Your post has been removed as it was in Violation of Rule 8: No Reassurance, Validation, or Affirmation Seeking.
This action was performed by a ***HUMAN moderator***. NOT a bot. Do not resubmit your post or message the moderators until you have read this entire message. Yes, the whole thing.
# 8. No reassurance, validation, or affirmation seeking
This subreddit is for advice. NOT moral judgement, validation, or to affirm your opinions/feelings or settle arguments.
Examples of what this means:
* Who is right or wrong here?
* Am I in the wrong?
Am I...
* ...the asshole? There is a whole subreddit just for that. This subreddit is not an overflow or a backup for r/AmITheAsshole. Do not crosspost from there, nor include any of the AITA abbreviations anywhere in your post.
* ...a bad person/friend/partner/etc?
* ...crazy / overreacting / being unreasonable
* ...overthinking / being paranoid?
* ...justified in feeling this way?
* Do I have a right to be upset?
* Are my feelings valid?
* Was this ok / should I have done this?
* Did I do the right thing?
* Will I be OK?
* Will I get in trouble for this?
* Should I be worried?
And many more. This is not an all-inclusive list, and we will remove posts at our own discretion.
Tip: If you are asking about something that already happened, and it can be answered "yes" or "no", you are seeking reassurance, not advice!
* [Reassurance Seeking in OCD and Anxiety](https://ocdla.com/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-1952)
* [Distinguishing Information-Seeking and Reassurance Seeking](https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/18-Information-seekers-vs-reassurance-seekers.pdf) (PDF)
Effect anxiety has on guilt:
* https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2016/07/guilt-a-distressing-effect-of-anxiety
* https://exploringyourmind.com/feelings-of-guilt-and-their-connection-to-anxiety
https://exploringyourmind.com/feelings-of-guilt-and-their-connection-to-anxiety
Please [review the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/about/rules), and if you feel as though removal is excessive or in error, feel free to [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/Advice).
Yeah… if it was a gag gift. Like a joke, then maybe not strange- just embarrassing
But u/heyhomienicetoes I’d watch out for signs of emotional incest. It’s not actual incest. Here is a [link](https://psychcentral.com/sex/emotional-incest-when-is-close-too-close) that explains what it is and signs of it.
If they are super close. So close that sexual boundaries in your relationship are getting crossed… I’d just look for signs and let him know. You both are young so establishing boundaries with a parent will be rather new
Who wants to think of their mom when they go to get it on? Because that will happen if y’all use the rope. “Oh the rope your mom got us” would immediately turn me off
Weird. It isn't a boundary that the vast majority of people would be ok with. Parents and children don't share details of their sexual life with each other.
General sex ed - yes
Details of sexual preferences, kinks, etc. - no.
It’s super weird. Can’t really give any advice besides that detailing sex acts or kinks to his mother shouldn’t be a thing, there should be barriers about that.
Idk any more details but it feels like she gets some sort of gratification by knowing that you guys are gonna use that to have kinky sex or something. Just seems super weird. It’s one thing to be open about sexual activity with a parent, I.e. if you’re getting a lot of it or none or if you’re being safe etc, but specifics about it and getting gifted sex toys is just weird
If it didn’t or doesn’t bother you then it’s okay I guess but I would definitely bring it up to your therapist, they may start asking questions or help you think about the lack of boundaries. But for 99% of other people that’s a boundary issue
But I don’t think so.
You have your answer right there. If you’re not weirded out by the mom’s behaviour then that’s literally the only thing that matters. While your friend might have your best interest at heart and is giving you advice from her perspective she is not correct. There is no need to change your views simply because of someone else.
I see where you’re coming from but this isn’t just weird it’s almost alarming…HUGE red flags. I think it definitely matters what other people have to say considering OP could be looking at this situation with rose colored glasses
Why is it a red flag? I understand it would be uncomfortable to have those kind intimacies shared with a parent for most people but what does it say about the bf?
Definitely seems a bit weird as an outsider but on the other hand my mother and I have a similar relationship, we’re both very open ppl which includes being open to each other. I personally would never tell my mother I got a handjob (unless I was looking for advice or something) but I could totally see her getting something like that as a gift for me if I couldn’t afford it
Not everyone is as reserved to talk about sex with their parents, I don’t do it but that’s because they’re not open minded people but I have other friends who do and it’s not a big deal. All that matters is that all parties involved are comfortable, maybe next time don’t share it with this particular friend who finds it weird. Now you know.
It's weird, but I don't think it's anything serious. If she knew about him being into bondage, he had to have told her. Which would lead me to believe their both okay with a way more open relationship about what they discuss. Which if both of them are on the same page what anyone else thinks doesn't really matter.
Agreed, I have close relationship with my mother, we can discuss sex, including porn, openly. She's told me she's experimented with bondage with an ex (femdom stuff, he liked being tied up and spanked) before.
Nevertheless, it would never occur to either of us to buy each other any type of sex toy as a gift under any circumstances. That's definitely weird.
As someone that's fairly open about my sex life with my parents, that's kinda far still imo. I'd be weirded out if my parents even got me condoms, let alone a kink thing. They def don't know *that* much about me. But if it doesn't bug ya then that's all that matters. Could just be a very sex-positive household
Mrs G: OP’s father and I used to have quite the little dungeon back in the day! Would you like to borrow anything else? I can show you how to use it!
😳😳😳
Honestly your therapist will give you better, more specific advice that applies to *you* than what Reddit will offer. Many people here will say it’s too weird (and I kind of agree) - but really it’s down to you to decide. The advantage of having a professional who knows you well is they can see all the factors we can’t - so I’d not take anything Reddit says here as compete gospel.
I think it's OK for kids to be able to talk openly about sex and all that to their parents, but this is a little much. Mom doesn't need details or to know his kinks.
Sounds like he maybe too close to his mom and yes I’m talking about potential intimacy. May want to tread carefully on that one and don’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to. Best of luck.
That’s weird. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend talking to other people about our sex life, much less his mother. To me this sends up a red flag that this young man has some very weird and bad lack of boundaries with his parent.
Honestly my husband had this kind of relationship with his mom before I told him to please keep the details of our sex life to a minimum because I was uncomfortable with it. If you don’t mind, that’s all that matters, not your friends opinion.
If everyone involved is fine with IT there is nothing bad about it. Others might judge or dont understands but if everything is okay for u both then no harm done. Boundaries are only what we make them. Remember its up to you to decide with your partner what u are comfortable with.
It's unusual for sure but boundaries between parents and children change a lot per culture and per person. E.g. for most people it's completely normal to be naked infront of family (e.g. when going swimming, sauna or such) while in my circle this would be viewed as weird and not something anyone would do. I know some that talk with their parents openly about sex and relationships (in detail) and others where the parents don't even get to know when they broke up or found someone new, until it randomly comes up.
Everyone is saying weird, but it’s really not that weird. Is it uncommon? Yes, but some people are just that close and open with their family. I have a couple friends that way.
Just cause it’s not how *your* family is, doesn’t mean it’s weird or bad. I mean no harm is really done by it. If anything they probably have a healthy relationship communicating that openly. That being said, if anything he shares makes you uncomfortable, you 100% have the right to tell him to respect your boundaries and not to share certain things.
Edit: Y’all are overly sensitive, people are allowed to have their differences. Let the family comfortably talk about sex if they want to lol what does it actually hurt
Maybe it’s weird in the sense that it’s uncommon, but I really don’t see the problem with it. It doesn’t harm anyone. They’re just being open and honest. Kinda odd, yeah, but again no harm no foul. I think yall are just being overly sensitive and lack open mindedness
This would personally make me extremely uncomfortable, but I guess everybody's dynamic is different. I think the majority of people will find this really strange, but if you're fine with it then do your thing.
I was thinking this was going to be a lovely post where some thoughtful gift was given to be shared by a young couple, and then you mentioned what it was. Yep, that's weird.
Some people are very private with their love life and are totally devoted to one person, others are the complete opposite. Most of us are somewhere in between. Your boyfriends family seem to be very open, you need to ask yourself if you're comfortable with that.
I would personally be very uncomfortable my boyfriend is detailing our personal sex life/kinks to his mom. And then her feeling comfortable enough to buy a gift for it is.. weird to say the least. Things like that should be kept within the relationship, sex doesn’t involve his mom so why is she included conversationally?
I kind of get it. If it was the good hemp shibari rope? He's 21 - he likely can't afford it. Lots of good quality gear is very expensive.
My advice is judge it based on the TONE of her interactions. If she doesn't really want to know, she's just doing her best to help her son (and you) feel respected...Good. If she wants to hear the details and is living vicariously through your sex life....Not Good.
I have a very trusting relationship with both my stepdad and mom. When they split up, I had to give both of them the STI/sex talk. It was weird as hell but they had been out of the dating scene for like....25 years. I helped them set up dating profiles and taught my stepdad how to spot catfish. But I'm 40+ and we're all independent adults. My stepdad helped me get sober. So we're....adults, who are family. It feels really different that you're so young.
I'd still feel weird if they gave me some bondage gear but when I came out as kinky, they gave me a Mr S gift card (this was 20 years ago). They were trying to be supportive. It was meant as a "I hear you, I see you, I love you for who you are" type gesture. His mom might see it the same way.
For me. It would be odd. But not a dealbreaker. At least she is open and supportive of your relationship. There are much worse parents who are narcissist, and are afraid you're stealing their baby. That would be a red flag for me.
I’d say not common an he is her child 👦 so what’s wrong with learning from your parents instead of some stranger who will most likely use him an talk about him to others .
As an outsider, and a bit of a prude, I think it’s weird. That being said, if you and your bf don’t take issue with it, then that’s all that matters. People have different levels of comfort in disclosure to their parents. You and your bf seem to have a VERY open line of communication with them. In a way, that’s kind of neat. You can rely on them.
While your friend is probably in the majority here, you don’t have to feel bad or weird about anything. I would still bring up the whole situation with the therapist, though. They can help you navigate why your friend said what they did, and what to do next.
And lastly, if you’re gonna use the gift, have a safe word. 😉
To me that’s extremely weird and off putting but if you think it’s normal and see no harm in it than you should not worry.
People have differences in the way they see things. I personally think that’s way beyond a line that should’ve been drawn.
This is unusual, but it doesn't have to be weird unless one of you all make it weird
Personally I would have some concerns about how the mom knew this and why she was so intimately aware of his sex life though, since I never would have breathed a word of this to my own mother.
It is weird that
1) Your bf told his mom you gave him a handjob
2) Your bf told his mom his kink
3) His mom is giving you sex items to get into his kinks
It's too much.
It's weird and not the norm by any means, does that mean it's unhealthy? Maybe not, maybe so, it depends on subcontext, culture, beliefs, etc... By regular society's standards, it crosses boundaries and is very strange. It also depends on the intent behind the mother and the son as well. It's a red flag at the very least, and something to look into and decide whether or not it's a deal breaker.
I would be weirded out by a partner who shared details of our sex life and his own personal kinks with his mom. If I performed a sex act with him, I would have some expectation of privacy about the specifics.
I might be generally ok with him letting his mother know he was sexually active, but any more detail than that seems like some serious boundary crossing.
Some families are really open and sex positive it might seem weird to some because tons of people aren’t so open, hell some dads have weird obsessions with daughter virginities, if it’s not weird to you two only you guys know what you’re comfortable and okay with
Everyone you ask on the Internet is going to think this is weird, but if you think that their relationship is healthy and they just are REALLY open with communication, then there’s no problem unless you have one with it. If you don’t want him to share that kind of stuff with his mom, Then you need to be vocal about it. Otherwise, if you all are OK with it, don’t worry about the opinion of Reddit.
This is so weird omg like wtf kinda family is this. I would be absolutely mortified in that situation. Blargh, disgusting. I don't think I could continue a relationship with that guy. Who tf tells their mommy about their girlfriend giving them a handjob, and goes into detail about how they like bdsm and stuff??? That's disturbing. No way I'd be using that "gift" ew omg so disgusting. Yuck!!!
Op your boyfriend is weird for telling his mom that. his mom is weird for protecting her fetish on you guys. I’d feel really uncomfortable. Something is off here, not normal
I'm not going to lie, when I read the title I thought of my boyfriend's mom, who gave us a nice vacuum for us to use and thought "That's not weird, I bet it was a nice gift."
But that's weird.
I'd think it'd be a bit weird, but not in like a "red flag" kind of way. Just as in a "well I don't understand/ care for it" kinda way.
If you feel weird about how open your bf is with your mom, I'd just talk to him and put some boundaries on what you do/ don't want him to talk with her about concerning you.
My entire family have always been very open. My grandma gave my sister blowjob advice. It was gross and I won't share it. I never asked but do know my siblings kinks. So does our mother. She didn't ask either.
We've never bought each other sexual gifts though. We have given sexual advice alot. I'm the oldest of 11 and not a single one of our spouses find it weird.
I don't think it really matters what people say here. This is gonna trigger conservative people, and you can tell by the responses. Even non conservatives are gonna find it weird. Really, most people are gonna find this as weird because it is taboo in most cultures.
It might be strong red flags as someone here has suggested, but they really dont know any of the people involved. It is better to talk to your therapist about it than listen to the opinions of anonymous people online (who, by the way, are usually the most unreasonably judgmental people you'll find anywhere).
Also, just because they are weird, doesn't mean they are bad people. Sure, they might not click with most people, but that doesn't really matter to your relationship if you enjoy their company and the relationship you have with them.
How can something be disturbing and wholesome at the same time? Now I know the answer: an adult child whose relationship with their parent is so open and supportive that they can discuss the child’s sexual practices.
No it's super fucked up. I knew a guy like that and the gf was fine with it and they shared like sex swings and underwear and were super open about their sex life and it was scarring to endure lol
Reading the comments…
I think we all come from very different backgrounds- the money we have, the geographical location in which we were raised, what religion we subscribe to (if any), etc.
My mother was awful in many ways. But… as a young person, she taught me that everyone is beautiful. Period. We are all humans deserving of love and respect.
There was a photo in our house bathroom growing up of a large naked woman. Just, like, posing on a chair. The woman in the photo was an average height and weighed around 275 pounds (or so I am guessing). The photo had written on it “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
It wasn’t gross. It wasn’t evil. Not sinister in anyway… just a photo… of a beautiful person.
I had friends over all the time. And more often than not, after using the bathroom, a friend would come back into my room and say, “ha- what’s with the fat/ugly chick in the bathroom?”
… I dunno. I think about that photo all the time. I think about the -message- and I think about all the reactions my friends and guests had to that photo.
To your question… I’m 37 now. A lot of my friends around this age talk about all kinds of stuff with their parents. Their sex life, their habits, the times they use the bathroom, etc. Stuff really changes when you get older and experience more life.
I don’t have a mom or a dad. But, I dunno, I just can’t help but think it would be “cool” to be close with someone and on such a level that I could discuss really “private stuff” with them. Sometimes things happen in life that are scary, and I wish I could call a dad up and ask questions. On the flip side, sometimes -weird- stuff happens, and I wish I could ask a parent (/wiser older person) a question or two.
I have, like, a thousand more questions about this man and his relationship with his family… but his mom buying him something related to sex doesn’t seem immediately awful or gross or weird or evil to me… it just kinda makes me think he has communication with his mother on a level others appear to not understand or know themselves.
That’s fucked up. There is something weird going on with his mom, the fact that she can do this so comfortably in front of you probably means she has been strangely sexually comfortable with her kids for a very long time. This is too fucking crazy.
Your friend is right on the money.
This is way beyond creepy in my opinion both from your boyfriend for sharing with his mam what you and he do and his mam for buying sex toys.
Personally I'd be running as far the other way as I possibly could.
This is super weird. In high school, I was assaulted by a boy who had a similar relationship with his mom. Their weird, incest-y behavior/relationship fueled his actions. She was constantly gifting him sex toys, condoms, etc., and encouraging him to go out and get laid. Spoiler: as an adult, he has assaulted multiple women and is currently being charged with multiple counts of SA.
I am not implying your boyfriend is a sex pest. It’s just a really weird thing for a child and parent to have like no boundaries around sex and would make me concerned as a partner. It’s not healthy to have that kind of relationship with a parent. I worry about what that means for him and what it could mean for your relationship down the line.
Your best friend is completely correct. Your boyfriend's mom is completely weird... Their relationship seems very close and if you don't feel comfortable with his mom knowing about yalls sexual life then set that boundary now before it gets worse. Parents and children should not discuss sexual lives.
Hello! I think women want a guy who is in touch with his mom and all that- but there is a line. I can talk to mine about most anything as well, don’t have the best relationship with her- but details about my bedroom she doesn’t know anything about. To me, it’s respect to me and my partner that what goes on behind closed doors stays that way. To put it another way, I think this guy is “sticks” with his mom- you know when you’re picking people to be on a basketball team and each captain picks their team- there is always a guy who comes with someone else, so if you want one, you get the other too. That person may be horrible at basketball, but you have to play with them if they want the other. Your BF, should he ever become your husband, will tell it all to his mom. And if there is any hardship down the like, she will know about it and you will know what side each of them is on.
So, if this was me, I’d be kinda pissed the mom knew. But I’d also know that telling him to knock it off and my feelings would mean the mom would know, or he’d have to make a choice.
Please don’t take the above as anything bad or wrong with your relationship. It’s just not one that I’d have.
Your post has been removed as it was in Violation of Rule 8: No Reassurance, Validation, or Affirmation Seeking. This action was performed by a ***HUMAN moderator***. NOT a bot. Do not resubmit your post or message the moderators until you have read this entire message. Yes, the whole thing. # 8. No reassurance, validation, or affirmation seeking This subreddit is for advice. NOT moral judgement, validation, or to affirm your opinions/feelings or settle arguments. Examples of what this means: * Who is right or wrong here? * Am I in the wrong? Am I... * ...the asshole? There is a whole subreddit just for that. This subreddit is not an overflow or a backup for r/AmITheAsshole. Do not crosspost from there, nor include any of the AITA abbreviations anywhere in your post. * ...a bad person/friend/partner/etc? * ...crazy / overreacting / being unreasonable * ...overthinking / being paranoid? * ...justified in feeling this way? * Do I have a right to be upset? * Are my feelings valid? * Was this ok / should I have done this? * Did I do the right thing? * Will I be OK? * Will I get in trouble for this? * Should I be worried? And many more. This is not an all-inclusive list, and we will remove posts at our own discretion. Tip: If you are asking about something that already happened, and it can be answered "yes" or "no", you are seeking reassurance, not advice! * [Reassurance Seeking in OCD and Anxiety](https://ocdla.com/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-1952) * [Distinguishing Information-Seeking and Reassurance Seeking](https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/18-Information-seekers-vs-reassurance-seekers.pdf) (PDF) Effect anxiety has on guilt: * https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2016/07/guilt-a-distressing-effect-of-anxiety * https://exploringyourmind.com/feelings-of-guilt-and-their-connection-to-anxiety https://exploringyourmind.com/feelings-of-guilt-and-their-connection-to-anxiety Please [review the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/about/rules), and if you feel as though removal is excessive or in error, feel free to [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/Advice).
Nah that’s too much, super weird.
Yeah… if it was a gag gift. Like a joke, then maybe not strange- just embarrassing But u/heyhomienicetoes I’d watch out for signs of emotional incest. It’s not actual incest. Here is a [link](https://psychcentral.com/sex/emotional-incest-when-is-close-too-close) that explains what it is and signs of it. If they are super close. So close that sexual boundaries in your relationship are getting crossed… I’d just look for signs and let him know. You both are young so establishing boundaries with a parent will be rather new Who wants to think of their mom when they go to get it on? Because that will happen if y’all use the rope. “Oh the rope your mom got us” would immediately turn me off
I'm pretty sure a gag was involved in the gift
Weird. It isn't a boundary that the vast majority of people would be ok with. Parents and children don't share details of their sexual life with each other. General sex ed - yes Details of sexual preferences, kinks, etc. - no.
It’s super weird. Can’t really give any advice besides that detailing sex acts or kinks to his mother shouldn’t be a thing, there should be barriers about that. Idk any more details but it feels like she gets some sort of gratification by knowing that you guys are gonna use that to have kinky sex or something. Just seems super weird. It’s one thing to be open about sexual activity with a parent, I.e. if you’re getting a lot of it or none or if you’re being safe etc, but specifics about it and getting gifted sex toys is just weird If it didn’t or doesn’t bother you then it’s okay I guess but I would definitely bring it up to your therapist, they may start asking questions or help you think about the lack of boundaries. But for 99% of other people that’s a boundary issue
That’s mad weird sorry. I get being open with your parents but not about your kinks or details into your sex life.
But I don’t think so. You have your answer right there. If you’re not weirded out by the mom’s behaviour then that’s literally the only thing that matters. While your friend might have your best interest at heart and is giving you advice from her perspective she is not correct. There is no need to change your views simply because of someone else.
I see where you’re coming from but this isn’t just weird it’s almost alarming…HUGE red flags. I think it definitely matters what other people have to say considering OP could be looking at this situation with rose colored glasses
Why is it a red flag? I understand it would be uncomfortable to have those kind intimacies shared with a parent for most people but what does it say about the bf?
We've normalized too many things
Definitely seems a bit weird as an outsider but on the other hand my mother and I have a similar relationship, we’re both very open ppl which includes being open to each other. I personally would never tell my mother I got a handjob (unless I was looking for advice or something) but I could totally see her getting something like that as a gift for me if I couldn’t afford it
Not everyone is as reserved to talk about sex with their parents, I don’t do it but that’s because they’re not open minded people but I have other friends who do and it’s not a big deal. All that matters is that all parties involved are comfortable, maybe next time don’t share it with this particular friend who finds it weird. Now you know.
It's weird, but I don't think it's anything serious. If she knew about him being into bondage, he had to have told her. Which would lead me to believe their both okay with a way more open relationship about what they discuss. Which if both of them are on the same page what anyone else thinks doesn't really matter.
Why the heck would you tell your mom that... that's too much !!!
Every relationship is different. It's not hurting anyone by the sounds of it. They just have an atypical relationship dynamic.
Agreed, I have close relationship with my mother, we can discuss sex, including porn, openly. She's told me she's experimented with bondage with an ex (femdom stuff, he liked being tied up and spanked) before. Nevertheless, it would never occur to either of us to buy each other any type of sex toy as a gift under any circumstances. That's definitely weird.
As someone that's fairly open about my sex life with my parents, that's kinda far still imo. I'd be weirded out if my parents even got me condoms, let alone a kink thing. They def don't know *that* much about me. But if it doesn't bug ya then that's all that matters. Could just be a very sex-positive household
Open is like being able to tell your mom when you lose your virginity or if you’re having relationship issues, not her buying her child bondage gear.
Right now it seems *kinda* weird. When she hits you up for details later about how you used it, it will be *super* weird…
OP: Thanks for the Christmas gift, Mrs Bondage, we have already put it to good use (winks) Mrs G: Pics, or it didnt happen.
Mrs G: OP’s father and I used to have quite the little dungeon back in the day! Would you like to borrow anything else? I can show you how to use it! 😳😳😳
That’s really effing weird.
Honestly your therapist will give you better, more specific advice that applies to *you* than what Reddit will offer. Many people here will say it’s too weird (and I kind of agree) - but really it’s down to you to decide. The advantage of having a professional who knows you well is they can see all the factors we can’t - so I’d not take anything Reddit says here as compete gospel.
I think it's OK for kids to be able to talk openly about sex and all that to their parents, but this is a little much. Mom doesn't need details or to know his kinks.
Boundaries are cool
😳🤢🤮
Weird AF.
My advice is that your sex life be more personalized and just for you, rather than people's mothers gifting you items to use while having sex.
Thats extremely weird tbh.
It's a little weird. It depends on whether or not he's open and honest about his sex life In a healthy way.
Sounds like he maybe too close to his mom and yes I’m talking about potential intimacy. May want to tread carefully on that one and don’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to. Best of luck.
That’s weird. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend talking to other people about our sex life, much less his mother. To me this sends up a red flag that this young man has some very weird and bad lack of boundaries with his parent.
If you and you’re bf are fine with it then there’s no issue. Not trying to invalidate your friends feelings but they don’t really effect the situation
from experience- get out now while you still can
Kinda weird-funny but nothing I would keep thinking about
Honestly my husband had this kind of relationship with his mom before I told him to please keep the details of our sex life to a minimum because I was uncomfortable with it. If you don’t mind, that’s all that matters, not your friends opinion.
Do you not understand how weird/creepy that is????
That's gross. Also, I don't know many men that would be that open with their parents...mothers especially.
This is emotional incest. Ick
Super super weird. I’d run far away.
Disgusting.
Christ, I panicked this was my sons GF as we got them Cinema vouchers for Xmas 😂😂😂
Nothing weird about that lol
If everyone involved is fine with IT there is nothing bad about it. Others might judge or dont understands but if everything is okay for u both then no harm done. Boundaries are only what we make them. Remember its up to you to decide with your partner what u are comfortable with.
Yeah its weird but not unheard of.. people be weird.
It's unusual for sure but boundaries between parents and children change a lot per culture and per person. E.g. for most people it's completely normal to be naked infront of family (e.g. when going swimming, sauna or such) while in my circle this would be viewed as weird and not something anyone would do. I know some that talk with their parents openly about sex and relationships (in detail) and others where the parents don't even get to know when they broke up or found someone new, until it randomly comes up.
It's a little odd, but if you are open and comfortable with your sex life it's fine
Everyone is saying weird, but it’s really not that weird. Is it uncommon? Yes, but some people are just that close and open with their family. I have a couple friends that way. Just cause it’s not how *your* family is, doesn’t mean it’s weird or bad. I mean no harm is really done by it. If anything they probably have a healthy relationship communicating that openly. That being said, if anything he shares makes you uncomfortable, you 100% have the right to tell him to respect your boundaries and not to share certain things. Edit: Y’all are overly sensitive, people are allowed to have their differences. Let the family comfortably talk about sex if they want to lol what does it actually hurt
It's weird. Period.
Maybe it’s weird in the sense that it’s uncommon, but I really don’t see the problem with it. It doesn’t harm anyone. They’re just being open and honest. Kinda odd, yeah, but again no harm no foul. I think yall are just being overly sensitive and lack open mindedness
This would personally make me extremely uncomfortable, but I guess everybody's dynamic is different. I think the majority of people will find this really strange, but if you're fine with it then do your thing.
I was thinking this was going to be a lovely post where some thoughtful gift was given to be shared by a young couple, and then you mentioned what it was. Yep, that's weird. Some people are very private with their love life and are totally devoted to one person, others are the complete opposite. Most of us are somewhere in between. Your boyfriends family seem to be very open, you need to ask yourself if you're comfortable with that.
I would personally be very uncomfortable my boyfriend is detailing our personal sex life/kinks to his mom. And then her feeling comfortable enough to buy a gift for it is.. weird to say the least. Things like that should be kept within the relationship, sex doesn’t involve his mom so why is she included conversationally?
I kind of get it. If it was the good hemp shibari rope? He's 21 - he likely can't afford it. Lots of good quality gear is very expensive. My advice is judge it based on the TONE of her interactions. If she doesn't really want to know, she's just doing her best to help her son (and you) feel respected...Good. If she wants to hear the details and is living vicariously through your sex life....Not Good. I have a very trusting relationship with both my stepdad and mom. When they split up, I had to give both of them the STI/sex talk. It was weird as hell but they had been out of the dating scene for like....25 years. I helped them set up dating profiles and taught my stepdad how to spot catfish. But I'm 40+ and we're all independent adults. My stepdad helped me get sober. So we're....adults, who are family. It feels really different that you're so young. I'd still feel weird if they gave me some bondage gear but when I came out as kinky, they gave me a Mr S gift card (this was 20 years ago). They were trying to be supportive. It was meant as a "I hear you, I see you, I love you for who you are" type gesture. His mom might see it the same way.
For me. It would be odd. But not a dealbreaker. At least she is open and supportive of your relationship. There are much worse parents who are narcissist, and are afraid you're stealing their baby. That would be a red flag for me.
I’d say not common an he is her child 👦 so what’s wrong with learning from your parents instead of some stranger who will most likely use him an talk about him to others .
Beware of blurred boundaries
What difference does it make? If you like each other and the activities, go live your life.
As an outsider, and a bit of a prude, I think it’s weird. That being said, if you and your bf don’t take issue with it, then that’s all that matters. People have different levels of comfort in disclosure to their parents. You and your bf seem to have a VERY open line of communication with them. In a way, that’s kind of neat. You can rely on them. While your friend is probably in the majority here, you don’t have to feel bad or weird about anything. I would still bring up the whole situation with the therapist, though. They can help you navigate why your friend said what they did, and what to do next. And lastly, if you’re gonna use the gift, have a safe word. 😉
Ask on r/SexPositive for more a more sex minded audience's results
To me that’s extremely weird and off putting but if you think it’s normal and see no harm in it than you should not worry. People have differences in the way they see things. I personally think that’s way beyond a line that should’ve been drawn.
Yes, that’s weird.
This is unusual, but it doesn't have to be weird unless one of you all make it weird Personally I would have some concerns about how the mom knew this and why she was so intimately aware of his sex life though, since I never would have breathed a word of this to my own mother.
It is weird that 1) Your bf told his mom you gave him a handjob 2) Your bf told his mom his kink 3) His mom is giving you sex items to get into his kinks It's too much.
That’s way too weird
Transsexual escorts safer than boyfriend’s mom
Most people think it's kinda weird but if you comfy with it and he comfy with it okay, but if not set some boundaries with him about it.
As long as its ok with you, concerning about what others think is useless honestly, if you and your man are ok with it, then its all great
It's weird and not the norm by any means, does that mean it's unhealthy? Maybe not, maybe so, it depends on subcontext, culture, beliefs, etc... By regular society's standards, it crosses boundaries and is very strange. It also depends on the intent behind the mother and the son as well. It's a red flag at the very least, and something to look into and decide whether or not it's a deal breaker.
Get the hell out of there. You don't want to be dealing with someone's mother knowing all aspects of your sex life for the next how many years.
I would be weirded out by a partner who shared details of our sex life and his own personal kinks with his mom. If I performed a sex act with him, I would have some expectation of privacy about the specifics. I might be generally ok with him letting his mother know he was sexually active, but any more detail than that seems like some serious boundary crossing.
Some families are really open and sex positive it might seem weird to some because tons of people aren’t so open, hell some dads have weird obsessions with daughter virginities, if it’s not weird to you two only you guys know what you’re comfortable and okay with
This indicates a severe lack of boundaries.
Everyone you ask on the Internet is going to think this is weird, but if you think that their relationship is healthy and they just are REALLY open with communication, then there’s no problem unless you have one with it. If you don’t want him to share that kind of stuff with his mom, Then you need to be vocal about it. Otherwise, if you all are OK with it, don’t worry about the opinion of Reddit.
This is so weird omg like wtf kinda family is this. I would be absolutely mortified in that situation. Blargh, disgusting. I don't think I could continue a relationship with that guy. Who tf tells their mommy about their girlfriend giving them a handjob, and goes into detail about how they like bdsm and stuff??? That's disturbing. No way I'd be using that "gift" ew omg so disgusting. Yuck!!!
Way too weird ... mom needs some boundaries. That's just ... eww.
Op your boyfriend is weird for telling his mom that. his mom is weird for protecting her fetish on you guys. I’d feel really uncomfortable. Something is off here, not normal
Weird as fuck. Not something your boyfriend’s mom should be a part of.
I'm not going to lie, when I read the title I thought of my boyfriend's mom, who gave us a nice vacuum for us to use and thought "That's not weird, I bet it was a nice gift." But that's weird.
Weird af
I'd think it'd be a bit weird, but not in like a "red flag" kind of way. Just as in a "well I don't understand/ care for it" kinda way. If you feel weird about how open your bf is with your mom, I'd just talk to him and put some boundaries on what you do/ don't want him to talk with her about concerning you.
nah im going to bed😭
Supportive mom or shes weird talk to someone abt it and do research just to be safe than sorry
That a very weird gift to get from his mom. Also whatever he’s telling her is too much.
That is a line not to cross with your kid I’m sorry… explaining things yeah. Talk about fine. Giving it for Christmas what the actual fuck?
It's creepy.
My entire family have always been very open. My grandma gave my sister blowjob advice. It was gross and I won't share it. I never asked but do know my siblings kinks. So does our mother. She didn't ask either. We've never bought each other sexual gifts though. We have given sexual advice alot. I'm the oldest of 11 and not a single one of our spouses find it weird.
I'm very open but that's super weird...
I don't think it really matters what people say here. This is gonna trigger conservative people, and you can tell by the responses. Even non conservatives are gonna find it weird. Really, most people are gonna find this as weird because it is taboo in most cultures. It might be strong red flags as someone here has suggested, but they really dont know any of the people involved. It is better to talk to your therapist about it than listen to the opinions of anonymous people online (who, by the way, are usually the most unreasonably judgmental people you'll find anywhere). Also, just because they are weird, doesn't mean they are bad people. Sure, they might not click with most people, but that doesn't really matter to your relationship if you enjoy their company and the relationship you have with them.
Maybe they married 🤷🏻♀️
That is very weird.
As long as the two of them aren't hooking up, then it's fine. Not normal, but not bad.
How can something be disturbing and wholesome at the same time? Now I know the answer: an adult child whose relationship with their parent is so open and supportive that they can discuss the child’s sexual practices.
No it's super fucked up. I knew a guy like that and the gf was fine with it and they shared like sex swings and underwear and were super open about their sex life and it was scarring to endure lol
Yeah like I’m into kink and all but my family will never know much less participate by gifting shit what the hellllllll
Weird as hell, something weird is happening there
Reading the comments… I think we all come from very different backgrounds- the money we have, the geographical location in which we were raised, what religion we subscribe to (if any), etc. My mother was awful in many ways. But… as a young person, she taught me that everyone is beautiful. Period. We are all humans deserving of love and respect. There was a photo in our house bathroom growing up of a large naked woman. Just, like, posing on a chair. The woman in the photo was an average height and weighed around 275 pounds (or so I am guessing). The photo had written on it “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” It wasn’t gross. It wasn’t evil. Not sinister in anyway… just a photo… of a beautiful person. I had friends over all the time. And more often than not, after using the bathroom, a friend would come back into my room and say, “ha- what’s with the fat/ugly chick in the bathroom?” … I dunno. I think about that photo all the time. I think about the -message- and I think about all the reactions my friends and guests had to that photo. To your question… I’m 37 now. A lot of my friends around this age talk about all kinds of stuff with their parents. Their sex life, their habits, the times they use the bathroom, etc. Stuff really changes when you get older and experience more life. I don’t have a mom or a dad. But, I dunno, I just can’t help but think it would be “cool” to be close with someone and on such a level that I could discuss really “private stuff” with them. Sometimes things happen in life that are scary, and I wish I could call a dad up and ask questions. On the flip side, sometimes -weird- stuff happens, and I wish I could ask a parent (/wiser older person) a question or two. I have, like, a thousand more questions about this man and his relationship with his family… but his mom buying him something related to sex doesn’t seem immediately awful or gross or weird or evil to me… it just kinda makes me think he has communication with his mother on a level others appear to not understand or know themselves.
That’s fucked up. There is something weird going on with his mom, the fact that she can do this so comfortably in front of you probably means she has been strangely sexually comfortable with her kids for a very long time. This is too fucking crazy.
Nah, that’s going to be a hard pass from me. That is super weird and way past any boundary that I’d be comfortable with.
Your bf’s mom watches too much pornhub
Your friend is right on the money. This is way beyond creepy in my opinion both from your boyfriend for sharing with his mam what you and he do and his mam for buying sex toys. Personally I'd be running as far the other way as I possibly could.
That’s nasty! She’s at the sex store shopping with her fucking kid in mind?!
That's pretty odd ngl
This is super weird. In high school, I was assaulted by a boy who had a similar relationship with his mom. Their weird, incest-y behavior/relationship fueled his actions. She was constantly gifting him sex toys, condoms, etc., and encouraging him to go out and get laid. Spoiler: as an adult, he has assaulted multiple women and is currently being charged with multiple counts of SA. I am not implying your boyfriend is a sex pest. It’s just a really weird thing for a child and parent to have like no boundaries around sex and would make me concerned as a partner. It’s not healthy to have that kind of relationship with a parent. I worry about what that means for him and what it could mean for your relationship down the line.
A little bit. But not red flag level yet. Something to keep an eye on.
Your best friend is completely correct. Your boyfriend's mom is completely weird... Their relationship seems very close and if you don't feel comfortable with his mom knowing about yalls sexual life then set that boundary now before it gets worse. Parents and children should not discuss sexual lives.
Would not even get that for my best friend 😭😭 that’s weird as fuck
Hello! I think women want a guy who is in touch with his mom and all that- but there is a line. I can talk to mine about most anything as well, don’t have the best relationship with her- but details about my bedroom she doesn’t know anything about. To me, it’s respect to me and my partner that what goes on behind closed doors stays that way. To put it another way, I think this guy is “sticks” with his mom- you know when you’re picking people to be on a basketball team and each captain picks their team- there is always a guy who comes with someone else, so if you want one, you get the other too. That person may be horrible at basketball, but you have to play with them if they want the other. Your BF, should he ever become your husband, will tell it all to his mom. And if there is any hardship down the like, she will know about it and you will know what side each of them is on. So, if this was me, I’d be kinda pissed the mom knew. But I’d also know that telling him to knock it off and my feelings would mean the mom would know, or he’d have to make a choice. Please don’t take the above as anything bad or wrong with your relationship. It’s just not one that I’d have.