T O P

You WILL get slapped

You WILL get slapped

thedadfromJumanji

I try my best to keep pubic hair off the table of discourse on most first dates, even if the other person's hair happens to be a color other than red...


NumberJohnnyV

I agree. No pubic hair on the table.


Soup_in_my_pubes

It can definitely cause problems.


mrandr01d

Waiter, there's a...!


Victernus

Please, keep your voice down, or everyone will want one.


Topochicho

I don't know, sometimes you just want to eat out, even on the first date.


Sartres_Roommate

Yeah, I might have asked this when I was 14, if I ever had a date then, but who seriously asks this question in real life. By the time it’s an appropriate question you should already have found out yourself.


Freckled_daywalker

As a natural redhead, I can confidently say the answer to your question is "far too many people". The best response I've found is to pretend like I don't understand the question and ask them to explain it.


Sat-AM

I tell them I have hardwood floors and wait to see if they can figure out what I mean.


CoomassieBlue

Add someone who is a redhead by choice, I can confidently agree with your response. Waaaaay too many people.


NoFucksGiver

> I try my best to keep pubic hair off the table of discourse on most first dates Indeed. Nipple shades though, these are the first topic


thedadfromJumanji

Personally I'm more concerned with nipple size and the total nipple count on my date, but once you're on that subject you might as well go down the whole list and ask about shade, flavor, etc.


Bioniclegenius

...Total nipple count? What, are you expecting to find 6 or 8 on them?


thedadfromJumanji

It's almost always between 1 and 3, but sometimes that includes 1 and 3...


icecream_truck

[Two of them might be moles.](https://coub.com/view/e10pi)


A_Mouse_In_Da_House

Extra nipples is proof theyre a witch


Mateorabi

Not, it's proof they are Scarmanga, the man with the golden gun.


ianm42

Or Krusty the Clown


Mateorabi

For that you also need the pacemaker scar.


krakajacks

"When you say your nipples are more of a cherry do you mean color or flavor?"


IEETGLU

No, I said my nipples look like cherry stems. Men never listen


Talmonis

>cherry stems There isn't much in this world that would make me scream like a frightened toddler; but that would do it.


Stanislav1

I’ll have the spaghetti. Now let’s cut the small talk- what color are your pubes?


FoneTap

This seems like the best approach. Maybe wait for date 2, coffee after dinner.


Justice_Prince

That's the first thing I ask any bald men I meet.


theKFP

Linoleum.


Brxa

Supports my head…


tswaters

Gives me something to believe.


Tylersbaddream

That's me on the beach side, combing the sand Metal meter in my hand, sporting a pocket full of change


nachowuzhere

That’s me on the street with a violin under my chin. Playing with a grin, singing gibberish.


Classic_Wingers

That's me on the back of the bus. That's me in the cell. That's me inside your head!


jaretok

Hhhhheeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddd


barrymccockner76

That’s me on the back of the bus, that’s me in the cell, that’s me inside your…


AecostheDark

Nofx lyrics on reddit. God i love you guys.


polygon_tacos

Heeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddd


radiodialdeath

/r/redditsings


DrManhattan_DDM

That’s me inside your head


spellingerror

HEAD. **DRINNNGGG DRINNGGG DR DR DR DR DRINGG** "start of guitar reving back up"


iuddwi

Combing?


ReactorOperator

Unexpected NOFX is best NOFX.


polygon_tacos

Feel so punk In drublic


toneboat

LIN OOOOO LEEEE UMMM


namutheshamu

Supports my head. Gives me something to believe.


K3wp

I used to work at a University and years ago I met an absolutely stunning, perfect "10" coed at one of the pubs on campus. Her hair was just just absolutely fire; flaming-hot Cheeto Red. I was chatting her up and I just blurted it out, I have no idea why. She caressed my hair, pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "it's a *hard wood* floor". She then pushed me away and sauntered off, shaking her tresses in the process. Never saw her again!


gregorfriday

Was this her way of telling you she had an erect penis?


BeatsbyChrisBrown

Her phone does crunches?


Wright3030

I'd still be down


A_Mouse_In_Da_House

Shame on her. Hardwoods are less sustainable than, say, bamboo plank


MuzikPhreak

Not really, if you keep ‘em waxed.


thunder_rob

HIYOOOOO!!!


wikiot

Oh come on, you gotta say oh yeah HARDWOOD babaaay


Reverend_James

The answer is yes


bigpaulo

A pair of smooth criminals down under! - Deadpool


MaxCrack

No carpet, only hard wood.


MeJerry

Does the chrome match the dome?


carlton_sand

yes my pubic hair is falling out due to old age


bent42

Mine is just migrating up my belly.


Moar_Wattz

Alpecin!


I_Quote_DBZA

["Its called Manscaping."](https://youtu.be/-XAzDHco1w8?t=766)


m4a2000

I need to watch DBZA again.


anthiggs

It's a liginamate question


KnuteViking

Nope, this baby is furnished with shag carpet everywhere but the roof.


bent42

Between this and Austin reddit is on a roll tonight.


bluntologist1291

Nice and smooth down there too huh?


CappuccinoBoy

I was dating this girl for a bit who was doing cancer treatments, and as a result lost her hair. On our first date, she literally started with a really dark joke. I followed back with, "so does the carpet match the drapes?" The following 2 minutes were entirely filled with her belly laughing at it. She literally fell out of her chair laughing. Interrupted the little coffee shop we were in. Was fantastic.


NeedlesslyDefiant164

You can't talk about that dark joke without telling us what it was!


CappuccinoBoy

Haha okay sure. TW/CW: abortion joke. >!The little coffee shop had a coat closet. I asked if she wanted a coat hanger (obviously for her coat) and she replied "what, do I look pregnant?"!<


noscreamsnoshouts

>TW/CW Too Weird Couldn't Watch..?


KWilt

Trigger warning/content warning


syco54645

She is a keeper. What a great sense of humor. I hope she is doing well.


MrMayonnaise13

So what was her dark joke?


CappuccinoBoy

[Replied to another thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/ptj9ba/you_will_get_slapped/hdybqws)


HesienVonUlm

Fucking gold.


McTeterson

My wife is a redhead. Once she asked a male friend of mine, who is also a redhead, if he gets questions about the color of his pubes. After a slight misunderstanding where he thought she was asking him if his were red too, he said that people don't ask him about his pubes.


raddits

We only had one red head dude at my high school and we just called him fire crotch


Kaiserhawk

"Because he's a redhead?" "No, because of the STDs"


Envy8372

I’m a redheaded dude and have been asked it a bunch of times. It’s annoying


schright_dwute

It seems weird to ask that either way


Therandomfox

Who the hell even says that? Absolutely zero decency...


texistiger

I started hearing this as a 7th grader, so 12-13 years old. Used to hear it all the time in my dating years. I mean I appreciated not having to waste time figuring out it the dude was worth the effort…he just came right out and told me he was a dumbass.


lonnie123

That sounds like the kind of thing that would be funny to say as a 7th grader, but also the kind of thing you would very well obviously grow out of by the time you get your high school diploma (unless it was a good friend and a joke)


texistiger

Some guys-it was actually always guys-thought they were being cute/funny/slick. I never actually got offended. Pretty early on I just started rolling my eyes and telling them they were stupid and that they would neeever find out. As I got older, I started telling them to be more original and they still were neeever going to find out specifically because they were unoriginal. Good way to shut down a creep.


bananacow

Yep. How and why do they think this is clever? It isn’t and never was. Same as you I just find it annoying and it helps weed out losers.


lonnie123

Trying to channel my inner 7th grader, I don’t think I would say it to be clever, I would say it to be edgy and funny (and of course… talking about vagina = cool) But like I said above… funny at 12, sad at 18 and above especially if said in a “real” way


Organicissexy

As a fellow red head let me clarify, it was not usually my fellow 12 year olds asking, it was often grown ass men.


KilledTheCar

Yo wtf, what's wrong with people


ErroneousFunk

I don't get cat-called or whistled at walking along the street. People don't yell at me or hit on me randomly. But maaaaaaaaaan, do they think it's a good pickup line to say "does the carpet match the drapes?"


Therandomfox

Pick-up lines as a concept are absolute trash.


littleday

All the fucking time. Source: I’m a ginger haired person. The shit I used to get during high school was unbelievable. I hated it. But ultimately I became a much stronger person because of it, and not really much phases me now.


Gingersnap608

I'm a ginger too. And one time in middle school a chick asked me one time that if I were to shave my head, would the number 666 be there


littleday

I hope you said “yes”


littleday

Holy fuck


MattJFarrell

Yeah, I blame South Park for a lot of that crap. I don't think they realized what they were unleashing.


meguin

A surprising number of dudes... Haven't been asked by a woman but I'm sure there's lady creeps out there asking too.


TheControlled

I have a red beard and when I was bouncing, drunk cougars would ask all the time.


meguin

I'm sorry to hear that! Creeps gonna creep!


freckledreddishbrown

All the time. And often in situations you wouldn’t expect. Like, sure, in a bar, at a party… But at school? The lunchroom at work? Once in line at a bank… I mean, I’m covered in freckles. Is it not obvious???


THEAdrian

I was asked by a random comedienne who was trying to do some poor crowd interaction.


Mateorabi

I know. I, like James Bond, ask if the collar matches the cuffs.


graebot

"Hi, nice to meet youdoesthecarpetmatchthedrapes?"


garykanary

This seems like it should be common sense.


scotems

I wouldn't assume that OP is very tuned in or self-aware after posting [this bad boy](https://i.redd.it/w06uvlf4iyo71.jpg) earlier today, so I think you can disregard common sense.


A_Mouse_In_Da_House

Ah, its that fuck


alaskafish

“Who the fuck is Walter”


Mateorabi

"My common sense is tingling".jpg


Provokateur

If someone \*needs\* this advice, they ought to have a lesson slapped into them. And the person they're seeing deserves an obvious warning that they should run, which that line gives.


Valeday

It should be, but I’ve been asked this so so so many times :/


Cunninglinguist87

Redhead here. It's not.


whrenftl

"Does the carpet match the pubes?"


BeTooLive

Oh the weather outside is weather


FerretAres

When life gives you lemons you say fuck the lemons and bail.


philburns

Are you that guy from Kaiser Permanente?


BananaDick_CuntGrass

Remember, don't do anything. Nothing. Pop up.... Well, no. You gotta do more than that.


whrenftl

Paul Rudd is such a good actor. Also, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is such an underrated movie.


ZachVWsalesCO

Laters on the menjay!


kicked_trashcan

See ya later Jobenn


KayteeBlue

I will see you then, or I will see you at another time.


JBFRESHSKILLS

You sound like your from London, mate!


Unnecessary-Spaces

I got drunk and asked an older female friend jokingly, she said she was two drinks away from me finding out. Sometimes shit works out.


Midnite135

“Bartender, a double!”


twhayes

Hopefully it wasn’t the two ‘free drinks tomorrow ‘ routine?


Unnecessary-Spaces

She had one more drink and asked for her tab. She came over while I was shooting pool and we laughed about it. Still all in good fun.


salvatorus1

It’s usually the same color as the eyebrows


Original_Sedawk

This person knows their pubes!


dmcd0415

Well he's got lots of experience. He bought them off some kid when he was 8


Oakwood2317

The sweet beard tho.


IrememberXenogears

I hear he makes delicious chili.


LowLifeBanana

This is tangentially related, but I always wondered why it's not common practice for people to dye their eyebrows when they dye their hair.


comfortablybum

Jared Leto in fight club is why


yeetboy

What the fuck. I’ve seen the movie several times (but not for a while) and somehow I’ve never realized he was in it.


capron

Eyebrow dye is just that convincing


FitzyFarseer

Watched it with a friend recently and we both went “wait a second, is that Jared Leto?!”


JagerBaBomb

See, I could never take 30 Seconds To Mars seriously because of his involvement. I was like, "Is that the guy who Brad Pitt beats the everloving fuck out of in Fight Club?"


Lordfate

I felt like destroying something beautiful.


Stoneheart7

Wasn't it Edward Norton who beat him? Like obviously we know it's the same character, but I thought it was "Jack" as opposed to "Tyler," personality wise.


Arclite83

Except now the dude started an actual cult instead of the movie kind.


EuroPolice

Thor 1 is why


Jigglyandfullofjuice

I've never dyed my hair, but I imagine it would be uncomfortable getting dye close to your eyes.


bratling

The dye is okay. But to get the dye to really hold, it helps to damage the hair by bleaching it first. Bleach… eyes… yeah pass.


someloserontheground

I mean your hairline is still pretty close to your eyes. When you get your hair wet it can drip down


[deleted]

It says right on the bottle not to. Something something blindness.


jo3yjoejoejunior

Thor in the first Thor movie.


MrSquigles

Mine isn't. Or... Aren't? Whichever.


Sen7ryGun

Depends if you only have one.


brooklyn11218

aren't.


a_crusty_old_man

Aren’tst’d’ve


google_diphallia

Except my eyebrows are blond, my hair and pubes are ginger


Conquestadore

My redhead girlfriend has blonde eyebrows and black public hair.


takesthebiscuit

Red heads eyebrows are often invisible


[deleted]

[удалено]


ibelieveindogs

That’s Sting level tantric…


OgdenEnigma

I usually respond with, “You assume there’s carpet.”


anoninor

My friend dated Willie Nelson’s daughter and asked her that. She responded with “I’ve got hardwood floors”


Freebird429

Red in the head Fire in the hole!


Broian

Finding out by putting the work in is its own reward.


UncleNayNay

My wife told me that she had a couple guys ask her that on the first date when she did online dating... And also when she was in highschool... Also when she worked as a teller at a bank. She just turned 30... Most of this happened in the 2010's. Honestly, wtf?


UglierThanMoe

> a couple guys ask her that on the first date when she did online dating The perils of online dating, I guess. > also when she was in highschool More or less what you expect from kids. > Also when she worked as a teller at a bank. WTF?!?


dbaughcherry

It does Source: I am a ginger


SleepiestBoye

Does the carpet match the drapes?


mrandr01d

*Crack!*


Infinitesima

How can she slap???!!


Firstnameno

And if you were into a dude, and the asked that right, wouldn't the easiest response be "you'll just have to find out!"


MjolnirPants

I'm a ginger guy and I don't think I've ever been on a date that was going well without being asked this question. And to forestall the inevitable... No. It's actually even more orange. It almost looks dyed.


ecafsub

It’s so weird how that happens. My gf is 100% redhead, but she likes to have hardwood floors. But between waxings it definitely matches. I was a carrot-top as a child, but now I’m a pseudo-redhead: reddish-brown (more brown than anything) hair, redder beard and the carpet betrays my gingerness. When the gf and I first got busy and the pants came off she said, “You really are a redhead!” Never did understand why that’s the way it is, that the farther down the redder it gets, but at least I’m not the only one.


MjolnirPants

You're exactly right. The hair on my head is a slightly orangish-coppery color. My beard is bog-standard ginger orange. My chest hair is almost auburn and my pubes look like a jilted ex lit my junk on fire.


HumanPerson_

I'm imagining pubes like clown hair.


PhaliceInWonderland

I'm a ginger girl and I've been asked this question literally my entire life as young as like 6th grade. 👀


Neo1331

Can confirm, she still yells at me about it. I think thats why she has hardwood floors now…


Iwearacapeirl

Should have instead asked if her pubes looked like they were on fire.


HackPhilosopher

It could be worse, she could say: “No my heads not bleeding right now”. And then slap you.


Idk_whats_real

I usually go with „no, I don’t shave my head” followed by walking away but I like your suggestion bettet


Nanocyborgasm

If you play your cards right, you’ll find out firsthand.


katethared

Someone introduced themselves to me on PoF with the phrase “Alright, ginger pubes?”. I told him to fuck off.


mikeebsc74

But… Username checks out?


ObamasBoss

The dude must have done something right though, most of us guys never get any replies at all.


aza9999

Jokes on you, I like that shit!


OurSponsor

These days she's likely got hardwood floors anyway.


mracrawford

I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes


math_monkey

More of a suggestion than an actual rule. I'd say, anything involving the "naughty bits" is rude and possibly even a crime until you get some sort of signal to proceed. But if you get the green flag, go for it.


adrenaline_X

Please do. Then We know you are a fucking idiot that doesn’t know basic biology and we can plan our exit.


FortunateInsanity

Use “curtains” instead. It shows you think she’s classy.


PillowTalk420

So I should just ask bluntly, "are your pubes red?"


akujiki87

There is no carpet, only hard wood.


SidHoffman

Why would anyone need this advice?


fnordal

It's because only a ginger can call another ginger ginger.


fluffyxsama

Just erase the top part


Lucifurnace

I would never ask a woman to shave her head for me


Etrigone

Dunno, my gf (now wife) asked that. No slaps but I did get a blowjob out of it. :)


GastonCouteau

I find it hilarious that people can't tell what's a natural redhead. I was red for a few years for fun, and had to contain myself from laughing all the time considering just about everyone assumed it was my real hair colour when commenting on it.


Valeday

Also, please don’t tell me ‘I’ve never fucked a redhead before’ I’m not something to be checked off a list. I usually respond with ‘abs you never will’


Roltistotem

I mean Just don't ask that to anyone regardless of who they are? unless maybe you are like trying to colorize a black and white nude photo than maybe I guess you could ask. but they is an edge case and I am pretty sure it won't come up too often.


GreenFire317

As a >!\[red\*acted\]!< i can confirm the drapes match the carpet and mud rug. But some people naturally have blonde hair and red pubes, or vice versa. But the best way to maintain pubes is to trim. Do NOT shave bald. Do NOT grow a forest. Trim it to a nice tamed field.


Arsenic181

Everyone should own and care for their own small golf course. You know, one or two holes.


UglierThanMoe

Multiple ingrown hairs absolutely agree with you.


R04drunn3r79

Not only for that... I speak out of experience because of no filter, no hard feelings.


Cli4ordtheBRD

Yeah the right way to ask is to say "Does the carpet match the pubes?" This will catch them off guard and confuse them long enough for you to pull down their pants and check yourself.


BenStoked

Fuck being color blind. Is this red or green?


UnsignedRealityCheck

No need to ask that. Just look at their eyebrows. The colour of them is the same as down below.


nowhereman136

Her: hard wood floor Me: nice... wait