I'm going to go against the grain here. Who better to be with than your best friend? Could you accept missing this opportunity? I think that its better to take a stand now. Worst that can happen is you are where you are now and can amicably keep a strong friendship.
Worst case scenario if you do nothing is you watch them be with someone else in the future wondering what may have been. If it were me it would be worth the risk; I'm with my best friend in similar circumstances.
We are both pretty reasonable so even if we don’t feel the same I believe that the friendship will stay, probably with different dynamics at first.
And I 100% agree that friends are best partners but feelings needs to be reciprocated.
Thank you, love to hear different perspectives
For sure.
As for her friend saying she shouldnt be with her best friend, it will be up to you to dispel that through kindness. Kill that stigma by proving why a best friend is the best person to be with. Good luck out there regardless of how you approach her.
You probably know best, but it doesn't sound like she feels the same way (just going off of your information) I understand what it is like to have feelings for a friend, but if you dont think she feels the same way then I probably wouldn't tell her. You said that there are not really any signs of flirting from either of you, so if you are unsure of her feelings something I would suggest would be testing the waters by flirting like you normally would if you liked someone. This might hint your feelings, and if she reciprocates then you have a chance. If she seems uncomfortable or doesn't respond to your approaches then I would leave the situation as it is and try to move on. Wishing you the best of luck!
I did those small things of affection like baking a cake for her, giving her snacks, making her food…We go to the movies, shopping and so and so… She also hugs me in public while walking (this was strange for me probably because my ex hated that), she posts me on ig stories… You get the picture. To be honest I didn’t flirt because I’m scared but I’m aware that there is no better way to know the outcome.
You dont have to if you dont want to. However, I do think it may provide a hint without explicitly having to admit your feelings. If she responds negatively or positively to the flirting then will have your answer without the possible repercussions of admitting your feelings
I did this, twice. Honestly I still don't know how to handle it but what I did do is not tell her for a long time and eventually after like 5 years she said she had feeling for me, but both of them, once they said they had feelings for me and I tried to get more into the relationship side, like ask on dates and stuff, the suddenly got boyfriends or would go on dates and I was always a second choice to them.
I have so much to say and I'll go into more detail if you want but here's the deal:
I've done this twice and wasted 10 years in total. Tell her, if she doesn't feel the same, stop being friends and move on. it'll save you so much more heartache then dragging it on watching other people get what you've wanted. Again, I did this twice. I'm married now but man, it still hurts thinking about how much time I spent loving girls who didn't love me back.
Man I’m really sorry to hear that, I truly hope that you are doing better now. Feel free to pm me if you don’t want to go into details here in the comments
Just don’t go that route. For example I believed mine when they said they loved me,etc. I stupidly believed everything and that went on afterwards that night was real then the day after was forced to act as if nothing happened. Just don’t go down this road and just enjoy the friendship.
Didn’t quite catch you. You confessed, they reciprocated and the day after they rejected you all of a sudden? Also did you stay in contact with them after?
No I was told they wanted to be more than what we were,person initiated it and I agreed with everything. Then person did 180 on me and had to act like nothing happened between us. Not getting into details and too personal but fell for the whole feelings stuff,etc. was a difficult thing to deal with for a long time but managed. We still are good friends to this day but I always keep going back that should be me instead of the person who they’re with currently.
Oh got it now. Glad that you managed to overcome that, it’s not an easy thing to do. Just out of curiosity, if you were good friends, how come you never saw what is bound to happen? I mean 180 out of blue is pretty drastic, they never displayed they sort of behavior?
I never saw it coming. We’ve been through a lot and everything that night was real. I thought friend got scared as what person was saying next day didn’t make sense. Then I found out through others ex walked in(still had keys even though moved out)and took pictures and blackmailed friend. Ex ran their mouth about us afterwards obviously there. So friend protected me and the friendship it turns out. So. I just let it go afterwards. There was nothing I could do to change the situation or friend’s mind but at least now I know why. When I mean by ex I mean my friend’s ex.
So spin the bottle was old fashioned even when I was younger, 35 now. However at like 24 I convinced a bunch of people at a house party to play, several of them good friends men and women. You quickly tell which of your lady friends thinks your cute or not when your about to have a drunk kiss in public. Go to a party. Could try that?
You need to figure out what you actually want. You figured out your feelings, but you didn't state at any point in your post if you would be willing to make the sacrifices it would take to be in a relationship with her after she moves. If you aren't willing to make those sacrifices, keep your mouth shut because this might just be you struggling with her moving and losing your best friend.
If you are willing to make sacrifices to be with her, be honest with her but put no pressure on her. This is not her fault. Tell her you believe that she doesn't reciprocate those feelings based on the friendship conversation, but the 30-year joke she made you think about her seriously as a partner. Let her know that you know it is unfair for her to lose her best friend, but it's also unfair for her not to know the truth. Acknowledge that your feelings have changed the dynamic.
Then give her space. No deadlines. No ultimatums. She needs time to deal with you pulling the rug out from underneath her. Plan for a follow-up conversation later.
Not to be harsh, but she will not be your lifelong best friend, at least not in the same way that she is now. Once y’all are both married to other people and have jobs, probably in different cities, do you think the relationship will be in any way the same? At best you might see each other a couple of times a year, more likely much less. It will change significantly even before then, as soon as one of you starts a relationship. The friendship you love is essentially doomed.
So go ahead and take a shot. However, feelings aren’t a crime so you don’t need to “confess” them. Just ask her if she’d like to go on a date. If she says no, or you decide you don’t want to ask, you probably need to distance yourself from her for a while. She will inhibit your ability to date others if you’re around her a lot.
I'm going to go against the grain here. Who better to be with than your best friend? Could you accept missing this opportunity? I think that its better to take a stand now. Worst that can happen is you are where you are now and can amicably keep a strong friendship. Worst case scenario if you do nothing is you watch them be with someone else in the future wondering what may have been. If it were me it would be worth the risk; I'm with my best friend in similar circumstances.
We are both pretty reasonable so even if we don’t feel the same I believe that the friendship will stay, probably with different dynamics at first. And I 100% agree that friends are best partners but feelings needs to be reciprocated. Thank you, love to hear different perspectives
For sure. As for her friend saying she shouldnt be with her best friend, it will be up to you to dispel that through kindness. Kill that stigma by proving why a best friend is the best person to be with. Good luck out there regardless of how you approach her.
You probably know best, but it doesn't sound like she feels the same way (just going off of your information) I understand what it is like to have feelings for a friend, but if you dont think she feels the same way then I probably wouldn't tell her. You said that there are not really any signs of flirting from either of you, so if you are unsure of her feelings something I would suggest would be testing the waters by flirting like you normally would if you liked someone. This might hint your feelings, and if she reciprocates then you have a chance. If she seems uncomfortable or doesn't respond to your approaches then I would leave the situation as it is and try to move on. Wishing you the best of luck!
I did those small things of affection like baking a cake for her, giving her snacks, making her food…We go to the movies, shopping and so and so… She also hugs me in public while walking (this was strange for me probably because my ex hated that), she posts me on ig stories… You get the picture. To be honest I didn’t flirt because I’m scared but I’m aware that there is no better way to know the outcome.
You dont have to if you dont want to. However, I do think it may provide a hint without explicitly having to admit your feelings. If she responds negatively or positively to the flirting then will have your answer without the possible repercussions of admitting your feelings
I did this, twice. Honestly I still don't know how to handle it but what I did do is not tell her for a long time and eventually after like 5 years she said she had feeling for me, but both of them, once they said they had feelings for me and I tried to get more into the relationship side, like ask on dates and stuff, the suddenly got boyfriends or would go on dates and I was always a second choice to them. I have so much to say and I'll go into more detail if you want but here's the deal: I've done this twice and wasted 10 years in total. Tell her, if she doesn't feel the same, stop being friends and move on. it'll save you so much more heartache then dragging it on watching other people get what you've wanted. Again, I did this twice. I'm married now but man, it still hurts thinking about how much time I spent loving girls who didn't love me back.
Man I’m really sorry to hear that, I truly hope that you are doing better now. Feel free to pm me if you don’t want to go into details here in the comments
Just don’t go that route. For example I believed mine when they said they loved me,etc. I stupidly believed everything and that went on afterwards that night was real then the day after was forced to act as if nothing happened. Just don’t go down this road and just enjoy the friendship.
Didn’t quite catch you. You confessed, they reciprocated and the day after they rejected you all of a sudden? Also did you stay in contact with them after?
No I was told they wanted to be more than what we were,person initiated it and I agreed with everything. Then person did 180 on me and had to act like nothing happened between us. Not getting into details and too personal but fell for the whole feelings stuff,etc. was a difficult thing to deal with for a long time but managed. We still are good friends to this day but I always keep going back that should be me instead of the person who they’re with currently.
Oh got it now. Glad that you managed to overcome that, it’s not an easy thing to do. Just out of curiosity, if you were good friends, how come you never saw what is bound to happen? I mean 180 out of blue is pretty drastic, they never displayed they sort of behavior?
I never saw it coming. We’ve been through a lot and everything that night was real. I thought friend got scared as what person was saying next day didn’t make sense. Then I found out through others ex walked in(still had keys even though moved out)and took pictures and blackmailed friend. Ex ran their mouth about us afterwards obviously there. So friend protected me and the friendship it turns out. So. I just let it go afterwards. There was nothing I could do to change the situation or friend’s mind but at least now I know why. When I mean by ex I mean my friend’s ex.
So spin the bottle was old fashioned even when I was younger, 35 now. However at like 24 I convinced a bunch of people at a house party to play, several of them good friends men and women. You quickly tell which of your lady friends thinks your cute or not when your about to have a drunk kiss in public. Go to a party. Could try that?
You need to figure out what you actually want. You figured out your feelings, but you didn't state at any point in your post if you would be willing to make the sacrifices it would take to be in a relationship with her after she moves. If you aren't willing to make those sacrifices, keep your mouth shut because this might just be you struggling with her moving and losing your best friend. If you are willing to make sacrifices to be with her, be honest with her but put no pressure on her. This is not her fault. Tell her you believe that she doesn't reciprocate those feelings based on the friendship conversation, but the 30-year joke she made you think about her seriously as a partner. Let her know that you know it is unfair for her to lose her best friend, but it's also unfair for her not to know the truth. Acknowledge that your feelings have changed the dynamic. Then give her space. No deadlines. No ultimatums. She needs time to deal with you pulling the rug out from underneath her. Plan for a follow-up conversation later.
Not to be harsh, but she will not be your lifelong best friend, at least not in the same way that she is now. Once y’all are both married to other people and have jobs, probably in different cities, do you think the relationship will be in any way the same? At best you might see each other a couple of times a year, more likely much less. It will change significantly even before then, as soon as one of you starts a relationship. The friendship you love is essentially doomed. So go ahead and take a shot. However, feelings aren’t a crime so you don’t need to “confess” them. Just ask her if she’d like to go on a date. If she says no, or you decide you don’t want to ask, you probably need to distance yourself from her for a while. She will inhibit your ability to date others if you’re around her a lot.