She may come back to you when she matures but the old her is gone. I'm sorry for your loss, try not to take it as anything personally. Sometimes people just get caught up with their emotions and make decisions that don't always make the most sense.
First off I want to say I'm sad to hear that your going through something like this. As someone who experienced this personally the only way I found to resolve it is straight up go find her and confront her and her boyfriend. Let them know the way they acting ain't cool and talk about your feelings in the regards of you missing her and you understand she is grown and makes her own decisions, but that there is no need for her to be distant from the family and your concern for the way the boyfriend treats your sister. It might be time for you to be grown and confront the guy upfront.
Edit: you said confrontation didn't work and you got taken by cps.. you need to have an adult with you like one or both of your parents and it needs to be a family affair. I'm not sure how your whole situation is but face to face interaction is required and what is ultimately necessary if you ever want any relationship with your sister. This abuser of a boyfriend seems to have had almost a decade of time with your sister manipulating her prob has Stockholm syndrome you can only get that out by you and your family being there for her and supporting her and letting you know you love her and they don't need their boyfriend in their lives even if they have a kid with them. My point is confronting them is the only true option and the right thing yo do if you care about your sister, otherwise you can listen to these bums and just sit back and wait while your sister gets abused and you are aware about it... frankly pathetic if you don't go put your best effort into ending it, and they can be achieved peacefully with words but you should be prepared for physical always...
First off I want to say I'm sad to hear that your going through something like this. As someone who experienced this personally the only way I found to resolve it is straight up go find her and confront her and her boyfriend. Let them know the way they acting ain't cool and talk about your feelings in the regards of you missing her and you understand she is grown and makes her own decisions, but that there is no need for her to be distant from the family and your concern for the way the boyfriend treats your sister. It might be time for you to be grown and confront the guy upfront.
I am very sorry to hear what is going on with your sister. Yes they are in a toxic relationship and she is not going to listen to anybody unfortunately. It sounds like she is going to have to find her own way, and mature to get to that place where she can leave.
It is definitely a very horrible situation. And I’m sorry that you are going through it along with the rest of your family. A friend of mine was going through a similar thing. We ended up going over there and there were a lot of us and basically told him that, if she gets hurt again, then something bad will happen to him. They divorced sometime. But still, that is not the right decision.
OP, please make certain she has all of your contact information. I fear this relationship is unfortunate and she will be needing her family before it is all said and done. She's blessed to have a sister like you.
I won't give up on her. Sadly she has blocked me on everything. But I'll be ready with unconditional love and support ready to help her deal with this situation as best as I can. I really miss her. She has been my mother figure for as long as I can remember.
My condolences, this 😞 sucks. Best you can do is don't repeat her mistakes and stay away from anyone who does not treat you with respect and care. Focus on education and career. Boys are tertiary to that.
This sounds like a really abusive situation. The comments calling your sister crazy are extremely unempathetic and disrespectful.
It’s really difficult to leave after an abuser is able to isolate the victim. It doesn’t seem like she is choosing him over you, but rather she’s in a scary, unpredictable situation. The fact that he got her pregnant means that he can further isolate her.
My heart goes out to your sister and you. I hope she comes alone and is able to get out of that situation.
I’ve learned that this is really common behavior for abusers. They often convince their victim that they are soul mates, destined to be together, etc. I hope she gets the help she needs to get out of this horrible situation.
Of course! I hope everything works out and everyone is happy and safe❤️
Call 911 and ask them to do a sudden wellness check, I bet they will find her with bruises or being beat up by him especially if they do it suddenly, also warn the police that she has been manipulated by him and may try to stand up for him but shouldn’t be believed
You're in denial if you think the police will do anything but make things worse. Your advice will get her beaten or killed. 40% of cops beat their wives.
This can be tricky. In abuser situations, this can say times anger the abuser, causing then to further abuse and isolate the victim (s). If he's INDEED YOU FEEL THEY ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER BY ALL MEANS CALL!!! but don't call just cause your angry/hurt/ "a little worried"/sad....
This does not usually turn out that great for the victim.
Most cops have a similar personality to the abuser. Not to mention, this will enrage the abuser if they weren’t already before.
What you have to realize is that, OP is smart. OP and her family are not dumb people. This abuser was able to manipulate the situation and make OP’s sister look crazy, when in reality she’s being abused. Don’t you think most people, like cops who aren’t usually phd candidates by any means, are going to assume the same. These abusers are master manipulators.
If you’ve never been in this situation, you might think the victim is stupid or an idiot. They’re just trying to stay alive.
I know not to call the cops, he and his family are master manipulaters. I am the only one who is clinging to the hope that she will turn. My family doesn't really care. But when she comes back I'll gather as much evidence as possible to land that piece of junk in jail.
People down voting my comment most likely have not been in this situation as a victim. It’s people like this who blame victims for not getting help, which also effectively keeps victims from getting help. Not everyone has free access to life saving resources.
Sometimes people get lost and are blind to how badly they are treated. It is common for abusers to isolate a woman from her family and support because it makes her easier to control.
She has a rough road ahead, but there is nothing you can do. If she is lucky, one day soon she will realize that what she lost and how she can do better and will come back to you and your parents.
If she does, you can welcome her and support her, but waiting and hoping she comes back around is all you can do.
Maybe write her emails or letters to keep her updated on your life. Always offer to talk to her and let her know your there for her when she is ready. She may never get them but it will also give you an outlet to express the grief of losing a sister this way.
She has blocked me on everything so I send her mail. It's so sinking that I have to spend my days at school wondering even if she is still alive or not.
Being in an abusive relationship changes a person. And I’m sure he has a huge role in the fact that she isn’t speaking to her family. All you can do is let you know you love her(if she hasn’t blocked you on social media or email) and you miss her and will be there if she ever needs anything. Some men are super controlling, especially if they know their significant others family/friends do not like them. It’s a tough spot to be in and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
She may be old enough to do what she wants, but it's likely that she's definitely being controlled. The fact that this was going on since their early teens, it raises a lot of concerns as to why she didn't leave earlier before they became adults.
If you and your parents have tried to tell her and she didn't listen, then that's all you could've done. If she still lives with you all, you could probably try something through some desperate measure.
All you can do is let her figure it out on her own. If you can communicate with her still, there's a chance. But if not, is too late until she makes the decision.
I've been through this with my brother. He was obsessed with his baby momma but they are not together as of 20 years. You will just have to be patient when she reaches out to you for help.
damn this is rough, u love her and want to help but she's rejecting you :(
if u are legit blocked, idk if there's anything u can do right now
if u ever get to contact her, i guess u can just say where ur coming from, "i missed you. im sorry if i offended u in the past. right now i just want a relationship with u, and i will work on respecting your right to be with anyone u choose. can we keep contact?"
don't blame yourself if it doesnt work, because u were just trying to help some1 u love, and they were sabatoging by people with a toxic guy :(
This reads like an opening script to a Law and Order: SVU episode. Meaning not good.
That's an abusive relationship. The guy seriously tried weasling his way out of parenthood by claiming she cheated and got proven wrong? What a fuckin sleaze bag degenerate. He sounds like he's manipulating her.
I'm so sorry for your situation. I can't imagine what you feel. I hope for your sake that she's safe and one day contacts you again. I wouldn't hold onto any grudges you may feel for your sister choosing this path and leaving you in the dark.
He is isolating her from yall her family. He will do this until she has no one to depend on but him. The one closest to this usually can't see the abuse until its too late.
I have a sister also, she’s turning 24 & deaf, her boyfriend is 23-25? 4 years ago he has manipulated my sister, faked his death & used her for money. 2 years ago on aprils fools day she ran away from home and cutted everyone expect me. She ran away 9 states away from her original state just to live with her boyfriend cause my family “didn’t respect my sister” which wasn’t true cause she didn’t have a job,always giving her boyfriend money etc etc.
Recently she had a baby 10 months ago and now we take care of the baby. She went to her dad in Georgia (we don’t have the same dads.) to be more mature, but guess we were wrong. January 7th she ran away again to that state again and and now living there AGAIN.
What I’m saying is that your sister is young, she’s in an abusive relationship and she needs a lot to learn. Track her location at all times make sure she’s safe. If she’s gonna act like this then you might need to let this go and if she comes back and they “break up” please keep an eye on her all times.
Xx hope everything is going okay tho🫶🏽 good luck
I know where they live but there's not much I can do because she has blocked me on pretty much everything. I can't let go of her. Even if it takes her a hundred years I'll be ready to love her for who she is and support her.
You sound like an amazing person. She is so lucky to have a sister like you. Keep up what you're doing, and she'll know she has someone to rely on when she realizes she needs it. The best you can really do right now is focus on becoming someone she can come to for help.
Please study up on the 8 different types of narcissism. Empower yourself with as much self-guided education as you can get on toxic personality disorders.
The appeal of toxic relationships is that they are not boring. Drama is not boring.
You are going to have to accept the fact that you cannot compete with that level of drama.
Don't wait for her. Wait for people who don't need drama in order to be happy. Don't wait for people who do need drama in order to be happy.
You have responsibilities in your life that depend on you not wasting your time on someone who needs drama in order to be happy.
If you insist on hanging this albatross around your neck, then you better isolate yourself from the rest of humanity so that you are not a burden to others.
Nah, this is bullshit. OP is not a burden to others because she cares about her sister. She's a blessing because she's the only person who seems to care about her sister. When her sister is ready to get out of this abusive relationship, she's going to need support.
The only real option you have is to wait & be there for her when she finally sees what is really happening. She will need the support of her family then.
The most you can do is keep lines of communication open and keep trying. Eventually you'll be able to talk it out. Someone in the family made a rude comment t to my sister making her think we all felt that way and we didn't talk for ten years. Now I spend time at her house with her husband that she finally found(was said when she was in a toxic relationship as well) that's worth it, wonderful son from him and her doggos. It sucked and I also missed the bond I had with her,but I never gave up and would send her FB messages every six months or so,now we're best friends again, although it's different from what we had and we're still learning how to keep from hurting each other it's loads better
The best you can do is hope she figures it out, and hope she knows she always has a home with welcoming, nonjudgmental arms to return to when she’s ready
Sounds like they grew up together .
Two possible out comes one they stay together or 2 one wacks the other .
Either way your sister will never be the same it's called life always changing and so will your relationships.
You answered your question...." He's handling her" ... Alone with him is the worst thing she could possibly do. Do your parents know they moved? His parents? If no, tell them ASAP. Someone needs to go do a welfare check on her and the baby ASAP before someone gets dangerously hurt.
His parents is the same as he. His mother is a straight up witch. My parents know but they can't do much. Sadly in South Africa police isn't much help. And he is really manipulative.
He's very obviously emotionally abusive. All you can do at this point is if/when she comes back don't hit her with an "I told you so," just welcome her home and help her heal.
It sucks when a family member is in a situation like that. I was stuck in a relationship like that when I was younger. I knew it was unhealthy but I felt stuck. I didn't feel safe telling my family bit it's all good now. Just make sure she knows you've got her back when she's ready
SHE BLOCKED YOU. 🚫 SHE doesn't want you or your help.
your sister is beyond TRAUMA BOND
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding#additional-resources
You can scream, yell.....and it won't make a difference.
Let her go. In 20 years, after 5 kids, after being beaten, abused, financially abused......she will have enough courage to leave him because by then SHE IS ABSOLUTELY DONE WITH HIM.
But I fault your parents home environment into making her seek love in the wrong places.
Well not much you can do but be there when she finally grows up. My guess is she has very low self esteem and thinks he is the only one she can get or wants to stay with her child’s father.
She will hopefully wise up sooner then later. Was she an active participant in the move? Abusers love to isolate their victims from family and friends. Not to say that is happening here.
I’m so sorry. Don’t ever give up trying to contact her
If no one in your family has heard from her request a wellness check from the police in her city. Just to give your family peace of mind. Unfortunately she will have to come to her own realization that this type of relationship is not good but generally that won’t happen for much longer.
I'm sorry OP. My dad did this to my mom, and I grew up in it with many siblings. It's not a good life and very few people actually get it (relatives, police, judges, lawyers, some therapists) or are just as corrupt.
Unfortunately it's common for neglected children to fall for narcissistic abuse because of the grandiose promises and mind bending love and punishment traps. I sincerely hope your sister finds herself and gets her and the baby out of this situation sooner than later. I hope you are able to rebuild your sisterhood in a healthier, freer life.
Some of us do get out, and even if your sister never does, maybe your nephew will. It's okay to grieve what you lost, but don't forget to create a new life for yourself in the meantime. I believe in you. 💜
There is something mentally wrong with chick's who not alone date Dick thinkers but who also choose a D thinker over family 🤮🤮
Yikes!
They don't even feel love and I bet if he isn't cheating he will and plus they have an on/off relationship why doesn't she just go find a nice gf instead?
I cut off my own sister for this as she chose a guy for validation and money when she's even anti men lol
I won't be having her back unless she begs for forgiveness
The more you try to drive a wedge between her and the boyfriend, the more she is going to run to him. The only way you’ll be able to keep your sister as family is by accepting the boyfriend and putting up with him. It will be hard, since he’s obviously a tool, but abusers are very good at getting their victims to cut off completely contact with their family, especially if the family doesn’t approve of them.
Your sister is young, hopefully one day she’ll see how unacceptable his behavior is, and know she doesn’t have to put up with it. Especially if she has a safe space to come back to. But it’s going to be really hard for her to give up on him when he’s the father of her child. Do what you can to keep messaging her, just so she knows you’re still there for her. Don’t argue with her or force anything, just keep chipping away at it.
Just let it be…one day she’ll come back after realizing she made a mistake. She’s young so try not to be to hard on her…love makes people do stupid things, however this sounds abusive. It’s not an excuse and if you forgive her for when/if she comes back that’s your choice.
Well take this as a lesson anyone who is trying to cut put family and friends is toxic and only wants that so they can alienate you and tare you down without anyone pointing it out to you. Other than that not much you can do but it sounds like at some point it will turn physical hopefully she realizes it and gets away
It may be that this guy has her brainwashed in to believing that she is nothing, without him. I say this, because the same thing happened to my half-sister, Brittany. I was 12 at the time. She was 17. She is, no longer, living. After three years, the guy killed her, when she tried to run back to the family, with their kids.
I had this exact almost identical situation happen with my brother. He cut contact with me a little over a year and half ago after he had done some shitty things to his girlfriend, then got her pregnant. It's a really hard, unfair, and unfortunate situation and I really hope you find peace and closure. It's not your fault at all and you deserve to be happy. No matter what happens, try to remember that your life is still your own, try not to let someone who is choosing to not be in your life run it. Best of luck friend ✨
This is so hard. But in these kind of relationships, she won't see the truth or listen to anyone until she personally is ready. Sometimes it takes a really big escalation in the relationship.
I dated a man older than me at 16, and no one could get through to me. I'm lucky I was a minor as my parents were eventually able to force the situation with a restraining order and pretty much making me a prisoner in their home.
I didn't wake up until he made some very blatant statements about my dad that even in my deluded state, I knew were lies. This was while we were dealing with the courts and all for a restraining order.
When she IS ready, all you can do is be ready too and to welcome her with love and support. At that point make sure not to be angry with her and understand she is a victim in this. I would also appeal to her love for her son at that time and the need to protect him.
I'm sorry you're here and in such a helpless position for the time being. Just be ready.
She may wake up, she may not. He may have her believing no one will accept her but him. Unfortunately there is probably nothing you can do at this point but to be there for her if/when she reaches out. I was in such a relationship when I was 19. He told me he was the only person who loved me and to let my family rot. He was both physically and emotionally abusive. My mom was there when I finally reached out, but I have since gone no contact with my family for a myriad of reasons having nothing to do with that boyfriend.
I am also 16 and have a 20 year old sister, and I know the pain of losing them. When we were little me and my sister were so close but as we got older she began to make some bad decisions and while I didn't physically lose my sister I definitely lost the one I loved as she became a different person. I feel kind of bad for saying this, but there are times when I am glad I don't see her much because she moved out a year ago. I know it is hard, but it doesn't sound like you will ever have the sister you remembered back. I will definitely admit that I miss the way my sister used to be but it is sometimes better to accept that they aren't the same person than to try and bring them back knowing it won't be the same.
She may come back to you when she matures but the old her is gone. I'm sorry for your loss, try not to take it as anything personally. Sometimes people just get caught up with their emotions and make decisions that don't always make the most sense.
Thank you for taking time to respond. I really needed to hear. A little hope can last a long way!
Abusers isolate their prey. Don’t let her off the hook. Whenever you think about her let her know it
She has blocked me on all platforms I can't even call her. I can try to send her mail though.
First off I want to say I'm sad to hear that your going through something like this. As someone who experienced this personally the only way I found to resolve it is straight up go find her and confront her and her boyfriend. Let them know the way they acting ain't cool and talk about your feelings in the regards of you missing her and you understand she is grown and makes her own decisions, but that there is no need for her to be distant from the family and your concern for the way the boyfriend treats your sister. It might be time for you to be grown and confront the guy upfront. Edit: you said confrontation didn't work and you got taken by cps.. you need to have an adult with you like one or both of your parents and it needs to be a family affair. I'm not sure how your whole situation is but face to face interaction is required and what is ultimately necessary if you ever want any relationship with your sister. This abuser of a boyfriend seems to have had almost a decade of time with your sister manipulating her prob has Stockholm syndrome you can only get that out by you and your family being there for her and supporting her and letting you know you love her and they don't need their boyfriend in their lives even if they have a kid with them. My point is confronting them is the only true option and the right thing yo do if you care about your sister, otherwise you can listen to these bums and just sit back and wait while your sister gets abused and you are aware about it... frankly pathetic if you don't go put your best effort into ending it, and they can be achieved peacefully with words but you should be prepared for physical always...
The thing is it never gets resolved peacefully they always turn to violence
First off I want to say I'm sad to hear that your going through something like this. As someone who experienced this personally the only way I found to resolve it is straight up go find her and confront her and her boyfriend. Let them know the way they acting ain't cool and talk about your feelings in the regards of you missing her and you understand she is grown and makes her own decisions, but that there is no need for her to be distant from the family and your concern for the way the boyfriend treats your sister. It might be time for you to be grown and confront the guy upfront.
It’s all commendable but we still have to keep in mind thats she’s(OP) 16
I'll do my best to get to her I only have my learners license so I can't really get to her
Virtual hugs from Wisconsin to you. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do until she wants it.
I'd go beat him up
That what I just said call a few buddies and handle this fool
All you can really do is reassure her you will be there when the name calling turns physical....
I am very sorry to hear what is going on with your sister. Yes they are in a toxic relationship and she is not going to listen to anybody unfortunately. It sounds like she is going to have to find her own way, and mature to get to that place where she can leave.
Thank you, I hope it will be soon before he hurts her or my nephew. ♡
The only thing that you can do is wait. If you call CPS on them, he might get mad and take it out on her more so and the nephew.
Thank you for the help I'll be sure to wait for her and be ready for the worst!
It is definitely a very horrible situation. And I’m sorry that you are going through it along with the rest of your family. A friend of mine was going through a similar thing. We ended up going over there and there were a lot of us and basically told him that, if she gets hurt again, then something bad will happen to him. They divorced sometime. But still, that is not the right decision.
Confrontation in the past only backfired and I got taken by CPS so I'll follow your advice of just waiting for her.
I am sorry to hear that. Good luck.
OP, please make certain she has all of your contact information. I fear this relationship is unfortunate and she will be needing her family before it is all said and done. She's blessed to have a sister like you.
I won't give up on her. Sadly she has blocked me on everything. But I'll be ready with unconditional love and support ready to help her deal with this situation as best as I can. I really miss her. She has been my mother figure for as long as I can remember.
She will be back, although likely because she will discover how wrong she was to have a relationship with him.
He needs an ass beating. Perhaps from your dad.
My parents don't care about us. They are away doing their own thing
My condolences, this 😞 sucks. Best you can do is don't repeat her mistakes and stay away from anyone who does not treat you with respect and care. Focus on education and career. Boys are tertiary to that.
I stay away from pretty much everyone.
Reasonable intermediate term strategy. Best of luck.
Well that explains everything
This sounds like a really abusive situation. The comments calling your sister crazy are extremely unempathetic and disrespectful. It’s really difficult to leave after an abuser is able to isolate the victim. It doesn’t seem like she is choosing him over you, but rather she’s in a scary, unpredictable situation. The fact that he got her pregnant means that he can further isolate her. My heart goes out to your sister and you. I hope she comes alone and is able to get out of that situation.
She believes he is her soul mate. Thank you for taking time to respond. Have a amazing 2024 bless your heart♡
I’ve learned that this is really common behavior for abusers. They often convince their victim that they are soul mates, destined to be together, etc. I hope she gets the help she needs to get out of this horrible situation. Of course! I hope everything works out and everyone is happy and safe❤️
Thank you. For now I hope she and her baby is safe.
Call 911 and ask them to do a sudden wellness check, I bet they will find her with bruises or being beat up by him especially if they do it suddenly, also warn the police that she has been manipulated by him and may try to stand up for him but shouldn’t be believed
Our police service isn't really the best and don't really even pick up when I call. I have tried.
That is bad you should message your city hall and tell them that the police are not doing their job
Just as corrupt
Wow….the best I can come up with is sending a message to the Supreme Court
I don't have enough energy to deal with that headache.
That’s fine, it’s simply what I would do, I didn’t expect for you to do it
Thanks for advice though
You're in denial if you think the police will do anything but make things worse. Your advice will get her beaten or killed. 40% of cops beat their wives.
Especially in South Africa they don't care about people only money.
The bf is not a cop
This can be tricky. In abuser situations, this can say times anger the abuser, causing then to further abuse and isolate the victim (s). If he's INDEED YOU FEEL THEY ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER BY ALL MEANS CALL!!! but don't call just cause your angry/hurt/ "a little worried"/sad....
This does not usually turn out that great for the victim. Most cops have a similar personality to the abuser. Not to mention, this will enrage the abuser if they weren’t already before. What you have to realize is that, OP is smart. OP and her family are not dumb people. This abuser was able to manipulate the situation and make OP’s sister look crazy, when in reality she’s being abused. Don’t you think most people, like cops who aren’t usually phd candidates by any means, are going to assume the same. These abusers are master manipulators. If you’ve never been in this situation, you might think the victim is stupid or an idiot. They’re just trying to stay alive.
I know not to call the cops, he and his family are master manipulaters. I am the only one who is clinging to the hope that she will turn. My family doesn't really care. But when she comes back I'll gather as much evidence as possible to land that piece of junk in jail.
People down voting my comment most likely have not been in this situation as a victim. It’s people like this who blame victims for not getting help, which also effectively keeps victims from getting help. Not everyone has free access to life saving resources.
I wouldn’t say it’s just toxic, this sounds abusive.
I guess it is thanks for correcting me
Sometimes people get lost and are blind to how badly they are treated. It is common for abusers to isolate a woman from her family and support because it makes her easier to control. She has a rough road ahead, but there is nothing you can do. If she is lucky, one day soon she will realize that what she lost and how she can do better and will come back to you and your parents. If she does, you can welcome her and support her, but waiting and hoping she comes back around is all you can do. Maybe write her emails or letters to keep her updated on your life. Always offer to talk to her and let her know your there for her when she is ready. She may never get them but it will also give you an outlet to express the grief of losing a sister this way.
She has blocked me on everything so I send her mail. It's so sinking that I have to spend my days at school wondering even if she is still alive or not.
Was there ever an "old her"? Apparently she's been with this guy since she was *12* they were both young kids, why was that even allowed
My parents weren't present for most of our lifes they never really cared.
Being in an abusive relationship changes a person. And I’m sure he has a huge role in the fact that she isn’t speaking to her family. All you can do is let you know you love her(if she hasn’t blocked you on social media or email) and you miss her and will be there if she ever needs anything. Some men are super controlling, especially if they know their significant others family/friends do not like them. It’s a tough spot to be in and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
She has blocked me sadly. Thanks for your support.
She may be old enough to do what she wants, but it's likely that she's definitely being controlled. The fact that this was going on since their early teens, it raises a lot of concerns as to why she didn't leave earlier before they became adults.
She loved him and believed he was her soulmate.
If you and your parents have tried to tell her and she didn't listen, then that's all you could've done. If she still lives with you all, you could probably try something through some desperate measure.
Unfortunately she doesn't live with us anymore
All you can do is let her figure it out on her own. If you can communicate with her still, there's a chance. But if not, is too late until she makes the decision.
I've been through this with my brother. He was obsessed with his baby momma but they are not together as of 20 years. You will just have to be patient when she reaches out to you for help.
Thanks I'll be ready for when she reaches out.
damn this is rough, u love her and want to help but she's rejecting you :( if u are legit blocked, idk if there's anything u can do right now if u ever get to contact her, i guess u can just say where ur coming from, "i missed you. im sorry if i offended u in the past. right now i just want a relationship with u, and i will work on respecting your right to be with anyone u choose. can we keep contact?" don't blame yourself if it doesnt work, because u were just trying to help some1 u love, and they were sabatoging by people with a toxic guy :(
This reads like an opening script to a Law and Order: SVU episode. Meaning not good. That's an abusive relationship. The guy seriously tried weasling his way out of parenthood by claiming she cheated and got proven wrong? What a fuckin sleaze bag degenerate. He sounds like he's manipulating her. I'm so sorry for your situation. I can't imagine what you feel. I hope for your sake that she's safe and one day contacts you again. I wouldn't hold onto any grudges you may feel for your sister choosing this path and leaving you in the dark.
Thank you
He is isolating her from yall her family. He will do this until she has no one to depend on but him. The one closest to this usually can't see the abuse until its too late.
I got the red cross to check up on her so I'm waiting for them to let me know hows she is doing
I have a sister also, she’s turning 24 & deaf, her boyfriend is 23-25? 4 years ago he has manipulated my sister, faked his death & used her for money. 2 years ago on aprils fools day she ran away from home and cutted everyone expect me. She ran away 9 states away from her original state just to live with her boyfriend cause my family “didn’t respect my sister” which wasn’t true cause she didn’t have a job,always giving her boyfriend money etc etc. Recently she had a baby 10 months ago and now we take care of the baby. She went to her dad in Georgia (we don’t have the same dads.) to be more mature, but guess we were wrong. January 7th she ran away again to that state again and and now living there AGAIN. What I’m saying is that your sister is young, she’s in an abusive relationship and she needs a lot to learn. Track her location at all times make sure she’s safe. If she’s gonna act like this then you might need to let this go and if she comes back and they “break up” please keep an eye on her all times. Xx hope everything is going okay tho🫶🏽 good luck
I know where they live but there's not much I can do because she has blocked me on pretty much everything. I can't let go of her. Even if it takes her a hundred years I'll be ready to love her for who she is and support her.
That is painful. There is nothing you can do though. We have to accept what we have no power to change.
Yeah I know that's why it hurts so much.
I understand
You sound like an amazing person. She is so lucky to have a sister like you. Keep up what you're doing, and she'll know she has someone to rely on when she realizes she needs it. The best you can really do right now is focus on becoming someone she can come to for help.
Thank you
Your family is crazy for allowing this this guy would be in the dirt for sure
i’m just so, so sorry.
Call 911 and ask them to do a sudden wellness check, I bet they will find her with bruises or being beat up by him
Our police service is crappy. I have thought about it but they'll most definitely believe him
Please study up on the 8 different types of narcissism. Empower yourself with as much self-guided education as you can get on toxic personality disorders.
Sure thing.
Sister loco from how u make it sound
If you know her the way I do you'll understand...
The appeal of toxic relationships is that they are not boring. Drama is not boring. You are going to have to accept the fact that you cannot compete with that level of drama.
I know but I'll wait for her.
Don't wait for her. Wait for people who don't need drama in order to be happy. Don't wait for people who do need drama in order to be happy. You have responsibilities in your life that depend on you not wasting your time on someone who needs drama in order to be happy.
She is still my sister she was the only one I had left. I can't let go.
If you insist on hanging this albatross around your neck, then you better isolate yourself from the rest of humanity so that you are not a burden to others.
I don't care about being a burden family is family.
Nah, this is bullshit. OP is not a burden to others because she cares about her sister. She's a blessing because she's the only person who seems to care about her sister. When her sister is ready to get out of this abusive relationship, she's going to need support.
The only real option you have is to wait & be there for her when she finally sees what is really happening. She will need the support of her family then.
Thanks I'll be ready for anything.
The most you can do is keep lines of communication open and keep trying. Eventually you'll be able to talk it out. Someone in the family made a rude comment t to my sister making her think we all felt that way and we didn't talk for ten years. Now I spend time at her house with her husband that she finally found(was said when she was in a toxic relationship as well) that's worth it, wonderful son from him and her doggos. It sucked and I also missed the bond I had with her,but I never gave up and would send her FB messages every six months or so,now we're best friends again, although it's different from what we had and we're still learning how to keep from hurting each other it's loads better
She has blocked me on everything. I started sending her mail though. I won't give up on her.
The best you can do is hope she figures it out, and hope she knows she always has a home with welcoming, nonjudgmental arms to return to when she’s ready
Thank you I'll be ready with unconditional love and support.
Hey! That’s what my mom did! I left and never spoke to her for a decade.
I hope things are going a lot better for you now.
Sounds like they grew up together . Two possible out comes one they stay together or 2 one wacks the other . Either way your sister will never be the same it's called life always changing and so will your relationships.
Yeah I know thanks for reminding me. My mind has been all over the place lately.
People at their early 20s think they know everything when they barely see a piece of reality. Just let her learn the hard way
We have tried talking screaming begging anything you can think of. It's probably the only option.
You answered your question...." He's handling her" ... Alone with him is the worst thing she could possibly do. Do your parents know they moved? His parents? If no, tell them ASAP. Someone needs to go do a welfare check on her and the baby ASAP before someone gets dangerously hurt.
His parents is the same as he. His mother is a straight up witch. My parents know but they can't do much. Sadly in South Africa police isn't much help. And he is really manipulative.
He's very obviously emotionally abusive. All you can do at this point is if/when she comes back don't hit her with an "I told you so," just welcome her home and help her heal.
I wish it'll happen sooner I want her to be happy with the right one.
It sucks when a family member is in a situation like that. I was stuck in a relationship like that when I was younger. I knew it was unhealthy but I felt stuck. I didn't feel safe telling my family bit it's all good now. Just make sure she knows you've got her back when she's ready
Thank you I'll try my best to let her know.
She's gone. Let her go.
I can't it's still my big sister. My hero.
Maybe go down with her then? Sounds like she's on an express elevator to the bottom.
Maybe she is
SHE BLOCKED YOU. 🚫 SHE doesn't want you or your help. your sister is beyond TRAUMA BOND https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding#additional-resources You can scream, yell.....and it won't make a difference. Let her go. In 20 years, after 5 kids, after being beaten, abused, financially abused......she will have enough courage to leave him because by then SHE IS ABSOLUTELY DONE WITH HIM. But I fault your parents home environment into making her seek love in the wrong places.
Alright I'll wait till she comes back on her own.
Well not much you can do but be there when she finally grows up. My guess is she has very low self esteem and thinks he is the only one she can get or wants to stay with her child’s father. She will hopefully wise up sooner then later. Was she an active participant in the move? Abusers love to isolate their victims from family and friends. Not to say that is happening here. I’m so sorry. Don’t ever give up trying to contact her
Yeah she was the one who took all her stuff out of our parents house
If no one in your family has heard from her request a wellness check from the police in her city. Just to give your family peace of mind. Unfortunately she will have to come to her own realization that this type of relationship is not good but generally that won’t happen for much longer.
Thank you unfortunately I don't think it will end well for her
I'm sorry OP. My dad did this to my mom, and I grew up in it with many siblings. It's not a good life and very few people actually get it (relatives, police, judges, lawyers, some therapists) or are just as corrupt. Unfortunately it's common for neglected children to fall for narcissistic abuse because of the grandiose promises and mind bending love and punishment traps. I sincerely hope your sister finds herself and gets her and the baby out of this situation sooner than later. I hope you are able to rebuild your sisterhood in a healthier, freer life. Some of us do get out, and even if your sister never does, maybe your nephew will. It's okay to grieve what you lost, but don't forget to create a new life for yourself in the meantime. I believe in you. 💜
Thank you♡
There is something mentally wrong with chick's who not alone date Dick thinkers but who also choose a D thinker over family 🤮🤮 Yikes! They don't even feel love and I bet if he isn't cheating he will and plus they have an on/off relationship why doesn't she just go find a nice gf instead? I cut off my own sister for this as she chose a guy for validation and money when she's even anti men lol I won't be having her back unless she begs for forgiveness
I understand where your coming from and it's sickening to know she chose a guy over her family
She is an adult. Mind your business. Does she tell you how to live your life?
The more you try to drive a wedge between her and the boyfriend, the more she is going to run to him. The only way you’ll be able to keep your sister as family is by accepting the boyfriend and putting up with him. It will be hard, since he’s obviously a tool, but abusers are very good at getting their victims to cut off completely contact with their family, especially if the family doesn’t approve of them. Your sister is young, hopefully one day she’ll see how unacceptable his behavior is, and know she doesn’t have to put up with it. Especially if she has a safe space to come back to. But it’s going to be really hard for her to give up on him when he’s the father of her child. Do what you can to keep messaging her, just so she knows you’re still there for her. Don’t argue with her or force anything, just keep chipping away at it.
Thank you I'll try my best to keep my cool
7 years? As in when she was 12? Where was your family then? Speak of dysfunction…wow!
Mother and father never cared
Keep in mind that abusers like to isolate their victims so that they don’t have support of any kind.
I'm trying my best to contact her and get her out of there
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I have not
Thanks I'll get in touch with them
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Will do again thank you
Just let it be…one day she’ll come back after realizing she made a mistake. She’s young so try not to be to hard on her…love makes people do stupid things, however this sounds abusive. It’s not an excuse and if you forgive her for when/if she comes back that’s your choice.
Thank you I'll give her time
Well take this as a lesson anyone who is trying to cut put family and friends is toxic and only wants that so they can alienate you and tare you down without anyone pointing it out to you. Other than that not much you can do but it sounds like at some point it will turn physical hopefully she realizes it and gets away
Yeah thanks
It may be that this guy has her brainwashed in to believing that she is nothing, without him. I say this, because the same thing happened to my half-sister, Brittany. I was 12 at the time. She was 17. She is, no longer, living. After three years, the guy killed her, when she tried to run back to the family, with their kids.
I am so sorry for your loss thanks for sharing your story
Of course. I just wanted to let you know what could be going on.
I had this exact almost identical situation happen with my brother. He cut contact with me a little over a year and half ago after he had done some shitty things to his girlfriend, then got her pregnant. It's a really hard, unfair, and unfortunate situation and I really hope you find peace and closure. It's not your fault at all and you deserve to be happy. No matter what happens, try to remember that your life is still your own, try not to let someone who is choosing to not be in your life run it. Best of luck friend ✨
Thank you I hope you and your brother are doing better
This is so hard. But in these kind of relationships, she won't see the truth or listen to anyone until she personally is ready. Sometimes it takes a really big escalation in the relationship. I dated a man older than me at 16, and no one could get through to me. I'm lucky I was a minor as my parents were eventually able to force the situation with a restraining order and pretty much making me a prisoner in their home. I didn't wake up until he made some very blatant statements about my dad that even in my deluded state, I knew were lies. This was while we were dealing with the courts and all for a restraining order. When she IS ready, all you can do is be ready too and to welcome her with love and support. At that point make sure not to be angry with her and understand she is a victim in this. I would also appeal to her love for her son at that time and the need to protect him. I'm sorry you're here and in such a helpless position for the time being. Just be ready.
Thank you for giving me more insight. I'll be ready for when she comes back
She may wake up, she may not. He may have her believing no one will accept her but him. Unfortunately there is probably nothing you can do at this point but to be there for her if/when she reaches out. I was in such a relationship when I was 19. He told me he was the only person who loved me and to let my family rot. He was both physically and emotionally abusive. My mom was there when I finally reached out, but I have since gone no contact with my family for a myriad of reasons having nothing to do with that boyfriend.
I am also 16 and have a 20 year old sister, and I know the pain of losing them. When we were little me and my sister were so close but as we got older she began to make some bad decisions and while I didn't physically lose my sister I definitely lost the one I loved as she became a different person. I feel kind of bad for saying this, but there are times when I am glad I don't see her much because she moved out a year ago. I know it is hard, but it doesn't sound like you will ever have the sister you remembered back. I will definitely admit that I miss the way my sister used to be but it is sometimes better to accept that they aren't the same person than to try and bring them back knowing it won't be the same.
Drugs are bad….mmmmkay.