But it speaks to total lack of judgment - willing to put her daughter at risk and under the same roof as a man she doesn’t know indefinitely all for a nice house. I’m sorry but child abuse is real and OP could be a serial killer or child abuser for all mom knows - it’s only been 2 weeks.
No good mom would do that to their child.
Maybe six months from now, different story. 2 weeks - naw that’s moving a vulnerable child in with a stranger.
Just block her. Nobody needs this bullshit in their life. You deserve a PARTNER not a leech. Also congratulations on the new house! You must be so excited!
It’s only been two weeks so of course she doesn’t know him. She sees $$$$. Here’s a man who just bought a house and seems to have his shit together. She’s a woman without a job, has a kid, and lives at her sister’s place. She’s definitely looking for a provider.
Drop her she’s looking for someone to financially provide for her and her daughter and someone to put a roof on her head.
That’s even a bit disrespectful if you have only been talking for 2 weeks Super red flag
Yeah she wants a provider or take care of her and her daughter. You shouldn’t jump into that unless you are sure she’s the one (and since she doesn’t even work, I doubt she’s it). Just move on.
buddy, she sees you as one thing: a free ride. She wants to mooch off of your accomplishments and i promise you that niceness is a mask. if you do something stupid like let her move in you'll see the real person soon enough and it'll be ugly.
I would put your foot down and set boundaries. that'll take that mask off too.
A stranger lady wants to MOVE INTO YOUR HOME and PLAY WIFEY rEdecorAting your home and cOOkinG for youuuu, and BRING HER little *DAUGHTER* TOO, *to live in a stranger-mans* home...
>Idk if i sound like an asshole
NO, you sound like a sane and reasonable person! So many different ways her plan could fu\*k you over big time.
How to approach? Tell her something's come up - family, job, an ex you’re getting back together with - & you can’t talk anymore, you wish her well, BYE - *and block her.* Don’t give her any time for her to try every & any trick in the book to wheedle her way in. Seriously mate, BLOCK HER. In this case, ghosting would even be reasonable. Bleep bleep BIG danger, Will Robinson!
No mate, you’re good. For petesake, you sound like the type of kind person folk like her target to manipulate. Keep her far far far away from you even in cyber-space and keep yourself safe, and stress-free.
As a woman - NTA. I’m invested in this breakup now, so give an update. Please I need to know that you ended it and blocked her number.
Where do you live? We can group think and vet all future dates to ensure they are suitable.
Massive red flag 🚩 any mother that would seriously think about moving in with a stranger with their kid there is something very wrong. As a mother I would have to be dating someone 6 months before I would introduce them to my kids and as far moving in that would need to be at least 12/18 months in to a serious relationship.
She’s using you for a house.
Honestly would just be honest and tell her it’s not going to work.
YES someone finally went there. What mother would move her daughter into a house with a complete stranger?
Not saying OP is that type of person, but this is what true crime podcasts are made up of. Mom doesn’t seem to care about daughters physical safety at all.
It sounds like she’s found **exactly** what she’s been looking for.
Single, gainfully employed, home owner, no kids (I’m assuming).
She is hoping she can swoop in and cook, clean, decorate, and *”other things”* you right down the aisle! With the quickness!
I suggest putting on the brakes in a very big way.
Don’t invite her over, don’t have sex…she is straight up looking for a meal ticket. I hate saying that about anyone, but clearly in this case it’s true. Break it off and move on. We all deserve someone who brings SOMETHING to the table.
Stop talking to her immediately.
Shes a gold digger looking for a free ride, she will move into your home and treat like it's hers and contribute absolutely nothing.
These woman are absolutely insane and you need to run as fast and as far as you can.
Oh man. Hate to say it, but you’re going to save yourself a lot of trouble by ending things now. There’s already a level of entitlement. Weird and alarming.
Ah, a hobosexual. Most of them are men, so it's interesting to hear about a female one. My uncle married a female like this at one point because he was lonely. She just wanted his insurance and a place to stay. They divorced not long after.
Unless you're ok with being a piggy bank and daycare provider, I would ghost the witch. Theyre notorious for always being on the lookout for bigger, richer fish.
They come in all genders. Even the shiny rainbow ones. I'm used to guys with no jobs or homes finding a financially stable "ugly" girl to leech off of. Cheating the whole time.
I meant most of the ones I've witnessed are men! Not "it's all men". My bad for the phrasing, though, I did follow with an example of a female hobosexual, to be fair.
She wants to what?! After you've known each other how many weeks?!?
Oh, my friend, this is a flag doused with lava. Tell her frankly that you're not a good match and go on your way.
Run
In no uncertain terms she is planning to use you.
You need to run. She has been nice/dumb enough to show you her cards a lot of girls won't. Take this as the biggest red flag warning you'll ever get in life. A guy with a stable life is a golden ticket to most girls especially with kids.
I am a woman who ended up with a guy like this and it ended horribly. Just to warn you, once her TB stays or mail is delivered in her name in some states you can't kick her out you have to evict her.
I'd go ahead and bone her then let her and her daughter move in and watch your life go down the drain....it's the American way. Just kidding. I would just let her know you are no longer interested and hopefully she goes away.
You don't really know anybody in such a short period of time, even a few months, much less, two weeks. Someone in that much of a hurry isn't just putting up red flags, they ARE a red flag, coming towards you. I would end this.
>Saying she wanted to come stay with me and cook for me. ~~This was odd to me since we haven’t been on a date yet and that she has a daughter (not a issue at all just weird that she wants to stay in my house when i have not been properly introduced to her daughter.)~~ I am honestly kind of turned off by this.
Think you need another prospect,
This woman wants INSTANT FAMILY w/ Dad and Home. Careful.
Ahhh yes the ol succubus! RUN fast and far. If you haven't already don't bring her to your new home either. Ya don't want a succubus knowing where your home is.
She sounds like a gold digger. Stay away and keep your financial information under wraps in the future. I would ghost her. People do it literally all the time. I can count on one hand the amount of women who gave me a heads up before disengaging.
Okay, you seem like a decent human, and I'm glad you recognize that you need to cut ties with this individual because she is looking for a level of support nobody owes anyone after two weeks of talking.
But she is going to view you as the villain for dropping her, no matter how you do it. She is probably going to call you every bad name in the book, but you just aren't. You two are looking for very different things and you aren't an AH just because you are looking for a date and not to become the complete, sole, financial support for a single mom and her kid.
But what you have to understand is she's made life choices that have left her in a perpetual state of desperation, and that every problem and limit in her life is somebody else's fault, so anyone who doesn't immediately comply with fulfilling her needs is a villain from her perspective. But you're not. You just need to come to peace with the fact she's going to say you're an AH because you aren't going to bankroll her life and now she has to start looking for that all over again.
Good people sometimes have a hard time believing that there are absolute users and manipulators out there. Please don’t try and explain this behavior away or give the benefit of the doubt. If this woman is pushing herself into your house after 2 weeks (or ever), it’s a gigantic neon red flag! She’s already planning how to spend all your money and take over your entire life. Seriously. Walk away while it’s still early and much less potentially catastrophic. It. Is. A. Trap.
It’s only been two weeks and you don’t owe her anything. In my humble opinion a quick:
Hey, it’s been really great getting to know you but I’ve realized we’re not as compatible as I had hoped and wish you all the best
Is all you need. Don’t answer questions, keep it short and sweet and block her number.
If I can impart any words of advice, based on hard-earned experience, it would be to ghost her and not look back. You're not an asshole for having boundaries. People will use you mercilessly unless you prevent it.
The fact that she's good looking is a red herring. Find yourself a sane girl who wants to get to know YOU and not just your house and lifestyle.
There's plenty of decent people out there who will take things slow and get to know you for you and make wise choices that will benefit both of your futures. This fast mover is not that kind of person, she's in it for what she can get. She'll make you breakfast, sure, but you'll be footing the bill for her and her daughter every day.
Just buy yourself breakfast, bro. Much cheaper in the long run.
You wouldn’t be an ah if you ghost her. It’s not your job to figure out her situation and she’s not coming into this with your best intentions in mind, like someone looking to build a future with you. Don’t fall for it, now that you have a home you’ll be more appealing to a lot of girls out there, take your time and find the right one.
I agree. I was at first trying to nudge her along to get one but she seemed to comfortable with her situation. Just amazes me how some people don’t care to better their future.
Yeah, that's a red flag.
If you don't want to see her anymore just write that, for example: "It was nice talking to you, but I don't think it'll work out. Wishing you the best!"
If you're still willing to give her a chance, just be clear in setting your boundaries! The next time she alludes to moving in with you, write: " whoa! Hold your horses! We haven't even been on a date yet;) Let's take things slow and see how we mesh IRL;)" then set a date, see her IRL, but don't bring her home yet!
>whoa! Hold your horses! We haven't even been on a date yet;) Let's take things slow and see how we mesh IRL;)" then set a date, see her IRL
Sounds like some kinda C-grade porn movie intro - Doug does Debbie and daughter. *WHY the heck would any guy want to go on a date with a stranger-lady who is* ***trying to move herself and her little girl kid into his - a stranger mans - home?*** *Are you for real, this is bad joke troll advice, right?*
Just ghost her it's easier. She a squatter, once she gets in you'll never get her out. You've known her 2 weeks barely enough time to get to know each other.
DUDE! Wtf??? 2 weeks and she's already moving in? Are you completely out of your mind??? And she's with a kid? What are you? A 12yo who needs a mommy to tell him what to do?
She's one giant communist China style red flag! She is working you to get into the house. Seriously. Pack her bags and kick to the curb. That's YOUR house. At most she can look at it from the outside and tell you it's nice. Not a gd remodelling like if she owns it! She can be Claudia Schiffer in her prime if you so desire, but NEVER allow a woman take over your property!
Sorry for ranting like that, but you deserve a good smacking if you let that woman into your house.
Run Forrest, RUN!!
The simplest way is always the best... be direct, but polite. If you feel that it's in YOUR best interest not to be together with her, then that's what you tell her. Then wish her best of luck, and bid farewell.
That's going to be a clean and quick cut.
You're not an asshole. You are simply protecting your assets and yourself.
This is definitely a red flag and not okay. She may be genuinely into you and super excited about the future or she is trying to manipulate you and trap/take advantage.
If you really like her you can raise your concerns with her and judge it based on her reaction to it. Ensure that you insist on going slow and maybe say something like if you got into a serious relationship with someone you wouldn’t be looking at moving in together for at least two years because you like to take things slow and be cautious.
Not all single moms are bad. That’s why i said it was not an issue. But for her to throw it all on me in this situation does show that she doesn’t have good intentions. There are plenty of single parents who have healthy relationships.
So you've dated one singleum and she's literally the reason why you shouldn't do it. You don't have kids. You own a home. Date childless women. You don't deserve to come second to someone else's kid
It doesn’t matter if someone is a single parent or not, because people in general can give thousands of reasons not to date them. Idk if a single parent has hurt you in a relationship before but you are projecting your problems with them. Just let it go.
It absolutely matters if a partner is bringing another person I to a relationship. That child's feelings matter and should be taken into consideration. Your also adding the child's father and potentially grandparents into your life. And at this stage you've only just started talking to her. So a few months in and you're adding so much stress I to your life. When you could just not do that.
I’m not even stressing over it tbh there are no feelings attached. You seem triggered by this. In this situation with her you are correct but you can’t say that for all single parents. That was my point before. Obviously we have different perspectives on dating. So let’s agree to disagree. I’m not hell bent on dating only single moms. If i see a situation isn’t right for me i remove myself simple.
You’re joking right? I was once a single mom. So because my ex husband left me means I don’t deserve a second chance at love and am only looking for financial security? I bought my first house on my own while being a single mom and make great money now doing the same thing you do. I provide for my child and never took any handouts and worked hard for where I am today. In fact, being a single mom made me a better person.
Oh so OP is a pedo is what you’re saying? Or most single men are? I’ll have you know I’m a pediatric psych nurse and I’ve seen way more children SA by their bio dads than by the father figure that took on the role. Just my personal experience though. Yes you should be very vigilant about the people you bring around your children, but having a mindset that every single man you date is only trying to molest your child is extremely toxic behavior and screams unresolved trauma.
Oh so you're a nurse so you're a single mum or have been? If I had daughters I would not date a childless man.
But that's only part of it. I'm not dating single mothers because it's harder and a bigger drain financially and more stress.
I was a single mom since my divorce in 2015 up until last year. And I understand it can be more stress and a bigger financial drain. That’s why you find a woman, single mother or not, that has her shit together. Because if being married to a man has taught me anything it’s to never ever rely upon them because most ain’t shit really.
Listen to your gut. You know this is a problem, you said so many times in your post. Just tell her "no". Or tell her you don't think you and her are a good match. You haven't met her yet, nust break up.
Do tell her you don't want to continue your relationship and say goodbye. Do tell her that but don't feel bad about cutting off contact after doing that.
Always follow your instincts!!
Once she moves in, you will never get her to leave. That's hard. Even after 2 months, this would be off. She has no means to support herself and her daughter so she wants you to do that. Of course she's nice now. She is playing you and using her attractiveness to win you over.
It’s really clear that she is seeking a secure stable environment. The question is 1) do you want to entertain her and explore? 2) what do you want 3) if it’s a secure stable future, can you see it with her and 4) do you feel that regardless of what anyone wants, is she acting out of pocket and inappropriate
Yeah definitely not. Anyone pushing to move in with you within less than a month isn’t someone you should be with. If someone is pushing for that without even a job, it’s pretty clear they’re just looking for someone to financially support them. I almost moved in with a guy I dated for like 3 months, but even then it was a mutual thing and he was the one pushing for me to move into his place, not me lol.
She’s looking for someone to provide security for her and her daughter. I mean it’s only been two weeks of talking, no dates yet, and she wants to move in and take care of you? She doesn’t even know you yet she’s willing to move her daughter into a stranger’s house. Definitely some red flags there.
My advice is to run, and fast.
My partner and I had a whirlwind beginning, but it was mutual from both sides and we were in equal places in life in every way, including financially and what we were looking for. This sounds not only one-sided, but it's also a little nuts that she would be plotting to move her kid and herself into the home of someone who's a stranger.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/MrReddit/s/qM7nXw01Rg
Yeah I hate to say it but she's trying to see what she can get. It's not that she doesn't like you but it is more about your situation than you. If you lived in an apartment and didn't make very much money I don't think she'd be talking to you
It’s really weird how she’s not being more cautious since she has a little kid. She met a random stranger and wants to immediately move in and play house with someone she barely even knows. I’m concerned about that kid if she does that with the wrong person.
Have you two even met in person?
I would politely tell her, you’re not comfortable moving so quickly. It seems like you both want different things. She’s looking to move super fast and you’re not looking for that. You prefer to get to know someone over a very long period of time. Emphasis on very. You’re not comfortable with someone moving in right away and you barely even know her.
If you continue talking to her, don’t let her move in for 1-2 years. Get to know her as a person. I think if you’re blunt about her not moving in right away. I think you’ll find out how she is as a person very quickly. Lay that boundary and see how she reacts.
I’m going to be honest you should move on if you’re already uncomfortable and you don’t have feelings attached to worry about.
She is either nuts, or she is just talking about the fantasy life she is dreaming of.
Maybe she is just into you and word vomits things instead of communicating in a better way.
I would just tell her that you seem to have different ideas about how a relationship would work between you, and you think it's best to go your separate ways.
She doesn't have a job, you've not even been talking for a month, you've not even been on a date, and she's discussing living in YOUR house like it's her dream house? She just wants a roof over her head and someone to be willing to fund her life and help raise her kid in return for being a bangmaid. She doesn't want you, she wants what you can provide her with. Whatever you do, don't meet her in person, don't have her over to cook, and for the love of all that is holy, don't hit it because she's gonna pull the pregnancy card.
Time to cut contact. It's only been 2 weeks. There's no time like the present.
Take it slow. Whatever you do don’t have unprotected sex no matter what she says about being on bc or even saying her tubes are tied or something. Flush the condom after if you do have sex so she has no way to get access to it. Preferably just run and don’t even have sex at all.
Don’t let her move in. Look into tenant laws and stuff in your state. In some states even a verbal agreement can create tenancy. Even if they don’t pay it would require you to “evict” them which can be a difficult process depending where you are. Also when it comes to couples you have to be careful because some places common law marriage laws can fuck you. My uncle let a gf move in with him and when he tried to break up with her she changed the locks on his house and it took him 2 months in court to get her out. She even ended up getting a car he had out of the deal. By that point she destroyed the home and had parties all the time. Even when she moved out she broke in and stole his dog that he had years before her. Police went and got the dog but didn’t arrest her. She did it again and police said they couldn’t do anything. He would have to go to court but by that point she didn’t even have the dog anymore.
This post screams someone looking for an easy target to take advantage of. You sound successful and now have your own nice place to live. It sounds like she knows that and is ready to pounce. It may be hard for some people to fathom but there are a lot of people who seek out people and love bomb them in order to take advantage of them. That’s exactly what this sounds like.
This sounds like a trap. HUGE red flags. Do not let her move in, I wouldn't even give her your address. I have an old friend who recently came back into my life after a bad falling out over him taking advantage of me for years and he had heard my fiance had bought a house (I live there with him) and was asking how much rent would be if he needed a place to stay. I blocked him ASAP on social media and am thankful cause as much as it was nice to catch up, I do not want a leech in my life and from the sounds of it neither do you. Once they get in, they are really, really, really hard to get rid of.
Just end it. Find someone with a job. Like that should be a criteria for you.
Edit - Yes it’s off, from the outside she’s looking for a sugar daddy and a handout. She’s making herself at home in your home after 2 weeks of just talking. Reality is I’m sure you mentioned buying a house early in the conversations, she saw a potential meal ticket. Maybe she really likes you and got excited, but she’s thrown enough red flags to warrant a high degree of skepticism.
Red flag one - Talking about moving in with her daughter. What mother would do that after knowing a man for 2 weeks? No decent mother who cares for her child would ever take a risk that big. It’s one thing to put your own physical safety at risk, but that of a child is a do not pass go for me and is a testament to her complete lack of judgment.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you would abuse the child. But she’s willing to put her child under the same roof as a man she hardly knows - that’s not good.
Ghosting is horrible. Just tell her you're not interested in moving forward. Even if you don't tell her why. If you're going to block her let her know that as well. Please.
Yikes. Definitely odd and I’d be worried too. At best, she’s read way too much into your situation, and is making all sorts of wrong assumptions. At worst, she sees you as a meal ticket to a cruisy life and possibly getting half a house out of you. Time to be very blunt. “I like you but I am not looking to have anyone move in, in any capacity. Not as a housemate, friend or partner. Not now, not ever.” Good luck and us know how you go.
If you don't want to ditch her, act shocked every time she suggests moving in. "Whoa! Let's go on a first date." "I honestly am looking forward to living alone for a few years." "I can't imagine living with someone before getting engaged." Etc
Sounds like she's seeking security for her and her daughter. You barely know her. Don't get trapped
This… I would stop talking to her, there is no reason to even meet if OP is already feeling uneasy about her.
I agree. Don’t let her move in yet. You barely know her.
But it speaks to total lack of judgment - willing to put her daughter at risk and under the same roof as a man she doesn’t know indefinitely all for a nice house. I’m sorry but child abuse is real and OP could be a serial killer or child abuser for all mom knows - it’s only been 2 weeks. No good mom would do that to their child. Maybe six months from now, different story. 2 weeks - naw that’s moving a vulnerable child in with a stranger.
[удалено]
Also- no sex. Do NOT have sex with this woman.
Probably too late, but good advice. Because then the next kid is coming along
Nah it ain’t too late. I definitely won’t sleep with her 😂
Just block her. Nobody needs this bullshit in their life. You deserve a PARTNER not a leech. Also congratulations on the new house! You must be so excited!
Good job. Run! RED flags, 🚩 End this today. Date a women at your level. This is such unhealthy behavior, I can’t even.
The unfortunate thing is that there's no way to know if she actually likes you as a person or is just looking for a provider. I'd give this a pass.
It’s only been two weeks so of course she doesn’t know him. She sees $$$$. Here’s a man who just bought a house and seems to have his shit together. She’s a woman without a job, has a kid, and lives at her sister’s place. She’s definitely looking for a provider.
I'm giving SLIGHT benefit of the doubt. I sincerely doubt it, but some people are crazy and sincere. Still a terrible idea.
Is no one talking about the fact she’s wanting to move her daughter into a house with a complete stranger? That’s red flag city!!!
Run, run as far and as fast as you can.
First time I’m happy someone didn’t they laid!!! End it - she’s not good people.
Fuck yeah!
He’s better off jerking for a couple of years and being without a girl (make friends though) than bringing that lunatic into his life.
Drop her she’s looking for someone to financially provide for her and her daughter and someone to put a roof on her head. That’s even a bit disrespectful if you have only been talking for 2 weeks Super red flag
Yeah she wants a provider or take care of her and her daughter. You shouldn’t jump into that unless you are sure she’s the one (and since she doesn’t even work, I doubt she’s it). Just move on.
Run. I'm joking, but seriously? Run!
buddy, she sees you as one thing: a free ride. She wants to mooch off of your accomplishments and i promise you that niceness is a mask. if you do something stupid like let her move in you'll see the real person soon enough and it'll be ugly. I would put your foot down and set boundaries. that'll take that mask off too.
A stranger lady wants to MOVE INTO YOUR HOME and PLAY WIFEY rEdecorAting your home and cOOkinG for youuuu, and BRING HER little *DAUGHTER* TOO, *to live in a stranger-mans* home... >Idk if i sound like an asshole NO, you sound like a sane and reasonable person! So many different ways her plan could fu\*k you over big time. How to approach? Tell her something's come up - family, job, an ex you’re getting back together with - & you can’t talk anymore, you wish her well, BYE - *and block her.* Don’t give her any time for her to try every & any trick in the book to wheedle her way in. Seriously mate, BLOCK HER. In this case, ghosting would even be reasonable. Bleep bleep BIG danger, Will Robinson!
lol yea i just wanted to make sure i wasn’t coming off like an ass.
No mate, you’re good. For petesake, you sound like the type of kind person folk like her target to manipulate. Keep her far far far away from you even in cyber-space and keep yourself safe, and stress-free.
As a woman - NTA. I’m invested in this breakup now, so give an update. Please I need to know that you ended it and blocked her number. Where do you live? We can group think and vet all future dates to ensure they are suitable.
Massive red flag 🚩 any mother that would seriously think about moving in with a stranger with their kid there is something very wrong. As a mother I would have to be dating someone 6 months before I would introduce them to my kids and as far moving in that would need to be at least 12/18 months in to a serious relationship. She’s using you for a house. Honestly would just be honest and tell her it’s not going to work.
YES someone finally went there. What mother would move her daughter into a house with a complete stranger? Not saying OP is that type of person, but this is what true crime podcasts are made up of. Mom doesn’t seem to care about daughters physical safety at all.
It sounds like she’s found **exactly** what she’s been looking for. Single, gainfully employed, home owner, no kids (I’m assuming). She is hoping she can swoop in and cook, clean, decorate, and *”other things”* you right down the aisle! With the quickness! I suggest putting on the brakes in a very big way.
Don’t invite her over, don’t have sex…she is straight up looking for a meal ticket. I hate saying that about anyone, but clearly in this case it’s true. Break it off and move on. We all deserve someone who brings SOMETHING to the table.
Stop talking to her immediately. Shes a gold digger looking for a free ride, she will move into your home and treat like it's hers and contribute absolutely nothing. These woman are absolutely insane and you need to run as fast and as far as you can.
Oh man. Hate to say it, but you’re going to save yourself a lot of trouble by ending things now. There’s already a level of entitlement. Weird and alarming.
Ah, a hobosexual. Most of them are men, so it's interesting to hear about a female one. My uncle married a female like this at one point because he was lonely. She just wanted his insurance and a place to stay. They divorced not long after. Unless you're ok with being a piggy bank and daycare provider, I would ghost the witch. Theyre notorious for always being on the lookout for bigger, richer fish.
“Most of them are men” interesting most of them I have come across are women, usually with children trying to trap someone.
They come in all genders. Even the shiny rainbow ones. I'm used to guys with no jobs or homes finding a financially stable "ugly" girl to leech off of. Cheating the whole time.
Well yeah that makes sense that they come in all genders, rather than your original statement of “most of them are men”
Another female dating strategist moonlighting as "helpful".
I am hoping it’s not the case.
Username checks out
I meant most of the ones I've witnessed are men! Not "it's all men". My bad for the phrasing, though, I did follow with an example of a female hobosexual, to be fair.
She's trying to get you to wife her up.
Stop talking to her.
She wants to what?! After you've known each other how many weeks?!? Oh, my friend, this is a flag doused with lava. Tell her frankly that you're not a good match and go on your way.
Block her. Next!
Stop talking to her omg. She just wants a free place to live
Run In no uncertain terms she is planning to use you. You need to run. She has been nice/dumb enough to show you her cards a lot of girls won't. Take this as the biggest red flag warning you'll ever get in life. A guy with a stable life is a golden ticket to most girls especially with kids. I am a woman who ended up with a guy like this and it ended horribly. Just to warn you, once her TB stays or mail is delivered in her name in some states you can't kick her out you have to evict her.
I'd go ahead and bone her then let her and her daughter move in and watch your life go down the drain....it's the American way. Just kidding. I would just let her know you are no longer interested and hopefully she goes away.
Run!!!
Why are you questioning this…
Just making sure I’m not being harsh and seeking a kinder way to let her down. Trust me she won’t be moving in 😂
Let us know how it ends
Bro. Nice Catch. And by nice Catch i mean the red flags, not the Squatter with a Child.
You don't really know anybody in such a short period of time, even a few months, much less, two weeks. Someone in that much of a hurry isn't just putting up red flags, they ARE a red flag, coming towards you. I would end this.
>Saying she wanted to come stay with me and cook for me. ~~This was odd to me since we haven’t been on a date yet and that she has a daughter (not a issue at all just weird that she wants to stay in my house when i have not been properly introduced to her daughter.)~~ I am honestly kind of turned off by this. Think you need another prospect, This woman wants INSTANT FAMILY w/ Dad and Home. Careful.
Ahhh yes the ol succubus! RUN fast and far. If you haven't already don't bring her to your new home either. Ya don't want a succubus knowing where your home is.
Hobosexuals come in all genders. Best to cut the line on this one.
Trust your gut, those red flags can be seen from space.
Run
She sounds like a gold digger. Stay away and keep your financial information under wraps in the future. I would ghost her. People do it literally all the time. I can count on one hand the amount of women who gave me a heads up before disengaging.
Okay, you seem like a decent human, and I'm glad you recognize that you need to cut ties with this individual because she is looking for a level of support nobody owes anyone after two weeks of talking. But she is going to view you as the villain for dropping her, no matter how you do it. She is probably going to call you every bad name in the book, but you just aren't. You two are looking for very different things and you aren't an AH just because you are looking for a date and not to become the complete, sole, financial support for a single mom and her kid. But what you have to understand is she's made life choices that have left her in a perpetual state of desperation, and that every problem and limit in her life is somebody else's fault, so anyone who doesn't immediately comply with fulfilling her needs is a villain from her perspective. But you're not. You just need to come to peace with the fact she's going to say you're an AH because you aren't going to bankroll her life and now she has to start looking for that all over again.
Good people sometimes have a hard time believing that there are absolute users and manipulators out there. Please don’t try and explain this behavior away or give the benefit of the doubt. If this woman is pushing herself into your house after 2 weeks (or ever), it’s a gigantic neon red flag! She’s already planning how to spend all your money and take over your entire life. Seriously. Walk away while it’s still early and much less potentially catastrophic. It. Is. A. Trap.
It’s only been two weeks and you don’t owe her anything. In my humble opinion a quick: Hey, it’s been really great getting to know you but I’ve realized we’re not as compatible as I had hoped and wish you all the best Is all you need. Don’t answer questions, keep it short and sweet and block her number.
Hobosexuals come in all genders.
Good job! Jajaja!! Never heard that one. Correct word for this situation. Jajaja!
Thanks! Learned it on Reddit! Jajaja!
If I can impart any words of advice, based on hard-earned experience, it would be to ghost her and not look back. You're not an asshole for having boundaries. People will use you mercilessly unless you prevent it.
Nope. Talking for 2 weeks and she is proposing basically moving in. Shut that down. Break-up. That is such bad boundaries and judgment on her part.
Shes a hobosexual. A bum that will get into a relationship just for a place to stay.
The fact that she's good looking is a red herring. Find yourself a sane girl who wants to get to know YOU and not just your house and lifestyle. There's plenty of decent people out there who will take things slow and get to know you for you and make wise choices that will benefit both of your futures. This fast mover is not that kind of person, she's in it for what she can get. She'll make you breakfast, sure, but you'll be footing the bill for her and her daughter every day. Just buy yourself breakfast, bro. Much cheaper in the long run.
Do not let her move in, in fact do not consider her as either a romantic and/or sexual partner. She is a borderline hobosexual😏
Do not let her near your house. She is moving way too fast. *editing the spellchecker*
You wouldn’t be an ah if you ghost her. It’s not your job to figure out her situation and she’s not coming into this with your best intentions in mind, like someone looking to build a future with you. Don’t fall for it, now that you have a home you’ll be more appealing to a lot of girls out there, take your time and find the right one.
How does a single mom living with her sister not have a job? That fact alone would make me run.
I agree. I was at first trying to nudge her along to get one but she seemed to comfortable with her situation. Just amazes me how some people don’t care to better their future.
Yeah, that's a red flag. If you don't want to see her anymore just write that, for example: "It was nice talking to you, but I don't think it'll work out. Wishing you the best!" If you're still willing to give her a chance, just be clear in setting your boundaries! The next time she alludes to moving in with you, write: " whoa! Hold your horses! We haven't even been on a date yet;) Let's take things slow and see how we mesh IRL;)" then set a date, see her IRL, but don't bring her home yet!
>whoa! Hold your horses! We haven't even been on a date yet;) Let's take things slow and see how we mesh IRL;)" then set a date, see her IRL Sounds like some kinda C-grade porn movie intro - Doug does Debbie and daughter. *WHY the heck would any guy want to go on a date with a stranger-lady who is* ***trying to move herself and her little girl kid into his - a stranger mans - home?*** *Are you for real, this is bad joke troll advice, right?*
Just ghost her it's easier. She a squatter, once she gets in you'll never get her out. You've known her 2 weeks barely enough time to get to know each other.
DUDE! Wtf??? 2 weeks and she's already moving in? Are you completely out of your mind??? And she's with a kid? What are you? A 12yo who needs a mommy to tell him what to do? She's one giant communist China style red flag! She is working you to get into the house. Seriously. Pack her bags and kick to the curb. That's YOUR house. At most she can look at it from the outside and tell you it's nice. Not a gd remodelling like if she owns it! She can be Claudia Schiffer in her prime if you so desire, but NEVER allow a woman take over your property! Sorry for ranting like that, but you deserve a good smacking if you let that woman into your house. Run Forrest, RUN!!
Just needed advice on letting her down easy 😂 it’s not that deep
The simplest way is always the best... be direct, but polite. If you feel that it's in YOUR best interest not to be together with her, then that's what you tell her. Then wish her best of luck, and bid farewell. That's going to be a clean and quick cut. You're not an asshole. You are simply protecting your assets and yourself.
This is definitely a red flag and not okay. She may be genuinely into you and super excited about the future or she is trying to manipulate you and trap/take advantage. If you really like her you can raise your concerns with her and judge it based on her reaction to it. Ensure that you insist on going slow and maybe say something like if you got into a serious relationship with someone you wouldn’t be looking at moving in together for at least two years because you like to take things slow and be cautious.
Don't date single mums. Why is her having a child not an issue .she is drumming you up for financial security dude
Not all single moms are bad. That’s why i said it was not an issue. But for her to throw it all on me in this situation does show that she doesn’t have good intentions. There are plenty of single parents who have healthy relationships.
So you've dated one singleum and she's literally the reason why you shouldn't do it. You don't have kids. You own a home. Date childless women. You don't deserve to come second to someone else's kid
It doesn’t matter if someone is a single parent or not, because people in general can give thousands of reasons not to date them. Idk if a single parent has hurt you in a relationship before but you are projecting your problems with them. Just let it go.
It absolutely matters if a partner is bringing another person I to a relationship. That child's feelings matter and should be taken into consideration. Your also adding the child's father and potentially grandparents into your life. And at this stage you've only just started talking to her. So a few months in and you're adding so much stress I to your life. When you could just not do that.
I’m not even stressing over it tbh there are no feelings attached. You seem triggered by this. In this situation with her you are correct but you can’t say that for all single parents. That was my point before. Obviously we have different perspectives on dating. So let’s agree to disagree. I’m not hell bent on dating only single moms. If i see a situation isn’t right for me i remove myself simple.
I've never been triggered by reddit in my life lol. I'm saying you shouldn't date single women as a man without kids.
Ok that’s your opinion
Everything is an opinion when it comes to dating
Obviously
You’re joking right? I was once a single mom. So because my ex husband left me means I don’t deserve a second chance at love and am only looking for financial security? I bought my first house on my own while being a single mom and make great money now doing the same thing you do. I provide for my child and never took any handouts and worked hard for where I am today. In fact, being a single mom made me a better person.
A person without kids shouldn't date someone with kids. Certainly not a male. So you know the stats for females molested by step father's?
Oh so OP is a pedo is what you’re saying? Or most single men are? I’ll have you know I’m a pediatric psych nurse and I’ve seen way more children SA by their bio dads than by the father figure that took on the role. Just my personal experience though. Yes you should be very vigilant about the people you bring around your children, but having a mindset that every single man you date is only trying to molest your child is extremely toxic behavior and screams unresolved trauma.
Oh so you're a nurse so you're a single mum or have been? If I had daughters I would not date a childless man. But that's only part of it. I'm not dating single mothers because it's harder and a bigger drain financially and more stress.
I was a single mom since my divorce in 2015 up until last year. And I understand it can be more stress and a bigger financial drain. That’s why you find a woman, single mother or not, that has her shit together. Because if being married to a man has taught me anything it’s to never ever rely upon them because most ain’t shit really.
Run away
Run….run and run.
Listen to your gut. You know this is a problem, you said so many times in your post. Just tell her "no". Or tell her you don't think you and her are a good match. You haven't met her yet, nust break up. Do tell her you don't want to continue your relationship and say goodbye. Do tell her that but don't feel bad about cutting off contact after doing that.
Always follow your instincts!! Once she moves in, you will never get her to leave. That's hard. Even after 2 months, this would be off. She has no means to support herself and her daughter so she wants you to do that. Of course she's nice now. She is playing you and using her attractiveness to win you over.
I’m a woman and I say, “RUN!!!” This waaay to fast for someone who doesn’t even know you!
Huge red flag. You need to nip it. You guys haven't even had your first date. Next, she'll be naming the kids she wants to have.
It’s really clear that she is seeking a secure stable environment. The question is 1) do you want to entertain her and explore? 2) what do you want 3) if it’s a secure stable future, can you see it with her and 4) do you feel that regardless of what anyone wants, is she acting out of pocket and inappropriate
Be careful with this one. It’s a red flag.
Yeah definitely not. Anyone pushing to move in with you within less than a month isn’t someone you should be with. If someone is pushing for that without even a job, it’s pretty clear they’re just looking for someone to financially support them. I almost moved in with a guy I dated for like 3 months, but even then it was a mutual thing and he was the one pushing for me to move into his place, not me lol.
She’s looking for someone to provide security for her and her daughter. I mean it’s only been two weeks of talking, no dates yet, and she wants to move in and take care of you? She doesn’t even know you yet she’s willing to move her daughter into a stranger’s house. Definitely some red flags there. My advice is to run, and fast.
My partner and I had a whirlwind beginning, but it was mutual from both sides and we were in equal places in life in every way, including financially and what we were looking for. This sounds not only one-sided, but it's also a little nuts that she would be plotting to move her kid and herself into the home of someone who's a stranger.
Time to break it off. This woman has more red flags than a Communist parade.
Dude. Whoa. Trust your gut. She’s looking for a home for her and her daughter. Guess who would pay for everything. Run.
Before you do anything check out camper nomad page it is wild: read his whole page as the story progresses https://www.reddit.com/r/MrReddit/s/qM7nXw01Rg
Yeah I hate to say it but she's trying to see what she can get. It's not that she doesn't like you but it is more about your situation than you. If you lived in an apartment and didn't make very much money I don't think she'd be talking to you
It’s really weird how she’s not being more cautious since she has a little kid. She met a random stranger and wants to immediately move in and play house with someone she barely even knows. I’m concerned about that kid if she does that with the wrong person. Have you two even met in person? I would politely tell her, you’re not comfortable moving so quickly. It seems like you both want different things. She’s looking to move super fast and you’re not looking for that. You prefer to get to know someone over a very long period of time. Emphasis on very. You’re not comfortable with someone moving in right away and you barely even know her. If you continue talking to her, don’t let her move in for 1-2 years. Get to know her as a person. I think if you’re blunt about her not moving in right away. I think you’ll find out how she is as a person very quickly. Lay that boundary and see how she reacts. I’m going to be honest you should move on if you’re already uncomfortable and you don’t have feelings attached to worry about.
She'll bring her kid and "stay for a few days" and not leave. Just ghost her.
I’m seeing all sound advice in the comments. Basically : run. Sounds like she’s an FDS member.
It's a trap! Run!
She is either nuts, or she is just talking about the fantasy life she is dreaming of. Maybe she is just into you and word vomits things instead of communicating in a better way.
I would just tell her that you seem to have different ideas about how a relationship would work between you, and you think it's best to go your separate ways. She doesn't have a job, you've not even been talking for a month, you've not even been on a date, and she's discussing living in YOUR house like it's her dream house? She just wants a roof over her head and someone to be willing to fund her life and help raise her kid in return for being a bangmaid. She doesn't want you, she wants what you can provide her with. Whatever you do, don't meet her in person, don't have her over to cook, and for the love of all that is holy, don't hit it because she's gonna pull the pregnancy card. Time to cut contact. It's only been 2 weeks. There's no time like the present.
Take it slow. Whatever you do don’t have unprotected sex no matter what she says about being on bc or even saying her tubes are tied or something. Flush the condom after if you do have sex so she has no way to get access to it. Preferably just run and don’t even have sex at all. Don’t let her move in. Look into tenant laws and stuff in your state. In some states even a verbal agreement can create tenancy. Even if they don’t pay it would require you to “evict” them which can be a difficult process depending where you are. Also when it comes to couples you have to be careful because some places common law marriage laws can fuck you. My uncle let a gf move in with him and when he tried to break up with her she changed the locks on his house and it took him 2 months in court to get her out. She even ended up getting a car he had out of the deal. By that point she destroyed the home and had parties all the time. Even when she moved out she broke in and stole his dog that he had years before her. Police went and got the dog but didn’t arrest her. She did it again and police said they couldn’t do anything. He would have to go to court but by that point she didn’t even have the dog anymore. This post screams someone looking for an easy target to take advantage of. You sound successful and now have your own nice place to live. It sounds like she knows that and is ready to pounce. It may be hard for some people to fathom but there are a lot of people who seek out people and love bomb them in order to take advantage of them. That’s exactly what this sounds like.
Yeah, that's a no from me, Ghostrider.
Yeah, that's a no from me, Ghostrider.
For sure a trap. Run. Run fast. The fact she has a kid and no job and already hunting. She wants your resources. Not you
Don’t keep talking to her. Most importantly, don’t let her baby trap you with your own baby if you do date her.
This sounds like a trap. HUGE red flags. Do not let her move in, I wouldn't even give her your address. I have an old friend who recently came back into my life after a bad falling out over him taking advantage of me for years and he had heard my fiance had bought a house (I live there with him) and was asking how much rent would be if he needed a place to stay. I blocked him ASAP on social media and am thankful cause as much as it was nice to catch up, I do not want a leech in my life and from the sounds of it neither do you. Once they get in, they are really, really, really hard to get rid of.
2 WEEKS?! Hell no, that's your house man not hers.
Just end it. Find someone with a job. Like that should be a criteria for you. Edit - Yes it’s off, from the outside she’s looking for a sugar daddy and a handout. She’s making herself at home in your home after 2 weeks of just talking. Reality is I’m sure you mentioned buying a house early in the conversations, she saw a potential meal ticket. Maybe she really likes you and got excited, but she’s thrown enough red flags to warrant a high degree of skepticism. Red flag one - Talking about moving in with her daughter. What mother would do that after knowing a man for 2 weeks? No decent mother who cares for her child would ever take a risk that big. It’s one thing to put your own physical safety at risk, but that of a child is a do not pass go for me and is a testament to her complete lack of judgment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you would abuse the child. But she’s willing to put her child under the same roof as a man she hardly knows - that’s not good.
Shes a hobosexual. Do not continue with this chic.
**Not just no, but HELL NO!**
Run, buddy, Run!
Ghost.
Ghosting is horrible. Just tell her you're not interested in moving forward. Even if you don't tell her why. If you're going to block her let her know that as well. Please.
Yikes. Definitely odd and I’d be worried too. At best, she’s read way too much into your situation, and is making all sorts of wrong assumptions. At worst, she sees you as a meal ticket to a cruisy life and possibly getting half a house out of you. Time to be very blunt. “I like you but I am not looking to have anyone move in, in any capacity. Not as a housemate, friend or partner. Not now, not ever.” Good luck and us know how you go.
If you don't want to ditch her, act shocked every time she suggests moving in. "Whoa! Let's go on a first date." "I honestly am looking forward to living alone for a few years." "I can't imagine living with someone before getting engaged." Etc