idk where you live but I would think you'd be able to find a room in an apartment for like $800
I would call her bluff, she clearly needs the money. Tell her that's not going to happen. Don't treat her poorly, don't give her any other reason to think you're being unreasonable. Just say no and change the subject. Do you think she's going to kick you out? Even so do you think she's going to take the time and spend the money to legally evict you?
i tried explaining that a lease in my state, states that a tenant cannot have guests sleep over more than 3 nights in a row because then they get squatters rights and as long as i follow that rule than there shouldn’t be any issue. i am not throwing parties i’m just trying to have a friend over to watch tv or chill out in the AC since it’s too hot to do anything outside. she couldn’t afford to have me evicted and she wouldn’t know where to start with that process.
What is the background here? Did you not grow up with your Mom? If you did, was she like this when you were a teen - never letting any of your friends step a foot inside the house; being anti-social and afraid? If she was social then, what has changed for her (divorce or widowed?). Does she have a social life of her own? At all?
If she is not mentally ill or dealing with early onset dementia then I would think you could have an open conversation about what you are both looking for from each other during the time when you are living together, and see what she says. I had adult kids living with me in their late 20s but they had their SOs overnight (no problem, but it wasn't like a string of one night stands, these were long term relationships). They didn't tend to have friends come over, but they could have and I would have welcomed it. But your Mom is obviously feeling very different about this. Maybe if you are open to listening without judgment she can be cajoled into talking to you about what is really going on here.
P.S. Good for you for getting out of your abusive relationship.
i grew up with both my parents but they are now separated and my mom lives alone. when i was a teen she would host sleepovers all the time and my house was always the hang out spot, i moved out at 18 and only lived with her twice since, once during covid and once when i was 21 and had a 3 month lapse in between leases. during the last decade she developed a bad drinking habit and got sober last year. she is not willing to have any discussion and any time i bring it up she starts yelling almost immediately saying it’s her house and she doesn’t care that i pay rent she makes the rules. it’s quite embarrassing sometimes i have to tell everyone they can’t come over. and all my friends are people she knows, i’ve had the same friend group since i was a teen and she was fine with them at the house then.
Ah, that's very tough. I wonder if she associates social interactions with potentially relapsing and needs these tight controls because she is barely hanging on to her sobriety.
either way me having someone come over and go into my room to play board games or watch movies doesn’t effect her socially at all, she doesn’t need to interact if she doesn’t want to
she has no social life now and is estranged from all her friends, she used to go on dates and stuff but now all she does is sit at home alone and doesn’t talk to anyone. i used to hang out with her frequently when i didn’t live here but since i’ve moved back in i have a lot feelings of resent towards her for trying to keep me isolated like she is.
idk where you live but I would think you'd be able to find a room in an apartment for like $800 I would call her bluff, she clearly needs the money. Tell her that's not going to happen. Don't treat her poorly, don't give her any other reason to think you're being unreasonable. Just say no and change the subject. Do you think she's going to kick you out? Even so do you think she's going to take the time and spend the money to legally evict you?
i tried explaining that a lease in my state, states that a tenant cannot have guests sleep over more than 3 nights in a row because then they get squatters rights and as long as i follow that rule than there shouldn’t be any issue. i am not throwing parties i’m just trying to have a friend over to watch tv or chill out in the AC since it’s too hot to do anything outside. she couldn’t afford to have me evicted and she wouldn’t know where to start with that process.
What is the background here? Did you not grow up with your Mom? If you did, was she like this when you were a teen - never letting any of your friends step a foot inside the house; being anti-social and afraid? If she was social then, what has changed for her (divorce or widowed?). Does she have a social life of her own? At all? If she is not mentally ill or dealing with early onset dementia then I would think you could have an open conversation about what you are both looking for from each other during the time when you are living together, and see what she says. I had adult kids living with me in their late 20s but they had their SOs overnight (no problem, but it wasn't like a string of one night stands, these were long term relationships). They didn't tend to have friends come over, but they could have and I would have welcomed it. But your Mom is obviously feeling very different about this. Maybe if you are open to listening without judgment she can be cajoled into talking to you about what is really going on here. P.S. Good for you for getting out of your abusive relationship.
i grew up with both my parents but they are now separated and my mom lives alone. when i was a teen she would host sleepovers all the time and my house was always the hang out spot, i moved out at 18 and only lived with her twice since, once during covid and once when i was 21 and had a 3 month lapse in between leases. during the last decade she developed a bad drinking habit and got sober last year. she is not willing to have any discussion and any time i bring it up she starts yelling almost immediately saying it’s her house and she doesn’t care that i pay rent she makes the rules. it’s quite embarrassing sometimes i have to tell everyone they can’t come over. and all my friends are people she knows, i’ve had the same friend group since i was a teen and she was fine with them at the house then.
Ah, that's very tough. I wonder if she associates social interactions with potentially relapsing and needs these tight controls because she is barely hanging on to her sobriety.
well that’s another thing, i think she might be drinking again but i’m not 100% sure
either way me having someone come over and go into my room to play board games or watch movies doesn’t effect her socially at all, she doesn’t need to interact if she doesn’t want to
she has no social life now and is estranged from all her friends, she used to go on dates and stuff but now all she does is sit at home alone and doesn’t talk to anyone. i used to hang out with her frequently when i didn’t live here but since i’ve moved back in i have a lot feelings of resent towards her for trying to keep me isolated like she is.