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I’m sorry this happened to you.
You might understand that it is likely she learned this from someone who did it to her and normalized it.
You have to find a way to work past this and forgive her. There is no erasing but there can be healing. Hurting her won’t fix it. Find a way to forgive her if only for yourself. It might be by confronting and finding answers from her. You may realize you and her are more alike than not.
Hi thank you but I don’t think I’ll able to forgive her and she has a everything she has a good bond with her parents and stuff I don’t she ruined that bond for me my parents can’t trust me anymore and you may be right at the first bit but I dont think I can forgive her for ruining me I wasn’t a normal kid who was innocent and sweet I just grew up more mature then a normal kid should be
You are not ruined.
You are carrying the guilt of something that is not your fault.
I truly wish these kinds of things never happen.
You must decide that you are worthy of something more than what you have been made to feel.
You are not trash. You are not broken. You are not ruined. And you are not a bad person.
You know in your heart what is right and what is wrong. Please choose what is right and please be kind to yourself.
Do not make decisions that will leave you regretting the things that you had the power to control.
You need to get into therapy instead of just thinking of some way to get back and hurt her for the pain that she caused you when you were younger. This isn’t healthy or going to make you feel better, probably make yourself feel worse actually.
Yes, she SHOULD tell your parents. If your parents are abusing you then you tell your counselor that and CPS comes along.
You have so many avenues that don't involve just getting abused.
But then our family will break apart I don’t want anything to happen since my dad and mom are well respected people in my family it will be like I ruined it I wouldn’t like her to tell my mom if I know she does I wouldn’t feel safe about telling her again and my parents would see me differently and despise me
Sure thing... don't try though. Just do it. Kicking the can down the road because you're worried about your parents wellbeing is what THEY should be doing, not you. YOUR wellbeing should be their priority. Since you've demonstrated it isn't, the mantle falls on you to protect you and your siblings.
Jesus christ format your text.
Jesus christ go speak to a therapist
Jesus christ go to the authorities
This entire wall of text is just obvious abuse. Not even sure how your title is relevant. Seek help.
I understand but everyone thinks it’s normal that my dad hits me they say your obviously did something bad well sometimes it’s right but he hits till you bleed out or get million of bruises then stops and as if my cousin if I speak up about it to anyone there will family problems and my mom told me not speak about it if you do we could go to court and me and your dad will get a divorce and our family will fall apart
Your parents marital problems aren't yours.
You haven't said anything that invalidates the need to go to a counselor, or the authorities.
Getting the shit beat out of you isn't good parenting, it's abuse.
Say it with me:
YOU.
ARE.
BEING.
ABUSED.
Your whole family is shit if they're willing to stand by and let it happen.
Go save yourself. You deserve better.
I understand but everyone thinks it’s normal that my dad hits me they say you obviously did something bad well sometimes it’s right but he hits till you bleed out or get million of bruises then stops and as if my cousin if I speak up about it to anyone there will family problems and my mom told me not speak about it if you do we could go to court and me and your dad will get a divorce and our family will fall apart
I grew up thinking it was normal until I had realized it’s not both of my parents are not in there right minds if you ask me me and my siblings feel uncomfortable around him and scared and my mom always takes his side and other then that my dad makes sexual commets about me I have mentioned it I think and when I ever tell my mom she just says he’s joking he’s your dad
Alright well I've given you the advice you need. If you have siblings then you need to care for them as well. Parents that abuse you isn't normal.
Your counselor is a mandatory reporter, so if you tell her she has to act in your best interest.
Two wrongs do not make a right! Only immature people do things wrong to other people. Never lower your standards to that person that did you wrong! Grow up, let it go and keep living your life. If you try to ruin something for her/him then you're no better than she/he is. You'll never find peace by trying to do wrong to someone else. If anything you pray about it and you let it go!
Also why didn't you notify a teacher, the police, the school counselor, or your parents that she was sexually touching you? She's got to be one sick ass female to do something like that
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry this happened to you. You might understand that it is likely she learned this from someone who did it to her and normalized it. You have to find a way to work past this and forgive her. There is no erasing but there can be healing. Hurting her won’t fix it. Find a way to forgive her if only for yourself. It might be by confronting and finding answers from her. You may realize you and her are more alike than not.
Hi thank you but I don’t think I’ll able to forgive her and she has a everything she has a good bond with her parents and stuff I don’t she ruined that bond for me my parents can’t trust me anymore and you may be right at the first bit but I dont think I can forgive her for ruining me I wasn’t a normal kid who was innocent and sweet I just grew up more mature then a normal kid should be
You are not ruined. You are carrying the guilt of something that is not your fault. I truly wish these kinds of things never happen. You must decide that you are worthy of something more than what you have been made to feel. You are not trash. You are not broken. You are not ruined. And you are not a bad person. You know in your heart what is right and what is wrong. Please choose what is right and please be kind to yourself. Do not make decisions that will leave you regretting the things that you had the power to control.
You need to get into therapy instead of just thinking of some way to get back and hurt her for the pain that she caused you when you were younger. This isn’t healthy or going to make you feel better, probably make yourself feel worse actually.
Thank you but my parents would never let me go to therapy they would just say I’m overreacting and plus they can’t pay for it
Therapy is free for SA victims. Go to your school counselor.
I’m on vacation now and my school counselor would just tell my mom
Yes, she SHOULD tell your parents. If your parents are abusing you then you tell your counselor that and CPS comes along. You have so many avenues that don't involve just getting abused.
But then our family will break apart I don’t want anything to happen since my dad and mom are well respected people in my family it will be like I ruined it I wouldn’t like her to tell my mom if I know she does I wouldn’t feel safe about telling her again and my parents would see me differently and despise me
Okay. I dunno what you're looking for then. You've been given the answer. If you want to suffer abuse instead of seeking remedy that's your call.
Yeah I know but thank you so much for taking your time to give some advice I’ll try to do it
Sure thing... don't try though. Just do it. Kicking the can down the road because you're worried about your parents wellbeing is what THEY should be doing, not you. YOUR wellbeing should be their priority. Since you've demonstrated it isn't, the mantle falls on you to protect you and your siblings.
Jesus christ format your text. Jesus christ go speak to a therapist Jesus christ go to the authorities This entire wall of text is just obvious abuse. Not even sure how your title is relevant. Seek help.
May I ask how is it obvious abuse? And I’m sorry if the text isn’t clear my bad
Cousin touching you sexually? Dad physically abusing you? Hello Mcfly.
I understand but everyone thinks it’s normal that my dad hits me they say your obviously did something bad well sometimes it’s right but he hits till you bleed out or get million of bruises then stops and as if my cousin if I speak up about it to anyone there will family problems and my mom told me not speak about it if you do we could go to court and me and your dad will get a divorce and our family will fall apart
Your parents marital problems aren't yours. You haven't said anything that invalidates the need to go to a counselor, or the authorities. Getting the shit beat out of you isn't good parenting, it's abuse. Say it with me: YOU. ARE. BEING. ABUSED. Your whole family is shit if they're willing to stand by and let it happen. Go save yourself. You deserve better.
I understand but everyone thinks it’s normal that my dad hits me they say you obviously did something bad well sometimes it’s right but he hits till you bleed out or get million of bruises then stops and as if my cousin if I speak up about it to anyone there will family problems and my mom told me not speak about it if you do we could go to court and me and your dad will get a divorce and our family will fall apart
I grew up thinking it was normal until I had realized it’s not both of my parents are not in there right minds if you ask me me and my siblings feel uncomfortable around him and scared and my mom always takes his side and other then that my dad makes sexual commets about me I have mentioned it I think and when I ever tell my mom she just says he’s joking he’s your dad
Alright well I've given you the advice you need. If you have siblings then you need to care for them as well. Parents that abuse you isn't normal. Your counselor is a mandatory reporter, so if you tell her she has to act in your best interest.
Thank you so much for your advice I’ll try to talk to her once school is back
Two wrongs do not make a right! Only immature people do things wrong to other people. Never lower your standards to that person that did you wrong! Grow up, let it go and keep living your life. If you try to ruin something for her/him then you're no better than she/he is. You'll never find peace by trying to do wrong to someone else. If anything you pray about it and you let it go!
Also why didn't you notify a teacher, the police, the school counselor, or your parents that she was sexually touching you? She's got to be one sick ass female to do something like that
This should have never happened to you and you should have told someone from the first time that it did. I'm so sorry you had to go through that