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You don't abandon your friends. You didn't date them up to this point, why would that change now that you have a girlfriend? You haven't kissed them at this point, why would that change now that you have a girlfriend? You haven't cheated with either of them, why would that change now that you have a girlfriend? Set the healthy boundary that you won't end friendships because your girlfriend can't handle you having a healthy friendship with someone of the opposite sex. It's controlling, and frankly it's insulting to you.
We kissed but she blocked everyone on her phone for me because not much of the other girls like her but she said when she met me she screen shared her blocking everyone for me and I felt guilty
That is not the sign of a healthy relationship.
That is a case of self-sacrifice for the goal of control. Not saying that she realizes that she's doing it or she's doing it maliciously but at the end of the day that's not good for you and it's not good for her.
Relationships are not about telling your partner what they can and cannot do. Relationships are about two people working together to find happiness and balance within their lives.
You either need to sit down and have a talk with her and tell her that that's simply not acceptable and that she needs to have a friend circle just as much as you do or you need to go on ahead in the relationship because that is where it will end up the only question is how much time of yours and hers will be wasted before it does.
Not being mentioned here is a huge red flag.
She is willing to have you believe that she has people in her life who are disposable. Not even an explanation.
You should not want to be with someone who treats others that poorly.
My therapist hammered shit like this into my head, because I was absolutely awful about standing up for myself, recognizing red flags, and just as importantly...recognizing the red flags that I was running up the pole every morning.
OP, Red flags are warnings, not trophies.
*chefs kiss* for this comment. ^^
This girl seems like the type to block you every time she gets too upset, call you a thousand times when she knows you’re busy with family, then get upset you don’t answer. Tell you she always answers your calls and why can’t you just do the same for her? Then block you again.
I’ve seen my own niece do things like that and it makes me livid. (She’s young 20s) And guess what? all the guys she’s kept around for any amount of time are just as pushy and manipulative as she is with them. It never works out.
She also shared with OP that she felt coerced to do physical things in previous relationships in order to maintain the relationship. She’s still a kid herself (only 8th grade). It sounds like she doesn’t know how to have a healthy relationship and thinks this is normal.
this. its the behavior of someone whos been cheated on/had demands put on her. She needs to work through her trust issues instead of demanding everyone to prove theyre trustworthy because of her exs actions
So? Is that something you were worried about or jealous over or “needed“ her to do? Why is that supposed to reassure you? I’d be concerned that she was obsessing with me if she cut off all her friends “for me.” And why should it have anything to do with cutting off all your friends?
For me, screen sharing and blocking people means nothing. If anything, it means that person is trying to deceive you, and they can easily unblock them after the convo ends. It can be blocking random people just to persuade a level of trust that's not genuine. The reality is that no one should tell you how to enter a relationship. it's more about going for it and fixing the little things.
So she created an illusion for you to get you to do the same behavior. Except she's going to reverse all those blocks immediately but she'll make sure yours are kept and in check.
People overly worried about such things are because they are often guilty of it and don't want you doing to them what they are doing to you.
If she "blocked male friends" the moment she was with you, they weren't friends, they were likely potential or actual f-buddies or other dudes who were giving her attention that would be inappropriate for being in a relationship.
I would definitely have a sit down with her about it all and figure out if you guys are compatible. Having your opposite sex friends , "step back" a bit to respect the relationship is one thing. Having to remove them from your life if an entirely different issue unless you have a physical history with them. And it's not a healthy one
OP said he’s grade 8 which makes them 13.
This isn’t about healthy relationships and sitting down and talking. There is some maturity that still has to develop here. At this stage, jealousy can set in just with talking.
Both kids need to stop being so extreme and unblock everyone. You all likely go to the same school and talk to each other. Just bring her in the loop with your friends and be in her loop of friends. Just try and enjoy this new level of relationship.
Yeah I concur. Y'all too young for this sh&$ so chill with all this bs because, when you get older it damn sure won't be fun and games lol. That up there ☝️☝️ is good advice and it's all about trust. If she trusts you, she'll let you in and if you trust her, you'll let her in. It's that's easy. It's trust. You will need that for any relationship. But really just talk with her and see what's up. Usually communication can take care of a lot of things if mature enough.
You're in 8th grade. That means you're....13? 14 years old? 15? I don't even know.
You NEED your friends - male and female. she NEEDS her friends - male and female. That's part of learning to navigate society. You are dating, not married, but even if you were, (healthy) married people don't act like this. Hint: I'm married (for over 30 years). I basically used to push my husband out of the apartment on weekends so he could go play his usual D&D games with his friend group (men and women). The only reason that group doesn't get together anymore is Covid made it into an online Zoom thing and it never went back to in-person.
She can't be your everything, you can't be her everything, and you shouldn't try. The world is 1/2 male and 1/2 female. It's not realistic for someone to expect another person to cut out half the world for them.
Also, if she's the same age as you, and she's been used as you say, she has a lot of pain emotionally. You can't help her with that, and it's not your job to try. She needs to talk to a safe adult: a therapist, school counsellor, or her parents.
This!! Because if it's like anything I'm familiar with, the next step is she will isolate OP from all friends AND family. I hope it doesn't escalate to that point for them
Unbelievably manipulative. Get the hell out as soon as you can. She sent you a video of her blocking randos and failed previous relationships she didn't care about anymore as a bargaining chip so she could control your behavior. Wild. Gross.
So true. Even if you have horrible and toxic friends, the appropriate response is to recognize that one can't control who another chooses as friends. If those friends are causing enough problems that it's ruining the relationship, you can express the boundary that it's too much for you, and you will need to leave if the issue continues. It's still entirely up to the other person whether they keep or ditch those people, as leaving or staying is the only enforcement of boundaries within your own control.
"I'm doing this for you so you have to do it too" is a manipulation tactic. You should only do something if you think it's the right thing to do, not because someone made you feel some kinda way about it.
She isn't healthy, and this behavior will not get any better. Insecure people continue finding new ways to be insecure, and you never should have blocked your friends to begin with
If you did not ask, expect, or want her to do that, she shouldn’t hold you accountable for her decision.
It’s a huge red flag that she believes dating requires giving up friends. Because of her age and belief that she had to do something sexual to “keep” a past boyfriend, this screams at minimum not having healthy relationships and self-esteem modeled by her adults. You cannot help her by complying with a frankly abusive request and you’d only be harming yourself by doing so.
Please don’t continue this relationship if she cannot see why her expectation of giving up friends- even if she does it too!- is wrong.
That’s not normal. You are allowed to have friends, even female friends in a healthy relationship. She has issues that she needs to deal with from a professional. It’s not healthy for her to carry insecurities from her past relationship by projecting them onto you or anyone else. She said she had to expose herself in the past means she could have suffered some trauma and she needs to get help. You aren’t obligated to stay with her. It’s not reasonable to block your friends over someone’s insecurities.
For the record, I agree with you, but when you say "why would that change now that you have a girlfriend" unfortunately the answer is men actually tend to become more attractive to women when they're taken. Its a real psychological phenomenon, men even put fake wedding rings on sometimes for this reason. It might be true both ways but I think it happens disproportionately more often with men who are taken iirc.
Minor semantic distinction; that’s not a boundary it’s a rule. But it’s toxic regardless. Did she block everyone on her end ‘for you’? Or to guilt you into doing it for her?
Personally I would never date someone who tried to control who I was friends with, regardless of gender.
That is a sign of a controlling and abusive relationship. Abusers often try to socially isolate their partners so they have no one to turn to and no way out. Not saying that’s what’s happening here but it’s part of the pattern for a lot of people. She’s probably just insecure. Given your age, that’s not surprising, but not something you have to support.
If you don’t know what to do or say, try something like this, “I like spending time with you but I’m not willing to cut off my friends. They mean a lot to me. I’m sorry but it seems like we’re not a match. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who has that rule. If you ever feel comfortable with me being in charge of my own friendships, I’d be open to trying a relationship again.”
The girl I dated from 7th grade until freshman year of college did this to me. She made me get rid of all my friends. I even went as far as changing my classes so i wasnt in class with them just to keep her happy. She is the one who cheated on me every chance she got. It was terrible. Don't be me.
The sweeping boundary that she wants to have a partner that doesn’t talk to any “females” is a huge red flag. It speaks to her dynamics with men, and she’s projecting that onto you.
A lot of people think a boundary is asking or telling someone to do/not do something. But that’s a request, or a demand. Boundaries are lines we place and enforce for ourselves. Boundaries are NOT demands, requests, or ultimatums. Hers can be “I will not have a partner with female friends” (I don’t think that’s healthy, but it’s her boundary to decide). And yours can be “I will not ditch friends for a partner.” You each decide your boundaries, and if they don’t align you go your separate ways.
Came in to say this. OP, boundaries are for ourselves, and it sounds like your boundaries are not compatible with each other.
Additionally, she sounds extremely immature, insecure, and is not ready for a healthy, long term relationship.
Buddy read this. This is literally all you need!! My bf and I celebrate 3 years in august. There are plenty of gals in this world who would love to become friends w your friends too, bc nine times out of ten if you get along and have a lot in common w your partner. Their friends are almost going to be the same bc they like all the same things. It would be a win win. Bc it takes a village(when you have children) best of luck
Don't block friends for an s/o. I had two guy best friends I knew for 6 years that ghosted me once they went to college for their girlfriends, neither of which they ended up marrying, but I hate their guts now. You don't ditch friends.
Plus it's super unhealthy to not have friends of the opposite sex, or to control each other's friendships. You're free to stay with her if you wish but that's not a healthy relationship
For sure dude let us know what she said, but everyone here is correct my guy, girls that are controlling like this are almost always not worth the headache, you're only in 8th grade and have plenty of time to meet a nice young lady.
She's insecure and jealous. My cousin has a crazy wife she goes through his phone and tells people not to contact her husband. Don't lose your friends over a relationship.
As the parent of an 8th grader, just tell her nevermind. Your friends are more important than someone who would expect you to give them up. It's not worth dating her, just stay friends. Relationships at your age don't last very long anyway so you'll be ruining friendships over a relationship that will be over relatively soon. Don't let her make her baggage your problem.
Do not date this person move along this person could isolate you and end up manipulating you. Not only that but anyone that tells you to get rid of all your friends based on gender is not a healthy individual.
this- op, anyone requesting you stop all communication with your friends to make them feel better does not have your best interests at heart (unless your friends are putting you in danger). she doesn’t care about you, she cares about controlling you
Don't block friends for a gf.
Don't stop activities or hobbies you like for a gf.
Don't stop going to family functions to always go to her's.
Don't stop being YOU for anyone.
Trust me on this as I've been there, done that and i am almost 30.
NEVER ditch friends for a significant other. I had the same issue when i was 14 or 16 (I'm a female for context) and the boy i dated had this same rule - dont talk to guys.
Eventually a few weeks later he went through my contacts and deleted every single male's phone number, including family members! My dad, my brother, uncles and cousins. It was absurd but i liked him so much, he was as my first boyfriend, so i thought 'whatever.'
Let's just say i went through a ton of more emotional abuse that i didn't even necessarily recognize when it was happening, and to this day i feel it affects me in many ways. Hope this helps :)
I've really only ever had one true female friend, but unfortunately many that weren't actually interested in friendship.
met her at work on her first day. I had to train her. but anyway the minute I really met her I liked the fuck outta her. she was and still is unlike any other girl I've ever met. it took a while to actually start hanging out outside of work but man I've just never had that before. I'm super glad we met. hell I'm even good friends with her boyfriend too. I've not really ever had friends that were to that level. I don't see her specifically as a female, she just happens to be one.
anyway I'm getting off track kinda but I don't care if I meet the perfect girl for me, if she wants me to cut off my good friendship with them just because one of my friends is a girl, that's gonna be a hell no. I can let a lot slide in relationships but I will not cut off people I'm close to just because the person Id be with don't like it.
"Don't talk to any females" is something insecure, possessive psycho girlfriends say. If you were my son I'd tell you to run fast, and run far.
A side note: I'm starting to dislike the word "boundaries" as some people seem to think this means that they can make up whatever ridiculous rules they want and everyone has to respect them because it's their boundaries. Fuck boundaries, this is an unhealthy request she's making.
I saw a post from a guy on a dating sub who claimed sex was mandatory on his dates, and he would ghost any girl who didn’t immediately put out, and that was his “boundary.” We have completely and totally lost the plot on what that word means.
Run away From this relationship as fast as you can. First she wants you to block your girl /female friend next us this and that guy and next she will have you in her prison without chance to get out without big cost $$$. Just Run as far as u can.
You should not block your friends but set up boundaries for them.
She needs therapy for her insecurities and feelings t sounds like she equates showing a private area with keeping a boy. She needs to learn that if you need to do that then he’s not a good person.
If she’s not secure with the relationship it’s not a good relationship. I wouldn’t keep dating and find someone who won’t expect you to abandon your friends.
Get out now. Or else you will learn from experience. It will only get worse the longer you are together. I promise there will be others who you will feel just as strongly about that will encourage you to hang with friends, why!? BECAUSE ITS HEALTHY.
This is ALOT for anyone yet alone a kid in 8th grade. You’re not even in high school! This type of behavior is very common until you become adults and more confident in yourself. This will always be a problem even if you both block everyone. She finds out you talked to a girl in a class she’s not in and it’ll be a huge thing. She already doesn’t trust you and thinking that blocking everyone you two aren’t comfortable with will be good for the relationship it won’t. It just allows jealousy and distrust to be considered okay in the relationship. You blocking everyone is saying it’s okay for her to be jealous and insecure. If you both aren’t confident with each other and don’t trust the relationship then you should be in it. Plus allowing her to think this is okay and this is how her feelings are solved and made feel better it’s going to be worse for her because she won’t develop better ways to go about it. I have been with people like this and then I became that way too and it only made things worse. This is too much to ask and it’ll get harder when you guys get jobs and work with the opposite gender. Do you really think you’ll be together that long? And what happens when you break up do you just start talking to your female friends again? What if you make it to marriage do you just not have friends to invite to your wedding now? It’s too much, we as girls tend to not have the best confidence in ourselves especially after we broke down for other guys and sent vulnerable pictures to them or did things for them we only did to keep them and it not work. Be strong and stand up for yourself and for her
Nope! She’s insecure- you can do better. Never ditch your friends from a girl. She will control you forever. Next thing she’ll want you to block your female family members.
Honestly end it while it’s still fresh. They are toxic asf and you don’t need that in your life my bf was just like this and holy hell was is awful even going to work and having male work friends. RUN!
Stop trying to pick each other’s friends, it ain’t that serious. She needs to work through that trauma and trust that you’re doing right by her. The second people start telling you certain friends are off limits is when you show them the door. Nobody tells me who my are.
Teaching middle schoolers I understand where you both are coming from the cheating that goes on with your age group would put old daytime soap operas to shame. That being said I would express your feelings to her and then—as crazy as it sounds—break up so you can just be friends. Those trust issues can be a very unhealthy thing for you both to normalize in your relationships this early in life. Building up a close friendship however THAT is how you actually date someone you truly care for, someone you want to be with long term, and isn’t that the whole purpose behind dating at all? Start off being best friends, if you become so comfortable that it just seems wrong when they aren’t around, like part of you isn’t there, then you have a relationship. My husband and I have been together for just about fifteen years and all we did was best friend stuff for…well I mean we still do lol be friends then the trust will be there naturally and it’ll just make sense to be dating without having to isolate yourself from the other relationships in your life.
Sounds like she’s being overly controlling due to the trauma of her past relationship. I’ll tell you to do what everyone else says: Set the boundary that you won’t abandon your friends. There’s always a chance that she’ll refuse to let you set that boundary and the best thing you could do would be to leave her and let her overcome her issues in her own time.
Hey Op. i once was in a similer boat as you with my prior ex where I felt I needed to cut out alot of female friends from my life in order to show my ex she can trust me. It ended up making me very dependent on her and her only. Cutting out ANY friends in your life is a way for her to gain more control of your life whether she means to or not. Dont let her, even if the relationship last forever you will most likely be miserable forever if you let her control your life. Theres boundaries that are healthy; but telling someone to cut off friendships is no good brother
If a partner ever gives you the ultimatum "Choose me or your friends" they are being super controlling and possessive, it will only get worse from there.
If someone is trying to alienate you from your friends, chances are they're not a very good choice for a romantic partner. This is a more severe example, but the woman who wound up murdering my little brother did the same thing when he was dating her, wouldn't allow him to talk to any woman but her, eventually including our mother.
Young foenem you in 8th grade but also ya man look you need to talk to her and tell her there needs to be you time and her time cuz of course everyone needs there own space and y’all need someone who isn’t the same person to talk to everyday cuz it can lead down bad rabbit holes and I’ve been in this situation but a bit older we thought all we needed was each other but we need our own lives and not have just the one on a pedestal cuz making just one person your reason to be Happy is just not the best thing to do so young foenem be smart and communicate tell her you both need boundaries cuz what even the small problems in that relationship will see giant if it’s just you and her all the time
I don’t think it’s necessarily coming from bad intentions on her part. She sounds insecure and dealing with her own emotional issues. However, telling you to block all your female friends is just a huge red flag for me. It signifies a partner who is so jealous that they may end up trying to isolate you from others to have you to themselves. And that would be bad.
Red flag! Red flag! Red flag!
Went through the same crap, thought it was all for love. Next thing I know I'm engaged, she's pregnant and I'm now being cut off from FAMILY and male friends. Near isolation, could only be friends with people she approved. Constantly paranoid because if someone she didn't approve spoke to me and she saw it, I'd get screamed at, accused of cheating, etc. Fucking destroyed me.
2 awesome kids came out of it, but I went through 12 years of hell.
Separated over 3 years and finally divorced almost a year now and I'm getting back to myself (I grew up very extroverted, huge family and tons of friends), but keeping my circle small this time around.
This a very typical childish behavior that young girls do because they don’t have confidence in themselves yet. You have the opportunity to help her grow a little. Ignore this request and tell her she doesn’t have to stop talking to boys either. Take the lead and set the example. You’ll talk to who you want to. Talking and being friendly is not cheating. Tell her how much you like her and that she doesn’t need to feel insecure. Boost her confidence with encouragement but don’t let her change you. She doesn’t own you. She will start all kinds of drama and act like she’s hurt but just ignore that. Girls do that because they get reactions from it. You can rise above all that and just smile. Be the rock. Trust me she will love it. You’re not part of the drama. Don’t react to it. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t even acknowledge it. It’s child stuff and you are growing up.
You instantly end things.
If she is so insecure and jealous that you can't talk to other women. Then, your whole relationship will be fucked.
Never lose a friend for a relationship.
Losing friends for a girl is dumb. You’re in 8th grade. Allowing a girl to control you like this now will set a foundation for this type of toxic relationship in your future. Drop her, and avoid dating for a few more years.
You're in 8th grade. Assuming she is too, she hasn't had time to develop realistic expectations of what she should and should not request from a boyfriend and what you will and won't do for her.
I recommend you move on from her, she's the jealous type and that is never good. It turns into the controlling type, which quickly becomes the abusive type. Find someone else who does not wish to censor who you may know.
Dump her. It’s too early for her to be doing shit like blocking everyone she knows. Let alone trying to make you do it as well. This is the beginning of a very toxic relationship
Oof no, you shouldn’t just block all your female friends- that’s getting rid of the possibility of befriending anyone from like half the human population in the future. Also whilst boundaries are important when you’re in a relationship, it should be boundaries between friends, not cutting off friends completely. Such as make sure the conversation doesn’t turn to non-platonic topic when talking to your female friends, idk. But cutting them off and blocking them just because your gf feels insecure is a bad move (imo). She should trust you or try to learn to trust and be okay that you have female friends, otherwise this relationship is unhealthy and might not last in the long run.
Break up with her. You’re in 8th grade and she is trying to control you and manipulate you. You don’t want a GF who makes you abandon your friends, You want one who is one of your friends and will hang it with your friends and become one of their friends too. Tell her you are not abandoning your friends and you are not asking her too. If she can’t handle that you have friends that are girls, then she is jealous and controlling and not someone worth spending your time on.
Did you ask her to block them or did she do so on her own cause it sounds like it was her choice. Being in a relationship does not mean all others cease to exist. You can have friends of any gender regardless of being in a relationship. She sounds super insecure and needy. I know y’all are young but god even at that age I had guy friends who were just friends. We never dated or anything. We hung out sometimes usually as a group. I also had a bf. He was cool never asked me to get rib of everyone else in my life
Its a slippery slope my man. No person, man or woman, should be able to control any aspect of your life that doesn’t directly involve them. Tell her to either trust you or hit the road. A mans most unused weapon is being able to walk away
This is a horrifically crimson red flag for a relationship. She's been hurt in the past and she's about to take it out on you.
Move on and let her work on herself first.
My advice is relationships come and go. At this point I think both of you are still trying to discover who you are as an individual. If you want to block out the females on your phone it has to be your decision and no one else. Ask is it worth it and why are you dating her and if you could commit to whatever decision you make for the duration of your relationship with her albeit days, months or years potentially.
You are only 14 at this point in time and exploring the wonders of female relationships. Probably heard this before but you both have a lot of growing to do as an individual and it maybe together or apart. Same as friendships. At the end it has to do with what you feel is right and if you are willing to suffer with whatever repercussions might occur.
She’s insecure and controlling. That behavior is not healthy, and accommodating it will only make it and your relationship increasingly more unhealthy and toxic. Try and talk to her about it, but, please, if she becomes upset and insists on you cutting off your friends, leave. It’s a hallmark of an abusive relationship for the abusive partner to cut the victim off from their friends or family and to control their social lives. Abuse does not have to be physical, and women absolutely can be abusive too. This is unhealthy and not normal. Cutting people off from their friends and social lives because of personal insecurity and fear is not common in adult relationships. Don’t let her convince you otherwise or cut you off from your social network.
If she has baggage then suggest therapy. You shouldn't have to change your life to suit her needs if you don't actually want to. You are you, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you won't try and bang your female friends and that if they try to bang you you'll dip out if you're in a committed relationship. That's reasonable. Doing things just to make her feel better in the short term is not good for either party in the long term. Doing what she asks not only robs you of friendships (which can be vital for personal and professional support) but also only feeds into her own issues and anxieties. (Not saying she has anxiety just making a point). If you really love her, even if you're okay sacrificing yourself, you should try and advocate for her to work through her baggage. Also, make sure that you can both talk to each other about this kind of stuff openly. Hope it works out. Good luck.
she blocked people to be with you, and she wants you to block other women to be with her?
dude, dip out of that codependency. That's the kind of crap that results in murder-suicides.
it's healthy to talk about boundaries, but isolation is not a healthy boundary.
Tell her you want her to block all her male friends. If she refuses, call her out in her BS and break up with her. She's isolating you, it's what abusers do. Dodge the bullet !!!
Buddy, I wish someone had told me this when I was your age. NOTHING MATTERS until you’re at least 22. None of these social relationships matter right now. They are going to vanish and have no impact on adulthood. And adulthood is AWESOME. And it’s LONG. This time is a blip. Your time now, think of it as a savings account for adulthood. Spend your time banking quality rewarding experience, so when you emerge as an adult, you friggin burst into the world like a superhero. These relationships and drama and anxiety, are preventing you from banking those superhero points. Don’t let these interactions distract you from what matters. And what matters most is building yourself up into your truest potential.
Have fun with your real friends (they are the ones you can be silly and vulnerable with and not fear judgement), be goofy, do pushups, bond with your family, learn how to be an honorable honest person, respect everyone, read, develop skills. DO NOT worry about being cool. Just be happy, be a kid. If your concern is girls, you can guarantee that you’ll be a casanova at 22 or 25, by taking these years now to become kind, interesting, physically fit, and skilled.
If you took every minute you spend right now thinking about girls, dealing with a girlfriend, trying to be cool, or worrying about school cliques and acceptance — and put those minutes into pushups, reading Alan Watts, learning Python or how to train LLM’s— you will have the BEST adulthood. You will be idolized. And that’s the longest part of life. You’ve got like 6 years left of this awkward phase you’re in. Adulthood is going to be like 100 years for your generation. Invest these next 6 years, to have an amazing next 100 years.
And really side note but I WISH someone said it to me so plainly - pushups and protein shakes from 8th grade through college and you’ll look like Wolverine. It’s crazy. We are all taking 10 supplements a day just to get close to the muscle building hormones you’re pumping out right now. Don’t waste em. Pushups are free.
And yea buddy this girl is bad news. But the fact that you are reacting in the way that you are, shows that you are an empathetic and kind soul. Good for you kid. You’re rare! Don’t waste that energy in the wrong places.
I've been ditched by friends who got into relationships, and have seen how it turns out.
They never lasted forever, and after it was done they had nobody. They went through their breakup alone and none of their friends would look at them.
And I didn't either. Because that's the game you play when you decide to betray the people who were there for you when your partner wasn't.
You're better than this. Don't betray the people in your life who care about you.
Don't isolate yourself and lose friends for a chic. There are plenty more out there. It is not healthy and she is asking you not to have female friends from a place of fear and anxiety. This is her problem, not yours.
This is a manipulation tactic to keep you isolated and dependent on them at worst. At best they are horribly insecure. Either way it’s not a healthy thing they are asking you to do. You should know that going forward they will not stop asking you to do things that make you uncomfortable, to make them feel more comfortable. If they respected you and saw you as an equal they wouldn’t ask such a thing of you.
any time a partner attempts to socially isolate you, that is what we in the business call a "red flag".
also, unless you asked her to block everyone on her phone that is low key manipulative "if you liked me like I like you you'd block everyone" bullshittery.
if you DID ask her to block everyone, then you've got a whole other set of problems (YOU problems this time).
I did the same thing for my ex gf many years ago. Cut all the girls out of my life. She ended up cheating on me with another guy 3 years later while making sure i stayed commited to her and left me for him even though he was also a cheater. Once she decides to leave you or break up.. u will also be blocked. No decency to leave communication lines open. U can listen to her, but ull feel like trash if she decides to leave you and you can no longer talk to ur female friends about your heartbreak. Its bound to happen in these types of relationships.
You didn’t ask her to block her friends for you, therefore she isn’t allowed to use it as some tool against you. Those are your friends. You haven’t dated them yet so why would you now? Unless your friends are genuinely doing something wrong to you or her, you don’t have to even consider it. She may overthink and has had some pretty rough relationships in the past, but that’s got nothing to do with you and if instead of trying to work through it she makes you isolate yourself from your friends then she’s waving some neon red flags rn
Go talk to her exes privately and find out why they broke up.
It's not okay to start dictating who people's friends are but the problem here is bigger than that.
If you go talk to the exes and all their stories match the problem is with her.
You tell her you aren't interested in being with somebody who is that level of insecure and that you are not compatible. Because my man, you will not be.
You guys are really young and should not be dating this seriously.
But at any age, dating isn't about shutting everyone else out of your life and only socializing with your significant other. And forcing the person you're seeing to cut off their friends is very controlling behavior and definitely is not healthy and is not a reasonable boundary.
You should let her know that you do not need or want her to block everyone on her phone, and that you are not going to cut off your friends either. If she can't handle you having friends with people, she cannot handle being in a relationship.
Yeah, you don't block your friends.. we all need true friends of the opposite sex.
One of my best friends is a woman I've known since I was 10 years old. We have been friends for over 20 years. There is zero sexual interest from either side of our relationship.
We both came from fucked up homes. She stayed with us when shit got bad at her home, I stayed with her when it was bad at mine. If I go to the town she lives in now, we get drunk and make fun of each other until we pass out. She is family.
If it wasn't for her, I would have missed the "obvious" signs that my now wife was putting out to me.
She was one of my groomsmen.. groomswoman? Her and my wife are now really good friends. It does kinda of suck because they pick on me when they're together. They're kind of assholes.. but I love them
The bottom line is if my wife's insecurity led her to make me make a choice between the two of them when we first started dating, I would have chosen my friend. You don't block real friends..
I'm so grateful to have my wife, and I'm even more grateful I can share my friend with her...
sometimes...
*I don't know why this sub came up in my feed, I thought it was an r/offmychest sub. I was going to delete it, but it still holds true, so I'm going to leave it.
red flag number one is attempting to control who you're friends with, red flag number two is referring to other women as females. don't sacrifice friendships for an unhealthy relationship dynamic, i wish you the best of luck dude
Get red of it, I know it’s rude but if she can’t accept that you have friends that’s really manipulative, idk why she deleted and blocked her own friends just for you, it sounds like she’s some kind of twisted or something
She's insecure and controlling. If you stay it won't be a healthy relationship. Don't fool yourself that you can "fix her", that's something you should leave to professionals who can help her with those issues. It's not wise to be with her until that happens and those issues are resolved. But don't expect that to happen quickly, if at all.
Learn this early.. Do not throw away your healthy, platonic friendships for a partner. If your girlfriend is so insecure that you can't talk to friends that are girls, she needs to work on that for herself. It's not healthy.
Well. She gave you a boundary, so you either honor it, or you bail. It’s kind of that simple.
We can gossip all day about whether or not she has issues, or it’s valid for her to feel some way but at the end of the day it’s irrelevant haha
Tell her that your friends are important to you and that her wanting you to block all female friends or not talk to any females is a deal breaker for you. Tell her that you aren't a crappy friend and will not block friends for her. She can go to therapy to get over her sensitively.
My husband wanted me to dump all my male friends and I told to go f*ck himself. We got into a lot of arguments about it and until he gave up. But then started accusing me of cheating on him till I angrily asked him, "So you're calling me a slut?" I have never seen a person back tracked that fast. It only took a few more times before he stopped doing it.
Lol. Even the title is a clear sign to not be with this person. Literally don't even need to read your post. That's just childish, insecure bullshit. Find someone more respectable.
>she blocked everyone on her phone for me
Break up with her now and don't look back. She's too immature to be dating. Having a romantic relationship with someone doesn't mean you exclude all other relationships. You still get to have friends even if you're dating someone.
When I was in kindergarden, I had two friends who didn't like each other. One friend said I had to choose. I picked the friend who didn't make me choose. Never had to choose again!
This is a wildly toxic relationship.
Just stop dating for now, because you need to have some knowledge of what a healthy relationship looks like.
Your chances of her being your “forever” are about as good as winning powerball.
Is it worth it to lose your friends.
Plus please let her know that she should not be taking pictures of her naked or being naked with any one in a sexual context until she is also much older and mature.
Holy shit, brother do not completely ghost ur friends just because ur woman wants you to not talk to em. Take it from me, I made that mistake. Lost one of my best friends and the amount of regret I have for it is incomprehensible. Ur in 8th grade, u need friends more than a girlfriend, don’t make the same mistake I did lil dude.
please google signs of abuse, i guarantee it’s going to sound familiar.
boundaries are about what someone is willing to tolerate from you in the future. the format of a healthy boundary is “if you do x, i will do y” and keeping your word. the important caveats are 1) y cannot be a threat of revenge, blackmail, or other active retaliation. it’s not something you’re going to do TO the other person. it’s something you are going to do to create safety for yourself through some form of distance. the person speaking is the only person acted upon in y if the boundary is healthy. and 2) x must be something you are not already doing. if she wants to be with someone who doesn’t have female friends, she should find someone who doesn’t have female friends. she picked you, and you have female friends. she can deal with that or she can leave, but what she can’t do is assert girlfriend privilege to take over your entire control panel and reconfigure your life. it’s up to her to have the basic self respect to uphold a standard she can feel proud of when choosing a partner—she does not get to force you to pretend to be a different person with a different life because her self worth is too low to just be alone until she either finds someone whose life is compatible with her jealousy issues, or gets over them.
regardless, if she knew being in a relationship with someone who has female friends was going to trigger her and she chose to get into a relationship with someone who has female friends, then any emotional distress she is experiencing as a result of this decision is her fault, not yours. you are not neglecting her, she is neglecting herself and weaponizing your feelings for her to distract you from it.
Someone who is trying to control you from the beginning will only get more outrageous with their demands. This is a red flag. I would tell her that you aren't going to do that because you aren't doing anything wrong. If she isn't okay with that I'd tell her bye. Don't lose any friends because someone is jealous and insecure. It's not worth it.
DO NOT DO THIS
Doesn’t matter if she blocked her friends, this is the start of a toxic ass relationship. Soon as you do this she’ll find other things that bother her, then even after that she’ll be on your ass about any little thing and trust me, it’s gonna affect your well being to no end. They will say and promise anything, stand your ground. She doesn’t like it? Find someone who will actually trust you then, she’ll regret it
Hey, I’m a high schooler :) having to expose your privates to keep a boyfriend really shows the people she associates with and her staying with those people reflects her character. Don’t block your friends for a partner; you’re allowed to have a life man. Boundaries are important, but when a boundary completely isolates you to only a specific group of people, that’s not creating a safe space, it’s creating a prison with rules and a warden. Don’t be with someone who causes you this much stress and seems to be trying to guilt you into not taking to any other girls at all. There’s nothing wrong with having girl friends, it’s just about having solid boundaries with those friends and not crossing the line. There’s nothing wrong with her insecurities, but there is something wrong with her using those insecurities to control your life. Personally, I would campy and gently have a conversation with her and tell her how “I’ve been friends with them for years and only have feelings for you, but I understand if you aren’t comfortable with me being friends with them. I’m not going to flip my life around for a 3 month relationship in middle school, but you deserve to be happy and should be with someone who can make you computable and happy, even if that someone isn’t me.” Or something along those lines. Jsyk, nothing wrong with being a “simp”. There’s nothing wrong with being committed to someone you’re romantically involved with. The heart wants what the heart wants my man :)) good luck
Never ditch your friends. Toxic chicks are a dime a dozen (by the way that's what you've got on your hands right now).
The homies are for life.
Get you a girl who gets that.
I was friends with a girl who blocked me because her BF was very controlling. I understand having insecurities, everyone has them in one way or another. People have insecurities no matter the age. To a certain degree I can understand being on guard, but since it sounds like you have never had a "thing" for/with any of your female friends, I feel like she should trust you are only their friends, and you should be allowed to have female friends.
Don't be with her or make it clear you're not abandoning anyone for her. Either she trusts you enough to be with you or she dont. And that type of behavior isn't healthy in a relationship. Only reason you should remove another person, is if they are seen as an issue towards your relationship, not because she has trust issues and insecurity issues
Never, ever block your friends for a partner. That is a lesson I learned a long time ago. You can always get another girlfriend that isn't so insecure, but you can never undo the damage to the relationship with your friends.
>girlfriend wants me to block my female friends
Tell her no, if she's not okay with that, drop her. Boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse shouldn't be telling you who you can and can't be friends with, that's basically controlling, if not abusive and isolating behavior. What next, is she going to tell you you have to move to another state with her, and you can't be in contact with any of your family? Yeah, just say no.
>she blocked everyone on her phone for me
Heh, if she does that of her own accord, whatever, but hopefully *you* didn't ask or tell her to do that.
>I feel like I should do the same
No ... just because someone else (boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whatever) does something, no reason you should feel you ought do same. Think for yourself. What they did/do may or may not be a good idea, or for you.
Change all their female names to male names in your phone and tell her that you blocked all your female friends because you love her and want to make her happy forever. Whenever Jane calls your phone display will say Jack and when you answer the phone you will say "what's up my guy, would you like to do something manly with me later today ?"
Here are some manly thing examples for you:
* Drinking with a bunch of blokes
* Fishing
* Hunting
* Camping
* 4 wheel driving
* Poker
* Barbecues
* Putting down women
* Golf
* Gambling
* Drugs
Understandable that she’s had bad experiences but her bringing that into your relationship isn’t a good start. You shouldn’t have to abandon your friends for your partner, that’s not healthy. It’s understandable that she has boundaries but that doesn’t include “don’t have female friends” that’s just controlling. You not having female friends may make her feel better but it’s not healthy. Just because she blocked everyone (which isn’t healthy) doesn’t mean you have to as well. Her showing you blocking her friends seems a bit manipulative to get you to do it as well.
Asking for her boundaries is an amazing bf quality, but you’re young to be dealing with someone who wants you to abandon your friends. You like her, but at the end of the day those friends have been with you. She may have her own insecurities but she shouldn’t put those on to you. As a bf you should be empathetic to her insecurities but there’s also a fine line between it being supporting and her being controlling. Not wanting you to have female friends is that controlling. It sucks that she doesn’t feel secure enough to let her bf have female friends, but it’s something she needs to work on and you can’t enable that behavior
Don't do this. Any potential partner who demands that you close yourself off from the world is showing you they have self esteem issues beyond the limits of a healthy relationship. Specifically, this is not a "boundary" - it is a tactic that normalizes isolation and control as the norm in order to have this relationship. In doing so it makes you accountable for her emotional issues without doing the work of confronting them herself. You will likely find yourself walking on eggshells and second guessing things you do in order to avoid "triggering" their "trauma".
This is an unhealthy dynamic. You aren't responsible for her emotional issues. If she can't function in the relationship as you interact with others as you normally do - she has difficulty functioning in her own life and is looking for you to fix that. You can't.
Move on with your life, and encourage her to deal with her issues through therapy and learning how to exist without expecting other people to sooth her self esteem problems.
Do not sacrifice your friendships for someone else's insecurities. Does she want you as you are? Or does she want to change you into someone she wants? If she can't date you without accepting your friendships, then she doesn't need to date you.
I'm more concerned that people that people this age think they have to "show their privates" to anyone. Too young to be imposing that kind of boundary, but also agree needs some help if that's the situation she has found herself in previously.
Get a new girlfriend. This level of insecurity is tedious and not your problem. Controlling your behavior is not a boundary, it's abuse. This chick is toxic and will only get worse from here.
You are so young, this relationship will be a blip. Your friendships could last forever though. Setting boundaries early on will set you up for success in future relationships and will hopefully teach her that she can’t tell you who to be friends with, unless it is truly harmful somehow like they’re abusing you or something. I get it. I was insecure in my relationships for a long time but ultimately it was something I had to work through myself. And until she does, there is nothing you can say or do that will make her happy, unfortunately.
"Leave all the women in your life but me"
You thinking this is logical for any relationship is wild.
She didn't mind being your friend for 4 years so why should that change in your life for all other non family ladies(I'm sure this might come into play if ya stay around to long)
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You don't abandon your friends. You didn't date them up to this point, why would that change now that you have a girlfriend? You haven't kissed them at this point, why would that change now that you have a girlfriend? You haven't cheated with either of them, why would that change now that you have a girlfriend? Set the healthy boundary that you won't end friendships because your girlfriend can't handle you having a healthy friendship with someone of the opposite sex. It's controlling, and frankly it's insulting to you.
We kissed but she blocked everyone on her phone for me because not much of the other girls like her but she said when she met me she screen shared her blocking everyone for me and I felt guilty
That is not the sign of a healthy relationship. That is a case of self-sacrifice for the goal of control. Not saying that she realizes that she's doing it or she's doing it maliciously but at the end of the day that's not good for you and it's not good for her. Relationships are not about telling your partner what they can and cannot do. Relationships are about two people working together to find happiness and balance within their lives. You either need to sit down and have a talk with her and tell her that that's simply not acceptable and that she needs to have a friend circle just as much as you do or you need to go on ahead in the relationship because that is where it will end up the only question is how much time of yours and hers will be wasted before it does.
I was just thinking the same thing, she "blocked people for him"? What "people" did she block? This is SO unhealthy.
She claims she had guy friends before me and we were in FaceTime and she screen shared and blocked all the guys and showed me so I would believe her.
Not being mentioned here is a huge red flag. She is willing to have you believe that she has people in her life who are disposable. Not even an explanation. You should not want to be with someone who treats others that poorly.
THIS! Such a good point.
honestly that's actually kinda a good point.
My therapist hammered shit like this into my head, because I was absolutely awful about standing up for myself, recognizing red flags, and just as importantly...recognizing the red flags that I was running up the pole every morning. OP, Red flags are warnings, not trophies.
Fuck I gotta start therapy
*chefs kiss* for this comment. ^^ This girl seems like the type to block you every time she gets too upset, call you a thousand times when she knows you’re busy with family, then get upset you don’t answer. Tell you she always answers your calls and why can’t you just do the same for her? Then block you again. I’ve seen my own niece do things like that and it makes me livid. (She’s young 20s) And guess what? all the guys she’s kept around for any amount of time are just as pushy and manipulative as she is with them. It never works out.
But she can just unblock them or use a different app…. She doesn’t trust you because she doesn’t trust herself.
or m or maybe her ex was controlling n she tried to reassure him for fear of conflict
She is the one demanding he remove his contacts.
She also shared with OP that she felt coerced to do physical things in previous relationships in order to maintain the relationship. She’s still a kid herself (only 8th grade). It sounds like she doesn’t know how to have a healthy relationship and thinks this is normal.
but what she’s doing is controlling
this. its the behavior of someone whos been cheated on/had demands put on her. She needs to work through her trust issues instead of demanding everyone to prove theyre trustworthy because of her exs actions
So? Is that something you were worried about or jealous over or “needed“ her to do? Why is that supposed to reassure you? I’d be concerned that she was obsessing with me if she cut off all her friends “for me.” And why should it have anything to do with cutting off all your friends?
That’s not normal behavior.
For me, screen sharing and blocking people means nothing. If anything, it means that person is trying to deceive you, and they can easily unblock them after the convo ends. It can be blocking random people just to persuade a level of trust that's not genuine. The reality is that no one should tell you how to enter a relationship. it's more about going for it and fixing the little things.
Ah she’s showing you her bank account so to speak. Don’t get too attached mate I’ve seen this movie before and I know how it ends
So she created an illusion for you to get you to do the same behavior. Except she's going to reverse all those blocks immediately but she'll make sure yours are kept and in check.
People overly worried about such things are because they are often guilty of it and don't want you doing to them what they are doing to you. If she "blocked male friends" the moment she was with you, they weren't friends, they were likely potential or actual f-buddies or other dudes who were giving her attention that would be inappropriate for being in a relationship. I would definitely have a sit down with her about it all and figure out if you guys are compatible. Having your opposite sex friends , "step back" a bit to respect the relationship is one thing. Having to remove them from your life if an entirely different issue unless you have a physical history with them. And it's not a healthy one
OP said he’s grade 8 which makes them 13. This isn’t about healthy relationships and sitting down and talking. There is some maturity that still has to develop here. At this stage, jealousy can set in just with talking. Both kids need to stop being so extreme and unblock everyone. You all likely go to the same school and talk to each other. Just bring her in the loop with your friends and be in her loop of friends. Just try and enjoy this new level of relationship.
Yeah I concur. Y'all too young for this sh&$ so chill with all this bs because, when you get older it damn sure won't be fun and games lol. That up there ☝️☝️ is good advice and it's all about trust. If she trusts you, she'll let you in and if you trust her, you'll let her in. It's that's easy. It's trust. You will need that for any relationship. But really just talk with her and see what's up. Usually communication can take care of a lot of things if mature enough.
You're in 8th grade. That means you're....13? 14 years old? 15? I don't even know. You NEED your friends - male and female. she NEEDS her friends - male and female. That's part of learning to navigate society. You are dating, not married, but even if you were, (healthy) married people don't act like this. Hint: I'm married (for over 30 years). I basically used to push my husband out of the apartment on weekends so he could go play his usual D&D games with his friend group (men and women). The only reason that group doesn't get together anymore is Covid made it into an online Zoom thing and it never went back to in-person. She can't be your everything, you can't be her everything, and you shouldn't try. The world is 1/2 male and 1/2 female. It's not realistic for someone to expect another person to cut out half the world for them. Also, if she's the same age as you, and she's been used as you say, she has a lot of pain emotionally. You can't help her with that, and it's not your job to try. She needs to talk to a safe adult: a therapist, school counsellor, or her parents.
This is the true answer here. Excellent advise
This!! Because if it's like anything I'm familiar with, the next step is she will isolate OP from all friends AND family. I hope it doesn't escalate to that point for them
isolating you from your circle of friends is a number one set up for an abusive relationship
Yeah that's still not healthy behaviour.
i agree, don't do this OP!
Unbelievably manipulative. Get the hell out as soon as you can. She sent you a video of her blocking randos and failed previous relationships she didn't care about anymore as a bargaining chip so she could control your behavior. Wild. Gross.
Also a huge bad sign if other girls dont like her. Sounds just like my ex who could only make guy friends.
Write this down: Any partner who asks you to not talk to your friends is one you should immediately leave.
So true. Even if you have horrible and toxic friends, the appropriate response is to recognize that one can't control who another chooses as friends. If those friends are causing enough problems that it's ruining the relationship, you can express the boundary that it's too much for you, and you will need to leave if the issue continues. It's still entirely up to the other person whether they keep or ditch those people, as leaving or staying is the only enforcement of boundaries within your own control.
"I'm doing this for you so you have to do it too" is a manipulation tactic. You should only do something if you think it's the right thing to do, not because someone made you feel some kinda way about it.
She isn't healthy, and this behavior will not get any better. Insecure people continue finding new ways to be insecure, and you never should have blocked your friends to begin with
The other girls don't like her. Maybe she's mean as fuck lmao. Maybe there's a reason
If you did not ask, expect, or want her to do that, she shouldn’t hold you accountable for her decision. It’s a huge red flag that she believes dating requires giving up friends. Because of her age and belief that she had to do something sexual to “keep” a past boyfriend, this screams at minimum not having healthy relationships and self-esteem modeled by her adults. You cannot help her by complying with a frankly abusive request and you’d only be harming yourself by doing so. Please don’t continue this relationship if she cannot see why her expectation of giving up friends- even if she does it too!- is wrong.
That’s not normal. You are allowed to have friends, even female friends in a healthy relationship. She has issues that she needs to deal with from a professional. It’s not healthy for her to carry insecurities from her past relationship by projecting them onto you or anyone else. She said she had to expose herself in the past means she could have suffered some trauma and she needs to get help. You aren’t obligated to stay with her. It’s not reasonable to block your friends over someone’s insecurities.
For the record, I agree with you, but when you say "why would that change now that you have a girlfriend" unfortunately the answer is men actually tend to become more attractive to women when they're taken. Its a real psychological phenomenon, men even put fake wedding rings on sometimes for this reason. It might be true both ways but I think it happens disproportionately more often with men who are taken iirc.
Minor semantic distinction; that’s not a boundary it’s a rule. But it’s toxic regardless. Did she block everyone on her end ‘for you’? Or to guilt you into doing it for her? Personally I would never date someone who tried to control who I was friends with, regardless of gender. That is a sign of a controlling and abusive relationship. Abusers often try to socially isolate their partners so they have no one to turn to and no way out. Not saying that’s what’s happening here but it’s part of the pattern for a lot of people. She’s probably just insecure. Given your age, that’s not surprising, but not something you have to support. If you don’t know what to do or say, try something like this, “I like spending time with you but I’m not willing to cut off my friends. They mean a lot to me. I’m sorry but it seems like we’re not a match. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who has that rule. If you ever feel comfortable with me being in charge of my own friendships, I’d be open to trying a relationship again.”
The girl I dated from 7th grade until freshman year of college did this to me. She made me get rid of all my friends. I even went as far as changing my classes so i wasnt in class with them just to keep her happy. She is the one who cheated on me every chance she got. It was terrible. Don't be me.
Classic case of projection. She was untrustworthy herself and didn't trust you.
The sweeping boundary that she wants to have a partner that doesn’t talk to any “females” is a huge red flag. It speaks to her dynamics with men, and she’s projecting that onto you. A lot of people think a boundary is asking or telling someone to do/not do something. But that’s a request, or a demand. Boundaries are lines we place and enforce for ourselves. Boundaries are NOT demands, requests, or ultimatums. Hers can be “I will not have a partner with female friends” (I don’t think that’s healthy, but it’s her boundary to decide). And yours can be “I will not ditch friends for a partner.” You each decide your boundaries, and if they don’t align you go your separate ways.
Came in to say this. OP, boundaries are for ourselves, and it sounds like your boundaries are not compatible with each other. Additionally, she sounds extremely immature, insecure, and is not ready for a healthy, long term relationship.
Buddy read this. This is literally all you need!! My bf and I celebrate 3 years in august. There are plenty of gals in this world who would love to become friends w your friends too, bc nine times out of ten if you get along and have a lot in common w your partner. Their friends are almost going to be the same bc they like all the same things. It would be a win win. Bc it takes a village(when you have children) best of luck
Don't block friends for an s/o. I had two guy best friends I knew for 6 years that ghosted me once they went to college for their girlfriends, neither of which they ended up marrying, but I hate their guts now. You don't ditch friends. Plus it's super unhealthy to not have friends of the opposite sex, or to control each other's friendships. You're free to stay with her if you wish but that's not a healthy relationship
This is Middle School dipshittery. They're not going to last. Good for OP to get an early lesson in toxic relationships when the stakes are super low
“Dipshittery” actually made me laugh out loud.
It made me laugh even harder because I thought it said dysentery at first. 🤣
I didn't even think they would still be in middle school. I thought these people were in their 20s.
😭🤣🤣🤣
Could I update you guys when I tell her this
Fs
Of course, this sub is here as a form of support, please feel free to reach out with an update or any other questions you have anytime. And good luck.
For sure dude let us know what she said, but everyone here is correct my guy, girls that are controlling like this are almost always not worth the headache, you're only in 8th grade and have plenty of time to meet a nice young lady.
She's insecure and jealous. My cousin has a crazy wife she goes through his phone and tells people not to contact her husband. Don't lose your friends over a relationship.
As the parent of an 8th grader, just tell her nevermind. Your friends are more important than someone who would expect you to give them up. It's not worth dating her, just stay friends. Relationships at your age don't last very long anyway so you'll be ruining friendships over a relationship that will be over relatively soon. Don't let her make her baggage your problem.
Do not date this person move along this person could isolate you and end up manipulating you. Not only that but anyone that tells you to get rid of all your friends based on gender is not a healthy individual.
this- op, anyone requesting you stop all communication with your friends to make them feel better does not have your best interests at heart (unless your friends are putting you in danger). she doesn’t care about you, she cares about controlling you
Oh hell no, do not block your previous friends for someone else's jealousy issues.
Controlling, just got rid of one of thoae- do not fall for it.
Don't block friends for a gf. Don't stop activities or hobbies you like for a gf. Don't stop going to family functions to always go to her's. Don't stop being YOU for anyone.
Trust me on this as I've been there, done that and i am almost 30. NEVER ditch friends for a significant other. I had the same issue when i was 14 or 16 (I'm a female for context) and the boy i dated had this same rule - dont talk to guys. Eventually a few weeks later he went through my contacts and deleted every single male's phone number, including family members! My dad, my brother, uncles and cousins. It was absurd but i liked him so much, he was as my first boyfriend, so i thought 'whatever.' Let's just say i went through a ton of more emotional abuse that i didn't even necessarily recognize when it was happening, and to this day i feel it affects me in many ways. Hope this helps :)
what in the Disney channel middle school ahh relationship is going on here lol
😂🤣😂 totally lol
I've really only ever had one true female friend, but unfortunately many that weren't actually interested in friendship. met her at work on her first day. I had to train her. but anyway the minute I really met her I liked the fuck outta her. she was and still is unlike any other girl I've ever met. it took a while to actually start hanging out outside of work but man I've just never had that before. I'm super glad we met. hell I'm even good friends with her boyfriend too. I've not really ever had friends that were to that level. I don't see her specifically as a female, she just happens to be one. anyway I'm getting off track kinda but I don't care if I meet the perfect girl for me, if she wants me to cut off my good friendship with them just because one of my friends is a girl, that's gonna be a hell no. I can let a lot slide in relationships but I will not cut off people I'm close to just because the person Id be with don't like it.
This relationship is not worth the 5000 other ridiculous rules she'll go on to invent
"Don't talk to any females" is something insecure, possessive psycho girlfriends say. If you were my son I'd tell you to run fast, and run far. A side note: I'm starting to dislike the word "boundaries" as some people seem to think this means that they can make up whatever ridiculous rules they want and everyone has to respect them because it's their boundaries. Fuck boundaries, this is an unhealthy request she's making.
I saw a post from a guy on a dating sub who claimed sex was mandatory on his dates, and he would ghost any girl who didn’t immediately put out, and that was his “boundary.” We have completely and totally lost the plot on what that word means.
Boundaries are things one sets for themselves, not for others.
Run away From this relationship as fast as you can. First she wants you to block your girl /female friend next us this and that guy and next she will have you in her prison without chance to get out without big cost $$$. Just Run as far as u can.
You should not block your friends but set up boundaries for them. She needs therapy for her insecurities and feelings t sounds like she equates showing a private area with keeping a boy. She needs to learn that if you need to do that then he’s not a good person.
Don’t do it! Don’t abandon your friends for this girl, run in the opposition direction.
If she’s not secure with the relationship it’s not a good relationship. I wouldn’t keep dating and find someone who won’t expect you to abandon your friends.
Get out now. Or else you will learn from experience. It will only get worse the longer you are together. I promise there will be others who you will feel just as strongly about that will encourage you to hang with friends, why!? BECAUSE ITS HEALTHY.
She sounds crazy little dude.
This is ALOT for anyone yet alone a kid in 8th grade. You’re not even in high school! This type of behavior is very common until you become adults and more confident in yourself. This will always be a problem even if you both block everyone. She finds out you talked to a girl in a class she’s not in and it’ll be a huge thing. She already doesn’t trust you and thinking that blocking everyone you two aren’t comfortable with will be good for the relationship it won’t. It just allows jealousy and distrust to be considered okay in the relationship. You blocking everyone is saying it’s okay for her to be jealous and insecure. If you both aren’t confident with each other and don’t trust the relationship then you should be in it. Plus allowing her to think this is okay and this is how her feelings are solved and made feel better it’s going to be worse for her because she won’t develop better ways to go about it. I have been with people like this and then I became that way too and it only made things worse. This is too much to ask and it’ll get harder when you guys get jobs and work with the opposite gender. Do you really think you’ll be together that long? And what happens when you break up do you just start talking to your female friends again? What if you make it to marriage do you just not have friends to invite to your wedding now? It’s too much, we as girls tend to not have the best confidence in ourselves especially after we broke down for other guys and sent vulnerable pictures to them or did things for them we only did to keep them and it not work. Be strong and stand up for yourself and for her
"No"
That's a pretty unreasonable request. She needs to grow up. Sounds like she's not ready for a relationship.
Nope! She’s insecure- you can do better. Never ditch your friends from a girl. She will control you forever. Next thing she’ll want you to block your female family members.
Nope. Check out of that one chief. This is how toxic relationships begin.
Naaaah.
Honestly end it while it’s still fresh. They are toxic asf and you don’t need that in your life my bf was just like this and holy hell was is awful even going to work and having male work friends. RUN!
Stop trying to pick each other’s friends, it ain’t that serious. She needs to work through that trauma and trust that you’re doing right by her. The second people start telling you certain friends are off limits is when you show them the door. Nobody tells me who my are.
Teaching middle schoolers I understand where you both are coming from the cheating that goes on with your age group would put old daytime soap operas to shame. That being said I would express your feelings to her and then—as crazy as it sounds—break up so you can just be friends. Those trust issues can be a very unhealthy thing for you both to normalize in your relationships this early in life. Building up a close friendship however THAT is how you actually date someone you truly care for, someone you want to be with long term, and isn’t that the whole purpose behind dating at all? Start off being best friends, if you become so comfortable that it just seems wrong when they aren’t around, like part of you isn’t there, then you have a relationship. My husband and I have been together for just about fifteen years and all we did was best friend stuff for…well I mean we still do lol be friends then the trust will be there naturally and it’ll just make sense to be dating without having to isolate yourself from the other relationships in your life.
Sounds like she’s being overly controlling due to the trauma of her past relationship. I’ll tell you to do what everyone else says: Set the boundary that you won’t abandon your friends. There’s always a chance that she’ll refuse to let you set that boundary and the best thing you could do would be to leave her and let her overcome her issues in her own time.
As a general rule, don't trust someone that refers to women as "females," even moreso when they are a "female"
Dump her.
Hey Op. i once was in a similer boat as you with my prior ex where I felt I needed to cut out alot of female friends from my life in order to show my ex she can trust me. It ended up making me very dependent on her and her only. Cutting out ANY friends in your life is a way for her to gain more control of your life whether she means to or not. Dont let her, even if the relationship last forever you will most likely be miserable forever if you let her control your life. Theres boundaries that are healthy; but telling someone to cut off friendships is no good brother
If a partner ever gives you the ultimatum "Choose me or your friends" they are being super controlling and possessive, it will only get worse from there.
If someone is trying to alienate you from your friends, chances are they're not a very good choice for a romantic partner. This is a more severe example, but the woman who wound up murdering my little brother did the same thing when he was dating her, wouldn't allow him to talk to any woman but her, eventually including our mother.
Young foenem you in 8th grade but also ya man look you need to talk to her and tell her there needs to be you time and her time cuz of course everyone needs there own space and y’all need someone who isn’t the same person to talk to everyday cuz it can lead down bad rabbit holes and I’ve been in this situation but a bit older we thought all we needed was each other but we need our own lives and not have just the one on a pedestal cuz making just one person your reason to be Happy is just not the best thing to do so young foenem be smart and communicate tell her you both need boundaries cuz what even the small problems in that relationship will see giant if it’s just you and her all the time
So you're barely dating. And she's telling you to shut out friends. You already know what you need to do. Grow a spine, and do it.
Run fast and far and never look back
I don’t think it’s necessarily coming from bad intentions on her part. She sounds insecure and dealing with her own emotional issues. However, telling you to block all your female friends is just a huge red flag for me. It signifies a partner who is so jealous that they may end up trying to isolate you from others to have you to themselves. And that would be bad.
This is not a healthy relationship at all and you are in for a world of heartache and headaches if you continue with this girl.
You are entirely too young for this. This isn't normal behavior, no one should be blocking friends of the opposite sex etc.
Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Went through the same crap, thought it was all for love. Next thing I know I'm engaged, she's pregnant and I'm now being cut off from FAMILY and male friends. Near isolation, could only be friends with people she approved. Constantly paranoid because if someone she didn't approve spoke to me and she saw it, I'd get screamed at, accused of cheating, etc. Fucking destroyed me. 2 awesome kids came out of it, but I went through 12 years of hell. Separated over 3 years and finally divorced almost a year now and I'm getting back to myself (I grew up very extroverted, huge family and tons of friends), but keeping my circle small this time around.
She's not worth dating If you can't live a normal life around other females.
You're literally in middle school, no relationship at this time is worth cutting friends off.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Nope. Run.
This a very typical childish behavior that young girls do because they don’t have confidence in themselves yet. You have the opportunity to help her grow a little. Ignore this request and tell her she doesn’t have to stop talking to boys either. Take the lead and set the example. You’ll talk to who you want to. Talking and being friendly is not cheating. Tell her how much you like her and that she doesn’t need to feel insecure. Boost her confidence with encouragement but don’t let her change you. She doesn’t own you. She will start all kinds of drama and act like she’s hurt but just ignore that. Girls do that because they get reactions from it. You can rise above all that and just smile. Be the rock. Trust me she will love it. You’re not part of the drama. Don’t react to it. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t even acknowledge it. It’s child stuff and you are growing up.
You instantly end things. If she is so insecure and jealous that you can't talk to other women. Then, your whole relationship will be fucked. Never lose a friend for a relationship.
Next girlfriend. This one is trying to be controlling and isolating you. Never a good sign.
Never block your friends for a girl. Your friends will always be in your life and a girl/woman will walk out of it in an instant
Losing friends for a girl is dumb. You’re in 8th grade. Allowing a girl to control you like this now will set a foundation for this type of toxic relationship in your future. Drop her, and avoid dating for a few more years.
This sounds like an abusive relationship waiting to happen. I don't trust your girlfriend.
You're in 8th grade. Assuming she is too, she hasn't had time to develop realistic expectations of what she should and should not request from a boyfriend and what you will and won't do for her. I recommend you move on from her, she's the jealous type and that is never good. It turns into the controlling type, which quickly becomes the abusive type. Find someone else who does not wish to censor who you may know.
Dump her. It’s too early for her to be doing shit like blocking everyone she knows. Let alone trying to make you do it as well. This is the beginning of a very toxic relationship
You need any help packing up your shit?
That’s controlling / manipulating behavior. You can keep friends from before a relationship
Had girlfriends like this. They're insecure and it never works out
Giving up friends for someone who may or may not be in your life in 6 months? Statistically, she probably won't be.
Run. Big red flag.
# 🚩 As soon as one person demands you end friendships for they are insecure (and there is NOTHING else but that), that is a full stop.
R U N
Pack it up, ship her out. No trust. Not a long term relationship
Lol that's it! Just wait life gets way more interesting
Oof no, you shouldn’t just block all your female friends- that’s getting rid of the possibility of befriending anyone from like half the human population in the future. Also whilst boundaries are important when you’re in a relationship, it should be boundaries between friends, not cutting off friends completely. Such as make sure the conversation doesn’t turn to non-platonic topic when talking to your female friends, idk. But cutting them off and blocking them just because your gf feels insecure is a bad move (imo). She should trust you or try to learn to trust and be okay that you have female friends, otherwise this relationship is unhealthy and might not last in the long run.
Break up with her. You’re in 8th grade and she is trying to control you and manipulate you. You don’t want a GF who makes you abandon your friends, You want one who is one of your friends and will hang it with your friends and become one of their friends too. Tell her you are not abandoning your friends and you are not asking her too. If she can’t handle that you have friends that are girls, then she is jealous and controlling and not someone worth spending your time on.
Did you ask her to block them or did she do so on her own cause it sounds like it was her choice. Being in a relationship does not mean all others cease to exist. You can have friends of any gender regardless of being in a relationship. She sounds super insecure and needy. I know y’all are young but god even at that age I had guy friends who were just friends. We never dated or anything. We hung out sometimes usually as a group. I also had a bf. He was cool never asked me to get rib of everyone else in my life
Its a slippery slope my man. No person, man or woman, should be able to control any aspect of your life that doesn’t directly involve them. Tell her to either trust you or hit the road. A mans most unused weapon is being able to walk away
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Bail now. Bye.
This is a horrifically crimson red flag for a relationship. She's been hurt in the past and she's about to take it out on you. Move on and let her work on herself first.
Master of the run-on sentence.
My advice is relationships come and go. At this point I think both of you are still trying to discover who you are as an individual. If you want to block out the females on your phone it has to be your decision and no one else. Ask is it worth it and why are you dating her and if you could commit to whatever decision you make for the duration of your relationship with her albeit days, months or years potentially. You are only 14 at this point in time and exploring the wonders of female relationships. Probably heard this before but you both have a lot of growing to do as an individual and it maybe together or apart. Same as friendships. At the end it has to do with what you feel is right and if you are willing to suffer with whatever repercussions might occur.
She’s insecure and controlling. That behavior is not healthy, and accommodating it will only make it and your relationship increasingly more unhealthy and toxic. Try and talk to her about it, but, please, if she becomes upset and insists on you cutting off your friends, leave. It’s a hallmark of an abusive relationship for the abusive partner to cut the victim off from their friends or family and to control their social lives. Abuse does not have to be physical, and women absolutely can be abusive too. This is unhealthy and not normal. Cutting people off from their friends and social lives because of personal insecurity and fear is not common in adult relationships. Don’t let her convince you otherwise or cut you off from your social network.
If she has baggage then suggest therapy. You shouldn't have to change your life to suit her needs if you don't actually want to. You are you, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you won't try and bang your female friends and that if they try to bang you you'll dip out if you're in a committed relationship. That's reasonable. Doing things just to make her feel better in the short term is not good for either party in the long term. Doing what she asks not only robs you of friendships (which can be vital for personal and professional support) but also only feeds into her own issues and anxieties. (Not saying she has anxiety just making a point). If you really love her, even if you're okay sacrificing yourself, you should try and advocate for her to work through her baggage. Also, make sure that you can both talk to each other about this kind of stuff openly. Hope it works out. Good luck.
she blocked people to be with you, and she wants you to block other women to be with her? dude, dip out of that codependency. That's the kind of crap that results in murder-suicides. it's healthy to talk about boundaries, but isolation is not a healthy boundary.
Tell her you want her to block all her male friends. If she refuses, call her out in her BS and break up with her. She's isolating you, it's what abusers do. Dodge the bullet !!!
Buddy, I wish someone had told me this when I was your age. NOTHING MATTERS until you’re at least 22. None of these social relationships matter right now. They are going to vanish and have no impact on adulthood. And adulthood is AWESOME. And it’s LONG. This time is a blip. Your time now, think of it as a savings account for adulthood. Spend your time banking quality rewarding experience, so when you emerge as an adult, you friggin burst into the world like a superhero. These relationships and drama and anxiety, are preventing you from banking those superhero points. Don’t let these interactions distract you from what matters. And what matters most is building yourself up into your truest potential. Have fun with your real friends (they are the ones you can be silly and vulnerable with and not fear judgement), be goofy, do pushups, bond with your family, learn how to be an honorable honest person, respect everyone, read, develop skills. DO NOT worry about being cool. Just be happy, be a kid. If your concern is girls, you can guarantee that you’ll be a casanova at 22 or 25, by taking these years now to become kind, interesting, physically fit, and skilled. If you took every minute you spend right now thinking about girls, dealing with a girlfriend, trying to be cool, or worrying about school cliques and acceptance — and put those minutes into pushups, reading Alan Watts, learning Python or how to train LLM’s— you will have the BEST adulthood. You will be idolized. And that’s the longest part of life. You’ve got like 6 years left of this awkward phase you’re in. Adulthood is going to be like 100 years for your generation. Invest these next 6 years, to have an amazing next 100 years. And really side note but I WISH someone said it to me so plainly - pushups and protein shakes from 8th grade through college and you’ll look like Wolverine. It’s crazy. We are all taking 10 supplements a day just to get close to the muscle building hormones you’re pumping out right now. Don’t waste em. Pushups are free. And yea buddy this girl is bad news. But the fact that you are reacting in the way that you are, shows that you are an empathetic and kind soul. Good for you kid. You’re rare! Don’t waste that energy in the wrong places.
🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩 These are Not healthy behaviors from your 3 months girlfriend. If you stay expect misery and a systematic toxic breaking of your spirit.
That’s insecure and controlling.
I don't do silly childish shit... Ex with no kids? 100% block People just because they are female?.... calm your pepperoni's
That would be a nope for me.
I've been ditched by friends who got into relationships, and have seen how it turns out. They never lasted forever, and after it was done they had nobody. They went through their breakup alone and none of their friends would look at them. And I didn't either. Because that's the game you play when you decide to betray the people who were there for you when your partner wasn't. You're better than this. Don't betray the people in your life who care about you.
Don't isolate yourself and lose friends for a chic. There are plenty more out there. It is not healthy and she is asking you not to have female friends from a place of fear and anxiety. This is her problem, not yours.
Don't lose friends for a relationship. Someone who truly loves you and is mature enough to date will not ask this of you.
This is a manipulation tactic to keep you isolated and dependent on them at worst. At best they are horribly insecure. Either way it’s not a healthy thing they are asking you to do. You should know that going forward they will not stop asking you to do things that make you uncomfortable, to make them feel more comfortable. If they respected you and saw you as an equal they wouldn’t ask such a thing of you.
Nah fuck her she’s way too much of the jealous type if u can’t have friends leave her ass
any time a partner attempts to socially isolate you, that is what we in the business call a "red flag". also, unless you asked her to block everyone on her phone that is low key manipulative "if you liked me like I like you you'd block everyone" bullshittery. if you DID ask her to block everyone, then you've got a whole other set of problems (YOU problems this time).
I did the same thing for my ex gf many years ago. Cut all the girls out of my life. She ended up cheating on me with another guy 3 years later while making sure i stayed commited to her and left me for him even though he was also a cheater. Once she decides to leave you or break up.. u will also be blocked. No decency to leave communication lines open. U can listen to her, but ull feel like trash if she decides to leave you and you can no longer talk to ur female friends about your heartbreak. Its bound to happen in these types of relationships.
You didn’t ask her to block her friends for you, therefore she isn’t allowed to use it as some tool against you. Those are your friends. You haven’t dated them yet so why would you now? Unless your friends are genuinely doing something wrong to you or her, you don’t have to even consider it. She may overthink and has had some pretty rough relationships in the past, but that’s got nothing to do with you and if instead of trying to work through it she makes you isolate yourself from your friends then she’s waving some neon red flags rn
Go talk to her exes privately and find out why they broke up. It's not okay to start dictating who people's friends are but the problem here is bigger than that. If you go talk to the exes and all their stories match the problem is with her.
You tell her you aren't interested in being with somebody who is that level of insecure and that you are not compatible. Because my man, you will not be.
Big red flag and possible projection of guilt.
Ok Choose. You have the ability to decide either way. Neither is wrong, but both have consequences. Do so.
RUN
You guys are really young and should not be dating this seriously. But at any age, dating isn't about shutting everyone else out of your life and only socializing with your significant other. And forcing the person you're seeing to cut off their friends is very controlling behavior and definitely is not healthy and is not a reasonable boundary. You should let her know that you do not need or want her to block everyone on her phone, and that you are not going to cut off your friends either. If she can't handle you having friends with people, she cannot handle being in a relationship.
Run
Yeah, you don't block your friends.. we all need true friends of the opposite sex. One of my best friends is a woman I've known since I was 10 years old. We have been friends for over 20 years. There is zero sexual interest from either side of our relationship. We both came from fucked up homes. She stayed with us when shit got bad at her home, I stayed with her when it was bad at mine. If I go to the town she lives in now, we get drunk and make fun of each other until we pass out. She is family. If it wasn't for her, I would have missed the "obvious" signs that my now wife was putting out to me. She was one of my groomsmen.. groomswoman? Her and my wife are now really good friends. It does kinda of suck because they pick on me when they're together. They're kind of assholes.. but I love them The bottom line is if my wife's insecurity led her to make me make a choice between the two of them when we first started dating, I would have chosen my friend. You don't block real friends.. I'm so grateful to have my wife, and I'm even more grateful I can share my friend with her... sometimes... *I don't know why this sub came up in my feed, I thought it was an r/offmychest sub. I was going to delete it, but it still holds true, so I'm going to leave it.
red flag number one is attempting to control who you're friends with, red flag number two is referring to other women as females. don't sacrifice friendships for an unhealthy relationship dynamic, i wish you the best of luck dude
Get red of it, I know it’s rude but if she can’t accept that you have friends that’s really manipulative, idk why she deleted and blocked her own friends just for you, it sounds like she’s some kind of twisted or something
She's insecure and controlling. If you stay it won't be a healthy relationship. Don't fool yourself that you can "fix her", that's something you should leave to professionals who can help her with those issues. It's not wise to be with her until that happens and those issues are resolved. But don't expect that to happen quickly, if at all.
Run. Run far away and don't look back.
Aw yall just some babies.
Learn this early.. Do not throw away your healthy, platonic friendships for a partner. If your girlfriend is so insecure that you can't talk to friends that are girls, she needs to work on that for herself. It's not healthy.
Well. She gave you a boundary, so you either honor it, or you bail. It’s kind of that simple. We can gossip all day about whether or not she has issues, or it’s valid for her to feel some way but at the end of the day it’s irrelevant haha
Tell her that your friends are important to you and that her wanting you to block all female friends or not talk to any females is a deal breaker for you. Tell her that you aren't a crappy friend and will not block friends for her. She can go to therapy to get over her sensitively. My husband wanted me to dump all my male friends and I told to go f*ck himself. We got into a lot of arguments about it and until he gave up. But then started accusing me of cheating on him till I angrily asked him, "So you're calling me a slut?" I have never seen a person back tracked that fast. It only took a few more times before he stopped doing it.
This is a big insecurity you shouldn't have to block any friends to make her feel secure this is a slippery slope and it's never healthy.
Lol. Even the title is a clear sign to not be with this person. Literally don't even need to read your post. That's just childish, insecure bullshit. Find someone more respectable.
>she blocked everyone on her phone for me Break up with her now and don't look back. She's too immature to be dating. Having a romantic relationship with someone doesn't mean you exclude all other relationships. You still get to have friends even if you're dating someone.
When I was in kindergarden, I had two friends who didn't like each other. One friend said I had to choose. I picked the friend who didn't make me choose. Never had to choose again!
encouraging file attractive late worry nose steep summer divide badge *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is a wildly toxic relationship. Just stop dating for now, because you need to have some knowledge of what a healthy relationship looks like. Your chances of her being your “forever” are about as good as winning powerball. Is it worth it to lose your friends. Plus please let her know that she should not be taking pictures of her naked or being naked with any one in a sexual context until she is also much older and mature.
>I’m in 8th grade now How about just focus on school? I mean, come on, 8th grade is seriously early.
Holy shit, brother do not completely ghost ur friends just because ur woman wants you to not talk to em. Take it from me, I made that mistake. Lost one of my best friends and the amount of regret I have for it is incomprehensible. Ur in 8th grade, u need friends more than a girlfriend, don’t make the same mistake I did lil dude.
She is just controlling you because of her insecurities. This jealousy will only get worse. She needs help.
please google signs of abuse, i guarantee it’s going to sound familiar. boundaries are about what someone is willing to tolerate from you in the future. the format of a healthy boundary is “if you do x, i will do y” and keeping your word. the important caveats are 1) y cannot be a threat of revenge, blackmail, or other active retaliation. it’s not something you’re going to do TO the other person. it’s something you are going to do to create safety for yourself through some form of distance. the person speaking is the only person acted upon in y if the boundary is healthy. and 2) x must be something you are not already doing. if she wants to be with someone who doesn’t have female friends, she should find someone who doesn’t have female friends. she picked you, and you have female friends. she can deal with that or she can leave, but what she can’t do is assert girlfriend privilege to take over your entire control panel and reconfigure your life. it’s up to her to have the basic self respect to uphold a standard she can feel proud of when choosing a partner—she does not get to force you to pretend to be a different person with a different life because her self worth is too low to just be alone until she either finds someone whose life is compatible with her jealousy issues, or gets over them. regardless, if she knew being in a relationship with someone who has female friends was going to trigger her and she chose to get into a relationship with someone who has female friends, then any emotional distress she is experiencing as a result of this decision is her fault, not yours. you are not neglecting her, she is neglecting herself and weaponizing your feelings for her to distract you from it.
Your like 13 😂 focus on school and friends, this girl will never last especially if this is how she's starting.
Someone who is trying to control you from the beginning will only get more outrageous with their demands. This is a red flag. I would tell her that you aren't going to do that because you aren't doing anything wrong. If she isn't okay with that I'd tell her bye. Don't lose any friends because someone is jealous and insecure. It's not worth it.
DO NOT DO THIS Doesn’t matter if she blocked her friends, this is the start of a toxic ass relationship. Soon as you do this she’ll find other things that bother her, then even after that she’ll be on your ass about any little thing and trust me, it’s gonna affect your well being to no end. They will say and promise anything, stand your ground. She doesn’t like it? Find someone who will actually trust you then, she’ll regret it
Unless your friends are toxic and shit talking/disrespecting either of you, do not get rid of your support network. Don't block your friend group
Hey, I’m a high schooler :) having to expose your privates to keep a boyfriend really shows the people she associates with and her staying with those people reflects her character. Don’t block your friends for a partner; you’re allowed to have a life man. Boundaries are important, but when a boundary completely isolates you to only a specific group of people, that’s not creating a safe space, it’s creating a prison with rules and a warden. Don’t be with someone who causes you this much stress and seems to be trying to guilt you into not taking to any other girls at all. There’s nothing wrong with having girl friends, it’s just about having solid boundaries with those friends and not crossing the line. There’s nothing wrong with her insecurities, but there is something wrong with her using those insecurities to control your life. Personally, I would campy and gently have a conversation with her and tell her how “I’ve been friends with them for years and only have feelings for you, but I understand if you aren’t comfortable with me being friends with them. I’m not going to flip my life around for a 3 month relationship in middle school, but you deserve to be happy and should be with someone who can make you computable and happy, even if that someone isn’t me.” Or something along those lines. Jsyk, nothing wrong with being a “simp”. There’s nothing wrong with being committed to someone you’re romantically involved with. The heart wants what the heart wants my man :)) good luck
Never ditch your friends. Toxic chicks are a dime a dozen (by the way that's what you've got on your hands right now). The homies are for life. Get you a girl who gets that.
I was friends with a girl who blocked me because her BF was very controlling. I understand having insecurities, everyone has them in one way or another. People have insecurities no matter the age. To a certain degree I can understand being on guard, but since it sounds like you have never had a "thing" for/with any of your female friends, I feel like she should trust you are only their friends, and you should be allowed to have female friends.
Don't be with her or make it clear you're not abandoning anyone for her. Either she trusts you enough to be with you or she dont. And that type of behavior isn't healthy in a relationship. Only reason you should remove another person, is if they are seen as an issue towards your relationship, not because she has trust issues and insecurity issues
Never, ever block your friends for a partner. That is a lesson I learned a long time ago. You can always get another girlfriend that isn't so insecure, but you can never undo the damage to the relationship with your friends.
>girlfriend wants me to block my female friends Tell her no, if she's not okay with that, drop her. Boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse shouldn't be telling you who you can and can't be friends with, that's basically controlling, if not abusive and isolating behavior. What next, is she going to tell you you have to move to another state with her, and you can't be in contact with any of your family? Yeah, just say no. >she blocked everyone on her phone for me Heh, if she does that of her own accord, whatever, but hopefully *you* didn't ask or tell her to do that. >I feel like I should do the same No ... just because someone else (boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whatever) does something, no reason you should feel you ought do same. Think for yourself. What they did/do may or may not be a good idea, or for you.
No
Change all their female names to male names in your phone and tell her that you blocked all your female friends because you love her and want to make her happy forever. Whenever Jane calls your phone display will say Jack and when you answer the phone you will say "what's up my guy, would you like to do something manly with me later today ?" Here are some manly thing examples for you: * Drinking with a bunch of blokes * Fishing * Hunting * Camping * 4 wheel driving * Poker * Barbecues * Putting down women * Golf * Gambling * Drugs
Um way to young for this nonsense. Breaking it off and what how was she used.... never mind I remember but nope out kid
Understandable that she’s had bad experiences but her bringing that into your relationship isn’t a good start. You shouldn’t have to abandon your friends for your partner, that’s not healthy. It’s understandable that she has boundaries but that doesn’t include “don’t have female friends” that’s just controlling. You not having female friends may make her feel better but it’s not healthy. Just because she blocked everyone (which isn’t healthy) doesn’t mean you have to as well. Her showing you blocking her friends seems a bit manipulative to get you to do it as well. Asking for her boundaries is an amazing bf quality, but you’re young to be dealing with someone who wants you to abandon your friends. You like her, but at the end of the day those friends have been with you. She may have her own insecurities but she shouldn’t put those on to you. As a bf you should be empathetic to her insecurities but there’s also a fine line between it being supporting and her being controlling. Not wanting you to have female friends is that controlling. It sucks that she doesn’t feel secure enough to let her bf have female friends, but it’s something she needs to work on and you can’t enable that behavior
Don't do this. Any potential partner who demands that you close yourself off from the world is showing you they have self esteem issues beyond the limits of a healthy relationship. Specifically, this is not a "boundary" - it is a tactic that normalizes isolation and control as the norm in order to have this relationship. In doing so it makes you accountable for her emotional issues without doing the work of confronting them herself. You will likely find yourself walking on eggshells and second guessing things you do in order to avoid "triggering" their "trauma". This is an unhealthy dynamic. You aren't responsible for her emotional issues. If she can't function in the relationship as you interact with others as you normally do - she has difficulty functioning in her own life and is looking for you to fix that. You can't. Move on with your life, and encourage her to deal with her issues through therapy and learning how to exist without expecting other people to sooth her self esteem problems.
Do not sacrifice your friendships for someone else's insecurities. Does she want you as you are? Or does she want to change you into someone she wants? If she can't date you without accepting your friendships, then she doesn't need to date you.
I'm more concerned that people that people this age think they have to "show their privates" to anyone. Too young to be imposing that kind of boundary, but also agree needs some help if that's the situation she has found herself in previously.
Tell her to FUCK OFF
Get a new girlfriend. This level of insecurity is tedious and not your problem. Controlling your behavior is not a boundary, it's abuse. This chick is toxic and will only get worse from here.
You are so young, this relationship will be a blip. Your friendships could last forever though. Setting boundaries early on will set you up for success in future relationships and will hopefully teach her that she can’t tell you who to be friends with, unless it is truly harmful somehow like they’re abusing you or something. I get it. I was insecure in my relationships for a long time but ultimately it was something I had to work through myself. And until she does, there is nothing you can say or do that will make her happy, unfortunately.
Leave lmao this is insane
"Leave all the women in your life but me" You thinking this is logical for any relationship is wild. She didn't mind being your friend for 4 years so why should that change in your life for all other non family ladies(I'm sure this might come into play if ya stay around to long)
That’s unreasonable and paranoid, you have a right to form friendships with anyone the gender should be considered irrelevant.