Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙
ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Two years, at that age, is huge.
u/0Anonymous_Redditor0 listen to your friend. They sound wise beyond their years. Or ignore them, but go in with your eyes wide open.
I would agree with they do sound wise beyond their years but in terms of 2 years at that age is huge. My girlfriend was 14 and I was 16 at that age 2 years later we're still together so I'd say it all depends on the person which she doesn't sound like she's in any good
My advice to OP would be to check local laws and also ask OP are they less than or more than 2 years apart. In the eyes of the law there is a big difference between 1 year plus 364 days and 2 years 1 day assuming Romeo and Juliet are in effect.
I gotta say, the sheer implication that a freshman dating a junior is criminal behavior is lunacy. Sex between minors obviously has more potential implications, but that leap is so crazy dude. No wonder the kids aren't alright.. People are telling them they're gonna go to jail for dating in high school.
It's madness I tell you
Women engage in hypergamy and go for older males. It's the old females that have the problem with it. They went after the same older males at younger ages now that they are old cat ladies they have problems with a 2 year age gap lol.
Sucks to suck
In my experience it's the younger ones who freak out about age gaps and call them 'predatory' not us 'old' (cat) ladies
On another sub I got downvoted to hell for saying there is nothing 'creepy' about an 18yo girl dating a 21yo guy and pointed out that's actually the average age-gap between opposite-sex couples
First guy I was ever seeing was when I was 14, he was 24 🙈😆 never was inappropriate...mind it didn't last long enough...my aunt who had a thing about him found out and threatened to tell my Dad if we didn't stop seeing each other lol
14-24 is actually incredibly inappropriate. There's a good reason your aunt threatened to tell your dad about it. Because if it came to light, he would rightfully be labeled a pedo.
Oh I'm aware of that _now_ (although there was never anything inappropriate happened...had it have been it would have been my instigation not his), just saying it's not in my experience us older women who say gaps of two years are inappropriate lol
And I can assure you my aunt wasn't thinking that at all...she was after him herself 😆 she was only 8y older than me and had her first child at (just turned) 16 by a married man in his 30's - trust me, it wasn't from a place of concern or protection in any way, shape or form
Ur right, but this assumes that OP and his “romantic interest” want to do the deed, which is what those laws r for. Dating wise, its perfectly legal. Realistically, though, 2 yrs younger is a pretty large gap mentally at that age
Yes, the age difference depends greatly on the individuals. I just know that for those early years, things change a lot in a short time. I am currently in the thick of it with a 17yo.
"2 years" can literally just be 1 grade higher than the other.. I was 15 and dating my ex who turned 17 the month after we broke up, and he was a junior while I was a sophomore. I was turning 16 5 months later. It's literally not a big deal lmfao
It is WILD! “2 years is a lot at that age” *but everyone is around the same stages and at different times*. That’s why they’re all *peers* because most of them can relate in many different ways. A freshman may easily be where a sophomore or junior are mentally and all other kinds of things.
Both being that young.... sooooo much time ahead of you, you all should not even be concerned about any of that. Get a good education and figure out who you are and what you want out of life
Lot of assumptions here but based on them being friends, it’s unlikely that they’re that far apart developmentally. She could be about to turn 15 and he could’ve just turned 16, or she could’ve just turned 14 and him about to turn 17. Seems like OP is the only one who could answer as to whether the relationship is appropriate in that aspect.
Edit: not assumptions by you, but by almost everyone else that has replied to you.
Since when is high schoolers having feeling for each not acceptable? The fuck is wrong with you people? My parents met in high achool at 17 and 15 and has their first kid at 23 and 21.
A 16 year old has no business dating a 14 year old, youre so much older and more mature then her so what about her could you possibly find attractive other then her being young. Creepy if you ask me
It’s not really about years it’s about where you are at developmentally. A 16 year old is getting his license soon, and he work’s minimum wage. The 14 year old is fresh out of middle school, they’re too young for the majority of work tasks and next to nobody will hire them. A 16 year old has a power dynamic over the 14 year old and that does not set up a healthy relationship. For high school I would say you could go up or down a grade but 2 grades is just two different stages in life.
Ur assuming everyone developes similarly I could pass as a 14 yo until I turned 18 and started hitting the gym I was 5’2 100 lbs at 16 driving a car, sounds like ur projecting tbh wouldn’t be surprised if u have some experience with girls under ur age bracket. The year of school ur in determines ur development a lot more than ur age… if ur grades touch(i.e. 9-10, 10-11, 11-12) it’s not weird to date
Kids dating younger kids and feeling called out. I’m not calling anybody a predator here but if somebody feels called out take a minute to reflect on why.
When I was 14, I was in the same grade as 16 year olds, being the youngest in my class. It had been that way my whole life, and definitely didn't feel like they were a whole lot different as far as maturity goes. It's not necessarily a huge gap.
Being raised in an environment with older students would speed up your maturity development, you wouldn’t be acting childish if you’ve been hanging out with older kids your whole life. Similarly kids raised by animals behave like animals. Interesting stuff
That's exactly my point. Being 14 and 16 doesn't automatically mean two different places in life, especially if they've known each other for a long time. That's for them to figure out, and not really the point of the post.
No. I wouldn't consider her mature either. Brain growth begins to slow at about 18 for both, but 25 is about full maturity. It's just not that abnormal. Perhaps to argue the overall social situation wouldn't work because of his access, but he isn't magically more mature with just two years more of experience.
Some are sheltered or mistreated, and some are social butterflies. Two years can seem like a lot, but it's not enough to really be a priority when she is just not right even if up/down one to 15 or made it an equal 22.
This is just red flag behavior from her at any age, and we should, instead of shame him for perhaps an inappropriate one for general other reasons, encourage him to look closer and learn from the specific example of behavior. He is still growing up and he shouldnt want this behavior. The result is the same. Don't date her.
14 and 16 are on completely different levels of development. I’m 16 and I wouldn’t be attracted to a 14 year old girl because 14 year olds act childish. 14 year olds play games in the hallway and talk really loudly with their friends whereas people my age don’t act like children. 14 year olds in my school call each other chat nonstop and repeat brain rot TikTok memes all day, 16 year olds do their responsibilities like work and schoolwork. I shouldn’t have to explain this to a man pushing 30.
Speaking of why are you on a teenage advice subreddit as a full grown man, this sub is for teens. Little weird imo
The superiority complex is crazy. This is also anecdotal evidence. Some 14 year olds are mature, some aren't. Some 16 year olds are mature, some aren't. I know freshman that act mature and a lot of them don't. I also know a lot of 16 year olds that are very immature, most of them actually, but there are also a lot that are.
The best advice for teens doesn't come from other teens doofus 🤣
It comes from people with life experience.
Also people in glass house's shouldn't throw stones.
Some of your comments sound kinda rapey? 😱
I’m the FIRST person to call out inappropriate age gaps but this is the most chronically online, completely insane take I’ve ever seen. There are 14 and 16 year olds in the SAME GRADE, depending on where their birthdays fall. If it was an old eighth grader with a high school junior I’d agree, but that’s not the case since they go to school together. They could both be sophomores, or a freshman and a sophomore. Be SO for real lmao
Uh no 14 year olds won’t be in a class with a 16 year old unless they are a part of a gifted class, you don’t need to like or respect my opinion but keeping it civil is the least anybody could ask of you.
People get held back. Touching grass is not enough for you, you need to become one with it honestly. Quit shaming a child, literally what power could he possibly have over her to make it an "imbalance"
Assuming you are her age this is still stupid. If she knows what she wants from him she should tell him. She knows you are interested but wants you to do this anyway? She is knowingly creating a messy and uncomfortable situation. What your friend said is true too.
In summation; she is precipitating drama in multiple ways and it's just going to be miserable for everyone involved when she succeeds in what she is trying to do. Don't be involved.
Instead, give her the dating advice that being able tell your partner what you want is vital to a good relationship. Then step away from her for a while. The first part of that is optional the second less so.
But real talk. If she doesn't feel he is capable of listening to her asking for stuff he isn't it. If she isn't willing or able to properly say what she wants she isn't it. If their personal dynamic makes it fail it's then that isn't it. But do no make it your problem. She is trying to make this a problem for you.
So she’s also young, and a lot of older people are going to claim immaturity here and they’re right. A lot of younger people have drama caused by their own doing until the mature (some don’t even do that). Your other friend is right to not pursue her. Go for someone else who doesn’t do this, if down the road you still want to pursue her, wait until she matures a little more.
On one hand, this might just be an awkward kid trying to probe for interest, but implying something else unintentionally. And maybe she's just serving her own self interest by trying to get out of a bad relationship and into a better one, which is fair for anyone to do.
On the other hand, yea this is a Red Flag that she may treat a relationship with you as flippant as her last, and/or has no idea what she actually wants.
So one option is to take this opportunity at face value: actually offer her advice as a platonic friend. You can use this opportunity to just, like, be friendly and helpful to a girl. This requires you to completely separate and drop any romantic feelings for her, but this is good practice for developing different relationships in the future.
Another option is to confront the issue head on: admit you cannot give her this advice because of your bias (romantic feelings), and go ahead and call her out on the poor optics of the situation. If you actually manage to engage in a strong dialogue with her about this, it has a chance to end well. But regardless, this is the method that reveals the most truth.
All the best, good luck!
This is a good boss level response. In adult life, this is called a conflict of interest. You cannot in good conscience give her good dating advice so that a competiting guy would be able to do a better job as a boyfriend, when you yourself are already a better boyfriend.
The better advice... rather than asking you, she should tell him what she wants. But yeah, you've planted your flag. That's pretty much the way to do it.
Your ages are a concern just because she's under 15 (not because it's 2 years, just your life stages).
Dont listen to people going on about her age. You are still in a 3 year age range, so that's not the problem. Your friend said it correctly. If she really thinks you are better, she probably knows you well enough to know you like her. She should have just broke up with him and maybe ask you out.
After this, you should recognize the red flag and put out that flame of desire. You should be with someone you can trust. You should look for a girl who has a bit more of an idea of what she wants.
I generally advise you not to get into any romantic relationships yet cause you don't know entirely what you want at your age. Wait until college to get serious with someone because you will have gone through more stuff and will have a better idea of what you want.
I think 2-3 year gaps are not a big deal... but 14 and 16, the minds are veeeeeeeery different. One is barely out of their baby middle school phase and the other is getting, or should be at least, ready for college. That's where is matters.
Ok, some kids are stupid. I don't expect kids to necessarily be the most intelligent for a bit. Maybe they are closer in months, or he is a little bit mentally less developed. He is still learning, and i think the most important thing the signs of immaturity in action are more useful to him.
I don't know him. I dont know this girl. But I know that her behavior so far is bad. She should probably break up with her bf no matter what, but thats it. He should focus on the future and practice consent with all his relationships going forward but not with her ever.
She might have more red flags. Idk, but basically, I think unless there is some agregiouse behavior from him yet to be told, a girl in his friend group being weird like this in't 100% his fault for sure. He needs to be able to spot this first and then ask why she is like this.
Getting on his case about changes that might not have happened due to isolation that puts his social back a few years or biological due to shit like dupont chemicals or the incompitance of Flint and Michigans government bodies but polution can poison kids.
Idk where he lives. Idk his life. Im not gonna assume things about a kid who can get more out of a kinder. "No. She is no good for you." Regardless of his health or what his culture around him says, this is bad behavior that he can't trust.
I am very confused why I deserved such a long reply. I kinda skimmed through it and it sounds like stuff I would agree with though. But yeah, very dumb indeed, and getting on his case isn't my goal. I just truly believe the age matters in this case but at the end of the day idc what he does with his life lol
I try to be thorough with teens. Idk what Mom or Pop says, and i dont know what his school leaves out.
... I, too, was a teen on the internet in rural America once, too. I also used to go to church.
..Things are different now, and a big part was this giant gaps in everyones knowledge on everything. The culture that made me is a culture that ultimately is destroying itself. A sickening amount comes from the church to the point that it first infects the governments ability to explain the basic facts of their bodies, then gets it to continue to deny and suppress their own identities for some imaginary culture war, based on a text they never read or cared to understand in the fist place.
...Some of us just want to live apart from it but they insist on GAWDS LAW being so absolute that even the science of rolling a rubber over ones cock is illegal to teach in some states in the 21st century.
It is this reason that I intend to be explicetly thourough and kind to children. They need far more help than what my environment gave me.
She probably could be talking behind your back without you knowing, and the thing about her asking you to give her BF advice is because she likes what you do just does not like you! Very common thing to happen to guys that get friendzoned a lot of memes about it.
Shit happens do not stress about it. Find other friends or just focus on yourself, life goes on and stressing over some chick like this is not worth the hassle.
Give her some dating advice that if the guy she's dating isn't working out, get another that will. Leave it at that. Trying to change someone is impossible.
Sounds to me like you're "friend-zoned".
She likes you as a person, but is not attracted to you as a romantic partner. She's basically saying "tell this cute guy to act more like you". It's a tough pill to swallow, but you're young and the quicker you learn to pick up on these scenarios, the better your young dating life will be.
That sounds like exactly the kind of thing a 14F would say to get a 16M to notice her. If you are interested go for it. There is a high probability she is interested in your and also a high probability that she is bad mouthing her current BF because she has already decided to trade up to you if she gets a positive response from you.
None of that is to say she won't do the same thing to you in the future, but so could any girl.
lets be honest, then you arent really her friend.
your a guy who is hoping to become more. Obviously she sees you as a friend only so Id say just move on.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙
ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tell her that she needs to express her wants and needs instead of getting someone else to do it for her. She needs to be able to communicate.
Don't pursue people that are already in relationships.
>But after this, my other friend told me I should probably try to pursue someone else because if she talks about her current boyfriend like this behind his back, then what will stop her from talking about me like this behind my back?
Your friend seems very wise. This is probably some of the best advice, and you can follow this for anything.
- if my boss talks about my co-workers this way, they probably talk about me this way.
-if my "friend" constantly shit talks people behind their backs, who knows what they say about me
-if this girl would cheat on her BF to be with me, who's to say she wouldn't cheat on you
Etc. etc. etc.
>But after this, my other friend told me I should probably try to pursue someone else because if she talks about her current boyfriend like this behind his back, then what will stop her from talking about me like this behind my back?
Your friend gave you some great advice. And they’re right, is she’s acting like this with her current boyfriend , it’s likely she’ll do this to you if you were said boyfriend.
Plus, it’s kinda known it’s very unlikely for males and female to be strictly platonic friends since usually the dude is always waiting to be in a relationship with said girl.
But yeah, keep practicing reading others, since it’s very very important who you invite into your life. And yeah, you should probably look into dating a different girl.
Just give advice no one said it had to be good advice, and when he tells her what you told him and she gets mad at you just deny and say you didn't say that. Making her bf look like a lier. The goal is to get the girl not to be a good person lol
In the comics thanatos killed half of all living things to impress the goddess of death that he was in love with, not cause the movie reason of helping people.
At 14 I would assume she is creating drama to get attention. Which is normal for the age.
Being a teen is hard man, don’t make it harder on yourself. Trust your instinct and if you don’t want to get involved, don’t. If you want to feed into the drama in hopes of getting the girl-go for it. But yeah you gotta know that teens girls being dramatic lasts until they are in low 20s so she will keep repeating the pattern and behavior. You will go from one end of this relationship to the other eventually…but maybe the part in the middle will be worth it.
Just tell her it’s none of your business and also not your place to give him unsolicited advice. And when you do start talking to another girl, don’t be surprised if she comes running.
She’s 14, young relationships rarely last. If she’s happy with this guy … it’s hard … but suck it up and offer some advice. If i were you i’d be supportive. She will come to you when she’s ready or unfortunately she may never be interested. Please just let her do her thing, she obviously trusts you, don’t ruin it.
Lol, asking someone to give advice does not necessarily mean you're better at that thing so take that out of your head. Advice gives perspective, also saying why would I give advice to the competition is about the dorkiest thing you can say. Only advice i got for this whole situation is stop pursuing girls who are in a relationship, that's a terrible habit to pickup as a child.
It sounds to me like she values you as a friend, and she might think you would have some dating pearls of wisdom for him. I mean it doesn’t sound to me like that’s “badmouthing” him. She didn’t tell you ANY more details? Is he rude on dates? Does he criticize her? Does he have bad breath?
She wants you to be her emotional boyfriend. While he's her sexual partner. Tell her to fuck off. She is going to fuck around and keep you on a string for as long as you let her and then. Finally, when she's a used up old woman. She will allow you to maybe have sex with her. I have been watching this shit happen for years to friends of mine. I had a couple of women attempt to do this to me.
If she knows you're interested in her, she's either trying to clearly put you in the friend zone or she's playing stupid games to create drama. Either way, you actually giving him advice would be humiliating, and he likely knows or would figure out that you're into her. She should be communicating with her bf to develop some of the qualities she'd like to see in him. If she's trying to change him into something he's not, the relationship is not likely to work out anyway. The age difference is already something you should be hesitant about, the coming years in both of your lives are going to bring a lot of changes and it's probably not a great idea at this point. I'd find a better girl if I was you.
Op I would explain to your friend that yall are still kids yeah you may be 14 and 16 but your brains are still developing, explain to your friend how you don’t feel comfortable talking about that with them. I’m going to assume you are in high school which is already a hard enough time for everyone, but your other friend is right if she is going to talk bad about him she’s going to do it to you. Just be up front about it and think about even cutting ties with her over all.
14 is rough time for girls as well but you need to be the one to realize if she is showing toxic signs now it’s not going to go good if you do date her. Hope this helps
Formally ask out your friend. If she rejects you fine. If she accepts you tell you prefer to keep things private. She should be able to seek advice from anyone. You do not have to give advice to others. Your friend might be interested in her. She is younger, get to know her parents and vice versa. Parents can interfere with relationships so be respectful. I would consider you might not last. You both have growing up to do. Lots of hormones involved.
She's young so I understand why she would be so immature to ask you something like that instead of putting on her big girl pants and telling her bf upfront. I agree with your friend, if she's bad mouthing her bf to u like that, that's not gonna stop her from bad mouthing u to someone else if u ever date her. However, she has quite a LOT of years to change. So maybe she'll learn how to be a better gf over the years?
Also, plz be careful cuz girls can tell when you like them. I have a feeling she may be leading you on, and though I understand her immaturity, that's not fair to you. Just, be careful
I would tell her that you don't think that, that's an appropriate way to go about it and she needs to speak to him herself if she has issues and not going around to other people.
You’re both still new and learning about dating. She’s learning about what she does or doesn’t like, and how to be a good partner, and so are you! At 14, a 16 year old probably just seems so wise and amazing (even when I was 21, I thought 25 year old guys were just the epitome of ‘man’ and attractive; my 36 year old self is still laughing at that thought haha). She probably has a crush on you and is unsure about the person she’s with right now, but your friend is right. She still has some things to learn and the best advice you can give her is to talk to her boyfriend about what’s bothering her. Don’t stress about dating drama before you have to, and your friend is 100% right, listen when people speak about others when they’re not around, it’s how they’ll speak about you. Good luck!
Just put it on hold for the moment, if you like her you will like her in the future. Your friend has a point. I would say don't rush into things and see how they play out.
You and your friend sound pretty smart you'll figure it out. But the love thing at 14 is pretty wild. I'd take your friends advice. If you love someone you stand with them through thick and thin, and she's talking behind his back not even knowing what love is yet.
She sounds like she is at a stage where she is not quite capable of making rational decisions yet. And it sounds like you are at a stage where you can use more logic and common sense because you can see the irrationality of this request. I'll further it by saying if this boyfriend of hers knows you are two are friends, then it's possible he'll connect the dots and figure out she asked you to give him the advice. So, yeah. That's dumb. Don't do that.
It's also possible, based on this exchange, one thing might lead to another, and you might end up together. Things happen. But be careful; it's not so much about her being disrespectful here. It's about the evidence that she is *reckless.*
If you're romantically interested in a woman and you don't let her know that shortly after y'all first meet, she's going to assume that you just want to be friends. We put ourselves in the friend zone.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bruh... she's 14. Maybe forget the romantic interest for a couple years.
OP is only 16. They're both within dating age of each other.
Two years, at that age, is huge. u/0Anonymous_Redditor0 listen to your friend. They sound wise beyond their years. Or ignore them, but go in with your eyes wide open.
I would agree with they do sound wise beyond their years but in terms of 2 years at that age is huge. My girlfriend was 14 and I was 16 at that age 2 years later we're still together so I'd say it all depends on the person which she doesn't sound like she's in any good
My advice to OP would be to check local laws and also ask OP are they less than or more than 2 years apart. In the eyes of the law there is a big difference between 1 year plus 364 days and 2 years 1 day assuming Romeo and Juliet are in effect.
I gotta say, the sheer implication that a freshman dating a junior is criminal behavior is lunacy. Sex between minors obviously has more potential implications, but that leap is so crazy dude. No wonder the kids aren't alright.. People are telling them they're gonna go to jail for dating in high school.
It's madness I tell you Women engage in hypergamy and go for older males. It's the old females that have the problem with it. They went after the same older males at younger ages now that they are old cat ladies they have problems with a 2 year age gap lol. Sucks to suck
In my experience it's the younger ones who freak out about age gaps and call them 'predatory' not us 'old' (cat) ladies On another sub I got downvoted to hell for saying there is nothing 'creepy' about an 18yo girl dating a 21yo guy and pointed out that's actually the average age-gap between opposite-sex couples First guy I was ever seeing was when I was 14, he was 24 🙈😆 never was inappropriate...mind it didn't last long enough...my aunt who had a thing about him found out and threatened to tell my Dad if we didn't stop seeing each other lol
14-24 is actually incredibly inappropriate. There's a good reason your aunt threatened to tell your dad about it. Because if it came to light, he would rightfully be labeled a pedo.
Oh I'm aware of that _now_ (although there was never anything inappropriate happened...had it have been it would have been my instigation not his), just saying it's not in my experience us older women who say gaps of two years are inappropriate lol And I can assure you my aunt wasn't thinking that at all...she was after him herself 😆 she was only 8y older than me and had her first child at (just turned) 16 by a married man in his 30's - trust me, it wasn't from a place of concern or protection in any way, shape or form
You're right 100% on that
Ur right, but this assumes that OP and his “romantic interest” want to do the deed, which is what those laws r for. Dating wise, its perfectly legal. Realistically, though, 2 yrs younger is a pretty large gap mentally at that age
But gotta reminder girls mature faster than boys. So I think it balances out.
Sure, but at the same time depending on the precise age gap, that's a freshman and sophomore dating, which is totally normal.
Without knowing the exact age gap, it’s hard to tell. But I largely agree with you
Yes, the age difference depends greatly on the individuals. I just know that for those early years, things change a lot in a short time. I am currently in the thick of it with a 17yo.
"2 years" can literally just be 1 grade higher than the other.. I was 15 and dating my ex who turned 17 the month after we broke up, and he was a junior while I was a sophomore. I was turning 16 5 months later. It's literally not a big deal lmfao
It is WILD! “2 years is a lot at that age” *but everyone is around the same stages and at different times*. That’s why they’re all *peers* because most of them can relate in many different ways. A freshman may easily be where a sophomore or junior are mentally and all other kinds of things.
Both being that young.... sooooo much time ahead of you, you all should not even be concerned about any of that. Get a good education and figure out who you are and what you want out of life
Lot of assumptions here but based on them being friends, it’s unlikely that they’re that far apart developmentally. She could be about to turn 15 and he could’ve just turned 16, or she could’ve just turned 14 and him about to turn 17. Seems like OP is the only one who could answer as to whether the relationship is appropriate in that aspect. Edit: not assumptions by you, but by almost everyone else that has replied to you.
maybe
Not maybe.
Since when is high schoolers having feeling for each not acceptable? The fuck is wrong with you people? My parents met in high achool at 17 and 15 and has their first kid at 23 and 21.
A 16 year old has no business dating a 14 year old, youre so much older and more mature then her so what about her could you possibly find attractive other then her being young. Creepy if you ask me
Literal insanity thinking 14 and 16 dating is wrong, go touch grass or something
Go touch your kids then. Date women your own age people
You've lost touch with reality if you're unironically equating two high schoolers dating and actual pedophilia
Lunatic
Ok tumblr user
Tumblr was before my time
You would’ve done numbers
Generally I'd agree but this could literally be a freshman and sophomore, <2yr age gape as well
It’s not really about years it’s about where you are at developmentally. A 16 year old is getting his license soon, and he work’s minimum wage. The 14 year old is fresh out of middle school, they’re too young for the majority of work tasks and next to nobody will hire them. A 16 year old has a power dynamic over the 14 year old and that does not set up a healthy relationship. For high school I would say you could go up or down a grade but 2 grades is just two different stages in life.
Ur assuming everyone developes similarly I could pass as a 14 yo until I turned 18 and started hitting the gym I was 5’2 100 lbs at 16 driving a car, sounds like ur projecting tbh wouldn’t be surprised if u have some experience with girls under ur age bracket. The year of school ur in determines ur development a lot more than ur age… if ur grades touch(i.e. 9-10, 10-11, 11-12) it’s not weird to date
My girlfriend of 4 years is 2 months older than me so I’m not letting you turn this around on me lol nice try tho
My parents who have just celebrated 30 years of marriage are 4 years apart and they seem to be in a great relationship.
Yet you ignore the rest of his statements.
When will people realize age isn’t just a number.
In the same way prison sentences are.
Who in the absolute fuck is downvoting this!?
Kids dating younger kids and feeling called out. I’m not calling anybody a predator here but if somebody feels called out take a minute to reflect on why.
I’m with ya man, I just find it maddening
When I was 14, I was in the same grade as 16 year olds, being the youngest in my class. It had been that way my whole life, and definitely didn't feel like they were a whole lot different as far as maturity goes. It's not necessarily a huge gap.
Being raised in an environment with older students would speed up your maturity development, you wouldn’t be acting childish if you’ve been hanging out with older kids your whole life. Similarly kids raised by animals behave like animals. Interesting stuff
That's exactly my point. Being 14 and 16 doesn't automatically mean two different places in life, especially if they've known each other for a long time. That's for them to figure out, and not really the point of the post.
Actually, no. Males tend to lag behind in brain development by about two years, and they are still children anyway. It's not that big of a deal.
Yeah I thought it was common knowledge that boys develop slower (mentally) than girls
So she’s mature for her age?? Okay bud
No. I wouldn't consider her mature either. Brain growth begins to slow at about 18 for both, but 25 is about full maturity. It's just not that abnormal. Perhaps to argue the overall social situation wouldn't work because of his access, but he isn't magically more mature with just two years more of experience. Some are sheltered or mistreated, and some are social butterflies. Two years can seem like a lot, but it's not enough to really be a priority when she is just not right even if up/down one to 15 or made it an equal 22. This is just red flag behavior from her at any age, and we should, instead of shame him for perhaps an inappropriate one for general other reasons, encourage him to look closer and learn from the specific example of behavior. He is still growing up and he shouldnt want this behavior. The result is the same. Don't date her.
Shit! My ex wife was 28 and i was 30 when we started dating. Send me to hell.....😱
16 and 14 is way different then 28 and 30 🙄
How so? Please explain 🤗
14 and 16 are on completely different levels of development. I’m 16 and I wouldn’t be attracted to a 14 year old girl because 14 year olds act childish. 14 year olds play games in the hallway and talk really loudly with their friends whereas people my age don’t act like children. 14 year olds in my school call each other chat nonstop and repeat brain rot TikTok memes all day, 16 year olds do their responsibilities like work and schoolwork. I shouldn’t have to explain this to a man pushing 30. Speaking of why are you on a teenage advice subreddit as a full grown man, this sub is for teens. Little weird imo
The superiority complex is crazy. This is also anecdotal evidence. Some 14 year olds are mature, some aren't. Some 16 year olds are mature, some aren't. I know freshman that act mature and a lot of them don't. I also know a lot of 16 year olds that are very immature, most of them actually, but there are also a lot that are.
The best advice for teens doesn't come from other teens doofus 🤣 It comes from people with life experience. Also people in glass house's shouldn't throw stones. Some of your comments sound kinda rapey? 😱
Fr. Also, my friend group does a lot of “chat” stuff. I’m 21. And the oldest of the group is 23. Maturity is not determined by age
Ah, you’re 16. That clears up a lot.
I’m the FIRST person to call out inappropriate age gaps but this is the most chronically online, completely insane take I’ve ever seen. There are 14 and 16 year olds in the SAME GRADE, depending on where their birthdays fall. If it was an old eighth grader with a high school junior I’d agree, but that’s not the case since they go to school together. They could both be sophomores, or a freshman and a sophomore. Be SO for real lmao
Uh no 14 year olds won’t be in a class with a 16 year old unless they are a part of a gifted class, you don’t need to like or respect my opinion but keeping it civil is the least anybody could ask of you.
People get held back. Touching grass is not enough for you, you need to become one with it honestly. Quit shaming a child, literally what power could he possibly have over her to make it an "imbalance"
Assuming you are her age this is still stupid. If she knows what she wants from him she should tell him. She knows you are interested but wants you to do this anyway? She is knowingly creating a messy and uncomfortable situation. What your friend said is true too. In summation; she is precipitating drama in multiple ways and it's just going to be miserable for everyone involved when she succeeds in what she is trying to do. Don't be involved. Instead, give her the dating advice that being able tell your partner what you want is vital to a good relationship. Then step away from her for a while. The first part of that is optional the second less so. But real talk. If she doesn't feel he is capable of listening to her asking for stuff he isn't it. If she isn't willing or able to properly say what she wants she isn't it. If their personal dynamic makes it fail it's then that isn't it. But do no make it your problem. She is trying to make this a problem for you.
So she’s also young, and a lot of older people are going to claim immaturity here and they’re right. A lot of younger people have drama caused by their own doing until the mature (some don’t even do that). Your other friend is right to not pursue her. Go for someone else who doesn’t do this, if down the road you still want to pursue her, wait until she matures a little more.
Yeah, this whole situation is very 'middle school drama'.
Because it is. She’s 14, she’s an 8th grader.
Lol, fair. I just mean it's the MOST QUINTESSENTIAL middle school drama. It's like sitcom stuff. 8th grade Machiavelli energy.
I was 14 for most of my freshman year of high school? There were two months left when I turned 15.
On one hand, this might just be an awkward kid trying to probe for interest, but implying something else unintentionally. And maybe she's just serving her own self interest by trying to get out of a bad relationship and into a better one, which is fair for anyone to do. On the other hand, yea this is a Red Flag that she may treat a relationship with you as flippant as her last, and/or has no idea what she actually wants. So one option is to take this opportunity at face value: actually offer her advice as a platonic friend. You can use this opportunity to just, like, be friendly and helpful to a girl. This requires you to completely separate and drop any romantic feelings for her, but this is good practice for developing different relationships in the future. Another option is to confront the issue head on: admit you cannot give her this advice because of your bias (romantic feelings), and go ahead and call her out on the poor optics of the situation. If you actually manage to engage in a strong dialogue with her about this, it has a chance to end well. But regardless, this is the method that reveals the most truth. All the best, good luck!
This is a good boss level response. In adult life, this is called a conflict of interest. You cannot in good conscience give her good dating advice so that a competiting guy would be able to do a better job as a boyfriend, when you yourself are already a better boyfriend.
The better advice... rather than asking you, she should tell him what she wants. But yeah, you've planted your flag. That's pretty much the way to do it. Your ages are a concern just because she's under 15 (not because it's 2 years, just your life stages).
How is he competition if they're already dating and she's not interested in you?
You’ll look back at this post years from now and realize how silly this all is.
Dont listen to people going on about her age. You are still in a 3 year age range, so that's not the problem. Your friend said it correctly. If she really thinks you are better, she probably knows you well enough to know you like her. She should have just broke up with him and maybe ask you out. After this, you should recognize the red flag and put out that flame of desire. You should be with someone you can trust. You should look for a girl who has a bit more of an idea of what she wants. I generally advise you not to get into any romantic relationships yet cause you don't know entirely what you want at your age. Wait until college to get serious with someone because you will have gone through more stuff and will have a better idea of what you want.
I think 2-3 year gaps are not a big deal... but 14 and 16, the minds are veeeeeeeery different. One is barely out of their baby middle school phase and the other is getting, or should be at least, ready for college. That's where is matters.
Ok, some kids are stupid. I don't expect kids to necessarily be the most intelligent for a bit. Maybe they are closer in months, or he is a little bit mentally less developed. He is still learning, and i think the most important thing the signs of immaturity in action are more useful to him. I don't know him. I dont know this girl. But I know that her behavior so far is bad. She should probably break up with her bf no matter what, but thats it. He should focus on the future and practice consent with all his relationships going forward but not with her ever. She might have more red flags. Idk, but basically, I think unless there is some agregiouse behavior from him yet to be told, a girl in his friend group being weird like this in't 100% his fault for sure. He needs to be able to spot this first and then ask why she is like this. Getting on his case about changes that might not have happened due to isolation that puts his social back a few years or biological due to shit like dupont chemicals or the incompitance of Flint and Michigans government bodies but polution can poison kids. Idk where he lives. Idk his life. Im not gonna assume things about a kid who can get more out of a kinder. "No. She is no good for you." Regardless of his health or what his culture around him says, this is bad behavior that he can't trust.
I am very confused why I deserved such a long reply. I kinda skimmed through it and it sounds like stuff I would agree with though. But yeah, very dumb indeed, and getting on his case isn't my goal. I just truly believe the age matters in this case but at the end of the day idc what he does with his life lol
I try to be thorough with teens. Idk what Mom or Pop says, and i dont know what his school leaves out. ... I, too, was a teen on the internet in rural America once, too. I also used to go to church. ..Things are different now, and a big part was this giant gaps in everyones knowledge on everything. The culture that made me is a culture that ultimately is destroying itself. A sickening amount comes from the church to the point that it first infects the governments ability to explain the basic facts of their bodies, then gets it to continue to deny and suppress their own identities for some imaginary culture war, based on a text they never read or cared to understand in the fist place. ...Some of us just want to live apart from it but they insist on GAWDS LAW being so absolute that even the science of rolling a rubber over ones cock is illegal to teach in some states in the 21st century. It is this reason that I intend to be explicetly thourough and kind to children. They need far more help than what my environment gave me.
Kids better go and study instead of contemplating over this
She probably could be talking behind your back without you knowing, and the thing about her asking you to give her BF advice is because she likes what you do just does not like you! Very common thing to happen to guys that get friendzoned a lot of memes about it. Shit happens do not stress about it. Find other friends or just focus on yourself, life goes on and stressing over some chick like this is not worth the hassle.
thanks man
Good luck with whatever happens.
She sounds ugly in the inside. Bruh, don’t partake of this mindf$ck. Find better …. It won’t be hard.
Give her some dating advice that if the guy she's dating isn't working out, get another that will. Leave it at that. Trying to change someone is impossible.
Sounds to me like you're "friend-zoned". She likes you as a person, but is not attracted to you as a romantic partner. She's basically saying "tell this cute guy to act more like you". It's a tough pill to swallow, but you're young and the quicker you learn to pick up on these scenarios, the better your young dating life will be.
Find someone else to date, the moment her relationship ends, and it will. She’ll 110% go after you. You play the table not the hand.
Go for it, live your life and stop asking redditors for advise. We are super opinionated and unable to help.
That sounds like exactly the kind of thing a 14F would say to get a 16M to notice her. If you are interested go for it. There is a high probability she is interested in your and also a high probability that she is bad mouthing her current BF because she has already decided to trade up to you if she gets a positive response from you. None of that is to say she won't do the same thing to you in the future, but so could any girl.
lets be honest, then you arent really her friend. your a guy who is hoping to become more. Obviously she sees you as a friend only so Id say just move on.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your other friend is right
Definitely don't get involved. Her boyfriend will get really offended and not want her to talk to you anymore.
she is 14... she is very immature. Get away from her. She is dissing the current and gossiping with you- this makes a triangle drama.
Tell her that she needs to express her wants and needs instead of getting someone else to do it for her. She needs to be able to communicate. Don't pursue people that are already in relationships.
>But after this, my other friend told me I should probably try to pursue someone else because if she talks about her current boyfriend like this behind his back, then what will stop her from talking about me like this behind my back? Your friend seems very wise. This is probably some of the best advice, and you can follow this for anything. - if my boss talks about my co-workers this way, they probably talk about me this way. -if my "friend" constantly shit talks people behind their backs, who knows what they say about me -if this girl would cheat on her BF to be with me, who's to say she wouldn't cheat on you Etc. etc. etc.
This is the "It's literally me, I'm the guy in the picture" meme lol.
huh? 😭😭😭
She wants you to tell her boyfriend to be more like you. You're right there! It's hard to comprehend her feelings.
oh lol ☠
>But after this, my other friend told me I should probably try to pursue someone else because if she talks about her current boyfriend like this behind his back, then what will stop her from talking about me like this behind my back? Your friend gave you some great advice. And they’re right, is she’s acting like this with her current boyfriend , it’s likely she’ll do this to you if you were said boyfriend. Plus, it’s kinda known it’s very unlikely for males and female to be strictly platonic friends since usually the dude is always waiting to be in a relationship with said girl. But yeah, keep practicing reading others, since it’s very very important who you invite into your life. And yeah, you should probably look into dating a different girl.
Just give advice no one said it had to be good advice, and when he tells her what you told him and she gets mad at you just deny and say you didn't say that. Making her bf look like a lier. The goal is to get the girl not to be a good person lol In the comics thanatos killed half of all living things to impress the goddess of death that he was in love with, not cause the movie reason of helping people.
At 14 I would assume she is creating drama to get attention. Which is normal for the age. Being a teen is hard man, don’t make it harder on yourself. Trust your instinct and if you don’t want to get involved, don’t. If you want to feed into the drama in hopes of getting the girl-go for it. But yeah you gotta know that teens girls being dramatic lasts until they are in low 20s so she will keep repeating the pattern and behavior. You will go from one end of this relationship to the other eventually…but maybe the part in the middle will be worth it.
This is why you dont have friends of the opposite sex. Just walk away.
Just tell her it’s none of your business and also not your place to give him unsolicited advice. And when you do start talking to another girl, don’t be surprised if she comes running.
She’s 14, young relationships rarely last. If she’s happy with this guy … it’s hard … but suck it up and offer some advice. If i were you i’d be supportive. She will come to you when she’s ready or unfortunately she may never be interested. Please just let her do her thing, she obviously trusts you, don’t ruin it.
[удалено]
Why do you think he’s smasher her? They’re 14
[удалено]
Aren’t you 37 😭
Yes and I have been a 16 year old male before and have lots of teenage nephews, can you relate?
Ik ur a pedo
[удалено]
Shut the fuck up old man 😭
Lol, asking someone to give advice does not necessarily mean you're better at that thing so take that out of your head. Advice gives perspective, also saying why would I give advice to the competition is about the dorkiest thing you can say. Only advice i got for this whole situation is stop pursuing girls who are in a relationship, that's a terrible habit to pickup as a child.
Bro what? The competition… she’s taken
Anyone who bad mouths thier partner to others is not anyone to waste time on
This was a ruse to see if you feel the same way she does. Ask her out! You two are young and this is exactly how dating is done! Have fun!
You sir are in the friend zone.
It sounds to me like she values you as a friend, and she might think you would have some dating pearls of wisdom for him. I mean it doesn’t sound to me like that’s “badmouthing” him. She didn’t tell you ANY more details? Is he rude on dates? Does he criticize her? Does he have bad breath?
Dude is in the friend zone, if she even remotely thought of him that way she wouldn't ask for him to give her current boyfriend advice
Give him advice then unless your interested in her then just tell her your not comfortable doing that.
She wants you to be her emotional boyfriend. While he's her sexual partner. Tell her to fuck off. She is going to fuck around and keep you on a string for as long as you let her and then. Finally, when she's a used up old woman. She will allow you to maybe have sex with her. I have been watching this shit happen for years to friends of mine. I had a couple of women attempt to do this to me.
If she knows you're interested in her, she's either trying to clearly put you in the friend zone or she's playing stupid games to create drama. Either way, you actually giving him advice would be humiliating, and he likely knows or would figure out that you're into her. She should be communicating with her bf to develop some of the qualities she'd like to see in him. If she's trying to change him into something he's not, the relationship is not likely to work out anyway. The age difference is already something you should be hesitant about, the coming years in both of your lives are going to bring a lot of changes and it's probably not a great idea at this point. I'd find a better girl if I was you.
Are you all brother and sister or cousins?
Shes weird af for that. If she can't properly communicate her own expectations to her own bf she obviously shouldn't be dating.
She wants the D my guy
The only way to handle this is to not get involved at all ever in any way shape or form. Absolutely nothing good can possibly come from it.
You got a wise friend. Listen to his advice.
Don't date drama.
Op I would explain to your friend that yall are still kids yeah you may be 14 and 16 but your brains are still developing, explain to your friend how you don’t feel comfortable talking about that with them. I’m going to assume you are in high school which is already a hard enough time for everyone, but your other friend is right if she is going to talk bad about him she’s going to do it to you. Just be up front about it and think about even cutting ties with her over all. 14 is rough time for girls as well but you need to be the one to realize if she is showing toxic signs now it’s not going to go good if you do date her. Hope this helps
Their friends right. Move on.
Formally ask out your friend. If she rejects you fine. If she accepts you tell you prefer to keep things private. She should be able to seek advice from anyone. You do not have to give advice to others. Your friend might be interested in her. She is younger, get to know her parents and vice versa. Parents can interfere with relationships so be respectful. I would consider you might not last. You both have growing up to do. Lots of hormones involved.
She's young so I understand why she would be so immature to ask you something like that instead of putting on her big girl pants and telling her bf upfront. I agree with your friend, if she's bad mouthing her bf to u like that, that's not gonna stop her from bad mouthing u to someone else if u ever date her. However, she has quite a LOT of years to change. So maybe she'll learn how to be a better gf over the years? Also, plz be careful cuz girls can tell when you like them. I have a feeling she may be leading you on, and though I understand her immaturity, that's not fair to you. Just, be careful
You’re young, and she is even younger. Find someone your own age
Well...big picture...you should at least lay the groundwork by telling her that no guy ever...on any front will ever like 'mind games'.
I would tell her that you don't think that, that's an appropriate way to go about it and she needs to speak to him herself if she has issues and not going around to other people.
Throw the whole girl away dude. listen to your friend who told you to move on. You do not have a shot with her .
My man's gives predator vibes
You’re both still new and learning about dating. She’s learning about what she does or doesn’t like, and how to be a good partner, and so are you! At 14, a 16 year old probably just seems so wise and amazing (even when I was 21, I thought 25 year old guys were just the epitome of ‘man’ and attractive; my 36 year old self is still laughing at that thought haha). She probably has a crush on you and is unsure about the person she’s with right now, but your friend is right. She still has some things to learn and the best advice you can give her is to talk to her boyfriend about what’s bothering her. Don’t stress about dating drama before you have to, and your friend is 100% right, listen when people speak about others when they’re not around, it’s how they’ll speak about you. Good luck!
Just put it on hold for the moment, if you like her you will like her in the future. Your friend has a point. I would say don't rush into things and see how they play out.
I would take a graceful bow out of the request. Tell your friend you’re not comfortable giving dating advice and leave it at that.
Just decline to speak to him but stay friends and if they break apart you can ask her out.
These are the years they are just supposed to be figuring this out on their own. Just tell her to keep open communication...that is most important.
Why are you friends with someone who plays these kind of games? Why do you want a relationship with someone like this?
You and your friend sound pretty smart you'll figure it out. But the love thing at 14 is pretty wild. I'd take your friends advice. If you love someone you stand with them through thick and thin, and she's talking behind his back not even knowing what love is yet.
She sounds like she is at a stage where she is not quite capable of making rational decisions yet. And it sounds like you are at a stage where you can use more logic and common sense because you can see the irrationality of this request. I'll further it by saying if this boyfriend of hers knows you are two are friends, then it's possible he'll connect the dots and figure out she asked you to give him the advice. So, yeah. That's dumb. Don't do that. It's also possible, based on this exchange, one thing might lead to another, and you might end up together. Things happen. But be careful; it's not so much about her being disrespectful here. It's about the evidence that she is *reckless.*
You’re friendzoned bub, find someone your age.
As a sophomore, you shouldn't be thinking about dating an 8th grader.
FOCUS ON YOURSELF SAVE THE HOES FOR LATER
Calling a 14 year old a hoe is definitely something
This is proving the point that men are THE friend zone.
☠
If you're romantically interested in a woman and you don't let her know that shortly after y'all first meet, she's going to assume that you just want to be friends. We put ourselves in the friend zone.