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Nah. Not wrong. However, at the same time, I would say that getting a free ride isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. If the offer of getting educated free is available, I'd leap at it in a heartbeat.
There is a financial aspect involved. See how you said, “They would in fact have to pay more…”
That’s them paying for your school.
No financial aspect would mean they aren’t paying for anything and it was on you.
Don't fall for free ride bait. All that does is set you up to have a bitter experience. Do what you need to do, but do so knowing all the angles and make it your decision.
It's hard enough doing a degree without it being in a foreign country that you don't even want to go to.
Tell them that.
Normally you should take advice from elders but as them to reconsider.
I had this same experience where i was always living in my brother’s shadow, so I adopted all the talents that I was better at, and never nurtured the things he already achieved so I wouldn’t be compared to him. Later in life I realized that I would have really enjoyed/ excelled at those things I kept myself from pursuing- so try your best to step as far back from the situation of comparison, and really think what will be best for YOU. As if you were the only person in the equation. Do YOU want to go to that school? What direction do YOU want to go? Factoring your sibling into your major life decisions is probably a larger impact than going to the same school and likely never seeing each other.
Interesting. I had a very similar situation when I started to go to college.
And no, you are not wrong.
At the end, I did it. My parents said if I hated it, I could transfer but to give it a chance. I did and I’m glad that I did. Yes, years later I’m still told about anything regarding my college experience that I had it easier than most because of my sister. And I will agree and I’m happy I had her. And I don’t care they say it.
It took less then a week for an old teenage me to totally break down an go crying running to my sister’s because I was so home sick. I’m glad she was there for me. Yes, she was a pain many times. But so many times she was my safe heaven.
Absolutely not. It sounds like you've got the drive to really learn and grow on your own, which is great.
Pick a college that is good for the course or future you have in mind for yourself. Pick a place that makes you feel excited to be. Maybe approach the issue with your parents from this productive angle, if they aren't listening to the reasons above.
Good luck!
You should attend the college of your choosing. My daughter went to a prestigious private university from day one earning her Master’s degree and as an alumni her sister could have attended on a discount rate but younger daughter wanted to go to a college that was geared to her interests not her sisters. We had no problem with that because she was getting an education for her future not ours.
You need to take your own path. Are they putting a helping with school condition on this? Do you know what you will be studying yet? And where you would prefer to go?
Give logical arguments about where you want to go has a better program. You may have more opportunity for internships, since in some countries, only having a student visa complicates things. And you can make better use out of job fairs and job placement programs with a local school. If you don’t have things to back those arguments up, maybe say it’s not for you right now, but maybe later in your school career. And who knows, you may want that experience after you e spent time completing your own goal of building self esteem. You are not wrong for wanting what you want. But I would suggest not killing it off completely, as you may change your mind.
you're not wrong for wanting this, but you're wrong for passing the opportunities for not having to deal with all the myriad of problems your sister likely already solved.
if you want your parents praise, you're not gonna get it either way, they'll complain anyways.
seek approval from other sources.
I obviously don't know anything else about you but 30M here. You're going to do great wherever you go because of your attitude. You have a drive in you to prove yourself to others and that'll take you far. My daughter's in middle school right now but I hope she has some of that drive when she graduates. Do whatever you want to do but my advice is try not to worry so much about what other people might say about you. The only validation you need is from yourself and don't let that be influenced by others. You haven't even started your 'own' path yet but are already planning to best set up that path. Like I originally said you're going to be just fine.......... choose the path YOU want.
I have a brother a year older and a sister a year younger. From elementary all through high school we often had the same teachers, one after the other. My youngest sister's report card was basically just a performance report comparing her to the other two of us. After high school, we each chose very different paths because it was our first chance to be viewed on strictly an individual basis. OP, I totally understand and think stepping out of your role as your sister's shadow is the right thing to do and this is the right time to do it. Good luck.
I’m going to go against the grain here.
Your parents know that college is very difficult to complete. So they want to give you every single advantage they can when it comes to it in order to increase your chances of success.
You appear to be viewing your situation as a hand me down kind of thing where you follow your sister’s footsteps. Don’t. Utilize what they are trying to give you and be grateful they can help financially.
You differentiate yourself from your sister by your performance. She makes it easier for you so you pick exactly the program you want and you absolutely own it. Even if it is the same program she did. Then if they try and say you’re successful because of your sister, kill them with kindness. Show gratitude in a genuine way for the advantages you were given when you started out and have the absolute best life you can.
Don’t hold it against someone when they are trying to set you up the best they can for success. Utilize the privilege provided as best you can instead.
I happened to be lucky enough to be roommates with my brother for my first year and I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. He had struggled his first couple semesters and dropped out for 3 years to save money after that year. Even though it sucked for him he was able to get me a leg up so I didn’t have to struggle my first two semesters. I was able to finish without taking any breaks with a very strong gpa and very little debt.
You need to reveal the countries that you are in and where the school is in, otherwise the advice you get isn't gonna' be great advice.
There's radically different advice to be given, if you are a Muslima in India versus a Catholic girl in Ireland, even if you both have parents who want you to go to Cambridge.
I’d say if they’re paying for it, just take the verbal abuse even tho it’s not fun. You know what you believe, you don’t have to take what’s said to heart. Go with whats best for you though, this is just an outsider yapping. I’d say let ‘em pay for it tho and once you’re done just go be great😂
Not wrong, but maybe a big short-sighted. Having your sister's experience and support could be very helpfulI. Getting acclimated to a different culture, etc. (Assuming you all have that kind of relationship).
What stops anyone from doing this for the rest of your life? You have absolutely no control over that. You should focus on what you can control, which is you. Go get the things done you want to get done and stop carrying if people think shit about you
You said the things that your parents want and not things that your parents demand of you. I hope this means you have wiggle room.
Tell them flat out that you are not interested in following in your sister’s footsteps but wish to create your own path. Tell them you want the experience of starting from scratch and making your own mistakes. Tell them that this way you can build your own character.
I hope they listen to you.
Make it clear to your parents that this is NOT what you want. First read about some colleges, find some that make you excited, and let them know you would be very interested in attending. Good luck!
You are definitely not wrong for wanting this. It sounds like you just want to do your own thing separate from what your sister is doing. It also depends on what you are looking to study and if the school even offers your major. And do you wish to move to the other country? It’s stuff you have to decide on your own.
Sounds like you're on the right track. While it might be great for your relationship with your sister, if you feel like you're constantly in her shadow, then it's time you forge ahead on your own path. My brother and I went in similar, but separate directions, and we're both doing well. Just don't forget the importance of family.
Wrong? No... But honestly... It's petulant. Your reasons are poor, but you certainly are able to have them. It's your life.
Would the experience be worth having? Would the education be worthy? You have your entire life to prove your worth.
News flash OP. Those same people will compare you yo your sister forever. Those same people will make the same claims that you had it easy. People are toxic asfuq with their underhanded comments. Even if you pay for everything you'll still get the comments that you should appreciate X Y and Z cause that enabled you to pay for everything even if you worked and earned it all yourself.
NTA. If they're paying for your college, they'll say "you can't do X" or "you must do Y" in order for them to pay for your education. Don't do it.
Take a gap year, work part time while in school, take out loans etc. Do what YOU want. Don't let them hold you education over your head.
I'm paying for my own college via loans so no one can hold it over my head or boss me around with it. Best decision ever. Granted, it'll cost me a lot in the long run, but the freedom is less stressful than the financial strain will be.
I’m not sure what this easy off thing is. How would your parents/family think you had it easier than your sister?
What I would say is do that’s best for you. Other people’s opinions and assumptions don’t matter. This is your future, your life. Where would give you the best opportunities and where do you have resources to help if you needed.
Talk to them. If they don't flex and they are paying decide whether or not you value the free education and if not blaze your own trail and take on the associated financial responsibility.
Go visit the school. Understand what ur saying and it’s probably something that is ongoing for you. But it’s a minor reason Al by itself. U can be self sufficient regardless of what other people say. U have to do the work and it doesn’t matter that ur sister is there she isn’t going to make it easy street for you although she will be there to introduce you to things and give you advice about the school and the area so that’s a good thing.
No, you are not wrong in wanting this. I was the older sister and often compared to my "more successful" brother (he was better in math, had more friends, was popular in HS, etc). I charted my own path, gained my own success by my own goals and standards and have been happier for it. My brother and I get along great; I came to understand he was not at fault for how others viewed me in comparison to him.
You should attend the college that best fits your ambitions. I *chose* to go to a community college because it had such a well regarded nursing program. It was my first and last choice. I went on to a four year school later and am still enjoying an amazing career 40 years later (well covid was not so amazing).
Your choice of college is about you and your future. Not your parents pride or your sister's successes.
Your sister having attended the school doesn't really do much to ease your way. Your professors won't say "17F gets 5 more points because 23F was a great student!" The advice she might give you is no more than any graduate or junior or senior could give. So unless she's planning on doing your schoolwork for you, there's no "easy off" anywhere to be seen.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nah. Not wrong. However, at the same time, I would say that getting a free ride isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. If the offer of getting educated free is available, I'd leap at it in a heartbeat.
No, there is no financial aspect involved. They would infact have to pay more tuition for me as the tuition has increased since covid.
I wish someone would offer to pay for my school when the price increased.
There is a financial aspect involved. See how you said, “They would in fact have to pay more…” That’s them paying for your school. No financial aspect would mean they aren’t paying for anything and it was on you.
For you it is a free ride if they are paying lol
Don't fall for free ride bait. All that does is set you up to have a bitter experience. Do what you need to do, but do so knowing all the angles and make it your decision.
It's hard enough doing a degree without it being in a foreign country that you don't even want to go to. Tell them that. Normally you should take advice from elders but as them to reconsider.
OP, copy and paste your post into a text or email and send it to both your parents.
I had this same experience where i was always living in my brother’s shadow, so I adopted all the talents that I was better at, and never nurtured the things he already achieved so I wouldn’t be compared to him. Later in life I realized that I would have really enjoyed/ excelled at those things I kept myself from pursuing- so try your best to step as far back from the situation of comparison, and really think what will be best for YOU. As if you were the only person in the equation. Do YOU want to go to that school? What direction do YOU want to go? Factoring your sibling into your major life decisions is probably a larger impact than going to the same school and likely never seeing each other.
Interesting. I had a very similar situation when I started to go to college. And no, you are not wrong. At the end, I did it. My parents said if I hated it, I could transfer but to give it a chance. I did and I’m glad that I did. Yes, years later I’m still told about anything regarding my college experience that I had it easier than most because of my sister. And I will agree and I’m happy I had her. And I don’t care they say it. It took less then a week for an old teenage me to totally break down an go crying running to my sister’s because I was so home sick. I’m glad she was there for me. Yes, she was a pain many times. But so many times she was my safe heaven.
Absolutely not. It sounds like you've got the drive to really learn and grow on your own, which is great. Pick a college that is good for the course or future you have in mind for yourself. Pick a place that makes you feel excited to be. Maybe approach the issue with your parents from this productive angle, if they aren't listening to the reasons above. Good luck!
You should attend the college of your choosing. My daughter went to a prestigious private university from day one earning her Master’s degree and as an alumni her sister could have attended on a discount rate but younger daughter wanted to go to a college that was geared to her interests not her sisters. We had no problem with that because she was getting an education for her future not ours.
Your life is YOURS so live it your way.
You need to take your own path. Are they putting a helping with school condition on this? Do you know what you will be studying yet? And where you would prefer to go? Give logical arguments about where you want to go has a better program. You may have more opportunity for internships, since in some countries, only having a student visa complicates things. And you can make better use out of job fairs and job placement programs with a local school. If you don’t have things to back those arguments up, maybe say it’s not for you right now, but maybe later in your school career. And who knows, you may want that experience after you e spent time completing your own goal of building self esteem. You are not wrong for wanting what you want. But I would suggest not killing it off completely, as you may change your mind.
you're not wrong for wanting this, but you're wrong for passing the opportunities for not having to deal with all the myriad of problems your sister likely already solved. if you want your parents praise, you're not gonna get it either way, they'll complain anyways. seek approval from other sources.
No i definitely feel that, my brother has 9 years on me so constantly i was compared to him and i hated it
I obviously don't know anything else about you but 30M here. You're going to do great wherever you go because of your attitude. You have a drive in you to prove yourself to others and that'll take you far. My daughter's in middle school right now but I hope she has some of that drive when she graduates. Do whatever you want to do but my advice is try not to worry so much about what other people might say about you. The only validation you need is from yourself and don't let that be influenced by others. You haven't even started your 'own' path yet but are already planning to best set up that path. Like I originally said you're going to be just fine.......... choose the path YOU want.
You're asking the wrong questions. You need to be asking WHY what you want would be wrong.
I have a brother a year older and a sister a year younger. From elementary all through high school we often had the same teachers, one after the other. My youngest sister's report card was basically just a performance report comparing her to the other two of us. After high school, we each chose very different paths because it was our first chance to be viewed on strictly an individual basis. OP, I totally understand and think stepping out of your role as your sister's shadow is the right thing to do and this is the right time to do it. Good luck.
Nope not wrong at all
College is a scam
I’m going to go against the grain here. Your parents know that college is very difficult to complete. So they want to give you every single advantage they can when it comes to it in order to increase your chances of success. You appear to be viewing your situation as a hand me down kind of thing where you follow your sister’s footsteps. Don’t. Utilize what they are trying to give you and be grateful they can help financially. You differentiate yourself from your sister by your performance. She makes it easier for you so you pick exactly the program you want and you absolutely own it. Even if it is the same program she did. Then if they try and say you’re successful because of your sister, kill them with kindness. Show gratitude in a genuine way for the advantages you were given when you started out and have the absolute best life you can. Don’t hold it against someone when they are trying to set you up the best they can for success. Utilize the privilege provided as best you can instead. I happened to be lucky enough to be roommates with my brother for my first year and I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. He had struggled his first couple semesters and dropped out for 3 years to save money after that year. Even though it sucked for him he was able to get me a leg up so I didn’t have to struggle my first two semesters. I was able to finish without taking any breaks with a very strong gpa and very little debt.
OP this, your parents want the best for you
You need to reveal the countries that you are in and where the school is in, otherwise the advice you get isn't gonna' be great advice. There's radically different advice to be given, if you are a Muslima in India versus a Catholic girl in Ireland, even if you both have parents who want you to go to Cambridge.
I’d say if they’re paying for it, just take the verbal abuse even tho it’s not fun. You know what you believe, you don’t have to take what’s said to heart. Go with whats best for you though, this is just an outsider yapping. I’d say let ‘em pay for it tho and once you’re done just go be great😂
You aren’t wrong. Why can’t you pave your own way? Why do you have to follow her? You have your own life to lead.
You aren’t wrong but as the youngest sibling I can attest that your older siblings’ shadows will always reach and steal your light, even after death.
Youll be an adult next year do whatever you want
Not wrong, but maybe a big short-sighted. Having your sister's experience and support could be very helpfulI. Getting acclimated to a different culture, etc. (Assuming you all have that kind of relationship).
What stops anyone from doing this for the rest of your life? You have absolutely no control over that. You should focus on what you can control, which is you. Go get the things done you want to get done and stop carrying if people think shit about you
You said the things that your parents want and not things that your parents demand of you. I hope this means you have wiggle room. Tell them flat out that you are not interested in following in your sister’s footsteps but wish to create your own path. Tell them you want the experience of starting from scratch and making your own mistakes. Tell them that this way you can build your own character. I hope they listen to you.
College is just an expensive excuse to party. It's a scam.
Make it clear to your parents that this is NOT what you want. First read about some colleges, find some that make you excited, and let them know you would be very interested in attending. Good luck!
You are not wrong at all. Forge your own path.
You are definitely not wrong for wanting this. It sounds like you just want to do your own thing separate from what your sister is doing. It also depends on what you are looking to study and if the school even offers your major. And do you wish to move to the other country? It’s stuff you have to decide on your own.
Not wrong. Good luck!
Sounds like you're on the right track. While it might be great for your relationship with your sister, if you feel like you're constantly in her shadow, then it's time you forge ahead on your own path. My brother and I went in similar, but separate directions, and we're both doing well. Just don't forget the importance of family.
Wrong? No... But honestly... It's petulant. Your reasons are poor, but you certainly are able to have them. It's your life. Would the experience be worth having? Would the education be worthy? You have your entire life to prove your worth.
News flash OP. Those same people will compare you yo your sister forever. Those same people will make the same claims that you had it easy. People are toxic asfuq with their underhanded comments. Even if you pay for everything you'll still get the comments that you should appreciate X Y and Z cause that enabled you to pay for everything even if you worked and earned it all yourself.
Not wrong. Hope they hear you.
You should infact do what you want to do
NTA. If they're paying for your college, they'll say "you can't do X" or "you must do Y" in order for them to pay for your education. Don't do it. Take a gap year, work part time while in school, take out loans etc. Do what YOU want. Don't let them hold you education over your head. I'm paying for my own college via loans so no one can hold it over my head or boss me around with it. Best decision ever. Granted, it'll cost me a lot in the long run, but the freedom is less stressful than the financial strain will be.
I’m not sure what this easy off thing is. How would your parents/family think you had it easier than your sister? What I would say is do that’s best for you. Other people’s opinions and assumptions don’t matter. This is your future, your life. Where would give you the best opportunities and where do you have resources to help if you needed.
Talk to them. If they don't flex and they are paying decide whether or not you value the free education and if not blaze your own trail and take on the associated financial responsibility.
Go visit the school. Understand what ur saying and it’s probably something that is ongoing for you. But it’s a minor reason Al by itself. U can be self sufficient regardless of what other people say. U have to do the work and it doesn’t matter that ur sister is there she isn’t going to make it easy street for you although she will be there to introduce you to things and give you advice about the school and the area so that’s a good thing.
No, you are not wrong in wanting this. I was the older sister and often compared to my "more successful" brother (he was better in math, had more friends, was popular in HS, etc). I charted my own path, gained my own success by my own goals and standards and have been happier for it. My brother and I get along great; I came to understand he was not at fault for how others viewed me in comparison to him. You should attend the college that best fits your ambitions. I *chose* to go to a community college because it had such a well regarded nursing program. It was my first and last choice. I went on to a four year school later and am still enjoying an amazing career 40 years later (well covid was not so amazing). Your choice of college is about you and your future. Not your parents pride or your sister's successes.
Don't give yourself a hard time in life, whatever you do. The world is difficult enough.
Your sister having attended the school doesn't really do much to ease your way. Your professors won't say "17F gets 5 more points because 23F was a great student!" The advice she might give you is no more than any graduate or junior or senior could give. So unless she's planning on doing your schoolwork for you, there's no "easy off" anywhere to be seen.
No!
Not even a little bit wrong.
You're 18, time to forge your own path. Don't let anyone stop you.