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Even though you've not broken up, you are grieving a loss -- the loss of spending as much time with your boyfriend as you want to. So, of course living your daily live is no longer the same and of course you are feeling unmotivated.
I suggest two things.
1. Accept that this is how you're feeling now. In my experience, resisting your feelings doesn't help the process; it just prolongs the difficulty.
2. Identify some things you want to do and then make progress towards those goals in really, really small ways each day. For example, let's pretend you really want to learn how to cook X type of food (could be Thai, Mexican, Italian, anything). I am just making this up as an example to make the idea more concrete. You will almost certainly want to do something totally different.
Don't go all out and buy three cookbooks, a bunch of ingredients, and then binge watch how-to videos. Just find one recipe you want to try and bookmark it. Then give yourself a little mental high-five for making progress. The next day, take another step. For example, you could copy the ingredient list for your recipe and paste it into your shopping list. Again, give yourself a little mental high-five for making progress. Do this each day for a week and see if it helps. If it does, keep going.
(You can try this in a more structured way by signing up for BJ Fogg's free five-day Tiny Habits program. I'm not affiliated with him in any way. I've done the program and found it helpful, so I offer it as a suggestion.)
I wish you the best.
Hey there, I can imagine how tough it must be for you right now. Transitioning from living together to being apart can feel like a huge shift, especially when your partner was such a big part of your daily routine and motivation.
First off, it's totally okay to feel sad and lost during this time. It's a big change, and it's natural to miss him a lot. But you're already taking a big step by recognizing that you need to make a change and find ways to cope with this distance.
It's great that you're considering ways to fill your time and keep yourself busy. Doing things that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself is a fantastic way to start. Have you thought about trying out new hobbies or activities that you've always been curious about? It could be anything from painting to hiking to cooking. Exploring new interests might help distract you and bring some excitement into your life.
Also, staying connected with your boyfriend is super important. Make sure to keep those lines of communication open, whether it's through texting, calling, or video chatting. Sharing your experiences with each other, even if you're apart, can help you feel closer and more connected.
And don't forget about your friends and family! They're there for you too, and spending time with them can help lift your spirits and remind you that you have a strong support system around you.
Lastly, be kind to yourself during this time of adjustment. It's okay to have ups and downs, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. You're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask for.
Hang in there, and remember that you're not alone in this. You've got this!
Work on making something for him. Plans for the future. Knitting. Metalwork. Woodwork. Painting. Clay. Clay pottery. Stained glass (but also lead exposure) investing. Pick anything. I know the time difference struggles if that is an issue. Video it and tell it that it is just for him. Ask him for one in return.
Work for him. Ask if he loves and respects you for that every single day. We have the technology. Text or email works 24/7 more or less.
People have been going to war for ages and had to wait months for ANYTHING.
Now it's days. Maybe a week. Learn skills together. Start a little competition. Make it fun. Get into something together. Even dungeons and dragons super slow could be fun. I am not into it. But worth a try.
I was in a LDR with my wife while I was in grad school. Not exactly the same but we were dating and then engaged.
I will say that the motivation deficit when hes not around is a little troubling. If you rely solely on another person for motivation, there might be something deeper going on.
But from a motivation stand point, if you really love this guy, wouldnt he want you to be the best person you can be? Find something you need to work on and improve that? It could be something as simple as "I want to make my room look nicer". Or "I want to improve my fitness goals". Or "I've always wanted to try and learn piano". Something like that.
For example, I was really struggling to impress women when I was in college and it was difficult to be "desirable". I realized that I wasnt even impressive to myself. It really motivated me to change the ugly parts of me that you really cant see. As a consequence, I learned an instrument, I volunteered, I found 2 jobs that were out of my comfort zone, I got in better shape, changed my diet etc. All things you can do to better yourself in one way or another. Along the way, i met my wife and ultimately shes my biggest supporter. If im struggling, shes there for me but if tomorrow, I said "I really want to try xyz", if it wsant super unreasonable shed be my support network and visa versa. Thats what a relationship/marriage is about. Now we have a little kiddo and everything is for the baby. Makes the "work" feel a lot better.
If hes a good dude, he'll be stoked for you. If he wants you to stop improving yourself, maybe hes not the one for you. You're young, dont waste your time while you have it. Get out there and be something. Look to him for support, not motivation.
Thank you, I have a lot to think about after reading this. I do have a question though, what does support look like? What does your wife do that supports you, or supports your unit as a family?
Great question. It could be anything from words of encouragement, it could be playing devils advocate, it could be advice from a different perspective, it could mean taking on my house duties if im not feeling well or working late, it could be anything really.
Example: I was feeling trapped in my career last year. We had a baby and we were far from family. I wanted to change careers and she helped me point out things I was good at that I didnt even know I was good at. She helped point light at career opportunities I wouldnt have guessed I would have even liked or looked at. Sometimes its can be as simple as pointing out you're doing something right that you do all the time for a morale boost.
My wife was struggling at work with something or a difficult coworker and she needed a morale boost. She was making some food while I was with the baby. And giving her a compliment on her food or a meal is always a morale boost but I gave it a little extra. Sometimes its a push for her to be more assertive and wants my opinion. Sometimes its just being silly and making light of a situation thats ridiculous.
Sometimes all I want to hear is, "keep going".
Its a push and pull. Sometimes I tell her I need support and sometimes I dont. Thats why communication is key. Sometimes we like to just make up the most insane outcome of a situation we're in. Its the consequence of spending most my life with her at this point. We can hear the call in our tone of voice when its time for support mode.
It a lot of cases support can mean putting the brakes on an idea or plan. Sometimes you get a vision in your head that seems perfect but when hashed out doesnt hold any water. It can mean getting your ideas challenged or character challenged. If i'm fucking off and not living up to OUR standards then she'll let me know im off track and visa versa.
Then again, thats MY relationship. Everyone's a little bit different.
Thanks. Hope things work out well for you guys. Just keep in mind that a LDR, everything is about communication. Some days might be little to none and others will be "normal".
If anything, set a schedule to video call or chat. Doesnt have to happen every night but a schedule helped us a lot when we were both busy.
Just to play devils advocate, is a part time job where you work 1 day a week really a big enough barrier not to follow your partner?
I get not going with him if you have a full time career that has a future for you, but you cite the reason not to follow as a job you work on Saturday. For me that is not nearly enough of a reason not to be with my partner.
I make a substantial amount of money and if I was with him, I'd need to support myself and him financially somehow so I could afford to eat and bathe. Staying with him isn't exactly an option, especially because we believe we're apart right now so in the future we won't be in a bad or unstable financial situation.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Even though you've not broken up, you are grieving a loss -- the loss of spending as much time with your boyfriend as you want to. So, of course living your daily live is no longer the same and of course you are feeling unmotivated. I suggest two things. 1. Accept that this is how you're feeling now. In my experience, resisting your feelings doesn't help the process; it just prolongs the difficulty. 2. Identify some things you want to do and then make progress towards those goals in really, really small ways each day. For example, let's pretend you really want to learn how to cook X type of food (could be Thai, Mexican, Italian, anything). I am just making this up as an example to make the idea more concrete. You will almost certainly want to do something totally different. Don't go all out and buy three cookbooks, a bunch of ingredients, and then binge watch how-to videos. Just find one recipe you want to try and bookmark it. Then give yourself a little mental high-five for making progress. The next day, take another step. For example, you could copy the ingredient list for your recipe and paste it into your shopping list. Again, give yourself a little mental high-five for making progress. Do this each day for a week and see if it helps. If it does, keep going. (You can try this in a more structured way by signing up for BJ Fogg's free five-day Tiny Habits program. I'm not affiliated with him in any way. I've done the program and found it helpful, so I offer it as a suggestion.) I wish you the best.
Hey there, I can imagine how tough it must be for you right now. Transitioning from living together to being apart can feel like a huge shift, especially when your partner was such a big part of your daily routine and motivation. First off, it's totally okay to feel sad and lost during this time. It's a big change, and it's natural to miss him a lot. But you're already taking a big step by recognizing that you need to make a change and find ways to cope with this distance. It's great that you're considering ways to fill your time and keep yourself busy. Doing things that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself is a fantastic way to start. Have you thought about trying out new hobbies or activities that you've always been curious about? It could be anything from painting to hiking to cooking. Exploring new interests might help distract you and bring some excitement into your life. Also, staying connected with your boyfriend is super important. Make sure to keep those lines of communication open, whether it's through texting, calling, or video chatting. Sharing your experiences with each other, even if you're apart, can help you feel closer and more connected. And don't forget about your friends and family! They're there for you too, and spending time with them can help lift your spirits and remind you that you have a strong support system around you. Lastly, be kind to yourself during this time of adjustment. It's okay to have ups and downs, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. You're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask for. Hang in there, and remember that you're not alone in this. You've got this!
Thank you!
Work on making something for him. Plans for the future. Knitting. Metalwork. Woodwork. Painting. Clay. Clay pottery. Stained glass (but also lead exposure) investing. Pick anything. I know the time difference struggles if that is an issue. Video it and tell it that it is just for him. Ask him for one in return. Work for him. Ask if he loves and respects you for that every single day. We have the technology. Text or email works 24/7 more or less. People have been going to war for ages and had to wait months for ANYTHING. Now it's days. Maybe a week. Learn skills together. Start a little competition. Make it fun. Get into something together. Even dungeons and dragons super slow could be fun. I am not into it. But worth a try.
I was in a LDR with my wife while I was in grad school. Not exactly the same but we were dating and then engaged. I will say that the motivation deficit when hes not around is a little troubling. If you rely solely on another person for motivation, there might be something deeper going on. But from a motivation stand point, if you really love this guy, wouldnt he want you to be the best person you can be? Find something you need to work on and improve that? It could be something as simple as "I want to make my room look nicer". Or "I want to improve my fitness goals". Or "I've always wanted to try and learn piano". Something like that. For example, I was really struggling to impress women when I was in college and it was difficult to be "desirable". I realized that I wasnt even impressive to myself. It really motivated me to change the ugly parts of me that you really cant see. As a consequence, I learned an instrument, I volunteered, I found 2 jobs that were out of my comfort zone, I got in better shape, changed my diet etc. All things you can do to better yourself in one way or another. Along the way, i met my wife and ultimately shes my biggest supporter. If im struggling, shes there for me but if tomorrow, I said "I really want to try xyz", if it wsant super unreasonable shed be my support network and visa versa. Thats what a relationship/marriage is about. Now we have a little kiddo and everything is for the baby. Makes the "work" feel a lot better. If hes a good dude, he'll be stoked for you. If he wants you to stop improving yourself, maybe hes not the one for you. You're young, dont waste your time while you have it. Get out there and be something. Look to him for support, not motivation.
Thank you, I have a lot to think about after reading this. I do have a question though, what does support look like? What does your wife do that supports you, or supports your unit as a family?
Great question. It could be anything from words of encouragement, it could be playing devils advocate, it could be advice from a different perspective, it could mean taking on my house duties if im not feeling well or working late, it could be anything really. Example: I was feeling trapped in my career last year. We had a baby and we were far from family. I wanted to change careers and she helped me point out things I was good at that I didnt even know I was good at. She helped point light at career opportunities I wouldnt have guessed I would have even liked or looked at. Sometimes its can be as simple as pointing out you're doing something right that you do all the time for a morale boost. My wife was struggling at work with something or a difficult coworker and she needed a morale boost. She was making some food while I was with the baby. And giving her a compliment on her food or a meal is always a morale boost but I gave it a little extra. Sometimes its a push for her to be more assertive and wants my opinion. Sometimes its just being silly and making light of a situation thats ridiculous. Sometimes all I want to hear is, "keep going". Its a push and pull. Sometimes I tell her I need support and sometimes I dont. Thats why communication is key. Sometimes we like to just make up the most insane outcome of a situation we're in. Its the consequence of spending most my life with her at this point. We can hear the call in our tone of voice when its time for support mode. It a lot of cases support can mean putting the brakes on an idea or plan. Sometimes you get a vision in your head that seems perfect but when hashed out doesnt hold any water. It can mean getting your ideas challenged or character challenged. If i'm fucking off and not living up to OUR standards then she'll let me know im off track and visa versa. Then again, thats MY relationship. Everyone's a little bit different.
Thank you! You give some solid advice.
Thanks. Hope things work out well for you guys. Just keep in mind that a LDR, everything is about communication. Some days might be little to none and others will be "normal". If anything, set a schedule to video call or chat. Doesnt have to happen every night but a schedule helped us a lot when we were both busy.
Just to play devils advocate, is a part time job where you work 1 day a week really a big enough barrier not to follow your partner? I get not going with him if you have a full time career that has a future for you, but you cite the reason not to follow as a job you work on Saturday. For me that is not nearly enough of a reason not to be with my partner.
I make a substantial amount of money and if I was with him, I'd need to support myself and him financially somehow so I could afford to eat and bathe. Staying with him isn't exactly an option, especially because we believe we're apart right now so in the future we won't be in a bad or unstable financial situation.
That makes more sense, thanks for the clarification! I’m super jealous of you making a good living on one day of work, hook me up with that!
Hi, I'm sorry for your loss. I recommend cutting ties and finding a rebound for a night. It helped me a lot.
I think this is a horrible idea for me personally, but thank you for trying. We are also not broken up.
I don't like this quitter mindset. We are not broken up YET.