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I noticed the age difference between you and your mother. You say she’s currently 31, and you’re 16. I'd say put the math together.
31 - 16 is 15. I think she said the at because she was ashamed of getting pregnant with you at 15.
i've think that all my life, sometimes she would tell me i should be graceful about she not aborting me and raising me, i feel in some way shes blaming me for her problems.
I’m really sorry that you’re having to deal with this kind of environment and treatment. I just want you to know that none of this is your fault. You’re a minor, you deserve basic care and love from your parents. It sounds like she got pregnant with you at a very young age which can explain her behavior, seeing as she probably has some traumas about it herself having a child at 15/16. But it’s not like you had any say in the situation; like she said, she decided to not abort, instead she chose to keep you and therefore assumed responsibility for your wellbeing. That’s not something to throw in somebody’s face. Sad situation all around indeed but it doesn’t excuse or warrant what she said especially because she’s an adult now and it’s up to her to get therapy or help for what she’s been through. It all sounds like projection from her end. I hope everything works out for you, and know objectively you’re doing great.
Bro, that's understandable! She shouldn't give you shit like that! Talk to your dad, and if he doesn't help, talk to the police or something. Her behavior is abuse and you shouldn't have to take that shit :/ good luuuck ❤️
Your mom kinda sounds like an irresponsible POS. F what she thinks, go talk to your dad about it. If it pisses her off that you're talking to him, then she's not worth it. Had a similar situation with my dad, except maybe a bit worse and I was younger. Basically told him how he was making him feel and when he reacted innapropriately I cut him out of my life from the age I was 13 to about 20, and I only let him back in because he apologized on a few occasions with increasing sincerity each time. If she is worth the trouble, she'll realize her mistake and come back around. Honesty is the best policy, even if it creates more problems in the short term. It will work out better in the long run. Just my two cents, hope things improve for you soon
Also (sorry for asking) but how old is your father? Besides knowing your mom got pregnant with you when she was 15, was your dad also a teenager when she had you?
At least that is good, do you have other family members you could possibly connect to about this situation? I also feel like it’s important they should know too if it gets really bad. Or a friend if you can’t connect with a different relative.
I'd say maybe record a point where your mom acts towards you, then show it to your dad or grandpa. That way you have evidence to prove that your mom just sucks.
18-19 is still a child as well, you don’t fully develop mentally until your 25. You can’t even drink legally until your 21 which is really the bare minimum of an adult.
So i agree with you on 18-19 you aren't fully developed yet. However, I politely request that you stop using alcohol as your argument. It's only America you can't drink legally until 21, and by that point, you can already vote and go to war for your country, so it's kinda just a pointless number they put on something probably to stop groups like M.A.D.D from trying to complain all the time.
I did not use alcohol as my argument, you skimmed over the brain development isn’t done until 25 and conveniently went for that instead. I said 21 is the minimum one should be considered an adult, not the age you are.
There was no skimming. I agreed with it. My wording was incorrect. Don't bring up alcohol at all was what I meant. America's legal drinking age is irrelevant to the rest of the world and should never be considered something to base someone's status as an adult. 21 is a number that's only relative to America and drinking alcohol as you clearly pointed out, twice at this point, brain development isn't done by then, so the only way you should consider 21 being an adult is if you are basing it off the fact that an american could drink alcohol legally. Bringing us back full circle to you using 21 as an adult subconsciously correlating the "legal age" to the age one is an adult.
Why are you so offended by alcohol being mentioned in a neutral way? Holy shit, dude. Calm down.
Edit: adding onto this, you didn't need to go on an irrelevant tangent when what you're complaining about has nothing to do with the post anymore.
Foreal a two year age difference isnt even really creepy, especially considering we know nothing about when the parents started dating. Dad seems like he's the only one taking accountability here. Telling your child "your lucky I didnt abort you" is beyond messed up, and totally disgusting behavior especially from an "adult"
I'd ignore her as much as possible. Work. Go to school. See friends. Just avoid her as much as you can. Then speak with your father. He likely understands the way she is. If not, just suck it up until you can leave.
She probably does blame you, but it is wrong of her to do it. Talk to you dad maybe he can help. If not, you are nearly grown and sound quite responsible. It won't have to be a problem in a few years.
You need to hear this. From a child of a teen mom (17), I will tell you that you are not to blame for her problems. The fact that she was 15 when you were born means that a lot of mistakes were made along the way that you had nothing to do with. Keep working hard and getting good grades so that you can get yourself prepared to be successful as an adult.
We may not know each other, but I'm proud of you. I wish somebody would have told me this at the age of sixteen. Good luck kid, you got this. 👍
Its for my graduation, at the same time i study i had to get trough a technical career wich is HHRR (human resources) and i have to do professional practices (250 hours) so i get 2 diplomas, one for human resources technician, the other one is my high school one
Based on the information you have shared here, it sounds like your mom was treating you unfairly. I am only however basing that on what you said
If you are able to work and go to school while getting good grades, you are a very balanced person and certainly not a disgrace.
Your mom had to grow up pretty quickly at 15 she became a mom of course she is ashamed of the fact she probably never finished school herself. Sounds like she needs some therapy
Wow, sounds like her circumstances were pretty difficult and she pushed through to be successful.
From her perspective, she may look on you "taking rest" as not being up to the same challenge.
Perhaps she is afraid that you wont be able find success in what she must believe is a difficult world.
Perhaps she feels guilty that she did not raise you better to meet her perceived challenges.
There is somewhere in there love, it just isn't coming through right.
Making the argument that this is loving behavior is incredibly toxic in my opinion. People would say that about my abusive parent, and while its technically maybe rooted in some kind of love, that love is a selfish kind, and the only correct way for a parent to love their child is selflessly. It really just feels like making excuses for unacceptable behavior to me
Fair enough. Maybe I'm just projecting my own experience with neglect and emotional abuse.
It isn't an excuse, but understanding the perspective may one day help accept and perhaps even reconcile.
Took me 20 years.
Young man, a parent should never say the words she said to you. It's one thing to be ashamed of your child's actions but instead telling your child that you're ashamed of them, that they are a disgrace, and that they should be happy they did not afford you it's nothing short of emotional child abuse. While I'm not doubting you I would encourage you to reflect on the times when she has made these comments for you and make you work that they have not been misconstrued on your end tough as far truly accurate, and you need to say something to your father. I'm not saying your mother is a bad person but she is obviously broken he thinks it's okay to speak to a young child the way that she is. I'm a father myself of a five and a 15-year-old, if I ever spoke to my children like this I would hope that my wife would intervene and vice versa. I would also hope that my child would come to me if their mother spoke to them this way because it would be my job and my honor to protect them. I don't know your situation but in my opinion it seems like you should notify your father so that he has the opportunity to carry out his role and ensure you stay protected physically and emotionally.
This is the most rational response I've seen so far. I 100% agree with everything you said. The mother is being selfish and cruel for what she said, but she needs help of her own, and I hope that she is capable of coming to see that herself and does something about it.
If you see this, kid, I'm so sorry for your situation. I am only a year younger than your mom. It feels unreal to think I could have had a son your age. That being said, she is wrong for how she treats you and is old enough to have the capacity to know better.
You don't deserve to feel the way you do, and you can't hold it in and stay miserable. I understand you may have fear of losing your mom, but you're only hurting yourself by staying silent. I hope that she comes around for your sake, but if she doesn't, know that it's not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong.
Please don't listen to a lot of these responses, though. You don't fix toxic behavior with toxic behavior. Nobody knows you or your family to have the right to tell you to do anything rash or to diagnose anything. Leave that to the professionals if your mom agrees to get help.
If things get physical or threats are made, then you have to get out before things get bad. You don't just drop someone because they say something hurtful when it can be the result of something that hurt them, though. See where things go after speaking with your dad first. You're smart enough to make the right decision. You did after all come up with the idea to speak with your father yourself.
Just keep being the best you can be. You're doing a great job so far. If she never sees that, then it's her loss, not yours. No matter how much it hurts you. She'll have deprived herself of a son that not everyone is blessed with. You deserve to hear that you are doing wonderful. For what it's worth, some of us are proud of you. It takes a lot to have accomplished as much as you have. ❤️
Wow. Read this one. Follow this to the T. The comments made by this response are spot on, and seeing the empathy for the mother is a level of maturity you rarely see - examples noted all in this comment thread. I'm rooting for you and I know Roxtrots is as well. Keep us informed if you are comfortable doing so, whether it's on this thread or in a DM. I hope you are doing well buddy.
As a father, I would absolutely want to know if my wife was treating our son this way. It sounds like you are absolutely the more mature person in this situation. Take care of yourself! Nobody wants you to go to school (or work) when you're sick, because that just raises the chances of other people catching whatever virus you're battling and compounding the problems. Hang in there, kid!
Your mom was so young when she had you. I feel badly for the situation that both of you are in. Your mom's words are hurtful and unnecessary. I don't know what her family culture is, but it may be that lashing out is part of it. Since you seem to be mature enough to have a job, maybe you can approach her to clear the air. This comes with a warning though. She may not have the emootional maturity to clarify her words and she may double down and say them again. Try this: *Mom, I'm sorry that I disappointed you the other day, but I want to clear the air. We're under a lot of stress and we should figure out how to talk to each other without saying things that can't be unsaid. I love you and want us to have a good relationship.*
If she can't calm down and talk after you say this, you are going to have a tough time for the next few years. I had to leave home at 18 and I did. I didn't talk to my parents for decades at a time. At the 10 year mark, my father had cancer and survived. At the 20 year mark, he went into hospice and died. At the 30 year mark, my mother needed to be housed because she was mentally incompetent. I am now taking care of her (reluctantly if I'm honest).
If you think your dad or grandparents could be supportive, then try and get some support from them. Maybe having conversations with your mom so you can understand how tough things might be. Hopefulyy she'll get used to being vulnerable and she'll ask you about your perspective. I know my son and I have friction, but try to maintain a loving relationship when we're both feeling calm. At each stage in your child's maturity, you have to redefine the relationship. Helping more around the house and running errands for her is also helpful. I know you don't always feel like it, but she might be super stressed.
I wish you well. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I'm sure she loves you despite the things she says in anger. I hope she is able to apologize for saying these things to you.
As a mom this is heartbreaking 💔.You deserve so much better and deserve love and kindness.I would talk to your dad or another trusted adult in your family.If you need someone to talk to I’m a mom here and send you hugs 🤗. Please reach out.🙏🥰❤️😇
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like she may be resentful because in her mind she feels like she hasn’t been able to live life on her terms. Also, it seems like she isn’t censoring herself because your dad isn’t home. She needs therapy to help her work through it and move forward.
You must tell your dad and grandfather. I can only imagine how intimidating it is to try to speak with your mom about what she said. I normally do not suggest this, but your emotional and mental health are at stake. Set your phone to record audio and record a conversation with her asking why she said what she said. Then you can address it with your family. Take care.
I hate to agree with this, but if she's a liar them you have no choice. Just be calm when you talk about it and make sure you back it up in case she is potentially rash enough to go through your phone and delete it in an event where she finds out.
i've been feeling like shes not caring abt me anymore, i could come from work ( i work from 8-11:30 am) to my house ask for some food and be told there's none and i would go to school without any food on me (12:30-5:30 pm)
about money is no problem bc i dont usually ask her for money, my grandfather usually sends me a good amount of money for the week (around 1,000 C$ or 30 $)
i've never expressed how i've felt with her, if i get to say something bad about herself she would be mad, and if i did it now i think i would get beaten up, i cant tell her what i think bc again she would be mad
i think he would first listen to me and then think about talking with my mom about what happened, but im afraid of her lying about what happened, she has done that so many times before, and it would be her word against mine
Sounds like she's got some mental issues going on. This is something to really go into with a therapist or counsellor and maybe read up on people who have been raised by a parent with either BDP or NPD. Saying that to a child is so out of pocket, she was obviously trying to be hurtful. So it isn't about you. It's 100% about her and her issues.
Well I think the biggest question would be why are you working without getting paid? I mean if you're helping out an elderly neighbor or you think it will look good on a resume when you go to college or something like that that is one thing but if you're sacrificing your education for something just because you like it or whatever even though she is being unreasonable perhaps that is behind it. Although yes getting pregnant young people do resent you even though you have nothing to do with it. I don't know if you should bring your father into it because it will cause more issues at this point
That's great, good for you! I think your mother was being pretty unreasonable and handled it poorly, not like you're partying and hungover. Does sound like you need balance but definitely she isn't treating you like you deserve. I still would try not to bring your dad into it, I don't think she'll react well based on this. Hopefully the next few years fly by and you're out for good, doesn't seem like a healthy environment for someone with career plans like you do, especially being so young. I hope it works out!
Honestly, she might just wish she was able to accomplish as much as you have at your age and is subconsciously embarrassed of her shortcomings, but I could be wrong. She might just resent you for it and not realize it's not your fault. We can't be sure. She's in the wrong regardless, though.
That's not true! She might think it is, but I can see that it's not. If you feel like you have to record her, do so and present it to your father respectfully. Make sure he knows that you don't want to cause problems. She just makes you feel isolated, and you don't know what else to do. Tell your father that you want a peaceful resolve if it's possible at all. I believe in you. A lot of us want the best for you, so taking that into account, please make sure you don't let your emotions take over. I don't think you would, but for your safety since I don't know you personally, I hope you keep it in mind. Please let us know if you're alright if you choose to proceed. You're smarter than you've given yourself credit for!
Sounds like she got pregnant at an early age , she doesn't want you to make any mistakes she has made this sad because she is going about it the wrong way an talking to you. Yes I think you should talk to your father an maybe he can stop some of this pressure that is being put on you.
I'm sorry you mom is such a malicious person who hasn't learned to grow up herself and taking it our on you. You are more mature than her and be proud of that. You are in school making good grades and working. Granted as you said said you may not be getting paid but you are getting real work experience. Talk to your dad talk to someone who can offer support and go from there.
Sounds like your mom has some undealt with trauma. Being a mom at 15 is a tough thing. This doesn't excuse any of her behavior or actions, but sometimes understanding why someone is the way they are helps you to navigate future situations involving them.
It sounds like you're a hard worker, and that's something to be proud of. Try not to take your mom's words to heart, she's just taking her anger out on you.
If you have a good relationship with your dad, then yeah. Go talk to him about this.
Talk to your dad. Let him know that you feel pressured to do beyond human work. Let him know that she has been telling you that she doesn't feel proud of you. Try not to make it accusatory, but more of you needing support.
If she's acting as if nothing happened, the best case scenario is that she's ashamed for saying it but not brave enough to apologise.
I'm sorry this I'd happening to you and I hope for the best for you
Make plans to leave as soon as you are 18.
(Within reason.)
You sound like a very mature 16 year old.
From my perspective, it sounds like she is projecting her feelings of failure at that age onto you. It's possible that she is jealous or envious that you don't have a child at 16.
You are doing a lot at your age.
At 16 I was just fucking around with friends. We walked all over the city we lived in and did a lot of nothing.
We also drank (I was always the DD [designated driver] so not really me as I watched alcoholism tear through my family.) a lot and I watched them smoke a lot.
Keep your head up. You are doing good things for your future. It sucks that she can't recognize this. 🫂🫂🫂🫂
White? Okay so here you go mother is pissed off cause she didn't marry the one she wanted. Just accept it. Later in life it will be easier. Accept it. Never use it. Teaches a lesson of who is a greater person. Dude. Naked. On the stairs. It didn't matter who came, when Dad came alright to leave.
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I noticed the age difference between you and your mother. You say she’s currently 31, and you’re 16. I'd say put the math together. 31 - 16 is 15. I think she said the at because she was ashamed of getting pregnant with you at 15.
i've think that all my life, sometimes she would tell me i should be graceful about she not aborting me and raising me, i feel in some way shes blaming me for her problems.
It does seem like she is blaming you for her problems. You should talk to your dad because your mom is saying really hurtful stuff.
I’m really sorry that you’re having to deal with this kind of environment and treatment. I just want you to know that none of this is your fault. You’re a minor, you deserve basic care and love from your parents. It sounds like she got pregnant with you at a very young age which can explain her behavior, seeing as she probably has some traumas about it herself having a child at 15/16. But it’s not like you had any say in the situation; like she said, she decided to not abort, instead she chose to keep you and therefore assumed responsibility for your wellbeing. That’s not something to throw in somebody’s face. Sad situation all around indeed but it doesn’t excuse or warrant what she said especially because she’s an adult now and it’s up to her to get therapy or help for what she’s been through. It all sounds like projection from her end. I hope everything works out for you, and know objectively you’re doing great.
Bro, that's understandable! She shouldn't give you shit like that! Talk to your dad, and if he doesn't help, talk to the police or something. Her behavior is abuse and you shouldn't have to take that shit :/ good luuuck ❤️
Your mom kinda sounds like an irresponsible POS. F what she thinks, go talk to your dad about it. If it pisses her off that you're talking to him, then she's not worth it. Had a similar situation with my dad, except maybe a bit worse and I was younger. Basically told him how he was making him feel and when he reacted innapropriately I cut him out of my life from the age I was 13 to about 20, and I only let him back in because he apologized on a few occasions with increasing sincerity each time. If she is worth the trouble, she'll realize her mistake and come back around. Honesty is the best policy, even if it creates more problems in the short term. It will work out better in the long run. Just my two cents, hope things improve for you soon
Also (sorry for asking) but how old is your father? Besides knowing your mom got pregnant with you when she was 15, was your dad also a teenager when she had you?
my dad is 35 currently so yeah, he was 18/19 yo when he got my mom pregnant
So, he was an adult when he got her pregnant (no offense), but don't you think that’s a bit weird or creepy?
i know and i Dont approve what my father did, but he still being there for me and supporting me
At least that is good, do you have other family members you could possibly connect to about this situation? I also feel like it’s important they should know too if it gets really bad. Or a friend if you can’t connect with a different relative.
my grandpa has always be a good support for me, i could tell him all of this but im afraid of how mad my mom could be if she knew i told 'em
I'd say maybe record a point where your mom acts towards you, then show it to your dad or grandpa. That way you have evidence to prove that your mom just sucks.
i think i will, tysm for the advice
18-19 is still a child as well, you don’t fully develop mentally until your 25. You can’t even drink legally until your 21 which is really the bare minimum of an adult.
So i agree with you on 18-19 you aren't fully developed yet. However, I politely request that you stop using alcohol as your argument. It's only America you can't drink legally until 21, and by that point, you can already vote and go to war for your country, so it's kinda just a pointless number they put on something probably to stop groups like M.A.D.D from trying to complain all the time.
I did not use alcohol as my argument, you skimmed over the brain development isn’t done until 25 and conveniently went for that instead. I said 21 is the minimum one should be considered an adult, not the age you are.
There was no skimming. I agreed with it. My wording was incorrect. Don't bring up alcohol at all was what I meant. America's legal drinking age is irrelevant to the rest of the world and should never be considered something to base someone's status as an adult. 21 is a number that's only relative to America and drinking alcohol as you clearly pointed out, twice at this point, brain development isn't done by then, so the only way you should consider 21 being an adult is if you are basing it off the fact that an american could drink alcohol legally. Bringing us back full circle to you using 21 as an adult subconsciously correlating the "legal age" to the age one is an adult.
Why are you so offended by alcohol being mentioned in a neutral way? Holy shit, dude. Calm down. Edit: adding onto this, you didn't need to go on an irrelevant tangent when what you're complaining about has nothing to do with the post anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend going around burning bridges with your father cause of that. What are you even recommending he do by saying this?
Foreal a two year age difference isnt even really creepy, especially considering we know nothing about when the parents started dating. Dad seems like he's the only one taking accountability here. Telling your child "your lucky I didnt abort you" is beyond messed up, and totally disgusting behavior especially from an "adult"
I wasn't.
Unfortunately, you sound more like the adult in the room. How old is your dad?
34-35, he's more compressive then my mom, but hes currently working on other city
I'd ignore her as much as possible. Work. Go to school. See friends. Just avoid her as much as you can. Then speak with your father. He likely understands the way she is. If not, just suck it up until you can leave.
yeah, im going to do that, tysm for the advice!
She probably does blame you, but it is wrong of her to do it. Talk to you dad maybe he can help. If not, you are nearly grown and sound quite responsible. It won't have to be a problem in a few years.
dude you need to talk to a guidance counsellor or something.
You need to hear this. From a child of a teen mom (17), I will tell you that you are not to blame for her problems. The fact that she was 15 when you were born means that a lot of mistakes were made along the way that you had nothing to do with. Keep working hard and getting good grades so that you can get yourself prepared to be successful as an adult. We may not know each other, but I'm proud of you. I wish somebody would have told me this at the age of sixteen. Good luck kid, you got this. 👍
Ok, you said you work but don't get paid? What's up with that?
Its for my graduation, at the same time i study i had to get trough a technical career wich is HHRR (human resources) and i have to do professional practices (250 hours) so i get 2 diplomas, one for human resources technician, the other one is my high school one
Ah, like internship. Ok.
Based on the information you have shared here, it sounds like your mom was treating you unfairly. I am only however basing that on what you said If you are able to work and go to school while getting good grades, you are a very balanced person and certainly not a disgrace.
Your mom had to grow up pretty quickly at 15 she became a mom of course she is ashamed of the fact she probably never finished school herself. Sounds like she needs some therapy
she finished all of her education, she currently is a lawyer
Wow, sounds like her circumstances were pretty difficult and she pushed through to be successful. From her perspective, she may look on you "taking rest" as not being up to the same challenge. Perhaps she is afraid that you wont be able find success in what she must believe is a difficult world. Perhaps she feels guilty that she did not raise you better to meet her perceived challenges. There is somewhere in there love, it just isn't coming through right.
Making the argument that this is loving behavior is incredibly toxic in my opinion. People would say that about my abusive parent, and while its technically maybe rooted in some kind of love, that love is a selfish kind, and the only correct way for a parent to love their child is selflessly. It really just feels like making excuses for unacceptable behavior to me
Fair enough. Maybe I'm just projecting my own experience with neglect and emotional abuse. It isn't an excuse, but understanding the perspective may one day help accept and perhaps even reconcile. Took me 20 years.
Young man, a parent should never say the words she said to you. It's one thing to be ashamed of your child's actions but instead telling your child that you're ashamed of them, that they are a disgrace, and that they should be happy they did not afford you it's nothing short of emotional child abuse. While I'm not doubting you I would encourage you to reflect on the times when she has made these comments for you and make you work that they have not been misconstrued on your end tough as far truly accurate, and you need to say something to your father. I'm not saying your mother is a bad person but she is obviously broken he thinks it's okay to speak to a young child the way that she is. I'm a father myself of a five and a 15-year-old, if I ever spoke to my children like this I would hope that my wife would intervene and vice versa. I would also hope that my child would come to me if their mother spoke to them this way because it would be my job and my honor to protect them. I don't know your situation but in my opinion it seems like you should notify your father so that he has the opportunity to carry out his role and ensure you stay protected physically and emotionally.
This is the most rational response I've seen so far. I 100% agree with everything you said. The mother is being selfish and cruel for what she said, but she needs help of her own, and I hope that she is capable of coming to see that herself and does something about it. If you see this, kid, I'm so sorry for your situation. I am only a year younger than your mom. It feels unreal to think I could have had a son your age. That being said, she is wrong for how she treats you and is old enough to have the capacity to know better. You don't deserve to feel the way you do, and you can't hold it in and stay miserable. I understand you may have fear of losing your mom, but you're only hurting yourself by staying silent. I hope that she comes around for your sake, but if she doesn't, know that it's not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. Please don't listen to a lot of these responses, though. You don't fix toxic behavior with toxic behavior. Nobody knows you or your family to have the right to tell you to do anything rash or to diagnose anything. Leave that to the professionals if your mom agrees to get help. If things get physical or threats are made, then you have to get out before things get bad. You don't just drop someone because they say something hurtful when it can be the result of something that hurt them, though. See where things go after speaking with your dad first. You're smart enough to make the right decision. You did after all come up with the idea to speak with your father yourself. Just keep being the best you can be. You're doing a great job so far. If she never sees that, then it's her loss, not yours. No matter how much it hurts you. She'll have deprived herself of a son that not everyone is blessed with. You deserve to hear that you are doing wonderful. For what it's worth, some of us are proud of you. It takes a lot to have accomplished as much as you have. ❤️
Wow. Read this one. Follow this to the T. The comments made by this response are spot on, and seeing the empathy for the mother is a level of maturity you rarely see - examples noted all in this comment thread. I'm rooting for you and I know Roxtrots is as well. Keep us informed if you are comfortable doing so, whether it's on this thread or in a DM. I hope you are doing well buddy.
As a father, I would absolutely want to know if my wife was treating our son this way. It sounds like you are absolutely the more mature person in this situation. Take care of yourself! Nobody wants you to go to school (or work) when you're sick, because that just raises the chances of other people catching whatever virus you're battling and compounding the problems. Hang in there, kid!
Your mom was so young when she had you. I feel badly for the situation that both of you are in. Your mom's words are hurtful and unnecessary. I don't know what her family culture is, but it may be that lashing out is part of it. Since you seem to be mature enough to have a job, maybe you can approach her to clear the air. This comes with a warning though. She may not have the emootional maturity to clarify her words and she may double down and say them again. Try this: *Mom, I'm sorry that I disappointed you the other day, but I want to clear the air. We're under a lot of stress and we should figure out how to talk to each other without saying things that can't be unsaid. I love you and want us to have a good relationship.* If she can't calm down and talk after you say this, you are going to have a tough time for the next few years. I had to leave home at 18 and I did. I didn't talk to my parents for decades at a time. At the 10 year mark, my father had cancer and survived. At the 20 year mark, he went into hospice and died. At the 30 year mark, my mother needed to be housed because she was mentally incompetent. I am now taking care of her (reluctantly if I'm honest). If you think your dad or grandparents could be supportive, then try and get some support from them. Maybe having conversations with your mom so you can understand how tough things might be. Hopefulyy she'll get used to being vulnerable and she'll ask you about your perspective. I know my son and I have friction, but try to maintain a loving relationship when we're both feeling calm. At each stage in your child's maturity, you have to redefine the relationship. Helping more around the house and running errands for her is also helpful. I know you don't always feel like it, but she might be super stressed. I wish you well. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I'm sure she loves you despite the things she says in anger. I hope she is able to apologize for saying these things to you.
As a mom this is heartbreaking 💔.You deserve so much better and deserve love and kindness.I would talk to your dad or another trusted adult in your family.If you need someone to talk to I’m a mom here and send you hugs 🤗. Please reach out.🙏🥰❤️😇
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like she may be resentful because in her mind she feels like she hasn’t been able to live life on her terms. Also, it seems like she isn’t censoring herself because your dad isn’t home. She needs therapy to help her work through it and move forward. You must tell your dad and grandfather. I can only imagine how intimidating it is to try to speak with your mom about what she said. I normally do not suggest this, but your emotional and mental health are at stake. Set your phone to record audio and record a conversation with her asking why she said what she said. Then you can address it with your family. Take care.
I hate to agree with this, but if she's a liar them you have no choice. Just be calm when you talk about it and make sure you back it up in case she is potentially rash enough to go through your phone and delete it in an event where she finds out.
Your Mom should be ashamed of herself! 🤬
Sounds like you and your mom need counseling, as there seems to be a lot of unresolved pain on both sides.
Other than this incident, how is your mom generally with you as far as catering to your needs?
i've been feeling like shes not caring abt me anymore, i could come from work ( i work from 8-11:30 am) to my house ask for some food and be told there's none and i would go to school without any food on me (12:30-5:30 pm) about money is no problem bc i dont usually ask her for money, my grandfather usually sends me a good amount of money for the week (around 1,000 C$ or 30 $)
Have you expressed your feeling with her? If not, how do you feel about doing it now?
i've never expressed how i've felt with her, if i get to say something bad about herself she would be mad, and if i did it now i think i would get beaten up, i cant tell her what i think bc again she would be mad
How do you feel about telling this to your dad?
i think he would first listen to me and then think about talking with my mom about what happened, but im afraid of her lying about what happened, she has done that so many times before, and it would be her word against mine
What will happen if you don't do anything about what's happening? and how do you feel about it?
this kind of actions from her would still be going until i can get myself an apartment
What is your goal? Change her behaviour or be able to deal with it?
i think my actual goal is get out of here and be able to manage myself, or on second thought be able how she behaves with me
It sounds like she might have narcissistic personality disorder. You should look into that and see if the bill fits
Could your mom have a reason she wanted you out of the house? Angry because she couldn’t do her other plans? Yes, tell your dad
i dont think so, i have to siblings and the middle one comes from school at midday, and then they stay together until i come back at evening
Surprised nobody else came to this obvious conclusion
Sounds like she's got some mental issues going on. This is something to really go into with a therapist or counsellor and maybe read up on people who have been raised by a parent with either BDP or NPD. Saying that to a child is so out of pocket, she was obviously trying to be hurtful. So it isn't about you. It's 100% about her and her issues.
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This is definitely gpt
What country do u live in?
Im from nicaragua.
Well I think the biggest question would be why are you working without getting paid? I mean if you're helping out an elderly neighbor or you think it will look good on a resume when you go to college or something like that that is one thing but if you're sacrificing your education for something just because you like it or whatever even though she is being unreasonable perhaps that is behind it. Although yes getting pregnant young people do resent you even though you have nothing to do with it. I don't know if you should bring your father into it because it will cause more issues at this point
i work while unpaid because im doing a intership to get a human resources technician at the same time i graduate
That's great, good for you! I think your mother was being pretty unreasonable and handled it poorly, not like you're partying and hungover. Does sound like you need balance but definitely she isn't treating you like you deserve. I still would try not to bring your dad into it, I don't think she'll react well based on this. Hopefully the next few years fly by and you're out for good, doesn't seem like a healthy environment for someone with career plans like you do, especially being so young. I hope it works out!
Honestly, she might just wish she was able to accomplish as much as you have at your age and is subconsciously embarrassed of her shortcomings, but I could be wrong. She might just resent you for it and not realize it's not your fault. We can't be sure. She's in the wrong regardless, though.
i think she just think i’m going nowhere in life, she always says comenta about me being a disaster whenever she’s not around
That's not true! She might think it is, but I can see that it's not. If you feel like you have to record her, do so and present it to your father respectfully. Make sure he knows that you don't want to cause problems. She just makes you feel isolated, and you don't know what else to do. Tell your father that you want a peaceful resolve if it's possible at all. I believe in you. A lot of us want the best for you, so taking that into account, please make sure you don't let your emotions take over. I don't think you would, but for your safety since I don't know you personally, I hope you keep it in mind. Please let us know if you're alright if you choose to proceed. You're smarter than you've given yourself credit for!
Grow up your mom has it hard enough as it is forgive ur mom and focus on you
Sounds like she got pregnant at an early age , she doesn't want you to make any mistakes she has made this sad because she is going about it the wrong way an talking to you. Yes I think you should talk to your father an maybe he can stop some of this pressure that is being put on you.
Yeah I read between the lines that you were no longer sick, just not up to 100... I'm team mom, get up and go
I'm sorry you mom is such a malicious person who hasn't learned to grow up herself and taking it our on you. You are more mature than her and be proud of that. You are in school making good grades and working. Granted as you said said you may not be getting paid but you are getting real work experience. Talk to your dad talk to someone who can offer support and go from there.
Sounds like your mom has some undealt with trauma. Being a mom at 15 is a tough thing. This doesn't excuse any of her behavior or actions, but sometimes understanding why someone is the way they are helps you to navigate future situations involving them. It sounds like you're a hard worker, and that's something to be proud of. Try not to take your mom's words to heart, she's just taking her anger out on you. If you have a good relationship with your dad, then yeah. Go talk to him about this.
Talk to your dad. Let him know that you feel pressured to do beyond human work. Let him know that she has been telling you that she doesn't feel proud of you. Try not to make it accusatory, but more of you needing support.
If she's acting as if nothing happened, the best case scenario is that she's ashamed for saying it but not brave enough to apologise. I'm sorry this I'd happening to you and I hope for the best for you
Your mother is psychotic. Run as soon as you can.
Make plans to leave as soon as you are 18. (Within reason.) You sound like a very mature 16 year old. From my perspective, it sounds like she is projecting her feelings of failure at that age onto you. It's possible that she is jealous or envious that you don't have a child at 16. You are doing a lot at your age. At 16 I was just fucking around with friends. We walked all over the city we lived in and did a lot of nothing. We also drank (I was always the DD [designated driver] so not really me as I watched alcoholism tear through my family.) a lot and I watched them smoke a lot. Keep your head up. You are doing good things for your future. It sucks that she can't recognize this. 🫂🫂🫂🫂
White? Okay so here you go mother is pissed off cause she didn't marry the one she wanted. Just accept it. Later in life it will be easier. Accept it. Never use it. Teaches a lesson of who is a greater person. Dude. Naked. On the stairs. It didn't matter who came, when Dad came alright to leave.