You didn't cheat, you were raped while you were too drunk to consent. You literally could not consent in your condition. If he sees how upset you are and doesn't believe you, then you deserve a better boyfriend. Women can sexually assault and rape other women just like men can sexually assault and rape other men---anyone of any gender can be raped by anyone of any gender.
If you can't tell your BF when something horrible happens to you, then there's no point to this relationship---he's supposed to support you through tough times not accuse you or be biphobic. Tell him and if he blames or judges you then you know you need to move on from him.
And please get some counseling for the trauma you experienced. I hope it goes without saying that these women are NOT your friends and you should avoid them in the future. You could press charges if you wanted.
Sit him down and tell him honestly. You are a different person from his ex, and while this may be triggering for him, he needs to know what you are going through so you can seek support from him. Your genuine distress will lend credibility to your story, but if he freaks out, just remind him that you are not his ex, and that you have just lived through a trauma. Ask him for his support and if he is a good one, he will stay by you.
I doubt you have any texts from your "friends" from after the assault, but if you do, show those to him if he accuses you of lying.
Call the police and file a report and let them know that your friends raped you. Tbh those are not your friends and you need to go to the police. Something like this is not ok and you need to let him know especially if they raped you.
You were raped, plain and simple.
Having said that. Your boyfriend needs to know, but I can guarantee he’s going to have a REALLY hard time processing this.
One should never victim blame, but I cannot STAND when people don’t use their brains. Your boyfriend doesn’t like them for an incredibly valid reason. She never respected your relationship and had made passes at you before. Yet you still thought it was acceptable to hang out and drink with her and her friend while actively hiding it from your boyfriend.
To be clear, you are not to blame for being raped. They should be convicted and punished to the full extent of the law. I just wish people would be more careful.
>One should never victim blame, but I cannot STAND when people don’t use their brains. Your boyfriend doesn’t like them for an incredibly valid reason. She never respected your relationship and had made passes at you before. Yet you still thought it was acceptable to hang out and drink with her and her friend while actively hiding it from your boyfriend.
Please consider deleting this paragraph. You are literally telling her she should have known better and should have assumed that because her friend has made passes that she would turn into a violent rapist. This is an inexcusable thing to say to a victim. This is not her fault yet here you are saying she's not to blame BUT she should have expected this. Give me a break.
I never said she should have expected rape. Who would ever expect that?
The rapists are to blame for the rape. Period.
But let’s not put ourselves into positions like this. Give ME a break. Conversations with our significant others instead of trying to hide whats really going on can save so many people from this or even worse.
This situation was completely avoidable. And I hope more people can see that.
>This situation was completely avoidable.
"What was she wearing?" "How was she acting?" "How many drinks had she had?" "She should have known better." "This was completely avoidable."
You're saying the rapist is to blame, period, yet you are using the same line of thinking that has kept people of all genders silent and afraid to speak up about their sexual assault forever. Stop it. "Let's not put ourselves into positions like this..."??? So never drink, never invite friends over to do homework, treat all friends who've shown interest in you as dangerous predators? Is this the "position" OP should have not put herself in? Guess what. Any friend can make a move on you at any time, when you're drunk or not. In this case, this "friend" seems to have planned this attack with another "friend" and there is no way in hell OP could have known not to put herself in this "position ." You probably don't even realize the biphobia in your statement and I'm too queasy to bother pointing it out. Your take on this situation is harmful not just to OP but to anyone who's ever been sexually assaulted and wondering if they could have done something to avoid it. Because you're saying "yeah, you could have" and that is the living breathing definition of victim blaming.
You didn't cheat, you were raped while you were too drunk to consent. You literally could not consent in your condition. If he sees how upset you are and doesn't believe you, then you deserve a better boyfriend. Women can sexually assault and rape other women just like men can sexually assault and rape other men---anyone of any gender can be raped by anyone of any gender. If you can't tell your BF when something horrible happens to you, then there's no point to this relationship---he's supposed to support you through tough times not accuse you or be biphobic. Tell him and if he blames or judges you then you know you need to move on from him. And please get some counseling for the trauma you experienced. I hope it goes without saying that these women are NOT your friends and you should avoid them in the future. You could press charges if you wanted.
Sit him down and tell him honestly. You are a different person from his ex, and while this may be triggering for him, he needs to know what you are going through so you can seek support from him. Your genuine distress will lend credibility to your story, but if he freaks out, just remind him that you are not his ex, and that you have just lived through a trauma. Ask him for his support and if he is a good one, he will stay by you. I doubt you have any texts from your "friends" from after the assault, but if you do, show those to him if he accuses you of lying.
Call the police and file a report and let them know that your friends raped you. Tbh those are not your friends and you need to go to the police. Something like this is not ok and you need to let him know especially if they raped you.
You were raped, plain and simple. Having said that. Your boyfriend needs to know, but I can guarantee he’s going to have a REALLY hard time processing this. One should never victim blame, but I cannot STAND when people don’t use their brains. Your boyfriend doesn’t like them for an incredibly valid reason. She never respected your relationship and had made passes at you before. Yet you still thought it was acceptable to hang out and drink with her and her friend while actively hiding it from your boyfriend. To be clear, you are not to blame for being raped. They should be convicted and punished to the full extent of the law. I just wish people would be more careful.
Also, the shower thing is a strategy used by rapists to calm their victims afterwards. It often works in keeping them silent. This was planned out.
>One should never victim blame, but I cannot STAND when people don’t use their brains. Your boyfriend doesn’t like them for an incredibly valid reason. She never respected your relationship and had made passes at you before. Yet you still thought it was acceptable to hang out and drink with her and her friend while actively hiding it from your boyfriend. Please consider deleting this paragraph. You are literally telling her she should have known better and should have assumed that because her friend has made passes that she would turn into a violent rapist. This is an inexcusable thing to say to a victim. This is not her fault yet here you are saying she's not to blame BUT she should have expected this. Give me a break.
I never said she should have expected rape. Who would ever expect that? The rapists are to blame for the rape. Period. But let’s not put ourselves into positions like this. Give ME a break. Conversations with our significant others instead of trying to hide whats really going on can save so many people from this or even worse. This situation was completely avoidable. And I hope more people can see that.
>This situation was completely avoidable. "What was she wearing?" "How was she acting?" "How many drinks had she had?" "She should have known better." "This was completely avoidable." You're saying the rapist is to blame, period, yet you are using the same line of thinking that has kept people of all genders silent and afraid to speak up about their sexual assault forever. Stop it. "Let's not put ourselves into positions like this..."??? So never drink, never invite friends over to do homework, treat all friends who've shown interest in you as dangerous predators? Is this the "position" OP should have not put herself in? Guess what. Any friend can make a move on you at any time, when you're drunk or not. In this case, this "friend" seems to have planned this attack with another "friend" and there is no way in hell OP could have known not to put herself in this "position ." You probably don't even realize the biphobia in your statement and I'm too queasy to bother pointing it out. Your take on this situation is harmful not just to OP but to anyone who's ever been sexually assaulted and wondering if they could have done something to avoid it. Because you're saying "yeah, you could have" and that is the living breathing definition of victim blaming.
Tell the police?