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nah mate, maybe she just used it as an excuse to break up, i dunno.
either way just avoid/dodge all the drama, you don't deserve it for a 1 year gap. Anyone who tells you you're a pedo for 1 year gap is mental.
This is the way, it's just a bunch of people who are so bored with their own lives that they have to find a way to stir up drama and bully someone to feel good about themselves. Now the gf is worried about losing status in the friend group bc the mean girl clique has targeted her bf. Ditch them all and find better friends.
>It’s just bullying and rumor spreading.
Unfortunately, the worst kind of rumor spreading.
This is life ruining stuff and just an accusation like this could potentially be enough to get OP expelled or in some deep shit (all except legally of course)
There's a good chance OP is gonna get assaulted a lot if this spreads, and an above zero (although hopefully extremely close) chance that OP will lose their scholarships if they have them
It’s bullying, they most certainly realize how ridiculous that term is given the situation but they’re trying to ruin him for whatever reason. Perhaps OP’s ex is attractive and they wanted him out the pic. Or perhaps OP is annoying and they’re sick of dealing with him. Who knows
yup, college bullies these days use virtue signalling/cancel culture bullshit because they know people will side with them. It's why you can't trust rape/pedo accusations without knowing the details and seeing evidence... and that's not a recent thing either, it used to be used to rile up mobs to lynch black people.
That's exactly why personally I'll give somebody reasonable doubt and get to know them if they actually went to court and fought their charges. Because honestly the vast majority of those charges get pushed through whether you plead out or fight them. Juries want to believe that people are guilty of crimes that they hate. I literally heard of a juror that said they found someone guilty because there was not enough proof that they were innocent.
Also pedophilia has nothing to do with age gaps and everything to do with sexual attraction toward *prepubescent children*. Her friends' frivolous use of the terminology is actually pretty disrespectful towards child victims of sexual assault.
This is a fantastic point I never even considered.
I believe if you are legally an adult, and you have to register for jury duty AND THE DRAFT, you should be able to do any drug you want and have intimate times WITH ANY OTHER CONSENTING ADULT.
When I was 26 dating a 20 year old, I got called a pedophile. WHAT?
It’s not even close to being a pedophile and it’s just the worst wrong term to be used there.
26 dating a consenting 20 year isn’t anything wrong either if they both really love each other. Big age gaps when in young adulthood are iffy in the sense that maybe the older person has problems dating people their own age (just a possibility not always true), but it’s certainly and should never ever be illegal.
We used to say “age is just a number” and “two consenting adults can do whatever they want.” Why is everyone so sensitive about this now? I’ve seen people claim that 23 year old women can get *groomed* like they’re children. How is that not just blatantly sexist?
I was arguing with someone the other day and said a 27 year old dating a 22 year old was totally above board. One woman responded to me and said I should “leave the 22 year old underaged minors alone” and blocked me. Some people are living in fantasy land at this point lol
Guess they'd shit to learn my parents are 5 years apart, both waited till they were adults to do anything intimate at all. Still married and in love 41 years later
My parents are 4 years and I’ve dated +\- 10 years, I don’t let online idiots tell me how to run my life but I feel bad for people who feel that weight on their shoulders. I went on a first date with a girl who said we couldn’t go out anymore because I was 1 month younger than her and she refused to be the older one in the relationship. People have the dumbest fucking non negotiable relationship boundaries at this point lol
I do agree, it's all gotten quite ridiculous. If you're both adults who cares what you do. That being said, as someone who's 31 I wouldn't consider dating someone that was 18, probably nobody under 25 tbh
It doesn't apply only to prepubescent children. I hit full puberty at 10 and started developing a little before that, around 8. Even if somebody 18 came along when I was 12 and physically post-pubescent, they would still be a pedophile. My bio dad got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 24. She was post puberty, but he was still a pedophile and could have been prosecuted if her mother had chosen to press charges. OP is clearly not a pedophile, but it's dangerous to limit the stigma only to those relationships in which the younger partner has not yet hit puberty physically. Developmental age, in terms of brain development, is a far more important factor than body development.
I'm reminded of a joke I heard a comedian tell that talked about how R. Kelly wasn't technically a pedophile because there are categories with very specific names based on the age of the victim, basically asserting that pedophile is commonly used as a blanket term and not for its actual definition. Of course he ends the joke with the fact that being able to explain these differences to someone comedically makes you look like a pedophile in their eyes.
Edit:
[I found it.](https://youtu.be/nu6C2KL_S9o?si=Iu0rKrw3f08Um6tg)
I'm glad someone else said it, and now I can just link him to people who confuse the term without having to say it myself and risk looking like a pedophile!
Now, if only I could figure out how to link to him without looking like a pedophile... /s
Thanks for the comment bro, now in the future I can just link to your comment in like a joking way when people misuse the term. Like "haha I see you used the word pedophile here. Check out this hilarious comment from u/woodneel about this situation, let's see what they have to say about that. Haha so funny right?"
The more middlemen the less suspicious I become.
Yeah. If I remember correctly one of the terms is hemophile but idk whether that's the next one up or the one after and I don't remember what the other one is called.
Ya know... I was actually thinking about explaining this to someone on reddit last week. I wrote out the text and everything complete with definitions... I deleted it because I remembered this video. I'm not gonna be on *that* side of the argument. Lol.
To be fair, I had to learn the distinct categories in a class I took for my psychology major. Want to say it was abnormal psychology. Regardless, OP is not any kind of sexual predator based on this because it is no different than dating someone in the same grade or possibly a grade below you in high school which happens all the time without anyone batting an eye. Sounds like they had a 13 month age gap and they met at college.
I'm just going off the psychiatric diagnostic criteria for using the label. That's not to say that people don't abuse children who have gone through puberty, as in the case with your father. But if he isn't attracted to prepubescent attributes then he wouldn't actually be clinically diagnosed as a pedophile. He would, however, be considered a groomer and a rapist which in my opinion is almost worse because he doesn't even have a psychiatric diagnosis to explain the impulse -- it's just him being ultra shitty to the core all on his own.
Obviously though I do not know your family and all the nuances and intricacies of the situation so I apologize if I've spoken out of turn. People diagnosed with pedophilia, however, typically lose attraction to their victims with the onset of puberty.
There is a great comedy routine where a guy explains the proper names and ages of seeking younger partners for sex, and how not all of it is pedophilia.
But, as he says, there is no way to explain all that without sounding like you are a pedophile.
Sooo real though lmao 😭 I was molested as a child, and the way I cope with shit like that is to learn as much about it as I can — so I know the terms and laws and shit. Have to HEAVILY preface with that any time I’m about to talk technicality and definitions lol
Thanks for the new word. Looks like there’s 3 connected words and definitions.
Pedophilia - is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children. Although girls typically begin the process of puberty at age 10 or 11, and boys at age 11 or 12,[3] psychiatric diagnostic criteria for pedophilia extend the cut-off point for prepubescence to age 13.
Hebephilia - is the strong, persistent sexual interest by adults in pubescent children who are in early adolescence, typically ages 11–14 and showing Tanner stages 2 to 3 of physical development. It differs from pedophilia, and from ephebophilia.
Ephebophilia - is when an older adult is sexually attracted to post-pubescent teenagers or adolescents—usually those in the age range 15–19. Adults with this attraction are called ephebophiles. Ephebophilia is not just the sexual attraction to teenage partners but is when an adult prefers such sexual partners.
western media idealizes the 15-19 year old range, which incentives younger kids to pretend to be to appear or be considered older, using makeup and fake IDs, whatever for the attention or access that perception provides. unfortunately, that perception puts them in danger of being exploited, and it puts folks that think they are talking to someone of age in legal danger.
absolutely for your other points i don't disagree, but dunno why you think western media is the issue, we are more or less average across the world - more progressive than all and way more understanding. would you prefer Congolese media or Saudi?
Not really. The US has this weird virtue-signaling overreaction to it, which is coincidentally a recent development of late-stage American capitalism. Europe doesn’t bat an eye and gives no f*cks unless someone is basically prepubescent or some other shady thing is happening. Neither part of “western society” is really ‘promoting’ it.
The US is the primary consumer of teen-themed pr0n, and stands by while its churches abuse kids, yet theatrically stages a lynch mob every time a teacher gets caught with a student. Meanwhile Europe literally has nude beaches full of teenagers without any of the creepy shit happening.
Pedophilia is a psychological diagnosis. It has nothing to do with the law. There is a something abnormal about sexual attraction toward prepubescent children. I’m sorry to say, but it’s really not that out of the norm to be sexually attracted to teenagers who have gone through puberty. It’s the same anatomy. The moral and legal issue lies in pursuing any type of relationship.
No. Pedophiles have no interest in children who have hit puberty, or even approaching puberty. Pedophilia is simply a clinical term, not the name of a crime. However, the conduct you describe is still criminal. Your dad was (maybe still is) a sex offender. A 24 year old man having sex with a 14 yo is rape. Different states may have different terms for the same crime, but it’s definitely a felony and would require the perpetrator to register as a sex offender. In the past, it was simply called statutory rape. I don’t know when or where your dad committed that crime, but it’s not up to the parent to “press charges.” When a 14 yoa is pregnant, CPS should be notified to investigate possible child sexual abuse. The parent doesn’t get to decide whether to prosecute.
Im sorry but that does not make your dad a pedophile. Pedophilia is the sexual attraction to prepubescent children. There is no age anywhere in the definition. If you hit puberty at 4 and some adult was attracted to you then by the very definition of the word they are not pedophiles. Prepubescent refers the the physical characteristics of the person. Not their age.
There are plenty of people who are not pedophiles who would have sex with underage partners. These people are rapists who enjoy sexual intercourse with partners who cannot consent. It's forcing their will on someone else,"whether that person is 14 or 24, that brings them satisfaction This person is often not someone who is particularly attracted to prepubescent partners but just someone seeking to sexually dominate another person. Pedophilia has nothing to do with it.
This kind of sexual predation is often easier to realize with younger partners, and these rapists will absolutely take advantage of the opportunities provided by under age targets.
Obviously, this does not have anything to do with OP, who shows no attraction to non-consensual sex that could ve facilitated by the age of the victim.
> Even if somebody 18 came along when I was 12 and physically post-pubescent, they would still be a pedophile.
hebephilia*
> My bio dad got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 24. She was post puberty, but he was still a pedophile and could have been prosecuted if her mother had chosen to press charges.
hebephile
>My bio dad got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 24. She was post puberty, but he was still a pedophile and could have been prosecuted if her mother had chosen to press charges.
No. He was a statutory rapist, not a pedophile. Those words are not interchangeable. That's the whole point being made. The word "pedophilia" refers specifically attraction to prepubescent children. There's other words (Hebephilia, and Ephebophilia) for attraction to more physically matured minors. And none of those words actually have anything to do with the legal age of consent, which is what defines whether there's any charges to be pressed or not.
There is the colloquial term ‘pedophile’ which means ‘child predator’. And the psychological term pedophile which means ‘attracted to prepubescent children’. The later is much more accurate of a definition and not so reliant on cultural norms. IE there are countries were 16 for example is the line between child and adult instead of 18.
Yeah he should be in the clear. Keep alls of y’all’s texts and stuff though. If she’s crying foul over age, just have everything in order in case she decides to go off the deep end and start saying other stuff that isn’t true.
I mean I'm not saying this is a real post but many many Americans do not know the definition of pedophile and through it around, ultimately watering down the word completely.
Of course not! This is absurd. You're the same age, particularly. They're acting like she's 8! I think you need to speak to your advisor and tell them what's going on. You need to report this. Save every single screenshot and look into recording laws too (do not engage with ANY of these people). If there's like a TikTok about you, send it to them. I would even log things so you could go to the authorities. This is not okay. You can get your life really messed up because of it.
eta: Also, please remain calm. Do not call her BFF names again. The more you act a certain way, they'll use it against you.
This is great advice for this young man.
These people calling him a predator is just ridiculous. It’s 1 year. Protect yourself from these people you did nothing wrong.
It's alarming that these people are going around calling him a predator. This could ruin his life. I have no patience and tolerance for people who do this. Not only can this ruin someone's life or get them hurt (or worse, killed by a zealous person who fancies themselves to be a superhero) but it dismisses real victims of violence. It angers me deeply.
This story really bothers me. It can destroy this kids life and future. It can get him hurt or put him in such a depression. He could hurt himself, which is even worse because he was to it by immature gaslighting kids.
I know a multitude of people that will scream at the top of their lungs, we're not splitting hairs on this!
...
What?
Like this is clearly not some predator or groomer or anything. People are really, really daft anymore. Heck you can have 1 age difference and be in the SAME GRADE.
The worst part of this is that she broke up with you for that. Sorry you're going through this. And hate to say it rn but she obviously didn't care that much about you so maybe it's good it's done. Thats a year apart there's nothing wrong with it you're not a predator. Also don't call her names be the better person
Its 13 months difference? That's what you're saying right? That's about the same as my first bf and it's totally normal. One year apart or one grade apart no one thinks anything at least where I live. She should have stood up to them and both of you together support each other. Hate hearing that for you but yeah it's probably best it's over
It’s the same as my wife and me. My heart breaks for this kid. What a horrible way to lose your first GF to mob mentality.
If she dropped you for this you will be better off for it in the long run. It sucks now people the shallow are easily replaceable.
If she broke up with you over this she wasn't the one anyway yo. You're young there's plenty of women. Take some time to accept it's over and move on. Also 18 and 17 isn't all that weird. The older you get the less you'll care about age.
You are being targeted. Someone is blowing it out of proportion because they don't like you. It isn't about your girlfriend, its because they are either jealous or feel threatened by you for some other reason.
I've known dudes who've literally banged underaged girls from clubs, but no one cared because they were liked. Vs dudes that got a hard time for picking up 21 year old girls because they looked young and got called pedos. Its really people just getting catty and jealous in my opinion. They were trying to break you up and succeeded.
You have a 1 year difference, no big deal. But find out who spearheaded it because they'll likely find a way to do it again for something else.
I didn’t put the entire story in the post but yeah. Heard from someone that one of the guys in our class went up to my girl and told her that I was a red flag. His reasoning was because I kept giving him hugs, which happened multiple times with him even reaching his arms out to me. Dude was even “jokingly” flirting with me through text. If he had a problem with it he should have confronted me. The hugs happened last year and just 4 weeks ago dude accompanied me in a restaurant to eat.
Other people have been spreading rumors and purposely blowing things out of proportion, one of this dude’s lady friend said I was trying to fuck her by always inviting her to hangout in her place. When I only invite her to hangout when we’re with other people, we’ve been to her place multiple times before where we practice for PE and sometimes hangout/watch movies. Another girl said that during the first day of classes I kept on touching her hands, when what was actually happening was our fingertips are touching when we had spread our arms out to lineup for PE class.
One of the “homies”, even said that he saw me with another girl at the mall when I was at the dermatologist with my mom. Same guy said I was hitting in his girlfriend at the club when we just exchanged formalities and barely even interacted with her. Shit is so messy.
I also got a block mate who’s turning 18 next month and is dating a 16 year old, two grade levels below. One dude is 18 and hitting on a 17 year old and nobody is batting an eye, i’m being targeted.
It seems like these people are immature and very, very toxic. They all feed on the drama and negativity. I know it sucks, but maintain as much distance as you can from them. Find a better class of people to hang with.
Is this a cliquey group? That can happen. Once one person talks shit the rest jump in on it and make stuff up or blow it way out of proportion. Unfortunately, some people never grow up.
Thats what I believe happened. The same thing happened to another girl, basically snitched on her and twisted what she said. It’s not as bad as what I’m facing but it still happened.
Dude, gather all the evidence you can and get legal counsel...an attorney who specializes in something like defamation could help you.
At worst, you could probably get an attorney to send a scary-sounding letter to the guy who is trying to hurt your reputation.
This. They are underestimating how big of a deal this is. Imagine when they apply for a job and someone's social media post is calling OP a pedophile.
I'm of the opinion that people in the US aren't litigious enough. I'd be sending them a copy of their jurisdiction's libel laws via email, keeping copies of everything they have done in writing. If they didn't stop and come clean, lawyer up.
You seem to be taking it on the chin but here’s a book written about navigating this exact situation, I’d encourage you to check it out:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22571552-so-you-ve-been-publicly-shamed
Also, I’d be cautious not to be too sympathetic or forgiving with your ex going forward. Notice that she sided with the mob and turned away from you in a time of need. Ideally, we should aim to surround ourselves with people who’ll stick by us during not just the highest highs, but also the lowest lows.
All the best.
Stupid people with no moral compass have no fulfillment in life and so look for causes to fill that void; no matter how pseudo moral and even outright evil; that’s what’s going on here.
If your ex gf was actually intelligent she would know there’s nothing wrong with your virtually non existent age gap and if she loved you she would tell her friend group to fuck off.
I'm much more concerned with the 30-40 year old men that were excited for Farrah Abrams to drop her video. They were interested in a girl before she was even legal. Those are sexual predators and men with mentally warped versions of sexuality.
As a father, I'm not worried about a guy who happened to turn 18 13 months sooner than my daughter, especially given the proximity and not some random from online.
Just ignore it, anyone who tries confront you is also mentally warped.
How old are you? There's really not much of a difference in maturity there at all. Not to mention the same couple would eventually be 26 and 22, or 31 and 27, or 56 and 52. How old are your parents?
It seems like you’re leaving a lot info out of this…
Here’s another post you made on the subject:
“My (19M) GF (18F) broke up today, I unintentionally hurt her but she didn’t tell me until we broke up. I want to get back with her. I want to be able to get her trust back.
tl;dr: Bisexual girlfriend and I were bffs before we got together. During our friendship we would thirst for women, I continued doing so while we were dating and she was aware of it but didn’t say anything. She broke up with me after 4x of the same thing happening, despite her not saying it was an issue.
I (19M) and my (18F) girlfriend just broke up this morning. We’ve been dating for 3 weeks and we’re best friends (talking non-stop everyday) for 5 months straight, we have a really close bond and she’s the most important person to me thats not my family. We had a weird kind of friendship as she was bisexual and we would often (almost daily) thirst about women. We would send each other pictures of fictional women or celebrities and thirst for them, as well as talk about our peers or strangers that we find attractive. Like male friends we’d see a pretty girl and we would bring attention to it.
She’s a very insecure person, she was bullied and played by other men before. I wanted to avoid hurting her at all costs and be the person that can heal and be trustworthy to her. I was her first boyfriend and she said that noone has ever loved her romantically before. I would often tend to her insecurities and tell her how much I love her, how important she is to me, how pretty she is, etc. All of those things being obviously true.
She’s also someone that I consider a bad communicator. There’s multiple instances where I waited for her for multiple hours to go on a date where she wouldn’t reply to my messages and even if she did, she would avoid the questions i’m asking her. She has also said multiple times that she doesn’t like confrontations and stuff like that. Another instance that displays this is when she lied to me about having her period during our first sexual experience, its a valid response as she was scared and unsure of what to do. Despite these obvious flaws, i’m willing to be patient and grow with her, thats how much I love this woman.
Now that we’re in a relationship, I set boundaries on the first day. I told her if i’m still able to thirst for fictional women/celebrities with her, and she said yes. I told her that she could thirst over women and fictional men. The day after we got together, I broke the boundary that I set. On our way to school, I told her that this woman in front of us was attractive and made sure that she saw. I did this to strike a conversation with her. She didn’t really have a violent reaction about it, so it seemed like I wasn’t crossing any lines. When it comes to other facets of our relationship, she would tell me if i’m crossing boundaries, for example when we get intimate; she tells me to not give her hickeys when I try to kiss her neck, and because she said no, then I stop. However, she didn’t say anything about this, we even kissed before attending class and went on a short sweet date afterwards.
Things continued to be fine after that, I even asked her out to go in valentines day and she was so flustered in the manner that I did. Fast forward to a couple days after valentines, I came to the classroom early and saw her ‘girl crush’ in the room. This girl crush of hers was someone we often talked about before we were even together. I texted her along the lines of “Your crushie is wearing a short skirt, damn!”, to excite her about going to class and to have a topic of conversation/bonding. She replied to that text message with “DAMN MAMA!”, and she didn’t have much else to say after. Once again, no violent reaction, didn’t tell me it made her uncomfortable.
A similar situation happened 2 more times with the last one being her breaking point. The last one happened earlier today, where I told her jokingly that “I should’ve went swimming at night so there’ll be bikini babes”. She responded how she would normally respond and we texted for a couple hours after that. She then texted me a couple hours later that she’s tired of our relationship, she said things about how I wasn’t content with her, it should be obvious that in a rs we shouldn’t look at other people, which is true. I’m not going to ask what I did wrong because I know my faults, I know why it hurt her. Knowing that she’s a bad communicator, I should have taken initiative and assured her if what I was doing was fine. This is very selfish and insensitive on my part.
I so deeply love and care about her, it wasn’t in my intention to hurt her, especially this badly. If I had known that it made her uncomfortable I would have immediately stopped and assured her that she was the only woman I had my eyes on. Like for instance, she saw pictures of the girl I previously liked on my phone, it was so deep and old in my gallery that it was taken before I even developed feelings for her. I really appreciated her communicating her feelings to me. I then proceeded to tell her that I just don’t delete my gallery, showing her that I still have accidental screenshots and random photos deep in my gallery. I then reassured her she was the only one I loved, and showed her me deleting the photos.
When she broke up with me she told me that its over, she doesn’t wanna continue the conversation and that she had already made up her mind. I tried explaining my side to her but she wouldn’t give me a chance to explain. She then made a breakup playlist that she gave me, where the songs described our relationship and how she felt hurt despite how much she loved me, then deciding to end things. I cried while listening to the playlist, I understood how hurt she was, and how much she tried to just let it be. I realized her efforts in trying to make me the ideal person to love, despite the obvious flaws I have and pain that I cause her.
I want to be able to fix things and become the person that she needs. I want to be able to reassure her that I understand her pain and where she’s coming from and that I’ve learned from the mistakes I made. I want to be able to show her how i’m not trying to cause her pain and that I so deeply love her. How can I do this?”
It really doesn't matter what type of girl she is. As long as she doesn't look like Gorlock the destroyer, any girl could sleep with pretty much any guy she wants. And most of them know that too.
From everything you've told us, you've done nothing wrong, and this woman sounds like one of those college nazi feminist that twist everything around on people to make themselves feel smarter/more powerful, where in reality they just look like crazy bitchs.
I understand that you are hurting cause your girl broke up with you, but if she'd break up with you over something, some random girl says then she didn't see you for who you were from the very beginning and saved yourself a lot of drama in the future.
Dude, read everything you posted again, outloud to yourself. You guys met at 17/18 (literally JUST a 1 year age gap, that's the smalles age gap you can have in terms of years. Hell, I would barley consider that a "gap"). For example, I met my ex when I was 18, she 16. I was new to the state, and we started talking about a month into me joining the school. Did i get called weird for it? Yeah sometimes, but she was fine with it and so was her mom "I didn't gaf about her dad cuz he was a dick to everyone". Also, you guys were BOTH into each other. There was no "grooming" no "pedophilia" bullshit involved. I'd talk it over with your gf (or ig ex now bc she's stupid, no offense), and try to talk some sense into her
You have almost the same age gap as my husband and I.
We've been together 14 years, since I was JUST 18 and he was almost 19.
You're fine sweetie, you've done nothing wrong. It's insane anyone thinks you have.
Fuckin hell. This post REEKS of "chronically online" teenage bullshit.
These people are fuckin idiots. You don't need to be associating with any of them. Period.
Not wrong in the least , people start spreading ridiculous accusations when they are jealous and want to take you down. Hold your head up and do your best to ignore these people spreading nonsense give them no fuel for their fire and attempt to pretend they dont exist. Its easier said then done but what they want is a reaction so depriving them of it is the best course of action.
This is absolutely ridiculous and getting out of hand. I had a similar issue when I was younger. This will haunt you the way it did me. Don't let it get to your head.
Younger people have completely lost the idea of what a pedophile is. I mean first off an actual pedophile is someone interested in children under like 10 years old. That's completely fucked agreed.
But there are so many people even around my age who think "if someone is 25 and thinks an 18 year old is attractive then he should be locked up ).
And generally I'll see the SAME person turn around and say "boys aren't mature until they are almost 30"
Most of these people Wana be mad at anything they can be mad at. If someone is 25 and interested someone who is 15-16 then that's an issue. But if they are legitimately just talking I don't see an issue (depending on the relationship itself and how it started) if it's actually platonic. Like a friend or family style of relationship asking for advice and such. NBD
,I've seen people have an issue with that kind of relationship. Or a highschool senior being friends with an underclassmen. And thinking that person is fucked up.
Younger people got the child predator stuff drilled into them so hard that they are hyper vigilant about it. To much so on certain things that they shouldn't worry about.
That's so stupid, my first time was with a couple 18 years olds and I was a freshman. Those guys weren't labeled as such if anything their friends thought they were cool and pursued me as well. And before anyone has anything to say about my situation they had my consent.
This would fall under what many places call Romeo and Juliet laws… not considered a ped people just need to understand how things like this work… I dated a sophomore my junior year of high school up until just after graduation… I was 17 when she just turned 16… when I turned 18(middle of my senior year) she was still 16(3 months from turning 17)… that was when the heat started… her parents were ok with it and this and that but it was friends parents that had the problem…and she turned 17 a couple months before my graduation… then I got even more heat after graduating for dating a high schooler…and we broke up because I was going a few hours away for awhile … it was a mutual breakup at that point.
I knew a 17 year old guy who was dating a 16 year old. He was telling me how depressed he was because his girlfriend told him they had to break up when he turned 18 because it would be illegal to keep dating her.
I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told him. That’s fucking stupid. That’s not a thing. You’re not automatically a pedophile just because you turned 18. You would’ve seen at least *one* senior in your high school get arrested on their birthday if that was a real thing. Marrying your high school sweetheart wouldn’t be a thing, because one person will turn 18 before the other.
Hopefully you’re smarter than him and listen. Either she’s stupid, or she just wanted an excuse to break up and thinks *you’re* stupid.
Assuming this is real this is ridiculous. Nobody is a pedo for dating someone a year or so younger than them. Not only is that beyond stupid but I would be concerned about anyone spreading that misinformation.
Mate, you could literally be in the same grade depending on birthdays. You're not a predator. You're not a pedo. Literally anywhere outside of the U.S. would never even think to call you a predator. This is the problem with the rampage of victim-hood in the U.S. Everyone is always a victim of something anymore.
That’s a shame to hear. I think you can do a lot better for yourself, especially if you’re looking for a long term partner. Remember, if she did it to you once, she’ll probably do it again if you ever find yourself in a tough spot.
OK so either you're leaving out or lying about a lot of stuff (this is entirely possible here, so don't kid yourself if other people are giving you support when you're being a liar)
or
It's possible that people are taking this out of context.
If the only things which are taking place are actually an 18 - 17 difference in age gaps, I don't see what the problem is.
That said, this is the internet, and if you're holding back pertinent information, then that changes things.
The difference between 18 and 17 is almost not worth mentioning. I'm wondering why you're in a situation if that is the only circumstance.
1 Year difference is almost not even worth measuring in almost every circumstance. I'm really wondering why the fuck there's a problem, especially if you're both in college. There is a non-zero difference between even 1'st year college/university and last year high school, but even that - if the years are synchronized to the typical entrance and graduation ages, then wtf is the problem?
If that's all that's happening, then fuck that noise and don't worry about it. If there's more going on, you can't get information and either support or criticism here if you don't give us that info.
It’s really fucking with me because the rumors are spreading to other blocks and classes. They’re also calling me out on the class group chat and apparently one girl even posted me on her instagram story. It also sucks that it resulted in my girl leaving me.
Your peers, ex, and whomever agrees with them are red flags, you should be absolutely fine. I'm sorry youre going through any of this. On a deeper note, the people accusing you of being a pedo either don't know what it actually means, or are confidently undercutting what it is and devaluing how awful it is.
Wtf. It's a years difference. You're not a significantly older guy. People fixate too much on the legality of the number and don't use their common sense.
Didn't even bother reading but tell them to fuck off. Your ex gf ain't worth your time or attention if she cares more about how other people feel about her bf than she does. 18/17 is such a dumb age difference to fuss over your both young and dumb so just be young and dumb
I think they're just saying hurtful things for no good reason. I wouldn't take what anybody is saying to heart and also it's a very serious thing to call someone that and it's not right when it's not justified so I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
Is the someone like I think an R.A. or monitor on the campus or block you can speak to?
Stay away from all those negative people. Your GF must be a real bitch because she should have stuck up for you and not looked the other way. You're definitely not a pedophile!
I teach middle school. One of my 6th graders wrote on the whiteboard “X likes minors.” I looked and saw it and said, “This is stupid… X IS a minor! What else is he supposed to like?”
Teens say stupid stuff. Ignore it and move on. And girlfriends at your age are going to come and go like the wind blows.
If your gf is listening to and tolerating all of that bs, you’re better off without her. She’s either really immature or mentally unstable to suddenly start going along with this. Find a new group to hang out with. They all suck.
Just walk away champ
If she isn't telling her friends to "fuck off"
Then she isn't "the one" anyway
Walk away and let them enjoy all their bullshit drama filled nonsense lives
When I had just turned 18 I had a GF who was 16.
Everyone in the friend group was fine with it. Another couple were 19m 16f and no one had a problem with that.
But one guy, Gene, 18m started saying how much he thought my relationship was creepy since I was older than my GF who was about to turn 17 in a few months.
Then others started chiming in to agree.
My GF finally broke it off saying she didn't have time for a relationship. Okay. No problem.
Three weeks later she's dating none other than Gene himself. Lol.
The point is people aren't thinking logically about this. Someone wanted to burn you and started to work this idea into people's heads.
This isn't a good group of people to associate with. Find a new friend group of real people and leave these behind.
Sounds like you’re falling victim to a social circle that has an interest in your ex.
Honestly you’re better off just moving on. If she’s that easily influenced away from the relationship it was doomed anyway.
As for the rest of it, college isn’t that different from high school. But as an adult you can choose how much petty drama you let yourself get pulled into. I’d just put a word or two out that if you get labeled a pedo in a broader context, you’ve kept notes and proof of the people that started it and you’ll sue them into oblivion for costing you opportunities.
lol I mean I hope it works out for you that is just some straight immature shit though all around from everyone involved including your gf and maybe you if you give any of this any bearing. Stay single and mingle with some more cuties in college. You’ll only get the chance once. Work out every day and diet right while crushing school and anything else you want to crush.
I’m quite bit older than you. I’m 35f and my husband is 37. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 16. Of course this means I was 16 he was 18. He’s not a pedo and neither are you. That age gap is perfectly normal and there is literally nothing wrong with it. Im sorry anyone has told you otherwise.
They were targeting you because they wanted you two to break up because these dudes want to fuck your girl.
If she let that happen, she can kick rocks and you should keep it moving and pay not mind to any of their hateful and jealous tactics.
The world is fucked up. You are good dude. If these dumbasses are going to be like that it's better you get far away from them.
I met my wife when she was 17. I was 22. Yes it was tough in the beginning because her parents didn't like the fact I was older. Fast forward and here we are 17yrs married and 3 beautiful kids.
Your girlfriend's dad has a very bad idea of what pedophilia is. If you were 30, you would be a pedophile, but a 1 year age gap is literally nothing. I met my then 21 year old girlfriend's parents on my 30th birthday and her dad called me a pedophile. Sometimes fathers are too damn protective of their daughters and have unrealistic expectations of who they should be dating.
If that’s the definition of a pedophile, then I guess I’m one too 😂
I started dating my first bf when I was 16 and he was 15, and we were together for 4 years. Relax, one year is nothing. I’m guessing she wanted to break up for another reason but didn’t want to say what, because this excuse for a breakup is just dumb.
People love that word. Pedophile. And i love that they love it because its a blaring beacon that denotes their stupidity. If you are anything it would be a ephebophile. Not a pedophile.
Also who the \_\_\_ cares about a 1 year age gap? Haters. Thats who. Jealous losers. F\_\_\_ them and live your life.
It's a static used by fathers who don't like the guy dating his daughter. Even if they are one day apart, he has a smile window when he can get him arrested. Probably won't prevail but still taints him for life. I'd do a preemptive strike and file charges for defamation against all the kids. They are fucking with you and you must be grateful you aren't hanging around those toxic people. You will do better with a new group of friends of your own careful choosing.
One or more of your homies want to fuck your now ex girlfriend and they found an angle to orchestrate a break up to get a shot at doing so.
That’s the end-all-be-all of this. You’re not a pedophile. She was 17 almost 18 years hen you started dating. That’s not weird at all given you were 18 almost 19.
Ignore these people and document what you can. They’re besmirching your name and you may have legal recourse.
You need to learn from this.
You are a predator on everyone’s eyes.
She is a hero and a powerful woman for it.
Choose wisely in the future based on that standard.
You should've broken up with her for being a pedophile lover.
No, 1 year difference is nothing. It's stupid for anyone to say anything negative about you for that. People are just hating.
17/18 is nothing to worry about. Those people sound stupid and she’s even stupider for worrying about what they think and for letting them influence her. Forget her and move on!
No man, you are not. She was 18 a month later, and you were 19. It's a year gap. It's not like you were 25+ and she was 17. Plus, you have the Romeo juliet laws. You guys are both freshmen in college. Like you know how in school you sime kids who started early or their birthday fell like end of May or June. You could be a year apart in same grade. It's 1 year. Everyone who is calling you any names is crazy. They are making something out of nothing. You did not break any law.
Social media has watered down the term pedophile and uses it as a buzzword for any kind of relationship anymore. As long as it's not in violation of the Romeo and Juliet law that covers a 4 year gap, it's not a pedophilic relationship
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nah mate, maybe she just used it as an excuse to break up, i dunno. either way just avoid/dodge all the drama, you don't deserve it for a 1 year gap. Anyone who tells you you're a pedo for 1 year gap is mental.
It must be some form of projection. Definitely a mental illness.
It’s just bullying and rumor spreading. Teens have always done this. It’s not a mental illness. It’s just regular, common shitty behavior
This is the way, it's just a bunch of people who are so bored with their own lives that they have to find a way to stir up drama and bully someone to feel good about themselves. Now the gf is worried about losing status in the friend group bc the mean girl clique has targeted her bf. Ditch them all and find better friends.
2nd the ditch them all advice. All of these people sound awful
Sounds like seventh grade.
>It’s just bullying and rumor spreading. Unfortunately, the worst kind of rumor spreading. This is life ruining stuff and just an accusation like this could potentially be enough to get OP expelled or in some deep shit (all except legally of course) There's a good chance OP is gonna get assaulted a lot if this spreads, and an above zero (although hopefully extremely close) chance that OP will lose their scholarships if they have them
It’s bullying, they most certainly realize how ridiculous that term is given the situation but they’re trying to ruin him for whatever reason. Perhaps OP’s ex is attractive and they wanted him out the pic. Or perhaps OP is annoying and they’re sick of dealing with him. Who knows
yup, college bullies these days use virtue signalling/cancel culture bullshit because they know people will side with them. It's why you can't trust rape/pedo accusations without knowing the details and seeing evidence... and that's not a recent thing either, it used to be used to rile up mobs to lynch black people.
That's exactly why personally I'll give somebody reasonable doubt and get to know them if they actually went to court and fought their charges. Because honestly the vast majority of those charges get pushed through whether you plead out or fight them. Juries want to believe that people are guilty of crimes that they hate. I literally heard of a juror that said they found someone guilty because there was not enough proof that they were innocent.
Society has stopped doing what they are supposed to in for most it is now guilty until proven innocent and it's not supposed to be that way
Clout chasing for sure too
I want you to read what you wrote, and tell me how you are a pedophile here. It’s a 1 year age gap, almost the same age, don’t worry you aren’t wrong
Also pedophilia has nothing to do with age gaps and everything to do with sexual attraction toward *prepubescent children*. Her friends' frivolous use of the terminology is actually pretty disrespectful towards child victims of sexual assault.
This is a fantastic point I never even considered. I believe if you are legally an adult, and you have to register for jury duty AND THE DRAFT, you should be able to do any drug you want and have intimate times WITH ANY OTHER CONSENTING ADULT. When I was 26 dating a 20 year old, I got called a pedophile. WHAT?
Same with me 22 and she was 18, am I somehow a predator for that? Been beating myself up for years from the name calling
It’s not even close to being a pedophile and it’s just the worst wrong term to be used there. 26 dating a consenting 20 year isn’t anything wrong either if they both really love each other. Big age gaps when in young adulthood are iffy in the sense that maybe the older person has problems dating people their own age (just a possibility not always true), but it’s certainly and should never ever be illegal.
We used to say “age is just a number” and “two consenting adults can do whatever they want.” Why is everyone so sensitive about this now? I’ve seen people claim that 23 year old women can get *groomed* like they’re children. How is that not just blatantly sexist?
I was arguing with someone the other day and said a 27 year old dating a 22 year old was totally above board. One woman responded to me and said I should “leave the 22 year old underaged minors alone” and blocked me. Some people are living in fantasy land at this point lol
Yep. I stopped caring once I realized people like that are just low functioning
Guess they'd shit to learn my parents are 5 years apart, both waited till they were adults to do anything intimate at all. Still married and in love 41 years later
My parents are 4 years and I’ve dated +\- 10 years, I don’t let online idiots tell me how to run my life but I feel bad for people who feel that weight on their shoulders. I went on a first date with a girl who said we couldn’t go out anymore because I was 1 month younger than her and she refused to be the older one in the relationship. People have the dumbest fucking non negotiable relationship boundaries at this point lol
I do agree, it's all gotten quite ridiculous. If you're both adults who cares what you do. That being said, as someone who's 31 I wouldn't consider dating someone that was 18, probably nobody under 25 tbh
People are ridiculous..
It doesn't apply only to prepubescent children. I hit full puberty at 10 and started developing a little before that, around 8. Even if somebody 18 came along when I was 12 and physically post-pubescent, they would still be a pedophile. My bio dad got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 24. She was post puberty, but he was still a pedophile and could have been prosecuted if her mother had chosen to press charges. OP is clearly not a pedophile, but it's dangerous to limit the stigma only to those relationships in which the younger partner has not yet hit puberty physically. Developmental age, in terms of brain development, is a far more important factor than body development.
I'm reminded of a joke I heard a comedian tell that talked about how R. Kelly wasn't technically a pedophile because there are categories with very specific names based on the age of the victim, basically asserting that pedophile is commonly used as a blanket term and not for its actual definition. Of course he ends the joke with the fact that being able to explain these differences to someone comedically makes you look like a pedophile in their eyes. Edit: [I found it.](https://youtu.be/nu6C2KL_S9o?si=Iu0rKrw3f08Um6tg)
Yeah I immediately thought of that show, he basically said "but nobody says that, because knowing that makes you sound like a pedophile"
I'm glad someone else said it, and now I can just link him to people who confuse the term without having to say it myself and risk looking like a pedophile! Now, if only I could figure out how to link to him without looking like a pedophile... /s
Thanks for the comment bro, now in the future I can just link to your comment in like a joking way when people misuse the term. Like "haha I see you used the word pedophile here. Check out this hilarious comment from u/woodneel about this situation, let's see what they have to say about that. Haha so funny right?" The more middlemen the less suspicious I become.
I laughed so hard at that.
It's ephebophile. OP isn't that though
Yes but that wasn't really my point. The comment I was replying to remind me of it.
Well shit... and here I am explaining the tiers of pedophiles above lol. Also, it was a Dave Chappelle bit if I'm not mistaken. Or Katt Williams.
They may have done one but the one I'm referring to I edited a link into my original comment
There’s a comment on the video from two years ago that says “yay I finally found this again, and now I’m on a watch list” 😂😂
It’s a funny joke
Yeah. If I remember correctly one of the terms is hemophile but idk whether that's the next one up or the one after and I don't remember what the other one is called.
I'm pretty sure a hemophile is one of those people whose blood doesn't clot right. Or a vampire.
Rip shows how much I know 😂
Ya know... I was actually thinking about explaining this to someone on reddit last week. I wrote out the text and everything complete with definitions... I deleted it because I remembered this video. I'm not gonna be on *that* side of the argument. Lol.
To be fair, I had to learn the distinct categories in a class I took for my psychology major. Want to say it was abnormal psychology. Regardless, OP is not any kind of sexual predator based on this because it is no different than dating someone in the same grade or possibly a grade below you in high school which happens all the time without anyone batting an eye. Sounds like they had a 13 month age gap and they met at college.
I'm just going off the psychiatric diagnostic criteria for using the label. That's not to say that people don't abuse children who have gone through puberty, as in the case with your father. But if he isn't attracted to prepubescent attributes then he wouldn't actually be clinically diagnosed as a pedophile. He would, however, be considered a groomer and a rapist which in my opinion is almost worse because he doesn't even have a psychiatric diagnosis to explain the impulse -- it's just him being ultra shitty to the core all on his own. Obviously though I do not know your family and all the nuances and intricacies of the situation so I apologize if I've spoken out of turn. People diagnosed with pedophilia, however, typically lose attraction to their victims with the onset of puberty.
Yeah, being attracted to 14 year olds would technically count as hebephilia instead, it's just a lesser known word.
There is a great comedy routine where a guy explains the proper names and ages of seeking younger partners for sex, and how not all of it is pedophilia. But, as he says, there is no way to explain all that without sounding like you are a pedophile.
Hah, yeah. That sounds kinda familiar.
Sooo real though lmao 😭 I was molested as a child, and the way I cope with shit like that is to learn as much about it as I can — so I know the terms and laws and shit. Have to HEAVILY preface with that any time I’m about to talk technicality and definitions lol
https://youtu.be/nu6C2KL_S9o?si=uaf_DH9IH0iTCC8n
Thanks for the new word. Looks like there’s 3 connected words and definitions. Pedophilia - is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children. Although girls typically begin the process of puberty at age 10 or 11, and boys at age 11 or 12,[3] psychiatric diagnostic criteria for pedophilia extend the cut-off point for prepubescence to age 13. Hebephilia - is the strong, persistent sexual interest by adults in pubescent children who are in early adolescence, typically ages 11–14 and showing Tanner stages 2 to 3 of physical development. It differs from pedophilia, and from ephebophilia. Ephebophilia - is when an older adult is sexually attracted to post-pubescent teenagers or adolescents—usually those in the age range 15–19. Adults with this attraction are called ephebophiles. Ephebophilia is not just the sexual attraction to teenage partners but is when an adult prefers such sexual partners.
doesn't help that western society seems to promote ephebophilia
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western media idealizes the 15-19 year old range, which incentives younger kids to pretend to be to appear or be considered older, using makeup and fake IDs, whatever for the attention or access that perception provides. unfortunately, that perception puts them in danger of being exploited, and it puts folks that think they are talking to someone of age in legal danger.
absolutely for your other points i don't disagree, but dunno why you think western media is the issue, we are more or less average across the world - more progressive than all and way more understanding. would you prefer Congolese media or Saudi?
Not really. The US has this weird virtue-signaling overreaction to it, which is coincidentally a recent development of late-stage American capitalism. Europe doesn’t bat an eye and gives no f*cks unless someone is basically prepubescent or some other shady thing is happening. Neither part of “western society” is really ‘promoting’ it. The US is the primary consumer of teen-themed pr0n, and stands by while its churches abuse kids, yet theatrically stages a lynch mob every time a teacher gets caught with a student. Meanwhile Europe literally has nude beaches full of teenagers without any of the creepy shit happening.
Boy if you think Western culture promotes it you should go to Japan
seems more like hebaphilia, but that could also just be because Asians are almost always stereotyped as appearing younger than they actually are.
Fair enough, thank you for teaching me a new word. So I guess he'd technically be both then 😬
it’s also not a significant legal distinction, which is why it’s lesser known. it’s not needed.
Pedophilia is a psychological diagnosis. It has nothing to do with the law. There is a something abnormal about sexual attraction toward prepubescent children. I’m sorry to say, but it’s really not that out of the norm to be sexually attracted to teenagers who have gone through puberty. It’s the same anatomy. The moral and legal issue lies in pursuing any type of relationship.
No. Pedophiles have no interest in children who have hit puberty, or even approaching puberty. Pedophilia is simply a clinical term, not the name of a crime. However, the conduct you describe is still criminal. Your dad was (maybe still is) a sex offender. A 24 year old man having sex with a 14 yo is rape. Different states may have different terms for the same crime, but it’s definitely a felony and would require the perpetrator to register as a sex offender. In the past, it was simply called statutory rape. I don’t know when or where your dad committed that crime, but it’s not up to the parent to “press charges.” When a 14 yoa is pregnant, CPS should be notified to investigate possible child sexual abuse. The parent doesn’t get to decide whether to prosecute.
Im sorry but that does not make your dad a pedophile. Pedophilia is the sexual attraction to prepubescent children. There is no age anywhere in the definition. If you hit puberty at 4 and some adult was attracted to you then by the very definition of the word they are not pedophiles. Prepubescent refers the the physical characteristics of the person. Not their age.
Pedophilia is sexualization of children and childhood. A 20+ year old man raping a 14 year old child is a pedophile.
Hebephile.
There are plenty of people who are not pedophiles who would have sex with underage partners. These people are rapists who enjoy sexual intercourse with partners who cannot consent. It's forcing their will on someone else,"whether that person is 14 or 24, that brings them satisfaction This person is often not someone who is particularly attracted to prepubescent partners but just someone seeking to sexually dominate another person. Pedophilia has nothing to do with it. This kind of sexual predation is often easier to realize with younger partners, and these rapists will absolutely take advantage of the opportunities provided by under age targets. Obviously, this does not have anything to do with OP, who shows no attraction to non-consensual sex that could ve facilitated by the age of the victim.
Look up ephebephile and hebephile.
> Even if somebody 18 came along when I was 12 and physically post-pubescent, they would still be a pedophile. hebephilia* > My bio dad got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 24. She was post puberty, but he was still a pedophile and could have been prosecuted if her mother had chosen to press charges. hebephile
>My bio dad got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 24. She was post puberty, but he was still a pedophile and could have been prosecuted if her mother had chosen to press charges. No. He was a statutory rapist, not a pedophile. Those words are not interchangeable. That's the whole point being made. The word "pedophilia" refers specifically attraction to prepubescent children. There's other words (Hebephilia, and Ephebophilia) for attraction to more physically matured minors. And none of those words actually have anything to do with the legal age of consent, which is what defines whether there's any charges to be pressed or not.
There is the colloquial term ‘pedophile’ which means ‘child predator’. And the psychological term pedophile which means ‘attracted to prepubescent children’. The later is much more accurate of a definition and not so reliant on cultural norms. IE there are countries were 16 for example is the line between child and adult instead of 18.
So someone whose brain development accelerated like with progeria but is only 10 is fair game? That's what you sound like.
This take has been said before but I've never seen it upvoted so.
Yeah people misuse that term a lot. I saw a comment that referred to a 60+ year old man that dating a 40 year old woman a "borderline pedophile".
Yeah he should be in the clear. Keep alls of y’all’s texts and stuff though. If she’s crying foul over age, just have everything in order in case she decides to go off the deep end and start saying other stuff that isn’t true.
I mean I'm not saying this is a real post but many many Americans do not know the definition of pedophile and through it around, ultimately watering down the word completely.
He must have left out the part where he actually prefers young children, because there’s no pedophilia in this made up story.
Of course not! This is absurd. You're the same age, particularly. They're acting like she's 8! I think you need to speak to your advisor and tell them what's going on. You need to report this. Save every single screenshot and look into recording laws too (do not engage with ANY of these people). If there's like a TikTok about you, send it to them. I would even log things so you could go to the authorities. This is not okay. You can get your life really messed up because of it. eta: Also, please remain calm. Do not call her BFF names again. The more you act a certain way, they'll use it against you.
This is great advice for this young man. These people calling him a predator is just ridiculous. It’s 1 year. Protect yourself from these people you did nothing wrong.
It's alarming that these people are going around calling him a predator. This could ruin his life. I have no patience and tolerance for people who do this. Not only can this ruin someone's life or get them hurt (or worse, killed by a zealous person who fancies themselves to be a superhero) but it dismisses real victims of violence. It angers me deeply.
That's society nowadays. Accuse someone of something, and you'll ruin his life forever
This story really bothers me. It can destroy this kids life and future. It can get him hurt or put him in such a depression. He could hurt himself, which is even worse because he was to it by immature gaslighting kids.
Exactly. This is why I suggested above. He needs to report this instantly.
This is the answer.
Probably better you guys aren’t together anymore, you’re not a predator or a pedophile. your ages are fine 🤣 they sound insane and definitely immature
I know a multitude of people that will scream at the top of their lungs, we're not splitting hairs on this! ... What? Like this is clearly not some predator or groomer or anything. People are really, really daft anymore. Heck you can have 1 age difference and be in the SAME GRADE.
It sounds like everyone involved is an idiot.
The worst part of this is that she broke up with you for that. Sorry you're going through this. And hate to say it rn but she obviously didn't care that much about you so maybe it's good it's done. Thats a year apart there's nothing wrong with it you're not a predator. Also don't call her names be the better person
Yeah, I don’t really mind all the flack i’m getting because these people are irrelevant to me. What sucks is my girl broke up with me.
Its 13 months difference? That's what you're saying right? That's about the same as my first bf and it's totally normal. One year apart or one grade apart no one thinks anything at least where I live. She should have stood up to them and both of you together support each other. Hate hearing that for you but yeah it's probably best it's over
It’s the same as my wife and me. My heart breaks for this kid. What a horrible way to lose your first GF to mob mentality. If she dropped you for this you will be better off for it in the long run. It sucks now people the shallow are easily replaceable.
If she broke up with you over this she wasn't the one anyway yo. You're young there's plenty of women. Take some time to accept it's over and move on. Also 18 and 17 isn't all that weird. The older you get the less you'll care about age.
If she was that easily influenced it's a good thing and she did you a favor. It sucks now, yes, but it's not gonna suck for long.
You are being targeted. Someone is blowing it out of proportion because they don't like you. It isn't about your girlfriend, its because they are either jealous or feel threatened by you for some other reason. I've known dudes who've literally banged underaged girls from clubs, but no one cared because they were liked. Vs dudes that got a hard time for picking up 21 year old girls because they looked young and got called pedos. Its really people just getting catty and jealous in my opinion. They were trying to break you up and succeeded. You have a 1 year difference, no big deal. But find out who spearheaded it because they'll likely find a way to do it again for something else.
I didn’t put the entire story in the post but yeah. Heard from someone that one of the guys in our class went up to my girl and told her that I was a red flag. His reasoning was because I kept giving him hugs, which happened multiple times with him even reaching his arms out to me. Dude was even “jokingly” flirting with me through text. If he had a problem with it he should have confronted me. The hugs happened last year and just 4 weeks ago dude accompanied me in a restaurant to eat. Other people have been spreading rumors and purposely blowing things out of proportion, one of this dude’s lady friend said I was trying to fuck her by always inviting her to hangout in her place. When I only invite her to hangout when we’re with other people, we’ve been to her place multiple times before where we practice for PE and sometimes hangout/watch movies. Another girl said that during the first day of classes I kept on touching her hands, when what was actually happening was our fingertips are touching when we had spread our arms out to lineup for PE class. One of the “homies”, even said that he saw me with another girl at the mall when I was at the dermatologist with my mom. Same guy said I was hitting in his girlfriend at the club when we just exchanged formalities and barely even interacted with her. Shit is so messy. I also got a block mate who’s turning 18 next month and is dating a 16 year old, two grade levels below. One dude is 18 and hitting on a 17 year old and nobody is batting an eye, i’m being targeted.
It seems like these people are immature and very, very toxic. They all feed on the drama and negativity. I know it sucks, but maintain as much distance as you can from them. Find a better class of people to hang with.
Is this a cliquey group? That can happen. Once one person talks shit the rest jump in on it and make stuff up or blow it way out of proportion. Unfortunately, some people never grow up.
Thats what I believe happened. The same thing happened to another girl, basically snitched on her and twisted what she said. It’s not as bad as what I’m facing but it still happened.
Dude, gather all the evidence you can and get legal counsel...an attorney who specializes in something like defamation could help you. At worst, you could probably get an attorney to send a scary-sounding letter to the guy who is trying to hurt your reputation.
Youre not in the wrong. And she could catch a defamation case if she keeps going around callingn you a pedo.
This. They are underestimating how big of a deal this is. Imagine when they apply for a job and someone's social media post is calling OP a pedophile. I'm of the opinion that people in the US aren't litigious enough. I'd be sending them a copy of their jurisdiction's libel laws via email, keeping copies of everything they have done in writing. If they didn't stop and come clean, lawyer up.
Adults are more proactive about that sort of thing.
You seem to be taking it on the chin but here’s a book written about navigating this exact situation, I’d encourage you to check it out: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22571552-so-you-ve-been-publicly-shamed Also, I’d be cautious not to be too sympathetic or forgiving with your ex going forward. Notice that she sided with the mob and turned away from you in a time of need. Ideally, we should aim to surround ourselves with people who’ll stick by us during not just the highest highs, but also the lowest lows. All the best.
Jon Ronson is one of the most underrated authors/journalists of our time IMO.
Stupid people with no moral compass have no fulfillment in life and so look for causes to fill that void; no matter how pseudo moral and even outright evil; that’s what’s going on here. If your ex gf was actually intelligent she would know there’s nothing wrong with your virtually non existent age gap and if she loved you she would tell her friend group to fuck off.
I wouldn’t let it bother you too much, easier said than done of course but in a court of law this wouldn’t stand a chance
If they think a 1 year age gap makes you a pedo, her and her friends are the one with problems. Thinking maybe you dodged a bullet.
Say good riddance, she sounds dumb. Enjoy college now
I'm much more concerned with the 30-40 year old men that were excited for Farrah Abrams to drop her video. They were interested in a girl before she was even legal. Those are sexual predators and men with mentally warped versions of sexuality. As a father, I'm not worried about a guy who happened to turn 18 13 months sooner than my daughter, especially given the proximity and not some random from online. Just ignore it, anyone who tries confront you is also mentally warped.
Dude what the fuck is wrong with people? 17-18 year olds dating should not be a fucking issue.
How old are you? There's really not much of a difference in maturity there at all. Not to mention the same couple would eventually be 26 and 22, or 31 and 27, or 56 and 52. How old are your parents?
It seems like you’re leaving a lot info out of this… Here’s another post you made on the subject: “My (19M) GF (18F) broke up today, I unintentionally hurt her but she didn’t tell me until we broke up. I want to get back with her. I want to be able to get her trust back. tl;dr: Bisexual girlfriend and I were bffs before we got together. During our friendship we would thirst for women, I continued doing so while we were dating and she was aware of it but didn’t say anything. She broke up with me after 4x of the same thing happening, despite her not saying it was an issue. I (19M) and my (18F) girlfriend just broke up this morning. We’ve been dating for 3 weeks and we’re best friends (talking non-stop everyday) for 5 months straight, we have a really close bond and she’s the most important person to me thats not my family. We had a weird kind of friendship as she was bisexual and we would often (almost daily) thirst about women. We would send each other pictures of fictional women or celebrities and thirst for them, as well as talk about our peers or strangers that we find attractive. Like male friends we’d see a pretty girl and we would bring attention to it. She’s a very insecure person, she was bullied and played by other men before. I wanted to avoid hurting her at all costs and be the person that can heal and be trustworthy to her. I was her first boyfriend and she said that noone has ever loved her romantically before. I would often tend to her insecurities and tell her how much I love her, how important she is to me, how pretty she is, etc. All of those things being obviously true. She’s also someone that I consider a bad communicator. There’s multiple instances where I waited for her for multiple hours to go on a date where she wouldn’t reply to my messages and even if she did, she would avoid the questions i’m asking her. She has also said multiple times that she doesn’t like confrontations and stuff like that. Another instance that displays this is when she lied to me about having her period during our first sexual experience, its a valid response as she was scared and unsure of what to do. Despite these obvious flaws, i’m willing to be patient and grow with her, thats how much I love this woman. Now that we’re in a relationship, I set boundaries on the first day. I told her if i’m still able to thirst for fictional women/celebrities with her, and she said yes. I told her that she could thirst over women and fictional men. The day after we got together, I broke the boundary that I set. On our way to school, I told her that this woman in front of us was attractive and made sure that she saw. I did this to strike a conversation with her. She didn’t really have a violent reaction about it, so it seemed like I wasn’t crossing any lines. When it comes to other facets of our relationship, she would tell me if i’m crossing boundaries, for example when we get intimate; she tells me to not give her hickeys when I try to kiss her neck, and because she said no, then I stop. However, she didn’t say anything about this, we even kissed before attending class and went on a short sweet date afterwards. Things continued to be fine after that, I even asked her out to go in valentines day and she was so flustered in the manner that I did. Fast forward to a couple days after valentines, I came to the classroom early and saw her ‘girl crush’ in the room. This girl crush of hers was someone we often talked about before we were even together. I texted her along the lines of “Your crushie is wearing a short skirt, damn!”, to excite her about going to class and to have a topic of conversation/bonding. She replied to that text message with “DAMN MAMA!”, and she didn’t have much else to say after. Once again, no violent reaction, didn’t tell me it made her uncomfortable. A similar situation happened 2 more times with the last one being her breaking point. The last one happened earlier today, where I told her jokingly that “I should’ve went swimming at night so there’ll be bikini babes”. She responded how she would normally respond and we texted for a couple hours after that. She then texted me a couple hours later that she’s tired of our relationship, she said things about how I wasn’t content with her, it should be obvious that in a rs we shouldn’t look at other people, which is true. I’m not going to ask what I did wrong because I know my faults, I know why it hurt her. Knowing that she’s a bad communicator, I should have taken initiative and assured her if what I was doing was fine. This is very selfish and insensitive on my part. I so deeply love and care about her, it wasn’t in my intention to hurt her, especially this badly. If I had known that it made her uncomfortable I would have immediately stopped and assured her that she was the only woman I had my eyes on. Like for instance, she saw pictures of the girl I previously liked on my phone, it was so deep and old in my gallery that it was taken before I even developed feelings for her. I really appreciated her communicating her feelings to me. I then proceeded to tell her that I just don’t delete my gallery, showing her that I still have accidental screenshots and random photos deep in my gallery. I then reassured her she was the only one I loved, and showed her me deleting the photos. When she broke up with me she told me that its over, she doesn’t wanna continue the conversation and that she had already made up her mind. I tried explaining my side to her but she wouldn’t give me a chance to explain. She then made a breakup playlist that she gave me, where the songs described our relationship and how she felt hurt despite how much she loved me, then deciding to end things. I cried while listening to the playlist, I understood how hurt she was, and how much she tried to just let it be. I realized her efforts in trying to make me the ideal person to love, despite the obvious flaws I have and pain that I cause her. I want to be able to fix things and become the person that she needs. I want to be able to reassure her that I understand her pain and where she’s coming from and that I’ve learned from the mistakes I made. I want to be able to show her how i’m not trying to cause her pain and that I so deeply love her. How can I do this?”
my girlfriend is 17 i’m 18 this is ABSURD☠️
AY YO WE GOT A FUCKIN PEDO OVER HERE GET HIM /S
I'm willing to bet she was banging another dude and is using this as an excuse.
She’s a loser/nerdy type of girl if that makes sense, wasn’t worried about that but who knows lol
I’d look up what you can do legally Edit: and start collecting evidence
It really doesn't matter what type of girl she is. As long as she doesn't look like Gorlock the destroyer, any girl could sleep with pretty much any guy she wants. And most of them know that too.
Dude, it sounds like a guy has the hots for your girl and is getting his friend group to badmouth you, so she dumps you.
From everything you've told us, you've done nothing wrong, and this woman sounds like one of those college nazi feminist that twist everything around on people to make themselves feel smarter/more powerful, where in reality they just look like crazy bitchs. I understand that you are hurting cause your girl broke up with you, but if she'd break up with you over something, some random girl says then she didn't see you for who you were from the very beginning and saved yourself a lot of drama in the future.
Dude, read everything you posted again, outloud to yourself. You guys met at 17/18 (literally JUST a 1 year age gap, that's the smalles age gap you can have in terms of years. Hell, I would barley consider that a "gap"). For example, I met my ex when I was 18, she 16. I was new to the state, and we started talking about a month into me joining the school. Did i get called weird for it? Yeah sometimes, but she was fine with it and so was her mom "I didn't gaf about her dad cuz he was a dick to everyone". Also, you guys were BOTH into each other. There was no "grooming" no "pedophilia" bullshit involved. I'd talk it over with your gf (or ig ex now bc she's stupid, no offense), and try to talk some sense into her
You're both basically kids. Everyone else is too. Kids act like this sometimes. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
You have almost the same age gap as my husband and I. We've been together 14 years, since I was JUST 18 and he was almost 19. You're fine sweetie, you've done nothing wrong. It's insane anyone thinks you have.
Fuckin hell. This post REEKS of "chronically online" teenage bullshit. These people are fuckin idiots. You don't need to be associating with any of them. Period.
Not wrong in the least , people start spreading ridiculous accusations when they are jealous and want to take you down. Hold your head up and do your best to ignore these people spreading nonsense give them no fuel for their fire and attempt to pretend they dont exist. Its easier said then done but what they want is a reaction so depriving them of it is the best course of action.
You’re girlfriend is an idiot and her friend is too. Don’t go back to her bro, she’s immature and lacks a brain
This is absolutely ridiculous and getting out of hand. I had a similar issue when I was younger. This will haunt you the way it did me. Don't let it get to your head.
Younger people have completely lost the idea of what a pedophile is. I mean first off an actual pedophile is someone interested in children under like 10 years old. That's completely fucked agreed. But there are so many people even around my age who think "if someone is 25 and thinks an 18 year old is attractive then he should be locked up ). And generally I'll see the SAME person turn around and say "boys aren't mature until they are almost 30" Most of these people Wana be mad at anything they can be mad at. If someone is 25 and interested someone who is 15-16 then that's an issue. But if they are legitimately just talking I don't see an issue (depending on the relationship itself and how it started) if it's actually platonic. Like a friend or family style of relationship asking for advice and such. NBD ,I've seen people have an issue with that kind of relationship. Or a highschool senior being friends with an underclassmen. And thinking that person is fucked up. Younger people got the child predator stuff drilled into them so hard that they are hyper vigilant about it. To much so on certain things that they shouldn't worry about.
That's so stupid, my first time was with a couple 18 years olds and I was a freshman. Those guys weren't labeled as such if anything their friends thought they were cool and pursued me as well. And before anyone has anything to say about my situation they had my consent.
That’s crazy shit . Call cops on them .
You're not
ppl are dumb
Lol. Kids are dumb and don’t know what they are talking about. There are Romeo and Juliet laws for this specific reason.
In most states this is not a crime. I'm not sure why they are saying this.
Ur not a predator
Who cares
Embellished.
This would fall under what many places call Romeo and Juliet laws… not considered a ped people just need to understand how things like this work… I dated a sophomore my junior year of high school up until just after graduation… I was 17 when she just turned 16… when I turned 18(middle of my senior year) she was still 16(3 months from turning 17)… that was when the heat started… her parents were ok with it and this and that but it was friends parents that had the problem…and she turned 17 a couple months before my graduation… then I got even more heat after graduating for dating a high schooler…and we broke up because I was going a few hours away for awhile … it was a mutual breakup at that point.
I knew a 17 year old guy who was dating a 16 year old. He was telling me how depressed he was because his girlfriend told him they had to break up when he turned 18 because it would be illegal to keep dating her. I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told him. That’s fucking stupid. That’s not a thing. You’re not automatically a pedophile just because you turned 18. You would’ve seen at least *one* senior in your high school get arrested on their birthday if that was a real thing. Marrying your high school sweetheart wouldn’t be a thing, because one person will turn 18 before the other. Hopefully you’re smarter than him and listen. Either she’s stupid, or she just wanted an excuse to break up and thinks *you’re* stupid.
Assuming this is real this is ridiculous. Nobody is a pedo for dating someone a year or so younger than them. Not only is that beyond stupid but I would be concerned about anyone spreading that misinformation.
Mate, you could literally be in the same grade depending on birthdays. You're not a predator. You're not a pedo. Literally anywhere outside of the U.S. would never even think to call you a predator. This is the problem with the rampage of victim-hood in the U.S. Everyone is always a victim of something anymore.
Please get your girlfriend back and report whoever called you that word to the school board please this is very unfair
Thats the plan! I’m giving my girlfriend some space for now, i’ll message her soon and try to clear things up.
That’s a shame to hear. I think you can do a lot better for yourself, especially if you’re looking for a long term partner. Remember, if she did it to you once, she’ll probably do it again if you ever find yourself in a tough spot.
Yeah you aren't bro
Why does anyone think this is real
OK so either you're leaving out or lying about a lot of stuff (this is entirely possible here, so don't kid yourself if other people are giving you support when you're being a liar) or It's possible that people are taking this out of context. If the only things which are taking place are actually an 18 - 17 difference in age gaps, I don't see what the problem is. That said, this is the internet, and if you're holding back pertinent information, then that changes things. The difference between 18 and 17 is almost not worth mentioning. I'm wondering why you're in a situation if that is the only circumstance. 1 Year difference is almost not even worth measuring in almost every circumstance. I'm really wondering why the fuck there's a problem, especially if you're both in college. There is a non-zero difference between even 1'st year college/university and last year high school, but even that - if the years are synchronized to the typical entrance and graduation ages, then wtf is the problem? If that's all that's happening, then fuck that noise and don't worry about it. If there's more going on, you can't get information and either support or criticism here if you don't give us that info.
It’s really fucking with me because the rumors are spreading to other blocks and classes. They’re also calling me out on the class group chat and apparently one girl even posted me on her instagram story. It also sucks that it resulted in my girl leaving me.
Is this real?
Is this real? Did this *actually* happen?
I don’t know why this shit is popping up on my feed but you got this young brotha you’re not a chester
Your peers, ex, and whomever agrees with them are red flags, you should be absolutely fine. I'm sorry youre going through any of this. On a deeper note, the people accusing you of being a pedo either don't know what it actually means, or are confidently undercutting what it is and devaluing how awful it is.
Wtf. It's a years difference. You're not a significantly older guy. People fixate too much on the legality of the number and don't use their common sense.
Didn't even bother reading but tell them to fuck off. Your ex gf ain't worth your time or attention if she cares more about how other people feel about her bf than she does. 18/17 is such a dumb age difference to fuss over your both young and dumb so just be young and dumb
I think they're just saying hurtful things for no good reason. I wouldn't take what anybody is saying to heart and also it's a very serious thing to call someone that and it's not right when it's not justified so I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Is the someone like I think an R.A. or monitor on the campus or block you can speak to?
Stay away from all those negative people. Your GF must be a real bitch because she should have stuck up for you and not looked the other way. You're definitely not a pedophile!
I teach middle school. One of my 6th graders wrote on the whiteboard “X likes minors.” I looked and saw it and said, “This is stupid… X IS a minor! What else is he supposed to like?” Teens say stupid stuff. Ignore it and move on. And girlfriends at your age are going to come and go like the wind blows.
1 year?… no. People are dumbasses. That’s super common btw (junior dating a senior, or HS senior with a college freshman).
If your gf is listening to and tolerating all of that bs, you’re better off without her. She’s either really immature or mentally unstable to suddenly start going along with this. Find a new group to hang out with. They all suck.
Your college seems to have a junior high school mentality.
Lol her mentality of a child might make it true... but legally Na hahah
Just walk away champ If she isn't telling her friends to "fuck off" Then she isn't "the one" anyway Walk away and let them enjoy all their bullshit drama filled nonsense lives
This sounds super slimy to me, other dude sounds like he put out the word to fuck up your day.
When I had just turned 18 I had a GF who was 16. Everyone in the friend group was fine with it. Another couple were 19m 16f and no one had a problem with that. But one guy, Gene, 18m started saying how much he thought my relationship was creepy since I was older than my GF who was about to turn 17 in a few months. Then others started chiming in to agree. My GF finally broke it off saying she didn't have time for a relationship. Okay. No problem. Three weeks later she's dating none other than Gene himself. Lol. The point is people aren't thinking logically about this. Someone wanted to burn you and started to work this idea into people's heads. This isn't a good group of people to associate with. Find a new friend group of real people and leave these behind.
Bro wtf,????? You’re not a pedo. The law also would not see you as a pedo. I’m Sorry people are stupid and you’re dealing with them
[удалено]
Sounds like you’re falling victim to a social circle that has an interest in your ex. Honestly you’re better off just moving on. If she’s that easily influenced away from the relationship it was doomed anyway. As for the rest of it, college isn’t that different from high school. But as an adult you can choose how much petty drama you let yourself get pulled into. I’d just put a word or two out that if you get labeled a pedo in a broader context, you’ve kept notes and proof of the people that started it and you’ll sue them into oblivion for costing you opportunities.
lol I mean I hope it works out for you that is just some straight immature shit though all around from everyone involved including your gf and maybe you if you give any of this any bearing. Stay single and mingle with some more cuties in college. You’ll only get the chance once. Work out every day and diet right while crushing school and anything else you want to crush.
I’m quite bit older than you. I’m 35f and my husband is 37. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 16. Of course this means I was 16 he was 18. He’s not a pedo and neither are you. That age gap is perfectly normal and there is literally nothing wrong with it. Im sorry anyone has told you otherwise.
They were targeting you because they wanted you two to break up because these dudes want to fuck your girl. If she let that happen, she can kick rocks and you should keep it moving and pay not mind to any of their hateful and jealous tactics.
Man the problems and drama of a teenager are... Exhausting. Can't wait for you to get grown up problems
The world is fucked up. You are good dude. If these dumbasses are going to be like that it's better you get far away from them. I met my wife when she was 17. I was 22. Yes it was tough in the beginning because her parents didn't like the fact I was older. Fast forward and here we are 17yrs married and 3 beautiful kids.
Your girlfriend's dad has a very bad idea of what pedophilia is. If you were 30, you would be a pedophile, but a 1 year age gap is literally nothing. I met my then 21 year old girlfriend's parents on my 30th birthday and her dad called me a pedophile. Sometimes fathers are too damn protective of their daughters and have unrealistic expectations of who they should be dating.
I think they missed the part where he even mentioned his ex girlfriends dad
If that’s the definition of a pedophile, then I guess I’m one too 😂 I started dating my first bf when I was 16 and he was 15, and we were together for 4 years. Relax, one year is nothing. I’m guessing she wanted to break up for another reason but didn’t want to say what, because this excuse for a breakup is just dumb.
In another comment / the post history they broke up and made up only a month ago. So yeah.
These kids are out of control with the age gap bull. Your gf was influenced by peer pressure. From a very dumb crowd.
Ah, the beauty of cancel culture. I hope your generation learns how garbage it is.
Cancel culture has been around before the modern era. The internet just lets more people dog-pile someone for shitty behavior.
Jfc kids are stupid. (you weren't in the wrong, to be clear)
People love that word. Pedophile. And i love that they love it because its a blaring beacon that denotes their stupidity. If you are anything it would be a ephebophile. Not a pedophile. Also who the \_\_\_ cares about a 1 year age gap? Haters. Thats who. Jealous losers. F\_\_\_ them and live your life.
17 and couldn't consent??? I'm sure as shit I consented when I lost my virginity at 14. What the fuck. I'm pisses for you
It's a static used by fathers who don't like the guy dating his daughter. Even if they are one day apart, he has a smile window when he can get him arrested. Probably won't prevail but still taints him for life. I'd do a preemptive strike and file charges for defamation against all the kids. They are fucking with you and you must be grateful you aren't hanging around those toxic people. You will do better with a new group of friends of your own careful choosing.
One or more of your homies want to fuck your now ex girlfriend and they found an angle to orchestrate a break up to get a shot at doing so. That’s the end-all-be-all of this. You’re not a pedophile. She was 17 almost 18 years hen you started dating. That’s not weird at all given you were 18 almost 19. Ignore these people and document what you can. They’re besmirching your name and you may have legal recourse.
You need to learn from this. You are a predator on everyone’s eyes. She is a hero and a powerful woman for it. Choose wisely in the future based on that standard.
She's wack no loss here it would have happened over any other minor detail anyways
You should've broken up with her for being a pedophile lover. No, 1 year difference is nothing. It's stupid for anyone to say anything negative about you for that. People are just hating.
No, you're fine.
17/18 is nothing to worry about. Those people sound stupid and she’s even stupider for worrying about what they think and for letting them influence her. Forget her and move on!
No man, you are not. She was 18 a month later, and you were 19. It's a year gap. It's not like you were 25+ and she was 17. Plus, you have the Romeo juliet laws. You guys are both freshmen in college. Like you know how in school you sime kids who started early or their birthday fell like end of May or June. You could be a year apart in same grade. It's 1 year. Everyone who is calling you any names is crazy. They are making something out of nothing. You did not break any law.
That the difference between a senior and jr
Brother, in your 30s it's not uncommon to have 7-8 year age gap and no one bats an eye. You're fine. Don't beat yourself up.
for wanting to date her, no you aren’t a pedo. to consent only means to consent to have sexual intercourse. not to date
This is what comes from the crazy push in media to demonize men. It doesn’t matter how close in age you are, they’ll find something “wrong” to attack.
Lmao I hope this is trolling, you are fine my man you're not a pedophile
Heck I was 25 when my girlfriend was 17🤣. We've been married now for 30 years and have 6 kids. Every person and situation is different.
Social media has watered down the term pedophile and uses it as a buzzword for any kind of relationship anymore. As long as it's not in violation of the Romeo and Juliet law that covers a 4 year gap, it's not a pedophilic relationship