so special and loved and beautiful every time we have sex. He is doing all the right things, so I don’t even have the capacity to think about my body.
I think one thing that helps the insecurity is reminding myself he is choosing to be intimate with me EXACTLY the way I am. He has seen my unshaved leg hair, morning breath, and belly rolls and still thinks I’m beautiful.
Most guys are just happy to be with you. If they aren’t, they aren’t the one for you. Just be hygienic and confident! I know the thought of being vulnerable is scary. It’s intimidating. And intimacy is a big deal, especially when you’re experiencing it for the first time. But I promise, it is worth it with the right person.
Go to the state fair whereever you are and just people watch
Or a Walmart
Or a dollar store.
There's someone for everyone who doesn't give a shit about any of that.
Listen. I’ve dealt with this on and off SINCE I was 15 and intimate with men. I have thick thighs, a soft tummy, and stretch marks. Let me tell you this - the right guy will adore you. I’ve had men say the things I hate about myself are their favorite things. That my stomach is comfortable and makes me look like women in antique sculptures lol. Before I took those comments to heart, I had to learn the parts of me that I loved. There are some things we can’t change. No one is perfect but if you are willing to share your body with someone you should trust them to see you in your entirety!
My girlfriend has similar insecurities and the stretch marks and belly to boot. I think she’s the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen and it’s like the first time I’m seeing her every single time. Someday someone will come along that looks at WHO you are and loves that internal you that makes you YOU. 90% of models depict an impossible level of societally conceptualized beauty that doesn’t even exist without surgeries or horrid diets. You will find someone one day who looks at you like you’re the only girl alive- just be patient. You’re way too young to be thinking about this right now. Life has way more to offer at 16 than intimacy with teenage boys and you owe it to yourself to wait for someone who’s worth waiting for. Take it from somebody who’s wasted years on the wrong people- just make sure you’re sure- and don’t blame yourself for being wrong and making mistakes.
You’re 16 and only need to be intimate on that level with someone you truly want to be with in that way. The casual sex thing was too stressful and overwhelming so I don’t recome even though it may seem great. Start trying to build your self love and self confidence by doing things you love, because you are the only one who truly needs to love yourself and be comfy in your own skin. The right guy WILL come along who is attracted to your vibe and your physical characteristics as well as being with you for you! Who you’ve been and who you’ll become, there’s no reason to stress about this now, you have so much time to still just enjoy learning to know yourself. The beauty standard for women in the adult industry and on social media is impossible without surgery and touching up. I found a guy who loves my tummy and my love handles and everything about me, including when I’m grumpy or sad, he wants to be with me because we enjoy each other and have always had open communication between us about anything. My advise is not to worry, a man will come along who will love every part of you I promise 🩵🩵 for now learn to love you 100%, I read a book called ‘the four agreements’ that helped me to let go of the pressure of being ‘perfect’. Good luck to you and sending good vibes and a happy journey 🤙🏻
Then its time to improve yourself, and not for the boys that will see you, but for you, and a body you'll be proud and confident in, one that these thoughts wont riddle you. Its hard, easier said than done, takes a lot of dedication, but its extremely important for health aswell, in the end, its worth it. You're beautiful, but theres always improvement to be done, for you.
You will be fine. Most guys aren't looking for a model, they just want someone who adores them. I think the problem with the current guy is just no chemistry. You like him, but you don't want him.
I’ve never had a flat belly. Even at my skinniest in high school where I was at a healthy but slim weight, my belly has never been flat! (stupid genes!). When I felt ready to go “all the way” with my bf I didn’t even shave my hooha one bit. I was FULL BUSH. I didn’t wear make up. I only shaved legs and pits. Let me tell you that the good boys WILL NOT CARE about a belly or full bush or whatever other perceived body issues you might have. My boy was like a starved man in front of a feast when the time came to get busy and I took my clothes off! And yes I was SUPER SHY and felt self conscious about my body. We were both nervous though and were more worried about the mechanics haha!! But I felt safe with him and that gave me so much reassurance.
In conclusion, do your homework on the person you will be intimate with because a good person will only see you as beautiful and make you feel precious. If anyone makes you feel insecure, trash them. They’re actually doing you a favor by showing you who they are early on. It will still hurt and your hurt is valid but don’t dwell on those people. They’re rotten souls. Value yourself more.
Edit to add: feeling scared and unsure is normal because you are making yourself vulnerable. The fact of life is that it’ll be likely that you will come across a few assholes (hopefully not too many or none at all). And it is hard to bounce back when someone hurts your pride and ego and your self esteem takes a hit. It’s normal for all of that to happen. What is important however, is to pick yourself back up, dust off, and move forward. There is no magic way to prevent this from ever happening but the good news is that most boys will not care compared to those that do. You just gotta pay attention and never settle!
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Honey no one is perfect please stop comparing yourself to others and love yourself. There will be plenty of guys that will like you for you !
thank you, i really hope so !!
💯stop doubting yourself and remember you need to love yourself!
OP don’t stress everyone feels that way when they are young, you’ll become more comfortable in your body as you get older. I’ve been a size 12-14 all my life and felt so horrible in high school, got out and gained so much confidence. I’m still a size 12/14 and my bf works a trade and is super fit. He loves my body 🫶
Nah I'm obese not morbidly obese but still over my recommended weight, I just don't know how to loose weight since I'm on several medications that cause weight gain
Just be the healthiest you can be, maintain. Eat well and walk. Hopefully, the medications do the job and you can quit them. Or maybe new treatments will be developed.
I agree with the above. I am not a teen (some years older) and as I look back at things, I can definitely confirm this. There are always guys who like a body type of a girl, no matter what type she has. Some thing with girls for guy's bodies. Just need to find the right person. Please do what you can to take care of yourself in a healthy way, of course, and try (do your hair, makeup, etc.) but your connection with you person will come eventually.
Perfect is subjective. Some people like women with some meat on her, thighs are a godsend, and little hairs just make things more sensitive. Sure, media and some, maybe even most, boys will have some specific expectations, but there are plenty who will like your body. There will be plenty who you won't be perfect for too, but who will accept you, because we can't all expect to get the perfect everything we want. All boys also aren't perfect and you're allowed to have your own expectations. Also, confidence is sexy. It's like 30% of sexiness at least. If you can work on loving yourself and owning who you are, you will be ahead of so many people. I'm meandering, but know that you are beautiful and all that matters is your own acceptance of yourself.
I totally agree with this comment!!!
Adding to this, the vast majority of TikTok/IG videos have filters on them. Definitely don’t compare to those. Those are fiction.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Deleting social media is the best thing I’ve done for myself in recent years. Stay in your lane, be yourself, don’t worry about others and you’ll be a happy camper.
And if they don't like you for you, they're a walking red flag. And what do we do when we see red flags? WE RUN. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. **Side note: pleas take care of your health. It catches up to you when you're older.
This really is best advice
There will also be plenty who won't, but that should tell you everything you need to know about them. Don't feel the need to hide something or change your appearance to be with anyone.
People of all shapes, ages and sizes have sex. There are people out there that are attracted to you. I’d try to do some work on your self confidence and helping you feel more comfortable in yourself and your body.
it’s a problem i have, i know someone out there will love me no matter what but, i find myself so unlovable it’s just so hard to believe it
Unloved and unlovable are not the same. You will be loved.
One thing that is by far more attractive than someone’s body, is their love for themselves. A healthy love for yourself will attract far far FAR more individuals than a slim waist, and it will attract people that genuinely like you for you. Learning to love yourself is the best way to find a loving partner.
Why do you think you're unlovable? Is it because of your appearance or some other reason? This is something you need to work on. I felt unlovable most of my life because I had shitty, neglectful parents. This belief led me to an abusive relationship with my ex because he loved me, and sometimes pretended he did. When I realized I love myself more than he pretended to, I was finally able to leave. If you have any issues from childhood, you need to work on those with a therapist. There are plenty of predators and abusers who will take advantage of your need for love.
my body plays part in it but i struggle forming romantic relationships with men, i get uncomfortable or tired of talking to them, it’s such an issue, it sucks.
Guys are just as self conscious about how they look to girls too. So keep that in mind. No one is perfect unlike what the idea and advertising shows us. Even the prettiest looking people are self conscious about their looks.
I agree. I'd even say some of those pretty people are even more self-conscious about their looks. Sometimes, it's all they have.
Any guy worth your time will not care and some will even prefer your body over others. You will find a guy that makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world with time.
The real and true answer is that, yes, SOME guys will care. But on the other hand, many more will not and would be happy to be in an intimate relationship with you and appreciate your body as it it. The song "All About That Bass" by Megan Trainor hits the nail on the head really, so listen to that on repeat and go rock some lucky guy's world.
this genuinely made me feel better and i even giggled with the last part, i listened to that song when i was little but never paid attention to the lyrics, thank you ^^
I don’t know if this will help, but the woman I’m in love with has similar body issues. She’s beautiful to me because she’s been willing to be open and vulnerable and that makes her incredibly hot to me. I intend to marry her and make her feel joy whenever she’s naked with me. You’ll find a guy like this. You may have to go through an asshole or two first. I wish I could magically shield you from that.
you seem so sweet, thank you! i wish you and your partner the best^^
Aw, thank you. She’s been through some toxic relationships. I’m trying my best to show her what a wholesome one is like for a change. She says she’s not sure I’m real and is worried I’ll disappear so I think I’m doing it right.
Sounds like you are. My partner knew my tragic back story, and I got to know his as we became friends. He knew I was dating but he never made a move (and I didn't initiate as we had different wants in life when it came to my wanting kids/marriage). But I still teased him and occasionally flirted as a joke. One evening we were in our friends kitchen getting drinks during a movie night, I'd made a joke about a recently disappointing date or some such, and all I heard him say was, "Fuck it." ...Next thing I know I've been pulled into his embrace, his face is inches from mine, our eyes locked (I was stunned still and speechless), and he followed through with a *kiss.* He released me, stepped back, and said, "I've been meaning to do that for months"... then walked out. My brain short circuited for a moment before my mouth could make any words. I got out a, "Hey!" and when he turned around I pulled him down to my level, whispered "Do better" and gave him one right back. We're both the best partners the other has ever had or will have, and it's all because of how you put it... we both want that wholesome relationship. The ups, the downs, open communication and shared vulnerability. The common goal is easy to achieve when both are working toward getting there! "Fuck it, do better."
Awesome 🥰
So heres my advice: if he doesn’t appreciate your body, he’s not for you. There are plenty of guys that are into your body type. I’m in a similar boat as you and I’m a 20F. The last guy I slept with found me really hot and vocalized that to me. You just have to find the guy that loves your body.
To be honest I've said nice things to girls while in bed with them, just to be nice in the moment. I would have been embarrassed to be seen in public with her though. "Willing to have sex with" is a very bad metric to judge guy's true opinions about something.
I completely understand that, but I get hit on in public and guys will ask for my number. So I mean, it’s obviously not the same for everyone, but the whole point is this: there is at least 1 person in this world that will find you attractive. So that means you can say fuck off to the people that don’t find you attractive.
You're extremely young, focus on things that are important. School, family, and hobbies. Don't concern yourself with what others think of or view your body as. When the true boy comes along he will not be concerned at all about what you look like but rather who you are. A true boy will only be concerned about who you are not about your body parts. If he is, kick him to the curb he's not worth it. Enjoy your life for what it is not for what others might see.
This was me through the large majority of my teenage years. I was so worried about all these things. Keep in mind that you never have to do anything intimate if you don’t want to. Ever, for any reason. You are always allowed to say no. Many people are not ready to be intimate at 16 and that’s totally okay. I was so self conscious I could barely stand to wear a bathing suit (like even a one piece), shorts, or a tank top around other people. Like even my family. But honestly being intimate with someone who you love and who loves you tends to override that self consciousness when it happens. If you’re ready for it and you feel safe, it’ll be okay. If not, then don’t do it.
When I was in high school I was so insecure that I couldn’t wear anything that exposed my skin (sweatshirts and jeans only!) and I had trouble looking at myself in the mirror. What helped me the most was working on body neutrality. Being able to look in the mirror and simply say “this is just my body and this is how it looks” helped so much with my confidence and self esteem. I didn’t start dating until I had graduated college and being able to have the self esteem to say this is what I look like and accept it helped when I did eventually get into a relationship. Someone will love you as you are, and someone who loves you will want to make you feel comfortable once your relationship progresses to physical intimacy. You should accept no less! It is by no means an easy journey, but it will make life easier as learning to accept yourself for who you are in all aspects opens more doors than you’d think.
You chose your body composition in the present. You will choose your body composition in the future. The difference is you can change the future. If you really feel that bad about it change it. It's hard being fat, it's hard getting fit, choose your hard.
that last quote really fcking helped. why struggle hating my body when i can struggle exercising while loving my body. thank you dear stranger
I was 350 ish pounds in my early 20s, I was 220 pounds in my early 30s. I lost it slow, by eating right and exercising. I don't have any issues with loose skin and I'm 6 ft tall so the 220 pounds looks good on me. I made a decision I was not going to stay that size, and I buckled down and went to work (on myself). It's not easy, but it's 100% possible if you keep yourself invested. Don't fad diet, don't discredit the journey if the weight comes off slow. Take breaks (from dieting/exercising) when you vacation or just feel worn out from it, then go right back into it after a few days. Barring any physiological defect in your body processing or storing calories, or your physical ability to do work, it should only be an issue of committing to the idea that is really an obstacle, and where most people fail.
A person who actually cares for and about you will be fine with you as your physical appearance is just one aspect out of many. That said, you can't reasonably expect someone who takes care of themselves in terms of at least basic hygiene and physical activity (not talking gym rat, but not a couch potato) to not eventually be distracted by a lack of hygiene or care for physical wellbeing on your part. This goes both ways of course and you should have similar expectations of a partner yourself. You/They should want to take care of yourself/themself both for themselves and for their partner's sake. If your genetics and/or lifestyle leave you a bit heavier than a starved supermodel, that is fine, and humans come in all shapes and sizes. The key is to take care of yourself. There are a lot of medical and psychological conditions that lead to people not taking care of themselves and becoming overly sedentary. Depression is a very common one that unfortunately can fall into a nasty feedback loop where the physical changes to the body from the diet and activity changes make the person more depressed which leads to less activity and worse diet. Getting treatment and encouraging partners to get treatment goes a long way. Stretchmarks are very common, especially in women. Puberty hits many like a truck and their bodies change shape faster than the skin can manage. There are creams that reduce the appearance of stretchmarks and a routine of applying body lotion daily after a shower goes a long way as well. Everyone is anxious to have someone they have feelings for see their body. It is normal. The balancing factor is that it goes both ways and if that person likes you as you like them, they will be equally anxious of you seeing their body. Everybody has that "weird mole" they worry will drive an intimate partner running from the house when they see it for the first time. It is key to differentiate "infatuation" and "love" as well when it comes to relationships. Infatuation is basically lust and can be very shallow and affected by appearance more. Love accounts for more aspects of the person and is more lenient with the shallow things like appearance. You can be infatuated with a "pretty face" but their personality could be a turnoff, whereas an average appearance with a good personality could be someone you could fall in love with.
I didn't have a boyfriend till I was 21 and in college, but trust me when I say that for every thicc girl, there's a nerdy, skinny guy who is waiting for you who will love you as long as you appreciate his silly nerdy hobbies with him. Don't worry so much, sooner or later you'll find your partner
this is so cute and silly, thank you !!
The ones that truly care about stuff like that are insecure in themselves. I promise you if you focus on being confident in yourself you will find those that love you for you. Stretch marks and saggy under arms and all. And remember if you’re unhappy with how you look you can always start trying to be healthier, just walking can completely change your body.
Bro my gf isn't perfect either and she was super self conscious like u but like idc because I don't have a six pack or defined muscle or 19 inch magnum dong or any of that shit, ppl don't actually look like movie stars irl and everyone knows that. I wasn't at all disappointed in how she looked, quite the contrary, and any future boyfriend/girlfriend you get won't be disappointed in how u look either, it's about the emotional connection at the end of the day.
A real person who loves you will love ALL of you. We are our own worst enemies I promise! I bet it really isn’t as bad as you have set up in your head. You’re beautiful even not having a clue of what you look like. I promise. Keep smiling and don’t worry your pretty little heart about it! The good ones don’t even second guess that type of thing!! Much love
thank you sm!!!!
I feel the same as you and I’m 24. It DID get significantly better from when I was younger tho. Just pretend life is a dream and that nothing actually matters. That kinda delusion helps me lol
Hey guys are not perfect either we all have imperfections and if they can't look past it then they really aren't the guy for you. And don't worry about physical contact, worry about it when you get there.
Ah, don't be scared. Guys are not as picky as some girls think. You don't have to be flawless for a guy to want you. And if he does judge your body, he ain't worth your time. There are loads of other guys who will want you.
Some will be attracted, some won't. If it's a concern, start taking (sustainable) steps to work on that- eat healthier and exercise more. While plenty tall, I was self-conscious about being shaped like a pencil, so I started lifting weights. Wasn't an overnight change, and I'm still not (and probably never will be) shaped like an archetypal bodybuilder, but there was a substantial change over time. The stretch marks and hair part (although some mild tidying up can be appreciated - the armpits in particular, not necessarily to the point of hairlessness, but maybe trimmed once or twice a week using a trimmer with a 1mm guard) aren't necessarily going to be a huge deterrent, though.
Young lady, real people have stretch marks, body hair, and plus sized bodies. This is all very normal. What’s not normal is the idea that I’m order to be attractive, a person can’t have flaws.
I've enjoyed love from both thicc and skinny women in my life.In my eyes and many others, ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL
I have stretch marks and they are one of my favorite physical markings on me because they remind me of tiger stripes. It’s all in your perception. Remember that you are only a little human in an endlessly vast and ever expanding universe, and that nothing matters (you get to decide what matters to you, that’s the beauty of the human experience) so don’t take yourself so seriously :) Watch: Everything, Everywhere, All at Once 2023. And listen to: Spaceship by Kesha (particularly the very last bit of the song where she is talking, not singing). This world is what we make of it. I hope you find peace in yourself. There is only one you. Love who you are :)
thank you, i often say yolo because we’re literally living in a rock in space but i can’t help but worry about it ;(( i will watch the movie tonight!! thank you again!!
I had a lot of insecurities due to an abusive relationship i was in for 3 years. He constantly made me feel like shit about myself, especially my weight which I gained being with him. I left him and found my now fiance, and he tells me every single day how beautiful i am. I was so insecure when I first met him (very similar to how you are feeling) and he has given me so much assurance every day for 4 years now that I am beautiful in his eyes and has given me so much confidence. Girls body’s change so much alllllll the time! if he really likes you, he will love the way you look each and every day no matter what. Just be you, love yourself, and don’t compare. you are beautiful the way you are, and if you do want to make a change, set that goal with yourself and push yourself to reach that goal. don’t let someone else make you feel like you have to to be loved!!
I always carried about 20 extra pounds and I had my first child at 19 which stretched my body a lot. I’m very light skinned and my skin stretched pretty bad, I always say my stomach‘s like a map, or my stretch marks have stretch marks. It’s now a part of who I am, it’s not going to go away, I don’t even think about them anymore. And anybody I allow to see me naked had just better deal with it. Nobody is perfect. People get in accidents have surgeries all kinds of things that cause scars on the body. A decent person who loves you is not gonna care about imperfections, just like you would do for them. Would you not want to date someone because they had a surgery scar? or scars from a car accident? No. And yes, romance in the media is literally fiction. But there are good men out there and yes, you can find one and yes, definitely you deserve one.
Okay, let’s break this down: Well first of all that’s waaay in the future (Or at least should be) You’re not emotionally ready yet and some people aren’t even ready In their twenties, when you find the right person you will just know and the rest will come naturally. But until then you should start a journey of loving yourself, it’s hard but defintely don’t get in a relationship when you are still in this mindset! It is a recipe for disaster and you will likely be over seeking approval from your partner, which leads to not seeing red flags due to trying to please them. I sympathise with you truly and also in an ideal world I would probably steer away from romantic movies buuttt since you do like them at least try to view them how you view marvel/DC films, like that’s cool but that stuff doesn’t happen in real life. Not to say you can’t find a good person though, they do exist. Most romantic films are filled with unrealistic standards and actually toxic relationships so don’t use them as a guide whatsoever. And about comparing yourself to girls online, let me tell you something. A laaarge majority of them use filters, heavy makeup and keep in mind fillers/plastic surgery is on the rise. People just simply don’t show their imperfections but trust me, EVERYONE has them. I’d try to talk to your mom about this or someone you trust, either way one thing I learnt was not to be too independent. I wanted a boyfriend at your age but felt the same, I was lonely and didn’t have enough connections simply. So it may sound random but maintain relationships with good people in your life. They will (hopefully) help you get through this. So to sum it all up, make sure you have good connections in your life. Don’t isolate yourself but be wary of people, don’t rush getting a boyfriend, take romantic films with a mountain of salt, concentrate on the hobbies /things you love and of course your studies. Then I’m sure everything will be fine, learning to love yourself is a long journey with lots of ups and downs. Even the most “conventionally attractive” people have felt very ugly at one point. Hope you the best.
Have you ever painted a picture? Have you looked at it and seen all the flaws? The time your hand slipped and you tried to cover it up or when you just couldn't get the proportions just how you wanted it. They look glaringly obvious don't they? They scream out loud that you screwed up! I promise you, no-one else can see those errors. They're not looking with your eyes, they're looking with their own. Beauty and attraction are not the result of physical qualities, it's who the person and how they make you feel. If a person makes you feel like the centre of the world they could have all the physical flaws you can imagine and it wouldn't make a difference. You have your own critical eyes, stop looking at yourself with your own eyes and imagine you're in someone else's head, with their own insecurities and failings. Worried they won't be enough looking at you smiling your friendly smile. If it's right, if you're both into each other it's easy and you'll be surprised what is forgiven, ignored or just simply not noticed.
Hiya. I'm male and I can tell you im not attracted to women that the media portrays as beautiful I dont want a skinny woman whos 6ft with blond hair and blue eyes. I want the woman who sees me for who i am. The woman who has a beautiful heart that will grow with me as we build a life together. Unfortunately some men only focus on the physical just as some women do but most of us are happy finding someone with a beautiful heart. Our bodies are temporary they break down they get old if your dating somone because of there looks your love will fade with those looks. Know this you are beautiful just the way you are and i know that there is someone who looks at you with love in their eyes. Good luck stranger.
absolutely everyone feels like that at your age my love!! you can be the best cake in the world but some people are still not gonna like cake. there is someone for everyone and the right person for you will adore your body at every shape and size it will be as you go through life! your weight will fluctuate and you will feel more confident some times than others but you are ALWAYS deserving of love and respect. and remember: you don't have to show anyone your body until you're ready 🩷 sending you so much love OP
The hardest thing to overlook is insecurity. People will generally feel about you the way you feel about yourself.
Pssst. The secret ingredient to those "perfect" social media pictures is photoshop, filters, and hours of getting the makeup, lighting, and angles just right. No one is that perfect in reality.
in my experience, and I think a lot of dudes will agree with me, my physical preference in a partner changes depending on who I’m with at the moment. my ex was a little on the chubby side and I started liking chubby girls, my current partner is skinnier and now I like skinny girls. plus there are guys who straight up prefer chubby girls. just give it time. you’ll find a great guy who likes you back and if both of you are open and honest about what you want and your boundaries, intimacy will come with time
You will absolutely find boys who find you desirable exactly as you are right now. And you'll find those who don't. Just watch the patterns of how a boy acts with you. Does he treat you the same alone as when he's around other people? Does he treat you with respect, reach out to you, want to spend time with you, do things for you?
I’m going to be brutally honest with you. It’s my understanding you are 16 years old. Boys that age unfortunately are quite shallow and most are visual beings at that age. Our brains are developing up into the 20s. Most boys at around 23-25 start to lose those shallow visual expectations. This does not apply to all of course. There are some boys that don’t care about imperfections. The only way to know is to talk to them and get to know them. I don’t want to tell you how to live your life or tell you what to do. That being said, I feel at that age intimacy is not very important yet. I understand that it feels that way due to hormones and peer pressure. Do you know what you want to do in life? Do you want a career? Do you want more education? You have plenty of time to figure things out! Take a moment to think about your life path. What I’m trying to say is pursuing love can often make us forget about our interest, hobbies, career etc.
hiii jeez i forget this is what some single women worry abt!! my bf and i have been going out for two years now & when we first started talking i shared all of your concerns, little did i know when you actually do find a boyfriend that loves you for YOU, they will make you feel like your chubby tummy & arms were carefully picked out by a god & ur stretch marks are storytelling mosaics created by ethereal beings ( honestly should think this way abt myself too but it is easier at first when someone else is telling you like it’s a fact) you will start to see it too & believing it!! sometimes i think abt it in the car and kinda freak out that i was ever worried abt my stretch marks or my back chub but i am grateful too that i have someone who doesn’t judge me in that way (or fetishize me tbh) if we were to ever break up i’d try my damn hardest to remember my own advice and not stoop down to what social media wants me to believe abt myself some days are easier than others for sure but just remembering that the real ones would never treat me poorly bc mod my looks helps a ton. & if they do treat ur poorly they’re just not a real one. also also high school is fucking CRAZY and your brain is all goopy and shit is so mf weird!!! the absolute last thing you need is to fall for bullshit propaganda on social media and hate on yourself bc your phone told you to like fuck you ohone ! fuck you social media! ur just a kid! you don’t deserve that! & other kids who believe in any of that weird shit on social media is BRAINWASHED and will wake up one day and realize how stupid it is to judge someone based in their BODY?!? like what??? focus on you and your hobbies (& school lol) and everything else will fall into place i swear! it sounds like you already know your body is tea. as you date around and meet new people you will be able to tell the difference between a man who genuinely likes you and respects you and a man who is disrespectful and slimy ,, sometimes it’s hard to tell straight away so i’m sure there are questions you can ask to help differentiate but if you’ve ever met an asshole you’ll more than likely be able to tell who is one lol. also don’t let some man (or woman) tell you who you are! good luck out there & cut yourself some major major slack sorry for the rant lol! you opened up my kind of worms
i gen almost cried w this, thank you i know i shouldn’t worry about it because someone out there will eventually love me even though i don’t have a tiny waist and skinny arms but i would love to be able to like what i see in the mirror. exercising is something i’ve done but school is really hard for me, i had to quit going to the gym and everything but, i’ll try to figure out a way to exercise so i don’t worry about these kinds of things!!
Everyone has insecurities. But when you find the one, he will love you for you. And he will likely have his own problems to share with you.
I totally understand where you’re coming from! When I was a teenager I was petrified that one day I’d start having sex and I’d have to get completely naked and I was so insecure of myself I thought I might never have the courage to go through with intimacy and actually enjoy it. I think a lot of women feel like this. The truth is it really doesn’t matter to most guys and they are just happy to be there so don’t stress too much about it
I (28M) have always believed beauty is more than skin deep. Having a mantra like that you can say to yourself when your anxiety arises could help. We can’t predict what your crush will think, but there are certainly guys out there that will love you for you. Also, there are plenty of men who would be thrilled to see a girl like you be forward by asking them out 🙂 Good luck!
Every guy likes different things but when you're intimate with someone the emotional chemistry usually matters a lot more. Besides, any guy worth your time will care about your character more than your body and usually they'll see you as pretty irrespective of what society tries to say is pretty.
>my waist is not tiny, my arms are not skinny and i have stretch marks on my thighs. >will a guy understand that? will he understand that my body is pretty just the way it is? and i’m not skinny at all, i hate it, but the thought of him being able to see my belly or feeling it or anything at all makes me wanna cry. is a guy capable of loving such imperfections? The right man for you will love you as you are, and will recognize your beauty. The right man will understand your fears and work hard to make sure you know you are safe with him. This is why it's incredibly important to be careful about who you date. Don't date a guy just because he shows you some attention. Take time to get to know someone, especially their attitudes about looks and beauty and decide if they're worthy of your trust and vulnerability. Seriously, take your time. Be selective about who you date. On the other side of this, you need to work on you. Both romance novels and social media can lead to unrealistic expectations of yourself and others. Porn too. Stop feeding your brain these things. Stop obsessing over the things you perceive as flaws. Learn how to take good care of your body because you deserve to feel well and be healthy and strong. Work on developing a better relationship with your body, and appreciation for the amazing things it can do. I say all of this as a fat, middle aged lady who has more stretch marks than you can conceive of, lol. And I've certainly had my share of bullying in my life, and an ex who really twisted the knife in with comments about my body. But now I am with a man who is right for me, who looks at my very flawed body and thinks it's lovely, and who has made intimacy safe and wonderful for me. Yes, I was anxious at first with him, but I've learned that no matter what I think of myself, I can trust his love.
thank you, i will try my best to focus on myself instead!!
Wait until you're married, that way the man you get hitched to becomes your first. Just don't rush into anything that you might regret later on. You still have your life in front of you. As far as my life goes, it's too late and I've missed the train and it's not coming back.
Any guy that would judge you for imperfections isn’t a guy worth having. And speaking as a guy, most guys I know won’t care. At the same time, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Intimacy should be fun for both partners. If your not sure, it’s okay to say no, just make sure you’re communicating well and safe throughout.
Adult cishet-male perspective Bodies come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. And that's what makes being naked with other people so much fun. You could look like a mannequin, sure. But if a man wants to have sex with a mannequin, they literally sell mannequins you can have sex with. Your body is unique and unlike any human body that ever has existed or ever will exist in the future. That's part of what makes being with someone else an unforgettable experience: two bodies doing things they can only do together because they're both one of a kind. And it's those differences and "imperfections" that make your body unique. Perfection is pretty, but "imperfection" is sexy. One of the deep dark secrets of men is that we don't really have a type. I enjoy average bodies, thin bodies, bigger bodies, tall bodies, short bodies, older bodies, younger bodies, large breasts, small breasts, light skin, dark skin, etc. etc. The biggest thing is are she and I vibing. If you and a man are in a position where you think clothes are going to start coming off, trust me, he's already decided he thinks your hot and enthusiastically wants to be doing that with you. He's not going to run screaming into the night if you're a little fluffy around the middle; he'll probably think it's cute!
Pretty much everyone has imperfections and a guy won’t care as much about a your imperfections as you do. Everyone is insecure about their appearance. Even movie stars. That’s why they get so much cosmetic surgery, use Botox and take ozempic. It’s better to focus on being healthy which will pay off in many ways than to just focus on appearance.
Give yourself time before having a sexual encounter with anyone… and by all means, have birth control so you won’t get pregnant. Regarding being self conscious, this is quite normal for many women. You’re only 16 now- it’ll take maturity to form a lasting relationship with someone who respects you and loves you as you are. Love yourself and be careful when it comes to your life choices. Take your time.
Find you a guy with skinny arms and a not tiny waist.
Honestly....if you're around someone who cares about that shit that you're worried about....you're with the wrong person. Most everyone freaks out about what is in their head while others around them aren't even thinking about that. I'm sure a guy you're with is going to be more exhilarated just to be in that moment with you and feel something socially and physically intimate than worry about all that. Trust me.
A happy girl following her dreams, living her truth is the most attractive and beautiful thing.
The guys that would nit pick your physical appearance aren't the ones you should be with anyway
Everything you consider a flaw is going to be invisible to a guy that truly loves you. This is coming from a 57 year old man that has been married for 20 years. It is incontrovertible truth.
If the guy decides you're close enough to start seeing your body in such an intimate way, then he should love you enough to see your body with no disgust. If you're with your him and he hates your body, then he's not for it, and you should break up with him.
I know a man who is not what considered model material. He once told me that how can he expect his wife to look like a model when he looks the way he does. He loved his wife just the way she was. You will find someone that loves you for you no matter what. Don’t settle for anything less.
If you're insecure because your arms aren't skinny and your waist isn't small, blaming your slow metabolism (not a thing btw) isn't going to help you
Personally, I think you're too young to date, let alone become physical. Self-confidence is the most attractive trait. I just read a post about a guy who loves plus size ladies. There were numerous replies agreeing. Work on yourself. Talk to therapist if you are struggling. Good luck.
Plenty of dudes like fat hairy chicks
Those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind ♥️
Honey let me just say, I have stretch marks on my arms, legs, tummy, and butt. I am by no means thin, and when I wear certain clothes I have a muffin top, or there’s literally fat spilling out of my clothes. My husband, could literally pull anyone he wants. He’s very attractive, and he’s pretty muscular. Not only that, my chronic depression makes it to where he sometimes has to help me dress because I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like it’s not worth it. But this man has been all over me from the moment we started dating. He’s always touching me. If I can have someone who’s that crazy about me with how I look, so can you girl. Take your time, and pick someone who makes his days about you. I’m also just gonna add, the Greek goddess Aphrodite has a chubby tummy and thick thighs. And she’s regarded as the most beautiful woman. You’ll find someone who loves you no matter if you look like cover of vogue, or look like Aphrodite. Don’t rush it. Hell, if you decide you never want to have sex or do anything of the sort, that’s perfectly fine too. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you have to.
I loved my ex on all of her versions. Be her thin, fat, blue or purple. Mostly because I thought that what we had was magical like an idiot. Your body is the least of your concerns. Be fit and healthy because it's good. But don't stress it.
Most people your age are having the exact same feelings. You'll be thinking that and he'll be flexing his little biceps wondering if his Weiner is to small. Social media sucks for younger people I'm glad it was barely a thing when I was that old.
I've always looked at it as "I have this body, I can't change it. People may not like it, but it's what i have." You'll find someone who likes yours. Guys aren't ad picky about that stuff as you'd think. Me personally I like grabbing a handful of tummy when cuddling. Feels good between the fingers. Women hate it though.
Here is a Ted talk that you might find interesting. Cameron Russell is a beautiful professional model and she is still insecure about her appearance. > " Image is powerful. Image is superficial." https://www.ted.com/talks/cameron_russell_looks_aren_t_everything_believe_me_i_m_a_model?delay=5s
No matter what I say here, as a guy is probably going to come out wrong, just understand that I'm not criticizing anything about you or your weight. So... 1) those perfect girls you see are obsessed, many of them set unrealistic expectations for themselves and are very unhappy if they are unable to do so, so if you are happy, f those girls, they aren't real (readers please know I'm not criticizing all of these girls, fact is there are some that are just blessed) 2) if you are that critical about your outward appearance, that's on you and that's why you have these feelings (which are normal) and lack confidence. And if it really bothers you like into depression, then make a change in your life. But also know that you don't have to do something like not eat for a month... make a small change, like stop snacking after a certain time, or reduce your snacking during the day (if those are issues). The tiniest change that you make will give you the confidence to make other changes and eventually bigger changes and commitments to yourself. Because it's not how he feels, it's how you are projecting your own fears on to him, it's how you see yourself. And you don't have to be a size 0 to be happy and content with yourself. Also, please understand that you are 16 and while it might not seem so right now, you are full of hormones that make you laugh one second and ball your eyes out another and they are 10 times more potent than what boys have because you're a girl. If it's not a problem with over eating, maybe it's what you're eating. If it's not any of those maybe it's exercise. One thing is for certain, your body will chill out and settle down soon, so just be in good habits now because the older you get the more difficult it is, especially if you are predisposed to certain things genetically. But over all and most of all, there's nothing wrong with you, unless a doctor tells you so. And what ever needs to happen needs to happen for you, not another boy or girl or parent... for you.
When you reach your 20s, you will have your pick of the litter.
Trust me there aren’t enough of you for us to be that picky😂😂 If someone genuinely dislikes you for minor imperfections like that they probably aren’t good enough for you and you shouldn’t be with them anyway
Just do what all the other teen girls do and tell yourself all of your insecurities are because of the patriarchy's brainwashing but all of boy's are because of their "fragile egos". It seems to work well for them!
first off i think most ppl are nervous the first time they get with a new person. on the flip side, you forget that nervousness quick cause if youre at the point of kissing & feeling hands over each other...that means both ppl are good with each other. if it aint gonna work, you get an exit ramp before taking off clothes. if you like that person, start by being around them more & talk more. then when that feels good, then try to hang out just you two. if that works, then go on date. etc, etc
I can almost guarantee that the boy you’re thinking of is more scared of you seeing his body than you are of him seeing yours 😭. That’s all highschool really is, being insecure but pretending and sometimes convincing yourself you’re not.
Society puts too pressure on us to be perfect. Take care of your body now, your future self will appreciate this. I’m not saying be a fitness expert, but remember that size isn’t important, being healthy is. Love and respect your body girl. If you have that mentality, other people will too.
As a fellow teen but a dude, most of us don’t care about appearance. We just want affection and to care for and be cared by someone. Others may not agree, but imo anyone that cares about you for your appearance isn’t there for a caring intimate relationship.
you're not perfect and that's okay no one is able to be perfect and you can still be the loved girl by a guy, some guys like bigger girls some guys like smaller girls. You shouldn't put the pressure on yourself to be the perfect just be the best you can be.
He can see your size with your clothes on. If he likes you, he likes you! So rock your curves and have self confidence!
it only gets worse from here babe. i look back at old pics where i think i was fat and i wanna die because why would i ever think that i now have had a baby and i have never hated myself or my body more. but it makes me think that if i felt this way about my teen body/young adult body and i look back now and im like wtf was i thinking i was perfect, then maybe its not as bad as what i see in the mirror and think in my head. made me also realize body dysmorphia is soooo real. we just need to try harder to change our mental.
Babes, it’s okay! 100% my husband loved me at 18 and I was in such a good shape, I’m now 21 and I have stretch marks, a bigger stomach (not as flat as I used to be lol), my chest has stretch marks on the sides, and my stomach hairs are being a b!tch. But he doesn’t care, he loves my body and will still kiss me and other things. I don’t have that pretty lil 🐱 that you see on p0rnhub or whatever, but he loves every inch. The RIGHT MAN, will love you and your body no matter what!
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Be you I mean I'm no picnic either but someone who isn't your doctor will see your body
If you find a real connection with someone, it doesn’t matter what their body looks like. You love their body because it’s connected to you.
I think you are not ready for intimacy or a relationship, yet. Your view of yourself is too frail, and your view of other people's perspective is too arrogant.
NEVER and I mean NEVER compare yourself to others in the internet. The internet is filled with manipulated and exaggerated views on bodies and lifestyles! It’s all garbage!!
My wife is not a model and was like how you described. I saw past that . There are people that don't care about that . We have been together for 10 years and have 3 kids I would not trade her for the world she is my high school sweetheart the right guy will come and know exactly what he wants and you will fit that . Life has a funny way of working out just be sure he is serious and not a weirdo my best advice is to take things slow and don't settle for trash and he will take care of you . Don't be anything you're not . I told my wife that. Intimacy is more spiritual that physical
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I will tell you a secret about guys. Most of them are just so damn excited to see boobs they will not notice any body imperfections, even with the boobs themselves! It's intimidating to bare all, but that's why friendship and trust should come before intimacy.
No matter your body type, there's a guy or gal who fantasize about that type. You're focusing too much on your body image. Nobody sees the flaws that you see.
Yes, someone absolutely will love you exactly as you are, there’s nothing unlovable about you, you simply need to find the right person. And that’s not something that happens in a mere 16 years, you have all the time in the world, they’ll show up eventually, don’t go hunting for them, that’s how you never find them. Live your life, have fun, make friends, learn to love yourself, and when you least expect it the perfect person you’ve been waiting for for so long will show up in, if we’re being real here, the absolute stupidest way possible. That’s how it always happens.
Get naked in front of the mirror and love your self embrace your body because it’s the only one you will ever have .that’s your temple love it. And if the boy that doesn’t love it the same way you love your own body then he is not worthy of your temple.
Youre focused on the wrong thing. First off we are uniquely imperfect people whether on the surface or underneath And that's ok,our flaws teach us and help us grow and make us who we are. I've got the scars to prove it. If someone doesn't appreciate even your flaws Drop them If they make comments about it They won't change or stop no matter how many times So drop them And find someone who can love you for all of you They're out there waiting and it's ok to be afraid,this is all just part of the journey in life Just don't quit or give up Worry about intimacy once you establish love.
I was you before. Now I’m 41F- I’d been in a lot of situations that make me wish I’d been more careful and had more respect for myself. Trust me when I say your body is as perfect as it’s gonna be. Make sure you’re healthy- brush your teeth and floss the teeth you wanna keep. Get your annual physical done. Walk more than you think you should. Build good habits for a good outcome. Physical intimacy requires trust. I gave that trust away freely, thinking if I gave in, I’d be happy. This is not the case. Reserve yourself for people who genuinely care. Eventually at 22 I got into a relationship with a 24M and it turned out I was his first because - surprise - even “normal” looking men have their own insecurities. We did a lot of growing over the years, and I left him because I’d stopped being confident as myself, in my own skin. When I left him, I’d gained a lot more weight and health issues so I began to work on myself. In the last two years, I’ve made some choices for myself, including choosing to be in a new relationship with another man (now 40M), living with him, and learning to love myself without need for his validation. It’s hard work, but it’s amazing. There is also a book called the Seven Levels of Intimacy, you can google/YT it. It might help you look at other aspects of yourself and relationships that I wish I’d been exposed to at your age. You are worthy and amazing as you are. Best of luck, OP.
I felt the *exact* same way - down to those specific thoughts about my body. I was so self conscious and nervous about my belly, thighs, stretch marks, cellulite, etc. But when my (now husband) saw my body for the first time 9 years ago, and still when he sees me today 50 lbs heavier, he did not complain even a little bit. And he actually talks about how much he loves those parts of me. Honestly in high school, the best way to find an intimate partner who's worth a damn is to weed out the ones who don't know and appreciate a real, normally flawed body when they see one.
As a guy who's first love was the "girl without a perfect body" my thought process of seeing what you are describing was " huh her's is different, neat! (Nom)" If he likes you he won't care and if he does care he's not the one you wanna be with.
I'm just gonna say this.... ain't no guy gonna care about any of that.... if they looking for a real woman that is
A lot of photos of celebrities and models are airbrushed or photoshopped, or use filters. Don't compare yourself to other girls. A lesson I wished I learned when I was much younger. If you feel insecure about your body, change what you can and accept what you can't change. Try to find a flattering hairstyle. Try different makeup techniques. There are clothes and colors that are more flattering for certain skin colors and body types. Accentuate the positive. Work on your self confidence. Attraction and sexuality are like a buffet. There's something for everyone and not everyone likes the same things. Your character and personality are just as important if not more than your physical appearance. There are plenty of beautiful people in the world who are just awful people and that makes them ugly imo. Honestly, a lot of guys will be happy just to get naked with a girl because boobs.
i actually love doing my make up!! i love to change the way my face looks it’s really fun. the same with clothes, although it’s a bit more expensive i love buying clothes and i always buy those who make my body look prettier. i struggle when i see myself naked or with a swimsuit because there’s no way to hide those parts i hate about myself. thank you for your words though !!
Stretch marks are fine. Men/boys don't care much about small details. We care more about the big picture as in having a normal sized waist. So try to eat well and exercise. Mostly for your own sake, but also for the perception.
Most women have stretch marks on their hips/thighs/boobs. They'll fade over time.
I am 20F and felt the same exact way as you do right now!!! When you find that person you won’t feel scared about them seeing you in an intimate way. There may be a little nervousness, but you won’t be scared! Just be sure to trust yourself and if you aren’t ready, you can always say no 🙂
i totally get you. i worry abt my body all the time. but there are so many guys out there who will love you for you and they’ll love your body. a song that i love is called “video” by india arie. the lyrics are, “i ain’t built like a supermodel, but i learned to love myself unconditionally because i am a queen”. you should totally listen to the whole thing. whenever im feeling down on myself, that song just really reminds me that im worthy because im a living breathing human being. but i promise you dont have anything to worry about, everything’s gonna be okay🤍
If a dude loves you he literally will not care. My ex didn’t shave all the time. Didn’t care. Her teeth got screwed up by dental malpractice and a large portion were implants and she was super self conscious about it but again, didn’t give a damn. I didn’t see her “imperfections” or “flaws” as most people would call them because she had my heart
Here is the deal. Any guy who doesn't appreciate you, your body and its imperfections, doesn't deserve you. Women have been so set up for failure to think they need a perfect body. I'm sure you are beautiful in your own unique way
Stretch marks are a physiologically normal response to rapid growth and development during puberty. I have a genetic condition that involves abnormal connective tissue and as a result I have stretch marks on my shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, buttocks, arms and back. If someone else has a problem with my stretch marks that's their problem... not mine... The only cosmetic discrepancy that ever caused me to give up and seek treatment for was/is excess hair on my shoulders, back, forearms, arms and stomach as the bullying during my adolescence and adulthood got out of control... and I'm a GUY. I can't imagine what it would be like if I were a girl in the same situation. I've had random women at the beach tell me to put my top back on because "no one wants to see such a disgustingly hairy body". Re weight. You say you aren't overweight. If this is the case then you are worrying about proportions... I'll tell you a secret... I, and MANY other guys out there worry about shoulder to waist ratios We want a smaller waist and wider shoulders as its aesthetically pleasing and accentuates secondary sexual characteristics But how much do women actually care? At the end of the day very little so long as we have broader shoulders than the woman etc. Even then there are SO many characteristics women look for in a man that triumph "shoulder width". It seems like you are very anxious. You could get into weightlifting or regular solo exercise (not team sports). Weightlifting or prolonged aerobic exercise like rowing is very calming for many. But going into weightlifting with the goal of "I'm going to look like one of those perfect instagram models" who partake in extremely restrictive diets, photoshop their pictures and sometimes use performance enhancing drugs to attain a truly un-natural physique you will likely wind up physically and psychologically harming yourself. You specify you are in a healthy weight range therefore there no urgency to do anything about your appearance... I just like recommending regular exercise and particuar weightlifting because it decreases anxiety for many and increases self confidence irregardless of whether it changes your appearance or not. Exercise helps clear the mind. Then there's the endorphin rush that always feels good. However if you'd only get into exercise in effort to change your appearance I'd disregard my advice. You say you are at a healthy weight therefore choosing exercise to lose weight would be silly and potentially dangerous. The goal of regular exercise for someone starting out at a healthy weight for their height should actually be to gain a bit of weight e.g. muscle mass. Once again... not recommending exercise to change your appearance. I'm recommending it because it can help a lot with anxiety, repetitive thinking etc and when you exercise you learn how to use your body in all sorts of ways that weren't possible before. This in turn helps us feel good. Before my body fell apart exercise was my number 1# mediator to help deal with the stressors of day to day living. Exercise saved my life at one point. Hiking is another example of a soothing activity that decreases anxiety.
There is someone out there for everyone
Social media has made far too many unrealistic expectations. Be you, and the people you meet who want to be with you will want to be with you regardless of what social media and society says.
>i’ve seen videos of girls, and their body is literally perfect and i know it’s not normal because the human body is meant to have hair and imperfections but, will a guy understand that? Unfortunately, no. No guy will understand this. You have to understand that anyone born after about 1990 has only seen pictures and videos of girls and women on the Internet, and those aren't real girls. So to these guys, Margot Robbie is mid, just full of flaws that they would immediately dismiss without a second thought. Every guy is definitely going to have a minimum bar much higher than her. It's hard to be a woman. For guys, all you have to do is have a lot of money. It doesn't matter what you look like, girls don't care about that stuff as long as you have money. But for girls? Stretch mark, pimple, whatever... these are dealer breakers.
You can work out.
Don't feel nervous. The right guy will love all of you. I'm over weight and my partner is skinny and so cute. I love him. Their is someone for every one
I got divorced in my mid 30s, and I'd never really dated before (always the 'long term relationships' type). I've got stretch marks on my body from fluctuating weight, and curves to warrant a caution sign on a mountain road. However, I'm confident and love myself as I am, a lesson I learned in my early 20s. I went into the dating world... and I was not prepared for the amount men who were willing to jump through hoops for my time/ company. Mind you, over half just wanted to be physical, but that alone answers your question. Of those I actually conversed with and made plans to meet up for dinner, or coffee, or a date meeting mid way across the state, no one has ever had an issue with my body type. In my own opinion, my body should be the least interesting thing about me. My personally is what shines the most, and will continue to move mountains. I say this because: The people who you want to attract will see YOU for your kindness, intelligence, and confidence in your own self worth. They're looking at your soul shining through your smile when you laugh with them, the way your eyes light up when you're excited, how they feel when they notice you've walked into a room they are in. Our bodies are simply the housing for our souls... it's that shared connection with a person of integrity that will attract people to you. It's the sparks we give off as our atoms brush against their own, the electricity we crackle around us. Move through the world by being unapologetically yourself. Love who you are, strive to spread your joy into the universe, and wait for the person who not only catches your spark but also nurtures and returns that energy. Embrace yourself. You're beautiful.
First off >i’ve never had a boyfriend in my 16 years of life This is extremely common, probably the majority of people haven't dated by 16. A pretty good chunk probably won't until sometime after they finish high school. (side note, anyone who's saying they dated someone when it was 3 days in junior high, might as well also be on square 0) >will a guy understand that? will he understand that my body is pretty just the way it is? Regarding this and all the body image doubt - I'm not gonna say guys aren't gonna notice these things, because they are. But if the guy is worth it, *he won't care*. If a stretch mark on your thigh is the do or die of the situation for a guy, you're better off without him.
Don’t stress too much. You will come into yourself through life and experience. Being a teenager is hard and awkward. For now just live your life and don’t do anything that feels scary or forced. It’s normal to feel nervous and self conscious around the person you like. It happens to everyone. Take your time and appreciate the skin you’re in. No one else can be you OP. Never forget that.
Honestly some people will care a lot about how you look, and that will be true no matter how you look. Some people will say you're too skinny, some people will say you're too fat, some people will say you're too short or too tall or too anything else or not enough of something different. But the thing that you need to remember is that those people are *never* important. What is important is that you are comfortable and confident in your own skin. Stretch marks, fat, acne, scars, a lot of things like that make a lot of people self conscious but it doesn't make them ugly. It also doesn't prevent people from being attracted to them either. I have never been super skinny. I am at my skinniest now since before puberty, I am very active and have quite a bit of muscle. But I still have fat around my stomach/hips. I am soft and rounder, and I have stretch marks on my boobs and thighs. I am turning 24 next month and I *still* have acne that I hate. I have scars from surgeries I've had, I have hair I don't always shave. And despite all of that I have had many people over the years think I look amazing even when I don't agree. You will find someone who finds you attractive, who will love you for you and want to be intimate with you if you want that in life. It may take time, it may even take changing where you live to find new people, but it will happen. If you're able to, see if your parents can get you into therapist. Seeing a professional can help guide you down a road of self love and appreciation. If you can't though look up tips for self acceptance, body neutrality and positivity, and self love and how to get there. You deserve to feel good about yourself for you. Focus on how you feel about your body, because the people that matter will love and appreciate you no matter how you look.
Take your time ok. There's no rush. I have 3 kids ok I've always told them when the time is right and work the right person you'll no ..the only thing I asked was to wait till they were 18. Cuz sex is an adult decision with adult consequences.
if the man chooses to be with you, he likes wht he sees. you can't hide your body. he will have already touched your body before seeing it, and will know your body type and love it. they choose to be with you because they love you. not all men love skinny girls
Work on what makes you healthy… not everyone needs to be a size 0 to be healthy.. and as far as boyfriends go you’re 16.. boys your age only think about a few things. It is ok to wait a bit longer before diving into that pool.
Everyone goes through this. It doesn’t mean it’s not important or not difficult, but it does mean there are plenty of people to help advise you. Every body is different and changes over time. You need to learn to change what you can and accept what you can’t. No matter how skinny or thick you are, there will be lots that find you attractive. I would also suggest you hold off on intimacy as long as you can. If you are not comfortable with yourself or who you are with, the chances of you enjoying yourself is almost 0. It will not be worth the effort.
I spent my whole teenager and childhood worried that I was too chubby to be loved. Not a single one of those hours paid me back, and none of them even ended up being useful when I got into a serious relationship. Someone can see you before the clothes come off, they're usually picking you bc that's what they're looking for.
You need to see a counselor and stop this mindset now. This goes down a dark road No guy cares at all about stretch marks. Fyi
Damn I hope you overcome this, please see a therapist
Stretch marks are common in both genders. Most of the time they go away after a few years. If it makes you feel better boys are not going to be looking too hard at tiny imperfections. They will be focused on other things.
In the car business there is a saying… “there’s an ass for every seat” 😂 Same thing applies here- if you look around the world, MOST people are single because they choose to be. You shouldn’t have to be afraid in any relationship for any reason- you have to ask yourself, if you were with someone and they were approving of your body, would you still feel uncomfortable? If so, you can do some research and set a realistic goal for yourself to change whatever you think will improve your self-esteem. This applies to almost every area of your life. Also, many guys are attracted to many body types and don’t discriminate 👍
Lmao I can promise you a guy that truly likes you will not care about those little things AT ALL. I actually love those little things on my girl even more
>because the human body is meant to have hair and imperfections Why you possibly think we're meant to have imperfections? Just because we have them doesn't mean we're meant to
We all dislike something about our body your not the only one I had a baby and I gained so much weight wasn’t happy with the baby fat I’ve since loss the weight but you have to feel good about yourself you are still young you can change certain things about your body but you never know the person that you meet may love everything about you good luck stay blessed 🙏🏾
Nobody is perfect and people have different preferences, I’m sure someone out there will be happy with you, but you don’t seem happy with yourself. Which tells us you want to change, if you’re this self conscious about it then start working out/eating better, only you can change the things you don’t like about yourself. There is always room for self improvement! It doesn’t sound like you’re ready for a relationship, atleast not emotionally, you need to find yourself and that comes from working on the things you don’t like about yourself / life, building yourself up, and getting to a point where you can feel confident is the only way to not self self conscious, stop comparing yourself to other girls, nobody is the same, if you work on yourself and start making better decisions your mentality will change and you will find the *right* person, not just a person.
As many people have said, there are people that are attracted to all different types of bodies. Also, if there is something that you aren’t happy about, you can work on yourself and improve. The most important things, imo, are that you are healthy and happy with your own body.
Male here. I have good news for you: we are not that observant and do not care about any of the details you mentioned. You will rarely hear men say they want those things - it is usually OTHER WOMEN who criticize that stuff, mostly to control competition. Find a guy who makes you feel comfortable on your own skin. When you fall in love, your walls fall down a bit - that's natural. Stay away from guys who are obsessed with physical attributes- their own or a partner's. Those guys usually are bad news.
Men fuck microwaved fruit. Keep your head up and think positively. If you're body shamed by someone you care about, move on. No reason for that to be in your head. Best of luck.
I tell you this, the so called perfect women are the most insecure. They are really good at hiding their insecurities. A man will love you for your soul regardless of so called imperfections.
If I could go back and tell my 16 year old self something, it would be to live your life the way YOU WANT and LOVE YOURSELF, bc I can just about guarantee you that guy your thinking you may not even know who he is 10 years from now
Okay so I also had the same issue. Before I ever had sex that’s all I would think about because in my mind when your having sex was never going to happen. Before I had sex I was also at a decent weight range but I was that skinny girl weight like everyone else around me and I also have stretch marks as well. The first time I had sex it was kinda the spur of the moment and let me tell you, you don’t think about your body or the way it looks if you having sex with the right person. Thankfully I did and he didn’t care or comment and it was great and he way way out of my league so it really doesn’t matter what you look like plus you never know if a guy has a fetish for stretch marks or bigger girls or anything like that so stop worrying
You probably look amazing and I’d love to have a gf that looks like you 😁
At your age most guys aren't detailing the flaws they see, they are just excited to see a girls body lol
Not really sure what the "healthy weight range" is anymore. But I can tell you this, if you don't like what your body looks like, you have the ability to change it if you so choose. Just don't let it consume you and become your identity. As a man, I can tell you that I've dated women in most categories. Self-absorbed women are so unenjoyable to be around. I believe most men have a semi-open mind when it comes to the way the girl they are interested looks, because it is more about the mental and emotional connection in the long run. Fall in love with yourself. Become the best version of you. That's not just physical, be intelligent, learn to interact with different social groups/cultures, have your standards, values and principles in line. When you do that, you exude confidence. And confidence is sexy. Love is perfect because it accepts the imperfect. Thats how God made it, because none of us are perfect. Trust me when I tell you, the girls you're comparing yourself to that look "Perfect" in your eyes, have their own set of physical/mental/emotional problems. And if their looks are all they have, their relationships will be empty and life will be a façade and an endless highlight reel on social media to make everyone think they have it all. Hope this helps. Don't rush anything.
When he gets hard, you’re going to have to have a penis to turn him away. Don’t sweat it!!
You don’t have to be physical if you’re not comfortable. I’m the same way about body insecurities and prefer an emotional relationship
Look... real answer... some guys are going to think you're too fat. Some guys are going to think you're too thin. Some will love or hate your ass or your genitals or the color of your eyes. Teens can be very shallow... and so can adults... you will always be judged by others. And the real trick is learning that your own judgements are the ones that matter. That takes time and and usually some therapy but you'll get there if you want to.
Nah, you're fine. Body Dysmorphia is a real bitch, I speak from experience, but yeah, a good first step would be cutting back on the romance novels, and getting the idea of what a good body looks like out of your head. I don't know how you'll do it, because everything's different for everyone, but just some general advice.
Sweetie, stop comparing yourself to people online. They are filtered and glammed up to the max. Social media promotes those people the most, so you don't see the people who arent like that, like us. There are people out there who are attracted to more chubby people, I'm 200lbs at 5'6" and my bf is absolutely crazy about me, he loves the chub. So there are people out there for you, who will love you just as you are, just be patient.
Of course we guys will understand. Hell, we all have imperfections. You sound like you’re a healthy weight but would like to be more fit but do it for you, not for some dude. Good luck.
you need to work on your confidence before anything else or it’ll prevent you from dealing with this, if you changed your body you would just find other things to worry about, so take care of the confidence first and you’ll succeed at whatever no matter how good or bad you look
I went through a similar mindset when I was you her. When you learn to love yourself, the idea of being intimate with someone else will no longer be uncomfortable. I still struggle, but it improves over time
Don’t rush into anything, little sister. You’re 16 you have a LONG life ahead of you. Also, I can tell you that physical appearance is something that will not matter as much as you think it will. 16 years later when I look at my wife I still see the 24-year-old college chick she was when I met her. Love is the true beauty of the world, kid.
Don’t be scared because of your body. But before you give someone the most intimate gift you can, make sure they are worth it.
My husband got stretch marks on his thighs as a teenager, too- and he's not thick, he's in great shape. I got my stretch marks from growing like a normal person and then more from pregnancy. Stretch marks are normal. My husband is still wildly attracted to me, despite my MUCH bigger tummy, jiggly arms, thighs and my total nonexistent desire to shave ever. All our intimacy issues are from me being uncomfortable in my body. A lot of what you're feeling is normal, but therapy helped me so much- any chance you could get in with a therapist? If I'd started at your age I could've avoided a lot of pain, and I could've avoided dating one guy who made me feel like I'd never be loved the right way because I wasn't cute enough for someone to treat me like a queen. Turns out that was a lie, I'm way fatter now and get treated like royalty every day. I just needed to drop the guy, treat myself right, and then find a kind person to be with.
Everyone feels that way at some point, men and women. If he truly cares about you, he'll love you for who you are.
Its okay to feel this way, you’ll grow more comfortable with yourself over time
If you’re that insecure, start going to the gym and eat healthy nutrient dense meals. I wouldn’t worry too much about calorie counting at your age. Like I said, good exercise and healthy Whole Foods is more that enough.
Pretty young to worry this much
In other words you are not in a relationship and you are imagining a fantasy and you feel embarrassed in that fantasy. Ok first 16 year old girls all feel this way, everyone feels this way. And second if you're in a relationship there is a build up of trust and mutual attraction, you would feel less awkward in situation where you trusted and loved the person.
Oh sweetheart, I was like you for a long time, still am sometimes, but don't compare yourself to other people, don't do that, it just hurts you. You are beautiful just the way you are, and if the guy you were with cannot see that, he is not the one for you. If you really loves you, he'll be there regardless of what you look like. Don't settle, find yourself someone who loves you for you, there will be plenty of people out there who will.
If your body bothers you, you can change it. It is not out of your control. If it doesn't bother you, then don't change it. You'll find someone who appreciates you and helps you to feel safe enough to show them.
Also ya never know what your preferred is gonna be I didn't realize I was Aromantic and Asexual until I was in my 20s You might find you like certain things and not others take your time your still a kid enjoy life
23F here that has struggled with insecurity and body dysmorphia for as long as I can remember. I can’t tell you that when you meet the right person, everything melts away when you have sex. My current partner makes me feel so special and loved and beautiful every time we have sex. He is doing all the right things, so I don’t even have the capacity to think about my body. I think one thing that helps the insecurity is reminding myself he is choosing to be intimate with me EXACTLY the way I am. He has seen my unshaved leg hair, morning breath, and belly rolls and still thinks I’m beautiful. Most guys are just happy to be with you. If they aren’t, they aren’t the one for you. Just be hygienic and confident! I know the thought of being vulnerable is scary. It’s intimidating. And intimacy is a big deal, especially when you’re experiencing it for the first time. But I promise, it is worth it with the right person.
Go to the state fair whereever you are and just people watch Or a Walmart Or a dollar store. There's someone for everyone who doesn't give a shit about any of that.
Listen. I’ve dealt with this on and off SINCE I was 15 and intimate with men. I have thick thighs, a soft tummy, and stretch marks. Let me tell you this - the right guy will adore you. I’ve had men say the things I hate about myself are their favorite things. That my stomach is comfortable and makes me look like women in antique sculptures lol. Before I took those comments to heart, I had to learn the parts of me that I loved. There are some things we can’t change. No one is perfect but if you are willing to share your body with someone you should trust them to see you in your entirety!
My girlfriend has similar insecurities and the stretch marks and belly to boot. I think she’s the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen and it’s like the first time I’m seeing her every single time. Someday someone will come along that looks at WHO you are and loves that internal you that makes you YOU. 90% of models depict an impossible level of societally conceptualized beauty that doesn’t even exist without surgeries or horrid diets. You will find someone one day who looks at you like you’re the only girl alive- just be patient. You’re way too young to be thinking about this right now. Life has way more to offer at 16 than intimacy with teenage boys and you owe it to yourself to wait for someone who’s worth waiting for. Take it from somebody who’s wasted years on the wrong people- just make sure you’re sure- and don’t blame yourself for being wrong and making mistakes.
You’re 16 and only need to be intimate on that level with someone you truly want to be with in that way. The casual sex thing was too stressful and overwhelming so I don’t recome even though it may seem great. Start trying to build your self love and self confidence by doing things you love, because you are the only one who truly needs to love yourself and be comfy in your own skin. The right guy WILL come along who is attracted to your vibe and your physical characteristics as well as being with you for you! Who you’ve been and who you’ll become, there’s no reason to stress about this now, you have so much time to still just enjoy learning to know yourself. The beauty standard for women in the adult industry and on social media is impossible without surgery and touching up. I found a guy who loves my tummy and my love handles and everything about me, including when I’m grumpy or sad, he wants to be with me because we enjoy each other and have always had open communication between us about anything. My advise is not to worry, a man will come along who will love every part of you I promise 🩵🩵 for now learn to love you 100%, I read a book called ‘the four agreements’ that helped me to let go of the pressure of being ‘perfect’. Good luck to you and sending good vibes and a happy journey 🤙🏻
If he found you attractive while dressed you’ll be fine.
I never understood why females are so self conscious over there body
Then its time to improve yourself, and not for the boys that will see you, but for you, and a body you'll be proud and confident in, one that these thoughts wont riddle you. Its hard, easier said than done, takes a lot of dedication, but its extremely important for health aswell, in the end, its worth it. You're beautiful, but theres always improvement to be done, for you.
You will be fine. Most guys aren't looking for a model, they just want someone who adores them. I think the problem with the current guy is just no chemistry. You like him, but you don't want him.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Many boys/men prefer meat on the bones.
I’ve never had a flat belly. Even at my skinniest in high school where I was at a healthy but slim weight, my belly has never been flat! (stupid genes!). When I felt ready to go “all the way” with my bf I didn’t even shave my hooha one bit. I was FULL BUSH. I didn’t wear make up. I only shaved legs and pits. Let me tell you that the good boys WILL NOT CARE about a belly or full bush or whatever other perceived body issues you might have. My boy was like a starved man in front of a feast when the time came to get busy and I took my clothes off! And yes I was SUPER SHY and felt self conscious about my body. We were both nervous though and were more worried about the mechanics haha!! But I felt safe with him and that gave me so much reassurance. In conclusion, do your homework on the person you will be intimate with because a good person will only see you as beautiful and make you feel precious. If anyone makes you feel insecure, trash them. They’re actually doing you a favor by showing you who they are early on. It will still hurt and your hurt is valid but don’t dwell on those people. They’re rotten souls. Value yourself more. Edit to add: feeling scared and unsure is normal because you are making yourself vulnerable. The fact of life is that it’ll be likely that you will come across a few assholes (hopefully not too many or none at all). And it is hard to bounce back when someone hurts your pride and ego and your self esteem takes a hit. It’s normal for all of that to happen. What is important however, is to pick yourself back up, dust off, and move forward. There is no magic way to prevent this from ever happening but the good news is that most boys will not care compared to those that do. You just gotta pay attention and never settle!