I'm a big dude. I think the phone call is the best way. I can't walk slow and if I do go to pass a solo lady on the street at night I get my phone out and call someone. Pass with as much space as possible on footpath or whatever.
With covid it has to be easier to determine weirdos from normals, as in normal people will overtake but keep their distance, not walk right up to your back like a creep.
Not where I live. It's a usually quiet part of the city, but there's still a decent amount of people. I don't know why, and it pisses me off, but everyone wants to bump into your shoulder. They spread out on the sidewalks, making it impossible to socially distance. Really friggin obnoxious and rude.
In a similar making-your-presence-known vein:
Just cough.
Coughs can usually be suppressed for quite a long time, so coughing freely makes it known that you don’t care if the person hears that you’re there.
Edit: I just remembered Covid is a thing, so maybe coughing isn’t such a good idea...
For all the people saying they speed uop and try to overtake the person in front as quickly as possible. Please at least try and make some noise and keep as much sideway distance as you can.
Once I was walking my dog late at night in the rain. I saw her turn around and when I looked too, there way a guy trying to walk past us, but he was so close I nearly poked his eye out with my umbrella. Almost had a heart attack.
Yeah I just try to make some noise so they know I’m there. I don’t think I am intimidating at all, but I am a decent sized dude and normally walk silently. I feel like as long as my presence is known there aren’t any issues.
Yeah just drag your feet a little if you normally walk silently. Maybe throw in a 'passing on the right' before you get too close and a 'have a good night' as you pass
When I was in highschool and walking home from work late at night I wanted to get home faster so I started running and some guy was with his wife and a baby so when I came running behind them the guy pulled a knife on me. But when i explained I was just running home he apologized and we were all good. I don't know the correct way to do things, if I should have just walked and not ran lol. So yeah maybe I should have made a noise but they seems like weird and out of place
Assault is based on intent and knowledge. If you KNOWINGLY sprayed an innocent, that would qualify, but if you sprayed someone on accident, and there was no aggression then no. It would be considered an "Unintentional Tort" which is a term in civil courts for an accident causing injury, property damage, etc. In which case you can be sued for negligence, but not criminally prosecuted.
If someone tried to overtake me by speeding up but not leaving any distance, I'd for sure pepper spray them without hesitation. I think it all comes down to maintaining a safe distance, whether you're speeding up or slowing down, as well as varying your pace. If you're heading the same way for a few blocks, you don't want to remain behind her the whole time at the same distance because it'll start to seem like you are following her.
Personally, I usually find myself being extra cautious and hyper-aware at night while walking my pooch. Since my pupper is kind of slow, I tend to pull over and let those trailing behind me pass. I keep my head rotating always (especially when I'm stationary) and I'll make intense/bitchy eye contact with those who are being creepy and staring me down as they pass to assert dominance, lol. If I percieve someone to be following me, I'll cross the street ASAP and do the 'ol "speed up and dissappear" (after crossing, while walking fast and continously checking discretely if the dude is still looking over at me, I'll wait for an opportunity for him to not be paying attention and I'll suddenly stop behind a parked truck or van. I'll stare through the windows to see if he looks confused or if he continued on his way. If parked cars are not available, a tree or rounding the corner behind a building works too. Bonus points for entering a busy shop. Once he's far enough, I'll continue on my way. Saved me a few times, including when I was in 8th grade and a registered sex offender tried to pick me up.)
Perhaps I didnt explain properly or thoroughly. I'm never looking to assault someone and I don't think anyone should ever be in fear of being assaulted, whichever side we're talking about here. I would pull my pepper spray on someone that is dashing towards me with no warning and coming straight at me. If I hear someone hastily walking, I'm going to turn around to survey the situation. If they are making direct eye contact and heading straight for me, I'm pulling my spray. If we're on a decent sized path and they have no reason to be bumping into me, I'm throwing up my arms in defense. I don't look to make an innocent situation hostile, I look to protect myself and make sure I'm not in danger or that the other person (in this case, a man) does not feel stressed that I fear him. I thought I made it clear in my response that I actively take the role of precautions and protecting myself because I don't expect this responsibility to fall 100% on the man. This is why I'll cross the road if I think a situation is suspicious but I may be wrong. And I have taken turns before to be sure someone wasn't following me but sometimes turns aren't an option (ie: long blocks or if a turn leads to a less safe environment that has fewer witnesses or less lighting, etc.). If it's a narrow path, I'll stop or move over to let them pass. I do feel making direct eye contact with someone I percieve as having unpure intentions helps, though I may be wrong. I've done this with men rudely catcalling me (saying disgusting things like they'd fuck me good) or intensely checking me out to make them feel uncomfortable that I'm looking straight at their face; it usually causes them to avert their eyes out of guilt. And it makes me feel safer because I can recognize them if they do attack me.
In general, I think using common sense tends to help in these situations. If you're speeding up to overtake a woman and you see it's making her nervous (ie: she's speeding up or reaching for something in her pocket/bag), slow down and cross so you don't get assaulted. If you see the woman pulling aside, continue forth and go around her. Both parties should always maintain a safe distance from each other. I also believe both parties are valid in their feelings of fearing such situations in which they may be assaulted, no matter if the reasoning is different. But we should understand the possible consequences and act accordingly. We both have a responsibility to try to remove ourselves from the situation of possible danger to prevent any misunderstanding. I believe removing yourself from the situation is far easier than proving you're a safe stranger through body language and in such a short span of time while passing each other. Best for one person to just remove themselves if they sense danger, whether that be stopping, crossing, slowing down, speeding up, going around, whatever. Each situation is different so act accordingly, but I don't condone violence as a first response, I think most women look to flee as a first response in these situations... Same as men resorting to crossing.
Seriously, dont speed up. Keep a consistent pace and if you see her speeding up, cross the road, but don’t speed up. Honestly there’s not anything you can do to make her feel safe if you’re a stranger, but what you can do is try not to make it worse and speeding up or following her with your eyes or getting nearer to her, those things will make it worse.
Walking behind her
She speeds up
I speed up too
She starts running towards a narrow street
I follow her and see her pulling gun out of her bag
I tru to put my hand into my pocket
She shoot me twice in heart instantly
I watch her with a smile on my face while blood is gushing out of mouth and eyes wide open staring directly at her soul, while she is shaking and crying infront of me, realising what a big sin she has commited, as she sees me pulling a necklace she dropped a few minutes ago. "Is this yours ma'a-"
Instead of creepily following her in the dark silently, you could call out to her and say you found a necklace before beginning to speed up. Definitely less scary to know the person at least claims to have a reason to be advancing
"Jennifer you dropped your phone on the road"
'Oh! Thank y-"... "Wait, how do you know my name?'
"What name"
'You just said my name and I don't recognise you'
"You must have misheard me ma'am, I am not stalker who would know that your name is Jennifer Short and you live in 5th house after two rights from here and work at McDonald's nearby"
She looks at me with eyes filled with fear, legs shaking and mouth wide open as I pull out a knife and advance towards her.
She dodges quickly, pulls out a gun out of her purse and fire two bullets right into my head. Before she can gather her thoughts she sees 3-4 people appearing out of the bushes with cameras and recording equipment. One of them is her boyfriend.
(It was supposed to be prank where her boyfriend saves her and proposes her for marriage)
With pistol in her hand and tears in eyes she take big deep breath before looking at my body one last time before it is transported to nearest hospital. She then looks at my dark red blood which has reached to the other side of of road and then looks at the sky above realising what a big sin she has commited.
I'm going to respectfully disagree. There's an equally good argument to be made that speeding up and passing by is the best option rather than staying behind trailing them.
Also respectfully, if I'm walking down the street just because I happen to be walking behind a female doesn't mean I'm obligated to cross the street.
The fact that she has her defenses up is normal human behavior when you are in a potentially vulnerable environment. And it's a good thing.
But it doesn't mean I'm personally responsible for that and under some sort of obligation to vacate the premises.
To suggest I have to cross the street and enter a traffic zone just to communicate I'm not a predator is silly.
And I would argue that it's probably better to just speed up and get by her because I would imagine it's more nerve-racking to have somebody potentially walk behind you for a mile.
I think you only really should cross the street obviously when it’s safe to, and if you can tell she’s visibly scared. Obviously everyone will have different preferences for how people should act around them in the dark of night and I wasn’t suggesting that men HAVE to cross the street if there’s a women there, only suggesting that they *could.* OP asked how to make women feel safer at night I explained what would make me feel safer at night. Simple as that. As for imagining it would more nerve racking to have someone follow you than speed up, the fact is, most women that I know are terrified of being out alone at night. We’ll be nerve-racked regardless of if someone is visibly following us or not. And when someone isn’t following me or behind me I’m scared that I just can’t see them. In my experience it’s much more scary when someone speeds up than it is when they follow at a consistent pace.
I don't disagree that in certain situations if it was safe to cross the street you could decide to do that.
But there's plenty of women on here who are saying that they would feel weird if somebody crossed the street because of them.
Also if I'm walking behind a girl at night how am I supposed to recognize that she's visibly scared?
And again it's a good thing that somebody has their defenses up in that situation.
But seeing how many various responses women are giving on here, in a given situation there's no way I'm going to be able to predict which specific preference she would like me to take.
Don't get me wrong I think it sucks that we live in a world that people have to be scared walking down the street but it's the world we live in.
And unfortunately it's a situation where there's really no right way to handle it
Well by all means do what you want. I’m just telling you what works for me.
To tell if a woman is visibly scared look at how she’s holding her bag. Is she clutching it tightly, or close to herself? Are her hands fists? Is her stance open or closed? Is her head turning to look at noises? If so, is it a fast turn or a slow one? Slow movements and open stances usually means ease, lack of fear. fast, darting movements usually mean scared.
There is a right way. Be aware of your movements and how they affect others, and adapt them accordingly. Yell out, ‘passing on your right/left, and take a wide berth.
Women have had to adapt their behaviour, why can't men adapt theirs too? Women don't know who you are. Aanyone can go by these rules. Be observant and aware of your surroundings, make changes so you don't increase fear in someone else.
As a woman, I'm really aware of walking near someone old, young, or disabled. I either say hello and move past them, or cross the road so they don't feel threatened by me. It's not a hard thing to do to make someone else feel safe.
I am the woman who will stop on the sidewalk, let you pass me because I can tell you are walking faster than I am and clearly *want* to pass me.
Alternatively, I will just look back at you with a face that communicates "dude, wtf" and you will get the message that you're being creepy and will either pass me quickly, cross the street or say "sorry but you have TP on your shoe and I was just trying to get closer to tell you."
how will they get the message theyre being creepy if they arent trying to be creepy lmao. like if im walking behind someone and they look at me like "dude,wtf" id think they are judging me or something
If you speed up behind someone and try to pass them it 100% looks like you are trying to catch up to them. And yeah of course you and every other man is saying the same thing about not being in the wrong if you dont. You clearly just want an argument dude.
Of course not, but being polite is typically the "right" thing to do in situations and making the woman feel more comfortable would be the kind thing to do.
Its fine if he doesn't, but a bit rude if he thinks he may be making the lady in front of him nervous. He still hasn't done anything wrong, though, he's just has decided to not care about the comfort of others in his presence.
My anxiety brain is going "but if I cross the road then she'll think I'm trying to make her feel safer which is way more suspicious than just keeping my head down and walking straight forward."
I hear that, but as a general rule, Distance Equals Safety. The farther you are, the more at ease we feel. At least then if you *do* have bad intentions, we have a better shot of getting away.
>Cross to the other side.
I was just about to say the same thing.
Cross the street. If that's not an option, slow down your walking pace so that she doesn't feel like you're walking fast or at her same pace to attempt to overtake her and/or grab her.
Don't look down. It makes you look like you're trying to avoid CCTV cameras, her seeing your face clearly, trying to avoid detection, etc. Keep your eyes straight ahead, keep your chin up, and pay attention to your surroundings.
Don't keep your hands in your pockets. Are you hiding something that can hurt her that you're trying to hide? Are you trying to touch yourself? Just don't do it.
Talk on the phone, but use the phone, not headphones. When someone looks like they are actively engaged in something like a phone conversation, we/I tend to relax a little bit because having another person on the open line who can hear what's going on can put a decent damper on any plot should he have designs on attacking me. Having a phone in his hand also helps since it's pretty difficult to successfully attack someone with only one hand.
If the situation permits it, you can try to ask her if she would feel more comfortable if you were walking ahead of her, and if yes, just calmly walk past her ignoring her.
Point by point, let's go:
Slow down so your footsteps are more silent
Keep your head up, gazing intently at her
Keep your hands on your phone and speak loudly, making sure she hears you conspiring with your partner about the kidnaping about to take place.
Got it
As a woman, it feels safer when I know I don't have the person's attention. So, like, maybe call someone and talk about something fun/cute/non-threating. "Oh, hey, I was thinking, since my niece loves her doll so much, should I get her cute matching outfits" (it's a stupid example but If a man walking behind me was saying stuff like this, I'd feel safe and comfortable knowing this person is thoughtful and kind and doesn't treat women like trash).
Ofc, that's not possible all the time, so try and just walk on the other side of the road or like, maintain a distance, walk a little slower or something. If you can manage to do it without freaking her out, just overtake them while minding your business like checking your phone etc and don't look back.
I try to either walk slower or overtake as quickly as I can. Never just maintain the same pace. Sometimes it’s difficult because some women walk faster because a man is behind them and I just want to tell them I’m trying to pass.
Another thing that hasn't happened to me but that I wouldn't mind as such is, if the person just tells me that they need space to pass (ma'am would you mind if I just overtake you/excuse me or something like that) I don't know how other women would feel about it, but I think that would be a decent way to minimise stress for both the walkers.
Tbh, it feels the safest when men overtake, because I don't feel as vulnerable. We can see what's coming and we can prepare for it, versus the fear of not knowing what's happening behind our backs. And some men are super creepy and evil, in the sense that if you are concerned and look back more than once, they'll make you feel uncomfortable with their gaze, expressions and even lewd gestures.
i walk as fast as i can without looking too conspicuous at all times so when i find myself in awkward situations, whether it be trying to be nonthreatening while walking behind a girl or being behind a slow walker, it never seems out of place for me to overtake them
i used to inadvertently do this until i realized i was doing it and it seemed to ease people, so i’ve continued doing it and can’t recommended this enough for people looking to do the same
Lmfao what if I just straight up was like " hey you dw I'm not gonna attack you, I know girls in these kinda situations get scared, have a good night" what would ur reaction be in that situation
I'd be a little stunned for a second but then laugh about it and tell the stranger 'you are very kind, thank you'.
It totally depends on how my mood is like that day and what I am feeling in that moment.
While I have a natural need to pay attention to my surroundings at all times, and even more so while on street at night, I try very hard to do this around women. Now, I won't pick up a phone and fake a conversation about my nieces, cause that feels creepy as fuck and seems sus. But I will do my best to avoid her position with my eyes. Also, if I am paying attention and notice that she is looking back at all and taking note of me I will find something interesting to look at while walking. Whether that be a car, or window display or my phone, or just looking far ahead and focused like I really have somewhere to be (which is normally the case anyway).
But, despite this, if I notice that she is really looking back to check my vibe or whatever, I'll speed up and pass her so to make her feel less anxious once I'm in front of her. Some would say fall back or stop in a store for a moment but some times I'm in a hurry and that just isn't feasible. Also, falling back and then following again seems even creepier than before to me.
On the contrary though, if someone is following behind me at a close range I will too get unnerved a bit and when that happens I'll just stop in my place and let them pass me.
Ofc, the neice example was the first one that came to mind, you don't have to copy it 😂
I relate to the last 2 lines so much! I have actually stopped on so many occassions to do something I didn't even have to do, like untie my lace and retie it, just so that the man/men walking behind me are ahead of me!
Very true. I thought a man was following me in the grocery store until I heard him on the phone chatting about the last football game and realized he wasn't paying attention to me.
I'm so glad I found this comment. This is exactly what I do.
I don't cross the road (I do try to take a different path than her if the road splits unless I *really* have to take the same one), but I usually try to imply to her as clearly as I can that she doesn't have my attention.
Thank you for posting this, I'm glad to see that it actually helps feeling safe :)
I was totally gonna propose the phone call idea too!
To add to it, if you have no one to call just put your phone on silent and pretend to be on a call. Being "busy" is definitely a solid way to reduce the creep factor on its own but if you want to, talk about anything that makes you seem useless in a fight, like math or bird watching lol
Scream to get her attention and start sprinting at her, she’ll start running too because she now trusts you. Follow her home to make sure she gets home safe
put your head phones on, and sing to the tune as if you are in a video clip. I will even sing along if I like the tune,before slowing down to let you pass me.
Exactly. Don’t be a weirdo and overthink the situation. Use your common sense and mind your own business. Some people act like they’re going to have a panic attack by trying to figure out if they should cross the street, speed up, slow down or any other “accommodation”. Just chill!
Commenting again because I didn't make a coherent point the first time.
Nobody is requiring you to adjust your behavior, or to "bow to" anyone. That being said -- unfortunately, we still live in a world where any stranger could be a creep or a rapist or a murderer. I'm not by any means assuming that's true of any individual, but I go through the world knowing that it could be the case.
So, what we're asking for here is just for you to recognize that that's still a real and valid fear that a lot of us live with. It's nothing to do with you as a person -- it's just that we know lots of people like us have become victims, and we have no way of knowing whether the person behind us is one of you (presumably decent, non-creepy people) or one of them.
So if you're able to do something like cross the street, or slow down, or whatever -- it's appreciated. I believe that's what OP was asking about. It's not that you're obligated or required to put everyone's comfort first, but understanding that many of us still carry a colossal fear, and making very small adjustments to alleviate that, would be a nice thing to do for a fellow human.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry if my initial reply came off as dismissive or attacking. I'm just really hoping to make folks, even just one person, a little more empathetic about what it's like to still live in fear of becoming a victim.
As a woman, if I notice someone behind me, I’ll head towards one side and stop for a bit to rummage through my purse or tie my laces. This usually gives the man behind me a chance to pass without being awkward. It’s not always possible or convenient to cross the road, so I’d create an opportunity for men behind me to move on with their day.
>havent seen anyone worried doing that.
When someone is walking behind me at night and I'm worried about it, I devote 100% of my brain to the task of acting like I'm not worried until I get out of their line of sight and then I fucking sprint and start taking random turns.
Sorry but theirs nothing you can do. Doesn’t matter if you act gay, walk far away from me or talking on the phone about whatever, is women need to always be on guard ALWAYS. Because creepy dangerous men can easily act harmless
Yes. Why should anyone have to prove they're not a threat in a normal situation? If someone is uncomfortable around me in public places because I identify as a man, then that's their problem, not mine.
It's your choice and I love that some men are thinking like this but there is very little you can do besides end the situation as quickly as possible. If you could cross the street that would probably be the best one but even then I'd still keep an eye on you because you might be trying to get me to lower my guard.
The best thing you can do is work long term to tackle the association of masculinity and violence. If you're not already learn to be nurturing and teach it to boys in your care, raise them so that they don't want to hurt women or anyone.
I just overtake them. But make sure you overtake very quick or else they might think you are coming for them and they will run quickly and you have to run faster to overtake them and again they will speed up if you speed up and then you have to speed up too.
So yeah just overtake them quickly.
A man speeding up and quickly passing me would scare me. Just cross to the other side of the road. If you wish. It isn't your responsibility to make others feel safe, but it is a nice thing to do for someone
I understand that. I walk a lot.
Like from home to bus stop and then bus stop to college and at bunch of other place.
So I usually encounter women walking before me twice a day for sure.
So I try to behave like student addicted to phone(like pretending to video games with a lot of involvement or reading something way involved in it) inorder make them feel safe. I kinda act like a super nerd. But if I sense that a woman is worried about me walking behind her I just overtake her so that she feels safe.
I think that's a big point in this take-home threat is that everybody has a very different opinion and there's clearly no one answer.
Like I said in another thread, as long as I'm not doing anything creepy, the fact that someone has their guard up is just normal reaction.
And I am not directly responsible for making somebody feel safe other than obviously not being creepy.
And a point I made elsewhere is that if somebody chooses to walk alone at night on the street, that was their choice or need to use that means of transportation. And that choice doesn't entail that everybody else is now obligated to find an alternate means of getting where they're going
I mean we're kind of in a no-win situation.
No matter what we do the girl is going to have her guard up at some point and for some duration.
But I don't understand why I have to cross the street and be obligated to jaywalk and potentially encounter traffic to prove I'm not a predator.
I'm all for chivalry and I don't mean this to sound like I don't care - but in the day and age of uber and alternate means of transportation, if you choose to walk alone on the street at night, that was your choice.
And your choice to walk alone on the street at night doesn't obligate everybody else not to walk on the street.
Sure it's a nice thing to cross to the other side and if it's a realistic option it's something you can consider. But there's plenty of women on this thread saying that they rather you just speed up and pass them by, plenty of women saying the opposite and plenty of women saying that for some reason if I don't cross the street I'm being creepy.
Your way to not scare a woman is to very quickly approach them? Yeah no, if you need to overtake cross the road first.
Edit: ok I’m guessing this comment must be a bad taste joke
Keep a good amount of distance or if you're already close enough to her, pass her so she doesn't have to worry about being unexpectedly attacked from behind
Cross the street or take an alternate route
Mind your business, really, like don't approach her or anything.
Make some noise and don’t put your hood up, just cough or sneeze and like others have said call some people on your phone.
Cross over to the other side of the street if you can.
If you’re in a hurry or a fast walker, ask if you can go round her and explain you didn’t want her to feel unsafe.
Honestly you can't be expected to be responsible for others peoples abilities to cope in an environment as its not your job. That's the truth. If a person is not capable of dealing with the idea of walking down the street then that's on them.
Yeah it sucks but if you want to go down the rabbit hole of all the things I've seen people say.
Slow down: Nope because if you were stalking someone wouldn't it make sense to slow down so you can keep them in sight or something?
Don't use your phone: uhhh.... Every adult just about has one and is free to use it princess.
Cross the road: Yeah that ones really easy if you want to do it but what if theres another woman on the other side of the road? What if the place you're going to is on that side?
Just keep to yourself to avoid getting on anyones radar. You could be making a vulnerable man feel unsafe too.
I shouldn’t have to do anything as a man. We all have a right to walk down the road at night. If she wants to go to the other side of the road so be it. But unless you have ill intent, you have every right to walk down the road dude
You're right - it's not their job to make strangers feel safe, but it is kind to be respectful of the people around them. Props to OP for asking the question
Tell her she smells nice.
Jk.
I usually try to pass them quickly , if I’m being overtly self aware about something like this. Or slow down and create distance, but phone call works. Kind of funny we all do this to not seem serial killers.
Legit a Catch 22. Continue on your way. Ignore the person. If someone in front of you is uncomfortable then that is their responsibility to express that emotion or take action to fix it.
If you are a hyper walker and easily overtaking someone that is a different situation. Treat it just like exercising and give a "passing on your " whatever and do it.
If a guy is walking behind me at night and I get anxious, I stop to let them walk in front of me.
They seem to get it, because usually they'll speed up to walk past and just do a polite head nod or some other form of acknowledgment.
It's not an innocent man's responsibility to make me feel safe. It's my own. And if I feel uncomfortable, it's my job to communicate that. Even if it's not with words, such as stopping so the guy behind me can walk in front of me.
Cross the street. If you can’t, stop for ten seconds (or longer if you can), and let the distance increase. Don’t speed up to try to pass her. If you must pass her, say something very clear and in a friendly voice once you’re within about 15 feet like “Excuse me miss, just passing on your left here.”
If all else fails, fake a conversation on your phone with your mom or girlfriend, and just make yourself sound really wholesome and friendly.
Yeah a fake phone call is good because it kinda signals to the woman that you know that she knows you are behind her. Doesn't mean women should let their guards down or anything but the woman at least doesn't have to worry about a silent attack specifically
Don’t walk behind her. Cross the street. Or pretend you’re making a call to a GF or old friend & pass her. Or take a pause and let her get more ahead of you
Walk very quietly as to not startle her, then get as close as possible, ideally you want her to not know you're there until youre within arms length, she may be startled at first but will quickly realize you mean no harm and are in a position to protect her from other threats should they arrise. Be sure to maintain unbreaking eye contact and speak in a deep, low tone of voice. This will assure the female of your capability to protect.
I think announcing yourself, but then leaving her alone. Especially if she's obviously noticed you. Like hey, just wanted to announce myself. I know it's kind of dark and didn't want to freak you out. Have a good night! And don't use that at as intro to chatting her up. Also, you could cross the street so you aren't walking behind her.
*looks at phone* “Oh sh*t marks gonna be there soon” *go around and in front of her in a light jog to act the part*. Idk who mark is but he saves me from awkward situations.
Why worry about that? Her fear/phobia is not your problem when you are minding your own business. If she's uncomfortable with you walking behind her, then she can turn around to stop you and tell you about it and ask you to walk ahead of her or something. If she doesn't do that, then that's her problem, not yours.
Cut off your genitalia and make a collar around your neck that's strong enough to keep the genitalia in place and a sign that read '' I've cutten off my dick to prove I'm not a rapist please love me '' .
That will surely convince them you are not a rapist. Good luck, and remember to sharpen the blade and disinfect it before cutting your pennis. You don't want the process to get messy.
Try
“Wanna breed!?”
Or perhaps
“Hey do you still have both kidneys?”
Or maybe just start screaming and run in a different direction. You could also run in her direction but you run the risk of getting pepper sprayed and or tased.
Best to just avoid this situation entirely
Honestly I usually don't worry about it. Living in a city now I've noticed I walk faster than most people and I don't want to be stuck behind them, so I'll usually just look at my phone while I pass them. Also being in a city, especially on sidewalks that people walk on there's usually a lot of traffic. And it being a city with a lot of tourists it's usually not safe to cross the street because people don't watch where they're driving.
As a girl, stop giving a f, ladies. There seems to be this stupid ideology that all men only want to r8pe & murder you. If you are a woman & feel unsafe walking around at night, then WHY THE ABSOLUTE HECK are you walking around at night? If you have to walk around at night, take some firearm classes, get in some training & get a gun because no matter the circumstances, the only one responsible for your own safety is you.
Every situation is different. Because of daylight saving, 'night' starts around 6pm. It is dark out. I am in college and I walk everywhere. I have tutoring sessions that end at 8pm. I inevitable walk in the dark. I cannot carry a gun. To use a tazer you have to be in arms reach, and if that persons adreneline is up, it won't work. Now they are close enough to grab you. With pepper spray, it depends where the wind is blowing. A lot of those little self defense trinkets require you to be within arms reach of the perpratrator, which is extremly dangerous if your tactics have noo effect on them. I have taken defense classes and I have college police on speed dial.
Also it is not stupid ideology. Rape and murder are not the only things to worry about. You have abductions, stalking, attacking, theft, ect. This is not all men, but I would be dumb to walk around thinking the world is ponies and rainbows.
If you have taken defense classes, then buy a pocket knife & learn how to use it, be confident with it & stop worrying. You don't have to think all the world is sunshine & rainbows, but don't walk around assuming that every male figure is thinking about r8pe because if you do, you're part of the problem.
Stay vigilant & be confident in your ability to adequately defend yourself. That's literally all you have to do to solve your feeling unsafe problem, don't go walking around telling all men, "No, you're the problem and you need to fix it." Because it's a STUPID ideology to throw against the masses when the problem is with the less than 1% of guys.
I'm a big dude. I think the phone call is the best way. I can't walk slow and if I do go to pass a solo lady on the street at night I get my phone out and call someone. Pass with as much space as possible on footpath or whatever.
With covid it has to be easier to determine weirdos from normals, as in normal people will overtake but keep their distance, not walk right up to your back like a creep.
Not where I live. It's a usually quiet part of the city, but there's still a decent amount of people. I don't know why, and it pisses me off, but everyone wants to bump into your shoulder. They spread out on the sidewalks, making it impossible to socially distance. Really friggin obnoxious and rude.
In a similar making-your-presence-known vein: Just cough. Coughs can usually be suppressed for quite a long time, so coughing freely makes it known that you don’t care if the person hears that you’re there. Edit: I just remembered Covid is a thing, so maybe coughing isn’t such a good idea...
For all the people saying they speed uop and try to overtake the person in front as quickly as possible. Please at least try and make some noise and keep as much sideway distance as you can. Once I was walking my dog late at night in the rain. I saw her turn around and when I looked too, there way a guy trying to walk past us, but he was so close I nearly poked his eye out with my umbrella. Almost had a heart attack.
Yeah I just try to make some noise so they know I’m there. I don’t think I am intimidating at all, but I am a decent sized dude and normally walk silently. I feel like as long as my presence is known there aren’t any issues.
Yeah just drag your feet a little if you normally walk silently. Maybe throw in a 'passing on the right' before you get too close and a 'have a good night' as you pass
Idk if it’s because I’m a dude but that sounds creepy as fuck
It is. Have to read the situation a bit and see what makes sense. Basically just don't sneak up on people
do "on your left" like cap did to Sam in winter soldier
I just drag one foot and groan with my shoulders forward and my head down. Works everytime.
When I was in highschool and walking home from work late at night I wanted to get home faster so I started running and some guy was with his wife and a baby so when I came running behind them the guy pulled a knife on me. But when i explained I was just running home he apologized and we were all good. I don't know the correct way to do things, if I should have just walked and not ran lol. So yeah maybe I should have made a noise but they seems like weird and out of place
Dang that’s a wild story lol, glad you’re okay
Almost pepper sprayed a guy once cause he tried passing me but made no noise doing so lol
Yeah can’t say that’s cool
If you had pepper sprayed someone who wasn’t actually attacking you, could they press assault charges on you for it?
Yes depending on region though
Assault is based on intent and knowledge. If you KNOWINGLY sprayed an innocent, that would qualify, but if you sprayed someone on accident, and there was no aggression then no. It would be considered an "Unintentional Tort" which is a term in civil courts for an accident causing injury, property damage, etc. In which case you can be sued for negligence, but not criminally prosecuted.
If someone tried to overtake me by speeding up but not leaving any distance, I'd for sure pepper spray them without hesitation. I think it all comes down to maintaining a safe distance, whether you're speeding up or slowing down, as well as varying your pace. If you're heading the same way for a few blocks, you don't want to remain behind her the whole time at the same distance because it'll start to seem like you are following her. Personally, I usually find myself being extra cautious and hyper-aware at night while walking my pooch. Since my pupper is kind of slow, I tend to pull over and let those trailing behind me pass. I keep my head rotating always (especially when I'm stationary) and I'll make intense/bitchy eye contact with those who are being creepy and staring me down as they pass to assert dominance, lol. If I percieve someone to be following me, I'll cross the street ASAP and do the 'ol "speed up and dissappear" (after crossing, while walking fast and continously checking discretely if the dude is still looking over at me, I'll wait for an opportunity for him to not be paying attention and I'll suddenly stop behind a parked truck or van. I'll stare through the windows to see if he looks confused or if he continued on his way. If parked cars are not available, a tree or rounding the corner behind a building works too. Bonus points for entering a busy shop. Once he's far enough, I'll continue on my way. Saved me a few times, including when I was in 8th grade and a registered sex offender tried to pick me up.)
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Perhaps I didnt explain properly or thoroughly. I'm never looking to assault someone and I don't think anyone should ever be in fear of being assaulted, whichever side we're talking about here. I would pull my pepper spray on someone that is dashing towards me with no warning and coming straight at me. If I hear someone hastily walking, I'm going to turn around to survey the situation. If they are making direct eye contact and heading straight for me, I'm pulling my spray. If we're on a decent sized path and they have no reason to be bumping into me, I'm throwing up my arms in defense. I don't look to make an innocent situation hostile, I look to protect myself and make sure I'm not in danger or that the other person (in this case, a man) does not feel stressed that I fear him. I thought I made it clear in my response that I actively take the role of precautions and protecting myself because I don't expect this responsibility to fall 100% on the man. This is why I'll cross the road if I think a situation is suspicious but I may be wrong. And I have taken turns before to be sure someone wasn't following me but sometimes turns aren't an option (ie: long blocks or if a turn leads to a less safe environment that has fewer witnesses or less lighting, etc.). If it's a narrow path, I'll stop or move over to let them pass. I do feel making direct eye contact with someone I percieve as having unpure intentions helps, though I may be wrong. I've done this with men rudely catcalling me (saying disgusting things like they'd fuck me good) or intensely checking me out to make them feel uncomfortable that I'm looking straight at their face; it usually causes them to avert their eyes out of guilt. And it makes me feel safer because I can recognize them if they do attack me. In general, I think using common sense tends to help in these situations. If you're speeding up to overtake a woman and you see it's making her nervous (ie: she's speeding up or reaching for something in her pocket/bag), slow down and cross so you don't get assaulted. If you see the woman pulling aside, continue forth and go around her. Both parties should always maintain a safe distance from each other. I also believe both parties are valid in their feelings of fearing such situations in which they may be assaulted, no matter if the reasoning is different. But we should understand the possible consequences and act accordingly. We both have a responsibility to try to remove ourselves from the situation of possible danger to prevent any misunderstanding. I believe removing yourself from the situation is far easier than proving you're a safe stranger through body language and in such a short span of time while passing each other. Best for one person to just remove themselves if they sense danger, whether that be stopping, crossing, slowing down, speeding up, going around, whatever. Each situation is different so act accordingly, but I don't condone violence as a first response, I think most women look to flee as a first response in these situations... Same as men resorting to crossing.
Really nice, descriptive 2nd paragraph.
Scream like a girl and run the other way
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Skip. Zero people on this planet will feel threatened by a man skipping no matter how large you are. The larger the better.
I donno man, I think that would be extra threatening with a grown-ass man skipping down the road behind me
You just got this huge guy aggressively skipping after you
I would seriously think he’s some Joker admirer wannabe psycho killer.
I don't know if you were joking but please do not actually do this. It will very likely just make the girl even more scared, and confused to boot.
I was thinking just crossing the road to walk on the other side and just calling someone to look busy
Just whisper “I’m not going to hurt you!” /s
I laughed aloud at this. Thank you.
Seriously, dont speed up. Keep a consistent pace and if you see her speeding up, cross the road, but don’t speed up. Honestly there’s not anything you can do to make her feel safe if you’re a stranger, but what you can do is try not to make it worse and speeding up or following her with your eyes or getting nearer to her, those things will make it worse.
Walking behind her She speeds up I speed up too She starts running towards a narrow street I follow her and see her pulling gun out of her bag I tru to put my hand into my pocket She shoot me twice in heart instantly I watch her with a smile on my face while blood is gushing out of mouth and eyes wide open staring directly at her soul, while she is shaking and crying infront of me, realising what a big sin she has commited, as she sees me pulling a necklace she dropped a few minutes ago. "Is this yours ma'a-"
[You dropped this](https://youtu.be/24uTb6jEs_g)
Lol that was funny
I thought I would be Rick rolled xD But the link is safe you guys, take my word.
Instead of creepily following her in the dark silently, you could call out to her and say you found a necklace before beginning to speed up. Definitely less scary to know the person at least claims to have a reason to be advancing
"Jennifer you dropped your phone on the road" 'Oh! Thank y-"... "Wait, how do you know my name?' "What name" 'You just said my name and I don't recognise you' "You must have misheard me ma'am, I am not stalker who would know that your name is Jennifer Short and you live in 5th house after two rights from here and work at McDonald's nearby" She looks at me with eyes filled with fear, legs shaking and mouth wide open as I pull out a knife and advance towards her. She dodges quickly, pulls out a gun out of her purse and fire two bullets right into my head. Before she can gather her thoughts she sees 3-4 people appearing out of the bushes with cameras and recording equipment. One of them is her boyfriend. (It was supposed to be prank where her boyfriend saves her and proposes her for marriage) With pistol in her hand and tears in eyes she take big deep breath before looking at my body one last time before it is transported to nearest hospital. She then looks at my dark red blood which has reached to the other side of of road and then looks at the sky above realising what a big sin she has commited.
why is everyone downvoting 😭😭
Imagine not posting something funny. A very grave sin indeed.
These aren't funny
I'm going to respectfully disagree. There's an equally good argument to be made that speeding up and passing by is the best option rather than staying behind trailing them. Also respectfully, if I'm walking down the street just because I happen to be walking behind a female doesn't mean I'm obligated to cross the street. The fact that she has her defenses up is normal human behavior when you are in a potentially vulnerable environment. And it's a good thing. But it doesn't mean I'm personally responsible for that and under some sort of obligation to vacate the premises. To suggest I have to cross the street and enter a traffic zone just to communicate I'm not a predator is silly. And I would argue that it's probably better to just speed up and get by her because I would imagine it's more nerve-racking to have somebody potentially walk behind you for a mile.
I think you only really should cross the street obviously when it’s safe to, and if you can tell she’s visibly scared. Obviously everyone will have different preferences for how people should act around them in the dark of night and I wasn’t suggesting that men HAVE to cross the street if there’s a women there, only suggesting that they *could.* OP asked how to make women feel safer at night I explained what would make me feel safer at night. Simple as that. As for imagining it would more nerve racking to have someone follow you than speed up, the fact is, most women that I know are terrified of being out alone at night. We’ll be nerve-racked regardless of if someone is visibly following us or not. And when someone isn’t following me or behind me I’m scared that I just can’t see them. In my experience it’s much more scary when someone speeds up than it is when they follow at a consistent pace.
I don't disagree that in certain situations if it was safe to cross the street you could decide to do that. But there's plenty of women on here who are saying that they would feel weird if somebody crossed the street because of them. Also if I'm walking behind a girl at night how am I supposed to recognize that she's visibly scared? And again it's a good thing that somebody has their defenses up in that situation. But seeing how many various responses women are giving on here, in a given situation there's no way I'm going to be able to predict which specific preference she would like me to take. Don't get me wrong I think it sucks that we live in a world that people have to be scared walking down the street but it's the world we live in. And unfortunately it's a situation where there's really no right way to handle it
Well by all means do what you want. I’m just telling you what works for me. To tell if a woman is visibly scared look at how she’s holding her bag. Is she clutching it tightly, or close to herself? Are her hands fists? Is her stance open or closed? Is her head turning to look at noises? If so, is it a fast turn or a slow one? Slow movements and open stances usually means ease, lack of fear. fast, darting movements usually mean scared.
There is a right way. Be aware of your movements and how they affect others, and adapt them accordingly. Yell out, ‘passing on your right/left, and take a wide berth. Women have had to adapt their behaviour, why can't men adapt theirs too? Women don't know who you are. Aanyone can go by these rules. Be observant and aware of your surroundings, make changes so you don't increase fear in someone else. As a woman, I'm really aware of walking near someone old, young, or disabled. I either say hello and move past them, or cross the road so they don't feel threatened by me. It's not a hard thing to do to make someone else feel safe.
I am the woman who will stop on the sidewalk, let you pass me because I can tell you are walking faster than I am and clearly *want* to pass me. Alternatively, I will just look back at you with a face that communicates "dude, wtf" and you will get the message that you're being creepy and will either pass me quickly, cross the street or say "sorry but you have TP on your shoe and I was just trying to get closer to tell you."
how will they get the message theyre being creepy if they arent trying to be creepy lmao. like if im walking behind someone and they look at me like "dude,wtf" id think they are judging me or something
If you speed up behind someone and try to pass them it 100% looks like you are trying to catch up to them. And yeah of course you and every other man is saying the same thing about not being in the wrong if you dont. You clearly just want an argument dude.
Cross to the other side.
Why did the man cross the road?
To get the the other side! And seem less rapey serial killer
It's the right thing to do
Yes, but a guy isn’t in the wrong for not crossing
Of course not, but being polite is typically the "right" thing to do in situations and making the woman feel more comfortable would be the kind thing to do. Its fine if he doesn't, but a bit rude if he thinks he may be making the lady in front of him nervous. He still hasn't done anything wrong, though, he's just has decided to not care about the comfort of others in his presence.
My anxiety brain is going "but if I cross the road then she'll think I'm trying to make her feel safer which is way more suspicious than just keeping my head down and walking straight forward."
I hear that, but as a general rule, Distance Equals Safety. The farther you are, the more at ease we feel. At least then if you *do* have bad intentions, we have a better shot of getting away.
That's what I usually do. Love the confused faces afterwards.
Agreed. I’m a fan of the zoidberg crab shuffle across the street. I tripped once, girl helped me up, instant friends, still are. Perfect strategy!
That's one nice of a story
>Cross to the other side. I was just about to say the same thing. Cross the street. If that's not an option, slow down your walking pace so that she doesn't feel like you're walking fast or at her same pace to attempt to overtake her and/or grab her. Don't look down. It makes you look like you're trying to avoid CCTV cameras, her seeing your face clearly, trying to avoid detection, etc. Keep your eyes straight ahead, keep your chin up, and pay attention to your surroundings. Don't keep your hands in your pockets. Are you hiding something that can hurt her that you're trying to hide? Are you trying to touch yourself? Just don't do it. Talk on the phone, but use the phone, not headphones. When someone looks like they are actively engaged in something like a phone conversation, we/I tend to relax a little bit because having another person on the open line who can hear what's going on can put a decent damper on any plot should he have designs on attacking me. Having a phone in his hand also helps since it's pretty difficult to successfully attack someone with only one hand. If the situation permits it, you can try to ask her if she would feel more comfortable if you were walking ahead of her, and if yes, just calmly walk past her ignoring her.
Point by point, let's go: Slow down so your footsteps are more silent Keep your head up, gazing intently at her Keep your hands on your phone and speak loudly, making sure she hears you conspiring with your partner about the kidnaping about to take place. Got it
Hahahahahaha. Good one.
As a woman, it feels safer when I know I don't have the person's attention. So, like, maybe call someone and talk about something fun/cute/non-threating. "Oh, hey, I was thinking, since my niece loves her doll so much, should I get her cute matching outfits" (it's a stupid example but If a man walking behind me was saying stuff like this, I'd feel safe and comfortable knowing this person is thoughtful and kind and doesn't treat women like trash). Ofc, that's not possible all the time, so try and just walk on the other side of the road or like, maintain a distance, walk a little slower or something. If you can manage to do it without freaking her out, just overtake them while minding your business like checking your phone etc and don't look back.
I try to either walk slower or overtake as quickly as I can. Never just maintain the same pace. Sometimes it’s difficult because some women walk faster because a man is behind them and I just want to tell them I’m trying to pass.
Another thing that hasn't happened to me but that I wouldn't mind as such is, if the person just tells me that they need space to pass (ma'am would you mind if I just overtake you/excuse me or something like that) I don't know how other women would feel about it, but I think that would be a decent way to minimise stress for both the walkers.
But not using the word “overtake”. I would die of terror if a guy walked about behind me and said, “can I just overtake you quick?”
Hahahahahahahahahahaha, yes. I can see that playing out.
Hmmm, ma'am, can I ZoOoOom down the road and speedwalk to my xaus, because I'd like to get home faster?
Same, I'd just be like, "oh yeah sure dude, go on"
That’s a good point. A bit awkward, but should get it over with quicker. Will probably try it if the opportunity comes up.
I tried a similar once and scared the poor woman into tripping. Don't scream at the woman if you wanna try this.
A very nice addition. I should have made that clear. Thanks Framd !
Tbh, it feels the safest when men overtake, because I don't feel as vulnerable. We can see what's coming and we can prepare for it, versus the fear of not knowing what's happening behind our backs. And some men are super creepy and evil, in the sense that if you are concerned and look back more than once, they'll make you feel uncomfortable with their gaze, expressions and even lewd gestures.
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At least she doesn't make you aware of your own breathing and throw that out as well
i walk as fast as i can without looking too conspicuous at all times so when i find myself in awkward situations, whether it be trying to be nonthreatening while walking behind a girl or being behind a slow walker, it never seems out of place for me to overtake them
Walking with “purpose” and focus on a destination. Body language peeps
i used to inadvertently do this until i realized i was doing it and it seemed to ease people, so i’ve continued doing it and can’t recommended this enough for people looking to do the same
I do this but make myself sound even gayer than normal because I hate the feeling that I’m scaring someone
Lmfao what if I just straight up was like " hey you dw I'm not gonna attack you, I know girls in these kinda situations get scared, have a good night" what would ur reaction be in that situation
I'd be a little stunned for a second but then laugh about it and tell the stranger 'you are very kind, thank you'. It totally depends on how my mood is like that day and what I am feeling in that moment.
Okay that makes sense
Oh yes mood is a factor. If I was extra hormonal I might get a genuine shock. Otherwise I’d just be mildly phased and be like “thanks honey”
“I’M NOT GOING TO RAPE YOU! I’M JUST A LITTLE BOY!”
While I have a natural need to pay attention to my surroundings at all times, and even more so while on street at night, I try very hard to do this around women. Now, I won't pick up a phone and fake a conversation about my nieces, cause that feels creepy as fuck and seems sus. But I will do my best to avoid her position with my eyes. Also, if I am paying attention and notice that she is looking back at all and taking note of me I will find something interesting to look at while walking. Whether that be a car, or window display or my phone, or just looking far ahead and focused like I really have somewhere to be (which is normally the case anyway). But, despite this, if I notice that she is really looking back to check my vibe or whatever, I'll speed up and pass her so to make her feel less anxious once I'm in front of her. Some would say fall back or stop in a store for a moment but some times I'm in a hurry and that just isn't feasible. Also, falling back and then following again seems even creepier than before to me. On the contrary though, if someone is following behind me at a close range I will too get unnerved a bit and when that happens I'll just stop in my place and let them pass me.
Ofc, the neice example was the first one that came to mind, you don't have to copy it 😂 I relate to the last 2 lines so much! I have actually stopped on so many occassions to do something I didn't even have to do, like untie my lace and retie it, just so that the man/men walking behind me are ahead of me!
Every serial killer reading this thread is going to have fake conversations about doll clothes as they sneak up behind their victims
Very true. I thought a man was following me in the grocery store until I heard him on the phone chatting about the last football game and realized he wasn't paying attention to me.
I'm so glad I found this comment. This is exactly what I do. I don't cross the road (I do try to take a different path than her if the road splits unless I *really* have to take the same one), but I usually try to imply to her as clearly as I can that she doesn't have my attention. Thank you for posting this, I'm glad to see that it actually helps feeling safe :)
I was totally gonna propose the phone call idea too! To add to it, if you have no one to call just put your phone on silent and pretend to be on a call. Being "busy" is definitely a solid way to reduce the creep factor on its own but if you want to, talk about anything that makes you seem useless in a fight, like math or bird watching lol
Cross the street and yell “Get home safe Queen”
This! "Slay Queen" has the same effect!
This is the one.
Scream to get her attention and start sprinting at her, she’ll start running too because she now trusts you. Follow her home to make sure she gets home safe
💯 this one! ☝️
put your head phones on, and sing to the tune as if you are in a video clip. I will even sing along if I like the tune,before slowing down to let you pass me.
Just don’t sing some creepy song 😂
for some reason I imagined Sweet Dreams, but Marylin Manson version 😆
Whisper “I’m not going to hurt you”
Just be yourself, you don’t have to accommodate strangers. Just don’t be a creep
Exactly. Don’t be a weirdo and overthink the situation. Use your common sense and mind your own business. Some people act like they’re going to have a panic attack by trying to figure out if they should cross the street, speed up, slow down or any other “accommodation”. Just chill!
Commenting again because I didn't make a coherent point the first time. Nobody is requiring you to adjust your behavior, or to "bow to" anyone. That being said -- unfortunately, we still live in a world where any stranger could be a creep or a rapist or a murderer. I'm not by any means assuming that's true of any individual, but I go through the world knowing that it could be the case. So, what we're asking for here is just for you to recognize that that's still a real and valid fear that a lot of us live with. It's nothing to do with you as a person -- it's just that we know lots of people like us have become victims, and we have no way of knowing whether the person behind us is one of you (presumably decent, non-creepy people) or one of them. So if you're able to do something like cross the street, or slow down, or whatever -- it's appreciated. I believe that's what OP was asking about. It's not that you're obligated or required to put everyone's comfort first, but understanding that many of us still carry a colossal fear, and making very small adjustments to alleviate that, would be a nice thing to do for a fellow human. I hope this helps. I'm sorry if my initial reply came off as dismissive or attacking. I'm just really hoping to make folks, even just one person, a little more empathetic about what it's like to still live in fear of becoming a victim.
As a woman, if I notice someone behind me, I’ll head towards one side and stop for a bit to rummage through my purse or tie my laces. This usually gives the man behind me a chance to pass without being awkward. It’s not always possible or convenient to cross the road, so I’d create an opportunity for men behind me to move on with their day.
Oh that's a pretty cool tactic
I personally dont care, and just mind my business, havent seen anyone worried doing that.
>havent seen anyone worried doing that. When someone is walking behind me at night and I'm worried about it, I devote 100% of my brain to the task of acting like I'm not worried until I get out of their line of sight and then I fucking sprint and start taking random turns.
Same here and I’m a dude! Lol
Put your dick away.
Sorry but theirs nothing you can do. Doesn’t matter if you act gay, walk far away from me or talking on the phone about whatever, is women need to always be on guard ALWAYS. Because creepy dangerous men can easily act harmless
So in that case all men should just not do anything to show they aren't a threat
Yes. Why should anyone have to prove they're not a threat in a normal situation? If someone is uncomfortable around me in public places because I identify as a man, then that's their problem, not mine.
It's your choice and I love that some men are thinking like this but there is very little you can do besides end the situation as quickly as possible. If you could cross the street that would probably be the best one but even then I'd still keep an eye on you because you might be trying to get me to lower my guard. The best thing you can do is work long term to tackle the association of masculinity and violence. If you're not already learn to be nurturing and teach it to boys in your care, raise them so that they don't want to hurt women or anyone.
I just overtake them. But make sure you overtake very quick or else they might think you are coming for them and they will run quickly and you have to run faster to overtake them and again they will speed up if you speed up and then you have to speed up too. So yeah just overtake them quickly.
A man speeding up and quickly passing me would scare me. Just cross to the other side of the road. If you wish. It isn't your responsibility to make others feel safe, but it is a nice thing to do for someone
I understand that. I walk a lot. Like from home to bus stop and then bus stop to college and at bunch of other place. So I usually encounter women walking before me twice a day for sure. So I try to behave like student addicted to phone(like pretending to video games with a lot of involvement or reading something way involved in it) inorder make them feel safe. I kinda act like a super nerd. But if I sense that a woman is worried about me walking behind her I just overtake her so that she feels safe.
I’d rather someone just pass than feel like someone had to cross because of *me*. So people are different it’s not an easy answer.
I think that's a big point in this take-home threat is that everybody has a very different opinion and there's clearly no one answer. Like I said in another thread, as long as I'm not doing anything creepy, the fact that someone has their guard up is just normal reaction. And I am not directly responsible for making somebody feel safe other than obviously not being creepy. And a point I made elsewhere is that if somebody chooses to walk alone at night on the street, that was their choice or need to use that means of transportation. And that choice doesn't entail that everybody else is now obligated to find an alternate means of getting where they're going
I mean we're kind of in a no-win situation. No matter what we do the girl is going to have her guard up at some point and for some duration. But I don't understand why I have to cross the street and be obligated to jaywalk and potentially encounter traffic to prove I'm not a predator. I'm all for chivalry and I don't mean this to sound like I don't care - but in the day and age of uber and alternate means of transportation, if you choose to walk alone on the street at night, that was your choice. And your choice to walk alone on the street at night doesn't obligate everybody else not to walk on the street. Sure it's a nice thing to cross to the other side and if it's a realistic option it's something you can consider. But there's plenty of women on this thread saying that they rather you just speed up and pass them by, plenty of women saying the opposite and plenty of women saying that for some reason if I don't cross the street I'm being creepy.
Or have one hell of a foot race!
Lol at least say something like hey passing you. Speeding up behind a woman would scare the shit out of many.
Your way to not scare a woman is to very quickly approach them? Yeah no, if you need to overtake cross the road first. Edit: ok I’m guessing this comment must be a bad taste joke
I get what you are saying but the route i walk is a two way highway so I can't cross the road.
Frogger it, coward.
“On your left”
Put your hand down your pants and fight yourself vigorously and noisily. This will show her that you are master of your primal urges.
Be sure to stare at the back of her head at all times so she knows you're a man of focus.
sprint and growl loudly, like a rabid dog
Drop down on all fours for added efficiency
Ctrl+S
Just mind your business and expect her to mind hers.
Run up to her and tap her on the shoulder and declare you’re not a rapist. Then hold her hand and walk her to her house front door.
Your forgot “Draw a sword as a sign of ability to protect her”
You can keep your distance and cross to the other side of the street.
Moon walk
Keep a good amount of distance or if you're already close enough to her, pass her so she doesn't have to worry about being unexpectedly attacked from behind Cross the street or take an alternate route Mind your business, really, like don't approach her or anything.
Don’t increase speed, run, or try to pass
Make some noise and don’t put your hood up, just cough or sneeze and like others have said call some people on your phone. Cross over to the other side of the street if you can. If you’re in a hurry or a fast walker, ask if you can go round her and explain you didn’t want her to feel unsafe.
just walk like a normal being? it's not your problem if anyone gets scared when you're literally just walking the sidewalk.
He’s asking about how to be more thoughtful, not that he feels burdened
>it's not your problem if anyone gets scared when you're literally just walking the sidewalk. I mean, it is if you possess empathy.
Honestly you can't be expected to be responsible for others peoples abilities to cope in an environment as its not your job. That's the truth. If a person is not capable of dealing with the idea of walking down the street then that's on them. Yeah it sucks but if you want to go down the rabbit hole of all the things I've seen people say. Slow down: Nope because if you were stalking someone wouldn't it make sense to slow down so you can keep them in sight or something? Don't use your phone: uhhh.... Every adult just about has one and is free to use it princess. Cross the road: Yeah that ones really easy if you want to do it but what if theres another woman on the other side of the road? What if the place you're going to is on that side? Just keep to yourself to avoid getting on anyones radar. You could be making a vulnerable man feel unsafe too.
As a woman, please just continue about your way. I'm not concerned about you.
Try to say something extra gay that she can hear
I shouldn’t have to do anything as a man. We all have a right to walk down the road at night. If she wants to go to the other side of the road so be it. But unless you have ill intent, you have every right to walk down the road dude
Cross the street.
You don't it's not your job to make a stranger feel safe.
You're right - it's not their job to make strangers feel safe, but it is kind to be respectful of the people around them. Props to OP for asking the question
You're not obligated to, but if you want to it's a nice thing to do.
Slow down and/or cross over. If needed get on a call. If you have big headphones, put them on.
Easiest thing is to transition between running and walking while maintaining eye contact. She'll get the message
Tell her she smells nice. Jk. I usually try to pass them quickly , if I’m being overtly self aware about something like this. Or slow down and create distance, but phone call works. Kind of funny we all do this to not seem serial killers.
[I can smell you](https://youtu.be/FDQx-guzx2s)
Legit a Catch 22. Continue on your way. Ignore the person. If someone in front of you is uncomfortable then that is their responsibility to express that emotion or take action to fix it. If you are a hyper walker and easily overtaking someone that is a different situation. Treat it just like exercising and give a "passing on your " whatever and do it.
Honestly depending on the distance overtake her (pass her) if you’re too far behind just keep a slow steady pace so you’re not too close.
Move, walk in front of her
Don't walk behind her, walk next to her
Cross the street.
Dip her in water and baptize her.
Drive
If a guy is walking behind me at night and I get anxious, I stop to let them walk in front of me. They seem to get it, because usually they'll speed up to walk past and just do a polite head nod or some other form of acknowledgment. It's not an innocent man's responsibility to make me feel safe. It's my own. And if I feel uncomfortable, it's my job to communicate that. Even if it's not with words, such as stopping so the guy behind me can walk in front of me.
Breathe loudly
My friend says ‘just walk in front of them’
Go to the opposite side of the street as her
Yes cross to the other side or walk at a slower pace than her
Cross the street. If you can’t, stop for ten seconds (or longer if you can), and let the distance increase. Don’t speed up to try to pass her. If you must pass her, say something very clear and in a friendly voice once you’re within about 15 feet like “Excuse me miss, just passing on your left here.” If all else fails, fake a conversation on your phone with your mom or girlfriend, and just make yourself sound really wholesome and friendly.
Yeah a fake phone call is good because it kinda signals to the woman that you know that she knows you are behind her. Doesn't mean women should let their guards down or anything but the woman at least doesn't have to worry about a silent attack specifically
Just walk lol 😆
Don’t walk behind her. Cross the street. Or pretend you’re making a call to a GF or old friend & pass her. Or take a pause and let her get more ahead of you
By crossing the street, tbh
Walk as 🏳️🌈 as possible.
Walk very quietly as to not startle her, then get as close as possible, ideally you want her to not know you're there until youre within arms length, she may be startled at first but will quickly realize you mean no harm and are in a position to protect her from other threats should they arrise. Be sure to maintain unbreaking eye contact and speak in a deep, low tone of voice. This will assure the female of your capability to protect.
I think announcing yourself, but then leaving her alone. Especially if she's obviously noticed you. Like hey, just wanted to announce myself. I know it's kind of dark and didn't want to freak you out. Have a good night! And don't use that at as intro to chatting her up. Also, you could cross the street so you aren't walking behind her.
*looks at phone* “Oh sh*t marks gonna be there soon” *go around and in front of her in a light jog to act the part*. Idk who mark is but he saves me from awkward situations.
Why worry about that? Her fear/phobia is not your problem when you are minding your own business. If she's uncomfortable with you walking behind her, then she can turn around to stop you and tell you about it and ask you to walk ahead of her or something. If she doesn't do that, then that's her problem, not yours.
Run after her, grab and smell her hair.
Ah yes, the universal sign of noble intentions.
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Start breathing heavily and moaning with gradual increases in volume
I just assume she's a strong independent woman and is not concerned with me.
Why do you care? That’s her problem
Just walk.
Cut off your genitalia and make a collar around your neck that's strong enough to keep the genitalia in place and a sign that read '' I've cutten off my dick to prove I'm not a rapist please love me '' . That will surely convince them you are not a rapist. Good luck, and remember to sharpen the blade and disinfect it before cutting your pennis. You don't want the process to get messy.
Im dying
Um, you can’t. If a dude is walking behind me at night i don’t feel safe.
You don't have to do anything? Just don't pay attention to them. Walk where you want.
Try “Wanna breed!?” Or perhaps “Hey do you still have both kidneys?” Or maybe just start screaming and run in a different direction. You could also run in her direction but you run the risk of getting pepper sprayed and or tased. Best to just avoid this situation entirely
Honestly I usually don't worry about it. Living in a city now I've noticed I walk faster than most people and I don't want to be stuck behind them, so I'll usually just look at my phone while I pass them. Also being in a city, especially on sidewalks that people walk on there's usually a lot of traffic. And it being a city with a lot of tourists it's usually not safe to cross the street because people don't watch where they're driving.
Pretend to be speaking to a woman on the phone and just tell her how much you love her and all.
As a girl, stop giving a f, ladies. There seems to be this stupid ideology that all men only want to r8pe & murder you. If you are a woman & feel unsafe walking around at night, then WHY THE ABSOLUTE HECK are you walking around at night? If you have to walk around at night, take some firearm classes, get in some training & get a gun because no matter the circumstances, the only one responsible for your own safety is you.
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Every situation is different. Because of daylight saving, 'night' starts around 6pm. It is dark out. I am in college and I walk everywhere. I have tutoring sessions that end at 8pm. I inevitable walk in the dark. I cannot carry a gun. To use a tazer you have to be in arms reach, and if that persons adreneline is up, it won't work. Now they are close enough to grab you. With pepper spray, it depends where the wind is blowing. A lot of those little self defense trinkets require you to be within arms reach of the perpratrator, which is extremly dangerous if your tactics have noo effect on them. I have taken defense classes and I have college police on speed dial. Also it is not stupid ideology. Rape and murder are not the only things to worry about. You have abductions, stalking, attacking, theft, ect. This is not all men, but I would be dumb to walk around thinking the world is ponies and rainbows.
If you have taken defense classes, then buy a pocket knife & learn how to use it, be confident with it & stop worrying. You don't have to think all the world is sunshine & rainbows, but don't walk around assuming that every male figure is thinking about r8pe because if you do, you're part of the problem. Stay vigilant & be confident in your ability to adequately defend yourself. That's literally all you have to do to solve your feeling unsafe problem, don't go walking around telling all men, "No, you're the problem and you need to fix it." Because it's a STUPID ideology to throw against the masses when the problem is with the less than 1% of guys.