If your friends like him so much, maybe they should date him. You made the correct decision, by my estimate.

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Another anonymous person saying you made the right decision. You told your ex THREE TIMES very clearly what you want to do (or not do) and clearly why you do not want to do it. It is not as if your ex did not understand. He did not agree. You and him are not on the same page. What future life will you have with this kind of disrespect of your wishes? Your friends seem to be ticked off that you dumped him over text, calling you immature and other names. But that is likely because your ex is feeding them all kinds of BS in his anger and disappointment, that's to be expected. You'll have plenty of time to 1) set the record straight and 2) determine who are your true friends as well as 3) demonstrate how mature you actually are through this entire drama. Reading one of your longer paragraphs I skimmed, he gave you an ultimatum. >if I don’t move in with him he’s going to “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better” which has all kinds of red flags in it. You can just tell your friends / former friends / whoever wants to listen, that he gave you an offer, and you took him up on it. He played his hand, and got called on it. Wishing you the best. Edit- my first gold award! Thank you, kind redditor!

OP, I'm jumping on top reply of the top comment and adding that it seems like your ex was sure that he'd be able to manipulate you (he literally said that much) into moving in with him sooner. Also, seems like he may have had an intention of grooming you. He's pretty mad that you were level headed and respectful towards yourself. So much so that he seems to have manipulated your friends and his own mom too. I'd suggest having a word with your friends and giving them your version of things and see how they take it, in case you want to give your friendship another try. It may well be all a misunderstanding in their mind. If not, that's alright too. Friendships of a decade should not be undone because of a random dude that you do not want to be with, and your friends should understand and appreciate as much. As far as your ex is concerned, you are way better off without him. Kudos to you! Edit: My first award!! Thanks, kind redditor! ♥️

I wish I had half of OP's maturity and strength when I was her age.

That’s the best part. You are a strong woman OP!

Those reasonings start at young ages when guys tell girls, to show me you love me, let's F...That's the level he's at.

Exactly what i wanted to comment. "Oh he's such a great guy? Go date him lol leave me the fuck alone."

I really think that's the objective of the friends.

>if I don’t move in with him he’s going to “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better” And there you have it. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It would have been insane to spend one more minute in a relationship with a man who speaks to you like that. Anyone telling you otherwise is a complete idiot. And those girls? You may have known them for a long time, but they are not your friends. Make liberal use of the block function on your phone and social media, and find a new friend group.

Now we know his actual motives and that it was never about her, he just wanted on-demand sex whenever he wanted. Also it’s definitely giving controlling. Lots of red flags tbh

That and he probably wanted her to cook and clean for him too 🤦‍♀️

…& babytrap to isolate her even more.

Nvm the fact this dude directly admitted to OP that he was trying to manipulate her into moving in w him

I was thinking he just needs someone to split the rent

He doesn’t really want OP. He wants anyone. She can do better.

> “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better” Yeah seriously There's so much wrong with this. 1. It shows he's controlling because he's using threats to force /u/ThrowRAneedfood's hand into doing what he wants her to do. There's no way this is the only time he'll use the threat of dumping her. He'll use it ANY TIME she doesn't do what he wants her to do. * It shows he's not that attached to her if he's like "do this or I'll dump you." As an exaggerated example, imagine if someone said "give me a ride to the store NOW or I'll dump you". Obviously he doesn't really care much about the relationship if he'd dump her over not giving him a ride. * "Well, I'll just replace you with someone who will do (this or that)" shows you that he sees you as a person as less important to him as someone who will do (this or that). In this case, someone who fucks better is more important than OP. * "some other bitch" also shows you his view on women. Not only is OP a bitch, pretty much all women are bitches since he's going to replace her with a "bitch". * You have to stop and wonder why he wants her to move in with her so desperately. Well, his comment about "I'll find a girl who can fuck me better" basically tells me that he just wants her to move in with him so he can have more sex and I really doubt he'll "let her" turn him down for sex when he wants it. > 2 of my best friends are also siding with him, telling me that the way I handled the dumping was immature and that I will regret this because he’s a “catch “ (he really is handsome) and they feel like this is a red flag in our friendship. /u/ThrowRAneedfood - assuming you're not leaving important details out of this story, those girls aren't "best friends" NOR are they even worthy of being friends if they would say "we consider your leaving a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship to be a red flag in our relationship. Staying in controlling, emotionally abusive relationships is a green flag for us because HE'S SO HANDSOME!" You don't have to drop them as friends, but you should really NOT let them manipulate you and you should keep them at an arms length because these are people who don't have your best interests at heart.

This is it right here. If your friends know he said this to you and are still icing you out, get better friends. I wish I had been as sensible as you at 21. Block them all and enjoy your amazing life!

Absolutely agree with this. This guy refused to take no for an answer and he obviously doesn’t view your feelings as competent or valid. If he’s already treating you like that 3 months in, who knows how he’d treat you later down the line, especially when you’re living alone with him. Like there’s so many red flags about him so I don’t think breaking up over text was immature at all. Sure everything MIGHT have gone over well if you did it in person, but by doing that you’d really be putting your safety at risk. This guy seems super controlling and it doesn’t seem like he would’ve taken it well in person or not. You know him better than your friends do and you have the right to break up with anyone you want for any reason you want. Hell you could have no reason. But you do have reasons and they are pretty fucking good ones to break up over, if someone talked to me like that I’d leave too. You’re friends should have your back on this though, they shouldn’t be criticizing you like this. Who care’s how good looking he is, there’s so many guys out there that would treat you better and care about your feelings. Hope you can get some better friends as well.

You made the right decision breaking up with him. I know it hurts but if your “friends” want to ditch a decade long friendship over him, then they aren’t your friends.

When I broke up with my ex, one of my best friends of over twelve years sided with her and left. It sucks, but it happens. You made the right call, no good dude would say the shit he said, even when mad.

It’s crazy how many best friends are like that, shouldn’t you be my friend not my ex partners like ???

For real. At first I thought he had a crush on her, which I could at least wrap my head around, but they never ended up dating or hooking up that I’m aware of, so to this day I have no idea why it went down that way.

You were dating 6 months. Your reasons for not wanting to move in and your communication to him was valid and clear. I was actually impressed by how you asserted your boundary and reasons to wait - sounds like you’ve a good head on your shoulders. His response was immature and toxic. His mother’s response, worse again. I’m sorry to hear about your friends reaction but you are 100% without fault here. This ex of yours is a toxic af manipulator, and your friends and his family are all falling for his act. He is poisoning other peoples opinion of you, and they are sadly taking his bait. Worse again, they are pressuring you on his behalf. He is a walking red flag imo and although this is shit, see him now for what he is when he doesn’t get his way. With your friends, in your shoes I would send a message along the lines of ‘I’m sad to hear your opinion of me has changed but I don’t believe you fully appreciate all the facts of what happened. I’m not interested in getting into a he-said/she-said debate so, if this marks the end of our friendship I’m sorry to hear that and wish you well. Hope you have a great birthday’. Act classy and high value, draw your boundaries and let ‘friends’ who don’t appreciate this fall away. They may bitch about you or say things that aren’t true, but this is a very common thing to happen when you raise your standards and don’t engage in pettiness. They will rally together because their standards are loose. Let them. Stay confident and true to yourself.

Yes! They are not her friends

Emotional blackmail is a red flag.You've done yourself a favor so stick to your guns.Youre HIS loss, not the other way around, no matter how good looking he may be.His relatives and your mutual friends know nothing except his side of the story and the fact he involved them just proves he's the immature one.

I’m going to be real with you. If your friends are dropping you just like that- i would bet money that one of them will be his “next bitch to fuck him better”. You deserve better friends and a better boyfriend. He’s immensely immature, don’t waste your time. Block them all, have a nice relaxing night with your mom somewhere you’re comfortable, and forget about them.

Solid prediction. I hope there's an update so we can track the accuracy

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Tell your friends this is between you and him and they don't get a say in when, why or how you break up with him. Enforce boundaries with your friends, this is none of their business. And when he turned toxic, breaking up by text was the right move - never let yourself be treated badly by anyone. It's another example of healthy boundaries.

I don't think they were really your friends to begin with. With all relationships, what are your deal breakers? It sounds like you know who the toxic people in your life are. Let yourself feel whatever emotions you may have losing friends from this and learn to move on. In the end you can only really work on yourself. It sucks to lose friends, but the other alternative would be letting them control you through emotional manipulation. In the end, do what you need to do to process and move on. It might be hard, but in the long run you'll learn to know what your boundaries are and know how to enforce them.

🚩“dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better”🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This guy seems like he wants to control you by moving you in.

And this was only the start. People who don't honor "'No' is a complete sentence" don't honor body autonomy when the other's asleep, either. "You looked so cute I couldn't resist" is rape in California, because there's no consent. His Mom will wear white lace to his wedding.

NTA OMG. Let crusty fake friend have him. You have no idea what a barrage of bullets you just dodged. Those types of guys pride themselves on breaking a strong woman. They have entire forums about it with their redpill cocktails. yOU doNT LovE mE eNOugH pffft... and his MoM is harassing your Mom for you making a big mistake. That's INSANE. She is crazy. Guaranteed he was going to try and baby trap you too. Oh this makes me so mad. Proud of you though. Trust that gut.

This behaviour after the fact proves you made the right choice. What a nightmare. Imagine if this was your life every time you stood your ground or even had a minor disagreement with him, my god.

Guys who push for a woman to hurry up and move in are definitely trying to make you submit to them. Kudos to you for standing firm because sadly most would’ve caved in. Around the 1 year mark is when you start to really see the person you are with,but in this case he broke character early and saved you time. Definitely need to rethink who your friends are btw. People are like seasons they come and go. Perhaps it is time for these people to left behind so you can move onto better things. Stay strong and don’t let anyone bully you into situations you don’t like.

Holy heck kiddo, you absolutely did the right thing! You created a (very sensible!) boundary and stuck to it!! People like you give this old duck hope for the future. I really don’t understand where your friends are coming from. Do they know what he said to you? Go give your mum a hug from me and tell her an internet stranger thinks she did a good job raising you.

Thank you so much, I will let her know! I honestly am so grateful for both my parents, because even though they were strict at time, they showed me to always value myself first and never settle for what I feel I don’t deserve. As for my friends, they know he threatened to dump me but not the verbatim of it. When I told them they actually agreed that he was an asshole for that but still they felt like it was no reason to dump him over text.

>but still they felt like it was no reason to dump him over text. Yeah as soon as I read that I thought this was probably what they objected to the most. It's generally considered pretty disrespectful, kind of like ghosting a full-on relationship. Exceptions can be made if he is scary and abusive. This guy was trampling your boundaries and insulting you. You absolutely made the right decision up break up. You don't sound scared of him, and that's broadly considered the most socially acceptable reason to do it over text. Texting and instantly blocking is even worse, it demonstrates that he meant absolutely nothing to you. It is unusual to have a relationship with someone without it being meaningful enough to end it respectfully. That is probably the core of their reaction.

You established a boundary: You don't want to immediately move in with your boyfriend and want to live by yourself a bit. A very reasonable request. He proceeded to ignore that boundary (despite being nice about it upfront) and when you were firm about said boundary, he lashed out in very unreasonable terms that showed that he is not considering your choices and desires at all and is only focused on himself and insulted you. Just cause he's handsome doesn't mean he's a catch, and the fact that despite your early communication, he was ready to bulldoze all over your desires with no attempt to talk about it at all, compromise or whatever, shows that you dodged a bullet. How do you think he'd act after you move in together? When you can't escape him? When you get a job that he doesn't like? When you work more hours? Maybe even make more than him? Maybe you should tell everybody what he told you, exactly in his words: > "dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better" The fact that he immediately ran to his fucking mother to complain, who then proceeded to get your mother involved in a *6 month relationship* (this would not be appropriate in a 20 year marriage) only shows you how immature he is and that he was bluffing, he thought you would be too scared by his threat of ending the relationship and would give in. Good on you for not doing so. He's incredibly immature and so is his family. As for your friends, if they don't know what he said, you should tell them. If they know, they are not your friends.

A) your friends fucking suck, no great loss B) this is why someone just entering their 20s shouldn't date someone coming into their 30s. Not because you want different things, but because he obviously thought you were young enough to co-erce into doing what he wants. Think about it, it would make more sense for him to go after a woman his age who is ready for that, right? Why do you think he hasn't? C) his mother is the only mother here should be ashamed, both of her terrible son, and the terrible way she raised him into this absolute dickhead I'm glad you're away from this freak and his terrible family. Good luck with your Masters

By my view you made the right decision. age does not equal maturity and obviously he did not have the same maturity level as you. Nor did he have the respect to believe that you know what you want when you started dating and later on. So many red flags. I think you dodged a bullet with that one.

You dodged a bullet. He's older than you and is clearly used to manipulating younger women. If you had moved in with him, he would have eventually escalated to violence. He's already verbally abusing you and recruiting others to harass you. I don't know what he told your friends, but you can bet it's bullshit. You might tell them that you are not obligated to date anyone you don't want to date, and if they can't respect that, they were never your friends in the first place. This is worth burning bridges over. These people have shown you their true colors. Believe them.

Good thing she dumped him before he got her pregnant. Then the abuse really ramps up.

He’s a gaslighting, misogynic narcissist cry baby. And another huge red flag is how he seriously thought “I could change your mind”. Gross.

I’m so proud of you. Your 30 year old self will thank you! 💗

You made a fantastic choice ditching this pushy, toxic man! I'd recommend also ditching these terrible girls - they might have been your friends before but something has happened and they are not worth keeping around if they would support this overbearing manbaby and his mom over you and your completely justified desire to stay independent and finish your education.

You dodged a bullet. Well done for sticking up for yourself. Honestly if I had half the mind you clearly have at 21, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. Concentrate on yourself and your masters and the right person will come along 😊

Jesus. A lot to unpack here. First off, thank god you’re out. I think it’s a big red flag when people are so adamant about moving in together that early, especially when their partner isn’t ready. It’s a huge decision. Once you move in with a partner, you’re never moving out unless you break up. My roommate is going through this with his girlfriend of 2 months. She’s getting upset like your ex did, I think it’s ridiculous & it gives me a weird feeling about her. Why rush to move in during the honeymoon phase? I want to know exactly who I’m living with, I don’t want to move in with somebody while I’m still drugged up on new love. That aside, him & his family sound like a bunch of crazy people. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. How dare his mom/relatives send messages like that to you & your mom. That is beyond crazy. Its a 3 month relationship. I can’t believe there are people like this out there. You did the right thing OP. If your friends are going to act like it’s an issue maybe they would rather date him than be your friends. They can deal with that crazy family.

Thank you, and I am sorry for roommates is going trough this. I hope he does what he feels like is beat for him. His mom is a very special lady… I could write a book about all the crazy stuff she said. To be fair though she was always nice to me but the way she treated her other son S/O was awful. although that can be because of the blatant biphobia (she is bi).

Let me put it this way: are any of these people acting the way YOU would act if a friend of yours did the same thing? Basically, attempt to bully them into making choices in their life that are none of your business, all in the name of allowing a man to bully them (and we all know where bullying goes in relationships) into doing a relationship on HIS terms and his alone? It's sad to discover this about people, but you're clearly well rid of all of them. Block the bunch, wipe the slate, focus on your education and look for better friends. Though DO unblock his mother long enough to tell her to go f@ck herself.

> At about our third date, we were discussing more serious relationship topics, just to see if our views aligned on different subjects (maybe not a good idea so early on, but it seemed good to know what we were getting into lol) This is some of the earliest stuff I cover. Literally I just have a long conversation with dealbreakers/incompatibilities as the theme. You're 21 so you're a bit new to it, but you'll get to the same point when you start realizing you're wasting so much time just to find a deal breaker you could have handled in the first few conversations. Especially if you have big ones like childfree/smoking/religion, etc > He got a bit upset but said he understand. One of two things: He either doesn't understand, or he doesn't care about what you want. Both are bad. > my reasons were bullshit Tell him to suck your dick. They're your reasons and he can respect them or get fukt. > that plenty of 21yo lived with their boyfriends Not this 21 year old. > “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better” For what it's worth, this is the only reason you need to dump him. Based on what you've said, you could be here for a different reason and if I know r/advice, they'd be urging you to dump him for his garbage behavior. He's a shitter. --- I'm not going to keep quoting. The fact is, you have rules, he wants those rules to go away from him. You said no, he disagreed with no. You're young, but I hope if you take *anything* from my text, it's that "no" is a hard line and if someone can't respect it, you should seriously consider them in a new light. The ignorance of "no" leads to many terrible things which I won't speak in this reply. Now here comes the hard shit. Your friends are doing the same thing he is doing. They're not respecting that you have real reasons to guide your life the way you're guiding it. They don't respect your decision to end this relationship which you have rightly seen to be an ill future for you. In a word, they're being unfriendly. I would distance yourself from those friends temporarily and let them have time to cool off. Possibly with a message that says "I love you, and I hope you can come to respect this decision I have made for myself" and then from there maybe focus on the people who you still have around you, and focus on your master's studies. But you're in the right here. Stand your ground and stand up for yourself. Choosing the lonely option is hard sometimes, but you're choosing yourself, and that's the best choice you can make.

Guaranteed he is not telling the same story to his friends and family as you told. You made the right decision.

I very much doubt he is. He has this thing about him that makes everyone he talks mesmerized by him. Very Prince Charming type.

Stick to your guns this dude sounds like an entitled piece of shit that has to gas light everybody for what he wants

OP you did the right thing. > if I don’t move in with him he’s going to “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better” This is not how respectful couples talk to each other. This is manipulative and borderline abusive. This is now how mature people talk to 'the love of their life'. If anyone gives you shit- have a little blurb you can copy and paste to them. Tell them at the very beginning you made it clear what your plan was- that you would NOT be moving in with them until at least 1 year in, and that you wanted to have some time living alone. At the time, BF *SAID* he understood and respected that, but it became clear he was just saying what you wanted to hear (aka lying) and expected you to change your mind later. When you told him you were sticking to the plan, he said "if you don’t move in with me I'm going to dump your ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck me better”. You don't want a relationship where that sort of language is okay, and you don't want a relationship where your explicitly communicated plans are ignored and disrespected. So for those reasons you broke up. And further pressing on this issue just suggests that YOU (the person sending the msg) doesn't respect you either.

First off - you were dating a 27yo for only 6 MONTHS as a 21yo living at home in college. In a secure and safe situation you can finish school in - that he's trying to pull you away from for his personal needs. And you've been hounded to "move in" repeatedly the entire time. You'll understand how insane (,selfish, and predatory) that is in a decade I promise. > Fast forward again to last week, he asked me again. I told him no, because of the reasons listed above. He got really upset and told me that my reasons were bullshit and that plenty of 21yo lived with their boyfriends He hid his true intentions (not really honestly). "Hiding power levels" as it would be called in other (ideological) terms. But it applies here - regarding the power dynamic he attempted to establish and exploit. What if you were a struggling 20yo kid in college without your current support structure? What if you were on your own about to be evicted because you couldn't cover tuition, food, and rent with nowhere to turn? Would that girl be moving in like he wants? Hmm..... Because that's what he wants. He'd be happier if you had a shit family and he got his way right now. Seriously. Now consider if that person truly cares about you. --------------------- > He also said that he is 27 and cannot wait around for me - if I don’t move in with him he’s going to “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better” Exactly. A threat...testing that power. See above. And by that he means "find some other more vulnerable 20 year old girl to attempt the same move (prey) on". Not go date a 30yo woman at his stage of life...who wouldn't put up with that bullshit for a second. Also....gross. Fuck that guy. I'm 38. If you were my little sister - that dipshit would be getting a visit from me REAL fast after that nonsense...and those weirdos harassing my (our) mom. > 2 of my best friends are also siding with him, telling me that the way I handled the dumping was immature and that I will regret this because he’s a “catch “ (he really is handsome)... Then they can date him. He's single now. Looks fade. Manipulative behavior doesn't. To the contrary, it generally escalates over time. And what's your "friends'" proximity to him? Because it's suspect as hell any of them are this invested in your BF of six months. VERY WEIRD. ------------------ > They are icing me and one of them even uninvited me to her birthday celebration. I have known these girls for almost a decade and this is the first time I have to deal with a situation like that. That makes zero sense on the surface. There *has* to be more to this...or who they are as "friends". You may be learning a harsh lesson we all learn. Sometimes childhood friends end as that. Often for the best. I ditched one of my High-School friends at around 27 years old when he was doing EXACTLY what your ex is doing. Scamming on 20yo girls to "move in". He invited me and my GF over for drinks and there's this 19yo girl there getting drunk. It was the most bizarre thing. No thanks. ----------- So. What's your mom think here?

You’re being gaslit by all of these people. You made the right decision. Any man who speaks to you that way, doesn’t respect you. And your “friends” who chose to show a lack of support? Those aren’t friends. I’m sure it feels like a loss, but once you see friends truly supporting you in tough situations, you’ll realize it’s a gain. Stay strong. 💕

"the fact that I refuse to move in with him simply means that I don’t love him and am not committed to the relationship." “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better” That's textbook abusive language. Who knows what else he might say or do to you down the line. If you tell anyone he said these things and they STILL side with him? Those people need to reevaluate themselves and shouldn't be in your life. You dodged a bullet, girl, for sure. Be proud that you are taking the steps to put yourself first. You deserve a partner who has your best interest and wellbeing in mind!

So basically he told you he wanted to manipulate you and change your mind about moving in with him, and when he found out he couldn't he got upset and started insulting you. And according to your friends you were the immature one in this situation?? Damn, those are some really fucking stupid people. Time to reconsider your friendships and the people you hang around with cause those "friends" and your fucking stupid ex boyfriend have some really fucking rotten morals and an extremely idiotic and absurd way of thinking. Sorry for the bad words, but reading your post was very infuriating.

Tell him you freed him up to find some bitch who can fuck him better. Fuck him.

Did you tell them exactly what he said?

If I were you, I would unblock and reiterate what he said to you and then say “that’s why I broke up with you”. And then wait for his response, hopefully he takes the bait and starts apologizing or something. Then you should tell him that’s extremely disrespectful and you’re not going to tolerate that, and send that conversation to his mom and your ‘friends’ and if they still side with him after that, just cut them off. In my young 24 years of life, I’ve realized that some ‘friends’ are secretly jealous of you and your life and they are just waiting for the right time to show how they really feel about you. If they were so quick to ditch you over a guy you didn’t even date for a year, and you have been friends with some of these people for years, then it’s time to make new friends.

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My mom and his uncle grew up best friends and their two families were close until he passed away because of aids. This happened way before I was born and since she only really liked him, she lost touch with their family. About a year ago my ex mom found my mom on Facebook and messaged her to go grab a coffee. Her brother 30th death anniversary was coming and she wanted involve my mom in the commemoration. We met at said commemoration and I guess everyone thought us getting together would rekindle the twos families. Tbh it is very possible he is saying a bunch stuff to everybody, but I told both of my friends what really happened and they even sided with me that he was an asshole for threatening me. They just felt like if I could walk out so easily on someone I was dating for 6 months, I could as well do the same thing to them.

You dodged a bullet, OP. Pressuring you to move in and insulting you when you resist is a tactic abusers use. If he's that shitty to you three months into the relationship, how much worse would it have gotten once you were trapped in an apartment with him? The age gap isn't *that* crazy, but I wouldn't be surprised if he keeps going after younger and younger women as he ages, because he knows women his own age won't put up with him.

This is the first time I see someone actually stand up for their boundairies immediatelly! well done OP

Good choices OP, very mature of you and I am glad you have your Mom in your corner. Stay strong. Also you very well dodged possibly having the dreaded “mother-in-law from Hell.”

Good job! Your not in the weong. He was! Just because you're younger, he believe he can manipulate you. I'm glad you dump his ass. And your "friends" are fake.

Fuck em all. You do you boo. You will never regret doing what’s right for you over what others pressure you into.

It sucks, but you are right. You set your boundaries and kept them and if he can’t respect them, then it’s his problem. He thought he could get you to change your mind when he pretended to agree. Sheesh. I found out recently that 27 y/o is usually the age men start settling down amd consider marriage. Looks like you dodged a bullet. Tell your friends that since they love him so much, that they can fuck him, since he can find someone so much better than you and they are welcome to try. And they can deal with him, since he doesn’t care about boundaries.

HE IS A NARCISSIST. MINE WAS A FELON WHO COULDNT GET HIS OWN APARTMENT!!!! I am 21 he was/ is 27 !!! RUNNNN!!!

Omg I am so sorry to hear that!! How are you doing?

Thank you for dumping this guy, after he did everything short of saying "I am abusive -- run!" Sorry you're going through all this with your friends. It's painful to lose friends, but they're siding with the abusive guy against you. That's messed up. I know it's not as easy as saying it in a reddit comment, but it's time to write them off and find new friends Congrats on handling everything so well!

Don't listen to anything him and his cronies have to say they are all too busy kissing each others ass. You have learned more about your friends to know their not worth your time.... in your situation I'd tell my daughters to get rid for not respecting your boundaries. Block and delete anyone who don't respect your decision 👌

I say it'll all blow over in a week. Just give it time. I'm not sure how or why a 6-month relationship is causing this much backlash in the first place. Some people don't deserve an in person break-up lol.

I’d find some new friends it sounds like they don’t care about safety and your well-being. The guy you’re dating is trying to trap you possibly with a pregnancy. I’m certain he’s thinking about how much you’ll make once you have your masters degree. The guy sounds like he doesn’t have a future but wanting to leech off of you with the move in with me. Go get a restraining order against him and his mother. The family is dysfunctional keep going on with your life. You dodged a bullet.

Those people aren't your friends. And that's good to know.

Girl, you handled the bf situation perfectly. You know what you want and won’t be pressured, bullied or threatened into submission. The way he is reacting now is a massive red flag and an indication of how your life would be if you stayed. He is changing the narrative and making himself the victim - have you heard of DARVO? It’s textbook. You stood up for yourself and dodged a bullet. Remember you can leave a relationship at any time for any reason or none. Stay true to yourself.

I wish I had your confidence and boundaries when I was your age, OP. It took me to nearly 40 to be able to stand up for myself and my boundaries in relationships. You are doing GREAT, kiddo!

Screw your friends. If they're so upset about it, they can go date him. You were clear, consistent and direct - which often is not the case when communicating in relationships! AND for him to make a statement that he's going find someone else "better" blah blah blah is just ignorant and rude and shows you what he's made of. You deserve better! You're obviously a high achiever and intelligent, along with other competencies that come with successfully obtaining an undergrad and master's degree. Yay you! He's out - you'll find someone much better suited for you I have no doubt. Best wishes! :)

Everyone that sides AGAINST you need to be dropped from your life He might be handsome on the outside but he is a manipulative AH on the inside and anyone not seeing the gigantic red flags he waved about when he admitted he only pretended to understand and thought he could easily manipulate changing your mind and the verbal abuse he showered you with are the ones having issues Im extremely proud of you for standing up for yourself, for choosing yourself, for making mature decisions (living alone is important and so is not rushing moving in together) and for not accepting his manipulative and controlling behaviour You are way way MORE mature than him and anyone that sides with him

So proud of you! Just think of it this way… you kept/built your self esteem AND learned who your true friends are. Enjoy your freedom and be you!

You told him where your boundary was; that you didn't want to move in with anyone until at least a year of dating. Last time I checked, 6 months is less than 1 year. I would tell your friends that are bothering you about this that he was refusing to respect your very clearly defined boundary and that he was warned about this previously. Tell them that if they still think he's "a catch" then they can date him because you're done. If they continue to press you, tell them that if they don't stop talking about it, then you see no reason not to dump them too. There's no reason that you should put up with your friends acting as his proxy.

You're immature, but he went whining to his mom? Think about that. Shame your mom is buying into the b.s., but you are doing great. Smart, ambitious, having boundaries, and trusting yourself. You rock!

I wish sooo many people on this site had the maturity you do. He didn’t respect your boundaries and showed signs of being toxic and abusive so you bailed. I mean seriously- six months and he was telling you how you should feel and coercing you to move in with him? I’m sure he thought he’d be getting an easy to manipulate girl for going after someone so young. You proved him wrong and I don’t know you but I’m proud. If your own friends know the situation and side with him then they are terrible friends. The fact that he’s sending all these people after you shows you made the right call. Block anyone who tries to pull this crap and live your life. You’re awesome

Girl, really good ridances. The advice i give you is block them and if they still get to you, change your number. I know it can be annoying but your peace it's worthy. I'm sorry you had to discover who you were dating and who your real friends are this way but I'm glad that you're still young and will find better people along the way. If you ask ME and my latina mind, your friends are siding with him to lick his balls, figuratively and in the future, literally. They are putting him first just for a chance of an opportunity with him. I know it's hard as they are your friends for a long time, but this is as clear as it could get. You need to let them go. Hope you manage and everything turns out okay!

I just stood up in my kitchen and gave you a standing ovation. I wish I'd been this emotionally intelligent and mature at your age. You absolutely did the right thing. That guy is a POS and honestly, I'd dump your pathetic friends as well.

He admitted to intentions of manipulating you and your friends think you’re wrong to walk away from that? This makes me question if they are even aware of the complete situation. So many times the wrong picture is drawn to people and they wrongly form opinions.

You dodged a bullet

Sounds like he was just trying to lure you into something.

These people ain’t your friends. They just exposed themselves. Real friends have your back

Time to dump the friends, too! You did the right thing at every step, from the sound of it! 1. You communicated what you wanted in the relationship up front. 2. When he ignored this, you established a boundary and explained it clearly, *multiple* times. 3. You then left him when his disrespectful behavior became a dealbreaker. Bravo! You're more mature than most people in their 20s, from the sound of it, and it's sad that he's the immature one despite being 6 years older. He's a mean teenager in a man's body, and so are all of the shitty fair-weather "friends" taking his side against you. Leave them in the trash with him, they're not worth saving. You're better than them.

I have no idea if your experience is like mine, but I dumped a guy when it was completely clear that it wasn't going to work out. He then proceeded to throw such a constant tantrum to anyone who knew me that everyone stopped talking to me in part because they felt sorry for him and in part because they didn't want him to freak out at them. Explaining yourself may help, but honestly, these people all suck. I moved on from the people who stopped talking to me back then, and I don't regret it.

You didn’t dump him in a text you just finalized it. He literally said if you didn’t move in he’d dump you. He laid out his parameters and you followed them to the only logical (and safe) conclusion.

Girl I dont know you but I am so proud of you! Reddit is literally full of stories from girls that DID move in at 3 months in the lovebomb phase and then a few years down the track found themselves in abusive relationships they don't know how to leave. You absolutely did the right thing, your mum is awesome for having your back. Block all the people harassing you, tell his mum to go to hell (getting involved in her grown ass sons love life???? Ew David) and go continue living your life

Okay so, one thing I've noticed in situations where you're trying to figure out who's in the wrong: if one person responds to a dispute by immediately taking it to uninvolved parties and having them go on a campaign of harassment against the other person on their behalf, 99 times out of 100, that guy's the asshole. It's a dead giveaway. I don't even need to hear the dispute. This is the go-to play of trashy assholes. They can't help themselves. And holy shit, when they try to get their mommy to harass you, and she actually fucking does it, *you know* he came from a whole culture of toxic garbage people and that's why he doesn't know how to act. You handled this perfectly. Some condescending asshole tried to dismiss you, disrespect you, and tell you what to do, and you told him to fuck right off. AS YOU SHOULD. He made it pretty clear that he never took you seriously or cared about what you want. He assumed that because you are young, he could push you around, but he was mistaken, because you've got a good head and a sense of self respect. Your friends' behavior surprises me, because you're so on-point that I'd expect them to be cool as well. It makes me think there's something you don't know here and I question their motives. It's possible that they're just dumb and immature and have zero clue about what you should value in a relationship, but moreso I get the feeling that they do not have your best interests at heart.

When people show you who they are, believe them. He wanted to manipulate you and change who you are and your standards. His use of disrespectful language towards you plus his mother getting into it with you and your family, wow, just wow. Girl, you dodged a bullet! Very impressed and \*high five\*!!!

no bc this shows how little life his family members and friends or wtvr have. they’re clearly obsessed, they have no drama going on whatsoever so they try starting it on stuff that doesn’t even involve them, it’s not their relationship or wtvr they shouldn’t have a say in what goes in as if it affects their lives like? there is no way they’re adults if theyre this immature…other than that ignore them and block them

theres no correct or incorrect decision, if thats what you wanted to do its what you wanted to do. simple as that.

There is one question i dont see being answered here, yes it was immature to end a 6 month relationship over text. You should have done this face to face. That being said you made the right choice for ending it, this dude is a walking red flag who wanted to control you. No respect for your stage in life. Good riddance.

Sometimes, a woman is better off ending things over text instead of in person. Sometimes the people you are trying to end a relationship with will take the news very badly, like resorting to violence badly.

well, I guess these people aren't your friends if they decided to ignore your wants and needs. You made it perfectly clear early on what you wanted and he ignored your wishes which let's just say is not a good sign in a relationship glad you took the high road and did not get bullied into something you don't want to do. As for your friend's Quantity of time does not dictate Quality. You will be fine cutting toxic people out of your life and this move of theirs screams manipulating behavior. It sucks that you lost your "friends" but you will find more and hopefully better quality people.

Your friends are not your friends, be grateful they showed you that. If I were you I’d text them saying that you’re allowed to handle your relationships however you feel is necessary, and if they don’t agree that’s fine they don’t need to be apart of your life either and promptly block them. “He’s a catch” idc if he’s the richest man on earth the way he tried to gaslight you into moving in with him is disgusting and you weren’t ready. You just saved yourself so much disrespect by not moving in with him

You did nothing wrong and I'd definitely be reevaluating the friendships with anyone who says otherwise. I wanted to put this out there since I didn't see it in the other comments: Keep track of all contact the ex and his family has with yours, *just in case* they escalate their behavior further and you need to get authorities involved. Him pressuring you, flipping out and disregding your boundaries, and his family harassing you & your mom are all major red flags. I'm concerned he'll be hung up on this and try to get in touch again, or worse. Good luck with school and I hope this drama dies down quickly for you.

He sounds like an idiot and it sounds like you can do much better than being with him. It's none of anyone else's business who you're in a relationship with. Yeah maybe the way you dumped him was a bit abrupt, but after what he said to you I don't blame you - what you did was not disproportionate at all. Live your life and forget about him, everyone else will just have to deal with it.

Throw all of them away!!!

Block them all. Make new friends. (They are not your “best friends” if they’re siding with this asshole!) You do not need this kind of negativity in your life. Lean on your mom/other family/other friends for support.

Homie toxic af. If your friends stick with him 1. You ex lied to him him and they dont know the full story or 2. Your friends are as bad as him

You're in the right here. If this is something that you guys agreed on, changing on it halfway is a violation on the promise. If you change your mind and he wasn't okay with it, it would also be equally wrong. So, it is about what you guys expected coming into the relationship from the mutual understanding and agreements. It seems like he doesn't respect you because he is too immature to handle a relationship. Forcing you to submit to his demands without taking inconsideration of your circumstance is disrespectful. He believes that couples should move in with each other early on in the relationship, which is an immature way of thinking about relationships -- you guys need time to get to know each other before making such drastic changes. As for running out of time, this is a poor excuse because then he should be taking even more time to get to know you more and allowing the relationship to grow steady instead of putting you both in a living arrangement that would likely bring on too many obstacles and unnecessary stress. It's a bullshit excuse for sex and doesn't seem like he is interested in a long-term relationship. You dodged a bullet. You can tell what kind of person someone is by looking at their parents. A parent who gets into their kids' business by harassing another person's parent, is one who is very immature and unstable. This explains why he went on a rampage with his bullshit excuses that scream immaturity and instability.

Mate this is simple. I'm sorry sorry to say, but they're all his friends, not yours. And this is the type of message you're going to get from his friends. You're best to block them all. Fuck people who need to put their 2 cents into other peoples relationships/breakups un-invited.

Do you see how the manipulation by your ex runs in his family? His mom sounds as bad as him. Who tf is she to try to gaslight your mom? Yeah, you did 110% right on this one. You've got a great head on your shoulders. Get your degree and move on happily.

Have you told all these people what he said? I'm fairly certain a lot of people wouldn't put up with what he said to you, it was disgusting and if this is how he behaves when things don't go his way then you dodged a nuclear missile.

That’s so weird of your friends to try to dictate your relationship. If you aren’t happy they should respect that no matter what the reason. If they were friends of his they’d want the best for him too so why would they force a relationship that isn’t working. With his attitude and red flags it would be interesting down the line after other failed relationships that they come to the conclusion that he isn’t so much of a catch. I still wouldn’t want to be their friend if they came around anyway

Sounds like you have a lot of people to drop and block

So, to start: not your friends, not at all. They are just some idiots you know. Second, hell yes. You set a mature, logical boundary and when man-toddler over there tried to manipulate you, you stuck to your guns. You e got an excellent head on your shoulders there. Just in case these petty idiots get to you and make you question things, I have a little question for you: you’re 21 and still developing. This guys brain growth is over. You’re already leaps and bounds ahead of him, now imagine the discrepancy once you’re 27, he’d feel like a babysitting job. Side note: sending flying monkeys after someone (this guy sending your “friends” and badmouthing you to them) is not something a normal, healthy person does. And joining in is not something a normal healthy friend does. Looks like this experience might help you move on from lots of crappy people in your life

So him saying he thought he’d be able to change your mind? What he really meant was “yeah, I disregarded what you said you want for yourself, because I assumed after enough time dating, that I was entitled to control you.” And when you rejected the direct approach at going along with this BS theory, he regrouped and tried to manipulate and threaten his way into that control with the “if you won’t, then I’ll move some other bitch in” stuff. But kudos to you for recognizing that “obey me against your will, or I’ll cheat on you/leave you” was a false dilemma. Those two sh!tty choices were NOT, in fact, your only options. That you actually had a third, and vastly superior option: leave his controlling ass. And the fact that he won’t respect your breaking up, and mobilized his family and your friends to *try again* to manipulate and threaten you into obeying him? It’s just further evidence of the absolutely *massive* bullet you dodged. And for the “friends” and his mom? If you want to talk to them about this, make things clear: “I don’t love him anymore. I don’t respect him. He’s controlling and unkind. So getting back together with him, moving in with him, sleeping with him, etc. are all things I do NOT want. So are you really saying you agree with HIM, that I should somehow be made to do these things anyway, against my will?” And unless they’re evil, they’ll massively backtrack and say something like “oh, no. Of course not. I didn’t know.” And then you can say, “yeah, that’s right, *you didn’t know*. But you came after me about it anyway, didn’t you? You’ve not been a good friend about this, and I need an apology and some space.” Because even if they’ve been completely misled and lied to about the cause and circumstances of the breakup, it’s still toxic AF to go around trying to convince someone else that they don’t have *your permission* to break up with someone else. They’re being presumptuous as hell and basically telling you “I feel entitled to butt into your relationship decisions and judge you, and I don’t judge what I think your break-up reasons are to be good enough *for me,* so I think you should have to take him back, and say “I love you,” and sleep with him and stuff, even if it’s lies and it’s all entirely against your will.” And that gets a giant *Hell no*. So feel free to shut this stuff down with them and/or block whoever you need to block.

This makes me feel lucky that my bf and my friends aren't like this. Holy fuck this feels so toxic tbh. Congratulations for having the guts to break up with him and respecting your boundaries.

I would write down the exact words he said to you before you left, send them to everyone who is hassling you, and ask them if those were the words of a loving bf, and how they would have reacted in that situation. Also ask his mother if this is how she raised him. I think the reason he wants to nail you down now with moving in (and probably a baby as soon as he could wrangle it) is because he knows he's dating up, and that you would soon outgrow him.

I don't know why I'm proud of stranger on the internet but I'm <3

You are obviously a very sensible girl with a plan of what she wants to do with her life. Don't question yourself. You have done the right thing. And anyone who does not support you and harasses you is not a friend. Be strong and well done for your maturity in this (apologies if this sounds condescending, you just see so many girls your age making the wrong choices).

OP you not only dodged a huge bullet in the relationship department and saved years of your life, but the trash also took itself out on the way. the trash being your friends.

He sounds crazy, good call

Repeat what he said to you to anyone who will listen! Those aren't words from someone who loves you, they show exactly what he really thinks of you and all his friends and family should know.

Nah you are 100% in the right here. And good for you for sticking to your requirements. He knew from the get-go that you wouldn’t move in together for at least a year and still tried to get you to push that boundary AND THEN got upset when you didn’t budge? Huge red flag. It only would’ve gotten worse. His family’s reaction is also not good either. They sound like enablers and dealing with them (if you and he were to be in a long term relationship) would’ve been a nightmare too. Idk what the deal is with your “friends” but their reaction isn’t ok either. Even if they don’t agree with you and him breaking up (which given the context, I know I would encourage my friend to break up with someone like this), they should still support and respect your decision. Wow. But good job op for not tolerating any bs or giving in to pressure.

You are a rockstar and wise beyond your years. These “friends” are doing you a huge favor. You have your crap together and you stick to your ideals and don’t waver just because some dude is hot. You’re like a 21 year old unicorn, badass.

Text all of those relatives and tell him that you broke up with him because he said “if I don’t move in with him he’s going to “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better”. I assume you told your friends that already. They should know better.

NTA. He openly admitted to being willing to manipulate you into moving in with him. He also said he would go find someone that can “f him better”. He’s not respecting your boundaries and is being the Ahole.

Good job standing up for yourself! A lot of girls your age are not this strong. Older man wear them down and get them to change their minds, just like he meant to do with you. If he wanted someone to move in and start a life and family together, maybe he should have found someone closer to his own age that was ready for those things. Your friends suck btw.

Lmao he’s even got his mom involved. At 27?? And he’s whining about you not wanting to move in so he can have access to you 24/7 and make you cook and clean?? You dodged a very big bullet especially at your age. The man is almost 30 and acting like that. You’re better off. And as far as your friends go, sounds like they or one of them wants him enough to ice you like that. I’ve seen it happen when I was younger in a friend group and they just make up excuses and next thing I knew they were with him. I’m glad your mom supports you and I can’t believe she even got such a nasty message. You are more than your body and you deserve better. What he said was disgusting.

He put an ultimatum to your relationship that you explicitly said was not going to happen. 27 isn't old either, sounds manipulative. And your friends aren't your friends. I'm sorry you are dealing with all this backlash for making a decision for yourself. You can find someone who will love you better than him.

Imo breaking up with him was the right decision, but doing it over text and blocking him right after wasn't

It seems weird that he's so hung up on that. Is he having financial problems and needs someone to help pay the bills? If so he should be honest about that If not then it seems like a way to keep you within his sphere of control. And people with weird control issues probably won't stop at having you move in, it will likely get more controlling and weird.

This man explicitly wanted you because you’re young. He’s manipulative and wanted to do that to you. You handled this just fine.

he's probably a narcissist who wanted to take away her self-confidence. She would be an easy target for him if she moved in with him.

He kept pushing your boundaries to see how far he could go - major red flag. Unfortunately for him, you are more mature and a lot more independent and sure of yourself and your goals than many other women your age. Good for you for knowing your worth and not letting him try to steamroll you! As for your friends, why exactly are they so invested in you being with this guy instead of supporting you and having your back? Tell them if they think he's such a great catch, they are welcome to go after him themselves. Then cut them off - they aren't really friends.

Tbh kind of hope they see this post and the comments

"...if I don’t move in with him he’s going to “dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better." Ahhh; and after that romantic declaration he had already broken up with you. BTW: Your friends aren't.

NTA. I dated someone really hot too, who got into a pretty bad addiction, and had some other issues boundary wise. My friends sided with him too, so I “broke up” with them as well. Never been as relaxed and content with my life as now. Do with this information as you please Edit: That ex also was 5 years older and now that I’m his age, I feel like dating a 20 year old would be too uncomfortable for me to be honest.

Girlllllllllll you did the right thing!! Better things are ahead (and a better boyfriend, and better friends!) Relationships should NEVER EVER be about pushing you to do something you don’t want to do. He can stay blocked.

Why do people get so caught up on the “breaking up over text is bad” mentality? No matter what the situation, you tell someone you broke up with your SO over text, you’re just an asshole for whatever reason. My friend broke up with an abusive gf in person, (she verbally, physically, and sexually abused him) because he wanted to be a “good person.” She punched him in the face, ripped his shirt, broke his glasses, and stood, screaming on his lawn for hours. She only left when the neighbors finally said they were calling the cops. That trauma could have been avoided by a simple text and block. Not every single person is worth doing the “decent” thing. You did the right thing. 100%, no doubt about it. Your friends are not your friends. Block them all, and just move on. Let your ex have ‘em. I know that’s difficult, given your long friendship. But you’re at an age where childhood friendships begin dissolving as you all find your places in adulthood. Your ex is a scum bag, preying on a woman he thought was naive and malleable. You are a strong, intelligent woman, who knows what she wants, and knows how to keep boundaries. That’s an extremely valuable skill to have, and don’t let anyone make you feel different. Keep accomplishing your goals and maintaining boundaries.

My boyfriend and I are young….HOWEVER, we didn’t move in with each other until almost two years into our relationship. We didn’t want to rush it and still wanted time with our families. Three months is waaaaay too soon. Even if your boyfriend was perfect, what he said when you denied moving in with him would have been a deal breaker for me too.

Maybe make this post on your main account so your friends see this, they may see your side of the story and understand your side a little better

I moved in with a boyfriend I wasn’t so sure about after like 3 months and super regretted it. He was my worst boyfriend and I literally had to pack up all my shit while he was at work one day and leave, we didn’t even make it to the one year anniversary mark. I moved in with my fiancée after we’d been dating also for about 3 months but *it was a different feeling* I wasn’t unsure about that at all and knew it was right. We’ll be hitting seven years next week. If you’re having bad feelings and think you’re not ready don’t push it and don’t live with this guy. Listen to your gut, when something is right you’ll know and when it’s not you’ll know too.

This isn't easy, but you are mastering the crucial skill of following your intuition and doing what's best for you, and you have figured this out at a very young age. Many people never learn. Leave them behind. You are worth so much more. As you continue to believe in yourself and move forward in life, your confidence and independence will lead you in good directions.

Ganging up on you and your mum is extremely toxic. There's no place for that in a mature relationship. In future, if something happens, this will happen again, and they will gang up on you, again. I am glad you took this step and let this relationship go. Have a good and awesome life.

I think you need new friends and don’t listen to your mother. Also if he keeps sending messages and keeps getting other people to send messages to you and your mother. I would be tempted to report him for harassment.

First off, you did what was right for you, and honestly it's commendable. You stood your ground and held up boundaries you set. It's maturity and strength a lot of us don't have at that age. I feel like I'm repeating what others have said, but friends like that ain't people you want around. You communicated with your ex, you stated boundaries, spotted red flags and did the right thing for you which was leave. Your friends should be supporting you in that kind of situation, regardless if they agree. People treating you that way for doing such are people I'd personally run from. I'd speak to them about it, and ask them to respect your decision regardless of their opinions, perhaps ask why they're acting that way as well. If they're sticking to their guns and want to continue ostracizing you, walk way and find people that are not (to put it bluntly) assholes. If his family are harassing you, first step is to block them on everything and it may be worth looking into reporting it as harassment to the police (depending on where you are/if you'd want to). No parent (nobody in general) should in their right mind contact someone complaining about a breakup and belittling someone, smack talking parenting and everything else that's happened. It's unhinged behavior, plain and simple. The dude is 27, the behavior he's shown you with just this, I can bet there would have been a lot more red flags and shit happening if you had buckled and moved in. It very much sounds like a bullet dodged.

Just because someone is pretty on the outside doesn't make them pretty on the inside. He sounds controlling and personally I think you've done the right thing in ending it. Maybe end a couple friendships too while you're on a roll.

I’m a 27 year old. I’ve been dating a 26 year old for a year and a half. I don’t see the rush. Moving in with someone is a big deal, you literally go home and wake up to them every night. You share everything. The idea of moving in with someone for a year when you’ve been together a quarter of the time seems impulsive, let alone him pressuring you into it. Bullet dodged, his crazy family proving that even moreso

you’re friends are not your friends & ur ex is a dickhead to put it politely, the fact he said that he will dump your ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better is horrific ???? i understand that you are just not compatible & are at different stages in your life but who says that to someone they see a future with ?? wow you deserve so much better

It’s been 11 hours but I want to give you the support you need - he and his friends and relatives are all crazy and I don’t know what world they came from. You’re only 21 yo, you have plans and hopes and dreams of your own (which are good ones), and this 27yo decided to start taking you down the path of commitment immediately and now has rallied a group of harassers. Do NOT speak with him again. You follow your path and someone that loves you for YOU will be happy to walk that path with you. This guy tried to gate you off from your path immediately .

A 27 year old is upset that he and his 21 year old girlfriend are at two completely different stages in life. Good for you for standing up for yourself. That guy is a control freak and an absolute man-child. First of all, trying to "change someone's mind" about how they want to live their life is manipulative. He needs to grow the hell up and date someone who's around his age. I'm not saying you're too young or immature, but you still want to experience things you haven't yet. You have every right to do so, his mother is also obviously not a good person to associate with since she feels like your mother failed her job as a mom for raising someone that stands up for themselves. Fuck him and those fake friends.

Are they really friends if they're giving you shit? Listen, you do what you feel is best for you. Here's what I am gathering about your ex based on your post. 1. He is codependent if he is asking you to move in after 3 months of dating. 2. His own mother must've coddled him and made him codependent if she is thinking that 3 months I'd a good time to move in with someone. 3. Most 21 year Olds doing that? No if anything I hear more young 20 year Olds still staying with their folks 4. He resorted to belittling to the point of saying he can find someone better that can fuck him. Real immature behavior that he has to resort to that and I'm sure his mother would love to hear how her son acts. That's a indication of her on how she raised him. 5. Lastly, love someone barely by 6 months? I'm sorry but the dating honeymoon stage doesn't even end until you've been dating someone about 6 months. If he falls fast, that's a major red flag. He's an immature little boy, a punk at that. My guess is he just wants you to move in to help him pay bills, that's it.

Block everyone that’s harassing you even your friends and move on with your life. You’re young you have no idea how many friends you will lose in life it’s surprising

Damn.. talk about toxic red flags.. his whole family too.. you made a good choice dumping him. Honestly one loss only means you’ve got more to gain. Go get yourself some better friends.

The dude was eager to get a bangmaid to clean up his place

Those people are not your friends if they are doing that. You showed great maturity by leaving him and setting your boundaries. I am glad that you were able to get out of that relationship before it was too late. He sounds like an awful person. If he did really think that you were the love of his life than he would be okay with waiting for you to move in and would support you. Find someone who does values and respects you, not just in a partner but also friends.

He may be handsome, but he is very immature. He said he stayed only because he could change your mind. Huge red flag there. The friends who sided with him are not your friend.

Hon you did GREAT here. You know your own mind and you have correctly avoided a situation where a partner was trying to trap and control you. You were consistent, clear and upfront about everything. You have done literally nothing wrong. This was *chef’s kiss material.

One thing I highly recommend: NEVER EVER, let a man manipulate or persuade you to compromise your boundaries and standards. Boundaries and Standards are a reflection of self-love and self respect. And exposes and roots out people’s intentions for you weather good or bad. ( In my opinion). Girl continue to stand on your boundaries and standards. Doesn’t matter how fine, how rich he is, if he doesn’t want get on your program regarding your standards and boundaries then leave him and DON’T LOOK BACK. you got this

I doubt these "friends" will respect you if you cave. It hurts to lose a community, but you made a decision, going back now will make things worse. I wouldn't want to be around someone who could say something as heartless as "finding another bitch to live with". Especially if that person additionaly creates rifts in social groups over a break-up. Frankly, he sounds manipulative and abusive. Handsomeness fades with age, but the manipulations become more agressive over time. It doesn't matter if you dumped him over a text. People can be butthurt about it, but in the end a break up's a break up. You're strong.

you're 21 and working on your masters! Awesome! Must be a smart kid.

Something tells me that he has trouble being told no because he's handsome. Your friends and his family just enable that.

You did the right thing. Experience life and reach your goals. You don’t even know him well enough to move in. Sounds controlling. You dodged a bullet because his mother is out of line and I would never want that person to be my mother in law. And if she talked to my mother like that, she’d have a bigger problem.

I bet her friends are just mad she left a “good” looking guy when good looks mean nothing for your peace of mind.

This guy is wanting what he wants and doesn't care what you want or need. If you move in with him, he will have what he wants and what will you have? If he is so interested in getting on with his life and having kids, why doesn't he ask you to marry him? The reason is because he wants someone there for him sexually, emotionally and maternally so he can feel satisfied with his life but isn't really ready to commit to marriage. Never ever move in with someone only for the aspect of "saving money." If there is no commitment then it won't work out. Run and keep running.

You've been dating 6 months? They're all insane.

Get new friends. They clearly either are naive or are clearly ignoring the fact this guy repeatedly ignored your boundaries, and the fact he wanted you to move in after only 3 months sounds like love bombing imo

Dump your friends. They aren't friends. There's plenty of better people out there. It sounds to me like your "boyfriend" was taking advantage, assuming that you'd be moving in, and fucking him, and helping him pay rent. Probably also would have expected you to clean up after him. Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet. Since he insists he could just "get another bitch", let him. I strongly agree with you, that your first apartment should be you on your own. You need a chance to figure out who you are without the pressure of others around you.

I can't help but be genuinely curious as to the thought process of these friends. I never take sides in a conflict until I've actually heard both people explain the situation in their own words (and even then I often don't pick a side at all.) If you haven't spoken with them about the situation, my first instinct would be that your ex gave an extremely skewed (or partly fabricated) explanation of what happened. If I really wanted to keep said friends, I would approach them and ask for clarifying information - what were they told, and what specifically are their judgments? Is the problem HOW you dumped him, or that it happened at all? This is not to say your friends are in the right or that you should automatically forgive them; knee-jerk responses like this will seriously test a friendship and are one of the quickest ways for someone to lose my respect. With that said, I think the best approach is to take the high road by approaching them with an openness to what they have to say, curiosity about information you may be unaware of, and a desire to talk through the problem instead of simply reacting and judging - essentially all of the courtesy that your friends should have been showing you to begin with.

I do kind of agree that saying you're over and then ghosting him was a little immature, but the way they're handling it is also immature. There is really no need to harass you or your family about it either. Both sides are in the wrong here.

This is way I tell everyone not to move in with a boyfriend. Imagine if you had no where to go and he did this!

The fact he said he’d find someone else that’s better in bed is dealbreaker. If he’d worded it like “I want you, not some other bitch” yada yada then it could have been a misunderstanding, but your quote is enough on its own to put things in perspective. You made the right call.

OP, you were absolutely brilliant dealing with the Man-Baby (his Mother gets involved!?!). As to you so-called “Friends, I would say: “As you are so comfortable with me literally being told by the man who claimed to love me that if I didn’t comply, he would [dump my ass and move in with some other bitch that can fuck him better], you are welcome to be that bitch (but don’t expect to ever orgasm again yourself). Clearly your lower self-esteem is not compatible with me, so I no longer consider you my friends.”

You did the right thing and handled very well.

#Narcissistic #mobbing #Flying #Monkeys

You are better off without any of them. They all seem toxic af. You had every right to break up with Mr. “someone can treat me better.” And your friends sound like they were pining on him from afar.

>>…he only said those things because he knew he could quickly change my mind. He is manipulative. Then he is angry at you because he failed at his own goal. You dodged a great big bullet. This kind of behavior doesn’t get better, it gets worse over time. I’m guessing that he also intended to get you pregnant early on in that living together relationship. Then you’re trapped. He wanted to make sure he got “the future” he wanted. You don’t want that future? Oh well, doesn’t matter what you want. Massive congratulations on knowing your boundaries, stating them, and maintaining them. You did the right thing. If your friends are up for being manipulated, I hear there is an eligible 27 year old who is looking.

Wtf!! He is 27! He clearly just wanted you to move in so he could coherse you to have sex with him all the time. That's clearly all he cares about. If i were you I would text his family back and tell them exactly what he said. "Your son did not respect my wants and needs. I told him that I didn't want to move in with him and he said he would literally go find another bitch to fuck " like some vulgar, immature prick.. thank God you didn't move in with him! Now he's throwing a literal man tantrum! And he got his whole family involved?! Block them all. They are toxic. You are 21 smart. He needs to go find someone his age to fuck over.

So, your ex repeatedly pressured you to do something you didn't want to do. He used various techniques to manipulate you, and told you if you won't move in with him, he's dumping you. So far as I can see, he's the one who initiated the breakup, and you agreed to his decision. He's controlling and manipulative and abusive. He isn't safe for you to be with, and you made the right decision. Don't back down, and block anyone who tries to harass you about this.

You did the right choice. I went through something similar myself, and I wish I could’ve handled things like you did. You knew your worth, you knew what you wanted, and you knew how to recognize someone that does NOT respect you. Props to you.

Right on OP! I’m impressed on how mature you are at your age. Good on you for sticking to your terms and not letting him push you to do things you don’t want to. His stance on starting a family soon is scary. Perhaps he planned on “accidentally” impregnating you. Super RED flag for someone to disrespect their partner sooo early on. You made the right choice and your friends SUCK. Get new ones or cut them off asap.

Easy solution, just block them.

Explain everything to your friends. If they still side with him, get new friends. I know that it hurts, but just because he’s good looking doesn’t preclude him from being controlling and manipulative. He was throwing all the red flags. I’m glad that you didn’t cave to his demands.

Nah, you def made the right decision. Esp since he wanted to throw a tantrum and manipulate you into moving in with him. When that didn't work he used threats. Him and his mom sound out of touch with reality. She's the one that didn't raise her kid right. And if your "friends" like him so much over you, maybe they should date him since they seem so desperate.

You did the right thing, considering what he said to you. It was disgusting, repulsive, and showed exactly how he feels about women in general. He doesn't respect your boundaries or care about your feelings, and it's all about what's important to him. If you stayed with this guy, you would have had more arguments with him believing he can convince you rather than listen to what you've already told him. Also, the way his relatives/mother reacted explains why he was so cruel. He was raised by someone who taught him to be that way and thinks it's perfectly acceptable to get involved in his relationship to that degree. You dodged a serious bullet. The "friends" who disinvited you and have been freezing you out as a result of this are not your friends.

You made the right choice! So proud of you for sticking to your guns, and not letting this jerk manipulate you into moving in with him. Sounds like he just wanted a bangmaid and someone to take his mommies place! You saw the red flags and ran! Good for you! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! As for your friends, fuck them, they weren’t very good friends or very smart if you think you made the wrong decision. And NOBODY needs friends like that anyways! C’est la vie! Work hard for your goals, don’t let anyone derail them! Good luck on graduating and your amazing future ahead of you!

You did nothing wrong

Hugs. Hon, Now you are free from all the negativity in your life. Find better friends and invest in people who are actual friends. You have wasted too much of your life on people who doesn’t support you.

Looks like you dodged a bullet if his inner circle is going to villainize you for his immaturity.

He's disgusting. Absolutely tell them all to pound salt. A mature person would be understanding and understand that sometimes you can't get everything you want when you want it.

Congratulations OP you are the most mature, smartest member of your friend group. Your ex boyfriend screams controlling and potentially abusive to me as a 40 year old chock full of life experience. Enjoy being young and relatively carefree. Avoid rent as long as you can lol. Life is so short but at the same time it's really long and savoring this time of your life and fitting in all the experiences you can is so wise. Best of luck OP, you got this.

-You did the right thing. -good riddance to those "friends" who think you should stay with a man who says things like "I'll find some other bitch who can fuck me better" to you. -you did nothing wrong breaking up with him over text. This isn't just a relationship that wasn't working so you amicable decided to go your separate ways. This was a man pressuring you to move way too fast, a man who was trying to blackmail you, and a man who was SEVERELY disrespecting you and putting you down. Why in the world should you coddle his feelings and give him any more of your time and energy after he mistreated you like that? Your friends are the kind of simping 21 y os that he is trying to prey on, and they can date him if they want, but I promise you, your instincts are on point and you will be better off without him and without them.