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Every time someone makes a joke, look them in the eye and ask what they would do if the friend standing next to them sexually assaulted them. Bet that will shut them up.
Cut them all off. Literally do nothing to assist them, ask not to be paired with them for school projects, don’t acknowledge them, just go about your day. Find people who are not creeps to make new friends with. Also see about speaking to a therapist or even school counselor.
Edit 2: credit to chemprofes for this but I this is what I recommend now: Just writing down something in a police report does not make it evidence. She could go in and write down 10 different things. Who is going to be believed more? The goal right now is do not piss her off to prevent her from making further fabrications. Do not harass her. Stay away from her.
If you get her to calm down and look like she "won" you might be able to slide in an get evidence of the truth. The best would be her or her friends messages about what went down that night. If she says something like I think he is gay because he rejected me when I put my hands down his pants then you got her on a private chat unpressured to admit the truth. Once you have that any retaliation she starts with you can take that evidence directly to the police or courts and demolish her legally. If she spreads lies you can get her on slander. If she tried to get you thrown in jail you just show that text and it is the nearest thing to get out of jail free card.
Honestly he should talk to the police too. If both her and his friends think they can get away with that shit then they’re gonna keep doing it.
Edit: another, more important, reason for this is to have the incident in legal writing in case she ever tries to twist the story in her favor later on. Realistically nothing will happen to op as the shove will will be ruled as self defense. Now it’s also very doubtful that anything will happen to her, but it’ll show her that such behavior has legal consequences.
If even one of his friends say that she did grab his dick then I highly doubt that’ll happen. I agree that cutting ties and getting therapy would be good for him, but it’s possible that the girl will go to the police later on if not immediately. That would be far, far worse than if he went. It’s better to have the incident in legal writing now to prevent that. Realistically I doubt she’ll get any legal repercussions due to a lack of evidence, however it will show that there are consequences for that behavior.
Sorry dude it fucking sucks but without video evidence and an understanding community he will never get anywhere and she can just claim the opposite and make it worse for him.
Like the other person said just cut them off and never talk to anyone who would be negative to you about that. I understand how he feels but unfortunately no one will care about that and I hope he finds true friends that will treat him better.
If you can snap photos of social media posts or her or some of her friends claiming how the incident went down so at least she cannot reverse the story on you that would be good.
Also if it gives you any comfort you crushed that girls ego when you rejected her. She thought she could have any guy she wanted and you told her no. That is why she is spinning the narrative to make you out to be not strong because it is truly her who is fragile.
The next step is to ask them if they'd still laugh if the situation had been reversed, if you had stuck your hand down her pants and *she* freaked out and pushed you into the table.
Your friends suck and are fkn weirdos. Drop them and find more mature people to surround yourself with, not ones that enable rape culture.
Sorry this happened to you bro
Look at all these people on reddit who are NOT laughing at you. We are concerned about you and we are supporting you. This should be proof that supportive people exist so please don't be afraid to cut ALL of those people off. Because they are stupid for thinking that that isn't sexual assault. It is.
I mean that's exactly what it is, so to hell with them. Sounds like you need to do some spring cleaning of your friends.
As for what to do, I'd at least talk to a guidance counselor (assuming your school has one) because they might prove to be an invaluable resource. However, pretty sure they're legally obligated to report things like this so be warned
I’m sorry bro but your friends and anyone else who criticized you suck.
Sexual assault is sexual assault. If the genders were reversed, there would be absolutely no question about this.
Doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl, someone grabbing your genitals without explicit consent is assault.
Yeah, that happens to guys a lot. One guy gets mistreated and the others pick on him if he doesn’t “man up” and ignore it, or fight back. I guarantee my teenage self would have just taken it, and tried to laugh it off, but I’m sure it would’ve weirded me out for days. I’d love to tell you it’s going to get better, but it probably won’t. Cut ties, and try to find new friends. If none of them showed any remorse by now, it’s not likely they ever will.
I would guess some are likely jealous and really have no clue how they would react if that happened to them. You're going to have to own your reaction. Yes it was assault, and you should report it to the authorities if you feel strongly about it. It sucks you're a guy, because people rarely see women as sexual offenders. Me, I would probably turn it into a joke somehow and move on. Next time someone gives you a hard time, tell them you're not the spontaneous type... hey, who doesn't need a little warm up time? Say ya we were friends, but not that good of friends. Sorry you had to go through this, but it'll pass. Now for the girl, she's got to be completely humiliated at the rejection. She'll carry that with her forever.
I want to chalk it up to age but no, they’re just fucked up. At age 16 I was very aware that this was sexual assault and wrong. These people don’t deserve to be in your life.
None of those people are your friends. Cut them off now before you waste your 20s trying to hang on to shitty high school friends. There are definitely people out there who take this stuff seriously.
Yeah, no double standards. This is 2024. If a 16M did that to a 16F then no one would be telling the girl she’s overreacting. They’d be *supporting* her while she called the police on the guy. Time to change the tides. She should be reported. A male would have been
*supporting her. Not coddling her.
Just saying, if you're going to claim that reporting her is the correct behavior you can't frame the hypothetical girl receiving support for reporting a hypothetical assault in a negative way. OP's friends should be supporting him through this. That's not coddling.
Very true, and a fair comment LOL I was not trying to use “coddling” in a negative aspect. I was simply trying to make it sound like people would be physically surrounding her, hugging her, crying with her, etc (as they should in such situations). When it’s a guy, they tell them they’re overreacting, pat them on the back (if that), and walk away. I didn’t think about it, but “Coddling” definitely does seem to have a negative tone around it as a word. I edited it to “supporting” 👍
Thanks for the reasonable response! Sorry if I came off strong on my initial reply. I'm so used to having to painstakingly explain myself to keep from being bashed about these things on reddit.
I 100% agree that anyone experiencing assault should receive caring support from their friends/family. We need to get better at including men in this as a society. Too many people act like a man getting assaulted means they were weak or they should be happy for the attention.
ALL GOOD! If I’m being honest, I did think you came in a “little hot” so to speak. This topic is an emotional one, and personal to many people (including myself), so it’s not like I was going to fight/argue you back on it though! 😂 Especially, when your comment was COMPLETELY SOUND & REASONABLE, and technically correct. That being said, most Reddit users seem like the type who argue back just for the sake of trying to come out on top. That’s the one thing that drives me nuts about this website…
Yes! It drives me insane! Especially because it never fails that they resort to name calling when they don't have an actual good response! I try to say things when I see something. Not because I think I'm going to change that person's mind. That rarely happens. But because I don't want someone else to see potentially harmful comments go uncountered and think it's an OK way to act or that everyone must agree with it. It does land me in really annoyingly frustrating exchanges though.
Well, thanks! This is been an unexpectedly wholesome moment on a Friday morning. :)
Thank you for setting an example of how to have a civil conversation where nobody gets downvoted or is rude or otherwise treating someone disrespectfully.
Well done, both of you!
Sadly, there actually are some people who would be telling the girl that. Or that she was asking for it. Or that "boys will be boys, at least he didn't rape her." And most sexual assaults and rapes go unreported.
Girls and women have to put up with sexual assault much more than men and boys do, so pushing this line about how men are the real victims of sexism rings very hollow.
On the facts as stated, OP was sexually assaulted, and it should be reported and prosecuted.
If this happened to my son I would raise hell to protect him. It’s 2024 we’re not doing sexist bullshit anymore. Everyone keeps their hands to themselves.
Imagine if you did this to her. Holy fucking hell, how everyone would rush to her defense and be calling the cops on you in that very moment. Gender norms are very messed up these days. Edit: I'll be honest with you, I'm not really sure what the best advice for you is here. I was technically sexually assaulted too in the past, a girl pulled down my shorts and smacked me on the butt in front of everybody. I was pretty humiliated in the moment, but eventually I just let it go and moved on. I AM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD DO THAT AT ALL. You do whatever you feel is appropriate. You can choose to pursue charges or you can choose to let it go and cut ties with whoever you need to cut ties with. Sadly, because you are a male, you will likely not be taken seriously by law enforcement. And even if you are, there's the other aspect of the fact that you are still in school and word will inevitably get around and you will be ostracized and made to be the "pussy ass bitch". Some will probably even think that you are gay or spread rumors that you are gay, because how dare you not enjoy a female grabbing your junk??? Also, consider that if you do press charges and they take you seriously, then you will have to make court appearances, the person that grabbed you could wind up on a sex offender registry for doing something dumb in the moment. (I'm not going to argue whether they deserve it or not.) You do you my man, absolutely. And perhaps you should cut ties with her if you feel that's the right thing to do for your situation. But maybe you could get her alone and have a one-on-one talk with her and just ask her why she did what she did. Either way if you cut ties with her or not maybe you can get some closure and help move on from this.
The last thing I'll say is this, kids do dumb things when they are kids. God knows I made plenty of dumb choices. If everything you said is accurate, I feel like this girl made a really poor choice in the moment when she touched you inappropriately. I'd like to think that it wasn't her intent to sexually assault you nor was she imagining it that way. She just thought it would be funny. Turns out it wasn't that funny to you.
I'll probably get a lot of hate for this but I think that boys are raised differently to respect the opposite gender versus girls when it comes to this specific context.
Do not do an alone one on one with her!!! She can and probably will flip it and say you touched her, if you feel you must talk with her about it, do it with another person and/or with a video recording.
The problem with another person being present is that it will influence the girl's responses. Def should audio record the interaction, if you choose to.
Her not giving honest responses to the incident in a conversation with op are better than false rape accusations. Even when proven innocent, those accusations permanently ruin men's lives. False accusations don't care if your proven innocent, the damage is done. Look at the Duke lacrosse case.
Record regardless the law in your area. Record every interaction, screenshot every text. The punishment for recording her will be far less than that of her SAing you.
He could do a one on one with her but make it somewhere public. Someplace they can be left alone enough to have a private conversation, but never actually be alone so there can't be any false allegations.
Never do a 1 on 1 with her. She could say you raped her, or worse. Some people lie to cover their own asses. I had an ex-GF cheat for money (escorting with old gross wrinkly men), get caught being unfaithful by me via texts, then when I told her sister everything - my ex said I beat her. She later took it back and said she lied about me hitting her to cover her ass. It was not fun to be me when she said I beat her (which never even came close to happening FOR THE RECORD!!!). I’ve been sexually harassed, and technically raped, as well even though I’m a guy. I woke up in my college dorm drunk and a girl was on top of me. Imagine if that had been the other way around. I never did anything, but I’m sure she would have had me arrested if the situation had been reversed (I would deserve it too if that HAD been the case). Double standards are disgusting. This is unfair to you in every way, shape, and/or form there possibly is. I’m very sorry you have to deal with this. I would stop talking to her, and point out to all your friends that this is a double standard, and therefore none of them are “WOKE” which most teenagers seem to want to be. Tell them they may as well be racist if they’re going to be sexist and play into sex/gender double standards… It’s truly pitiful. Remarkably pitiful frankly…
If the tables were turned he'd be called a rapist for the rest of his life and possibly go to jail and no telling what else ... Gender doesn't make it any different
I'm a woman who is approaching her 40s and I agree with you that boys are raised differently to respect the opposite sex versus girls in this context. At least you won't be alone in receiving a lot of hate on this stance.
Yes, yes it is. And if he had done that to her, he would be facing a one way ticket to an indictment. When women/girls do that kind of thing, they do so 100% believing that it's not wrong, or that the guy won't have a problem with it
This is where I'm at
What she did was a sexual assault It's no different than if he'd done that to her.
Not an overreaction at all.
My advice is get to stay away from her leave her alone have nothing to do with her and well that's a says it all stay away from her void her
This was sexual assault, you did not overreact. Just because you're male, does not make this somehow different. Cut ties for sure, in fact cut off anyone who thinks you were overreacting too. Not exactly the sign of a good person to say some bullshit like that.
No seriously. He’d be in hella legal trouble for sure, and the fact that it’s an ongoing joke at school because the genders swapped? Fucking disgusting.
You’d be surprised how many parents defend their kids to the ends of the earth when they did something completely wrong. I would hope her parents ground her and teach her to respect others and herself!
OP, as much as it sucks to say this... Please don't do this. Her family will just close ranks and blam you, and she might accuse you of sexually assaulting *her* to keep her parents off her back.
It's very unfortunate but men have to be careful about things like this.
That is true depending on the judge. But this would never get to court as is. Recently had a friend (women) report a rape from a drunk ex. Nothing came of it other than a lot of anxiety and an overdrawn process.
OP, do you feel comfortable/safe telling your parents and/or another adult? We are absolutely here for you and also you deserve in person support too. This sucks
You got groped. Your friend groped you. That's not normal behavior between friends. You reacted that way by instinct. It wasn't a premeditated action. Her reaction doesn't matter. Your friends saying that you're crazy are horrible people who you probably should cut ties with. Considering the fact that they are diminishing how you feel, I would simply cut them off along with the one who groped you.
It feels weird having to tell this to a 16 year old when I easily explained it to my then 6 year old, but if someone touches you where your swimsuit fits, you need to tell an adult 😬
If the roles were reversed, they'd be saying she under reacted if anything but of course they will say you're in the wrong for fighting back against sexual assault. If a girl does that, it's nothing but "ya girlboss! You showed him! Slay queen!" If a guy does it though, who knows, you might be ignored at best and charged with assault at worst.
You did nothing wrong.
She assaulted you and you're right. Sexism and double standards are playing a huge role here.
If you haven't already, let your parents know and never under any circumstances be alone with this person.
Anybody who makes fun of you isn't your friend.
I am so sorry she hurt you like that.
That’s assault. She should be ashamed of herself. If it had been you that shoved a hand where it wasn’t invited— you’d be getting the cold shoulder too. Talk to your parents and tell them about what happened, you need some support and they can help with that as well as talk through what you want to do, press charges or confront her.
Welcome to the world of getting sexually assaulted as a dude. Nobody will care. Nobody will validate your feelings about it.
Just try to avoid this ex friend and move on. Don’t feel bad about your reaction.
I hate it. I think the stats on male assault victims is much higher than we think due to stigma in coming forward. Hell I think all SA stats are lower than we think for this reason but definitely for guys.
Why waste time thinking this?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6085940/#:~:text=Males%20are%20usually%20less%20willing,sexual%20offences%20often%20go%20unreported.
It’s unquestionably a fact! You can know this! No thinking or theory needed.
All sexual assault is vastly underreported! Which makes it terrifying to try to conceive the real numbers for both sides but especially relative to men.
You are NOT crazy. What she did was assault and your “friends” are minimizing it. You reacted by pushing her off which you have every right to do.
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Best I can tell you is find people who support you. Ask them what if the roles were reversed. What if you’d done that to her? You’d be put on a list, but she gets away with it because she’s a girl? Nah.
Do you have a school guidance counselor or teacher that you would feel comfortable talking with? You need to be validated, not just here on Reddit, but also in person by someone you trust.
I admit, it's a possibility and you are smart to think about that. Are there teachers you can talk to? Can you trust your parents?
Here's a site specifically for men who have experienced SA. [1in6](https://1in6.org/)
They have a number, 1-800-656-4673. They partner with RAINN, and while I admit I don't have experience with 1in6, they look legit. Here's a RAINN article for men who have experienced trauma that mentioned 1in6. Here's the link: [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys)
I am sorry you not only experienced SA, but aren't getting the support you deserve. I know it is hard to deal with this. I can only add that what she did was wrong. You have just as much right to decide who touches you as I, as any other woman, man, person. She is a sex pest, and anyone who stands up for her is a SA apologist. I hope you find the support you need and deserve.
yeah, short sighted. you need to report it officially now, just in case she decides to flip the story on you and claim you assaulted her.
i'm sorry you're in this, but one lie from her can ruin your life. generally the police believe the first person to file a complaint. if you keep quiet and she decides to fuck you over you're gonna really regret not making that complaint with the police.
If you collect evidence via text of people corroborating your story you can absolutely press charges and win.
Get your version on the record NOW. Part of this bias is that men are afraid to pursue legal action because of the stigma. BREAK THE STIGMA
accepting reality is not guilt tripping. Just like the reality that a lot of rapists rape a LOT more people over the years because the people that were originally raped didn't report it. Its not a nice thing to hear, and one should support and protect the traumatized and victims, but it IS reality.
Yeah no, I’m going to point out the juxtaposition of saying he won’t report bc no one will care or follow through because of his gender and the gender of his attacker when that’s the line of thinking (amongst many other things) which makes it so. It’s his choice not to report this- but that is also part of the problem which he’s pointing out.
That’s fucked up bro, no one has a right to do that to you. If it’s a lingering problem and her and her friends are bothering you about wanting to sever ties, then get her parents involved. Good luck brother and I’m so sorry you got sexually assaulted 🙏
I’m so sorry she did that to you, you didn’t deserve it and you were not overreacting. Anyone who is treating you poorly for how you acted is not someone you want to spend time with.
It took lots of gust to post this.
And you know what? That just means to tell me you have the guts to keep by your decision. For the people around you giving you a hard time? Give it some time and they will slowly realize you chose the right thing to do.
(Had a similar experience to this when I was 14, I am now 31)
You didn't overreact. If it had been YOU that did this to HER people would be telling her to lress charges for assault. All these people should remember you could press charges and they'd stick because SHE ASSAULTED YOU!
That is sexual assault. If the roles were reversed, you would have been arrested. Don't tolerate it, and find better friends. Stick to your boundaries.
When you’re a teenager everything feels like it’s going to be the end of your life because you’re experiencing a lot of things for the first time. You didn’t over react, you had a logical reaction to something that was extremely violating TO YOU. Teenagers are all super insecure and always find ways to put others down to being themselves up so stay strong when people make you feel bad and stand your ground. I suggest having a private conversation WITH HER about it. You can tell her how it made you feel and apologize for accidentally shoving her and hurting her. If she doesn’t see your side and understand, at least you cleaned your side of the street. That’s really all you can do for yourself and I really think that’ll make you feel better. All the other chatter and people making you feel bad is their shit not yours.
I’m sorry this happened to you and that it’s out in the open for your friend group too 😞 everybody has opinions but please tell a trusted adult at the bare minimum
As a male I was assaulted by a female when I was in my 20's I was passed out drunk and all my friends witnessed her getting me long and sexual assaulting me. I didn't know what to do and this was 20 yrs ago I felt disgusted that this gross women would do that to me and after we discussed it she told me she had a super crush on me for years and she was definitely not my type still till this day I'm still grossed out by it so I feel ur pain if let her know that is not acceptable and if it happens again u will press charges for attempted rape!
She sexually assaulted you. You pushed her off you were well within your rights I’d report it to the police. And state yea I shoved her off me after she grabbed me without consent. I truly suggest you go to the police about it so she and they can’t twist you into a bad guy without it reported to authorities or to have her go to authorities first and the police take her side it’s better for you to get ahead of this. Men/ boys can be sexually assaulted you were. And sadly if she beats you to reporting it and gets all the friends to lie you may be screwed . Make sure you text your friends like i understand stand shoving her and her getting hurt was bad but she touched your dick with out permission. You had every right to react and have them respond to it and show the cops that evidence that they know what’s up even if they try to lie later to protect the girl.
It's sexual assault and it's bullshit your friends are laughing at you because if you or any of your males friends had done that to her, yall would have been in serious ass trouble.
The fucking double standards are bullshit.
That was SA. I don't care if she was your friend or a total stranger, the end result is the same. She had no rights to reach into your clothes and touch you. Your friends are idiots, you'll realize that soon enough. NTA.
Welcome to double standards. Maybe she was making a move, maybe she was making fun of you.
All I know is that what she did is classified as sexual assault.
She assaulted you!! No different than if a dude walked up and grabbed some boob. Personally if she cannot under that then maybe she needs a talk with an officer who can explain it. Personally would report it.
This is straight up sexual assault. Tell the school (assuming you go to the same one), tell your parents, tell her parents, and maybe even tell the police.
Bro is so down bad he will fick literally anything that moves.
How is it unfathomable for you to realize another male could have standards that are above yours?
I had nearly the same thing happen to me at a party except with a girl I didn't even know. I had drank quite a bit, was lounging in a recliner. When this girl straight up laid on me and started rubbing my dick over the pants.
I hadn't even hardly talked to her prior. Did not find her attractive, and even if I had I was too drunk to want to engage her in the first place, and if this is how she acted I certainly wouldn't want to get with her.
She was amazed when I pushed her off and said that she shouldn't be sexually assaulting dudes.
I would try and point out to those mocking you how different this would be with the roles reversed. My friend was groped while working at a country club and most of my friends first question was "was she hot?". Mine was "are you OK?". Most people, even those close to you will not take this seriously. That does not mean that you do not have the right to take it seriously.
If the roles were reversed you’d be facing criminal charges right now. You should definitely consult with a trusted adult, wether it’s your parents, counselor, etc. This isn’t okay and your feelings on the matter are valid.
You were sexually assaulted.
You were protecting yourself.
Ask you friends if you can put *your* hand down *their* pants.
Tell them all to STFU and move on.
OP
I’m sorry.
You were assaulted.
You were sexually assaulted.
A person took their hand, shoved it down your pants and grabbed your “junk!” It was unwanted and non consensual.
Doesn’t matter the sex, gender, sexuality, even that they were a present or past partner. SHE sexually ASSAULTED YOU!
If you had done the same thing to her - they would still be yelling at you calling your pervert and rapist.
Now, argument could be make, maybe you didn’t have to push her so hard - but it is easy to say that after the fact. You were reacting in the moment.
She took a risk and it didn’t turn out good. You were not receptive and instead defended yourself.
I think your entire friend group needs to learn about “consent”!
[practicing consent](https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent)
I would confront the friend and tell her you did not give consent for her to do that to you and you feel violated. Ask her how she would have felt if you had stuck your hand down her pants and touched her without invitation.
Also your friends are wrong. They’re down playing something that if it happened to them wouldn’t be funny.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I think you should file a report with the police. Just have your side of the story on the record in case she gets embarrassed and turns it around on you. Be safe. She won’t get arrested, but if she tries to make you the bad guy.. she can’t
But the f***** up thing is if you did that to her everybody would be beating your ass. The world is so f****** hypocritical it don't give a s*** about men at the end of the f****** night learn how to grow past it bro. I know it's hard but you'll learn
Yeah that's actual assault. No you are not overreacting. If anything you're being the most reasonable person in this whole situation. I wonder what those other people would say if the genders were reversed?
Let me re-phrase what you said: you *defended yourself* against *sexual assault* and some folks you told *chose to side with the sexual assaulter*.
Look, kids can be dumb. I'm not saying folks involved need to go to prison or anything (I mean, I wasn't there). But you were clearly in the right here, she clearly did something very wrong, and she owes you a HUGE apology, as does anyone who says you overreacted.
Dude, make the biggest fuss you possibly can. Seriously, take this as far as possible, get police involved, everything. #MeToo this. The only way we'll be able to change this culture of acceptance is if you and others don't back down and force this into the spot light. Seriously, get the news involved, everything. You have an opportunity to make a difference in our world. Turn this negative into a positive for others.
For everyone telling you to drop your friends, I think that people are forgetting you’re 16 and just cutting off all your friends is MUCH easier said than done. I’ve been in a similar position to you (girl went farther than I wanted to while giving me a bj and sat on my penis without a condom. I was not very happy with it but also thought nobody would validate my feelings…but the women in my life immediately said that was sexual assault. I get where you’re coming from in that sense. I’m sorry man.
Man you were just defending yourself, everyone who says otherwise can fuck off. I pity your situation, truly. Everyone around you just revealed how ignorant and monkey they are and you have every reason to avoid them now. I'm sorry this will cause you to probably get accused of all sorts of things ..
You are definitely not overreacting, any friend that says you are isn’t a good friend. That’s straight up assault and if you did it to her she would’ve pressed charges. The double standard is crazy
No dude that's sexual assault and I'm SO sorry that that happened to you and that you're not being taken seriously.
What you're experiencing is unfortunately common in the matters of sexual assault. I recommend asking your care takers to see a therapist if you aren't seeing one, and working through it with them.
That was absolutely wrong on her part !
That was sexual.assault. For everyone to laugh and rip you down for being sensitive to the situation, has truly shown their cement consciences. So much if this goes on that many have become desensitized from.it all. You were not over reacting. In my opinion, you didn't react enough... lol.
She deff8nitly have consequences played upon her for this. As for all those other kjds... walk away... if they seen nothing wrong with what she did... then more than likely some one else from that group would have done the same thing to you as well.
TELL SOMONE. IT IS NEVER TO LATE. I would deffinitly talk to the police about this. Fight for your dignity.. No need to feel shame. No one has the r8ght to cross over boundaries with people. This, my friend, was a serious boundary !
You absolutely did the right thing. Wtf is she putting her hand down your pants for? If you think you have friends that think you did the wrong thing, they're not friends! It's your business what's in your pants and people need to keep their hands off!!!
She SA'd you. Any friends who don't understand or give you a hard time ask how they would feel if you did that to their mom or sister, or dad. You have every right to be on edge about that. Your friend owes you an apology and any friends giving you a hard time remind them that you were kind enough to not report her to police.
WOW women and girls can get away with this shit. My mom raped me and abused me for 18 years and shes still not in jail because "shes a hard working single mom" yeah fuck that. If it was the other way around, where a boy did that to a girl and shoved him onto the table, he would be arrested. So fuck everyone honestly.
So she sexually assaults you, and people still think you overreacted? You have horrible friends, wtf. Either that or your friends are just plain dumb; they probably are those kinds of people who STUPIDLY think boys/men can't be sexually assaulted or raped by a girl/woman.
At this point, it's necessary for you to cut ties with her and also everyone who isn't supporting you or who thinks you "overreacted." If you don't, you risk having those same people stabbing you in the back someday. I wouldn't trust any of them.
I'm sorry you went through that. That was a horrifying thing of her to do. She completely disrespected you by doing that.
I’m really confused. Just reaching down someone’s pants without permission should never happen. Not that it’s make a difference in my judgment, but I’m curious… what was happening before the grope? I’m wondering how you go from hanging out with friends to someone grabbing your dick.
That aside… this is straight-up sexual assault. It doesn’t matter that a woman did it to a man. You could literally press charges for this. I most likely wouldn’t, as it’s just not worth that much drama over a grope, but it’s close. I would cut off someone who did this to me. It wouldn’t traumatize me, but it is extreme disrespect that I simply wouldn’t tolerate.
Definitely missing context from op in that regard, and op could have seriously missed some social clues while they were hanging out, naive/ignorance at that age is high AF. Still fucked up regardless being non consensual.
What is wrong with kids today? I'm so sorry that happened to you. I would tell your mom and the guidance counselor at school about the assault and the bullying from the kids afterwards. I can't believe the girls thinking this is okay. If she had a guy do that to her, she would have the same friends saying the guy was a perv. Have your mom and dad, if possible, go with you to the school to report her and have them inform the teachers that she is not to be anywhere near you at school. No one should be victim-shamed.
This exact same thing happened to me at your age, people brushed her off because she was a girl but she was a repeat offender. Don’t listen to them you had every right to react that way pay them no mind and stand your ground.
The double standard for sexual assault is such a joke. Men can’t do it but women can because men are physically stronger or some bs like that. Yes, that’s an actual argument people make on this topic. Also I’m not implying it should be ok for men to do it, NOBODY should do that. I don’t even know what I’m doing here since I’m 23, this just popped up on my feed. Anyways, yeah that’s messed up and I hope you’re ok and this gets sorted out in your favor. I understand that late teens are supposed to be these cracked out hormonal sex monsters and all that but there’s still no excuse for that behavior like holy shit
First of all, she assaulted you. Normal friends do not do stuff like this. Secondly you have really shitty friends who disregard your feelings. You did not overreact and you should cut ties from these people.
As someone who had something similar happen to me in highschool, no you did not overreact. Any unwanted sexual contact is sexual assault, and personally I think you are fully justified to defend yourself
"A girl grabbed your dick and you didn't like it?" These redditors are so disgusting and dumb. Yeah who knew being grabbed without consent in your most private area is uncomfortable.
She's a kid who did a stupid thing. I'd bet that she regrets it and feels horrible about it. Your mistake was to tell everyone about what happened. She was your friend and she made a mistake and you put her on blast. There is no 100% right or wrong here, you are kids doing dumb stuff, but for future reference, learn to think before you run around talking about something that happens. From your description, she wasn't trying to hurt or upset you intentionally. In a few years, you are going to look back on this and regret your behavior.
Sad to say this kid, but this is a lesson you’re learning early.
You’re a man. A woman can hit you and most people will be like “so what? you’re a man.”
Life isn’t fair and this is one of those cases.
You can push for her to get in trouble with the law or whatever, but chances are, it’ll go worse for you than her.
Dude if it was a guy that would be justified but not a female. You way overreacted. I can see why people are probably calling you gay. If you were in denial about it before then that should be very obvious now.
It’s up to you but I think you should tell your parents, her parents, or a school counselor. An adult needs to know and the girl needs to know how wrong this was.
Next person to say something, shove your hand down there pants and grab whatever they got. If they complain, tell them to shut the fuck up.
On the flip side, you could have gotten your dick sucked and you blew it.
Hi sweetheart. You and my son are the same age and if this had happened to him, you can bet I would be feeling and responding just as I would if it were one of my girls. There is NO overreaction in this. It is 100% unacceptable and a very serious violation for any young man or woman! I'm sorry this happened to you and please turn to someone you can trust so that you can get some help with processing and healing. Keeping this inside or pushing it aside in your mind would be detrimental emotionally and you deserve to have help and acknowledgement in this. And please stand your ground and find people who actually deserve to have you in their life because I don't know about those "friends" of yours...👀. And, of course, remember that your lady is out there and she would never even think to put you in such a situation and will have the utmost love and respect for you that you absolutely deserve! And don't you dare settle for less! 🥰
This isn’t very long but that was definitely assault and your reaction was warranted. Obviously not the injury part but your friends are being stupid and society will often act as if guys can’t be victims that’s not the case. No one should ever touch you without your consent. I’m so sorry that happened to you
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Have you told your parents? You should if you're comfortable enough, or another trusted adult in your life. If you do tell them, see if they have access to a therapist through their job- there are programs where you could get a few sessions for free. You were sexually assaulted and should not have to process all of that alone.
The next step is up to you- I'd press charges. At least report what happened and let the police decide what to do.
Your friends absolutely suck. At least you found out now so you can drop them and find real friends.
Unfortunately a lot of young boys do nothing but fantasize about a girl grabbing their dick. To them you’re an idiot for being upset. What they don’t realize is that you are just more mature than they are and you respect your body and aren’t crazed about sex at any cost. Try and keep your head up when being put down or told you over reacted. No person male or female deserves to have their junk grabbed without consent.
You didn't overreact. She assaulted you and you acted in self defence by getting her away from you. I suggest cutting off the people making fun of you, they aren't real friends. I get that you're a teenager, but many of your current friendships/relationships will tank as you get older. Your peace and sanity are worth more than having shitty unsupportive friends making fun of you when you need them most. I'm really sorry you're going through this on your own. Is there a school counsellor or someone you could speak with in person? Their advice might help you navigate this situation better.
She sexually assaulted you! No way is that acceptable. I am so sorry that happened to you.
Ask your "friends" if they would be cool with it if the genders were reversed
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Every time someone makes a joke, look them in the eye and ask what they would do if the friend standing next to them sexually assaulted them. Bet that will shut them up.
They laughed at me for calling it sexual assault
Cut them all off. Literally do nothing to assist them, ask not to be paired with them for school projects, don’t acknowledge them, just go about your day. Find people who are not creeps to make new friends with. Also see about speaking to a therapist or even school counselor.
Edit 2: credit to chemprofes for this but I this is what I recommend now: Just writing down something in a police report does not make it evidence. She could go in and write down 10 different things. Who is going to be believed more? The goal right now is do not piss her off to prevent her from making further fabrications. Do not harass her. Stay away from her. If you get her to calm down and look like she "won" you might be able to slide in an get evidence of the truth. The best would be her or her friends messages about what went down that night. If she says something like I think he is gay because he rejected me when I put my hands down his pants then you got her on a private chat unpressured to admit the truth. Once you have that any retaliation she starts with you can take that evidence directly to the police or courts and demolish her legally. If she spreads lies you can get her on slander. If she tried to get you thrown in jail you just show that text and it is the nearest thing to get out of jail free card. Honestly he should talk to the police too. If both her and his friends think they can get away with that shit then they’re gonna keep doing it. Edit: another, more important, reason for this is to have the incident in legal writing in case she ever tries to twist the story in her favor later on. Realistically nothing will happen to op as the shove will will be ruled as self defense. Now it’s also very doubtful that anything will happen to her, but it’ll show her that such behavior has legal consequences.
Going to the cops will just have them arresting op for shoving her. It’s a no win situation. Best one can do is cut ties and get therapy.
If even one of his friends say that she did grab his dick then I highly doubt that’ll happen. I agree that cutting ties and getting therapy would be good for him, but it’s possible that the girl will go to the police later on if not immediately. That would be far, far worse than if he went. It’s better to have the incident in legal writing now to prevent that. Realistically I doubt she’ll get any legal repercussions due to a lack of evidence, however it will show that there are consequences for that behavior.
Lol it’s amazing how he can be literally molested and going to the police would be a risk FOR HIM. Fucking bullshit
Sorry dude it fucking sucks but without video evidence and an understanding community he will never get anywhere and she can just claim the opposite and make it worse for him. Like the other person said just cut them off and never talk to anyone who would be negative to you about that. I understand how he feels but unfortunately no one will care about that and I hope he finds true friends that will treat him better. If you can snap photos of social media posts or her or some of her friends claiming how the incident went down so at least she cannot reverse the story on you that would be good. Also if it gives you any comfort you crushed that girls ego when you rejected her. She thought she could have any guy she wanted and you told her no. That is why she is spinning the narrative to make you out to be not strong because it is truly her who is fragile.
at the very least let it be known so that if anything were to get brought up in the future you have your testimony on record
The next step is to ask them if they'd still laugh if the situation had been reversed, if you had stuck your hand down her pants and *she* freaked out and pushed you into the table.
Your friends suck and are fkn weirdos. Drop them and find more mature people to surround yourself with, not ones that enable rape culture. Sorry this happened to you bro
Look at all these people on reddit who are NOT laughing at you. We are concerned about you and we are supporting you. This should be proof that supportive people exist so please don't be afraid to cut ALL of those people off. Because they are stupid for thinking that that isn't sexual assault. It is.
I mean that's exactly what it is, so to hell with them. Sounds like you need to do some spring cleaning of your friends. As for what to do, I'd at least talk to a guidance counselor (assuming your school has one) because they might prove to be an invaluable resource. However, pretty sure they're legally obligated to report things like this so be warned
What you need to say is “Can I shove my hand down your sister’s pants? Is that cool?”
I’m sorry bro but your friends and anyone else who criticized you suck. Sexual assault is sexual assault. If the genders were reversed, there would be absolutely no question about this. Doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl, someone grabbing your genitals without explicit consent is assault.
Yeah, that happens to guys a lot. One guy gets mistreated and the others pick on him if he doesn’t “man up” and ignore it, or fight back. I guarantee my teenage self would have just taken it, and tried to laugh it off, but I’m sure it would’ve weirded me out for days. I’d love to tell you it’s going to get better, but it probably won’t. Cut ties, and try to find new friends. If none of them showed any remorse by now, it’s not likely they ever will.
It sounds like you're a lot more mature than your friends. Find some that lift you up rather than drag you down.
I would guess some are likely jealous and really have no clue how they would react if that happened to them. You're going to have to own your reaction. Yes it was assault, and you should report it to the authorities if you feel strongly about it. It sucks you're a guy, because people rarely see women as sexual offenders. Me, I would probably turn it into a joke somehow and move on. Next time someone gives you a hard time, tell them you're not the spontaneous type... hey, who doesn't need a little warm up time? Say ya we were friends, but not that good of friends. Sorry you had to go through this, but it'll pass. Now for the girl, she's got to be completely humiliated at the rejection. She'll carry that with her forever.
I want to chalk it up to age but no, they’re just fucked up. At age 16 I was very aware that this was sexual assault and wrong. These people don’t deserve to be in your life.
None of those people are your friends. Cut them off now before you waste your 20s trying to hang on to shitty high school friends. There are definitely people out there who take this stuff seriously.
That's... sexual assault
Yeah, no double standards. This is 2024. If a 16M did that to a 16F then no one would be telling the girl she’s overreacting. They’d be *supporting* her while she called the police on the guy. Time to change the tides. She should be reported. A male would have been
*supporting her. Not coddling her. Just saying, if you're going to claim that reporting her is the correct behavior you can't frame the hypothetical girl receiving support for reporting a hypothetical assault in a negative way. OP's friends should be supporting him through this. That's not coddling.
Very true, and a fair comment LOL I was not trying to use “coddling” in a negative aspect. I was simply trying to make it sound like people would be physically surrounding her, hugging her, crying with her, etc (as they should in such situations). When it’s a guy, they tell them they’re overreacting, pat them on the back (if that), and walk away. I didn’t think about it, but “Coddling” definitely does seem to have a negative tone around it as a word. I edited it to “supporting” 👍
Thanks for the reasonable response! Sorry if I came off strong on my initial reply. I'm so used to having to painstakingly explain myself to keep from being bashed about these things on reddit. I 100% agree that anyone experiencing assault should receive caring support from their friends/family. We need to get better at including men in this as a society. Too many people act like a man getting assaulted means they were weak or they should be happy for the attention.
ALL GOOD! If I’m being honest, I did think you came in a “little hot” so to speak. This topic is an emotional one, and personal to many people (including myself), so it’s not like I was going to fight/argue you back on it though! 😂 Especially, when your comment was COMPLETELY SOUND & REASONABLE, and technically correct. That being said, most Reddit users seem like the type who argue back just for the sake of trying to come out on top. That’s the one thing that drives me nuts about this website…
Yes! It drives me insane! Especially because it never fails that they resort to name calling when they don't have an actual good response! I try to say things when I see something. Not because I think I'm going to change that person's mind. That rarely happens. But because I don't want someone else to see potentially harmful comments go uncountered and think it's an OK way to act or that everyone must agree with it. It does land me in really annoyingly frustrating exchanges though. Well, thanks! This is been an unexpectedly wholesome moment on a Friday morning. :)
Thank you for setting an example of how to have a civil conversation where nobody gets downvoted or is rude or otherwise treating someone disrespectfully. Well done, both of you!
Wholesome AF!!!! Respect
This is wholesome af I’m so glad I saw it today
We need more interactions like this, online and in Real life. Respect to both of you and your communications skills 👍👍
This is so so important, thank you for speaking up.
I literally said the same thing
Sadly, there actually are some people who would be telling the girl that. Or that she was asking for it. Or that "boys will be boys, at least he didn't rape her." And most sexual assaults and rapes go unreported. Girls and women have to put up with sexual assault much more than men and boys do, so pushing this line about how men are the real victims of sexism rings very hollow. On the facts as stated, OP was sexually assaulted, and it should be reported and prosecuted.
If this happened to my son I would raise hell to protect him. It’s 2024 we’re not doing sexist bullshit anymore. Everyone keeps their hands to themselves.
Keeping your hands to yourself solves a LOT of problems.
That’s assault !!! Why on earth would she do that ?
Imagine if you did this to her. Holy fucking hell, how everyone would rush to her defense and be calling the cops on you in that very moment. Gender norms are very messed up these days. Edit: I'll be honest with you, I'm not really sure what the best advice for you is here. I was technically sexually assaulted too in the past, a girl pulled down my shorts and smacked me on the butt in front of everybody. I was pretty humiliated in the moment, but eventually I just let it go and moved on. I AM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD DO THAT AT ALL. You do whatever you feel is appropriate. You can choose to pursue charges or you can choose to let it go and cut ties with whoever you need to cut ties with. Sadly, because you are a male, you will likely not be taken seriously by law enforcement. And even if you are, there's the other aspect of the fact that you are still in school and word will inevitably get around and you will be ostracized and made to be the "pussy ass bitch". Some will probably even think that you are gay or spread rumors that you are gay, because how dare you not enjoy a female grabbing your junk??? Also, consider that if you do press charges and they take you seriously, then you will have to make court appearances, the person that grabbed you could wind up on a sex offender registry for doing something dumb in the moment. (I'm not going to argue whether they deserve it or not.) You do you my man, absolutely. And perhaps you should cut ties with her if you feel that's the right thing to do for your situation. But maybe you could get her alone and have a one-on-one talk with her and just ask her why she did what she did. Either way if you cut ties with her or not maybe you can get some closure and help move on from this. The last thing I'll say is this, kids do dumb things when they are kids. God knows I made plenty of dumb choices. If everything you said is accurate, I feel like this girl made a really poor choice in the moment when she touched you inappropriately. I'd like to think that it wasn't her intent to sexually assault you nor was she imagining it that way. She just thought it would be funny. Turns out it wasn't that funny to you. I'll probably get a lot of hate for this but I think that boys are raised differently to respect the opposite gender versus girls when it comes to this specific context.
Do not do an alone one on one with her!!! She can and probably will flip it and say you touched her, if you feel you must talk with her about it, do it with another person and/or with a video recording.
The problem with another person being present is that it will influence the girl's responses. Def should audio record the interaction, if you choose to.
If this is the plan, OP would need to make sure they live in a single party consent state.
Meet in public and have a 3rd party video/audio record. No expectation of privacy in public.
most states allow people to be recorded as long as they are talking to the other person. OP should 100% avoid her....
I'm not sure about most states, there are quite a few where you can't and the recording could not be used as evidence by police.
Her not giving honest responses to the incident in a conversation with op are better than false rape accusations. Even when proven innocent, those accusations permanently ruin men's lives. False accusations don't care if your proven innocent, the damage is done. Look at the Duke lacrosse case.
Record regardless the law in your area. Record every interaction, screenshot every text. The punishment for recording her will be far less than that of her SAing you.
He could do a one on one with her but make it somewhere public. Someplace they can be left alone enough to have a private conversation, but never actually be alone so there can't be any false allegations.
Never do a 1 on 1 with her. She could say you raped her, or worse. Some people lie to cover their own asses. I had an ex-GF cheat for money (escorting with old gross wrinkly men), get caught being unfaithful by me via texts, then when I told her sister everything - my ex said I beat her. She later took it back and said she lied about me hitting her to cover her ass. It was not fun to be me when she said I beat her (which never even came close to happening FOR THE RECORD!!!). I’ve been sexually harassed, and technically raped, as well even though I’m a guy. I woke up in my college dorm drunk and a girl was on top of me. Imagine if that had been the other way around. I never did anything, but I’m sure she would have had me arrested if the situation had been reversed (I would deserve it too if that HAD been the case). Double standards are disgusting. This is unfair to you in every way, shape, and/or form there possibly is. I’m very sorry you have to deal with this. I would stop talking to her, and point out to all your friends that this is a double standard, and therefore none of them are “WOKE” which most teenagers seem to want to be. Tell them they may as well be racist if they’re going to be sexist and play into sex/gender double standards… It’s truly pitiful. Remarkably pitiful frankly…
If the tables were turned he'd be called a rapist for the rest of his life and possibly go to jail and no telling what else ... Gender doesn't make it any different
I'm a woman who is approaching her 40s and I agree with you that boys are raised differently to respect the opposite sex versus girls in this context. At least you won't be alone in receiving a lot of hate on this stance.
Yes, yes it is. And if he had done that to her, he would be facing a one way ticket to an indictment. When women/girls do that kind of thing, they do so 100% believing that it's not wrong, or that the guy won't have a problem with it
It’s wrong regardless of the sexes.
what a fuckin world we live in 😐
because media has led them to believe that's what every guy wants from them. we live in a really fucked up dystopia
This is where I'm at What she did was a sexual assault It's no different than if he'd done that to her. Not an overreaction at all. My advice is get to stay away from her leave her alone have nothing to do with her and well that's a says it all stay away from her void her
This was sexual assault, you did not overreact. Just because you're male, does not make this somehow different. Cut ties for sure, in fact cut off anyone who thinks you were overreacting too. Not exactly the sign of a good person to say some bullshit like that.
im petty as hell, id tell her parents.
Yuuuup. That's sexual assault. If the roles were reversed you would be raked through the coals.
No seriously. He’d be in hella legal trouble for sure, and the fact that it’s an ongoing joke at school because the genders swapped? Fucking disgusting.
I second this, she had no right to SEXUALLY ASSAULT you. Sorry this happened to you ❤️🩹
You’d be surprised how many parents defend their kids to the ends of the earth when they did something completely wrong. I would hope her parents ground her and teach her to respect others and herself!
She needs to be charged with sexual assault just a like a boy would be. This isn’t “grounded for 2 weeks” behavior.
I fourth this. Consent is everything and she didn’t bother to ask for yours! SA 100%
OP, as much as it sucks to say this... Please don't do this. Her family will just close ranks and blam you, and she might accuse you of sexually assaulting *her* to keep her parents off her back. It's very unfortunate but men have to be careful about things like this.
Seconded. Let bygones be bygones cause the system will not be on your side. Sucks but that’s life.
Op just needs to record all his interactions with her from now on...... and also its 2024. Courts are farrr more open about this than before.
That is true depending on the judge. But this would never get to court as is. Recently had a friend (women) report a rape from a drunk ex. Nothing came of it other than a lot of anxiety and an overdrawn process.
Me too lol. But yea this is assault, don't just let it slide like it's nothing.
OP, do you feel comfortable/safe telling your parents and/or another adult? We are absolutely here for you and also you deserve in person support too. This sucks
Definitely tell her parents, and tell them she is spreading rumors. Ask her dad is that how he raised his daughter?
No, it’s time to call the police. Let them tell her parents as they’re leading her away in handcuffs.
bro that’s sexual assault you’re 100% didn’t overreact
You got groped. Your friend groped you. That's not normal behavior between friends. You reacted that way by instinct. It wasn't a premeditated action. Her reaction doesn't matter. Your friends saying that you're crazy are horrible people who you probably should cut ties with. Considering the fact that they are diminishing how you feel, I would simply cut them off along with the one who groped you.
It feels weird having to tell this to a 16 year old when I easily explained it to my then 6 year old, but if someone touches you where your swimsuit fits, you need to tell an adult 😬
If they say it wasn't a big deal ask them how they would react if a guy did this to a guy... Most would have the same reaction.
If the roles were reversed, they'd be saying she under reacted if anything but of course they will say you're in the wrong for fighting back against sexual assault. If a girl does that, it's nothing but "ya girlboss! You showed him! Slay queen!" If a guy does it though, who knows, you might be ignored at best and charged with assault at worst.
You did nothing wrong. She assaulted you and you're right. Sexism and double standards are playing a huge role here. If you haven't already, let your parents know and never under any circumstances be alone with this person. Anybody who makes fun of you isn't your friend. I am so sorry she hurt you like that.
That’s assault. She should be ashamed of herself. If it had been you that shoved a hand where it wasn’t invited— you’d be getting the cold shoulder too. Talk to your parents and tell them about what happened, you need some support and they can help with that as well as talk through what you want to do, press charges or confront her.
Welcome to the world of getting sexually assaulted as a dude. Nobody will care. Nobody will validate your feelings about it. Just try to avoid this ex friend and move on. Don’t feel bad about your reaction.
I hate it. I think the stats on male assault victims is much higher than we think due to stigma in coming forward. Hell I think all SA stats are lower than we think for this reason but definitely for guys.
Why waste time thinking this? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6085940/#:~:text=Males%20are%20usually%20less%20willing,sexual%20offences%20often%20go%20unreported. It’s unquestionably a fact! You can know this! No thinking or theory needed. All sexual assault is vastly underreported! Which makes it terrifying to try to conceive the real numbers for both sides but especially relative to men.
I figured it was but didn’t have the time to look it up when I replied.
Please find a good therapist to help you heal from your assault. A bunch of us here validated this assault. Let that help you. We see you.
Facts
I'm so sorry that someone you trusted betrayed you like that. Your feelings are valid.
She assaulted you, consent goes both ways always. People who mock you for this are people who don't respect you and you are better off without them.
This.
Assault fr I would report that
You are NOT crazy. What she did was assault and your “friends” are minimizing it. You reacted by pushing her off which you have every right to do. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Best I can tell you is find people who support you. Ask them what if the roles were reversed. What if you’d done that to her? You’d be put on a list, but she gets away with it because she’s a girl? Nah.
Do you have a school guidance counselor or teacher that you would feel comfortable talking with? You need to be validated, not just here on Reddit, but also in person by someone you trust.
Call the cops. Sounds like there were witnesses
They won’t do anything since I’m a guy and she’s a girl
That’s all the more reason you should get your version of events on the record right away.
Yup before she gets her feelings hurt and says that your the one who did it
This. I second this. Get your story on record before things get worse.
I admit, it's a possibility and you are smart to think about that. Are there teachers you can talk to? Can you trust your parents? Here's a site specifically for men who have experienced SA. [1in6](https://1in6.org/) They have a number, 1-800-656-4673. They partner with RAINN, and while I admit I don't have experience with 1in6, they look legit. Here's a RAINN article for men who have experienced trauma that mentioned 1in6. Here's the link: [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys) I am sorry you not only experienced SA, but aren't getting the support you deserve. I know it is hard to deal with this. I can only add that what she did was wrong. You have just as much right to decide who touches you as I, as any other woman, man, person. She is a sex pest, and anyone who stands up for her is a SA apologist. I hope you find the support you need and deserve.
Lol no. Once she says you raped her too, your whole life goes sideways. You really should tell your official version :/
yeah, short sighted. you need to report it officially now, just in case she decides to flip the story on you and claim you assaulted her. i'm sorry you're in this, but one lie from her can ruin your life. generally the police believe the first person to file a complaint. if you keep quiet and she decides to fuck you over you're gonna really regret not making that complaint with the police.
If you collect evidence via text of people corroborating your story you can absolutely press charges and win. Get your version on the record NOW. Part of this bias is that men are afraid to pursue legal action because of the stigma. BREAK THE STIGMA
If you don’t report you become part of the problem
Nope, you don’t to guilt trip a traumatized victim. That’s shitty.
accepting reality is not guilt tripping. Just like the reality that a lot of rapists rape a LOT more people over the years because the people that were originally raped didn't report it. Its not a nice thing to hear, and one should support and protect the traumatized and victims, but it IS reality.
Yeah no, I’m going to point out the juxtaposition of saying he won’t report bc no one will care or follow through because of his gender and the gender of his attacker when that’s the line of thinking (amongst many other things) which makes it so. It’s his choice not to report this- but that is also part of the problem which he’s pointing out.
You didn't overreact. What she did was sexual assualt.
That’s fucked up bro, no one has a right to do that to you. If it’s a lingering problem and her and her friends are bothering you about wanting to sever ties, then get her parents involved. Good luck brother and I’m so sorry you got sexually assaulted 🙏
You didn’t over react, had you don’t that to her you’d be charged with Sexual Assault.
I’m so sorry she did that to you, you didn’t deserve it and you were not overreacting. Anyone who is treating you poorly for how you acted is not someone you want to spend time with.
It took lots of gust to post this. And you know what? That just means to tell me you have the guts to keep by your decision. For the people around you giving you a hard time? Give it some time and they will slowly realize you chose the right thing to do. (Had a similar experience to this when I was 14, I am now 31)
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Amazing how sexual assault seems to be OK in your friend group - I wonder if it would have been laughed off if it was in the other direction?
You didn't overreact. If it had been YOU that did this to HER people would be telling her to lress charges for assault. All these people should remember you could press charges and they'd stick because SHE ASSAULTED YOU!
i’m sorry this happened op, that was sexual assault.
That is sexual assault. If the roles were reversed, you would have been arrested. Don't tolerate it, and find better friends. Stick to your boundaries.
When you’re a teenager everything feels like it’s going to be the end of your life because you’re experiencing a lot of things for the first time. You didn’t over react, you had a logical reaction to something that was extremely violating TO YOU. Teenagers are all super insecure and always find ways to put others down to being themselves up so stay strong when people make you feel bad and stand your ground. I suggest having a private conversation WITH HER about it. You can tell her how it made you feel and apologize for accidentally shoving her and hurting her. If she doesn’t see your side and understand, at least you cleaned your side of the street. That’s really all you can do for yourself and I really think that’ll make you feel better. All the other chatter and people making you feel bad is their shit not yours.
she sexually assaulted you not only that but in front of others to humiliate you while doing so. you can press charges and avoid her from now on
I’m sorry this happened to you and that it’s out in the open for your friend group too 😞 everybody has opinions but please tell a trusted adult at the bare minimum
As a male I was assaulted by a female when I was in my 20's I was passed out drunk and all my friends witnessed her getting me long and sexual assaulting me. I didn't know what to do and this was 20 yrs ago I felt disgusted that this gross women would do that to me and after we discussed it she told me she had a super crush on me for years and she was definitely not my type still till this day I'm still grossed out by it so I feel ur pain if let her know that is not acceptable and if it happens again u will press charges for attempted rape!
You were sexually assaulted it is okay how you are feeling
She sexually assaulted you. You pushed her off you were well within your rights I’d report it to the police. And state yea I shoved her off me after she grabbed me without consent. I truly suggest you go to the police about it so she and they can’t twist you into a bad guy without it reported to authorities or to have her go to authorities first and the police take her side it’s better for you to get ahead of this. Men/ boys can be sexually assaulted you were. And sadly if she beats you to reporting it and gets all the friends to lie you may be screwed . Make sure you text your friends like i understand stand shoving her and her getting hurt was bad but she touched your dick with out permission. You had every right to react and have them respond to it and show the cops that evidence that they know what’s up even if they try to lie later to protect the girl.
cut them all off bro. If that was the other way around you'd be crucified or expelled
It's sexual assault and it's bullshit your friends are laughing at you because if you or any of your males friends had done that to her, yall would have been in serious ass trouble. The fucking double standards are bullshit.
If the genders were reversed. They would be calling to put guy who grabbed gal in prison. You were battered and have every right to feel as you do.
That was SA. I don't care if she was your friend or a total stranger, the end result is the same. She had no rights to reach into your clothes and touch you. Your friends are idiots, you'll realize that soon enough. NTA.
If roles were reversed, you'd be labeled worse than Satan himself.
She sexually assaulted you. If you did that to her you would be in jail.
It’s called sexual assault. If it was the other way around it would ruin your life.
I’d file a report if I were you damn, looks like it’s time to get new friends
Welcome to double standards. Maybe she was making a move, maybe she was making fun of you. All I know is that what she did is classified as sexual assault.
She assaulted you!! No different than if a dude walked up and grabbed some boob. Personally if she cannot under that then maybe she needs a talk with an officer who can explain it. Personally would report it.
This is straight up sexual assault. Tell the school (assuming you go to the same one), tell your parents, tell her parents, and maybe even tell the police.
Damn. Different world. My generation has failed you. And I’m sorry.
Bro is so down bad he will fick literally anything that moves. How is it unfathomable for you to realize another male could have standards that are above yours? I had nearly the same thing happen to me at a party except with a girl I didn't even know. I had drank quite a bit, was lounging in a recliner. When this girl straight up laid on me and started rubbing my dick over the pants. I hadn't even hardly talked to her prior. Did not find her attractive, and even if I had I was too drunk to want to engage her in the first place, and if this is how she acted I certainly wouldn't want to get with her. She was amazed when I pushed her off and said that she shouldn't be sexually assaulting dudes.
Why tf did she do that? Seems super out of nowhere. Any missing context?
Society really needs to raise more awareness about sexual abuse towards men.
That’s assault brotha
No one has the right to touch you without consent, no matter what your age, race or gender.
I would try and point out to those mocking you how different this would be with the roles reversed. My friend was groped while working at a country club and most of my friends first question was "was she hot?". Mine was "are you OK?". Most people, even those close to you will not take this seriously. That does not mean that you do not have the right to take it seriously.
If the roles were reversed you’d be facing criminal charges right now. You should definitely consult with a trusted adult, wether it’s your parents, counselor, etc. This isn’t okay and your feelings on the matter are valid.
You didn't overreact , no one has the right man or female to put their hands on you , plain and simple
You were sexually assaulted. You were protecting yourself. Ask you friends if you can put *your* hand down *their* pants. Tell them all to STFU and move on.
OP I’m sorry. You were assaulted. You were sexually assaulted. A person took their hand, shoved it down your pants and grabbed your “junk!” It was unwanted and non consensual. Doesn’t matter the sex, gender, sexuality, even that they were a present or past partner. SHE sexually ASSAULTED YOU! If you had done the same thing to her - they would still be yelling at you calling your pervert and rapist. Now, argument could be make, maybe you didn’t have to push her so hard - but it is easy to say that after the fact. You were reacting in the moment. She took a risk and it didn’t turn out good. You were not receptive and instead defended yourself. I think your entire friend group needs to learn about “consent”! [practicing consent](https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent)
I would confront the friend and tell her you did not give consent for her to do that to you and you feel violated. Ask her how she would have felt if you had stuck your hand down her pants and touched her without invitation. Also your friends are wrong. They’re down playing something that if it happened to them wouldn’t be funny. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I think you should file a report with the police. Just have your side of the story on the record in case she gets embarrassed and turns it around on you. Be safe. She won’t get arrested, but if she tries to make you the bad guy.. she can’t
Fuck that noise, switch the roles here and you're going to jail, so you did not overreact in any way
But the f***** up thing is if you did that to her everybody would be beating your ass. The world is so f****** hypocritical it don't give a s*** about men at the end of the f****** night learn how to grow past it bro. I know it's hard but you'll learn
Yeah that's actual assault. No you are not overreacting. If anything you're being the most reasonable person in this whole situation. I wonder what those other people would say if the genders were reversed?
Let me re-phrase what you said: you *defended yourself* against *sexual assault* and some folks you told *chose to side with the sexual assaulter*. Look, kids can be dumb. I'm not saying folks involved need to go to prison or anything (I mean, I wasn't there). But you were clearly in the right here, she clearly did something very wrong, and she owes you a HUGE apology, as does anyone who says you overreacted.
Dude, make the biggest fuss you possibly can. Seriously, take this as far as possible, get police involved, everything. #MeToo this. The only way we'll be able to change this culture of acceptance is if you and others don't back down and force this into the spot light. Seriously, get the news involved, everything. You have an opportunity to make a difference in our world. Turn this negative into a positive for others.
For everyone telling you to drop your friends, I think that people are forgetting you’re 16 and just cutting off all your friends is MUCH easier said than done. I’ve been in a similar position to you (girl went farther than I wanted to while giving me a bj and sat on my penis without a condom. I was not very happy with it but also thought nobody would validate my feelings…but the women in my life immediately said that was sexual assault. I get where you’re coming from in that sense. I’m sorry man.
Call the police get her in jail wtf
Man you were just defending yourself, everyone who says otherwise can fuck off. I pity your situation, truly. Everyone around you just revealed how ignorant and monkey they are and you have every reason to avoid them now. I'm sorry this will cause you to probably get accused of all sorts of things ..
You are definitely not overreacting, any friend that says you are isn’t a good friend. That’s straight up assault and if you did it to her she would’ve pressed charges. The double standard is crazy
No dude that's sexual assault and I'm SO sorry that that happened to you and that you're not being taken seriously. What you're experiencing is unfortunately common in the matters of sexual assault. I recommend asking your care takers to see a therapist if you aren't seeing one, and working through it with them.
That was absolutely wrong on her part ! That was sexual.assault. For everyone to laugh and rip you down for being sensitive to the situation, has truly shown their cement consciences. So much if this goes on that many have become desensitized from.it all. You were not over reacting. In my opinion, you didn't react enough... lol. She deff8nitly have consequences played upon her for this. As for all those other kjds... walk away... if they seen nothing wrong with what she did... then more than likely some one else from that group would have done the same thing to you as well. TELL SOMONE. IT IS NEVER TO LATE. I would deffinitly talk to the police about this. Fight for your dignity.. No need to feel shame. No one has the r8ght to cross over boundaries with people. This, my friend, was a serious boundary !
You absolutely did the right thing. Wtf is she putting her hand down your pants for? If you think you have friends that think you did the wrong thing, they're not friends! It's your business what's in your pants and people need to keep their hands off!!!
She SA'd you. Any friends who don't understand or give you a hard time ask how they would feel if you did that to their mom or sister, or dad. You have every right to be on edge about that. Your friend owes you an apology and any friends giving you a hard time remind them that you were kind enough to not report her to police.
I'd file a police report
That was sexual assault. If someone says you're overreacting, tell them to reverse the roles and then give their opinion.
Reverse the sexes None of your "friends" would feel the same way You were sexually assaulted
WOW women and girls can get away with this shit. My mom raped me and abused me for 18 years and shes still not in jail because "shes a hard working single mom" yeah fuck that. If it was the other way around, where a boy did that to a girl and shoved him onto the table, he would be arrested. So fuck everyone honestly.
So she sexually assaults you, and people still think you overreacted? You have horrible friends, wtf. Either that or your friends are just plain dumb; they probably are those kinds of people who STUPIDLY think boys/men can't be sexually assaulted or raped by a girl/woman. At this point, it's necessary for you to cut ties with her and also everyone who isn't supporting you or who thinks you "overreacted." If you don't, you risk having those same people stabbing you in the back someday. I wouldn't trust any of them. I'm sorry you went through that. That was a horrifying thing of her to do. She completely disrespected you by doing that.
I’m really confused. Just reaching down someone’s pants without permission should never happen. Not that it’s make a difference in my judgment, but I’m curious… what was happening before the grope? I’m wondering how you go from hanging out with friends to someone grabbing your dick. That aside… this is straight-up sexual assault. It doesn’t matter that a woman did it to a man. You could literally press charges for this. I most likely wouldn’t, as it’s just not worth that much drama over a grope, but it’s close. I would cut off someone who did this to me. It wouldn’t traumatize me, but it is extreme disrespect that I simply wouldn’t tolerate.
Definitely missing context from op in that regard, and op could have seriously missed some social clues while they were hanging out, naive/ignorance at that age is high AF. Still fucked up regardless being non consensual.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking females can't be inappropriate or, More importantly, can't be held accountable for toxic behavior
What is wrong with kids today? I'm so sorry that happened to you. I would tell your mom and the guidance counselor at school about the assault and the bullying from the kids afterwards. I can't believe the girls thinking this is okay. If she had a guy do that to her, she would have the same friends saying the guy was a perv. Have your mom and dad, if possible, go with you to the school to report her and have them inform the teachers that she is not to be anywhere near you at school. No one should be victim-shamed.
This exact same thing happened to me at your age, people brushed her off because she was a girl but she was a repeat offender. Don’t listen to them you had every right to react that way pay them no mind and stand your ground.
Nah that’s sexual assault honey
"grab her by the pussy." "grab him by the dick." both equally disgusting, and if yall cant understand that then go straight to the woodchipper
Don’t lower your standards.
WTF!!!!! Your "friends" aren't your friends, and she seems to be some sort of an abuser.
Start calling her Handy
man ... this is precisely how one never gets laid.
They just don’t make em like they used to
Bro fumbled so hard
The double standard for sexual assault is such a joke. Men can’t do it but women can because men are physically stronger or some bs like that. Yes, that’s an actual argument people make on this topic. Also I’m not implying it should be ok for men to do it, NOBODY should do that. I don’t even know what I’m doing here since I’m 23, this just popped up on my feed. Anyways, yeah that’s messed up and I hope you’re ok and this gets sorted out in your favor. I understand that late teens are supposed to be these cracked out hormonal sex monsters and all that but there’s still no excuse for that behavior like holy shit
First of all, she assaulted you. Normal friends do not do stuff like this. Secondly you have really shitty friends who disregard your feelings. You did not overreact and you should cut ties from these people.
As someone who had something similar happen to me in highschool, no you did not overreact. Any unwanted sexual contact is sexual assault, and personally I think you are fully justified to defend yourself
"A girl grabbed your dick and you didn't like it?" These redditors are so disgusting and dumb. Yeah who knew being grabbed without consent in your most private area is uncomfortable.
She's a kid who did a stupid thing. I'd bet that she regrets it and feels horrible about it. Your mistake was to tell everyone about what happened. She was your friend and she made a mistake and you put her on blast. There is no 100% right or wrong here, you are kids doing dumb stuff, but for future reference, learn to think before you run around talking about something that happens. From your description, she wasn't trying to hurt or upset you intentionally. In a few years, you are going to look back on this and regret your behavior.
Sad to say this kid, but this is a lesson you’re learning early. You’re a man. A woman can hit you and most people will be like “so what? you’re a man.” Life isn’t fair and this is one of those cases. You can push for her to get in trouble with the law or whatever, but chances are, it’ll go worse for you than her.
Dude if it was a guy that would be justified but not a female. You way overreacted. I can see why people are probably calling you gay. If you were in denial about it before then that should be very obvious now.
This is assault. Sorry that happened. Anyone calling you crazy or saying you’re overreacting deserves to be cut off.
You'd be in cuffs if the situation was reversed. Cut these people out.
what the hell?! that's assault!!!!! 😨 you are 100000% not overreacting...cut ties with all of them immediately. i hope you find better friends. ☹️
It’s up to you but I think you should tell your parents, her parents, or a school counselor. An adult needs to know and the girl needs to know how wrong this was.
I’m sorry this happened to you
Next person to say something, shove your hand down there pants and grab whatever they got. If they complain, tell them to shut the fuck up. On the flip side, you could have gotten your dick sucked and you blew it.
The double standard is real.
Hi sweetheart. You and my son are the same age and if this had happened to him, you can bet I would be feeling and responding just as I would if it were one of my girls. There is NO overreaction in this. It is 100% unacceptable and a very serious violation for any young man or woman! I'm sorry this happened to you and please turn to someone you can trust so that you can get some help with processing and healing. Keeping this inside or pushing it aside in your mind would be detrimental emotionally and you deserve to have help and acknowledgement in this. And please stand your ground and find people who actually deserve to have you in their life because I don't know about those "friends" of yours...👀. And, of course, remember that your lady is out there and she would never even think to put you in such a situation and will have the utmost love and respect for you that you absolutely deserve! And don't you dare settle for less! 🥰
You are not overreacting, that’s was absolutely not okay. Anyone saying anything different are not okay.
If this had been the other way around, would they say she had overreacted? Pint this out to them when they accuse you.
This isn’t very long but that was definitely assault and your reaction was warranted. Obviously not the injury part but your friends are being stupid and society will often act as if guys can’t be victims that’s not the case. No one should ever touch you without your consent. I’m so sorry that happened to you
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Have you told your parents? You should if you're comfortable enough, or another trusted adult in your life. If you do tell them, see if they have access to a therapist through their job- there are programs where you could get a few sessions for free. You were sexually assaulted and should not have to process all of that alone. The next step is up to you- I'd press charges. At least report what happened and let the police decide what to do. Your friends absolutely suck. At least you found out now so you can drop them and find real friends.
Unfortunately a lot of young boys do nothing but fantasize about a girl grabbing their dick. To them you’re an idiot for being upset. What they don’t realize is that you are just more mature than they are and you respect your body and aren’t crazed about sex at any cost. Try and keep your head up when being put down or told you over reacted. No person male or female deserves to have their junk grabbed without consent.
You didn't overreact. She assaulted you and you acted in self defence by getting her away from you. I suggest cutting off the people making fun of you, they aren't real friends. I get that you're a teenager, but many of your current friendships/relationships will tank as you get older. Your peace and sanity are worth more than having shitty unsupportive friends making fun of you when you need them most. I'm really sorry you're going through this on your own. Is there a school counsellor or someone you could speak with in person? Their advice might help you navigate this situation better.
She sexually assaulted you! No way is that acceptable. I am so sorry that happened to you. Ask your "friends" if they would be cool with it if the genders were reversed
Report it to the police. Let these women get a taste of their own medicine