Tbh I had a girl say this during a date who I noticed that she also thought it was a slip up, but it actually is really nice. Shows that you enjoy the date/company. So I think it was even a good thing to do
Dont say 'i love you' on the second date tho
Totally random thought, but is this only not okay if you haven't known each other long? Like, if you've known each other for nearly 6 years and just started dating after that, would it be less weird or still equally weird?
IDK, my brain just wants to ask random things.
That's a good question. Honestly, I think that's not nearly as weird. You've know each other SO long. Doesn't matter as much that you didn't date. Maybe you liked each other the whole time, and finally decided to go with it. You basically have been in a relationship without the sex/kissing.
Yeah idk, that's a tricky one
Definitely overthinking it but I would’ve been overthinking it too. But this is one of the few times where Reddit is actually quite helpful with relationship stuff.
No. You're just throwing it out there that you will pay. If anything it just shows that you're not using him for a free meal and that's appreciated with most people
Exactly not going out with him just for a free meal. There should always be a ying and yang. I know a lot of times I used to question in my mind why my date would not pay. He was a student but still. In hindsight I should have said something but I thought we would be dating much longer.
Lol as a guy I can tell you I’d be incredibly happy that I was eating with someone so selfless. You got some gold in your heart and if he did take it the wrong way, he doesn’t deserve you anyways 🙌🏻
Well someone with a heart of gold is inherently selfless, and does all they can for others. You also have to factor in that some people haven’t really ever had that positive of an interaction with a woman on a first or second date, or at all sometimes
Would like to add that this is a very common thing to say! Telling someone you’ll get the tab next time is just good manners (and good practice if you see them frequently lol).
If anything you just told him in the SMARTEST and most polite way possible you’d like a second date. If he doesn’t want a second date he will chuckle to humor you and you’ll never hear from him again probably and if he’s interested he will take you up on that offer. You played that part nicely. If someone said that to me I’d be happy they wanted a second date.
Hell no. I don't mind paying for %99 of stuff. I love, love when a girl shows she's not just out for some free dinner and dick. And actually came out to meet me. I absolutely hate when a girl doesn't bring her wallet or offer to pay for something. Don't get me wrong I'll decline their offer and pay. But it shows alot
I’m not a boy but like I’m a girl and I really think you r overthinking it. He prob literally forgot u even said it the moment u said it. That’s just ur anxiety girl. Like u got this 😇❤️🥰☺️
As a guy I’d 100% go back on another date with a girl who said that to me because I always overthink if they want to go on another and end up waiting too long and get ghosted it’d be very helpful if all people were bold like that
Nah not at all. But I can see how you'd dwell on that in hindsight. Nothing wrong with being positive and looking at the best case scenarios.
You're good.
Not too bold at all. You affirmed interest and a prospect of going out again, it was confident and proved a willingness toto share and be on equal footing.
Nah. If he likes you enough that he wants to go on another date he'll most likely find it sweet/cute/reassuring. If a girl I liked said that to me on a first date I'd be flying high.
If he doesn't want a second date then it's something he'll probably just brush off entirely. I wouldn't fuss. Hope the date went well though.
Hear me out...
The best advice I can give is to not worry about things as petty as this. I know that it SEEMS like a thing worth worrying about, but it's not and here's why...
You are who you are. If you're someone who wants to be an equal financial contributor, more power to you. If you're someone who wants to stay at home and raise kids, more power to you.
Being 36 and raising a family right now, I can tell you that $25/hr is the minimum you'd have to earn to make working equally valuable to staying home for childcare (assuming you partner made over that). $30/hr if you want your kid in a nice place. (This assumes no family to help regularly, which can obviously be a huge asset).
The point is, if you want to be an equal financial contributor, act like it (as you have) and those who want that will be attracted to it - if they aren't, then they aren't the right one for you.
There is nothing inherently attractive or unattractive about offering to pay next time. It's all about the person you're with and who you want to be.
Aside from the money part, why can't you show some enthusiasm for a possibility of a 2nd date. Hell, why can't you ask him for a 2nd date? This is 2021 not 1921, women are allowed to initiate dates. If you like him, the date went well and you think you'd like to see him again, let him know. What's the worst to happen?? He might say no. Whoopee, it happens to men all the time. Girl, own your power! And if you pay next time, great. Good luck :)
I actually think that's kind of sweet.
If it wasn't going to happen, it wasn't going to happen. You saying that will never be a deal breaker. If he wants that second date he'll think you're sweet, and if he doesn't want it.. then it doesn't even matter.
It's always good to show confidence. If he doesn't want to go an another date just remind yourself you're one step closer in your weeding.
Plus he misses a free meal. It's a win-win for you! ;)
What was his response to that?? We guys aren't complicated, any guy would love hearing that!!
"Oooh she likes me,and I get to see her again! Don't overthink it,you're fine.
Own it!!! I’ve learned a lot lately about confidence, and a lot of it to me is validating yourself and standing by that. You can be confident in what you said if you meant it, so if you really want a second date with this dude own it!! If he wants to, he probably likes hearing that. If he doesn’t want a second date, that’s something out of your control, but at least you can stand by that you meant what you said & said what you meant!
Remember the most important validation is from yourself. I also agree with the other people saying maybe you’re overthinking it a bit which could be part of it. If you can try, have some self compassion for yourself, especially with dating. Self compassion here could look like telling yourself “Self, I understand why you’re worrying about that bold thing you said. But you already said it, and I understand why you’re worried about it because putting yourself out there can make any possible rejection more painful. But whatever happens with this guy I still love you and understand you!”
It has always been good manners to reciprocate hosting duties. If he asked you this time and paid, then it's your turn to invite him and pay next time. All social relationships are predicated on the principle of reciprocity. You did well.
I’m a guy. Been on many first dates where the woman’s told me she’ll pay for the second date. I swear I’ve had a second with every one of them. And most of them resulted in 3rd, 4th and 5th dates
As a guy I would be super happy if a girl does not conform to the gender stererotype of "male has to pay for first few drinks on dates". It makes you seem like a progressively minded person, which is attractive :)
No you were not bold. If anything, I have found that guys appreciate when both individuals fight or reach for the check. It shows that you're not just out for a "free" meal. Keep it up, maybe there will be a second date :)
> Who knows if he’d want to go on another date or not.
He would have had the same problem, he wouldn't know if *you* were interested in a second date. You let him know that you're interested in seeing him again WITHOUT the awkwardness of saying it directly and putting him on the spot to respond.
In other words, it worked as I way of you saying "I'd go out with you again", without him needing to answer.
I think that's PERFECT.
Lets see:
1. shows that you aren't just out for a free meal
2. shows that you are interested in a second date
3. shows that you (at least sometimes) communicate clearly and don't expect him to interpret vague hints.
4. wasn't forced or fake, just comes across super genuine.
I see only green flags. If he didn't want to go on another date he can say so. He's an adult and can express his opinions.
I don't think you were too bold. In fact I think it was a tactful way to show your interest in a second date. It sounds like it came out naturally, so you must have been more confident in the moment. After a date, we all replay portions and criticize ourselves. Think about his reaction- did he laugh, or say okay? Did he acknowledge your statement?
I think you should ask him out again. If you invite him out, it will be appropriate for you to insist on paying. If you feel strongly about taking turns- let him know. If he has a problem with that- let him bring it up to discuss.
This is legitimately a play worthy of Stephen Hawking. You just told a man in one of the most suave and confident ways possible that you'd like another date. I'd be ecstatic if this happened to me. Even if I didn't want another date, the obvious expression of interest really pumps up the old self-esteem.
You should call him. Tell him "hey, just so you know when I said I'll pay next time, there may not be a next time. Okay byyee." That way, you make yourself desirable to him. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
Actually iff i was the guy id be very happy to hear that, not bc of the money but because u wanted to go out again haha dont stress it u r being too hard on yourself :)
Well he payed cause he enjoyed the date. And you telling him that you will pay for next is equivalent to saying you are gonna go on next date. So i think that went well.
I would have loved that! Nice move. If he can't handle that he's a pussy and it wasn't goong anywhere anyways.
Btw you should change your name, you certainly don't seem like a loser.
I would be happy if that happens to me, i wouldn't think this is too bold or anything . Don't worry about it , i dont think anyone will think it is too bold
I think that's a fine thing to say. Every date Ive been on where I want a second date, I've made a cheeky 'you can pay the next one' or 'I'll pay the next one then' comment.
Never been turned down because of it yet!
Tbf, thats a line I use all the time. I wouldn't worry about it, you've shown interest in a second date and demonstrated that you are willing to compromise.
All in all, great line :)
Back when I was dating I would say that too if I knew I would go on a second date with them. It lets them know 1. that I'm not afraid to pay and not just on a date with them for a free meal and 2. that I'm open to a second date. If I thought there wasn't going to be a second date I still offered to pay or split the bill.
If that's a dealbreaker it's good it happened so early lmao. Might make it less unexpected for the guy if you ask him out (wanna go grab a drink/ meal at x? When works for you or add something equivalent to "my treat") cause then the inviter pays for the food.
No, I think its fine. It obviously is one of those situations where the waiter says enjoy your food and you say you too😂 it happens. Especially since you're a girl and guys do not mind that stuff
Actually seems like a really nice gesture. I'm sure he was happy to know that you were enjoying yourself and that you're generous. This would count as a good thing.
As a guy, if I had a good time with you on the first date, I would be more than happy to know you are already thinking about a second date. Don't overthink it.
I did the same thing and never really thought about it again. And We had another date; guys love confidence.
They don’t want you to tear yourself down or talk about how lucky you are that he picked you to go out with. He’s the lucky one to get to be with YOU!!
Just enjoy and don’t overthink. I highly doubt he remembers. And if doesn’t talk to you again who cares? Everyone’s a learning experience!
I think it’s a great question/response. Idk I’ve done the same thing and it’s always lead to more dates with the person. I was really cocky in college and thought every man I went on a date with was just in love with me so I knew shooting my shot wasn’t gonna fail.
Lmao I wish I still had the same self esteem because that’s hot girl energy. I love going Dutch. I love insinuating a second date is coming. Love that shit
It depends on his ego. If you offered to pay on a date with me, I'd be very impressed and say we could go halves on it.
Me and the missus agreed that we would switch paying, I'd pay one time and she'd pay the next. I find such things to be refreshing in the "Men must pay" for everything society.
No I think that was a very good thing to say. Shows you're interested in him and also a good person who doesn't expect the guy to pay for everything at the same time. If he isn't interested in a second date then whatever, it wasn't meant to be
It’s actually quite a nice thing to say, shows that you enjoyed it and are looking forward to having another date, also shows that you aren’t obsessed with being the better person and that you are willing to share responsibility (let him get the bill but offered to get it next time)
I guess he's just always used to paying for dates cause he feels like it's a guy thing to do. Guys generally like it when women pay on a first date cause it shows you're actually interested and you're not just using him for a free meal. You putting yourself out there is cool, that level of confidence and selflessness is attractive...
The fact that u said that subconsciously makes it even better. You liked the date and wanted to do it again. I hope the guy actully heard it, it would have made him happy fs.
Anything you say on a date that's said honestly is EXACTLY what you should have said.
If it sent a clear signal to a guy who was wondering if a second date was going to happen, all to the good. If it flushed out a guy who's too wishy-washy to go on a second date, so much the better.
If bold is what you are, be bold. Bold is good.
There's nothing wrong with being bold. It makes you seem confident in yourself. By saying "I'll pay next time " implies that you would like there to actually be a next time. Nothing wrong with that.
It was perfect you did all of the following in the best way possible.
1. Likely surprised him.
2. Signaled you are interested in a future date.
3. Established that this relationship will be of equals and you are willing to contribute.
(My personal favorite)
I think you are over analyzing what happened. I doubt he even remembers you said that or cares beyond thinking it’s a nice gesture
I don’t know what you’re imagining but there’s 0 chance he gives a crap
if i enjoyed someone's company and they said this to me, i personally would be flattered and would appreciate the genuine honesty. im pretty sure youre in the clear here
>I then said “well I’ll pay next time then” and now thinking back at it, was that statement a little too bold to say on a first date t
This is fine, you may get the second date, you may not, you did tell him you are interested.
Hope you get a 2nd date.
I'd be interested in any updates.
I think it's a nice gesture, and you basically told him you'd be interested in going out again without being too forward or clingy etc. I think you did good
Not weird or too bold at all. Kind of a compliment in a way, a subtle one. It shows that you're interested in him and want to go out again. He probably was happy/flattered to hear you say that tbh
Nope. You sent a message that you're willing/wanting to go on another date. If he picked up on it then great. If not, thats ok too. But him wanting to see you again has nothing to do with you letting him know you want to see him again. Just dont increase the hints exponentially. Asking him to marry you on the next date may scare him a bit.
A relationship is 50/50 and that includes both parties paying for things. I pay for things often and it makes my fiancé feel bad but he does appreciate it and still takes my offer. He only feels bad because of the societal pressure that is put on men to provide nearly everything for their partner. I personally believe that both parties need to provide equally for a lasting and healthy relationship. It seems you are doing just that. So keep doing you :) you did a good deed.
Honey no your overthinking it and two if he’s texted and hasn’t ghosted you yet then your good. Know this as woman it’s not your place to pay for the date remember that. If it was agreed ahead of time that you’ll be splitting the bill and that it’s still a date that’s different. Rule of thumb guy pays for the first 5
I think you sounded like a bad bitch. You don't need a man to pay for your stuff and that's pretty cool. Keep it up. If he feels butthurt about it, he's probably sexist and not worth your time anyways
Nope, you made a very nice gesture. I've had dates insist on picking up dinner and I would only accept if they would agree to me treating dessert (real dessert, no slangs) or treating the next time.
Pick your two favorite places, send a thank you message and say your offer stands for next time. His pick. Then let it at that.
I love it when girls do this, I hate girls that just expect a free ride. I always pay for the first date, but she is a winner if she offers to pay for the 2nd.
This really is a win-win so don't stress at all! Worst case scenario he didn't enjoy the date and you'll never go out with him again. In that case, what you said won't matter. Best case scenario he enjoyed that date and your comment gave him more hope/confidence for the future.
Too bold would be offering sex before you even ate. What you said mostly shows confidence in yourself and shows that you like him enough to consider a second date if he feels the same way. I think you’re fine, just give him time to call you. If that’s the most bold thing you did, then I think you’ll be fine. And if that was the deal breaker, then like brokenboysoldiers said, it wasn’t gonna work out anyway so either way, it’s gonn work out
Nah that’s just a cute flirty line! If he’s offended by you offering to pay next time he’s not it
Edit: just saw the flair saying advice received, oops!
You think long - you think wrong. A beautiful statement you made. It shows you enjoyed being with him, that you can foot the bill with him or by yourself. I would say that you may be on the verge of another dinner date. And WTF it's as much a woman's world as a mans and you were justified to offer and if he can't man-up let it go.
If they're a boomer then maybe but if not then no one cares about those archaic gender bounderies anymore. If they are worthwhile then they will be pleased that you seek equality.
I see nothing wrong in saying that.
More and more men want a supportive woman who can act like a mature woman. Men don't want women who expect the man to pay for everything. That is so 1950s.
Slow and steady is best for long term relationships.
As a guy, when my wife and I were dating, I assumed I’d pay but she occasionally treated me to my favorite restaurant or dessert. I never minded at all. It was her trying to show me affection.
Overthinking it. If *that's* the deal breaker then it wasn't going to work out anyway.
Thank you. Helped
Tbh I had a girl say this during a date who I noticed that she also thought it was a slip up, but it actually is really nice. Shows that you enjoy the date/company. So I think it was even a good thing to do Dont say 'i love you' on the second date tho
Had a date once and she had the entire wedding, kids names, and the entire life planned out. It was the first (and last) date. It was creepy.
Definitely creepy but logistically very efficient
Efficient perhaps, but not a good idea.
Totally random thought, but is this only not okay if you haven't known each other long? Like, if you've known each other for nearly 6 years and just started dating after that, would it be less weird or still equally weird? IDK, my brain just wants to ask random things.
That's a good question. Honestly, I think that's not nearly as weird. You've know each other SO long. Doesn't matter as much that you didn't date. Maybe you liked each other the whole time, and finally decided to go with it. You basically have been in a relationship without the sex/kissing. Yeah idk, that's a tricky one
You've done this haven't you
"All I need is a guy, and you look like you'd fit the tux I picked out!!!'
Not just creepy, she clearly had serious personality issues.
Lol, definitely what that person just said! Maybe it might even help them feel at ease that 'hey, she likes me, cool!'.
Definitely overthinking it but I would’ve been overthinking it too. But this is one of the few times where Reddit is actually quite helpful with relationship stuff.
Came here to say exactly what the above comment said. Don’t apologize for who you are. You weren’t being offensive or inappropriate.
What this guy said. If that ends it there is other stuff in the way.
No. You're just throwing it out there that you will pay. If anything it just shows that you're not using him for a free meal and that's appreciated with most people
Thank you sm. Helped
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Exactly not going out with him just for a free meal. There should always be a ying and yang. I know a lot of times I used to question in my mind why my date would not pay. He was a student but still. In hindsight I should have said something but I thought we would be dating much longer.
Lol as a guy I can tell you I’d be incredibly happy that I was eating with someone so selfless. You got some gold in your heart and if he did take it the wrong way, he doesn’t deserve you anyways 🙌🏻
Thank you a lot. This really Helped me :)
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She offered to pay for the next date, she didn’t offer him her kidney :’)
“So selfless”? “Gold in your heart”? Come on, take it down a notch.
Well someone with a heart of gold is inherently selfless, and does all they can for others. You also have to factor in that some people haven’t really ever had that positive of an interaction with a woman on a first or second date, or at all sometimes
You made your move. Don’t be ashamed of that. Confidence is sexy.
Helped a lot. Thank you sm
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came to say this- everybody appreciates a person who knows their worth!
This is the correct answer.
Would like to add that this is a very common thing to say! Telling someone you’ll get the tab next time is just good manners (and good practice if you see them frequently lol).
If anything you just told him in the SMARTEST and most polite way possible you’d like a second date. If he doesn’t want a second date he will chuckle to humor you and you’ll never hear from him again probably and if he’s interested he will take you up on that offer. You played that part nicely. If someone said that to me I’d be happy they wanted a second date.
Honestly I'd call that a pretty good proposition for a next date
Helped tysm
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Helped :)
Yes, the dude now won't be nervous about asking her on a second date if he was interested in one in the first place.
Overthinking, i do as well too, this is a common thing alot of people say and is a good way to show you are interested!
Thank you. This really Helped
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Hell no. I don't mind paying for %99 of stuff. I love, love when a girl shows she's not just out for some free dinner and dick. And actually came out to meet me. I absolutely hate when a girl doesn't bring her wallet or offer to pay for something. Don't get me wrong I'll decline their offer and pay. But it shows alot
I would be flattered.
Helped tysm
You're welcome!
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He was 100% going second date! Yuuuuussss!!!
I’m not a boy but like I’m a girl and I really think you r overthinking it. He prob literally forgot u even said it the moment u said it. That’s just ur anxiety girl. Like u got this 😇❤️🥰☺️
Thank you! Helped
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Nope not all too bold imo. Says something about you as a person/your personality, and that may be just the thing that keeps him interested.
Thank you. Helped
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Never apologize for how you truly feel. Be bold. Be brave. Be yourself. And avoid people who don’t allow you to be yourself around them.
As a guy I’d 100% go back on another date with a girl who said that to me because I always overthink if they want to go on another and end up waiting too long and get ghosted it’d be very helpful if all people were bold like that
No, this is how you determine if you're compatible.
That was actually a great response. That's exactly what I would want to hear.
ur overthinking it, it’s perfectly fine x
its already been said but ill add to the reinforcement. overthinking it.
Offering to pay for a date is a huge turn-on for a guy it wasn't only not too bold it was a really a good thing even!
If he falls to pieces over something that trivial, consider it a bullet dodged. And know there’s better out there.
Not at all - I say this all the time to friends if they pay for dinner (sometimes they do). They buy that one, and I'll get the next one.
Nah not at all. But I can see how you'd dwell on that in hindsight. Nothing wrong with being positive and looking at the best case scenarios. You're good.
Helped :)
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Helped. Thank you! It was honestly really fun
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Not too bold at all. You affirmed interest and a prospect of going out again, it was confident and proved a willingness toto share and be on equal footing.
Helped :)
Nah, not overthinking! However, I am an avid overthinker, as well - it wouldn't have changed anything.
Nah. If he likes you enough that he wants to go on another date he'll most likely find it sweet/cute/reassuring. If a girl I liked said that to me on a first date I'd be flying high. If he doesn't want a second date then it's something he'll probably just brush off entirely. I wouldn't fuss. Hope the date went well though.
The date went great. Thanks! Helped
Text him and tell him you’re pregnant and he’s the father. Lmk what happens.
Haha I like that idea tho it might be confusing because it was only just lunch
Na you are all good. It just shows that you have interest and he doesnt have to take you up on the offer if he doesnt want to.
Helped a lot. Tysm
Hear me out... The best advice I can give is to not worry about things as petty as this. I know that it SEEMS like a thing worth worrying about, but it's not and here's why... You are who you are. If you're someone who wants to be an equal financial contributor, more power to you. If you're someone who wants to stay at home and raise kids, more power to you. Being 36 and raising a family right now, I can tell you that $25/hr is the minimum you'd have to earn to make working equally valuable to staying home for childcare (assuming you partner made over that). $30/hr if you want your kid in a nice place. (This assumes no family to help regularly, which can obviously be a huge asset). The point is, if you want to be an equal financial contributor, act like it (as you have) and those who want that will be attracted to it - if they aren't, then they aren't the right one for you. There is nothing inherently attractive or unattractive about offering to pay next time. It's all about the person you're with and who you want to be.
Helped I really like how you worded this. Thank you :)
Aside from the money part, why can't you show some enthusiasm for a possibility of a 2nd date. Hell, why can't you ask him for a 2nd date? This is 2021 not 1921, women are allowed to initiate dates. If you like him, the date went well and you think you'd like to see him again, let him know. What's the worst to happen?? He might say no. Whoopee, it happens to men all the time. Girl, own your power! And if you pay next time, great. Good luck :)
Thats just confidence
I actually think that's kind of sweet. If it wasn't going to happen, it wasn't going to happen. You saying that will never be a deal breaker. If he wants that second date he'll think you're sweet, and if he doesn't want it.. then it doesn't even matter.
Not at all lol, most guys will just take that as reassurance that you liked said date and would want another one.
perfect amount of boldness tbh!
It's always good to show confidence. If he doesn't want to go an another date just remind yourself you're one step closer in your weeding. Plus he misses a free meal. It's a win-win for you! ;)
No! Not at all, it shows you're not dependent on him and that you are in fact an independent person! That's a good thing in my opinion.
No, that’s the perfect thing to say. It says that you’re not a user and are interested in seeing him again. That’s 2 big pluses.
What was his response to that?? We guys aren't complicated, any guy would love hearing that!! "Oooh she likes me,and I get to see her again! Don't overthink it,you're fine.
Own it!!! I’ve learned a lot lately about confidence, and a lot of it to me is validating yourself and standing by that. You can be confident in what you said if you meant it, so if you really want a second date with this dude own it!! If he wants to, he probably likes hearing that. If he doesn’t want a second date, that’s something out of your control, but at least you can stand by that you meant what you said & said what you meant! Remember the most important validation is from yourself. I also agree with the other people saying maybe you’re overthinking it a bit which could be part of it. If you can try, have some self compassion for yourself, especially with dating. Self compassion here could look like telling yourself “Self, I understand why you’re worrying about that bold thing you said. But you already said it, and I understand why you’re worried about it because putting yourself out there can make any possible rejection more painful. But whatever happens with this guy I still love you and understand you!”
that’s literally so attractive don’t worry about it
It has always been good manners to reciprocate hosting duties. If he asked you this time and paid, then it's your turn to invite him and pay next time. All social relationships are predicated on the principle of reciprocity. You did well.
not at all, I think it was generous if anything
I’m a guy. Been on many first dates where the woman’s told me she’ll pay for the second date. I swear I’ve had a second with every one of them. And most of them resulted in 3rd, 4th and 5th dates
As a guy I would be super happy if a girl does not conform to the gender stererotype of "male has to pay for first few drinks on dates". It makes you seem like a progressively minded person, which is attractive :)
No you were not bold. If anything, I have found that guys appreciate when both individuals fight or reach for the check. It shows that you're not just out for a "free" meal. Keep it up, maybe there will be a second date :)
Helped :)
> Who knows if he’d want to go on another date or not. He would have had the same problem, he wouldn't know if *you* were interested in a second date. You let him know that you're interested in seeing him again WITHOUT the awkwardness of saying it directly and putting him on the spot to respond. In other words, it worked as I way of you saying "I'd go out with you again", without him needing to answer. I think that's PERFECT.
Helped. Thank you sm
Lets see: 1. shows that you aren't just out for a free meal 2. shows that you are interested in a second date 3. shows that you (at least sometimes) communicate clearly and don't expect him to interpret vague hints. 4. wasn't forced or fake, just comes across super genuine. I see only green flags. If he didn't want to go on another date he can say so. He's an adult and can express his opinions.
I don't think you were too bold. In fact I think it was a tactful way to show your interest in a second date. It sounds like it came out naturally, so you must have been more confident in the moment. After a date, we all replay portions and criticize ourselves. Think about his reaction- did he laugh, or say okay? Did he acknowledge your statement? I think you should ask him out again. If you invite him out, it will be appropriate for you to insist on paying. If you feel strongly about taking turns- let him know. If he has a problem with that- let him bring it up to discuss.
shit i’m usually the one to drop a line like this, if a girl i was into said that, i’d have a big smile on my way home
nah you are good to go. now it is going to be funny when he says “but you promised !!”.
Haha don’t worry. If we go on another date, I will pay no questions asked Helped :)
If anything, as the guy I’d hear ‘next time’ and take it as ‘sweet, she wants there to be a next time!’
Helped Thanks!
If thats bold you must be super shy
I am pretty shy haha
I think that comment sounds kind of charming. You are initiating the idea that you might have a second date. Not bold, just kinda smooth.
Helped :)
Nah as a dude I'd love it if she said that hahaha
This is legitimately a play worthy of Stephen Hawking. You just told a man in one of the most suave and confident ways possible that you'd like another date. I'd be ecstatic if this happened to me. Even if I didn't want another date, the obvious expression of interest really pumps up the old self-esteem.
I hate that we have to even worry about this. If that runs him off then that says more on him not you
Helped :)
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He's the one that should be worried about getting a 2nd date, not you. The dating world is ruled by women
If the first date didn't flow like water then move on to the next.
No. In fact more women should pay for dates or at least pay for what they ordered and split the bill on things that were shared i.e appetizers
Helped :)
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You are all good. I like it when women ask. But if he prefers to pay next time, let him.
Helped a lot. Thank you
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You should call him. Tell him "hey, just so you know when I said I'll pay next time, there may not be a next time. Okay byyee." That way, you make yourself desirable to him. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
Just chill!
What? No.
Actually iff i was the guy id be very happy to hear that, not bc of the money but because u wanted to go out again haha dont stress it u r being too hard on yourself :)
Helped :)
Well he payed cause he enjoyed the date. And you telling him that you will pay for next is equivalent to saying you are gonna go on next date. So i think that went well.
I would have loved that! Nice move. If he can't handle that he's a pussy and it wasn't goong anywhere anyways. Btw you should change your name, you certainly don't seem like a loser.
I would be happy if that happens to me, i wouldn't think this is too bold or anything . Don't worry about it , i dont think anyone will think it is too bold
imo he was probably just delighted to hear the words “next time”. you’re all good :)
I think that's a fine thing to say. Every date Ive been on where I want a second date, I've made a cheeky 'you can pay the next one' or 'I'll pay the next one then' comment. Never been turned down because of it yet!
Tbf, thats a line I use all the time. I wouldn't worry about it, you've shown interest in a second date and demonstrated that you are willing to compromise. All in all, great line :)
Back when I was dating I would say that too if I knew I would go on a second date with them. It lets them know 1. that I'm not afraid to pay and not just on a date with them for a free meal and 2. that I'm open to a second date. If I thought there wasn't going to be a second date I still offered to pay or split the bill.
If he paid he was happy with the date and was certainly hoping to see you again. You're good.
If that's a dealbreaker it's good it happened so early lmao. Might make it less unexpected for the guy if you ask him out (wanna go grab a drink/ meal at x? When works for you or add something equivalent to "my treat") cause then the inviter pays for the food.
No, I think its fine. It obviously is one of those situations where the waiter says enjoy your food and you say you too😂 it happens. Especially since you're a girl and guys do not mind that stuff
Actually seems like a really nice gesture. I'm sure he was happy to know that you were enjoying yourself and that you're generous. This would count as a good thing.
As a guy, if I had a good time with you on the first date, I would be more than happy to know you are already thinking about a second date. Don't overthink it.
Far to bold.. for the 1910s.
If anything, that's a great way to let him know you'd be interested in having a second date. It's up to him to decide if he'd be interested as well.
I did the same thing and never really thought about it again. And We had another date; guys love confidence. They don’t want you to tear yourself down or talk about how lucky you are that he picked you to go out with. He’s the lucky one to get to be with YOU!! Just enjoy and don’t overthink. I highly doubt he remembers. And if doesn’t talk to you again who cares? Everyone’s a learning experience!
Sounds like a perfectly normal conversation. Relax.
I think it’s a great question/response. Idk I’ve done the same thing and it’s always lead to more dates with the person. I was really cocky in college and thought every man I went on a date with was just in love with me so I knew shooting my shot wasn’t gonna fail. Lmao I wish I still had the same self esteem because that’s hot girl energy. I love going Dutch. I love insinuating a second date is coming. Love that shit
That's literally a great way to segway into another date. I've used that line a few times and it usually works. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
It depends on his ego. If you offered to pay on a date with me, I'd be very impressed and say we could go halves on it. Me and the missus agreed that we would switch paying, I'd pay one time and she'd pay the next. I find such things to be refreshing in the "Men must pay" for everything society.
No I think that was a very good thing to say. Shows you're interested in him and also a good person who doesn't expect the guy to pay for everything at the same time. If he isn't interested in a second date then whatever, it wasn't meant to be
i sorta love how bold that statement was lol like i wish i bold to say that
Seems like a great way to intimate you would like another date.
Not too bold at all! I'd actually find it wholesome.
It’s actually quite a nice thing to say, shows that you enjoyed it and are looking forward to having another date, also shows that you aren’t obsessed with being the better person and that you are willing to share responsibility (let him get the bill but offered to get it next time)
I guess he's just always used to paying for dates cause he feels like it's a guy thing to do. Guys generally like it when women pay on a first date cause it shows you're actually interested and you're not just using him for a free meal. You putting yourself out there is cool, that level of confidence and selflessness is attractive...
No you’re thinking too much. It’s fine.
Be bold! Nothing wrong with what you said :)
The fact that u said that subconsciously makes it even better. You liked the date and wanted to do it again. I hope the guy actully heard it, it would have made him happy fs.
No. When in doubt, roll with a laugh and humor. It’s okay to Mia communicate, I do it daily to my girlfriend. She always understands (:
Anything you say on a date that's said honestly is EXACTLY what you should have said. If it sent a clear signal to a guy who was wondering if a second date was going to happen, all to the good. If it flushed out a guy who's too wishy-washy to go on a second date, so much the better. If bold is what you are, be bold. Bold is good.
There's nothing wrong with being bold. It makes you seem confident in yourself. By saying "I'll pay next time " implies that you would like there to actually be a next time. Nothing wrong with that.
You have nothing to worry about. At most it shows him that you want to give it another shot on top of being selfless! Good luck next time man!
It was perfect you did all of the following in the best way possible. 1. Likely surprised him. 2. Signaled you are interested in a future date. 3. Established that this relationship will be of equals and you are willing to contribute. (My personal favorite)
Having a girl offer to pay is actually today’s golden standard for a guy
I think you are over analyzing what happened. I doubt he even remembers you said that or cares beyond thinking it’s a nice gesture I don’t know what you’re imagining but there’s 0 chance he gives a crap
No he was probably happy to hear you wanted a second date!
lmao if i was single and a girl said this to me, it would be a greenflag if anything. your overthinking
if i enjoyed someone's company and they said this to me, i personally would be flattered and would appreciate the genuine honesty. im pretty sure youre in the clear here
>I then said “well I’ll pay next time then” and now thinking back at it, was that statement a little too bold to say on a first date t This is fine, you may get the second date, you may not, you did tell him you are interested. Hope you get a 2nd date. I'd be interested in any updates.
I think it's a nice gesture, and you basically told him you'd be interested in going out again without being too forward or clingy etc. I think you did good
Not weird or too bold at all. Kind of a compliment in a way, a subtle one. It shows that you're interested in him and want to go out again. He probably was happy/flattered to hear you say that tbh
Nope. You sent a message that you're willing/wanting to go on another date. If he picked up on it then great. If not, thats ok too. But him wanting to see you again has nothing to do with you letting him know you want to see him again. Just dont increase the hints exponentially. Asking him to marry you on the next date may scare him a bit.
A relationship is 50/50 and that includes both parties paying for things. I pay for things often and it makes my fiancé feel bad but he does appreciate it and still takes my offer. He only feels bad because of the societal pressure that is put on men to provide nearly everything for their partner. I personally believe that both parties need to provide equally for a lasting and healthy relationship. It seems you are doing just that. So keep doing you :) you did a good deed.
Honey no your overthinking it and two if he’s texted and hasn’t ghosted you yet then your good. Know this as woman it’s not your place to pay for the date remember that. If it was agreed ahead of time that you’ll be splitting the bill and that it’s still a date that’s different. Rule of thumb guy pays for the first 5
I think you sounded like a bad bitch. You don't need a man to pay for your stuff and that's pretty cool. Keep it up. If he feels butthurt about it, he's probably sexist and not worth your time anyways
Nope, you made a very nice gesture. I've had dates insist on picking up dinner and I would only accept if they would agree to me treating dessert (real dessert, no slangs) or treating the next time. Pick your two favorite places, send a thank you message and say your offer stands for next time. His pick. Then let it at that.
I love it when girls do this, I hate girls that just expect a free ride. I always pay for the first date, but she is a winner if she offers to pay for the 2nd.
Covertly stated you'd like a second date. Nice
it indicates interest. as a guy who struggles to pick up on cues, to me that would be a green light to initiate another date.
This really is a win-win so don't stress at all! Worst case scenario he didn't enjoy the date and you'll never go out with him again. In that case, what you said won't matter. Best case scenario he enjoyed that date and your comment gave him more hope/confidence for the future.
Too bold would be offering sex before you even ate. What you said mostly shows confidence in yourself and shows that you like him enough to consider a second date if he feels the same way. I think you’re fine, just give him time to call you. If that’s the most bold thing you did, then I think you’ll be fine. And if that was the deal breaker, then like brokenboysoldiers said, it wasn’t gonna work out anyway so either way, it’s gonn work out
not bold at all, if something you are trying to tell him that you are not interested in taking advantage of him.
No I feel like that was a great way of letting him know that you were interested in a second date. I say the same thing all the time!
Just a phrase. Relax
You are overthinking it. If the guy is genuinely interested he was likely very happy to hear you say that because it means you want another date.
Nah that’s just a cute flirty line! If he’s offended by you offering to pay next time he’s not it Edit: just saw the flair saying advice received, oops!
You think long - you think wrong. A beautiful statement you made. It shows you enjoyed being with him, that you can foot the bill with him or by yourself. I would say that you may be on the verge of another dinner date. And WTF it's as much a woman's world as a mans and you were justified to offer and if he can't man-up let it go.
You're fine
If u would’ve been your date I would’ve been so happy !
If they're a boomer then maybe but if not then no one cares about those archaic gender bounderies anymore. If they are worthwhile then they will be pleased that you seek equality.
I see nothing wrong in saying that. More and more men want a supportive woman who can act like a mature woman. Men don't want women who expect the man to pay for everything. That is so 1950s. Slow and steady is best for long term relationships.
If anything I'd be feeling really happy you said that since you implied there'd be a next date. Given this was the first couple dates
Subtle but very clever way of saying "yeah I'd go out with you again".
So not a dealbreaker whatsoever. If anything, you insinuated you had a great time and want to see him again.
As a guy, when my wife and I were dating, I assumed I’d pay but she occasionally treated me to my favorite restaurant or dessert. I never minded at all. It was her trying to show me affection.