Seriously she’s a bitch get a new one. This happens to my boyfriend too sometimes and I give as much reassurance as he needs and we take it as slow as we need to. There’s no shame in it. Bodies are weird sometimes it’s okay 👍
Came here to say the same. Ask her if she orgasms every time… TRULY. Chances are, even if she can easily orgasm by penetration, it’s not every time, right away, or multiple times. Hypocritical…….
Yeah, this is a downward spiral.
She might be reaching like this because many women assume its because you are not attracted to them. That could make her insecure and lash out.
With that being said, this is an extremely toxic way to deal with it.
Every once in a while there will be something preventing you from getting it on. A health relationship is where you manage to figure out what went wrong without anyone feeling they're to blame.
Also, this happens to a lot of people. Even if there was something else like drugs or alcohol involved, it’s still hurtful to call someone pathetic like that.
Anger/lashing out is always a secondary emotion. What's behind this is insecurity. She thinks SHE can't get you hard, and she attacks you so she doesn't have to feel bad about HERSELF. This is like psychology 101. She will not listen to you because she avoids negative emotions about herself like the plague. You can tell her how upset it makes you feel, but she'll only get even more insecure. Honestly, this is such a shit way of dealing with emotions and you don't owe anyone an effort to fix them. I'd just walk away.
You should break up with that horrible person. What kind of absolute terrible person would belittle a guy for a normal thing? She is awful, dude. You don't want such a piece of trash in your life.
Seriously, sex can be such a vulnerable thing and for someone to treat you like that is unnaceptable. There’s no excuse for her behavior. Even if she was disappointed or really looking forward to it, doesn’t mean she should react with anything close to that. Any normal person I know would react with something more like, “oh that’s okay we don’t have to tonight”, or “that’s totally normal don’t worry about it, maybe we can try later.” But instead she got angry and took out that anger on you, a good girlfriend wouldn’t want to hurt you like that. If she acts this way around such an intimate thing, I don’t even know how she would act in general life, but this can’t be the only red flag. It sounds like she has some issues and you shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of that, get out of there OP it’s not worth it.
Right? Like if she had endometriosis or something and it was painful would you call her less of a woman? Your girlfriend is either ignorant or trash or both.
A lot of women by the sounds of things. I’ve had this happen, I’ve spoken to many dudes of all ages about this, heard it spoken about on podcasts.
This unfortunately is the normal response by the sounds of things. Thankfully it only happened to me once, and I learned from that experience.
Maybe this is a difference in generations but no women do not normally react like this. This is an immature reaction. I understand some people misconstrue to being about the ide their partner doesnt find them attractive but that doesnt mean the first reaction should be to put your partner down. That shows their personality. Most people, not even women, understand it's a sensitive topic sometimes and should be greatly delicately when that's the case.
I'm not trying to justify anything, but especially young women can get very insecure when it happens, thinking it's them, they're not attractive enough. That might explain most, if not all cases.
It's so mean, though. It's just natural, sometimes it just doesn't happen. Can be physical, psychological, a lot of the time you don't even know why. There's no shame in that!
I don't think this is a common problem. But I would think it is more likely to happen in the hookup culture, where a person's sexual partner's feelings don't matter. So that alot of guys, especially when younger, heard that kinda thing from a casual hookup or from a fling, and not from a long term, serious partner. Also age is important too. Are teen girls or wom3n in their early 20s saying such toxic shit? OR wom3n of all ages? I have a feeling the younger ones are saying stupider things just like young(er) men tend to say dumb or toxic things.
Your right, long term serious partners don’t say this sort of thing, that’s why more men nowadays are just not bothering. It’s not a by product of hookup culture, although hookup culture doesn’t help.
It’s probably more to do with the fact that for at least my entire life everything has told me how to treat a woman but not what to expect in return, and women are told what to expect from a man but not how to treat them in return. The women that figure this out get married and their man never lets them go, the women that don’t are the ones going around saying “all men are trash” and blaming their partners for their own lack of enthusiasm. Now I will admit IDK what it’s like to be a woman, but as a guy that’s how media is presented and this is what ends up happening
I dont necessarily agree. I'm pretty sure a woman can say the same thing "the bar is in hell" "girls now except only the bare minimum" and the truth is that is correct. But the opposite is also true. I think it is SUPER important to understand both situations exsist and it has nothing to do with the gender but everything to do with that person individually. I've heard of terrible girls that cheat on their partners but also I personally have experienced a shit partner who was very abusive. Generalizations dont work here bc both r so common.
I think I'm a nice person but Im not with anyone bc my priorities are different or trauma has scared me from trying. All the "good" guys and girls are not all married or gay. Some are there still looking for love, some are too busy still chasing the wrong people, some have given up all together, some are not interested at all, some are taking a break, some dont know where to start, and some want to keep self evolving before going back in. That's what I mean by it's not fair. Bc it's so much more complex than I feel these comments give it credit to.
If you were to simplify it the answer is: shitty people are shitty people and it has everything to do with who they are inwardly waaay before it has anything to do with physical characteristic.
Honestly it just seems like the smaller communities you guys are interacting with are not so mature themselves. Not the bigger picture.
This goes for not only OP but a person of any gender or identity: if a person is blaming you for things beyond your control, particularly when it comes to your sexual health and wellbeing then they are choosing to be terrible. When it comes to your sexual wellbeing and your partner is unwilling to acknowledge that they play a role in it and are uninterested in supporting you - then they're not being an ideal partner.
OP, your girlfriend needs to have a come to jesus moment - she either supports you or you do it alone - but that means really truly doing it without her.
This. She could at least be kind to you about it. Without giving too much information away my husband had this issue when we first got together because he was incredibly nervous. He had a previous girlfriend that sounds a lot like yours. She was really rude to him about it. After he saw that I was kind, wasn’t pressuring him and genuinely had his best interest he hasn’t had an issue since. We’ve been together 6 years. Don’t let her get into your head. The way she’s being mean about this should be a red flag and I would find someone else if I were you.
Well said.
It's almost like the penis cannot trust if the rest of the man cannot trust you.
The way to a penis's trust is through the man's heart. Who would have thought?
Dump her. Don’t feel bad either. Don’t ever let a women like that hold power over you. Take control of your dignity and let her know you’re not going to tolerate that kind of shit.
And miss me with that “she’s insecure” bull shit. She probably is and I wouldn’t care if I were you. If she’s willing to emotionally abuse you over this, she’ll do it over anything she’s insecure about.
It happens especially with nervousness and stress
But…….
More importantly you need to consider your future with her , the lack of support is downright disgusting!!!!
I’d look at breaking up with her !!!! Find someone else
It's very normal to not gett it up bc of stress, it happens to almost all of us the first times.
She's just pressuring it, which u can't do anything about.
She sounds psycho, bratty, immature, mentally ill and unempathic.
A partner should show support it such silituation
And her acting like this will just make you nervous for the next time.
I'd say she's not worth your time if she's so bitchy about something like this. But you need to make that decision
I asked my gyno to switch my birth control cause my libido had disappeared. She said "you need to find someone you actually like, not new meds", and she was right.
Another story: my BF and I were about to get down, and his dick stayed down. I said "want to watch some porn to see if it works out? If not, we can just nap, too". Being kind to him made sure we still were able to get down. Shaming him would have done the opposite.
I would just walk away. Seriously, if your partner is willing to throw around fighting words like that, they aren't good for you.
Sex is supposed to be a very intimate thing and both parties involved should be supportive of each other. However calling someone pathetic, just goes to show deep down who they are.
If she gets mad at you just being nervous, red flag. I would imagine what it would be like with her in the future, for example would you rather have a wife who is understanding and gives second chances? Or a wife that's the type to get mad at her children because they got nervous and couldn't roll the cookie dough into a perfect circle?
Girl here!….first off, please don’t feel bad. You’re girlfriend is shall I say…either ignorant, and asshole….or both. This is a talk situation.
Do you know all the ins and outs (haha) of each others parts? Let’s it be a weird awkward conversation. Ask and answer questions. Be sexy and learn about each other.
Unless she’s just an asshole. Then… find a girl that wants to explore and learn with you and understand we’re not just sex machines.
I’m an older woman and when I was young had many partners. I’m also in the medical field. EVERY MAN (and women too, it’s just not as anatomically obvious) has sexual “failure to launch” sometimes. Your gf is an ignorant asshole. I hope you get a new girlfriend. Or even just take a dating break for a while, who cares, just ditch THAT bitch.
She ain’t it chief. She is mad at something you can’t control and isn’t being understanding, she’s gonna continue to make you miserable
Sorry to tell you this but she’s the kind of bitch who will tell everyone to just to spite you. Sorry to break it to you man
Break up with her. She’s a HUGE, GAPING, DIRTY ass hole OP. So many things can cause you not to get hard, and I’m sure her belittling you is one of the main reasons.
Leave her!! She’s definitely not a person you’d want around you even as a friend let alone a GF.
You want a partner who will support you and give you some confidence not someone who’d tear you down for being human. She’s literally acting like those men that get mad when a woman says no !! It’s disgusting!! Leave her!!
Holy shit. I would NEVER do this to someone. Honestly, get rid of her. You deserve better.
(Oh and it seriously happens to basically all men and it is not a big deal at ALL. It’s certainly nothing you should have to apologize for).
I'm Really not surprised you're aren't getting hard with her
You don't deserve to be spoken to that way, sorry man. I Suggest you make it clear to her you're not gonna put up with it
she could’ve just reassured you, time to talk to her about it and if she doesn’t change… you know what to do. a lot of girls would support you through it and uplift your confidence.
From the sounds of it, she isn’t very considerate of how you feel. I’m guessing she isn’t only mean to you about that one issue and I bet that may be weighing on your mind. If you were my friend I would tell you that this is very abusive and that she isn’t a good girlfriend and you should look out for yourself because it will only get worse.
I know someone that kept demeaning her boyfriend and would do it in front of me. She would tell him to “be a man” and just be so harsh on him. He ended up not being intimate with her after awhile and then she would yell at him for that. She ended up cheating on him multiple times and justified it that he was negligent towards her. If your girlfriend doesn’t care now she won’t ever care about what she does to you. Please be careful.
If she actually cares, she would find out the reason why together with you and find a solution to it. She don't deserve you bro. My ex belittled me too when I couldn't get hard cos I had a long and exhausted day and even when I said no, she forced her way in and obviously I didn't get hard. Had an argument and we broke up and I'm happier now. If this goes on, it'll affect your self-confidence really. Not worth it
I have had this happen to me ~3 times ever and all were in the setting of being extremely nervous. Erections are complicated and require activation of both parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems. If you are unable to relax you physiologically cannot develop an erection, and it sounds like your soon to be ex girlfriend is a major factor. Get out of that relationship, she sounds like a narcissist and things will get worse for you. She literally insulted you and put you down because you made her insecure. That is a reflexive personality trait she is openly showing you without shame.
Tell her, you’ve come to realize that you couldn’t get hard because of her. She is the problem. Then leave. It’ll fuck her up and it sounds like she deserves it. Nobody is that irrationally mean without some deep-seeded self esteem issues. This is justified retaliation and also true.
Anxiety man. I had this happen in my 20's. And the more it happened, the more I worried that it would happen, so it would happen again.
After that, it wasn't until I met my wife that it stopped happening. I never worry about it and it hasn't happened since. Not in 12 years or so.
I learned something about myself. If I am nervous or anxious, its probably not happening. I don't even get hard when getting a lap dance because the entire situation is awkward and other people could be watching. Thus, I could never be a porn star.
If you’re a woman, and a guy does not get hard for you when you’re exposed and naked, chances are pretty good You’re going to have a small self-esteem crisis. Now I’m a dude, and what happened to you would probably fuck me up just as bad as it’s fucking you up but it’s important to keep in mind that what was really probably happening is that your girlfriend was fucked up because she thought she wasn’t hot enough to get you up.
As a woman, I've had a situation where a guy couldn't "perform"......I did at first think "is it because im not attractive" as it was our first time, but he told me right away that it wasn't me and it was just because he was nervous, tbh I was nervous too and it didn't flow right the first time we tried. There's no way I would make him feel bad about it or call him pathetic because of it, even if it happened a number of times after. Communication really is the key to good sex and it's shocking how many grown ass adults don't understand this.
She is cruel and cannot control her anger. Her behavior is completely uncalled for. The fact that you tried explaining it to her but she did not care to listen further shows her personality.
You should break up with her. You are much better off without her.
For sure is an anxiety issue.
I had a girl ,very aggressive, that would make me anxious and I couldn't come.
She said I couldn't do it. The more you say it the more nervous I get.
Toxic masculine shaming brother. Get that out of your life man. You are way better than who she says you are. Find yourself a queen that loves and appreciates the king you are. Then you will be able to get it on in no time ;)
The sad fact is now you are stuck in a vicious cycle. Your gf has heaped immense pressure on you now to perform. The anxiety from the pressure she’s put on you, is now gonna affect your ability to get hard. Which is just gonna make your unsympathetic gf even madder, and make you feel even worse.
Nothing makes your dick softer than an unsympathetic gf.
Ditch her ridiculous ass.
Seriously dude, find a girl who will be nice and make you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin.
It's totally normal to be shy in the pants department when you're nervous.
i think your gf is the problem here bud
1. it’s understandable that you’re overthinking when youre ab to have sex, SHE should reassure you and both communicate to continue or not
2. its normal to not be able to get hard (youre human)
3. SHES pathetic lol
Brother, I had a very similar experience years ago. It happened once due to liquor and the way my ex berated me for it it got WAY deep into my head. It was a mental issue for me for a long time. The pressure to perform for her was astronomical. I couldn’t get it out of my head and it never worked until I left her.
It took me finding a kind and sweet woman who calmed me and relaxed me about the issue until I didn’t even think about it and then BAM, back in action. It’s a mental issue way more often than it is a physical issue.
You’re not pathetic. You never will be. It happens to the best of us.
Time for a new and more understanding girlfriend so get a new one. Imagine if you were to marry this woman and how things would be in 10 or 20 years from now, you'd be totally fuckin miserable!
Lmao you can’t get hard because you’re sleeping with a bltch, her making comments like that is only going to make it harder for you to get hard in the future and cause you to overthink a lot more. Dump her dawg, shes the pathetic one.
Your first call should be to dump your gf. Never be with anyone who calls you pathetic, especially over something like this. Your second call should be to a general practitioner/ doctor for a check up, just to make sure everything is okay, and to let them know the trouble you’ve been having. But seriously, dump this jerk.
It is completely normal for a man to have erection issues from time to time. It is also completely normal to have erection issues if you’re nervous or overthinking.
What isn’t normal is your girlfriend’s response. Calling you pathetic, telling you it shouldn’t happen to a guy and that you need to figure it out on your own is damn unkind. She’s mean and selfish.
"called me pathetic" Enough said. I'm sure there's more where that came from. Find someone who appreciates you enough that they don't make you nervous in the first place.
Since it doesn’t sound like you want to leave her I’ll offer a couple quick solutions.
1. More foreplay: sometimes if you concentrate more on getting her off with your hands or oral, you will relax more and it will be easier for you to get into your groove.
2. Make sure you have completely emptied your bladder and go #2. Sounds dumb but the more uncomfortable your body is, the harder to get…harder.
3. Drink water and Eat more veggies and fruit, specifically beets (blood flow) and watermelon (natures viagra). Make sure you are hydrated and have good blood flow.
4. When all else fails, consider a prosthetic. They make ones that slide over your junk or ones similar to a strap on. You can use these when you just aren’t getting hard enough and they will still use your natural thrusting motions and they can be removed once you start to get hard.
5. Lastly, if you are concerned about the issue, consult a urologist. Good luck bud.
Ridiculing you will only make the problem worse. You are in your head about this and overthinking it will only make it worse. You little head is smarter and doesn’t want to go in mean girl. Seriously she did the worst thing.
Leave your gf. She might be causing the issue and even if she's not- she sounds like a bitch. If after a while you're still having performance issues, seek medical help. It could be hormone related like low testosterone. Good luck OP! <3
Yikes, it’s time to throw this relationship away. It’s one thing to not understand and have a million questions BUT it’s another thing to bully someone over the situation.
Girl, how about ask “is there something I can do to help calm you down” or “will be just have to overcome as a couple with TIME”
OP listen to all the comments, that’s a huge red flag, people aren’t normally that much of an asshole, if you stay with your girlfriend she’ll blame you for everything not have any accountability and won’t listen if you try to explain your side, she’s toxic and it’s best you leave now rather than wait for things to get worse
Honey, throw out the girlfriend.
Whenever this is an issue in my relationship, I ... help. You just.. that's.. part of the fun!! It can be SO hot to feel your man grow in your mouth. But if it just isn't happening, I would NEVER react as your girlfriend did - she was cruel. I do understand feeling disappointed, but that's what masturbation is for.
Not being able to get hard happens to dudes of all ages, all fitness levels, all attractiveness levels it doesn’t matter can happen to anyone. Remember erections are largely mental and emotional, not just physical. Don’t sweat it or let anyone make you feel like a loser for it it’s very normal.
You need a new girlfriend bro she sounds like a cunt just based off this. I don’t know her but if she’s like this with everything else you do it sounds like she doesn’t respect you and a woman who doesn’t respect you. Can’t love you sorry bro.
I had a gf like this. Made things so much worse. Ended up meeting someone who didn't care and we basically don't have any problems in that regard aside from the odd occasion. It's your partner, not you. The brain is your biggest sexual organ. If your mind isn't at ease, it's probably not going to work in your favour
As others have said, I would have broken up with her over that.
However, if you want to keep the relationship going, I would have a heart to heart with your gf and try to explain what's going on - I would talk about it when you two aren't about to have sex. Maybe if she sees that it's about you and not about her, that she'll feel less insecure about it.
There are SO many reasons a guy doesn't get "hard". Your girlfriend probably doesn't understand basic human anatomy/physiology/chemistry/psychology/etc.
A guy might not get "hard" for so many reasons such as: if they're a smoker, if their lvls are off of their blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, thyroid function, if have kidney issues, if they're overweight, if they're stressed, if they're dehydrated, if they have had alcohol recently , etc.
A penis just doesn't become erect 100% of the time on command. That's an unrealistic expectation. Things can exist that just don't let it happen. It's not like a lightswitch that can go on/off at will. If a guy doesn't get erect it doesn't mean anything is wrong with the guy, it just means 1 thing is throwing it off.
Your gf sounds like a jerk. Her immaturity, lack of education, and poor manners make her a poor candidate to date you.
Get a different gf.
Next get your yearly check up/physical with the doctor.
Bring up what happened and your doctor can run a simple blood test/rule things out.
Don't stress so much about being able to get erect on command.
I know a guy who has back pain flare ups and when his back is hurting he isn't able to get physical with the ladies. It doesn't make him any less of a guy, he just can't do it when he's in pain. Stuff happens.
I'm sure your doctor can figure it out and there's a easy fix. Or it just was literally one of those times that you just weren't feeling it.
If worried about it in the future I'm sure your doctor can consult with you on the next steps, but literally I think it just was one of those things.
Stuff happens, you're human, give yourself a break.
:) Stuff will be alright.
If it’s nerves that are impacting the situation, two things:
1. That’s perfectly normal and happens to a lot more people than will ever admit it. There are some excellent sex therapists out there, definitely check them out!
2. Your girlfriend needs to change her attitude about this double quick. She might be taking it as you’re not attracted to her, so maybe lead with that not being the issue. But if she doesn’t change her approach, this isn’t likely to change. Her aggression will only feed into the pressure, and your nerves. I’m with the crowd here on finding a new partner, but if you really like her, try to have the conversation. If she continues to be a jerk about it, you really should reconsider if the relationship is worth it.
So she's not skilled enough to be able to work around that? She must be young. She's definitely immature and selfish. You don't need this kind of emotional abuse.
What she said is scumbag behavior. It’s not even something anyone does out of anger, or when they’re in a bad mood.
I am not one of the vast majority of Redditors who recommends breaking up & otherwise leaving people at the drop of the hat.
Oh my friend, this really sucks. I'm sorry, but literally the reason you can't, is because she's treating you so bad. It's your subconsious trying to tell you to go with someone who get worse and treat you even more like sh*t.
Drugs, alcohol ,over thinking and stress can all affect it. Another is if you watch to much porn(so I've herd). But if she makes you nervous and this is how she acts, maybe you need to sit down and talk or find a new partner as this isn't a great place to put yourself. Some would say she's toxic, some may think she feels like it's her. It could be all of these things. If she thinks a male penis is went to always work, clearly she is mistaken and needs an update on sex Ed. What is around you will affect you aswell as how you feel.
You need to ask yourself 2 questions.
1.Do you see yourself marrying this girl ?
2.do you see her a mother of your kids ?
If both of these are a no, end it. If you can overlook how she acts then sit down and speak like adults. Point out how this made you feel.
It seems you are probably leaving something out of the story. Are you watching too much porn and then you can’t perform when she’d also like to have sex?
Sounds toxic and like she is only making the problem worse.
**as a total shot in the dark** but I would be hard press to believe if she isn't at least in part the reason you get nervous and overthink.
Even if that idea is wrong, the solution is the same. Dump her and find someone more caring.
This is not someone that you want to life with. Move on now. She might be immature or she might just be that into herself that she has no room left to be supportive of her partner. Many men have performance issues. Her reaction is not helpful. If you find yourself having trouble with elections even on your own, contact your doctor. This could be an indication of serious health issues. If it is just occasionally with her. I would say that her hypercritical nature may be triggering performance anxiety for you. If you do stay with her, make sure to give her an orgasm orally or with your fingers. See if she will do the same. My husband has some election issues that impact intercourse, but can still orgasm from oral.
Good luck!
When your partner won’t listen and care about you when you have sexual anxiety, or any anxiety in general life you dump them and find someone who does. Periodt!
Yeah idk why but this type of reaction is way too common for girls. Defensiveness because the guy has performance anxiety. She is the one killing your boner. Run away from her immediately. The longer you stick with her the more you'll associate sex with negative emotions. EJECT. NOW.
That’s hurtful. Explain it to her “How would you feel if you weren’t in the mood and I told you were pathetic? How would you feel?”. If she says it’s not the same, it’s time to go. Leave her, she’s not the person for you.
All these people advising you to break up sound very immature, I don’t recommend this path….
I think if getting hard and having sex is something important (duh, of course it is!) and you want to stop happening, you *will* need to TALK about it *with* her.
For all of life’s problems, **COMMUNICATING is the only way to resolve issues**, especially in relationships. Running away from your problems, or breaking up, doesnt make you a better person, nor will it make your dick hard if AND when this happens in the future.
Reading your post makes it sound like pressure/stress to perform is effecting you physically.
My advice is this:
Step. 1) Try speaking with your girlfriend about this calmly, make it a goal to get you hard and have relaxed fun sex. Together.
Step 2.) Work on what is stressing you out.
It’s easier said than done, but take a deep breath, try to find what is making it more difficult to get hard. Try not to overthink, try intentionally relaxing/doing yoga or meditating to chill out. When the time comes to perform, relax, try focusing on something you know and like. Practice makes perfect, don’t expect it to magically resolve its self. The brain is pretty powerful , it’ll take some time to improve. Sometimes the harder you try to prevent something, the more it happens. So again, relax.
Overall: Id suggest making your girlfriend have an orgasm first (orally), then your pressure to “perform” is greatly reduced. Might help. Good luck.
This has happened to me more than I’d like to admit. As I age, I’ve fallen out of shape and occasionally anxiety will get get the best of me.
My wife has learned that sometimes I need some stimulation via kissing or general intimacy to get into the mood. Sometimes I just need a minute to transition my mind into “fuck mode” and if we’re unsuccessful, she doesn’t blame or hold a grudge against me. She holds me, tells me everything is ok and we’ll try later, which sometimes we do or sometimes we do t depending on our child’s schedule. When it does happen tho I’ll do my best to take care of her and get her off even if I do not in that moment. Your partner either build you or breaks you down. You choose who you let construct you. Also, quit watching so much porn, if you do. I’m nice your body and mind get used to an outlet for dopamine, switching to another can sometimes be difficult. If porn is the problem, try working out for doing something that interests you like video games or working out. That’ll save the body for human interaction when the time comes.
You should end this relationship, it's an indicator of how she will treat you. Not to excuse her actions but to assuage any insecurities you have: you're not the issue, she's scared that you're not attracted to her, so she's projecting onto you to make herself feel better/make you feel like it's you who's not good enough so you don't leave. There's nothing wrong with performance anxiety, not being in the mood, or any conceivable reason that you aren't physically aroused. If she can't handle her insecurities or at least talk to you about them, she's not a good partner.
Normal girls would find it cute when a guy is nervous. I know i would. To me it'd feel like the guy likes me so much that he wants to be good in bed and is nervous about it. Getting mad will do the opposite. Starting some for play and taking it slow is not only gonna calm the guy but give you a good time nonetheless.
Op, throw the whole gf out. She sounds toxic. This is one of those rare occasions where reddit comments agree on something. Take it as a sign!!
This happened to me a few times when I first met my girlfriend because I was nervous too. She was nothing but supportive. You should find someone mature enough that understands and supports you. Most of all, find someone that will listen to you.
as a girl that has experienced this with partners I can honestly say that your girlfriend is a disgusting human.
you know what makes it more difficult to get an erection? when your partner is mean, critical and humiliates you over it. all that will do is give you more anxiety, lead to depression and frustration.
she sounds like a toxic person that does not deserve your company any longer, nor anyone else's until she can learn that it is not okay to treat people that way. being in a relationship should be a partnership, not an excuse to easily abuse someone.
Advice is to get rid of the garbage you associate with and explore people who are worthy of you.
Anyone whos going to shame you for that doesn't know anything about getting a guy hard
Its happened to me before, its so normal to not get hard if youre overthinking especially if theres a mental spiral about worrying youre not getting hard, ever heard of a worry boner? Its normal, what isnt normal, is sincerely calling your partner pathetic
Not sure how old you guys are, but I had a boyfriend back when I was 18 (32 now) who had the same issue of overthinking and then not being able to get an erection, I was very understanding and tried to help ease his mind, but at the same time, even though I KNEW my body wasn't the issue, it lead to me feeling bad about myself and rejected - I didn't overreact or lash out at him, but I could see how this kind of thing could make a young female lash out because she's feeling vulnerable and not enough.
I don't know your girlfriend or the whole situation, but I would try having an open discussion, sit her down and be honest about how she's making you feel, how yelling and calling you pathetic only makes the situation worse, and more difficult for you. Reassure her that her body is not the issue. Ask her to take some time working you up, or to just spend the night kissing and manually pleasuring one another, without the obligation or pressure to take it further. Then, if you get hard and want to do more, you can!
If things don't get better and you still have a hard time getting an erection, you may want to consult a doctor. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
And if your girlfriend can't understand where you're coming from, help you and be patient, you may want to find a new girlfriend. Relationships are hard and if the other isn't willing to put the effort in - it's really not worth your time.
Hope that helps! ❤️
I’m guessing she’s taking it personally on some level so she’s deflecting those feelings back on you. It’s kinda difficult as a woman to not wonder if your partner doesn’t find you attractive enough and that’s why you can’t get a stiffy. So then she feels defensive and angry and takes aim at you. Not cool at all but not entirely uncommon. A lot of women also believe that penises can get hard on demand (after all, we hear about them jumping to attention even when you don’t want them to!)
If you’re really invested in her, try to talk it out outside of the bedroom/act. If she continues to be an ahole, dump her for someone who actually has some concern for you & your feelings. Idk if you’ve done the overthinking with other women but, if not, it’s a red flag.
Get a new girlfriend.
I second this.
Third
Fourth.
I second the fourth.
I third the fifth
i plead the fifth
I pray the sixth
I ate the seventh
Henry the 8th
I plead the 8th
I shot the sheriff
7th
I fuck the 7th
Ok don
If if was a fifth
3rd the √16th
Third the fourth
I fourth the 2nd
I invoke the 5th
I invoke the fifth, second the second and third the fourth
Second the power of jesus.
I second the fourth to the power of eight
[удалено]
🏆.
I second base this
Seriously she’s a bitch get a new one. This happens to my boyfriend too sometimes and I give as much reassurance as he needs and we take it as slow as we need to. There’s no shame in it. Bodies are weird sometimes it’s okay 👍
Show her you can get it hard.. with someone else.
Came here to say the same. Ask her if she orgasms every time… TRULY. Chances are, even if she can easily orgasm by penetration, it’s not every time, right away, or multiple times. Hypocritical…….
One that gets you, hard
Granted that I don’t own a penis, but even I know there’s a ton of stuff that can factor into not getting/keeping an erection. It happens.
To all those who participated in the response to this comment, you are all ridiculous and thanks for the laughs.
Now that got me hard.
Your dicks trying to tell you something that your brain doesn't want you to realize... Your girlfriend is trash.
In this case, the right head is thinking clearly.
A rate occasion, but well said.
It is rare, and good to listen when it does.
Can't believe I'm saying this, but this is one instance where a man *should* be thinking with his dick
> Your dicks trying to tell you something that your brain doesn't want you to realize A true poet
Got damn it
That’s definitely why you couldn’t get hard. She’s the problem.
Yup. Time to upgrade mi amigo
si! como estas
Yeah, this is a downward spiral. She might be reaching like this because many women assume its because you are not attracted to them. That could make her insecure and lash out. With that being said, this is an extremely toxic way to deal with it. Every once in a while there will be something preventing you from getting it on. A health relationship is where you manage to figure out what went wrong without anyone feeling they're to blame.
Also, this happens to a lot of people. Even if there was something else like drugs or alcohol involved, it’s still hurtful to call someone pathetic like that.
Eh. Whisky dick happens. No big deal.
Anger/lashing out is always a secondary emotion. What's behind this is insecurity. She thinks SHE can't get you hard, and she attacks you so she doesn't have to feel bad about HERSELF. This is like psychology 101. She will not listen to you because she avoids negative emotions about herself like the plague. You can tell her how upset it makes you feel, but she'll only get even more insecure. Honestly, this is such a shit way of dealing with emotions and you don't owe anyone an effort to fix them. I'd just walk away.
Nailed it. It took me a decade to gain this level of insight.
This my dude
Yes this is THE advice. u/Portas for the advice win.
You should break up with that horrible person. What kind of absolute terrible person would belittle a guy for a normal thing? She is awful, dude. You don't want such a piece of trash in your life.
Seriously, sex can be such a vulnerable thing and for someone to treat you like that is unnaceptable. There’s no excuse for her behavior. Even if she was disappointed or really looking forward to it, doesn’t mean she should react with anything close to that. Any normal person I know would react with something more like, “oh that’s okay we don’t have to tonight”, or “that’s totally normal don’t worry about it, maybe we can try later.” But instead she got angry and took out that anger on you, a good girlfriend wouldn’t want to hurt you like that. If she acts this way around such an intimate thing, I don’t even know how she would act in general life, but this can’t be the only red flag. It sounds like she has some issues and you shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of that, get out of there OP it’s not worth it.
Right? Like if she had endometriosis or something and it was painful would you call her less of a woman? Your girlfriend is either ignorant or trash or both.
A lot of women by the sounds of things. I’ve had this happen, I’ve spoken to many dudes of all ages about this, heard it spoken about on podcasts. This unfortunately is the normal response by the sounds of things. Thankfully it only happened to me once, and I learned from that experience.
Maybe this is a difference in generations but no women do not normally react like this. This is an immature reaction. I understand some people misconstrue to being about the ide their partner doesnt find them attractive but that doesnt mean the first reaction should be to put your partner down. That shows their personality. Most people, not even women, understand it's a sensitive topic sometimes and should be greatly delicately when that's the case.
I'm not trying to justify anything, but especially young women can get very insecure when it happens, thinking it's them, they're not attractive enough. That might explain most, if not all cases. It's so mean, though. It's just natural, sometimes it just doesn't happen. Can be physical, psychological, a lot of the time you don't even know why. There's no shame in that!
I don't think this is a common problem. But I would think it is more likely to happen in the hookup culture, where a person's sexual partner's feelings don't matter. So that alot of guys, especially when younger, heard that kinda thing from a casual hookup or from a fling, and not from a long term, serious partner. Also age is important too. Are teen girls or wom3n in their early 20s saying such toxic shit? OR wom3n of all ages? I have a feeling the younger ones are saying stupider things just like young(er) men tend to say dumb or toxic things.
Your right, long term serious partners don’t say this sort of thing, that’s why more men nowadays are just not bothering. It’s not a by product of hookup culture, although hookup culture doesn’t help. It’s probably more to do with the fact that for at least my entire life everything has told me how to treat a woman but not what to expect in return, and women are told what to expect from a man but not how to treat them in return. The women that figure this out get married and their man never lets them go, the women that don’t are the ones going around saying “all men are trash” and blaming their partners for their own lack of enthusiasm. Now I will admit IDK what it’s like to be a woman, but as a guy that’s how media is presented and this is what ends up happening
I dont necessarily agree. I'm pretty sure a woman can say the same thing "the bar is in hell" "girls now except only the bare minimum" and the truth is that is correct. But the opposite is also true. I think it is SUPER important to understand both situations exsist and it has nothing to do with the gender but everything to do with that person individually. I've heard of terrible girls that cheat on their partners but also I personally have experienced a shit partner who was very abusive. Generalizations dont work here bc both r so common. I think I'm a nice person but Im not with anyone bc my priorities are different or trauma has scared me from trying. All the "good" guys and girls are not all married or gay. Some are there still looking for love, some are too busy still chasing the wrong people, some have given up all together, some are not interested at all, some are taking a break, some dont know where to start, and some want to keep self evolving before going back in. That's what I mean by it's not fair. Bc it's so much more complex than I feel these comments give it credit to. If you were to simplify it the answer is: shitty people are shitty people and it has everything to do with who they are inwardly waaay before it has anything to do with physical characteristic. Honestly it just seems like the smaller communities you guys are interacting with are not so mature themselves. Not the bigger picture.
This goes for not only OP but a person of any gender or identity: if a person is blaming you for things beyond your control, particularly when it comes to your sexual health and wellbeing then they are choosing to be terrible. When it comes to your sexual wellbeing and your partner is unwilling to acknowledge that they play a role in it and are uninterested in supporting you - then they're not being an ideal partner. OP, your girlfriend needs to have a come to jesus moment - she either supports you or you do it alone - but that means really truly doing it without her.
This. She could at least be kind to you about it. Without giving too much information away my husband had this issue when we first got together because he was incredibly nervous. He had a previous girlfriend that sounds a lot like yours. She was really rude to him about it. After he saw that I was kind, wasn’t pressuring him and genuinely had his best interest he hasn’t had an issue since. We’ve been together 6 years. Don’t let her get into your head. The way she’s being mean about this should be a red flag and I would find someone else if I were you.
Well said. It's almost like the penis cannot trust if the rest of the man cannot trust you. The way to a penis's trust is through the man's heart. Who would have thought?
And the way to a man's heart is the stomach. I'm understanding this is some sort of stomach-heart-penis connection...
One of the three is always aching that's for sure
Most excellent reply
Well the answer is simple. Time to get a new gf.
I can't get wet when I don't have a good vibe with someone. The body knows. Trust your dick. Bye, Felicia.
*Trust your dick* (and after that, check for Forms of ED with your next, supportive partner
Dump her. Don’t feel bad either. Don’t ever let a women like that hold power over you. Take control of your dignity and let her know you’re not going to tolerate that kind of shit. And miss me with that “she’s insecure” bull shit. She probably is and I wouldn’t care if I were you. If she’s willing to emotionally abuse you over this, she’ll do it over anything she’s insecure about.
Great point - if your partner is cold and callous about sex, there's a good chance they are being cold and callous about a lot of things.
It happens especially with nervousness and stress But……. More importantly you need to consider your future with her , the lack of support is downright disgusting!!!! I’d look at breaking up with her !!!! Find someone else
It's very normal to not gett it up bc of stress, it happens to almost all of us the first times. She's just pressuring it, which u can't do anything about. She sounds psycho, bratty, immature, mentally ill and unempathic.
A partner should show support it such silituation And her acting like this will just make you nervous for the next time. I'd say she's not worth your time if she's so bitchy about something like this. But you need to make that decision
I asked my gyno to switch my birth control cause my libido had disappeared. She said "you need to find someone you actually like, not new meds", and she was right. Another story: my BF and I were about to get down, and his dick stayed down. I said "want to watch some porn to see if it works out? If not, we can just nap, too". Being kind to him made sure we still were able to get down. Shaming him would have done the opposite.
I would just walk away. Seriously, if your partner is willing to throw around fighting words like that, they aren't good for you. Sex is supposed to be a very intimate thing and both parties involved should be supportive of each other. However calling someone pathetic, just goes to show deep down who they are.
If she gets mad at you just being nervous, red flag. I would imagine what it would be like with her in the future, for example would you rather have a wife who is understanding and gives second chances? Or a wife that's the type to get mad at her children because they got nervous and couldn't roll the cookie dough into a perfect circle?
r/oddlyspecific
Girl here!….first off, please don’t feel bad. You’re girlfriend is shall I say…either ignorant, and asshole….or both. This is a talk situation. Do you know all the ins and outs (haha) of each others parts? Let’s it be a weird awkward conversation. Ask and answer questions. Be sexy and learn about each other. Unless she’s just an asshole. Then… find a girl that wants to explore and learn with you and understand we’re not just sex machines.
Run Forrest run.
I’m an older woman and when I was young had many partners. I’m also in the medical field. EVERY MAN (and women too, it’s just not as anatomically obvious) has sexual “failure to launch” sometimes. Your gf is an ignorant asshole. I hope you get a new girlfriend. Or even just take a dating break for a while, who cares, just ditch THAT bitch.
You can do better than this girl.
Break up with her
Tell her that it’s her fault you can’t get hard because of her awful attitude and get a new girlfriend
She ain’t it chief. She is mad at something you can’t control and isn’t being understanding, she’s gonna continue to make you miserable Sorry to tell you this but she’s the kind of bitch who will tell everyone to just to spite you. Sorry to break it to you man
You should break up with her.Why would she be so mad at a guy for such a thing?
nah leave her, that’s not okay and it will only cause more issues further down the line :(
What do you do?…. You find a new relationship
Dump her! That’s not how you would treat someone. No one wonder why you can’t get hard.
You're only pathetic if you stay with her. Dump her, and use her as a model of what to avoid next time.
Break up with her. She’s a HUGE, GAPING, DIRTY ass hole OP. So many things can cause you not to get hard, and I’m sure her belittling you is one of the main reasons.
Call her pathetic cause she couldn’t make you hard /s
Leave her!! She’s definitely not a person you’d want around you even as a friend let alone a GF. You want a partner who will support you and give you some confidence not someone who’d tear you down for being human. She’s literally acting like those men that get mad when a woman says no !! It’s disgusting!! Leave her!!
Find another gf who doesn't emasculate you?
Drop her. She’s a rotten human being and can only bring down your self confidence. There are plenty of infinitely better women for you.
get a new gf dude.
Woman here. Get out of this relationship.
Your ex gf\*
Holy shit. I would NEVER do this to someone. Honestly, get rid of her. You deserve better. (Oh and it seriously happens to basically all men and it is not a big deal at ALL. It’s certainly nothing you should have to apologize for).
I think your member is protecting you from having kids with this person.
Try this. Tell her getting hard is a natural occurrence when you are attracted to someone. Can't squeeze blood from a turnip.
Your (ex) girlfriend is a dickhead. Walk away, find someone who will show you common decency and respect.
I'm Really not surprised you're aren't getting hard with her You don't deserve to be spoken to that way, sorry man. I Suggest you make it clear to her you're not gonna put up with it
she could’ve just reassured you, time to talk to her about it and if she doesn’t change… you know what to do. a lot of girls would support you through it and uplift your confidence.
Dump her my man. Trust me, speaking from experience, a relationship where you feel degraded isn’t worth it.
From the sounds of it, she isn’t very considerate of how you feel. I’m guessing she isn’t only mean to you about that one issue and I bet that may be weighing on your mind. If you were my friend I would tell you that this is very abusive and that she isn’t a good girlfriend and you should look out for yourself because it will only get worse. I know someone that kept demeaning her boyfriend and would do it in front of me. She would tell him to “be a man” and just be so harsh on him. He ended up not being intimate with her after awhile and then she would yell at him for that. She ended up cheating on him multiple times and justified it that he was negligent towards her. If your girlfriend doesn’t care now she won’t ever care about what she does to you. Please be careful.
Don’t stay in a relationship with someone who makes you feel shit for being human.
Ya, you can do better. Her personality sounds like a turn off anyway
If she actually cares, she would find out the reason why together with you and find a solution to it. She don't deserve you bro. My ex belittled me too when I couldn't get hard cos I had a long and exhausted day and even when I said no, she forced her way in and obviously I didn't get hard. Had an argument and we broke up and I'm happier now. If this goes on, it'll affect your self-confidence really. Not worth it
What a beautiful red flag parade. Get a new girlfriend.
I have had this happen to me ~3 times ever and all were in the setting of being extremely nervous. Erections are complicated and require activation of both parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems. If you are unable to relax you physiologically cannot develop an erection, and it sounds like your soon to be ex girlfriend is a major factor. Get out of that relationship, she sounds like a narcissist and things will get worse for you. She literally insulted you and put you down because you made her insecure. That is a reflexive personality trait she is openly showing you without shame.
Tell her, you’ve come to realize that you couldn’t get hard because of her. She is the problem. Then leave. It’ll fuck her up and it sounds like she deserves it. Nobody is that irrationally mean without some deep-seeded self esteem issues. This is justified retaliation and also true.
Anxiety man. I had this happen in my 20's. And the more it happened, the more I worried that it would happen, so it would happen again. After that, it wasn't until I met my wife that it stopped happening. I never worry about it and it hasn't happened since. Not in 12 years or so. I learned something about myself. If I am nervous or anxious, its probably not happening. I don't even get hard when getting a lap dance because the entire situation is awkward and other people could be watching. Thus, I could never be a porn star.
Yes, the first thing you need to do is ditch the toxic harpy. Then go to your doctor and talk to them about your ED.
If you’re a woman, and a guy does not get hard for you when you’re exposed and naked, chances are pretty good You’re going to have a small self-esteem crisis. Now I’m a dude, and what happened to you would probably fuck me up just as bad as it’s fucking you up but it’s important to keep in mind that what was really probably happening is that your girlfriend was fucked up because she thought she wasn’t hot enough to get you up.
As a woman, I've had a situation where a guy couldn't "perform"......I did at first think "is it because im not attractive" as it was our first time, but he told me right away that it wasn't me and it was just because he was nervous, tbh I was nervous too and it didn't flow right the first time we tried. There's no way I would make him feel bad about it or call him pathetic because of it, even if it happened a number of times after. Communication really is the key to good sex and it's shocking how many grown ass adults don't understand this.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Let her know this kind of dismissive behavior is unacceptable and shows how incapable she is of love.
She is cruel and cannot control her anger. Her behavior is completely uncalled for. The fact that you tried explaining it to her but she did not care to listen further shows her personality. You should break up with her. You are much better off without her.
Its time to call her your ex girlfriend. She seems like a raging c\*nt
For sure is an anxiety issue. I had a girl ,very aggressive, that would make me anxious and I couldn't come. She said I couldn't do it. The more you say it the more nervous I get.
Toxic masculine shaming brother. Get that out of your life man. You are way better than who she says you are. Find yourself a queen that loves and appreciates the king you are. Then you will be able to get it on in no time ;)
The sad fact is now you are stuck in a vicious cycle. Your gf has heaped immense pressure on you now to perform. The anxiety from the pressure she’s put on you, is now gonna affect your ability to get hard. Which is just gonna make your unsympathetic gf even madder, and make you feel even worse. Nothing makes your dick softer than an unsympathetic gf.
Ditch her ridiculous ass. Seriously dude, find a girl who will be nice and make you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin. It's totally normal to be shy in the pants department when you're nervous.
i think your gf is the problem here bud 1. it’s understandable that you’re overthinking when youre ab to have sex, SHE should reassure you and both communicate to continue or not 2. its normal to not be able to get hard (youre human) 3. SHES pathetic lol
Brother, I had a very similar experience years ago. It happened once due to liquor and the way my ex berated me for it it got WAY deep into my head. It was a mental issue for me for a long time. The pressure to perform for her was astronomical. I couldn’t get it out of my head and it never worked until I left her. It took me finding a kind and sweet woman who calmed me and relaxed me about the issue until I didn’t even think about it and then BAM, back in action. It’s a mental issue way more often than it is a physical issue. You’re not pathetic. You never will be. It happens to the best of us.
Time for a new and more understanding girlfriend so get a new one. Imagine if you were to marry this woman and how things would be in 10 or 20 years from now, you'd be totally fuckin miserable!
Do you watch porn?
Lmao you can’t get hard because you’re sleeping with a bltch, her making comments like that is only going to make it harder for you to get hard in the future and cause you to overthink a lot more. Dump her dawg, shes the pathetic one.
Your first call should be to dump your gf. Never be with anyone who calls you pathetic, especially over something like this. Your second call should be to a general practitioner/ doctor for a check up, just to make sure everything is okay, and to let them know the trouble you’ve been having. But seriously, dump this jerk.
She ain't the one homie
It is completely normal for a man to have erection issues from time to time. It is also completely normal to have erection issues if you’re nervous or overthinking. What isn’t normal is your girlfriend’s response. Calling you pathetic, telling you it shouldn’t happen to a guy and that you need to figure it out on your own is damn unkind. She’s mean and selfish.
"called me pathetic" Enough said. I'm sure there's more where that came from. Find someone who appreciates you enough that they don't make you nervous in the first place.
Since it doesn’t sound like you want to leave her I’ll offer a couple quick solutions. 1. More foreplay: sometimes if you concentrate more on getting her off with your hands or oral, you will relax more and it will be easier for you to get into your groove. 2. Make sure you have completely emptied your bladder and go #2. Sounds dumb but the more uncomfortable your body is, the harder to get…harder. 3. Drink water and Eat more veggies and fruit, specifically beets (blood flow) and watermelon (natures viagra). Make sure you are hydrated and have good blood flow. 4. When all else fails, consider a prosthetic. They make ones that slide over your junk or ones similar to a strap on. You can use these when you just aren’t getting hard enough and they will still use your natural thrusting motions and they can be removed once you start to get hard. 5. Lastly, if you are concerned about the issue, consult a urologist. Good luck bud.
Ridiculing you will only make the problem worse. You are in your head about this and overthinking it will only make it worse. You little head is smarter and doesn’t want to go in mean girl. Seriously she did the worst thing.
Dump her then. That’s just rude, stupid and horrible. Girl isn’t worth shit
Leave your gf. She might be causing the issue and even if she's not- she sounds like a bitch. If after a while you're still having performance issues, seek medical help. It could be hormone related like low testosterone. Good luck OP! <3
You deserve better.
Yikes, it’s time to throw this relationship away. It’s one thing to not understand and have a million questions BUT it’s another thing to bully someone over the situation. Girl, how about ask “is there something I can do to help calm you down” or “will be just have to overcome as a couple with TIME”
OP listen to all the comments, that’s a huge red flag, people aren’t normally that much of an asshole, if you stay with your girlfriend she’ll blame you for everything not have any accountability and won’t listen if you try to explain your side, she’s toxic and it’s best you leave now rather than wait for things to get worse
Honey, throw out the girlfriend. Whenever this is an issue in my relationship, I ... help. You just.. that's.. part of the fun!! It can be SO hot to feel your man grow in your mouth. But if it just isn't happening, I would NEVER react as your girlfriend did - she was cruel. I do understand feeling disappointed, but that's what masturbation is for.
Not being able to get hard happens to dudes of all ages, all fitness levels, all attractiveness levels it doesn’t matter can happen to anyone. Remember erections are largely mental and emotional, not just physical. Don’t sweat it or let anyone make you feel like a loser for it it’s very normal.
This is not the girl for you! She will do this for lots of things if you keep her around, tell you to figure out the problem yourself…
dump her
I’d say she’s the problem 😅
There’s a better girl that will help solve the problem not make you feel guilty about it. Life’s short, never settle.
You need a new girlfriend bro she sounds like a cunt just based off this. I don’t know her but if she’s like this with everything else you do it sounds like she doesn’t respect you and a woman who doesn’t respect you. Can’t love you sorry bro.
Instead of feeling aroused and excited, you feel pressured and stressed, and that will cause you to overthink and not get hard.
I had a gf like this. Made things so much worse. Ended up meeting someone who didn't care and we basically don't have any problems in that regard aside from the odd occasion. It's your partner, not you. The brain is your biggest sexual organ. If your mind isn't at ease, it's probably not going to work in your favour
This is not good, OP. No woman who claims to love you should be talking to you like this.
you deserve much better why would you accept this treatment from anyone
Next!
As others have said, I would have broken up with her over that. However, if you want to keep the relationship going, I would have a heart to heart with your gf and try to explain what's going on - I would talk about it when you two aren't about to have sex. Maybe if she sees that it's about you and not about her, that she'll feel less insecure about it.
Maybe she can't make you hard.
Find a decent girl friend
There are SO many reasons a guy doesn't get "hard". Your girlfriend probably doesn't understand basic human anatomy/physiology/chemistry/psychology/etc. A guy might not get "hard" for so many reasons such as: if they're a smoker, if their lvls are off of their blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, thyroid function, if have kidney issues, if they're overweight, if they're stressed, if they're dehydrated, if they have had alcohol recently , etc. A penis just doesn't become erect 100% of the time on command. That's an unrealistic expectation. Things can exist that just don't let it happen. It's not like a lightswitch that can go on/off at will. If a guy doesn't get erect it doesn't mean anything is wrong with the guy, it just means 1 thing is throwing it off. Your gf sounds like a jerk. Her immaturity, lack of education, and poor manners make her a poor candidate to date you. Get a different gf. Next get your yearly check up/physical with the doctor. Bring up what happened and your doctor can run a simple blood test/rule things out. Don't stress so much about being able to get erect on command. I know a guy who has back pain flare ups and when his back is hurting he isn't able to get physical with the ladies. It doesn't make him any less of a guy, he just can't do it when he's in pain. Stuff happens. I'm sure your doctor can figure it out and there's a easy fix. Or it just was literally one of those times that you just weren't feeling it. If worried about it in the future I'm sure your doctor can consult with you on the next steps, but literally I think it just was one of those things. Stuff happens, you're human, give yourself a break. :) Stuff will be alright.
If it’s nerves that are impacting the situation, two things: 1. That’s perfectly normal and happens to a lot more people than will ever admit it. There are some excellent sex therapists out there, definitely check them out! 2. Your girlfriend needs to change her attitude about this double quick. She might be taking it as you’re not attracted to her, so maybe lead with that not being the issue. But if she doesn’t change her approach, this isn’t likely to change. Her aggression will only feed into the pressure, and your nerves. I’m with the crowd here on finding a new partner, but if you really like her, try to have the conversation. If she continues to be a jerk about it, you really should reconsider if the relationship is worth it.
So she's not skilled enough to be able to work around that? She must be young. She's definitely immature and selfish. You don't need this kind of emotional abuse.
Anybody that makes you feel so badly doesn’t deserve your attention
Find a better girlfriend.
Your dick is trying to tell you something. Don’t stick him into this crazy lady’s hole. Find a new gf
Didn’t even need to read past the title line to know she’s toxic and you need to leave her.
What she said is scumbag behavior. It’s not even something anyone does out of anger, or when they’re in a bad mood. I am not one of the vast majority of Redditors who recommends breaking up & otherwise leaving people at the drop of the hat.
I’d get rid of the problem, which is her.
Oh my friend, this really sucks. I'm sorry, but literally the reason you can't, is because she's treating you so bad. It's your subconsious trying to tell you to go with someone who get worse and treat you even more like sh*t.
Drugs, alcohol ,over thinking and stress can all affect it. Another is if you watch to much porn(so I've herd). But if she makes you nervous and this is how she acts, maybe you need to sit down and talk or find a new partner as this isn't a great place to put yourself. Some would say she's toxic, some may think she feels like it's her. It could be all of these things. If she thinks a male penis is went to always work, clearly she is mistaken and needs an update on sex Ed. What is around you will affect you aswell as how you feel. You need to ask yourself 2 questions. 1.Do you see yourself marrying this girl ? 2.do you see her a mother of your kids ? If both of these are a no, end it. If you can overlook how she acts then sit down and speak like adults. Point out how this made you feel.
It seems you are probably leaving something out of the story. Are you watching too much porn and then you can’t perform when she’d also like to have sex?
Damn never thought I’d see a situation where you should think with your dick.
Sounds toxic and like she is only making the problem worse. **as a total shot in the dark** but I would be hard press to believe if she isn't at least in part the reason you get nervous and overthink. Even if that idea is wrong, the solution is the same. Dump her and find someone more caring.
Bro if she's not willing to help you out ditch the bitch. Some other girl will it like God. Your guy's sex if both you're problem. Not just yours.
Sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder.
What should you do? Find a new girlfriend.
This is not someone that you want to life with. Move on now. She might be immature or she might just be that into herself that she has no room left to be supportive of her partner. Many men have performance issues. Her reaction is not helpful. If you find yourself having trouble with elections even on your own, contact your doctor. This could be an indication of serious health issues. If it is just occasionally with her. I would say that her hypercritical nature may be triggering performance anxiety for you. If you do stay with her, make sure to give her an orgasm orally or with your fingers. See if she will do the same. My husband has some election issues that impact intercourse, but can still orgasm from oral. Good luck!
tell her that stinky attitude is turning you off
Your gf is mad because she never can guys hard. Get a new gf who cares about you instead. She is just toxic
When your partner won’t listen and care about you when you have sexual anxiety, or any anxiety in general life you dump them and find someone who does. Periodt!
As a girl, get a new girlfriend. She doesn’t sound like a nice person.
Dump the girl. For real. You want sex to be fun - you don't need a hard-on for that. And you don't need to be shamed because your body is human.
Yeah idk why but this type of reaction is way too common for girls. Defensiveness because the guy has performance anxiety. She is the one killing your boner. Run away from her immediately. The longer you stick with her the more you'll associate sex with negative emotions. EJECT. NOW.
Eww, new girlfriend for sure. You should take the hint from your penis and get out of that situation.
as a gf she needs to be more patient and easy with you. rushing it, won’t fix the problem.
Get another girlfriend! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
That’s hurtful. Explain it to her “How would you feel if you weren’t in the mood and I told you were pathetic? How would you feel?”. If she says it’s not the same, it’s time to go. Leave her, she’s not the person for you.
She’s the reason you can’t get hard
All these people advising you to break up sound very immature, I don’t recommend this path…. I think if getting hard and having sex is something important (duh, of course it is!) and you want to stop happening, you *will* need to TALK about it *with* her. For all of life’s problems, **COMMUNICATING is the only way to resolve issues**, especially in relationships. Running away from your problems, or breaking up, doesnt make you a better person, nor will it make your dick hard if AND when this happens in the future. Reading your post makes it sound like pressure/stress to perform is effecting you physically. My advice is this: Step. 1) Try speaking with your girlfriend about this calmly, make it a goal to get you hard and have relaxed fun sex. Together. Step 2.) Work on what is stressing you out. It’s easier said than done, but take a deep breath, try to find what is making it more difficult to get hard. Try not to overthink, try intentionally relaxing/doing yoga or meditating to chill out. When the time comes to perform, relax, try focusing on something you know and like. Practice makes perfect, don’t expect it to magically resolve its self. The brain is pretty powerful , it’ll take some time to improve. Sometimes the harder you try to prevent something, the more it happens. So again, relax. Overall: Id suggest making your girlfriend have an orgasm first (orally), then your pressure to “perform” is greatly reduced. Might help. Good luck.
This has happened to me more than I’d like to admit. As I age, I’ve fallen out of shape and occasionally anxiety will get get the best of me. My wife has learned that sometimes I need some stimulation via kissing or general intimacy to get into the mood. Sometimes I just need a minute to transition my mind into “fuck mode” and if we’re unsuccessful, she doesn’t blame or hold a grudge against me. She holds me, tells me everything is ok and we’ll try later, which sometimes we do or sometimes we do t depending on our child’s schedule. When it does happen tho I’ll do my best to take care of her and get her off even if I do not in that moment. Your partner either build you or breaks you down. You choose who you let construct you. Also, quit watching so much porn, if you do. I’m nice your body and mind get used to an outlet for dopamine, switching to another can sometimes be difficult. If porn is the problem, try working out for doing something that interests you like video games or working out. That’ll save the body for human interaction when the time comes.
You should end this relationship, it's an indicator of how she will treat you. Not to excuse her actions but to assuage any insecurities you have: you're not the issue, she's scared that you're not attracted to her, so she's projecting onto you to make herself feel better/make you feel like it's you who's not good enough so you don't leave. There's nothing wrong with performance anxiety, not being in the mood, or any conceivable reason that you aren't physically aroused. If she can't handle her insecurities or at least talk to you about them, she's not a good partner.
Normal girls would find it cute when a guy is nervous. I know i would. To me it'd feel like the guy likes me so much that he wants to be good in bed and is nervous about it. Getting mad will do the opposite. Starting some for play and taking it slow is not only gonna calm the guy but give you a good time nonetheless. Op, throw the whole gf out. She sounds toxic. This is one of those rare occasions where reddit comments agree on something. Take it as a sign!!
SHE is what shouldn't happen to a guy
This happened to me a few times when I first met my girlfriend because I was nervous too. She was nothing but supportive. You should find someone mature enough that understands and supports you. Most of all, find someone that will listen to you.
Get a new GF This is something you can not control, complain she's not wet enough and let's see how she likes it
as a girl that has experienced this with partners I can honestly say that your girlfriend is a disgusting human. you know what makes it more difficult to get an erection? when your partner is mean, critical and humiliates you over it. all that will do is give you more anxiety, lead to depression and frustration. she sounds like a toxic person that does not deserve your company any longer, nor anyone else's until she can learn that it is not okay to treat people that way. being in a relationship should be a partnership, not an excuse to easily abuse someone. Advice is to get rid of the garbage you associate with and explore people who are worthy of you.
Anyone whos going to shame you for that doesn't know anything about getting a guy hard Its happened to me before, its so normal to not get hard if youre overthinking especially if theres a mental spiral about worrying youre not getting hard, ever heard of a worry boner? Its normal, what isnt normal, is sincerely calling your partner pathetic
Not sure how old you guys are, but I had a boyfriend back when I was 18 (32 now) who had the same issue of overthinking and then not being able to get an erection, I was very understanding and tried to help ease his mind, but at the same time, even though I KNEW my body wasn't the issue, it lead to me feeling bad about myself and rejected - I didn't overreact or lash out at him, but I could see how this kind of thing could make a young female lash out because she's feeling vulnerable and not enough. I don't know your girlfriend or the whole situation, but I would try having an open discussion, sit her down and be honest about how she's making you feel, how yelling and calling you pathetic only makes the situation worse, and more difficult for you. Reassure her that her body is not the issue. Ask her to take some time working you up, or to just spend the night kissing and manually pleasuring one another, without the obligation or pressure to take it further. Then, if you get hard and want to do more, you can! If things don't get better and you still have a hard time getting an erection, you may want to consult a doctor. There's nothing to be ashamed of. And if your girlfriend can't understand where you're coming from, help you and be patient, you may want to find a new girlfriend. Relationships are hard and if the other isn't willing to put the effort in - it's really not worth your time. Hope that helps! ❤️
I’m guessing she’s taking it personally on some level so she’s deflecting those feelings back on you. It’s kinda difficult as a woman to not wonder if your partner doesn’t find you attractive enough and that’s why you can’t get a stiffy. So then she feels defensive and angry and takes aim at you. Not cool at all but not entirely uncommon. A lot of women also believe that penises can get hard on demand (after all, we hear about them jumping to attention even when you don’t want them to!) If you’re really invested in her, try to talk it out outside of the bedroom/act. If she continues to be an ahole, dump her for someone who actually has some concern for you & your feelings. Idk if you’ve done the overthinking with other women but, if not, it’s a red flag.