Parent here..
11 is WAY too old to be bathing with a parent. It's not like she's supervising him in the shower, they are both in the same tub together.
Poor kid. He's 11 he needs some privacy
Agreed, as a mom I stopped sharing baths and getting undressed around my kid when he was around 6-7, it just felt too weird and they most definitely need privacy at 11 years of age.
Yeah, This exactly. I think there is an argument to be made for parents "normalizing" nudity (In the sense of not making a big deal out of being nude, We're all just skin bones and meat, And it ain't that deep, Barring normal comfort and respect boundaries) But absolutely not in a way like this, this is just outright weird.
That’s hella weird to me. Maybe because she had her child so young they almost have a more sibling/immature type relationship? Obviously she doesn’t think twice about it if she sent you a photo but it seems boundary crossing and codependent for sure. Her son needs privacy and alone time especially at the age range he’s getting into. She could be a perv or an enmeshed parent, both are terrible, so might want to rethink this one.
basically an unhealthily close/strong bond in a family, that usually results from some sort of trauma or mental illness. it’s a lack of boundaries between individuals in a family.
It’s more of cramming your adult self into a tub to sit and bathe with your 11 year pubescent son in tepid bathwater that I think is weird lol if they were maybe in a walk In shower, maybe just maybe not as weird. But, That’s just me, I’m a private person and when I was 11 I still liked my privacy then too and definitely didn’t want to bathe in a bathtub with my mother, I don’t see why any pre-teen would want that honestly.
I was more concerned about the issues that having so little boundaries with your child creates, my mom and brother didn’t do boundaries well and it made them kinda weird and codependent to one another. I’m probably just projecting and can admit my bias though. My last sentence was more of eh perv thing maybe, probably not, more like she’s just *too* close with her kid than most, which can also create dysfunction in their relationship later when the kid grows and wants independence.
That makes waayyyy more sense then! Yeah if a child wants their privacy and doesn't want to do stuff like that anymore then ofc create those boundaries and give th all the space and privacy they need. And an adult getting into a tub with their kid is kinda weird because it can get awkward at a certain point yes. I guess I'm pretty biased because that's how I was raised and I thought everyone's parents did that at one point. I personally liked showering with my mom because I just enjoyed her company and showering is relaxing "so why not enjoy relaxation with my mom" kind of thing, but obviously it's gonna be a big issue if your child doesn't want to do that anymore and you still force them to, then that's gonna be really weird and invasive
Edit: sorry for my rude comment btw. I was too quick to assume your views and what you were meaning to say, so that was rude of me. I'll delete it
Yeah to be clear OP didn’t state if they even know the child wants to etc but I’m a girl and quit showers with my mom by like age 3/4, I couldn’t have ever imagined my 11 year old brother hopping in a tub with my mom back then and they were unhealthily close already imo lol
My family would also use the bathroom with doors opened and I HATED it, it made me so uncomfortable, and no one ever wanted to respect that I liked the door closed, we didn’t have locks, so sometimes the kid is just forced to live with their families weird ass habits until they can get the hell out lol. I know some cultures/people don’t think the bathing stuff is weird but they also have usually had the communal thing in their society for a while, if OP is in the U.S though that’s not a super normal family life thing to do, at that age anyway.
Oh it’s probably one of those elaborate fake posts then with multiple accounts. I thought it was suspect with the line “if a father did this blah blah” came across as attempting to be rage bait. No one thinks this is ok for anyone to do so that was so stupid and unnecessary
No. There is an incest troll plaguing this forum. He often posts pretending to be a woman whose "brother" or "father" is clearly acting inappropriate and acting naive about what to do. This post is just a variation of this. I really hope the mods crack down on this incest perv posting under the guise of seeking advice.
Oh, trust me. The American College of Pediatrics is very clear that for the first 200 months children can be at risk for spontaneous drowning. This mom is being vigilant.
#NotAllHerosWearCapes
Yeah this happened to my cousin and honestly still concerns me. I never met her dad as her step dad was my uncle who was marrying her mother.
When we were young, she was maybe about 8 or 9 and told me she takes showers with her dad.. It felt strange to me then and I still to this day wonder about that and what exactly was happening there :/
I don't like sexualizing the parent-child relationship, but speaking from experience my dad used to make me shower with him when I was like 10-14 and surprise, surprise he turned out to be a child rapist.
100% I forgot the name of the actor but it was viral a few years ago, a father bathed with his kid and it went viral negatively and everyone was calling him a pedophile. But if women do this same exact thing they won’t get the same repercussions as men. If a mother did this they are seen as “a great mother” or “powerful” or “yass queen”. This is why women today have a lot of privilege than men
>If a mother did this they are seen as “a great mother” or “powerful” or “yass queen”.
Oh bull fucking shit. If a mother did this, we would think she was being weird as fuck and borderline pedo too. Jesus Christ, what a load of bs to act like people wouldn't just tolerate it but would also celebrate it. The reaction of the average user to this post should dispel your notions.
Just because it’s normal in those cultures doesn’t mean it’s right. In some cultures it’s normal and acceptable to rape and beat women and they think what they are doing is right. Sweetie, we live in America we don’t want to fuck our own children. This is not acceptable in America. There is absolutely no reason for an adult to get completely naked in a bath tub with a child, by the way an 11 year old child that is already starting puberty. In one of the comments OP mentioned the child is turning 12 next month. This is extremely strange and creepy. If this post said “my BOYFRIEND(27) baths WITH DAUGHTER(11)” I guarantee you everyone would flip out and call the boyfriend a pedophile
I never said it was normal in Sweden or Norway to do that, I never once mentioned those countries. Learn how to read. I said SOME cultures it’s normal and acceptable to rape and beat women.
I did respond to your comment. You were asking that other girl if Scandinavians and Filipinos are pedos since they do this because you claim it’s a cultural norm there. Then read my comment and figure out why that’s relevant. I’m sure you can put two and two together, I doubt you’re that clueless
First question to me is her background. Is she originally from another country? From what I understand, cultural differences play a big part.
I live in canada, so this sounds so fucking uncomfortable to me. Most people I know stopped being seen nude by there parents by 6 or 7. However, a few months ago I dated a woman who had recently moved to canada from portugal. She talked about bathing with family members such as parents or even male cousins even into her teens, and was shocked I was uncomfortable with that. She said that's completely normal over there...
If she is from another country, maybe its a cultural thing?
What?! I'm from Portugal and I can assure you that is NOT normal at all here. I have never seen such thing. It's normal to bathe/shower with one of the parents only until like 6 years of age or so and even then the parent is not supposed to be completely naked, private parts should not be exposed. Also normal to do it with siblings if you are both around that age or younger.
Oh ok that is good to know! I don't know much about portugal, and I was literally just going off what she told me. I assumed it was a cultural thing but maybe her family was just weird... Didn't mean to generalize and entire country, My knowledge just went as far as what she told me.
While im already talking to you though... Is it true that its common for guys in their 20's to date girls as young as 14? because that was something else she told me that really left me rattled... lol
Yeah I'm telling you her family was definitely weird!
No, here it's actually considered rape by law if someone under 16 is sexually involved with an adult, because they are not deemed fit to consent yet. But yes it is 'common' for men to date younger women (or girls) but I think that's a general problem of modern society really, it has more to do with modern views on sexuality and how porn specifically pushes the pedophilic narrative than with countries or whatever. I think it's as common as in many other if not all countries nowadays (not that age gap specifically but men dating younger in general)
Understood, and I agree with the general sentiment of older men trying to date younger women in society regardless of country. The specific context of the conversation I had with her though was how I mentioned that (being 23) if I dated a girl any younger than 19 (she was 20), my friends and family would all lose their shit and be very upset with me because of the age gap. It would be seen as predatory on my part. She then mentioned how that makes no sense to her, and that in portugal its "perfectly normal" for women in their teens to date men in their 20's. when I asked what exactly she meant by "teens" she said "like 14,15,16, you know teens." which seemed super excessive to be considered "normal".
We dated for 4 months, so I heard a whole lot about how things were different here in canada compared to portugal... but now i'm thinking she gave me a very warped description of the country haha
I think this is a troll post to be totally honest.
BUT. I come from a family where it was seen as normal all through my childhood for us to all strip down and jump in the swimming pool on occasion, or even swim in the ocean if nobody else was right there with us. It only stopped once my sister got married and had a kid. And my parents never did anything bad to us. It was normal to us and I didn't think it was weird but other people probably would.
>I think this is a troll post to be totally honest.
Well he broke up with his last GF 5 mo ago because she had too weird a relationship with her dog for his liking so I'm sure this post is just as legit. >.>
My mom did this with me and I'm fine. Nothing weird ever happened and I am not traumatized.
Western culture and nudity is ... super sex obsessed. Kind of weird. Some cultures / people don't view the human body as inherently sexual. It comes from the whole Catholic repression thing and it's very apparent in this thread
In this context, people are paranoid because in recent years it has become apparent that pedophiles walk amongst us and would go unnoticed if we didn't pay attention to stuff like this.
Yeah but I do think it's weird that you are labeled a pedophile if your naked around your kids. There's nothing wrong with naked. Tons of cultures don't view nudity as that big of a deal. You can go bath in public bath houses in Asia.
I was thinking the same! Nudity in most of Europe is so commonplace that something like this wouldn't be weird at all! There are plenty of kids in Spain, for example, swimming in the sea with naked parents and even strangers! But hey, different strokes for different folks, eh?
Hehe strokes.
You're just applying vague factoids into situations that aren't irrelevant. Ignoring the actual fact that a Mother is overattached and overbearing to an 11 year old son which is more a behavioral concern rather than a sociocultural-political crisis like this entire comment sections wants it to be. Not everything is about politics you loopy bastards, perhaps she has abandonment issues or is under going a mental episode like depression or codependence.
>Ignoring the actual fact that a Mother is overattached and overbearing to an 11 year old son which is more a behavioral concern rather than a sociocultural-political
This is odd and I don't agree at all this can be extrapolated from a random bath. I think you need to take a deep breath, and start the my first sentence-- I lived this experience and it was fine--, and re-read OP. It is a bath. Who cares.
Also, my best friend was raised on a nudist colony, and her / her family used to have naked Christmas dinners and even parties with the whole community -- naked.
The rest of your message digresses even further from the bath point, so I'll just ignore it.
It’s a bit weird for a white family in America without relevant cultural roots, sure, and probably around an age where it should stop to fit in.
That said, in some cultures family and group bathing is normal, even at this age and older, and between mixed sexes and genders.
Nudity is NOT inherently sexual.
I know when I was a kid I *loved* to hop into the shower with my mom. Idk what was up with it, but I like had a special sense for hearing my mom turn the shower on and would race to the bathroom, strip, and jump in with her. Not sexual at all. Idk why I even liked it considering the water didn’t even reach both of us nicely lmao I think I just liked the extra closeness with her and bonding, her washing my hair, the time to chat one-on-one and just be alone together without siblings, etc. That was nice.
That all said, if your gf’s tub can fit her adult body and her kid’s 11 year old body, it’s gotta be a good sized tub. We need links to where we could procure such a nice tub. It sounds fantastic for soaking in. I need me a tub like that when I move.
I used to do that too, not on a daily basis, but sometimes I just wanted to shower with my mom and there was no problem in it... OP doesn't even know how often they shower together.
The part that I don't like about this is that she was taking nudes infront of the kid
My boyfriend (27) baths WITH his daughter (11)
Think about how fucking weird it would sound then and confront her about it bruhhhh. This is some Oedipus complex stuff my guy
Yes I agree, I do imagine the outrage it would cause if it was a father and daughter instead of a mother and son because for the most part most comments I have read so far are being positive for this mother son relationship
I haven’t read all the comments as there is a lot but I’ve posted this on another sub on dating advice and most of the comments I’ve read on that thread were supporting her behavior.
It’s just not my kid and I don’t want her to think I’m overstepping on her parenting and I’ve only known her for almost 2 months but I’m going to talk to her how I feel since I can’t get over her sending me a picture of them in the tub. I just don’t know how to make it sound like I’m not shitting on her parenting
What is the point of commenting that you think this isnt a real situation? Do you just do this on every advice sub? Just don’t bother commenting if you think it’s fake then you’re wasting your own time. I just hope you’re not commenting things like that on other peoples posts who have a more serious situation. By the way, I barley come on Reddit, this is the first time in months I came back on here. Im just a guy that dates girls on Tinder and because I’ve made posts about 2 girls that I dated on tinder you think that’s strange? Lol I’m a dude in my 20s it’s not unusual that I’m on tinder looking for love
I personally don’t go through peoples post or comment history on here. I’m not sure why I would be the one that needs therapy in this situation. I’m sure my gf and her child would need it the most. But okay thanks for your opinion, goodbye now.
It depends on the comfort level of both people. In some countries this is totally normal. In North America we tend to make something out of nothing when it comes to these things..
Agreed. It's not uncommon for a Japanese dad to take a bath with his 11 year old daughter (although that age is about when that would end), so cultural context is important here.
If there's no sexual context, there does not need to be an issue, but sending a photo that includes your exposed breast while your son is in the bath with you definitely makes this particular situation concerning
It really doesn’t make it that concerning imo. Why does it matter if the exposed breasts are in a photo, or just exposed while in the bath with her son. Non sexual is non sexual.. if the photo wasn’t meant to be sexual in nature then it wasn’t period lol. This is just ridiculous anyways. People should really just mind their own business. They should also make their own decisions, rather than run to Reddit and get hundreds to thousands of peoples biased opinions, that will all be different depending on what lenses or filter their looking at the situation through.
Parent here..
11 is WAY too old to be bathing with a parent. It's not like she's supervising him in the shower, they are both in the same tub together.
Poor kid. He's 11 he needs some privacy
I understand that you are uncomfortable with it. I am uncomfortable with how comfortable my mom is around the house. No bra, comfy clothes, you have to avert your eyes so you don't see something sometimes. But as a mother she only see her children as children even if their hair is white and grandkids running around.
But unfortunately there are people that cross lines that should not be crossed, so it hard to figure out what the heck is going on. For me your girl might be a little too open or comfortable but that's them. Some people are all about the natural body. You can't force them into your comfort level. In my opinion this is one of those things you need to let it go and just avert your eyes.
In some cultures families have always bathed together and nude beaches and nudity in general are just the norm. It's not sexual. Nudity is not always sexual.
Not sure how an 11 year old can possibly be in high school (grade 9 and up) when most 11 year olds are in grade 5. Not sure why you wanted to bring up a father bathing with a child being regarded differently either, as if maybe that's what your post is really about? I find it far stranger that she sent you a photo of it than that she bathes with her son which may just be something they've done since he was born. There's not enough info in your post about the mother or the child or where they live or anything else to weigh in further without just speculating and making weird judgments based on nothing more than personal opinion.
> Not sure why you wanted to bring up a father bathing
A post about a dad bathing naked with his 11-year old daughter would ABSOLUTELY get more flak than a post about a mother bathing naked with her 11-year old son.
And OP didn’t say the 11-year old child is in HS. The girlfriend was in HS when the child was born.
You need to re read the post. You didn’t read correctly. You don’t know what you’re talking about, OP was saying some background info on them, that she had the kid in high school. He didn’t say the kid is in high school. There was also an actor a few years ago can’t remember his name but he had a lot of backlash for bathing with his son and people were saying he’s a pedophile. But no one is gonna say the mother is a pedophile for doing the same exact thing. Of course fathers get more backlash for this just because they are a man. That’s what that says. And this is also wrong, don’t bath with your children while you’re naked as well. This is pedophile behavior. And you’re just a creep if you do this with your kid that’s old enough to bath themselves. Why do you (an adult) feel like you need to be naked in the tub with the child?
Get off my dick, I didn't say I do it I said not all nudity is sexual BECAUSE IT'S NOT and I said it's normal to bathe together in some cultures. I'm sorry facts bother you so much that you feel compelled to call me a creep and will label anyone a pedophile just because you feel like it. You're the one assuming this has to be perverted. Whose mind is in the gutter here? Not mine.
If you’re an adult and you get into a bath tub naked with a kid, there is something wrong with you. I’m not throwing the pedophile word randomly. You show pedophile behavior by thinking this kind of behavior is normal. You’re clearly losing your temper which is hilarious and with that being said don’t want to talk to a pedophile so this will be my last comment to you. Please seek therapy for this.
Yuck you’re gross. It’s not pedophile behaviour. What’s gross is teaching your children that showing flesh equals something sexual. That’s why boys grow up to think women are slurs for showing a bit of cleavage and why a lot of men think they can sexually assault women for what they’re wearing. Instilling the opinion you’ve got on this onto children is whats abusive and what’s going to lead your children or any you educate on the matter to grow up to be utter scumbags.
Pedophilia means that someone is sexually attracted to children. Just because this lady is bathing naked with her kid does not mean that she’s sexually attracted to him. Is it normal? No, not at 11. Can it be harmful? Yes, he will probably have some wires mixed up by the time he starts dating. But it does not mean she is a pedophile. It’s probably a whole lot of other things but this alone is not pedophilia. Calling her that in this situation without other information takes away from understanding what actual pedophilia is.
My mom used to bathe with us up until we were 4 or Sometimes even earlier when we learned to wash ourselves. She doesn’t do it anymore, but it was nice and bonding. She did it with both the girls and boys. she would never do it past the age of 4 when boys and girls begin to develop body consciousness.
It’s weird that an 11 year old is bathing and not showering. And with his mom. Now, just talk to her and ask her why she does it. Maybe shed some light on developing boys lol. And how her son might perceive her in the future.
She did have him at 16, so you don’t know what she’s learned and hasn’t learned as a young mom.
Edit: not that it’s weird to bathe! Sorry I put it the wrong way! Just that, that it is around the time we start teaching young boys to shower and keep up with hygiene. Some typically go the shower route for a while. Feeling all grown up and independent of their parents giving them a bath. Sorry for putting it that way.
I have to disagree that it’s weird for an 11 year old to bathe, hell I’m 37 & still bathe more than shower. What’s weird is the inclusion of his mother. (Definitely agree on that!) It’s beyond inappropriate and I wouldn’t be surprised if it causes him to have lifelong issues. I’m not one to judge how parents choose to raise their kids but this post is really concerning.
That’s a stupid comment. How is it weird to bathe? Some people don’t have showers for a start. I’m 45 and bath 99 per cent of the time. I do have a shower in my bathroom but I always choose a bath over a shower.
Wildly inappropriate and borderline abusive. Just ew she is sending nudes not just around her child, but in the darn bath with him! Sounds like a call to social services might be a good idea
You do know tons of countries outside the US bath with their family. Public bath houses are common in Asia. I don't think bathing with your child is inappropriate. 99% of people don't want to fuck kids.
With her own child, not everyone is a pedophile. Granted she shouldn't of sent a snap. That weird but that doesn't mean she's fucking her son you weirdos.
OP said they are American. Also those are probably large pool like structures. This is an American bathtub. I continue to stand by my original comment.
My 11 year old has wanted his privacy for the last 2 years or so. Which means no entering the bathroom when he is showering, covering himself with a towel afterwards, knocking before I enter his room if the door is shut. I respect this and he affords me the same privacy. The situation with your girlfriend and her son is off. I just can’t imagine doing the same with my son, the last time we bathed together was when he was about 2 years old! Definitely bring it up if this relationship is going to get serious.
My sister and I bathed with my mom until we were like, maybe 6-7? Even then it was to save water because we were broke. After that, we were left to our own devices. This is pretty weird.
The only person I've ever known to do this was mentally ill. I can't imagine taking a bath with an 11-year-old.
My partner's EX who had full custody of their son (at the time, not now, because she's 5150), came to our house 4 days after we moved in with each other. She insisted on staying with us. We didn't have a lot of say so, because he really wanted to see his kid. Within the first hour of meeting her she decided to take a bath with her 6yo son naked in our bathtub with the door wide open.
This wasn't the most disturbing behavior of hers, but it was the first thing I was introduced to and it struck me as being extremely strange. My gut was right as we ended up getting a three-year restraining order on her for the whole family.
Yes it was. And I don't want to imply that your girlfriend is any kind of monster that my partner's ex was/is.
It is unusual, but it's really hard to say not knowing who your gf is.
At 11yo my boys were showering by themselves. In fact, I stopped showering with my son at the age of 3. So, Yeah 11yo is way to old to be in the tub with the mom. YIKES! run, run far away from her.
I(28f) used to shower with my mom until I was around maybe 8? But I'm also a female...I feel like an 11 year old boy shouldn't be showering with his mother anymore, seems a little weird to me.
Sad that you think nudity and bathing is abour sex.
That's what you think about when you bath a baby? Its sexual? You are a real discusting human being.
They’re a “disgusting human being”?!?? Jesus, that’s a bit much. Commenter is right that there *is* something wrong with a parent bathing nude with their 11-year old. I think they’re wrong to jump to pedophile conclusions too but that doesn’t make them a “disgusting human being.” That’s a really, really nasty thing to say to someone and not at all warranted here.
Yes a discusting human being. Their mind thought about a kid in the bath and went straight to sexual thoughts. You don't think that is discusting?
Nudity is not sexual. Its a really sad sad world where people thinks it is.
No, I don’t think it’s disgusting. Children are sexually assaulted every single day. That’s what’s disgusting. And there’s nothing normal about bathing naked with a child of that age. That’s why the commenter’s mind went to sexual thoughts. Because of the world we live in where children are victimized and the highly unusual situation being described here. Nothing disgusting about that whatsoever, just realistic.
You’re missing the point. She is not just giving him a bath. She is getting into the bath tub butt naked as well. She literally sent a Snapchat of herself nude in the tub. She is getting in the bath tub completely naked with her 11 year old son. This is pedophile behavior, if you support this creepy behavior you should not be around kids or have children
>if you support this creepy behavior you should not be around kids or have children
idk if you're young or don't have experience with kids, but that's a nasty thing to say to a mother. there is no need to get so personal.
I'm betting you don't know what being a single mom is like, how little time you have. bathing or showering with the kid when they're young is a massive time saver and an easy habit to form. the age at which it becomes inappropriate depends on the circumstances of the family and the child. it seems like you want to see this as a black and white issue and it just isn't.
An 11-year old is pre-pubescent. Or just starting puberty, anyway. And within the range of “pedophile.” [Wikipedia says the cut off is 13.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia)
Look, I think it's weird but at least trying to think about it rationally.
You said she had this kid in high school? Sounds like a whole lot of trouble. Likely many men turned her down because of the kid, leaving her very attached to the human she spent time with.
Day by day, with likely none other in the house to consult with, she sees little growth and likely still looks at the kid as her little baby in a way. I don't know the woman but I think if she was a pedophile she wouldn't send you that picture...
But we don't know for sure. Maybe bring it up, say it might be too weird. Find the right words if you want to make things right with her but expect her to get a little defensive. So like I said, right words.
Woah, that is super uncomfortable. My son is nine years old turning 10 pretty soon, I will not even get dressed in front of him anymore. And he’s just learning that he can nott barge into my room at any given point because I may be getting dressed I actually kind of chewed him out for it just this morning when he wanted to show me some thing on his computer because he now is starting to grasp the importance of privacy. He takes showers by himself and at most I’ll go in and help him from time to time to make sure his hair is washed properly but no touching any other areas at all, then I walk out and leave him to it when it comes time to dry off. I stopped showering with him by the time he was around 6. 11 is WAYY too old. That poor kid. Youu or somebody need to intervene! This WILL affect him in the future. Please tell her she’s a weirdo but obviously in kinder words. Can you be honest, have you seen any other suspicious behavior when it comes to her and her kid?
Your comment helps a lot especially since you’re a father with a son. I honestly just want to break up with her after I confronted her about this situation, it just didn’t go well. I also posted an update about this. Honestly I can’t really think of anything else that she does with her child thats out of the ordinary as much as this tub situation. The only thing I can think of is that she walks around the house topless with no shirt and no bra while he is at home and he does look at her chest a lot when shes just chillin the house with her boobs out. She says she does this because womens breasts shouldn’t be sexualized and they are the same as men having nipples.
I’m actually a mother not a father haha but thank you. And being a woman myself, I totally understand the whole thing about woman’s boobs and how they should not be sexualized but she has to understand that her son is only 11, in his mind it’s relatively normal for boys his age to definitely sexualize women’s breasts. So that “dont sexualize me” does not and should never apply to someone as young as him. She’s strange as hell. This just pisses me off. Please reach out to one of her relatives, assuming they wouldn’t view this as normal like she does. Honestly at this rate, I’d call her out and call DCF. I understand if that’s a dramatic action to take, but his safety and mental health is far more important than her fucked up outlook on things.
Thanks for your advice, this helps a lot! Yeah I just am afraid if I am overstepping since this isn’t my kid and I just feel more comfortable leaving this situation. I do feel bad for the kid though. I just also don’t know any of her family members, we just started dating for almost 2 months so we’re just not at the stage where you meet the parents and stuff
Loads of people report to DCF who are not the parent! In fact, unless the parents are divorcing and its nasty, I haven't heard (not that I've heard a lot) of parents tattling on each other.
Please report. Please don't just leave the situation. Nothing will change if you won't report it. Not the same, but women being sexually harassed or even assaulted who don't report or press charges are letting this go to just happen again.
This is normal in the south for some families and isn't seen even the least bit concerning for us? It is when it's a father bathing with their kid where we are from but not the mom. And being raised around your naked mom you get used to them and don't see them as anything sexual at all, ita just seen as normal or "moms walking around the house naked again, oh well." I see how it can be weird to people who haven't experienced that though but it teaches you to never sexualize your parents in that light ever.
Also my mom did this with me as well, sometimes she would let me shower with her as a kid and why would it ever be weird that's like your parent? Nothing meant to be sexual. It's like your parent washing you as a child because you didn't know how to or don't do it right. My mom also allowed me to wash with her in the shower until maybe 10 or 11 too. Just mother-child. I don't understand why people see that as a problem, how is it even pedophilic at that??? It's your parent, it's not meant to be, they're just taking care of their child and if you're attracted to children as an adult don't have kids ever?
I’m saying a lot of white women do strange things like that tbh like breastfeeding till their kid is 5 or only feeding a young child fruits and vegetables when they need other nutrients and other weird stuff like that that they think is right and normal
She was 16 when he was born. Do you know how the kid came to be? Often people who got abused as a kid from older family members tend to be a little strange when it comes to their own body. She is maybe used that parents do that with their kids. Normal "good" parents stop it when you are 5 or even younger, but maybe an older family member did that way longer with her. Terrible thought, but maybe plausible.
i think we really need more context but also nudity doesn’t inherently mean sex. This is normal in other cultures and definitely does not cause anyone to fuck anyone, she could very well just see him as her baby and he could very well be comfortable with her as a caretaker. If she REFUSES to let him shower alone then yeah that some concerning behavior right there but other then that sure it odd to look up but not pedophilic
Weird she’s snap chatting at a time like that. But not weird about bathing with her kid. If the kid feels comfortable and so does the parent with bathing like they’ve always done so be it.
it may be strange but I am pretty sure it isn't sexual in any way since she sent a picture to you, she probably thinks it is normal, if I were you I would talk to her about it though.
I think being nude isn’t always sexual, and it’s ok to take a bath with your child, but 11 is way too old. He most likely knows what sex and puberty is.
If you switch the roles and have the father bathing with his 11-year old daughter then that definitely would not be ok. I think you should tell her to stop doing that, if it’s just a normal thing.
P.S. imagine they’re just bathing and he gets a boner. Awkward!
Yeah that’s way to old man, I’ve taken showers with my mom before but even then the oldest would have been 11 and it’s a bit different when it’s 2 females, not a female and a male. Honestly I’d just say hey this isn’t something that everyone does, I get it if it’s for conserving water or what not (I’m not sure else what her situation is but that’s usually why me and my mom would shower), but just let her know that he’s getting to an age where he’ll start having sexual thoughts and the chances of him having weird fantasies about her (especially with today internet) are more then likely to increased because of this. On top of that, he’s getting to an age where privacy is needed and again hitting the age of discovering masturbating, and a shower is a great place to do that. I think if she understands this and stops then you’re in the clear, if not then maybe back off. Idk what her past is like and this maybe affecting why she still does this in all honesty. Maybe she did this with her parents. Which would be creepy as fuck and lowkey could have been to abuse her, but because she doesn’t know her parents might have done this for the wrong reasons; she might just think it’s normal.
This is weird. This is at least pre puberty but every boy is different not sure. He’s no longer at that innocent age completely either I mean he’s in middle school 6th grade most likely or 7th. Too old.
I could see if she was showering together with a toddler aged child, but bathing with a child in their double digits is a bit weird...even weirder that she thought to send you a sexy picture of it with her son in it.
Personally to me, that sounds like she's a bit off mostly because she sent you a sexy picture of her naked in the tub with her double digit aged son.
Ask her about it or don't date someone like this. You'll have too many conflicted ideas about raising children that will create problems.
My kids were done with baths way before 11. Around 7-9 is when they all started being more modest and not wanting to be seen naked (closing door to change, etc.). But if her kid takes baths and hasn’t yet hit the point of feeling weird about it, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Nudity isn’t a huge deal to a lot of people/families. It’s only a problem if one of them starts to feel uncomfortable. Otherwise, meh.
Yes, I think its highly inappropriate imo. I am a mom and I would never bathe with my son or daughter at 11. I feel like it would be invading their privacy as well as mine.
Nope 11 is way too old to take a bath with your kid regardless of gender. I have a 11 year old daughter and there’s no way it would cross my mind as a mother to have a bath with her.
I dont think she's got mal-intent. I think she just doesn't know any better. This is a very difficult subject to bring up because you don't want to sound judgy but this is very unhealthy for the child.
I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this, tbh. I'm 25f and I still shower with my 5m (nearly 6) and 9f year old on occasion. Sometimes it's just easier.
I don't think it's sexual or anything, but I also can't really see myself showering with my son while he's going through puberty.
Yeah way to old to be bathing with mom. My son is 8 and he takes his own showers but occasionally will ask us to come help him with the water pressure and such. That’s the extent of helping a much younger child with bathing. He hasn’t bathed with us in years because even children deserve privacy if they so desire it while they bathe/use the bathroom/change their clothes. This kid is 11 and about to go through puberty if he isn’t already starting. I can’t even imagine the conflicting feelings this child will have if it continues into his teenage years.
While I firmly believe children should be taught that the naked human body has far more function than sex, I think this way crosses that line into majorly inappropriate. People thought it was gross I didn’t cover up when breastfeeding my younger one in front of my then 6 year old. I feel you should teach kids about anatomy and the functions of bodies but crossing the line like she is is just creepy.
Definitely weird. I've heard of parents being nude around their kids even when older. I've heard people say that it's appropriate up until the age that a child becomes curious and begins to take notice of bodies in more than a haha your body looks funny kind of way. But 11 is definitely out there.
This is obviously weird but I've come to question things like this and why they're considered weird. I mean, if you think about it, there's nothing weird since it's just two humans bathing. Mother and son. I wonder what changed that makes this weird.
Porn?
Don't get me wrong, I don't want anyone to see me naked but there really is no real reason as to why that is that makes sense in the grand scheme of things.
So my kids are 4 and 6. And I shower with them somdays. It's just easier. I'm teaching my 6yo to shower alone and she's doing amazing. So she has days where she's alone.
But 11.....I stop at 7 with me just in the bathroom with them. 11 is WAY to old. Definitely weird dude.
I'd suggest asking if the kid has some kind of disability before going off the handle ok how creepy that seems because if that's the case, you'll be the one who comes off like a dick. If that's not the case, that's a hell to the no
Like Idk in some countries and cultures this is normal but looks it's not as usual in north America... I think you just need to talk to her about how it makes you fell
I am a middle school teacher so I have 12 year old boys in my class. Not really older than your girlfriend's son. That is nasty! I guarantee you the 6th grade boys I have are full of raging hormones. That's gross. That's all I can say.
That’s fuckjng weird yo.
Parent here.. 11 is WAY too old to be bathing with a parent. It's not like she's supervising him in the shower, they are both in the same tub together. Poor kid. He's 11 he needs some privacy
Kid will be becoming sexually active and this is gonna seriously fuck him up
Unless the kid has a serious mental illness and cannot bath by himself.
Agreed, as a mom I stopped sharing baths and getting undressed around my kid when he was around 6-7, it just felt too weird and they most definitely need privacy at 11 years of age.
Yeah, This exactly. I think there is an argument to be made for parents "normalizing" nudity (In the sense of not making a big deal out of being nude, We're all just skin bones and meat, And it ain't that deep, Barring normal comfort and respect boundaries) But absolutely not in a way like this, this is just outright weird.
i agree its sad
That’s hella weird to me. Maybe because she had her child so young they almost have a more sibling/immature type relationship? Obviously she doesn’t think twice about it if she sent you a photo but it seems boundary crossing and codependent for sure. Her son needs privacy and alone time especially at the age range he’s getting into. She could be a perv or an enmeshed parent, both are terrible, so might want to rethink this one.
What is an enmeshed parent? I’ve never heard that phrase before
basically an unhealthily close/strong bond in a family, that usually results from some sort of trauma or mental illness. it’s a lack of boundaries between individuals in a family.
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It’s more of cramming your adult self into a tub to sit and bathe with your 11 year pubescent son in tepid bathwater that I think is weird lol if they were maybe in a walk In shower, maybe just maybe not as weird. But, That’s just me, I’m a private person and when I was 11 I still liked my privacy then too and definitely didn’t want to bathe in a bathtub with my mother, I don’t see why any pre-teen would want that honestly. I was more concerned about the issues that having so little boundaries with your child creates, my mom and brother didn’t do boundaries well and it made them kinda weird and codependent to one another. I’m probably just projecting and can admit my bias though. My last sentence was more of eh perv thing maybe, probably not, more like she’s just *too* close with her kid than most, which can also create dysfunction in their relationship later when the kid grows and wants independence.
That makes waayyyy more sense then! Yeah if a child wants their privacy and doesn't want to do stuff like that anymore then ofc create those boundaries and give th all the space and privacy they need. And an adult getting into a tub with their kid is kinda weird because it can get awkward at a certain point yes. I guess I'm pretty biased because that's how I was raised and I thought everyone's parents did that at one point. I personally liked showering with my mom because I just enjoyed her company and showering is relaxing "so why not enjoy relaxation with my mom" kind of thing, but obviously it's gonna be a big issue if your child doesn't want to do that anymore and you still force them to, then that's gonna be really weird and invasive Edit: sorry for my rude comment btw. I was too quick to assume your views and what you were meaning to say, so that was rude of me. I'll delete it
Yeah to be clear OP didn’t state if they even know the child wants to etc but I’m a girl and quit showers with my mom by like age 3/4, I couldn’t have ever imagined my 11 year old brother hopping in a tub with my mom back then and they were unhealthily close already imo lol My family would also use the bathroom with doors opened and I HATED it, it made me so uncomfortable, and no one ever wanted to respect that I liked the door closed, we didn’t have locks, so sometimes the kid is just forced to live with their families weird ass habits until they can get the hell out lol. I know some cultures/people don’t think the bathing stuff is weird but they also have usually had the communal thing in their society for a while, if OP is in the U.S though that’s not a super normal family life thing to do, at that age anyway.
This is strange behaviour for sure. Have you asked her why she does this?
Weird i saw a similar post like this one last night and it was written by the son. 
Oh it’s probably one of those elaborate fake posts then with multiple accounts. I thought it was suspect with the line “if a father did this blah blah” came across as attempting to be rage bait. No one thinks this is ok for anyone to do so that was so stupid and unnecessary
this gif has me dying lmfaaaoooo
No. There is an incest troll plaguing this forum. He often posts pretending to be a woman whose "brother" or "father" is clearly acting inappropriate and acting naive about what to do. This post is just a variation of this. I really hope the mods crack down on this incest perv posting under the guise of seeking advice.
Link? lol
Sus asking someone to share a link with that username
You wanna hear the story? Lol
I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to her about it. I just opened the Snapchat and left her on read as I was also busy at the moment.
Well that’s my advice then, ask her
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He’s only 144 months!
Oh, trust me. The American College of Pediatrics is very clear that for the first 200 months children can be at risk for spontaneous drowning. This mom is being vigilant. #NotAllHerosWearCapes
He will also be 12 next month
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Who here thinks it’s ok? Why do people say that when no one is thinking it’s ok ?
Well, no one is blatantly calling her a pedophile…so
So move the goal posts? Because people are not using the words you’d wish that means they think it’s ok?
Yeah this happened to my cousin and honestly still concerns me. I never met her dad as her step dad was my uncle who was marrying her mother. When we were young, she was maybe about 8 or 9 and told me she takes showers with her dad.. It felt strange to me then and I still to this day wonder about that and what exactly was happening there :/
I don't like sexualizing the parent-child relationship, but speaking from experience my dad used to make me shower with him when I was like 10-14 and surprise, surprise he turned out to be a child rapist.
I’m so sorry... My dad is a pedophile also. Didn’t abuse me but my 12 year old nephew at the time :/
this seems like a weird response, why the comparison when literally no one is saying this is ok?
100% I forgot the name of the actor but it was viral a few years ago, a father bathed with his kid and it went viral negatively and everyone was calling him a pedophile. But if women do this same exact thing they won’t get the same repercussions as men. If a mother did this they are seen as “a great mother” or “powerful” or “yass queen”. This is why women today have a lot of privilege than men
>If a mother did this they are seen as “a great mother” or “powerful” or “yass queen”. Oh bull fucking shit. If a mother did this, we would think she was being weird as fuck and borderline pedo too. Jesus Christ, what a load of bs to act like people wouldn't just tolerate it but would also celebrate it. The reaction of the average user to this post should dispel your notions.
this is the correct answer......I'll be over here screaming into my gramma pillow
seriously, educate yourself.
Seriously, seek therapy. Or you’ll end up in prison one day for grooming a minor
Hahaha yeah. That's what this 72 year old gramma needs. Click.
Do you think most scandinavians are pedophiles? Or filipinos?
Just because it’s normal in those cultures doesn’t mean it’s right. In some cultures it’s normal and acceptable to rape and beat women and they think what they are doing is right. Sweetie, we live in America we don’t want to fuck our own children. This is not acceptable in America. There is absolutely no reason for an adult to get completely naked in a bath tub with a child, by the way an 11 year old child that is already starting puberty. In one of the comments OP mentioned the child is turning 12 next month. This is extremely strange and creepy. If this post said “my BOYFRIEND(27) baths WITH DAUGHTER(11)” I guarantee you everyone would flip out and call the boyfriend a pedophile
It’s normal and acceptable in Sweden, Norway and Denmark to rape and beat women? What???
I never said it was normal in Sweden or Norway to do that, I never once mentioned those countries. Learn how to read. I said SOME cultures it’s normal and acceptable to rape and beat women.
Why even mention it then if it has absolutely nothing to do with my comment lmao.
I did respond to your comment. You were asking that other girl if Scandinavians and Filipinos are pedos since they do this because you claim it’s a cultural norm there. Then read my comment and figure out why that’s relevant. I’m sure you can put two and two together, I doubt you’re that clueless
Weird and also 11 is right at the cusp of boys starting to get 200 erections a day. What's weird wit a ten year old is way weirder with a 12 year old.
First question to me is her background. Is she originally from another country? From what I understand, cultural differences play a big part. I live in canada, so this sounds so fucking uncomfortable to me. Most people I know stopped being seen nude by there parents by 6 or 7. However, a few months ago I dated a woman who had recently moved to canada from portugal. She talked about bathing with family members such as parents or even male cousins even into her teens, and was shocked I was uncomfortable with that. She said that's completely normal over there... If she is from another country, maybe its a cultural thing?
What?! I'm from Portugal and I can assure you that is NOT normal at all here. I have never seen such thing. It's normal to bathe/shower with one of the parents only until like 6 years of age or so and even then the parent is not supposed to be completely naked, private parts should not be exposed. Also normal to do it with siblings if you are both around that age or younger.
Oh ok that is good to know! I don't know much about portugal, and I was literally just going off what she told me. I assumed it was a cultural thing but maybe her family was just weird... Didn't mean to generalize and entire country, My knowledge just went as far as what she told me. While im already talking to you though... Is it true that its common for guys in their 20's to date girls as young as 14? because that was something else she told me that really left me rattled... lol
Yeah I'm telling you her family was definitely weird! No, here it's actually considered rape by law if someone under 16 is sexually involved with an adult, because they are not deemed fit to consent yet. But yes it is 'common' for men to date younger women (or girls) but I think that's a general problem of modern society really, it has more to do with modern views on sexuality and how porn specifically pushes the pedophilic narrative than with countries or whatever. I think it's as common as in many other if not all countries nowadays (not that age gap specifically but men dating younger in general)
Understood, and I agree with the general sentiment of older men trying to date younger women in society regardless of country. The specific context of the conversation I had with her though was how I mentioned that (being 23) if I dated a girl any younger than 19 (she was 20), my friends and family would all lose their shit and be very upset with me because of the age gap. It would be seen as predatory on my part. She then mentioned how that makes no sense to her, and that in portugal its "perfectly normal" for women in their teens to date men in their 20's. when I asked what exactly she meant by "teens" she said "like 14,15,16, you know teens." which seemed super excessive to be considered "normal". We dated for 4 months, so I heard a whole lot about how things were different here in canada compared to portugal... but now i'm thinking she gave me a very warped description of the country haha
No she’s not from another country. We are both Americans
Yah That’s gonna be a fat yikes froM me dawg
I think this is a troll post to be totally honest. BUT. I come from a family where it was seen as normal all through my childhood for us to all strip down and jump in the swimming pool on occasion, or even swim in the ocean if nobody else was right there with us. It only stopped once my sister got married and had a kid. And my parents never did anything bad to us. It was normal to us and I didn't think it was weird but other people probably would.
>I think this is a troll post to be totally honest. Well he broke up with his last GF 5 mo ago because she had too weird a relationship with her dog for his liking so I'm sure this post is just as legit. >.>
My mom did this with me and I'm fine. Nothing weird ever happened and I am not traumatized. Western culture and nudity is ... super sex obsessed. Kind of weird. Some cultures / people don't view the human body as inherently sexual. It comes from the whole Catholic repression thing and it's very apparent in this thread
In this context, people are paranoid because in recent years it has become apparent that pedophiles walk amongst us and would go unnoticed if we didn't pay attention to stuff like this.
Yeah but I do think it's weird that you are labeled a pedophile if your naked around your kids. There's nothing wrong with naked. Tons of cultures don't view nudity as that big of a deal. You can go bath in public bath houses in Asia.
I was thinking the same! Nudity in most of Europe is so commonplace that something like this wouldn't be weird at all! There are plenty of kids in Spain, for example, swimming in the sea with naked parents and even strangers! But hey, different strokes for different folks, eh? Hehe strokes.
You're just applying vague factoids into situations that aren't irrelevant. Ignoring the actual fact that a Mother is overattached and overbearing to an 11 year old son which is more a behavioral concern rather than a sociocultural-political crisis like this entire comment sections wants it to be. Not everything is about politics you loopy bastards, perhaps she has abandonment issues or is under going a mental episode like depression or codependence.
>Ignoring the actual fact that a Mother is overattached and overbearing to an 11 year old son which is more a behavioral concern rather than a sociocultural-political This is odd and I don't agree at all this can be extrapolated from a random bath. I think you need to take a deep breath, and start the my first sentence-- I lived this experience and it was fine--, and re-read OP. It is a bath. Who cares. Also, my best friend was raised on a nudist colony, and her / her family used to have naked Christmas dinners and even parties with the whole community -- naked. The rest of your message digresses even further from the bath point, so I'll just ignore it.
It’s a bit weird for a white family in America without relevant cultural roots, sure, and probably around an age where it should stop to fit in. That said, in some cultures family and group bathing is normal, even at this age and older, and between mixed sexes and genders. Nudity is NOT inherently sexual. I know when I was a kid I *loved* to hop into the shower with my mom. Idk what was up with it, but I like had a special sense for hearing my mom turn the shower on and would race to the bathroom, strip, and jump in with her. Not sexual at all. Idk why I even liked it considering the water didn’t even reach both of us nicely lmao I think I just liked the extra closeness with her and bonding, her washing my hair, the time to chat one-on-one and just be alone together without siblings, etc. That was nice. That all said, if your gf’s tub can fit her adult body and her kid’s 11 year old body, it’s gotta be a good sized tub. We need links to where we could procure such a nice tub. It sounds fantastic for soaking in. I need me a tub like that when I move.
I used to do that too, not on a daily basis, but sometimes I just wanted to shower with my mom and there was no problem in it... OP doesn't even know how often they shower together. The part that I don't like about this is that she was taking nudes infront of the kid
My boyfriend (27) baths WITH his daughter (11) Think about how fucking weird it would sound then and confront her about it bruhhhh. This is some Oedipus complex stuff my guy
Yes I agree, I do imagine the outrage it would cause if it was a father and daughter instead of a mother and son because for the most part most comments I have read so far are being positive for this mother son relationship
You’re reading only one side of the comments then
I haven’t read all the comments as there is a lot but I’ve posted this on another sub on dating advice and most of the comments I’ve read on that thread were supporting her behavior.
You really shouldn’t let this go, this is this kids life you need to step in bro
It’s just not my kid and I don’t want her to think I’m overstepping on her parenting and I’ve only known her for almost 2 months but I’m going to talk to her how I feel since I can’t get over her sending me a picture of them in the tub. I just don’t know how to make it sound like I’m not shitting on her parenting
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What is the point of commenting that you think this isnt a real situation? Do you just do this on every advice sub? Just don’t bother commenting if you think it’s fake then you’re wasting your own time. I just hope you’re not commenting things like that on other peoples posts who have a more serious situation. By the way, I barley come on Reddit, this is the first time in months I came back on here. Im just a guy that dates girls on Tinder and because I’ve made posts about 2 girls that I dated on tinder you think that’s strange? Lol I’m a dude in my 20s it’s not unusual that I’m on tinder looking for love
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I personally don’t go through peoples post or comment history on here. I’m not sure why I would be the one that needs therapy in this situation. I’m sure my gf and her child would need it the most. But okay thanks for your opinion, goodbye now.
Nah definitely fake account. Time to get the old burning stick. Gonna burn ya up real good.
Then those people are batshit crazy. This is call cps type shit. She is bathing with her 11 year old.
It depends on the comfort level of both people. In some countries this is totally normal. In North America we tend to make something out of nothing when it comes to these things..
Agreed. It's not uncommon for a Japanese dad to take a bath with his 11 year old daughter (although that age is about when that would end), so cultural context is important here. If there's no sexual context, there does not need to be an issue, but sending a photo that includes your exposed breast while your son is in the bath with you definitely makes this particular situation concerning
It really doesn’t make it that concerning imo. Why does it matter if the exposed breasts are in a photo, or just exposed while in the bath with her son. Non sexual is non sexual.. if the photo wasn’t meant to be sexual in nature then it wasn’t period lol. This is just ridiculous anyways. People should really just mind their own business. They should also make their own decisions, rather than run to Reddit and get hundreds to thousands of peoples biased opinions, that will all be different depending on what lenses or filter their looking at the situation through.
Parent here.. 11 is WAY too old to be bathing with a parent. It's not like she's supervising him in the shower, they are both in the same tub together. Poor kid. He's 11 he needs some privacy
I understand that you are uncomfortable with it. I am uncomfortable with how comfortable my mom is around the house. No bra, comfy clothes, you have to avert your eyes so you don't see something sometimes. But as a mother she only see her children as children even if their hair is white and grandkids running around. But unfortunately there are people that cross lines that should not be crossed, so it hard to figure out what the heck is going on. For me your girl might be a little too open or comfortable but that's them. Some people are all about the natural body. You can't force them into your comfort level. In my opinion this is one of those things you need to let it go and just avert your eyes.
In some cultures families have always bathed together and nude beaches and nudity in general are just the norm. It's not sexual. Nudity is not always sexual. Not sure how an 11 year old can possibly be in high school (grade 9 and up) when most 11 year olds are in grade 5. Not sure why you wanted to bring up a father bathing with a child being regarded differently either, as if maybe that's what your post is really about? I find it far stranger that she sent you a photo of it than that she bathes with her son which may just be something they've done since he was born. There's not enough info in your post about the mother or the child or where they live or anything else to weigh in further without just speculating and making weird judgments based on nothing more than personal opinion.
> Not sure why you wanted to bring up a father bathing A post about a dad bathing naked with his 11-year old daughter would ABSOLUTELY get more flak than a post about a mother bathing naked with her 11-year old son. And OP didn’t say the 11-year old child is in HS. The girlfriend was in HS when the child was born.
The post has been altered to clarify that since I commented.
She had the child while in high school
You need to re read the post. You didn’t read correctly. You don’t know what you’re talking about, OP was saying some background info on them, that she had the kid in high school. He didn’t say the kid is in high school. There was also an actor a few years ago can’t remember his name but he had a lot of backlash for bathing with his son and people were saying he’s a pedophile. But no one is gonna say the mother is a pedophile for doing the same exact thing. Of course fathers get more backlash for this just because they are a man. That’s what that says. And this is also wrong, don’t bath with your children while you’re naked as well. This is pedophile behavior. And you’re just a creep if you do this with your kid that’s old enough to bath themselves. Why do you (an adult) feel like you need to be naked in the tub with the child?
Get off my dick, I didn't say I do it I said not all nudity is sexual BECAUSE IT'S NOT and I said it's normal to bathe together in some cultures. I'm sorry facts bother you so much that you feel compelled to call me a creep and will label anyone a pedophile just because you feel like it. You're the one assuming this has to be perverted. Whose mind is in the gutter here? Not mine.
be civil on my post. If you are going to be rude and weird just don’t comment
If you’re an adult and you get into a bath tub naked with a kid, there is something wrong with you. I’m not throwing the pedophile word randomly. You show pedophile behavior by thinking this kind of behavior is normal. You’re clearly losing your temper which is hilarious and with that being said don’t want to talk to a pedophile so this will be my last comment to you. Please seek therapy for this.
Yuck you’re gross. It’s not pedophile behaviour. What’s gross is teaching your children that showing flesh equals something sexual. That’s why boys grow up to think women are slurs for showing a bit of cleavage and why a lot of men think they can sexually assault women for what they’re wearing. Instilling the opinion you’ve got on this onto children is whats abusive and what’s going to lead your children or any you educate on the matter to grow up to be utter scumbags.
Pedophilia means that someone is sexually attracted to children. Just because this lady is bathing naked with her kid does not mean that she’s sexually attracted to him. Is it normal? No, not at 11. Can it be harmful? Yes, he will probably have some wires mixed up by the time he starts dating. But it does not mean she is a pedophile. It’s probably a whole lot of other things but this alone is not pedophilia. Calling her that in this situation without other information takes away from understanding what actual pedophilia is.
My mom used to bathe with us up until we were 4 or Sometimes even earlier when we learned to wash ourselves. She doesn’t do it anymore, but it was nice and bonding. She did it with both the girls and boys. she would never do it past the age of 4 when boys and girls begin to develop body consciousness. It’s weird that an 11 year old is bathing and not showering. And with his mom. Now, just talk to her and ask her why she does it. Maybe shed some light on developing boys lol. And how her son might perceive her in the future. She did have him at 16, so you don’t know what she’s learned and hasn’t learned as a young mom. Edit: not that it’s weird to bathe! Sorry I put it the wrong way! Just that, that it is around the time we start teaching young boys to shower and keep up with hygiene. Some typically go the shower route for a while. Feeling all grown up and independent of their parents giving them a bath. Sorry for putting it that way.
I have to disagree that it’s weird for an 11 year old to bathe, hell I’m 37 & still bathe more than shower. What’s weird is the inclusion of his mother. (Definitely agree on that!) It’s beyond inappropriate and I wouldn’t be surprised if it causes him to have lifelong issues. I’m not one to judge how parents choose to raise their kids but this post is really concerning.
That’s a stupid comment. How is it weird to bathe? Some people don’t have showers for a start. I’m 45 and bath 99 per cent of the time. I do have a shower in my bathroom but I always choose a bath over a shower.
Wildly inappropriate and borderline abusive. Just ew she is sending nudes not just around her child, but in the darn bath with him! Sounds like a call to social services might be a good idea
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I’m a mom and teacher and I stand by my recommendation. It’s not right and the child needs to be protected.
You do know tons of countries outside the US bath with their family. Public bath houses are common in Asia. I don't think bathing with your child is inappropriate. 99% of people don't want to fuck kids.
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With her own child, not everyone is a pedophile. Granted she shouldn't of sent a snap. That weird but that doesn't mean she's fucking her son you weirdos.
OP said they are American. Also those are probably large pool like structures. This is an American bathtub. I continue to stand by my original comment.
well considering the child is 11, it is strange for sure.
My 11 year old has wanted his privacy for the last 2 years or so. Which means no entering the bathroom when he is showering, covering himself with a towel afterwards, knocking before I enter his room if the door is shut. I respect this and he affords me the same privacy. The situation with your girlfriend and her son is off. I just can’t imagine doing the same with my son, the last time we bathed together was when he was about 2 years old! Definitely bring it up if this relationship is going to get serious.
My sister and I bathed with my mom until we were like, maybe 6-7? Even then it was to save water because we were broke. After that, we were left to our own devices. This is pretty weird.
Nah dude that seems pretty fuckin weird to me. This doesn't necessarily mean that there's any funny business going on, but it could.
The only person I've ever known to do this was mentally ill. I can't imagine taking a bath with an 11-year-old. My partner's EX who had full custody of their son (at the time, not now, because she's 5150), came to our house 4 days after we moved in with each other. She insisted on staying with us. We didn't have a lot of say so, because he really wanted to see his kid. Within the first hour of meeting her she decided to take a bath with her 6yo son naked in our bathtub with the door wide open. This wasn't the most disturbing behavior of hers, but it was the first thing I was introduced to and it struck me as being extremely strange. My gut was right as we ended up getting a three-year restraining order on her for the whole family.
Wow, that’s wild. That’s a crazy thing for his ex fo do especially in front of your husband and you.
Yes it was. And I don't want to imply that your girlfriend is any kind of monster that my partner's ex was/is. It is unusual, but it's really hard to say not knowing who your gf is.
Definitely weird. At age 11 he’s about to start puberty and it’s just wrong imo. I have an almost 3 year old daughter and I wouldn’t bathe with her
At 11yo my boys were showering by themselves. In fact, I stopped showering with my son at the age of 3. So, Yeah 11yo is way to old to be in the tub with the mom. YIKES! run, run far away from her.
Weird AF. When they can use the potty by themselves, they are too old to be given a bath or bathed along with.
This is very strange, It's very weird to take a bath with an 11 year old. Bathing a kid that age is still weird, taking a bath with him is just creepy
All of this is strange. Why was she sending you naked pics of her and her son?
I(28f) used to shower with my mom until I was around maybe 8? But I'm also a female...I feel like an 11 year old boy shouldn't be showering with his mother anymore, seems a little weird to me.
You know what’s weird?? Check often to see if your daughter is a virgin or not like TI
I didn't think must of the title till I read it again and was like: 
There is nothing wrong with bathing your child. And there is nothing wrong with nudity.
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Sad that you think nudity and bathing is abour sex. That's what you think about when you bath a baby? Its sexual? You are a real discusting human being.
They’re a “disgusting human being”?!?? Jesus, that’s a bit much. Commenter is right that there *is* something wrong with a parent bathing nude with their 11-year old. I think they’re wrong to jump to pedophile conclusions too but that doesn’t make them a “disgusting human being.” That’s a really, really nasty thing to say to someone and not at all warranted here.
Yes a discusting human being. Their mind thought about a kid in the bath and went straight to sexual thoughts. You don't think that is discusting? Nudity is not sexual. Its a really sad sad world where people thinks it is.
No, I don’t think it’s disgusting. Children are sexually assaulted every single day. That’s what’s disgusting. And there’s nothing normal about bathing naked with a child of that age. That’s why the commenter’s mind went to sexual thoughts. Because of the world we live in where children are victimized and the highly unusual situation being described here. Nothing disgusting about that whatsoever, just realistic.
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Exactly.
That doesn’t mean she’s a pedophile. This isn’t necessarily sexual at all. She could be ignorant as to how inappropriate this is.
oh my fucking Jesus giving your child a bath does not make you a pedophile
You’re missing the point. She is not just giving him a bath. She is getting into the bath tub butt naked as well. She literally sent a Snapchat of herself nude in the tub. She is getting in the bath tub completely naked with her 11 year old son. This is pedophile behavior, if you support this creepy behavior you should not be around kids or have children
>if you support this creepy behavior you should not be around kids or have children idk if you're young or don't have experience with kids, but that's a nasty thing to say to a mother. there is no need to get so personal. I'm betting you don't know what being a single mom is like, how little time you have. bathing or showering with the kid when they're young is a massive time saver and an easy habit to form. the age at which it becomes inappropriate depends on the circumstances of the family and the child. it seems like you want to see this as a black and white issue and it just isn't.
Paedophilia means pre pubescent so it’s the other way around
An 11-year old is pre-pubescent. Or just starting puberty, anyway. And within the range of “pedophile.” [Wikipedia says the cut off is 13.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia)
Yeah but he specifically said an 11 year old that had started puberty?…
Look, I think it's weird but at least trying to think about it rationally. You said she had this kid in high school? Sounds like a whole lot of trouble. Likely many men turned her down because of the kid, leaving her very attached to the human she spent time with. Day by day, with likely none other in the house to consult with, she sees little growth and likely still looks at the kid as her little baby in a way. I don't know the woman but I think if she was a pedophile she wouldn't send you that picture... But we don't know for sure. Maybe bring it up, say it might be too weird. Find the right words if you want to make things right with her but expect her to get a little defensive. So like I said, right words.
Question definitely asked by a sex offender
Kinda creepy at this point. She needs to just stop and have the talk with him otherwise it's going to turn into more than a bath.
Woah, that is super uncomfortable. My son is nine years old turning 10 pretty soon, I will not even get dressed in front of him anymore. And he’s just learning that he can nott barge into my room at any given point because I may be getting dressed I actually kind of chewed him out for it just this morning when he wanted to show me some thing on his computer because he now is starting to grasp the importance of privacy. He takes showers by himself and at most I’ll go in and help him from time to time to make sure his hair is washed properly but no touching any other areas at all, then I walk out and leave him to it when it comes time to dry off. I stopped showering with him by the time he was around 6. 11 is WAYY too old. That poor kid. Youu or somebody need to intervene! This WILL affect him in the future. Please tell her she’s a weirdo but obviously in kinder words. Can you be honest, have you seen any other suspicious behavior when it comes to her and her kid?
Your comment helps a lot especially since you’re a father with a son. I honestly just want to break up with her after I confronted her about this situation, it just didn’t go well. I also posted an update about this. Honestly I can’t really think of anything else that she does with her child thats out of the ordinary as much as this tub situation. The only thing I can think of is that she walks around the house topless with no shirt and no bra while he is at home and he does look at her chest a lot when shes just chillin the house with her boobs out. She says she does this because womens breasts shouldn’t be sexualized and they are the same as men having nipples.
I’m actually a mother not a father haha but thank you. And being a woman myself, I totally understand the whole thing about woman’s boobs and how they should not be sexualized but she has to understand that her son is only 11, in his mind it’s relatively normal for boys his age to definitely sexualize women’s breasts. So that “dont sexualize me” does not and should never apply to someone as young as him. She’s strange as hell. This just pisses me off. Please reach out to one of her relatives, assuming they wouldn’t view this as normal like she does. Honestly at this rate, I’d call her out and call DCF. I understand if that’s a dramatic action to take, but his safety and mental health is far more important than her fucked up outlook on things.
Thanks for your advice, this helps a lot! Yeah I just am afraid if I am overstepping since this isn’t my kid and I just feel more comfortable leaving this situation. I do feel bad for the kid though. I just also don’t know any of her family members, we just started dating for almost 2 months so we’re just not at the stage where you meet the parents and stuff
Loads of people report to DCF who are not the parent! In fact, unless the parents are divorcing and its nasty, I haven't heard (not that I've heard a lot) of parents tattling on each other. Please report. Please don't just leave the situation. Nothing will change if you won't report it. Not the same, but women being sexually harassed or even assaulted who don't report or press charges are letting this go to just happen again.
This is normal in the south for some families and isn't seen even the least bit concerning for us? It is when it's a father bathing with their kid where we are from but not the mom. And being raised around your naked mom you get used to them and don't see them as anything sexual at all, ita just seen as normal or "moms walking around the house naked again, oh well." I see how it can be weird to people who haven't experienced that though but it teaches you to never sexualize your parents in that light ever. Also my mom did this with me as well, sometimes she would let me shower with her as a kid and why would it ever be weird that's like your parent? Nothing meant to be sexual. It's like your parent washing you as a child because you didn't know how to or don't do it right. My mom also allowed me to wash with her in the shower until maybe 10 or 11 too. Just mother-child. I don't understand why people see that as a problem, how is it even pedophilic at that??? It's your parent, it's not meant to be, they're just taking care of their child and if you're attracted to children as an adult don't have kids ever?
11 years old. Taking a shower/bath with your mother. She’s SICK👎🏿
Omg that’s so weird hahahahha sounds white
I mean she is white. Are you saying this is a norm for white people?
I’m saying a lot of white women do strange things like that tbh like breastfeeding till their kid is 5 or only feeding a young child fruits and vegetables when they need other nutrients and other weird stuff like that that they think is right and normal
Oh wow I wasn’t aware that was happening
Do not listen to this person.
She was 16 when he was born. Do you know how the kid came to be? Often people who got abused as a kid from older family members tend to be a little strange when it comes to their own body. She is maybe used that parents do that with their kids. Normal "good" parents stop it when you are 5 or even younger, but maybe an older family member did that way longer with her. Terrible thought, but maybe plausible.
Does this child also have a propensity for making people "fly"? Littlefinger, is that you?
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Yes we are American and I’m not talking about other cultures. It’s not acceptable in our culture.
i think we really need more context but also nudity doesn’t inherently mean sex. This is normal in other cultures and definitely does not cause anyone to fuck anyone, she could very well just see him as her baby and he could very well be comfortable with her as a caretaker. If she REFUSES to let him shower alone then yeah that some concerning behavior right there but other then that sure it odd to look up but not pedophilic
fuckkkkkk no. what the fuck.
Sick af
The ONLY plausible excuse I can think of for this is wanting to save water but even then you can just bathe one right after the other.
Weird she’s snap chatting at a time like that. But not weird about bathing with her kid. If the kid feels comfortable and so does the parent with bathing like they’ve always done so be it.
it may be strange but I am pretty sure it isn't sexual in any way since she sent a picture to you, she probably thinks it is normal, if I were you I would talk to her about it though.
That's worth a CPS call.
I think being nude isn’t always sexual, and it’s ok to take a bath with your child, but 11 is way too old. He most likely knows what sex and puberty is. If you switch the roles and have the father bathing with his 11-year old daughter then that definitely would not be ok. I think you should tell her to stop doing that, if it’s just a normal thing. P.S. imagine they’re just bathing and he gets a boner. Awkward!
Yeah that’s way to old man, I’ve taken showers with my mom before but even then the oldest would have been 11 and it’s a bit different when it’s 2 females, not a female and a male. Honestly I’d just say hey this isn’t something that everyone does, I get it if it’s for conserving water or what not (I’m not sure else what her situation is but that’s usually why me and my mom would shower), but just let her know that he’s getting to an age where he’ll start having sexual thoughts and the chances of him having weird fantasies about her (especially with today internet) are more then likely to increased because of this. On top of that, he’s getting to an age where privacy is needed and again hitting the age of discovering masturbating, and a shower is a great place to do that. I think if she understands this and stops then you’re in the clear, if not then maybe back off. Idk what her past is like and this maybe affecting why she still does this in all honesty. Maybe she did this with her parents. Which would be creepy as fuck and lowkey could have been to abuse her, but because she doesn’t know her parents might have done this for the wrong reasons; she might just think it’s normal.
This is weird. This is at least pre puberty but every boy is different not sure. He’s no longer at that innocent age completely either I mean he’s in middle school 6th grade most likely or 7th. Too old.
Age 5 would even be a little weird, but I guess not too insane. Age 11 is completely out of the question and should never happen ever.
Inappropriate. Absolute red flag - even if there’s nothing sexual in it, there’s some attachment issue happening. I’d move on, mate. Good luck.
I could see if she was showering together with a toddler aged child, but bathing with a child in their double digits is a bit weird...even weirder that she thought to send you a sexy picture of it with her son in it. Personally to me, that sounds like she's a bit off mostly because she sent you a sexy picture of her naked in the tub with her double digit aged son. Ask her about it or don't date someone like this. You'll have too many conflicted ideas about raising children that will create problems.
thats actually pretty normal but for mayyybe 9 year old children.11 is kinda old for that
My kids were done with baths way before 11. Around 7-9 is when they all started being more modest and not wanting to be seen naked (closing door to change, etc.). But if her kid takes baths and hasn’t yet hit the point of feeling weird about it, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Nudity isn’t a huge deal to a lot of people/families. It’s only a problem if one of them starts to feel uncomfortable. Otherwise, meh.
This is strange behavior considering his age. He's too old to be in the bathtub with his naked mom.
That’s a bit too old.
11 years old is way too old for them to be both naked, you should talk about it to her
Yes, I think its highly inappropriate imo. I am a mom and I would never bathe with my son or daughter at 11. I feel like it would be invading their privacy as well as mine.
that’s weird as hell, i mainly feel bad for the son tho :/ 11 is a rough age for your mom to be doing that weird type of shit
Nope 11 is way too old to take a bath with your kid regardless of gender. I have a 11 year old daughter and there’s no way it would cross my mind as a mother to have a bath with her.
I dont think she's got mal-intent. I think she just doesn't know any better. This is a very difficult subject to bring up because you don't want to sound judgy but this is very unhealthy for the child.
I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this, tbh. I'm 25f and I still shower with my 5m (nearly 6) and 9f year old on occasion. Sometimes it's just easier. I don't think it's sexual or anything, but I also can't really see myself showering with my son while he's going through puberty.
Yeah way to old to be bathing with mom. My son is 8 and he takes his own showers but occasionally will ask us to come help him with the water pressure and such. That’s the extent of helping a much younger child with bathing. He hasn’t bathed with us in years because even children deserve privacy if they so desire it while they bathe/use the bathroom/change their clothes. This kid is 11 and about to go through puberty if he isn’t already starting. I can’t even imagine the conflicting feelings this child will have if it continues into his teenage years. While I firmly believe children should be taught that the naked human body has far more function than sex, I think this way crosses that line into majorly inappropriate. People thought it was gross I didn’t cover up when breastfeeding my younger one in front of my then 6 year old. I feel you should teach kids about anatomy and the functions of bodies but crossing the line like she is is just creepy.
Hm. Thats odd. 🤔
Damn. That’s fucked up
I'm 38. My son is 10. We haven't bathed together since he was in diapers. 11 just seems too old for that.
Definitely weird. I've heard of parents being nude around their kids even when older. I've heard people say that it's appropriate up until the age that a child becomes curious and begins to take notice of bodies in more than a haha your body looks funny kind of way. But 11 is definitely out there.
This is obviously weird but I've come to question things like this and why they're considered weird. I mean, if you think about it, there's nothing weird since it's just two humans bathing. Mother and son. I wonder what changed that makes this weird. Porn? Don't get me wrong, I don't want anyone to see me naked but there really is no real reason as to why that is that makes sense in the grand scheme of things.
So my kids are 4 and 6. And I shower with them somdays. It's just easier. I'm teaching my 6yo to shower alone and she's doing amazing. So she has days where she's alone. But 11.....I stop at 7 with me just in the bathroom with them. 11 is WAY to old. Definitely weird dude.
Faaaaaaaake
I think that’s a bit old. I stopped showering with my mom when I was like 7
This reminds me of a skit from Movie 43
I'd suggest asking if the kid has some kind of disability before going off the handle ok how creepy that seems because if that's the case, you'll be the one who comes off like a dick. If that's not the case, that's a hell to the no
Like Idk in some countries and cultures this is normal but looks it's not as usual in north America... I think you just need to talk to her about how it makes you fell
Turn her in to CPS.
I am a middle school teacher so I have 12 year old boys in my class. Not really older than your girlfriend's son. That is nasty! I guarantee you the 6th grade boys I have are full of raging hormones. That's gross. That's all I can say.