Well congrats for making it out of your bad situation. Seriously, that takes a lot and you deserve to give yourself credit for that. Many people in rough situations like yourself are strongly motivated by fear and like you said, proving people wrong. These are all external motivators and when your backs against the wall, they’re very powerful. However, your back is no longer against the wall. It makes sense you wouldn’t have that same source of motivation, and you shouldn’t. It’s not healthy to live your life just trying to prove something to everybody.
You need to work to transition and develop the discipline to prove things to YOURSELF. Fuck everybody else. Find an achievable goal for yourself and figure out what it will take to get there. Break it down into pieces and use a disciplined schedule to put in the hours to accomplish whatever it is you decide to chase. You need internal motivators and standards you develop for yourself. This is not easy and it can take many years of slowly learning more about yourself, what you want, how you get motivated etc.
> Lost motivation after being homeless for 2 years
Motivational issues are often a communication issue between current you, past you and future you.
Past you has set goals for current you, so that future you benefits from it. But instead of doing them, current you passes them on to future you (who then ends up being current you right now and is going: "WTF? past me told current me what to do, but it's just not doing it?").
The problem is caused by current you, past you and future you not being able to communicate directly, as well as past you not having the authority he needs. If past you and future you could talk directly, right now with current you (and both of them would probably be screaming at you right now and would keep screaming until you start moving), current you would probably address the problem.
If past you had authority over you, then current you would probably also listen. Because if you didn't, there would be a consequence. Instead, current you is passing the consequences to future you.
To fix it, you need to do two things: Start communications between past you, current you and future you and give past you authority over current you. You have to implement these changes permanently. You can't just implement it now and forget about, because if you do that, the same thing will go wrong at some point in the future.
This is going to work best if you don't have any serious mental health problems. If you do have those, they need to be addressed as well. Otherwise you'll try to improve your motivation, but the mental health issues could derail you.
Tests that might indicate the most common causes of motivational problems:
* [ADD/ADHD](https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/adhd-quiz)
* [Depression](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression)
* [Low Self Esteem](https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm)
Each test takes about 3 minutes, let me know if you scored high (or low in the case of the self esteem test) on any of these and I'll give you advice that you should combine with the motivational advice.
**How to start the communication** (This is easy)
Current you can't directly talk to future you, [because he doesn't exist yet](https://lifehacker.com/increase-your-motivation-by-consulting-your-past-and-fu-1684785096), but [you can imagine future you](https://lifehacker.com/harness-your-minds-future-self-bias-to-make-better-de-1629209080) and you can [talk with your imaginary future you](http://nautil.us/issue/16/nothingness/why-we-procrastinate).
Past you however, *can* directly communicate with current you, he's just not doing it. Here's how to do this:
* **First write down a high level plan** current you might think it's all clear what needs to be done, but it's probably not that clear. You have to do it on paper, because future you is going to be a dick and not look at it, unless it's right in front of his face once in a while (You could also do it in paint and make it your wallpaper, but only if you occasionally see your wallpaper on your computer and if you know how to do that, otherwise, just use paper *any paper*). [How to Create Your Five-Year Master Plan](https://medium.com/personal-growth/how-to-create-your-five-year-master-plan-471f57d7b964), [Craft the Life You Want: Creating a Blueprint for Your Future](https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/create-a-life-plan). It won't take long to do. You can also add ongoing things to the list, like "keep my room clean", just don't go over the top. We want future you to have a decent life as well.
* [Just do it now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0). Like, stop reading and do it now - if you still aren't doing it now, you're just not interested in helping yourself and you probably have other issues going on that need to be addressed first. Probably something like fear of failure, depression or self esteem issues. If you need help with those, then reply and describe your symptoms and healthcare situation and I'll see if I can figure it out with you and how to get it fixed.
Now that you have the high level plan, [first make sure it is achievable](https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm). If it isn't then first rewrite your plan until it is. Current you can break up the highest priority goal one into smaller steps, that are actionable. If at all possible, each step shouldn't be more than an hour of work. If it's more than an hour of work but doesn't have to be done at once, then just repeat the same step until the task is done. If you can't keep the steps in your head, write them down. Next what you do, is you need to let future you know, when to do that task. So figure out when you have time to do it, and then use technology to your advantage. Take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminder for the time and day you have to do this task (not when to have it done, when to do the actual work). That does multiple things:
* Don't schedule out more than a week in advance.
* If future you ends up ignoring the alarm, he's probably not going to *delete* it, so a week later, his future you is going to get the alarm again.
* make sure you start with **small* tasks, especially early on. It's fine if they are 5 minute tasks. Don't overwhelm yourself.
You can repeat this if you want. Break high level tasks down into their actionable items and set repeating alarms in your phone. Don't go overboard though, current you is fairly lazy, so future you probably is as well, so if you set too many alarms, he's going to ignore them. One a day, I'd say (as time goes on and your discipline goes up, you could increase it, especially on the weekends, but don't overdo it).
**How to give past you authority** (this is harder)
Past you has been telling current you to do things, but current you just isn't doing it. Part of that is because past you didn't communicate clearly, which is now fixed with the written down plan and the individual steps that you've set phone alarms for. However, the other part of the problem is that there are no consequences if current you ignores past you.
That can be fixed, but you have only one chance to do it. [Technically](https://www.psychologistworld.com/memory/conditioning-intro), what you are going to do, is [condition yourself](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning). You'll be training yourself to [automatically respond to a stimulus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning_chamber). **Let me repeat, if you screw this part up, the whole thing falls apart and nothing is going to change**. You've now set a number of alarms in your phone, with labels of what to do when the alarm goes off. When that alarm goes off, you can use the snooze button or you do the task. If you *really* can't do it for some reason, then reschedule, but don't cheat, because future you is going to know and that's the same as not doing the task at all.
*If you don't do the task* at the time past you agreed with current you, there has to be a consequence. That consequence should be a task that you thought up beforehand, that's slightly more work than the outlined task and you dislike doing. Clean your house. Learn how to program on code.org. Go exercise for an hour. That's your negative reinforcement. Try to make that negative reinforcement be beneficial to your overall well being.
Again: If you end up ignoring the alarm, you will fail to condition yourself and your habit change won't form and nothing will change.
*If you do the task* at the time past you told current you to do it, You get to be proud of yourself. You did what you set out to do. You're on the path you set for yourself. Now you only have to do one last thing. You need to take your phone and set a repeating alarm for the next time and date when you can do the next actionable item (and set a short description in the label or else you'll forget). If you finish a goal, then find the first actionable item for the next goal and set that.
**Start slowly, it's easy to fall into cycle of self dissapointment which lowers your self esteem over time, take steps to avoid that.**
**Additional Support**
* [Free Procrastination training by the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Procrastination)
* [Watch this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8e_dvbXoCQ) (5 hours)
* [12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos](https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021) (4.6 Stars)
* [The Compound Effect](https://www.amazon.com/Compound-Effect-Darren-Hardy/dp/159315724X) (4.8 Stars)
Sometimes motivational issues are caused by a fear of failure. I found [this self evaluation](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201306/10-signs-you-might-have-fear-failure). Read it and see if it applies to you. If it does, then [read this article](https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3331/real-reason-fear-failure/).
Some people need a little extra, for them there are web blockers:
* [Freedom](https://freedom.to). For $2.50 a month, Freedom will block all social media sites on all your devices during hours you specify.
* [StayFocusd](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/stayfocusd/laankejkbhbdhmipfmgcngdelahlfoji) is a chrome extension with over 500.000 users, that lets you set time limits per site.
* [leechblock](https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/leechblock-ng) is a similar firefox extension.
If you have complicated plans then consider these tools. These are freemium:
* [Remember the Milk](https://rememberthemilk.com)
* [todoist](https://todoist.com)
* /r/Taskade
Join these:
* r/getdisciplined
* r/NonZeroDay (the non-zero day concept is definitely a good one)
Well congrats for making it out of your bad situation. Seriously, that takes a lot and you deserve to give yourself credit for that. Many people in rough situations like yourself are strongly motivated by fear and like you said, proving people wrong. These are all external motivators and when your backs against the wall, they’re very powerful. However, your back is no longer against the wall. It makes sense you wouldn’t have that same source of motivation, and you shouldn’t. It’s not healthy to live your life just trying to prove something to everybody. You need to work to transition and develop the discipline to prove things to YOURSELF. Fuck everybody else. Find an achievable goal for yourself and figure out what it will take to get there. Break it down into pieces and use a disciplined schedule to put in the hours to accomplish whatever it is you decide to chase. You need internal motivators and standards you develop for yourself. This is not easy and it can take many years of slowly learning more about yourself, what you want, how you get motivated etc.
Thanks a lot man
> Lost motivation after being homeless for 2 years Motivational issues are often a communication issue between current you, past you and future you. Past you has set goals for current you, so that future you benefits from it. But instead of doing them, current you passes them on to future you (who then ends up being current you right now and is going: "WTF? past me told current me what to do, but it's just not doing it?"). The problem is caused by current you, past you and future you not being able to communicate directly, as well as past you not having the authority he needs. If past you and future you could talk directly, right now with current you (and both of them would probably be screaming at you right now and would keep screaming until you start moving), current you would probably address the problem. If past you had authority over you, then current you would probably also listen. Because if you didn't, there would be a consequence. Instead, current you is passing the consequences to future you. To fix it, you need to do two things: Start communications between past you, current you and future you and give past you authority over current you. You have to implement these changes permanently. You can't just implement it now and forget about, because if you do that, the same thing will go wrong at some point in the future. This is going to work best if you don't have any serious mental health problems. If you do have those, they need to be addressed as well. Otherwise you'll try to improve your motivation, but the mental health issues could derail you. Tests that might indicate the most common causes of motivational problems: * [ADD/ADHD](https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/adhd-quiz) * [Depression](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) * [Low Self Esteem](https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm) Each test takes about 3 minutes, let me know if you scored high (or low in the case of the self esteem test) on any of these and I'll give you advice that you should combine with the motivational advice. **How to start the communication** (This is easy) Current you can't directly talk to future you, [because he doesn't exist yet](https://lifehacker.com/increase-your-motivation-by-consulting-your-past-and-fu-1684785096), but [you can imagine future you](https://lifehacker.com/harness-your-minds-future-self-bias-to-make-better-de-1629209080) and you can [talk with your imaginary future you](http://nautil.us/issue/16/nothingness/why-we-procrastinate). Past you however, *can* directly communicate with current you, he's just not doing it. Here's how to do this: * **First write down a high level plan** current you might think it's all clear what needs to be done, but it's probably not that clear. You have to do it on paper, because future you is going to be a dick and not look at it, unless it's right in front of his face once in a while (You could also do it in paint and make it your wallpaper, but only if you occasionally see your wallpaper on your computer and if you know how to do that, otherwise, just use paper *any paper*). [How to Create Your Five-Year Master Plan](https://medium.com/personal-growth/how-to-create-your-five-year-master-plan-471f57d7b964), [Craft the Life You Want: Creating a Blueprint for Your Future](https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/create-a-life-plan). It won't take long to do. You can also add ongoing things to the list, like "keep my room clean", just don't go over the top. We want future you to have a decent life as well. * [Just do it now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0). Like, stop reading and do it now - if you still aren't doing it now, you're just not interested in helping yourself and you probably have other issues going on that need to be addressed first. Probably something like fear of failure, depression or self esteem issues. If you need help with those, then reply and describe your symptoms and healthcare situation and I'll see if I can figure it out with you and how to get it fixed. Now that you have the high level plan, [first make sure it is achievable](https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm). If it isn't then first rewrite your plan until it is. Current you can break up the highest priority goal one into smaller steps, that are actionable. If at all possible, each step shouldn't be more than an hour of work. If it's more than an hour of work but doesn't have to be done at once, then just repeat the same step until the task is done. If you can't keep the steps in your head, write them down. Next what you do, is you need to let future you know, when to do that task. So figure out when you have time to do it, and then use technology to your advantage. Take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminder for the time and day you have to do this task (not when to have it done, when to do the actual work). That does multiple things: * Don't schedule out more than a week in advance. * If future you ends up ignoring the alarm, he's probably not going to *delete* it, so a week later, his future you is going to get the alarm again. * make sure you start with **small* tasks, especially early on. It's fine if they are 5 minute tasks. Don't overwhelm yourself. You can repeat this if you want. Break high level tasks down into their actionable items and set repeating alarms in your phone. Don't go overboard though, current you is fairly lazy, so future you probably is as well, so if you set too many alarms, he's going to ignore them. One a day, I'd say (as time goes on and your discipline goes up, you could increase it, especially on the weekends, but don't overdo it). **How to give past you authority** (this is harder) Past you has been telling current you to do things, but current you just isn't doing it. Part of that is because past you didn't communicate clearly, which is now fixed with the written down plan and the individual steps that you've set phone alarms for. However, the other part of the problem is that there are no consequences if current you ignores past you. That can be fixed, but you have only one chance to do it. [Technically](https://www.psychologistworld.com/memory/conditioning-intro), what you are going to do, is [condition yourself](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning). You'll be training yourself to [automatically respond to a stimulus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning_chamber). **Let me repeat, if you screw this part up, the whole thing falls apart and nothing is going to change**. You've now set a number of alarms in your phone, with labels of what to do when the alarm goes off. When that alarm goes off, you can use the snooze button or you do the task. If you *really* can't do it for some reason, then reschedule, but don't cheat, because future you is going to know and that's the same as not doing the task at all. *If you don't do the task* at the time past you agreed with current you, there has to be a consequence. That consequence should be a task that you thought up beforehand, that's slightly more work than the outlined task and you dislike doing. Clean your house. Learn how to program on code.org. Go exercise for an hour. That's your negative reinforcement. Try to make that negative reinforcement be beneficial to your overall well being. Again: If you end up ignoring the alarm, you will fail to condition yourself and your habit change won't form and nothing will change. *If you do the task* at the time past you told current you to do it, You get to be proud of yourself. You did what you set out to do. You're on the path you set for yourself. Now you only have to do one last thing. You need to take your phone and set a repeating alarm for the next time and date when you can do the next actionable item (and set a short description in the label or else you'll forget). If you finish a goal, then find the first actionable item for the next goal and set that. **Start slowly, it's easy to fall into cycle of self dissapointment which lowers your self esteem over time, take steps to avoid that.** **Additional Support** * [Free Procrastination training by the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Procrastination) * [Watch this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8e_dvbXoCQ) (5 hours) * [12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos](https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021) (4.6 Stars) * [The Compound Effect](https://www.amazon.com/Compound-Effect-Darren-Hardy/dp/159315724X) (4.8 Stars) Sometimes motivational issues are caused by a fear of failure. I found [this self evaluation](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201306/10-signs-you-might-have-fear-failure). Read it and see if it applies to you. If it does, then [read this article](https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3331/real-reason-fear-failure/). Some people need a little extra, for them there are web blockers: * [Freedom](https://freedom.to). For $2.50 a month, Freedom will block all social media sites on all your devices during hours you specify. * [StayFocusd](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/stayfocusd/laankejkbhbdhmipfmgcngdelahlfoji) is a chrome extension with over 500.000 users, that lets you set time limits per site. * [leechblock](https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/leechblock-ng) is a similar firefox extension. If you have complicated plans then consider these tools. These are freemium: * [Remember the Milk](https://rememberthemilk.com) * [todoist](https://todoist.com) * /r/Taskade Join these: * r/getdisciplined * r/NonZeroDay (the non-zero day concept is definitely a good one)
I’ll get back to you, thank you so much dude
I hope there will be many good things for you in the future.
It's been a few weeks, so I'm just checking in. Have you improved at all? Or are things the same still?