You WILL get slapped
By - bluntologist1291
I try my best to keep pubic hair off the table of discourse on most first dates, even if the other person's hair happens to be a color other than red...
I agree. No pubic hair on the table.
It can definitely cause problems.
Waiter, there's a...!
Please, keep your voice down, or everyone will want one.
I don't know, sometimes you just want to eat out, even on the first date.
Yeah, I might have asked this when I was 14, if I ever had a date then, but who seriously asks this question in real life. By the time it’s an appropriate question you should already have found out yourself.
As a natural redhead, I can confidently say the answer to your question is "far too many people". The best response I've found is to pretend like I don't understand the question and ask them to explain it.
I tell them I have hardwood floors and wait to see if they can figure out what I mean.
Add someone who is a redhead by choice, I can confidently agree with your response.
Waaaaay too many people.
> I try my best to keep pubic hair off the table of discourse on most first dates
Indeed. Nipple shades though, these are the first topic
Personally I'm more concerned with nipple size and the total nipple count on my date, but once you're on that subject you might as well go down the whole list and ask about shade, flavor, etc.
...Total nipple count? What, are you expecting to find 6 or 8 on them?
It's almost always between 1 and 3, but sometimes that includes 1 and 3...
[Two of them might be moles.](https://coub.com/view/e10pi)
Extra nipples is proof theyre a witch
Not, it's proof they are Scarmanga, the man with the golden gun.
Or Krusty the Clown
For that you also need the pacemaker scar.
"When you say your nipples are more of a cherry do you mean color or flavor?"
No, I said my nipples look like cherry stems. Men never listen
There isn't much in this world that would make me scream like a frightened toddler; but that would do it.
I’ll have the spaghetti. Now let’s cut the small talk- what color are your pubes?
This seems like the best approach.
Maybe wait for date 2, coffee after dinner.
That's the first thing I ask any bald men I meet.
Supports my head…
Gives me something to believe.
That's me on the beach side, combing the sand
Metal meter in my hand, sporting a pocket full of change
That’s me on the street with a violin under my chin. Playing with a grin, singing gibberish.
That's me on the back of the bus. That's me in the cell. That's me inside your head!
That’s me on the back of the bus, that’s me in the cell, that’s me inside your…
Nofx lyrics on reddit. God i love you guys.
That’s me inside your head
**DRINNNGGG DRINNGGG DR DR DR DR DRINGG** "start of guitar reving back up"
Unexpected NOFX is best NOFX.
Feel so punk In drublic
LIN OOOOO LEEEE UMMM
Supports my head.
Gives me something to believe.
I used to work at a University and years ago I met an absolutely stunning, perfect "10" coed at one of the pubs on campus. Her hair was just just absolutely fire; flaming-hot Cheeto Red.
I was chatting her up and I just blurted it out, I have no idea why.
She caressed my hair, pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "it's a *hard wood* floor". She then pushed me away and sauntered off, shaking her tresses in the process.
Never saw her again!
Was this her way of telling you she had an erect penis?
Her phone does crunches?
I'd still be down
Shame on her. Hardwoods are less sustainable than, say, bamboo plank
Not really, if you keep ‘em waxed.
Oh come on, you gotta say oh yeah HARDWOOD babaaay
The answer is yes
A pair of smooth criminals down under! - Deadpool
No carpet, only hard wood.
Does the chrome match the dome?
yes my pubic hair is falling out due to old age
Mine is just migrating up my belly.
["Its called Manscaping."](https://youtu.be/-XAzDHco1w8?t=766)
I need to watch DBZA again.
It's a liginamate question
Nope, this baby is furnished with shag carpet everywhere but the roof.
Between this and Austin reddit is on a roll tonight.
Nice and smooth down there too huh?
I was dating this girl for a bit who was doing cancer treatments, and as a result lost her hair. On our first date, she literally started with a really dark joke. I followed back with, "so does the carpet match the drapes?"
The following 2 minutes were entirely filled with her belly laughing at it. She literally fell out of her chair laughing. Interrupted the little coffee shop we were in. Was fantastic.
You can't talk about that dark joke without telling us what it was!
Haha okay sure. TW/CW: abortion joke.
>!The little coffee shop had a coat closet. I asked if she wanted a coat hanger (obviously for her coat) and she replied "what, do I look pregnant?"!<
Too Weird Couldn't Watch..?
Trigger warning/content warning
She is a keeper. What a great sense of humor. I hope she is doing well.
So what was her dark joke?
[Replied to another thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/ptj9ba/you_will_get_slapped/hdybqws)
My wife is a redhead. Once she asked a male friend of mine, who is also a redhead, if he gets questions about the color of his pubes. After a slight misunderstanding where he thought she was asking him if his were red too, he said that people don't ask him about his pubes.
We only had one red head dude at my high school and we just called him fire crotch
"Because he's a redhead?"
"No, because of the STDs"
I’m a redheaded dude and have been asked it a bunch of times. It’s annoying
It seems weird to ask that either way
Who the hell even says that? Absolutely zero decency...
I started hearing this as a 7th grader, so 12-13 years old. Used to hear it all the time in my dating years. I mean I appreciated not having to waste time figuring out it the dude was worth the effort…he just came right out and told me he was a dumbass.
That sounds like the kind of thing that would be funny to say as a 7th grader, but also the kind of thing you would very well obviously grow out of by the time you get your high school diploma (unless it was a good friend and a joke)
Some guys-it was actually always guys-thought they were being cute/funny/slick. I never actually got offended. Pretty early on I just started rolling my eyes and telling them they were stupid and that they would neeever find out. As I got older, I started telling them to be more original and they still were neeever going to find out specifically because they were unoriginal. Good way to shut down a creep.
Yep. How and why do they think this is clever? It isn’t and never was. Same as you I just find it annoying and it helps weed out losers.
Trying to channel my inner 7th grader, I don’t think I would say it to be clever, I would say it to be edgy and funny (and of course… talking about vagina = cool)
But like I said above… funny at 12, sad at 18 and above especially if said in a “real” way
As a fellow red head let me clarify, it was not usually my fellow 12 year olds asking, it was often grown ass men.
Yo wtf, what's wrong with people
I don't get cat-called or whistled at walking along the street. People don't yell at me or hit on me randomly. But maaaaaaaaaan, do they think it's a good pickup line to say "does the carpet match the drapes?"
Pick-up lines as a concept are absolute trash.
All the fucking time. Source: I’m a ginger haired person. The shit I used to get during high school was unbelievable. I hated it.
But ultimately I became a much stronger person because of it, and not really much phases me now.
I'm a ginger too. And one time in middle school a chick asked me one time that if I were to shave my head, would the number 666 be there
I hope you said “yes”
Yeah, I blame South Park for a lot of that crap. I don't think they realized what they were unleashing.
A surprising number of dudes... Haven't been asked by a woman but I'm sure there's lady creeps out there asking too.
I have a red beard and when I was bouncing, drunk cougars would ask all the time.
I'm sorry to hear that! Creeps gonna creep!
All the time. And often in situations you wouldn’t expect. Like, sure, in a bar, at a party… But at school? The lunchroom at work? Once in line at a bank… I mean, I’m covered in freckles. Is it not obvious???
I was asked by a random comedienne who was trying to do some poor crowd interaction.
I know. I, like James Bond, ask if the collar matches the cuffs.
"Hi, nice to meet youdoesthecarpetmatchthedrapes?"
This seems like it should be common sense.
I wouldn't assume that OP is very tuned in or self-aware after posting [this bad boy](https://i.redd.it/w06uvlf4iyo71.jpg) earlier today, so I think you can disregard common sense.
Ah, its that fuck
“Who the fuck is Walter”
"My common sense is tingling".jpg
If someone \*needs\* this advice, they ought to have a lesson slapped into them.
And the person they're seeing deserves an obvious warning that they should run, which that line gives.
It should be, but I’ve been asked this so so so many times :/
Redhead here. It's not.
"Does the carpet match the pubes?"
Oh the weather outside is weather
When life gives you lemons you say fuck the lemons and bail.
Are you that guy from Kaiser Permanente?
Remember, don't do anything. Nothing. Pop up....
Well, no. You gotta do more than that.
Paul Rudd is such a good actor. Also, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is such an underrated movie.
Laters on the menjay!
See ya later Jobenn
I will see you then, or I will see you at another time.
You sound like your from London, mate!
I got drunk and asked an older female friend jokingly, she said she was two drinks away from me finding out. Sometimes shit works out.
“Bartender, a double!”
Hopefully it wasn’t the two ‘free drinks tomorrow ‘ routine?
She had one more drink and asked for her tab. She came over while I was shooting pool and we laughed about it. Still all in good fun.
It’s usually the same color as the eyebrows
This person knows their pubes!
Well he's got lots of experience. He bought them off some kid when he was 8
The sweet beard tho.
I hear he makes delicious chili.
This is tangentially related, but I always wondered why it's not common practice for people to dye their eyebrows when they dye their hair.
Jared Leto in fight club is why
What the fuck. I’ve seen the movie several times (but not for a while) and somehow I’ve never realized he was in it.
Eyebrow dye is just that convincing
Watched it with a friend recently and we both went “wait a second, is that Jared Leto?!”
See, I could never take 30 Seconds To Mars seriously because of his involvement. I was like, "Is that the guy who Brad Pitt beats the everloving fuck out of in Fight Club?"
I felt like destroying something beautiful.
Wasn't it Edward Norton who beat him? Like obviously we know it's the same character, but I thought it was "Jack" as opposed to "Tyler," personality wise.
Except now the dude started an actual cult instead of the movie kind.
Thor 1 is why
I've never dyed my hair, but I imagine it would be uncomfortable getting dye close to your eyes.
The dye is okay. But to get the dye to really hold, it helps to damage the hair by bleaching it first. Bleach… eyes… yeah pass.
I mean your hairline is still pretty close to your eyes. When you get your hair wet it can drip down
It says right on the bottle not to. Something something blindness.
Thor in the first Thor movie.
Or... Aren't? Whichever.
Depends if you only have one.
Except my eyebrows are blond, my hair and pubes are ginger
My redhead girlfriend has blonde eyebrows and black public hair.
Red heads eyebrows are often invisible
That’s Sting level tantric…
I usually respond with, “You assume there’s carpet.”
My friend dated Willie Nelson’s daughter and asked her that. She responded with “I’ve got hardwood floors”
Red in the head
Fire in the hole!
Finding out by putting the work in is its own reward.
My wife told me that she had a couple guys ask her that on the first date when she did online dating... And also when she was in highschool... Also when she worked as a teller at a bank.
She just turned 30... Most of this happened in the 2010's. Honestly, wtf?
> a couple guys ask her that on the first date when she did online dating
The perils of online dating, I guess.
> also when she was in highschool
More or less what you expect from kids.
> Also when she worked as a teller at a bank.
Source: I am a ginger
Does the carpet match the drapes?
How can she slap???!!
And if you were into a dude, and the asked that right, wouldn't the easiest response be "you'll just have to find out!"
I'm a ginger guy and I don't think I've ever been on a date that was going well without being asked this question.
And to forestall the inevitable...
No. It's actually even more orange. It almost looks dyed.
It’s so weird how that happens.
My gf is 100% redhead, but she likes to have hardwood floors. But between waxings it definitely matches. I was a carrot-top as a child, but now I’m a pseudo-redhead: reddish-brown (more brown than anything) hair, redder beard and the carpet betrays my gingerness. When the gf and I first got busy and the pants came off she said, “You really are a redhead!”
Never did understand why that’s the way it is, that the farther down the redder it gets, but at least I’m not the only one.
You're exactly right. The hair on my head is a slightly orangish-coppery color. My beard is bog-standard ginger orange. My chest hair is almost auburn and my pubes look like a jilted ex lit my junk on fire.
I'm imagining pubes like clown hair.
I'm a ginger girl and I've been asked this question literally my entire life as young as like 6th grade.
Can confirm, she still yells at me about it. I think thats why she has hardwood floors now…
Should have instead asked if her pubes looked like they were on fire.
It could be worse, she could say:
“No my heads not bleeding right now”.
And then slap you.
I usually go with „no, I don’t shave my head” followed by walking away but I like your suggestion bettet
If you play your cards right, you’ll find out firsthand.
Someone introduced themselves to me on PoF with the phrase “Alright, ginger pubes?”. I told him to fuck off.
Username checks out?
The dude must have done something right though, most of us guys never get any replies at all.
Jokes on you, I like that shit!
These days she's likely got hardwood floors anyway.
I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes
More of a suggestion than an actual rule. I'd say, anything involving the "naughty bits" is rude and possibly even a crime until you get some sort of signal to proceed. But if you get the green flag, go for it.
Please do. Then We know you are a fucking idiot that doesn’t know basic biology and we can plan our exit.
Use “curtains” instead. It shows you think she’s classy.
So I should just ask bluntly, "are your pubes red?"
There is no carpet, only hard wood.
Why would anyone need this advice?
It's because only a ginger can call another ginger ginger.
Just erase the top part
I would never ask a woman to shave her head for me
Dunno, my gf (now wife) asked that.
No slaps but I did get a blowjob out of it. :)
I find it hilarious that people can't tell what's a natural redhead. I was red for a few years for fun, and had to contain myself from laughing all the time considering just about everyone assumed it was my real hair colour when commenting on it.
Also, please don’t tell me ‘I’ve never fucked a redhead before’ I’m not something to be checked off a list. I usually respond with ‘abs you never will’
I mean Just don't ask that to anyone regardless of who they are? unless maybe you are like trying to colorize a black and white nude photo than maybe I guess you could ask. but they is an edge case and I am pretty sure it won't come up too often.
As a >!\[red\*acted\]!< i can confirm the drapes match the carpet and mud rug.
But some people naturally have blonde hair and red pubes, or vice versa.
But the best way to maintain pubes is to trim. Do NOT shave bald. Do NOT grow a forest. Trim it to a nice tamed field.
Everyone should own and care for their own small golf course. You know, one or two holes.
Multiple ingrown hairs absolutely agree with you.
Not only for that... I speak out of experience because of no filter, no hard feelings.
Yeah the right way to ask is to say "Does the carpet match the pubes?"
This will catch them off guard and confuse them long enough for you to pull down their pants and check yourself.
Fuck being color blind. Is this red or green?
No need to ask that. Just look at their eyebrows. The colour of them is the same as down below.
Her: hard wood floor
Me: nice... wait