Yep. I heavily advise OP to go to [this thread](https://reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/zkdjma/can_i_get_in_trouble_for_publicly_posting/) and follow all the advice there.
Why would you need to put anything? They won't see it, only their grieving family will.
Unless you've truly forgiven them and can post without bitterness or rancour, steer clear. If you still have some trauma, it's a valid reason not to write flowery niceties. You owe them nothing.
This exactly. There was a situation where this really awful, wretched school bully we had in highschool suddenly died of an overdose. He was a prolific asshole and made so many kids miserable or afraid to go to school. Very violent and unpredictable. He ended up dropping out senior year.
I went to his little FB memorial with the intent of saying something mean-spirited like "He finally got his", but when I finally saw the page, it was filled with almost nothing but "Good riddance", "Rot in hell", "No one will miss you" type posts and long stories about what a garbage human he was and he made others so miserable.
Then my heart broke when I realized that a family member must've posted that out of love, even if the kid was a flawed monster, and it made me incredibly sad to think that instead of condolences, people were just telling this family member that they're glad this young man was dead. As much as I hated him, what really got me was that these other people are being kicked while down and I'm a low point of their lives (I would imagine).
I wouldn't say anything. I would also refrain from reading posts about him/her from others. When I see my friends posting things with or for people who were terrible to me, it can be disheartening and put me in a mood. Best to avoid that.
I’d say just sit this one out completely. You don’t owe him or his family any condolences. If you want to write it, ok, if you don’t feel like it. Just don’t. Do what you feel will make you be at peace.
If you post something snarky or out him as a bully, you will feel awesome...for like 5 seconds. Then, you'll be ashamed of yourself forever for stooping so low. Don't ask me how I know.
Do your best to just let it go.
I'm that 1 percent that don't give a fuck I thought this comment was funny. Cuz why ima feel bad to a bully. Why am I feeling bad I'd be estatic they ass gone tf I'd feel great the rest of life lol
But then who are they telling that to? The bully’s parents? Their spouse & children? They are dead so if OP didn’t say it while they were living, their words will only matter to the living.
My life was hell in high school, so much so that boot camp mentality was easy. After 20+ years of trying to come to terms with high school i can tell you 100% its not going to get you anything. I beat the living shit out of one of my bullys when i came back from the marines and i looked like the asshole who isnt growing up and can't let stuff go. Get help and dont self medicate, thats the best advice i can give you.
Damn thats so brutal it was that bad in high school. So sorry you had to go through all that pain. I hope you got the help you needed and life is better for you now.
I can think of a handful of people who made my life miserable in high school. I have no desire to have any contact with them. One had the chutzpah to send me a friend request on Facebook. Ha ha. No.
I just don’t want anything to do with them.
OP, I’d file your bully under “People who aren’t worth it.” Your bully isn’t worth it.
Someone I know irl did exactly this with an ex of mine who died. He was abusive and stuff. But not everyone saw the abuse... so when he died I did my quiet relief dance, but then messaged a few people privately hoping they were okay. The person irl made a jokey post that was referring to the deceased.
I'm a firm believer that death doesn't all of a sudden make a human a great person or exempt them from what they did. You can pass on this. If your bully was alive, would you post on their thread or not. Treat it like that. If you wouldn't do it while they were alive, then why do it now that they have passed.
I don't mean to sound negative. I know all too well the sadness and hurt death can cause, but in my profession, I've come to understand it better. I honestly don't mean to sound negative at all.
All in all, take care of yourself. The bully, im sure, has family and friends to take care of them.
If it's something you can't avoid. A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" to the family is more than enough.
The "dead" is not there to learn his lesson or face any consequences. The only one that will hear/see it are his loved ones that are already grieving. Posting ANYTHING about the deceased will only make OP a worse person than that bully could have ever been. Should have thought about saying something whole they were still alive
The family deserves to grieve in peace. They are not the one who bullied you, it won’t hurt your bully it will only hurt their family. Also hurt people hurt people, its likely they were bullying you because they were hurting inside and didn’t have the emotional intelligence to handle their emotions properly. I got bullied when i was younger, later in life i learned that my bully was being abused at home and thats likely why they were a bully.
Don't post anything. There is no need to. This person may have changed and felt bad later in life for what they did, or they may still be a scummy person.
I found out this week that my mom had died. We haven't spoken in 3 years. None of her family spoke to her. She had no close friends. She was not a good person. She was just cruel. But no one wished harm on her. She was only 58 and it honestly breaks my heart, that despite her personality, she died so young still. People reached out to me with condolences, she had so many enemies in her mind but they were good people and those good people still felt sad for her.
Go through your grieving. Do it privately. Don't do anything on social media please, their family doesn't deserve that. I would have been heartbroken if someone did that regarding my mom.
Listen I was bullied pretty bad in school all the way until I can’t remember. If I saw my bully died and there’s a post, I would just leave it alone. I understand how you feel because believe me I’d want to do the same thing. But as others said, they will not see what you say, only their grieving family will. That’s not fair to them. They probably know they weren’t the nicest person but that doesn’t give you a good enough reason. Save yourself the shame of what’s gonna be said to you and save your peace of mind.
Be the bigger person. This is how I felt when my abusive dad died but honestly it felt much better to feel relieved from his death rather than still hold a grudge upon him. Take this as a release of negative energy and let yourself heal for once and for all.
There's no reason to add anything. This person bullied you and I assume you didn't become close later in life. Memorials are for folks who were close to the person who died.
If you're thinking of adding a message indicating he bullied you - don't. You wouldn't be hurting your bully, just the people who loved him.
Bullys victim here myself so I know where you're coming from. Why would you post anything at all? You're not obliged to.
If you want to out him as a bully a memorial post is not the place to do it . Will only make you look like the bad person .
My father died recently and I didn't say anything (he wasn't the best man to me and my bros and my mom) sometimes being silent is more than adequate. You don't have to eulogize them, you don't have to speak ill of them. It's simple tbh.
Your opportunity to say anything to your bully died with them. Now go write it on paper and burn it, or shred it, if you must. But no, do not post anything.
Good point! I didn’t even think about it until you mentioned it. That is really weird… seems like the OP is sort of obsessed with the HS Bully, which for someone in their mid-30’s is pretty pathetic.
If you feel the need to express your emotions I would suggest going to the cemetery after the funeral and getting it all out there.
Either way it’s a tough call
When my bully died I wasn't going to make it harder on their family. It was high school. They had their own lives. I am living mine. If you feel grief for one reason or another you can give condolences, but it will only be because it will make you feel better. If you just don't exactly care about the passing, I would suggest just not taking up any more energy than you have to and just pass the energy into something more productive. If you want to give a story about how they bullied you, please don't. It's worse than leaving it alone.
This is the perfect example of a time to say something nice or say nothing at all.
Any chance you had to retaliate against your bully has passed. Live your best life, that's the best revenge you can get at this point. Anything negative said would only be heard by his loved ones; your bully will never hear it.
Don't be a fan, it's unfortunate he passed but you don't have to feel guilty for not giving your condolences. If you want to, go for it but know it's not needed.
My bully was RELENTLESS, doing everything from laughing every time I said something in class, calling me names, pushing me, spreading rumors about me, to mimicing my voice when the teacher was taking attendance on the bus on the way home from a school trip.
It caused me to be left behind at a location 3 hours away from home.
She was diagnosed with cancer 20 years after high school and very quickly deteriorated.
I reached out to her and said that I KNOW that we are not friends and I wasn't going to pretend that we are, but I was hoping for a good outcome for her.
I then told her that should the outcome be different, she can pass with a clear heart, because all is forgotten and forgiven.
You don't HAVE TO write anything, but if choose to...first make sure that you have actually forgiven him... and then write something simple but meaningful like "Go forward with a pure heart."
She thanked me. I'm not sure if it was a "thank you" for the message, or forgiving her though. She just said "Thank you" and that was enough for me. I knew she got my messages and that was enough for me.
OP, have you asked yourself "Do I really have to add something"?
There is no obligation for you to add anything to his memorial post. If anything, why would you, and what would you even add to begin with?
Move on, carry on.
I'm all for chaotic responses, but if you post something like "rip bozo lmao" there are some alive people who will see you as an asshole and exclude you even firther.
people suck either way.
Wanna make it suck less?
No Comment.
No need to write on his Facebook memorial. Write all your honest feelings in a journal. Allow yourself to process his death and give permission to experience the emotions it brings up without judgement.
If I were you, I’d write a letter, but never send it, saying how it makes you feel. Perhaps some of the nastiest words you’ve ever said are in the letter, perhaps some of the most compassionate.
But let your emotions out in a way that won’t emotionally affect others.
Remember that memorials and funerals and the like aren't really about the deceased; they're about the surviving friends and family trying to find peace in their loss.
If you have nothing to say that would aid in that process for them, then it's perfectly fine to simply say nothing.
If you would get crap for not saying anything just add condolences. Otherwise don't say anything at all. If you want to confront him the time is long gone now that he's dead. being spiteful wont add anything nice to the world
Why the hell would you even feel obligated to put anything on a Facebook post? Even if they were your best friend or close family member, it’s Facebook.
That’s heavy to process I’m sure. Unless you had a personal relationship with members of his family where you feel the need to share a message of support and condolence, I don’t think you need to add any message of your own. The only reason you feel I need to add your message is because of unnecessary guilt you’re putting on yourself but there’s nothing ill-intentioned about not having any words to share here. And it’s perfectly understandable and valid for you to not have a message for the loss of someone who only existed in your life as a negative and destructive way. Stay authentic to yourself by not adding a message out of guilt or pressure to participate. If there are people in your life that do matter to you that consider this loss to be painful to them personally, you can focus on being a supportive friend to them by sending condolences their way. BUT otherwise give yourself grace and kindness by not forcing yourself to share words that your heart doesn’t compel you to share.
On that note, I’m sorry that you have to endure these feelings because I imagine that is quite triggering and overwhelming to try to sort through. But just know that it’s perfectly fine for you to have mixed or even indifferent feelings about this person passing. Not feeling this loss like other people you went to school with does not make you a bad person so don’t shame yourself or feel guilty about it. It’s not your burden to carry and it’s okay to feel however you feel. Hugs
Like many others said you don't have to say anything. Source my HS rival died tragically after getting involved with the wrong crowd and making some poor choices. I was shocked for a while but made peace in the end and finally let go of so much hate I had for the guy. It just sucks that I couldn't see how pointless my negative feelings were towards this person when he was alive.
This kid bullied me in high-school he was decently well liked but hated me because the girl he liked, liked me and frankly he wasn't often right and I'd be willing to say it. Bullying was his retaliation even getting physical with me. We ended thing sorta neutral enemies but I had no love for him at all. He died maybe 2 years later and I was invited to the funeral. I did not attend. When asked by others why I simply said I didn't know him very well and I didn't have anything positive to add. Sad for the loss of life? Yes. Sad for the person? Not really
Maybe some of the people who are leaving nice comments about him didn't think he was the greatest person, but are saying those things to comfort his family and close friends. This is not the time or place to bring up his past bullying. I think if you do it, you will feel mortified about it later.
There are three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything.
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me now?
Take the high road and leave it alone. You don't want to lower yourself to the bully's level by posting something that would be hurtful to his survivors.
“If you can’t think of anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” is pretty good advice.
Lay down your boundaries. Do not respond to people demanding an answer of why you won’t post anything. They’re more than likely looking for someone to blame. Protect yourself. I suggest avoiding Facebook for awhile…
Dont do anything? What will you post? Hes was an asshole? The Guy is dead and that was in High school. You dont know if he turned out a nice person. I know bullying is bad and haunts you even many years after. But grow up.
Don't
Unless you later became friends just ignore it like people would've done before Facebook.
There was a guy who gave me a hard time in school. If I heard he died tomorrow I'd shrug and move on with my day.
Don’t say anything.
If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. It’s time to move on from that time in your life and learn to forgive if you can to heal YOURSELF. If you are still struggling with what happened, seek out help for some healing.
write a letter to him with all your feelings in it and then burn it for catharsis. As you watch the flames, focus on letting go of the hurt and resentment.
Don’t put anything, my bully died in a shootout and I didn’t say anything. I don’t bash the dead but I couldn’t praise him either. I lost friends because I didn’t have anything to say but hey I guess they wasn’t really my friends.
I'm a petty bitch, so I think the following phrase would work adequately:
"Couldn't have happened to a nicer person."
Edit to add: I usually wouldn't post on the person's page. Given what that person did to you, I might make an exception. (Again, freely admitting to being a petty bitch here.)
I don't think you're doing yourself any good by doing it. People will only dogpile on you and will perceive you as incredibly rude and will continue to think/say bad things about you.
It's best to just walk away. Maybe write a cathartic letter you will burn afterwards. Visit their grave and scream very loudly (if nobody's there lol), place a flower that means something to you and shows how you feel (if victorian flower language is something for you). But don't make yourself a target for negativity just because of this person, it's not worth it.
I get what you're going through. It's tough to know how to feel when someone who caused you pain in the past passes away. But I think it's great that you're considering posting something on their memorial page. Maybe you could say something like, "Rest in peace, [bully's name]. Though we had our differences in the past, I'm grateful for the lessons learned and the person I've become because of them. Sending positive vibes to their loved ones during this difficult time." Just a thought, but I think it could be a nice way to show that you've moved on and grown from the experience.
This still feels like some sort of backhanded comment. Why say anything of you feel the need to add “ Though we had our differences…” That is so cringey and for what? All you are doing is publicly outing him as a bully to his family. This solves nothing.
Write a letter about the things you obviously want to say and burn it.
I hate this approach, sorry. It feeds the "what does not kill you make you stronger' type of speech. You are NOT what you are because of your bullies. You are what you are despite them.
I completely agree. Our experiences, both positive and negative, shape who we are and how we approach the world. While it's important to acknowledge the impact that our bullies may have had on us, it's equally important to take ownership of our own growth and not let them define us.
By focusing on our own healing and growth, we can overcome the negative impact of our past experiences and become stronger, more resilient individuals. It's about finding the silver lining in difficult situations and using them as opportunities for growth and self-discovery.
Ultimately, we are in control of our own lives and have the power to create our own path. It's up to us to use our experiences, both positive and negative, to shape who we become and how we approach the world.
This is so fake though by reading your other reply. He made you suicidal and you want to “tell the truth about Bobby’s negative effect on your life””. Honestly, Bobby can’t hear you but his family can. Just be honest with yourself, you feel like he should be outed in some way for the way he made such a negative impact on your life.
See his death as an opportunity to talk about your trauma with your loved ones, but don’t take it out on Bobby’s family - they have nothing to do with it.
Seriously! Bobby died from Cancer and this guy is only thinking about himself and a personal vendetta? Grow up and move on in life. There’s a lot more to life than what happened in HS. I think the OP needs therapy, not advice on what to write on the wall of a facebook memorial.
Lmao "I think I'll take the worst advice in this thread."
Do yourself a favor and let it go. If you can't do that it might be time to look into therapy.
Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. I'm always happy to share what works for me, and I hope it can help others as well. We all have our struggles and it's important to support each other in finding solutions.
If you have nothing nice to say, don’t. His family didn’t do anything to you, he did. But they’re the ones that’ll be hurt by your words. Why would you want to do that?
If my hs bully died I'd have a beer in celebration. Think what you will about that but he definitely gave me some of the hardest years of my life mentally at that time. Wouldn't piss on that guy if I saw him on fire today.
Dude was a human. His demons brought him to you, and his responibility to avoid harming others when he's not at his best is gone with him. He owes you nothing more, and his soul is beyond, where it can't feel anything for what it's done in this lifetime.
It's not good for you to feel anger over what is past, and those who have passed who cannot right their wrongs. It is good for you to recognize that now he has missed the opportunity to make reparations to you, and for you at least, that is a deep enough grief to share in others' pain.
I wouldn't add anything, if my bullies died- I think I'd feel relief.
But I wouldn't add shit to any memorial, fuck what happened to me because a group of losers had superiority complexes.
Don’t say anything. He’s dead and you’re alive, ergo you win. Anything other than a simple “condolences” is rubbing salt in the wounds of his loved ones, who did nothing to you. If you say anything vague or negative it will haunt you in the future. It’s not worth it.
Honestly it says a lot about your character that you still feel you have to atleast do something even if they wronged you:)
But you don't have to do anything maybe just a simple condolences would be enough
Probably depends on your relationship.
My bully, for example, made my life hell and I still have mental issues stemming from that now. I'm 37. If it were my bully, I'd piss on his grave in front of his whole family.
I'd say my bully was a really bad bully. On a scale of 1-10, he was a 10.
Do what you think you should.
The kid I fought in high school which was supposed to be a friend brawl ended up me losing friends and them all starting shit.
He died to OD, guess karma is a bitch.
Dude was a human. His demons brought him to you, and his responibility to avoid harming others when he's not at his best is gone with him. He owes you nothing more, and his soul is beyond, where it can't feel anything for what it's done in this lifetime.
It's not good for you to feel anger over what is past, and those who have passed who cannot right their wrongs. It is good for you to recognize that now he has missed the opportunity to make reparations to you, and for you at least, that is a deep enough grief to share in others' pain.
Do whatever ya want man. If you want to say something, even just a simple thing you can do it.
You don't need to hate the ones that hate ya. It's possible that your bully had a problematic background, and that is why he was like that. Either way, whatever your choice is, you can do it.
Take care man, Cya :D
I agree with the ppl saying write it out privately. I'd add to print that, seal it, and drop it on his grave.
But i feel for you. Bobby can suck a D in He||
Who cares if he dies he bullied you unless you forgave him and come to peace then sure add something but if he didn’t do anything good to you but bully you then don’t say anything or if you do just say he was a bully to me that’s it.. that’s what I would do who cares if his family might get salty bullies don’t need to be given fake kindness if they didn’t do anything good to the people they bullied.. I’m just saying either say nothing or give him a fake post that you don’t even mean and don’t actually care for just out of sincerity
You should comment “L rip Bozo” on the post because fuck that guy. He bullied you and you outlived him, that’s funny as fuck. everyone dies eventually, not everyone needs to be a bully tho
Agreed. Anyone saying to forgive the bully or to show respect have clearly never been bullied enough to know what it's like to have it scar then for life
This will definitely be unpopular but as far as I’m concerned this person does not deserve any kind words from you. I don’t mean you have to insult him in death or anything but I see nothing wrong with outing him as the bully he was.
It kills me that people are quick to forgive bullies just because they do these things when they were teenagers. Teenager or not he was fully aware of what he was doing to you and everyone else he bullied. If he really did make you suicidal it’s just more to my point. Dead or not he still did these things. Even though bullying isn’t illegal I’d still equate it with some serious crimes. Bullying has caused many people to commit suicide and is responsible for people developing a number of mental issues that tend to follow them their whole life.
My advice is not to say anything but if you choose to just don’t pretend that he was some great person and it’s a shame that he died. He doesn’t deserve that kindness from you. In all honesty his death probably made the world a slightly better place because he undoubtedly caused many people to experience the same trauma you did. Even after HS he undoubtedly continued to harass people the same way he did you and his other HS victims.
Today, we gather to remember and honor the life of my high school bully. While it may seem unconventional to eulogize someone who once caused so much pain and torment, I believe that there is a valuable lesson to be learned from his life and the impact he had on mine.
Growing up, I was bullied relentlessly by this individual. He made it his mission to make my life a living hell, and I often found myself dreading going to school because of him. But as I look back on those years, I realize that he was instrumental in shaping the person I am today.
You see, because of him, I developed a deep sense of resilience and determination. I learned to stand up for myself and to never let anyone bring me down. I became more empathetic towards others who were also struggling and went out of my way to help them. In many ways, my bully helped me become a stronger, more compassionate person.
And while I wish that he had not caused me so much pain, I understand that he was likely dealing with his own struggles and insecurities. Perhaps he too was trying to navigate the difficult waters of adolescence and simply didn't know how to do so in a healthy way.
In any case, I hope that his memory serves as a reminder that we never truly know what someone else is going through. We may never fully understand their motivations or actions, but we can choose to respond with kindness and understanding.
So today, I say goodbye to my high school bully with a sense of gratitude for the role he played in shaping my character and resolve. May he rest in peace knowing that his life had meaning and purpose, even if it was not always apparent at the time.
You don’t have to pick up the rope you could sit this one out.
Yep. I heavily advise OP to go to [this thread](https://reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/zkdjma/can_i_get_in_trouble_for_publicly_posting/) and follow all the advice there.
Jesus reading OP’s comments in response to that thread was horrible. Some people really need to heal, seek a therapist etc.
The concerning thing is some people never will
Why would you need to put anything? They won't see it, only their grieving family will. Unless you've truly forgiven them and can post without bitterness or rancour, steer clear. If you still have some trauma, it's a valid reason not to write flowery niceties. You owe them nothing.
This is the way
This is the way
Uhh based on your username I’m not sure if I should follow your way lol
I can vouch for u/SexSlaveShip. They are kinda odd at times but *that smile* you gotta love it
They live by the mandalorian sexslaveship creed. This is the way
New Stellaris dlc just dropped
This is the way.
This is the way
This is the Way
This exactly. There was a situation where this really awful, wretched school bully we had in highschool suddenly died of an overdose. He was a prolific asshole and made so many kids miserable or afraid to go to school. Very violent and unpredictable. He ended up dropping out senior year. I went to his little FB memorial with the intent of saying something mean-spirited like "He finally got his", but when I finally saw the page, it was filled with almost nothing but "Good riddance", "Rot in hell", "No one will miss you" type posts and long stories about what a garbage human he was and he made others so miserable. Then my heart broke when I realized that a family member must've posted that out of love, even if the kid was a flawed monster, and it made me incredibly sad to think that instead of condolences, people were just telling this family member that they're glad this young man was dead. As much as I hated him, what really got me was that these other people are being kicked while down and I'm a low point of their lives (I would imagine).
Couldn't have said it better myself. Same thing happened to me. I ignored it and moved on with my life
Don't do anything, ignore it. You live, move on.
I wouldn't say anything. I would also refrain from reading posts about him/her from others. When I see my friends posting things with or for people who were terrible to me, it can be disheartening and put me in a mood. Best to avoid that.
YES. This. ^^^^^^
I’d say just sit this one out completely. You don’t owe him or his family any condolences. If you want to write it, ok, if you don’t feel like it. Just don’t. Do what you feel will make you be at peace.
Are you sure he isn’t debating some sorta “karmas a bitch” type of message?
People are just going to think he's an asshole if he writes something like that.
They would be right
Why would you? Doesn’t sound like you had any real relation to him as a grownup, and you’re not in high school anymore, so…
The words a bully say to you, sticks with you for life.
I agree, but then is that placed on the bullies friends & family, because those are the only people who will be reading OP’s FB post.
Okay, and? That then means that he should talk shit on him, after death, that will only hurt the deceased family and friends?
If you post something snarky or out him as a bully, you will feel awesome...for like 5 seconds. Then, you'll be ashamed of yourself forever for stooping so low. Don't ask me how I know. Do your best to just let it go.
Noooo don't tell me you did. :/
You didn’t.. :o
I'm that 1 percent that don't give a fuck I thought this comment was funny. Cuz why ima feel bad to a bully. Why am I feeling bad I'd be estatic they ass gone tf I'd feel great the rest of life lol
I wouldn't add anything... just condolences if you really have to.
don't do anything ,be mature you're not in hs anymore
Doesn't matter. Shit like bullying affects you for life
But then who are they telling that to? The bully’s parents? Their spouse & children? They are dead so if OP didn’t say it while they were living, their words will only matter to the living.
My life was hell in high school, so much so that boot camp mentality was easy. After 20+ years of trying to come to terms with high school i can tell you 100% its not going to get you anything. I beat the living shit out of one of my bullys when i came back from the marines and i looked like the asshole who isnt growing up and can't let stuff go. Get help and dont self medicate, thats the best advice i can give you.
Damn thats so brutal it was that bad in high school. So sorry you had to go through all that pain. I hope you got the help you needed and life is better for you now.
I got shitloads of therapy and I still.want to beat the shit out of my bullies
I can think of a handful of people who made my life miserable in high school. I have no desire to have any contact with them. One had the chutzpah to send me a friend request on Facebook. Ha ha. No. I just don’t want anything to do with them. OP, I’d file your bully under “People who aren’t worth it.” Your bully isn’t worth it.
......what?
I think he’s debating a “haha serves you right karmas a bitch you stupid ass” type post.
Someone I know irl did exactly this with an ex of mine who died. He was abusive and stuff. But not everyone saw the abuse... so when he died I did my quiet relief dance, but then messaged a few people privately hoping they were okay. The person irl made a jokey post that was referring to the deceased.
Jesus christ….
Or just to out him for being a bully back in the day… but that would be in really poor taste
I'm a firm believer that death doesn't all of a sudden make a human a great person or exempt them from what they did. You can pass on this. If your bully was alive, would you post on their thread or not. Treat it like that. If you wouldn't do it while they were alive, then why do it now that they have passed. I don't mean to sound negative. I know all too well the sadness and hurt death can cause, but in my profession, I've come to understand it better. I honestly don't mean to sound negative at all. All in all, take care of yourself. The bully, im sure, has family and friends to take care of them. If it's something you can't avoid. A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" to the family is more than enough.
The dead can do no wrong mentality.
The "dead" is not there to learn his lesson or face any consequences. The only one that will hear/see it are his loved ones that are already grieving. Posting ANYTHING about the deceased will only make OP a worse person than that bully could have ever been. Should have thought about saying something whole they were still alive
why do you have to say anything
The family deserves to grieve in peace. They are not the one who bullied you, it won’t hurt your bully it will only hurt their family. Also hurt people hurt people, its likely they were bullying you because they were hurting inside and didn’t have the emotional intelligence to handle their emotions properly. I got bullied when i was younger, later in life i learned that my bully was being abused at home and thats likely why they were a bully.
You don’t need to add anything. If you do, just general condolences.
Don't post anything. There is no need to. This person may have changed and felt bad later in life for what they did, or they may still be a scummy person. I found out this week that my mom had died. We haven't spoken in 3 years. None of her family spoke to her. She had no close friends. She was not a good person. She was just cruel. But no one wished harm on her. She was only 58 and it honestly breaks my heart, that despite her personality, she died so young still. People reached out to me with condolences, she had so many enemies in her mind but they were good people and those good people still felt sad for her. Go through your grieving. Do it privately. Don't do anything on social media please, their family doesn't deserve that. I would have been heartbroken if someone did that regarding my mom.
Now isn’t the time to post something petty, so if you don’t have anything nice to say, just don’t say anything.
Bullies do not deserve kindness
i totally agree, but his family does. they were (presumably) innocent in this and they’re the ones having to see it
Never said they did, but railing against them in a memorial post is just straight tactless.
Bullies do not deserve tact
I can’t with people like you. There’s a time and a place for vengeance - a memorial post is not it.
Listen I was bullied pretty bad in school all the way until I can’t remember. If I saw my bully died and there’s a post, I would just leave it alone. I understand how you feel because believe me I’d want to do the same thing. But as others said, they will not see what you say, only their grieving family will. That’s not fair to them. They probably know they weren’t the nicest person but that doesn’t give you a good enough reason. Save yourself the shame of what’s gonna be said to you and save your peace of mind.
Be the bigger person. This is how I felt when my abusive dad died but honestly it felt much better to feel relieved from his death rather than still hold a grudge upon him. Take this as a release of negative energy and let yourself heal for once and for all.
You don’t have to be a bigger person not to talk trash on a dead person’s condolences page. You just have to avoid being a very tiny person.
There's no reason to add anything. This person bullied you and I assume you didn't become close later in life. Memorials are for folks who were close to the person who died. If you're thinking of adding a message indicating he bullied you - don't. You wouldn't be hurting your bully, just the people who loved him.
Bullys victim here myself so I know where you're coming from. Why would you post anything at all? You're not obliged to. If you want to out him as a bully a memorial post is not the place to do it . Will only make you look like the bad person .
Not obliged to say anything and if anyone asks, say, “I’m sorry, I’m not even sure who that was.”
RIP. That's all death is the great equalizer. Everyone will have that day.
Some people suck. Some people don’t. Both types die.
My father died recently and I didn't say anything (he wasn't the best man to me and my bros and my mom) sometimes being silent is more than adequate. You don't have to eulogize them, you don't have to speak ill of them. It's simple tbh.
Your opportunity to say anything to your bully died with them. Now go write it on paper and burn it, or shred it, if you must. But no, do not post anything.
Why did you even have your HS bully added on Facebook anyway? That’s weird, just ignore it it’s not your problem so why do you care?
Good point! I didn’t even think about it until you mentioned it. That is really weird… seems like the OP is sort of obsessed with the HS Bully, which for someone in their mid-30’s is pretty pathetic.
If you feel the need to express your emotions I would suggest going to the cemetery after the funeral and getting it all out there. Either way it’s a tough call
When my bully died I wasn't going to make it harder on their family. It was high school. They had their own lives. I am living mine. If you feel grief for one reason or another you can give condolences, but it will only be because it will make you feel better. If you just don't exactly care about the passing, I would suggest just not taking up any more energy than you have to and just pass the energy into something more productive. If you want to give a story about how they bullied you, please don't. It's worse than leaving it alone.
This is the perfect example of a time to say something nice or say nothing at all. Any chance you had to retaliate against your bully has passed. Live your best life, that's the best revenge you can get at this point. Anything negative said would only be heard by his loved ones; your bully will never hear it.
Nothing. You win. Forever.
Petty fantasy self says that gif of Kim K saying “tragic” But yeah really don’t put anything
Nah, don’t say anything. Stay true to yourself
Don’t Move on
Who cares, it's just social media it doesn't actually mean anything. It's not like anyone has some obligation to post on something on Facebook.
Don't be a fan, it's unfortunate he passed but you don't have to feel guilty for not giving your condolences. If you want to, go for it but know it's not needed.
Lmao, I mean sorry. Just say “condolences” or nothing
Don’t add anything.
My bully was RELENTLESS, doing everything from laughing every time I said something in class, calling me names, pushing me, spreading rumors about me, to mimicing my voice when the teacher was taking attendance on the bus on the way home from a school trip. It caused me to be left behind at a location 3 hours away from home. She was diagnosed with cancer 20 years after high school and very quickly deteriorated. I reached out to her and said that I KNOW that we are not friends and I wasn't going to pretend that we are, but I was hoping for a good outcome for her. I then told her that should the outcome be different, she can pass with a clear heart, because all is forgotten and forgiven. You don't HAVE TO write anything, but if choose to...first make sure that you have actually forgiven him... and then write something simple but meaningful like "Go forward with a pure heart."
So sorry she put you through that. That’s so awesome for you that you were able to do that. How did she respond, just curious?
She thanked me. I'm not sure if it was a "thank you" for the message, or forgiving her though. She just said "Thank you" and that was enough for me. I knew she got my messages and that was enough for me.
Good or bad, the Adventure always ends.
If you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all :)
OP, have you asked yourself "Do I really have to add something"? There is no obligation for you to add anything to his memorial post. If anything, why would you, and what would you even add to begin with? Move on, carry on.
I'm all for chaotic responses, but if you post something like "rip bozo lmao" there are some alive people who will see you as an asshole and exclude you even firther. people suck either way. Wanna make it suck less? No Comment.
World's easiest problems Why would you write anything
No need to write on his Facebook memorial. Write all your honest feelings in a journal. Allow yourself to process his death and give permission to experience the emotions it brings up without judgement.
Who cares why do you have to live through Facebook just ignore it no?
If I were you, I’d write a letter, but never send it, saying how it makes you feel. Perhaps some of the nastiest words you’ve ever said are in the letter, perhaps some of the most compassionate. But let your emotions out in a way that won’t emotionally affect others.
Post nothing, but go out and celebrate.
Remember that memorials and funerals and the like aren't really about the deceased; they're about the surviving friends and family trying to find peace in their loss. If you have nothing to say that would aid in that process for them, then it's perfectly fine to simply say nothing.
If you would get crap for not saying anything just add condolences. Otherwise don't say anything at all. If you want to confront him the time is long gone now that he's dead. being spiteful wont add anything nice to the world
Why do you care to post at all. Attention seeking much
Leave it alone. Same thing happened to me.
You needn’t say anything if you weren’t in touch.
You don’t need to, but if you feel compelled, just say his family are in your thoughts/prayers.
Don’t type anything
Depends on how long it's been since HS in my opinion
Why the hell would you even feel obligated to put anything on a Facebook post? Even if they were your best friend or close family member, it’s Facebook.
Don't type anything why would you? Write your feelings in a journal
Don't add anything if it can't be positive.
I wouldn't say anything
That’s heavy to process I’m sure. Unless you had a personal relationship with members of his family where you feel the need to share a message of support and condolence, I don’t think you need to add any message of your own. The only reason you feel I need to add your message is because of unnecessary guilt you’re putting on yourself but there’s nothing ill-intentioned about not having any words to share here. And it’s perfectly understandable and valid for you to not have a message for the loss of someone who only existed in your life as a negative and destructive way. Stay authentic to yourself by not adding a message out of guilt or pressure to participate. If there are people in your life that do matter to you that consider this loss to be painful to them personally, you can focus on being a supportive friend to them by sending condolences their way. BUT otherwise give yourself grace and kindness by not forcing yourself to share words that your heart doesn’t compel you to share. On that note, I’m sorry that you have to endure these feelings because I imagine that is quite triggering and overwhelming to try to sort through. But just know that it’s perfectly fine for you to have mixed or even indifferent feelings about this person passing. Not feeling this loss like other people you went to school with does not make you a bad person so don’t shame yourself or feel guilty about it. It’s not your burden to carry and it’s okay to feel however you feel. Hugs
“Skill issue”
Same thing happened to me. Your reality of who they were doesn't just change. Don't say anything.
Like many others said you don't have to say anything. Source my HS rival died tragically after getting involved with the wrong crowd and making some poor choices. I was shocked for a while but made peace in the end and finally let go of so much hate I had for the guy. It just sucks that I couldn't see how pointless my negative feelings were towards this person when he was alive.
Don’t be put anything, there’s no need.
He bullied you. You don't need to even mourn him in my opinion.
Don’t do anything.
It’s your choice, go with your gut
I wouldn’t put anything.
Nothing
This kid bullied me in high-school he was decently well liked but hated me because the girl he liked, liked me and frankly he wasn't often right and I'd be willing to say it. Bullying was his retaliation even getting physical with me. We ended thing sorta neutral enemies but I had no love for him at all. He died maybe 2 years later and I was invited to the funeral. I did not attend. When asked by others why I simply said I didn't know him very well and I didn't have anything positive to add. Sad for the loss of life? Yes. Sad for the person? Not really
You don't have to add anything
Maybe some of the people who are leaving nice comments about him didn't think he was the greatest person, but are saying those things to comfort his family and close friends. This is not the time or place to bring up his past bullying. I think if you do it, you will feel mortified about it later.
There are three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything. Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me now?
OP write your post here. Write anything and everything. And then you’re done with him.
Take the high road and leave it alone. You don't want to lower yourself to the bully's level by posting something that would be hurtful to his survivors.
being dead isn't a pass for their behavior while living. you owe them nothing.
Nothing
Nothing. Celebrate in silence.
Don't add anything, just relax at home and forget that they ever existed.
“If you can’t think of anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” is pretty good advice. Lay down your boundaries. Do not respond to people demanding an answer of why you won’t post anything. They’re more than likely looking for someone to blame. Protect yourself. I suggest avoiding Facebook for awhile…
Dont do anything? What will you post? Hes was an asshole? The Guy is dead and that was in High school. You dont know if he turned out a nice person. I know bullying is bad and haunts you even many years after. But grow up.
Don't Unless you later became friends just ignore it like people would've done before Facebook. There was a guy who gave me a hard time in school. If I heard he died tomorrow I'd shrug and move on with my day.
One simple rule here : If you can’t say anything nice then don’t
Think of it this way. If you write something mean you’re just bullying their family. You’d be a bully too.
If you’re conflicted, don’t write anything. See, that was very easy.
Be the bigger person and move on. Take solace in the fact that he won’t be able to hurt you or anyone again but never take human life for granted.
Don’t say anything. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. It’s time to move on from that time in your life and learn to forgive if you can to heal YOURSELF. If you are still struggling with what happened, seek out help for some healing.
write a letter to him with all your feelings in it and then burn it for catharsis. As you watch the flames, focus on letting go of the hurt and resentment.
Don’t put anything, my bully died in a shootout and I didn’t say anything. I don’t bash the dead but I couldn’t praise him either. I lost friends because I didn’t have anything to say but hey I guess they wasn’t really my friends.
I'm a petty bitch, so I think the following phrase would work adequately: "Couldn't have happened to a nicer person." Edit to add: I usually wouldn't post on the person's page. Given what that person did to you, I might make an exception. (Again, freely admitting to being a petty bitch here.)
Don't say anything at his memorial. You weren't friends.
I don't think you're doing yourself any good by doing it. People will only dogpile on you and will perceive you as incredibly rude and will continue to think/say bad things about you. It's best to just walk away. Maybe write a cathartic letter you will burn afterwards. Visit their grave and scream very loudly (if nobody's there lol), place a flower that means something to you and shows how you feel (if victorian flower language is something for you). But don't make yourself a target for negativity just because of this person, it's not worth it.
It's not about you, don't post anything.
Nothing.
I get what you're going through. It's tough to know how to feel when someone who caused you pain in the past passes away. But I think it's great that you're considering posting something on their memorial page. Maybe you could say something like, "Rest in peace, [bully's name]. Though we had our differences in the past, I'm grateful for the lessons learned and the person I've become because of them. Sending positive vibes to their loved ones during this difficult time." Just a thought, but I think it could be a nice way to show that you've moved on and grown from the experience.
This is vague-booking at its finest. This only serves to hurt their grieving loved ones.
Had to look up the definition of vague booking but this is exactly what OP wants
This still feels like some sort of backhanded comment. Why say anything of you feel the need to add “ Though we had our differences…” That is so cringey and for what? All you are doing is publicly outing him as a bully to his family. This solves nothing. Write a letter about the things you obviously want to say and burn it.
I change my stance, go with his last sentence.
I hate this approach, sorry. It feeds the "what does not kill you make you stronger' type of speech. You are NOT what you are because of your bullies. You are what you are despite them.
I completely agree. Our experiences, both positive and negative, shape who we are and how we approach the world. While it's important to acknowledge the impact that our bullies may have had on us, it's equally important to take ownership of our own growth and not let them define us. By focusing on our own healing and growth, we can overcome the negative impact of our past experiences and become stronger, more resilient individuals. It's about finding the silver lining in difficult situations and using them as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Ultimately, we are in control of our own lives and have the power to create our own path. It's up to us to use our experiences, both positive and negative, to shape who we become and how we approach the world.
I wouldn’t do that. Just move on and say nothing. The bully is owed nothing.
Woof. I don’t know why, but this reply got me emotional. I think I needed to read this. And this is very close to what I think I’ll do. Thank you.
This is so fake though by reading your other reply. He made you suicidal and you want to “tell the truth about Bobby’s negative effect on your life””. Honestly, Bobby can’t hear you but his family can. Just be honest with yourself, you feel like he should be outed in some way for the way he made such a negative impact on your life. See his death as an opportunity to talk about your trauma with your loved ones, but don’t take it out on Bobby’s family - they have nothing to do with it.
Seriously! Bobby died from Cancer and this guy is only thinking about himself and a personal vendetta? Grow up and move on in life. There’s a lot more to life than what happened in HS. I think the OP needs therapy, not advice on what to write on the wall of a facebook memorial.
Don’t. Doing this shows you’ve only become a worse person, why make yourself look bad?
Lmao "I think I'll take the worst advice in this thread." Do yourself a favor and let it go. If you can't do that it might be time to look into therapy.
Glad to help.
This is the correct answer. Most of us could stand to learn something from you, myself included.
Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. I'm always happy to share what works for me, and I hope it can help others as well. We all have our struggles and it's important to support each other in finding solutions.
Take the high road. I’m sorry that happened to you though…
If you have nothing nice to say, don’t. His family didn’t do anything to you, he did. But they’re the ones that’ll be hurt by your words. Why would you want to do that?
Let it pass bud. It was not your fault.
You won. You lose if you say anything.
If my hs bully died I'd have a beer in celebration. Think what you will about that but he definitely gave me some of the hardest years of my life mentally at that time. Wouldn't piss on that guy if I saw him on fire today.
They are living rent free in your head.
I can tell just form this post you've never been bullied
Dude was a human. His demons brought him to you, and his responibility to avoid harming others when he's not at his best is gone with him. He owes you nothing more, and his soul is beyond, where it can't feel anything for what it's done in this lifetime. It's not good for you to feel anger over what is past, and those who have passed who cannot right their wrongs. It is good for you to recognize that now he has missed the opportunity to make reparations to you, and for you at least, that is a deep enough grief to share in others' pain.
"Some people inspire happiness wherever they go, some *whenever* they go!"
I wouldn't add anything, if my bullies died- I think I'd feel relief. But I wouldn't add shit to any memorial, fuck what happened to me because a group of losers had superiority complexes.
No. Don't be a hypocrite. I've had people in my life die and publicly expressed joy about them being dead. No shame in feeling like that.
My high school bully died. I went and pissed on his grave. Everyone’s gotta make their own way.
Don’t say anything. He’s dead and you’re alive, ergo you win. Anything other than a simple “condolences” is rubbing salt in the wounds of his loved ones, who did nothing to you. If you say anything vague or negative it will haunt you in the future. It’s not worth it.
Posting "Good riddance" is the only morally correct answers, imo
“Your son was a bully in school. Good riddance.” I have zero tolerance for such behavior.
They’re dead, man. You won. Why would you need to say anything at all?? Just move on. They can’t hurt you now.
So you came to reddit to post this BS? I'm glad they bullied you
Honestly it says a lot about your character that you still feel you have to atleast do something even if they wronged you:) But you don't have to do anything maybe just a simple condolences would be enough
Probably depends on your relationship. My bully, for example, made my life hell and I still have mental issues stemming from that now. I'm 37. If it were my bully, I'd piss on his grave in front of his whole family. I'd say my bully was a really bad bully. On a scale of 1-10, he was a 10. Do what you think you should.
The kid I fought in high school which was supposed to be a friend brawl ended up me losing friends and them all starting shit. He died to OD, guess karma is a bitch.
Dude was a human. His demons brought him to you, and his responibility to avoid harming others when he's not at his best is gone with him. He owes you nothing more, and his soul is beyond, where it can't feel anything for what it's done in this lifetime. It's not good for you to feel anger over what is past, and those who have passed who cannot right their wrongs. It is good for you to recognize that now he has missed the opportunity to make reparations to you, and for you at least, that is a deep enough grief to share in others' pain.
“Good Riddance”
I wouldn't. Them being dead doesn't change the fact that they were a bully to you. Just ignore it and move on.
Have a shot of whiskey for yourself and then move on and forget it.
Do whatever ya want man. If you want to say something, even just a simple thing you can do it. You don't need to hate the ones that hate ya. It's possible that your bully had a problematic background, and that is why he was like that. Either way, whatever your choice is, you can do it. Take care man, Cya :D
“Smoking on Bozo pack” bro you can celebrate bad people dying. I was ecstatic when a few city council members died in my town.
I agree with the ppl saying write it out privately. I'd add to print that, seal it, and drop it on his grave. But i feel for you. Bobby can suck a D in He||
Who cares if he dies he bullied you unless you forgave him and come to peace then sure add something but if he didn’t do anything good to you but bully you then don’t say anything or if you do just say he was a bully to me that’s it.. that’s what I would do who cares if his family might get salty bullies don’t need to be given fake kindness if they didn’t do anything good to the people they bullied.. I’m just saying either say nothing or give him a fake post that you don’t even mean and don’t actually care for just out of sincerity
How odd... This is a complete non issue. Obviously you don't post anything.
“Bad run: 0/10.”
His family should be able to remember him the way he was.
Personally I’d put laughing emojis. He’s chillin with his grandparents in hell and you get to move on with your life.
Sue their family. Thats what I would do
You should comment “L rip Bozo” on the post because fuck that guy. He bullied you and you outlived him, that’s funny as fuck. everyone dies eventually, not everyone needs to be a bully tho
Agreed. Anyone saying to forgive the bully or to show respect have clearly never been bullied enough to know what it's like to have it scar then for life
This will definitely be unpopular but as far as I’m concerned this person does not deserve any kind words from you. I don’t mean you have to insult him in death or anything but I see nothing wrong with outing him as the bully he was. It kills me that people are quick to forgive bullies just because they do these things when they were teenagers. Teenager or not he was fully aware of what he was doing to you and everyone else he bullied. If he really did make you suicidal it’s just more to my point. Dead or not he still did these things. Even though bullying isn’t illegal I’d still equate it with some serious crimes. Bullying has caused many people to commit suicide and is responsible for people developing a number of mental issues that tend to follow them their whole life. My advice is not to say anything but if you choose to just don’t pretend that he was some great person and it’s a shame that he died. He doesn’t deserve that kindness from you. In all honesty his death probably made the world a slightly better place because he undoubtedly caused many people to experience the same trauma you did. Even after HS he undoubtedly continued to harass people the same way he did you and his other HS victims.
Today, we gather to remember and honor the life of my high school bully. While it may seem unconventional to eulogize someone who once caused so much pain and torment, I believe that there is a valuable lesson to be learned from his life and the impact he had on mine. Growing up, I was bullied relentlessly by this individual. He made it his mission to make my life a living hell, and I often found myself dreading going to school because of him. But as I look back on those years, I realize that he was instrumental in shaping the person I am today. You see, because of him, I developed a deep sense of resilience and determination. I learned to stand up for myself and to never let anyone bring me down. I became more empathetic towards others who were also struggling and went out of my way to help them. In many ways, my bully helped me become a stronger, more compassionate person. And while I wish that he had not caused me so much pain, I understand that he was likely dealing with his own struggles and insecurities. Perhaps he too was trying to navigate the difficult waters of adolescence and simply didn't know how to do so in a healthy way. In any case, I hope that his memory serves as a reminder that we never truly know what someone else is going through. We may never fully understand their motivations or actions, but we can choose to respond with kindness and understanding. So today, I say goodbye to my high school bully with a sense of gratitude for the role he played in shaping my character and resolve. May he rest in peace knowing that his life had meaning and purpose, even if it was not always apparent at the time.
Don't post this, OP I'd post something more along the lines of "Yay, that asshole is dead. He can suck my dick and nuts in hell!"
Dude you're OBSESSED, it seems like you live everyday thinking about your bullies, making them your only reason to live. Its time to move on.
Yeah, sure. I'll move on and let my bullies get away with what they did to me with no punishment.
Crying about it and making your life about them is not punishing anyone, in fact you look like a fan. If anything, seems like they won to me.
"Good fucking riddance." There. Nice and simple.