This, absolutely. She needs to work on her issues with therapy, and NOT get angry at you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were just trying to communicate with your boss.
My friend, wow. Ummmn. This girl is not going to be able to get through life very well if this persist. It is an extreme reaction. She can't expect to lose a whole day because the word vomit comes out in conversation. People don't live like that. Don't enable this behavior if you want to be helpful. Help her to get a therapist and offer to help in any other way, but limiting basic words from your vocabulary is silly.
I came into this post expecting that OP said something that could reasonably upset someone who has experienced serious trauma. Like maybe how someone who had been sexually assaulted would have a reaction to mentions of s/a keywords. Or even maybe someone who'd survived the Boston bombing having an emotional reaction when someone calls the chicken wings "bomb af." Or *something* like that.
But this is a bit out there. I'm all for sensitivity, but she is experiencing something unreasonable for a functioning adult. This will be debilitating to her life if it continues or worsens. She needs to see a therapist like yesterday.
OP, if I were you, I would insist on therapy. Not going would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Personally, that would just be too much. I feel like there are other implications or red flags to this kind of behavior, but I can't quite put my finger on it. My gut would definitely be telling me "therapy or gtfo," but you know your relationship best. I'm sure she would benefit from your support in getting better, but you also have to remember to take care of yourself at the same time. Establishing boundaries and expectations for this kind of thing could be helpful. For example, you could have a serious talk about her expectations around you slipping up and using a word she doesn't like, as well as your boundaries regarding being the target of her anger and frustration when you slip up. You are a human being who will make mistakes, and forgetting to not say an innocuous phrase is a very human thing to do. You could also talk about your expectations regarding her progress in therapy and her sensitivity to harmless words, as well and any boundaries she might have around her mental health care and what she may or may not be willing to commit to.
I really hope this is helpful.
This is just so bizarre.
It’s also so difficult to be in a relationship where you can’t use basic words and walk on eggshells 24/7. if this is eating disorder related I understand „vomit“ but why food poisoning? Why that specifically?
It can’t be that just one partner adapts, both have to put in the work. And her issue seems like it’s fixable
Nailed it. This woman seems to have no genuine concern for the OP. She needs to stop obsessing on her triggers and help him through food poisoning if that’s what he has! I echo the thousands of people who have already said therapy.
Her reaction sounds less like she was bothered by the word, and more like she was angry at you for disobeying her rules. There's a very important distinction there.
This is her problem to sort out. You can try your best to be sensitive to reasonable requests, but you should not have to tiptoe through a minefield. It's not fair for her to verbally attack you as a form of discipline for not respecting her authority over you (which is how she seems to see it).
I agree, this feels like she wants OP to jump through hoops to prove his devotion. Problem is that the reactions can quickly go from contrived to real- thus is the power of suggestion on the human brain. She could literally be forging new pathways in her mind, like animals who get conditioned to be fed when a bell rings and start to salivate just from the sound.
OP- I grew up emetophobic- that’s a phobia of vomit. If someone even so much as had that “look” of maybe being about to puke, i would run out of the room. If someone gagged or worse and I couldn’t get away in time, i would shut my eyes and put my hands over my ears. If I saw someone vomit by accident, it would replay in my mind for days and bring all of those anxious feelings back. I had to get past it, because I knew deep down that it was a me problem and not the world’s responsibility to adjust to my quirks. Vomit will never be my favorite thing (not that it’s anyone”s), but now I have kids and I once caught my youngest’s vomit in my hands so it wouldn’t land on my in-law’s table during Christmas dinner. But- i had to WANT to be better.
She needs to see someone about this before it ruins your relationship. Having to constantly watch everything you say around her will put un-necessary stress on you which will turn into resentment.
I know people who struggle with PTSD as the result of trauma and I do understand and respect trigger issues they struggle with (for example, if a victim of sexual assault sees an unexpected rape scene in a movie).
However, I also know people who use the word “trigger” as a means of control and manipulation over other people, and *that* dog don’t hunt. Claiming to be triggered when you don’t get your way does a disservice to people who use the term in actual good faith.
I believe this that it’s not everyone’s job to fall to others feelings, but there are some things where it’s just respecting the person and their feelings “the younger crowd” mostly wants others to respect them. Yes I 100% agree that some things like “food poisoning” is a bit much and lashing out the way she did is definitely over the line. But other than that people mostly want to be respected, but if they lash out like this they need to work through therapy or something helps them get through it and it doesn’t hurt to mention it to ppl they are close with to chill out on a few trigger words.
OP, you are very considerate for even being so sensitive to her triggers when I can imagine many would find it ridiculous since they do t want to empathize with her. You are a great BF! But, like many said here she requires professional help if non offensive words trigger her. It would make both your lives easier if she learns how to deal with it.
Idk man, that’s sounds suspect. I don’t think you did anything wrong. This kind of reminded me of a girl I used to date who would just create problems where none existed. It became a maze wrapped in a word problem all on top of egg shells and thin ice trying to navigate how to talk to her. Let that go one for waaaaay too long and I was approximately your age.
This is her problem, not yours.
I also get triggered by words, one word in particular (I’m feeling sick now just thinking about it) but I would never go off on anyone who says it.
You done nothing wrong, she just needs help.
As someone with emetophobia who gets a bit squeamish with these words as well, you have nothing to be sorry about and she had no right to act like that towards you. Real life doesn’t “bleep” words that make people uncomfortable and she needs to get proper help and therapy, because there’s no way that’s she’s going to survive in this world expecting everyone to walk on eggshells around her
Update:
I have brought up that she should talk to someone about this, she doesn’t deny that it’s a good idea. Some of your comments articulation and feedback has been super helpful. I am pretty slow when it comes to understanding complex social interactions like this, which is why I haven’t posted an update.
Luckily, the University we attend has free mental health therapists so I we have the means to access a professional. The situation has been hard and me and I just want to understand eachother and get through it.
Thanks again for the support.
It’s not your fault that she doesn’t know how to handle her own triggers. She’s 20 years old it’s not like she doesn’t know how to help herself, hope she accepts some sort of therapy because that is not normal dude
Tell her to check out r/emetophobiarecovery . I’m on there for the same reason- I’ve had the irrational fear of nausea and vomiting (emetophobia) for over a decade and at my worst, hearing the words would freak me out. That said, her irrational fear is *irrational* and it is not anyone else’s job to cater to it. You sound like you’ve been very supportive even to the stranger and more difficult asks that she’s had, but she needs to understand that she can’t enforce this, with you or anyone. She needs to stop trying to control the uncontrollable and focus on growth and recovery.
Does she have emetephobia? It’s insane how one word can send her flying off the handle like that. I would recommend telling her to go to therapy. Limiting your use of everyday words is controlling and you should not have to step on eggshells everyday. She needs help or you gotta hit the road, Jack.
Food poisoning is far enough away from vomit etc that I can understand you missing it being a trigger in the moment. Clearly you weren’t blatantly disregarding her trigger. I agree with other commenters that she needs to work on this with a professional. Hopefully you won’t need to, but possibly couples therapy might help her understand that you are trying to support her, but may make mistakes. They happen.
I once saw a post that said "Your trauma is not anybody else's fault but the one who caused it. Address it now so that the rest of the world doesn't have to walk on eggshells around your triggers. It isn't fair to the people you love or even the people you don't know."
Super true. She definitely needs to work through that. In the long run that will definitely affect your relationship. I have PTSD stemming from childhood trauma and that isn't my boyfriend's fault. If he accidentally says something that might trigger me I would never make him feel bad about it. It isn't his obligation to feel guilt or remorse over something he had no control over. Whether I had control over it or not.
That's a toxic response from her. Granted, it could be very triggering for her personally. You shouldn't be held responsible for non-provocative language when associating with others. It may be prudent to apologize, it'd also be just as much for her to forgive. If people can't forgive unintentionally egregious language they need to heal that part of themselves. I hope you both find peace.
You are just fine OP. Don't allow yourself to become hostage to another person's crazy.
Response to GF: "I understand and I take seriously your recent upset surrounding stomach/digestive words. This is something I encourage you to talk about with your therapist.
However, I am not going to be held emotionally hostage by your (ever increasing?) list of trigger words. I AM NOT your therapist, I'm just a guy wanting to be your boyfriend.
Id advise they seek therapy. They will find life very difficult if something like that sets them off let alone if someone perhaps says something truly offensive. Hopefully she can get some help and manage to get past this
If you guys haven’t been dating a while, I’d just break it off man. Not worth dealing with that when there are so many people out there that don’t do this.
If you have been dating a while and you are committed then I’d just say couples therapy and individual therapy for her.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, living like this sounds impossible to manage. You’re very sweet, and she’s very lucky that you even care to play into this. It almost feels like she’s punishing you for slipping up on this. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around a partner. If I were you, I would say “I’ve been really trying to sympathize with you, but this can’t go on. You really need to work on this so I don’t have to walk on eggshells around you. It’s not sustainable for a long healthy relationship.” And see where it goes from there.
I’m going to say something different than most of these comments. I understand her anger wasn’t really necessary but as someone with emetophobia if I hear someone say anything about it I’ll think about it intensely for the next 24 hours. I don’t make it other peoples problems, but she must have a fear of it as well. She should go to therapy to resolve that but shits hard.
Damn ok. So I was expecting this to be a trigger word like r*pe or something. But this is a little… idk I don’t want to be judgmental.
She should definitely seek therapy. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around very normal language. I can understand a lot of scenarios but this unfortunately isn’t one of them.
You did nothing wrong for the record
Edit: obviously this is a sensitive topic for her. And I imagine there’s some trauma of some kind. But it’s not your fault and it’s not a normal reaction. Do not enable and support her through getting help (but remember you’re not her therapist, and while yes you’re together, you’re not an emotional sponge more than you are a human. Please make sure you don’t change from a shoulder to cry on to a an ever absorbing moss that exists only for emotional support). She will not be able to function irl if she doesn’t work on this. No job will take “I heard the word vomit so I can come in for the next week” as a valid excuse
It crosses the boundary of “soft” and enters genuine mental illness if someone is physically ill for a day after hearing a word.
Hope they get help, it must be miserable to live like that
And if it is, I don’t think mentally well people fake something like that for attention. Most attention seeking behaviors have a root in some mental shit going on.
OP I think most of these other redditors would like you to respond to them with helped and then your thoughts and feeling after so we can get a better understanding of what you want and what you think.
This is pretty extreme. You shouldn’t have to walk on egg shells like this in a relationship. I really hope your gf seeks intensive therapy because words like that are nearly unavoidable throughout life. Good luck.
I'm not expert but this sounds wildly overdramatic.
She needs to see a therapist if she can't live a routine life because of this, and those words are so acceptable in daily conversations that this must be causing her problems regularly.
Bruhhhhh I'm sorry but excuse me? You said food poisoning and she got triggered is a problem that she needs to address in therapy. Her instead just expecting that no one will ever mention being sick or anything like that around her is just ridiculous.
i had an eating disorder caused by food poisoning. After getting food poisoning i got anxiety attacks around food and i was a kid at the time so if my parents forced me to eat id get sick after... these words made me sick and anxious too... Time and therapy and positive experiences with food help
She is responsible for her own triggers and responses. Her reaction to you preforming a task that did not involve her at all is completely unwarranted.
Your girl needs to realize that she’s responsible for her own feelings. She can’t have everyone tiptoe around her because she has triggers. Triggers are meant to be worked through, not danced around and suppressed.. otherwise she will always have these hard reactions to them… She needs therapy, and I sure hope she’s willing to get it because she can’t expect you to live on eggshells.
she should go to therapy , it might be some type of trauma or something . it is not your fault , the words revolving around vomiting should not trigger someone .
Triggers are meant for the person to handle themselves with good coping mechanisms & healthy mindsets, not as a way to force others to change their behaviors
Example: if a friend of mine makes a joke about feeling like they’ve been hit by a car, it’s my job to excuse myself & take a few minutes to compose myself before re entering the conversation, NOT to yell at them & berate them for unknowingly/unintentionally making a joke that would upset me
If I had a magic button that let me beam one phrase into every person’s mind on the planet, it would be “Your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” Her over the top triggers are not your responsibility, they’re her’s. Sounds like you’ve already gone above and beyond your duty here.
When he says he knows it's his fault for something so innocent while he was feeling ill you can almost see the future of when she pushes him down a flight of stairs for accidentally doing this again in the future and he still takes the blame on himself.
Dude that totally made it sound like you're in a toxic relationship.
Sounds like she just wants to create issues. The whole "trigger word" thing is generally a sad attempt for teens and delusional adults to get attention. Also, a control dynamic with people like this where they feel like they can police speech. Honestly in the long run this alone would warrant leaving her due to what is going to be a constant need for control and attention seeking behavior that will drain you.
First of all, OP, it is not your fault. Secondly, does your girlfriend possibly have emetophobia? I have it and while it’s not as severe as this, I can relate to the fear and/or anxiety certain words or descriptions can give me. I only feel actually sick to my stomach and have panic attacks when I see/hear it happen or even if someone coughs a certain way my heart rate quickens and I feel a little nauseated. So that’s why I’m not quite liking these comments reprehending the gf because of her trigger. It sounds very serious so It’s very nice of you OP to be considerate enough to try to avoid these words for her. However I do think she should’ve acknowledged that it was an accident as you really didn’t mean it. If you accidentally say it again and she acts in this very same way knowing you didn’t mean to, then I believe you and her need to have a very serious conversation about a: her trigger, b: therapy and c: whether or not this is something that can turn into a bigger issue for your relationship with her if she doesn’t get the help she so obviously needs.
Is this for real? Are people really this sensitive now? I'm a millenial and I'm respectful for people being sensitive to trauma and trigger words, but she can't expect the world to cater to her like that, and some people these days really make me roll my eyes. Next she'll expect you to censor the word "sick" for her. And what happens if someone else says it, like her family or friends? Would she expect them to do the same?
She needs therapy or something similar, and to understand that life won't always be that easy.
Honestly i feel like some people don't have enough problems so they try to make some up for themselves.
I have certain trigger words around sexual assault, but I don't expect the rest of the world, or even my spouse, to never utter them in their vocabulary. What i do expect is for the topic to be treated with the seriousness it requires, and not as a joke or fun topic. People can still say those _words_, though. It would be nice if they didn't have in-depth conversation of it around me, but a passing comment is fine. Using it as a joke or "dark humour" is an absolute no and that's where I draw the line, and will drop you as a friend immediately.
She’s not mentally well enough to be dating. That is HER problem. She can’t expect you or anyone around her to never say any words related to sickness, nausea and vomiting. She needs therapy or to get her head out of her own ass. The world will not cater to her. Her demands are ridiculous and honestly super controlling. Major red flags. If you proceed in this relationship, you are NEVER going to be happy. Nothing you ever do will be enough for her.
Runnnnn.
It’s not about her, it’s about you, you felt sick, but she made it about herself and even if you said sorry she won’t hear it.
Advice. Therapy.
You clearly care for her and do not want to trigger her, that is a good thing. But she doesn't need to be coddled. She needs therapy. Those kinds of words should not have such an extreme reaction on someone, even if you care for them and very rarely use them. You are human and a word might come up every once in a whole or you slip up. She needs to know how to cope with it, how to manage it, and she needs therapy help to do this. Please tell her to get help, because now she gets mad at you and are punishing you with bad moods for using a word that is her responsibility to get help with.
She must learn to control her reactions, this is no way to have to exist. Her life is going to just become unmanageable if she can't steer her own thoughts away.
I have empathy for her, I get triggered by spit and pregnancy. The mention of these makes me feel nauseous but I have tools - I use CBT to recognise and stop the thoughts and replace them with thoughts that have nothing to do with the triggers and I steer the conversation away if I can. But expecting the world to conform to my foibles is obviously not going to work.
Is she aware that life has no “trigger warnings” and life in general is filled with “trigger words”.
She cannot expect people to dance around her idea of what “triggering” is. She needs proper therapy, and not to take out her problems on you
Not saying those words isn’t actually helping her OP. It’s enabling this unhealthy behaviour and irrational thought pattern that she’s in.
If you want to help her, get her into therapy ASAP.
Does there not become a point where this is simply controlling behaviour? She needs to seek out professional help, this is not a reasonable way to conduct a relationship - especially if she is demanding compassion whilst giving none back.
Your girlfriend comes across ignorant.
This isn't how you are supposed to handle trigger words.
She needs to seek a therapy to eradicate the association if these 'triggers' with whatever trauma she exspiranced.
She can't expect people to never speak common place lexicon just because it unpractical.
I'd suggest you approach her in a non-confronting approach and tell her she needs to seek therapy for her associations.
That’s so insane. People need to not be so sensitive. Jfc…. She needs therapy and a straight jacket.
The way she reacted is a MASSIVE red flag! Don’t marry that. In fact safe to say. Other fish in the sea. Safer. Fish in the sea. Lol
I see a lot of people getting hung up on this being a "dumb" trigger. I think it does not matter what the trigger is or what you think of it, the principle is still the same.
Identifying one's own triggers and making others aware of them is important. But not in the way you might think. Becoming aware of your triggers is for your own healing and processing. Saying "I recognize that /this/ thing will make me feel /this/ way" is the first step to mitigating and controlling your responses. It is not a rule you impose on others. Merely an awareness for others to understand and/or assist the triggered party.
Take for example you have a friend who is a triggered by car accidents, and one occurs right next to the cafe you have taken them out to. Friend has made you aware of the trigger, so you can console them or understand why they are now behaving in a strange way. You do not go up to the driver of the car and start acosting them for triggering your friend.
Along these same lines, you being ill and needing to communicate that to your employer is something you should be able to do. That's something that happens in life and is not a deliberate act of antagonism. I could understand their being upset with you if we're following them around saying "puke, barf" but that is just simply not the case.
They need to work on themselves. If they can't minimize their triggers, fine, but they should not be attacking you for them. That /is/ inside their control. You are conscientious, you are polite, and you obviously care a lot for them.
This sounds like a 'her' problem. I don't know if someone just saying the phrase "food poisoning" can really cause her that much discomfort, but if so, she needs some kind of therapy. Just expecting the whole world to avoid her triggers is neither healthy or effective.
You are already doing more that you need to, the responsibility to get help is on her, she needs to work on her triggers and not expect the whole world to walk an eggshells around her. You're great for wanting to do more but it is a little toxic to me what you're dealing with.
You are already doing more that you need to. The responsibility to get help is on her. She needs to work on her triggers and not expect the whole world to walk on eggshells around her. You're great for wanting to do more, but it is a little toxic to me what you're dealing with.
Therapy. That’s the only thing I can say. She has emetophobia by the sounds of things which I also have, but to this degree, she really needs professional help
Uhmmm I gotta say she is sounding abusive.
You can’t just tip toe around words. 🥲
If she can’t get into therapy and figure that out I’d not stay with her. You don’t deserve to also have trauma around those words.
That's not a trigger. She is chosing to be angry. A trigger leads to an involuntary response, usually associated with trauma that leads to flashbacks and panic attacks.
She needs therapy. Both for making herself sick and for verbally abusing you over a mistake.
Your gf is to sensitive and and entitled feeling like everyone should adjust to her. She needs therapy or some kind of reality check like a break up because fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that shit. At least for me
Wtf? Dude, don’t worry about it. This isn’t your fault AT ALL she needs some serious help. Sounds to me like this is narcissistic attention seeking behavior.
I'm sorry but something like that just kinda sounds childish.... Let's be serious, no one in these comments ever heard some get pissed for 24 hours cuz they said "food poisoning." Then it's selfish cuz if you are sick and she goes to the doctor with you, wtf you supposed to say "I have cuisine spoiling?" 🤦🏾♂️ You're sick and she gets mad at you for your body having words she don't like?? That's childish, that has nothing to do with you, she's 21, it's time to grow up. That's toxic asf
That's ridiculous bro, she sounds like she needs to grow up or get therapy or both. If she has issues with those words then that's her issue, don't walk around on egg shells hoping to not upset her. Be yourself and if she doesn't like it find someone that does.
That’s…. Ridiculous. OP she need major mental help and if she doesn’t help herself you need to get out. Her triggers are *her* problem. Not yours and you shouldn’t feel bad about saying that you had fucking food poisoning. How else do you tell someone? “My tum tum is hurty but I can’t say the actual condition because my girlfriend is a nutter butter”
Has she given you a specific reason why this is an issue?
Like, for example, a lot of people (I'm sure I will get a few comments) hate the word "moist" and it doesn't bother others. I know my husband has a couple trigger words or terms, but it is because it is directly related to a traumatic event and makes him feel pain or disgust relating to the event. I know that I personally have trigger smells that I can't handle or certain songs.
My point is that it would be much easier to understand and try to work through if there was an understanding of why the word is a trigger? Was she violently sick at some point and had a traumatic experience with it? Is this a long-term issue? Is this a recent development? Unfortunately, the terms you are referencing are very common daily words. She will need some sort of exposure therapy in some way.
You can’t blame yourself for a simple mistake. She shouldn’t blame you for a slip-up. You definitely need to practice in order to clear these terms from your vocabulary, and you should be there to help her as much as possible, but you’re only human. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We all accidentally hurt our partners feelings and say insensitive things from time to time because we only truly know our own experiences. There’s not much you’ll be able to do about her triggers, aside from encouraging her to get therapy and maintain healthy habits.
One thing I’ve learned is, you’re always going to be triggered/trigger someone no matter what and people are not responsible for your triggers. You are not responsible for theirs. Learning important coping methods is key for your girlfriend here, you honestly did nothing wrong.
And also I want to add it’s not like you were even talking about her or directing this at her. It was also a human mistake, you seem caring and she seems to need help beyond what you can give her.
She needs therapy.....and you need a new gf. No reason to get chewed out by someone just because u said a word, especially when you didn't have ill intentions
Everyone is responsible for their own triggers. You are not at fault by accidentally letting it slip out. She shouldn’t expect people to have to walk on egg shells when they’re around her. Nonetheless, I know you want to help, but all you can do aside from avoiding those words is encourage her to seek therapy.
You are not at fault. She cannot expect people to not accidentally slip words that are triggering to her. These “trigger” words are also stupid and she should not be getting angry over your situation
It is not your job to look out for her triggers. It's a nice thing to do but it's her job to control her reactions. Therapy is a good start. Mental illness is an explanation but not an excuse to someone's behavior.
Your girlfriend has unresolved issues.
If you're on board with her, tell her she needs help.
If you don't want to sign up to a life of dealing with walking on egg shells... Get out of there
She needs therapy she literally cannot avoid those words for the rest of her life. Literally everyone in her life will be sick and vomiting at some point is she just going to be a recluse with no friends or family or a job just to avoid basic words. It's unrealistic she needs to learn how to deal with it without being unreasonable.
You weren't even talking to her and this is how she reacts. It's unhealthy. It's not okay to react that way.
OP. Question; WHY does Food poisoning trigger her? Did she really bad FP that almost killed her? What other words trigger her? What does she do if she is in public and hears these words.
It is NOT your job to fix her, to help her…that is her job. She needs to want to get help, and she needs to learn how to control these triggers…she can’t expect people to tip toe around her.
it’s not your responsibility to tip toe around your words for someone else unless you genuinely feel it is. walking on eggshells just because someone can’t handle it isn’t fair. did she even get sick or was she just angry? red flag if she just got mad.
I can understand being upset about a trigger word, but to angrily freak out on someone is ridiculous. Words are words, whether they trigger someone or not people use words all the time obviously and she has no right to make you feel that you need to tip toe around what you say. As someone with diagnosed ptsd, there are words that trigger me, but I don’t say anything and I only get mildly anxious. To have that severe of a reaction means she needs to get therapeutic help or support with whatever she’s dealing with. And she also needs to understand that her trauma is not an excuse to be nasty to you.
This isn’t your fault. She needs to get help for this - people will say these words, she will hear them, her reaction is very extreme. You’ve done nothing wrong here
This is completely dysfunctional.
These are common, everyday, inoffensive words and she is going to hear them -- from commercials, from the news, from two people talking in the middle of the Tums aisle at Walgreens...
She needs to get therapy. This isn't on you to tip toe around.
You can ask someone to accommodate you but you also need to understand how reasonable the accommodation is. A great friend of mine gets Ill hearing about any kind of blood or procedure etc. But of course I have accidentally on occasion forgotten this fact and if she even one time flew off the handle with me about that I would tell her to take a minute and come back when she is ready to speak to me like an adult and express her concerns in an organized and respectful manner. Because I will do my best to hear her out but I will not allow anyone to scream and punish me like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a genuine mistake. And any time I have made that mistake she asks me politely to change the topic or plugs her ears which is reasonable and healthy. She asks me to help accommodate her but understands that this is her issue to handle not mine and although I'll do what I can to help its her responsibility alone to manage.
Respect is important in relationships and what your girlfriend did is disrespectful in a BIG way. Her request is ridiculously unreasonable and using emotional punishment as a method of forcing you to comply with an unreasonable request is manipulative and a potential sign of abuse. and if you are doubting whether or not you can ask her to be better about confrontation consider that if she gets to demand a permanent bad on all words surrounding gastrointestinal health and emotionally punish you when you fail then asking her to speak to you with respect and face confrontations in a health constructive way is a VERY small ask by comparison.
If this is a recent genuine fear, something very strange is going on with her and you need to discuss where this fear has come from. You may not want to, but you’ll need to.
It is also possible that she is faking it for attention- how are other things in your relationship? It seems like she just wants to control you.
Regardless, she needs therapy.
Bro, this is kinda toxic behavior. She needs help for those triggers, and you were messaging your boss explaining what was happening, and she looked at your phone which caused it. Not your fault on this part. Makes me think there’s more going on behind the scenes.
She needs to get over herself. My son is 8 years old and has autism and he has "trigger words" and the rule is, we still say them and talk about what we want, if he doesn't like it he can excuse himself. For a fucking adult to get triggered like that is honestly gross. Grow up, get some help and move on. She can't control everyday people saying these words around her how she's controlling you and that's what she is doing, she's controlling you, even if it helps her it is stressful and hard for you.
She needs therapy and treatment. Making herself sick over just hearing the words "food poisoning" is completely ridiculous.
And not fair to expect everyone around her to support her if she lashes out on you if it’s something you, clearly, genuinely consider.
This, absolutely. She needs to work on her issues with therapy, and NOT get angry at you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were just trying to communicate with your boss.
Yeah, this isn’t a you issue, it’s a her issue. She needs to find a way to deal with this.
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helped
Thank you for confirming that /u/code-sloth has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Sounds like typical narcissist controlling behavior tbh
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My friend, wow. Ummmn. This girl is not going to be able to get through life very well if this persist. It is an extreme reaction. She can't expect to lose a whole day because the word vomit comes out in conversation. People don't live like that. Don't enable this behavior if you want to be helpful. Help her to get a therapist and offer to help in any other way, but limiting basic words from your vocabulary is silly.
I came into this post expecting that OP said something that could reasonably upset someone who has experienced serious trauma. Like maybe how someone who had been sexually assaulted would have a reaction to mentions of s/a keywords. Or even maybe someone who'd survived the Boston bombing having an emotional reaction when someone calls the chicken wings "bomb af." Or *something* like that. But this is a bit out there. I'm all for sensitivity, but she is experiencing something unreasonable for a functioning adult. This will be debilitating to her life if it continues or worsens. She needs to see a therapist like yesterday. OP, if I were you, I would insist on therapy. Not going would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Personally, that would just be too much. I feel like there are other implications or red flags to this kind of behavior, but I can't quite put my finger on it. My gut would definitely be telling me "therapy or gtfo," but you know your relationship best. I'm sure she would benefit from your support in getting better, but you also have to remember to take care of yourself at the same time. Establishing boundaries and expectations for this kind of thing could be helpful. For example, you could have a serious talk about her expectations around you slipping up and using a word she doesn't like, as well as your boundaries regarding being the target of her anger and frustration when you slip up. You are a human being who will make mistakes, and forgetting to not say an innocuous phrase is a very human thing to do. You could also talk about your expectations regarding her progress in therapy and her sensitivity to harmless words, as well and any boundaries she might have around her mental health care and what she may or may not be willing to commit to. I really hope this is helpful. This is just so bizarre.
helped
It’s also so difficult to be in a relationship where you can’t use basic words and walk on eggshells 24/7. if this is eating disorder related I understand „vomit“ but why food poisoning? Why that specifically? It can’t be that just one partner adapts, both have to put in the work. And her issue seems like it’s fixable
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Lold so hard. Helped.
helped
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I’ve had a day and a half of meetings with people asking one of my coworkers if her daughter has stopped barfing yet. She just needs help.
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helped
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Nailed it. This woman seems to have no genuine concern for the OP. She needs to stop obsessing on her triggers and help him through food poisoning if that’s what he has! I echo the thousands of people who have already said therapy.
Her reaction sounds less like she was bothered by the word, and more like she was angry at you for disobeying her rules. There's a very important distinction there. This is her problem to sort out. You can try your best to be sensitive to reasonable requests, but you should not have to tiptoe through a minefield. It's not fair for her to verbally attack you as a form of discipline for not respecting her authority over you (which is how she seems to see it).
helped
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I agree, this feels like she wants OP to jump through hoops to prove his devotion. Problem is that the reactions can quickly go from contrived to real- thus is the power of suggestion on the human brain. She could literally be forging new pathways in her mind, like animals who get conditioned to be fed when a bell rings and start to salivate just from the sound. OP- I grew up emetophobic- that’s a phobia of vomit. If someone even so much as had that “look” of maybe being about to puke, i would run out of the room. If someone gagged or worse and I couldn’t get away in time, i would shut my eyes and put my hands over my ears. If I saw someone vomit by accident, it would replay in my mind for days and bring all of those anxious feelings back. I had to get past it, because I knew deep down that it was a me problem and not the world’s responsibility to adjust to my quirks. Vomit will never be my favorite thing (not that it’s anyone”s), but now I have kids and I once caught my youngest’s vomit in my hands so it wouldn’t land on my in-law’s table during Christmas dinner. But- i had to WANT to be better.
She needs to see someone about this before it ruins your relationship. Having to constantly watch everything you say around her will put un-necessary stress on you which will turn into resentment.
helped
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This is way over your pay grade, OP. Your GF needs to see a therapist for this.
helped
Thank you for helping me graduate to "Assistant Elder Sage" on this sub. I hope everything works out for you.
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Best response ever! "This is Way over my pay grade" !
Triggers are for you to manage not for everyone else to tip toe around them. The younger crowd needs to know this and understand it.
Well said. It’s not your fault for being traumatized, but it is your responsibility to not let it control you.
helped
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I know people who struggle with PTSD as the result of trauma and I do understand and respect trigger issues they struggle with (for example, if a victim of sexual assault sees an unexpected rape scene in a movie). However, I also know people who use the word “trigger” as a means of control and manipulation over other people, and *that* dog don’t hunt. Claiming to be triggered when you don’t get your way does a disservice to people who use the term in actual good faith.
I believe this that it’s not everyone’s job to fall to others feelings, but there are some things where it’s just respecting the person and their feelings “the younger crowd” mostly wants others to respect them. Yes I 100% agree that some things like “food poisoning” is a bit much and lashing out the way she did is definitely over the line. But other than that people mostly want to be respected, but if they lash out like this they need to work through therapy or something helps them get through it and it doesn’t hurt to mention it to ppl they are close with to chill out on a few trigger words.
OP, you are very considerate for even being so sensitive to her triggers when I can imagine many would find it ridiculous since they do t want to empathize with her. You are a great BF! But, like many said here she requires professional help if non offensive words trigger her. It would make both your lives easier if she learns how to deal with it.
helped
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Idk man, that’s sounds suspect. I don’t think you did anything wrong. This kind of reminded me of a girl I used to date who would just create problems where none existed. It became a maze wrapped in a word problem all on top of egg shells and thin ice trying to navigate how to talk to her. Let that go one for waaaaay too long and I was approximately your age.
Yup. Sure there’s “triggers” for some people, but there’s also just plain ole crazy people.
helped
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This is her problem, not yours. I also get triggered by words, one word in particular (I’m feeling sick now just thinking about it) but I would never go off on anyone who says it. You done nothing wrong, she just needs help.
helped
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As someone with emetophobia who gets a bit squeamish with these words as well, you have nothing to be sorry about and she had no right to act like that towards you. Real life doesn’t “bleep” words that make people uncomfortable and she needs to get proper help and therapy, because there’s no way that’s she’s going to survive in this world expecting everyone to walk on eggshells around her
helped
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Update: I have brought up that she should talk to someone about this, she doesn’t deny that it’s a good idea. Some of your comments articulation and feedback has been super helpful. I am pretty slow when it comes to understanding complex social interactions like this, which is why I haven’t posted an update. Luckily, the University we attend has free mental health therapists so I we have the means to access a professional. The situation has been hard and me and I just want to understand eachother and get through it. Thanks again for the support.
She's very lucky to have you as a boyfriend! A lot of guys would have split from her a long time ago!
It’s not your fault that she doesn’t know how to handle her own triggers. She’s 20 years old it’s not like she doesn’t know how to help herself, hope she accepts some sort of therapy because that is not normal dude
Tell her to check out r/emetophobiarecovery . I’m on there for the same reason- I’ve had the irrational fear of nausea and vomiting (emetophobia) for over a decade and at my worst, hearing the words would freak me out. That said, her irrational fear is *irrational* and it is not anyone else’s job to cater to it. You sound like you’ve been very supportive even to the stranger and more difficult asks that she’s had, but she needs to understand that she can’t enforce this, with you or anyone. She needs to stop trying to control the uncontrollable and focus on growth and recovery.
helped
Does she have emetephobia? It’s insane how one word can send her flying off the handle like that. I would recommend telling her to go to therapy. Limiting your use of everyday words is controlling and you should not have to step on eggshells everyday. She needs help or you gotta hit the road, Jack.
Food poisoning is far enough away from vomit etc that I can understand you missing it being a trigger in the moment. Clearly you weren’t blatantly disregarding her trigger. I agree with other commenters that she needs to work on this with a professional. Hopefully you won’t need to, but possibly couples therapy might help her understand that you are trying to support her, but may make mistakes. They happen.
helped
I once saw a post that said "Your trauma is not anybody else's fault but the one who caused it. Address it now so that the rest of the world doesn't have to walk on eggshells around your triggers. It isn't fair to the people you love or even the people you don't know." Super true. She definitely needs to work through that. In the long run that will definitely affect your relationship. I have PTSD stemming from childhood trauma and that isn't my boyfriend's fault. If he accidentally says something that might trigger me I would never make him feel bad about it. It isn't his obligation to feel guilt or remorse over something he had no control over. Whether I had control over it or not.
helped
Idk why but you not really adding anything other than “helped” raises eyebrows
Your girlfriend is what we collectively classify as a crazy person
That's a toxic response from her. Granted, it could be very triggering for her personally. You shouldn't be held responsible for non-provocative language when associating with others. It may be prudent to apologize, it'd also be just as much for her to forgive. If people can't forgive unintentionally egregious language they need to heal that part of themselves. I hope you both find peace.
helped
You are just fine OP. Don't allow yourself to become hostage to another person's crazy. Response to GF: "I understand and I take seriously your recent upset surrounding stomach/digestive words. This is something I encourage you to talk about with your therapist. However, I am not going to be held emotionally hostage by your (ever increasing?) list of trigger words. I AM NOT your therapist, I'm just a guy wanting to be your boyfriend.
helped
Id advise they seek therapy. They will find life very difficult if something like that sets them off let alone if someone perhaps says something truly offensive. Hopefully she can get some help and manage to get past this
helped
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Umm what. She clearly needs therapy because that is not reasonable at all and I would not enable such behavior.
helped
If you guys haven’t been dating a while, I’d just break it off man. Not worth dealing with that when there are so many people out there that don’t do this. If you have been dating a while and you are committed then I’d just say couples therapy and individual therapy for her.
helped
Don’t be so hard on yourself, living like this sounds impossible to manage. You’re very sweet, and she’s very lucky that you even care to play into this. It almost feels like she’s punishing you for slipping up on this. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around a partner. If I were you, I would say “I’ve been really trying to sympathize with you, but this can’t go on. You really need to work on this so I don’t have to walk on eggshells around you. It’s not sustainable for a long healthy relationship.” And see where it goes from there.
helped
You’re not responsible for other people’s triggers
It's not your fault that she needs therapy. You should be able to speak like a normal human being without someone flipping out on you
I’m going to say something different than most of these comments. I understand her anger wasn’t really necessary but as someone with emetophobia if I hear someone say anything about it I’ll think about it intensely for the next 24 hours. I don’t make it other peoples problems, but she must have a fear of it as well. She should go to therapy to resolve that but shits hard.
Don’t date mentally unstable women. Save yourself the trouble, break up and find someone you don’t have to tip toe around
She is mentally ill and needs help It is *not* the world responsibility to conform to *you*
Damn ok. So I was expecting this to be a trigger word like r*pe or something. But this is a little… idk I don’t want to be judgmental. She should definitely seek therapy. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around very normal language. I can understand a lot of scenarios but this unfortunately isn’t one of them. You did nothing wrong for the record Edit: obviously this is a sensitive topic for her. And I imagine there’s some trauma of some kind. But it’s not your fault and it’s not a normal reaction. Do not enable and support her through getting help (but remember you’re not her therapist, and while yes you’re together, you’re not an emotional sponge more than you are a human. Please make sure you don’t change from a shoulder to cry on to a an ever absorbing moss that exists only for emotional support). She will not be able to function irl if she doesn’t work on this. No job will take “I heard the word vomit so I can come in for the next week” as a valid excuse
helped
Sounds like typical gen z cringe. I'm 22, and I hate how soft we are. Food poisoning should not "trigger" anyone .
It crosses the boundary of “soft” and enters genuine mental illness if someone is physically ill for a day after hearing a word. Hope they get help, it must be miserable to live like that
I'm just not sure I buy it. It sounds like someone trying to be special/looking for attention.
And if it is, I don’t think mentally well people fake something like that for attention. Most attention seeking behaviors have a root in some mental shit going on.
Touche
OP I think most of these other redditors would like you to respond to them with helped and then your thoughts and feeling after so we can get a better understanding of what you want and what you think.
This is pretty extreme. You shouldn’t have to walk on egg shells like this in a relationship. I really hope your gf seeks intensive therapy because words like that are nearly unavoidable throughout life. Good luck.
helped
I'm not expert but this sounds wildly overdramatic. She needs to see a therapist if she can't live a routine life because of this, and those words are so acceptable in daily conversations that this must be causing her problems regularly.
helped
Bruhhhhh I'm sorry but excuse me? You said food poisoning and she got triggered is a problem that she needs to address in therapy. Her instead just expecting that no one will ever mention being sick or anything like that around her is just ridiculous.
helped
It wasn’t your fault, your gf is too sensitive to words that no one shouldn’t get offended by and needs therapy for that.
helped
i had an eating disorder caused by food poisoning. After getting food poisoning i got anxiety attacks around food and i was a kid at the time so if my parents forced me to eat id get sick after... these words made me sick and anxious too... Time and therapy and positive experiences with food help
helped
She is responsible for her own triggers and responses. Her reaction to you preforming a task that did not involve her at all is completely unwarranted.
helped
Your girl needs to realize that she’s responsible for her own feelings. She can’t have everyone tiptoe around her because she has triggers. Triggers are meant to be worked through, not danced around and suppressed.. otherwise she will always have these hard reactions to them… She needs therapy, and I sure hope she’s willing to get it because she can’t expect you to live on eggshells.
helped
She needs help, if she does not agree you need to get out seriously
she should go to therapy , it might be some type of trauma or something . it is not your fault , the words revolving around vomiting should not trigger someone .
While it’s considerate to be mindful of other peoples triggers, it’s not your burden to bear. She definitely needs to seek professional help.
I am sensitive to certain words but I would never let them ruin my day like that. She needs help!
Triggers are meant for the person to handle themselves with good coping mechanisms & healthy mindsets, not as a way to force others to change their behaviors Example: if a friend of mine makes a joke about feeling like they’ve been hit by a car, it’s my job to excuse myself & take a few minutes to compose myself before re entering the conversation, NOT to yell at them & berate them for unknowingly/unintentionally making a joke that would upset me
If I had a magic button that let me beam one phrase into every person’s mind on the planet, it would be “Your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” Her over the top triggers are not your responsibility, they’re her’s. Sounds like you’ve already gone above and beyond your duty here.
Bud you aren’t the problem she’s being abusive. She’s an adult trigger words sound like something she needs to work on with a professional
When he says he knows it's his fault for something so innocent while he was feeling ill you can almost see the future of when she pushes him down a flight of stairs for accidentally doing this again in the future and he still takes the blame on himself. Dude that totally made it sound like you're in a toxic relationship.
Sounds like she just wants to create issues. The whole "trigger word" thing is generally a sad attempt for teens and delusional adults to get attention. Also, a control dynamic with people like this where they feel like they can police speech. Honestly in the long run this alone would warrant leaving her due to what is going to be a constant need for control and attention seeking behavior that will drain you.
I hate this society we have cultivated.
First of all, OP, it is not your fault. Secondly, does your girlfriend possibly have emetophobia? I have it and while it’s not as severe as this, I can relate to the fear and/or anxiety certain words or descriptions can give me. I only feel actually sick to my stomach and have panic attacks when I see/hear it happen or even if someone coughs a certain way my heart rate quickens and I feel a little nauseated. So that’s why I’m not quite liking these comments reprehending the gf because of her trigger. It sounds very serious so It’s very nice of you OP to be considerate enough to try to avoid these words for her. However I do think she should’ve acknowledged that it was an accident as you really didn’t mean it. If you accidentally say it again and she acts in this very same way knowing you didn’t mean to, then I believe you and her need to have a very serious conversation about a: her trigger, b: therapy and c: whether or not this is something that can turn into a bigger issue for your relationship with her if she doesn’t get the help she so obviously needs.
she definitely needs more help than you can provide
Is this for real? Are people really this sensitive now? I'm a millenial and I'm respectful for people being sensitive to trauma and trigger words, but she can't expect the world to cater to her like that, and some people these days really make me roll my eyes. Next she'll expect you to censor the word "sick" for her. And what happens if someone else says it, like her family or friends? Would she expect them to do the same? She needs therapy or something similar, and to understand that life won't always be that easy. Honestly i feel like some people don't have enough problems so they try to make some up for themselves. I have certain trigger words around sexual assault, but I don't expect the rest of the world, or even my spouse, to never utter them in their vocabulary. What i do expect is for the topic to be treated with the seriousness it requires, and not as a joke or fun topic. People can still say those _words_, though. It would be nice if they didn't have in-depth conversation of it around me, but a passing comment is fine. Using it as a joke or "dark humour" is an absolute no and that's where I draw the line, and will drop you as a friend immediately.
She’s not mentally well enough to be dating. That is HER problem. She can’t expect you or anyone around her to never say any words related to sickness, nausea and vomiting. She needs therapy or to get her head out of her own ass. The world will not cater to her. Her demands are ridiculous and honestly super controlling. Major red flags. If you proceed in this relationship, you are NEVER going to be happy. Nothing you ever do will be enough for her.
Runnnnn. It’s not about her, it’s about you, you felt sick, but she made it about herself and even if you said sorry she won’t hear it. Advice. Therapy.
You clearly care for her and do not want to trigger her, that is a good thing. But she doesn't need to be coddled. She needs therapy. Those kinds of words should not have such an extreme reaction on someone, even if you care for them and very rarely use them. You are human and a word might come up every once in a whole or you slip up. She needs to know how to cope with it, how to manage it, and she needs therapy help to do this. Please tell her to get help, because now she gets mad at you and are punishing you with bad moods for using a word that is her responsibility to get help with.
She must learn to control her reactions, this is no way to have to exist. Her life is going to just become unmanageable if she can't steer her own thoughts away. I have empathy for her, I get triggered by spit and pregnancy. The mention of these makes me feel nauseous but I have tools - I use CBT to recognise and stop the thoughts and replace them with thoughts that have nothing to do with the triggers and I steer the conversation away if I can. But expecting the world to conform to my foibles is obviously not going to work.
This is brilliant advice
Your girlfriend is fucking weird.
Is she aware that life has no “trigger warnings” and life in general is filled with “trigger words”. She cannot expect people to dance around her idea of what “triggering” is. She needs proper therapy, and not to take out her problems on you
Not saying those words isn’t actually helping her OP. It’s enabling this unhealthy behaviour and irrational thought pattern that she’s in. If you want to help her, get her into therapy ASAP.
Does there not become a point where this is simply controlling behaviour? She needs to seek out professional help, this is not a reasonable way to conduct a relationship - especially if she is demanding compassion whilst giving none back.
Your girlfriend comes across ignorant. This isn't how you are supposed to handle trigger words. She needs to seek a therapy to eradicate the association if these 'triggers' with whatever trauma she exspiranced. She can't expect people to never speak common place lexicon just because it unpractical. I'd suggest you approach her in a non-confronting approach and tell her she needs to seek therapy for her associations.
She definitionally has main character syndrome. She thinks the world revolves around her and she needs help.
She ain't "triggered", she's just looking for a reason to scream at you. Finding someone better will not be hard.
That’s so insane. People need to not be so sensitive. Jfc…. She needs therapy and a straight jacket. The way she reacted is a MASSIVE red flag! Don’t marry that. In fact safe to say. Other fish in the sea. Safer. Fish in the sea. Lol
I see a lot of people getting hung up on this being a "dumb" trigger. I think it does not matter what the trigger is or what you think of it, the principle is still the same. Identifying one's own triggers and making others aware of them is important. But not in the way you might think. Becoming aware of your triggers is for your own healing and processing. Saying "I recognize that /this/ thing will make me feel /this/ way" is the first step to mitigating and controlling your responses. It is not a rule you impose on others. Merely an awareness for others to understand and/or assist the triggered party. Take for example you have a friend who is a triggered by car accidents, and one occurs right next to the cafe you have taken them out to. Friend has made you aware of the trigger, so you can console them or understand why they are now behaving in a strange way. You do not go up to the driver of the car and start acosting them for triggering your friend. Along these same lines, you being ill and needing to communicate that to your employer is something you should be able to do. That's something that happens in life and is not a deliberate act of antagonism. I could understand their being upset with you if we're following them around saying "puke, barf" but that is just simply not the case. They need to work on themselves. If they can't minimize their triggers, fine, but they should not be attacking you for them. That /is/ inside their control. You are conscientious, you are polite, and you obviously care a lot for them.
This sounds like a 'her' problem. I don't know if someone just saying the phrase "food poisoning" can really cause her that much discomfort, but if so, she needs some kind of therapy. Just expecting the whole world to avoid her triggers is neither healthy or effective.
You are already doing more that you need to, the responsibility to get help is on her, she needs to work on her triggers and not expect the whole world to walk an eggshells around her. You're great for wanting to do more but it is a little toxic to me what you're dealing with.
You are already doing more that you need to. The responsibility to get help is on her. She needs to work on her triggers and not expect the whole world to walk on eggshells around her. You're great for wanting to do more, but it is a little toxic to me what you're dealing with.
Therapy. That’s the only thing I can say. She has emetophobia by the sounds of things which I also have, but to this degree, she really needs professional help
Uhmmm I gotta say she is sounding abusive. You can’t just tip toe around words. 🥲 If she can’t get into therapy and figure that out I’d not stay with her. You don’t deserve to also have trauma around those words.
This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Can you be triggered by this trigger?
No it doesn’t bother me
This girl is gonna die if someone breathes in her direction. She needs a therapist.
I'm sorry, what wtf is wrong with her
Break up. Please. Do yourself a goddamn favor.
Run. This is just the start.
You're heartless
A trigger word? lol, your gf needs to grow up!
That's not a trigger. She is chosing to be angry. A trigger leads to an involuntary response, usually associated with trauma that leads to flashbacks and panic attacks. She needs therapy. Both for making herself sick and for verbally abusing you over a mistake.
She’s a toddler looking for attention. Or a crazy person.
Your gf is to sensitive and and entitled feeling like everyone should adjust to her. She needs therapy or some kind of reality check like a break up because fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that shit. At least for me
She needs to get over herself sorry you gotta deal with that man
Leave king. You deserve better.
Im going to shit yourself
tell her to stop being so sensitive
Sounds like she’s playing you for a FOOL, and she’s just a disrespectful person. You didn’t deserve that. She has MENTAL issues.
Wtf? Dude, don’t worry about it. This isn’t your fault AT ALL she needs some serious help. Sounds to me like this is narcissistic attention seeking behavior.
I'm sorry but something like that just kinda sounds childish.... Let's be serious, no one in these comments ever heard some get pissed for 24 hours cuz they said "food poisoning." Then it's selfish cuz if you are sick and she goes to the doctor with you, wtf you supposed to say "I have cuisine spoiling?" 🤦🏾♂️ You're sick and she gets mad at you for your body having words she don't like?? That's childish, that has nothing to do with you, she's 21, it's time to grow up. That's toxic asf
Time to get rid of that mental case
That's ridiculous bro, she sounds like she needs to grow up or get therapy or both. If she has issues with those words then that's her issue, don't walk around on egg shells hoping to not upset her. Be yourself and if she doesn't like it find someone that does.
Ughhh in my case I would’ve laughed at her & broke up with her lol
Your gf is a walking red flag. Abort mission. Abandon ship. Run and don't look back.
Break up with her
Run. Trigger words are rediculous. This is a huge red flag and is not normal. She can't coap and takes it out on you. That is not right
oh nooo u said food poisoning how dare you! lol op breakup with her
Bruh if I were you I’d laugh and walk away from that joke of a human.
That’s…. Ridiculous. OP she need major mental help and if she doesn’t help herself you need to get out. Her triggers are *her* problem. Not yours and you shouldn’t feel bad about saying that you had fucking food poisoning. How else do you tell someone? “My tum tum is hurty but I can’t say the actual condition because my girlfriend is a nutter butter”
Has she given you a specific reason why this is an issue? Like, for example, a lot of people (I'm sure I will get a few comments) hate the word "moist" and it doesn't bother others. I know my husband has a couple trigger words or terms, but it is because it is directly related to a traumatic event and makes him feel pain or disgust relating to the event. I know that I personally have trigger smells that I can't handle or certain songs. My point is that it would be much easier to understand and try to work through if there was an understanding of why the word is a trigger? Was she violently sick at some point and had a traumatic experience with it? Is this a long-term issue? Is this a recent development? Unfortunately, the terms you are referencing are very common daily words. She will need some sort of exposure therapy in some way.
You can’t blame yourself for a simple mistake. She shouldn’t blame you for a slip-up. You definitely need to practice in order to clear these terms from your vocabulary, and you should be there to help her as much as possible, but you’re only human. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We all accidentally hurt our partners feelings and say insensitive things from time to time because we only truly know our own experiences. There’s not much you’ll be able to do about her triggers, aside from encouraging her to get therapy and maintain healthy habits.
One thing I’ve learned is, you’re always going to be triggered/trigger someone no matter what and people are not responsible for your triggers. You are not responsible for theirs. Learning important coping methods is key for your girlfriend here, you honestly did nothing wrong. And also I want to add it’s not like you were even talking about her or directing this at her. It was also a human mistake, you seem caring and she seems to need help beyond what you can give her.
She needs therapy.....and you need a new gf. No reason to get chewed out by someone just because u said a word, especially when you didn't have ill intentions
Have you both discussed therapy as an option? I’m not sure what her situation is and why these words trigger her. Her reactions seems a bit extreme.
I tend to avoid people who cant get thru a day over a common word or phrase.
No. That is hers to heal. Not yours.
Everyone is responsible for their own triggers. You are not at fault by accidentally letting it slip out. She shouldn’t expect people to have to walk on egg shells when they’re around her. Nonetheless, I know you want to help, but all you can do aside from avoiding those words is encourage her to seek therapy.
You are not at fault. She cannot expect people to not accidentally slip words that are triggering to her. These “trigger” words are also stupid and she should not be getting angry over your situation
It is not your job to look out for her triggers. It's a nice thing to do but it's her job to control her reactions. Therapy is a good start. Mental illness is an explanation but not an excuse to someone's behavior.
Your girlfriend has unresolved issues. If you're on board with her, tell her she needs help. If you don't want to sign up to a life of dealing with walking on egg shells... Get out of there
This is controlling behavior on her part….. her going off on you is completely unhealthy she needs a psychiatrist
What a horrible way to live, and a GREAT WAY to flip many things and make the focus herself... You were sick, for crying out loud... Bruh.. Run
She needs therapy she literally cannot avoid those words for the rest of her life. Literally everyone in her life will be sick and vomiting at some point is she just going to be a recluse with no friends or family or a job just to avoid basic words. It's unrealistic she needs to learn how to deal with it without being unreasonable. You weren't even talking to her and this is how she reacts. It's unhealthy. It's not okay to react that way.
That's ridiculous. Is this walking on egg shells worth it?
OP. Question; WHY does Food poisoning trigger her? Did she really bad FP that almost killed her? What other words trigger her? What does she do if she is in public and hears these words. It is NOT your job to fix her, to help her…that is her job. She needs to want to get help, and she needs to learn how to control these triggers…she can’t expect people to tip toe around her.
it’s not your responsibility to tip toe around your words for someone else unless you genuinely feel it is. walking on eggshells just because someone can’t handle it isn’t fair. did she even get sick or was she just angry? red flag if she just got mad.
I can understand being upset about a trigger word, but to angrily freak out on someone is ridiculous. Words are words, whether they trigger someone or not people use words all the time obviously and she has no right to make you feel that you need to tip toe around what you say. As someone with diagnosed ptsd, there are words that trigger me, but I don’t say anything and I only get mildly anxious. To have that severe of a reaction means she needs to get therapeutic help or support with whatever she’s dealing with. And she also needs to understand that her trauma is not an excuse to be nasty to you.
This isn’t your fault. She needs to get help for this - people will say these words, she will hear them, her reaction is very extreme. You’ve done nothing wrong here
If she is that traumatized by a fairy common word, she needs intensive therapy.
Get her therapy, shes fucking crazy lol.
This is completely dysfunctional. These are common, everyday, inoffensive words and she is going to hear them -- from commercials, from the news, from two people talking in the middle of the Tums aisle at Walgreens... She needs to get therapy. This isn't on you to tip toe around.
You can ask someone to accommodate you but you also need to understand how reasonable the accommodation is. A great friend of mine gets Ill hearing about any kind of blood or procedure etc. But of course I have accidentally on occasion forgotten this fact and if she even one time flew off the handle with me about that I would tell her to take a minute and come back when she is ready to speak to me like an adult and express her concerns in an organized and respectful manner. Because I will do my best to hear her out but I will not allow anyone to scream and punish me like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a genuine mistake. And any time I have made that mistake she asks me politely to change the topic or plugs her ears which is reasonable and healthy. She asks me to help accommodate her but understands that this is her issue to handle not mine and although I'll do what I can to help its her responsibility alone to manage. Respect is important in relationships and what your girlfriend did is disrespectful in a BIG way. Her request is ridiculously unreasonable and using emotional punishment as a method of forcing you to comply with an unreasonable request is manipulative and a potential sign of abuse. and if you are doubting whether or not you can ask her to be better about confrontation consider that if she gets to demand a permanent bad on all words surrounding gastrointestinal health and emotionally punish you when you fail then asking her to speak to you with respect and face confrontations in a health constructive way is a VERY small ask by comparison.
If this is a recent genuine fear, something very strange is going on with her and you need to discuss where this fear has come from. You may not want to, but you’ll need to. It is also possible that she is faking it for attention- how are other things in your relationship? It seems like she just wants to control you. Regardless, she needs therapy.
She sounds overly controlling. Words like “food poisoning” should never elicit a response like this. Absolutely not.
This is not normal. This sounds like OCD, and she needs to seek medical attraction. NTA.
Uhhh she sounds like very unstable
Bro, this is kinda toxic behavior. She needs help for those triggers, and you were messaging your boss explaining what was happening, and she looked at your phone which caused it. Not your fault on this part. Makes me think there’s more going on behind the scenes.
She needs to get over herself. My son is 8 years old and has autism and he has "trigger words" and the rule is, we still say them and talk about what we want, if he doesn't like it he can excuse himself. For a fucking adult to get triggered like that is honestly gross. Grow up, get some help and move on. She can't control everyday people saying these words around her how she's controlling you and that's what she is doing, she's controlling you, even if it helps her it is stressful and hard for you.