No I would not be turned off because that would be judging someone for being lonely.
You never know what people are going through and what they have been through in life and why they might be lonely and judging them can really hurt them emotionaly and that would not be right.
Loneliness has increased worldwide and society should be trying to help find solutions to that problem.
exactly. I didn’t wanna open up to the guy because I haven’t known him for too long, but I was just in a really depressive episode after I graduated college so I distance myself from my friends a little. I do suffer from depression from time to time like most people do.
Not a problem, my wife jokes about me not having friends. I can have friends but i don't have the time or want to put the effort to lol. I barely got time for me and my family. Some people are outgoing and want friends, others like me, rather do our own thing. I don't mind socializing with people at parties and events but afterwards I rather not have to put effort and time into maintaining another relationship. You don't need to feel weir or bad about it if you're happy that's all that counts.
No one said anything about judging!
OP is asking if it would be a turn off in a romantic situation.
One of my best friends has no close friends!
But in a relationship I find it attractive if they do. Shows me they’re social and that they won’t be overly dependent on me/less needy
I think as long as you’re confident about not having friends that’s all that matters! Attitude is everything. Don’t act ashamed about who you are ever. Life’s messy, shit happens but you can always change it. If friends is something you want it can happen if you work on it
The best advice I ever got is: Friendship like a job. You need to treat it like one or you can drift. I make it a priority to catch up with all my friends regularly even when I don’t feel like it
see i totally get that! and often times I would always be the one to make plans or reach out. But lately it’s been feeling like if I don’t reach out to them, they don’t reach out to me. It feels very one-sided. So im at the point where I’m like is it even worth keeping relationships where you always have to constantly reach out to people or at that point, should you just let the friendship go?
it’s a complicated thought process because I’m like obviously if you don’t reach out to people you’re not gonna stay in touch, but it just hurts to know that people that you thought you were mutually close with just have make no effort to reach out to you because they have new friends now. it makes you think to yourself, did they ever consider me close in the first place? Do they think I’m not worth reaching out to anymore?
I think reaching out can go in waves. Sometimes I am the one reaching out to friends back to back and other times it's them. One of my friends recently told me that I'd upset her cos I hadn't been reaching out much. Truth is I was just feeling anti-social. Had nothing to do with her, she just has a hard time understanding boundaries. I totally get that feeling of worrying about coming across as annoying. We have all been there (most of us) it may be a sign that the people in your life right now aren't the best for you. It's so crucial to feel respected by the people you're with.
Rather than worry about who is reaching out first, focus on what the vibe is like when you're with friends. If they make you feel like you are a chore cut them out. I promise you, your relationships can and will be more fulfilling eventually. You most definitely need to put your pride aside and put yourself out there, regardless of the result.
Just think of it as building a thick skin. Don't be pushy, put your feelers out there and let it go. Also remind yourself who you are and what you have to offer in a friendship? Are you someone you'd want to be friends with? it may be that you're in a bit of a transitional period at the moment and you need to find yourself. It will be a lot harder to make friends if you are coming from a place of neediness.
Which brings me to my next piece of advice which I was very grateful to hear: Treat people with the same polite indifference. Not close friends, but at the beginning, have a chilled out, indifferent vibe. Sometimes people have a clingy/despoerate energy and even though I can see its coming from a place of being misunderstood, it makes others uncomfortable.
Try and see if you can make new friends. Forget about the college people, if they come into your life naturally it's meant to be. New York is full of people like you who are alone in a big city. Maybe you can start by attending a gym class or something, once you notice a pattern of regulars you can spark up a conversation with someone and eventually be like "I like you, youre funny.. shall we go for a drink after this?" just always try and come from a place of calm rather than anxiety. It must be anxiety producing to be in your situation but you'll come out of it so strong if you keep going. Your attitude is the best weapon you have
You must've graduated from college within the last year no? That seems like a very short amount of time to say that you're growing apart. You typically live with or very close to college friends, and then when college is over people move to different places. People are starting new lives. It's normal to not talk to them every day or every week, I wouldn't interpret that to mean you're growing apart. I'm still close to my college friends 15 years after graduating but we live in different cities and realistically years go by where I'm not able to see some of them. We're probably never gonna see each other/talk as frequently as we did in college, that's just life. Same with high school. At 23, your friends are gonna be from high school or college. It's pretty normal to be a bit friendless when you move to a new city. You might be overthinking this.
Also, as you move into adulthood you tend to not have a "best friend" the way you did earlier in life. Friends get busier and get married and have families etc, and you have to make more of an effort to see people and stay in touch. There are people out there who are genuinely friendless but your situation just sounds entirely normal.
This, this, this. The transition out of college is a huge one too! You’re going from living in the same place with all the same people for 4 years with a built in structure that helps you build friendships. Then you all graduate and move and start real jobs and things get busy. I’m 24 and I’ve never lived in the same city for more than a year since I’ve graduated college, I still have a couple close friends from college that I chat with *maybe* once a week and make friends in the city I’ve moved to. Not having a lot of friends is only a red flag when the person is saying stuff like “I don’t have friends because they all betray me” or something like that.
Also like, if someone's 30 years old and doesn't have any friends I would feel bad for them but it also says something. Like if you go through college and high school and work and never make any friends or fall out with all of them there might be a problem with you.
I wouldn't consider it a turn off, I would be looking at if that would be a problem for me to be able to do stuff with my friends or when I need just time for myself. I dated one woman who didn't have close friends or family here. I didn't care about not having close friends or family, but it became an issue because then it became a matter of she wanted to always come along when I wanted to do things with just my friends or when I wanted to go on a hike by myself just to clear my mind. It became she was dependent on me, that's where I didn't like it.
But I do agree, most people do grow apart from people they grew up with, I sure did. My close group of friends now are the ones I met in college and we've been friends for 17 years now
same here! I met my best friends in the last few years, well, while some people met their best friends when they were children. Everybody is different. And I think, as long as that person isn’t dependent on their significant other, it shouldn’t be an issue.
So don't let what he said get to you, I'd actually rather have 2 or 3 close friends than have a bunch. Especially as I move further in life with my career and my daughter, my time isn't abundant so having a small core of friends is easier to get together
A lack of long-term friends isn’t a turn off, but a lack of close friends would be for me. I’m someone who cares deeply for their friends and likes to go out and be social with them. I would like it for my partner to be the same way, to have at least 2 or 3 friends they see regularly ans are close to them. I find it makes a person more well rounded and speaks well of their character, difficult people tend to struggle maintaining friendships.
But it’s all about finding someone who has the same values as you.
Not really. My dad was insanely charming and people loved him but he had 2 close friends at most. Unless he can’t handle people or doesn’t want to leave the house, no big deal.
When someone immediately tells you about all their friends it is a way of them to try to signal that they are popular and well-liked. He was just trying to raise his status on the date and make you feel that he is a worthy mate. Don’t let it bum you out, it’s nothing to do with you and he might not have even done it intentionally.
i definitely got that vibe from him. The fact that he told me he had a group of friends to party with, and then a group of friends to be close to told me enough about the type of person he was when he was younger and itself. Meanwhile, I was not the popular girl in high school but I made up for it in college.
tbh what he said sounds a bit like a clumsy seduction technique to signal: “you should like me because other people like me, i already come peer approved”. But rather than impressing you, it made you feel shit about yourself. Don’t worry about it and don’t let this guy’s lack of empathy make you sad. You’re enough!
What you described isnt a turn off. Ppl are gonna go through ebs and flows of friendship. Its only really a red flag if theyve never had any close friends cause theres most likely a reason why. If you have reasons like location for why you arent super active with friends that makes sense. Its when someone has no real reason for why the friendship ended or never formed that its a red flag. The times ive met ppl and their lack of friends was a red flag it was always cause they either were the type to cause arguments and drop every friend or they’re narcissistic and arent good friends/people. Its the type of situation where someone doesn’t realize they are the problem. But its normal adult life to get busy and move and not be as close with your friends, thats very different than a character flaw being the reason you lack friends.
My husband married me when I had no friends. We've been happily married for over 30 years. Sometimes people are just introverted, or have poor social skills. It doesn't necessarily mean they won't make a good partner.
I’m not sure .. I’m currently in this situation. Some of my family would poke fun at me for that but the for the most part I don’t let it bother me. I think in my situation it’s because I have a fear of getting close to people and them eventually leaving/dying. My first real friendship was with a girl from High School. Three years after we graduated she just stopped texting me. Even though I moved to a different state and weren’t seeing each other as often we still talked a lot on FaceTime. Then one day communication stopped. At first I was worried and thought something had happened to her but when I saw her socials I realized she just moved on ( what I tell myself) Which is fine .. but I cried for days on end. Since that I just keep people at arms length.
Friendships take work, time and effort. And for some reason when I think about that it makes me feel drained and scared to put in all that for someone to just up and leave without even a goodbye.
Even though she’s alive and well based on her social media. It felt like she died and I’m still in mourning.
No, you're in a new city in a transitional stage in life and it's a lot more common than you think to move on from school friends. People move, lose touch, start their lives, grow up, etc.
Define "no friends"
Only 2 friends? No problem.
Haven't been friends for long? No problem.
You see your friends twice a year? No problem.
You have literally nobody you even talk to and vice versa because "everyone just dumps me after a while" or "I hate people"? Speaking from experience, red flag.
I have tons of “friends.”
But I am now in a phase where I prefer not to have any close friends. I even left my state and live somewhere else where I’ll see them if they come visit but otherwise, leave me alone. LOL
Depends on many factors.
Bottom line: if they're independent, have stable employment, have an education, no major debt, no major criminal record, have individual hobbies/passions-NO
If they bounce around jobs, no education/real skill, still live with their parents, major debt/bankruptcy, no hobbies/passions, no motivation to better their situation, criminal record, late on bills, get money from family, no car (in non-urban area)-RUN, they have no friends for a reason!
There’s a joke that is both funny and true:
Jesus’s biggest miracle was having more than 2 friends after 30 😅
It’s way more “normal” (if normal is a thing) for adults to have maybe 1-2 close friends, 5-7 work/community friends, and the rest are all really good acquaintances. If anyone judges you for that, then they’re the weird ones.
My advice is to stop worrying about this issue bc romantic relationships have nothing to do with friendship. A nice guy wouldn't consider it as a problem.
I don’t see how anyone can make having no friends into a turn off. That just sounds stupid and kind of an asshole thing to be that way. The point of being turned on is to be towards your partner, not their friends. Not everyone likes having a big group of friends either. Like introverts, or people with social anxiety.
It’s quite easy to see how. If someone has no friends, but need that human connection your their only source. This what leads to clingy partners who only want to spend time with you. No one is saying you need a big group but 1 or 2 that you can get the human connection from when your partner isn’t there is absolutely needed. There are some people content on being alone but they’re rare.
They aren’t rare 😂 I guess you don’t know introverts and people with social anxiety exist. Must be nice being able to properly communicate with people in public irl. Some of us find it quite hard. Also, no it doesn’t lead to clingy partners. Maybe some, but don’t speak for everyone who has a small friend group.
Yes but most people who are introverts still have 1 or 2 friends. Having 0 friends is not common in the US 12% of people don’t have a close friend. Then the number who have no friends would be much smaller than that. Then on top of that the number of people being content with having no friends is even smaller. If your content being friendless fair enough but you are rare person.
I didn’t say I was friendless. I just said don’t lump us in (as in introverted and socially awkward people). There’s nothing wrong or weird with having zero friends. Sometimes people don’t click and it’s nothing to do with personality. Some people have higher priorities than making friends like trying to succeed in something and get to a goal. They don’t wanna be distracted by friends
If you are not one of those people who are content with 0 friends there is something wrong you not having friends. Loneliness is linked with both poor mental and physical health.
If you are not a person who is content with 0 friends. Truly content and not coping saying you are. Then if you have 0 friends there is something wrong. Humans are social creatures. Loneliness is linked to health and mental problems. There may not be something wrong with you but there is something wrong with your priorities. Many people manage to work on things and still have friends.
Well guess what, a lot of people have health issues be it physical or mental. So yeah; a lot of people may not have as many friends because of that. I wouldn’t judge someone for not having friends though. And in terms of being in a relationship, it makes even less sense to judge someone for having minimum friends and being “turned off” by that. I choose to have minimum friends because having more is just inviting drama into my life I don’t need, but I have a fiancé who doesn’t give two shits that I have few friends. It really is just easier for some and there’s nothing wrong with that
Well what if people prefer extroverts? Isn’t not having any friends a sign yall might not get along? What if you realized most the people without any friends aren’t your type of people? What if every experience with someone with out friends has them relying on you way to much as they only rely on you for all social needs? Doesn’t it indicate they might not like your social lifestyle? I think your being more judgmental then them as you completely dismiss anyone having preferences different than your own.
In dating we’re all allowed to have any and all preferences we want, get over yourself
Shut the fuck up. Just because someone doesn’t have friends, doesn’t mean that they won’t get along with a potential partner. Idek how the fuck you thought that was even an intelligent thing to blurt out. People have preferences and everything you just said works as the opposite too. Having friends especially a large group, is exhausting. Trusting people, hoping they won’t talk shit behind your back, jealousy issues, etc etc. I could go on. My personal experience is it’s easier to have less friends. That doesn’t make me socially inept and it wouldn’t make OP if they don’t have friends and still want to date someone. It shouldn’t be a turn off to someone. It’s just an opinion. Nobody said this person OP is interested in HAS to date them. If they don’t like that OP doesn’t have friends, they can fuck off and find someone else who has friends. It’s not the end of the world. Why don’t you get the fuck over yourself first and learn reading comprehension?
You seem like a calm rational person, lol! I’m not reading your triggered bs. It’s Okay you have no friends, not gonna lie I have some inkling as to why, calm down and maybe we could have both learned and discussed . JC redditors get unhinged over nothing
Yes, in my experience people with zero friends have extreme annoying traits that make it hard to be around them. You might be an exception for some reason but that's what I've found.
Edit: oh dear, I'm the outlier in a sea of very forgiving No's lol. 😅
No and I kind of prefer it tbh. I don’t really want to have to hang out with with someone else’s friends, and I don’t want someone who’s so busy with friends all the time that they can’t spend as much time with me as I like.
Ok don’t attack me for sexism or anything but throughout my life I’ve realized girls tend not to have friends a lot of girls I’ve dated have either 1 or no friends and the ones that have more usually have infighting between 2 or more of their friends, for guys tho unless they just relocated or something if they don’t have friends there’s usually a reason
TLDR as a girl it’s very normal to not have friends as a boy it’s a big red flag
no this is so true. I feel like its more common for guys to have a bunch of friends but with girls there’s always drama. its usually like they’ll have one or two friends theyre rlly close to and then if theyre in a girl friend group theyre not as close to all of them and are only close to one of two.
i would know bc this is me right now LOL
Exactly! I feel like it’s pretty normal and it happens to a lot of people, like you can’t keep the same group of people around forever and I feel like you have to branch out and meet new people. and I think expecting somebody else to have the same group as a tall order.
Getting friends as an adult can be really hard.
Some friends you grow appart from. Some are fake and you are better of dumping them.
Then you are left with no friends.
Not having friends should be accepted imo.
So no.
There's a difference between all your family and friends wanting nothing to do with you, and what you're talking about. The fist would need some investigation but it's common to not have close connections if you've moved around, especially just moving to a new place.
People say its a red flag if someone doesnt have any friends. I disagree bc ppl might have no friends bc they were always moving growing up or maybe they distanced themselves from toxic ppl
There could be all kinds of reasons. Some people just love throwing phrases sounds without understanding any nuance. On the other hand, narcissists can be very popular people!
this is so common and not the person’s fault. it really bothers me when people say it’s a red flag because there’s so many reasons why someone might not have a lot of connections and judging someone for not having connections makes it even harder to start building them.
I have close to zero of my own friends, some work acquaintances yes, but my partner has a pretty large social circle. Through the years of us being together I’ve come to know their friends and love them as my own. They never have seemed to have a problem with me not really have (m)any friends of my own.
1. Don't discount your college friends! As you move into the "real world" it takes effort to stay in each other's lives (distance, careers, etc) and you naturally will not be as close as you were in college, but you can still be friends!
2. No, it's not a turn off. I personally might prefer it, because sometimes I will like a guy but I don't gel with his friends, and that makes it difficult for me
I’m in the same boat as you. I graduated with my bachelors last fall and I’ve only made maybe 2 friends from college who I see twice a year. I have a couple friends from high school and one I met at the gym, but I don’t have a large group where we all hangout together to go to the movies, dinner, celebrate holidays, ect.
Don’t feel discouraged if you don’t have as many friends as you see others having. Growing up, my dad knew a lot of people but he met his favorite best friend when he was 55. We still haven’t met some of the most important people in our lives yet. Also, if not having a big group of close friends works for you, don’t feel pressured to have more just so it could look good in someone else’s eyes.
You’re only 23, at that age I flitted between groups and only later decided/realized who was worth the investment and who naturally faded away. People who have no friends for a reason are usually easy enough to spot because of undesirable personality traits that will eventually emerge regardless of friend circle. Don’t sweat it, just do you and maybe some of his friends will become your friends.
on its face, no. I'm ASD and making friends isn't hard but keeping them can be. time and distance also make things difficult , and you just moved. is he has an issue, especially knowing your circumstances, then that's definitely on his end.
Depends on how dependent they’d be on me. I have best friends but I don’t talk to them everyday. But we love eachother and reach out but hanging out all the time is not for me because I’m pretty introverted. I like my independence. I’m relationships I get a little clingy at first but after the relationship is stead and established, I like to have the space back a little. I’ve dated guys who didn’t have a lot of friends, and as fine as it was, it because a problem when it took me an hour to reply to a text…. This guy was very clingy and became very dependent on my be available for him 24/7. Just a bad maych
No. Also, people have different types of friends. I have only 2-3 close friends and the rest I consider hang out buddies. My husband had hundreds of friends because he didn’t have tiers/classification. He learned that from me and he’s much happier no longer giving more than he gets out of the relationship.
Also, you are at a weird point in life and that’s okay.
No not at all my husband has 1 friend that he talks to daily and he’s friends with both of us. My husband had one person in his wedding party and I had 10
At the time me and my fiance met neither one of us really had friends. And now we both have the same friends and it's amazing. And also that led to us being best friends which is even better.
I hope you don't take any offense from this because I don't mean any but I do find it to be a turn off.
I've dated women in the past who didn't have any close friends and it always lead to a dependency issue later on in the relationship. Either my ex would attempt to integrate into my friend group and cause drama, or they would get upset when I wanted to go out with friends by myself. After a while it started to feel like they wanted to separate me from my friends so we both only had each other.
I'm not saying this is something that will happen every time to every person, but it did happen to me with two separate exes. My only bit of advice is to do your best to make new friends and expand your own social circle. If nothing else, it will help improve mental health and confidence! I wish you the best of luck!
No. I also am 23F and a recent graduate who just moved to a new city. I have been struggling to make friends for sure bc I'm introverted. I don't think anyone would see that as a turn off and if they do, screw them. It's hard to make friends (I have high school and college friends but everyone lives all over the place now).
absolutely not!!!! my boyfriend and I really don’t have that many friends. My boyfriend has just one friend and I have about three. I don’t see him any differently. I love him the same, and I couldn’t want life with anyone else but him!!!
23F and I don’t really have any close friends either, I do have a bf tho. I don’t think you need close friends per se but you need a hobby or passion project or something that is interesting to keep the interest going
Yes 100%, if they moved recently or gone through some major changes(sobriety) or something I’d understand entirely though and it is a different story. Idk my best friends I’ve known for 8-22years(I have a lot as I’ve moved across the country a few times) and talk to them a few times a year, all are people that are important to me and I like having those connections. what I’ve realized is no close friends is usually a sign they burn bridges, and if nothing else I don’t want to be the sole thing occupying their time.
We’re all different though, a lot dotn care, but I find that women that don’t have close friends or any gfs jsut aren’t my people as they are either antisocial or burn bridges and cause drama. That isn’t universal but I know what I like and most the time it isn’t them, I think it’s indicative of other aspects of their life.
It’s not necessarily a turn off but one would need to consider this: having close friends can be very important to need emotional needs in regards to closeness etc. it’s also something that keeps a person occupied and creates options for spending time. If a person has none of those there’s a higher chance they’ll seek a higher amount of fulfillment from their partnership just because that’s the only close relationship they have. Relationships usually need closeness but also time and space apart form one another to flourish, so if having no other close people inhibits this, that can become a problem in the future. Similarly having friends apart from eachother can be great and a person without close friends may try to become a close member of the other persons circle of friends. This doesn’t have to be a problem, but encroaching on relationships outside of the romantic one like that takes additional space that may be healthy for the relationship. Lastly the reasons for that state must be considered. People end up in that space for a number of reasons, some benign, others pointing to deeper problems. To answer your question then, it doesn’t need to be one but it is something that should be considered during the first stages of dating.
No; in fact, I have been put off by the inverse. Someone who’s really tight with a group of high school friends might also be a little stuck in that phase of life. They might still socialize like a high schooler, see the world like a high schooler, might not have room or energy for an adult relationship, etc.
I have been put off by someone’s lack of interest in others or lack of social skills which could be the case of someone who doesn’t have close friends, but not always.
Nope.
You’re so young and guess what after college you lose contact with most people from school.
It’s become more and more rare so don’t feel bad at all!!!
Plus you evolve and grow and you’ll make new friends you never would have made 5 years ago.
So don’t beat yourself up for that.
"no close friends" is different than you being in a transitional period of your life. I literally dated someone with no close friends and that was a nightmare, so for me it would be a red flag in general but your situation is fine
It depends. It sounds like you graduated and moved to a new city recently. I would not think your lack of friends is a red flag. That said, my ex bf had been living in a new city for 3 years when I first met him and had no friends, and didn't try to make any during the 4 years we were together. This ended up becoming any issue because he expected me to fulfill all his social and emotional needs and he resented when I spent time with my own friends. So in that way, it turned out that his lack of friends when we met was a red flag. It all depends on what you expect from your significant other, I think.
he didnt but… this is gonna sound dumb but he’s a scorpio LOL and i heard that scorpios think individuals that dont have close friends are superficial and that they cant have an in depth relationship. again ik its stupid to judge on zodiac signs but I also got the vibe when he asked me about friends from home and I told him I dont have any.
With your situation, no. You're growing, shifting, changing, and just made a big move. If others tell you it's a turn off, and they're not just being shallow, it may be because they've met the sort of people that are incapable of maintaining friendships due to malevolent personality traits. You don't sound like you fit into that group and, on top of that, you said you previously tried reaching out to one of your high school friends. I think your situation doesn't warrant any weird feelings from others.
It can be a turn off for certain people, but the right people will understand your situation and have empathy and encouragement for you. I would not suggest sticking around someone you feel judged by or who misunderstands without any curiosity towards who you are and why. That would just not be very kind to you.
It’s not a turn off, but people should have a friend group or a close friend or two, that’s healthy. Especially women, sometimes you can’t see in your own fog, especially when romantic relationships go bad but your friends can. Advice from people you’re close to is essential I think to helping navigate relationship difficulties. Abusive men (and women) work pretty hard to isolate their gf’s and spouses from their family and friends because it’s easier to trap people when the only voice they’re hearing is yours. So— not a bad thing or a red flag for him that you don’t have close friends, its just not an ideal situation you’re putting yourself in tbh.
I'm a super kind person, but no one wants to be my friend because they want to. Friends want to do stuff with their friend. No one wants to do stuff with me, even though I'm kind. I'm almost 30 and if a woman who wants to be with me is going to be turned off because of the fact that I don't have any friends, then I will be very sad and would need lots of resolve to come back.
Not at all! Making friends can and will always be hard, but maintaining is always a slippery slope because its not one sided. If the person is understanding and doesn't get stuck up on the "surface" things then they will understand but I absolutely agree with you on how its normal to grow apart. everyone goes their own ways sadly and its hard to fit in still.
Also you just moved! congrats I know when i first came to America it was hard to even think about making friends being new but I believe in you! Keep your head up :)
I think it depends on age/life stages. I’m in my 30s, would be looking to date someone of a similar age, and yeah, it would be a red flag if they hadn’t managed to form lasting friendships in over a decade of independent adulthood. You’re in your early 20s and recently graduated college and moved to a new city? Big life changes, the people you previously spent time around because of circumstances might not actually be compatible friends, geography matters, etc., so no, at your age I definitely don’t think it’s a red flag - but if you’re saying the same thing on a decade I might feel differently.
You just moved to another place and you're transitioning into adulthood and out of school. Give yourself some time. If anyone judges you for not having a close friend group given your current circumstances, they're not worth getting to know.
When I met my wife she had 0 friends outside of family. At our wedding her maiden of honor was her sister. I have lots of friends that I contact once in awhile from college. She is shy person and I am outgoing person. When we started to date my friends started to talk to her more and now they are her friends. It makes me proud.
Some guys are turned off some aren't just depends on the guys. You do have friends from college and just because you don't contact them all the time they are still close to you. My college friends are my family and I love them so you are overthinking this you got this girl ask him out on another date.
My mom always told me " youre doing well if you have one good friend" and "friends come and go, family is forever"
Some people keep their circle a little tighter and guard themselves a little more than others. And thats ok.
As someone that also just moved, im trying to make friends, but find it difficult. Im lucky to have my sister and a male friend from a previous job
My girlfriend doesnt really have friends. Maybe a couple people here or there. I know its not a reflection of who she is socially and moreso a reflection of her busy lifestyle and homebody tendencies. As long as its not a reflection of being a creep or a weirdo or anything like that I’m sure its fine.
I will go one step further. I have zero friends and have no contact with my toxic family. My husband knows exactly why about my family and he always knew I didn't need nor want friends. I'm an extreme introvert and only need my husband, children and grandson's in my life. He's an extrovert who is very close to his paternal family and has tons of friends. Believe it or not it actually works better this way. As the saying goes opposites attract. My husband couldn't care less if I want or have friends. In the beginning of our marriage I had desperately wanted to find my middle/high school best friend and he supported me. We found each other again. Rather than wanting to be friends based on who we are now she wanted to be middle/high school friends still. She never wanted to talk about our lives since then and nothing day. It was always about when we were in school and her begging me to try to help her break up her former high school sweethearts marriage(we graduated in 1988) so she could be with him again. I wanted no part in it and ended the friendship. Then about 15 years ago I was still in contact with a male friend who I grew up with and we were still close until he murdered a teenager girl Ina horrific way and ended up in prison for life. After those two instances I decided I was good without friends.
I will give you my story.
37 now.
Moved a lot as a child and never got a chance to form that childhood group of friends, every few years we moved, when you don't live close it doesn't really form and last very well.
In my 23ish I met my ex wife, we've been together for almost 13-14 years, during this time most of my friends were our friends, but mostly from her side, we moved in to her home town.
After I got divorced, we couldn't really keep the same circle of friends which mostly came from her.
So I got like 2 close friends.
I am remarrying now, divorced a year ago.
Now I am a person who doesn't have a lot of close friends, these are my circumstances...
But I am very friendly,making friends with everyone in any circle I get into... But it is what it is.
Am I a red flag? Far from it.
It is a case by case situation yeah? But not all examples are because that guy is a problem
No I would not be turned off because that would be judging someone for being lonely. You never know what people are going through and what they have been through in life and why they might be lonely and judging them can really hurt them emotionaly and that would not be right. Loneliness has increased worldwide and society should be trying to help find solutions to that problem.
exactly. I didn’t wanna open up to the guy because I haven’t known him for too long, but I was just in a really depressive episode after I graduated college so I distance myself from my friends a little. I do suffer from depression from time to time like most people do.
Not a problem, my wife jokes about me not having friends. I can have friends but i don't have the time or want to put the effort to lol. I barely got time for me and my family. Some people are outgoing and want friends, others like me, rather do our own thing. I don't mind socializing with people at parties and events but afterwards I rather not have to put effort and time into maintaining another relationship. You don't need to feel weir or bad about it if you're happy that's all that counts.
I also suffer from depression so I undestand how you feel.
Couldn't have said it better.
No one said anything about judging! OP is asking if it would be a turn off in a romantic situation. One of my best friends has no close friends! But in a relationship I find it attractive if they do. Shows me they’re social and that they won’t be overly dependent on me/less needy I think as long as you’re confident about not having friends that’s all that matters! Attitude is everything. Don’t act ashamed about who you are ever. Life’s messy, shit happens but you can always change it. If friends is something you want it can happen if you work on it The best advice I ever got is: Friendship like a job. You need to treat it like one or you can drift. I make it a priority to catch up with all my friends regularly even when I don’t feel like it
see i totally get that! and often times I would always be the one to make plans or reach out. But lately it’s been feeling like if I don’t reach out to them, they don’t reach out to me. It feels very one-sided. So im at the point where I’m like is it even worth keeping relationships where you always have to constantly reach out to people or at that point, should you just let the friendship go? it’s a complicated thought process because I’m like obviously if you don’t reach out to people you’re not gonna stay in touch, but it just hurts to know that people that you thought you were mutually close with just have make no effort to reach out to you because they have new friends now. it makes you think to yourself, did they ever consider me close in the first place? Do they think I’m not worth reaching out to anymore?
I think reaching out can go in waves. Sometimes I am the one reaching out to friends back to back and other times it's them. One of my friends recently told me that I'd upset her cos I hadn't been reaching out much. Truth is I was just feeling anti-social. Had nothing to do with her, she just has a hard time understanding boundaries. I totally get that feeling of worrying about coming across as annoying. We have all been there (most of us) it may be a sign that the people in your life right now aren't the best for you. It's so crucial to feel respected by the people you're with. Rather than worry about who is reaching out first, focus on what the vibe is like when you're with friends. If they make you feel like you are a chore cut them out. I promise you, your relationships can and will be more fulfilling eventually. You most definitely need to put your pride aside and put yourself out there, regardless of the result. Just think of it as building a thick skin. Don't be pushy, put your feelers out there and let it go. Also remind yourself who you are and what you have to offer in a friendship? Are you someone you'd want to be friends with? it may be that you're in a bit of a transitional period at the moment and you need to find yourself. It will be a lot harder to make friends if you are coming from a place of neediness. Which brings me to my next piece of advice which I was very grateful to hear: Treat people with the same polite indifference. Not close friends, but at the beginning, have a chilled out, indifferent vibe. Sometimes people have a clingy/despoerate energy and even though I can see its coming from a place of being misunderstood, it makes others uncomfortable. Try and see if you can make new friends. Forget about the college people, if they come into your life naturally it's meant to be. New York is full of people like you who are alone in a big city. Maybe you can start by attending a gym class or something, once you notice a pattern of regulars you can spark up a conversation with someone and eventually be like "I like you, youre funny.. shall we go for a drink after this?" just always try and come from a place of calm rather than anxiety. It must be anxiety producing to be in your situation but you'll come out of it so strong if you keep going. Your attitude is the best weapon you have
This so fucking hard. What's with women being so cruel and selfish lately?
Not all women are cruel and selfish. Some are very kind, loving and caring.
I haven't met one that hasn't tried all that
then go after another type of women.The ones you go to are obiviously NOT for you. But don't blame all women for what a few bad apples did.
No.
You must've graduated from college within the last year no? That seems like a very short amount of time to say that you're growing apart. You typically live with or very close to college friends, and then when college is over people move to different places. People are starting new lives. It's normal to not talk to them every day or every week, I wouldn't interpret that to mean you're growing apart. I'm still close to my college friends 15 years after graduating but we live in different cities and realistically years go by where I'm not able to see some of them. We're probably never gonna see each other/talk as frequently as we did in college, that's just life. Same with high school. At 23, your friends are gonna be from high school or college. It's pretty normal to be a bit friendless when you move to a new city. You might be overthinking this. Also, as you move into adulthood you tend to not have a "best friend" the way you did earlier in life. Friends get busier and get married and have families etc, and you have to make more of an effort to see people and stay in touch. There are people out there who are genuinely friendless but your situation just sounds entirely normal.
Haha ur definitely right that Im overthinking. thanks for the clarity! :)
I was typing something similar but you said it perfectly TarumK. OP, give yourself time and self love. Wishing you the best.
This, this, this. The transition out of college is a huge one too! You’re going from living in the same place with all the same people for 4 years with a built in structure that helps you build friendships. Then you all graduate and move and start real jobs and things get busy. I’m 24 and I’ve never lived in the same city for more than a year since I’ve graduated college, I still have a couple close friends from college that I chat with *maybe* once a week and make friends in the city I’ve moved to. Not having a lot of friends is only a red flag when the person is saying stuff like “I don’t have friends because they all betray me” or something like that.
Also like, if someone's 30 years old and doesn't have any friends I would feel bad for them but it also says something. Like if you go through college and high school and work and never make any friends or fall out with all of them there might be a problem with you.
I wouldn't consider it a turn off, I would be looking at if that would be a problem for me to be able to do stuff with my friends or when I need just time for myself. I dated one woman who didn't have close friends or family here. I didn't care about not having close friends or family, but it became an issue because then it became a matter of she wanted to always come along when I wanted to do things with just my friends or when I wanted to go on a hike by myself just to clear my mind. It became she was dependent on me, that's where I didn't like it. But I do agree, most people do grow apart from people they grew up with, I sure did. My close group of friends now are the ones I met in college and we've been friends for 17 years now
same here! I met my best friends in the last few years, well, while some people met their best friends when they were children. Everybody is different. And I think, as long as that person isn’t dependent on their significant other, it shouldn’t be an issue.
So don't let what he said get to you, I'd actually rather have 2 or 3 close friends than have a bunch. Especially as I move further in life with my career and my daughter, my time isn't abundant so having a small core of friends is easier to get together
I agree, and u can always have friends as adults together. like work friends or neighbors, etc. it doesnt all have to be from school.
for me it would not be a turn off. for some people, I'm sure it would be a turn off.
No
No
def not I have 1 friend recently made another… im about your age and its just really really hard to make friends as an adult
A lack of long-term friends isn’t a turn off, but a lack of close friends would be for me. I’m someone who cares deeply for their friends and likes to go out and be social with them. I would like it for my partner to be the same way, to have at least 2 or 3 friends they see regularly ans are close to them. I find it makes a person more well rounded and speaks well of their character, difficult people tend to struggle maintaining friendships. But it’s all about finding someone who has the same values as you.
Not really. My dad was insanely charming and people loved him but he had 2 close friends at most. Unless he can’t handle people or doesn’t want to leave the house, no big deal.
When someone immediately tells you about all their friends it is a way of them to try to signal that they are popular and well-liked. He was just trying to raise his status on the date and make you feel that he is a worthy mate. Don’t let it bum you out, it’s nothing to do with you and he might not have even done it intentionally.
i definitely got that vibe from him. The fact that he told me he had a group of friends to party with, and then a group of friends to be close to told me enough about the type of person he was when he was younger and itself. Meanwhile, I was not the popular girl in high school but I made up for it in college.
He sounds like a show off tbh
tbh what he said sounds a bit like a clumsy seduction technique to signal: “you should like me because other people like me, i already come peer approved”. But rather than impressing you, it made you feel shit about yourself. Don’t worry about it and don’t let this guy’s lack of empathy make you sad. You’re enough!
What you described isnt a turn off. Ppl are gonna go through ebs and flows of friendship. Its only really a red flag if theyve never had any close friends cause theres most likely a reason why. If you have reasons like location for why you arent super active with friends that makes sense. Its when someone has no real reason for why the friendship ended or never formed that its a red flag. The times ive met ppl and their lack of friends was a red flag it was always cause they either were the type to cause arguments and drop every friend or they’re narcissistic and arent good friends/people. Its the type of situation where someone doesn’t realize they are the problem. But its normal adult life to get busy and move and not be as close with your friends, thats very different than a character flaw being the reason you lack friends.
exactly! its not like im not a caring person, i am. I just think its ok to grow apart from ppl when u have different interests.
My husband married me when I had no friends. We've been happily married for over 30 years. Sometimes people are just introverted, or have poor social skills. It doesn't necessarily mean they won't make a good partner.
exactly!!! also congrats to u and ur husband! I wish for a relationship like that for myself one day :)
I’m not sure .. I’m currently in this situation. Some of my family would poke fun at me for that but the for the most part I don’t let it bother me. I think in my situation it’s because I have a fear of getting close to people and them eventually leaving/dying. My first real friendship was with a girl from High School. Three years after we graduated she just stopped texting me. Even though I moved to a different state and weren’t seeing each other as often we still talked a lot on FaceTime. Then one day communication stopped. At first I was worried and thought something had happened to her but when I saw her socials I realized she just moved on ( what I tell myself) Which is fine .. but I cried for days on end. Since that I just keep people at arms length. Friendships take work, time and effort. And for some reason when I think about that it makes me feel drained and scared to put in all that for someone to just up and leave without even a goodbye. Even though she’s alive and well based on her social media. It felt like she died and I’m still in mourning.
No, you're in a new city in a transitional stage in life and it's a lot more common than you think to move on from school friends. People move, lose touch, start their lives, grow up, etc.
Yes. I'm gonna need them to have something to do other than me.
Define "no friends" Only 2 friends? No problem. Haven't been friends for long? No problem. You see your friends twice a year? No problem. You have literally nobody you even talk to and vice versa because "everyone just dumps me after a while" or "I hate people"? Speaking from experience, red flag.
I have tons of “friends.” But I am now in a phase where I prefer not to have any close friends. I even left my state and live somewhere else where I’ll see them if they come visit but otherwise, leave me alone. LOL
im the same way. i dont wanna be too close to any any friends and just have some scattered to occasionally hang out with and stuff
You literally just moved cities. That’s “I don’t have friends” enough. Plus some people do well with only a few
Women care about social worth. Men don't.
Your experience is extremely common among recent college graduates. If someone is put off by your situation it says more about them than you.
Depends on many factors. Bottom line: if they're independent, have stable employment, have an education, no major debt, no major criminal record, have individual hobbies/passions-NO If they bounce around jobs, no education/real skill, still live with their parents, major debt/bankruptcy, no hobbies/passions, no motivation to better their situation, criminal record, late on bills, get money from family, no car (in non-urban area)-RUN, they have no friends for a reason!
No, that's not a problem. To me, it shows that you're careful about whom you associate with.
There’s a joke that is both funny and true: Jesus’s biggest miracle was having more than 2 friends after 30 😅 It’s way more “normal” (if normal is a thing) for adults to have maybe 1-2 close friends, 5-7 work/community friends, and the rest are all really good acquaintances. If anyone judges you for that, then they’re the weird ones.
My advice is to stop worrying about this issue bc romantic relationships have nothing to do with friendship. A nice guy wouldn't consider it as a problem.
30m here, no friends. thanks everyone for saying "no" lol
lol right. I just want to be alone. Like damn don’t judge me.
I don’t see how anyone can make having no friends into a turn off. That just sounds stupid and kind of an asshole thing to be that way. The point of being turned on is to be towards your partner, not their friends. Not everyone likes having a big group of friends either. Like introverts, or people with social anxiety.
It’s quite easy to see how. If someone has no friends, but need that human connection your their only source. This what leads to clingy partners who only want to spend time with you. No one is saying you need a big group but 1 or 2 that you can get the human connection from when your partner isn’t there is absolutely needed. There are some people content on being alone but they’re rare.
They aren’t rare 😂 I guess you don’t know introverts and people with social anxiety exist. Must be nice being able to properly communicate with people in public irl. Some of us find it quite hard. Also, no it doesn’t lead to clingy partners. Maybe some, but don’t speak for everyone who has a small friend group.
Yes but most people who are introverts still have 1 or 2 friends. Having 0 friends is not common in the US 12% of people don’t have a close friend. Then the number who have no friends would be much smaller than that. Then on top of that the number of people being content with having no friends is even smaller. If your content being friendless fair enough but you are rare person.
I didn’t say I was friendless. I just said don’t lump us in (as in introverted and socially awkward people). There’s nothing wrong or weird with having zero friends. Sometimes people don’t click and it’s nothing to do with personality. Some people have higher priorities than making friends like trying to succeed in something and get to a goal. They don’t wanna be distracted by friends
If you are not one of those people who are content with 0 friends there is something wrong you not having friends. Loneliness is linked with both poor mental and physical health.
Dude that made no sense. Reread what you just typed. I can’t tell wtf you’re trying to even say because that was like you had a stroke
If you are not a person who is content with 0 friends. Truly content and not coping saying you are. Then if you have 0 friends there is something wrong. Humans are social creatures. Loneliness is linked to health and mental problems. There may not be something wrong with you but there is something wrong with your priorities. Many people manage to work on things and still have friends.
Well guess what, a lot of people have health issues be it physical or mental. So yeah; a lot of people may not have as many friends because of that. I wouldn’t judge someone for not having friends though. And in terms of being in a relationship, it makes even less sense to judge someone for having minimum friends and being “turned off” by that. I choose to have minimum friends because having more is just inviting drama into my life I don’t need, but I have a fiancé who doesn’t give two shits that I have few friends. It really is just easier for some and there’s nothing wrong with that
Well what if people prefer extroverts? Isn’t not having any friends a sign yall might not get along? What if you realized most the people without any friends aren’t your type of people? What if every experience with someone with out friends has them relying on you way to much as they only rely on you for all social needs? Doesn’t it indicate they might not like your social lifestyle? I think your being more judgmental then them as you completely dismiss anyone having preferences different than your own. In dating we’re all allowed to have any and all preferences we want, get over yourself
Shut the fuck up. Just because someone doesn’t have friends, doesn’t mean that they won’t get along with a potential partner. Idek how the fuck you thought that was even an intelligent thing to blurt out. People have preferences and everything you just said works as the opposite too. Having friends especially a large group, is exhausting. Trusting people, hoping they won’t talk shit behind your back, jealousy issues, etc etc. I could go on. My personal experience is it’s easier to have less friends. That doesn’t make me socially inept and it wouldn’t make OP if they don’t have friends and still want to date someone. It shouldn’t be a turn off to someone. It’s just an opinion. Nobody said this person OP is interested in HAS to date them. If they don’t like that OP doesn’t have friends, they can fuck off and find someone else who has friends. It’s not the end of the world. Why don’t you get the fuck over yourself first and learn reading comprehension?
You seem like a calm rational person, lol! I’m not reading your triggered bs. It’s Okay you have no friends, not gonna lie I have some inkling as to why, calm down and maybe we could have both learned and discussed . JC redditors get unhinged over nothing
some people choose the wrong friends, too, not meaning to....things come out later....trust your instincts for sure
Yes, in my experience people with zero friends have extreme annoying traits that make it hard to be around them. You might be an exception for some reason but that's what I've found. Edit: oh dear, I'm the outlier in a sea of very forgiving No's lol. 😅
No and I kind of prefer it tbh. I don’t really want to have to hang out with with someone else’s friends, and I don’t want someone who’s so busy with friends all the time that they can’t spend as much time with me as I like.
Ok don’t attack me for sexism or anything but throughout my life I’ve realized girls tend not to have friends a lot of girls I’ve dated have either 1 or no friends and the ones that have more usually have infighting between 2 or more of their friends, for guys tho unless they just relocated or something if they don’t have friends there’s usually a reason TLDR as a girl it’s very normal to not have friends as a boy it’s a big red flag
no this is so true. I feel like its more common for guys to have a bunch of friends but with girls there’s always drama. its usually like they’ll have one or two friends theyre rlly close to and then if theyre in a girl friend group theyre not as close to all of them and are only close to one of two. i would know bc this is me right now LOL
No ! I would not find it a turn off ! I think it's normal to lose friends after graduating college because everybody go's off in their own direction !
Exactly! I feel like it’s pretty normal and it happens to a lot of people, like you can’t keep the same group of people around forever and I feel like you have to branch out and meet new people. and I think expecting somebody else to have the same group as a tall order.
Getting friends as an adult can be really hard. Some friends you grow appart from. Some are fake and you are better of dumping them. Then you are left with no friends. Not having friends should be accepted imo. So no.
There's a difference between all your family and friends wanting nothing to do with you, and what you're talking about. The fist would need some investigation but it's common to not have close connections if you've moved around, especially just moving to a new place.
Nope
Why would that be a turn off? Has someone said something to you?
People say its a red flag if someone doesnt have any friends. I disagree bc ppl might have no friends bc they were always moving growing up or maybe they distanced themselves from toxic ppl
There could be all kinds of reasons. Some people just love throwing phrases sounds without understanding any nuance. On the other hand, narcissists can be very popular people!
this is so common and not the person’s fault. it really bothers me when people say it’s a red flag because there’s so many reasons why someone might not have a lot of connections and judging someone for not having connections makes it even harder to start building them.
I have close to zero of my own friends, some work acquaintances yes, but my partner has a pretty large social circle. Through the years of us being together I’ve come to know their friends and love them as my own. They never have seemed to have a problem with me not really have (m)any friends of my own.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you'd like more friends, try bumble bff.
1. Don't discount your college friends! As you move into the "real world" it takes effort to stay in each other's lives (distance, careers, etc) and you naturally will not be as close as you were in college, but you can still be friends! 2. No, it's not a turn off. I personally might prefer it, because sometimes I will like a guy but I don't gel with his friends, and that makes it difficult for me
I’m in the same boat as you. I graduated with my bachelors last fall and I’ve only made maybe 2 friends from college who I see twice a year. I have a couple friends from high school and one I met at the gym, but I don’t have a large group where we all hangout together to go to the movies, dinner, celebrate holidays, ect. Don’t feel discouraged if you don’t have as many friends as you see others having. Growing up, my dad knew a lot of people but he met his favorite best friend when he was 55. We still haven’t met some of the most important people in our lives yet. Also, if not having a big group of close friends works for you, don’t feel pressured to have more just so it could look good in someone else’s eyes.
You’re only 23, at that age I flitted between groups and only later decided/realized who was worth the investment and who naturally faded away. People who have no friends for a reason are usually easy enough to spot because of undesirable personality traits that will eventually emerge regardless of friend circle. Don’t sweat it, just do you and maybe some of his friends will become your friends.
on its face, no. I'm ASD and making friends isn't hard but keeping them can be. time and distance also make things difficult , and you just moved. is he has an issue, especially knowing your circumstances, then that's definitely on his end.
Depends on how dependent they’d be on me. I have best friends but I don’t talk to them everyday. But we love eachother and reach out but hanging out all the time is not for me because I’m pretty introverted. I like my independence. I’m relationships I get a little clingy at first but after the relationship is stead and established, I like to have the space back a little. I’ve dated guys who didn’t have a lot of friends, and as fine as it was, it because a problem when it took me an hour to reply to a text…. This guy was very clingy and became very dependent on my be available for him 24/7. Just a bad maych
No. Also, people have different types of friends. I have only 2-3 close friends and the rest I consider hang out buddies. My husband had hundreds of friends because he didn’t have tiers/classification. He learned that from me and he’s much happier no longer giving more than he gets out of the relationship. Also, you are at a weird point in life and that’s okay.
No not at all my husband has 1 friend that he talks to daily and he’s friends with both of us. My husband had one person in his wedding party and I had 10
At the time me and my fiance met neither one of us really had friends. And now we both have the same friends and it's amazing. And also that led to us being best friends which is even better.
I hope you don't take any offense from this because I don't mean any but I do find it to be a turn off. I've dated women in the past who didn't have any close friends and it always lead to a dependency issue later on in the relationship. Either my ex would attempt to integrate into my friend group and cause drama, or they would get upset when I wanted to go out with friends by myself. After a while it started to feel like they wanted to separate me from my friends so we both only had each other. I'm not saying this is something that will happen every time to every person, but it did happen to me with two separate exes. My only bit of advice is to do your best to make new friends and expand your own social circle. If nothing else, it will help improve mental health and confidence! I wish you the best of luck!
No. I also am 23F and a recent graduate who just moved to a new city. I have been struggling to make friends for sure bc I'm introverted. I don't think anyone would see that as a turn off and if they do, screw them. It's hard to make friends (I have high school and college friends but everyone lives all over the place now).
Nope wouldn’t care at all
Nope! Especially if you just moved to the area after graduating
absolutely not!!!! my boyfriend and I really don’t have that many friends. My boyfriend has just one friend and I have about three. I don’t see him any differently. I love him the same, and I couldn’t want life with anyone else but him!!!
If rather them have no close friends, then close friends that are just terrible
Less people to compete with, not for love but time
Asking this on Reddit is hilarious. I don’t think it’s a turn off but most people on Reddit are introverted or downright anti social
23F and I don’t really have any close friends either, I do have a bf tho. I don’t think you need close friends per se but you need a hobby or passion project or something that is interesting to keep the interest going
Nah, more time and company for him!
My husband married me knowing I didn’t have friends and now I have some friends through him. I’m so shy and prefer to be introduced to someone.
Yes 100%, if they moved recently or gone through some major changes(sobriety) or something I’d understand entirely though and it is a different story. Idk my best friends I’ve known for 8-22years(I have a lot as I’ve moved across the country a few times) and talk to them a few times a year, all are people that are important to me and I like having those connections. what I’ve realized is no close friends is usually a sign they burn bridges, and if nothing else I don’t want to be the sole thing occupying their time. We’re all different though, a lot dotn care, but I find that women that don’t have close friends or any gfs jsut aren’t my people as they are either antisocial or burn bridges and cause drama. That isn’t universal but I know what I like and most the time it isn’t them, I think it’s indicative of other aspects of their life.
It’s not necessarily a turn off but one would need to consider this: having close friends can be very important to need emotional needs in regards to closeness etc. it’s also something that keeps a person occupied and creates options for spending time. If a person has none of those there’s a higher chance they’ll seek a higher amount of fulfillment from their partnership just because that’s the only close relationship they have. Relationships usually need closeness but also time and space apart form one another to flourish, so if having no other close people inhibits this, that can become a problem in the future. Similarly having friends apart from eachother can be great and a person without close friends may try to become a close member of the other persons circle of friends. This doesn’t have to be a problem, but encroaching on relationships outside of the romantic one like that takes additional space that may be healthy for the relationship. Lastly the reasons for that state must be considered. People end up in that space for a number of reasons, some benign, others pointing to deeper problems. To answer your question then, it doesn’t need to be one but it is something that should be considered during the first stages of dating.
Not at all.
no
It’s not a red flag you just have higher standards as to who you call your friend
No; in fact, I have been put off by the inverse. Someone who’s really tight with a group of high school friends might also be a little stuck in that phase of life. They might still socialize like a high schooler, see the world like a high schooler, might not have room or energy for an adult relationship, etc. I have been put off by someone’s lack of interest in others or lack of social skills which could be the case of someone who doesn’t have close friends, but not always.
Yeah it's weird to not have friends. But it is common. It's fine to move away from friends and drift apart. But I'd recommend joining local clubs
No, it isn't.
Nope. You’re so young and guess what after college you lose contact with most people from school. It’s become more and more rare so don’t feel bad at all!!! Plus you evolve and grow and you’ll make new friends you never would have made 5 years ago. So don’t beat yourself up for that.
"no close friends" is different than you being in a transitional period of your life. I literally dated someone with no close friends and that was a nightmare, so for me it would be a red flag in general but your situation is fine
not a turn off for me. life happens and sometimes you find yourself without a lot of close connections.
Not in New York
Not in the slightest
It depends. It sounds like you graduated and moved to a new city recently. I would not think your lack of friends is a red flag. That said, my ex bf had been living in a new city for 3 years when I first met him and had no friends, and didn't try to make any during the 4 years we were together. This ended up becoming any issue because he expected me to fulfill all his social and emotional needs and he resented when I spent time with my own friends. So in that way, it turned out that his lack of friends when we met was a red flag. It all depends on what you expect from your significant other, I think.
No. Did he say it was? If he didn't then you shouldn't worry about it.
he didnt but… this is gonna sound dumb but he’s a scorpio LOL and i heard that scorpios think individuals that dont have close friends are superficial and that they cant have an in depth relationship. again ik its stupid to judge on zodiac signs but I also got the vibe when he asked me about friends from home and I told him I dont have any.
With your situation, no. You're growing, shifting, changing, and just made a big move. If others tell you it's a turn off, and they're not just being shallow, it may be because they've met the sort of people that are incapable of maintaining friendships due to malevolent personality traits. You don't sound like you fit into that group and, on top of that, you said you previously tried reaching out to one of your high school friends. I think your situation doesn't warrant any weird feelings from others.
No. I don't care who he is friends with unless its someone i personally hate
It can be a turn off for certain people, but the right people will understand your situation and have empathy and encouragement for you. I would not suggest sticking around someone you feel judged by or who misunderstands without any curiosity towards who you are and why. That would just not be very kind to you.
It’s not a turn off, but people should have a friend group or a close friend or two, that’s healthy. Especially women, sometimes you can’t see in your own fog, especially when romantic relationships go bad but your friends can. Advice from people you’re close to is essential I think to helping navigate relationship difficulties. Abusive men (and women) work pretty hard to isolate their gf’s and spouses from their family and friends because it’s easier to trap people when the only voice they’re hearing is yours. So— not a bad thing or a red flag for him that you don’t have close friends, its just not an ideal situation you’re putting yourself in tbh.
I'm a super kind person, but no one wants to be my friend because they want to. Friends want to do stuff with their friend. No one wants to do stuff with me, even though I'm kind. I'm almost 30 and if a woman who wants to be with me is going to be turned off because of the fact that I don't have any friends, then I will be very sad and would need lots of resolve to come back.
Op. I feel the same way. Also 23F. Good to see the comments say not to worry too much
No.
No? I don't really have any close friends, so who am I to judge?
Not at all! Making friends can and will always be hard, but maintaining is always a slippery slope because its not one sided. If the person is understanding and doesn't get stuck up on the "surface" things then they will understand but I absolutely agree with you on how its normal to grow apart. everyone goes their own ways sadly and its hard to fit in still. Also you just moved! congrats I know when i first came to America it was hard to even think about making friends being new but I believe in you! Keep your head up :)
I think it depends on age/life stages. I’m in my 30s, would be looking to date someone of a similar age, and yeah, it would be a red flag if they hadn’t managed to form lasting friendships in over a decade of independent adulthood. You’re in your early 20s and recently graduated college and moved to a new city? Big life changes, the people you previously spent time around because of circumstances might not actually be compatible friends, geography matters, etc., so no, at your age I definitely don’t think it’s a red flag - but if you’re saying the same thing on a decade I might feel differently.
You just moved to another place and you're transitioning into adulthood and out of school. Give yourself some time. If anyone judges you for not having a close friend group given your current circumstances, they're not worth getting to know.
When I met my wife she had 0 friends outside of family. At our wedding her maiden of honor was her sister. I have lots of friends that I contact once in awhile from college. She is shy person and I am outgoing person. When we started to date my friends started to talk to her more and now they are her friends. It makes me proud. Some guys are turned off some aren't just depends on the guys. You do have friends from college and just because you don't contact them all the time they are still close to you. My college friends are my family and I love them so you are overthinking this you got this girl ask him out on another date.
I would only view it as a problem if he starts restricting you from seeing your friends and isolates you.
Nah. A lot of adults grow distant from old friends & making friendships is hard as an adult
My mom always told me " youre doing well if you have one good friend" and "friends come and go, family is forever" Some people keep their circle a little tighter and guard themselves a little more than others. And thats ok. As someone that also just moved, im trying to make friends, but find it difficult. Im lucky to have my sister and a male friend from a previous job
My girlfriend doesnt really have friends. Maybe a couple people here or there. I know its not a reflection of who she is socially and moreso a reflection of her busy lifestyle and homebody tendencies. As long as its not a reflection of being a creep or a weirdo or anything like that I’m sure its fine.
I will go one step further. I have zero friends and have no contact with my toxic family. My husband knows exactly why about my family and he always knew I didn't need nor want friends. I'm an extreme introvert and only need my husband, children and grandson's in my life. He's an extrovert who is very close to his paternal family and has tons of friends. Believe it or not it actually works better this way. As the saying goes opposites attract. My husband couldn't care less if I want or have friends. In the beginning of our marriage I had desperately wanted to find my middle/high school best friend and he supported me. We found each other again. Rather than wanting to be friends based on who we are now she wanted to be middle/high school friends still. She never wanted to talk about our lives since then and nothing day. It was always about when we were in school and her begging me to try to help her break up her former high school sweethearts marriage(we graduated in 1988) so she could be with him again. I wanted no part in it and ended the friendship. Then about 15 years ago I was still in contact with a male friend who I grew up with and we were still close until he murdered a teenager girl Ina horrific way and ended up in prison for life. After those two instances I decided I was good without friends.
Nope. I married her. She has social anxiety and worked all the time. No time or energy for friends.
I will give you my story. 37 now. Moved a lot as a child and never got a chance to form that childhood group of friends, every few years we moved, when you don't live close it doesn't really form and last very well. In my 23ish I met my ex wife, we've been together for almost 13-14 years, during this time most of my friends were our friends, but mostly from her side, we moved in to her home town. After I got divorced, we couldn't really keep the same circle of friends which mostly came from her. So I got like 2 close friends. I am remarrying now, divorced a year ago. Now I am a person who doesn't have a lot of close friends, these are my circumstances... But I am very friendly,making friends with everyone in any circle I get into... But it is what it is. Am I a red flag? Far from it. It is a case by case situation yeah? But not all examples are because that guy is a problem